Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 160 ｜ Dear College Me

00:00:00.000 hey guys welcome to relatable happy monday i hope everyone had a wonderful weekend so last week i

00:00:06.040 posted on my instagram story a picture of myself from college move-in day when i was 18 years old

00:00:12.940 that was nine years ago which is crazy for me to think about it seems like a whole other lifetime

00:00:19.860 ago on one hand it also seems like yesterday had my nike shorts on that day if you are my age so

00:00:25.860 if you graduated from high school like at 2010 you remember that having every color of those nike

00:00:31.860 shorts was super cool so i was wearing my super cool nike shorts i still have them by the way

00:00:37.460 i thought about as i was looking at that picture what i would tell my young naive 18 year old self

00:00:45.780 and i wrote about it a little bit on that photo on instagram and a lot of you messaged me saying can

00:00:50.680 you please make a podcast episode on this subject so i am that's what we're going to talk about

00:00:56.720 today now you might not be in college you might be in high school you might be out of college like me

00:01:02.680 i'm 27 you might be older than me uh no matter what life stage you're in i think that this will resonate

00:01:08.520 with you in some way whether you are in this stage or you know someone in this stage and hopefully you

00:01:13.900 can apply some of the things that i talk about to whatever phase of life that you're in um i think it

00:01:19.400 can be productive no matter what to reflect on who you used to be how far you've come what you've

00:01:25.400 learned and for all of us to see the faithfulness of jesus be the persistent thread through the ups

00:01:33.580 and downs in the various circumstances and phases that we have been through mondays as you know are

00:01:38.840 meant to be focused on a theological topic and while this is not strictly theology obviously it will

00:01:45.320 of course be centered on the character of god and the truth of his word with some practical wisdom

00:01:51.680 just from my personal experience so first i want to back up a little bit and give you some background

00:01:56.880 on who 18 year old ally was as she was entering college so 15 16 17 year old ally i would describe

00:02:04.720 as a little bit rebellious now not maybe not the kind of rebellion that you're thinking about just

00:02:10.420 depending on your own background so it's not like i was doing drugs or drinking alcohol at all having

00:02:16.200 sex going to parties anything like that that's not what i'm talking about it was more just an attitude

00:02:20.440 a feeling misunderstood as a lot of teenagers do my friend and i decided to dye our hair black when i

00:02:26.840 think we were 16 or so just because we thought it would be fun of course we did that box dye so you know

00:02:32.780 it looked really good and super natural but i was really just kind of your average bad attitude

00:02:38.920 desperately wanting to be independent teenager i was doing okay in school i had my friends but i was

00:02:45.080 just over being a kid i've been over i was over being a kid for a really long time by the time it was

00:02:51.240 uh but by the time i was ready to graduate from high school and emotionally i think i just didn't know

00:02:56.340 how to handle that so i would say in a lot of ways i was just your average high schooler and then

00:03:01.760 in my junior year of high school i had a bible teacher and he really piqued my interest in theology

00:03:09.180 and studying scripture in a way that had never happened to me before i'd never experienced before

00:03:15.840 and i hardly remember what he actually taught us or if today i would align with him theologically but

00:03:21.080 what i remember is this teacher maybe for the first time in my life treating us like adults he would

00:03:28.240 allow us to split up into different groups or in pairs and discuss some deep theological subject and

00:03:34.940 then come back and the whole class would discuss and debate it and i just remember realizing for the

00:03:40.340 first time the intellectual richness that comes with christianity i went to a christian school i was

00:03:46.020 raised in the church thankfully i'm so glad i had christian parents but i hadn't really i guess

00:03:51.460 thought about christianity that much i hadn't really thought about the bible that much and then my junior

00:03:56.520 year of high school this class changed that um i loved this class because it revealed to me

00:04:03.040 just how much there is to learn about god's word that i just hadn't recognized before so i started

00:04:08.160 reading the bible consistently on my own i read the book of romans over and over again that became

00:04:13.100 my favorite book i started reading c.s lewis i started reading screw tape letters which will make

00:04:18.680 you realize really quickly if you didn't already know the spiritual reality or the spiritual war that's

