Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 06, 2026


Ep 1418 ｜ 'My Bible Study Is Affirming a Lesbian in the Group'： How I'd Handle It

Ron’s Biggest Takeaway from the Midterm Results ｜ Ron Simmons

Episode Stats


Length

52 minutes

Words per minute

180.14

Word count

9,473

Sentence count

538

Harmful content

Misogyny

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

23

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 It's extremely hateful to read what God says about homosexuality in Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6 1.00
00:00:06.960 and to say, yeah, that's fine. For a Christian to call what the Lord says is a sin, a sin against 0.99
00:00:13.620 your own body, a sin of idolatry, a sin of sexual immorality, because of which someone will not
00:00:19.880 enter the kingdom of heaven. That's what 1 Corinthians 6 says. So for a professing Christian
00:00:23.900 to not be willing to speak the truth in love to that woman, or to at least at the beginning,
00:00:29.720 not affirm it. That's a sin.
00:00:59.720 Christian women to get insight into their bodies and to connect to the God who created them. 1.00
00:01:04.060 Anna Kate, for women, for life.
00:01:06.500 Download Anna Kate today.
00:01:18.040 Hey y'all, welcome to Relatable.
00:01:20.140 Thanks for being here.
00:01:21.200 We've got a voicemail advice episode for you today, and we're always taking voicemails
00:01:27.020 and looking for questions to respond to call in numbers 844-755-5252 leave us a message but keep
00:01:34.120 it concise y'all there are some really good questions really interesting stories that you
00:01:38.220 guys leave but they're too long for us to play so i can't always play the wonderful questions that
00:01:44.620 you guys ask because they're like two or three minutes long and that might not seem very long
00:01:50.160 but it actually it actually is if you're on the other side of it listening to this as a podcast
00:01:55.800 and so try to keep them as concise as you possibly can so we can get to all of your wonderful
00:02:00.840 questions. All right, the first one has to do with birth. I love talking about birth and so I love
00:02:06.820 answering questions like this. The first question is about a VBAC which means vaginal birth after
00:02:12.340 cesarean. This is voicemail number one. Hi Allie, I am calling for some VBAC advice. I'm pregnant
00:02:21.080 with our second baby. And my first was an emergency C-section. That whole experience was
00:02:27.900 pretty traumatic. I really loved your episode on your VBAC and your birth stories. And my question
00:02:34.300 is, from a biblical perspective, how do you balance taking your VBAC prep seriously and doing
00:02:41.500 the work emotionally, mentally, physically to get your best shot at that while also not making it
00:02:48.400 an idol and viewing it as, oh, this is the thing that's going to redeem what happened to me in my
00:02:54.940 last birth because I'm having a hard time with that, finding the middle ground. And I would
00:02:59.940 love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for your ministry and all you do. Really appreciate
00:03:04.580 you. Well, thank you so much for your question. And those of you who don't know, I had two C
00:03:11.980 sections. And then I had a VBAC and that is VBA2C is the acronym that people use. And as I'm
00:03:20.920 recording this, I am pregnant. You might be listening to this after I've already had my baby.
00:03:24.980 So I don't know if I had another VBAC or not this time, but I will tell you how I am feeling right
00:03:31.440 now as I am 21 and a half weeks pregnant about this birth versus my other births.
00:03:40.420 Um, I was after my first C-section, which I never expected, which truly was unnecessary.
00:03:45.540 I don't think all C-sections are unnecessary.
00:03:48.240 I'm not that kind of person.
00:03:49.840 That's like every single time your body always knows what to do and natural is always better.
00:03:55.520 No, I believe that modern medicine can be a wonderful gift of common grace and it can
00:04:00.700 be absolutely life-saving.
00:04:02.100 I'm thankful for doctors and nurses who do their job well, and lives have been saved
00:04:06.380 through C-section.
00:04:07.460 So I'm thankful for that.
00:04:08.480 In my case, it truly was unnecessary.
00:04:11.640 It was a doctor that was just too C-section happy.
00:04:15.000 And just because I had gone a few days over 40 weeks and there was nothing wrong with
00:04:21.420 us at all.
00:04:22.060 My blood pressure was great.
00:04:23.120 I was great.
00:04:23.720 Baby was great.
00:04:24.500 Baby was not measuring super big or anything like that.
00:04:27.460 He just didn't like his patients to go over 40 weeks, pressured me into an induction.
00:04:32.840 My body was not ready to give birth.
00:04:34.660 And so I, um, tried to induce and it just like, didn't work.
00:04:38.780 My body was not ready.
00:04:40.100 Baby was not ready.
00:04:41.500 We were fine, but I probably just needed a few days, honestly, to go into labor.
00:04:47.040 And I think it would have been okay.
00:04:49.080 But instead of even giving the opportunity, he just said, you know what, let's just, if
00:04:54.020 you, um, if I do the C-section now, then you'll be done and you'll have your baby.
00:04:59.240 And you know, every day that you weigh, you can increase the chances of X, Y, Z happening.
00:05:04.660 which doesn't give the full context of the actual risk of going over your estimated due date.
00:05:09.680 Come to find out over the years. Um, I just, my babies like to stay in there for a long time.
00:05:16.560 All of my babies have, you know, baby came out, had a C-section eventually was fine. She had some
00:05:21.820 breathing problems after birth, but we were both fine. But I was, even though that was not necessarily
00:05:26.640 an emergency, the way that yours was this collar that I'm sure was really traumatic. It was traumatic
00:05:32.500 in some ways. First of all, never having gone through surgery before and then being numb from
00:05:40.300 the like chest down and being forced into this very vulnerable sacrificial position of literally
00:05:47.200 like having your arms out on a table. And these people are talking about their dinner plans while
00:05:53.700 they're slicing seven layers of your body open. And you're like, oh my gosh, I'm about to have a
00:05:58.100 baby, I hate not being able to move. You can't see anything. It's very, it's very stressful and
00:06:02.980 it's such a whirlwind and you're already so vulnerable. You don't yet most of the time when
