Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1303 ｜ Pray for Your Husband Like This, And Watch Everything Change ｜ Christian Bevere

00:00:00.560 Whether you are married, dating, or single, praying for your husband or your future husband

00:00:05.420 can work so powerfully not only in your life, in your heart right now, but also for the

00:00:10.660 future.

00:00:11.280 Today, we've got Christian Bivier.

00:00:13.240 She is a podcaster and the author of Future Husband Present Prayers.

00:00:17.900 Today, we're not only talking about praying the Bible for your future spouse.

00:00:23.000 We are also talking about dating, courtship, sexual purity, leadership, submitting to that

00:00:29.520 leadership as women.

00:00:31.220 There is so much to be gleaned from today's episode.

00:00:33.620 No matter what stage of life you're in, you are going to be so encouraged by this.

00:00:37.960 I know that I was.

00:00:39.300 This is our Valentine's Day episode.

00:00:41.840 If you love this podcast, please leave us a five-star review wherever you listen.

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00:00:57.320 Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.

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00:01:16.420 Christian, thanks so much for taking the time to join us.

00:01:19.120 Could you tell everyone who you are and what you do?

00:01:21.340 Absolutely.

00:01:21.840 Thank you for having me, Allie.

00:01:23.140 My name is Christian Bevere.

00:01:25.040 Sounds like a guy, but I am a woman married to someone I just think is so far out of what

00:01:31.800 I deserved, and it is only by the way of prayer.

00:01:35.220 We have two kiddos.

00:01:37.580 He is a Bevere, which if you know, that means he comes from an amazing Christian, Italian,

00:01:44.980 passionate family.

00:01:45.920 And I think I've just walked into this beautiful gift of seeing marriage up close, seeing ministry

00:01:51.420 up close, and getting to walk that out.

00:01:54.860 And now that's come to writing about my love story and about prayer and love, because I

00:01:59.720 think it's so confusing out there for people that are single.

00:02:03.360 And then even people that are married, we're told so much about, you know, self and the

00:02:08.300 tension that it comes with, like how to do partnership well, where I feel like the Bible

00:02:12.020 actually has more to say on that that can benefit anyone trying to do relationships well.

00:02:17.120 Totally.

00:02:17.580 And I just want to say, I love strong names for women. 1.00

00:02:20.460 I think Christian for a woman is so beautiful.

00:02:23.020 Thank you.

00:02:23.380 So I love your name.

00:02:24.660 Let's first talk about the title of your book and why you decided to write about this

00:02:30.140 topic, Praying for a Future Husband.

00:02:31.700 So the book is called Future Husband, Present Prayers, because I was in a season, which I

00:02:37.900 think many of us find ourselves in, unless you're lucky enough to marry your high school 0.99

00:02:41.660 sweetheart, where I graduated college, I move home to the job I was working before I went

00:02:46.980 to college, which felt financially fiscal.

00:02:49.440 I was like, Lord, why did we spend money to come back to the job?

00:02:51.960 I was doing beforehand to the same dating criteria, you know, the same rhythms, and was just saying,

00:02:57.000 Lord, what is next?

00:02:58.200 I have this deep desire to be loved, to love someone, and I feel zero direction.

00:03:04.540 Had mishandled dating in my own regard and been hurt by other people and just came to

00:03:10.560 this point of there has to be wisdom here that I'm not tapping into, because I see the

00:03:14.680 way that society handles dating, where it's just loose and it's uncommitted and it's not

00:03:18.880 really fruitful.

00:03:19.440 And then I hear some good advice in the church, but it's not necessarily in depth.

00:03:25.980 And I feel like anything that is important as marriage should come with specific, it should

00:03:30.940 come with like this girt of intentionality.

00:03:34.640 And I just heard, find someone that's cute and loves Jesus, which that's a high percentage

00:03:38.420 of any church you go to.

00:03:39.560 There's going to be single people that love Jesus.

00:03:41.260 But if you're choosing a life partner, I thought there had to be something more there that the

00:03:45.660 Lord could speak into.

00:03:46.840 So I just got a Bible, a brown leather Bible on Amazon, and I said, this is going to be

00:03:51.960 a Bible for my future husband.

00:03:53.720 I'm going to pray for him daily.

00:03:55.100 I'm going to submit this desire to the Lord because it's obviously not going anywhere.

00:03:59.680 Yeah.

00:04:00.220 And how old were you at this point when you started doing this?

00:04:02.600 I was 21.

00:04:04.220 I had just graduated college, moved back home to Sweet Home, Alabama, and I thought there's

00:04:09.060 no men here.

00:04:10.500 There's nothing I'm doing that has been fruitful.

00:04:13.020 Like I need to try something different.

00:04:15.100 And that just led me to praying intentionally.

00:04:17.880 And I had prayed for my husband before, but no one really told me, hey, you can do this

00:04:21.340 daily.

00:04:22.120 I think at that time it was, I heard at least like, oh, you're obsessed if you do that.

00:04:27.240 But I more just felt like I have this desire bubbling up in me and in my own strength.

00:04:31.660 I'm really not doing that well, obviously, with how my dating relationships have gone.

00:04:36.580 So Lord, can you please walk this with me really intentionally?

00:04:40.520 And Ali, he healed my heart on things.

00:04:43.360 He showed me improper ways I was living out that desire.

00:04:47.180 Maybe I was wanting to be loved and seen more than I had actually let him come into some

00:04:51.540 areas of my heart.

00:04:52.960 And then he started to restore my faith of what I was looking for because I can remember

00:04:57.680 sitting in my bedroom in high school, having a friend.

00:05:02.080 Which maybe she wasn't so much of a great friend because of what she said.

00:05:04.700 But she said, your standards are too high.

00:05:07.780 Men don't prioritize character or purity.

00:05:10.660 You're going to need to lower your standards or no one's going to want you.

00:05:13.980 And I took that to heart.

00:05:15.680 And as a young girl with hormones and emotions and, you know, the identity search that comes

00:05:20.720 with high school, I was just thinking, I really want to be loved.

00:05:23.420 And if I need to change my approach, then so be it.

00:05:25.680 And I just don't want any other girl to have to go through that because that is a lie.

00:05:31.360 Like there might be a shortage out there right now, but that doesn't mean that that can't

00:05:36.360 change.

00:05:36.820 I believe men can chase character and purity and righteousness and prayer to something so

00:05:43.040 powerful within that.

00:05:44.140 Gosh, I have so many questions to ask you based on that wonderful answer.

00:05:49.860 I want to go back to, you said that you had been making some mistakes in dating, which

00:05:53.880 I think a lot of us can relate to, probably 99% of us.

00:05:57.300 As you said, hopefully there are women out there who, they didn't make any of those mistakes 1.00

00:06:02.340 and they just found the person that God had for them and they got married.

00:06:05.540 Like that's the goal.

00:06:06.600 That's what we want.

00:06:07.240 But a lot of us learned by our experiences and doing it the wrong way.

00:06:11.160 So to help women learn, or maybe teens who are listening to this learn, what mistakes

00:06:16.240 were you making that looking back, you wish you could tell a 20-year-old Christian, don't 0.95

00:06:20.600 do that.

00:06:21.300 Right.

00:06:21.940 Oh, if only I had a time machine, right?

00:06:24.740 Part of this is even fun because I know you're a girl mom too.

00:06:27.180 I have a daughter.

00:06:27.920 I'm just like, you are going to learn your worth and the truths about relationship.

00:06:32.740 But some of the mistakes, when I trace it back to actually probably the most poignant

00:06:36.760 mistake I was making was not understanding the way I was working out that desire.

00:06:43.200 And I think so many singles here, just be content.

00:06:46.320 And I don't know really what the advice behind that is.

00:06:48.900 Is it like, just put that on pause and then all of a sudden one day you'll have this desire

00:06:52.660 for marriage again.

00:06:53.900 But I was thinking it out of, okay, I want to be seen.

00:06:57.720 I want someone to notice me.

00:06:59.440 If who I am is not enough solely based on like attention, then maybe I need to dress

00:07:04.400 a little differently.

00:07:05.500 Maybe I need to move my standards like a little bit.

00:07:08.280 And it's such a domino effect where you try to change maybe a moral.

00:07:12.340 You try to, like I started going to parties and people would drink and I would like throw

00:07:16.100 my drink in the sink.

00:07:17.180 I was like, I don't want to drink, but I just want to be seen.

00:07:19.800 I want people to invite me.