00:04:24.320 going on for your soul and that will wake you up that will jar you to realize okay i need to start

00:04:30.660 taking this life seriously i later read mere christianity which helped change my life and it

00:04:35.520 actually still does every time i read it if you have not read mere christianity whether you are a

00:04:40.540 skeptic whether you are a non-christian whether you've been a believer for 25 years i highly recommend

00:04:47.280 mere christianity it will at the very least change your perspective on um on how you reason god i guess

00:04:56.320 and then i actually read the book reason for god my senior year of high school i had another

00:05:00.260 great bible teacher we discussed apologetics and why we believe what we believe and this completely

00:05:05.720 transformed over the span of about a couple years it completely transformed christianity for me from

00:05:11.660 a baptism at seven years old raising your hand and saying okay you know i don't want to go to hell 0.82

00:05:16.440 and sunday school classes every week to this kind of joyful journey to knowing god intimately i started

00:05:23.380 attending a new church around this time and i joined a youth group my junior year of high school which

00:05:28.740 again revealed to me i think just a more personal and deeper part of christianity than i'd known

00:05:34.260 and it was with that church that between my junior year and my senior year of high school that

00:05:39.120 i volunteered at a camp called camp barnabas which is a camp in missouri for kids and adults with special

00:05:44.460 needs and i think it was then that i saw the most tangible picture of the gospel that i had seen

00:05:50.400 i knew the gospel memorized the story of the gospel of the good news of jesus dying on the cross for our

00:05:56.800 sins but it was actually a poignant visible picture of what that actually looked like some of these campers

00:06:04.560 are completely dependent on the people who are volunteering to survive and i recognized that

00:06:11.460 that's who we are without christ even more than that we are actually dead in our sin and we are

00:06:16.380 enemies of god when jesus rescues us so i experienced the joy and self-sacrifice that i just hadn't

00:06:23.300 experienced before so in all of this uh the holy spirit grabbed my heart and my mind started changing me

00:06:30.060 uh from what i would say that the inside out my attitude changed i matured a lot i just grew up

00:06:35.820 i ended up actually getting a job on staff at camp barnabas the next year so before i went to college

00:06:41.780 uh which helped me kind of helps kind of put me in the right mindset before i got there to stay on

00:06:49.260 the straight and narrow to be strong in the lord to keep reading my bible and keep that relationship

00:06:55.600 with christ that had been cultivated over the past couple of years and i did that when i got there but

00:07:00.160 it was hard i didn't know anyone on campus i am from texas born and raised and then i went to a

00:07:05.560 small school in south carolina just basically because i wanted to there wasn't a whole lot

00:07:10.680 of reason except that i liked the campus i liked that it was small but i didn't know anyone on

00:07:14.640 campus i was actually excited about that fact most of my friends went to baylor went to a&m and i was

00:07:19.580 excited for a new opportunity my freshman year roommate at this college was very different we were very

00:07:26.220 different people i tried to have christian community but i was extremely picky about what kind of

00:07:34.580 christians i wanted to hang out with and we'll kind of get into this and the regrets that i have

00:07:38.940 with that in just a minute but i was extremely picky and selective i joined a sorority spring

00:07:44.660 semester my freshman year which did give me a few great friendships but also at the same time i started

00:07:51.480 seriously dating someone that same semester and i ended up dedicating a lot of my time over the next

00:07:58.640 two and a half years of college to that relationship i've talked about this before so i won't get too far

00:08:03.780 into it he was a good guy he met my criteria on paper but i knew from the beginning that it wasn't

00:08:10.600 right i just could never shake this feeling that we shouldn't end up together and yet for almost three

00:08:15.400 years for almost three years i convinced myself that we needed to stay together simply because he was a

00:08:22.560 and because he checked some of my boxes and for almost three years i spent time worrying about and

00:08:29.960 investing energy into our relationship rather than building those lifelong friendships now i don't want

00:08:36.160 to sound like i had no friends and that i was all by myself because that's not true i did have friends

00:08:41.180 and i still have some of those solid friendships to this day and i love them all very much but when i was

00:08:47.320 in college i never felt like i was totally in with a group i just never felt like i fully belonged and

