Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 189 ｜ Is Passive-Aggressiveness a Sin？ And Other Q&A

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. I hope everyone has had an awesome week. I am so

00:00:07.180 excited about next week. I think I said this on Wednesday and I'm saying it again. I'm so excited

00:00:11.880 about next week. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving and all of the good food. I'm supposed to bring

00:00:16.860 celery with pimento cheese in it. So that tells you how reliable my family sees me when it comes

00:00:24.900 to food and making things. And it's true. I don't traditionally haven't really made anything

00:00:29.720 for holidays. I think it's partly being baby of the family. Baby of the family, it's given a whole

00:00:36.200 lot of obligations. My husband and I are both babies of the family and I just don't have a

00:00:42.320 whole lot of experience in cooking that kind of stuff. I'm a decent cook. I'm an okay cook. I'm

00:00:47.800 not fancy with it. I don't like following a recipe. I like things that are super straightforward,

00:00:52.340 common sense and easy. But my husband is actually a much better cook than I am. And typically he's

00:00:58.000 the one that cooks dinner for that reason. While I am taking care of baby girl, he is cooking dinner

00:01:04.460 and it's better off that way because like I said, he's better. So I'm bringing celery. Celery and

00:01:10.120 pimento cheese. I will make probably the pimento cheese because my mother-in-law has an awesome recipe

00:01:14.660 for it that I just love. And so I'll be doing that for Thanksgiving. And I'm really excited. We've got

00:01:20.640 some family coming in this weekend. Lots of kids going to be running around the house. So

00:01:25.300 really looking forward to that. I can't wait to hear what you guys are doing for Thanksgiving.

00:01:30.440 Just FYI, I should tell you beforehand, we are going to have a new episode on Monday and we'll

00:01:35.560 have a new episode on Wednesday. And next Friday, we'll be doing a replay of one of our most popular

00:01:42.000 episodes. And so if you haven't heard every single episode, most of you have at least skipped a

00:01:47.120 couple. You might want to tune into that. But because I'll be kind of on vacation and taking

00:01:53.580 a break, we won't be recording a new episode for that day. On Monday, we will be talking about a

00:02:01.280 very controversial subject, but one that I think is really important and that is anthropomorphism.

00:02:07.560 What? What did I just say? It is this trend that I have seen, especially among millennials and

00:02:13.540 Generation Z, the younger generation, of ascribing personhood to animals and our seeming over

00:02:20.340 obsession with animals and how we should be looking at that from a biblical perspective.

00:02:25.940 It's going to be good, you guys. We're going to talk about veganism. We're going to talk about

00:02:31.080 all that. So I know some of you animal lovers out there, you're really worried about this episode.

00:02:36.480 Don't be worried. Don't be worried. You can always disagree with me,

00:02:39.220 but I think that you will find the insight or the perspective that I bring to the table at least

00:02:45.560 helpful as you are shaping your worldview on all of this as we go into God's word. Okay.

00:02:52.000 Today, I know I said at the end of Wednesday's episode that we are going to do an interview.

00:02:56.360 Change of plans. We're not doing an interview, obviously. Today, I'm going to answer some of

00:03:00.100 your questions and you guys sent me some really good questions. And so I'm going to answer a lot of

00:03:04.960 the things that probably quite a few of you have been thinking about or considering. Now I am going

00:03:10.660 to answer some of your questions. Okay. First question that I have is just right at the top

00:03:16.940 of the list. And that is what has surprised you the most about having a child? I may have answered

00:03:21.300 this question before, but I might have a new answer today that I didn't have a few weeks ago when I

00:03:25.940 answered this. So I'll just answer it again. I think it is how much, and I don't mean this in a

00:03:31.800 negative way. So let me explain it. But how much time a child that basically can't really move or

00:03:38.920 can't crawl, can't walk yet, uh, takes how much time they take, how much attention they take it.

