Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 182 ｜ Busyness

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. I hope everyone had a great Reformation Day or

00:00:06.360 Halloween, whatever you celebrated, however you celebrated yesterday. We did the Holyween episode

00:00:12.200 a few weeks ago where my mom gave her opinion on how we can celebrate Halloween in a more

00:00:17.400 redemptive way. Maybe some of you did that. Maybe some of you passed out the little pieces of paper

00:00:23.920 with candy that have the gospel on it. Maybe you made your own banner. Some of you reached out to

00:00:28.760 me and showed me the designs of the banners that you guys put up. So cute. I wish I were creative.

00:00:34.640 I'm not. Well, I am creative in some ways when it comes to maybe like writing and how to explain

00:00:40.600 something, but I'm not crafty. That's something that I always wish that I was. I wish I was crafty.

00:00:45.800 Even in like school projects growing up, I was really bad at those. I don't have good handwriting,

00:00:51.320 but my mom, she's all of that. She does a really good job. And some of you are extremely talented.

00:00:57.060 It seems like when it comes to that, because you sent me pictures of stuff and I'm just so

00:01:01.020 impressed. So I hope that went well for you. Maybe you met some of your neighbors or maybe

00:01:04.920 you went to a party, whatever. I hope that it was great. And I hope that you've had a wonderful

00:01:08.740 week. This is going to be a fun episode. It's not the episode that I said that we had planned

00:01:13.100 on Wednesday. We were planning to talk about what's going on in Ireland right now with legislation

00:01:18.280 about abortion and same-sex marriage and why that matters to us here. But unfortunately,

00:01:22.740 that interview didn't end up working out. Hopefully we'll be able to reschedule for some

00:01:27.100 time in the future. But this Friday, we're going to have a fun, lighthearted episode.

00:01:31.160 I'm going to answer some of the questions that you guys gave me. I'm going to give you

00:01:34.380 a little update about life and the book that I'm writing and all that good stuff.

00:01:39.460 Today is just one of those days for me. This week was just one of those weeks. It's been

00:01:44.880 a good week. Every week really is a good week. I have a lot to be thankful for and not

00:01:49.600 a whole lot to complain about. And so when I tell you that I'm tired, it is a good

00:01:53.960 exhaustion. I have a lot of wonderful blessings in my life that make me tired in a really good

00:02:00.340 way. But this is just one of those weeks where I just cannot. Do you know what I'm saying

00:02:04.860 without me explaining? I just cannot. And what I mean by cannot, I just cannot do or feel like

00:02:10.540 I cannot do anything that is not absolutely required of me in this moment. Do you know what

00:02:17.120 I'm talking about? Last night, I went to go feed my daughter. She wasn't falling asleep 0.90

00:02:23.780 and she typically goes to sleep around 730. It was like nine o'clock. She couldn't fall

00:02:29.560 asleep. And I went and I fed her and then I was like, okay, I'm just going to lay down

00:02:33.720 for one second. I'm just going to lay down for one second. I've got stuff to do. I need

00:02:38.660 to write. I need to prepare for this podcast. I just need to do some things that really only

00:02:46.040 are accomplished while she's sleeping. So I just laid down for a little bit at like

00:02:49.980 915. Didn't wake up until the next morning at eight o'clock. At eight o'clock. That tells

00:02:56.340 you. I mean, I've stayed up probably until I don't typically do this, but until two every

00:03:01.100 night this week. And I'll tell you why. I am working on this book. I think I can tell

00:03:06.520 you the title. Well, I'm a little bit worried that I can't, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere

00:03:09.920 online. It's called You're Not Enough and That's Okay, Escaping the Toxic Culture of

00:03:14.520 Self Love. That's not the entire title. That's like the title and the subtitle, but it's coming

00:03:19.360 out next year and I'm super, super excited about it. But I have been working on this for a long

00:03:27.320 time. If you don't know what the writing process is for a book, I'll tell you a little bit about it

00:03:33.380 because some of you have been curious. It's different. It's different for everyone. But for me,

00:03:38.340 it started really in August of last year. So August of 2018, I had a publisher reach out to

00:03:44.900 me and say, Hey, if you ever thought about writing a book, here's an idea. Here's an idea that we think

00:03:50.440 that you would be really good at explaining. And I actually had thought about writing a book and I

00:03:55.480 already had an agent at that point. And I was mulling over some ideas. I, this has evolved so much

00:04:02.340 in the past year. It has evolved so much. As you guys know, I started out thinking I wanted to write

00:04:07.920 a book about the greatest generation, the generation that lived through and even fought in World War II

00:04:13.040 and the lessons that we could learn from them, passing it down to our generation and the generations

00:04:19.060 after us. That ended up changing when I found out I was pregnant after I had already agreed to write

00:04:25.620 this book with this amazing publisher that I have. So it ended up changing to something a little bit

00:04:30.800 not easier necessarily, but kind of easier than that because that required so much research. I was

00:04:36.500 even going to travel and try to interview some of the living members of the greatest generation. I

00:04:40.500 still think it's a great idea, by the way, but it ended up just not being feasible with the timeline

00:04:46.100 that we had and the fact that I was giving birth to a human being in July. So we ended up evolving it

00:04:54.740 to eventually over lots of different stages to the book that it is now. And it's been