00:06:08.100 you're a first time mom know how to advocate for yourself. You're trusting this doctor and these
00:06:12.460 nurses that you've gotten to know. You think you're making the best decision as a mom when
00:06:16.840 they say things like stillbirth and all of that, which wasn't actually on the table for us. That
00:06:21.700 that wasn't something that was about to happen. It was just, Oh, you know, sometimes this does
00:06:25.820 happen. So you're very manipulated in some of these cases. All of that creates a lot of emotion.
00:06:31.680 And then after the C-section, I think the worst part of the C-section is after you have been
00:06:36.640 sliced open, even though you can't feel much, there is something that is so painful about this.
00:06:42.760 You have a nurse who comes and presses on your stomach like as hard as possible. I don't even
00:06:49.020 want to say what all of they're doing for those of you who are squeamish, but they got to do it.
00:06:53.740 they're, I don't know, they're getting the uterus going and getting the stuff out that needs to get 0.64
00:06:57.960 out. But oh my gosh, your instinct is to punch that nurse because that's the last thing that you 1.00
00:07:04.560 want. And all of that, and the pain that comes on the epidural wears off and all of that, it is just
00:07:10.020 so hard and so not what I wanted. And I was so emotional, maybe postpartum depressed after my
00:07:15.660 first, it was really, really tough. And so I knew that I didn't want that again. I wanted to be back
00:07:21.580 for my second birth. I did all of the things. I listened to all the podcasts. I did all of the
00:07:27.680 different exercises and classes and everything that you're supposed to do. And I just wanted
00:07:33.840 so bad to redeem the first birth. I wanted an easy birth, a quick birth, a birth that started
00:07:38.700 at 39 weeks and just went so fast. And, um, uh, I did find providers that were willing to do a
00:07:46.640 feedback. Not all providers are. And so that's difficult. Um, but, and I did go into labor
00:07:51.120 naturally, which was a feat in and of itself. I was happy about that. It was 41 weeks and hers
00:07:56.540 was probably more necessary. She ended up having issues with, um, we had choreo, which is an
00:08:02.920 infection. And so we had a C-section, um, then, and that was fine. That was actually a lot better
00:08:08.300 of a situation recovery and everything after that, for whatever reason, second C-section just
00:08:14.720 wasn't as bad, even though it was actually more emergent than my first. So I can't explain that.
00:08:19.800 And then people thought I was crazy for trying to go for a VBAC after two C-sections. People do that
00:08:25.320 all the time. Women do that all the time, but it's kind of unheard of in some circles. People 1.00
00:08:30.920 think it's insane. They'll like, I had people be like, once a C-section, always a C-section. So
00:08:35.640 I actually had to go to another doctor to find someone who would do a VBAC after two C-sections.
00:08:40.160 and we did, we accomplished that. And that was great. But let me tell you, this is what I'm not
00:08:46.040 sure the mentality that you will achieve until after you do or don't have a VBAC, like until
00:08:53.180 your next birth. It wasn't until after I had that VBAC after two C-sections that I went through the
00:08:59.400 difficulty of that recovery, which had its own issues. I did go into labor semi-naturally. I
00:09:05.640 don't have to go into all the details, try to fully bulb didn't work, but then ended up like
00:09:10.580 went home, ended up going into labor. Um, and then have my baby a few hours later and everything was
00:09:16.160 all good, but difficult, painful, hard in a lot of ways, still have to advocate for yourself.
00:09:23.280 And that was difficult too. That was difficult physically, which made it different,
00:09:27.000 difficult emotionally. I had two toddlers that I was, you know, trying to keep up with and love
00:09:32.580 and pay attention to after going through like the pain of birth. And it wasn't until then that I
00:09:37.800 realized, Oh, like this kind of birth is also hard. It's not perfect. I don't feel like, Oh my gosh,
00:09:45.260 now I feel awesome about my first birth. It actually, I still like am sad about how the
00:09:51.500 first birth went. Um, I'm sad in some ways about how the second birth went. Although I think because
00:09:57.520 it was more necessary, I don't, you know, I don't feel as sad about that. It's the first birth that
00:10:02.120 I still, I'm like, why did that happen? I don't hang on to it. I don't faster. I don't think
00:10:06.320 about it every single day. It's not like weighing me down. It was seven years ago. Like I'm okay.
00:10:11.780 But having a VBAC did not take that away. It's its own experience. That was a, that was like,
00:10:19.580 that was its own birth, my own first baby, you know, like that still happens. Nothing can erase
00:10:27.100 that. I'm thankful that I had a VBAC, but only Jesus has the power to redeem something. No
00:10:34.100 experience really in itself has the power to redeem something. Now, I think God can use a
00:10:39.700 better birth to redeem anything he wants. God can use anything he wants to redeem anything he wants
00:10:45.380 to. So I do believe women when they say this birth was healing or this birth was redemptive, 0.99
00:10:50.640 but that redemption is still coming through Christ. That healing is still coming through
00:10:55.800 God and you just have to realize that. And that redemption and that healing can come even if you
00:11:00.740 never have a VBAC, even if you never have a perfect birth, even if every single one of your
00:11:05.900 births and deliveries and postpartum is hard, God can still redeem and heal.
00:11:15.440 If you are looking for a Christmas gift for a young woman in your life that will actually be
00:11:19.840 meaningful, that she can refer back to throughout the years, that's really going to help her grow
00:11:25.560 in wisdom and knowledge, then you need to look at A Woman's Guide, Seven Rules for Success in 0.82
00:11:31.040 Business and Life. This is written by the CEO of Concerned Women for America, President Penny
00:11:38.200 Nance. She has spent decades mentoring and encouraging women to live boldly, to live
00:11:42.580 faithfully, to stand firm in their convictions. This organization helps women get involved
00:11:48.580 in a local level, state level, sometimes federal level in what's going on in their communities and 0.91
00:11:54.280 politics, to advocate for children and for liberty. And this book is just a great starting
00:12:00.720 place for the young woman in your life. Sets really good foundations for her as she is thinking
