Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1328 ｜ From Jezebel to Jesus Follower： How a P＊rn Star Got Saved ｜ Brittni De La Mora

00:00:00.700 Brittany De La Mora worked in the porn industry for over six years, but God radically transformed

00:00:07.640 her life, and now she helps women in the porn industry get out and live redeemed.

00:00:13.820 Her story is absolutely incredible and is so encouraging to us when we remember that

00:00:20.100 God is a God of redemption.

00:00:21.820 He makes beauty out of ashes.

00:00:24.180 You are going to be so edified by the testimony that she shares today.

00:00:28.360 So without further ado, here is Brittany.

00:00:40.240 Brittany, thanks so much for taking the time to join us.

00:00:43.160 Could you first just tell us who you are and what you do?

00:00:45.720 So yes, my name is Brittany Dallamora, and I was in the adult film industry for seven

00:00:50.520 years of my life.

00:00:51.780 Now my husband and I run an organization

00:00:54.100 called lovealwaysministries.com

00:00:56.820 and just launched jesuslovespornstars.org.

00:01:00.160 And what we're doing is going into adult conventions,

00:01:03.540 ministering the gospel.

00:01:04.740 We just went to one in January

00:01:06.100 and got to pray over so many consumers

00:01:08.720 and adult industry workers.

00:01:10.740 And we help people find freedom from pornography.

00:01:13.540 Wow.

00:01:13.780 Well, I can't wait to get into more

00:01:15.040 of like what that work looks like.

00:01:16.720 What a unique ministry that God has called you to.

00:01:18.960 I first want to hear your testimony. We'll get to how you became a Christian, but let's back

00:01:24.380 all the way up and just talk a little bit about your childhood, because that has something to do

00:01:29.520 with the kind of headspace that you were in when you got into the adult film industry. So let's

00:01:35.420 back all the way up. Yeah. So going back to childhood, I just grew up in a very chaotic

00:01:39.800 household. It wasn't a Christian home. We didn't know God. He wasn't encouraged or discouraged.

00:01:44.240 I really believe because God is love without God there's just no love in a household you know and

00:01:49.300 so it was very chaotic a lot of verbal abuse a lot of physical emotional abuse I just really

00:01:56.960 grew up with a lot of insecurities and a lot of self-hatred because you internalize the words

00:02:03.020 that are spoken over you and so I just felt like I just remember like at 10 years old like going to

00:02:10.000 bed with like a roll of toilet paper, like just crying myself to sleep and just like asking like,

00:02:14.560 why am I even alive? Like, what is the point of life? Like just having these questions of no

00:02:20.020 purpose, no identity. And was I just born to feel pain my entire life? And that's genuinely how I

00:02:26.700 felt. And so I made all of my decisions based on that place of brokenness. And you say that there

00:02:33.520 was verbal abuse and gosh, what pain you must have been feeling as a 10 year old to be able to

00:02:39.340 just cry yourself to sleep at night. What were some of the things that you were hearing in your

00:02:44.700 home? You're a loser. I hate you. I wish I never had you. I mean, the list goes on and on things 1.00

00:02:51.040 that I could never say on your podcast. Yeah. Gosh, I'm so sorry. And were your parents

00:02:55.340 together? Were they married? They were together, but they were separated. Okay. So if that makes

00:03:00.080 sense. Yeah. And I'm sure that kind of led to the insecurity and instability you felt as a child.

00:03:04.680 Yeah. So tell me more about growing up and then that fateful trip that you took when you were a

00:03:10.340 teenager. Yeah. So when I got to probably about middle school, high school, I just my search for

00:03:16.980 validation began. And I thought, like, I just need to have a boyfriend. I need somebody in my life.

00:03:21.640 And so dated a couple guys here and there. And then in high school, I just started to pursue

00:03:27.140 this guy that I was attracted to. And eventually we started dating and we I lost my virginity to

00:03:34.240 him. And then his brother called me and told me that he had cheated on me with three different

00:03:38.440 women. And I was crushed because, of course, in my 16-year-old little heart, I thought, well,

00:03:44.080 this is the guy that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. And after that, I had told my

00:03:51.060 friends, like, I'm heartbroken. I felt not only rejected at home, but now rejected by the guy that

00:03:55.520 I just gave everything to. And so they're like, well, let's just go to Mexico and party because

00:04:00.340 we live so close to the Tijuana border. So we went out and in Mexico, by the way, at that time,

00:04:05.780 you could get into any club with a valid high school ID. You're supposed to be 18, but you show

00:04:09.980 your high school ID and they would let you in. And you lived in San Diego. So it was just a drive

00:04:14.140 down. Exactly. Yeah. I lived probably 10, 15 minutes from the border of that. And so we go

00:04:21.240 to a club. I get drunk and your parents didn't have they didn't care. No, they did. Actually,

00:04:27.120 My mom was very, very strict. I think I had told her I was going to spend the night at a friend's

00:04:34.040 house that night. And then that friend's parents were not strict. And they're like, oh yeah, go

00:04:38.580 ahead. Go have fun. So we went to a club. It was the first time that I had ever gotten drunk. And

00:04:45.340 I went outside to get some food. And I see another club across the way. And I recognize the name of

00:04:51.620 the club because there was some guys in my high school class that would talk about how beautiful

00:04:55.400 the women were. So out of curiosity, like, what do these women have that they're always praising

00:04:59.660 these women? Like, I'm just going to go check it out. So I go over to the bar and the bouncer was 1.00

00:05:06.020 like, you can't come in. And I said, well, I'm not going to drink. Like, I just want to dance

00:05:09.960 because I thought they weren't going to let me in because I was drunk. And they're like, oh,

00:05:14.140 you want to dance? And so he grabs me by the hand and he said, OK, come on. And he walks me into a

00:05:19.300 club and I'm looking around and I'm like, oh, this is a strip club. And he said, you're going to be

00:05:24.720 up after her. So the way it worked in, in, in America, like there's a changing room backstage

00:05:29.960 in Mexico. It was like, the women are just lined up on the stairs waiting to go on stage for their 0.78

00:05:35.340 turn. And so I had liquid courage and a broken heart. Um, I also felt afraid to say no at that

00:05:42.600 point. I don't know. I just, I had a lot of fear in me as a child. So I got up on stage. I took my

00:05:48.560 top off that night and there were people saying, you are so beautiful. We love you. And those words

