Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 07, 2025


Ep 1264 ｜ Muscular Christianity： Debunking the Manosphere's Lies


Episode Stats


Length

46 minutes

Words per minute

195.5731

Word count

9,033

Sentence count

611

Harmful content

Misogyny

20

sentences flagged

Hate speech

16

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

What does Christian Masculinity actually look like? What does it mean to be a Christian and a father? In this episode, former Virginia Delegate Nick Freitas shares his story of how Christian masculinity has shaped his life and how it has shaped the life of his family.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.520 What does biblical masculinity actually look like?
00:00:04.020 A lot of people want to give us a different definition of what it means to be a man, but
00:00:09.180 we need to know, what does Christian masculinity really look like?
00:00:14.980 Nick Freitas is here to tell us that today he has been an incredible mentor to so many
00:00:19.660 of you.
00:00:20.340 When it comes to your faith and fatherhood, we will talk about how this healthy view of
00:00:25.420 masculinity can shape how we raise our daughters versus how we raise our sons. 1.00
00:00:30.380 You are going to be so educated and encouraged by this incredible conversation with Nick.
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00:01:07.500 Nick, thanks so much for taking the time to join us.
00:01:10.360 If you could tell everyone who might not know who you are and what you do.
00:01:13.400 Oh, gosh.
00:01:14.120 Okay.
00:01:14.500 Well, at least until January of this year, I'm still in the Virginia House of Delegates,
00:01:19.880 so I'm a filthy politician.
00:01:21.960 But other than that, I'm a reasonably nice guy.
00:01:25.420 No, I'm married to my wife, Tina.
00:01:27.140 We've been married 26 years.
00:01:28.240 We have three children.
00:01:29.140 My oldest is 22.
00:01:30.300 My son is 20 and in the military now.
00:01:32.140 My youngest is 17.
00:01:34.120 My wife and I are high school sweethearts.
00:01:35.820 Got married in 19 and 20.
00:01:38.060 I was in the 82nd Airborne at the time.
00:01:40.080 Did about 11 years active duty.
00:01:41.600 A couple tours in Iraq with First Special Forces Group.
00:01:45.220 Was doing defense contracting for a while, then got asked to run for office.
00:01:49.240 Should have said no.
00:01:50.060 Should have said no.
00:01:50.860 But I got tricked into it.
00:01:52.140 So I've served in the Virginia General Assembly for 10 years.
00:01:55.560 And several years ago, we started getting more involved on social media.
00:01:59.680 Initially talking a lot about politics, and we still do, but a lot more about faith, about
00:02:05.480 family, about being a girl dad, about raising a boy, all of those things.
00:02:09.400 And so that's kind of the once over the world.
00:02:12.380 I love it.
00:02:12.920 Okay.
00:02:13.120 Tell me how you became a Christian.
00:02:14.860 Oh, gosh.
00:02:15.660 So I was raised in the church.
00:02:17.440 And so there's never a time I can remember not being a Christian.
00:02:22.420 But I will say that as a young adult, it was not active in my life.
00:02:27.020 If you would have found me, or even earlier on, again, I would have claimed Christ.
00:02:31.320 I certainly would have defended Christianity and an intellectual argument and all that good
00:02:35.380 stuff.
00:02:35.740 But I was definitely not being the spiritual leader of my household like I should have been.
00:02:40.900 But a couple of things happened.
00:02:43.740 One is I had a couple of other men in my life, my neighbor, a friend, a team leader that I
00:02:50.460 served in special forces with.
00:02:52.040 And these guys represented for me both bold Christianity, but also very strong masculinity.
00:02:58.080 Because I'd had this thing where I felt like a lot of men in the church were weak, and I
00:03:02.180 didn't want to be a weak man.
00:03:03.220 Yeah.
00:03:03.580 And meeting these guys really demonstrated that, no, being a strong man for Christ was
00:03:10.040 essential.
00:03:11.500 And then I will never forget my youngest daughter, who was, I think, three at the time.
00:03:15.200 My wife and I were talking about going back to church, and my youngest daughter said,
00:03:18.380 what's church?
00:03:19.440 And I said, okay, I have failed.
00:03:21.840 And so we started getting back into church.
00:03:25.840 And then another thing that really struggled with was another gentleman I went through the
00:03:28.780 special forces intelligence sergeant's course with.
00:03:31.180 And he goes, Nick, I really think you need to study Christian apologetics.
00:03:34.900 And that was essential for me because I had grown up in a faith that I would say was very
00:03:38.840 emotional, which is fine.
00:03:41.640 Emotion is a part of a relationship.
00:03:42.960 But if you want to have a complete relationship with God, well, then you got to love him with
00:03:46.360 all of your heart, with all of your mind, with all of your spirit, with all of your
00:03:48.600 strength.
00:03:49.740 And so understanding the intellectual side of my faith and being able to effectively
00:03:54.760 understand it and defend it logically, historically, that was essential.
00:04:00.200 Yeah.
00:04:00.600 Super formative for you.
00:04:01.740 I want to go back to something that you said, because I'm sure that there are a lot of men
00:04:05.980 who struggle with this.
00:04:07.060 They look in the church, they see church leaders, and they say, well, that person's
00:04:11.200 cowardly, or that person's feminine, or maybe they feel like the whole church experience is 0.87
00:04:16.640 kind of feminine.
00:04:18.140 So talk a little bit more about that.
00:04:20.360 Do you still think that's a problem?
00:04:22.440 And how should Christians respond to it? 0.94
00:04:24.400 Yeah, I still think it's a problem.
00:04:25.960 And it's funny, because whenever I talk about biblical masculinity or the importance of Christian 0.76
00:04:29.280 men to be strong, I always get this pushback on this idea of, well, they need to follow
00:04:33.520 Christ, not other men. 0.93
00:04:35.140 Okay.
00:04:35.500 But I also recall Paul saying, follow me as I follow Christ.
00:04:40.160 So there's this idea that, no, we do have an obligation to live up to the biblical standards
00:04:45.160 of what constitutes biblical masculinity.
00:04:47.880 And I think feminism made its way into the church. 1.00
00:04:51.080 Kind of the caricature of this is the Mother's Day sermon is all about how women are wonderful
00:04:55.060 and great and perfect and super.
00:04:56.760 And the Father's Day sermon is all about how men suck and we need to do better.
