Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1230 ｜ He Lived a Double Life as a Gay Man. Then Jesus Saved Him ｜ Arch Kennedy

00:00:00.580 For decades, Arch Kennedy lived as an out and proud gay man until the Holy Spirit used

00:00:08.480 the Word of God through Bible study fellowship to convict him of his sin.

00:00:14.640 And now he writes about the goodness of God, how it transformed his life, and how it can

00:00:20.260 transform yours too.

00:00:21.960 Today we are talking about his story, his testimony of redemption.

00:00:26.100 You will be so encouraged.

00:00:28.040 This episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.

00:00:31.820 Go to GoodRanchers.com.

00:00:33.460 Use code Allie at checkout. 1.00

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00:00:46.360 Arch, thanks so much for taking the time to join us.

00:00:49.060 Could you tell people who you are and what you do?

00:00:51.120 So my name's Arch Kennedy, and I'm from Atlanta, Georgia.

00:00:55.220 I am a retired TV meteorologist, was in that field for about almost 20 years, and now I

00:01:04.740 have found my purpose, I feel like is my purpose, and I'm writing for my website on faith and

00:01:11.640 culture, much of what you do, discussing how Christians really can navigate in a world with 0.62

00:01:19.020 a culture that tells us really anything goes.

00:01:22.140 And you focus a lot on your own testimony.

00:01:26.420 You were in the gay community, and you became a Christian.

00:01:31.940 And so we want to hear about that part of your testimony, of course, but let's go back to the

00:01:36.700 beginning.

00:01:37.120 How were you raised?

00:01:37.880 So I was raised in a small town.

00:01:40.680 I was born in Atlanta with two older sisters.

00:01:43.800 I had a dad who was a pilot for Delta, and my grandfather had bought a farm an hour south of

00:01:49.980 Atlanta in the middle of nowhere in the big metropolis city of the Rock, Georgia.

00:01:57.420 It's literally a place.

00:01:58.680 If you look on the map, it is literally a place.

00:02:00.920 But it was outside of Thomaston, and that's where I went to school.

00:02:04.820 And so I grew up a small town boy, and grew up in the mornings, on Sunday mornings, being

00:02:13.380 taken to church.

00:02:14.560 And I'm really grateful for that foundation that was laid by my parents as a kid.

00:02:19.960 That was going to be my next question.

00:02:21.680 If you were raised a Christian, were you raised kind of typical Southern Baptist?

00:02:25.680 So Presbyterian.

00:02:27.140 Okay.

00:02:27.760 Yes.

00:02:28.280 And, you know, I'm very thankful to my parents for laying that foundation for us, because even

00:02:35.840 though I would leave that in my 20s and 30s and go down a very bad road, it still planted

00:02:43.880 the seed that I think was responsible for me coming to Christ later in life.

00:02:49.820 Talk more about that.

00:02:51.180 Okay.

00:02:52.100 So it's a rocky road, Allie.

00:02:54.580 Yeah?

00:02:54.940 Yeah, so I—where do I begin?

00:02:58.860 I knew I was different in high school.

00:03:02.740 So—and in this small town, nobody talked about homosexuality.

00:03:09.180 We didn't have the internet.

00:03:11.700 We didn't have social media.

00:03:13.660 And frankly, even in my church in a small town, I never heard the preacher mention the

00:03:21.000 topic of homosexuality.

00:03:22.580 Um, so as I felt different after going through puberty, my friends were wanting to date and

00:03:29.920 I didn't.

00:03:31.060 Something was wrong, I felt.

00:03:33.660 But I felt at the time I said, it's a phase.

00:03:36.520 It's a phase I'm going through.

00:03:38.140 So even though I wasn't physically attracted necessarily to men, I—while my friends were

00:03:46.780 starting to want to date girls, I was preferred to just hang out with my buds.

00:03:51.280 Yeah.

00:03:51.780 So I knew something was different.

00:03:53.600 Eventually, the summer before college, and I started at the University of Georgia, I would

00:04:00.440 meet someone and actually carry on a relationship with—and then begin my four—or about four

00:04:11.940 years of a double life, really.

00:04:13.580 And at what point did you realize that you did feel an attraction to men?

00:04:19.860 I would say right after puberty.

00:04:22.240 I mean, you know, I—when the—you know, for young men, when the hormones start raging,

00:04:29.180 you know, what, late teens and early 20s, um, the attraction was there.

00:04:34.100 Uh, it wasn't, though, until right after high school that I actually carried through with—with

00:04:40.660 it and—and actually had a relationship.

00:04:44.920 And I'm sure that as you started having those feelings, that there was a lot of fear.

00:04:50.060 If you were someone who really hadn't heard about it one way or the other, growing up,

00:04:55.560 it was just the 80s, the—

00:04:57.020 Yes, it would have been the mid to late, late 80s.

00:04:59.840 Yes.

00:05:00.080 Yeah.

00:05:00.680 That—there was probably a lot of anxiety as you were feeling, oh my goodness, I don't

00:05:05.900 want these attractions, but here they are.

00:05:08.120 Yeah.

00:05:08.480 And it was, um, it was, it was very hard because, you know, I grew up in a Christian conservative

00:05:15.640 family, uh, and nobody talked about it.

00:05:20.000 So, I didn't even know that there existed this world that I would learn, you know, as

00:05:25.360 I went to Atlanta and go to my first gay bar, that there was this whole society, this whole

00:05:31.320 lifestyle, and it was a shocker to me.

00:05:34.260 Mm-hmm.

00:05:34.480 Because I saw people that, you know, if I'd ever heard of a gay person, you know, in the

00:05:39.980 late 80s, you know, and not to stereotype, but it might have been a florist or somebody

00:05:45.900 that did hair, and I don't mean to, you know, I'm not, you know, trying to stereotype, but

00:05:51.540 that's what I assumed.

00:05:52.580 And then I saw there were lawyers, there were doctors, there were people that were, you know,

00:05:57.460 out there that had the same type of same-sex attraction that I did.

00:06:02.700 Mm-hmm.

00:06:03.100 So, it was, it was like, and I, and I say this at the time, it was like a kid in a candy

00:06:08.080 store, really.