00:12:06.740 through how to navigate the world with clarity and courage. When you give a gift of $20 or more
00:12:11.560 to Concerned Women for America, you receive a copy of Penny's book. Go to concernedwomen.org
00:12:16.860 slash Allie, concernedwomen.org slash Allie.
00:12:25.280 I think the biggest way that God redeems and heals us through past trauma or difficulty
00:12:32.480 is by using our testimony to help other people.
00:12:35.280 I've seen that so much in so many different testimonies and difficulties that people go
00:12:39.160 through.
00:12:39.640 So I think it's important just not to have the expectation that God is going to use this,
00:12:45.760 this VBAC to redeem something in the past.
00:12:48.180 That might not be what he uses to redeem your past traumatic birth.
00:12:52.100 he might use something totally different it might be completely independent from birth altogether
00:12:57.860 um so how he wants to heal how he wants to redeem is totally up to him i think that is how we let go
00:13:04.920 of the idolatry of birth there is definitely in the holistic world like this belief that if you
00:13:11.100 have enough faith if you do the right thing it's like a health and wealth kind of gospel
00:13:14.900 then you will have a perfect birth and this is like your measure of how good of a christian good
00:13:20.800 of a mom you are. And I think it's great to try all the different kinds of tactics to make birth
00:13:25.220 better and easier. I think that's wonderful. There's so many ways that we can tap into the
00:13:28.840 strength that our bodies have, but we do live in a post curse world. We do live in a fallen world.
00:13:36.160 And one of the things that Eve was promised is that I will multiply your pain in childbirth.
00:13:40.840 I don't believe that that means you can't have an epidural because you're going to have pain at
00:13:45.940 some point, whether you had an epidural or not. I think pain can be postpartum depression and
00:13:50.660 anxiety. I think it can be physical pain. All the difficulties that can come from birth and
00:13:55.220 bearing children is part of the fallen world. And you can mitigate some of that as best as
00:14:02.740 you possibly can by stewarding your time and stewarding your body, but we're never going to
00:14:07.340 totally eliminate that. And I think that there is a portion of the Christian holistic world that
00:14:14.460 has kind of merged with the new age that you think you can manifest everything that you want just by
00:14:19.580 declaration and preparation and all of that. And you can't. So vaginal birth is great. I do think
00:14:26.600 it's better for our bodies. I do think in general, it is better for babies is not the end all be all
00:14:33.900 like, it's not going to be the thing that defines you. And I do think eventually, and I hope this
00:14:39.940 is true for me. I'm not totally there yet that one day I will look back and be like, Oh, that's
00:14:44.620 really not that big of a deal. Um, and I'm not trying to minimize my pain or anyone else's pain
00:14:49.700 by saying that, but in light of everything that happens in our lives, um, while birth, the birth
00:14:56.160 of our children will always be important. I do think it will take a smaller role in occupying
00:15:03.360 our brains, um, at some point in our lives as we get older and older. So I know that was really
00:15:08.820 long, but we only have a few voicemail messages. And so I want to thoroughly answer these and
00:15:13.800 I'm also talking to everyone who is listening and watching, not just people who have listened
00:15:19.880 to this story before. So I wanted to give encouragement to you, um, that there is a
00:15:23.980 balance between preparation and idolatry. Um, and you just have to, I think the distinction
00:15:30.360 there is surrender. What are you surrendering to? Are you surrendering to this picture of the
00:15:34.700 future that you are banking on? Or are you surrendering to the Lord and understanding
00:15:39.000 that he controls, that he controls the outcome. Um, and now because I'm entering into my fourth
00:15:45.600 birth, I really am so much more open-handed than I was in the past. I'm still hoping as I'm
00:15:50.340 recording this for a VBAC, that's what I hope, but I'm also not scared of a C-section the way
00:15:53.900 it used to be. You know, like I know I'll be okay. I mean, Lord willing, I, I, it'll, I've,
00:15:59.680 I've survived both and I've like, I've survived both well. And so, and none of them were easy.
00:16:06.260 so I know that the Lord, no matter what, will be faithful. All right, next one. I thought this was
00:16:12.020 interesting. Now, this is a little bit longer, but this is a unique question that I hadn't gotten
00:16:17.440 before. This is voicemail three. Hey, Allie Beth, this is Danae. I am a mom of three girls, just
00:16:24.840 like you're a mom of three girls. And sometimes as moms of three littles, you get overwhelmed
00:16:30.480 and your house is a hot mess and you find just random toys and crap all over your house.
00:16:36.260 and sometimes you just rage clean right and you just kind of give things goodwill or do whatever
00:16:42.800 you know just find new spots for them and then three months later your daughter asks you hey
00:16:49.200 mom where is that one random toy that I got from a birthday party three years ago or I got in a
00:16:55.020 goodie bag and so what do you do in that instance when you're thinking to yourself oh shoot I think
00:17:02.280 I maybe gave that away what do you say to your daughter in that example please tell me I'm not
00:17:09.640 the only mom that deals with this do you just go along with it and be like oh I don't know let's
00:17:14.760 look for it or do you tell your daughter the truth and say uh I think mommy gave that away
00:17:22.280 and then your daughter Julie upset with you so this is just I know a lot of the questions are
00:17:27.580 kind of heavy and, and whatnot, but I thought I would, uh, ask for your motherly advice in that.
00:17:33.360 Okay. Thank you for everything. Okay. Thank you so much for your question. First, I want to address
00:17:37.820 the rage cleaning because we are all guilty of that. And I'm still, I am speaking to myself.
00:17:43.300 I am not speaking from a place of perfection or judgment at all. But as you're talking about
00:17:47.340 rage cleaning, I was like, well, maybe like, it's really one of the issues there is that we are
00:17:53.000 rage cleaning and first like first maybe we should all address like what our mentality is
00:17:58.800 when we're rage cleaning you want to know my mentality is this is wrong this is simple it's