00:08:53.460 so i'm not sure what really came first if i didn't feel like i belonged to any particular group and so i

00:09:00.020 found belonging in this boyfriend in this relationship or if i was finding my belonging in this relationship

00:09:05.960 so i wasn't spending the time that i needed to actually cultivating those friendships so i could

00:09:10.780 belong somewhere i don't know i just felt like i didn't fit in with the bible study girls and i didn't fit in

00:09:16.200 with the girls that were you know partying every night and having this relationship offered me a

00:09:22.480 sense of of belonging again of being needed of being wanted uh which is something that all of us crave

00:09:30.520 and i think that's probably why i stuck with it for so long uh we broke up at the end of the fall

00:09:35.880 semester of my senior year and because he offered me that sense of being a part of something and even i

00:09:42.380 would say hope is i obsessed over marriage and what it would look like if we had a wedding and all

00:09:47.340 that stuff i was devastated even though i knew it wasn't right i was completely crushed there was

00:09:53.020 relief underneath it i actually remember exactly uh the moment that it happened it's crushed and is

00:09:58.920 i just incredulous as i was i also remember this like abiding relief that okay i don't have to worry

00:10:06.760 about this anymore but uh what happened quickly after that is that i felt isolated i felt like i

00:10:12.440 lost a piece of my identity which tells you how stuck i was in idolatry really idolizing more than him

00:10:19.600 my future and again a sense of identity and hope so eventually i started doing what i had never done

00:10:26.400 in college i started drinking too much i started going out i started partying enjoying uh attention from

00:10:31.360 guys that i had never you know talked to before since i was dating someone i felt like i missed out on

00:10:36.360 all of this stuff over the previous years because i was dating someone and being what a lot of people

00:10:41.680 may describe as like a goody two shoes i also started working out obsessively i started not eating when

00:10:47.760 that didn't work i would binge and purge i was a total mess i was a total mess but the reason is is

00:10:52.780 because uh i lost a bit of who i thought that i was and i didn't want to deal with the heartache i think

00:11:02.740 for some reason that it's you know it's terrible to say this and to admit this but i think at the

00:11:07.440 time i even resented god a little bit i decided that maybe it was worth instead of just you know

00:11:13.400 being obedient and being on the straight and narrow uh letting loose and maybe trying a bit of that

00:11:19.840 instant gratification that everyone had been had been trying for themselves over the past few years

00:11:25.100 and the conclusion of that semester again i've talked about this before probably in more detail but the

00:11:30.420 conclusion of that semester was regret and that's what sin does not just for me but for everyone

00:11:35.920 it tells you that this is worth it that hey this is just a few months of your life that this is what

00:11:40.180 college is all about that this is what it means to be young you should just live it up it's just a

00:11:44.340 stage so many people have done so much worse it's not that big of a deal you deserve to have a little

00:11:49.860 fun you're happy i wasn't actually happy but i was convincing myself that i was so what else

00:11:55.020 matters um that's what satan does he never tells you the cost of sin he exaggerates and lies about

00:12:01.300 the immediate enjoyment of sin and downplays or completely uh ignores the consequences uh then

00:12:08.460 when it's over you realize that the consequences actually far outweigh the enjoyment or at least

00:12:13.880 the regret far outweighs the enjoyment uh obviously eventually and the year after college god's kindness

00:12:20.180 uh again led me to repentance it actually led me to some of the very things that had first

00:12:25.400 sparked uh sparked my faith like reading the bible obviously and mere christianity uh and while we know

00:12:33.200 god uses everything for his glory that he is gracious that he is in control that he is redemptive

00:12:38.200 that he is good that he is faithful when we are faithless and i'm so thankful for that i still can say

00:12:43.700 that i do still have regrets from college and i wish that i could change things i wish that college

00:12:50.180 would have gone differently for me and i think it's okay for me to say that still knowing that yes god

00:12:55.480 is in control and he's faithful so looking at 18 year old ally in that picture i was so tan by the way

00:13:01.160 that's something that i i really miss i don't miss anything about being younger but i do miss being tan

00:13:06.140 um there are so many things that i want to tell her that i hope will also help you again no matter

