Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - September 03, 2025


Ep 1237 ｜ Let Them？ The Good, the Bad & the Buddhist


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 2 minutes

Words per minute

166.20387

Word count

10,395

Sentence count

801

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

The Let Them Theory? This viral concept has been making its rounds even in Christian culture. Is it good or bad? Is it biblical? We ve got all of that and more on today s episode of Relatable.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.980 The let them theory, this viral concept has been making its rounds even in Christian culture.
00:00:09.800 What is it?
00:00:10.820 Is it good?
00:00:11.600 Is it bad?
00:00:12.640 Is it biblical?
00:00:13.560 We've got all of that and more on today's episode of Relatable.
00:00:17.140 It's brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
00:00:19.660 Go to goodranchers.com.
00:00:20.780 Use code Allie at checkout. 1.00
00:00:21.840 That's goodranchers.com.
00:00:23.000 Code Allie. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable.
00:00:35.140 Happy Monday.
00:00:36.400 Actually, no, it's not Monday.
00:00:38.900 It is Wednesday.
00:00:39.980 It feels like Monday because of Labor Day weekend.
00:00:42.760 I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend and that you are having a lovely week.
00:00:47.440 I just want to say before we get started that this is, I guess, the last time that you will see producer Brie on the podcast.
00:00:57.040 Unless we have her as some kind of correspondent for, I don't know, live, real-looking baby conferences.
00:01:08.260 Because she could still feed us that kind of content. 0.92
00:01:11.900 But we wish producer Brie the best.
00:01:14.860 So please send an encouraging comment.
00:01:18.340 Please pray for her as she transitions into this new role.
00:01:21.380 It was also just her birthday on Monday, right?
00:01:25.680 Yesterday?
00:01:26.020 Yeah.
00:01:26.620 Yeah, I couldn't even remember when that was that I texted you happy birthday.
00:01:32.080 But so please wish her happy birthday and wish her well in her new endeavor.
00:01:36.600 How are you feeling in this new year of life and in this new era that you're about to enter?
00:01:41.260 I'm feeling solidly in my 30s now.
00:01:44.500 You're 31.
00:01:46.080 Yeah.
00:01:47.860 Yeah, I feel good.
00:01:50.200 I feel ready.
00:01:50.900 Lots of changes are happening.
00:01:52.240 Lots of change.
00:01:52.980 It's bittersweet, but I'm ready for what's next.
00:01:57.060 Okay.
00:01:57.480 Just for the record, I did get an ad yesterday on YouTube for Reborn baby dolls.
00:02:02.980 Oh, no.
00:02:03.520 They've targeted you.
00:02:04.680 So it's going to follow me.
00:02:05.900 Before we know it, because she's going to lose the identity and purpose that Relatable has given her,
00:02:12.600 she is going to devolve into a real-looking baby collector. 0.99
00:02:20.560 Reborn, that's what they're called, which is in itself just kind of like weirdly theological and disturbing.
00:02:27.660 Yeah.
00:02:28.160 Yeah.
00:02:28.460 Okay.
00:02:29.280 What's the note that you want to end on here?
00:02:31.520 Is there anything that you want to say to us and to everyone as you make your bow?
00:02:37.260 Oh, my gosh.
00:02:37.880 So much pressure.
00:02:40.740 No, just thanks.
00:02:41.860 Thanks for being so kind to me.
00:02:43.320 So many of you are so, so sweet, and I'm so thankful for that.
00:02:46.920 Um, I, yeah, I feel like any other show, I'd be a little bit scared of the audience, but not this one.
00:02:53.800 So, um, it's just been really sweet.
00:02:55.620 A good time.
00:02:56.220 And thank you, Allie, for letting me get to know people who are in your audience.
00:03:00.200 I appreciate that.
00:03:01.180 So.
00:03:01.980 Well, we're grateful to Brie for everything.
00:03:04.660 Um, we are still, we are looking for, um, someone to take Brie's place, which will not be easy to find.
00:03:11.620 We've gotten some good candidates.
00:03:12.980 So thank you to those who have applied, but it is still open.
00:03:17.640 Um, there are a couple of different ways to apply, but you can send your application to relatable messages at gmail.com.
00:03:24.780 This is a full time in-person position.
00:03:28.180 And I just want to say a couple of things so we can go ahead and start sifting through, uh, the candidates before you even apply.
00:03:37.420 Number one, we are looking for someone with five plus years of producing experience.
00:03:43.100 It's great if that's in podcasting.
00:03:45.280 If it's not in podcasting, if it's in something similar, that's okay.
00:03:49.920 We are looking for someone who shares this show's values, that knows the show, that knows this brand, that knows this audience very well.
00:03:58.720 And, um, we are looking for someone who is very serious about this position.
00:04:04.080 I think some people get the advice out there.
00:04:06.420 Oh, just apply.
00:04:07.560 Just throw your hat in the ring.
00:04:08.740 It's a good connection.
00:04:09.720 It's a good foot in the door.
00:04:10.820 I promise it is not that if you are applying for a job that you're not really serious about potentially taking, then you are wasting the team's time.
00:04:22.140 You are wasting the time of the hiring manager.
00:04:24.320 You are wasting the time of the person who is hoping to fill that position.
00:04:27.560 That is not going to leave a good impression.
00:04:30.240 So I'm just saying that for any of you ever applying for jobs out there, I think Gen Z might be, I don't know, getting some advice on just applying to apply.
00:04:40.260 Please don't do that.
00:04:41.220 Only apply to jobs that you really think that you want and that you are serious about.
00:04:47.760 So you're not wasting your time or anyone else's time.
00:04:50.620 All right, let's get into what this episode is actually about today.
00:04:54.340 It is about the let them theory, what it is, why it's relevant, how Christians should be thinking about this.
00:05:01.780 So let me just set it up.
00:05:04.440 What is it in short?
00:05:05.940 And then we'll dive into its roots, what the background is, and why we are even talking about this today.
00:05:11.660 So the let them theory is a mindset theory that encourages people to stop trying to control others.
00:05:18.940 So when met with disappointment in someone's words, attitudes, or behaviors, instead of trying to change them or control them, you just let them.
00:05:28.620 You allow them to say and think and feel and do what they want to do.
00:05:32.840 So this is about no longer expending energy, trying to manage everyone in your life into being what you want or what you think you need them to be.
00:05:44.780 And this theory has been popularized over the past couple of years by a motivational speaker, podcaster, author named Mel Robbins.
00:05:53.780 She released this book, The Let Them Theory, in December of 2024, so just a few months ago.
00:06:00.200 And since then, it has sold over 6 million copies, which all is insane.
00:06:06.580 She posted a reel before she wrote the book about the let them theory in May of 2023.
00:06:14.840 That reel has amassed millions and millions of views.
00:06:19.280 And here she is kind of introducing this concept to her audience, someone.
00:06:24.000 I just heard about this thing called the let them theory.
00:06:26.700 I freaking love this.
00:06:27.720 If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them.
00:06:33.440 If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them.
00:06:39.600 If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.
00:06:47.920 So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.
00:06:53.940 And the truth is, if somebody, especially somebody you're dating or who's a friend or somebody you're trying to partner with in business, if they are not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change.
