Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - May 31, 2019


Ep 119 ｜ Pregnancy Lessons


Episode Stats


Length

39 minutes

Words per minute

202.43182

Word count

7,958

Sentence count

525

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

20

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Allie talks about the things she has learned about pregnancy over the past 8 months of her pregnancy and what she's learned along the way. She also talks about some of the biggest mistakes she's made along the journey.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 What's up, guys? Welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. There are so many things that we could
00:00:05.700 talk about today. We did our news episode on Wednesday, like we always do. We did our theology
00:00:11.020 episode on Monday, like we always do. And hope you enjoyed both of those. But today, I just
00:00:16.240 wanted to do a more lighthearted one. We typically do some kind of interview on Friday, or we do
00:00:22.280 like a rundown again of something that's happened in the news. We could talk about
00:00:27.380 the Mueller press conference and how he said that in their report, they couldn't say that Trump
00:00:32.500 didn't commit a crime and all the craziness surrounding that. But it's Friday. I don't
00:00:35.800 want to I don't want to talk about that. You've probably heard enough commentary on that if you're
00:00:39.200 even interested in it. So I want to talk about things that I have learned while I'm pregnant,
00:00:43.640 because if you did not know, I am pregnant and I am less than a month away. It depends on what you
00:00:51.520 see as a month, like four weeks. OK, I'm yeah, about four weeks away, but I'm technically less
00:00:58.620 than a month away from my due date. That's actually part of my first point that I learned
00:01:03.200 about pregnancy. So I'm going to go through the things that I've learned. I would love for
00:01:07.620 you guys to message me, email me if you have been pregnant before and tell me the things that
00:01:13.160 I need to add to this list, the things that you have learned, because I learned a lot from
00:01:17.200 you guys. I learned a lot from your messages on Instagram about what I need to look forward to,
00:01:24.060 what I need to be wary about in pregnancy and birth and all that stuff. Now, if you don't want
00:01:28.320 to hear about pregnancy, I'm not going to get graphic. Don't worry about that. But if you don't
00:01:31.700 want to hear about pregnancy, if you don't want to hear about childbearing and all that stuff,
00:01:35.420 then this is not the episode for you. But if you're interested, whether or not you plan to have
00:01:39.700 children or whether or not you've had children, then this could be an entertaining episode for you,
00:01:43.920 because this is just like my opinion on things. This is not any kind of like expert analysis.
00:01:48.760 I'm not going to go to any sources, anything I've read. This is just like Allie's mind thinking about
00:01:54.060 the things that she has learned during this, uh, these eight months or so of gestation. So first,
00:02:01.280 the first thing that I have learned during pregnancy is that pregnancy is really long. You hear,
00:02:07.440 you've heard for your entire life that pregnancy is nine months. That's a lie. They lie to you
00:02:12.420 when they say that pregnancy is nine months. Technically it is nine months. But if you think
00:02:17.440 of a month, like you think of four weeks, then you are going to be sorely disappointed at the end of
00:02:23.700 every four weeks, because you're going to realize that that doesn't really correspond with how many
00:02:28.860 months you are. Because actually what I learned didn't know this just in everyday life. Actually,
00:02:35.200 what I've learned is that, uh, the average month is like, uh, 4.33 weeks or something. So it's like
00:02:41.160 four weeks and some change. And so you're not actually pregnant for nine months in the sense
00:02:47.160 that you're not pregnant for 36 weeks. Because if you think of a month, like four weeks for every
00:02:51.720 month, and that's only 36 weeks, but you are pregnant for 40 weeks, sometimes more than 40
00:02:56.120 weeks, which is a lot longer than you think. So if you're in your pregnancy, you're trying to
00:03:01.180 calculate how many months you are, just don't do it. Just think of your pregnancy in weeks rather than
00:03:07.180 in months. So you don't keep on getting disappointed. Another thing that I've learned
00:03:12.060 about the length of pregnancy is that you think that you sound like a lot farther along than you
00:03:18.240 actually are. Like, I remember thinking that, Oh, I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Like I'm really far along,
00:03:23.820 or I'm like 24 weeks pregnant. I'm super far along. And you are technically like all of those are great
00:03:29.020 milestones. When you're 20 weeks, you're halfway through when you're 24 weeks. That's I think the week
00:03:33.500 of viability. But you look back when you're 30 weeks, 32 weeks, 35 weeks, 36 weeks, like I am now,
00:03:41.400 or will be tomorrow. And you think, Oh my gosh, I was just a tiny little human who didn't know
00:03:46.160 anything. And wow, at 24 weeks, I can't believe I thought I was uncomfortable. I can't, I didn't even
00:03:51.740 know what discomfort was. Like, I remember thinking back to when I was 20 weeks and thinking, Oh my gosh,
00:03:56.760 it's uncomfortable to like, turn over in bed. I just want to look back at my 20 week self and say,
00:04:01.760 where, where you don't know a single thing about pregnancy because now at 36 weeks, I'm like,
00:04:09.360 it is a chore to do anything. It's a chore to do anything. And I don't want to seem like I'm
00:04:14.040 complaining. I'm going to give caveat to all of this continually that I am so grateful to be
00:04:18.800 carrying life. You guys know that I think it's like the greatest privilege in the world. One of
00:04:22.380 the greatest privileges in the world. Um, I was in a tornado. I was in a tornado thing the other day.