00:06:09.140 I was like, this, wow, how amazing.

00:06:12.440 There are people that, you know, seem to be, seem to be pretty decent people that I

00:06:17.460 can go out with, and, you know, that was what was going through my head at the time.

00:06:22.700 Mm-hmm.

00:06:23.460 And I pretty much, during those college years, left the church.

00:06:28.220 I'd never, I rarely stepped foot in church at this point in my 20s on.

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00:07:27.420 Although you hadn't really heard about it much growing up, like you didn't hear about

00:07:31.540 it preached in church, or I'm sure your parents didn't really talk about it, something you

00:07:37.840 knew that it was wrong, though.

00:07:39.980 Did you know during this time, high school, college, that, okay, Christianity calls this

00:07:45.740 a sin?

00:07:46.560 Or did you more feel like you had to hide just because it was different and you didn't know

00:07:51.300 what your parents would think?

00:07:52.520 It eventually, it was, I thought about it as a sin, but that wouldn't happen for about

00:07:59.140 five more years until my mid to upper 20s.

00:08:02.240 The entrance into college in my late teens and early 20s, I found alcohol.

00:08:10.600 And I began, when I had my first drink, which was basically around the first year of college,

00:08:18.240 college, I loved it.

00:08:21.200 I absolutely, and when I look back, I can see the, a typical trait of an alcoholic,

00:08:27.600 you know, what divides alcoholics between non-alcoholics.

00:08:31.920 An alcoholic absolutely adores the feeling of inebriation, whereas a non-alcoholic, they

00:08:38.800 can take it or leave it.

00:08:39.800 They might not even like the feeling that it produced.

00:08:42.340 I loved it from the first day, and I went headstrong into my alcoholism right into college,

00:08:48.300 and I think that masked a lot of things.

00:08:51.820 It really did a good job at the time of masking my shame of being gay and really knowing that

00:09:04.580 I was, and, you know, it wouldn't be till a few years later where I would begin to have

00:09:13.520 those seeds of, you know, that were planted in my faith as a kid start to give me this

00:09:20.640 turmoil, if you will, in my soul and wondering how I could juggle the two.

00:09:27.420 How can I carry on what I know I can't help?

00:09:31.340 I cannot help what I'm attracted to.

00:09:34.120 I've tried to pray it away, and how can I juggle the two of carrying on that lifestyle

00:09:40.540 and have my faith?

00:09:43.800 And even before you started feeling that conviction, you said that through college, you lived a double

00:09:48.940 life.

00:09:50.560 So there was still some sort of shame, even if it wasn't spiritual conviction, that you

00:09:56.040 felt, maybe just because it wasn't acceptable in society at the time.

00:10:00.180 But can you talk about how you, how did you manage to live a double life for so long?

00:10:05.980 So you mean that your family and your friends thought that you were just, you know, straight,

00:10:10.980 if that's the term that you want to use, that you just weren't interested maybe in dating

00:10:14.380 girls, but you never let on that you also had this life. 1.00

00:10:19.120 Right.

00:10:19.360 It was extremely hard, okay, to do this.

00:10:22.320 It was extremely hard.

00:10:23.140 And that's where the alcohol came in, and it worked for a while, because it did mask

00:10:28.020 this anxiety that it was creating within me.

00:10:33.360 What would happen, it worked for a while, you know, through college.

00:10:39.160 But as I got out of school and started my first job in television news doing weather

00:10:44.420 in Macon, I would end up living with my mother and commuting there because I didn't have any

00:10:53.580 money just out of school, you know.

00:10:55.460 And so I was just starting out in life.

00:10:57.780 And the pressure at that point, that's where everything hit the fan, so to speak, and where

00:11:06.820 I had to finally tell my mom, because the stress was killing me.

00:11:13.740 And I kept hearing from sisters, who are you dating?

00:11:17.960 Mom would say, who are you dating?

00:11:20.180 You know, this, who are you dating?

00:11:21.420 Constantly.

00:11:22.480 And the pressure got too great.

00:11:25.560 And that's when everything...

00:11:28.000 And you're about 22, 23 at this point?

00:11:30.340 Yeah, around that.

00:11:31.160 Yeah, 23-ish or so, yeah.

00:11:32.800 Tell me about telling your mom.

00:11:34.480 So a little background on my mother.

00:11:37.420 She had severe rheumatoid arthritis.

00:11:39.640 She got it in the 70s, was already starting to get pretty sick right before she was pregnant

00:11:46.800 with me.

00:11:47.200 I was the last of three kids.

00:11:50.300 Back in those days, Allie, they didn't have the drugs that they have today.

00:11:55.080 To stop the crippling of the joints, you know?

00:11:57.520 And so she started getting really bad off when I was 10.

00:12:04.000 And we were already using a wheelchair for her by four. 0.58

00:12:07.380 It went by her by the time she was 40.

00:12:11.020 So she was pretty sick.

00:12:13.320 And she had been through a lot at this point.

00:12:16.520 And that made it doubly hard to tell her.

00:12:21.060 But I couldn't do it anymore.

00:12:23.520 I couldn't hold this lie anymore.

00:12:25.440 It just came out.

00:12:26.540 One New Year's Eve, I was working.

00:12:29.220 And I came home from the newscast.

00:12:32.240 And it came out.

00:12:34.540 I don't know how to...

00:12:35.340 It just...

00:12:36.140 You know, it wasn't planned.

00:12:38.480 You just couldn't keep it in anymore.

00:12:40.460 It was just bubbling over the surface.

00:12:42.180 Yeah.

00:12:42.480 And she started bawling.

00:12:44.280 This little sick lady who was, you know, sitting in her chair. 1.00

00:12:48.000 And it's hard to talk about.

00:12:50.020 Yeah.

00:12:50.200 Um, and we both started crying.

00:12:54.200 And, you know, I just, you know, she's like, of course, doing like, I guess, a lot of mothers

00:13:02.060 do saying, you know, what did I do wrong?

00:13:04.280 And just, and I said, no, it's nothing about you.

00:13:07.500 I said, and, um, you know, it was a horrible night.

00:13:12.180 It was a horrible night.

00:13:13.440 But I think she knew, you know, I mean, at this point, you haven't dated anybody.