00:18:02.300 fleshly okay this is in fact reading in galatians this morning as i was talking about with my
00:18:07.740 husband fruit of the spirit versus the product of the flesh in matisse strife jealousy all of
00:18:13.040 these things can let me tell you when i'm rage cleaning not cleaning to serve my family because
00:18:19.100 I love them, which is what the spirit should be, or to steward the space that God has given
00:18:23.040 me because that glorifies him.
00:18:25.180 But rage cleaning, because I'm mad that other people aren't helping.
00:18:28.600 I feel entitled.
00:18:30.120 I feel like, why are other people working as hard as me?
00:18:34.200 I'm thinking about all the things that I've done, that I've had to accomplish, that I'm,
00:18:38.480 you know, that I deserve.
00:18:40.300 And that is where the spirit of rage cleaning comes from.
00:18:44.980 It is not, if you're talking about the rage cleaning that I'm thinking of, it's not like,
00:18:49.380 oh, I just got to hurry.
00:18:50.320 Like, let's just do this.
00:18:51.600 You're like angry.
00:18:53.060 Maybe you're angry with yourself.
00:18:54.120 You're bitter.
00:18:55.260 You're resentful against other people, against whatever, against the people in your life
00:18:59.920 who gave your kids all of these things and all of that.
00:19:02.300 So first, I think that we should all think for a second about rage cleaning.
00:19:10.000 I think it would be better not to clean and allow our house for a temporary period of
00:19:15.980 time to be a hot mess than it is to, and I've done this, this I have done.
00:19:21.100 I have, I have like mad that everything I just cleaned up and that no one's regarding
00:19:25.620 the fact that I just cleaned up, whatever.
00:19:27.880 And I have had to say, okay, I could go back in there in the kitchen and clean everything
00:19:32.480 up that I just put away and I'm going to be mad about it the whole time.
00:19:36.720 or I could just be present in this moment and realize that cleaning all of that up is not
00:19:44.160 actually what is going to give me peace. You know, going back to birth, I also had to realize this
00:19:49.620 after my, when my second was being born and I was being so uptight about the house being perfect
00:19:56.920 all the time. Cause I thought that would like trigger me into labor if everything was perfect.
00:20:00.520 And I was like, well, I have a toddler. That's just not going to happen. I had to let that go.
00:20:04.220 I had to surrender that. I just say things aren't going to be perfect. Your peace is going to have
00:20:08.900 to go from something else. The peace that passes all understanding is what Philippians 4 promises
00:20:12.960 us in Christ when we are not anxious about anything, but in everything with thanksgiving,
00:20:19.400 present our request to God. Okay. So the peace that surpasses the mess in our house, that's what
00:20:25.880 we have to, that's what we have to reach into. And sometimes that means not cleaning in that moment.
00:20:31.260 sometimes it means leaving it a mess and being present with our kids and with our husband until
00:20:36.600 we can get our attitude right until we can clean as an act of worship and stewardship rather than
00:20:42.380 an act of entitlement again preaching to Allie Beth Stuckey right now just as much as I am
00:20:47.620 encouraging all of you it's so easy to get into that headspace so I just want to address the
00:20:53.120 concept of rage cleaning for a second for all of us and if y'all have any thoughts on that
00:20:57.800 let me know. Um, okay. Now the question of telling the truth to your kids. Um, yes,
00:21:04.480 you should tell the truth to your kids. Now, sometimes there are big things that your kids
00:21:08.580 don't need to know because they're too complex or deep or not appropriate for them. Of course,
00:21:12.460 that's true. Um, but it, on a question like this, you know, where did that go? I definitely don't
00:21:19.960 think that we should lie to them. I always tell my kids when I throw something out, I mean,
00:21:26.500 I don't throw out things that are precious to them. I throw out things that I know they haven't
00:21:31.080 played with in a long time and we just don't need. And they see me do it. I don't try to hide that
00:21:36.480 from them. In fact, like they're sad for a second. I gave away a ton of stuffed animals. We get sent
00:21:43.340 stuffed animals. Whenever we go somewhere, we get stuffed animals, people, you know, for gifts and
00:21:49.300 all of that. And they're so sweet. I don't give away the special ones, but there are so many,
00:21:54.240 like literally our cabinet was overflowing with stuffed animals. And so I just had my oldest. I
00:22:00.120 was like, okay, let's pick, let's like give half of these away. And of course there's some back
00:22:06.460 and forth there, but she did. And I always tell her like, we're giving these to kids whose parents
00:22:12.880 can't afford to get them stuffed animals. And so we're giving these to kids who didn't get a
00:22:16.860 Christmas present this year. We're giving these to kids who, who need this. There could be a baby
00:22:21.640 that's being born that needs this stuffed animal and they don't have any stuffed animals. And so
00:22:26.140 they really like that idea. My oldest is really the only one right now that truly understands
00:22:31.500 that concept. And so of course there's a little bit of like, Oh, are we really giving this away?
00:22:36.860 Never once, at least for me, it sounds like your kids have an incredible memory. Never once have
00:22:41.880 my kids been like, Oh my gosh, you know, I'm really missing that tiger that we gave away
00:22:47.340 three months ago. And so just know that they will get over it. They will get over it. They will not
00:22:52.780 miss it. They will not be traumatized by it. Now, if you took away their like beloved stuffed animal
00:22:57.700 that they are sleeping with every night, which doesn't sound like you are doing that, that's
00:23:01.620 another thing. But I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't feel guilty about it for one second. And
00:23:07.020 I would just tell them the truth. Like, yeah, I give it away to someone who needed more toys
00:23:12.960 and they're going to be upset for like five seconds.
00:23:17.340 i love operation christmas child this is a project of samaritan's purse it's been running 19 since
00:23:27.180 1993 my entire life and i remember growing up in the church and getting these shoe boxes and putting
00:23:34.100 items in it choosing okay do you want to give this shoe box to a boy or a girl and what age group do