00:03:45.820 I thought that, okay, I'm just going to be able to kind of set her down. She'll play and I will be

00:03:53.160 able to, you know, work all day and it'll be easy. I'll be able to write my book when she's just sitting

00:03:57.500 there, but it's just not like that. Now that's not to say that she's crying all the time. When

00:04:01.960 I lay her down, she is very good at entertaining herself. And at this age, they're like discovering

00:04:06.780 everything and she's rolling over and grabbing toys and all of that kind of stuff. So she can't 0.54

00:04:11.840 kind of entertain herself, but I can't explain it. If you're not a mom, it's hard to explain how

00:04:18.440 even in those moments, they're still demanding some of your attention. And you really can't just kind

00:04:24.520 of when you're with them compartmentalize what's going on. And let me just say that is the privilege

00:04:30.920 and the honor of my life to be her mom. Like I love spending time with her. I love that I get to

00:04:36.060 work from home and I get to be with her and I get to see her all of the time. I just didn't know how

00:04:41.160 difficult it would be to manage my time. I've had a lot of late nights since she's been born trying to

00:04:46.940 finish my book and prepare for podcasts and, and different things like that, because that's really the

00:04:52.840 only time when I can really dedicate to doing what I need to do. Now I do like have help during the day,

00:05:00.920 like my mom helps, we get help a few hours a week. Uh, so I can, you know, record this podcast like

00:05:07.620 I'm doing right now. Um, but there are still a lot of hours during the day when I just don't have,

00:05:13.140 you know, dedicated time to write or something like that. And like I said, I love it. I love it.

00:05:17.600 I love spending all my time with her. I'm just learning how to be more effective or trying to

00:05:23.060 learn how to be more effective and more efficient in managing my time. And that has been surprising

00:05:29.700 and a little difficult. Um, being a mom is still the best thing ever. I just, my husband and I all

00:05:35.940 the time, and I know you parents feel like this too. We're like, does anyone else have as perfect

00:05:40.600 of a child as we, I don't think so. Does everyone else love their kid as much as we do? And I know you

00:05:45.260 guys do. I know you're thinking the same thing about your babies and all babies are precious

00:05:49.840 and I love them, but I love my baby. She's amazing. And we just love being parents. And I genuinely

00:05:56.580 love, she doesn't sleep very much or she sleeps at night, but she doesn't sleep very much during

00:06:00.560 the day. She's not, um, I don't want to say she's a bad napper. That to me sounds kind of mean.

00:06:05.420 She's an efficient napper. So she naps like for 20 minutes, unless you're holding her, 0.94

00:06:10.620 then she'll nap for a long time, which is another reason I can't just put her down and go,

00:06:13.900 you know, clean the kitchen or something like that. Um, but what was I going to say? What was

00:06:19.900 I going to say with that? Oh yeah. When she wakes up, I'm like so excited that she's awake and I get

00:06:24.820 to go get her. I, my favorite thing in the world, it happened this morning. She's crying. She's

00:06:30.100 fussing. I went in to go get her from sleeping, uh, sleeping at night and she's, you know, ready to get

00:06:36.360 out. She's grumpy, she's screaming. And then I go in there and I see her little face through the mesh

00:06:42.080 on the side of the pack and play, just light up and smile. And I'm like, this is the, this is my,

00:06:46.600 this is the best part of the day. Um, so I love it. Surprising things every day, of course, because

00:06:52.320 this is the first time that I'm a mom, but I just, I love her and I love being in her presence. Um,

00:06:57.600 even if it does mean that I can't do anything else when I'm holding her. Okay. Next question,

00:07:03.180 a little bit different. Should Christians colonize Mars? You know, there's a lot logistically

00:07:08.940 that goes into that. I don't think that I am going to be the person to spearhead, uh, that,

00:07:16.160 but if there are some people that want to go before me and go before us and let us know how

00:07:22.520 it goes, maybe kind of be the guinea pigs on that. I'm not, I'm certainly not against it. I don't know.