00:05:56.300 that I was hearing in that club are words that I wasn't hearing at home. And so there was just

00:06:00.640 the seed that was planted in me that day that if you take your clothes off, like this is where

00:06:04.740 you're going to find affirmation. This is where you're going to find validation. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

00:06:09.940 So you're up there. You're like, this is the love that I have been longing for. Didn't get it from

00:06:16.200 my boyfriend. He rejected me. I wasn't enough for him. Wasn't enough for my parents. They rejected

00:06:21.840 me. They thought nothing of me. Finally, like you've been starved of love and affirmation for

00:06:27.300 so long. You probably felt like a hungry child. That's just like, I'm finally getting the thing

00:06:34.320 that I have been searching for. So what happened after that? Well, I mean, I was doing very well

00:06:40.860 in school. I was a straight A student. Unfortunately, I had started struggling with

00:06:45.380 an eating disorder and got put into like a mental institution for anorexia. And so I wasn't able to

00:06:53.060 go to any of the colleges that I had hoped to go to. So I ended up going to Santa Barbara City

00:06:58.280 College. And I was studying, well, at that point, it was just general ed. But my intention was to

00:07:04.080 study broadcasting and journalism. And I was working full time and going to school full time.

00:07:08.820 but I felt so lost. Like, I think because, you know, my mom, you know, she meant well,

00:07:16.580 like she always wanted to just do everything for us. And so when I get to college, I'm like in my

00:07:22.120 English class, honors English, and everybody's reading a book and I'm like, what book are you

00:07:26.540 guys reading? They're like, oh, it was in the email, you know? And so I'm just feeling so lost

00:07:30.440 and so confused. So I drop out of that class and then things just start feeling overwhelming and

00:07:35.640 so hard. And I'm just like, you know what? I miss that validation. So I went back to the strip club

00:07:40.600 while I applied for a job at the strip club in Santa Barbara and got hired that day. And I was

00:07:46.740 still going to college at that point, taking a few other classes. And a couple of producers came

00:07:51.980 into the club one night and they were tipping me quite a bit of money and just telling me that

00:07:57.140 I was beautiful, that I was destined to be a star. They said, we make romance movies. If you're ever

00:08:03.160 interested, give us a call. I knew that they were talking about pornography, but at that time I was

00:08:09.860 already taking my clothes off for money and I was already promiscuous. So I just kind of thought

00:08:13.920 like, you know, they're promising me that I'm going to be famous. Like maybe if enough people

00:08:18.620 know my name, if enough people like recognize me, then maybe somehow like that's going to fill that

00:08:23.960 void in my heart. Like I'll learn to love myself or at least hate myself less. And so it was like

00:08:29.280 that promise of fame that I was like, okay, I'll do it. So I went to LA the next day and they put

00:08:37.180 me in hair and makeup and continued affirming me and got me connected with an agency. And

00:08:42.900 the agent basically said, it's porn or school, you can't do both. And so I dropped out of school

00:08:48.920 and I made porn my full-time career and things took off for me very quickly.

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00:09:54.540 your first order. That's adelnaturalcosmetics.com, code Allie. Okay. I want to go back to the night

00:10:06.760 in Mexico really fast just to finish that story. It's hard for me to understand how like a beautiful

00:10:13.120 16 year old girl who is naked in front of all of these men leaves the club like safely just gets in 1.00

00:10:20.300 the car with her friends and then goes back home and then like you were just able to leave without

00:10:25.880 a problem yeah and then after that night did you did that plant a seed in you that I want to do

00:10:32.920 that again or did that not really come into your mind until later you know I was going through old

00:10:38.040 journals and this is wild. I don't even remember writing this, but I was writing like, how am I

00:10:44.460 going to pay my way through college? And some of the things that I listed in my journal were

00:10:50.080 stripping prostitution because I had met a woman in that mental institution when I had anorexia 1.00

00:10:57.180 that was there. Her parents had put her in there because she was a teenage prostitute and she had 1.00

00:11:02.900 just gotten out of juvenile hall. So she was trying to introduce me to her pimp and glorifying 1.00

00:11:07.620 the lifestyle. Like we have a beautiful home together and, you know, he buys me everything I

00:11:13.700 want and just like glorifying it. Right. And so in my mind, I'm like, oh, well, great. That's a

00:11:19.600 great career, you know? And so I actually wrote that in my journal as probably a 17 year old

00:11:26.280 little girl. Wow. Teenager. Wow. So it was in your head that that was a possibility that that

00:11:30.960 would be a good way to make money. Yeah. Talk to me about your eating disorder that you had when

00:11:35.860 you were still in high school, correct? Did that happen after that night, after your boyfriend

00:11:40.840 cheated on you? And what was kind of going through your mind then? It did happen afterwards. I don't

00:11:46.500 think I actually correlated the two. I used to idolize celebrities as a teenager. We all did

00:11:55.900 when we were teenage girls. And was a huge fan of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and remember seeing

00:12:01.540 them losing all this weight. Paris Hilton, Christina Aguilar, like Misha Barton, tiniest,

00:12:07.200 tiniest people. Yeah. Obsessed with all of them. And my friend and I decided like, hey, let's go

00:12:13.220 on a diet. And like we just wanted to lose 10 pounds. And so we lose 10 pounds. And then from

00:12:18.560 there, like I just became obsessed with it because because my home was so controlling, it became the

00:12:24.460 one thing about my life that I had control over. And at that age also, we were in summer school at

00:12:30.340 this point. And there was a guy that's like, oh, you guys are trying to lose weight. Like my

00:12:34.420 brother sells Coke, cocaine. So we had bought cocaine a few times and like that helped us to

00:12:40.500 not be hungry. And I just became very obsessed with being very thin to the point that my mom

00:12:46.260 was like, what is wrong with, like something's wrong. Like you are losing a lot of weight,

00:12:51.360 you know, you're not eating. And so that's when she, she had gone through my room while I was

00:12:56.020 at school and found a journal. I've always journaled with like my weight. Like I would

00:13:00.700 put my weight at the beginning of the day and the end of the day. And she put me in a mental

00:13:05.800 hospital for, you know, to try to help me with the eating disorder. The parental dynamic is so

00:13:11.220 interesting there because in a way your mom did care. You said that she was strict, but then also

00:13:16.140 that emotional abuse that really shaped you growing up. So it just sounded like a very

00:13:21.120 complex and difficult relationship. Yes, it definitely was. And things have gotten so much

00:13:26.940 better by the grace of God. I mean, she babysits my kids and I mean, she's wonderful. Yeah. I can't

00:13:32.360 wait to talk about the redemption of all of this. So you went to that rehab or that institution.

