Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 174 ｜ Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian？

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, happy Monday. Welcome to Relatable. Today we are going to address a topic that

00:00:05.560 I am asked about a lot. Should an unbeliever be dating a believer? Should a Christian be

00:00:13.940 dating a non-Christian? So we are going to get into that. So now we are going to talk

00:00:20.520 about this somewhat, I would say, controversial topic. Should Christians be dating non-Christians?

00:00:25.620 Not only that, should I be dating someone whose views of the Bible don't align with my own? So

00:00:31.800 someone who's not just in a different denomination, but maybe you are a Southern Reformed Baptist and

00:00:37.940 you are dating a Catholic, is this a relationship that should go on? My quick answer to this,

00:00:44.920 mostly to the question, should a believer be dating a non-believer, but also should two people who have

00:00:50.500 very, very different views of the Bible be in a relationship? My quick answer to that is no.

00:00:57.600 Christians should not be dating non-Christians and two people who just don't believe the same

00:01:03.980 things about the fundamentals of the faith should not be together. I know what you're thinking.

00:01:08.860 Some of you might be thinking maybe, okay, your parents or a couple that you know were together

00:01:14.660 and one of them wasn't a Christian, one of them was a Christian, or they became a Christian,

00:01:19.500 one of them became a Christian over time because of the one who was a Christian and it all worked out

00:01:23.760 and it's wonderful, worked out for them. You're thinking, okay, well, that can work out for you

00:01:27.740 as well. And of course, it's true. There are stories of men and women staying together and getting

00:01:32.460 married and enjoying a wonderful long marriage after the non-believing husband or wife actually

00:01:37.740 became a Christian. Of course, it's possible. But I think if you ask any of those couples,

00:01:43.200 would it have been better? Would your relationship have been steadier, healthier, more fruitful?

00:01:48.160 If both of you had been Christians from the start, my guess, my very good educated guess

00:01:53.840 would be that the answer would be yes. It is a gracious gift, not a guarantee that these

00:02:00.260 non-believers became believers over time. It is just as likely, if not more likely, that you will

00:02:06.960 marry someone who is not a Christian and they will never repent and never believe. And that is a hard

00:02:13.640 situation to be in. And we're going to talk a little bit more about that. Um, this episode is

00:02:18.320 about, uh, why that is a chance that you don't want to take as well as some advice for what to do to

00:02:25.280 avoid the, to avoid the situation, what to do if you're in this situation and what to do if someone

00:02:30.320 you know is in this situation. It's all going to kind of be combined in what we talk about from a

00:02:35.440 biblical perspective. I do want to clarify off the bat that I am speaking to people who are in dating

00:02:41.480 relationships or who are engaged. I am not talking to people who are married. Well, actually I am going

00:02:47.840 to talk to you specifically, but the advice that I'm going to give about, uh, this, this kind of

00:02:53.380 relationship and getting out of this kind of relationship is obviously not for you. If you are

00:02:57.640 a Christian who is married to a non-believer, a divorce is not a biblical option, but I will speak

00:03:03.700 directly to you. Like I said, um, at the end of this to give you some encouragement and some, uh,

00:03:10.300 biblical wisdom. Uh, this is for those of you who are going on dates. Maybe you're in a fling with

00:03:15.640 someone. Maybe you met someone on a dating app and you're just like, okay, finally I've hit it off,

00:03:21.100 hit it off with someone and this is going well, but I don't really know where they are spiritually.

00:03:25.860 This is, uh, for you, someone who is in a relationship with someone who is not on the same page

00:03:30.660 spiritually, or who is engaged to someone who is not a believer. Even if you are planning to get

00:03:35.580 married to this person this weekend, uh, this episode is still for you. Uh, the verse that is

00:03:40.980 most commonly cited with, uh, when discussing this subject is second Corinthians six 14, do not be

00:03:47.020 unequally yoked with unbelievers. And usually in this conversation, uh, the person referencing this

00:03:53.160 verse ends there, do not be unequally yoked, but there are actually very, uh, important verses

00:03:59.040 after this surrounding this verse that give context for verse 14. Here are verses 14 through 18

00:04:06.120 together. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers for what partnership does righteousness have with

00:04:12.140 lawlessness or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial?