00:04:29.080 It was tornado warning in my area. And of course I was home alone with my three animals. And there's
00:04:34.300 only so many places I can go in my house that are safe. They don't have windows. So I go into our
00:04:39.700 guest bathroom and I take two cushions from the couch and I lay in the bathtub, like on my side
00:04:45.680 with the cushions over me. And I'm like, you know, I probably be pretty safe, but the thing I'm more
00:04:51.540 scared about is getting out of this bathtub because not only do I have to push the cushions off of me,
00:04:56.780 but I have to actually get out of this thing. It's different than getting out of bed. You have
00:05:01.160 to like hoist yourself up and give yourself the strength to do it. And so after the tornado
00:05:06.060 warning expired, I just kind of laid there for like 30 minutes. I was texting my neighbor. She was
00:05:10.840 like, Oh my gosh, do you need help? And I was like, no, I think I got it. It just takes a lot of
00:05:15.860 willpower and a lot of mental strength to be able to do small tasks like that. And you just look back
00:05:21.780 at yourself before you got pregnant and you were like, you have no idea how good you have it. You
00:05:26.640 mobile, flexible human. You now, every single movement is just like this whole ordeal that you
00:05:34.020 have to actually physically think about. Remember that time, if you're pregnant before you were 0.98
00:05:39.020 pregnant, where you would just move a muscle in your body and you didn't even have to have a real 1.00
00:05:43.980 thought about it. Your brain just did it. And it was a reaction. That's not true during pregnancy.
00:05:49.280 You have to actually think about everything that you were going to do, especially when you were
00:05:54.060 asleep at night. You have to think about, okay, I need, my brain needs to wake up and tell myself
00:05:59.400 to roll over now. Okay. I'm, I'm going to do that. So really, I know this was a lot of different
00:06:04.960 points at one point, but the point of my first point is that pregnancy is really long. It's really
00:06:11.760 long. The fact that I have still a month left, that sounds like not that long of a time,
00:06:16.900 but it also sounds like 500 years. The fact that people are announcing now their pregnancies
00:06:23.040 in December or that their babies that are due in December. I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you.
00:06:29.300 Thank you. People who are announcing for reminding me that I am so glad to be almost done being pregnant.
00:06:36.280 I've been really busy while I have been pregnant. I have traveled multiple places almost every month
00:06:41.600 of my pregnancy until I was, I think 30 weeks pregnant. I think that was the last time that I
00:06:47.260 traveled, which you can travel past that, but there, I just didn't travel past that. But almost
00:06:52.620 every month of my pregnancy, I've been traveling multiple places. I've been writing a book this
00:06:57.200 entire time. I have been, uh, recording podcasts, of course, recording, I think like triple the number
00:07:04.280 of podcasts that I usually do to make sure that we're putting out, uh, content while I'm away.
00:07:09.180 And I'm not like patting myself on the back. Cause there are people that have like five kids and
00:07:13.480 who are pregnant, who are a lot busier than me. All I'm trying to say is it's gone by really slowly.
00:07:18.880 And it's not like I've just been sitting around nesting and, you know, putting together a crib.
00:07:25.420 And so when people tell you, especially I think for your first one, cause you don't have any other
00:07:29.680 kids that are really making you run around even more than, uh, you know, a regular job would,
00:07:35.180 uh, it still goes by pretty slowly. People will say on my Instagram, like, Oh my gosh, I feel like
00:07:40.640 it's gone by so fast. I'm like, I'm really glad that it's gone by fast for you because I've been
00:07:44.840 really busy and I've tried to keep myself busy this whole time. And it still goes by really slowly.
00:07:49.480 So I'm just going to let you know that unless you have some kind of crazy fast paced life, or if this
00:07:56.580 of course is like your third pregnancy, then of course, you know, your kids keep you busy and it
00:08:00.460 goes by fast. But I think that your first one, it goes by really slowly because you're just waiting
00:08:07.620 every day. Um, okay. The second thing that I have learned, and I kind of gave away some of my points
00:08:15.040 about this second part in the first part, the second thing that I've learned is that pregnancy
00:08:19.140 is both awesome and really hard. And when I say it's really hard, like I don't want to sound like
00:08:26.060 a typical millennial who is complaining about something, but it just is. I think the first 0.97
00:08:32.040 time that you get pregnant, you don't realize how much change is going to happen physically,
00:08:37.900 mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, professionally, all of the leaves that you can
00:08:43.320 possibly think of things just change a lot. Now I had an easy pregnancy and these are some of the
00:08:49.160 things that I just wish people would have told me. So if you are not even in the stage of having kids
00:08:53.300 yet, I hope that you find this stuff helpful. I just didn't know a lot of this stuff. I didn't
00:08:58.040 know the changes that your body would go through. I didn't know the changes that would come my way.
00:09:02.980 Um, and I have had an easy pregnancy. Like there are, if you follow, you probably don't, but if you
00:09:08.160 follow Amy Schumer, even just a little bit, I don't even follow her on Instagram, but I know that she
00:09:12.900 had, uh, I forget what it was actually pre was it? No, it wasn't preeclampsia. What did she have?
