Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 119

00:00:00.000 What's up, guys? Welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. There are so many things that we could

00:00:05.700 talk about today. We did our news episode on Wednesday, like we always do. We did our theology

00:00:11.020 episode on Monday, like we always do. And hope you enjoyed both of those. But today, I just

00:00:16.240 wanted to do a more lighthearted one. We typically do some kind of interview on Friday, or we do

00:00:22.280 like a rundown again of something that's happened in the news. We could talk about

00:00:27.380 the Mueller press conference and how he said that in their report, they couldn't say that Trump

00:00:32.500 didn't commit a crime and all the craziness surrounding that. But it's Friday. I don't

00:00:35.800 want to I don't want to talk about that. You've probably heard enough commentary on that if you're

00:00:39.200 even interested in it. So I want to talk about things that I have learned while I'm pregnant,

00:00:43.640 because if you did not know, I am pregnant and I am less than a month away. It depends on what you

00:00:51.520 see as a month, like four weeks. OK, I'm yeah, about four weeks away, but I'm technically less

00:00:58.620 than a month away from my due date. That's actually part of my first point that I learned

00:01:03.200 about pregnancy. So I'm going to go through the things that I've learned. I would love for

00:01:07.620 you guys to message me, email me if you have been pregnant before and tell me the things that

00:01:13.160 I need to add to this list, the things that you have learned, because I learned a lot from

00:01:17.200 you guys. I learned a lot from your messages on Instagram about what I need to look forward to,

00:01:24.060 what I need to be wary about in pregnancy and birth and all that stuff. Now, if you don't want

00:01:28.320 to hear about pregnancy, I'm not going to get graphic. Don't worry about that. But if you don't

00:01:31.700 want to hear about pregnancy, if you don't want to hear about childbearing and all that stuff,

00:01:35.420 then this is not the episode for you. But if you're interested, whether or not you plan to have

00:01:39.700 children or whether or not you've had children, then this could be an entertaining episode for you,

00:01:43.920 because this is just like my opinion on things. This is not any kind of like expert analysis.

00:01:48.760 I'm not going to go to any sources, anything I've read. This is just like Allie's mind thinking about

00:01:54.060 the things that she has learned during this, uh, these eight months or so of gestation. So first,

00:02:01.280 the first thing that I have learned during pregnancy is that pregnancy is really long. You hear,

00:02:07.440 you've heard for your entire life that pregnancy is nine months. That's a lie. They lie to you

00:02:12.420 when they say that pregnancy is nine months. Technically it is nine months. But if you think

00:02:17.440 of a month, like you think of four weeks, then you are going to be sorely disappointed at the end of

00:02:23.700 every four weeks, because you're going to realize that that doesn't really correspond with how many

00:02:28.860 months you are. Because actually what I learned didn't know this just in everyday life. Actually,

00:02:35.200 what I've learned is that, uh, the average month is like, uh, 4.33 weeks or something. So it's like

00:02:41.160 four weeks and some change. And so you're not actually pregnant for nine months in the sense

00:02:47.160 that you're not pregnant for 36 weeks. Because if you think of a month, like four weeks for every

00:02:51.720 month, and that's only 36 weeks, but you are pregnant for 40 weeks, sometimes more than 40

00:02:56.120 weeks, which is a lot longer than you think. So if you're in your pregnancy, you're trying to

00:03:01.180 calculate how many months you are, just don't do it. Just think of your pregnancy in weeks rather than

00:03:07.180 in months. So you don't keep on getting disappointed. Another thing that I've learned

00:03:12.060 about the length of pregnancy is that you think that you sound like a lot farther along than you

00:03:18.240 actually are. Like, I remember thinking that, Oh, I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Like I'm really far along,

00:03:23.820 or I'm like 24 weeks pregnant. I'm super far along. And you are technically like all of those are great

00:03:29.020 milestones. When you're 20 weeks, you're halfway through when you're 24 weeks. That's I think the week

00:03:33.500 of viability. But you look back when you're 30 weeks, 32 weeks, 35 weeks, 36 weeks, like I am now,

00:03:41.400 or will be tomorrow. And you think, Oh my gosh, I was just a tiny little human who didn't know

00:03:46.160 anything. And wow, at 24 weeks, I can't believe I thought I was uncomfortable. I can't, I didn't even

00:03:51.740 know what discomfort was. Like, I remember thinking back to when I was 20 weeks and thinking, Oh my gosh,

00:03:56.760 it's uncomfortable to like, turn over in bed. I just want to look back at my 20 week self and say,

00:04:01.760 where, where you don't know a single thing about pregnancy because now at 36 weeks, I'm like,

00:04:09.360 it is a chore to do anything. It's a chore to do anything. And I don't want to seem like I'm

00:04:14.040 complaining. I'm going to give caveat to all of this continually that I am so grateful to be

00:04:18.800 carrying life. You guys know that I think it's like the greatest privilege in the world. One of

00:04:22.380 the greatest privileges in the world. Um, I was in a tornado. I was in a tornado thing the other day.