00:07:06.840 Let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you.
00:07:11.400 Just let them.
00:07:13.040 And then you get to choose what you do next.
00:07:17.980 Okay.
00:07:18.640 So this resonated with a lot of people.
00:07:21.120 And seeing that this resonated with so many people, Mel Robbins published a podcast episode on this theory a couple weeks later.
00:07:27.720 And then that podcast episode just blew up.
00:07:30.480 It was the sixth most shared podcast episode in the world that year, which is also crazy.
00:07:36.980 Mel Robbins and her book obviously have massive appeal.
00:07:41.480 And no matter how you feel about it, no matter what your knee-jerk reaction is to it, it is an indicator of who we are collectively, where we are as a culture right now.
00:07:53.760 Now, in some ways, it is the same old, same old message that we've heard.
00:07:58.240 Focus on yourself.
00:07:59.560 Help yourself.
00:08:00.500 Empower yourself.
00:08:01.580 We'll talk in depth about this in just a little bit.
00:08:04.300 And this message, as you guys know, has been packaged.
00:08:07.700 It's been repackaged for decades.
00:08:10.080 20 years ago, it was Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen.
00:08:13.500 10 years ago, it was Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.
00:08:16.840 A few years ago, it was Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.
00:08:20.000 And now it is Let Them.
00:08:22.140 Now, each of these books do have truths in them, including this book, The Let Them Theory.
00:08:29.560 But as Christians, we have a responsibility to discern.
00:08:33.100 Now, this word discern, I looked into the etymology of this word.
00:08:38.200 We get this word from the Latin word discernere, or discernere, I guess.
00:08:43.680 I'm not sure exactly how to pronounce that last E there, which means to separate or to sift apart.
00:08:50.120 Now, if you think about this word sift, the word comes from Old English, and it means to pass something through a sieve or a fine mesh sleeve, like a strainer to keep what you want to keep, let go of the things that you want to let go of.
00:09:05.940 So for the Christian, this strainer, this sieve for every idea, concept, and philosophy is the word of God, which is our only inerrant, infallible, God-breathed, written authority that we have. 0.79
00:09:20.600 So to discern means that we're not just seeing two options and choosing the right one over the wrong one, although that is part of our responsibility.
00:09:29.800 But really, this is about carefully separating the good from the bad and the good from the best.
00:09:36.860 It is about distinguishing between worldly right and biblical right, between what sounds good and what is good, between worldly wisdom and godly wisdom.
00:09:47.340 Now, when we do this, there are people, even other professing Christians, who will mock you for questioning popular theories.
00:09:56.540 They'll wag their fingers at you for, say, questioning whether empathy should be our highest virtue, or if self-love is really required to love other people well, or whether Taylor Swift is really a positive role model for women, etc.
00:10:12.800 They'll call you a Pharisee, a fundamentalist, judgmental, they'll say all of these things have changed their lives, and how dare you question it at all.
00:10:20.460 And while we do, as Christians, have to be careful not to become self-righteous, we should never be shamed out of being discerning.
00:10:28.920 Ephesians 5, 6-10 says this,
00:10:31.080 Now, remember a couple things about how,
00:11:01.060 Satan works.
00:11:02.540 And this is not me calling this entire theory satanic.
00:11:05.820 I'll get into the good and the bad and the ugly.
00:11:08.260 This is me just reminding us of the importance of discernment.
00:11:12.520 So a couple things about Satan.
00:11:14.040 One, Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
00:11:17.700 Wow, how deceiving.
00:11:19.180 2 Corinthians 11, 14 says that.
00:11:21.480 And then he also uses half-truths to relay a whole lie.
00:11:25.740 He did this in the garden.
00:11:27.200 Did God really say?
00:11:28.720 He did this with Jesus himself in the wilderness, using God's word to try to persuade Jesus to give in to temptation.
00:11:37.340 So don't ever stop testing popular mantras and ideas that the world offers you, even when you feel like you are the only one.
00:11:45.500 And the good news is, you're not the only one.
00:11:48.360 There are thousands and thousands of Christians who not only listen to this podcast, but are weighing what they hear and what they think against the word of God.
00:11:58.240 And y'all, thousands of those women are coming to share the arrows on October 11th. 1.00
00:12:03.160 Y'all, it is only about a month away.
00:12:06.140 It's a little over a month away.
00:12:07.580 I am so excited.
00:12:09.080 Like, I'm just, I've got the anticipation growing.
00:12:12.720 All the memories from last year are coming back.
00:12:15.360 The, how it felt that day to walk into the venue, to see all of you, to worship alongside you.
00:12:22.620 Like, I have to look into a camera every time I do this podcast.
00:12:27.860 And while I do my best to picture my audience, like in the carpool line or doing dishes or going on a walk with your kids, like sometimes it can be hard to feel connected to you on a day-to-day basis.
00:12:40.980 So what a blessing it is just to get to sit and learn and encourage with all of you.
00:12:47.600 And that's what you're going to get at Share the Arrows.
00:12:50.320 We are going to get true discernment.
00:12:52.600 We are going to be edified.
00:12:54.420 You are going to be refreshed.
00:12:56.160 You are going to be reminded that you are not alone.
00:13:00.320 You are going to make lifelong friendships, y'all.
00:13:03.060 I love the messages that I got last year.
00:13:06.140 One of the messages said, I walked out of there with zero fear of man.
00:13:09.680 Candice Cameron Bure just posted about Share the Arrows.
00:13:12.280 She spoke last year and she said, look, this conference is not for the faint of heart.
00:13:16.220 And that's true.
00:13:17.360 It's for women who want to be challenged. 1.00
00:13:19.220 You want to go deep theologically in apologetics, how to apply those things to every sphere of your life.
00:13:24.600 So come to Share the Arrows, y'all.
00:13:27.140 You're not alone.
00:13:28.480 We are going to learn so much.
00:13:30.240 If you go to sharethearrows.com, you can get your ticket today.
00:13:34.720 And you can use any first name of any of the speakers plus the number 15 when you press unlock on Ticketmaster.
00:13:42.440 And that'll take 15% off your ticket price.
00:13:45.460 So, for example, you could use Hillary 15. 1.00
00:13:49.220 That'll take 15% off.
00:13:51.660 Come join us.
00:13:52.520 We've got VIP options as well if you're interested in our VIP dinner and meeting some of the speakers.
00:13:58.160 Just go to sharethearrows.com.
00:13:59.840 It's brought to you by our friends at Every Life this year.
00:14:03.260 Go to sharethearrows.com.
00:14:05.340 And before we get into the rest of our episode, let me tell you about 7 Weeks Coffee.
00:14:09.980 7 Weeks Coffee will also be at Share the Arrows.
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00:14:20.000 We enjoy it so much in our home.
00:14:22.160 It is organic.
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00:14:29.280 But the best part is they donate 10% of every sale of 7 Weeks Coffee to pregnancy centers across the country.
00:14:36.380 That has translated into saving thousands of lives because, because of you, they have now been able to donate over a million dollars to pregnancy centers.
00:14:46.220 Y'all, how many lives have been saved just because you have allowed your coffee to serve a higher purpose?