00:13:37.540 And then after that is when you went to school and you got into pornography after becoming a

00:13:46.280 stripper and kind of getting scouted by these producers. So you said that after that, after

00:13:52.480 you started, things started moving very quickly. What do you mean by that? I mean, I started getting

00:13:57.980 booked almost every, literally every single day. I worked 70 something days in a row before I caught

00:14:05.140 gonorrhea and then wasn't able to work for like a week. And yeah, like STDs run rampant in the

00:14:11.540 industry. They say that they don't, but they do. At the time when I was in the industry,

00:14:16.580 you would get tested every 28 days. I believe they've changed their testing protocols at this

00:14:21.600 point. But I mean, just because you test, like you may work with somebody that just slept with

00:14:26.180 somebody at a bar the night before. And now for the next 28 days or 27 days till their test,

00:14:31.660 they're now spreading that around. So that was my first ever STD. I'd never had unprotected sex

00:14:38.000 before the industry and my agent was like oh it's just a shot in the butt you'll be fine you know 0.99

00:14:42.540 like everybody gets it very just normalized it you know like that jarring or were you like okay 0.90

00:14:49.020 if this is the price of fame and money I guess it's fine at first it scared the living daylights

00:14:55.820 out of me I didn't even know I was like is this permanent what is this am I gonna die like I knew

00:15:00.520 nothing about it and he just really just normalized it hey it's just like getting a cold it's a shot 0.99

00:15:06.340 in the butt like you're you're gonna literally you're gonna get a shot and it's gonna go away 0.98

00:15:11.040 and you're gonna be fine everybody gets it and he really normalized it and I was like oh okay like 0.88

00:15:16.420 I guess you know yeah so I went and got the medication and it went away and I was able to

00:15:23.060 work again but um I mean I was nominated for like best new starlet within just a matter of months

00:15:28.620 of being in the industry so like things really when I say things took off like the fame that

00:15:34.340 they promised me. I mean, I never like looked at myself and considered myself famous, but the

00:15:39.580 attention that I was getting was what I had been craving all those years. Yeah. And were you still

00:15:44.860 doing drugs at this point or had you stopped that after rehab? So I stopped, but then I was on set

00:15:51.860 with a director who come to find out was just somebody who's really cruel to women. And he

00:15:55.880 told me that I was fat and that if I ever wanted to make it in the industry that I needed to lose

00:16:00.880 weight. I was only like 105 pounds at that time. I mean, a lot thinner than I am even today. And

00:16:08.120 that really triggered something in me because what he didn't know was that I had just gotten

00:16:13.360 out of not only a mental institution, but then I did an extensive outpatient treatment for

00:16:18.500 anorexia. And I was not fully healed. It's just, you know, and so he triggered, it triggered me.

00:16:24.600 and so I saw a woman I was living at that point in a model house so model houses uh basically

00:16:32.900 agents will they have like very large houses and they'll rent each rooms out because a lot of the

00:16:38.680 women in the porn industry will come in from out of town shoot for like a month and then go back 1.00

00:16:43.800 home to their family and so I was staying in a model house and I asked a girl hey by any chance

00:16:49.300 can you get some coke you know and she was like super suspicious like why who told you and I'm

00:16:53.940 like, no, no, no. It's just, I just want to lose a little weight. And she goes, oh yeah,

00:16:57.160 I can get you some. And then she gave me cocaine. And then from that point forward, I mean, I'd only

00:17:01.680 been in the industry for maybe a month or two at that point. I started using drugs every day after

00:17:07.000 that. Was it just cocaine? Oh no. I mean, it transitioned from cocaine to Norco's and to

00:17:14.280 Oxycontin and then to heroin and then to crystal meth for a little bit. I mean, it was Adderall.

00:17:21.240 I mean, I would use just anything I could get my hands on.

00:17:25.220 Looking back, were you trying to numb any pain or guilt or was it just that it started

00:17:32.920 to make you feel good, started to make you lose weight and it spiraled from there or

00:17:36.520 maybe both?

00:17:37.400 It was both, Anna.

00:17:38.500 It started with the weight loss.

00:17:40.020 But what I realized was, oh, wow, drugs makes doing this kind of work easy, you know, because

00:17:46.400 I wasn't much of a woman of conviction.

00:17:50.040 There were very few things that I had convictions over in that industry, and the drugs just kind of, like, numbed it.

00:17:58.080 Like, there were some things that made me feel gross.

00:18:00.900 They made me feel yucky, and using drugs just kind of, like, was like, oh, whatever.

00:18:06.380 Like, it just, it numbs everything, and so, yeah, and drugs give you this false sense of happiness, you know?

00:18:14.780 So it was like, I mean, I talked to people.

00:18:17.040 I just was – when I was at the porn show just a month ago ministering, I had my old

00:18:23.880 makeup artist do my makeup, and she's like, I had no idea you were on drugs. 0.99

00:18:27.900 Like, you were the most friendly, most kind person, but it was like – it was a mask,

00:18:33.200 you know?

00:18:33.580 It was the drugs that were just, like, making me feel happy, but it's a false sense of happiness.

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00:19:45.520 How prevalent is drug use in the porn industry?

00:19:49.180 I only know two women when I was in the industry that did not use drugs. 1.00

00:19:54.960 I have lost so many people that were co-workers of mine, even in just recent years.

00:20:01.260 some of the most well-known women in that industry have just recently died of overdoses 1.00

00:20:07.640 and suicide. I hear a lot of people say, you know, why should we really care about porn?

00:20:13.960 These are grownups consenting to making videos for people to consensually consume. Sure,

00:20:21.940 we might be personally against it, but why does it matter? Like, is that an accurate picture of

00:20:27.020 pornography, just grownups consenting to having a good time? Yes and no. I think it might start

00:20:33.300 off that way. But I mean, I have women reaching out to me all the time that are so broken and 1.00

00:20:38.320 feel so stuck. So why should we care? Because there's people in the industry that are actually

00:20:43.340 hurting and most of them won't ever admit it to the public because you have to put on a persona,

00:20:49.380 right? So like I had a stage name and when I would post on my social media as my stage name,

00:20:54.780 I'm not going to post a photo saying, I am so depressed. I feel like ending my life today.