00:13:18.640 You're 24.

00:13:19.320 Or, you know, you're out of college.

00:13:22.100 She knew.

00:13:23.400 Yeah.

00:13:23.900 But it was hard to just...

00:13:24.980 But probably didn't want to.

00:13:26.100 Right.

00:13:27.000 Mm-hmm.

00:13:27.300 I mean, what mother probably does want to? 1.00

00:13:29.720 You know, I don't, I doubt many do.

00:13:32.020 So what happened from there?

00:13:34.140 So from there, so I had two older sisters.

00:13:36.880 Both of them were news anchors.

00:13:39.080 They're retired from the business as well.

00:13:40.960 It's very interesting that all of you went into broadcasting.

00:13:44.140 And at one time, we were all three on in Atlanta market at the same time in different

00:13:48.140 places.

00:13:48.520 So that was kind of cool.

00:13:49.880 Wow.

00:13:50.240 Okay.

00:13:50.520 I know that this is kind of an aside.

00:13:52.220 I just think that's pretty remarkable that all of you had shared the same talent.

00:13:58.160 And you said that your dad was a pilot.

00:14:00.240 And so you don't know where that comes from.

00:14:03.120 I don't.

00:14:03.480 But for me, at least, they were writers.

00:14:06.340 You know, they were news anchors, writers.

00:14:07.940 I liked the weather aspect, which was all science.

00:14:11.200 So for me, you know, my degree was totally meteorology.

00:14:15.860 It wasn't anything to do with TV.

00:14:17.240 It was a science major and a minor in mathematics.

00:14:20.040 And, you know, so actually my field related to my dad's.

00:14:24.100 He had to know a lot of meteorology as a pilot.

00:14:26.220 But so, but for them, I have no idea where that, you know, they just, I think I, you

00:14:34.240 know, as a younger kid too, as I'm sorry, as the youngest kid, I, I really looked up

00:14:41.600 to my sisters and I think I wanted to maybe follow in their footsteps.

00:14:44.720 And so it interested, that was interesting to me.

00:14:48.380 So, yeah.

00:14:49.220 So after you came out to your mom, did you tell your sisters?

00:14:54.060 Yeah.

00:14:54.500 So this was, this was interesting.

00:14:56.520 So the, so I have two, I have two older sisters, one, um, the second to oldest, she was what 1.00

00:15:04.620 I called at the time, the more open-minded, you know, uh, sister and the oldest sister was

00:15:10.300 very faith-filled at the time.

00:15:12.380 And I don't like this.

00:15:15.220 I don't want to say this because I don't want to talk negatively about her, but I felt like

00:15:19.200 she might've been more judgmental. 0.55

00:15:21.360 I just felt this, that telling her she was the one I was worried about.

00:15:25.960 So oddly, um, the oldest sister was very angry and she wrote me a letter after I told mother

00:15:36.360 her and said, it really, it cut me to the core, my heart, it cut my heart out because

00:15:42.560 she said, how dare you do this to mom after all this family has been through, meaning with

00:15:49.240 mom's disease and our caregiving of her, how dare you do this to her and just destroy her? 0.71

00:15:55.800 And it was already hard enough, but to get that just compounded the pain and that all of

00:16:03.680 this was causing, causing me.

00:16:06.200 So that was tough.

00:16:08.260 Uh, a good, a good end to that story is that she eventually grew to understand my, that I

00:16:19.000 couldn't help what I felt, you know, as far as same sex attraction.

00:16:22.280 And she, I'm not saying accepted it, but changed.

00:16:27.100 She, she, she learned to love, love me unconditionally, if that makes any sense.

00:16:34.220 Yeah.

00:16:34.480 Maybe more gentle of an approach.

00:16:36.860 She maybe in that moment was more thinking about her mom's pain and how her mom felt.

00:16:43.380 And she felt defensive of your mom without thinking about the pain that you were also

00:16:50.200 going through.

00:16:50.880 She might have seen what you did as more selfish.

00:16:53.520 And at that point, until they really learned about, about homosexuality, they didn't know,

00:17:01.220 you know, they thought that was a choice as far as now, when I say a choice, a choice of

00:17:06.500 what I was, you know, of doing, of doing it, you know, there's a difference.

00:17:10.720 And this is one thing I have to emphasize that I really wanted to emphasize with, with people

00:17:15.400 is it's not a choice what you're attracted to.

00:17:20.460 I tried for years to pray it away, and, and I couldn't stop the attraction.

00:17:27.520 What we can do is choose to act on it.

00:17:31.020 We can choose what to do with it.

00:17:34.140 And dwell on it.

00:17:35.860 Right.

00:17:36.520 As well.

00:17:37.220 Yeah.

00:17:37.600 That's a choice as well, you know.

00:17:39.480 Yeah.

00:17:40.000 We might not be able to help all of our attractions, but the Holy Spirit gives us the power to

00:17:46.120 take every thought captive as well.

00:17:48.760 So, and then of course, so there's the thought life, the heart life, and the actual acting

00:17:54.120 out life that God can help us with.

00:17:56.620 But those initial attractions, you certainly didn't ask for, nor did you want them.

00:18:01.220 Right.

00:18:01.660 And until we have, you mentioned a very key part, until we have the Holy Spirit, we don't

00:18:06.820 have a way to fight, to battle that.

00:18:09.600 We don't have a way.

00:18:11.000 And I didn't, and this wouldn't be till recently.

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00:19:42.760 And then your middle sister, how did she react?

00:19:50.100 So she was, you know, I'm sure she had her thoughts on it because we're all Christian background and they, you know, they have their faith, strong faith as well.

00:20:00.820 Well, I'm sure she probably knew it wasn't, but she was just one of those that wasn't going to react.

00:20:12.240 Yeah.

00:20:12.980 Yeah.

00:20:13.460 Yeah.

00:20:13.940 She was going to love me anyway and let me figure things out.

00:20:17.600 And then what did life look like after that?

00:20:19.920 Did you, well, first I have to pause.

00:20:21.780 Where is your dad?

00:20:22.820 So my dad is in Atlanta.

00:20:24.120 He is still living.