00:14:53.040 Like, you will get to heaven and you will meet some of the moms and babies that your purchase helped save and helped encourage one day.
00:15:04.560 And that is just an amazing thought, how the Lord works together all of the efforts of believers to give himself glory and to benefit other people.
00:15:12.820 So be a part of that story.
00:15:14.420 Go to 7weekscoffee.com.
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00:15:28.140 Okay, I'm just going to warn you for those who sometimes have complaints about the number of ads.
00:15:37.240 I'm just going to warn you because I waited 15 minutes to do my first ad.
00:15:41.260 Some of these are going to be kind of close together.
00:15:44.000 But we just have to do that.
00:15:46.420 So please just bear with me.
00:15:47.660 We love all of our sponsors.
00:15:48.860 It's how you get to listen to and watch this show for free.
00:15:52.620 And plus, I know that you guys love hearing about how to support Christian and values-aligned companies.
00:16:01.440 All right, let's get back into this.
00:16:02.960 Let's talk about who Mel Robbins is.
00:16:05.480 She is an author.
00:16:06.940 She is a podcaster.
00:16:08.700 She is a motivational speaker.
00:16:11.480 She's a former lawyer and a legal analyst.
00:16:13.760 She faced unemployment and debt in 2008.
00:16:17.640 She calls this her rock bottom.
00:16:19.740 And then she really wanted to speak.
00:16:22.740 And so she was posting things on social media.
00:16:25.260 She created this productivity theory or tool called the five-second rule. 0.97
00:16:29.700 It basically involves counting and then doing the thing that you don't want to do.
00:16:34.160 And this kind of launched her self-help career.
00:16:37.360 She did a 2011 TEDx talk.
00:16:40.620 And that has amassed like 20 million YouTube views or already had by 2019.
00:16:46.360 So she had a name for herself.
00:16:48.100 She was going on the podcast circuit.
00:16:49.860 She was speaking.
00:16:51.200 Her background, her worldview is informed by spiritualism and also Buddhism.
00:16:59.760 She says this, I am a deeply spiritual person and my husband is a Buddhist, but I still love
00:17:06.700 going to church like I did with my parents when I was young.
00:17:11.160 And she visited a church service on Easter a couple years ago.
00:17:14.780 She says, that day I was reminded that every one of us will experience many small deaths in
00:17:19.080 our lifetime, job, friendship, et cetera.
00:17:21.500 When times get dark, always remember at some point that the boulder in front of you, wow,
00:17:25.920 she's really using this resurrection imagery here.
00:17:28.860 The boulder in front of you will be gone and the light will shine back and you will rise
00:17:33.000 into a new version of yourself.
00:17:35.540 Life is an ever ending, never ending cycle of small deaths and experiences of rebirth.
00:17:41.660 No matter where you are in that cycle, have faith that love and goodness are coming soon.
00:17:45.460 Here's that too.
00:17:45.980 The story of Easter is reminding you that every time you feel like a part of you is dying,
00:17:54.540 you need to hold hope and belief and faith that better days are coming, that goodness,
00:18:00.860 that love, that light will emerge and that you will be reborn anew.
00:18:07.800 I just love that because it's so true.
00:18:10.660 No matter how dark it is, keep going.
00:18:12.900 Okay, so to her, and this is very common among even people who call themselves Christians,
00:18:21.320 but progressive Christians, and that is this belief that the resurrection is a metaphor.
00:18:27.800 They see Jesus as either a moral teacher or even an archetype that we should aspire to,
00:18:33.600 but they don't see him as savior.
00:18:35.300 They certainly don't see him as an authority.
00:18:37.400 They don't see him as God himself.
00:18:41.040 They don't see his resurrection as something that literally happened bodily,
00:18:46.060 that is a miracle that confirms his divinity and confirms his power.
00:18:51.820 They don't think of it as this is true resurrection hope for those who believe in Jesus,
00:18:57.180 that one day we will too be resurrected,
00:18:59.640 and that we get to spend eternity with him by grace through faith in him.
00:19:04.340 They're not believing in the gospel, and self-help gurus think this way.
00:19:10.280 They are looking to spiritual principles,
00:19:12.460 and how can we kind of take them from their original form
00:19:18.100 and turn them into something that is practical and helpful for me right now?
00:19:24.860 And that might sound like an okay interpretation and application of scripture,
00:19:31.080 but when you strip scripture and the gospel story of its real meaning and real purpose,
00:19:37.220 when you reduce Jesus to just an archetype or kind of a mascot,
00:19:42.880 like some superhero, fictional superhero that you can look to,
00:19:49.220 then you rob the gospel of its power and you can't allow it to work in your life,
00:19:55.640 which of course would be a lot more miraculous than you getting your you-know-what together
00:20:00.100 because you use the resurrection as a metaphor.
00:20:03.440 So she uses Buddhism to kind of inform her beliefs about the let them theory
00:20:12.260 and what it means and how we should apply it.
00:20:18.220 And before we get into a little bit more about Buddhism,
00:20:20.940 I just want to read you this analysis about the let them theory from psychology today.
00:20:26.080 At its core, the let them theory is grounded in the psychological locus of control theory
00:20:31.780 developed by Julian B. Rotter in the 1950s.
00:20:35.860 The locus of control attribution theory distinguishes between external,
00:20:39.360 internal perceptions of control.
00:20:42.220 And then she goes on, the psychologist for psychology today goes on to say,
00:20:45.820 the let them theory intersects significantly with Buddhist principles,
00:20:49.660 particularly the concept of non-attachment,
00:20:52.780 which emphasizes letting go of the desire to control outcomes as a path to inner peace.
00:20:58.340 Additionally, it touches on attachment theory in psychology,
00:21:01.280 which shows how those with anxious attachment styles may seek control to secure emotional safety.
00:21:06.960 The let them theory offers a liberating alternative,
00:21:09.960 promoting security through acceptance and detachment,
00:21:12.580 embodying the Toltec wisdom of letting go with love and without fear.
00:21:17.000 Toltec is ancient pagan culture,
00:21:21.160 a philosophy that teaches the release of attachment to foster emotional and spiritual freedom.
00:21:27.600 Now, Buddhism, there's a lot that we could get into with Buddhism.
00:21:33.220 Buddhism is obviously Eastern mysticism.
00:21:36.400 There's an emphasis on emptying the mind.
00:21:41.200 There is an emphasis on solitude and silence and avoidance of all conflict.
00:21:50.360 Now, it manifests itself in a variety of ways,
00:21:52.980 and it contradicts Christianity, of course,
00:21:56.160 because there's like a graven image of this Buddha guy that people bow down to.
00:22:01.780 But also in Christianity, we see an emphasis on community.
00:22:05.740 We see an emphasis on meditating richly on scripture,
00:22:09.760 not emptying the mind,
00:22:11.480 which actually makes you vulnerable to all kinds of lies and Satan's voice.
00:22:16.300 And so Buddhism and Christianity diverge in many, many ways.
00:22:20.960 Of course, the biggest one being that it is a false religion, 0.99
00:22:23.860 that it is idolatry,
00:22:25.760 but it has become vogue over the past several years,
00:22:29.740 probably several decades in the West for even professing Christian leaders to say,
00:22:34.580 oh, let's just abandon Western ways of thinking,
00:22:37.140 and how we interpret Christianity and religion today is just Westernized.