00:04:59.800 And I think that there's this idea that instead of modeling for men what proper masculinity
00:05:09.940 to look for, and by the same token, also modeling for women what proper biblical femininity looks
00:05:14.260 like, we decided to be so seeker-friendly and we didn't want to upset the culture.
00:05:24.080 And the result was, is we weren't relevant to the culture.
00:05:26.500 And part of the reason why we weren't relevant to the culture is because we weren't relevant
00:05:29.000 to young men.
00:05:30.020 And if you actually want to disciple young men to be the sort of leaders that God expects
00:05:34.000 and that our society and our country and our families really need, then that needs to be
00:05:37.960 reflected within the men in the church.
00:05:40.300 And so I think it's been a problem.
00:05:41.940 I think we're struggling to see a turnaround.
00:05:43.400 Young men are becoming more religious.
00:05:45.300 Now, that doesn't mean they're going to stay, but young men are starting to push back on a
00:05:50.140 trend that has been going since the 70s, which is the United States being less and less religious.
00:05:55.380 So they're pushing for meaning.
00:05:56.860 They're pushing for transcendence.
00:05:58.080 They're pushing for purpose.
00:06:01.480 And what an opportunity.
00:06:02.960 What an opportunity to demonstrate in the church.
00:06:05.060 And when I see a lot of the men in the church, whether it's people like John Lovell or Chad
00:06:10.600 Robichaud, Victor Marks, I see a lot of these guys that are, I think in many cases, representing
00:06:16.440 a truly faith, a commitment to Christ, which manifests itself in proper biblical strength.
00:06:25.400 I think that's something that young men are looking for desperately.
00:06:27.960 And I think if they continue to find it in the church, they're going to continue to grow
00:06:30.880 and allow themselves to be discipled in the way they should be.
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00:07:27.040 I think that there's a mistaken mentality among some people.
00:07:36.320 You know, you mentioned that for women, and I've been talking about this for a long time,
00:07:40.600 that the biggest problem women are told we have, both in and outside of the church, 1.00
00:07:44.760 is that we have low self-esteem.
00:07:46.260 Yeah.
00:07:46.680 And that the solution to that is to love ourselves more, to be told that we're beautiful,
00:07:51.180 that we're enough and perfect the way we are.
00:07:53.340 And it's like, no, no, no, no.
00:07:54.200 Our biggest problem is everyone's biggest problem, that we are sinners in need of a
00:07:58.320 Savior.
00:07:58.760 And actually, that didn't work.
00:07:59.940 It didn't actually attract more women to Christianity, because you can hear that at
00:08:04.700 brunch on a Sunday morning.
00:08:05.900 Why would you go to church and sacrifice your free time if you're going to hear the same
00:08:09.460 message anywhere?
00:08:11.700 So I think that there is a propensity to tell people what they want to hear and the thought
00:08:16.500 that that's going to attract them to church.
00:08:18.600 Do you feel like that also might be happening among the Andrew Tate acolytes of the world
00:08:26.300 who say, okay, in order to attract these young men, we have to not be like Jesus was.
00:08:31.860 We have to be crass, and we have to be rude, and we have to be arrogant, and we have to 0.82
00:08:36.800 be materialistic, and we have to be promiscuous, and we have to talk about women like they're 1.00
00:08:40.900 objects, because that's real masculinity.
00:08:42.720 That seems to me to be a simple reaction to feminism over here, and shouldn't be a solution 1.00
00:08:50.540 within the church to attract young men.
00:08:53.540 No, no.
00:08:54.240 So I think there's two things that we have to recognize whenever we talk about what we
00:08:58.160 might call the manosphere.
00:08:59.440 Andrew Tate, Justin Waller, some of these other guys, Fresh and Fit, some of these other
00:09:03.120 guys.
00:09:03.580 The first thing that we need to recognize is the reason why they resonated so much with
00:09:06.740 young men was not simply because all of these guys have admirable accomplishments
00:09:11.280 in their own right, along with a lot of other problematic things, right?
00:09:13.980 But they tend to be strong, they tend to be wealthy, and women tend to be attracted to
00:09:18.520 them, right?
00:09:18.960 So these are all things that if you're a young man without a spiritual basis in your life,
00:09:22.660 you're looking at these things going, I want that.
00:09:25.360 The most important component, though, is a lot of young men felt like those guys were sticking
00:09:29.460 up for them when nobody else would.
00:09:32.240 And one of the ways, if there's one thing that I could really convey, I think, to just people
00:09:35.900 in general, is men associate loyalty with love.
00:09:38.240 And so when somebody, everybody has that friend where they got that one friend that they're
00:09:43.440 still holding on to where you're like, why do you hang out with that guy?
00:09:46.320 Almost guaranteed there was some moment in their past where they needed that person and
00:09:49.720 they were there for him.
00:09:50.400 They showed up for him.
00:09:51.800 And so that kind of loyalty is very, very strong with men.
00:09:54.860 It builds a bond.
00:09:56.420 And so a lot of young men look at guys like Andrew Tate and they say, that guy had my
00:09:59.480 back when none of you people in the church were mentioning any of this.
00:10:02.820 And now the first time you want to come up and talk about the problems with masculinity,
00:10:06.020 you want to bash Andrew Tate, the one guy that had my back?
00:10:08.860 And that's their attitude.
00:10:10.980 And so the way I think we need to approach something like that is certainly not by excusing
00:10:16.440 what I believe is disastrous, sinful, and ultimately not genuinely masculine behavior.
00:10:21.320 But I think we need to recognize the source of the problem and from whence it comes.
00:10:25.260 The other thing I think we need to understand is that that sort of masculinity, a kind of hedonistic
00:10:29.940 masculinity, which says that you should dominate and you should dominate for the sake of your
00:10:34.860 own pleasure, that that's essentially your will to power is the highest moral standard
00:10:41.120 that you can appeal to.
00:10:42.680 That is not in line with Christianity at all.
00:10:47.100 The sort of leadership, the sort of strength that we see within Christianity is the kind which
00:10:52.160 it is sacrificial in nature.
00:10:54.820 It is a kind of servant leadership, but it isn't this boy band version of Jesus that a
00:11:01.820 lot of men have been taught.
