Ep 219 ｜ Why Feminism Will Fail You
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss a video that was posted on Vanessa Hudgens' Insta story about being a woman and what it means to be a feminist, and why Christians should reject the world's message about womanhood and feminism and embrace God's view of women instead.
Transcript
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Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.
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So today we are going to talk about women, what it is to be a woman and why we as Christians
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should reject the world's message about womanhood and feminism and embrace God's view of women
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instead. And the reason this came to mind is because there was a video that was posted
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on Vanessa Hudgens Instagram, at least that's the post that I saw. I don't know if it was
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also posted elsewhere. That was a montage of very provocative images of women and girls that
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were meant to illustrate what the narrator Cynthia Nixon was saying. Cynthia Nixon starred in Sex in
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the City and also ran for governor and lost the primary against Cuomo. She is obviously a radical
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feminist and this video further demonstrates that. I want to play some of it. Now, if you are watching
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on YouTube, you might want to skip over this part. Close your eyes because like I said,
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it is provocative, but I do think it's important to set this up and give some kind of context. So
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you don't think that I'm just making this up. I would not watch it with your kids. It is kind of
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dark and disturbing. Okay. Now I want to play you just a little bit of this video that we are going
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to cover today. Be a lady, they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Don't show so
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much skin. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Don't be a temptress. Men can't
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control themselves. Men have needs. Look sexy. Look hot. Don't be so provocative. You're asking for it.
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Now, some of you might be saying, why would you play this at all? Well, because like I said,
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I want to make sure that you have a little bit of context for what is teeing this up.
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The video keeps going like that. We only played you a little bit of it. I think it's like over
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five minutes long. Keeps going like that. It repeats things that women apparently hear
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very often to, I suppose, drive home the point that women are constantly held to unfair standards.
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That society, namely men, the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, pressures women into looking
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and acting inauthentically, unnaturally in order to conform to arbitrary and narrow definitions
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of beauty and value. I am assuming that is the point of this video. That seems to be the message
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of not just this video listing all of these oppressive things that women hear, but also the
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message of today's feminism in general. Are you ready though? Are you ready for my first reaction
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to all of this, uh, to this video? My first reaction, or my first thing that I want to say
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about this is that it is true dot, dot, dot to an extent. So let me start with the truth that is in
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this video that I think has caused women, even Christian women that I've seen to watch this video,
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to share it and to say, yes, this is so true. And to relate to it and to feel like they are somehow
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empowered by it. Uh, it's because there is a little bit of truth to it and here's what is actually
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true. So if you're listening to this and you feel offended by the things that I am saying, just hang
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on tight. We're going to get to, we're going to get to the rest of it. We're going to flip this over
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and say what's not actually true about it. But, uh, as a woman, I am telling you from my experience,
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what is true in this video, uh, women are held to opposing standards in society. The qualifications
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for what is beautiful, uh, changes change every few years. So when I was in middle school,
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those of you who are my age, I was born in 92. So if you were born around there, you probably had the
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same kind of middle school experience. Although I think the middle school experience of just general
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awkwardness is probably universal, but this particular middle school experience was that everyone
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wanted to look like Paris Hilton or like Ashley Simpson or Avril Lavigne. So that means no hips,
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no, but low rise jeans with the skin, like between your belly button and your hips showing. So not
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actually your belly button, but the skin between your belly button and your hips for whatever reason,
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that was a good look. And I wanted to be able to pull that off so bad when I was like in sixth and
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seventh grade, not only would of course my parents not let me wear a shirt that showed my,
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my stomach, thank goodness. But also I could just never pull it off. I didn't have that body type.
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Other people did had that just kind of like straight and narrow look. And I remember in middle school
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wanting that, wanting to be able to look like that and wanting to be able to, uh, to pull off that look.
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And I just never could and mark my words though, still to this day, if low rise jeans come back,
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I am going to revolt. I'm going to start some kind of revolution that pushes back against the demonic
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forces of low rise jeans because I still can't pull them off. And I refuse to even try. So back
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then people wanted frosty highlights. They wanted like the tiny thin eyebrows in fifth grade. I
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actually shaved part of my eyebrow the day before school pictures, y'all like this just shows you
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how little young people, probably especially young girls. I won't say especially young girls
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because young boys can do stupid things too, but how just silly, silly kids can be in our decision
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making. But I never had those like tiny thin eyebrows and I had no idea what I was doing.