00:04:17.840 Uh, or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God

00:04:24.380 with idols for we are the temple of the living God. As God said, I will make my dwelling among them and

00:04:30.780 walk among them and I will be their God and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst

00:04:36.900 and be separate from them says the Lord and touch no unclean thing. Then I will welcome you and I will

00:04:42.400 be a father to you and you shall be sons and daughters to me says the Lord almighty. So we are to refrain

00:04:48.720 from being yoked. Uh, we will talk about what yoked actually literally means in a minute. Uh, we are, uh,

00:04:55.240 to refrain from being yoked to unbelievers because we essentially, essentially have nothing in common

00:05:01.640 with them. Yes, we are all humans. We are all made in the image of God. We may share similar, uh,

00:05:06.880 hobbies, similar likes, personalities, political views, but we are essentially ultimately diametrically

00:05:13.660 opposed. We are going in two very different directions. We don't have the same perspective.

00:05:18.060 Um, in the previous chapter of second Corinthians, Paul explains that everyone who is in Christ is now

00:05:25.200 a new creation. The old has passed. The new has come. We've become ambassadors for Christ. The same

00:05:31.320 chapter says we are no longer as Ephesians two calls it dead in our trespasses. We are, uh, sons and

00:05:38.280 daughters of dis or we were sons and daughters of disobedience, but now we are alive in Christ when by grace

00:05:44.840 through faith, we have been saved. We are children of God, children of light, heirs of the kingdom. Uh,

00:05:51.580 we are not just new and improved versions of ourselves. We are new creations entirely. That

00:05:57.440 means that who we are is different. Uh, how we talk is different. How we act is different. How we see the

00:06:03.260 world is and should be different from the rest of the world. Uh, Ephesians five, one through 10 tells us

00:06:10.080 how we are supposed to act as Christians that is different from the rest of the world. Uh,

00:06:14.460 therefore be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself,

00:06:21.020 gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God, but sexual immorality and all

00:06:27.300 impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints. Saints is everyone

00:06:34.500 who is in Christ. Let there be no filthiness, nor foolish talk, nor crude joking, which are out of

00:06:40.780 place, but instead let there be thanksgiving for you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually

00:06:46.640 immoral or impure or who is covetousness, that is the, or who is covetous, that is an idolater has no

00:06:53.660 inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words for because of these

00:06:59.500 things, the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, therefore do not become

00:07:06.540 partners with them for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord walk

00:07:12.980 as children of light for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true and try to

00:07:18.820 discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Uh, we are not who we were as Christians. First Corinthians,

00:07:25.500 uh, 619 through 20 says, you are not your own. You were bought with a price. We are a light in a world

00:07:32.940 of darkness and we are not to be intertwined with darkness. Uh, now let us clarify some things because

00:07:38.820 you might be thinking some of the same things that I'm naturally thinking when I'm reading these passages.

00:07:43.840 You might be asking, does that mean that we're not to associate with anyone at all who doesn't share

00:07:48.720 our faith? Are we not to associate at all with the outside world? What does yoked actually mean?

00:07:53.920 So in first Corinthians 5, 9 through 11, uh, Paul tells the church this, uh, I wrote to you. So he

00:08:01.840 says, I wrote to you in my letter, not to associate with sexually immoral people, not at all meaning

00:08:07.520 the sexually immoral of this world or the greedy and the swindlers or idolaters, since then you would

00:08:12.380 have to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the

00:08:18.320 name of brother. If he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviled,

00:08:23.920 drunkard, or swindler, not even to eat with such one. So bearing the name of brother would be someone

00:08:30.520 who is inside the church. If someone calls himself a Christian and yet is consistently unrepentant in

00:08:35.840 his sin, his or her sin, we are to disassociate with them. Uh, but it is clear that we do not interact

00:08:43.340 with and live life alongside people who are not Christians. We of course are kind and hospitable with

00:08:50.380 the hope of them coming to Christ. We pray for them. We love them. We serve them. Uh, but when

00:08:55.160 we go back to the passage in Ephesians four, that tells us not to partner with those who are not in

00:09:00.500 Christ in the passage in second Corinthians six, that tells us not to associate with darkness.