00:07:28.540 I don't know if there's any kind of biblical command that we shouldn't be colonizing Mars

00:07:32.140 or that we can't colonize another planet. So if, if that's the next frontier for Christians, 0.96

00:07:38.740 sure. I'm, I'm open to it. That's all I'm saying. I'm open to it. Now I don't even like flying to

00:07:45.940 Oklahoma. So I can't imagine liking very much getting in a spaceship with my family and going

00:07:52.360 to Mars. Like, I don't even know if I can make the trip there, but if y'all establish a nice

00:07:58.320 nation country community there in Mars, where we can just be free and enjoy being Christians,

00:08:06.060 then I will consider it. Let me know though, in like a few decades, um, topical Bible studies,

00:08:12.820 are they dangerous to use exclusively? So exclusively I would say, so I can't speak for

00:08:19.460 all topical Bible studies, but here's kind of my rule of thumb when I am looking at a Bible study

00:08:24.800 or when I'm looking at any study, uh, who is the center of this study? Is it me? Is it the reader?

00:08:30.620 Or is it Jesus? So any teaching, any sermon, any, um, any topical Bible study that uses a story in

00:08:40.280 the Bible as exclusively a metaphor for us rather than a way to point to Jesus. I would just have

00:08:47.680 some questions about that. For example, I've used this example before. I'm certainly not the only

00:08:53.120 person to use this example. I've heard other pastors use it. Uh, you might hear a pastor say,

00:08:59.020 uh, the story of David and Goliath, uh, is a metaphor for us that we are David. We're slaying

00:09:05.680 our giants and God is giving us, uh, a stone and a slingshot, our equipment to be able to slay our

00:09:11.720 giants. That is this supposed to be this inspirational biblical message, but that is not the message of

00:09:18.200 David and Goliath. As we study, as we study the story of David and Goliath, we don't see ourselves

00:09:23.660 as the hero. We see Jesus as the hero. Jesus is the true and better David who, uh, defeated the real

00:09:32.600 ultimate giant of sin and death forever on our behalf. And that is such a better and more God

00:09:38.060 glorifying way to look at that story than inserting ourselves into the biblical narrative where we don't

00:09:43.580 belong. We are not the heroes of the Bible. We are not the stars of the show. We are not the leading

00:09:48.340 role. Jesus is the hero of the Bible. He takes center stage in everything. So any topical Bible

00:09:53.800 study or sermon that puts humans, um, as the hero of the story or makes humans, the, the starring role

00:10:01.600 of things, then we need to question that. We need to say, okay, is this Bible study glorifying us?

00:10:08.360 Is it about us? Is it about affirming our emotions, making us feel better, comforting us, making us

00:10:14.560 feel like heroes, even just making us feel beautiful and talented and awesome. Or is this about our

00:10:21.080 rightful place as worshipers of the God of the universe, who through Christ reconciled us to

00:10:26.420 himself in undeserving, unworthy people. So is it emphasizing the gospel or is it emphasizing the God of

00:10:34.300 self? The, that I think those are the discerning questions that we need to ask ourselves when we're

00:10:38.740 listening to anything, when we're listening to anyone talk about the Bible, not just topical Bible

00:10:43.320 studies specifically. Although, uh, of course I would say that that applies to that. I will say

00:10:49.580 that any pastor that is only preaching topically every Sunday. So who says today we are going to talk

00:10:58.500 about, I'll just use the David and Goliath thing again. Today we are going to talk about slaying

00:11:04.100 your giants. And here is the story of David and Goliath. If that is, if that is what is happening,

00:11:10.300 then I would say that's not an expository pastor. That's not an exegetical pastor. Um, but that is

00:11:16.280 an eisegetical pastor that is a pastor who decides what he is going to say, make his point. And then he

00:11:21.520 finds verses, um, to back that up and decontextualizes verses that don't actually prove the

00:11:27.920 point that he's trying to make, but he makes them prove the point that he's trying to make

00:11:31.560 through his own subjective interpretation. That is not a pastor that you want to listen to.

00:11:36.400 When it comes to the leader of your church, the person who is preaching on Sundays and really just

00:11:41.280 the leadership in a church in general, you want someone who goes to the word of God and who says,

00:11:45.980 okay, what does this mean in context, cultural context, historical context, literary context,

00:11:52.340 in context with the rest of the Bible? What does this mean? What does this say about God? What does

00:11:58.060 this say about sin, salvation, and sanctification? And how does this apply to ourselves? Is there a

00:12:05.420 sin that we need to repent from? Is there an action that we need to do? Is there a way that we need to

00:12:09.880 reorient our lives around whatever theme this particular passage is telling us?