00:22:41.100 It's just white.
00:22:42.140 And we've glorified these Eastern mystical ways of living and thinking,
00:22:48.060 because we think that it's closer to Jesus.
00:22:50.320 Thus, it's very, very strange, but it's pagan.
00:22:53.640 It's pagan. 0.93
00:22:54.420 And there's a reason why Eastern cultures are the way that they are, 1.00
00:22:57.740 because they are heavily emphasized or heavily influenced by paganism.
00:23:04.780 Now, what's interesting about the let them theory is that it draws upon Buddhism.
00:23:09.340 It draws upon these ancient philosophies.
00:23:12.980 Mel Robbins says that she relies on ancient ways of thinking,
00:23:17.880 therapeutic modalities, major world religions such as Stoicism and other spiritual practices.
00:23:25.260 But what is intriguing is that there are no references to any Bible verses in the book
00:23:30.380 that we caught in our research.
00:23:32.400 So the most popular, most influential religious worldview out there,
00:23:40.040 especially in the West where she lives, like no drawing from that whatsoever.
00:23:45.720 The only religious teaching that we saw included, like truly religious, not just a philosophy,
00:23:53.480 is Buddhism.
00:23:54.760 So she writes this,
00:23:55.580 Buddhism and radical acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality.
00:24:01.420 The pain we feel often stems from wishing things were different than they were.
00:24:05.320 The let them theory helps you not only accept reality,
00:24:08.100 but also separate yourself from the need to change it.
00:24:11.940 You acknowledge that others' actions and choices are not yours to control.
00:24:15.260 And in doing so, you reclaim your emotional freedom.
00:24:18.320 This is radical acceptance in its most empowering form.
00:24:22.260 And for the Christian, like we're going to get into this more,
00:24:24.880 but we should stop right there.
00:24:26.380 Suffering comes from resisting reality.
00:24:29.060 Certainly resisting reality can cause suffering,
00:24:31.920 but sometimes it is the reality that is causing suffering.
00:24:34.720 And suffering is not always something to avoid in the Christian life.
00:24:39.640 It is something to be sanctified through.
00:24:41.980 It is something to actually accept with the help of Christ.
00:24:45.660 And it might not have anything to do with your mindset or your locus of control.
00:24:50.240 So right there, we should already be seeing things that make us go,
00:24:54.120 huh, is that really true?
00:24:56.620 Or does it just sound kind of true?
00:24:59.320 Now, there is some controversy about where this idea actually comes from.
00:25:04.840 Does it really originate from Mel Robbins?
00:25:07.480 Or should someone else be getting the credit?
00:25:10.260 And I think that's relevant as we analyze the validity of this theory.
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00:26:21.660 Okay, so there's a woman by the name of Cassie Phillips.
00:26:30.260 She is a 32-year-old mother of two.
00:26:32.580 And she told the New York Post this year
00:26:35.060 that she posted a poem called Let Them on Facebook in 2022.
00:26:41.620 She says she wrote this poem, that it went viral at the time.
00:26:45.620 And she also posted a photo of the phrase Let Them tattooed on her forearm.
00:26:53.960 Okay?
00:26:54.580 She now alleges that Mel Robbins took her concept and hasn't given her credit.
00:26:59.300 So let me just read you a few lines of this poem.
00:27:02.500 So this is by Cassie Phillips.
00:27:04.080 She posted it on Facebook a few years ago.
00:27:06.180 Just let them.
00:27:07.260 If they want to choose something or someone over you, let them.
00:27:10.680 If they want to go weeks without talking to you, let them.
00:27:14.600 Et cetera.
00:27:15.580 Let them lose you.
00:27:16.640 You were never theirs because you were always your own. 0.99
00:27:18.880 So let them.
00:27:19.600 Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
00:27:23.140 Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
00:27:25.860 Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
00:27:29.180 Let them earn your forgiveness.
00:27:30.520 Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
00:27:34.740 Let them talk about anything and everything just because it's you.
00:27:38.220 They are talking to you.
00:27:39.080 Let them have a safe place in you.
00:27:40.740 Let them see the heart in you that didn't harden.
00:27:43.220 Let them love you.
00:27:44.660 So different kinds of let them.
00:27:45.820 Like if they want to reject you, let them.
00:27:47.920 If they want to love you, let them.
00:27:50.120 And obviously, again, I don't agree with all of the concepts interwoven in here.
00:27:54.300 That's not the point.
00:27:55.340 The point is that this theory, almost in its entirety, was clearly articulated by someone
00:28:02.400 apparently in 2022.
00:28:06.260 And she claims that she was kind of the person that put this out there and that Mel Robbins
00:28:12.760 must have seen it, which of course we don't know, and then decided to run with it without
00:28:17.100 giving her any credit.
00:28:19.980 So Cassie Phillips posted on one of Mel Robbins' posts a while ago saying, it was inspired by
00:28:28.940 a tattoo, my tattoo, and my words.
00:28:32.480 That is where the theory originated and where it went viral.
00:28:35.440 You haven't been crediting.
00:28:37.400 She also says that she reached out to Mel Robbins in 2023.
00:28:41.980 So this would have been before the book came out.
00:28:44.040 But when Mel Robbins was talking about it, actually very quickly after she first started talking
00:28:49.440 about it on Instagram and on her podcast, just a few days after that, Cassie says that
00:28:54.300 she messaged her this.
00:28:56.040 I know you're receiving many messages.
00:28:57.740 I wanted to touch up on your let them theory.
00:28:59.840 That phrase began before with Medea.
00:29:02.460 I, however, am the originator of the theory and the mantra that went viral beginning the
00:29:07.820 tattoo and the poems spreading.
00:29:10.520 And then she says her name.
00:29:12.040 She's very kind in the message.
00:29:14.240 The quotes in the theory came afterwards in my post that went viral.
00:29:17.340 Again, thank you for sharing my theory and going into detail about how it works for you.
00:29:23.100 So it sounds to me, if we are to take this person's words as truth, it sounds to me like
00:29:30.260 she just wanted some credit.
00:29:32.120 I don't know that she necessarily faults Mel Robbins for being savvy and for having an amazing
00:29:37.280 platform and for expounding upon her theory.
00:29:40.280 In some ways, all ideas or most ideas originated from someone else and people are adding on to
00:29:45.920 them. But using that phrase verbatim, I'm sure hurt.
00:29:51.400 And she probably just wanted some credit for it.
00:29:55.440 But Robbins, when confronted with this accusation, told the New York Post that she didn't take the
00:30:00.860 idea from this woman, Cassie Phillips.
00:30:03.320 She said, my book is not about two words.
00:30:05.300 I built an entire theory citing the work of over 50 world-renowned experts and turned it into a tool
00:30:10.900 to help you improve your life.
00:30:13.160 So I don't think that she is arguing that she originated the words or that she originated the
00:30:20.000 idea. But she is saying, look, I did all of these other things and that's why people are paying me the
00:30:24.440 big bucks. Those are my words.
00:30:26.880 Robbins reiterated, people can obsess over any detail, but the facts are simple.
00:30:30.820 I have not seen her poem.