00:09:04.920 It is clear that we are not to have intimate relationships. And I'm talking about close

00:09:09.600 intimate friendships too, uh, with those who are outside the faith, unless I would say,

00:09:15.100 you can correct me if you think I'm wrong, unless I would say as a method of ministry,

00:09:20.020 uh, when the goal is the gospel and it is kept at the center of this relationship,

00:09:24.640 I would say that's less of a common friendship and more, uh, evangelism. And it must be kept that

00:09:30.560 way in order for it to be godly. I'm talking about, we're talking about friendships now.

00:09:34.720 We're not talking about marriages in this case. Uh, people say that Jesus was a friend of sinners.

00:09:39.220 Yes, he did dine with sinners, but always with the aim of calling them to believe in repentance

00:09:44.400 from sin, uh, not to make them feel good about themselves, uh, but to save their souls.

00:09:49.800 And now I'm just going to be completely transparent with you. As we're talking about this,

00:09:54.060 that I am very much preaching to myself when it comes to, when it comes to making the gospel,

00:09:59.880 the center of all of my relationships. I don't do that with all of my friendships,

00:10:03.860 just to be honest. And that is wrong. Uh, that's simple. I mean, I get lazy, I get apathetic,

00:10:08.420 I get, uh, awkward. I don't want to broach this kind of subject. I just kind of want to let it be.

00:10:14.400 And so, uh, as so often happens when I'm preparing for these podcasts and, and reading the Bible,

00:10:20.500 I am convicted. I pray for the Holy Spirit to give me the strength and the grace to obey. I pray that

00:10:24.980 for all of us. Uh, so as we finally get to what this episode is about, uh, let us build this bridge

00:10:32.680 between, uh, God through Paul saying that we are not to partner with people in any kind of platonic or

00:10:39.620 any kind of meaningful intimate relationship that is, uh, that are of this world. Let us build this

00:10:46.080 bridge into talking about romantic relationships. If the Bible speaks to the wrongness of creating

00:10:52.280 meaningful associations with the world and those in it, then don't we think, don't we think that

00:10:58.140 that probably includes marriage as well? Of course it does. Uh, Genesis 2, 24 describes marriage like

00:11:04.120 this. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.

00:11:08.980 A husband and a wife are not two entities, uh, coming together in a mutually beneficial

00:11:13.860 contractual agreement. Uh, it's not just even a romantic relationship culminating in a signed

00:11:20.160 document and a ceremony. It's not just a lifelong commitment. According to God who actually invented

00:11:26.320 marriage, it is an entrance into a lifelong covenant in which they are physically, the man and the

00:11:32.540 woman are physically becoming one and spiritually and emotionally, they start to share with one

00:11:38.640 another the most profound parts of themselves. There is, and there should be, uh, no more intimate

00:11:44.740 relationship on earth than that of a husband and a wife. Um, as Ephesians 5 explains, a husband and wife

00:11:51.500 are a reflection of Christ in the church. Just as Christ lay his life down for the church, so a husband is

00:11:57.500 to lay his life down for his wife. And just as the church submits to Christ, so a wife is to submit

00:12:03.340 to her husband. There is gospel significance to marriage. It transcends worldly understanding of love

00:12:09.260 and relationships and reflects something eternal. This is why God doesn't like divorce. You can read

00:12:15.860 Malachi 2 on that. Uh, this is why divorce is so difficult, why it has such a lasting impact on the

00:12:21.720 spouses and the children that are involved. Uh, divorce is a product. It's a product of the fallen

00:12:27.920 world, which means it wasn't supposed to be this way. It's kind of like, uh, like death, which is the

00:12:33.300 most sure thing in the universe. Uh, it still feels unnatural to all of us when we see it because it's

00:12:39.660 a product of the fall. Our eternal soul knows it's not supposed to be this way. And so it is with

00:12:45.240 divorce. Marriages were never meant to end. Uh, the husband and the wife are one flesh and their

00:12:51.260 lives become inextricably intertwined. This is how God made it to be. And if you become one flesh with

00:12:57.400 someone while remaining divided in spirit and disagreement on the stuff of the soul, the matters

00:13:03.280 of the heart, the things of eternity, heartache and heartbreak will ensue. Um, I think this is

00:13:10.340 especially true. This is just my opinion. I think this is especially true for women who marry unbelieving

00:13:16.740 men. Uh, the Bible tells us that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of

00:13:23.520 the church. Uh, he is supposed to be leading their family in all areas, including spiritually.