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I thought it'd be so cool to be able to like wax my eyebrows or pluck my eyebrows. But instead of
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getting tweezers, I got a razor and I shaved like half of my eyebrow off. I'll have to find the school
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picture. So you guys can actually see it. Maybe I'll post it on Instagram after this podcast episode
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goes up. But that's what women have been doing probably for all of history, trying and very
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often failing to reach these arbitrary standards of beauty that changed so much. As we got into the
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21st century or farther into the 21st century, like just a few years ago, it became obvious that that
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standard of beauty of having these like thin, narrow hips and no butt that was out the window.
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Then it became like the Kardashian curvaceous thing that became really popular on Instagram and on
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social media. And that's still the case. Really? We can like exclusively think the Kardashians for the
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kind of body type that is now coveted. And a lot of the female rappers that are out there, that is what
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is seen as beautiful and hot and cool and enviable. Now these kinds of changes, the standards of beauty
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have changed throughout history for women in the dating department. So this is another standard
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that women have to reach. It's a weird game that women feel like they have to play. Don't be too
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aggressive or forward. If you want a guy to like you, speak your mind, but learn how to speak your
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mind. Learn how to say no, though. So you don't want to be too aggressive, but you have to be a little
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bit assertive. So you have to strike the balance between desperation and dependence. Don't be clingy,
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but a guy also needs to know that he's needed. There are other standards women feel like they
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have to chase, like the standard of success. There was a time when fulfillment was equated
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with motherhood, with having a lot of kids, with keeping your house in order. And then,
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and I'm talking about just like kind of secular society or society at large here. Then being a
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stay-at-home mom, then being a stay-at-home mom started to be viewed as the easy option in comparison
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to having a corporate career. Being a stay-at-home mom was seen as repressive and boring. There is
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still a stigma, I would say, surrounding being, quote, just a stay-at-home mom. I heard a young
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woman on the news the other day say that 50 years ago, she would have been forced to just stay at
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home with her kids all day. Yikes. Like that's still a mentality that a lot of people have on both
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sides of the aisle. But today you're really expected to do it all. So this is how the standard has
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shifted. Again, you're expected to be a stay-at-home mom and have a lucrative side hustle or keep your
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full-time job, put your kids in daycare, but still be perfectly as organized and present and as engaged
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and as rested as if you were spending eight hours at home with your kids. In the media, as a woman,
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if you debate with someone, if you debate with another woman, it's a cat fight. If you show passion
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about something, it's a meltdown. It's hysterical. It's emotional. If you make an impact, you're just
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seeking attention. If you critique another woman's views, you're just jealous. If you offer your
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perspective, you're opinionated. If you're unintimidated by opposition, you're brash.
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And the likelihood of hearing all of these things doubles if you are a young woman in the media.
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So women, especially young women, they learn to play this game, not just in the media, but just in
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the professional world in general, of not being too threatening, of dialing it back, of playing the
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cue card when you can, of feigning ignorance when necessary, of pretending to not have an opinion on
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something that you're actually very sure about, of being nice when women really should be honest, of
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not saying that we should, I'm not saying that we should do these things, but women do do these
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things. We learn this stuff as a means of survival, of getting along. And there's a very thin line in the
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professional world that I've noticed that as a woman who has dealt myself, I've dealt with a range
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of people and who's watched other women deal with a range of people in business. If you are passive
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as a woman, you are taken advantage of, you are walked over. But if you are assertive, then you're
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called a you-know-what. So most women, at least in the business world, typically decide to be a you-know-what.
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They say, I'm just going to risk being called that because what else am I going to do?