00:04:29.080 It was tornado warning in my area. And of course I was home alone with my three animals. And there's

00:04:34.300 only so many places I can go in my house that are safe. They don't have windows. So I go into our

00:04:39.700 guest bathroom and I take two cushions from the couch and I lay in the bathtub, like on my side

00:04:45.680 with the cushions over me. And I'm like, you know, I probably be pretty safe, but the thing I'm more

00:04:51.540 scared about is getting out of this bathtub because not only do I have to push the cushions off of me,

00:04:56.780 but I have to actually get out of this thing. It's different than getting out of bed. You have

00:05:01.160 to like hoist yourself up and give yourself the strength to do it. And so after the tornado

00:05:06.060 warning expired, I just kind of laid there for like 30 minutes. I was texting my neighbor. She was

00:05:10.840 like, Oh my gosh, do you need help? And I was like, no, I think I got it. It just takes a lot of

00:05:15.860 willpower and a lot of mental strength to be able to do small tasks like that. And you just look back

00:05:21.780 at yourself before you got pregnant and you were like, you have no idea how good you have it. You

00:05:26.640 mobile, flexible human. You now, every single movement is just like this whole ordeal that you

00:05:34.020 have to actually physically think about. Remember that time, if you're pregnant before you were

00:05:39.020 pregnant, where you would just move a muscle in your body and you didn't even have to have a real

00:05:43.980 thought about it. Your brain just did it. And it was a reaction. That's not true during pregnancy.

00:05:49.280 You have to actually think about everything that you were going to do, especially when you were

00:05:54.060 asleep at night. You have to think about, okay, I need, my brain needs to wake up and tell myself

00:05:59.400 to roll over now. Okay. I'm, I'm going to do that. So really, I know this was a lot of different

00:06:04.960 points at one point, but the point of my first point is that pregnancy is really long. It's really

00:06:11.760 long. The fact that I have still a month left, that sounds like not that long of a time,

00:06:16.900 but it also sounds like 500 years. The fact that people are announcing now their pregnancies

00:06:23.040 in December or that their babies that are due in December. I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you.

00:06:29.300 Thank you. People who are announcing for reminding me that I am so glad to be almost done being pregnant.

00:06:36.280 I've been really busy while I have been pregnant. I have traveled multiple places almost every month

00:06:41.600 of my pregnancy until I was, I think 30 weeks pregnant. I think that was the last time that I

00:06:47.260 traveled, which you can travel past that, but there, I just didn't travel past that. But almost

00:06:52.620 every month of my pregnancy, I've been traveling multiple places. I've been writing a book this

00:06:57.200 entire time. I have been, uh, recording podcasts, of course, recording, I think like triple the number

00:07:04.280 of podcasts that I usually do to make sure that we're putting out, uh, content while I'm away.

00:07:09.180 And I'm not like patting myself on the back. Cause there are people that have like five kids and

00:07:13.480 who are pregnant, who are a lot busier than me. All I'm trying to say is it's gone by really slowly.

00:07:18.880 And it's not like I've just been sitting around nesting and, you know, putting together a crib.

00:07:25.420 And so when people tell you, especially I think for your first one, cause you don't have any other

00:07:29.680 kids that are really making you run around even more than, uh, you know, a regular job would,

00:07:35.180 uh, it still goes by pretty slowly. People will say on my Instagram, like, Oh my gosh, I feel like

00:07:40.640 it's gone by so fast. I'm like, I'm really glad that it's gone by fast for you because I've been

00:07:44.840 really busy and I've tried to keep myself busy this whole time. And it still goes by really slowly.

00:07:49.480 So I'm just going to let you know that unless you have some kind of crazy fast paced life, or if this

00:07:56.580 of course is like your third pregnancy, then of course, you know, your kids keep you busy and it

00:08:00.460 goes by fast. But I think that your first one, it goes by really slowly because you're just waiting

00:08:07.620 every day. Um, okay. The second thing that I have learned, and I kind of gave away some of my points

00:08:15.040 about this second part in the first part, the second thing that I've learned is that pregnancy

00:08:19.140 is both awesome and really hard. And when I say it's really hard, like I don't want to sound like

00:08:26.060 a typical millennial who is complaining about something, but it just is. I think the first

00:08:32.040 time that you get pregnant, you don't realize how much change is going to happen physically,

00:08:37.900 mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, professionally, all of the leaves that you can

00:08:43.320 possibly think of things just change a lot. Now I had an easy pregnancy and these are some of the

00:08:49.160 things that I just wish people would have told me. So if you are not even in the stage of having kids

00:08:53.300 yet, I hope that you find this stuff helpful. I just didn't know a lot of this stuff. I didn't

00:08:58.040 know the changes that your body would go through. I didn't know the changes that would come my way.

00:09:02.980 Um, and I have had an easy pregnancy. Like there are, if you follow, you probably don't, but if you

00:09:08.160 follow Amy Schumer, even just a little bit, I don't even follow her on Instagram, but I know that she

00:09:12.900 had, uh, I forget what it was actually pre was it? No, it wasn't preeclampsia. What did she have?