00:11:03.460 It's like, yes, Jesus was compassionate and Jesus was loving and Jesus could be tender.
00:11:08.340 He was also strong, bold, courageous, willing to die and suffer for what he loved.
00:11:14.000 And I think we need to get that full, complete picture of what masculinity within the biblical
00:11:19.960 viewpoint looks like, because ultimately the worst form of depression anyone can ever experience
00:11:25.200 is not being denied the things that you think you want.
00:11:27.720 It's fully realizing all the things that you thought would bring you meaning and purpose
00:11:31.140 and finding them empty.
00:11:32.960 And the thing that I would tell young men is I can appreciate that Andrew Tate is fit,
00:11:38.220 right?
00:11:38.520 I can appreciate that the man can fight.
00:11:40.500 I can appreciate that Justin Waller is financially successful.
00:11:43.640 But if you really want something that's going to give you ultimate meaning and purpose,
00:11:46.500 the sort of thing that can cause you to do, I'll put it this way.
00:11:51.740 For a while there, there was all these memes going around social media.
00:11:55.680 There was all of these gifts and whatnot where it was always showing, it was one thing after
00:12:01.540 the next.
00:12:02.020 It was showing men involved in a last stand.
00:12:06.360 It was showing some sort of environment, whether it was a battle, whether it was just defending
00:12:11.120 your loved ones, whatever it was, but it was motivating music next to a knight or a soldier
00:12:17.800 or somebody just at the last full measure of human devotion, giving everything for what they
00:12:22.680 believed and what they found to be beautiful and true.
00:12:25.220 You don't get that through hedonism.
00:12:27.440 You get that when you recognize that there is a God, he has a meaning and purpose for your life,
00:12:31.400 and that he requires you to be strong because it is a difficult world.
00:12:35.860 And so if that's what you're looking for, you're not going to find it in achieving
00:12:39.000 capability just so you can get whatever momentary pleasures, that doesn't mean you can't get
00:12:43.700 pleasure out of this life.
00:12:45.160 I get a tremendous amount of pleasure from being a husband and a father, but I've never
00:12:51.360 had to question my identity.
00:12:52.520 I've never had to question my meaning or my purpose because I always know it was found
00:12:55.420 in Christ.
00:12:56.020 And then he gives me these daily reminders in the form of my wife and my children and
00:12:59.840 of truth and things I believe in.
00:13:01.680 And so when I see those videos, I completely understand what it means.
00:13:05.580 And I think that's what they're looking for.
00:13:07.280 And if they really want to find it, that's where they're going to find it.
00:13:10.080 Yeah.
00:13:10.620 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I also think that men and women, but maybe especially men, like
00:13:17.460 are seeking clarity.
00:13:19.240 And one thing, because I've heard Andrew Tate and Nick Fuentes say things that are true and
00:13:25.440 they'll just say it and they won't caveat it and they won't apologize for it and they won't
00:13:30.380 color over it.
00:13:30.820 Now, people who are in my audience know that I am no, no, no fan of either of those people
00:13:38.620 because, you know, in addition to some of the clarity that they have, it's a lot of
00:13:42.920 hedonism, a lot of paganism, and just a lot of godlessness.
00:13:47.120 But I just wonder if that is an attraction that we have a lot of pastors who are just
00:13:52.340 afraid to say the thing.
00:13:53.700 They're just afraid to say, hey, a man can't become a woman and it's bad.
00:13:57.040 And then you've got this like hedonist over there who's just willing to say it, not for
00:14:01.420 any religious reason, but because it's just true.
00:14:04.460 And that I think is stirring for a lot of people, especially a lot of men who are like,
00:14:09.200 finally, someone will just say it.
00:14:11.920 And when you have pastors who just won't say it, I could see how that's a turnoff.
00:14:16.020 I think the church, I think a lot of pastors misread Romans 12.
00:14:20.320 And when they see, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good, they translate
00:14:25.500 that as niceness or tolerance or accommodation.
00:14:29.320 Well, Romans 12 verse 9 says, I'm supposed to abhor evil.
00:14:33.260 And so the difference is, is that they've seen a bunch of people that are not theoretically
00:14:37.920 being led by Christ to say a bunch of things that are absolutely 100% true.
00:14:42.120 And they do so boldly and unapologetically.
00:14:43.660 And then they go into their churches and they find pastors which are scared that they might
00:14:47.160 offend somebody.
00:14:47.880 Now, listen, I'm, I'm a big believer that we're supposed to attempt to speak the truth
00:14:52.980 in love, but love does not mean tolerance.
00:14:57.600 Love means a devotion to truth because you recognize that this, this person made in the
00:15:02.040 image of God is doing something that is, is dangerous and destructive and harmful.
00:15:07.100 And I think we need more pastors.
00:15:09.740 We need just men in the faith in general, not even, not even just pastors that are willing
00:15:13.880 to say this is wrong.
00:15:15.060 And I'm not going to caveat it.
00:15:16.300 I'm not going to caveat it to try to make you feel better about evil.
00:15:19.420 I'm going to, I want evil to be uncomfortable in my presence.
00:15:23.560 And that doesn't mean I need to be harsh.
00:15:26.020 It doesn't mean I need to be a jerk.
00:15:27.160 It just means I need to boldly and unapologetically stand for the truth.
00:15:31.060 And if I do that, then yes, of course, nobody wants to, nobody wants to follow a coward.
00:15:36.400 Nobody wants to follow a thousand caveats into battle.
00:15:38.980 They want to follow decisiveness, but that decisiveness has to be rooted in the truth
00:15:44.280 and the author of truth.
00:15:46.800 It's, it's very easy to say something that is technically true, but then lose the plot
00:15:50.940 because you don't know why it's true.
00:15:53.320 And I think that's the problem that we see in the secular world.
00:15:55.920 And that, again, we have something to offer here.
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00:16:47.220 I think people get confused between meekness and weakness, which are not the same thing.
00:16:58.020 Weakness is weakness, but meekness is power under control.
00:17:02.520 And so power, masculine power, strength, power of the Holy Spirit, obviously these things aren't
00:17:08.380 inherently bad.
00:17:09.500 They're supposed to be controlled by something.