00:23:39.240 you want to give this shoe box to and it's so great if you can to get shoe boxes for all of
00:23:44.280 the categories to make sure that one little boy or girl who needs to know the love of Christ,
00:23:49.940 the generosity of the body of Christ, who just needs the joy of opening a present and getting
00:23:55.800 things that they need, that they want, that they can have fun with, that they don't typically get
00:24:00.220 any other time of the year. If you want to be a part of that, it really is so easy. All you have
00:24:05.920 to do is go to samaritanspurse.org slash OCC. There you will get all of the information. You
00:24:11.680 You can even fill a shoebox online, or they'll give you instructions, which I think is really
00:24:15.820 fun for you and your kids to actually go to Walmart or go to another store and get the
00:24:23.080 toys and get the toothbrush and get the hairbrush and get the socks and the colored pencils and
00:24:29.860 all of the things that you're supposed to be putting in these boxes and pack it together
00:24:34.080 and talk about what you're doing, why you're doing this, and talk about how this is an
00:24:40.240 entryway for those who work at Samaritan's Purse to share the love of Christ and to share the
00:24:44.780 gospel with these children around the world. This is a way that we can share the good news of
00:24:50.960 Christmas with so many children that maybe have never heard it and never have experienced the
00:24:56.020 generosity of Christ followers. So if you want to be a part of this, just go to samaritanspurse.org
00:25:02.320 slash OCC. Learn how to pack a shoebox. You'll also see the drop-off locations. There are over
00:25:07.920 5,000 of them in the United States. Drop off week is November 16th through the 23rd. So you
00:25:13.400 got to drop off your box sometime during that week. Samaritanspurse.org slash OCC.
00:25:24.460 Next question out of the domestic realm, discern when, discerning when to argue with someone
00:25:30.200 online voicemail for hey Allie I love the podcast so much I just wanted to say I feel like I've
00:25:39.000 learned so much from listening to you so thank you for all that you do my question is how do
00:25:45.720 you discern when it is appropriate to engage with someone specifically online about something you
00:25:53.040 disagree with or when it's best to just let it go and move on I know we are called to speak the
00:25:59.100 truth and love, but I also know arguments on social media aren't always productive. Thanks.
00:26:06.360 Yes. Such a good question. And I wish I could say I have a perfect track record of this. I do not.
00:26:11.680 Sometimes I see messages and they just annoy me so much that I end up responding. And let me tell
00:26:16.360 you, I never feel good about it. Never. Proverbs reminds us that we're not supposed to answer a
00:26:22.580 fool according to his folly. We're also reminded that a kind word turns away wrath. The best
00:26:27.980 interactions that I've had, or the best feeling that I have after an interaction is when I
00:26:34.200 respond in a way that is above reproaching, kind, truthful, not compromising at all,
00:26:39.880 but kind, dignified. And if they cuss at me, if they wail at me, whatever, that's their problem.
00:26:46.820 Sometimes though, they do soften up and they do add caveats or they do apologize. And I'm always
00:26:54.080 so glad that I responded that way. Or sometimes I, you know, I just block people, especially when
00:27:00.020 they're just absolutely nasty. I ignore the vast, vast, vast majority of those messages.
00:27:06.260 But sometimes if I feel like someone says something that is like rational, but wrong,
00:27:10.980 and I really want to respond to them and I have a point of response, then I will give it. And I
00:27:16.100 will just then pray that the Lord will use that to change their heart and change their mind.
00:27:20.520 and how he wants to do that is up to him.
00:27:24.720 But I will just tell you from failed experience
00:27:28.280 at some points that it never ends up feeling good
00:27:32.760 to be sarcastic and denigrating in your response.
00:27:39.060 Now, I am someone who has straight A's and sarcasm, okay?
00:27:44.300 I can make someone via sarcasm feel so small so fast.
00:27:48.380 And that's not something that I'm bragging about,
00:27:50.340 that is not, it's not a good thing. It's not a fruit of the spirit. Um, it is the other side to
00:27:55.900 being, you know, good with words or someone who loves to write and to loves to think and loves to
00:28:01.560 verbalize concepts. And that is why the tongue is described as a sword, um, because it is extremely
00:28:11.420 powerful and it can cut through a lot for better and for worse. And so I would just, if you do
00:28:20.320 not feel that you are in a place to respond kindly and to respond calmly and to respond
00:28:26.880 rationally. Um, then I just would not respond at all. If you can ask a question that makes them
00:28:36.820 think more critically about their position, that is often the best way to go. That takes a lot of
00:28:42.400 pressure off you to try to know everything. It does, you know, cite a million sources and
00:28:47.680 have all of these arguments. There's a book called tactics by Greg Kokel. That's really
00:28:53.600 great about this. And he argues that it's not our job to change someone's mind in a conversation.
00:28:59.160 Our job is to get the ball a little bit farther down the field. And God might use 10,000 people
00:29:05.720 in one person's testimony. And you're just one of those people. And so it might not be your role to
00:29:11.480 take the ball into the end zone. It might just be your role to move it a yard or to move it a
00:29:15.900 centimeter. And that was your role. And so that might just be asking a well-timed question.
00:29:20.260 I remember on Facebook early on when I started posting things. So 10 years ago, probably
00:29:26.300 I said something about the exceptions that I believed in for abortion, which of course I
00:29:31.260 don't support anymore. And someone simply asked on Facebook, what's the difference in a baby
00:29:36.120 conceived in rape and a baby not conceived in rape. And that person has no idea that that
00:29:40.740 totally changed how I thought about abortion, because I obviously the answer is nothing when
00:29:46.380 it comes to their humanity and therefore their personhood and worth and rights. And that just
00:29:50.620 made me think, well, I wasn't really thinking about abortion through the lens of the baby at
00:29:55.020 all. I was thinking pragmatically, politically. I wasn't thinking about it through the lens of the