00:04:59.820 solid writing, like actual writing, not just brainstorming and going back and forth on what

00:05:05.020 this is going to look like, but actually writing probably since January. I just didn't know all

00:05:12.240 the work that goes into writing a book. And I've always liked to write. I've always wanted to write

00:05:17.120 a book far before I wanted to be any kind of commentator or have a podcast. I've always liked

00:05:22.380 writing. That was really the only thing, one of the only things I was good at growing up in school,

00:05:28.180 this and drama. The two things that I was good at, terrible at math, terrible at science,

00:05:35.140 okay at history. But even that was a little bit too concrete for me when I was in school,

00:05:40.020 didn't like multiple choice, but reading and writing and everything that went with that

00:05:44.720 and the creativity that's kind of required. It's just something that I've always liked. And so I

00:05:49.400 thought, okay, I've always been good at this. I've always been affirmed in this. It's always come

00:05:53.760 pretty easily to me. Writing a book will be a piece of cake. Not so. It's very different. I've

00:05:59.260 learned from sitting down and preparing for a podcast. It's very different. When I sit down and

00:06:04.040 prepare for a podcast, it just kind of flows. If I'm writing it out and I know a little bit of what

00:06:09.880 I want to say, it just comes to me. Even when I'm talking about theology, I'm able to think,

00:06:15.200 okay, this is the verse that I want here. This is the point that I want to make.

00:06:18.380 But with a book, I think it's because you're thinking about its permanence and you're thinking

00:06:23.460 about the fact that once it's out there, it's out there. I can't write a book the next week and

00:06:27.780 retract something I said or change something that I said, which is part of why it goes through such

00:06:32.300 an editing process and it goes through so many hands before it actually gets into your hands.

00:06:37.720 But man, it's a lot of pressure. It's been a lot of pressure for me. Maybe it's not for any of

00:06:43.500 you. Maybe some of you have written a book and maybe it's not a lot of pressure for you and it's

00:06:47.000 come really easily for you. But to sit down and to look at a blank page and say, okay,

00:06:51.520 I know what I want to say, but how do I want to communicate it? For me, there's a lot of pressure

00:06:56.100 for my writing to be perfect. I think some people are okay with sitting down and saying, okay,

00:07:00.720 this is going to have an editor look over it anyway. I'm okay with it just kind of being a

00:07:04.720 little bit sloppy or the syntax or the grammar not being great. For me, that's been a really hard

00:07:10.100 hurdle to jump over because I don't want my editor, whom I love by the way. She's amazing. 0.75

00:07:19.180 Her name is Helen. I don't want them to think that I'm a bad writer. I don't want them to think that

00:07:25.700 I'm not good at grammar. I don't want them to see me misspell something and think, well, she's an

00:07:29.540 idiot. Why is she writing a book for us? And so I feel a lot of pressure for things to be perfect.

00:07:34.900 And I've kind of had to let that go throughout this process and just say, okay, I just need to

00:07:40.440 get the idea out there. I just need to get this idea out there and, uh, and make it good. It doesn't

00:07:49.000 have to be perfect right away and it's going to be work done and it has been work done. I've had a

00:07:54.560 lot of help and a lot of guidance and a lot of feedback, a lot of thoughtful and productive

00:07:59.760 criticism. And another thing that I've learned in writing a book is that you just lay down your

00:08:04.300 pride right there at the door. You lay it down and you say, bye. There's no room for your ego or for

00:08:11.380 your insistence upon doing something a certain way. Now, of course, if you ever work with a publisher,

00:08:17.620 you'll know that you are the, uh, master, the controller of the process and of the words that

00:08:23.780 actually end up on the page. But you do have to say, okay, um, I am going to defer to other people's

00:08:31.680 insight. I'm going to defer to other people's, uh, criticism and experience, experience in writing

00:08:37.040 and editing books that I just don't have. I've had to let go of pages and paragraphs and sections that

00:08:42.660 I really like. And then I always, every time I've looked back and said, oh, that was absolutely the

00:08:48.380 right choice to make. That was absolutely true that that needed to be cut out. But you know,

00:08:52.340 it's a process and in this way, in this way guys, and I didn't even plan to bring this home in this

00:08:58.920 way. It is much like the sanctification of our souls and that there are things that we want to

00:09:05.880 hold on to. There are things that we think, um, are important to our lives, idols that we cling to

00:09:12.020 that Jesus says, nope, that's going to editing that out, cutting that out. And I am turning you into

00:09:17.900 exactly what I want you to be perfectly holy and sanctified. And only the Holy Spirit can do that.

00:09:23.860 And it's very similar to writing a book. It's not an exact metaphor, but it is, it's pruning the

00:09:28.320 branches, so to speak, which is what Jesus does to us. So anyway, that is why I am tired this week,

00:09:34.800 but tired in a good way. And whenever I get overwhelmed, and this is something that's

00:09:38.960 applicable for all of us, no matter what the things are that are weighing you down or burdening you or

00:09:43.480 the things that you're responsible for, I, whenever I feel overwhelmed with, oh my gosh,

00:09:49.180 I don't know how I'm going to get this done. I don't know how I'm going to do all of this.

00:09:52.460 I don't know how to manage my time well, which is something that quite frankly, I struggle with.

00:09:59.140 Um, I have to, instead of saying, oh, this week is so harder. Oh, I have so much going on.