00:30:32.240 I have not read her poem.
00:30:33.480 And it was not and will never be the source of inspiration for my book.
00:30:37.640 This is nonsense.
00:30:39.220 She said, I've spent 10 years shining a light on other people's work.
00:30:41.900 So the allegation that I would steal someone else's work is ridiculous.
00:30:45.400 As I write in the let them theory, you cannot control what people say, do or feel or choose
00:30:49.240 to make up about you.
00:30:51.760 All right.
00:30:52.900 Okay.
00:30:54.860 What I would probably say to that is that it is possible.
00:31:00.120 If we are to give her the benefit of the doubt, it is certainly possible that she saw that idea
00:31:04.020 circling and she had no idea where it came from.
00:31:06.320 She didn't know that it came from a viral poem.
00:31:09.660 She just saw it out there and she said, wow, I'm going to expound upon that.
00:31:13.940 I'm going to start applying that to my life.
00:31:16.360 And, you know, she didn't she didn't know that it came from this Cassie Phillips person or she
00:31:21.320 didn't know how pervasive that was.
00:31:23.500 And that's fine.
00:31:24.960 Although I do think that when you start digging into an idea, you it would be hard not to
00:31:30.100 come across something with that exact phraseology that had already gone viral.
00:31:36.080 But again, maybe she just didn't know.
00:31:37.640 Maybe she didn't know where it started from, perhaps.
00:31:41.320 Now, she claims that she got this epiphany.
00:31:45.200 She says that she got this idea very organically from her daughter on her son's prom night that
00:31:53.220 she was trying to control everything.
00:31:54.440 She couldn't control everything.
00:31:56.360 And so this is where she had her aha moment.
00:31:59.880 It's top five.
00:32:01.220 Never in a million years did I think I would be telling you that my life changed at a high
00:32:05.860 school prom.
00:32:06.440 I can't believe this is where it happened, but I was at a high school.
00:32:09.400 I discovered something at a high school prom that changed my life.
00:32:12.100 I just heard about this thing called the let them theory.
00:32:14.840 I discovered something at a high school prom.
00:32:16.320 The high school prom that she's claimed as the original epiphany moment for her discovery
00:32:20.320 happened the day after she told us that she had just learned about the theory.
00:32:24.080 Okay, so that commentary right there was someone named Andy Moore.
00:32:30.980 He's a YouTuber.
00:32:32.760 You really have to watch that, by the way, to understand what's going on in that moment
00:32:39.360 and what people are trying to say.
00:32:40.720 They're trying to say the dates are off.
00:32:42.000 You can see them highlighted if you're watching on Spotify or on YouTube.
00:32:46.840 So there are some questions about when this happened, how this happened, where she really
00:32:51.760 got it from.
00:32:53.000 What is not in question is the power of her platform and her effectiveness in communicating
00:33:00.020 this idea, whoever actually started this idea.
00:33:04.400 So she believes, she says that the theory strikes a nerve because controlling behavior is a common
00:33:09.840 struggle that is driven by our anxiety or a need for certainty.
00:33:15.820 And she is saying, when you catch yourself doing it, you are fighting against the current, drop
00:33:20.360 the oars, and the boat naturally just floats downstream.
00:33:23.960 Robbins names three situations where the let them theory should not apply.
00:33:27.540 When someone is doing something dangerous, like driving drunk, or when you need to advocate
00:33:32.460 for yourself negotiating a salary, or when someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries.
00:33:38.180 So if you're in a situation where you need to ask for what you need or advocate for yourself,
00:33:44.160 do not let somebody just decide those things.
00:33:46.820 She says here, she assumes that if you have set healthy boundaries, that you have set healthy
00:33:51.740 boundaries and doesn't actually teach you how to set them or enforce them, but she's
00:33:55.540 just saying people have violated your boundaries.
00:33:57.440 You can't let them do that, or you have to remove yourself from that situation.
00:34:03.360 She also says that there are three ways to apply the let them theory.
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00:35:22.840 Okay, so three ways to apply the let them theory.
00:35:31.140 Use the theory to detach from emotional struggles that are caused by others' actions or unmet
00:35:35.800 expectations.
00:35:37.320 Allow others to face consequences to grow and take responsibility.
00:35:42.020 So Robbins shares an example of a school policy not to bring forgotten lunches, stating,
00:35:47.660 if they forget their lunch, let them.
00:35:49.880 It's in the consequence of not doing something that you learn that this is important to you.
00:35:54.380 Sorry.
00:35:54.920 I'm just imagining letting your kindergartner like starve or like not get lunch.
00:35:59.880 Just let them.
00:36:01.120 Let them starve because they forgot their lunch one day.
00:36:04.880 You'll learn.
00:36:06.040 You'll learn, little girl, not to forget your lunch.
00:36:10.060 You'll go hungry.
00:36:10.760 That just sounds extreme to me.
00:36:12.800 Sounds extreme.
00:36:13.640 But she says, also stop trying to change others to fit your vision of their potential.
00:36:20.060 Robbins notes, we all make the mistake of getting into relationships with the potential.
00:36:25.180 And when you focus on someone's potential, you're not letting them be themselves.
00:36:30.100 She also explains that jealousy is a form of control, often rooted in the fear of not being
00:36:35.800 loved.
00:36:36.560 I would pretty much agree with that.
00:36:38.860 She advises using the let them theory to let partners or friends engage in activities
00:36:42.960 that make them happy, like spending time with others.
00:36:45.460 She says, if you want more love, which is why you're jealous, then let them do what they're
00:36:50.180 going to do.
00:36:51.240 You're showing them that you love them as they are.
00:36:56.000 Okay.
00:36:57.000 She also provides three tools to apply the theory.
00:37:00.020 She says, you should ask, what am I afraid of to identify the root of your controlling behavior?
00:37:05.380 Ask what business am I in to focus on your own actions and feelings rather than others?
00:37:10.800 Ask what feels more like peace to choose actions that align with emotional calm over control.
00:37:17.220 She also says that there's another part of the let them theory, and that is let me.
00:37:22.680 And that's an important part of this detachment from trying to control others and instead shifting
00:37:30.480 your energy towards being able to control what you can control.
00:37:34.900 Here's thought three.
00:37:35.440 Let me is the most important part because let me is when you remind yourself, let me
00:37:41.120 remind myself that I always have power.
00:37:43.840 Let me remind myself that my thoughts are in my control.
00:37:47.180 My actions are in my control.
00:37:48.820 How I process my feelings are in my control.
00:37:51.340 Let me remind myself that no matter what's happening out there, I get to choose what's
00:37:55.860 worth my time.
00:37:56.740 I get to choose what's worth my energy.
00:37:59.460 Okay.
00:38:00.040 I think that we can agree that there is some truth to what she just said there.
00:38:03.640 Now, she also emphasizes within this part of the let them theory that it's all about
00:38:09.580 self love, which of course is not novel.
00:38:13.040 That's what we've been hearing for years, especially from all these female influencers. 1.00
00:38:17.020 And they act like this is the most radical, empowering, novel idea that, wow, you should
00:38:22.640 just think about yourself and love yourself more.
00:38:25.740 Here's thought four.
00:38:26.660 The truth is everything you're looking for starts with you.