00:13:13.260 what stage you're in whether you're in high school or in college or maybe you're a parent of kids these

00:13:18.340 ages and maybe you can share this with a friend that you think needs to hear it if you're not in

00:13:22.960 this stage and especially if you're a parent or a grandparent i encourage you to share it as well

00:13:26.840 if you think this is wisdom you would like them to apply so the first thing that i would tell 18 year

00:13:32.580 old ally on college move-in day sit her down and say ally find friends find friends right away

00:13:40.120 intentionally and intentional is such a christian buzzword that i actually never say because

00:13:45.040 it's such a buzzword like i just said um but intentionally find christian community don't be

00:13:53.380 picky about this don't worry about if they are cool enough for you don't worry about if you have the

00:13:59.440 same hobbies find christians who will hold you accountable and love you that doesn't mean that you

00:14:04.080 shouldn't have friends who like the same things you do but the most important thing in the world for

00:14:08.880 you is to have christ-like friends obviously i when i say this it's second to actually having a

00:14:15.540 relationship with christ but that being already understood you have a relationship with christ you

00:14:20.440 have to be in community that's what i would tell her i would say join a bible study go to church

00:14:26.060 join a christian campus organization and when you do plug in go to meals with them shop with them study

00:14:32.140 with them rely on them and be reliable integrate your life with theirs confess your sins to them

00:14:38.460 pray with them and for the friends you have who aren't christians in college ally uh here is my

00:14:46.240 controversial advice stop stop uh don't stop being kind and hospitable and generous to them but stop

00:14:54.160 spending all your time with them and when you do spend time with them do so on your turf that means

00:14:59.620 you control the environment the activity and the conversation that means you elevate your interactions

00:15:05.320 with them to a place that is christ honoring you share the gospel with them you talk about what god

00:15:10.080 is doing in your life what you're reading either they will want to know more or they will want nothing

00:15:15.360 to do with you because it makes them uncomfortable and when and if they walk away from you because they

00:15:20.180 think that you're no fun anymore you let them do that you don't stop them so to you listening to this

00:15:27.460 stop trying to be like them stop trying to make them like you stop laughing about their stories about

00:15:34.400 hooking up or getting wasted stop acting like you don't care about sin because you think it makes

00:15:39.000 you relatable you are doing these things because you have convinced yourself that you are being some

00:15:45.280 version of kind and maybe this version of kindness will make them want to become christians that's what

00:15:50.820 you've told yourself in your head you are lying to yourself you might be being nice but you are not

00:15:55.940 being biblically kind that is your excuse for avoiding awkwardness your righteous sounding excuse for

00:16:02.360 avoiding awkwardness we have all done it we've all been there uh remember i'm also speaking to me

00:16:08.300 here i'm speaking from experience uh our job as christians is not to be unoffensive it is not to make

00:16:15.520 people feel good about themselves and their sin we can be kind we can be inviting we can be generous

00:16:20.180 and disapprove of people's sin why because if we are christians that means we believe in the gospel

00:16:26.560 that means that we believe when people are apart from christ they are dead and they are bound for hell

00:16:31.400 and therefore it is not kind and it is not loving to pretend that they are okay the way they are

00:16:36.720 do not be a morally relative christian as if there were such a thing do not be a morally relative

00:16:43.480 christian in an effort to appear inclusive um stop spending all your time with them stop imitating

00:16:50.220 them stop compromising with them stop meeting on their turf stop pretending that you share the same

00:16:56.060 value stop pretending like you're pushing them forward when they're actually pulling you back

00:16:59.800 stop it's not worth it go make friends with christians and pursue those friendships at school

00:17:05.820 at church in organizations and ministries that will be worth it tip number two ally 18 year old ally

00:17:15.240 forget the idea that you have to find your future husband in college now some of you listening

00:17:21.540 may have found your future husband in college or found your current husband in college and that is

00:17:25.820 awesome uh i'm talking to me there's nothing wrong with that but you know finding your spouse in

00:17:31.740 college there's nothing wrong with that but i wish that i wouldn't have focused so much of my time and

00:17:35.800 energy on that when i was in high school i just assumed that everyone found their husband i think