00:10:06.060 There's no way I can handle it. And this person needs to do this and help me more, whatever.

00:10:11.380 I can get cynical, negative, but the thing that I try to remind myself is that of how wonderful it

00:10:20.160 is and what a privilege it is that I am busy with the things that I am busy with. Like how amazing

00:10:26.680 is it that I try, I remind myself that God has given me this opportunity to have a book and to

00:10:32.880 have a podcast and to have a daughter and to have a family and to have the things that we have.

00:10:37.940 Those are wonderful blessings. And I am so thankful to be busy with the things that I am

00:10:43.980 busy with. And I don't know what that is for you, whatever the things are that are busy in you,

00:10:49.340 whether it's, even if it's a job that you don't like, I've had a job that I don't like before.

00:10:53.600 And I can't say that I had the best attitude about that. And so I'm preaching to the choir when I say

00:10:58.900 this, but it is a blessing for you to have a job, whatever that job is that you are able to provide

00:11:05.220 for your family with that job. It is a blessing to be busy with the things that we are busy with,

00:11:10.220 as long as, as long as the things that we are busy with are held onto loosely, knowing that God can

00:11:15.400 rearrange our priorities and our schedule and our responsibilities anytime he wants to, as long as

00:11:20.740 we are not making busyness an idol. I think there's a difference between being busy and being a busy

00:11:27.240 body, which we are not called to be, which is looking for things to do, looking for things to worry

00:11:32.980 about, which I can sometimes have the tendency to do. But there's a difference between being a busy

00:11:37.620 body and being productive and doing the things that we're supposed to do, that we are called to do,

00:11:43.540 that give God glory with a cheerful and good attitude. That is certainly something that Jesus

00:11:47.840 is teaching me to have a good attitude about all the responsibilities that I have, whatever is put

00:11:53.540 on my plate and to look at it and say, okay, is this productive? Does it glorify you? Does it help other

00:11:59.280 people? And is this something that I should do? I do think there can be a problem. I think that we

00:12:05.560 can sometimes idolize the word yes. We can also idolize the word no, but I think we can idolize

00:12:10.920 the word yes, thinking that being busier or having a certain number of things on our resume or having

00:12:15.660 a certain number of accomplishments or goals make us more important. And in God's kingdom, that's just

00:12:21.480 not true. It's just not true. It's just not true that being busy makes us more righteous or makes us

00:12:27.260 more sanctified. We're supposed to be busy and doing good works, busy and doing the things that

00:12:31.240 God has called us to do. But we're also called to rest. As God reminded me last night when I slept

00:12:37.680 on and off for about 11 hours, that we are finite, that we are made to sleep, that we are made to have

00:12:45.840 a Sabbath. Another thing that I struggle with doing, I'm just revealing all of my sins and hangups

00:12:50.980 to you guys. We are called to take a step back and to be rejuvenated and to be restored.

00:12:59.620 And God doesn't need to rest. He doesn't need to be rejuvenated. He doesn't need to be restored,

00:13:03.940 which is why bringing it back full circle, we are not enough and that's okay. And we should escape the

00:13:11.740 toxic culture of self-love, as my book's title and subtitle says, because we were never meant to

00:13:18.520 be enough. We are fallible, we are incomplete, we are imperfect, but we get to rely on a perfect,

00:13:25.220 infallible, holy, never changing, never needs to sleep God. That is the beauty of realizing our

00:13:33.760 not enoughness and resting in that. Okay, now that I've given you my spiel on kind of where I am in

00:13:41.500 life and why, this is also why I haven't posted. I don't post on Instagram nearly as much as I used to

00:13:47.480 because I just got, I just got things. I just got things that I'm doing, but hey,

00:13:53.240 the podcast has been doing really well. So I just want to thank you guys. Like the past couple of

00:13:57.540 weeks have actually been, uh, the most downloads that we have ever had ever. And that's amazing

00:14:03.460 because there have been some super popular episodes in the past. And these past two weeks we

00:14:09.040 have done, um, the podcast has done better than it's ever been. And that's, that's really saying

00:14:14.580 something because I also haven't been doing television. I haven't been doing very much

00:14:18.060 media. I haven't been writing op-eds like I used to. And still you guys are spreading and sharing

00:14:25.100 relatable. And I just really appreciate that. I appreciate you guys listening. I appreciate

00:14:29.800 the five-star reviews that you guys give. I appreciate the emails asking me to talk about

00:14:34.400 certain subjects. Some of you guys just email me to check in or message me to check in, to see how

00:14:39.360 I'm doing, to see how the baby is doing. And that, uh, really means a lot to me. I truly feel

00:14:44.060 like you guys are my friends. Like we are this little relatable community and we just relate to

00:14:48.620 each other. Even when we disagree. I know there are people that disagree with me out there that

00:14:52.800 listen, and I get emails a lot where the first line is. So I don't agree with everything you say,

00:14:58.180 but I appreciate this. And you know what? More power to you. I think that's amazing that we

00:15:03.200 aren't just sticking in our echo chambers, that you guys are listening to me. Even if everything I say,

00:15:09.040 you don't totally align with, that's okay. Uh, for example, I have talked a lot about being

00:15:15.360 reformed in my theology. I know I've got a lot of Catholics that listen to me. I actually got a

00:15:20.560 review, unfortunately, from someone who was, um, who is Catholic, who doesn't like some of the

00:15:26.660 things that I have to say. And she said, you know, I'm probably one of the only Catholics that

00:15:29.620 listens to Allie. That is not true. I get a lot of emails from Catholics saying, so I don't agree 0.98

00:15:34.320 with you on your reformed theology, but here's where we align. And I appreciate your podcast.