00:13:30.180 And if you are a wife who is a Christian who is walking with God and you do not have a husband who

00:13:35.740 is leaving you, who is pushing you towards the Lord, who is united with you in mission, you will grow

00:13:40.560 frustrated. You will grow resentful. You will grow bitter and prideful and sad and angry. You will

00:13:46.300 long for his leadership. Uh, and he simply is not able as a non-Christian to give that because he

00:13:52.860 can't, uh, you will want to take the lead and you, uh, will know that you're not supposed to take the

00:13:59.780 lead. And while the Holy spirit is sufficient in giving you peace and wisdom, this will be a constant

00:14:05.840 struggle for you. And this may sound a little bit sexist, but it's just the general nature of men

00:14:11.820 and women. A woman is more likely to be open. Probably I would say, and in general, probably

00:14:18.340 and in general, okay. Uh, more likely to be open to the religious views of her boyfriend or fiance or

00:14:24.660 her husband than a man is. That just seems to be true from what I have heard. Um, but either way,

00:14:31.600 whether you are the believing man or the believing woman in this situation, it is not wise for you

00:14:38.060 to become unequally yoked in the most meaningful and intimate relationship on earth that there is.

00:14:46.500 But, uh, what does it actually mean to be unequally yoked? Uh, literally speaking, a yoke is this kind

00:14:52.680 of, it's a wooden bar that joins two oxen together when they are pulling a load, um, in order for it to

00:14:58.980 work for the two oxen to be successful and effective in this endeavor, the oxen need to be

00:15:03.700 a similar height. They need to be a similar strength. So that means also a similar weight

00:15:08.320 or else the one ox is going to be carrying a disproportionate weight and it's just not going

00:15:14.360 to work. It's not only going to be ineffective. It's also going to be pretty much impossible

00:15:19.080 because they're going to be competing against one another rather than working in tandem.

00:15:23.480 So Christians, when we are placed in partnership with those who are unbelieving are going to find

00:15:29.060 ourselves at odds, uh, with the unbeliever when it comes to meaningful relationships. At some point,

00:15:35.720 our differences are going to be so profound and we won't be able to work together. Um, in the second

00:15:42.280 Corinthians passage, Paul isn't specifically referring to marriage. He is talking about all

00:15:47.140 meaningful relationships, but as we've said, if he is talking about all meaningful relationships,

00:15:51.900 I'm not just talking about acquaintances and mere business associations and things like that.

00:15:58.020 Although I do think we need to be wise about who we enter into business with. And it's always better

00:16:02.120 if you both have a gospel perspective, but all meaningful relationships, he is obviously,

00:16:07.820 and even especially including marriage, a uniting yourself with an unbeliever in marriage will create

00:16:13.940 spiritual, emotional, and mental burdens that God does not want you to bear. Uh, marriage between

00:16:21.100 two believers is already hard. It's already hard. Marriage is already work. There are sacrifices that

00:16:27.820 you will have to make. You will have to bear one another's burdens. When you feel like you don't

00:16:31.640 have the strength or endurance to do that, you will have to forgive sins that you don't want to

00:16:36.100 forgive. You will have to show patience. When you feel like your patience is already worn as thin as it can

00:16:41.080 go, you will be sanctified of your selfishness. You will be called to sacrifice. You will have to lay

00:16:47.020 down your pride more times than you'd like. You will have to love when the other person in that

00:16:52.020 moment seems to you unlovable. You will argue over budgets. You will stress over your kids. You will

00:16:58.900 hurt one another's feelings. Uh, you will learn how to build a marriage and a fit and a family in a

00:17:03.640 godly way. And that will be hard. And this is when both of you are believers, when you are on the same

00:17:10.280 page spiritually, but in the midst of all of that, in the midst of all of the toughness that inevitably