00:30:00.180 victim in the situation. And once you start doing that, that really changes what you think
00:30:04.860 about abortion and fertility treatments and all different kinds of things and things in which
00:30:10.160 life is created when you're thinking about things through the lens of the baby. And so like,
00:30:15.960 you never know, you never know the well-timed Facebook comment can do, even if it's not taken
00:30:22.320 well at the time, that's not your, that's not your business. And don't, don't interpret,
00:30:29.200 don't take someone else's response to you as the standard of, as, as the determinant of whether or
00:30:38.440 not you've said something correctly. Because you could be as nice as humanly possible, and someone
00:30:43.240 who is hostile to the truth is still going to come across as hostile. In most cases, Stephen was full
00:30:49.480 of grace and power. He was stoned to death. Jesus, full of grace and truth. He was crucified. And so
00:30:54.440 you can be completely gracious, and people can still respond very meanly to you. Don't be
00:30:59.460 discouraged by that. You speak the truth as lovingly and as directly as possible, and you let
00:31:04.380 God do the rest. And you got to suss out your own heart when you're in the place to do that without
00:31:10.560 sarcasm. I'm so thankful when I look at my Jubilee debate, I like when I watch that, I see the Holy
00:31:16.980 Spirit because those kinds of people, if they had been in my DMs on a day when I was tired, I just
00:31:22.980 finished three podcast episodes. I was hungry. I would probably have been sarcastic and rude to
00:31:28.700 one of them in one way. And maybe they would have been meaner to me too. And so I look at that and
00:31:33.680 And I'm like, I'm not like, wow, Allie, you did such a great job.
00:31:36.240 I'm like, holy spirit, you really came through for me because I was super tired and not feeling
00:31:41.100 well that day.
00:31:41.860 So all the work of the spirit.
00:31:48.200 This is a season for people coming over to your house, for you going to over to other
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00:31:53.420 And so you're probably cooking more than normal right now.
00:31:56.860 You want to make sure that you've got high quality meat on hand so that you can make
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00:32:07.400 house or your family's house when they're having you over and good ranchers is just going to make
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00:33:25.080 let's do um let's do number six hey Allie I wanted to get your thoughts on a woman showing
00:33:39.960 interest in a man that she likes and what are some practical ways to do that um I'm in my 30s
00:33:46.300 and I like a guy in my friend group from church I've known him for several years and I've liked
00:33:52.380 him for a while, but we're just not as close. I'm not as close to him as I am to some of the other
00:33:57.020 friends in the group. So should I be showing interest, signs of interest to him? And how do
00:34:03.560 I go about doing that? I hear that men sometimes won't pursue a woman unless they see signs of
00:34:10.040 interest from her first. So what are your thoughts on all of this? Thank you. A great question. I
00:34:16.220 would say show interest, show interest in him, not as a potential romantic partner necessarily,
00:34:21.740 but as a person. I think all people, not just men, but all people like to be interested in.
00:34:27.620 We all like to, everyone likes to talk about themselves and everyone likes to hear questions
00:34:32.520 about themselves or to answer questions about themselves. And so I would say that like when I
00:34:37.980 met my husband, we started just having conversations and I just wanted to get to know him.
00:34:43.120 And so I would ask all kinds of things about what do you like to read? What do you like to do?
00:34:47.980 different things about his family, his personality. And I remember when he turned 24, he had said
00:34:54.040 like offhand a couple of weeks earlier that his birthday was October 19th and he was turning 24.
00:35:01.340 And I think it was a Friday that year. And I told him, I logged it away. And I told myself that when
00:35:08.180 I saw him the following Monday, cause we would work out at the same gym at first, we weren't,
00:35:12.340 We didn't text at all, didn't talk on the phone, um, didn't go on dates.
00:35:17.520 We were just getting to know each other when we were both at the gym at the same time.
00:35:20.800 And I remember telling myself that, okay, the Monday after his birthday, I am going
00:35:25.380 to tell him, um, I'm going to say happy birthday.
00:35:28.440 And then I'm going to ask him like what he did for his birthday.
00:35:31.120 And I remember he said he went home, um, to where he lived in, in Georgia.
00:35:35.580 He had driven home that weekend, but he was so surprised that I remembered his birthday.
00:35:40.900 and so showing interest like that that to me was the first time I remember deciding that I
00:35:49.580 wanted him to know that our conversations were special and that they weren't just casual to me
00:35:55.000 that I remembered them I'm sure he was also doing things like that too um but of course the first
00:36:01.060 time we talked for four hours non-stop standing outside the gym from like 6 p.m to 10 p.m is when
00:36:09.020 we really knew. And this again is before any text or any call or any first date. Um, and so it's just
00:36:15.840 those moments of interest that built for us, it was built over a short period of time, but it might
00:36:20.760 be a longer period of time. So I would literally just show interest. You also have to pick up on
00:36:25.560 if you show interest and you're just talking to him as a friend and you want to know him more and
00:36:30.240 he does not reciprocate, you don't need to keep going. And I know that's unfortunate and that's
00:36:35.680 not a good feeling. But if you're clearly like just showing interest in him, talking to him,
00:36:42.100 and he doesn't seem to want to talk back, he doesn't ask questions back. Um, and he never
00:36:47.960 tries to initiate those conversations. And then I, I just, I wouldn't continue that because I
00:36:54.140 think that he is expressing that the interest is not reciprocal. All right. Speaking of Bible
00:36:59.500 studies let's go to the next question number seven hey Allie um quick question uh I go to a 1.00
00:37:09.520 neighborhood bible study and one of the girls that comes to the bible study is in a lesbian 0.86
00:37:16.540 quote-unquote marriage um I'm really struggling with this uh maybe for a couple months now