00:09:19.960 She had something the entire time during her pregnancy that made her, uh, really ill. And so
00:09:25.140 she had a hard pregnancy. There are a lot of people that have really hard pregnancies that are
00:09:29.000 put on bed rest. So I do not want it to seem like I'm saying, like I had that kind of pregnancy
00:09:33.320 because I didn't, I had, you know, first trimester where I was kind of sick. I was mostly just really
00:09:39.000 tired. Like I took a nap every day and then slept for like at least nine hours every night. You just
00:09:44.240 kind of feel like you have the flu during that first trimester. You don't feel sick,
00:09:48.980 but the tiredness that your body takes on because you're, I don't know, growing a human
00:09:54.140 being with eyeballs. Um, yeah, it just kind of takes it out of you. So I don't want it to seem
00:10:00.160 like I'm saying, Oh my gosh, I had the hardest pregnancy ever, but it just is difficult. Your
00:10:04.620 body is adjusting. Your mind is adjusting. Your mind immediately starts thinking about a million
00:10:10.500 different things as women. We're already thinking about a million different things at once. We are
00:10:14.780 already thinking about like how we can take care of this person. Is this person is the, are the needs
00:10:20.600 of this person met? Is this person okay? Is this person getting enough sleep? And what did I take
00:10:25.620 that thing back to target? No, I don't think I'm ever going to, but you're constantly thinking about
00:10:29.880 things anyway. And then you've got a human being growing inside of you and you, uh, all of that
00:10:36.000 doubles. And so now you've got your mind going a million miles a minute. And so it's
00:10:40.400 just a lot to adjust to, I would say. In addition, if you are someone who had any kind of health
00:10:46.860 issues while you were pregnant, or maybe you're carrying multiples or you, uh, have to be put
00:10:52.980 on bed rest for any reason, people do not give you enough credits. I want to take a moment
00:10:58.380 to give people credit for, uh, those of you who have had difficult pregnancies. That's nine
00:11:05.560 months of really hard struggle that I know is totally worth it. And every single woman 0.94
00:11:11.320 that has had a child will say that's totally worth it. But that is really difficult, especially
00:11:16.320 if you have kids, especially if you have a job, either a nine to five job where you're sitting
00:11:21.080 at a desk or a job that keeps you on your feet all day. Like that is really something to be
00:11:27.320 commended. And I just want you to know, I see you because I've had a little glimpse of how
00:11:33.260 difficult pregnancy can be. And I, uh, work from home for the most part. So I just want
00:11:38.480 to give you a little pat on the back and I want to give you a little round of applause
00:11:42.540 over here on relatable for saying that you have been through a lot. And I hope that you
00:11:46.980 have a husband, that you have friends, that you have family that give you that encouragement
00:11:51.360 because people do not give you enough credit now. So pregnancy is really difficult. I'm just
00:11:57.980 letting you know that right up front. Probably it's probably going to be difficult. Maybe not.
00:12:03.640 Maybe you will feel no changes in your life whatsoever. When you get pregnant, you probably 1.00
00:12:08.300 will just because hormones just change everything. They just change everything. And you're totally
00:12:12.500 expected to just like keep going and act like nothing is happening to you and not have any change
00:12:18.020 to your routine or your work demands whatsoever. Just know that that's going to be difficult,
00:12:23.040 but you can totally do it because millions of women have gone before you. So that is my word of
00:12:27.080 wisdom to people who have not gotten pregnant yet now. So pregnancy is difficult, more difficult
00:12:32.560 for some than others, but it is also amazing. I've said this to my husband several times.
00:12:37.400 If there's anything I think that could, that would even just for a second, make the staunchest
00:12:45.780 atheist wonder if there is an intelligent designer, if there is some kind of supreme creative creator,
00:12:53.220 it would be pregnancy and it would be the birth process. Like the things that have to come
00:12:59.540 together, all of the mechanisms that have to work together and just do work together in a woman's body 1.00
00:13:05.460 to create a human being. Like, I just want to, I just want to remind you that it is like a human
00:13:12.500 being with arms and legs and lungs and like a digestive tract and a nervous system and a brain like
00:13:18.420 that literally creates inside you. It goes from the size. When I first found out I was pregnant
00:13:24.060 when I, and I looked up what size it was, it was, she was the size of a quinoa. We called her quinoa
00:13:29.040 for a really long time until we figured out she was a girl and we named her, um, from the size of a
00:13:33.960 quinoa to like a seven and change pound baby with a brain and lungs and a mouth. Like that is crazy.
00:13:43.440 And all of that just happens in your body. And all you have to do is like eat and sleep. That's
00:13:49.020 insane. And all the stuff that your body knows how to do all the hormones that it produces to put you 0.54
00:13:55.180 into labor for that baby to come out. And then immediately when the baby is born, the baby knows
00:14:00.780 how to feed itself. Like all of the instincts that come together with the baby and the mother and the
00:14:06.460 insides, all of it, it is insane. And the more you learn, the more you realize that you really,
00:14:11.880 we really don't know. Like there's a lot of things in a pregnancy, in gestation and fetal
00:14:17.920 development, even in the birth process that doctors are like, yeah, we don't really know
00:14:22.120 why this happens. Or we don't really know what exactly puts you into labor. I mean,
00:14:26.340 they know that there are certain hormones that kick in that puts you into labor, but we don't
00:14:29.980 really know why that happens when it does. It's kind of crazy to think we hear all the time.