00:17:16.880 comes with marriage, when you've got two people that sin, even when you're Christians, uh, in the

00:17:22.560 midst of all of that, at the end of the day, all of your differences and disagreements are obsolete

00:17:28.820 in the light of the hope that you share. When you are both believers, you are united in your belief in

00:17:35.320 the gospel and your obligation to repent of your sins, your desire to be sanctified and to become

00:17:40.840 more like Christ. And when you are not united on that front, reconciliation and unity is not only

00:17:47.280 hard, uh, but when it is accomplished, it will only be accomplished superficially because one of your

00:17:54.020 spirits is still in darkness. And that's a really big, profound difference. You may feel right now

00:18:01.220 intense romantic feelings in the relationship that you are mistaking for the Holy Spirit telling you

00:18:06.580 that this is okay. I understand. I've had friends that have been there. I have been there too,

00:18:11.080 but do not mistake your intense romantic, uh, feelings in your relationship right now for the

00:18:19.920 Holy Spirit telling you to go against God's word. Uh, the intense romantic feelings that you are feeling

00:18:27.380 eventually will be less intense and you will be in a relationship where instead of automatically

00:18:33.180 feeling these, uh, over the moon, uh, feelings, I feel like I've said feelings a lot, uh, feelings of,

00:18:40.560 uh, joy to be with them at every waking moment, you are going to be in a relationship as we all are at

00:18:47.940 some point where you are choosing to love that person, even when you don't feel it. And you will be

00:18:53.240 choosing to love them because God has told you to choose to love them, but you don't have the

00:18:57.140 guarantee from them, the unbeliever, because they are not operating under the same authority as you

00:19:02.600 are. And my guess is, even if you are in this relationship as a Christian with an unbeliever,

00:19:08.040 where you feel these very intense romantic feelings, my guess is that you have felt at least

00:19:13.740 once the nudge of the Holy Spirit telling you that this isn't right, that you've had at least a couple

00:19:19.480 moments where you've said, you know what, maybe, maybe I don't want to dive into this. Maybe this isn't

00:19:25.480 right, but you've convinced yourself perhaps that it's fine, that you can change them, that at least

00:19:31.240 they're open, that at least they believe in God in some way. Uh, you've tried to silence that aching

00:19:37.580 feeling in your gut that's telling you that this is not the right thing to do, that this is not the

00:19:42.760 biblical thing to do, that in the long run, this is not going to be good. Uh, my advice to you, if you

00:19:48.820 are in that very hard position, what I feel for you, I know that this is difficult. My advice for you

00:19:54.880 is to listen to the Holy Spirit, is to not suppress that conviction. Uh, do what is right. Pray for

00:20:03.340 strength and let go of that relationship. Maybe the Lord will call them to himself. You can certainly

00:20:08.240 pray for that. I would encourage you to pray for that. And maybe you will end up together.

00:20:12.720 Maybe not. Uh, you can introduce them to a godly person of the same sex as them, uh, to mentor them.

00:20:21.600 You can encourage them to read their Bible and go to church, but it would be a mistake for you to try

00:20:26.720 to be their spiritual guide. The romantic part of your relationship is going to make that very

00:20:32.560 difficult. Uh, I have watched that exact situation end up in heartache and I don't want that for you.

00:20:38.720 Um, and if you are listening to this and thinking, well, I led my boyfriend or girlfriend to Christ

00:20:44.120 and it worked out for us, uh, that's, that's good. I am rejoicing in the fact that the Holy

00:20:50.000 Spirit came into their hearts and that God used you. I am, but know that you are the exception.

00:20:55.120 You are not the rule. And according to the Bible, it would not be wise to advise everyone that you

00:21:01.920 know in the same situation to follow in your footsteps. That's just not what the word of God leads us

00:21:06.920 to in this situation. Um, if you are in a marriage where one of you is a believer and the other is

00:21:13.740 not, I know that that's hard. I, I can imagine what that is like. Uh, seek. I've actually, I've

00:21:21.100 gotten messages from a lot of you who are in that situation and who don't know what to do. You feel

00:21:26.720 totally hopeless. You are despairing because you want so badly for the spouse that you love to come

00:21:32.300 to know Christ and you feel that you're alone. My advice to you, even though I haven't been in your