00:20:25.400 My mom has passed for over a decade now.

00:20:27.960 Okay, but in this moment, your dad, had you talked to him about this?

00:20:32.360 So that's a little complicated because my parents divorced when I was 10.

00:20:37.000 Got it.

00:20:37.420 Okay, so I wasn't, to put it simply without going into a long story, we weren't as close as I was to my mother.

00:20:47.100 Because of my mother's disease, I cared for her and he moved back to Atlanta.

00:20:53.800 She was still in the rock and for a period of time before she eventually moved back to Atlanta.

00:20:59.260 But I wasn't just, I just wasn't as close to him.

00:21:02.300 I loved him, but there was a lot of tension between the two and I was caught in the middle.

00:21:09.060 Right.

00:21:09.700 It's very difficult.

00:21:10.700 And because of her illness, that also compounded the tension because I was going to, I knew in my heart, I was going to spend my time with her, helping to take care of her with my sisters.

00:21:24.180 And he resented it.

00:21:26.000 She resented him.

00:21:28.380 That was tough.

00:21:29.420 So he, I would not tell till later.

00:21:31.840 Okay.

00:21:32.240 And oddly, here's the funny thing about my dad, the very one that I was the most scared to tell, I would tell him, you know, a few years later, he was the most, he was the best about it.

00:21:44.680 I'm not saying accepting, but he said he knew and he loved me no matter what.

00:21:50.560 That's all he said.

00:21:51.400 He didn't say, you know, typical male, very few words.

00:21:55.900 Right.

00:21:56.540 Right.

00:21:56.980 And sometimes, you know, a few words is all it takes.

00:21:59.980 But so after you came out to your sisters and your mom, did you feel a sense of freedom to be more public in your sexuality or what did that look like?

00:22:11.900 So for the, for a short time, you know, probably six months to a year, I thought I'd never see them again because the reaction was harsh, you know, from really, and my sister and my mom.

00:22:25.920 And I went for at least a good six, six months to a year, not knowing if I would ever see my family again, that they were going to, that they had disowned me.

00:22:36.120 I thought that they might have.

00:22:38.000 And eventually the middle sister, the middle child, she called me up and said, I, I, there is an opening at CNN.

00:22:48.700 I want you to put your tape in.

00:22:50.660 I want you to put your tape because she was an anchor there at the time.

00:22:53.320 And so she said, and that was her way to kind of break the ice, I think.

00:22:58.400 And if anybody was going to do that, speak to me after all of this, I thought she would be the one.

00:23:04.180 And she was.

00:23:05.720 And, you know, it's, it's very hard to remember what transpired after that, but we all kind of came back together.

00:23:13.800 And we just didn't talk about it.

00:23:16.940 Just didn't talk about it for a while.

00:23:18.720 Were you living pretty publicly as a gay man at this point?

00:23:22.760 Yes.

00:23:23.120 So after Macon, in my upper 20s, I got my job in Atlanta at the NBC affiliate right at the Olympics in 1996, which was a great time.

00:23:34.260 Um, I, at that time in television news, you really couldn't be open about it.

00:23:43.120 And so I, I kind of lived a double life publicly, you know, as far as my job was concerned and, and, and then what I would do in the, in being out in the lifestyle.

00:23:53.980 But that would kind of be kept secret, the two, but my, the, the pressure of the family, that was the biggest relief for me.

00:24:03.640 It didn't bother me having to live the double life publicly.

00:24:08.740 Does that make sense?

00:24:09.880 So, yeah, I think the, the, the family was the part that was the most stressful because it's the people, the very people that I loved.

00:24:16.880 Yeah. So you mentioned when you first decided to live as a gay man, that you found out about gay nightclubs and you mentioned the gay scene in Atlanta, which of course you didn't know about before.

00:24:30.260 And you said something, and I'm not sure if it was intentional.

00:24:32.960 You said there were these lawyers and doctors and all these people who seemed like decent people.

00:24:39.040 And Beckett Cook, whom I know you've talked to, I've talked to, has talked about kind of like the underneath the surface of like the gay nightclub scene and the gay scene, that it is different in many ways than what is presented by the media and what people might think.

00:24:56.760 And Christopher Yuan has made similar comments on the show.

00:25:00.300 Can you talk about that?

00:25:01.820 Yeah. And, um, it's, it's a, it is a, I just want to say it is a horrible lifestyle.

00:25:10.460 I was full force into it out at the bars on my off time and the whole lifestyle revolves, revolves around sex and your sexuality, everything that is your identity, everything is revolves around that.

00:25:28.980 And the superficiality of it, um, the soullessness of it, um, there's nothing redeeming.

00:25:43.720 There was nothing redeeming about it.

00:25:45.500 I, I, I can remember as much as I loved my partying and drinking and being out with people and living that debauchery, if you will, I can remember feeling, and this was God, I think, working in me from, is that I, I felt this is certain times I would feel, this is just not right.

00:26:10.480 This is not right.

00:26:14.620 And I would just remain torn between my faith or what I had of, of it at that time and my lifestyle, if that makes any sense.

00:26:28.960 Is it true that drugs and alcohol are a major part of the LGBTQ, if you want to call them community or world?

00:26:41.880 Oh, huge.

00:26:43.060 It revolves around sex and drugs and alcohol.

00:26:47.540 Um, that's all there was.

00:26:51.300 I mean, every event was a drinking and drugging event.

00:26:55.840 Um, every party involved that, um, when I look back at it, I think, and, and I hate, I hate talking so bad about people, you know, um, but there was just nothing good about the lifestyle, Allie.

00:27:13.080 I mean, it just, it was so superficial.

00:27:17.480 God certainly wasn't part of it.

00:27:19.940 He wasn't involved in anybody's life.

00:27:22.040 Um, there was so much resentment with gay people and church.

00:27:31.400 They all had this hatred.

00:27:34.260 They all had this, and I shouldn't say all, I hate using that word, but so many.

00:27:39.620 It maybe felt like it at the time.

00:27:40.940 Yes, that, you know, I would hear many people say, or, or tell me their, give me their experiences of how the church hurt them.

00:27:51.900 People, you know, their church told them they were going to hell and, you know, and, and, and the resentment that so many had.