00:17:11.400 And I think that's the difference.
00:17:13.080 The Christian should have power that is under control of the Holy Spirit. 0.99
00:17:16.360 And then we see over in the secular, maybe conservative manosphere, power completely untethered
00:17:22.080 to anything virtuous or true.
00:17:24.520 And we've seen throughout history the battle between those two things.
00:17:28.600 Yeah.
00:17:29.100 Well, I think, so was Jesus utilizing self-control when he was flipping the tables in the temple?
00:17:34.980 Yes.
00:17:36.100 Right?
00:17:36.300 He was.
00:17:36.560 I would say yes.
00:17:37.200 I was like, wait, is this a trick question?
00:17:38.740 But I agree with you.
00:17:39.820 He absolutely was.
00:17:40.900 Because let's think about this.
00:17:41.960 There's a couple different ways that Jesus could have approached that situation.
00:17:45.800 He could have nicely and politely explained why this was inappropriate and it shouldn't
00:17:50.040 be happening.
00:17:50.560 But they already knew why it shouldn't be happening.
00:17:52.700 They were proud in the fact that they were doing something that was a desecration.
00:17:56.760 He also didn't haul off and start chopping people up, right?
00:18:01.100 He used the appropriate level of force and violence to achieve the outcome,
00:18:05.860 the righteous outcome.
00:18:07.980 And so another thing that he could have done is he could have just walked away and it's
00:18:11.200 like, well, I don't want to cause a scene.
00:18:13.020 And we have a Christianity in the West that doesn't want to cause a scene. 0.98
00:18:16.220 And the problem is, is that that's heretical.
00:18:19.600 So I think we need to understand that a lot when we look at the fruits of the spirit in
00:18:24.820 Galatians, we're not talking about something that, we're not talking about the secularized
00:18:29.180 versions of these attributes or characteristics.
00:18:31.580 We're talking about the biblical application of these things.
00:18:34.040 And we also, of course, need to understand that we're not God.
00:18:38.380 We serve God.
00:18:39.360 We're not God.
00:18:40.900 But I do think, again, it's this idea of its strength with discipline and self-control,
00:18:46.200 which again, these are attributes that the secular world appreciates, that they can see
00:18:50.180 and understand their value.
00:18:52.020 But that's also the problem when you don't assign the truth to the author.
00:18:57.320 I've had people tell me this all the time.
00:18:58.540 Nick, I love what you have to say about being a parent, or I love what you say about politics,
00:19:01.580 but can you leave the God stuff out?
00:19:04.600 No, I can't.
00:19:06.820 Because then I'm prescribing something, but I'm not telling you who actually came up with
00:19:10.160 this because it wasn't Nick's grandiose idea.
00:19:12.240 Right.
00:19:12.780 Right.
00:19:13.080 This is stuff I've discovered, not stuff I invented.
00:19:16.220 Right.
00:19:17.080 Tell me what you think about this concept of muscular Christianity.
00:19:20.980 I talked to a historian a few weeks ago named Raymond Ibrahim.
00:19:24.400 Yeah.
00:19:24.800 And do you know who he is?
00:19:26.300 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:19:26.380 Yeah, he specializes in Islam and his books are incredible.
00:19:30.160 And he talks about how the Christians who were pushing back against Islam, who were and
00:19:36.940 still are just so brutal, they saw their conquest as a form of agape love, that they were literally
00:19:44.960 laying their lives down for their wives and for their children, as the Bible calls them
00:19:50.080 to, through fighting and through sacrifice.
00:19:53.080 Today, it seems like we see that as the opposite, that the sacrifice that men are supposed to
00:19:59.080 do is supposed to be being a doormat and allowing evil to run rampant so they're not divisive
00:20:04.280 or offensive or rude or whatever.
00:20:07.300 That is a departure from what Christianity has traditionally been in pushing back against
00:20:13.120 darkness, right?
00:20:14.340 Yes.
00:20:14.960 So I don't think, again, we cannot spread the gospel through the sword.
00:20:18.880 We have no mandate to do that within scripture.
00:20:20.860 I think that would be a heretical application.
00:20:22.280 By the same token, we're not called to simply be beaten up, destroyed, or having our wives
00:20:28.120 carried away or our children sold into slavery.
00:20:31.260 So this idea that there's no martial mandate within Christianity, I don't think that's accurate.
00:20:37.560 Yeah.
00:20:37.940 So I think you do have a duty, again, as a Christian man, to stand up before your faith and to properly
00:20:45.160 defend and provide for your family.
00:20:47.400 And that could, under the right conditions, require you to go to war.
00:20:52.580 It could require battle.
00:20:54.440 And I think that one of the best ways you can prepare for that is, one, making sure that your
00:20:59.340 relationship with Christ is where it needs to be, but also preparing for things.
00:21:02.760 I've noticed that the more you've prepared you are for conflict, the less you end up getting
00:21:06.360 involved in it from time to time.
00:21:07.640 Because people don't like to mess with somebody that they know can fight back.
00:21:11.200 But if we're projecting a very, very weak and docile Christianity, again, I don't think it's
00:21:17.120 an accurate reflection of the gospel.
00:21:18.980 I don't think it's an accurate reflection of scripture.
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00:22:16.220 You talk a lot about parenting, the differences between raising boys and girls.
00:22:24.220 Your kids are mostly adults now.
00:22:27.340 Okay, let's just talk about that.
00:22:29.220 I know it's a big subject.
00:22:30.860 What are the main differences between parenting boys and girls?
00:22:33.800 I only have girls. 0.99
00:22:34.880 Okay.
00:22:35.860 Well, first thing I'll say is you think you're a tough guy, and then you have a little girl,
00:22:40.420 and you find out what an absolute sap you really are. 0.54
00:22:42.720 I had days where first part of the day, I'm at the range with a bunch of green berets,
00:22:49.940 and I'm running shooting drills, and we're doing some pretty cool stuff.
00:22:53.420 And later on in the evening, I'm wearing a tiara and a little feather boa, and I'm drinking
00:22:57.080 something that my daughters call tea. 0.59
00:22:59.020 We're not sure exactly what it was.
00:23:00.560 And so I think one of the things I used to, well, I still say, three things I learned
00:23:08.640 raising daughters, which is somewhat unique to them, is I said, you need to tell your
00:23:14.640 daughters that you love them.
00:23:16.280 And a lot of people, we got to show them too.