00:14:36.480 Oh, science has filled in all of the gaps and there's not going to be, you know, any reason
00:14:42.460 anymore for people to believe in God. But those people don't point to all of the little things
00:14:47.200 that doctors and scientists really don't know. There are a lot of little things, particularly
00:14:53.120 about the body that a lot of doctors just don't know. And it's been amazing to me to think about
00:14:59.520 that. And it's also been really important for me to remember as I've been nearing birth
00:15:05.200 and I'm nervous. I talked about this on Instagram the other day. It's important for me to remember
00:15:11.660 that we were made or this is a natural function of the woman's body too. Like this isn't some,
00:15:19.300 you know, I don't know, crazy otherworldly thing that's happening. It is crazy in some ways
00:15:26.320 because of just how it all works. But it's supposed to happen and it's a natural process
00:15:33.420 that is going to happen whether you want it to or not. And I think remembering that,
00:15:38.120 that now that I'm pregnant, I'm literally made to do this and made to give birth despite
00:15:42.680 how much it's going to hurt. I think it really helps. And it also brings you to a place of rejoicing
00:15:48.540 in the glory and the creativity of God. I think for being so deliberate and so purposeful
00:15:54.960 and just so creative and innovative, if I can say that, I guess God is innovative in every way,
00:16:00.780 but innovative when it comes to pregnancy and birth and all of that, it just kind of brings
00:16:04.340 you into a place, honestly, of worshiping him and saying, yeah, this is awesome that he created us
00:16:12.400 like this. So I do have some pieces of advice when it comes to the changes that will come with
00:16:20.340 pregnancy if you have not gotten pregnant or maybe you've just gotten pregnant. So I know I said that 0.93
00:16:26.180 your body will change a lot and that is just something that you are going to have to, you're
00:16:32.520 just going to have to come to terms with and you are going to have to learn to see yourself in a
00:16:37.120 different way than you saw yourself before you were pregnant. You are going to have to hold yourself
00:16:42.320 to a different standard because you're not holding yourself to the standard. Well, you shouldn't ever be
00:16:47.300 holding yourself to the standard of Instagrammers, fashion bloggers, fitness gurus. You shouldn't be
00:16:54.380 comparing yourself anyway because comparison truly is the thief of joy and the thief of contentment and
00:16:59.440 the thief of your confidence in Christ. So I wouldn't recommend doing that anyway. But your standard of how you
00:17:06.340 look, your standard of fitness, even your standard of beauty is going to change and it kind of changes
00:17:12.400 into this pride. And again, I would say glorifying and honoring God with what your body is doing and
00:17:20.440 how your body is changing and realizing that all the ways that your body is changing is necessary
00:17:25.720 to give birth. Now, every person is different. Some people gain like 10 pounds, not really. Okay. Some
00:17:32.120 people gain like 25 pounds during pregnancy. Some people gain 80 pounds during pregnancy. I talked to
00:17:37.640 someone the other day who gains, who gained 80 pounds during pregnancy and you would never know
00:17:42.360 it. She's like the tiniest person ever. And so everyone's body changes differently. You cannot
00:17:47.200 compare yourself to other people who are pregnant. Like I said, you certainly can't compare yourself 0.90
00:17:51.640 to bloggers on Instagram who are pregnant. They work very hard to look the way that they do and only 0.88
00:17:57.320 gain weight in a certain place. And then if that's you, that's awesome. That is so awesome. And I'm not
00:18:02.320 saying that you should forego health completely, but you do have to let go of that stress because
00:18:08.600 the stress of looking perfect and being a certain way when you're pregnant is not going to help you
00:18:14.540 and it's not going to help your baby. And so if that is an idol that you have, pregnancy is a really
00:18:20.340 great time to let go of it. It's a really humbling time, but at the same time, almost paradoxically
00:18:27.080 seeming, it's a very confidence building time too. That, wow, your body's able to do this. Your body's
00:18:31.760 able to grow a human being and your body is changing exactly the way that it's supposed
00:18:35.880 to, to give the nourishment that it needs to, to your child. Now, all of that said, I would
00:18:41.860 give a piece of advice that I didn't take myself. I would, if you work out right now, um, and
00:18:50.140 if you don't work out, I would recommend working out. But if you work out right now, I would try
00:18:54.360 to maintain the level of exercise that you do right now, pre-pregnancy throughout your
00:19:00.280 pregnancy. Now that is going to change. If your doctor says, Hey, sorry, you can't do
00:19:04.640 that anymore or puts you on bed rest. Of course you always listen to your doctor, no matter
00:19:09.260 what, or your provider, your midwife, whoever it is to make sure that what you're doing is
00:19:15.100 best for you and best for your baby. But I would not do what I did that first trimester.