00:07:21.280 And it's this slope of, you know, searching for value and acceptance by trying to appeal

00:07:28.740 to the status quo rather than having the fortitude and the faith to stand in.

00:07:33.700 You know, I am, this is who I am.

00:07:35.420 This is what I value.

00:07:36.460 It might not be popular.

00:07:38.300 It might not be what's trendy in dating right now or even in friendships.

00:07:42.540 Um, but I wish going back, I would have choose the friends that saw my values and sat with

00:07:48.500 me in them.

00:07:49.200 Like maybe it is hard to feel that longing, but it's okay if it's not satisfied in this

00:07:54.820 moment, in this season, keep to it.

00:07:56.860 I will keep with it with you.

00:07:58.180 Oh my goodness.

00:07:58.880 If I had more accountability when I was in school, that would have been amazing.

00:08:03.040 Um, and you know, truthfully on my own part, I probably could have, if I would have had the

00:08:07.560 fortitude to look for people that were doing the same thing, but, um, you know, that just

00:08:12.320 perpetuated some other choices of choosing people that I was like, oh, well, he's cute.

00:08:16.740 Maybe if he comes to church with me, he can love Jesus and me.

00:08:20.020 You know, I think so many girls have found themselves in that camp, but, you know, all

00:08:25.500 of the, the advice that the Bible says of, you know, pursue faithfulness, act righteously,

00:08:32.260 um, let the Lord establish your steps, be equally yoked.

00:08:35.020 I feel like that's dating advice that should not be outdated and it should really be taken

00:08:39.360 to heart.

00:08:40.300 Yeah.

00:08:40.520 We don't really think of those verses in relation to dating because wanting to be married is

00:08:45.500 a good desire.

00:08:46.600 I have always wanted to be married and especially in college, especially when you're in the

00:08:51.640 South, I went to school in South Carolina, you have this mentality that if I don't meet

00:08:55.420 my husband in college, well, then I'm never going to meet him and I'm never going to get

00:08:59.060 married.

00:08:59.620 And so I made probably the two different kinds of mistakes.

00:09:03.460 There are lots of mistakes that people can make while dating, but one would have been

00:09:07.380 to settle for someone that was fine on paper, but I knew in my heart of hearts was not the

00:09:13.180 person that God had for me.

00:09:14.820 But I was too scared to let that go because I was afraid that, oh my gosh, maybe I'm not

00:09:20.220 going to be able to fulfill this desire and I'm not going to find someone.

00:09:23.440 And then when that didn't work out, also doing the partying, the drinking, the wanting

00:09:28.460 attention and so not eating enough and unhealthy routines of working out all to try to get that

00:09:36.420 love and satisfaction that I was longing for.

00:09:38.820 But really in both of those paths that I was taking, the umbrella that covers both of them

00:09:46.040 is that I was not trusting the Lord.

00:09:48.200 I wasn't trusting that the Lord was enough for me.

00:09:50.440 I wasn't trusting that the Lord would take care of me.

00:09:52.620 I wasn't trusting that His love, His attentiveness to me was enough, was sufficient for me.

00:09:59.900 I wanted to find that elsewhere too.

00:10:02.020 And like, God, if you can give me, I don't know, auxiliary attention, that's fine, but

00:10:09.920 I need attention elsewhere.

00:10:11.900 I need to get what I want, how I want to get it.

00:10:15.060 And it's very painful sometimes for the Lord to teach us those lessons and to kind of like,

00:10:21.000 you know, open up our death grip that we have on our own fate and our own future.

00:10:26.500 But that is sanctification.

00:10:28.960 It is a constant prying of our plans out of our hands and teaching us to trust Him.

00:10:35.980 And so if anyone is in that stage right now, it can be painful, but that is part of what

00:10:41.920 it means to deny ourselves and be Christians.

00:10:44.700 Right.

00:10:44.980 And this aspect of faith, and that's something I've learned is, you know, you don't outgrow

00:10:48.280 that faith too, the same faith that you need of, Lord, I'm going to trust you with my love

00:10:52.200 story is the faith you'll apply when you go through hard seasons together, when you

00:10:55.260 are married.

00:10:56.060 You know, it's just such this biblical principle that can stink, can sting, but it is this

00:11:02.380 invitation for something better, for that perseverance.

00:11:05.680 And I've been camping out in Hebrews 11 as I wrote these books, because I wanted to say,

00:11:10.480 Lord, I want to understand faith in this matter of, because there are women who have waited

00:11:14.080 longer than I have, there are women who have gone through things that would make my life 0.95

00:11:18.240 look like a walk in the park some days.

00:11:19.960 And so I want to know what is the foundation of faith.

00:11:24.520 And Hebrews 11 says that faith is the assurance of things hoped for that are not yet seen.

00:11:29.500 And so anyone that is going through a period of ally Christian, there are zero guys out

00:11:34.420 there.

00:11:35.080 There is no way that the Lord can bring someone to me.

00:11:37.780 I've been waiting for so long.

00:11:38.940 Faith is that assurance of, I am going to believe despite what I have yet seen, and I'm

00:11:44.320 going to have hope for it, which is scary.

00:11:46.660 But I think that's why the invitation is to have childlike faith, like just joy that

00:11:51.060 perpetuates and is audacious almost.

00:11:55.720 Yeah.

00:11:56.180 And believing that God can do that, but also realizing that on this side of heaven, he doesn't

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00:13:19.560 What I loved about something that you said about what God did in you in praying for your

00:13:29.520 husband wasn't just that, yes, you eventually met your husband and got married, and we'll

00:13:33.060 get to that aspect of it, but you said that the Lord healed you through his word, that

00:13:38.660 he sanctified you through his word.

00:13:40.780 So can you talk more about that?

00:13:42.540 When you first started praying for your future husband, what did you just kind of feel yourself

00:13:47.280 let go of?

00:13:49.320 I remember the very first few months just feeling this almost release of performativeness,

00:13:56.320 especially in the area of with the opposite sex, and realizing, you know, why does it feel

00:14:01.720 like this constant fight or flight when I'm around someone?

00:14:04.920 Like, I walk into a room and automatically think, are you not seen?

00:14:07.680 Are you not valued?

00:14:08.860 And why is that so intrinsic to my worth?

00:14:11.220 Rather than, like you said, I show up knowing who I am.

00:14:14.600 I have this foundation in Christ.

00:14:16.100 He is that anchor for my soul.

00:14:18.140 And so I think I really had to let go of the solution of my status and relationships

00:14:25.180 being equated to my worth.

00:14:27.440 And that can sneak up on us.

00:14:29.320 Like you said, marriage is such a good desire.

00:14:31.240 And the more I speak on this, the more I do believe that.

00:14:35.120 But with any gift, we have to steward it in a right way.

00:14:38.080 And so I think he was gently and kindly helping me see how I had been, like, holding it too

00:14:44.180 tightly and clasping it and putting it in one box rather than this is this fluid thing

00:14:48.760 that can, you know, be molded by me.

00:14:50.960 Like, I can trust you with it.

00:14:52.440 And so having to humbly say, okay, I have been the problem in some areas.

00:14:57.720 I have been hyper-focused on this so much that it has caused me to be nearsighted in some

00:15:02.740 ways.

00:15:03.080 And I need to be able to have joy on a Friday night if I don't have a date.

00:15:07.140 I need to be able to celebrate those people around me when they're getting engaged and

00:15:11.260 I'm single because this is not a threat to my future.

00:15:14.520 It is not the end of the story.

00:15:16.740 It's okay to be a 21-year-old college graduate and not be married, which, you know, in Alabama,

00:15:21.300 we felt the same way. 0.91

00:15:22.340 I was like, well, crap, I graduated and now I don't know what to do. 0.95

00:15:26.340 Like, move home, be by myself? 0.98

00:15:28.280 No way.

00:15:30.160 And then there were deeper things as well because of, you know, whether that's people

00:15:34.620 in my life who maybe weren't there for me in some ways or people that I had been romantically

00:15:42.060 tied to who had hurt me.

00:15:43.200 And so there was this unreleasing of that of even, okay, what does a marriage look like

00:15:48.040 for me?

00:15:48.440 Because I desire it so much.

00:15:49.800 But do I truly believe that you have a good relationship in store for me specifically?

00:15:55.040 And I see that with a lot of women today also is they hope and they pray and they have their

00:15:59.940 hopes up, but then they do meet someone that is of caliber and then they almost shut down.