00:20:59.200 I'm not going to show that side. I'm going to put on a smile and say, hey, guess what, guys?

00:21:04.400 Look who I get to work with today. Look at what new purse I bought today. And there's so much

00:21:11.240 brokenness in the industry that people would never admit unless they're at their breaking point.

00:21:18.640 I've talked to other people. This was a man who had been in the porn industry. And he talks about

00:21:23.920 how, you know, it started one way where he was doing porn with women and, you know, he's straight

00:21:29.720 attracted to women, but then it just got more and more intense and more and more aggressive. And then

00:21:36.020 it was gay porn because he could make more money. He was also getting a bunch of accolades. Like, 0.99

00:21:41.820 did you ever feel that, okay, this is spiraling into more and more intense, more and more

00:21:47.200 violent content that is kind of scaring me? Uh, yes. So three years in like, okay. So up to three

00:21:57.760 years, like I had some very hard nose on things that like, I was like, I will not do. I've never

00:22:02.680 even done that in my personal life. I will not do that. Um, but when it came to some aggressive

00:22:09.660 of scenes like spanking and like smacking and spitting and pulling hair like I would agree to 1.00

00:22:17.940 those scenes if they would pay me more money and though I hated it and it felt uncomfortable

00:22:23.160 sadly some of it also felt normal to me because of my upbringing yeah there is this big problem

00:22:30.320 and we've talked about like the dangers of Pornhub and everything but also just like the popularity

00:22:36.860 majority of adolescent content or like pretending to be adolescent. And that, of course, changes the

00:22:44.000 taste of the people consuming it. Like when you were in the industry, did you see that as a big

00:22:48.760 problem? Yes. So when I say that I was not a woman of conviction, but there were very few things,

00:22:53.920 that was one of the things. So when I first started off in the industry, the reason why I was getting

00:22:58.800 books so much is because I was 18 years old and I look like a little girl. And they would put me

00:23:03.700 in pigtails and costume jewelry and schoolgirl outfits and have me say, oh, I'm barely 18.

00:23:10.500 One day a light flickered in me and I was like, do you guys realize this is encouraging pedophilia?

00:23:17.560 And I'm like, because I'm very protective over children because of my childhood. And I'm like,

00:23:22.360 like, you know, I had to go to my agent and I told him like, hey, I cannot do these scenes

00:23:27.480 anymore. Do not book me for these. It was like I was doing them. And then it just something just

00:23:32.380 hit me where I was like, this is wrong. This is not okay. And now that I'm out, I see that

00:23:39.920 pornography really is a drug. It releases so much dopamine in your brain. And eventually,

00:23:46.140 what you watch on porn does not fill you anymore. And so now you have to go reenact those things

00:23:52.180 in real life. It starts off by hiring escorts. And then that's not enough. And then people are

00:23:59.040 doing things to children. And we see that all over and it's sickening. And I truly blame

00:24:04.800 pornography for that because what they're watching, they're feeding their soul and then

00:24:09.640 they start craving that because eventually it's just not enough anymore. I saw a documentary of

00:24:15.740 a guy who had 6,000 images of child pornography when he was raided. 6,000 images from the dark

00:24:24.420 web. It is sickening. It breaks my heart. It angers me. But he started off watching the

00:24:31.040 morally acceptable scenes, the husband and wife, and then started watching the young teenage 18

00:24:37.780 girl, 18 year old with the old man. And eventually that wasn't enough. Yeah.

00:24:43.220 So after you were in the industry for a few years, I think about three years,

00:24:48.460 you actually became a Christian. So tell me about that moment.

00:24:51.840 Yeah, I was detoxing from heroin living in Los Angeles and couldn't get a hold of any drugs. And I called my grandma and I'm like, grandma, I need your help. If you don't help me, like I'm probably going to end my life because the way that I feel right now is like I just I'm chasing death. Like I can't do this anymore.

00:25:12.260 And so she drove up to LA and she picked me up and I moved in with her and was able to

00:25:18.580 get Suboxone to help kind of alleviate a little bit of the symptoms and detox at her house

00:25:23.660 for quite some time.

00:25:24.800 And her and my grandpa are separated.

00:25:26.560 He's remarried to a wonderful woman and they had been going to church and I asked if I

00:25:30.600 could join them.

00:25:31.900 And so I went to church with them and I just, I don't even remember the whole message, but

00:25:36.640 I just remember the pastor saying that, you know, Jesus wants to give you a second chance

00:25:40.520 at life.

00:25:41.080 And if you would give him a chance, he could turn things around for you.

00:25:43.820 And I'm just like crying like I want that so bad.

00:25:46.740 Have you ever been to church?

00:25:48.280 A handful of times.

00:25:50.020 Don't really remember much.

00:25:51.740 A school bus used to come around in sixth grade and my mom would let me go on Sundays.

00:25:56.980 But it was like a youth group that didn't really teach anything.

00:26:00.680 We just kind of played, you know.

00:26:01.920 So it was like, but I had been to church, you know.

00:26:03.780 And then my nana and papa took me to church when I was very young, but I don't quite remember it.

00:26:09.000 but I know that my Nana, she's 94 years old, has been praying for me my entire life every single

00:26:13.560 day. So God bless her. I love her so much. So I'm just like weeping and I go down to the altar

00:26:20.640 and meet with somebody afterwards. They give me my very first Bible and I go back to my grandma's

00:26:26.560 house and I just start devouring the Bible and started in the book of Genesis, didn't know where

00:26:30.980 else to start. And I'm just reading through it and really start to hear, like feel the voice of God

00:26:37.660 speaking to me. And so the enemy was not happy about my decision. And at that point, men were

00:26:44.680 my weakness. One of my favorite scriptures in Proverbs is if a bird sees a trap being said,

00:26:49.220 it knows to stay away. And I think that's so important to know what your traps are because

00:26:54.040 I didn't know what my trap was and my trap was men. My weakness were men. So I dated one man

00:27:01.020 who was in a motorcycle gang and was stabbed to death in front of me.