00:28:01.340 Oddly, I never, in my small little town, I never had that experience.

00:28:05.760 I had the best experience in church as a kid, but I don't deny that they did.

00:28:12.840 I don't deny that some people had that experience because, you know, it happens.

00:28:18.720 And obviously all kinds of people use drugs and alcohol, but you mentioned in your own experience of using alcohol, you use that to kind of like numb conviction,

00:28:28.620 but also to make yourself feel better about this double life that you were leading, do you think that that was a key motivator in the drug and alcohol use of a lot of the people that you were spending time with?

00:28:43.980 Absolutely.

00:28:45.060 Absolutely.

00:28:45.860 I think people were masking it, you know, it's a lot more accepted today, as you know, it's culturally very accepted.

00:28:54.420 In fact, it's promoted now within companies and, and, and, and, and even churches, which is, yeah.

00:29:01.980 And so, um, at that time, at least in my, you know, in the eighties and nineties, uh, people had no outlet, you know, they had no place to feel safe, I guess, or secure.

00:29:17.560 And so drinking, you know, drinking or drugging definitely, um, helped, I guess, helped, you know, just to deal with that, to deal with the world that they felt so insecure in.

00:29:35.600 And I can understand the insecurity.

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00:30:31.420 So there was a lot of church hurt.

00:30:37.180 Was there also, we hear about this a lot, although getting statistics around something like this is difficult,

00:30:42.700 but you hear anecdotally that within all forms of LGBTQ, there tends to be a lot of past sexual trauma and past sexual abuse.

00:30:53.840 Did you feel like that was something that you heard a lot about when you were inundated in that community?

00:30:58.700 No, I didn't.

00:31:00.580 I mean, I certainly didn't have it.

00:31:03.320 I'm not, I certainly know that it exists, but you know, it's so, it's, it's so odd, Allie.

00:31:11.060 Like what makes somebody same sex attracted?

00:31:14.800 You know, it's so complicated.

00:31:16.180 You hear of these situations.

00:31:18.060 Was it trauma?

00:31:19.080 Is that what you're meaning?

00:31:20.120 Like, is it trauma that caused them to?

00:31:22.660 Well, I don't know if a causal link is necessarily provable, but it does seem that it is more prevalent for someone who identifies as LGBTQ to have a past of enduring sexual trauma.

00:31:36.040 Interesting.

00:31:36.740 Yes.

00:31:37.140 And again, I'm not sure on the statistics part, but, you know, that definitely can be the case with some.

00:31:44.820 But, you know, in the same, and when you look at, you know, biologically with alcoholism, there are, that's also complex too.

00:31:53.740 Because I think, I think, you know, that biology has a lot to do with this, with same-sex attraction too, because I think it's part of it.

00:32:03.780 It could be trauma that could be part of it, but also biology.

00:32:07.600 You know, with alcoholism, we look at genetics, we look at just repetition.

00:32:17.200 So you see some people that just have such a social life, they get to the point where they cross over from drinking a lot to addiction.

00:32:26.740 And once you've crossed that point, you no longer have a choice.

00:32:31.560 And so there's, you know, various roads to alcoholism too.

00:32:36.100 Why couldn't that be the case for homosexuality, right? 1.00

00:32:40.220 I mean, maybe.

00:32:42.120 And really, at the end of the day, for the Christian, it's like, well, it doesn't matter, because all of us are called to repentance and new life.

00:32:50.520 And so that whole debate that people have had for a long time, what causes it?

00:32:54.780 As you said, there could be a variety of things in a person's life that causes what God would call a disordered desire.

00:33:01.180 So at what point you had these kind of inklings every now and then that, ugh, this doesn't feel right.

00:33:07.700 My family knows, and this still doesn't feel right.

00:33:10.580 So when would you say that kind of discomfort actually transformed into a real conviction?

00:33:17.760 Okay.

00:33:18.360 This is the good part for me.

00:33:20.040 This is the good part of the story.

00:33:21.660 This has actually been only recent, Allie.

00:33:24.680 So, uh, I'm 55.

00:33:28.900 My sister convinced me finally to join a Bible study.

00:33:35.460 Oldest sister, middle sister?

00:33:36.640 Middle sister.

00:33:37.340 Middle sister.

00:33:37.520 This is the middle sister.

00:33:38.240 Okay.

00:33:39.020 About three, three years ago.

00:33:41.880 Very recent.

00:33:42.780 Yes.

00:33:43.280 So three years ago.

00:33:44.580 And it was the best thing of my life, best thing that could have happened in my life.

00:33:51.120 She had been prodding me a little bit to do it for a couple of years.

00:33:54.940 And I said, no, because I, I hate commitment.

00:33:57.800 And I knew it was a commitment because BSF is a year long.

00:34:02.600 It basically goes through the school year.

00:34:04.220 Yes.

00:34:04.720 Bible study fellowship for those who don't know.

00:34:06.860 It's very intense Bible study that's been around for a long time.

00:34:10.040 Yeah.

00:34:10.600 And so she had been doing it like a decade and loved it.

00:34:15.000 Um, and I don't know what happened, Allie, but like three years ago I took her up on it.

00:34:20.980 I said, okay, okay.

00:34:23.640 And I think that was a God thing.

00:34:25.660 I think, I think it was just a God thing.

00:34:28.180 I can't explain why I said yes, but it was, uh, it has transformed me.

00:34:34.260 So I went through the first year of it, loved it.

00:34:39.040 And it was the, really the first time I'd read a Bible verse here and there, like a lot of Christians. 0.99

00:34:45.180 You grew up in church, so you would have heard it.

00:34:47.380 But I've never studied the Word.

00:34:49.480 That's a whole different ballgame there.

00:34:52.340 And when I started studying God's Word, I think I feel the Holy Spirit started working within me.

00:35:01.480 And I noticed a change in me.

00:35:05.320 I noticed that I was becoming convicted for the first time in my life, that I had a deep conviction of my sins.

00:35:16.860 And I was hyper aware.

00:35:20.120 So that first year I was very hyper aware of my sins, not just, not just homosexuality, but anything.

00:35:26.460 You know, there are lots of sins out there.