00:15:38.020 I appreciate you listening to my podcast and I love you. And I'm thankful that you're here and

00:15:42.580 that we can, um, on some things we can simply disagree, even though I would love to have a

00:15:48.080 conversation or a dialogue with you about the things that we disagree on theologically. Um,

00:15:53.400 we can still love each other and we can still respect each other and we can still have conversations

00:15:57.480 and appreciate the points in which we are united. So anyway, I think that I have the smartest

00:16:02.360 listeners in the world and the best listeners in the world. And I think I love my listeners more

00:16:07.360 than any other host loves theirs. I don't know if I can say that definitively, but I feel that

00:16:11.660 because I've just, it's not just the quantity of you guys, it's the quality. Like I just have

00:16:17.080 quality listeners, the emails that I get, I'm like, okay, so it's good for me to remember that

00:16:23.180 so many of you, maybe all of you, I don't know, are, you're just plain and simple smarter than me.

00:16:29.320 You know more than I do. You think about things that I haven't thought about yet. You ask

00:16:33.240 questions that I haven't asked. Um, and that's not to say I don't get some senseless, ignorant

00:16:39.540 trolls. Of course, there are definitely times that I do, but I just appreciate you guys and

00:16:43.620 the conversations that we have and the fact that you take time every week to listen to Relatable.

00:16:50.000 So thank you for that. Um, I am going to answer some of your questions since I love you guys so

00:16:56.020 much. Um, okay. So first question, can you follow Christ without a daily longing for his word? So

00:17:06.700 this is an example of a very quality and interesting question that I think is worth asking.

00:17:12.500 Well, I think that there are definitely days that we wake up and we don't long to be in his word.

00:17:17.280 Gosh, that's true for me. That is definitely true for me. And there are days when unfortunately and

00:17:21.880 sinfully, I neglect to be in his word and I don't pray as much as I should. And, um, I don't go to

00:17:28.100 him for wisdom and I'm kind of, I find myself in the middle of the day, realizing I've been relying

00:17:32.160 on my own energy and strength and wisdom all day. And maybe that's why I feel a little bit burnt out.

00:17:36.740 Uh, not to say that whenever you pray, you're going to feel this instant rejuvenation of energy.

00:17:42.020 Sometimes that happens. That doesn't necessarily always happen. That doesn't mean that God's not

00:17:46.520 listening or that he's not faithful or that he's not there, that he's not providing for us.

00:17:50.040 Yes. It just kind of, um, it just kind of depends, but I, yes. So yes, you can follow Christ without

00:17:56.680 a daily longing for his word. Now I do believe that through sanctification and the Holy spirit

00:18:02.280 does give us a longing to know him better. And the primary way that we know him better is through

00:18:08.960 his inspired and infallible and inerrant word. And so there should definitely be a longing there.

00:18:16.140 But if some days you wake up and you're like, I just want to sleep for 10 more minutes, but I'm going

00:18:21.560 to get up and I'm going to read God's word. Anyway, I would say that that discipline that you are

00:18:26.320 enacting, even without the immediate longing to do it is still the Holy spirit working in you. Now, do I

00:18:32.800 think that we can have a right relationship with the Lord without ever reading his word or reading

00:18:37.320 his word consistently? No, I don't. Now I'm not saying that you have to read a certain number of Bible

00:18:42.140 verses to be saved. We know that we're saved by grace through faith, but if we're talking about

00:18:46.120 fruit, um, if we're talking about evidence of salvation, I do think that it's comes, uh, or it

00:18:53.120 comes part and parcel, or one of those, one of those fruits is a longing to, and a study of his word.

00:19:00.980 Absolutely. We cannot know, uh, God. We, what was that? What was that phrase that I always used to say?

00:19:08.460 Uh, we cannot know God intimately until we know God accurately. And I completely believe that's

00:19:15.740 true. Of course, it's a process over time. That doesn't mean that someone like Kanye West,

00:19:20.500 who apparently has come to the faith. That doesn't mean that when you come to the faith that you have

00:19:24.360 to know everything about God and all your theology is absolutely correct. As I shared on Wednesday,

00:19:29.140 there were a lot of things I believed when I was becoming a Christian that weren't theologically

00:19:33.500 true, or there were a lot of books that I read that weren't theologically right. And I didn't

00:19:37.640 think anything of them. I just didn't have the discernment at the time to know that, uh, the

00:19:42.960 shack has some blasphemous ideas in it, or that blue-like jazz isn't really a solid theological book.

00:19:48.860 But it was, I don't recommend that for new Christians to, to read books that aren't 0.94

00:19:53.320 theologically solid, but it was okay. Like, it was okay. I learned over time. I made sure that I was

00:19:59.600 under good teaching. The Bible teacher that I had at the time, the church that I went to

00:20:04.320 at the time, the books that I read later on, it all led and evolved, um, into me listening to really

00:20:10.600 solid pastors with reformed teaching and, uh, that really shaped my faith into what it is now.