00:09:19.960 She had something the entire time during her pregnancy that made her, uh, really ill. And so

00:09:25.140 she had a hard pregnancy. There are a lot of people that have really hard pregnancies that are

00:09:29.000 put on bed rest. So I do not want it to seem like I'm saying, like I had that kind of pregnancy

00:09:33.320 because I didn't, I had, you know, first trimester where I was kind of sick. I was mostly just really

00:09:39.000 tired. Like I took a nap every day and then slept for like at least nine hours every night. You just

00:09:44.240 kind of feel like you have the flu during that first trimester. You don't feel sick,

00:09:48.980 but the tiredness that your body takes on because you're, I don't know, growing a human

00:09:54.140 being with eyeballs. Um, yeah, it just kind of takes it out of you. So I don't want it to seem

00:10:00.160 like I'm saying, Oh my gosh, I had the hardest pregnancy ever, but it just is difficult. Your

00:10:04.620 body is adjusting. Your mind is adjusting. Your mind immediately starts thinking about a million

00:10:10.500 different things as women. We're already thinking about a million different things at once. We are

00:10:14.780 already thinking about like how we can take care of this person. Is this person is the, are the needs

00:10:20.600 of this person met? Is this person okay? Is this person getting enough sleep? And what did I take

00:10:25.620 that thing back to target? No, I don't think I'm ever going to, but you're constantly thinking about

00:10:29.880 things anyway. And then you've got a human being growing inside of you and you, uh, all of that

00:10:36.000 doubles. And so now you've got your mind going a million miles a minute. And so it's

00:10:40.400 just a lot to adjust to, I would say. In addition, if you are someone who had any kind of health

00:10:46.860 issues while you were pregnant, or maybe you're carrying multiples or you, uh, have to be put

00:10:52.980 on bed rest for any reason, people do not give you enough credits. I want to take a moment

00:10:58.380 to give people credit for, uh, those of you who have had difficult pregnancies. That's nine

00:11:05.560 months of really hard struggle that I know is totally worth it. And every single woman

00:11:11.320 that has had a child will say that's totally worth it. But that is really difficult, especially

00:11:16.320 if you have kids, especially if you have a job, either a nine to five job where you're sitting

00:11:21.080 at a desk or a job that keeps you on your feet all day. Like that is really something to be

00:11:27.320 commended. And I just want you to know, I see you because I've had a little glimpse of how

00:11:33.260 difficult pregnancy can be. And I, uh, work from home for the most part. So I just want

00:11:38.480 to give you a little pat on the back and I want to give you a little round of applause

00:11:42.540 over here on relatable for saying that you have been through a lot. And I hope that you

00:11:46.980 have a husband, that you have friends, that you have family that give you that encouragement

00:11:51.360 because people do not give you enough credit now. So pregnancy is really difficult. I'm just

00:11:57.980 letting you know that right up front. Probably it's probably going to be difficult. Maybe not.

00:12:03.640 Maybe you will feel no changes in your life whatsoever. When you get pregnant, you probably

00:12:08.300 will just because hormones just change everything. They just change everything. And you're totally

00:12:12.500 expected to just like keep going and act like nothing is happening to you and not have any change

00:12:18.020 to your routine or your work demands whatsoever. Just know that that's going to be difficult,

00:12:23.040 but you can totally do it because millions of women have gone before you. So that is my word of

00:12:27.080 wisdom to people who have not gotten pregnant yet now. So pregnancy is difficult, more difficult

00:12:32.560 for some than others, but it is also amazing. I've said this to my husband several times.

00:12:37.400 If there's anything I think that could, that would even just for a second, make the staunchest

00:12:45.780 atheist wonder if there is an intelligent designer, if there is some kind of supreme creative creator,

00:12:53.220 it would be pregnancy and it would be the birth process. Like the things that have to come

00:12:59.540 together, all of the mechanisms that have to work together and just do work together in a woman's body

00:13:05.460 to create a human being. Like, I just want to, I just want to remind you that it is like a human

00:13:12.500 being with arms and legs and lungs and like a digestive tract and a nervous system and a brain like

00:13:18.420 that literally creates inside you. It goes from the size. When I first found out I was pregnant

00:13:24.060 when I, and I looked up what size it was, it was, she was the size of a quinoa. We called her quinoa

00:13:29.040 for a really long time until we figured out she was a girl and we named her, um, from the size of a

00:13:33.960 quinoa to like a seven and change pound baby with a brain and lungs and a mouth. Like that is crazy.

00:13:43.440 And all of that just happens in your body. And all you have to do is like eat and sleep. That's

00:13:49.020 insane. And all the stuff that your body knows how to do all the hormones that it produces to put you

00:13:55.180 into labor for that baby to come out. And then immediately when the baby is born, the baby knows

00:14:00.780 how to feed itself. Like all of the instincts that come together with the baby and the mother and the

00:14:06.460 insides, all of it, it is insane. And the more you learn, the more you realize that you really,

00:14:11.880 we really don't know. Like there's a lot of things in a pregnancy, in gestation and fetal

00:14:17.920 development, even in the birth process that doctors are like, yeah, we don't really know

00:14:22.120 why this happens. Or we don't really know what exactly puts you into labor. I mean,

00:14:26.340 they know that there are certain hormones that kick in that puts you into labor, but we don't

00:14:29.980 really know why that happens when it does. It's kind of crazy to think we hear all the time.