00:27:05.200 wow did you go back into the so after that trip to your grandmother's house though did you go back

00:27:11.200 into the industry were you still making porn yes okay so at that point no i i stopped oh you did 0.94

00:27:16.700 for a little bit yes okay so after the guy that i was dating uh his friend came in and was a pimp

00:27:22.520 after he after he was killed so after you're at the stand at your grandparents house you started

00:27:28.160 reading the bible and you went back to just kind of like living life but you met this guy that you

00:27:32.880 fell for and he was a bad dude. So keep going with that. Okay. So he was in a motorcycle gang

00:27:38.020 and we were out one night and he was stabbed to death in front of me. Wow. And I, at this point,

00:27:45.780 had moved out of my grandma's, moved in with him very quickly and just really was like, I don't

00:27:51.580 even, I don't want to call my grandma. I was ashamed. I left my grandma and I'm going through

00:27:56.500 all this trauma and I start using crystal meth and start hearing voices. And, um, that guy's

00:28:02.780 friend came into my life and was like, Hey, I'll, I'll put you in a hotel room. I know you have

00:28:07.140 nowhere to go. I was very, the most vulnerable place in my life at that point. Wow. And he's

00:28:13.000 giving me drugs and all the things, you know, to build a relationship with me. And then he gets

00:28:17.720 me, he's like, Hey, I'm going to like try to help you get off these drugs. Now it takes me to a

00:28:21.740 mental hospital, moves me in with him because I can't go move in with my family at this point.

00:28:28.340 And at least I thought I couldn't. I didn't ask anybody. But he's a pimp. And then he gets me

00:28:35.480 back into the adult film industry for another three and a half years. But he was actually a

00:28:39.580 backslidden pimp. I told him I thought I was possessed by the devil. He took me to a church. 0.98

00:28:44.400 I got baptized. He was a backslidden pimp. What does that mean? A Christian, backslidden Christian. 1.00

00:28:49.400 Like he wasn't walking. He, at one point in his life, he says, I've never seen it, but he says

00:28:54.540 that he was like going to church regularly on fire for God. And then I don't, I don't know

00:29:00.840 exactly what happened in his life, but at that point in his life, he was a pimp and not walking

00:29:06.100 with the Lord. But when I told him that I thought that I was possessed by the devil, it kind of

00:29:10.220 freaked him out. And he took me to a church and I got baptized. And then he's like, he started,

00:29:15.880 I started to feel like a sense of joy for the first time in my life because I'm growing closer

00:29:21.440 to the Lord at this point, not realizing he's a pimp and he's going to get me back into the

00:29:25.840 industry. And so I'm off drugs again. And he's like, okay, it's time. You're ready. And I'm

00:29:31.660 like, ready for what? And he's like, we're going to get you back in the industry. You're going to

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00:30:52.400 you say that you feel like you're possessed by the devil can you go more into that like

00:31:03.800 why did you say that when did you say that what did you mean so he asked me one night have you

00:31:08.600 ever seen the passion of the christ i'm like no i've never seen that movie and he's like well

00:31:12.520 let's watch it so we're watching it and i don't know i just felt like something was in me like

00:31:19.140 I don't know. I just felt weird. I felt heavy. I felt like my skin was crawling as I'm watching

00:31:25.020 this movie. And I just looked at him. I said, I kind of think I'm possessed by the devil.

00:31:29.300 And he's like, we're going to take you to church. And so he starts calling some of his old youth

00:31:34.760 pastor friends and, you know, like, what do I do? And so they're like, we'll just bring her to church

00:31:40.060 and get her baptized. But she shouldn't be. I don't know. They were giving him some different,

00:31:44.320 you know, she shouldn't be. If she received Jesus, then she shouldn't be possessed. All

00:31:47.720 these things, you know, just different things. And he's like, well, let's just be safe and take

00:31:51.520 you to church. And so I go, he takes me to like an apostolic church and I get baptized there. And

00:31:58.160 yeah, I mean, I felt like when I came up out of the water, I just felt, I just felt free. Like I

00:32:05.120 felt, I felt cleansed and I wasn't on drugs anymore. And I'm continuing to read the Bible

00:32:10.360 and I started to really feel joy for the first time in my life. But the guy that I was with

00:32:17.500 was twisting the scriptures so when I would point things out he's like oh no like because he when he

00:32:23.760 brought back about getting into pornography I'm like no I don't think that Jesus would want me 0.72

00:32:28.000 to like prostitute like it says like go and sin no more and he's like no no no like Mary Magdalene 0.98

00:32:33.180 was a prostitute like he loves prostitutes like he you know he loves it he's okay with it you know 0.99

00:32:38.200 like things like that so really like twisting scripture and I'm like a baby believer here 0.98

00:32:42.740 So I'm thinking, oh, well, he probably knows more than I do, you know?

00:32:46.320 And I'm like, oh, OK, well, if God's cool with it.

00:32:48.200 And I actually did some very big like interviews, even like Howard Stern, and I'm talking about

00:32:53.800 Jesus on those interviews, like just Jesus is amazing.

00:32:57.660 Jesus is wonderful.

00:32:58.560 Like we should all follow him, you know, even though I'm not fully following him myself,

00:33:02.400 but I'm in those beginning stages of building a relationship with him while in my sin.

00:33:07.580 OK, so this guy, he's very confusing because he's like, oh, let's go to church.

00:33:11.980 let's get you off drugs, but also let's get you back into the porn industry. So you did start 0.66

00:33:16.940 doing porn again. And you talked about this moment where a pornographer asked you in one of his

00:33:23.420 videos to be on a cross upside down. Can you talk about that? Yeah. So there is this website that's

00:33:33.160 they're located, this company located out in San Francisco, and they are known for doing very

00:33:39.420 aggressive scenes with whips and just things like that. And I had worked for them a few times in

00:33:48.060 the past and honestly had no issue working for them after receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

00:33:53.500 And they didn't know this, I don't think. I don't know if I mentioned it to them, but

00:33:58.080 they had this upside down cross and they're like, okay, so we're going to tie you to this and then

00:34:04.620 we're going to have him whip you. And I'm like, this is an upside down cross. And they're like,

00:34:09.860 yeah. And I'm like, no, I don't feel comfortable with that. And they were very like, there were

00:34:15.360 certain keywords where if you don't feel comfortable, they're like, okay, they're not

00:34:18.320 going to try to pressure you to do. And they're like, okay, well then you just don't get paid for