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I'm not saying this is me, but this is a lot of women I have noticed kind of take on this mentality
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because they feel like it's what they have to do in order to move ahead. Women, by nature of being
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physically weaker than men, are almost always on guard in public, at least a little bit. This is
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actually an innate biological response to potential danger because the next best tool a woman has in
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public to a weapon is situational awareness. I am always scouting for danger when I'm in a parking
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garage, on a walk anywhere in public, periodically watching my back in all these situations, keeping
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an eye on the guy across the room that looks sketchy, locking my car doors as soon as I get in
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the car. And that's not paranoia. It's just second nature to a lot of women. It's just something that
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uniquely women have to deal with. The vast majority of predators are men and women make up a large number
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of prey. So we are just being statistically savvy when we watch out for ourselves when we're by
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ourselves. The fact is women are much more susceptible to rape, to assault, and to harassment
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than men are. Men have lots of other obstacles that they have to face. And if this were a podcast
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for men, I'd be going into all of those. But this comes with the territory of as women, physical
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weakness, of vulnerability, of desirability. So women have obstacles. And this right here,
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this right here, listing all of the obstacles, listing all of the struggles, listing all of the
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disadvantages that women face is where feminism stops. This is where this specific video stops,
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giving a list of all of the ways that women are oppressed. And that's it. There was no conclusion
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to that video, no solution, just anger, just cries of injustice and inequality meant to get
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women to say, yeah, I feel that way. I'm really mad about that too, to justify our resentment and our
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rage. That is the sole secular answer to unfair societal standards for women, unfair realities
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for women, or what is deemed as unfair. To be mad. Be mad at who? Be mad at men. They're the ones in
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power, so they must be the ones that are making the rules, rules that you can't ever perfectly follow,
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rules that you were never meant to follow, feminism says. So it tells us to break free of the rules,
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to smash the patriarchy, to reject toxic masculinity, to take charge, to own your power, to get angry,
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to stay bitter. How incredibly, how incredibly depressing, like if that is our solution, if that
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is our conclusion, that's the world's answer to unfairness. It's to just be mad about it, to stay
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mad about it, to resent men, to be filled with and fueled by rage, to talk about all the problems you
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face and just be angry that they exist. Heck, you should make up a problem if you can't find one,
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like the gender wage gap. Keep protesting that, even though you know that when all factors are
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considered, so education, experience, hours, work to job title, there is no wage gap, but stay mad about
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that. And as far as solutions for our problems go, feminists have got some incredible suggestions,
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incredible suggestions. So I guess they do present some kind of solution, but here they are.
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Be like men. Pretend that you don't have an innate drive to be a mother. Abort your babies if they get
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in the way of your plans. Suppress that natural inclination you have to take care of children and
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instead get a dog in an 80-hour-a-week career. Don't rely on a man. Rely on yourself. Take care
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of yourself. Love yourself. Worship yourself. That's what feminism tells us. These are apparently
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some of the solutions that we have to our misery and our resentment against men. But as we know,
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self-worship, self-centeredness leads only to misery, to loneliness, to purposelessness, to sadness,
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to emptiness. This video exemplifies that. All of the things that feminism suggests that we do to
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be like men, to abort our children, to focus exclusively on our career and not worry about
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a family and serving other people. This video exemplifies that trying all of those things,
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which feminists have tried for decades, aren't working because these feminists are still miserable.
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They're still sad. They're still purposeless. And they're still empty. Like, do you think,
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just be honest, do you think that Cynthia Nixon is a happy person? Like, what about Chelsea Handler?
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How about Alyssa Milano, Miley Cyrus, Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, Elizabeth Warren? Like,
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do these frontline feminists seem like well-adjusted, fulfilled, happy people to you? I don't know.
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Maybe they are. But I don't know very many happy, fulfilled, radical feminists. Do you?
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Uh, feminism is about pointing out problems, some are real, some are perceived, and offering stupid
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solutions to them. That is what feminism is. And the result is that girls and women are angry.
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They're resentful. They're self-absorbed. They're egotistical. They're prideful.
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While at the exact same time, struggling with self-loathing and insecurity. Does that sound like
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a good deal to you? Why? Why? How is it possible for them to feel this way? What seems like a paradox?
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How is it possible for young feminists to be simultaneously egotistical and self-hating?
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Because while feminism is going around telling women to love themselves, to put themselves first,
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these same women are the ones making the rules that make us hate ourselves.