00:16:03.820 And it's a self-sabotage because those wounds can come up and shame and insecurity, whatever

00:16:10.100 it may be, is just like this playground of the enemy where he'll want to try to snatch something

00:16:14.720 that the Lord can work in and disqualify you because of your past.

00:16:18.640 And that's not a permission just to do dating however you want, but it's an awareness of,

00:16:23.840 Lord, you can move in everything with a repentant and willing heart.

00:16:27.340 And I won't invite anyone into that because I remember being engaged, fast forwarding a

00:16:32.200 little bit and then thinking, oh wait, no, this is too good.

00:16:35.540 Like you should go be with someone that's like a pastor's daughter and who's never sinned

00:16:39.780 a day in her life, which, you know, like you said, I don't know how many of those are

00:16:43.440 actually out there, but it was just almost this shock moment where the Lord's like, are

00:16:49.340 you really going to stop what I'm doing because of your own track record?

00:16:53.000 Yeah.

00:16:53.280 I was like, okay, no, I'm not.

00:16:54.980 I'm going to allow you to do this and I'm going to ask for a mantle of grace to do it

00:16:58.060 well.

00:16:58.640 Yeah.

00:16:58.860 I had a journal that I started probably when I was like early teens praying for my future

00:17:04.600 husband, but I wasn't necessarily doing it along with reading scripture.

00:17:09.400 There were biblical concepts in my prayers, but I wasn't doing it while reading scripture

00:17:13.380 and praying this verse for my husband.

00:17:15.480 But you said that you bought that brown leather bound Bible and you use that to pray for your

00:17:21.240 future husband.

00:17:21.880 So tell us how that works exactly.

00:17:24.580 Yeah.

00:17:25.120 I think it was really important to infuse scripture because I did want to make sure, especially

00:17:28.460 with what I was saying of like my hyper focus on this is I didn't want my prayers to only

00:17:33.180 be what I could contrive in my mind or what I thought would please me.

00:17:36.760 Because I do think whether you choose to be single or you're married, Matthew 19 points

00:17:40.760 out evidently that this is, you know, this is something we pursue for godliness.

00:17:44.860 It's something that is a choice that we make of, Lord, I'm going to do this role, whatever

00:17:49.280 route that is to honor you and to serve the kingdom.

00:17:51.680 And so infusing scripture to me was, what does a godly man look like?

00:17:56.060 Well, let's go to the word.

00:17:57.040 How can I be a future wife that blesses him?

00:17:59.780 And so, you know, I'd go to Timothy, I'd go to Psalms and I'd look at, you know, how

00:18:04.480 Titus or David and these men of God were, you know, walking with the Lord, the attributes

00:18:10.600 that carried.

00:18:11.200 And I'd start praying those over my future husband.

00:18:13.300 And I started there and it was really great because, you know, in my college age, I was

00:18:18.420 like, Lord, let him be cute and let him love me.

00:18:21.340 But then grounding it in actual scripture, it just added this gumption almost to my prayers.

00:18:26.960 And it was almost in an unexpected way sweet for me because I felt like my prayers were

00:18:32.840 almost safe before then of like, Lord, do this and praise you.

00:18:36.560 But I really started to war for him and intercede for this person I hadn't met yet to the point

00:18:42.140 of we can look back days after we were married and I gave him that Bible on our wedding day

00:18:47.460 and he would look through and he'd say, you were praying for me on this date because I

00:18:51.400 was date the prayers and the letters I'd write to him.

00:18:53.900 And he's like, I was going through such a struggle of a season at that time.

00:18:58.560 Like, you don't even know what you were praying for, but you were interceding for me.

00:19:01.740 And I think that's the measure of, you know, when our prayers are spirit led, they're scripture

00:19:06.480 based, there's so much power that we won't even know, maybe not even earth side, but it's

00:19:11.700 so poignant and powerful to pray.

00:19:14.300 Yeah.

00:19:14.740 I want to talk about some more of those prayers that you saw answered after you met your husband.

00:19:21.060 But tell us the timeline.

00:19:22.980 You started praying for your husband biblically through or starting when you were 21.

00:19:27.760 And then when did you meet your husband and how did that all happen?

00:19:30.760 I think we met, um, truthfully, it wasn't that long.

00:19:36.740 And I don't think that's because I just started praying, um, perfectly.

00:19:40.440 I think we were 23 when we got married.

00:19:43.420 Um, but we met, got engaged and married all in the same year.

00:19:48.060 It was a pretty short turnaround.

00:19:49.700 And now having a daughter myself, I'm like, oh, that sounds like crazy advice.

00:19:53.140 But I was at the point where I remember the day my husband reached out to me and I saw

00:19:58.900 that he was from a Christian home, that he was reaching out like in character.

00:20:03.420 I threw my, how did he reach out to you?

00:20:04.980 How did he find you?

00:20:05.780 Yeah, this is kind of, this is the funny one.

00:20:07.460 He actually reached out to me on Instagram.

00:20:09.440 Okay.

00:20:09.800 But was the most gentleman like media type conversation I've ever had.

00:20:14.780 How did he find you on Instagram?

00:20:16.640 He, this is the fun part.

00:20:17.920 When you start like connecting the dots in your love story, I moved back home from college,

00:20:22.760 met this girl who was in a similar season as me.

00:20:25.920 And we really bonded over the fact we actually, she got a husband's Bible too.

00:20:29.360 When we started being accountability partners, encouragement partners, anytime she was tempted

00:20:33.740 to settle, I'm like, are you kidding me?

00:20:35.340 You are a knockout.

00:20:36.860 You're a gorgeous woman.

00:20:38.000 You are a faithful woman.

00:20:38.900 You are not going to settle.

00:20:40.000 And that was really transformative for me to have someone that would do that with me.

00:20:45.620 And she got into cosmetology school.

00:20:48.260 So she moved away and I visit her trying to do the spark notes version.

00:20:51.980 And she had a friend randomly come over when I was visiting one time.

00:20:55.280 That friend later reached out to me on some way when she was visiting where I was.

00:21:00.040 And she's like, hey, let's hang out.

00:21:01.420 And I was like, I don't know about this.

00:21:02.660 My mom goes, you don't have any friends here right now.

00:21:04.640 You should go hang out with someone.

00:21:05.640 I was like, thanks, mom.

00:21:06.660 That's a real great encouragement.

00:21:09.640 So we hang out one time.

00:21:11.300 She applies for this ministry internship.

00:21:13.940 My husband's the one rolled with vetting people's, you know, Instagrams, background check,

00:21:19.780 applications, all those things.

00:21:21.140 And he sees a photo of me, a photo which I was like, I look terrible on that.

00:21:25.080 Please don't post it.

00:21:26.160 And she's like, just be confident.

00:21:27.420 So anytime your friend's going to post a photo and you're like, I don't look ugly, go ahead

00:21:30.700 and post it.

00:21:31.120 You might be your husband.

00:21:32.660 And so he saw my page.

00:21:35.020 He saw that I was doing a Christian blog at that time.

00:21:37.200 And he asked his best friend, like, should I reach out on Instagram? 0.55

00:21:40.000 And he's like, no, only, you know, psycho guys do that.

00:21:43.360 Don't do it.

00:21:43.860 And he's like, you're right.

00:21:44.540 You're right.

00:21:45.240 Three days later, he sent me a message.

00:21:47.640 He's like, I got to do it.

00:21:49.020 I'm thankful he did.

00:21:50.100 And so he sends me a message and then very quickly said, I would like your number, but

00:21:55.600 I'm not going to text you.

00:21:56.900 I'd only like to call you.

00:21:58.800 And so I went from like, oh, no, another DM conversation to, wait, this is something

00:22:03.520 different here.

00:22:04.340 And then obviously I see his page.

00:22:07.460 I wasn't quite sure who his parents were at the time.

00:22:09.540 But then I realized I had heard Lisa's message before.

00:22:13.460 And I thought, this guy comes from a good home.

00:22:15.940 He's pursuing me differently.

00:22:17.960 You know, there's some intentionality here.

00:22:19.720 I threw my phone in the back of the car.

00:22:21.640 I was at a red light.

00:22:22.800 I wasn't driving.

00:22:23.740 I don't think anyone could arrest me at this point.

00:22:25.500 It's been a long time.

00:22:26.620 And I said, Lord, I need to have clarity that the next guy I date is my future husband.

00:22:32.760 Not to be legalistic, but you have shown me what it's like to, when I run rampant, when

00:22:37.600 I get emotionally invested, I want to be so led and so clear every step of the way.

00:22:43.280 And he did that.