00:14:36.480 Oh, science has filled in all of the gaps and there's not going to be, you know, any reason

00:14:42.460 anymore for people to believe in God. But those people don't point to all of the little things

00:14:47.200 that doctors and scientists really don't know. There are a lot of little things, particularly

00:14:53.120 about the body that a lot of doctors just don't know. And it's been amazing to me to think about

00:14:59.520 that. And it's also been really important for me to remember as I've been nearing birth

00:15:05.200 and I'm nervous. I talked about this on Instagram the other day. It's important for me to remember

00:15:11.660 that we were made or this is a natural function of the woman's body too. Like this isn't some,

00:15:19.300 you know, I don't know, crazy otherworldly thing that's happening. It is crazy in some ways

00:15:26.320 because of just how it all works. But it's supposed to happen and it's a natural process

00:15:33.420 that is going to happen whether you want it to or not. And I think remembering that,

00:15:38.120 that now that I'm pregnant, I'm literally made to do this and made to give birth despite

00:15:42.680 how much it's going to hurt. I think it really helps. And it also brings you to a place of rejoicing

00:15:48.540 in the glory and the creativity of God. I think for being so deliberate and so purposeful

00:15:54.960 and just so creative and innovative, if I can say that, I guess God is innovative in every way,

00:16:00.780 but innovative when it comes to pregnancy and birth and all of that, it just kind of brings

00:16:04.340 you into a place, honestly, of worshiping him and saying, yeah, this is awesome that he created us

00:16:12.400 like this. So I do have some pieces of advice when it comes to the changes that will come with

00:16:20.340 pregnancy if you have not gotten pregnant or maybe you've just gotten pregnant. So I know I said that

00:16:26.180 your body will change a lot and that is just something that you are going to have to, you're

00:16:32.520 just going to have to come to terms with and you are going to have to learn to see yourself in a

00:16:37.120 different way than you saw yourself before you were pregnant. You are going to have to hold yourself

00:16:42.320 to a different standard because you're not holding yourself to the standard. Well, you shouldn't ever be

00:16:47.300 holding yourself to the standard of Instagrammers, fashion bloggers, fitness gurus. You shouldn't be

00:16:54.380 comparing yourself anyway because comparison truly is the thief of joy and the thief of contentment and

00:16:59.440 the thief of your confidence in Christ. So I wouldn't recommend doing that anyway. But your standard of how you

00:17:06.340 look, your standard of fitness, even your standard of beauty is going to change and it kind of changes

00:17:12.400 into this pride. And again, I would say glorifying and honoring God with what your body is doing and

00:17:20.440 how your body is changing and realizing that all the ways that your body is changing is necessary

00:17:25.720 to give birth. Now, every person is different. Some people gain like 10 pounds, not really. Okay. Some

00:17:32.120 people gain like 25 pounds during pregnancy. Some people gain 80 pounds during pregnancy. I talked to

00:17:37.640 someone the other day who gains, who gained 80 pounds during pregnancy and you would never know

00:17:42.360 it. She's like the tiniest person ever. And so everyone's body changes differently. You cannot

00:17:47.200 compare yourself to other people who are pregnant. Like I said, you certainly can't compare yourself

00:17:51.640 to bloggers on Instagram who are pregnant. They work very hard to look the way that they do and only

00:17:57.320 gain weight in a certain place. And then if that's you, that's awesome. That is so awesome. And I'm not

00:18:02.320 saying that you should forego health completely, but you do have to let go of that stress because

00:18:08.600 the stress of looking perfect and being a certain way when you're pregnant is not going to help you

00:18:14.540 and it's not going to help your baby. And so if that is an idol that you have, pregnancy is a really

00:18:20.340 great time to let go of it. It's a really humbling time, but at the same time, almost paradoxically

00:18:27.080 seeming, it's a very confidence building time too. That, wow, your body's able to do this. Your body's

00:18:31.760 able to grow a human being and your body is changing exactly the way that it's supposed

00:18:35.880 to, to give the nourishment that it needs to, to your child. Now, all of that said, I would

00:18:41.860 give a piece of advice that I didn't take myself. I would, if you work out right now, um, and

00:18:50.140 if you don't work out, I would recommend working out. But if you work out right now, I would try

00:18:54.360 to maintain the level of exercise that you do right now, pre-pregnancy throughout your

00:19:00.280 pregnancy. Now that is going to change. If your doctor says, Hey, sorry, you can't do

00:19:04.640 that anymore or puts you on bed rest. Of course you always listen to your doctor, no matter

00:19:09.260 what, or your provider, your midwife, whoever it is to make sure that what you're doing is

00:19:15.100 best for you and best for your baby. But I would not do what I did that first trimester.