00:23:17.880 Yes, I understand that.
00:23:18.900 But a lot of times what fathers don't seem to understand is we do things like go to work,
00:23:23.780 provide, protect.
00:23:24.580 We work 70-hour weeks, and we think that's translated in their minds as love, but it isn't
00:23:30.300 necessarily.
00:23:31.280 And so it does have to be verbalized as well as acted out in your day-to-day life.
00:23:35.280 You need to tell your daughters you love them.
00:23:38.180 And in fact, that advice came to me from a buddy of mine in the military who was probably
00:23:42.020 one of the biggest part of the expression man whores I had ever run across. 0.99
00:23:46.420 And I had asked him, I said, how do I keep my daughter from ever falling for a guy like
00:23:49.760 you?
00:23:50.320 And he said, tell her you love her, because if you don't, someone like me will, and she'll believe
00:23:53.840 him.
00:23:54.900 Yikes.
00:23:55.900 I asked.
00:23:56.900 He gave an honest answer.
00:23:58.080 Yeah.
00:23:58.500 And so I think that's part of it.
00:24:00.560 Another thing too that I would say, and this is true with all of your children, the relationship
00:24:05.500 and the bonds you build start when they're infants.
00:24:07.620 I think men sometimes have this idea that as my kids get a little bit older or whatnot,
00:24:13.160 they come more into my domain of responsibility as they get older.
00:24:17.860 It's like, no, from the time that they're little, you need to be holding them and building
00:24:20.340 those connections.
00:24:21.080 Um, your, your daughters need to know, uh, that you will tell them the truth, but you
00:24:29.100 tell them the truth from the position that you love them.
00:24:31.400 So if they've, if I've already established and they are just so positive of my love, when
00:24:35.900 I tell them the truth to include hard truths, uh, they'll listen because they know it's
00:24:40.140 coming from a place of wanting them to succeed.
00:24:43.840 They also need to be able to tell you the truth.
00:24:45.560 Um, there's going to come a moment in everybody's and every father's life where, uh, your, your
00:24:53.180 child catches you not living up to the standard that you told them was the standard.
00:24:57.560 And in that moment, what you do is very, very important because if you aren't able to look
00:25:02.660 them in the eye and say, you're right, I'm wrong and I'm sorry, then what you've taught
00:25:07.820 them is, is not a standard of moral conduct.
00:25:09.900 You haven't taught them objective morality.
00:25:11.500 What you've taught them is an authority structure and the authority structure is rooted on who
00:25:15.560 can imply force at any given time.
00:25:17.720 I always wanted my, my girls to know that if I was telling them something, it was because
00:25:21.760 I thought it was true.
00:25:22.820 And if they caught me not applying it and they respectfully brought it to my attention,
00:25:26.440 then it was my obligation to admit it because I wanted him to base.
00:25:30.220 I want them to stand up for truth as well.
00:25:31.960 And I want them to stand up for truth to authority if necessary.
00:25:34.520 Um, but if there's one thing I could tell men specifically with respect to daughters,
00:25:39.040 and I've been through this phase now where I've, I've, my oldest daughter's married,
00:25:42.520 uh, two things I want to relate to them.
00:25:45.880 The first one is fathers sometimes again, think that when they're little, do they really
00:25:50.900 remember the things that you do?
00:25:52.900 Um, your five-year-old remembers what you did when they were three, your seven-year-old
00:25:57.160 remembers what you did when they were five, your 12-year-old remembers what you did when
00:26:00.640 they were seven.
00:26:01.140 And what ends up happening is by the time they're in those teenage years, which a lot of people
00:26:04.960 consider the most difficult, I did not.
00:26:06.600 I thought they were the easiest and you will have established a pattern of love, interest,
00:26:13.200 trust, and compassion that she will use as the standard for everyone else, every other
00:26:18.080 man in her life that she's going to interact with.
00:26:22.880 And so take the time to form those bonds because they will pay massive dividends when they're
00:26:29.460 in years where they can start to make decisions with or without your approval that could have
00:26:32.820 lifelong consequences.
00:26:34.140 That's so good.
00:26:34.740 Uh, the other thing I would say on that is when my, um, when my oldest daughter, uh,
00:26:41.540 first had a boy that liked her and, you know, she's nine or 10.
00:26:45.200 Um, one of the things that I, I told her was, I said, look, I, I, daddy's always going to
00:26:49.780 tease you about wanting to, you know, make your boyfriends disappear.
00:26:52.960 I said, but I desperately want you one day to have what your mother and I have.
00:26:58.540 And if, if you will trust me to help you discern between the man that God has for you and the
00:27:07.820 other ones that might try to interlope, um, I promise you one day I'll say yes.
00:27:12.980 I promise you one day I'll say yes.
00:27:15.800 But what I want you to be thinking about is I want you to be thinking about that kind of love that
00:27:19.240 you can have with someone one day.
00:27:20.580 And I want you to think about how much you might have to explain to them.
00:27:25.200 And it was amazing how simply laying it out that way to where I'm not, I'm not giving you a bunch
00:27:31.320 of arbitrary rules that I tell you to avoid.
00:27:33.360 I'm not even giving you a bunch of well-explained rules that just protect you from danger.
00:27:37.800 I'm setting you on a path that is going to get you what you want.
00:27:40.680 Yeah.
00:27:41.560 And then the last thing I would say is that in order to prove all of that, um, she's going to 1.00
00:27:45.800 watch how you treat her mother.
00:27:48.160 And if you treat her mother with the sort of love and respect that she deserves, uh, that will be all
00:27:54.580 the standard that she needs for when the other guy comes around that doesn't behave that way,
00:27:58.800 or there's something slightly off, um, you will be the reason why he rejects him or why she rejects
00:28:06.040 him because I always tell guys, you can say all day long, he better ask my permission.
00:28:11.360 The only one that gives that real power is your daughter.
00:28:14.780 Um, probably the best compliment my son-in-law gave to me was he, he asked me why I said yes.
00:28:24.420 And I explained it.
00:28:26.220 And I said, were you nervous?
00:28:27.440 And he goes, honestly, I was, he goes, I wasn't at first.
00:28:31.620 He goes, I wasn't at first.