00:12:15.020 So these are the kind of questions that we need to ask ourselves when we're looking at a topical

00:12:19.540 Bible study or when we're listening to any pastor. Again, the question is who is really getting the

00:12:25.260 glory here? Is it God as our redeemer and savior, or is it us? Is this casting God as a genie who grants

00:12:33.040 our wishes when we say the right thing, when we pray the right prayer, when we have enough faith,

00:12:38.440 or is this viewing God as the all sovereign, all powerful king of the universe that he is?

00:12:46.180 Old news, but thoughts on Lauren Daigle. So I actually did probably over a year ago now,

00:12:52.220 I would say almost a year and a half ago, I did a YouTube video on that. I think it has Lauren Daigle

00:12:58.180 in the title. So you can just Google that and it will tell you my thoughts on it, or the video will

00:13:03.640 tell you my thoughts on it. What will it take to get you to come speak at Baylor? So I always, well,

00:13:08.820 first of all, thank you. I would love to come speak, but I will say that there's, there's a

00:13:14.940 process. So you just have to email me. I can give you the email. If you message me, I can give you the

00:13:19.580 email of the person who coordinates my speaking engagement, who will work out logistics and all

00:13:25.560 that kind of stuff. But I get this kind of question a lot. Like, why won't you come speak here?

00:13:29.440 Like, what does it take to have you come speak here? I'm like, well, have you asked me? And I'm

00:13:33.700 talking about you specifically who asked this question, but I get this, I get this a lot. So

00:13:39.240 I have to actually be invited. Like I don't, I won't just show up at a, at a college and be like,

00:13:44.100 who wants to hear me? I have to be invited. And then you just go through a process and I love going

00:13:48.400 to speak. And so if I am available and if everything works out, then of course I would love to come speak

00:13:53.840 at Baylor and elsewhere. Um, how should one deal with manipulative people? Well, there's a lot of,

00:14:03.960 there's, there's a lot of context that I would say is needed with a question like that, because

00:14:08.620 there are a variety of manipulative people. I would say the kind of manipulative people that I

00:14:14.840 have experienced the most. And plus we're all guilty of being manipulative at some point using

00:14:19.100 deceit to get what you want, which I think is the definition of being manipulative. Um, but there

00:14:24.780 might be more serially manipulative people in your life. Maybe it's a boss, maybe it's a coworker,

00:14:30.880 maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a significant other. And if someone is continually using deceit

00:14:35.520 to get what they want, so to, so they're buttering you up or they're flattering you, or they're making

00:14:41.800 you think that whatever option they want you to choose is the only option that you have when that's not

00:14:46.720 really true, then you need to confront them about that. You need to speak the truth in love and you

00:14:51.640 need to say, look, this is manipulation. This is how, this is how this is manipulation. And this is

00:14:56.980 why I don't appreciate it. Here's the truth about the situation. Here's the truth about the options

00:15:01.300 that I have. Here's how I feel. Here's how I think. And if, if you want something, or if you want to

00:15:07.920 have a conversation about whatever it is you're trying to manipulate me to do, uh, then let's have a

00:15:13.360 conversation, but it needs to be based in truth and based in morality and based in the best interest

00:15:18.460 and having the best interest for the other person. Someone who is manipulating you is looking out for

00:15:24.400 themselves and not for you. And if you are dating someone who is continually manipulative, I'm not

00:15:29.180 talking about just one time, because like I said, we're probably all guilty of that. Then you need to

00:15:34.260 get out of that relationship. That's not a relationship that you need to be in because it's very easy to,

00:15:39.060 um, start allowing that person to ascribe you value, to ascribe you worth, to make you think that

00:15:45.300 they are the only person that you could ever be with or ever be happy with the only person that's