00:37:23.340 where I don't know, do I talk to her about it?
00:37:27.920 Because it seems like she's a newer Christian,
00:37:30.840 but she's very confident in her marriage with this girl.
00:37:34.800 Everyone at the Bible study also kind of confirms her in that.
00:37:39.700 So I don't know if I need to leave the Bible study
00:37:42.280 or do I need to talk to her about it?
00:37:45.880 What would you suggest I do?
00:37:47.920 Thank you.
00:37:48.460 okay i will i would not tell you to leave this bible study because this woman is there i'm
00:37:59.500 thrilled that she is going i think that's amazing that she is coming to bible study
00:38:03.680 she is in this relationship with this woman right now of course she seems confident in that
00:38:08.500 um but that is because the holy spirit maybe hopefully is working in her in some way clearly
00:38:14.920 I think he is if he's coming to this Bible study, but will continue to work in her and
00:38:19.860 hopefully through the sanctification of the Holy Spirit, through the word, that conviction
00:38:25.060 will grow. 0.93
00:38:25.920 Remember that anyone, homosexual or not, is first repenting of the sin of unbelief. 0.94
00:38:33.260 So it's not always that you come to know Christ and immediately you're like, oh yeah, homosexuality 0.96
00:38:39.180 is a sin, especially in this world today when you have so many people that will affirm it 0.93
00:38:44.560 and say, oh yeah, totally. You can be a Christian. You can practice witchcraft. You can be a
00:38:48.280 Christian and you can practice homosexuality, be transgender, be an alcoholic, all of these things 0.97
00:38:53.580 that the Bible clearly says, nope, those two things don't go together. Light and darkness 0.99
00:38:57.140 don't have a fellowship. You got to repent of those things. That's why Christ died.
00:39:01.940 So it's tough, but the Holy Spirit pushes past all of those, like all of that cultural
00:39:09.240 propaganda to convict those that the Lord wants to convict. So I am happy that she's there.
00:39:17.800 That is good. Hopefully she is a Christian and she's going through a process of sanctification,
00:39:22.640 or maybe she's not a Christian at all. And she's just interested in the Lord is going to do that
00:39:27.000 work in her heart. The reason why I would say maybe not a great Bible study for you to be a
00:39:32.460 part of is because of all the other people. If all the other people in the group are affirming of it,
00:39:37.720 or we've got a big problem. That is extremely unloving. It's extremely hateful to read what
00:39:43.760 God says about homosexuality in Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6 and to say, yeah, that's fine. 0.98
00:39:50.620 For a Christian to call what the Lord says is a sin, a sin against your own body, 0.99
00:39:56.700 a sin of idolatry, a sin of sexual immorality, because of which someone will not enter the
00:40:03.880 kingdom of heaven. That's what 1 Corinthians 6 says, which of course the underlying belief
00:40:07.640 there is one of unbelief in Christ, but still it's one of the fruits of the unbelief of Christ
00:40:12.360 is this form of sexual immorality and all sexual immorality. So for a professing Christian to not 0.75
00:40:18.880 be willing to speak the truth in love to that woman, or to at least at the beginning, not affirm
00:40:25.480 it and to just stand by what the Bible says, that is, that's a sin that I'm not as worried about 0.71
00:40:33.540 this lesbian who is showing up at the Bible study, who is expressing interest. I'm worried 1.00
00:40:38.140 about everyone else there. That's, that's the trouble. Those people need your evangelism
00:40:43.480 as well. Those people need your influence. But I don't know that I would be a part of a Bible
00:40:49.440 study where everyone else is calling God a liar through their actions. If what you're saying is
00:40:55.820 true. That's not a Bible study. Okay. That is secular brunch. That is calling itself a religious
00:41:04.580 study, calling itself a Christian Bible study when it's actually not. Um, so I would say that
00:41:13.160 those in your Bible study, they're committing the idolatrous sin of thinking that they are nicer
00:41:16.940 than God, that God's words are too mean, that his will is too obscure, too merciless in order to
00:41:23.060 communicate to someone else. That's one problem with this. Um, I don't know, say, take all of the
00:41:31.020 other people out of it and say, you're supposed to stay in this Bible study, or you did stay in
00:41:34.540 this Bible study. I don't think you are responsible yet to necessarily talk to this woman about that
00:41:42.960 relationship with the woman. I think that will come up if you create a friendship with her.
00:41:48.280 I think she needs to know the gospel.
00:41:50.640 I think she needs to know who Jesus is.
00:41:52.920 I think she needs to understand self-denial.
00:41:54.940 I think she needs to understand repentance.
00:41:57.020 I think that she needs to know the Bible, which is actually really important that she
00:42:00.680 gets into a Bible study with people who believe in the authority of scripture.
00:42:04.420 That is the most important thing.
00:42:06.320 I'm not saying you should never talk to her about the relationship with a woman, but that's
00:42:09.760 not even the key thing that's going on.
00:42:11.680 The key thing that's going on is that she either doesn't know scripture or she doesn't
00:42:15.320 believe in the authority of scripture.
00:42:17.280 And those two things should be remedied through the Holy spirit, but also through a proper Bible
00:42:22.240 study. So I don't know, maybe the Lord is calling you to be friends with this woman 0.99
00:42:25.980 to really get to know her. I would highly recommend that you read Rosaria Butterfield
00:42:31.260 and Christopher Yuan. Rosaria Butterfield, the gospel comes with a house key. Um, her first book
00:42:37.720 too, I'm blanking on the name of it, but I would really encourage you to listen to her, to read
00:42:42.180 her, read Christopher Yuan's story. They became Christians by people loving them and speaking the
00:42:49.400 truth and love to them, not affirming them. So yeah, that's one thing I would say is maybe 0.51
00:42:55.000 you've been placed in this woman's life to speak truth to her.
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00:44:20.140 All right, let's see.
00:44:22.900 I think that we probably have a time
00:44:27.040 for a couple more questions.
00:44:30.520 Let's do voicemail number nine.
00:44:34.280 Hey, Allie, I have a question for you.