00:28:32.740 We, we, I've been dating your daughter for a year and a half.
00:28:34.640 I'd spent almost the entire time over at your house.
00:28:37.160 I knew you guys, I knew you loved me.
00:28:39.200 I knew you knew I loved your daughter.
00:28:40.780 I knew all of that.
00:28:42.080 But as a joke, I asked Lily, what would happen if you're, if I asked your dad for your hand?
00:28:47.060 And he said, no, he goes, she stopped deadpan, looked me right in the eye.
00:28:51.660 And she goes, I would be heartbroken because it would be over.
00:28:56.740 Because if my dad says no, there's something he's picked up on that I haven't.
00:29:01.360 So I hope that's not what happens.
00:29:03.660 And again, I think that was, that was probably the greatest compliment I could have received from my son-in-law.
00:29:08.260 She trusts you.
00:29:09.500 Yeah.
00:29:10.660 And, and, and, and if I could just say too, this is another one of the things that I think is demonstrative of God's grace is that as flawed and imperfect as an attempt I made at being a godly husband and father, he blessed it disproportionately to my efforts.
00:29:28.900 And so I'm, I'm very grateful for that.
00:29:30.700 Um, when it comes to raising boys, I think men need to understand, I said this once and it bothered some people and I don't particularly care.
00:29:41.080 Um, I looked at it as I'm, I'm raising my replacement in the world.
00:29:45.300 Um, now, obviously he's not going to have the same, um, obligations to my wife or to his sisters that I do to them, but he's also learning the standards, uh, for what his obligations are to God, what his obligations are to his wife one day.
00:29:59.560 What his obligation is to his children one day.
00:30:02.900 And there's a legacy, um, that he wants to be a part of and he wants to protect.
00:30:10.880 And I, I saw it as very important that my son not only see me as, um, providing, but my son also see me as strong because the bottom line is that if I do this right, um, then my daughters will one day be protected and provided for by a good godly man.
00:30:27.860 My son will have to be that man.
00:30:30.440 And so the challenges that he's going to face are going to be different and I need to adequately prepare him for that.
00:30:35.940 And I need to not hide that that's what I'm preparing him for.
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00:31:29.000 When it comes to just kind of like basic, basic parenting of little boys and little girls.
00:31:42.400 Well, from what I can tell, I've got a lot of nephews.
00:31:45.040 We've got all girls ourselves and I've got a lot of nephews.
00:31:47.820 When they're young, the relationship management with girls starts very young, I've noticed. 0.74
00:31:52.920 You know, it's a lot of relationship management.
00:31:54.940 With little boys, it's a lot of injury management.
00:31:57.420 You know, injury management versus relationship management.
00:32:00.720 And you have a little bit of both, I'm sure.
00:32:03.540 But I do wonder when it comes to boys, what is the balance in protecting them from injury,
00:32:10.220 but also allowing them to take those necessary risks, which I think could be important for boys and girls.
00:32:15.980 But it seems like especially boys, you don't want to baby them.
00:32:19.120 You don't want him to become a mama's boy. 1.00
00:32:21.100 You want him to be strong and brave and tough.
00:32:23.740 So what does that look like on a practical level?
00:32:26.740 Age-appropriate challenges.
00:32:28.560 My job was to protect them from scars, not bruises.
00:32:34.620 So when it comes to anything that could have permanent life-altering consequences, I'm on guard.
00:32:41.220 And my job is to protect them from that, both spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
00:32:44.640 But when it comes to challenging their surroundings and going out and seeing what little things that they can conquer or do,
00:32:53.220 it's to provide enough runway for them to get hurt.
00:32:56.800 And then when they get hurt, to say, okay, get up.
00:33:01.120 Because you're absolutely right.
00:33:02.260 I used to joke that with my little girls, raising little girls was relatively easy when they were small
00:33:08.820 because it was simple as like, sweetheart, don't do that.
00:33:11.920 Okay, daddy.
00:33:12.440 With my boys or with my boy, it was like – I used to joke that the – raising boys is a lot like raising puppies.
00:33:21.120 The commands are almost exactly similar, right?
00:33:23.560 Like stop chewing on that.
00:33:24.860 Don't pee there, right?
00:33:26.040 Yeah.
00:33:26.240 Like, you know.
00:33:28.160 But they need to be a little bit more rough and tumble.
00:33:30.420 They still need to know there's a safe place to go.
00:33:34.520 But one of the things that I had a mom ask me once, she goes, how do I help my little boy become a man as he gets older?
00:33:41.040 And I said, well, keep in mind some of the things that you do when he's very, very little that make him feel safe and loved as he gets older and make him feel weak.
00:33:49.740 And so there's – it doesn't mean that moms still don't have an important role to play. 1.00
00:33:54.460 But I remember the first time I had to tell Tina, no, he's going to handle this problem himself.
00:33:59.560 Why?
00:34:00.360 Because he doesn't want the bully to be afraid of you.
00:34:02.440 He wants the bully to be afraid of him.
00:34:04.440 And he can't do that unless he goes out there and he faces some of this.
00:34:08.160 And it's tough.
00:34:09.540 It's tough.
00:34:10.420 And there's supposed to be, again, a mother and a father providing different things at different stages.
00:34:16.400 Because there's been plenty of times where I've looked at my wife and been like, how do I deal with this with my daughter?
00:34:21.880 Do this, do this, do that.
00:34:23.200 Okay, thank you.
00:34:23.740 But, yeah, that's – the one thing I'll say is age-appropriate challenges and then you don't rush to them the moment that they get hurt or that they fail.
00:34:33.960 Because they have to learn how to deal with getting hurt and they have to learn how to deal with failure.
00:34:38.400 The most entitled little brats you've ever met in your life never learned how to hear no, whether it was from a parent or just from reality.
00:34:47.740 Yeah.
00:34:48.080 There's times when reality tells us no pretty hard.
00:34:50.500 Right.
00:34:50.800 And those are really, really good life lessons if we allow them to be.
00:34:54.260 Yeah, so true.
00:34:55.440 Allowing that character development sometimes in the form of – sometimes in the form of pain.
00:35:00.980 And that is like – that's a hard thing, I think, especially for us moms because we are hardwired to protect our kids from every kind of injury.