00:19:20.320 I was so tired that I just gave up on stuff. And I worked out a lot before my pregnancy. And

00:19:26.080 then I was just like, Oh my gosh, I'm just so tired. All I want is Chick-fil-A and please,

00:19:30.820 I don't want to work out. And so, um, I kind of stopped doing that. And then by the time I was

00:19:35.840 ready to work out, it was probably like, honestly, it was probably like 28 weeks that I like got my

00:19:41.280 energy to a point where I felt okay. And then, um, I was like, well, it's kind of too late to start

00:19:48.520 a new workout routine now. Right. And so I've been, you know, walking throughout my pregnancy

00:19:54.260 and doing some body weight stuff and lifting light weights and things like that. But I do wish

00:19:59.520 I had kept riding my bike. That's what I used to do. I do wish that I kept doing yoga. So I really

00:20:05.460 encourage you if you can, and if it's healthy for you, push through, uh, push through the pain,

00:20:12.680 push through the sickness, if you can, and push through the tiredness and just make yourself work

00:20:18.200 out, I do not recommend. And your doctor will not recommend. I'm just saying this from experience,

00:20:23.040 not from a place of medical expertise. I don't recommend taking on a new, like a new workout

00:20:30.500 routine, especially not a rigorous new workout routine while you're pregnant. I mean, yeah,

00:20:34.660 if you go from doing CrossFit to yoga, that's fine, but don't go from doing yoga to CrossFit.

00:20:39.740 And if you're doing like super intense CrossFit right now, some people do that while they're pregnant,

00:20:43.720 by the way, and that's totally fine. More power to you. But I would probably ask your

00:20:48.120 doctor about that, but anything else, like I know women who ran throughout their pregnancies.

00:20:52.520 I know women who did bar throughout their pregnancies, yoga, all that good stuff, cycling.

00:20:58.100 That's my encouragement to you. If you are just pregnant, or if you're thinking about getting

00:21:02.660 pregnant, try to push through that. I wish I had next pregnancy. That's definitely going to change

00:21:08.460 at the same time. Don't worry too much about, I mean, you want to eat healthy. Of course you do want

00:21:15.080 to eat healthy. Like you don't want to just fill your body with absolute junk, but it is like this

00:21:21.120 really fun and rare and unique time where you can kind of let go a little bit where I think you should

00:21:27.820 like I, this is just alley advice. This is not inerrant, infallible advice. This is alley advice.

00:21:33.520 I think that it's mentally healthy to not lose all discipline. I'm not saying that. Not be a glutton.

00:21:41.400 I'm not saying that. Not be completely lazy. I'm not saying that. I'm just talking to my fellow type

00:21:46.500 A-ers out there to, I think it's mentally healthy to just be like, you know what? It's, it's okay.

00:21:51.880 On a Tuesday, like if I just want to go eat ice cream, like that's okay. Like if I just want

00:21:59.260 Torchy's tacos on a random Wednesday, I'm just going to go do that because before it was very,

00:22:07.280 it was pretty strict for me. It was, you know, I don't eat badly during the week. Pretty well,

00:22:11.720 my husband, if he's listening to this, he's probably laughing because we didn't always do

00:22:15.100 this, but for the most part, um, it was healthy during the week. And then we'd kind of eat whatever

00:22:19.480 we wanted to Friday and Saturday night. And it is a little free during pregnancy to be like,

00:22:24.720 you know what? It's a random weekday. I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to go crazy,

00:22:28.680 not crazy, but I'm just going to, I'm going to be unpredictable. So random. I'm just going to go

00:22:33.560 get tacos on a Wednesday. Now you might be listening to this being like, uh, I already do that,

00:22:37.960 which more power to you. If you do that and you maintain some sense of discipline, go for it.

00:22:43.280 But I do think that like letting yourself go not in a bad way, but in a good and just kind of like

00:22:51.240 laid back way, when you're pregnant, there's, there's joy to be found in that as long as you

00:22:57.440 can, um, you can understand that, you know, you're going to probably look different and things are

00:23:03.460 going to change and you're going to be okay with that. Then I would say, try to let loose a little

00:23:08.920 bit. Again, if you have an idol of your appearance and looking and seeming perfect, pregnancy is a great

00:23:16.200 time to let go of that. I highly encourage that because you're not going to look perfect. You're

00:23:21.340 just not. I know I told you guys, I, um, I'm 30. So I, like I said, I'm 36 weeks and I asked you guys

00:23:30.100 like a few weeks ago, okay, like when is the belly button going to come out and when am I going to get

00:23:33.860 stretch marks on my stomach? And neither of those things have happened, but, but stretch marks elsewhere

00:23:40.240 and your body just changes in a million different ways. And so your body is going to change in

00:23:45.980 different ways than another, than another woman's does. You can't even, you can't, you just can't

00:23:51.300 compare it. Um, so just get ready for that and just realize that it's okay. And at the end of these

00:23:56.780 40 weeks, I almost said nine months at the end of these 40 weeks, you are going to have something

00:24:01.500 that is so worth all of these changes. And from what I've heard, from what I've heard, you will be

00:24:06.640 extremely proud of yourself. Oh, by the way, in case y'all were wondering, I did decide on a doula.

00:24:10.960 So I'm excited about that. Uh, she was like, you know, yeah, like a lot of people get doulas a

00:24:15.600 little bit earlier in the process. I'm like, yeah, I know been a little bit busy, but I'm really

00:24:20.560 excited. Every one of you out there who said, Oh, I had a doula and it changed everything for me.