00:17:40.600 that's more of a southern thing than a northern thing you can tell me or even a west coast thing you

00:17:45.120 can tell me if i'm wrong i think it's kind of southern culture i just assumed that everyone found their

00:17:49.500 husband in college and got married right after graduation that didn't happen for any of my friends

00:17:53.380 either by the way uh so when i found myself dating someone that checked off uh at least a few of my

00:17:59.160 boxes i thought okay well i better hang on to him because this is my last chance i mean i'm 21 years

00:18:06.720 old i'm not gonna get another chance after this to meet a guy that i might want to marry so okay

00:18:11.000 this sounds good he's a christian uh i mean where else do you meet people if you don't if you don't

00:18:16.200 meet people in college that's what i was thinking which is so crazy to consider so i dedicated time to him

00:18:22.820 even when i knew the relationship wasn't right even when i had that pit in my stomach that he wasn't

00:18:27.440 the person that i was supposed to end up with i stuck it out and instead of cultivating those

00:18:32.060 friendships that i should have enjoying the freedom of being on my own for the first time

00:18:36.740 i put all my energy into making something work that i knew was ultimately not going to work so my

00:18:43.760 advice to you who may relate to this is going to be the same advice i'd have for me and this really

00:18:48.880 goes for anyone in any stage of life do not ignore if you're in a relationship do not ignore

00:18:55.260 that aching in your gut that tells you that this relationship isn't right it doesn't matter if they

00:19:02.360 meet your criteria on paper it doesn't matter if you have been dating for six years and you feel

00:19:07.500 like you are too far in it doesn't matter if you were engaged it doesn't matter if you feel like you

00:19:12.580 are never going to find anyone better than this person or who loves you more than they do

00:19:16.840 it does not matter if your parents and your friends like him if he is a part of your church

00:19:20.760 or from your hometown and everyone wants you to get married it does not matter if you are dating or

00:19:26.880 engaged to someone that you have a persistent feeling about that they are not right for you do not

00:19:33.520 ignore that don't ignore it our feelings are not always reliable we know that that's what the bible

00:19:39.420 says the heart is actually desperately wicked but if you cannot shake that doubt there's probably a good

00:19:46.420 solid reason for it even if you don't know right now even if you can't exactly put your finger on

00:19:52.020 what it is that's what it was for me i didn't have a tangible reason i just knew that it wasn't right

00:19:56.680 do not stay in a position in a relationship where you are convincing yourself that it is right if you

00:20:03.840 find yourself convincing yourself consistently into being with a person like i was of course you need

00:20:10.920 to pray for wisdom and direction and then you probably probably i don't know you have to pray

00:20:16.640 about this you probably need to get out that would be my humble advice to you now some people do go

00:20:22.380 through seasons of doubt some people break up and they get back together and they end up forever and

00:20:27.000 it's great but if there is something telling you over and over again that you are not supposed to be

00:20:33.640 with someone listen to that i would say listen um and again my humble advice would be that you end

00:20:40.460 the relationship as soon as possible and you will be sad and being sad even for a long time does not

00:20:46.360 mean that you didn't do the right thing and breaking up with them uh this person was a part of your life

00:20:50.180 so it's going to hurt to let them go but give it time i would say just ali speaking here to cut them

00:20:57.380 out completely invest your time and energy into godly pursuits and you will be okay you will uh making

00:21:03.500 an idol of marriage especially when you are 20 years old will force you into a position of settling

00:21:08.920 on a spouse that doesn't mean that you can't be 20 years old and be dating the person that you end

00:21:13.140 up marrying of course that happens for for people but you can be dating someone that you end up marrying

00:21:18.120 without making marriage an idol and that's what i would encourage you not to do is not make marriage

00:21:23.800 an idol don't put all of your hope and all of your identity or any of your identity into that

00:21:28.880 i thank god that he was gracious enough to pull me out of that relationship as hard as it was at the

00:21:35.220 time as devastated as i was i am so glad i'm so glad he didn't let me stay there because some people do

00:21:40.620 some people make the decision to ignore that feeling and that ache in their gut and they stick

00:21:46.860 with it and then their regret comes later down the line i'm so glad i'm so glad that we broke up when