00:38:30.480 Let me prioritize my own happiness.
00:38:34.080 Let me pursue my dreams with passion.
00:38:36.460 Let me set boundaries that protect my peace.
00:38:39.100 Let me choose relationships that uplift and inspire me.
00:38:42.780 Let me love myself enough to walk away when it just no longer works.
00:38:48.120 Love doesn't require you to wait for the right partner or the right friend or the right opportunity
00:38:53.480 to come along.
00:38:54.240 It's about recognizing that you are the source of your own happiness, your own fulfillment
00:38:59.580 and your own joy.
00:39:01.160 And when you truly embrace that, everything else falls into place.
00:39:06.200 You are the love of your life.
00:39:08.260 You are not the source of your own happiness.
00:39:13.280 How you feel about yourself is incredibly fickle.
00:39:16.680 It changes depending on how you slept last night, what you ate that morning, what people
00:39:22.260 are saying on the internet that day, what time of the month it is.
00:39:26.480 If you rely on yourself for your own happiness, you are going to not only be exhausted, but ironically,
00:39:33.200 you're also going to be very sad because what have we said for years now, what did I write
00:39:38.880 about in my first book?
00:39:40.140 The self can't be both the problem and the solution.
00:39:43.700 If inside yourself, you are finding anxiety and doubt and all of these very real feelings
00:39:50.840 of depression and inadequacy, you are not going to find the solution to those things in the
00:39:55.980 same place that you are finding your problems.
00:39:58.820 See, Mel Robbins is not offering anything new.
00:40:01.500 It is just a repackaged version of self-love, self-help slop that leads women into this world 1.00
00:40:12.280 of like dopamine.
00:40:14.040 Finally, I have this thing.
00:40:15.740 I have this system.
00:40:16.940 I have this process.
00:40:17.940 I have this phrase that's going to make me happy.
00:40:20.240 That's going to make me release all my fears.
00:40:22.360 And I'm finally going to find that satisfaction, that success, that true love that I've been
00:40:26.840 longing for.
00:40:27.600 And they go on this hamster wheel of self-empowerment only to find that it leads them nowhere.
00:40:35.520 It leads them to a dead end.
00:40:37.800 Self-love will not satisfy you.
00:40:39.500 And the fact of the matter is, is that life does not allow you to disentangle yourself from
00:40:47.080 hardship at all times.
00:40:49.140 Life does not allow you to always prioritize your own happiness.
00:40:52.960 Because you know what?
00:40:54.660 Sometimes it's not your happiness that matters.
00:40:57.420 Sometimes you are not the thing or the person that matters at all in a situation.
00:41:02.320 I can think of a lot of relationships and a lot of obligations and a lot of situations
00:41:07.500 where what is being called for is your complete and total self-denial, not your self-empowerment.
00:41:14.140 And so I understand why Mel Robbins is so popular, because people are always thinking, okay, maybe
00:41:22.440 this is the way that I can idolize myself.
00:41:25.900 This is the way that I can be my own happiness.
00:41:28.440 This is the way I can finally be my own God.
00:41:30.760 I mean, this has been the human propensity since the Garden of Eden.
00:41:35.160 And yet, I promise, you will end up, if what she just said is the guiding mantra of your
00:41:43.320 life, you will end up very sad and very lonely and very unfulfilled.
00:41:50.680 Now, she is going to be very rich, but you will be very impoverished when it comes to the
00:42:00.720 satisfaction and fulfillment that you are seeking in your life.
00:42:03.680 Now, there are people out there already saying this, that, hey, I tried this and this doesn't
00:42:10.680 work.
00:42:11.380 I tried the let them theory and it is, you know, it's not working for me.
00:42:18.840 Here's a TikTok user who shared her disagreement about this let them theory.
00:42:24.720 Here's thought six.
00:42:25.480 I'm coming on here to say that I disagree with the Mel Robbins let them theory.
00:42:31.160 She's like, your friends go out to dinner and leave you out.
00:42:33.420 Don't let them.
00:42:35.060 Your boyfriend doesn't buy you flowers when you want him to.
00:42:37.420 Let them.
00:42:38.420 My friend's leaving me out at dinner.
00:42:40.260 I'm going to be like, guys, why did you leave me out?
00:42:42.600 Boyfriend's not buying you flowers.
00:42:43.840 See ya.
00:42:45.320 Let them know.
00:42:47.220 Don't let them.
00:42:48.720 Don't let someone treat you like that.
00:42:50.600 Stick up for yourself.
00:42:53.160 Like no shade.
00:42:54.180 How about don't let them.
00:42:56.340 I think probably just to give Mel Robbins' theory a little bit of advocacy here, I think
00:43:04.880 the devil's advocate position would be, well, sure, you can stick up for yourself or you
00:43:10.340 can confront someone, but you have to release yourself from expending all of your energy
00:43:15.060 and trying to change what they think or what they do.
00:43:17.920 You can't change.
00:43:18.660 You can tell them your feelings and you can confront them about it, but at the end of
00:43:23.460 the day, don't spend all of your energy trying to change that person.
00:43:27.260 If you want to break up with your boyfriend, break up with them.
00:43:28.980 If you want to confront your friends, confront them, but don't waste your time trying to change
00:43:34.380 them or control them because you can't do that.
00:43:36.100 So I'm just against that TikTok.
00:43:38.300 I'm kind of defending the truth of the let them theory or what it actually is arguing.
00:43:42.780 Now here's another one.
00:43:44.020 So at seven, I already know those patterns and those behaviors are unhealthy.
00:43:49.660 I know that that is why I'm coming here to read the book.
00:43:52.220 I need you to help me because I am expecting you to have done research on what strategies
00:43:58.320 exist so that I change those unhealthy behaviors.
00:44:03.860 Books like the let them theory assume that their audience is not intelligent, but if they
00:44:09.020 feed them these very aspirational, big picture words, their less than intelligent audience
00:44:15.300 will receive it and think the absolute world.
00:44:19.600 And that gets down to a lot of people's problem with the let them theory, even just from a secular
00:44:24.420 practical perspective.
00:44:25.980 You can see this in a lot of the comments.
00:44:28.560 People are like, OK, I lost my friends because I let them or this happened with my employee or
00:44:35.800 my boss because I let them.
00:44:37.740 Now what?
00:44:39.020 Or, hey, I let them leave me out, but now I'm really lonely.
00:44:42.560 What do I do with this loneliness?
00:44:45.180 And I think that is a big deficit with this theory.
00:44:48.600 And again, we'll get into a little bit more about the goods and the bads and the biblical
00:44:52.260 and the unbiblical in a second.
00:44:53.520 But people are already starting to feel, OK, this might be like a stopgap saying let them
00:45:01.680 in your mind when someone won't do what you want them to do might be able to get you through
00:45:08.900 that moment without getting anxious.
00:45:11.200 But the problem still needs to be solved and the emotion still needs to be addressed.
00:45:15.740 And now maybe your life is in shambles because you left these people and these problems run
00:45:20.660 amok and all you did was release them without thinking, OK, but how do I wisely navigate this?
00:45:27.840 And so as people are realizing, OK, well, what's the what is the solution to all of this?