00:15:49.960 ever going to love you. And that is not a relationship that you want to be in. There are

00:15:54.460 also spiritually manipulative people who will decontextualize Bible verses, or they will use

00:16:00.320 quasi biblical themes to make you think that what they want you to do is righteous when really it's

00:16:07.220 just something that subjectively they want you to do. Um, and that's not right either. And we need

00:16:12.500 to evaluate our own lives to make sure that we are not being, that we are not being manipulative. I'm

00:16:19.460 thinking about situations in which I've probably, I mean, actually I'm not thinking about my own

00:16:24.980 situations, but I'm thinking about situations in which people are made to feel guilty, uh, made to feel

00:16:31.360 guilty for something that they shouldn't feel guilty for because the other person wants them to do

00:16:34.940 something. I've been probably on both ends of that spectrum before, and that is wrong. Um, I think

00:16:41.660 all you can do is speak the truth and speak it in love. And if it's a relationship, I don't mean to be

00:16:48.220 all like new agey, but if it truly is a toxic relationship where that person is lying to you,

00:16:54.900 then you don't need to be in that. You don't need to be in that relationship anymore, whether it's

00:16:59.620 platonic or romantic or whatever it is. If it's a family member, if it's a spouse, and that's really

00:17:04.920 obviously you can't get out of, then you just need to have a conversation about that. Um, and you

00:17:09.800 need to, like I said, evaluate your own wife as well. This reminds me though, of one other topic,

00:17:15.340 and that is, um, passive aggressiveness. Gosh, that is something that we are definitely all guilty of.

00:17:21.880 Um, that is something that I believe that Christians, especially Christian women really need to confront 1.00

00:17:27.460 in our own lives. That, uh, passive aggressiveness, I believe is a sin. Uh, I think that it is a form

00:17:34.460 of lying and a form of manipulation. And it is also a way of self-protection and to promote self-interest

00:17:42.160 because you are scared of feeling awkward. You're scared of hurting someone's feelings,

00:17:46.860 not necessarily for their sake, because you're obviously telling them whatever it is you want to

00:17:51.760 tell them in a roundabout way, but really for your sake, you don't want to be seen as mean. You don't

00:17:56.740 want to be seen as confrontational. You don't want to be seen as aggressive or assertive. I'm talking

00:18:02.900 specifically really about women here, but men are guilty of this too. And so you beat around the bush

00:18:09.420 and what ends up happening is that everyone ends up getting way more hurt. Um, I've been passive

00:18:14.880 aggressive. I've been the recipient of passive aggressiveness and it never helps a situation when

00:18:20.680 there is like tension there that is, that needs to just be talked out and needs to be cut through

00:18:27.180 with truth. Passive aggressiveness just builds and builds and builds until the person who is holding

00:18:32.840 it in explodes or the other person who doesn't realize maybe why you're mad or why you have,

00:18:40.320 you know, something against them. They just grow resentful. They grow cold. They grow unmotivated

00:18:46.380 to talk to you about your concerns because all you're doing is putting up walls and pretending like

00:18:52.080 everything is fine when everything's not fine. And so I think we as Christians, passive aggressiveness

00:18:57.120 is a sin that we need to confront. If we mean something, we need to say what we mean and we need

00:19:03.840 to mean what we say. That doesn't mean that we have to be rude. That doesn't mean that you have to be

00:19:08.640 completely heartless about it. Of course not. I think that there's a way to have empathy. There is a way

00:19:14.580 to phrase your confrontation or your concern in a way that is loving. And what I try to do

00:19:21.760 and gosh, I'm such a failure at this so often, but what I try to do, I'll say this. I am better

00:19:31.620 at confronting people and responding to people when I do this. When I say, okay, have I done something

00:19:39.140 that is similar to what this person has done? Have I thought something that is similar to what this

00:19:44.440 person has thought? Am I guilty of some of the same things that this person is doing that's making me

00:19:50.960 mad or whatever? And if I were in their position, do I really think that that person is intentionally

00:19:57.360 hurting me or intentionally trying to do something? When we rashly jump to the conclusion that everyone