00:34:21.320 this one, you know, cause you get paid per set that you do with them. So, but yeah, that was

00:34:26.320 something that I don't know prior to Jesus, I probably wouldn't have had a conviction towards,

00:34:31.020 but like after receiving him, I'm just like, this just feels evil and very demonic and I cannot do

00:34:37.180 this. So how long did you continue pornography though? After that, after that, I was with that

00:34:43.620 guy for about three years. Okay. And during that time, like did the conviction grow that this is

00:34:50.460 not right? This is not right. You continue to do it because you felt like maybe it's possible to

00:34:55.460 be a Christian and do this at the same time, but eventually you realized these two things cannot 0.93

00:34:59.940 mix. So that happened eventually. It wasn't, I wasn't growing a conviction necessarily that

00:35:06.540 pornography was wrong. I was, I knew that I didn't like it. I knew that I felt depressed again. I

00:35:13.920 knew that I, it wasn't for me. Like, that's how I felt at that point. Like, oh, well, it's just

00:35:19.360 not for me. Like, I don't like it. And one day the pimp and I get in a fight and I feel the voice

00:35:26.200 of God tell me to go and take his phone because he had taken mine. And I'm standing outside. And

00:35:31.160 he says, like, go outside. And I'm standing outside, like, with the phone, like, who am I

00:35:34.780 going to call, you know? And I feel God just say, like, Brittany, call your mom. And I'm like,

00:35:40.280 there is no way I can call her. And the Holy Spirit just said, Brittany, humble yourself and

00:35:45.340 call your mom. And so I called her. She showed up within 20 minutes, picked me up from his house.

00:35:51.720 I moved in with her for a short period of time.

00:35:54.480 Then I go to film what would become my very last porn scene.

00:35:57.700 This is where the conviction came.

00:35:59.400 Before I leave for the airport, I feel the Holy Spirit saying, bring your Bible, the

00:36:03.200 one that I had received at that church three years prior.

00:36:06.740 So I bring my Bible and Revelation was the one book in the New Testament that I had not

00:36:12.300 read yet because I just, I didn't understand it every time.

00:36:14.480 And I'm like, I'm just going to give this one a shot as I'm on the airplane.

00:36:17.500 Revelation chapter two, verse 20 through 23 is what I get to.

00:36:21.080 And it says, I have this thing against you. You tolerate that woman named Jezebel. She leads my 1.00

00:36:26.760 people into sexual immorality. I have given her time to repent. If she doesn't repent,

00:36:32.000 I will cast her and all who commit immorality into a sickbed along with her. 1.00

00:36:36.340 Wow. I started crying on the airplane, bawling. And in my heart, I just said, God, 0.99

00:36:43.100 I had no idea that this is what I've been doing. I'm that woman named Jezebel. I'm leading your 0.59

00:36:51.000 people into sin i hate my life and i'm breaking your heart i'm sorry forgive me and i felt the

00:37:00.140 voice of the holy spirit just say britney i love you so much and this is not the life that i have

00:37:07.140 for you the life that i have for you will overflow with so much love and peace and joy and if you

00:37:14.140 would just quit this industry today i would bless your life like no man ever could what happened

00:37:20.300 after that? I went to set that day and I told everybody on set the exact word that Jesus gave

00:37:27.240 me. I said, Hey guys, I want you to know this isn't the life that God has for us. He loves us

00:37:32.580 so much. He has a better life in store. And I'm already like trying to evangelize. And these

00:37:37.320 people are like, this girl is crazy. They're like, are you okay? Like, are you going to do the scene?

00:37:43.720 Like we paid for your flight. We paid for a hotel, all the things, you know, makeup's here. And I'm

00:37:48.880 like, yeah, but this is the last time that you're ever going to see me. And I kid you not, I regret

00:37:53.480 doing that scene. I wish I wouldn't have, but it was the most awkward scene I had ever done in my

00:37:59.100 seven-year career. I just, the whole time, for the first time, felt a heavy conviction as I was

00:38:06.300 performing. Couldn't say the things I used to say, couldn't act the way I used to act. Like,

00:38:11.580 it was just everything about it was awkward and uncomfortable because I had a conviction for the

00:38:17.660 first time. And I knew that I would never go back to that industry. And I've been out for 14 years.

00:38:23.200 What did life look like immediately after that? How did you get your footing?

00:38:27.180 Yeah, it was rough. I mean, finding a job after doing pornography since you were 18 years old

00:38:33.980 felt impossible. I applied everywhere I could. I finally found a job after months of trying.

00:38:40.720 and I was making like $11 an hour

00:38:45.060 at a limousine company.

00:38:47.240 And I mean, I survived.

00:38:51.200 Like it was hard.

00:38:52.240 It wasn't easy.

00:38:53.360 And it's why when so many women reach out to me

00:38:55.300 and they want to quit the porn industry,

00:38:56.540 they're like, but I'm not going to be able to pay my bills,

00:38:58.400 but I'm not going to be able to drive my car.

00:38:59.640 I'm like, I know, that's the point.

00:39:01.580 You're going to have to humble yourself.

00:39:03.580 You're going to have to get rid of all of these things.

00:39:05.860 You're not going to be able to afford them.

00:39:07.980 It doesn't mean that maybe one day

00:39:09.600 you can't get some of these things back, but you're going to have to change your life to follow

00:39:14.660 Jesus. You can't have all of this and follow him. It's not going to work. And it's the thing that I

00:39:23.100 think keeps so many women stuck. But I was so broken that I was like, I don't care if I'm

00:39:28.480 making $11 an hour. My bank account is empty, but my heart is full. And people think I get a lot of

00:39:34.080 accusations. Oh, well, you left that industry with millions of dollars. No, I made millions of

00:39:38.180 but the first three years I spent it all on just dumb things, drugs and, you know, name brand

00:39:44.400 everything. And then the next three years I was giving it all to a pimp. So no, I didn't, I left 0.89

00:39:48.580 that industry with my last check and it was only $1,500. So I literally had nothing. And I, I just,

00:39:54.660 I was hungry for Jesus. And so I, I find that job. Um, I, I start going to church and get very

00:40:02.180 involved in church. I mean, the, the couple of days that church wasn't open, I was like, why

00:40:06.240 aren't you open? Like, I just need to be here. You know, I started serving in every ministry that I

00:40:10.680 could serve in, working full time and then driving to church and just, you know, I just fell so in

00:40:16.400 love with Jesus and beyond church. It was every morning I would wake up hours before I had to go

00:40:21.280 to work and I would pray and worship and read my Bible and just spend time with Jesus. And he just

00:40:27.660 started healing my heart and giving me the strength to forgive every single person that had hurt me

00:40:31.960 and like truly changing my life in his presence.