00:35:28.920 Lying, drunkenness.

00:35:30.580 Yeah.

00:35:31.900 So, and I can remember that about the first year to two years being exhausted.

00:35:40.360 And you know why?

00:35:41.220 I was exhausted because of that hyper awareness of my sins and getting through a day and realizing I didn't, I didn't fix any of them.

00:35:52.260 Yeah.

00:35:52.360 I wasn't doing any better today or I did good yesterday, but I didn't do good this day.

00:35:56.640 And I got into this legalistic way of looking at myself, not other people, but looking at myself, if that makes any sense.

00:36:06.720 So I was in this mode of checking off a list.

00:36:14.120 Okay, what did I do today?

00:36:15.660 You know, and oh, I didn't, I did this, this was wrong, you know, or whatnot.

00:36:19.840 And becoming exhausted by year three of doing it, I think it was the Holy Spirit working in me and starting to really love God more, you know, and more and more that I was sinning less and less.

00:36:38.040 And I decided that celibacy was what I needed to do, that I still had the struggle, I still do speaking to you right here, right now, I still have the struggle, but God is calling me to be celibate.

00:36:57.820 And that's all transpired in the last three years.

00:37:02.020 Wow.

00:37:02.140 At first, I was feeling angry.

00:37:09.260 Why, God, do you make me, why do you give me this, this attraction and tell me I can't do anything, that I can't be, you know, married and that I can't do this.

00:37:17.560 But as I believe, this is the Holy Spirit working, as I love God more and more by studying His Word, which we all have to do, and I know this now, it makes it easier.

00:37:32.580 So I begin to want Him more than I need to have sex, without being graphic, but that's the case.

00:37:42.040 That's the case.

00:37:43.280 So it's not some magic pill.

00:37:46.000 And this is what I want to do.

00:37:48.500 I want to help others like me.

00:37:50.140 Because I think there are very few gay people that get to where I'm at.

00:37:55.780 I still have a long way to go.

00:37:57.560 I still sin.

00:37:58.480 We all do.

00:37:59.920 But I am much more at peace.

00:38:04.960 And I want to help others that are grappling with their faith and same-sex attraction.

00:38:13.420 By being, you know, I think you have to hear from somebody that's experienced it to get help.

00:38:25.000 You know, AA, for instance.

00:38:27.380 Why does it work so well?

00:38:29.480 Well, because you have another alcoholic who's in recovery, who's doing well, who is actually happy in sobriety.

00:38:40.020 There's no judgment, right?

00:38:42.060 Because they've been there.

00:38:43.640 And so that's where the help comes from.

00:38:46.040 So that's what I kind of want to do in this respect.

00:38:48.600 I feel like I'm being called to do that.

00:38:52.460 During this time, or I guess during what time, did you repent from alcoholism and drunkenness?

00:38:59.700 So I went through my worst phase of alcoholism through my 40s.

00:39:05.080 And this has been pretty recent.

00:39:07.860 My sobriety, you know, as far as when you look at my whole life, there was a lifetime of drinking.

00:39:13.520 But through my 40s was, I went through the darkest days in and out of detox hospitals, rehab facilities.

00:39:21.680 Drugs, too, or just alcohol?

00:39:22.940 Just alcohol.

00:39:23.540 And it wasn't until right before I started with BSF, I think what had happened for me, it wasn't BSF that magically got me off of alcohol.

00:39:40.340 I think I had gotten to the point in my alcoholism that my body couldn't take it anymore.

00:39:46.800 Because what happens is when you learn about it, it rewires the brain when you're into addiction.

00:39:52.240 And you get to the point where the substance alters your body and it becomes almost really toxic for you.

00:40:03.660 And you get to the point, just to put it simply, where you've had enough.

00:40:07.380 You can't go through another withdrawal.

00:40:11.560 Because withdrawal with alcohol or drugs is horrible.

00:40:15.240 For those who have suffered addiction, you know, it is excruciating.

00:40:22.660 And my body got tired enough that I said, I can't do this.

00:40:27.160 I can't do another one.

00:40:28.380 I can't go through this one more time.

00:40:30.840 And so I sought help one more time, went through detox, into rehab.

00:40:38.620 But I think also for me, at that time, God was already starting to work on me at that time, which is also what I think led me to saying yes to my sister on the invitation to do Bible study.

00:40:56.740 So alcoholism is a tough one.

00:40:59.700 It is an equal opportunity offender, I always say. 0.82

00:41:03.420 It affects Christians, non-Christians, poor, rich, you know, all kinds of people.

00:41:10.380 Yeah.

00:41:11.620 I think of that verse in Ephesians that says,

00:41:14.300 Do not be drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.

00:41:20.580 So you can either be filled with alcohol or filled with the Holy Spirit.

00:41:23.760 Now, that doesn't mean that if you get drunk, you're no longer saved, but you are no longer being controlled by the Spirit within you.

00:41:30.440 You are being controlled by the alcohol within you, which makes a lot of sense to me why, you know, as soon as you stopped that, the Holy Spirit was like, yeah, I'm here, and I'm ready to talk to you, and we're going this direction now.

00:41:42.540 He grabbed me.

00:41:43.500 He grabbed me at that sobriety point and said, Let's go.

00:41:47.240 We got to go forward.

00:41:48.200 But yeah, so you just, yeah, that's exactly it.

00:41:56.480 I don't know.

00:41:57.660 Yeah, that's amazing.

00:41:59.200 I mean, I'm sure that was difficult to let go of too, but God helps us in that weakness as well.

00:42:03.980 He does.

00:42:05.400 I fully believe that.

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00:42:59.060 Do you remember the moment over the past three years that you started dealing with specifically that sin of homosexuality? 0.99

00:43:12.100 Because, as you know, there are many people who profess to be Christians who say, well, you know what?

00:43:18.660 God did make me this way, so it's fine.

00:43:21.220 And there are a few verses maybe that seem to condemn homosexuality, but they'll have their reasons for saying, well, it's okay. 1.00

00:43:27.780 I can be a full-fledged Christian.

00:43:29.920 I don't feel convicted about it, and I can still live this lifestyle.

00:43:33.340 You could have come to that conclusion.