00:21:52.760 we did uh you might be like me and a year later you will meet the person you're going to marry

00:21:58.360 and you will be able to look back and say okay so that's why that relationship didn't work that's

00:22:04.060 why i had that feeling about that person this is who i'm supposed to be with i mean i people told me

00:22:10.140 over and over again when you know you know you'll just know the person that you're going to marry and

00:22:13.580 i didn't understand that what does it mean when you know you know that doesn't make any sense that's

00:22:18.240 not logical but it's true at least it was true for me when i knew i knew i knew before we went on our

00:22:23.440 first date that i was going to marry him i texted one of my best friends and i say oh i found my

00:22:26.820 husband she thought i was crazy but we just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary so i

00:22:32.820 would say that at least in my case uh it worked that might not be the case for you that might not be

00:22:39.800 the trajectory of your life it might look totally different and that's okay marriage is not the goal of

00:22:45.260 our lives christ is either way you will one day understand why probably probably that that

00:22:51.520 relationship needed to end uh so no matter if or when you get married know that if you are someone

00:22:57.880 who has never been married before it is better to be sad and single than miserable and married so i'm

00:23:04.700 not talking to married people i'm talking to single people it is better to be sad and single than 1.00

00:23:10.140 miserable and married so college girl or really any person in any stage of life if you are dating

00:23:16.780 someone make sure it's right if it's not get out if it is make sure you are also spending time

00:23:23.740 making college count building friendships and working hard tip number three withstand temptation

00:23:30.380 as i already said the last semester of my senior year i did what i like to say then uh fit four years

00:23:38.100 of college into one semester i had just gotten out of a long relationship i was sad i was lonely i was

00:23:43.460 fearful i was wanting to belong somewhere i wanted attention i wanted to have fun i wanted to fit in

00:23:48.420 with the people who had been having this so-called fun their whole college careers i knew i wasn't supposed

00:23:53.380 to i had friends who warned me um i stopped reading my bible eventually that semester i tried to read my

00:23:58.740 bible the days after i'd go out and and drink too much and eventually i just couldn't i just felt too

00:24:03.480 convicted and i didn't want to feel that anymore um i knew that what i was doing was stupid and wrong

00:24:08.440 so what did i do did i listen to the holy spirit no i uh i remember why too i remember why i was like no

00:24:16.440 i just i can't live both lives anymore so i'm gonna go this wrong direction i thought that if i walked

00:24:21.560 along the path that jesus had for me one of obedience that he would make me sit in my sadness and i didn't

00:24:27.480 want to do that but if i went along this other path then i could numb the pain the path that i thought

00:24:32.840 was healing which ended up not being that at all it just kind of helps me suppress things with

00:24:37.880 immediate gratification and i was probably right in a sense i wasn't right in the choice that i make

00:24:43.320 but i might have been right in my thinking that jesus would have made me deal with my pain and it

00:24:48.760 would have been hard i also was trying to hide an eating disorder from him you obviously can't hide

00:24:54.200 anything from god but that's what i wanted to do and uh the eating disorder is something i latched

00:24:58.920 onto for control and also just because it made me feel more confident or i thought that i did and

00:25:04.440 so i thought that if i went to him then he would make me give that up too and i didn't want that

00:25:09.000 because i didn't want to not be thin anymore which is so superficial and this just shows you again how

00:25:15.880 satan and sin can blind you and morph your morph your thinking i mean describing this all sounds so 0.96

00:25:22.440 stupid and that's exactly what satan does he makes ridiculous things sound true and good so what i 0.99

00:25:29.080 would tell myself if i could go back would be this is not worth it it's not worth it it is not worth a 1.00

00:25:35.160 few nights of so-called fun it is not worth the thrill of excitement of being liked by a new guy you will

00:25:40.680 have regrets you will wish that you hadn't given in sure lots of people party their way through college

00:25:46.680 a lot of people say that it's just a normal part of growing up but you know ally 18 year old ally

00:25:52.120 that it is not for you uh you can get through this it seems impossible right now well i guess i would

00:25:59.000 be talking to 22 year old ally if i were talking at this particular point um it seems impossible right