00:20:17.600 And so it happens over time. The longing, I think, also increases along with your sanctification as

00:20:24.120 you also start even hating your sin more and longing more and more to be holy. You also long to

00:20:30.120 know God's word. So that's a great question. And that's the long-winded answer that I have

00:20:35.480 for that. Um, another, another question, importance of prayer. Why pray when God already has a plan?

00:20:44.540 So that's another great question. This is something that's presented to Calvinists a lot.

00:20:48.800 Calvinists believe in God's sovereignty and that he is totally control over everything that is backed

00:20:54.460 up time and again by scripture. I think that I have, uh, uh, an episode titled the sovereignty of

00:21:00.680 God from probably around this time last year, but I also have talked about predestination and things

00:21:05.480 like that on this podcast. You can go back and listen to it before you send me an email telling

00:21:08.760 me what a heretic I am, um, for being a Calvinist. But a lot of people ask, okay, if God already has a

00:21:15.500 plan, if he's sovereign, uh, then why, why pray? Why ask God for anything? And that's a really good

00:21:23.000 question, but the answer is because he tells us to. So it's kind of the same question of, well,

00:21:27.800 why would a Calvinist evangelize to someone? Why would a Calvinist share the gospel when God has

00:21:33.100 already predestined the people that he is going to predestine, uh, to be saved? Because he tells us

00:21:38.640 to. It is also just as he predestines salvation, he predestines the means by which people are saved.

00:21:44.700 And he tells us to go and make disciples. He tells us to go and share the gospel and evangelize.

00:21:49.360 And so because we believe in obedience, uh, we do that because we believe in the sufficiency of

00:21:55.840 scripture and that God doesn't tell us anything arbitrarily. That is what we do in the same way

00:22:00.660 that he has ordained salvation. He ordains the means by which people are very often saved. And

00:22:07.020 he ordains the, the people that he is going to use to evangelize. So it's the same way with prayer.

00:22:14.440 He tells us to pray without ceasing. Um, and yes, his plan, he is sovereign and yes,

00:22:20.820 he does have a plan. Yes. He's not suspended by time. And so he's not, um, his works are not

00:22:26.980 conditional on our prayers and that he is not sitting there waiting for us to pray before he

00:22:33.320 can do something. He's not like unlocked or unleashed by our prayers. That would be a false teaching

00:22:38.640 that some people, uh, unfortunately propagate, but he tells us to pray without ceasing.

00:22:43.460 He tells us to present our requests with thanksgiving to God. And so that is what we are called to do

00:22:48.780 in the same way that he predestined the means of evangelism. He also predestined the means of

00:22:54.440 prayer and whether it is, I do think that it actually in some mysterious way that I don't

00:23:00.640 completely know, but that we see throughout the new Testament prayer actually does something.

00:23:05.880 There is actually power in prayer. There is some kind of reactive relationship with prayer

00:23:11.880 that I can't fully explain or, uh, fully, fully articulate how that works when God is suspended

00:23:20.400 in the eternal now. And is it subject to our timeframe? I can't really fully explain that quite

00:23:26.260 frankly, which just shows how fallible I am. But maybe also there are someone with more knowledge

00:23:30.420 like John Piper could probably answer that better than I could, but it also does something in our own

00:23:35.420 hearts. It also does something to sanctify us. It does something with our own spirit. It also gives us a

00:23:40.820 peace that passes understanding, but I don't think that's the only reason for it, what it does in

00:23:44.900 our heart. I think that it actually has real tangible power, um, of which I can't fully explain to you

00:23:53.480 because I just don't have the words to do it. Okay. Next question. Are you gonna have another baby

00:23:58.940 already starting? Um, well, yes, we, we want to, it's actually just talking about this. Um, we,

00:24:06.520 we want to, we don't know the plans for, we don't know what that will, what that will look like. We

00:24:12.940 have also talked about adoption sometime in the future. And so we just don't know. We are very

00:24:19.320 happy with our four month old baby girl. I can't believe that she's four months, four months. She is

00:24:26.280 awesome and wonderful and we just love her so much. But yes, we do plan on having more kids in the

00:24:31.600 future when that will be. We don't know. We don't know. We had a timeline for her of when we were

00:24:39.020 going to start trying to have kids and it ended up being significantly sooner than what we had in

00:24:43.760 our heads. We prayed about it and here she is, here she is. And so I don't know, but yes, one day

00:24:52.100 we do plan to have more like kids or more like kids. What? I don't know. I was reading my next

00:24:58.940 question and I forgot what I was going to say. Okay. Thoughts on CBD oil. I don't know if I really

00:25:04.920 have any thoughts. Um, I probably need to do more research into it, but I don't think that there is

00:25:12.340 anything, there's nothing wrong with CBD oil, right? Like people aren't getting high off CBD oil,

00:25:18.160 are they? I don't know. I don't think I have any problem with that. If it helps people, I mean,

00:25:23.720 it's a natural substance as long as, you know, it's not being misused, I guess, or it's not being

00:25:29.660 used to get high off of. Um, also people have asked me about medical marijuana. I have three,

00:25:38.740 well, my grandmother who just died, she suffered from epilepsy for a long time. Both my brothers

00:25:43.540 have epilepsy and while they don't use medical marijuana, I just say that to know, to say that