00:21:37.360 exact situation, my advice to you is to seek a Christ-like mentor, uh, to seek godly friends and

00:21:43.820 couples that can surround you and your husband or wife, uh, pray for them, love them, your spouse and

00:21:49.860 serve them so they see something different in you. Pray against resentment and pride and bitterness,

00:21:55.640 which Satan would love to increase in your heart. Pray that the Lord would give you a heart of

00:22:01.140 compassion and share the gospel with them, share the gospel with them, even if it's awkward, even if

00:22:06.160 they get angry and defensive. Here's what first Peter three, one has to say about, uh, wives in this

00:22:12.100 position. Likewise, wives be subject to your own husband so that even if some do not obey the word,

00:22:19.460 they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. So even if your husband does not know

00:22:27.300 the Lord, respect and love him, show them the love of Christ through your actions, submit to his

00:22:33.260 authority as long as, as long as his leadership doesn't contradict God's word, uh, raise your kids

00:22:39.560 in the Lord, take them to church, teach them the love of Christ, pray over your family without ceasing,

00:22:45.160 know that God sees you, that he hears you and that he is with you. Um, and remember this,

00:22:51.660 no matter what position you are in, Satan hates marriage. He hates it. Uh, it is a reflection of

00:22:58.680 the gospel of Christ in the church and he hates it. He hates self-sacrifice. He hates sanctification.

00:23:05.400 He hates the love and respect that a godly marriage exemplifies. He wants it to be destroyed.

00:23:12.320 He does not like it. He does not like it at all. When two people who are following Jesus

00:23:17.160 enter into a lifelong covenant. So he is going to try everything he can to make that not happen.

00:23:23.520 He wants your marriage that you are in right now to end in divorce and devastation. He wants you

00:23:29.300 to be puffed up with pride and filled with resentment. Do not let him drive a wedge where

00:23:35.720 there shouldn't be one. Arm yourself with the full armor of God. Obey the Lord. Avoid becoming unequally

00:23:41.340 yoked. And if you already are, pray for your spouse's soul and continue to glorify

00:23:47.080 God with your whole life. That's all you can do. I know that this is a message that is probably

00:23:53.080 going to be unpopular with a lot of people, but look, even though I did not end up in that

00:23:59.280 situation, I remember in college, I remember this being a struggle, not just for me, but also

00:24:05.300 for other people that I know. And it's so easy. It's so easy when you feel these romantic feelings

00:24:12.220 to say that it's all going to work out fine, that maybe you'll even take the risk that you love them

00:24:18.580 so much that it must be right. That even if down the line, you feel some kind of heartache or

00:24:24.200 disappointment because they haven't come to know the Lord, that it'll be fine because your love will

00:24:29.140 carry you through. I'm telling you that so many times that is not the case that actually it ends up

00:24:37.340 being a relationship where you wonder why the heck and how the heck did I even get into this

00:24:42.900 situation in the first place? Why didn't I listen to that nudge of the Holy Spirit? And of course,

00:24:47.560 as I've said, once you are already there, once you are already in marriage, you need to stay there

00:24:54.780 and you need to work it out and you need to pray and you need to be sanctified. But if you have the

00:24:59.620 opportunity right now not to put yourself in that situation, use discernment, be wise and follow the

00:25:06.800 word of God. How gracious is God? How gracious is God to not want to put us in that situation

00:25:11.900 of dealing with years and years of heartache because our spouse hasn't become a believer

00:25:18.240 because we thought that he would and he didn't because maybe they even showed signs of becoming

00:25:22.800 a believer when you were dating or engaged because they wanted to impress you. But when they no longer

00:25:27.620 really want to impress you after you've been married for five years and you've got a kid

00:25:32.680 that you're like, hang on for a second. I thought that you were coming to know the Lord. I thought

00:25:37.040 you were going to be godlier than this. And they've really shown a lot of apathy towards that because

00:25:42.740 they just don't care anymore. I don't think that God wants you to be in that position of disappointment

00:25:47.780 and of feeling isolated in your faith. I believe that we see from God's word that he wants a man and

00:25:53.520 a woman to be united in mission, united in a love for Christ and a desire for sanctification,