00:20:03.960 is out to get us and that typically ends in passive aggressiveness or resentment or bitterness and that

00:20:12.340 does not please God. So when I am trying to confront someone, I try to put myself in their position and to

00:20:19.740 remember that I am in need of probably more grace than they are. And like I said, I fail at that

00:20:27.380 probably every day, but things always work out better when I go that direction rather than just

00:20:34.480 putting up my defensive defenses and passive aggressiveness. What's a good personhood argument

00:20:40.320 against Christians who are pro-choice? So I'll just direct you to a podcast episode that I did on

00:20:48.940 this rather than spending too much time here. But I have a podcast episode called Abortion Ain't Biblical

00:20:54.720 where I refute this argument of this person who actually tried to build the case that abortion was

00:20:59.980 okay from a biblical perspective. Democratic candidate Pete Buttigieg is trying to do the same thing. It's

00:21:04.260 totally inane. I mean, the mental gymnastics that you have to do, the moral hula hoops that you have to

00:21:09.200 jump through in order to try to even come close to making a coherent argument. It's insane. It's much

00:21:17.040 easier to rest on the word of God that says that God knit us together in our mother's womb, that we

00:21:24.180 were made in his image and he created life to start at the point of conception onward. What's your view on

00:21:31.380 the death penalty from a biblical point of view? I actually just talked about this last week.

00:21:36.520 Um, how often will you eat Chick-fil-A from now on? You know, I'm a little bitter. I'm a little

00:21:43.380 bitter about Chick-fil-A still. So I don't know. I haven't eaten a Chick-fil-A since. But like I said,

00:21:48.260 I'm not necessarily, I'm not boycotting. I'm not asking you guys to boycott. I did get a message

00:21:53.860 from someone speaking of Chick-fil-A, um, who, uh, who actually works there and works, I guess,

00:22:01.520 at Chick-fil-A corporate who said that this really is not a political decision at all, that it's being

00:22:06.740 cast that way by the media, but it's not. And I believe that that person is being honest with me.

00:22:12.740 I still have, I still have questions, but I do want you to hear that side, that people on the inside

00:22:18.080 are saying this is not a political decision. It doesn't have to do with the backlash, that it

00:22:22.300 really is just a restructuring of charitable giving. They really are trying to be more focused

00:22:26.460 on particular organizations and charities and that it has nothing to do with everything the

00:22:32.260 media is saying that it has to do with their misquoting or they're taking things out of context.

00:22:36.960 And, um, I think that if that is, you know, if that's the side that you land on, that's totally

00:22:42.740 fine too. Like I said, I'm not calling for any kind of all out boycott on Chick-fil-A. It doesn't

00:22:48.720 look good. It just doesn't, it doesn't look good. And it does seem like they kowtowed to the leftist

00:22:55.480 opposition because it was hindering growth. But like I said, there are people on the inside who

00:22:59.940 say that's just not the case. And maybe you take what I say with a grain of salt and you trust their

00:23:04.740 authority more than mine. Question, would you send your daughter to public school? No, no. Now I've 0.82

00:23:13.680 heard Christian arguments for it, that it's better to be, to be plugged in and to make a difference and

00:23:21.460 to be involved, to know who's on your school board, to be involved and to speak up and have

00:23:26.020 a say and all of that. So you are helping not just your child, but future children, the children

00:23:31.280 around them. And I understand that. And I don't think that I would have said definitively five

00:23:36.580 or 10 years ago, certainly that I wouldn't send my child to public school. This is not an elitist

00:23:40.320 thing. It's not about education, although that is part of it, but it's not primarily about that.