00:25:49.300 there are a lot of people who do have epilepsy who have been helped by medical marijuana. And it's

00:25:54.120 very hard for me to look at that and to say, no, they should be denied that strictly for medical

00:25:58.840 purposes. I mean, if you've ever been around people with epilepsy, it is, it's just tragic. It's hard

00:26:05.660 to watch. It is really hard to diagnose the why behind it, the medicines that they put them on very

00:26:10.980 often. Sometimes they help and that's a wonderful, big fan of effective medicine, but a lot of times they

00:26:17.340 don't. And so they're just put on more and more medicine until they have, you know, a million

00:26:21.320 different side effects and they don't know which medication it's from and it just doesn't work. So

00:26:26.260 if medical marijuana works for people, especially people with epilepsy or people with chronic pain,

00:26:32.420 far be it for me to say that that is immoral if it's strictly used for medical purposes. And I, I would

00:26:38.180 really like to hear the argument from anyone who believes that you shouldn't be allowed to have

00:26:43.020 medical marijuana. Okay. How to handle leftist relatives during the holidays? Well, I don't

00:26:48.280 know if the person that's asking this is a Christian, but of course, if they are Christian,

00:26:52.320 then your, um, your first, your first duty, your first responsibility, your only responsibility

00:26:59.840 actually is to be an ambassador for Christ, to be the aroma of Christ and to be a good representative

00:27:06.660 of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And so it is much more important that you represent your faith and

00:27:13.660 represent Jesus than you do to convince them of being a conservative. Now, the question is when

00:27:18.620 politics comes up, when they start bashing Donald Trump, when they say that a portion is awesome or

00:27:23.140 whatever they say, they probably won't say that at the Thanksgiving table, but if they do, um, you can,

00:27:30.700 there are a few options that you have. You can choose to not say anything because it is,

00:27:35.520 you think that it's better to not ruffle feathers and to not hurt this relationship than it is to

00:27:40.300 bring up your politics. And I think that's a, that's a viable option. I don't think that you

00:27:44.680 are being necessarily a scaredy cat. If, if you do that, I don't think that that is shameful to not

00:27:51.460 bring it up. It kind of depends. Now, if someone is spreading outright misinformation, I do think it

00:27:58.880 might be incumbent upon you to say, Hey, that's actually not true. Here's what really

00:28:05.400 happened. And you can do it in a very soft, delicate way, kind way. If you want to saying,

00:28:11.900 yeah, Hey, I hear what you're saying. I totally understand those concerns,

00:28:15.280 but here's another perspective about that or, but here's, what's actually true. Or that was a

00:28:21.760 misleading headline that you read, or that photo wasn't actually, you know, during Trump's

00:28:27.360 administration, whatever it is. Um, I, I think that it's definitely an option for you to be able

00:28:34.320 to, um, bring up, uh, another side of it in the most respectful way that you can. Now, here's the

00:28:40.780 thing. Take option one. If you can't do option two without getting upset. And I don't say that to

00:28:46.900 belittle you or patronize you at all. It is upsetting. It is upsetting to hear people talk about

00:28:53.000 their political views that are totally opposed to yours or that are, you feel are evil because I do

00:28:59.120 believe a lot of the views on the left are evil and it can be very upsetting and it can be honestly,

00:29:04.540 very emotional, uh, to hear someone that you love, talk about that and misrepresent what you believe

00:29:10.420 is the truth. What is the truth? And so if you cannot engage in this conversation in a calm and

00:29:16.200 respectful way, I personally don't think it's worth it for you to get worked up and you to ruin your

00:29:21.700 holidays and to not be able to function basically because you've had such a tense and terrible and,

00:29:29.780 um, disrespectful conversation with a family member. I don't think that is worth it. However,

00:29:35.500 if you can, if you can in a very calm and rational way, say, you know what? Here's the perspective that

00:29:41.960 I have on this. I'm glad to talk to you. I'm glad you're here. If you have any questions, let me know.

00:29:47.080 Then do it. I think that that's great. Another option is to, and this

00:29:51.660 is the option that I like the most probably when you're talking to someone on the left is to ask

00:29:56.260 them questions. Ask them questions. Try your best not to make them seem like accusatory questions. I

00:30:01.980 know that could be really difficult, but try to, try to ask them why they believe what they believe,

00:30:09.220 where they got certain information, what they think about, alternative perspective,

00:30:15.180 X, whatever that is. Um, how, how they drew that conclusion or have you thought about blank,

00:30:24.500 especially when it comes to something like abortion, if they say, Oh, Trump is taking away

00:30:28.320 women's rights. Well, okay. Which, which rights? Oh, well, the right to reproductive freedom. What do 0.97

00:30:33.240 you mean by re what? Okay. What do you mean by reproductive freedom? Uh, the right to abortion.