00:43:35.820 It would have been easier, but you didn't.

00:43:39.080 So tell me about wrestling with that.

00:43:40.820 What I think, and this is just, this is what I feel, is it wasn't until studying the Word, you know, like I said, there's a difference with reading some Bible verses and doing a devotional, you know, every morning.

00:43:57.900 And getting into a group, a small group of men who are all very versed in Scripture and to work with them discussing Scripture and studying it.

00:44:13.600 And I think there's a, I think that that is where, I don't see really any other way to interpret it.

00:44:26.640 Right.

00:44:26.960 I mean, okay, so I've, because it applies to me, I start looking at all the verses that even remotely reference homosexuality.

00:44:35.660 And we go, here's where I don't understand why churches can say, interpret it as being okay with, well, if they love each other, they are, you know, it's okay.

00:44:50.060 Um, it is quite evident that marriage is between, in Scriptures, tells us it's marriages between a man and a woman, uh, that any side, anything sexually outside of that is adultery.

00:45:05.140 So, uh, and then there are clear verses, both Old and New Testament, strictly on homosexuality.

00:45:13.500 So anything outside, I mean, I don't see how it's more evident.

00:45:17.180 I don't see how you can interpret it any other way.

00:45:20.060 I don't, I, there's not a, to me, there's not any, it's not up for interpretation.

00:45:26.940 Right.

00:45:27.260 It's very simple.

00:45:29.680 Mm-hmm.

00:45:30.180 And what it came down to for you, which was, it was a very beautiful way to say it. 0.77

00:45:35.180 And I know it is graphic, but you can replace what you said with so many other things that you needed God more than you wanted to have sex. 0.68

00:45:42.800 Yes. 0.99

00:45:43.100 Or you wanted God more than you needed to have sex. 0.99

00:45:45.400 Yes. 0.99

00:45:45.540 And you can replace sex. 0.63

00:45:46.800 And that, like, that's true for anyone of any, you know, orientation, if you want to even use that term, desire outside of marriage.

00:45:56.000 Right.

00:45:56.500 But any carnal desire we have, we need God more than we need alcohol.

00:46:00.500 We need God more than we need money.

00:46:02.080 We need God more than we need, you know, to be beautiful or successful or anything.

00:46:07.840 Right.

00:46:07.960 And when that is where you start, then scripture makes sense.

00:46:13.540 But if you're starting with, I need sex, I need money, I need fame first, and you interpret scripture that way, then of course you can pick apart the verses.

00:46:24.060 So I thought that that was a very poignant way to say the right ordering of our loves.

00:46:30.920 And that's the only way that any of us as Christians can operate.

00:46:34.560 Right.

00:46:34.960 Right. 0.78

00:46:35.380 I mean, there's more, there are more sins out there than homosexuality. 0.97

00:46:40.200 And, you know, I read several devotionals.

00:46:44.120 Paul Tripp, have you heard?

00:46:46.580 Okay.

00:46:46.920 The New Morning Mercy's devotional.

00:46:48.800 Is that what you're referencing?

00:46:50.080 I'm sorry.

00:46:50.820 I'm trying to think.

00:46:51.820 It may be that one.

00:46:52.720 There is one that he wrote called that, but it could be referencing something different.

00:46:56.160 He talks a lot about the vertical and the horizontal.

00:47:01.360 Mm-hmm.

00:47:01.560 And when we live in the horizontal, meaning temporal things, fame, looking for fame, sex, money, none of those offer lasting, you're always needing more, in other words.

00:47:22.360 But when we look in the vertical, God, that is lasting peace and lasting, you know, satisfaction, if you will.

00:47:31.520 And I love that, how he says that.

00:47:34.820 And when God becomes, you're right, I mean, that sums it up.

00:47:41.400 When God eventually, and I attribute it to the Holy Spirit working within a person who stays in God's word daily, that he becomes more important than anything on the earth that we can be searching for, for satisfaction.

00:47:57.340 Mm-hmm.

00:47:57.720 And was there a moment that you realized that?

00:48:01.300 Was there a moment that you cried out to God and you were like, okay, God, like, this is it.

00:48:05.880 I'm going to surrender everything to you and you're going to have to help me.

00:48:09.560 Oh, yeah.

00:48:10.600 I mean, it did.

00:48:11.460 It happened, you know, and it's, I can't tell you the peace that comes over, that came over me when I finally really did that.

00:48:23.340 And I have to tell you, I think, I hear a lot of people say that they're, they're, they're saved or they're born again, but I don't think I was truly saved until.

00:48:35.380 When would you say that was, that you truly became a Christian?

00:48:40.300 I'd say it happened after the first, probably at least after the first year of Bible study.

00:48:45.820 Mm-hmm.

00:48:46.580 Do you remember what book y'all studied in that first year?

00:48:49.040 We studied Kings.

00:48:54.580 I believe we studied Kings.

00:48:56.840 I believe that was the first year.

00:48:58.540 Okay.

00:48:59.260 Interesting.

00:49:00.180 Yeah.

00:49:02.380 And then we got into John the second year, which is, of course, you know, the book of John, you tell people, okay, so if you're, if you're a new Christian or new, or, or even just, you know, looking into it.

00:49:17.740 Mm-hmm.

00:49:18.360 See, and if you buy into it, that's the book to read because it basically tells you what it means to be a Christian, right?

00:49:25.280 Mm-hmm.

00:49:25.500 The story of Jesus.

00:49:26.700 Yeah.

00:49:27.300 And then, and then Revelation we did last year.

00:49:30.440 Yep.

00:49:30.800 And I, I was not in BSF, but I've had, I had friends who were doing it last year and teaching me a lot about Revelation.

00:49:37.240 Yeah.

00:49:37.520 So I had read it before, but it's complex to me.

00:49:42.240 Very much.

00:49:43.080 It is very complex.

00:49:44.940 You're not alone in feeling that way.

00:49:46.020 And so that, I think last year was my favorite year.

00:49:48.240 Yeah.

00:49:48.380 Learning that and to really get into it, you know, because even now I still like, some of it's still a little confusing, you know?

00:49:56.680 It's confusing and a little frightening at times.