00:23:47.060 It's about values. It's about what is being indoctrinated into our children nowadays. And I

00:23:53.580 just, I don't know that I am willing to sacrifice my child's well-being in order to be involved in

00:24:03.400 public school. I just, I'm just not sure I can do that. I can still know who's on the school board

00:24:10.000 and care about that stuff without my child being in public school. I just don't want her to be subject

00:24:15.100 to that. And of course, we're going to be the kind of parents that when she comes home,

00:24:18.920 like she is going to know our values. She's going to know what we believe. She's going to

00:24:22.860 know the word of God if we have anything to do with it. But how confusing and how exhausting for her

00:24:29.000 that she is going to go to school and hear all day a worldview that is totally antithetical to what

00:24:34.800 we teach and to have to be quiet about her views or to be bullied for her views or to be punished

00:24:40.980 by teachers, maybe not directly, but indirectly for her views. And then to come home to be exhausted

00:24:47.160 by all that and to hear something completely contradictory from her parents. No, I just, I don't

00:24:53.920 want that for her. I don't want that for her. I don't know what that's going to look like in a few

00:24:58.420 years. But as of right now, no, I don't think that we are going to be sending our children to

00:25:04.000 public school. Socialism versus capitalism. Did an episode on that titled Socialism over the

00:25:08.800 summer? Will you invite Kanye on your podcast? Yes, that's the reason I haven't had Kanye on my

00:25:13.620 podcast yet because I haven't had I haven't invited him. He's been waiting for my invitation. I'm just

00:25:19.840 kidding. I would love to have Kanye on my podcast. That would be awesome. I would ask him a lot of

00:25:25.700 questions like just genuinely, genuinely curious about his walk and his plans for the future and his

00:25:33.900 family and all that stuff. I don't think somehow I don't think that that is a viable option for a

00:25:42.520 guest anytime soon. He seems like he's a little busy. But one day, maybe so you you never you never

00:25:49.860 know what I have learned is that I cannot predict the future. Could you touch? Oh, someone asked me,

00:25:55.980 could you touch on why putting yourself in the Bible is wrong? I answered that a little bit earlier.

00:25:59.580 What did you go to college for? Communication studies. Thoughts on long engagements. So I'm

00:26:04.800 thinking I'm I'm guessing that you're talking about marital engagements. So there are a variety of

00:26:08.940 reasons why people might be engaged for a long time that are totally legitimate reasons. My personal

00:26:14.700 preference. I mean, we were engaged for four months. That's not good for everyone. Some people need longer

00:26:19.820 than that to plan a wedding, to figure out logistics, whatever's going on in their life just makes

00:26:24.280 that impossible. I personally think in an ideal situation that marriage or that engagements should

00:26:29.380 be six months or shorter. I think the shorter you can do, the better, especially if you are waiting

00:26:34.140 for marriage, just gets harder and harder the closer you get to your wedding to not have sex,

00:26:39.240 if that's what you're trying not to do. So the longer of an engagement that you have, the more

00:26:44.500 difficult that is. I think if you know that you're going to marry someone, the quicker, the better,

00:26:49.280 the shorter the engagement, the better. It's my personal opinion on that. The Bible doesn't,

00:26:53.500 you know, specifically say how long your engagements have to be, but I would say if your

00:26:58.420 priority is sexual purity, then you should just try to get married as long as you know that, 1.00

00:27:02.580 you know, that's the person that you want to marry. Is it wrong? This is an interesting question.

00:27:08.860 Is it wrong to pray that the Lord's dear man's heart to like me or is that weird? Well, I know what

00:27:14.460 you're saying and I understand that feeling so much. I'm not, I can't say it's necessarily a sin

00:27:21.220 to ask God to change someone's heart. I would, but what I would do is I would evaluate your own heart

00:27:28.520 and I would ask yourself, why are you idolizing this person that you believe, I'm guessing you

00:27:36.020 believe is your source of happiness or your source of incontentment and satisfaction of this person

00:27:42.620 does not want you and you find yourself fixated on them. Then that is probably an issue that's going

00:27:49.040 on in your own heart, not his heart that you need to bring to the Lord. My recommendation would be

00:27:54.600 to pray that God satisfies you with himself, that he gives you wisdom and discernment, that he gives

00:28:01.860 you the strength to be able to prioritize him above anyone else and that you would work. And this is

00:28:09.580 hard. And I say, this is someone who has been there. Like we've all been that person who has been

00:28:14.840 in this situation of unrequited love, where you want someone to like you or want you who doesn't.