00:45:34.000 Then we'll get into that in just a second, because thankfully we do have the answers.
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00:46:51.520 So Melissa Doherty, a guest that we've had on the show before, she did a review of the
00:47:02.820 Let Them Theory, and she points out some really sound critiques, I think.
00:47:07.860 She says that the book was endorsed by Oprah Winfrey.
00:47:12.300 So that's a point against it in the Christian worldview, because Oprah Winfrey teaches and
00:47:17.640 promotes new thought.
00:47:18.680 Now, if you want to know what new thought is, you can read Melissa's book.
00:47:22.220 You can go back to the episode that we did with Melissa.
00:47:24.600 We will link it in the description of this episode.
00:47:28.780 And new thought emphasizes the power of positive thinking, the belief that individuals possess
00:47:35.440 some kind of inner divinity, often described as Christ consciousness.
00:47:40.620 And this is not worshiping Jesus Christ.
00:47:42.760 This is, again, seeing Jesus as some kind of archetype, and that we can actually kind of
00:47:47.920 like become Jesus.
00:47:49.720 That inside, we have these inner goddesses. 1.00
00:47:51.800 This is what I wrote about, and you're not enough, and that's okay.
00:47:55.300 That inside, we have these inner goddesses that are just waiting to be released. 1.00
00:48:00.260 And right now, they're held back by other people's expectations, by society's arbitrary designations
00:48:07.040 and structures, by our own negative thoughts.
00:48:10.440 And once we finally love ourselves and see ourselves as we really are these powerful goddesses,
00:48:17.700 then this inner divine spark will be unleashed, and we'll finally be satisfied, and we'll be
00:48:22.900 unstoppable.
00:48:23.660 Like, this is the narrative that is being packaged and repackaged for women over and over again.
00:48:29.920 And Oprah, of course she believes this.
00:48:32.080 She's hugely successful, and that's a theme.
00:48:35.120 For a lot of these people, they believe that their theories have credibility because they're
00:48:39.560 rich and because they've sold a lot of books.
00:48:43.400 But Jesus tells us that richness, that wealth is not necessarily an indication of God's favor,
00:48:50.700 or that you're credible, or that you're righteous, that people should be listening to you at all.
00:48:56.260 Of course, everything we have is a gift from God, but we also read that it is harder for
00:49:02.240 a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven than it is for a camel to go through the eye
00:49:06.540 of a needle.
00:49:07.540 Now, with God, all things are possible, but we know that wealth can actually be an inhibitor
00:49:13.320 rather than an indication of God's favor.
00:49:16.840 So that's just an aside there.
00:49:19.440 Um, also, Melissa Doherty points out that the book's self-focused advice prioritizes personal
00:49:24.680 happiness over objective morality.
00:49:27.860 She cites this page, 124, your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned
00:49:33.340 with your values and what you know deep down is true for you.
00:49:38.040 So completely arbitrary, doesn't give people any direction whatsoever who are like, wait,
00:49:43.280 what is right?
00:49:44.240 What is virtue?
00:49:45.320 What is good?
00:49:46.480 What kind of standards should I be aspiring to?
00:49:48.620 What kind of prism should I use to discern the correct decision to make?
00:49:55.160 And so I think that this is almost used, the let them is almost used as like an incantation
00:50:01.960 to remind yourself of some magical power to make you let go of these things that you can't
00:50:08.260 control.
00:50:08.900 And that can actually work temporarily.
00:50:12.920 I think it can work in a superficial sense.
00:50:16.340 So like the truth about the let them theory, here's the truth.
00:50:19.720 This is now my perspective.
00:50:22.360 The truth is that you can't control other people.
00:50:24.960 That is true.
00:50:26.480 Their words, their habits, their behaviors.
00:50:28.880 Since you can't control other people, you should stop spending your energy frustrated by
00:50:33.700 them, anxious about them, trying to fix them or change them.
00:50:38.060 Your friend no longer wants to be friends with you because of your politics, let them.
00:50:44.120 Your spouse doesn't load the dishwasher right, let them. 1.00
00:50:47.400 Your child doesn't want to play soccer this season, let them.
00:50:51.000 You should release control.
00:50:53.060 You should stop being anxious.
00:50:54.660 You should stop complaining.
00:50:56.400 Stop grumbling.
00:50:57.500 Stop comparing.
00:50:59.360 But here's my caveat to all of these things.
00:51:02.760 Some things you cannot allow.
00:51:04.140 Now, sometimes healthy confrontation is necessary.
00:51:08.480 And of course, I think Mel Robbins would agree with this part.
00:51:10.800 You always protect yourself and others from physical harm, but you shouldn't carry the
00:51:16.140 emotional weight, this theory would say, of trying to fix them.
00:51:19.700 And here's the thing, is that the pain of letting people do wrong or not meet your very
00:51:26.620 fair and justified expectations is real.
00:51:28.960 And the consequences of letting them can be real.
00:51:33.920 And obviously, there are just some very specific contexts in which you cannot allow people to
00:51:39.360 do things.
00:51:40.400 Like you cannot allow your children, you can't just let your children do things.
00:51:45.660 I mean, there are many instances in motherhood where you can't just let them, that you actually
00:51:51.220 have to prevent some things from happening.
00:51:54.300 So it might be more accurate to say, let the little things go.
00:51:57.740 Let what you can't control go.
00:51:59.860 But there are some things that you have to take authority over that involve other people.
00:52:06.820 So what do we do with that?
00:52:09.600 What do we do with our very real feelings that come with the consequence of letting them?
00:52:14.300 How do we handle real harm caused?
00:52:17.020 Now, the answer from the let them theory is yourself.
00:52:20.660 So the lies that we see from the let them theory is that the goal is the self, self-fulfillment,
00:52:27.480 self-power, self-reliance, self-help, self-discovery, self-focus.
00:52:36.060 She says, when you love yourself, you glow from the inside.
00:52:40.600 You attract people who love, respect, and appreciate your energy.
00:52:44.300 Everything starts with how you feel about yourself.
00:52:47.720 Now, before we even get into scripture, ask yourself if that's true.
00:52:52.300 The people who focus the most on themselves and how they feel and how everything is affecting
00:53:00.040 them, are those the happiest people you know?
00:53:03.100 Are those the most confident and glowing people that you know?
00:53:07.700 Are those the most stable people that you know?
00:53:09.800 Or very often, are those the most insecure and bitter and unstable people that you know
00:53:17.120 because they are so very concerned about their own feelings and about their own happiness?
00:53:23.500 Now, let's get into the most important thing here, what the Bible has to say.
00:53:27.140 But let me pause, tell you about our last sponsor before we get into that.
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00:54:50.800 The only time that we see this concept of self-love in scripture, it is spoken of negatively.
00:54:57.180 Second Timothy 3, 1 through 7.
00:54:59.340 I think we actually said this passage last week on the show too.
00:55:03.200 But understand this, that in the last days, there will come times of difficulty for people
00:55:07.420 will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents,
00:55:13.940 ungrateful and holy, heartless, unappeasable, slanders without self-control, brutal, not loving,
00:55:19.180 good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
00:55:25.100 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.
00:55:29.040 Wow, that's a lot of what we just read and watched.