00:30:39.240 Okay. So tell me your perspective on abortion. Why do you believe that it's such an important

00:30:44.220 right for women? Well, because bodily autonomy. Well, do you, okay. Well, what about the fact that

00:30:49.920 there's another child inside the womb? You don't think that the child should have rights. It's not 0.99

00:30:54.220 a child. It's a clump of cells. Well, it's actually not a clump of cells. And this is where it gets a

00:30:58.660 little bit accusatory. It's kind of hard to keep your cool. This is where I would start to lose my cool

00:31:02.920 probably, but try to go as far as you can with just making suggestions and asking questions. That

00:31:08.480 would be, that would be my advice. Um, how do I truly know if he's a godly man? I'm a freshman

00:31:14.600 in college. Okay. Well, look at his life. What's he doing on the weekends? He getting drunk and

00:31:18.680 hooking up with people? Probably not godly. I say that as someone who did a semester of that when I

00:31:25.680 rebelled and walked away from God. So I'm not trying to be judgmental. Um, or, you know, I think

00:31:30.080 Christians can judge with righteous judgment. We are called to do that, but I'm not trying to say that

00:31:34.760 I was better than anyone when I was in college, but you're asking, you want to know if this godly

00:31:40.320 man, I'm assuming that you're a godly woman. You don't want someone that's going out and getting 1.00

00:31:43.380 drunk and getting high on the weekends. You don't want someone who is getting drunk, period. You

00:31:47.800 just don't, that's not what you're looking for. If you are looking for someone that you want to end

00:31:52.580 up marrying one day or the kind of person that you want to end up marrying one day, that is a good

00:31:56.900 leader. You want to see, um, if he's respected among his friends, is he respected among his peers?

00:32:02.420 That doesn't necessarily mean popular. That doesn't necessarily mean cool, but is he respected

00:32:06.960 by the people around him? Um, because he is a man of integrity, because he is an honest man,

00:32:12.140 because he's not the kind of guy that's going to cheat on a test. He's not the kind of guy that's

00:32:15.900 going to cut corner corners. He is the kind of person that works hard and, um, is honest and is a

00:32:23.900 good leader and isn't, isn't addicted to anything. Um, how does he talk about people?

00:32:33.000 Is he someone who has just a filthy language? That's a good indication. Not necessarily, I'm not

00:32:38.900 saying this person isn't saved. They could be early on in their walk with Christ, but if you're

00:32:43.920 looking for someone who has a potential mate for life, these are the things that you're going to

00:32:48.360 want to look at. Does he go to church? Does he read his Bible? Does he have any knowledge of the

00:32:52.180 Bible? Does he hang out with godly friends? Does he have a mentor? Does he have someone who's

00:32:58.160 discipling him? Maybe not every single one of these things is a deal breaker, but these are

00:33:03.260 just good things to keep in mind as you're looking to someone to say, okay, is he a godly man? Is

00:33:08.220 there room for grace? Absolutely. You want grace to yourself and you want forgiveness to yourself

00:33:12.460 and you give grace and forgiveness to someone else, but there is nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong.

00:33:17.480 And actually there is everything right with having standards for godliness, um, that are based in

00:33:24.140 God's word, not just your own superficial expectations that are based in God's word,

00:33:28.600 um, that you look for. That doesn't mean that you're looking for perfection. Does it mean that you are

00:33:33.980 looking for a bunch of superficial traits, like has to have green eyes and be a pastor's kid? No,

00:33:38.540 not at all. But to say, okay, I want someone who is trying to be more like Christ through the power

00:33:43.000 of the Holy Spirit. And I can see progress in his life towards that. And I can see a true desire to

00:33:48.960 be more like Christ in his life. And here are some of the fruits that I see. I think that's a really

00:33:54.040 good perspective to have. Okay. Let's see. Any more questions? We might end on this one. Maybe.

00:34:06.480 Okay. White privilege. Is it really a thing? Well, certainly at some point it was a thing 0.60

00:34:14.220 and there have been arguments made for it, but the white privilege arguments that you hear that,

00:34:21.420 for example, um, on the covers of magazines, there are mostly white women. If you go to the store and 1.00

00:34:28.380 you look at the hair aisle, for example, there will only be a small section of, there will only be a

00:34:33.980 small section of products for, um, for black women. There will be a lot of products for white women

00:34:39.400 that there is higher representation of white people in the media, et cetera. Um, this is called

00:34:46.420 not white privilege, but majority privilege. This would be the same thing in China. I'm not going to 0.95

00:34:51.360 see representation of white people in China or in India. This is, um, this is majority privilege.

00:34:59.580 And there is such thing as majority privilege. Does that mean there's no racism in the country?

00:35:04.460 Of course not. Of course there are evil races out there. And we know that racism is a sin. You

00:35:09.780 cannot love God and love your, and hate your brother. The Bible says, um, but as far as systemic

00:35:17.740 white privilege goes, I just am going to have to see, see the statistics on that. Um, that doesn't mean

00:35:24.740 that certain groups aren't disadvantaged, but the question is, is it really a matter of skin color

00:35:30.680 when it comes to any skin color? Or is it a matter of socioeconomic status or other factors? White 0.95

00:35:35.620 privilege is assuming that everyone who is white has an inherent privilege over everyone who is not.

00:35:42.520 And I would just need to see some data for that. I understand that this is a controversial stance to

00:35:47.420 make, but I would, I would like to see that, that systemically every white person has a leg up on

00:35:53.300 every person of color in the country. I just, I don't, I don't believe that to be true. I haven't 1.00

00:35:59.700 seen statistics to back that up again. Racism exists. Of course it does. Uh, that doesn't discount that

00:36:05.900 at all. It doesn't discount the evilness of racism, but white privilege in the United States of America

00:36:11.420 as a systemic problem. I I'm just not sure that there's enough evidence to say that it exists.