00:28:19.300 So I get it. Um, the best thing that you can do in that situation is to not fixate on them,

00:28:25.180 to not obsess over them and to not wonder what they're doing, not constantly check their Instagram

00:28:30.680 stories or see if they've looked at yours. I would, I would recommend that you not do those things

00:28:36.860 and that you focus not on what's going on in their heart, but what's going on in your heart.

00:28:40.880 Why do you feel like this person is your source of happiness? Why do you feel like this poor

00:28:45.340 person is the source of your satisfaction? And why are you spending all your time on someone who

00:28:50.900 doesn't right now, doesn't want you? If that person is the one for you, I promise a sovereign God

00:28:57.120 is, is not going to, is not going to, uh, change or waver based on whether or not you pray for that

00:29:04.480 person's heart to be changed. God is in control. You can trust in that, that he works all things

00:29:09.340 together for the good of those who love him. That does not mean that we get everything that

00:29:13.660 we think that we want. That means that all things work together for his glory and our ultimate good.

00:29:18.560 That is the privilege and the freedom that we have as Christians. What do you think about

00:29:22.540 Christians doing yoga? So I really want to do a whole episode. This is my last question, by the way, 0.87

00:29:28.960 I really want to do a whole episode on this because I'll be honest with you. It's not something I

00:29:34.980 ever thought about. I never thought about whether or not it is biblical to do yoga. I mean, I did yoga

00:29:42.120 when I was pregnant. I never thought about it. And then I started getting messages and emails,

00:29:47.300 comments asking me why I think it's okay to do yoga. And so it's something that I've been thinking

00:29:53.260 about, something that I've been reading about and studying. And I don't want to give away too much

00:29:58.140 of my answer before I am finished looking through all this stuff. But gosh, there are so many things

00:30:05.200 that I've been wrong on in the past. And so I am not afraid to say whenever this episode does come

00:30:10.440 out, if this is the case that I was totally wrong on it, I understand the concerns because it's part of

00:30:16.400 this new age phenomenon that's going on with crystals and healing and healing alters and basically

00:30:24.160 self-worship. It's total idolatry. And yoga is part of this kind of Eastern mysticism thing.

00:30:30.840 We talked about it a little bit when we talked about the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a part of

00:30:36.800 that as well. I did an episode titled Personality Test. You can go back and listen to that from a few

00:30:41.340 weeks ago. And so I totally see how yoga is a part of that whole system. Now, it's a little bit

00:30:50.420 difficult for me. It seems a little absurd to say that yoga is not okay, but Pilates is okay.

00:31:00.060 Because when it comes down to it, yes, you can say the whole thing about yoga, like the meditation

00:31:05.280 and all of that is wrong and something that Christians shouldn't do. Not that meditation in 0.99

00:31:12.040 general or meditating on God's word, obviously that's good. But all the stuff that comes with the

00:31:17.080 healing magic power, the inner self, the chi, all of that that comes with yoga, I definitely see how

00:31:22.500 that is this kind of weird mystical thing. But it's hard for me to see how just like the physical

00:31:27.940 positions of doing yoga is any different than doing Pilates just because it's called yoga.

00:31:36.120 Does that make sense? Like, doesn't it seem a little bit legalistic? And I'm not one to use that term

00:31:41.400 very often because people apply legalistic to too many things. But it doesn't seem a little bit

00:31:47.140 legalistic to say, okay, I can get in a lunge, but I can't call it warrior one. Seems a little weird.

00:31:53.140 So like I said, I'm thinking through it. I want to come at this from a biblical perspective that

00:32:00.180 doesn't just attach. I'm not just trying to attach myself to what either side is saying. I'm really

00:32:05.140 trying to be thoughtful about it, to be nuanced, if you will. That's another word that I hate.

00:32:09.120 Anyway, that's all I have time for. Love you guys. Happy Friday. I hope that you have a wonderful

00:32:14.900 weekend. I will be back here on Monday to talk about animals.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 22, 2019

Ep 189 ｜ Is Passive-Aggressiveness a Sin？ And Other Q&A

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