00:55:32.440 Avoid such people, for among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women.
00:55:38.460 Hmm.
00:55:39.040 I wonder who the primary audience is of this self-empowerment stuff.
00:55:42.840 Burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning, but never able to arrive
00:55:49.140 at a knowledge of truth.
00:55:51.480 That is the consistent target audience for this self-help stuff.
00:55:57.480 The only positive kind of self-thing, self-dash something that we see in Scripture is self-control,
00:56:05.780 self-denial.
00:56:07.800 So really, what we see in Scripture is that the self is something that doesn't need to be liberated.
00:56:14.200 It needs to be tamed.
00:56:15.540 It needs to be held back.
00:56:16.780 Our flesh needs to be told, no, our emotions need to be bridled by Jesus.
00:56:21.900 Our emotions are real.
00:56:23.100 They're not always bad, but they have to be in submission to objective reality and biblical truth.
00:56:31.900 Spurgeon said this,
00:56:33.160 If any man thinks ill of you, don't be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be.
00:56:38.460 So that is actually the biblical way of releasing our anxiety over what other people think of us,
00:56:44.920 not by saying, well, no, I'm great.
00:56:46.780 No, I think I'm perfect.
00:56:47.900 No, I really am beautiful and I'm worth it.
00:56:50.400 And I'm all of these things.
00:56:52.240 It's, oh, they don't know how bad I really am.
00:56:55.640 They don't know the sin that Jesus had to save me from.
00:56:58.420 They don't know all of the layers of corruption and deceit that are in my heart that I desperately
00:57:03.180 need Jesus to not only save me from, but sanctify me of.
00:57:06.760 When we see ourselves in that humble light, that is actually what releases us from this
00:57:12.200 anxiety of being thought of in a particular way.
00:57:15.820 Remember, the self can't be both the problem and the solution.
00:57:19.280 And the self is the problem.
00:57:21.320 Sin in the self is the problem.
00:57:23.280 And Christ is the solution.
00:57:24.660 And the solution is getting a new self, not getting an improved self, not getting a liberated
00:57:30.400 or empowered self, but a new self in Christ.
00:57:33.520 Second Corinthians 5, 17 through 18 says, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
00:57:39.180 The old has passed.
00:57:40.300 Behold, the new has come.
00:57:41.780 All this is from God who through Christ reconciled us to himself.
00:57:46.640 That is what the freedom, that is where the freedom comes from.
00:57:49.840 Look, people want solutions for how to be happier, more successful, more satisfied.
00:57:54.800 I think they really like Mel Robbins' tough love approach.
00:57:59.100 I like the tough love approach.
00:58:00.580 I think it's very popular right now.
00:58:02.160 That's another reason why people love Dave Ramsey.
00:58:04.560 It's just like, tell me how to get out of this toxic situation, how to feel better and
00:58:08.640 how to be more successful.
00:58:10.100 And I think a lot of their tips can really work.
00:58:13.160 And in bits and pieces, they can be true because all truth is God's truth, no matter who's saying
00:58:18.980 it.
00:58:19.240 And in as far as something is biblically true, of course, it can be right and it can be helpful.
00:58:25.320 But the problem is, is that they are half-truths.
00:58:28.860 And when followed wholesale, they will lead you in a bad direction.
00:58:33.520 Theologian R.C.
00:58:34.540 Sproul said, no matter how much knowledge a psychiatrist or psychologist or a sociologist
00:58:39.320 or even a theologian has about human behavior, it is at best severely limited.
00:58:43.940 It's the knowledge and the advice and the recommendation of someone who lacks one quality,
00:58:48.820 omniscient.
00:58:49.860 So that's knowing everything.
00:58:53.780 Our presupposition as Christians is that the advice and the counsel that we receive from
00:58:57.820 scripture is the insight and the counsel and the advice of the omniscient one speaking to
00:59:03.500 us, his fallible creatures.
00:59:06.280 And here's what he tells us.
00:59:08.120 Here's what God tells us.
00:59:09.540 Philippians 4, 6 through 7.
00:59:10.940 Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving,
00:59:16.460 let your requests be made known to God.
00:59:18.180 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
00:59:23.320 Jesus.
00:59:23.600 So there's the true, not let them theory, but let God theology.
00:59:31.400 So instead of let them theory, we have the let God theology.
00:59:34.900 Let God do what he is going to do.
00:59:37.980 Let him give you peace in exchange for your anxiety.
00:59:41.960 So here he acknowledges your anxiety and he tells you what to actually do about it.
00:59:46.200 He says, give it to me.
00:59:47.960 Lay it at my feet.
00:59:49.340 Give me your heavy burden.
00:59:50.520 Give me your difficult yoke, and I will replace it with something light and easy.
00:59:54.940 I will give you the peace that passes the understanding that you have of this current situation,
00:59:59.740 the complications of your current relationship.
01:00:02.640 Whatever difficulty is in this circumstance, give that to me because I am doing something
01:00:07.020 that you cannot see.
01:00:08.440 And I love you and I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
01:00:12.120 That doesn't necessarily mean earthly success or earthly prosperity or earthly healing,
01:00:19.200 but it does mean that God is working all things together for the good of those who love him.
01:00:24.380 That is Romans 8.28.
01:00:26.000 So the release that you feel comes from surrender to Christ.
01:00:32.760 1 Peter 5.7, cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.
01:00:38.780 Proverbs 3.5-6, trust in the Lord with all your heart.
01:00:42.140 Don't lean on your own understanding in all your ways.
01:00:44.960 Acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
01:00:49.320 Jesus says, Matthew 11.28-30,
01:00:52.700 Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
01:00:58.420 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
01:01:02.580 and you will find rest for your souls.
01:01:04.540 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
01:01:06.760 That word used for rest there means inward peace while outwardly laboring.
01:01:12.520 So while you are fulfilling your responsibilities, while you are doing all the things that you have
01:01:17.520 to do, maybe you're busy, maybe your schedule is full and you can't just stop for an hour
01:01:23.820 and actually kick your feet up.
01:01:25.620 Jesus gives you inward rest and inward renewal, no matter what others are doing.
01:01:31.240 So instead of focusing on yourself, focus on Christ.
01:01:34.240 Focus on what he's done for you.
01:01:36.720 Focus on the value and the worth and the love that he has given you by what he has done on
01:01:42.800 the cross.
01:01:43.360 Because your ability to remind yourself of all of the catchy mantras, to love yourself,
01:01:49.020 to empower yourself, remember, is so unreliable.
01:01:51.840 It is so fickle.
01:01:53.280 But Hebrews 13.8 tells us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
01:01:58.580 So you can always look to the immovable signal of how loved you are, and that is on the cross.
01:02:06.180 And the sacrifice that he made for you and the blood that he poured out for you, that
01:02:10.320 is better than washing your face.
01:02:12.060 That is better than letting them.
01:02:14.000 That is better than leaning in.
01:02:15.860 That is better than all of the self-help theories that will come and go for the next several
01:02:23.360 decades.
01:02:24.360 At the end of the day, your satisfaction will only be found in the gospel.
01:02:29.160 All right.
01:02:29.640 That's all we got time for today, y'all.
01:02:31.160 We will be back here on Friday.