00:36:17.080 Um, do you believe that there is a biblical way to practice self love? Well, it depends on what you

00:36:24.300 mean by love, but generally, no, generally, no. That's, um, as I've said, I've actually done a lot

00:36:31.480 of podcasts on this. So you can go back and listen to some of the very first podcasts I did. I talked

00:36:36.220 about this. It might've been episode like number eight that I first talked about this. So in, I don't

00:36:42.320 know, the spring of 2018, what year is it? 2019 spring of 2018, I think is when I first started

00:36:50.060 talking about this. But of course I've talked about it many times since then. And of course,

00:36:54.460 that's what my book is on as well. Um, I don't what, here's what I think. I don't think that self

00:36:59.800 love should ever be a priority of the Christian. Not at all. Now, when people hear that they say,

00:37:05.580 oh, well, why would you want people to hate themselves? Why do you want people to be insecure?

00:37:09.320 Why do you want people to not like their abilities or talents or bodies or whatever it is? Why do you

00:37:13.960 want people to struggle with self-loathing? That's of course not what I'm saying, but self-loathing

00:37:18.380 and self-hatred is also symptomatic of self-centeredness in the same way that arrogance and

00:37:23.840 self-love is, self-affection is, self-affirmation is. It is still self-centeredness. It's just the other

00:37:29.400 side of self-centeredness. And so what I would say is that the antidote to self-deprecation is not

00:37:35.320 self-love, but self-sacrifice and selflessness. Um, if you feel insecure, if you feel anxious,

00:37:42.300 if you feel, um, down about yourself and you're struggling with self-deprecation and self-loathing,

00:37:47.480 these are very real things. But the answer to that is not self-love. It is God's love. It is to see

00:37:53.000 yourself as God sees you. If you are in Christ, that means you are redeemed. You've got a clean slate.

00:37:57.880 You've got a purpose that is bigger than you. You are part of the kingdom of God. You are

00:38:01.700 a member of heaven. You are a saint and citizen in the house of the Lord. That's amazing. That is

00:38:07.420 your identity. Now you are a new creation. And so it is seeing yourself as God sees you that makes,

00:38:14.920 uh, that makes the view of the self right, not loving yourself more because the world sees loving

00:38:21.700 yourself more as being affectionate towards yourself, being able to look in the mirror and say,

00:38:25.780 I'm so awesome and beautiful and wonderful. And what I'm saying is not that you should look in the

00:38:30.840 mirror and think that you're ugly, but look in the mirror and say that if you are in Christ,

00:38:34.340 you are a child of God. Look in the mirror and to be able to say, whoever you are, that I am made in

00:38:38.180 the image of God and I have a soul. And because of that, uh, God has something to say about me.

00:38:43.760 And because you have a soul, you have an eternal destination. One of two places, heaven or hell.

00:38:49.140 And what changes, uh, where you end up is Jesus Christ himself and Jesus Christ alone by grace through

00:38:54.680 faith. So, uh, that is how we should view ourselves. We should start viewing ourselves a lot

00:39:00.540 less. We should be a lot less introspective. We should start, uh, viewing. We should stop

00:39:06.020 thinking about ourselves so much, whether it's self-deprecation or self-love. I just don't think

00:39:11.160 that that's a priority that Christians should have. And I'll just bring up again, something that

00:39:15.460 someone taught that people talk about so much is while the Bible says, Jesus says to love your

00:39:19.540 neighbor as yourself. So that means you can't love your neighbor until you love yourself. No,

00:39:23.460 no. Loving yourself is a given. It is a given. What he meant by love yourself is to not think that

00:39:28.940 you are Beyonce. It's to not think that you are pretty and lovely and lovable and awesome and

00:39:34.040 talented. That is not what he meant by love your neighbor as yourself, because that would mean that

00:39:38.700 he is requiring you to look at other people that way too. Do you honestly think that Jesus is asking

00:39:43.940 you to look at everyone around and think that you are beautiful and wonderful and talented and

00:39:49.180 perfect? No, he's not. He's saying, take care of other people in the same way that you would take

00:39:54.180 care of yourself. You are always going to look out for your best interests. Even the people who commit

00:39:58.200 suicide are looking out for what they believe, unfortunately, to be their best interest at

00:40:02.620 the time. Sadly and tragically, they are still looking to escape pain, which is in their own

00:40:07.540 interest. And so he's saying, look out for the interests of other people, for the provision of

00:40:12.720 other people, help other people in the same way that you help yourself. You are always going to

00:40:19.020 go towards self-preservation naturally. So in the same way that you look to preserve and to provide

00:40:25.340 for yourself, to help yourself, to comfort yourself, you need to do the same for other

00:40:30.240 people. So that is what love your neighbor as yourself means. I simply don't think that we

00:40:35.360 have a self-love deficit in this country. And so all the people saying, you need to love

00:40:39.460 yourself more. You need to love yourself more. You're giving the wrong solution for the problem,

00:40:44.080 which is simply that people are already, already too selfish and that we actually need Christ and

00:40:50.780 sanctification, to be rid of ourselves, to deny ourselves, to take up our cross and to follow

00:40:55.100 him. Okay. That's all I have for today. I hope that you guys have a wonderful weekend. I will see you

00:40:59.580 back here on Monday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 01, 2019

Ep 182 ｜ Busyness

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