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These standards that I listed that were listed in this video, most of them, not all, but most of
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them were imposed by other women, not men. We followed, for example, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears,
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and Kim Kardashian for beauty tips, not a man. We have decided what is hot and what is not. And we
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have decided that women have to journey towards these goals. And men don't care so long as we continue to
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take our clothes off and post pictures of ourselves half naked. I mean, are we idiots? Like, are we that
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dumb that we don't understand that, that women are responsible for so much of the misery that other
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women endure? The ever-changing standards of beauty, the jealousy, the gossip, the comparison,
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the passive aggressiveness, the overall toxicity, the inability to be able to cheer another woman on.
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We have created and cultivated this stuff. This isn't a patriarchy. This is the matriarchy. That's
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part of the problem. Now, do men prey upon women? Absolutely. They deserve just punishment.
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And we can talk about that. We can talk about Harvey Weinstein and all of these other terrible
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predators that we know, and all of those that we know deserve justice, and their victims deserve to
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see justice carried out. So, of course, there are and there always have been and there always will be
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men who do hold women back, who abuse women, who take advantage of women. But we cannot blame men
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for every unfair standard that is set for us, every injustice that we endure, every gap in achievement
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that we see, every bit of oppression or repression that we experience. So much of the grief that we
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girls go through is because of our own toxic mindsets, our own ego, our own superficiality,
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our own insecurity, our own envy and lust and greed. There is this weird, this bizarre mentality that
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exists both in secular feminism and within what is considered Christian feminism, that women have been
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so perpetually victimized, that we should not be held liable for our sin. In the secular world,
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this is seen in believe all women. So that whole mantra that became very popular during the whole
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Kavanaugh saga, believe all women. So not just listen to women, not just hear their stories, those things I'm
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definitely on board with, not just, hey, give credibility where credibility is due. I'm on board with
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that, but believe all women. I'm not okay with that because women are just as capable of lying and
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deceiving as men are. In Christianity, think about some of the women's conferences that you have been
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to. If you have ever been to a women's conference that is more sensation than substance, more emotion
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than actual worship, then you know what I'm talking about. The premise of many messages at these types of
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Christian women's conferences is that your real problem as a woman, the thing that's really holding
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you back from living an abundant life, isn't your sin, but your insecurity. We so rarely as Christian
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women hear that our biggest problem is the same as men's biggest problem, that we are dead in our sin
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apart from Christ, that we are wretched, that we are depraved, that we are fundamentally corrupt,
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that we need Jesus to save us from our sin, not just tell us that we're pretty. It would seem
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if you read many women's Bible studies, not all, but many women's Bible studies and Christian books,
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Christian women's books, and attend these many of these Christian women's conferences, that the most
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important thing for women to know, you would think the most important thing for women to know is that
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we're amazing, that we're enough, that we're worthy, that we're deserving. That is not why Jesus came
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to die. Jesus did not come to save you, woman, because you are amazing and enough and worthy and
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deserving. He saved you. He saved me because we're not. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us,
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Romans 5, 8 says. Ephesians 2, you hear me talk about this passage a lot because I think it is such a
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clear explanation of what the gospel is. For you were dead in the sins and trespasses in which you
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once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air,
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the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience, among whom we all once walked,
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glorifying, gratifying the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath.
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But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us, made us alive together
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with Christ. By grace, you have been saved. This line, by grace you have been saved, which most of
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us Christians know, means nothing if we don't also know the gravity, the importance of the first four
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words of Ephesians 2. For you were dead. You were dead. You and I were dead in our sin, apart from Christ.
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That is your problem. That is my problem. Society isn't our problem as women. The patriarchy isn't our
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problem. Our negative body image is not our main battle. Our insecurities, our self-loathing,
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our self-deprecation, our emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, all of those may have a negative
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effect on us, but they are not our biggest issue. Your and my biggest issue is that we are dead sinners
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without Christ, and we don't get a pass for being women. We will sit before the judgment seat of Christ
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one day, and without the blood of the Lamb, we will not be justified. That is our biggest problem.
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It is time that we women start realizing, start facing our capacity for sin, that it is just as
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great as men's capacity, and our guiltiness of sin is just as great as man's guiltiness.