00:24:26.280 Um, you guys helped me come to the decision. Plenty of you guys said, no, you know, it's not worth it,

00:24:30.480 but for us and for me and the concerns that I had, I felt like having someone who's confident,

00:24:35.840 who's been through a lot of births, this person has three kids herself and she has been doing this

00:24:42.240 for a little bit. I think that it's going to help us. So anyway, thank you for your

00:24:45.580 recommendations on that. Okay. This is the third and final thing that I learned. And we talk about

00:24:50.800 this guys. We've talked about this on this podcast. We have talked about this plenty of times. I've

00:24:54.960 probably said something on Instagram, but I mean, it just never ceases to amaze me. You have probably

00:25:00.940 noticed, picked up on the fact that every Saturday I post a picture, don't really post very much in

00:25:05.140 between that. Every Saturday I post a bump date or an update on my pregnancy to say how far along I am

00:25:13.340 and the symptoms I'm having and the things I'm thinking about. And it's just amazing still to

00:25:18.600 see the comments that people leave. Now I would say 98% of the people leaving comments totally know

00:25:26.840 what to say. They know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman and it's awesome. But then you get

00:25:31.900 the people, it's usually dudes. It's usually dudes. Why did, why did guys even feel compelled

00:25:36.820 to comment? I don't know that say something that I think in their heart, they think is nice or funny

00:25:42.940 or whatever. You also get random women that say the things that are taboo that I'm going to,

00:25:47.600 uh, that I'm going to list here. So when you're pregnant, this is just something to anticipate.

00:25:53.680 Um, if you haven't gotten pregnant yet, and if you have, you know exactly what I'm talking about

00:25:58.120 people for whatever reason, when they see a pregnant woman, the filter just kind of goes

00:26:04.020 away. I don't know what happens. It's, it must be something in the brain that your brain's like,

00:26:09.140 you got to say this super awkward thing that you would never say to someone who's not pregnant.

00:26:13.660 I don't know what happens. It's just like, there's this little, I don't know, devil on people's

00:26:18.540 shoulders. It's like, Oh, you should, you should totally, you should totally comment on this

00:26:23.260 person's appearance. You should totally comment on the size of this person's stomach. No, no,

00:26:27.720 trust me. This is, this is what something that you want to say. I mean, these are things that

00:26:32.440 people would never say to someone who's not pregnant. You would never talk about someone's

00:26:37.700 size, especially someone that you don't know to someone who was not pregnant. You would never

00:26:42.280 make any kind of comment negative or that it could even be interpreted as negative about someone's

00:26:48.420 appearance who was not pregnant. Um, but when you are pregnant, people all of a sudden feel like

00:26:54.740 this, you know what? I think this girl wants me to say something about the size of her belly.

00:26:58.280 I think that she does. So there are a lot of people though. I just want to say this,

00:27:03.340 that I know have good intention. So I don't get angry every time someone says something now I might

00:27:08.800 give some kind of sarcastic remark back, but, um, I think for the most part, people are not trying to

00:27:14.620 be rude. So you do have to give them the benefit of the doubt. That's the one thing I'll say to

00:27:18.080 pregnant women. Like you got to give people the benefit of the doubt. You got to know that people

00:27:22.000 typically are not trying to be rude. Like I said, they've just got this filter that just kind of like

00:27:27.580 goes away and you just don't know. And maybe there was a time before I was pregnant where I thought

00:27:32.400 this too. And you don't really think about these things until you are pregnant. And you realize,

00:27:36.680 even though you're happy about what's going on, uh, you, you really don't want to hear certain things.

00:27:43.960 So just to reiterate what I think I've already said on this podcast,

00:27:47.280 um, the only acceptable things, even if you are someone, if you're someone who's listening to

00:27:52.240 this, watching this and you're like, you know what? I, I don't, I, maybe I've said something

00:27:57.220 inappropriate to a pregnant woman and I didn't know. I'm never trying to be rude when I talk

00:28:01.280 about, you know, a woman's stomach size. That's okay. Like it's a learning experience. It's fine.

00:28:05.920 I'm just here to help you. And I'm here to help the pregnant women in your life or that you run into

00:28:11.460 over the next, however many months, years. Okay. So these are the only acceptable things to say to

00:28:19.680 a pregnant woman. Um, well, I would say they're including, they include this list, but they're

00:28:25.620 not limited to the items on this list. So if you have any suggestions, ladies, let me know. So here

00:28:32.360 are the only things I think some of the only things that are acceptable to say, you look great

00:28:38.740 or some variant, you look awesome. You look wonderful. You look lovely. You look beautiful.

00:28:44.140 All of those work. You're glowing or some variant. I don't know what a variant of that would be.

00:28:49.160 You're glowing, not sparkling. That's a little weird. You're glowing. That's great. You were glowing.

00:28:53.880 You got that pregnancy glow girl. Like you are looking so good. Motherhood looks so good on you.

00:28:58.880 Oh, pregnancy looks so good on you. Um, or you can say you're going to be a great mom. I love that

00:29:04.720 one. That's a great compliment. I think you are going to be a great mom or you guys are going to

00:29:09.360 be great parents. Um, or I'm so excited for you guys. You've got so much to look forward to.