00:26:04.920 now but it's actually not see these first two tips actually go along with this one if i had done a

00:26:11.000 better job of cultivating friendships rather than making an idol out of a relationship that i knew

00:26:16.120 wasn't right i may have been in a better position to withstand the temptation that was thrown at me

00:26:21.560 if you're like me and you're out of college what's done is done maybe you had a similar experience

00:26:27.000 as me that's in the past you can't change it we can't change it god does make beauty out of ashes

00:26:32.760 he makes the dead alive the old new he brings uh good out of the gory he brings light into darkness

00:26:38.680 and there is nothing too hard for him he brings near those who are far off and he reconciles the

00:26:44.040 most wretched sinners to himself he runs after his prodigal sons and daughters when he sees them

00:26:49.320 coming from a distance and he finds a way even in our failures to bring glory to himself that is not

00:26:55.720 at all an excuse to sin that is confidence that god is good and faithful when we are anything but

00:27:01.880 if you are currently in the thick of temptation do what you know according to god's word is right and

00:27:08.280 ask for the strength to persevere i want to read you parts of ephesians 5 1 through 21 i encourage

00:27:13.960 you to read the whole thing on your own when you can uh therefore be imitators of god as beloved

00:27:19.880 children and walk in love as christ loved us and gave himself up that gave himself up for us a

00:27:25.720 fragrant offering and sacrifice to god but sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not

00:27:31.880 even be named among you as is proper among saints let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor

00:27:38.200 crude joking which are out of place but instead let there be thanksgiving for at one time you were

00:27:43.960 darkness but now you are light in the lord walk as children of light for the fruit of light is found

00:27:51.000 in all that is good and right and true and try to discern what is pleasing to the lord take no part in

00:27:56.840 the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them look carefully then how you walk not as unwise

00:28:02.920 but as wise making the best use of the time because the days are evil therefore do not be foolish but

00:28:09.320 understand what the will of the lord is and do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery but be

00:28:16.040 filled with the spirit addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making

00:28:22.120 melody to the lord with your heart giving thanks always and for everything to god the father

00:28:26.680 in the name of our lord jesus christ submitting to one another out of reverence for christ uh allow

00:28:32.040 that to be your guide for how to behave in college and in life uh verse 18 do not get drunk with wine

00:28:40.200 but be filled with the spirit so what that tells us is that whatever fills us controls us so if you

00:28:46.520 are filled with wine or vodka or gin or beer or tequila or whatever to the point of intoxication you will do

00:28:54.520 whatever these substances compel you to do and not what the spirit compels you to do you cannot serve

00:29:01.080 two masters the bible says you cannot serve god and money but if we cannot serve two masters in general

00:29:06.600 i would also say i will take the liberty to say that you cannot serve both god and drunkenness

00:29:11.560 uh so withstand temptation to live like the world lives it is worth it it is worth it to withstand

00:29:20.200 temptation uh number four this is the last tip i wish i could have gotten to five but my brain only

00:29:25.160 came up with four number four enjoy your freedom okay listen to me this is what i would say to 18 year

00:29:32.120 old ally and this is what i'm saying to you i know it doesn't feel like it right now but you have more

00:29:36.920 freedom than you probably ever will in your entire life i don't know this is not to ally this is to you

00:29:43.800 i don't know everyone's story i don't know everyone's deal maybe you're working two jobs to put yourself

00:29:47.720 through college maybe you're taking 25 hours in a semester i don't know and if that's the case you

00:29:53.880 might actually be busier now than you will be in a few years when you have your first full-time job out

00:29:58.600 of college but most of you in college i'm going to guess i'm just going to guess we're kind of or

00:30:04.600 kind of like i was taking a normal number of hours maybe you're in a sorority maybe you've got

00:30:08.920 internships like i did uh you've got different organizations extracurricular activities and you

00:30:14.120 feel like you don't have time to do anything you are overwhelmed and you are stressed first i want

00:30:19.080 to say those are totally valid feelings to have i'm not trying to take that away from you because

00:30:24.040 you do probably have more responsibility than you ever have before uh so know that if you do feel