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00:41:46.780 How did you meet your husband?

00:41:48.660 So when I started going to the church that I was going to, it's a whole other dating

00:41:53.260 the wrong person kind of story. A guy on Facebook had hit me up and he was a high school friend

00:41:59.600 and he had scriptures on his page. So I was like, do you go to church? And he's like, yeah. I said,

00:42:03.540 can you take me to church? Because I didn't know you could kind of like just go. I thought you had

00:42:07.280 to go with somebody. I didn't know. So he takes me to church. We start dating. We're intimate.

00:42:12.040 And I start getting convicted by messages. And he's one of the people that just goes to like

00:42:16.760 all different kinds of churches, not plugged in or anything like that. And this girl from a Bible

00:42:22.460 study that I started going to kept inviting me to the young adult ministry. And I was like,

00:42:27.220 no, I don't want to go. My boyfriend won't go. And she just kept inviting me. And it's so funny

00:42:32.440 because I think I got like so like, oh, fine. You keep inviting me like you're that annoying

00:42:38.920 Christian that won't stop. I'm going to go. OK, I'm going to go. And I'm so grateful that she 0.99

00:42:43.820 never stopped inviting me because there was I didn't know he was going to become my husband,

00:42:48.180 but he was preaching he was the young adult pastor at the time and he was preaching a message that

00:42:53.340 literally changed my life like in the middle of his message he said i have to stop for just a

00:42:58.020 minute because i feel like god is wanting me to speak to the women right now and and we're all

00:43:04.060 like single nobody's married and he says ladies i want you to know that you are a woman of god

00:43:08.280 and that you are worthy of real true love he said if your man is not treating you as a woman of god

00:43:13.480 he needs to step up or step out show him the exit sign because you're worthy of real true love and

00:43:17.940 you're worth the wait. And I, again, it's one of those crying moments because the guy that I was

00:43:23.860 dating, not only did he want to be sexually intimate, but I was still looking for a job at

00:43:27.700 that point. He was encouraging me to go to the strip club because at least I'm not having sex. 0.85

00:43:32.880 And so I'm like, I received that word. And I'm like, God, even though like I'm deep, I've, 0.58

00:43:38.800 I've sinned so much, like I'm worthy of love. And even though like I've been in the porn industry,

00:43:45.300 like I'm worth the wait, you know, like that message just really spoke to me. And so I broke

00:43:50.500 up with him and I said, I'm going to take an entire, for me, this was a long time, an entire

00:43:54.780 year off of dating. And I'm just going to grow in you, Lord, like no distractions. And it was about

00:44:00.380 two years later, I had started serving in the young adult ministry and every other ministry

00:44:04.480 that I could serve in at our church. And my husband and I just became very good friends.

00:44:09.820 And then one day, about two years after me being a Christian, he asked me out and we got married

00:44:14.220 about a year and a half after that. Yeah. And now you all have two girls. Yeah. So we just

00:44:18.360 celebrated 10 years of marriage. Congratulations. Thank you. Wow. That's amazing. Tell me how all

00:44:24.080 of the experiences that you've had and the testimony that you have has shaped how you

00:44:29.580 mother your girls. Yes. I think that I understand the weight of our words. Our words can set our

00:44:41.320 children up for success or they can make them question who they are at the core of themselves.

00:44:47.640 And so I encourage them daily with the word of God. I pray, and I don't do it perfectly,

00:44:53.180 but I pray that God leads me in my parenting because I'm a first generation technically

00:45:00.640 Christian and just learning all this on my own. And I know the importance of what it means to

00:45:07.960 have a strong and healthy marriage because I didn't see that. I saw a lot of fighting and a

00:45:13.540 lot of chaos and how that impacted me. So we're very careful. And when we make mistakes, repair

00:45:18.960 is so huge. Being humble enough to say, hey, I messed up and I'm so sorry and I shouldn't have

00:45:25.520 said that. And just knowing that if I raise my children with the truth of God's word and I love

00:45:33.720 them well, I know that hopefully they will never have to question who they are. And I know that

00:45:39.580 they'll never even enter or the thoughts of even entering that industry will never cross their mind

00:45:45.680 because people who enter that industry, you act like you have a lot of confidence because you're

00:45:52.600 doing all of this, but there's a deep root of insecurity. There's a deep root of just wanting

00:45:56.880 validation and wanting to be loved. Yeah. Tell me about the ministries you have now that help women

00:46:02.780 get out of this industry you already said that it's hard because they don't have any money a

00:46:08.080 lot of times so what are y'all doing to help them yeah so as of right now we are going into

00:46:13.260 adult conventions and we are sure adult conventions so think of like um a shoe convention or you know

00:46:22.800 just uh conventions right like like a conference okay how about the podcast convention they just

00:46:29.120 did the NRB. Okay. So it's like a convention like that, but it's women who have booths or 1.00

00:46:36.960 companies that have booths and women are signing autographs and they are selling movies and

00:46:42.580 meeting with their fans and things like that. So what we did in January was we went in,

00:46:47.860 we had 150 gift bags for women that say Jesus loves porn stars because we're called to be

00:46:52.300 fishers of men. And in those, we give out gifts and we give out the book of John and we're there

00:46:59.520 to support them and to pray over them. And there were so many consumers that we got to connect

00:47:05.080 with and just praying over them. I mean, there were married couples in there that were asking

00:47:08.680 for prayer. There was a man who was like, pray for me. I'm being a really bad Christian. He

00:47:13.360 recognized me from our ministry. And I'm like, what do you mean? And so we just got to pray

00:47:18.460 pray over him. His spouse didn't know that he was at a convention. He's been a Christian his

00:47:24.160 entire life, enslaved to pornography, tried to get free for so many years and just has been stuck.

00:47:31.020 And so it's just really incredible what gets to happen on those showroom floors. So we do that.