00:25:58.820 a hatred for sin, a commitment to one another, and a commitment, most of all, to heaven, to the Lord,

00:26:04.900 to advancing his kingdom. And don't we all, me, everyone listening to this podcast, have a lot

00:26:10.400 of work to do in that realm. I certainly do. But if you are in this position and you just feel this

00:26:19.580 kind of like ache of conviction and this pit in your stomach because you know what you have to do,

00:26:25.100 but you don't want to do it, know that even though for me, when I was in college and I went through a

00:26:29.940 hard breakup, it didn't have to do with being a believer or an unbeliever, but it just had to do

00:26:35.040 with it not being right. Know that I know that feeling. I can empathize with you there, knowing

00:26:41.600 that there was a nudge from the Holy Spirit that this wasn't right, that I shouldn't be there,

00:26:46.460 but not wanting to do it. And I even had the thought, and I know some of you out there have had this

00:26:51.340 thought too, even while listening to this. I even had the thought, okay, well, it might not be right,

00:26:56.580 but if I go ahead and get married, then I'm stuck. And then I won't have to deal with this anymore,

00:27:02.060 and I'll just make it work. And I actually thought that it would be better, it would be better to be

00:27:08.140 married to someone that I knew I shouldn't be married to than it would to be single. I'm telling

00:27:14.280 you, if you are thinking that this is like your friend or your big sister talking to you,

00:27:20.040 that's crazy talk. That's crazy. And I can tell you that because I've been there.

00:27:24.860 It is better every time to be sad and single than it is to be sad and married. You don't want to be

00:27:31.840 trapped. If you are trying to convince yourself constantly that it is right for you to be with

00:27:37.340 this person, it's not. It's not. And I'm not just talking about whether it's a matter of being

00:27:42.700 unequally yoked or not. I think I could be like a relationship, or not a relationship,

00:27:48.680 like a breakup counselor, because I see these situations so often where people, especially

00:27:55.220 girls, are convincing themselves to be with someone that they're not supposed to be with.

00:27:59.080 And those feelings are so intense. And that fear of singleness is so intense. And you're like,

00:28:03.640 finally, someone wants me. Finally, someone wants to be with me. Finally, I can see my future

00:28:09.080 with someone. And yet, you know, it's not right. And you're too scared to break up with them.

00:28:12.760 I know. I know how you feel. I know how you feel. And my encouragement to you is to remember that

00:28:19.480 God is faithful and that he gave you the Holy Spirit for a reason, that Jesus says that it was

00:28:25.520 actually better that he left and that the Holy Spirit, a helper, remained with us. That means that

00:28:32.740 the Holy Spirit is powerful and that he is trustworthy. And I know sometimes it's hard to discern what's

00:28:38.400 right and what's wrong when it comes to situations with relationships. But when it comes to being

00:28:43.000 unequally yoked, we can go back to the Word of God. And we can know that if we're feeling the Holy

00:28:48.720 Spirit, that it can be also found in God's Word. And in this case, obviously, certainly that is true.

00:28:55.040 So that is my difficult, but I think biblically-based advice to you. If you've got any pushback on that,

00:29:04.840 I totally want to hear it. You can message me and tell me what you think. I know that this is not

00:29:10.980 always the easiest thing to hear. Feel free to message me on Instagram. If you guys don't already

00:29:16.980 subscribe to my YouTube channel, do that as well. It's Alliebeth Stuckey on YouTube. You can watch

00:29:22.060 these. This also comes on live. It's not live, but it's kind of live on Facebook on Monday, Wednesday,

00:29:29.860 Friday. So you can always watch it there. I know for some of you, some of you ask me,

00:29:33.820 what about the people who don't listen to podcasts? Well, you can always share YouTube and a lot of,

00:29:40.780 if you're trying to share this with your parents or something, a lot of your parents probably have

00:29:44.680 Facebook too. So that's a good place. It's Allie on Blaze TV, I think is my Facebook page. So

00:29:49.600 you can listen there. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope that you have a great start

00:29:54.320 to your week and I will see you back here on Wednesday.

00:30:03.820 you

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - October 14, 2019

Ep 174 ｜ Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian？

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