00:30:30.600 stressed that's okay but i do want to give you a little bit of perspective to remind yourself when

00:30:35.720 you're like oh my gosh i'm so overwhelmed um having a career and a full-time job where you

00:30:41.240 are responsible for not just your performance so not just getting an a on a paper for example but

00:30:45.880 for the performance of your client for the performance of your company will be much more

00:30:50.920 stressful and burdensome than what you have right now uh in my opinion now in my opinion you have

00:30:56.520 something to look forward to it's so much better i love being out of school i've never wanted to be

00:31:00.680 back in college or high school i don't like homework i've never liked assignments like that i would so

00:31:05.720 much rather be doing the thing that i want to do even if it is stressful and busy a lot of times

00:31:11.560 i think that the real world is way better having a job is way better than college uh but still

00:31:19.240 there's more responsibility there's less freedom and there's more stress so enjoy being able to sleep

00:31:25.240 in enjoy having the time to do what you want to do to read for fun for example to have long

00:31:30.840 conversations with friends to go get chick-fil-a in the middle of the day also take advantage of

00:31:35.080 your metabolism which you will never get back uh you will not have this again every stage of life from

00:31:41.000 here on out requires you to deny yourself more and more and that is wonderful it's perfect that's

00:31:46.760 exactly how life is going to go or supposed to go that's how it should be but most of what you're

00:31:51.640 doing right now is for you your classes your internship your sorority your groups whatever

00:31:56.680 it is so use this time wisely to grow up to serve others and to love god and enjoy it do not let your

00:32:05.400 stress ruin this experience someone told me this in college and i just it's stuck with me since then i

00:32:11.560 was stressed out about getting i don't know it was like a b on a paper or something or no it wouldn't

00:32:18.840 have been a paper a b on something some class i didn't like and i remember getting a text from

00:32:24.280 a friend saying do you honestly think god is going to let a b on a test ruin the plan that he has for

00:32:31.960 you like do you think that his sovereignty is that fragile i was like wow i completely forgot that it's

00:32:38.680 not all up to me so remember that too it's not all up to you uh there's a lot more that i could tell

00:32:43.480 y'all get a godly mentor try to find a local christian family to get to know that's one thing that i did and

00:32:48.440 i'm so glad that i did i actually got close to a few christian families uh in the town where i lived

00:32:55.000 where the college was and i'm so glad that i did uh i also something else that i did i would say my

00:33:01.160 advice would be to exercise i never ran my whole life i probably couldn't even run a whole mile i

00:33:07.240 didn't like working out but i decided one semester to train for a half marathon and i did and my goal was

00:33:13.960 to not walk i think my goal was to do it in under two hours i think i might have been at like 159 or

00:33:20.120 something maybe not that sounds kind of fast i don't know either way i finished the half marathon

00:33:25.240 without walking and that is actually something that i still look back on and appreciate that i did i think

00:33:33.240 it taught me a lot of lessons about mental toughness that you can push through things when they're

00:33:39.400 difficult uh if you are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to study abroad i would

00:33:44.280 recommend doing that be careful maybe don't stay in a co-ed hostel in barcelona or sleep on the floor

00:33:49.400 of a dorm room in amsterdam not speaking from experience or anything mom and dad but i would

00:33:54.600 do it if you can um okay those are all my tips that i have i could probably do like a three hour podcast

00:34:01.080 on this i love talking about this subject uh please feel free to ask me i get really personal

00:34:08.040 questions like about your lives and personal questions towards me i love that those of you

00:34:13.960 who have sent me those questions you know that i respond in kind like nothing's tmi one thing that

00:34:19.080 you will learn when you become a mom is that you kind of lose like all sense of dignity nothing is tmi

00:34:24.600 anymore you just say anything that comes to your mind and other moms appreciate it so if that's you

00:34:30.760 feel free to send me an email ask me questions let me know what you think it's ally of the

00:34:34.360 the conservative millennial blog dot com subscribe on youtube if you haven't done that already you

00:34:39.080 can follow me instagram twitter you can like the page on facebook all that good stuff and i will see

00:34:43.880 you back here on wednesday

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - September 09, 2019

Ep 160 ｜ Dear College Me

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