00:44:36.660 So I've been visiting a local Baptist church
00:44:38.580 with my family and we recently spoke with the pastor about joining and in our discussion he
00:44:43.460 gave us their bylaws and covenant design and while we agree with many parts of it there were a few
00:44:49.200 things like totally abstaining from alcohol and men are not to work on the sabbath sunday that i
00:44:54.440 don't believe are biblically sinful i do believe being drunk is a sin and if you do drink it should
00:45:00.120 be a moderation and also because of my dad's schedule sometimes he is called in to work on
00:45:04.880 Sundays. So my question is, is it normal for churches to require signing something this
00:45:09.540 specific? And how would you recommend approaching this? Thanks. Bye.
00:45:15.380 Yes, I don't think it is normal for a church to require this of all of their members.
00:45:22.920 I don't know necessarily that these requirements are completely unbiblical, but I also don't
00:45:30.640 see the biblical necessity for these requirements and regulations for the members of the church.
00:45:36.240 Now, if a church wants to set these standards for the deacons, for the elder board, for the pastor,
00:45:42.500 I think that to me is what I've seen more. It makes more sense than requiring every member to,
00:45:48.720 for example, abstain from drinking wine in their home or abstain from all manner of work on Sundays.
00:45:56.800 Now, I do believe it's important that we are to honor a day of rest every week, but yes, I would say that it is strange, a little strange.
00:46:09.460 I know that there might be some strong opinions, differing opinions out there about what I'm going to say.
00:46:13.420 I can't see myself attending a church with that strict of regulations on its members, not because like those things are that important to me.
00:46:25.740 Like I do believe in honoring a Sabbath and I don't believe that people should be drunk
00:46:32.140 and alcohol is really not that great of a thing in general, but yeah, there's something
00:46:38.660 that's a little, that's a, that's a little odd to me about requiring these bylaws for
00:46:44.220 every single member.
00:46:46.600 So I feel you in that suspicion there.
00:46:50.060 Okay.
00:46:50.800 Let us do one more.
00:46:52.420 And that is voicemail eight.
00:46:55.740 Hi, Allie. I have a question. I wanted to know your thoughts on either a tubal ligation
00:47:04.340 procedure for a woman or a male vasectomy. For a Christian married couple who, we have
00:47:10.740 multiple children, but really not looking to grow our family just from a financial,
00:47:17.400 emotional standpoint, I think we are done with three kids. But I wasn't sure if this
00:47:24.100 was a biblical, that this was a problem. And I've researched it, but it looks like there's a lot of
00:47:30.680 different perspectives. So I just wanted to get your perspective. Do you think it's a sin or that
00:47:35.820 it's like morally not okay to alter your body to basically sterilize yourself? I'd love to hear
00:47:41.720 your thoughts on this. Thank you. Oh, I wish I had the perfect answer for you. This is something
00:47:48.720 that we've been thinking about ourselves.
00:47:51.540 And in general, I would say that we should be open to life.
00:47:58.440 As a married couple, I can't say that that is applicable
00:48:02.400 to every single couple and their situation.
00:48:05.900 Children are a blessing.
00:48:07.160 They're a heritage from the Lord.
00:48:08.860 We should be thankful for them.
00:48:10.520 He created the means by which we should be fruitful and multiply.
00:48:15.540 I do think there is a level of Christian liberty in choosing how many children to have. 0.92
00:48:24.060 Taking permanent or at least semi-permanent steps to stop having children.
00:48:31.360 I know a lot of Christians who have done that and are truly faithful Christians. 0.99
00:48:37.040 I am not sure that I'm on board with that. 0.52
00:48:41.600 I, I know that that's not the most fulsome and satisfying answer that I could give you,
00:48:49.240 but I will say if I know that as a podcaster, I'm supposed to act like I have like the perfect,
00:48:55.100 uh, answer for things, but first of all, I never act like that. And I don't typically answer things
00:49:02.100 that I don't feel like I have a good answer for. And I'm sure a lot of people in the comments will
00:49:06.100 have good things to say, but I will say there's just something in me that is not down with it.
00:49:14.120 That is not down with the surgical sterilization in most cases. At the same time, I don't believe
00:49:22.060 that Christians are obligated to have a child every single year that they are physically capable
00:49:28.900 of having a child. I think that there are considerations, um, that come into play there.
00:49:34.840 I think there is wisdom and discernment that comes into play there.
00:49:39.600 Um, and so some people might say, well, if we, you know, we've already had a lot of kids
00:49:44.660 and now we're considering all of these different things with our aging bodies and finance,
00:49:48.380 whatever it is.
00:49:49.280 And so we're just taking, uh, another step like, uh, the sex to me in order to not have
00:49:57.000 any more children.
00:49:58.460 Yeah.
00:49:59.000 I understand that.
00:50:00.160 I do understand that perspective.
00:50:01.580 I can't go so far as to say that it's a sin in all cases.
00:50:05.800 I think some of it does have to do with the motivation, the desires of our hearts and
00:50:10.240 why we are doing the things that we do.
00:50:12.500 But I do just have to say that those procedures, there's just something that I, I just can't
00:50:18.260 get on board with it.
00:50:19.380 I just am not totally, I'm not totally comfortable with the taking of the steps of, of sterilization
00:50:27.780 in those cases.
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00:51:57.660 I'm sure that people will again, have a wide variety of views on, on what I just said.
00:52:06.580 And that question, it's a really good question. And I think it's something that all Christian
00:52:10.300 women kind of work through in our childbearing years. How do you know when you, how do you know
00:52:15.720 when you are done besides just your own feelings? And that's, that's a tough question. It's a tough
00:52:21.100 question. Um, all right. Y'all always give me a lot to think about. Thank you so much
00:52:25.820 for all of these questions.
00:52:27.760 They're so good.
00:52:28.680 Again, call in, try to keep your questions concise.
00:52:30.900 If you can, we can get to more of them that way.
00:52:33.080 And I will see you guys back here next time.