00:22:44.360 And that clarity just continued to evolve.

00:22:46.600 Like to the point, Allie, on our first date, there were confirmations of dreams God had

00:22:51.320 given us that I had never heard anyone else speak about.

00:22:54.320 And just these crazy things where it permitted this understanding of who he is, what he was

00:23:00.460 about.

00:23:01.180 He led with so much clarity that I never had to wonder what I meant to him.

00:23:04.600 And that's something I want every girl to get to have.

00:23:07.580 Because most women today are wondering, is he going to ghost me?

00:23:11.080 Where do we stand?

00:23:11.780 Does he even want to get married?

00:23:12.900 And I can attest that a man that knows he wants to be a husband, that is a leader that

00:23:17.860 has that mantle and is ready to step into it, will date differently.

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00:24:24.300 Okay, so you gave him his number.

00:24:27.220 You gave him your number.

00:24:29.220 And he called you.

00:24:30.400 So, and how quickly after that, after that first phone call and first date, were you like,

00:24:36.200 okay, yeah, this is the person I want to marry?

00:24:38.860 Well, I'll tell you what.

00:24:39.620 On our first date, we happened to meet both the first parents, both of each other's parents.

00:24:45.720 And by the end of that date, my mom looked at me and she said, I think you met your future husband.

00:24:50.060 Did he come down to Alabama?

00:24:51.520 We met in Florida.

00:24:52.620 Okay.

00:24:53.100 So, yeah, I drove over.

00:24:54.200 My mom actually drove me over.

00:24:56.360 I guess we were just chaperoned, which, hey, I mean, they used to do that in courting, so

00:24:59.860 maybe not a bad idea.

00:25:02.200 And so she drove me over.

00:25:03.320 We met.

00:25:03.900 We had like a seven-hour date.

00:25:05.620 We just talked and talked about his vision, what we wanted to do for the future.

00:25:11.440 Met the family, played can jam, a game I've never played before.

00:25:14.800 And it was just a sweet time where there was romance, but it was also not too lofty and whimsical.

00:25:20.520 He wasn't trying to sweep me off my feet.

00:25:22.760 He was trying to get to know me and make sure I was having fun and making sure that I saw

00:25:27.560 the value that he was placing on me.

00:25:29.740 And so from that date, we were married seven months after that, which sounds crazy saying

00:25:36.260 it out loud.

00:25:37.240 Wow.

00:25:37.540 Well, we were quick, too.

00:25:39.780 We started dating and got married within nine months.

00:25:43.140 Okay.

00:25:43.580 So, yeah, not that different.

00:25:45.040 It really is kind of a when you know, you know.

00:25:46.800 So what were some tangible aspects of him and your relationship that were different than

00:25:54.000 the relationships that you had in college pre-starting to really pray for your husband?

00:25:59.680 Like, what did you notice right away that, okay, Lord, I see this is different?

00:26:04.360 Yeah.

00:26:04.660 I think the biggest was in me because right before I had met him, there was a time where

00:26:10.820 I could have gone on a date with someone.

00:26:12.640 And I said, okay, Lord, this isn't your best.

00:26:14.100 Like, I want you to cancel it.

00:26:15.400 And the next day, ghosted.

00:26:17.800 I was like, that prayer worked a little too quick.

00:26:20.200 Yeah.

00:26:20.500 I feel a little sad that I was just that easy to let go of.

00:26:24.480 But this willingness to say, I will let go of things that are not your best.

00:26:28.460 Used to, I would have the approach of, I'm going to have my feelings involved.

00:26:31.620 I'm going to pick who I want to date.

00:26:32.780 And then I'm going to ask the Lord to bless it, which is just not, I mean, that's not really

00:26:37.100 orchestrating your steps, that's just asking God to put a stamp of approval on something

00:26:42.200 that you want.

00:26:42.840 And I found this willingness in me to say, Lord, I want your best instead, which isn't

00:26:48.000 an easy prayer.

00:26:49.360 And it's actually not even an easy prayer to say, I want a kingdom marriage, because that

00:26:53.000 is not always the easiest path.

00:26:54.680 That's something that you'd be willing to grow in beforehand and during.

00:26:59.480 That growth never stops.

00:27:00.740 And so I felt his prompting so closely.

00:27:05.120 I felt his voice closer than I ever had.

00:27:08.160 And just this, yeah, this willingness to follow that.

00:27:13.160 And I'm more of like an introvert and shy.

00:27:17.060 And on that date, as he says, he's like, I love how much you grilled me.

00:27:22.600 I love that you're not afraid to ask me hard questions to the point where I was like, oh

00:27:25.880 my goodness, was I like an FBI interrogator on that first date?

00:27:28.480 Was I romantic at all?

00:27:30.460 But he was actually praying for someone that was going to be hardworking, someone that

00:27:34.900 was going to be a partner and committed to that.

00:27:37.440 And he said he saw that within me, by the way, that I was like, no nonsense.

00:27:42.280 And I love that, because before I was a lot of nonsense.

00:27:44.640 I was like, just tell me I'm pretty and that you like me, maybe even a little bit.

00:27:48.800 And so it was just a sweet invitation.

00:27:52.640 And I think with a lot of dating today, people are afraid to ask those questions.

00:27:56.920 They want to be the best choice.

00:27:58.440 Like you want to be the girl that stands out rather than you want to know you can guard

00:28:03.060 your heart because the Lord says to do that.

00:28:05.440 He wants to protect your emotions, your spirit, your safety, like all of these things.

00:28:11.380 And so be okay with feeling outlandish a little bit.

00:28:15.100 Be okay with not every guy is going to like you.

00:28:17.900 That doesn't matter.

00:28:18.580 You only need one.

00:28:19.580 You only need the right one.

00:28:20.580 That's so true.

00:28:21.480 I say the same thing.

00:28:22.560 It only takes one.

00:28:23.400 There actually doesn't have to be 10,000 guys that you would marry out there.

00:28:27.580 There just has to be one guy that you would marry.

00:28:30.760 Something that you said that I think is so important, that he didn't play any games,

00:28:34.540 that he led you and was clear from the very start.

00:28:38.520 That's something I also loved about my husband from the beginning is that he was just like,

00:28:43.080 this is where I am in my life, emotionally, spiritually, and this is how I feel about you.

00:28:50.300 And that alone was just so attractive to me.

00:28:52.740 And it sounds like you had the same experience.

00:28:55.260 Unfortunately, that is not the experience that a lot of women have out there. 1.00

00:28:59.140 They're left every day convincing themselves that the guy that they're with likes them and

00:29:03.740 just wondering, okay, what can I do to like make him like me more?

00:29:09.240 I say, then you tell me what you think about this.

00:29:12.300 I think that if you are convincing yourself that he likes you or that you like him, that

00:29:18.200 you probably just need to break up.

00:29:20.240 And you shouldn't find yourself convincing yourself that this is the right thing.

00:29:26.040 Maybe that's too broad of a stroke to brush.

00:29:30.060 But I think that that's typically a good indicator that you have decided, okay, I'm not going to

00:29:35.940 allow the Lord to order my steps, but I'm going to desperately just try to make this happen.

00:29:41.220 Yeah, so true.

00:29:41.960 I have the privilege of getting to mentor some girls right now that are in their early

00:29:46.840 20s and they're in the dating scene.

00:29:48.760 And it's interesting, like you said earlier, when you know, you know.

00:29:51.740 I think that phrase scares some people because it's like, well, what does that mean?

00:29:54.960 How do I know that I know?

00:29:56.580 I like to say, when you know you don't know, that's something you can trust about actually

00:30:01.140 knowing.

00:30:01.580 And again, it's hard to venture into that area of really sussing things out and asking

00:30:08.820 yourself, like, am I hoping for this or do I feel peace in this?

00:30:12.560 Is this peace because I want this to serve me or peace because, wow, that is a trajectory

00:30:17.880 of kingdom partnership that I could sign up with.

00:30:21.400 Like, I like to tell my girlfriends, if this guy is not someone that you would recommend

00:30:25.560 to date your best friend, why on earth are you dating him?

00:30:28.640 Like, if he's not someone that you would say that is a gold star of character, then

00:30:32.940 why are you wasting your time?

00:30:35.440 But I remember before I met my husband, I had dated someone else from the church.

00:30:40.140 Incredible person.

00:30:41.060 And two months in, I think we had a conversation of, this is good, but is it great?

00:30:47.580 Like, do we really feel a tie to this?