00:29:15.840 This is so great that you are pregnant. I'm so excited. Um, or you guys are going to love being

00:29:22.260 parents. You're going to love it. I can't wait for her to be here. I can't wait for you guys to

00:29:26.360 experience this. You guys are going to love being parents. Um, now I will say, I think it's

00:29:32.900 acceptable to ask if that person knows it's going to be a boy or a girl. I don't think that's an

00:29:36.840 offensive question at all. I mean, not to most people. Now, if you're out in California, some

00:29:43.120 people might be offended by that, that you are already oppressing their child with some kind of

00:29:48.940 gender dichotomy that they don't want their child to be oppressed by. But I would say for the most

00:29:53.820 part, people are not offended. If you ask, ask if it's going to be a boy or girl, I think you can

00:29:58.380 ask how she's feeling, how excited they are. You can ask if you can do anything for them. You can ask

00:30:04.720 how you can pray for them. You can ask if there's anything that they might need post-birth, especially

00:30:10.160 if they're close. So basically anything that you say to a pregnant woman, or I would say even a dad,

00:30:16.720 uh, even like a husband of a pregnant woman, um, should be positive and complimentary. That's it.

00:30:23.280 Positive and complimentary. If what you're about to say, unless you know them super well, like this

00:30:28.520 is your sister, this is your best friend. I almost said if this is your daughter, but honestly, moms,

00:30:35.720 we don't really want to hear the negativity from you. Um, you, unless you are super, super close to

00:30:44.200 them, um, I would say everything and anything that you say needs to fall under the positivity and the

00:30:51.340 affirmation, the compliment categories, or just don't say anything. That's perfectly fine. If

00:30:56.500 you're just a dude out there, like it's always a safe bet just to not say anything, or you can go

00:31:02.040 for like, it's probably maybe a safe bet for you not to say anything about appearance. So I would go

00:31:06.400 for like, I'm so excited for you. Or are you excited? Or how are you feeling? Like those are all really

00:31:12.260 safe bets. Now, those of you out there, I can see people be like, Oh, you're just too sensitive.

00:31:16.820 Well, maybe you're just kind of rude. Hmm. I don't know. Maybe just something, maybe just

00:31:21.640 something to think about. Um, you can, I mean, this is just, I'm just trying to help you. I'm

00:31:27.880 just saying that if you stay within the realm of positive and affirming, you're not going to risk

00:31:33.340 hurting someone's feelings. It isn't that great. And you're not going to risk, uh, feeling awkward.

00:31:38.540 Like I can just tell you that the majority of pregnant women just want to hear positivity. Some

00:31:43.820 people might, might not care at all. And that's totally fine. Like I said, if you know that

00:31:47.460 person, but I would just say, you're not going to go wrong. If you stay in the realm of compliments

00:31:54.080 and positivity, anything that could be construed as criticism, especially if someone's appearance,

00:32:00.800 I would just lock that up. I would just tell the little devil on your shoulder who's saying to

00:32:05.520 compliment or to comment on a pregnant woman's appearance. I would just say, you know what,

00:32:10.020 I'm good. I'm not, I'm not going to say anything about this woman's appearance. Um, now this should

00:32:15.820 go without saying, but sometimes it doesn't. If you don't know if someone is pregnant, you don't say

00:32:20.140 anything. You don't say one thing. If you don't know if someone's pregnant, do not ask when she is

00:32:24.460 due. Do not ask if she's pregnant. You just don't say anything. It's so much better safe than sorry.

00:32:30.640 Um, the list of things that you should not say or ask include, but are not limited to the following.

00:32:38.460 You're about to pop. Well, actually, no, Susan, I'm not about to pop. I have 10 weeks left. So

00:32:46.660 thank you for reminding me that my stomach is going to get even more huge than this. I'm not about to

00:32:53.260 pop. That's also included here. You must be due any day now. No, I'm not. I'm actually not due any

00:32:58.880 day now, but if my water breaks early, I will let you know. Um, anything about the size of the

00:33:06.300 stomach, you're huge or wow. No, I'm actually, my stomach is normal size, but thank you so much

00:33:13.960 for, for the observation. I'm also giving you responses that you can say to these people.

00:33:18.720 Just kidding. Maybe you should cut the sorry cats in a little bit. I'm just giving the responses that

00:33:23.420 I'm thinking in my head when these people say these things to me. Um, you sure there's not more,

00:33:27.500 more than one in there. That's a great one. Or you must be having twins or are you, are there

00:33:33.860 triplets in there, quadruplets, however many variants people have of that? Um, actually I'm

00:33:40.200 pretty sure. I'm pretty sure there's just one. I'm pretty sure, but you can come with me to my

00:33:44.880 next doctor's appointment. You can take a look at the sonogram. If you don't believe me, girl,

00:33:48.740 um, don't say that. Don't say there must be twins in there. I don't know why that became like a common

00:33:55.000 comment for people to have. There must be twins. It's not twins. Unless she told you as twins,

00:34:00.380 it's not twins. And you don't need to say that. It's just one baby, one baby in a perfectly sized

00:34:05.060 stomach. Uh, here's another one. That's going to be a big baby. Um, actually cool guy, nine,

00:34:11.300 seven, seven on Twitter. It's not going to be a big baby. She's actually normal. She's actually in

00:34:15.720 the 50th percentile so far. I mean, she might be a big baby, but really the size of your stomach,

00:34:20.460 isn't that much of an indication of that. And so again, just like not the right thing,

00:34:26.900 not the right thing to say. If it is a big baby, great, but you don't need to, uh, employ your

00:34:31.980 prophetic powers, uh, to say that. Um, another one that's great. You look like you're ready to be

00:34:38.360 done or you look like you're uncomfortable. Well, you don't know that maybe I'm loving pregnancy,

00:34:43.600 but now I'm really glad that you told me that I look haggard. So thank you. Um, and then the last

00:34:50.420 one that of course is so sweet, something that you loved here, backhanded, backhanded compliment,

00:34:55.540 trying to be helpful. That way it's going to come right off. I haven't personally gotten that,

00:35:00.100 but I've heard someone else who's gotten that. Uh, how do you know that person wants to hear that?