00:35:09.780 And there is a time and a place for that, like you said.
00:35:12.600 And there's a time and a place to let go.
00:35:14.760 And I remember Jordan Peterson, he wrote in one of his books a long time ago, like you can either have brave kids or safe kids.
00:35:23.300 And it changes when they're really little.
00:35:27.020 There's a lot of safety.
00:35:28.620 And then the older they get, it seems – my oldest is only six – but it seems the bravery starts outweighing the safety or it should.
00:35:37.100 And that's hard for parents.
00:35:38.380 It's like we have to grow into that too.
00:35:40.540 Yeah.
00:35:41.180 And again, I think it's like whenever we're talking about something that really could cause like long-lasting damage, yeah, my job is to protect them from that.
00:35:48.940 Yeah.
00:35:49.340 But a lot of times that's not what we think it is.
00:35:51.040 A lot of times that's like, no, you don't get a smartphone because I'm not giving the internet access to you.
00:35:56.680 Yeah.
00:35:57.360 But by the same token, there's other challenges where it's good for them to kind of figure it out and then for you to guide them through the process.
00:36:03.860 Yeah.
00:36:04.500 Yeah.
00:36:05.080 Okay, tell me what you've learned from being a politician.
00:36:07.580 What are some main takeaways that you've learned?
00:36:12.680 So people ask me what was the thing that most prepared you for politics?
00:36:16.360 And I was like, oh, that's easy, being a Green Beret.
00:36:18.580 Because being a Green Beret, everything we do in Green Berets is by, through and with the local population.
00:36:22.880 So you're constantly trying to figure out local incentive structures, cultures.
00:36:26.880 Right.
00:36:28.220 You're regularly dealing with people that would just as soon shoot you as they would the other guy, except the other guy is a greater threat right now.
00:36:34.000 And so you learn how to kind of view the landscape and the various incentive structures and the various motivations.
00:36:41.660 And then you do your best to operate through that while at the same time maintaining true to the principles that you care about.
00:36:47.640 So the first thing that I always tell people whenever they want to get involved in politics, they want to run for office.
00:36:54.100 I'll ask this as kind of a question.
00:36:55.900 I'll just say, what are you willing to lose your seat over?
00:36:59.200 And then as they start to think, I'll be like, let me back up there for a second.
00:37:02.240 I said, I want you to imagine that you've just spent the last nine months doing a series of things that you probably don't like.
00:37:07.160 You've knocked on doors.
00:37:08.100 You've gone to events.
00:37:09.140 You've spent a good part of your life begging for money, which is just absolutely horrendous and horrible, but you had to do it in order to get your message out.
00:37:15.240 You've done all of this just to win this seat because now you're going to go do good things.
00:37:21.460 And now the vote comes up on a bill, which you know is bad, but you know could cost you everything you've just worked for.
00:37:28.940 What's the bill that you say, nope, I'm voting no and I'll go home happy.
00:37:33.600 Because if you don't know the answer to that question, then what it says is that you don't have anything you're willing to lose everything for.
00:37:39.360 And I don't want you anywhere near politics.
00:37:41.120 Because this environment, there is an element of healthy compromise, but not on one's principles.
00:37:47.300 And if you're not willing to say, I'm willing to give it all up for this vote, you don't need to be here.
00:37:53.240 Because once you start doing that, you realize that there is no line.
00:37:56.780 Right.
00:37:57.260 Because you'll be able to convince yourself, well, I can't do anything good if I can't keep the seat.
00:38:02.340 So I would just say the moment you start getting your identity from the elected office you hold, it's time to leave.
00:38:07.900 Yeah.
00:38:08.280 It's time to leave.
00:38:09.060 The other thing I've learned is that, look, politics is obviously not a perfect environment.
00:38:15.920 We're dealing with a fallen world.
00:38:18.120 And again, there is necessary and appropriate compromise.
00:38:24.500 But be very, very careful about where those lines are.
00:38:27.080 And once you've set them, then you've set them.
00:38:29.420 And be willing to be hated.
00:38:30.580 It's another thing, too, that kind of blows my mind is that I feel like we have a kind of a Christianity in the West that has convinced itself that as long as nobody hates us, then we're properly demonstrating the love of Christ.
00:38:41.700 You do realize that Christ was crucified, right?
00:38:45.040 Right.
00:38:45.380 Like a totally innocent man was crucified because he offended the local political leaders, among others.
00:38:52.140 So stop with this idea that if you just do everything right, everyone's going to like you or be okay with you.
00:38:58.440 No, they're not.
00:38:58.960 In fact, if you're standing for truth, I promise you, you're going to develop some very, very powerful enemies, and you need to be comfortable with that.
00:39:04.860 In fact, your response should be, thank you, God, that I should suffer something for your name.
00:39:10.380 So those are a couple of things I've learned.
00:39:12.100 Yeah.
00:39:12.580 Jesus literally says, woe to you when all people speak well of you.
00:39:16.900 It's bad when everyone's saying something nice about you.
00:39:20.100 So you're probably doing something wrong, probably a shapeshifter. 1.00
00:39:24.380 You're compromising in some area where you shouldn't.
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00:40:20.620 So what would your – you kind of just gave it, but if there's maybe one word of advice that you would give to a Christian who's thinking about going into politics and they're like, okay, I really want to make a difference.
00:40:33.300 I really want to do what's right.
00:40:35.380 What's the one thing you would tell them?
00:40:37.120 You need to remember – well, first of all, if you really feel – if you've got a strong relationship with God and you really feel that you're being called into this particular environment, you need to remember you're being called into it for his purposes, not yours.
00:40:51.580 He will call you into it and he will call you out of it.
00:40:54.920 And maybe you'll get to go on your own terms.
00:40:57.260 Maybe you'll get to be there for 20 years and accomplish all sorts of wonderful things and leave on your own terms and isn't that wonderful.
00:41:01.740 Or maybe he'll call you out of it in a year because you had to stand up and do the right thing.
00:41:06.120 Your job is to be obedient to the purpose he put before you.