00:30:50.120 And we both walked away saying, yeah, it's good.

00:30:53.260 And even then I can look back and think, even in a good relationship, you have the potential

00:30:57.420 to settle if you were just short-sighting, like you said, is this the best God has for

00:31:01.840 me?

00:31:02.500 And I think we all have a little bit more of that knowing than we sometimes like to admit

00:31:06.860 because, like you said, maybe I'm scared if I say no to this person, this good option,

00:31:11.720 there's going to be no other out there.

00:31:13.940 But if we see how sacred and sweet that marriage is, if that's the caliber or the symbolism that

00:31:21.820 the Lord used for his love for the church and being the bride, why would we water it down

00:31:26.800 to just something that's a good option?

00:31:28.940 I think we need to have a higher regard for ourself, yes, but also for the sanctity and the

00:31:35.060 sacredness that is marriage.

00:31:36.280 It is worth waiting the waters for to go to something that has longevity, it has peace,

00:31:42.700 it has knowing.

00:31:43.680 And honestly, you probably say the same thing.

00:31:46.440 You need that.

00:31:47.460 On the days and seasons where it's hard, I look back and think, I am so reassured and

00:31:53.460 so confident that the Lord had his fingerprints on our relationship that it almost dispels my

00:31:58.840 doubts because I'm not wondering, did I make the wrong choice?

00:32:01.980 I'm thinking, I got to lean on the Lord and he showed up in uniting us together and bringing

00:32:06.960 us together.

00:32:08.140 And that almost just says it doesn't really matter what we're going through because we

00:32:12.280 decided to go through it together.

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00:33:01.580 That reminds me of a debate that goes on kind of within the Christian dating world, and there's

00:33:12.360 one perspective that says, as long as they are, it sounds like the guy that you dated

00:33:16.480 before, a good person, Christian, all of that, then get married and figure it out together.

00:33:21.400 And then there's another perspective, and this is my perspective, that all of that stuff

00:33:25.500 does matter.

00:33:26.240 The fact that he loves Jesus and that he has these enduring characteristics that will weather

00:33:31.060 a lot of storms, like that matters, but you also should be attracted to them.

00:33:36.340 Like you should have those feelings of romance and love and like, oh my goodness, I want to

00:33:41.520 be with that person.

00:33:42.320 That's not, you know, those super exciting, I can't wait to see them again feelings aren't

00:33:47.440 going to persist in exactly the same way forever and ever.

00:33:50.740 I think that they're important.

00:33:52.360 I think that they're an important kind of glue in the very beginning that brings people

00:33:56.740 together.

00:33:57.100 But some people would say that's really not important.

00:33:59.840 As long as you share faith and you share the character qualities that you're looking

00:34:03.540 for in another person, figure it out from there and make it work.

00:34:07.320 What do you think?

00:34:09.200 Well, I have the benefit of coming from my husband has three brothers, and so there's

00:34:14.840 a lot of males.

00:34:16.000 There's a lot of testosterone in that household. 0.92

00:34:17.940 If I were to take that theology, then we could just swap husbands.

00:34:21.000 Like I could be married to my brother-in-law, one of my sister-in-laws would be married to

00:34:23.860 my husband, and it just would have worked out just the same.

00:34:26.320 But I see such specificness within those partnerships.

00:34:30.200 I see, wow, there is an attribute that that couple has that strengthened them both for

00:34:34.420 the call, for the character, for the qualities and identity they have.

00:34:37.660 And so I agree that there is specificness.

00:34:40.780 There is this intentionality in who we choose as our partner, but it is a choice.

00:34:46.660 So we do have the choice of, I'm going to partner with this person.

00:34:50.180 I'm going to give them my yes.

00:34:52.160 And I think if your yes is like, meh, like, yeah, they're cute.

00:34:55.560 They love Jesus.

00:34:56.060 That's fine.

00:34:57.400 What really is, how much of a gift is that yes?

00:35:00.360 If it's just like a, yeah, this will work out rather than, wow, I'm on fire for this

00:35:04.320 person.

00:35:05.040 Again, not just because I'm infatuated and I think they're the most good looking person

00:35:09.300 I've ever seen, but because I see something on their life that I'm excited to partner with.

00:35:14.660 So I do think that means I have an understanding of their character, of their vision, of, you

00:35:21.280 know, the way that they live their life.

00:35:22.860 Now, was my husband everything I thought on paper?

00:35:26.460 No, probably not.

00:35:27.320 But he had qualities that I didn't even know to expect and that those serve me so well and

00:35:32.960 what I'm called to, like the way he champions me, the way that I'm able to support him.

00:35:37.420 Those are all such a unique experience to how we're connected.

00:35:42.160 And so I would say if anyone's tempted just to kind of pick someone, that's probably more

00:35:47.920 from a standard of thinking I'm going to miss out on something rather than I feel life on

00:35:52.980 this relationship.

00:35:54.400 And, you know, you look at courting and that was the standard for centuries and decades.

00:35:59.680 It mostly changed around the 1950s is when we see all of like the sexual revolution and

00:36:04.080 things start to influence how people choose their partner.

00:36:06.920 They get away from friends and family.

00:36:10.140 They get away from church.

00:36:11.360 They get away from even school.

00:36:12.480 And that's how they are meeting their person.

00:36:14.460 And like, hey, I met my husband on Instagram.

00:36:15.940 I'm not saying that the Lord can't work within that.

00:36:18.560 But I'm saying those were areas where people were already vetted.

00:36:22.420 And it's like, you know, your mom would introduce you to someone.

00:36:24.760 It's like, well, this is a great guy.

00:36:26.420 But you still got to say, okay, awesome.

00:36:28.920 But do I feel life to choose that?

00:36:30.480 Like there's something that is important on both sides.

00:36:32.760 And so I think it's neat that we have both those camps.

00:36:35.960 But yes, please don't just pick someone because you feel like, you know, all the pieces of

00:36:41.220 the pie are being taken and you have to grab one.

00:36:43.380 Yeah.

00:36:43.820 Do you think that going back to that courting setup that you just described, that basically

00:36:49.540 this was someone that the family knows and the family knows the other family, you get

00:36:54.420 to know each other together, you fall in love kind of in that communal setting is the

00:37:00.900 antidote to a lot of just like the chaos and isolation and the series of heartbreaks that

00:37:06.800 we see today.

00:37:07.780 Like you said, I'm not demonizing all apps.

00:37:10.520 I know people married who met each other on dating apps, but just in general, like the

00:37:15.080 culture of immediacy and superficiality and like high emotions, quick obsession, then being

00:37:21.300 ghosted.

00:37:22.140 I just don't know that our hearts were created to be able to handle all of that.

00:37:25.720 So do you think that reverting back to kind of how it was pre-first sexual revolution

00:37:32.040 is the way to go?

00:37:33.680 I do.

00:37:34.820 And I think we see a correlation between the decline in servanthood within even the family

00:37:39.800 dynamic and the decline of servanthood in marriage.

00:37:42.380 Like we are such independent beings that it makes sense we don't necessarily know how to

00:37:47.160 do relationships in marriage well, because that's a lost art.

00:37:50.920 And we see that Jesus modeled that servanthood so, so well.

00:37:54.300 He, of course, had his times of solitude and like his own purpose that none of his disciples

00:37:59.040 could live up to, but he did things in community.

00:38:01.720 He had impact in crowds and people around him.

00:38:04.340 And so I think we, you know, even going to the courting model is like you met people in

00:38:08.300 family because people still wanted to be with their families.

00:38:11.100 They wanted to be part of church.

00:38:12.440 They wanted to be part of friendships, not just because they wanted something to do or to

00:38:17.160 belong, but they wanted to serve the mission of those things.

00:38:20.240 So I think if we can get back to a model of, you know, mission in our life of serving of

00:38:26.740 being around people and then courting, I mean, I feel like you're saying the women that are

00:38:31.960 being ghosted, I would love for those women to have people that are in their inner circle. 0.99

00:38:38.180 It's like, Hey, I'm going to vet this person with you.

00:38:40.820 I'm going to be part of that evaluation stage because that's is what dating is for.

00:38:44.760 It's just evaluation.

00:38:45.700 It should be this quick clarity of, you know, are you my person or not?

00:38:50.700 But the average couple today dates for two and a half years, you know, like me and you

00:38:55.320 where you were a couple months with dating and now people are dating for 30 months.

00:38:58.640 And I'm like, what more are you actually garnering that you cannot ascertain in that period?