00:35:06.100 Maybe they, maybe they're totally fine with the weight they've gained. Maybe they hope they retain

00:35:09.600 all the weight that they gained during pregnancy. Maybe that's just not something that you need to

00:35:13.180 tell them. Um, also on this list now, this is like a separate category that some of you might not

00:35:19.860 agree with. Also on this, I would say these are comments that are just, uh, they are maybe meant

00:35:27.920 to be helpful, but they're negative and they don't fall under the positive or affirming category.

00:35:33.300 So people who say you think you're tired now, just wait. Um, people who say, man, I do not envy

00:35:40.740 you experiencing those first few weeks of newborn life. Um, well, thank you so much. I'm excited too.

00:35:46.440 Um, and any other comments about how hard it's going to be or how tired they'll be unless, like

00:35:52.120 I said, unless you know them well. And in this case, I do think that a mom, obviously your mom

00:35:57.800 can say something, uh, say something about this, but I don't really need like what I definitely don't

00:36:04.340 need. And I don't think any pregnant woman needs, you don't need horror stories. You don't need

00:36:09.220 warnings. Um, again, unless it's from someone who's really close to you and you are asking advice,

00:36:14.740 you don't need warnings about how hard it's going to be. Every pregnant mom has been told

00:36:19.180 a million times how tired she's going to be the first six weeks, the first eight weeks,

00:36:23.100 the first 10 weeks, however long it is. Every pregnant mom has been told it's going to be hard.

00:36:27.420 And we know, we don't know from experience, but we know from people telling us. And just like you did

00:36:33.380 person out there, we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. I am not under any

00:36:37.240 impression that is going to be easy with a newborn. Like I am not under any impression whatsoever.

00:36:43.240 I understand things are going to be hard and, but I only understand as much as I can without

00:36:47.320 having to experience it. So just know, unless you know someone really well, you don't need to brace

00:36:53.400 them for impact. I think it comes from a helpful impulse, but you don't need to make them feel a

00:36:59.920 sense of dread for how much sleep they're going to lose or how noisy it's going to be or how hard

00:37:05.160 it's going to be because they already know, and they're going to figure that out. And them knowing

00:37:09.540 that beforehand, um, again, unless you know them well is probably not going to help that much.

00:37:17.320 Um, and they probably have people in their lives, uh, in their lives that are already telling them

00:37:24.180 these things. So you don't need to take it upon yourself. If you were just, uh, you know, a random

00:37:28.080 person to tell them how hard it's going to be, they know it's going to be hard. So all of this to say,

00:37:33.300 if you want to make a pregnant woman's day, and you know, this, if you've been pregnant,

00:37:38.200 if you want to make a pregnant woman's day, if you are a woman and you see a pregnant woman,

00:37:43.040 I promise you, you will not go wrong. I don't think anyway, you will not go wrong. If you tell

00:37:49.260 a pregnant woman, you look beautiful, you look great. Cause at the end of the pregnancy, we are

00:37:54.140 so used to getting backhanded compliments. We are so used to getting passive aggressive remarks.

00:37:58.920 We are so used to people saying things about our appearance that you would never say to anyone else

00:38:04.000 that when someone says something, just takes a moment out of their day to compliment you

00:38:08.900 or says something like, you're going to be a great mom, or you're going to love being a mom. I mean,

00:38:12.940 it really just makes your heart sore. It's the little things when you're pregnant and you're

00:38:17.240 hormonal. When I was in California, um, I was 28 weeks or something like that. And I was just

00:38:24.560 starting to feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm huge. My stomach was huge. And I was,

00:38:28.340 it was hot. And I was just not feeling that great about myself. And this random woman came up to me

00:38:33.380 in a coffee shop and was like, you look so beautiful. She was like, I never looked good

00:38:37.960 when I was pregnant. You look so beautiful. And I could have cried. I just hugged her. I hugged her.

00:38:42.200 I was like, thank you so much. You know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman. I promise you,

00:38:46.620 if you say some variation of affirmation, positivity compliment to a pregnant woman, you will not go

00:38:53.540 wrong. You can also just go with not saying anything at all that works too. So here are the things

00:38:58.280 that I have learned. These are the things that I have learned over pregnancy. There are about a

00:39:02.280 million other things. I will do another rendition of this. When I learned things about birth, I'll

00:39:06.760 do another rendition of this. When I learned things about parenting, it's all just a learning

00:39:11.480 process. And you relatable listeners are going on this journey with me. And I appreciate that

00:39:16.100 more than you know. Love you guys. I will see you here on Monday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - May 31, 2019

Ep 119 ｜ Pregnancy Lessons

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