00:49:58.920 Well, it's a different side of Jesus too, because it's Jesus, you know, it's Jesus the conqueror, Jesus who is ready to take vengeance and, you know, it's Jesus the warrior, not Jesus that was led to the slaughter as a silent lamb.

00:50:14.760 I mean, it's all the same Jesus, of course, but different characteristics of him.

00:50:18.700 So yeah, Revelation is very interesting.

00:50:20.820 And we get to see how, you know, I think that unbelievers always like to, when they want to debate you on if Christianity is the true, if Jesus is the true God, they always want to bring up the fire and brimstone, especially that you see in Revelation. 0.98

00:50:45.380 But, you know, when you study the Bible as a whole, you know, in context, you realize that his justice is perfectly balanced with his mercy, right?

00:50:56.780 So, oh, you're looking at this terrible God that killed people in the Old Testament.

00:51:01.320 Well, he gave, and we study this in Kings too, you know, that he gave them time after time after time to come back to him.

00:51:12.060 He gave them chance after chance.

00:51:14.360 And that was his mercy, right?

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00:52:00.700 If someone out there has someone in their life who has told them, hey, I'm gay, or they think they're transgender or something like that, what advice would you give to Christians on how we should respond in those moments?

00:52:19.380 So, you know, it's tough.

00:52:23.400 And especially when you talk about that, when you ask that question, I feel more compassion for the young ones.

00:52:31.760 Okay?

00:52:32.480 The ones that are in their 20s.

00:52:34.540 And when the hormones are raging, that's a hard thing to ask, do you want God more than you want this?

00:52:44.160 This person, yeah.

00:52:45.340 Yeah.

00:52:45.940 I mean, that's a really hard thing to ask.

00:52:48.600 And I think my strength came from being in God's Word and studying God's Word daily.

00:52:59.720 I think I have a built-in forgetter, you know?

00:53:02.400 It's easy to forget.

00:53:04.900 And I need daily to be refreshed by listening to God through His Word and Scripture.

00:53:14.720 And I really think that is the only way that you can fight this temptation.

00:53:22.640 I think it's the only way to do it.

00:53:25.280 And also to be in communion with other believers and people like me.

00:53:32.160 Like, I've got a long way to go, Allie, but I certainly think that people need to be in communion with people like me that may be a little farther down the road that can help them through.

00:53:45.160 Because I think it helps to hear from somebody that's been through it.

00:53:49.700 Yeah.

00:53:50.760 That's what really helps.

00:53:52.580 Yep.

00:53:53.320 So for the person who is on the receiving end of someone telling them, like, hey, I'm gay, and maybe they're coming out to someone who's a Christian.

00:54:02.420 For those in this audience who are on the receiving end of that conversation, what should they say?

00:54:07.780 What is the best thing that they can say in that moment?

00:54:13.040 God loves you.

00:54:14.720 You're a child of God.

00:54:16.740 And I love you.

00:54:19.640 Let's work through this together.

00:54:22.180 Hmm.

00:54:24.100 Mm-hmm.

00:54:25.400 So they need to feel that love without affirmation.

00:54:28.960 Mm-hmm.

00:54:29.580 Mm-hmm.

00:54:29.940 You're not bound for hell unless you don't accept Christ as your Savior.

00:54:36.400 Mm-hmm.

00:54:37.020 The rest will work out.

00:54:38.940 The rest will work it out.

00:54:41.280 Mm-hmm.

00:54:41.480 We'll work out this battle as we go along.

00:54:45.220 Mm-hmm.

00:54:45.560 That's what we do.

00:54:46.960 And we're in it together.

00:54:48.400 Yeah.

00:54:48.920 Mm-hmm.

00:54:50.340 Yeah.

00:54:50.780 Yeah, absolutely.

00:54:52.540 Um, is there any other encouragement that you would give people who maybe are in your

00:54:57.200 position, maybe who totally disagree with you or disagree with me?

00:55:01.340 What message would you convey?

00:55:02.700 Um, let's love one another and realize that everybody has their sin, okay?

00:55:13.020 Everybody battles something.

00:55:16.200 Let's love one another and as believers, help them through, help them through the struggle.

00:55:26.200 Because if you, all you need is that faith in Christ for the Holy Spirit to come in and

00:55:36.240 transform you like it has done me.

00:55:39.620 And it certainly did.

00:55:42.000 Mm-hmm.

00:55:42.440 It certainly has and continues to.

00:55:45.740 Well, Arch, thank you so much.

00:55:47.680 Can you tell people where they can find the resources that you're publishing?

00:55:50.720 Yes, archkennedy.com.

00:55:52.860 Pretty simple, my name.

00:55:54.100 Pretty simple, yeah.

00:55:54.880 I'm producing a lot of, um, you know, I listen for the Lord to give me some ideas every day

00:56:02.160 and I never have yet to fail to think of a topic and I'm writing weekly on that and producing

00:56:09.420 videos on the blogs that I write.

00:56:12.080 And I just love what I'm doing.

00:56:14.100 Mm-hmm.

00:56:14.360 I'm just doing it for the Lord.

00:56:16.320 I just love it.

00:56:17.460 So yeah, they can find me there and all the links to everything else on my website.

00:56:22.980 Well, thank you.

00:56:23.940 Okay, let me end with this passage that your testimony reminds me of.

00:56:27.500 So just like in kind of typical gospel fashion, we have bad news and then good news, and this

00:56:33.620 is 1 Corinthians 6, 9.

00:56:35.640 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?

00:56:39.220 Do not be deceived.

00:56:40.140 Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 0.98

00:56:45.820 nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom 0.99

00:56:50.980 of God. 0.98

00:56:51.620 And such were some of you.

00:56:54.160 But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord

00:56:58.460 Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

00:57:02.280 God is good and His grace transforms, and I'm so thankful for your testimony.

00:57:07.000 So thank you for sharing it.

00:57:08.640 Thank you, Allie.

00:57:09.400 I'm really glad to be here.

00:57:11.220 I really appreciate it.

00:57:12.320 Thank you.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - August 15, 2025

Ep 1230 ｜ He Lived a Double Life as a Gay Man. Then Jesus Saved Him ｜ Arch Kennedy

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