00:39:03.640 So get people around you.

00:39:05.460 Like, let's have this modern day courting.

00:39:08.020 If you meet online, like bring people in.

00:39:10.120 I think so many couples have the uphill battle of trying to figure it out by themselves.

00:39:14.960 So many women have the battle of trying to see, is this the right guy for me? 1.00

00:39:19.340 Does his actions match his words?

00:39:21.880 And if you can bring in trusted voices, it's going to serve you hopefully so much less heartache

00:39:27.360 and even just more clarity.

00:39:30.180 And if you're thinking, well, this guy's great.

00:39:32.220 Like, you know, we've been going out by ourselves and why do I need to bring someone in?

00:39:35.820 If he has nothing to hide, then there's going to be nothing that has to be hidden.

00:39:38.900 Just bring more eyes and trusted voices into it.

00:39:41.880 And it also helps with the sexual aspect of it, too.

00:39:46.100 You're waiting until you get married.

00:39:48.340 Being around people really helps that.

00:39:50.360 And I think some people think, well, in order to really know this person, I have to be spending

00:39:54.580 all of this time with them alone.

00:39:56.640 I'm not saying you should never have alone time.

00:39:59.000 But there's a difference between alone time when you're like taking a walk in the park

00:40:02.420 and going to get coffee and alone time at 11 p.m.

00:40:06.100 watching TV in a dark room by yourself.

00:40:08.300 Yeah, like you're not talking to them at that point anyway.

00:40:14.060 And so talk about that a little bit, because that's also apparently a little controversial

00:40:17.780 in the world today.

00:40:18.940 This so-called purity culture that is being demonized.

00:40:22.240 And I could definitely talk about like the bad and the ugly of some of the messages that

00:40:26.620 we were told growing up.

00:40:28.760 But essentially, we are told to flee sexual immorality.

00:40:32.560 We see Joseph fleeing Potiphar's wife, literally running away from it.

00:40:36.640 It sounds to me like this family courtship system would really help us completely flee.

00:40:43.280 Because I think we think not sinning is getting as close to sinning as possible and then stopping

00:40:48.680 at the furthest point.

00:40:50.180 And that is not how a Christian is supposed to live our lives. 1.00

00:40:53.040 We've all done that probably at some point.

00:40:54.940 But that's not what's best for our heart and body and future spouses.

00:40:59.180 Right.

00:40:59.460 Like why put yourself in a position that's so hard?

00:41:02.240 It's hard to be right on the line and not tiptoe it.

00:41:04.940 So true.

00:41:05.360 Um, my husband really modeled this so beautifully and I'm so thankful that he guarded our purity

00:41:10.340 in such a great way.

00:41:11.260 He had, um, a friend where if we did have a later night hangout, he said, okay, I'm going

00:41:15.580 to call my friend and we're going to put a timer on the phone, make sure we're separated

00:41:19.020 by this time.

00:41:20.040 And I was like, oh, that's sweet.

00:41:21.440 You know, the timer would go off and I'm like, but it's okay.

00:41:23.500 Like, I just want to keep hanging out with you.

00:41:25.060 And he said, no, like I know the slippery slope this is.

00:41:28.300 Yeah.

00:41:28.540 And I love his heart for that because, you know, one of the things, and I'm loose to

00:41:32.720 say promises, because I don't want to say that God gave me the promise of this great

00:41:36.080 man.

00:41:36.480 But I did feel the urging to believe again for that purity and character.

00:41:41.000 And so the fact that I got to marry someone that was a virgin on our wedding day, it just

00:41:45.680 seems like high school me would be like, how on earth?

00:41:49.100 Where did you find him?

00:41:50.920 But yeah, accountability.

00:41:53.120 And maybe you don't have great parents.

00:41:54.820 Maybe you don't have a strong community around you.

00:41:57.280 Like form that.

00:41:58.560 Maybe if you have the gift of singleness right now, like form those people that are going

00:42:01.760 to stand by you on your wedding day, that are going to walk through the evaluation with

00:42:05.520 you.

00:42:05.960 Find mentors.

00:42:07.060 Find a couple that's doing marriage well and glean from them in that.

00:42:12.680 Last sponsor for the day is Preborn.

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00:42:41.360 She is so much more likely to choose life.

00:42:44.240 These pregnancy centers are all about giving women hope, giving them the resources they

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00:43:19.780 What are some of the specific prayers you prayed that you saw answered in your husband?

00:43:25.320 I see so much of maybe not necessarily answered in the way that we understand it, which I

00:43:36.340 think is sometimes hard because we're used to such as, like you said, an instantaneous

00:43:40.540 lifestyle by the whole way that our system operates today.

00:43:43.540 But I see those answers continue to play out in the way that he's a father.

00:43:48.460 And the leadership he carries.

00:43:50.380 He recently stepped into a new role at the ministry.

00:43:52.820 And I was honestly just shocked.

00:43:55.420 I was like, you've become such a great leader.

00:43:57.580 And now I'm thinking about it like, well, why am I shocked?

00:43:59.580 I've been praying that over him.

00:44:00.920 And not that that's all on my own strength, but I've just come alongside that in a small

00:44:05.380 way and believing that the Lord will grow him and equip him.

00:44:09.140 And so I've seen him, like I said, be someone that guarded my purity instead of tempted it.

00:44:15.140 I saw that he was clear with his intentions.

00:44:17.260 He was unafraid to be truly a man of God.

00:44:21.140 He had convictions.

00:44:22.300 He had passion.

00:44:24.020 I even just saw when I was praying, the Lord give me dreams of aspects that my future

00:44:30.360 husband would have.

00:44:31.480 And in such a kind way, I feel like he tucked those away to where we're on our first date.

00:44:35.960 I was thinking, OK, this guy is tracking.

00:44:38.200 He seems to be the type of man I'm looking for.

00:44:40.820 And on our second date, had a moment of real clear, like this vision that I had dreamed

00:44:46.620 about come to fully intact.

00:44:49.240 And I had this dream whenever I was praying for my future husband.

00:44:52.320 I went to sleep one night and I'm walking in this field and it's somewhere I'd never

00:44:58.220 been.

00:44:58.760 I see this crowd out in front and then I realize I'm holding hands with someone and I look

00:45:04.040 over and I look up and it's this man I'd never seen.

00:45:06.880 He has like this wavy hair.

00:45:08.880 I was like, what are we doing?

00:45:10.140 Like, where are we going?

00:45:11.040 And he said, it's our engagement party.

00:45:12.940 And then he put on his glasses and I woke up and I was like, well, thank you, Lord, because

00:45:16.280 that man was attractive and taught like all the things, but I'd never met him before.

00:45:21.220 So obviously, I'm still praying for someone that's not yet out there.

00:45:24.580 I haven't missed it.

00:45:25.720 I'm not crazy.

00:45:27.120 At least that's what I was taking that as.

00:45:28.660 And then on our second date, we were long distance.

00:45:31.500 So we were doing like a FaceTime movie date and he said, hold on, I have to go put my

00:45:34.440 glasses on.

00:45:35.340 He comes back into the frame.

00:45:36.580 And as soon as I saw him, it was like that dream reawoken, which I'm so grateful that

00:45:40.560 that was tucked away because, you know, when you're praying for specifics, especially if

00:45:44.580 you have like a list of some sort, I think in God's kindness, he like tucks those away.

00:45:49.700 So we're not just like looking.

00:45:51.060 I mean, it would have been really easy to wake up the next day, find a guy with curly hair

00:45:54.540 and glasses and be like, you, you're my future husband.

00:45:56.800 Um, but I think when we're praying for vision and for clarity that the Lord will kindly reawaken

00:46:03.300 those and show us when to trust that.

00:46:05.120 And like, you know, his timing is never off.

00:46:07.380 And I believe that's so true, whether your timing is in singleness or when something comes

00:46:12.000 to fruition.

00:46:13.180 Um, and so relying on that so keenly is such a gift it was to me.

00:46:18.560 You know, there might be people watching this, maybe they're in their late thirties, they're

00:46:23.240 not married yet and they're listening to us and they're like, wow, y'all got married

00:46:28.180 when you were 23, you dated for under a year.

00:46:30.580 You don't know what it's like.

00:46:32.460 You don't know the heartbreak that I've gone through of having this hope deferred over and

00:46:36.700 over again.

00:46:37.880 Would you say that this book about praying for your future husband is for that stage of

00:46:44.400 life to that woman who really feels completely hopeless that her desire for a family is ever

00:46:50.580 going to be fulfilled?