00:19:20.320 I was so tired that I just gave up on stuff. And I worked out a lot before my pregnancy. And
00:19:26.080 then I was just like, Oh my gosh, I'm just so tired. All I want is Chick-fil-A and please,
00:19:30.820 I don't want to work out. And so, um, I kind of stopped doing that. And then by the time I was
00:19:35.840 ready to work out, it was probably like, honestly, it was probably like 28 weeks that I like got my
00:19:41.280 energy to a point where I felt okay. And then, um, I was like, well, it's kind of too late to start
00:19:48.520 a new workout routine now. Right. And so I've been, you know, walking throughout my pregnancy
00:19:54.260 and doing some body weight stuff and lifting light weights and things like that. But I do wish
00:19:59.520 I had kept riding my bike. That's what I used to do. I do wish that I kept doing yoga. So I really
00:20:05.460 encourage you if you can, and if it's healthy for you, push through, uh, push through the pain,
00:20:12.680 push through the sickness, if you can, and push through the tiredness and just make yourself work
00:20:18.200 out, I do not recommend. And your doctor will not recommend. I'm just saying this from experience,
00:20:23.040 not from a place of medical expertise. I don't recommend taking on a new, like a new workout
00:20:30.500 routine, especially not a rigorous new workout routine while you're pregnant. I mean, yeah,
00:20:34.660 if you go from doing CrossFit to yoga, that's fine, but don't go from doing yoga to CrossFit.
00:20:39.740 And if you're doing like super intense CrossFit right now, some people do that while they're pregnant,
00:20:43.720 by the way, and that's totally fine. More power to you. But I would probably ask your
00:20:48.120 doctor about that, but anything else, like I know women who ran throughout their pregnancies. 1.00
00:20:52.520 I know women who did bar throughout their pregnancies, yoga, all that good stuff, cycling.
00:20:58.100 That's my encouragement to you. If you are just pregnant, or if you're thinking about getting
00:21:02.660 pregnant, try to push through that. I wish I had next pregnancy. That's definitely going to change 1.00
00:21:08.460 at the same time. Don't worry too much about, I mean, you want to eat healthy. Of course you do want
00:21:15.080 to eat healthy. Like you don't want to just fill your body with absolute junk, but it is like this
00:21:21.120 really fun and rare and unique time where you can kind of let go a little bit where I think you should
00:21:27.820 like I, this is just alley advice. This is not inerrant, infallible advice. This is alley advice.
00:21:33.520 I think that it's mentally healthy to not lose all discipline. I'm not saying that. Not be a glutton.
00:21:41.400 I'm not saying that. Not be completely lazy. I'm not saying that. I'm just talking to my fellow type
00:21:46.500 A-ers out there to, I think it's mentally healthy to just be like, you know what? It's, it's okay. 0.98
00:21:51.880 On a Tuesday, like if I just want to go eat ice cream, like that's okay. Like if I just want
00:21:59.260 Torchy's tacos on a random Wednesday, I'm just going to go do that because before it was very,
00:22:07.280 it was pretty strict for me. It was, you know, I don't eat badly during the week. Pretty well,
00:22:11.720 my husband, if he's listening to this, he's probably laughing because we didn't always do
00:22:15.100 this, but for the most part, um, it was healthy during the week. And then we'd kind of eat whatever
00:22:19.480 we wanted to Friday and Saturday night. And it is a little free during pregnancy to be like,
00:22:24.720 you know what? It's a random weekday. I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to go crazy,
00:22:28.680 not crazy, but I'm just going to, I'm going to be unpredictable. So random. I'm just going to go
00:22:33.560 get tacos on a Wednesday. Now you might be listening to this being like, uh, I already do that,
00:22:37.960 which more power to you. If you do that and you maintain some sense of discipline, go for it.
00:22:43.280 But I do think that like letting yourself go not in a bad way, but in a good and just kind of like
00:22:51.240 laid back way, when you're pregnant, there's, there's joy to be found in that as long as you
00:22:57.440 can, um, you can understand that, you know, you're going to probably look different and things are
00:23:03.460 going to change and you're going to be okay with that. Then I would say, try to let loose a little
00:23:08.920 bit. Again, if you have an idol of your appearance and looking and seeming perfect, pregnancy is a great 0.99
00:23:16.200 time to let go of that. I highly encourage that because you're not going to look perfect. You're
00:23:21.340 just not. I know I told you guys, I, um, I'm 30. So I, like I said, I'm 36 weeks and I asked you guys
00:23:30.100 like a few weeks ago, okay, like when is the belly button going to come out and when am I going to get
00:23:33.860 stretch marks on my stomach? And neither of those things have happened, but, but stretch marks elsewhere
00:23:40.240 and your body just changes in a million different ways. And so your body is going to change in
00:23:45.980 different ways than another, than another woman's does. You can't even, you can't, you just can't 1.00
00:23:51.300 compare it. Um, so just get ready for that and just realize that it's okay. And at the end of these
00:23:56.780 40 weeks, I almost said nine months at the end of these 40 weeks, you are going to have something
00:24:01.500 that is so worth all of these changes. And from what I've heard, from what I've heard, you will be
00:24:06.640 extremely proud of yourself. Oh, by the way, in case y'all were wondering, I did decide on a doula.
00:24:10.960 So I'm excited about that. Uh, she was like, you know, yeah, like a lot of people get doulas a
00:24:15.600 little bit earlier in the process. I'm like, yeah, I know been a little bit busy, but I'm really
00:24:20.560 excited. Every one of you out there who said, Oh, I had a doula and it changed everything for me.