00:47:36.700 And then my partner, Pastor Rachel, who actually used to go into

00:47:40.760 conventions while I was in the industry and minister to me, she's a big reason why I got 0.88

00:47:47.700 out. Her and I have partnered together. So she also works for a mental health clinic. So we

00:47:51.880 offer mental health resources, financial provision when needed, and we help them transition from the

00:47:57.840 porn industry to a normal way of life. Last sponsor for the day is Fellowship Home Loans.

00:48:09.180 Spring is a time when a lot of people start thinking about moving over the summer, trying

00:48:13.480 to find a new house or maybe refreshing their own home or refreshing their finances.

00:48:19.280 And right now, as rates are dropping, you got to call my friends from fellowship home

00:48:23.640 loans because they can really help you when rates drop monthly payments can drop that

00:48:27.900 can create real breathing room for your family, helping you pay bills, build margin, simply

00:48:32.700 steward your resources more wisely.

00:48:34.480 They're helping so many families refinance into lower rates and reduce their mortgage

00:48:39.000 payments.

00:48:39.580 You can use their fixed rate line of credit for home projects or consolidating debt with

00:48:44.420 stability and confidence.

00:48:46.400 You can still skip your next two mortgage payments.

00:48:49.200 That's two months of margin to reset, plan, and move into spring with clarity.

00:48:53.500 For those of you looking for a new home, the two months of no payments still apply.

00:48:58.520 So you got to call my friends from Fellowship Home Loans.

00:49:02.060 When you use my code Allie, fellowshiphomeloans.com slash Allie, you can receive a $500 credit

00:49:07.880 at closing. Terms apply. See site for details. Fellowship Home Loans. Mortgage Lending by The

00:49:13.680 Book. Do you have any stories of any women who have left? So I have a few. One of my favorites

00:49:25.200 is a woman who, before she even got in the industry, she was researching stories of women

00:49:30.980 who had left. And she came across my story. And so she remembered that. And she got into the

00:49:36.700 industry for a couple months, reaches out to me. And she said, I don't want to be doing this

00:49:42.220 anymore. But I got kicked out of my house. And my grandma passed away. My dad won't let me live

00:49:46.680 there. And I have nowhere to go. So I talked to my husband. I said, we have a spare room. This

00:49:51.100 was before we had children. I said, can she just come stay with us? So she came and lived with us

00:49:55.140 for a couple of days. And she ended up leaving. And I was heartbroken. I'm like, where are you

00:50:00.480 going? And she's like, she had talked to her agent and she decided to go back. So I faithfully

00:50:05.640 prayed for her for over a year. And I went to the convention to minister and I ran into her

00:50:12.860 and her and I got reconnected. And then she reached out to me again and she ended up leaving

00:50:18.360 the industry a couple of weeks later. She's now married with two beautiful daughters living on

00:50:23.020 the East coast. She's been out of that industry for this before I had kids. So at least seven or 0.99

00:50:27.680 eight years. Um, and so that's one of my favorite stories because that's such a redemption story.

00:50:32.460 And, you know, she's been able to get a great job and living a wonderful life now.

00:50:37.460 Praise God.

00:50:38.300 Okay.

00:50:38.740 How can people support you in your ministries?

00:50:41.260 So we have Jesuslovespornstars.org and people can support through financial support, through

00:50:47.160 prayers.

00:50:48.240 As we continue to go into more conventions, we will need volunteers.

00:50:52.800 So signing up for the newsletter is a great way if you have a heart and can be in that

00:50:57.800 type of environment without being tempted.

00:50:59.900 And then we have lovealwaysministries.com.

00:51:01.840 that's more of like our books, courses, and teachings. You said something that I think is

00:51:06.340 important to touch on. You said that your relationship with your mom really was redeemed.

00:51:13.620 Yes. And I don't know about your dad, but I would love to finish by just talking about how God has

00:51:18.900 helped restore that relationship. Yeah. So it started off, I was going to church and I remember

00:51:24.800 the feeling just so led to just pray for her. And at first it was very hard because I had a lot of

00:51:30.980 hurt in my heart. But I kept pressing into prayer. And all of a sudden, I just felt a wave of mercy

00:51:37.160 come over me. And I felt like rather than feeling like she was so mean to me, my perspective

00:51:43.560 shifted. And I felt like, how could somebody treat somebody like this if they didn't have

00:51:48.420 their own brokenness? And rather than being upset with her, I then felt bad. And it was like the

00:51:55.620 love of Christ just came through me. And I was able to love her like Jesus. And so it started

00:52:00.240 the relationship started with a lot of boundaries. That first year specifically, I could only go

00:52:06.440 around for a little bit because I would get triggered. She might say something unintentionally

00:52:10.900 that would trigger. And I was still healing. I wasn't fully ready. So anyways, the Lord starts

00:52:17.860 just healing that relationship little by little over time. And then it got to the point where we

00:52:22.700 could take trips to drive a couple hours away together. And now, unfortunately, I moved.

00:52:30.240 so we're not in the same city.

00:52:31.620 But when I do go down,

00:52:32.780 I was just down there for a women's conference recently

00:52:35.040 and she took my children 1.00

00:52:36.600 and took them out for a fun day.

00:52:38.840 And the Lord has really restored our relationship

00:52:40.840 and he's grown her so much.

00:52:43.540 And like, she's such a loving grandmother

00:52:45.640 and she's thoughtful and she's kind.

00:52:48.380 And that's one thing, she's always been thoughtful.

00:52:50.240 Like she's always been the person

00:52:51.460 that would give the shirt off their back 1.00

00:52:53.880 to a homeless person if she needed to.

00:52:55.800 Like she's just always had some great qualities about her

00:52:58.600 that she instilled in me as well.

00:53:00.240 But just to see her grow and thrive as well is such a beautiful thing.

00:53:04.400 And my relationship with my dad, we've always been good.

00:53:07.860 He was really kind of like the fun parent growing up, but we've always had like a stable relationship in that sense.

00:53:15.920 Well, thank you so much for sharing and for sharing about that redemption.

00:53:19.740 I just really appreciate you.

00:53:21.220 And I really do encourage people to support you and to support your ministry.

00:53:25.740 So thank you so much.

00:53:26.840 Thank you for having me.

00:53:27.780 It's truly an honor.

00:53:30.240 We'll be right back.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - April 06, 2026

Ep 1328 ｜ From Jezebel to Jesus Follower： How a P＊rn Star Got Saved ｜ Brittni De La Mora

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