00:46:51.340 Yes, I would.

00:46:53.520 And not because I can encapsulate that perfectly, but because the principle stays true.

00:46:58.280 And anytime we're believing for the Lord in prayer and faith, it's not to ascertain an

00:47:02.160 answer, but it's to pray for his nature.

00:47:04.840 His nature is comforter.

00:47:06.360 His nature is provider.

00:47:07.560 His nature is healer.

00:47:08.620 If you have been heartbroken and I'm so comforted in any hard season of Ecclesiastes, there is a

00:47:15.020 time to grieve.

00:47:16.500 There's a time to lament.

00:47:18.040 But what the Lord does, and I love watching this in the Psalms, is David comes in all like 0.92

00:47:23.220 hot and angry or sad and depressed.

00:47:25.420 And that time of prayer transforms his heart.

00:47:27.900 And he actually speaks to his soul.

00:47:29.280 And he says, why am I downcast?

00:47:31.580 Not because it's not valid, but because it's not the ending point.

00:47:36.500 And so that's something I try to keep in mind.

00:47:38.400 And there is validity to people that might say, maybe you are called to singleness.

00:47:44.820 Maybe the Lord does want to do this.

00:47:46.760 But from what I have seen in what this book is, I feel like there is a need for more hope

00:47:51.680 out there.

00:47:52.720 And that's not necessarily what you receive when you're single.

00:47:55.720 It's not necessarily what you receive when you're separated or you're a widow.

00:47:59.160 And so maybe there are other paths.

00:48:02.100 But what I feel the call to do is just to inspire hope.

00:48:04.600 Like, have audacious faith, the amount of people in the Bible, such as Noah when he's

00:48:10.520 building the ark, Simeon whenever he's preparing for the Messiah to come, and baby Jesus walks

00:48:16.600 in and he knows immediately, Joseph when he has the dream and he has that delayed waiting.

00:48:23.120 That faith looks crazy to some people.

00:48:26.400 Some people laugh at it.

00:48:27.540 Some people question it.

00:48:28.640 And so if you are in the season of waiting has been long, I'm tempted to give up.

00:48:32.560 People are telling me I should give up.

00:48:34.920 My MO would say to have faith, not that it's easy, not that you don't have valid emotions

00:48:40.760 and frustrations, but because I would rather wait on something, believing the Lord can do

00:48:45.580 it rather than short-sighted because I stopped believing that he was going to do something.

00:48:50.740 I think it's also so important to remember that yes to the world, praying for a future husband,

00:48:57.160 past the time that the world says, oh, well, that's too late.

00:49:00.380 It's not going to happen for you.

00:49:02.640 You're this age.

00:49:04.480 Does look crazy, but time spent in the Lord's presence is not wasted time.

00:49:11.660 Even if, because I can't guarantee, no one can guarantee what your love story is going

00:49:16.800 to look like if you are going to find a husband, if you're going to find a husband in the next

00:49:21.260 five years.

00:49:22.040 We just don't know. 0.94

00:49:23.120 But it is not stupid or wasted time praying for that because the lesson that I learned 0.96

00:49:29.200 from you when you were talking is like the Lord sanctified you and healed you and taught 0.91

00:49:34.960 you things in his word, not just things that he accomplished in your husband, which is really

00:49:41.220 important.

00:49:41.740 But time spent in prayer, time spent in faith, time spent in his word is not time that's

00:49:48.140 wasted.

00:49:48.700 And I think that that's really important.

00:49:51.540 So if you're like at that point where you're like, well, there's no point in me praying

00:49:55.000 for this anymore because it's probably not just going, it's just not going to happen.

00:49:58.960 Psalm 16 tells us that at his right hand are pleasures forevermore.

00:50:03.920 So no matter what stage of life you're in, your joy doesn't have to start when you find

00:50:08.940 your husband, when you get married, when you have kids, good desires, but the Lord wants

00:50:14.200 you to know that you can have the fullness of pleasure right now because you're in his

00:50:18.600 presence.

00:50:19.440 And I think that's comforting for all of us.

00:50:21.680 And that's not something that like, I don't have to have experienced the same length of

00:50:27.480 waiting and singleness as someone else to be able to guarantee what God's word says about

00:50:31.580 pleasure and joy and fulfillment in his presence.

00:50:33.900 So just an important thing to remember.

00:50:36.440 Absolutely.

00:50:36.680 And I think you're touching on the idea of comparison, even in those seasons.

00:50:41.360 I felt that writing this book, like, can I even write this because I haven't waited as

00:50:45.900 much as other people, but comparison is one of those traps where we're going to miss out

00:50:49.700 on the specific things that the Lord wants to do for you because we think what doesn't

00:50:53.920 look like, you know, my waiting season doesn't look like my friends.

00:50:57.160 She's engaged.

00:50:57.900 I've been praying longer.

00:50:59.800 In Luke 8, we see this account where I think there was a little bit of unfairness where

00:51:04.280 Jairus is saying, come heal my daughter, please, Jesus, I trust in you.

00:51:08.060 I'm asking you to do this.

00:51:09.360 And on the way there, this woman interrupts him who needed her own healing.

00:51:13.900 And they have to stop and wait for him to heal her.

00:51:17.020 And in my mind, Jairus was probably like, hey, Jesus, we were coming to my house.

00:51:21.000 Like, we can come back to her.

00:51:22.520 This was my turn.

00:51:23.560 But she has this moment where, and not knowing her story, she had been waiting for, I believe,

00:51:29.800 to be like years, over a decade for this healing.

00:51:32.600 And so in our limited, narrow mindset, it's easy to see the linear equation of that, of

00:51:38.620 like, well, who gets to get it first?

00:51:40.300 When really, Jesus is working on both behalves.

00:51:43.420 And then the element in both of their stories is he tells her, go, your faith has healed

00:51:47.680 you.

00:51:48.420 And then he tells Jairus, when everyone's laughing at him, hey, your daughter's dead.

00:51:52.280 This healing's not going to happen anymore.

00:51:53.860 You should just give up.

00:51:55.500 Jesus says, basically, don't listen to them.

00:51:57.940 Just have faith.

00:51:58.840 And he heals her.

00:51:59.560 He resurrects something that, someone that was dead.

00:52:02.440 And probably people feel that way about their relationship status of singleness.

00:52:07.520 It's like, there's no way God can do this anymore.

00:52:10.080 And the element of faith is so important.

00:52:12.140 And he tells us, you know, that looks different for each person.

00:52:15.400 There's different timelines.

00:52:16.480 There's different purposes.

00:52:17.420 There's different reasons why I'm stopping and doing this for them now.

00:52:21.160 I'm coming to you.

00:52:22.040 You are not forgotten.

00:52:23.540 I think that's the thing I want people to walk away with is, though comparison could happen,

00:52:29.000 though you could say, well, I'm after this person.

00:52:31.680 I've been waiting longer.

00:52:33.240 You know, I've been praying for years.

00:52:35.620 In my mind, I would say, yes, that's not fair.

00:52:37.780 I would have said that to Jairus.

00:52:39.320 But the Lord has an intention in everything.

00:52:42.440 He orders our steps.

00:52:43.800 He does not forsake us.

00:52:45.320 And I believe that that has to be true.

00:52:46.640 Yeah, that's such a good lesson to learn from that passage that I hadn't really thought about before, that I'm sure Jairus is like, he is on his own timeline.

00:52:54.660 He's feeling urgency, as we all would.

00:52:57.180 But God is never late.

00:52:58.720 And he's like, you know what?

00:53:00.260 It's going to take, whether she's dead or alive, it's going to take supernatural power for me to heal.

00:53:05.480 And so you just trust me.

00:53:07.600 But I mean, imagine that situation, no worse situation, your kid dying, your child dying.

00:53:13.240 Of course, you're feeling like, I'm sorry you're taking a pit stop.

00:53:17.780 Like, this is the most important thing in the world.

00:53:21.000 I can't imagine how distressing that must feel.

00:53:23.840 And if that is true, that in that moment, Jesus wanted to pause and do something else, as he so often did when he was going to do something, he paused and did something else.

00:53:33.280 Because then, I mean, how much more is he doing that probably in all of the little ways in our lives when we feel like this?

00:53:40.300 Oh, my gosh, this is late.

00:53:41.400 This is late.

00:53:41.880 This is late.

00:53:42.780 God is never late.

00:53:43.620 We always say on this show that God's eternal plan of redemption is always going off without a hitch.