00:24:26.280 Um, you guys helped me come to the decision. Plenty of you guys said, no, you know, it's not worth it,
00:24:30.480 but for us and for me and the concerns that I had, I felt like having someone who's confident,
00:24:35.840 who's been through a lot of births, this person has three kids herself and she has been doing this
00:24:42.240 for a little bit. I think that it's going to help us. So anyway, thank you for your
00:24:45.580 recommendations on that. Okay. This is the third and final thing that I learned. And we talk about
00:24:50.800 this guys. We've talked about this on this podcast. We have talked about this plenty of times. I've
00:24:54.960 probably said something on Instagram, but I mean, it just never ceases to amaze me. You have probably
00:25:00.940 noticed, picked up on the fact that every Saturday I post a picture, don't really post very much in
00:25:05.140 between that. Every Saturday I post a bump date or an update on my pregnancy to say how far along I am
00:25:13.340 and the symptoms I'm having and the things I'm thinking about. And it's just amazing still to
00:25:18.600 see the comments that people leave. Now I would say 98% of the people leaving comments totally know
00:25:26.840 what to say. They know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman and it's awesome. But then you get 1.00
00:25:31.900 the people, it's usually dudes. It's usually dudes. Why did, why did guys even feel compelled
00:25:36.820 to comment? I don't know that say something that I think in their heart, they think is nice or funny
00:25:42.940 or whatever. You also get random women that say the things that are taboo that I'm going to, 0.99
00:25:47.600 uh, that I'm going to list here. So when you're pregnant, this is just something to anticipate. 0.76
00:25:53.680 Um, if you haven't gotten pregnant yet, and if you have, you know exactly what I'm talking about 0.88
00:25:58.120 people for whatever reason, when they see a pregnant woman, the filter just kind of goes
00:26:04.020 away. I don't know what happens. It's, it must be something in the brain that your brain's like,
00:26:09.140 you got to say this super awkward thing that you would never say to someone who's not pregnant.
00:26:13.660 I don't know what happens. It's just like, there's this little, I don't know, devil on people's
00:26:18.540 shoulders. It's like, Oh, you should, you should totally, you should totally comment on this
00:26:23.260 person's appearance. You should totally comment on the size of this person's stomach. No, no,
00:26:27.720 trust me. This is, this is what something that you want to say. I mean, these are things that
00:26:32.440 people would never say to someone who's not pregnant. You would never talk about someone's
00:26:37.700 size, especially someone that you don't know to someone who was not pregnant. You would never 0.99
00:26:42.280 make any kind of comment negative or that it could even be interpreted as negative about someone's
00:26:48.420 appearance who was not pregnant. Um, but when you are pregnant, people all of a sudden feel like
00:26:54.740 this, you know what? I think this girl wants me to say something about the size of her belly. 1.00
00:26:58.280 I think that she does. So there are a lot of people though. I just want to say this,
00:27:03.340 that I know have good intention. So I don't get angry every time someone says something now I might
00:27:08.800 give some kind of sarcastic remark back, but, um, I think for the most part, people are not trying to
00:27:14.620 be rude. So you do have to give them the benefit of the doubt. That's the one thing I'll say to
00:27:18.080 pregnant women. Like you got to give people the benefit of the doubt. You got to know that people 1.00
00:27:22.000 typically are not trying to be rude. Like I said, they've just got this filter that just kind of like
00:27:27.580 goes away and you just don't know. And maybe there was a time before I was pregnant where I thought
00:27:32.400 this too. And you don't really think about these things until you are pregnant. And you realize,
00:27:36.680 even though you're happy about what's going on, uh, you, you really don't want to hear certain things.
00:27:43.960 So just to reiterate what I think I've already said on this podcast,
00:27:47.280 um, the only acceptable things, even if you are someone, if you're someone who's listening to
00:27:52.240 this, watching this and you're like, you know what? I, I don't, I, maybe I've said something
00:27:57.220 inappropriate to a pregnant woman and I didn't know. I'm never trying to be rude when I talk 0.62
00:28:01.280 about, you know, a woman's stomach size. That's okay. Like it's a learning experience. It's fine.
00:28:05.920 I'm just here to help you. And I'm here to help the pregnant women in your life or that you run into
00:28:11.460 over the next, however many months, years. Okay. So these are the only acceptable things to say to
00:28:19.680 a pregnant woman. Um, well, I would say they're including, they include this list, but they're
00:28:25.620 not limited to the items on this list. So if you have any suggestions, ladies, let me know. So here
00:28:32.360 are the only things I think some of the only things that are acceptable to say, you look great
00:28:38.740 or some variant, you look awesome. You look wonderful. You look lovely. You look beautiful.
00:28:44.140 All of those work. You're glowing or some variant. I don't know what a variant of that would be.
00:28:49.160 You're glowing, not sparkling. That's a little weird. You're glowing. That's great. You were glowing.
00:28:53.880 You got that pregnancy glow girl. Like you are looking so good. Motherhood looks so good on you.
00:28:58.880 Oh, pregnancy looks so good on you. Um, or you can say you're going to be a great mom. I love that
00:29:04.720 one. That's a great compliment. I think you are going to be a great mom or you guys are going to
00:29:09.360 be great parents. Um, or I'm so excited for you guys. You've got so much to look forward to.