00:41:10.020 That's it.
00:41:11.080 That's it.
00:41:11.460 It's not to be speaker one day.
00:41:12.660 It's not to be president one day.
00:41:13.680 It's not to be governor one day.
00:41:14.780 It's not to get that bill that you're owed so important for.
00:41:16.840 Your job is to be obedient to the purpose that he gives you in the time and place that he's placed you.
00:41:20.680 That's it.
00:41:21.500 And if you can just remember that, then you're going to have a certain level of peace that just baffles everyone else around you.
00:41:27.420 I remember somebody looked over me once.
00:41:31.100 I took a vote, a hard vote, and somebody looked over me and goes, aren't you running for Congress?
00:41:35.880 Because that was the dumbest thing.
00:41:36.960 Why would you take this vote?
00:41:38.140 I'm like, well, I think it's wrong.
00:41:39.760 But it's 99 to 1.
00:41:41.380 Yeah, I think you're all wrong.
00:41:43.660 And theoretically, it could have cost me the election, but I was confident.
00:41:47.960 Is your future politics?
00:41:50.460 Well, I'm not running for re-election.
00:41:52.280 Okay.
00:41:52.900 So 10 years in the General Assembly.
00:41:56.020 Here's what we found.
00:41:57.560 We absolutely believe that God called us into it when he did.
00:42:01.060 And we absolutely believe he called us out of it when he did.
00:42:04.200 Thankfully, I'm being replaced by someone who's absolutely phenomenal, Karen Hamilton.
00:42:08.620 I think she's going to win the race. 1.00
00:42:10.820 I feel very confident.
00:42:12.840 Her and her husband, Cameron, are just wonderful people and will do an incredible job.
00:42:18.460 But again, in 2020, I ran for Congress.
00:42:22.560 I didn't want to.
00:42:24.240 And again, it was a test for us.
00:42:26.640 I didn't want to do it.
00:42:27.680 And we had a bunch of people calling us up and offering us all sorts of things to run.
00:42:32.640 And I said, God, I don't want to do this.
00:42:34.400 But if you want me to do it, can you please make it clear?
00:42:37.140 I don't want to do it, but I will do it if that's what you want.
00:42:40.200 And so I put out some ridiculous tests.
00:42:43.160 Like it was like Gideon on crack, right?
00:42:45.440 Like we'll do this and this and this.
00:42:47.360 And all of it got done in 48 hours.
00:42:48.860 And I was like, okay.
00:42:51.220 So had to change jobs. 0.59
00:42:52.680 Because running for Congress in one of the top five congressional seats in the country was – that was a full-time job for 10 hours a day, 10 to 12 hours a day, six days a week.
00:43:04.820 They got mad at me because I said, no, Sundays I'm spending time with my family because they're going to be here long after y'all are gone.
00:43:11.060 But all of that went through it all.
00:43:14.640 And on election day, we'd won.
00:43:16.580 And the next morning, we had won.
00:43:18.640 And the next afternoon, we lost.
00:43:21.480 We literally had a thumb drive show up in a county that had been mismarked with 15,000 votes on it in the bluest county in the district.
00:43:28.360 And it completely evaporated our lead, and we lost by less than two points.
00:43:31.820 And I remember my wife and I both looking at each other and praying like, God, what was the point of that?
00:43:37.460 We didn't want to do this.
00:43:38.800 This was hard on our family.
00:43:39.860 I had to get a different job.
00:43:41.280 It was hard on everything.
00:43:42.560 Why?
00:43:44.720 And two years later, two years later, I'm sitting around the table as we're talking about all of the work that we're doing on social media.
00:43:53.520 And the very first project that we had done where a donor had come to me and asked me if I would take over this program called The Wine Minutes.
00:43:59.580 And my business partner and producer, Nick Hamilton, who I want to work with now, and then one of my main editors and co-host, Christian Hines, and one of our main video editors, I'm looking around the table.
00:44:12.920 It's like I had to run to meet all of these people that I did because I met them on the campaign trail.
00:44:20.040 So I had to meet them in order to gather all the right people together for what we're doing right now, but I had to lose in order to do it.
00:44:26.360 Wow.
00:44:26.680 And it was one of the biggest lessons in obedience for us because my wife and I, we were frustrated.
00:44:31.760 We were a little bit frustrated with God, inappropriately so, but frustrated nonetheless.
00:44:37.600 And so the thing that we learned from that is it's obedience.
00:44:41.380 That's it.
00:44:42.100 That's your job.
00:44:43.020 Yeah.
00:44:43.500 That's your job.
00:44:44.220 And that's actually like a big relief is that you're just doing the next right thing and God is in charge of the rest and it might not look like the picture of success that we have, but he's got that.
00:44:56.580 He's the author of that.
00:44:57.920 That's like a huge relief off of our shoulders.
00:45:00.860 Oh, waking up and realizing that God is not in heaven going, I really hope Nick comes through for me on this.
00:45:06.400 That is not, he doesn't, he doesn't require me to do these things in order to achieve his will, but man, he invites me to come along and that's pretty powerful.
00:45:14.300 Yeah.
00:45:14.620 So sit down, shut up.
00:45:17.920 Don't pick some noble mission and ask God to join you.
00:45:20.860 Ask God what he's doing and ask if you can join him.
00:45:23.100 Yeah.
00:45:23.420 And so I think that's relevant for, I think it's very relevant for any Christian that wants to enter into the political realm because it becomes so easy to get obsessed with the office or the next office or the bill or whatever else it is.
00:45:34.280 You need to focus on being obedient.
00:45:36.200 That's it.
00:45:36.420 Yeah.
00:45:36.860 We're in any realm.
00:45:38.220 We always say God's eternal plan of redemption is always going off without a hitch.
00:45:42.220 Yeah.
00:45:42.500 He's never surprised or never taken it back.
00:45:45.280 Well, Nick, thank you so much.
00:45:46.600 And tell me for maybe the few of you out there who don't already follow Nick, where can people follow you?
00:45:53.040 Yes.
00:45:53.300 Instagram.
00:45:53.840 Is there anywhere else?
00:45:54.980 Yeah.
00:45:55.340 So we, Nick J Freitas across the board, we made it easy.
00:45:58.260 So if you want to find our YouTube channel, we do a lot of long and medium form content there.
00:46:02.020 We have our two, we have our one podcast, the why, excuse me, making the argument.
00:46:05.980 And then our other show is the why minutes.
00:46:07.680 So yeah, you can find me everywhere.
00:46:09.300 Well, thank you so much.
00:46:09.980 I really appreciate it.
00:46:10.820 It's my honor.