00:53:48.140 He's never surprised or taken aback.

00:53:51.540 I love that aspect of your book, just believing in the Lord for his goodness and being taught through the power of prayer.

00:53:58.240 Or what else do you want people to walk away with after they finish your book?

00:54:07.220 I think the idea that, you know, there is so much more to this.

00:54:12.500 And I'm glad you touched on this.

00:54:13.660 There's so much more than this than just receiving the husband.

00:54:16.940 And truthfully, if I could be completely transparent, sometimes it's easier to pray for your future husband coming and then receive that gift and be like, okay, check.

00:54:25.300 I got it.

00:54:26.120 I'm here.

00:54:26.560 But the power of prayer is so needed.

00:54:29.620 It's so crucial.

00:54:31.240 My time praying for my future husband isn't enough to sustain our marriage.

00:54:35.460 I need to stay in prayer.

00:54:37.380 One, not just for him to be blessed, but for us to stay together.

00:54:40.840 Like the enemy hates marriage.

00:54:42.260 There is so evidently a spiritual attack on marriage.

00:54:44.740 And I think part of that is why we're seeing dating and singleness being as tough as it is because he doesn't want people to come together stronger.

00:54:52.140 But staying in prayer of, you know, even if someone's watching this, there's the Dear Future Husband Prayer Journal Companion.

00:54:58.880 It doesn't just have to be for a future husband.

00:55:00.900 Use it for your husband.

00:55:02.120 Guard him.

00:55:02.720 Cover him.

00:55:03.280 Something I'm, you know, aware of is death and life is in the power of the tongue.

00:55:08.880 And I see so much right now in the media of just put men down, speak negatively about men.

00:55:15.060 Maybe you're single and you're saying dating is the worst.

00:55:17.200 Men just don't know how to lead.

00:55:19.100 That may be true, but how are we speaking about it?

00:55:23.280 Like men don't know how to lead, so I'm going to cover them so that they are able to lead.

00:55:26.860 My husband and I have been in a dry spell.

00:55:28.860 I'm going to speak life and blessing over that.

00:55:31.920 The quote that there is a king and a fool and every man and who you speak to arises is something so true. 1.00

00:55:40.280 And so I'm convicted of that. 0.94

00:55:41.660 Even telling women, pray for your future husband. 0.81

00:55:43.780 How am I praying for my husband?

00:55:45.300 How am I speaking to him?

00:55:46.600 Am I seeing, even when he's on his good days, am I seeing him to be great?

00:55:51.360 Is my words and my prayers, the way I create an atmosphere in our home, is that for life and power and for God to move?

00:55:59.120 Or is it this halt?

00:56:00.560 Or is it even a negative?

00:56:01.800 I want to challenge myself and challenge other women.

00:56:04.920 Let's pray for our husband.

00:56:06.180 Pray for your future husband.

00:56:07.200 Speak well of them and call into things not that yet as they are, but as they could be.

00:56:12.760 That's so important.

00:56:13.680 Most of the people who watch this podcast are already married.

00:56:17.640 And it's so true that whatever you prayed for your future husband, you should also be praying for your current husband.

00:56:23.260 Because you're right, it's easy to think, oh, I did this to get this and I got it.

00:56:26.940 So I'm done.

00:56:27.940 But all of that spiritual formation that you wanted in your future husband, how much more?

00:56:32.580 Do we want it for the father of our children?

00:56:34.860 And now we actually know the circumstances that they're going through.

00:56:37.640 Their insecurities, all of those things, and we know specifically how to pray, it's just as powerful in the present moment as it was when we were anticipating this gift.

00:56:48.120 Yeah.

00:56:48.560 And I don't know about your husband, but my husband is so stoic and it's a quality I love about him.

00:56:52.980 But he's not going to come up to me the same way as my girlfriend and say, hey, babe, I need prayer in this.

00:56:57.660 Can you help me?

00:56:58.580 He's going to show it in often unspoken ways.

00:57:01.660 And so it takes spiritual eyes to even be able to discern that.

00:57:04.740 Yes, it's easier once you're with him to see how to pray for him.

00:57:07.500 But you also just need to be, not you, but like all of us need to stay adamant on searching that out.

00:57:14.060 And I read something in Jeremiah 15 that really struck me by this because Jeremiah is over here being faithful.

00:57:21.820 The world's a little cray-cray.

00:57:23.140 I'm sure we can relate to that.

00:57:25.040 And he's pleading for them.

00:57:26.300 And God says, I need you just to stop.

00:57:27.740 Like, this is my plan.

00:57:28.940 And then he gets to this point of complaining about it.

00:57:31.000 And he's like, God, you know, it's better that I was never born.

00:57:33.640 Like, what's my purpose here?

00:57:34.780 It's obviously not making a difference.

00:57:36.880 And then God says, I need you to stop and repent so that I may restore you.

00:57:41.980 And he's over here like, I haven't done anything wrong.

00:57:43.900 I'm the only one doing something right.

00:57:45.280 And he's like, yes, but I need you to be my mouthpiece.

00:57:47.840 And that requires that you're not complaining.

00:57:50.020 You're not saying what things are.

00:57:51.720 You're saying what they could be.

00:57:53.160 And so, you know, it's not an easy call to be a godly wife.

00:57:57.200 It's not an easy call to be a godly husband.

00:57:58.840 But the Lord can use that to do incredible things.

00:58:02.660 And I'm hoping that there's more kingdom marriages.

00:58:05.140 There's more restored relationships and identity.

00:58:08.000 But that's going to come with us counting the cost, as Jesus tells us to do.

00:58:11.860 And I believe there's blessing that comes when we do that well.

00:58:15.260 Yeah.

00:58:15.660 And it's so transformative, both for the person you're praying for and for you.

00:58:19.100 When every time you're tempted to complain or to criticize or to nag, you turn that into prayer, both for yourself to repent and to not be a complainer and a nagger and a negative Nancy and all of that, but also for them to become the man that you know that they are called to be. 0.95

00:58:37.100 I love what you said about a fool and a king and every man and who we speak to and who we pray for.

00:58:42.240 Yeah. 0.98

00:58:42.480 Like, it really makes a difference.

00:58:44.340 God has preordained that the power of prayer has great authority and power as it is working.

00:58:49.760 And that's really what this book is about.

00:58:51.800 And we wed that with romance and finding the person that we're spending the rest of our lives with.

00:58:57.560 And it's really, really not only life-changing, but world-changing.

00:59:01.080 Yeah.

00:59:01.560 Because strong marriages change the world.

00:59:03.560 They do.

00:59:04.300 Everyone can buy your book wherever books are sold, right?

00:59:07.080 That is correct.

00:59:08.160 If they can figure out how to spell my last name, it's hard for some people.

00:59:12.080 They can find it.

00:59:13.100 We get Beaver, Bevere.

00:59:15.960 Oh, Bevere. 0.99

00:59:16.940 Okay.

00:59:17.260 I hadn't heard that one.

00:59:17.940 That one's fancy.

00:59:19.340 I know.

00:59:19.580 I like that one.

00:59:20.060 Christian Bevere.

00:59:21.280 They can buy it on Amazon.

00:59:22.840 Follow you on Instagram and all of that good stuff.

00:59:24.880 And plug your podcast, your podcast as well.

00:59:27.720 Yes.

00:59:28.020 It's called the Dear Future Husband Podcast.

00:59:29.620 We're very on brand there with all the Dear Future Husband stuff.

00:59:32.300 Yeah.

00:59:32.360 Love it.

00:59:32.840 And yeah, it's for anyone that's waiting and wanting to have a resurgence of hope in their

00:59:36.420 love story.

00:59:37.180 Love it.

00:59:37.680 Thank you so much, Christian.

00:59:38.740 Thank you, Allie.

00:59:39.340 Thank you.

00:59:57.560 Thank you.

00:59:59.280 Thank you.

01:00:09.840 Bye.

01:00:12.340 Bye.

01:00:13.260 Bye.

01:00:13.600 Bye.

01:00:13.960 Bye.

01:00:14.240 Bye.

01:00:14.900 Bye.

01:00:15.320 Bye.

01:00:15.780 Bye.

01:00:17.860 Bye.

01:00:17.960 Bye.

01:00:19.160 Bye.

01:00:20.380 Bye.

01:00:20.960 Bye.

01:00:21.540 Bye.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - February 13, 2026

Ep 1303 ｜ Pray for Your Husband Like This, And Watch Everything Change ｜ Christian Bevere

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