00:29:15.840 This is so great that you are pregnant. I'm so excited. Um, or you guys are going to love being
00:29:22.260 parents. You're going to love it. I can't wait for her to be here. I can't wait for you guys to
00:29:26.360 experience this. You guys are going to love being parents. Um, now I will say, I think it's
00:29:32.900 acceptable to ask if that person knows it's going to be a boy or a girl. I don't think that's an
00:29:36.840 offensive question at all. I mean, not to most people. Now, if you're out in California, some
00:29:43.120 people might be offended by that, that you are already oppressing their child with some kind of
00:29:48.940 gender dichotomy that they don't want their child to be oppressed by. But I would say for the most
00:29:53.820 part, people are not offended. If you ask, ask if it's going to be a boy or girl, I think you can
00:29:58.380 ask how she's feeling, how excited they are. You can ask if you can do anything for them. You can ask
00:30:04.720 how you can pray for them. You can ask if there's anything that they might need post-birth, especially
00:30:10.160 if they're close. So basically anything that you say to a pregnant woman, or I would say even a dad,
00:30:16.720 uh, even like a husband of a pregnant woman, um, should be positive and complimentary. That's it. 0.58
00:30:23.280 Positive and complimentary. If what you're about to say, unless you know them super well, like this
00:30:28.520 is your sister, this is your best friend. I almost said if this is your daughter, but honestly, moms,
00:30:35.720 we don't really want to hear the negativity from you. Um, you, unless you are super, super close to
00:30:44.200 them, um, I would say everything and anything that you say needs to fall under the positivity and the
00:30:51.340 affirmation, the compliment categories, or just don't say anything. That's perfectly fine. If
00:30:56.500 you're just a dude out there, like it's always a safe bet just to not say anything, or you can go
00:31:02.040 for like, it's probably maybe a safe bet for you not to say anything about appearance. So I would go
00:31:06.400 for like, I'm so excited for you. Or are you excited? Or how are you feeling? Like those are all really
00:31:12.260 safe bets. Now, those of you out there, I can see people be like, Oh, you're just too sensitive.
00:31:16.820 Well, maybe you're just kind of rude. Hmm. I don't know. Maybe just something, maybe just
00:31:21.640 something to think about. Um, you can, I mean, this is just, I'm just trying to help you. I'm
00:31:27.880 just saying that if you stay within the realm of positive and affirming, you're not going to risk
00:31:33.340 hurting someone's feelings. It isn't that great. And you're not going to risk, uh, feeling awkward.
00:31:38.540 Like I can just tell you that the majority of pregnant women just want to hear positivity. Some 0.99
00:31:43.820 people might, might not care at all. And that's totally fine. Like I said, if you know that
00:31:47.460 person, but I would just say, you're not going to go wrong. If you stay in the realm of compliments
00:31:54.080 and positivity, anything that could be construed as criticism, especially if someone's appearance,
00:32:00.800 I would just lock that up. I would just tell the little devil on your shoulder who's saying to
00:32:05.520 compliment or to comment on a pregnant woman's appearance. I would just say, you know what,
00:32:10.020 I'm good. I'm not, I'm not going to say anything about this woman's appearance. Um, now this should
00:32:15.820 go without saying, but sometimes it doesn't. If you don't know if someone is pregnant, you don't say
00:32:20.140 anything. You don't say one thing. If you don't know if someone's pregnant, do not ask when she is
00:32:24.460 due. Do not ask if she's pregnant. You just don't say anything. It's so much better safe than sorry. 0.90
00:32:30.640 Um, the list of things that you should not say or ask include, but are not limited to the following.
00:32:38.460 You're about to pop. Well, actually, no, Susan, I'm not about to pop. I have 10 weeks left. So
00:32:46.660 thank you for reminding me that my stomach is going to get even more huge than this. I'm not about to
00:32:53.260 pop. That's also included here. You must be due any day now. No, I'm not. I'm actually not due any
00:32:58.880 day now, but if my water breaks early, I will let you know. Um, anything about the size of the
00:33:06.300 stomach, you're huge or wow. No, I'm actually, my stomach is normal size, but thank you so much
00:33:13.960 for, for the observation. I'm also giving you responses that you can say to these people.
00:33:18.720 Just kidding. Maybe you should cut the sorry cats in a little bit. I'm just giving the responses that
00:33:23.420 I'm thinking in my head when these people say these things to me. Um, you sure there's not more,
00:33:27.500 more than one in there. That's a great one. Or you must be having twins or are you, are there
00:33:33.860 triplets in there, quadruplets, however many variants people have of that? Um, actually I'm
00:33:40.200 pretty sure. I'm pretty sure there's just one. I'm pretty sure, but you can come with me to my
00:33:44.880 next doctor's appointment. You can take a look at the sonogram. If you don't believe me, girl,
00:33:48.740 um, don't say that. Don't say there must be twins in there. I don't know why that became like a common
00:33:55.000 comment for people to have. There must be twins. It's not twins. Unless she told you as twins,
00:34:00.380 it's not twins. And you don't need to say that. It's just one baby, one baby in a perfectly sized
00:34:05.060 stomach. Uh, here's another one. That's going to be a big baby. Um, actually cool guy, nine,
00:34:11.300 seven, seven on Twitter. It's not going to be a big baby. She's actually normal. She's actually in
00:34:15.720 the 50th percentile so far. I mean, she might be a big baby, but really the size of your stomach,
00:34:20.460 isn't that much of an indication of that. And so again, just like not the right thing,
00:34:26.900 not the right thing to say. If it is a big baby, great, but you don't need to, uh, employ your
00:34:31.980 prophetic powers, uh, to say that. Um, another one that's great. You look like you're ready to be
00:34:38.360 done or you look like you're uncomfortable. Well, you don't know that maybe I'm loving pregnancy,
00:34:43.600 but now I'm really glad that you told me that I look haggard. So thank you. Um, and then the last
00:34:50.420 one that of course is so sweet, something that you loved here, backhanded, backhanded compliment,
00:34:55.540 trying to be helpful. That way it's going to come right off. I haven't personally gotten that,
00:35:00.100 but I've heard someone else who's gotten that. Uh, how do you know that person wants to hear that?
00:35:06.100 Maybe they, maybe they're totally fine with the weight they've gained. Maybe they hope they retain
00:35:09.600 all the weight that they gained during pregnancy. Maybe that's just not something that you need to
00:35:13.180 tell them. Um, also on this list now, this is like a separate category that some of you might not
00:35:19.860 agree with. Also on this, I would say these are comments that are just, uh, they are maybe meant
00:35:27.920 to be helpful, but they're negative and they don't fall under the positive or affirming category.
00:35:33.300 So people who say you think you're tired now, just wait. Um, people who say, man, I do not envy
00:35:40.740 you experiencing those first few weeks of newborn life. Um, well, thank you so much. I'm excited too.
00:35:46.440 Um, and any other comments about how hard it's going to be or how tired they'll be unless, like
00:35:52.120 I said, unless you know them well. And in this case, I do think that a mom, obviously your mom
00:35:57.800 can say something, uh, say something about this, but I don't really need like what I definitely don't
00:36:04.340 need. And I don't think any pregnant woman needs, you don't need horror stories. You don't need 1.00
00:36:09.220 warnings. Um, again, unless it's from someone who's really close to you and you are asking advice,
00:36:14.740 you don't need warnings about how hard it's going to be. Every pregnant mom has been told 0.98
00:36:19.180 a million times how tired she's going to be the first six weeks, the first eight weeks,
00:36:23.100 the first 10 weeks, however long it is. Every pregnant mom has been told it's going to be hard.
00:36:27.420 And we know, we don't know from experience, but we know from people telling us. And just like you did
00:36:33.380 person out there, we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. I am not under any
00:36:37.240 impression that is going to be easy with a newborn. Like I am not under any impression whatsoever.
00:36:43.240 I understand things are going to be hard and, but I only understand as much as I can without
00:36:47.320 having to experience it. So just know, unless you know someone really well, you don't need to brace
00:36:53.400 them for impact. I think it comes from a helpful impulse, but you don't need to make them feel a
00:36:59.920 sense of dread for how much sleep they're going to lose or how noisy it's going to be or how hard
00:37:05.160 it's going to be because they already know, and they're going to figure that out. And them knowing
00:37:09.540 that beforehand, um, again, unless you know them well is probably not going to help that much.
00:37:17.320 Um, and they probably have people in their lives, uh, in their lives that are already telling them
00:37:24.180 these things. So you don't need to take it upon yourself. If you were just, uh, you know, a random
00:37:28.080 person to tell them how hard it's going to be, they know it's going to be hard. So all of this to say,
00:37:33.300 if you want to make a pregnant woman's day, and you know, this, if you've been pregnant,
00:37:38.200 if you want to make a pregnant woman's day, if you are a woman and you see a pregnant woman, 0.92
00:37:43.040 I promise you, you will not go wrong. I don't think anyway, you will not go wrong. If you tell
00:37:49.260 a pregnant woman, you look beautiful, you look great. Cause at the end of the pregnancy, we are
00:37:54.140 so used to getting backhanded compliments. We are so used to getting passive aggressive remarks.
00:37:58.920 We are so used to people saying things about our appearance that you would never say to anyone else
00:38:04.000 that when someone says something, just takes a moment out of their day to compliment you
00:38:08.900 or says something like, you're going to be a great mom, or you're going to love being a mom. I mean,
00:38:12.940 it really just makes your heart sore. It's the little things when you're pregnant and you're
00:38:17.240 hormonal. When I was in California, um, I was 28 weeks or something like that. And I was just
00:38:24.560 starting to feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm huge. My stomach was huge. And I was,
00:38:28.340 it was hot. And I was just not feeling that great about myself. And this random woman came up to me 1.00
00:38:33.380 in a coffee shop and was like, you look so beautiful. She was like, I never looked good
00:38:37.960 when I was pregnant. You look so beautiful. And I could have cried. I just hugged her. I hugged her.
00:38:42.200 I was like, thank you so much. You know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman. I promise you, 1.00
00:38:46.620 if you say some variation of affirmation, positivity compliment to a pregnant woman, you will not go 1.00
00:38:53.540 wrong. You can also just go with not saying anything at all that works too. So here are the things
00:38:58.280 that I have learned. These are the things that I have learned over pregnancy. There are about a
00:39:02.280 million other things. I will do another rendition of this. When I learned things about birth, I'll
00:39:06.760 do another rendition of this. When I learned things about parenting, it's all just a learning
00:39:11.480 process. And you relatable listeners are going on this journey with me. And I appreciate that
00:39:16.100 more than you know. Love you guys. I will see you here on Monday.