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And this emotionalism, this coddling that we're getting from some leading Christian women that would
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have us believe that our biggest problem is that we don't love ourselves enough is damaging. I mean,
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are you kidding? We have this mindset that women, again, are so perpetually victimized that we can't
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possibly be guilty. But it's actually both. Women are victimized in many cases, but we are still
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ultimately guilty for our sin. A great example of this is with abortion. In Christian conservatism,
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a lot of people seem to have the idea that women get abortions because they hate themselves.
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That's not true. Women get abortions because women, just like men, are sinners. Because we can be
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selfish. Now, are many women deceived? Absolutely. I would say in some way, all women who get abortions
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are deceived. Some more so and more overtly than others. Are they made to feel, are some women made to
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feel like it's their only choice? Yes. And should we treat them with compassion? Absolutely.
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But let's not pretend that women don't also have the capacity for evil and that they don't abort
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their babies sometimes, very often, if not most times, for sheer convenience. You may have seen
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some of the viral videos that have been going around on TikTok that are shared on Twitter and
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Instagram. I don't actually recommend watching them. You can just take my word for it. There are
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videos by young girls going to get abortions and they're laughing about it. They're excited about it.
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They're rejoicing over it. They're even showing that their pregnant belly's in the mirror and then
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they are showing a picture of the moving baby on a sonogram and they are laughing and excited about
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being about to be killing their child. It is callous. It's chilling. And it shows you the consequence
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of godlessness. These girls are not laughing about killing their babies because they struggle with
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insecurity, guys. They are sinners in need of a savior, just like we have all been. They are children
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of wrath, just like as Ephesians 2 says, we all once were. As women, our sin and our need of our salvation
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is our number one problem, a problem that Jesus alone can solve. And any effort to alleviate women of
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the weight of that reality because you think women have been through too much already is unloving.
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Women need the gospel, the hard truth, the sinners in the hands of an angry God reality that apart
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from Jesus, we are dead people walking. Contrary to popular opinion in 2020, the gospel is not that
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you're beautiful. The gospel is not even just that God loves you. Yes, we were made in God's image,
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so we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that is something to rejoice over. And yes,
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God is love, and what a wonderful thing to worship him for. But the gospel is that you and I are wicked,
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that we have hard hearts, and that we need Jesus to make us new. We need his forgiveness, his grace,
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his sacrifice. He died and rose again on our behalf to save us from our sin, to glorify himself to save us
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from our sin. The great news is, is that he gives us the things that we are truly longing for. The forgiveness
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and grace and true deep satisfaction that we want and need. Now, let me address the other side of this
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in the Christian church. So there has also been a reaction to Christian feminism among some people in, I would
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say, conservative evangelical Christianity. I'm obviously conservative evangelical, but there seems
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to be. It's a small minority, but I've just kind of noticed this attitude, especially on social media.
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There seems to be an attitude among some people in conservative evangelical Christianity in reaction
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towards what is called Christian feminism that, to me, is too harsh. That kind of seems to take joy
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in putting women down, in belittling women, in putting women in their place, in regarding women
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as foolish, silly harlots who need to be pushed back a little bit. These kinds of people, of course,
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these kinds of self-righteous people have always existed, but I think now they feel like they have
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a worthy cause against what they perceive to be, and sometimes rightly, the dangers of Christian feminism.
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This group seems to be hypersensitive to anything that might look like Christian feminism,
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even if it's not. So, like, even defense of victims of abuse. These people, to me, are too harsh.
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They're mean. They're patronizing. They see women being coddled, and so they swing in the opposite direction
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and accuse women, at least implicitly, of being the root of all evil. They see men as victims,
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victims to women's wily ways, to society's efforts to emasculate, to the aggressive feminist
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who has turned the American male into a eunuch. And so, they use theology to club women over the head,
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and they call it speaking the truth in love when that's not what it is. They have a superiority complex
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that I don't think is glorifying to God. This is wrong. Just as it is not true that woman is any less
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on the hook for her sin than a man is, we are also not more culpable. In the same way that the patriarchy
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isn't Christian women's biggest problem, feminism is not the Christian man's biggest problem.
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And when both sexes act like victims, rather than taking up their crosses and following Jesus,
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seeds of discord and bitterness and all kinds of ugliness are sown.
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What we see in the Bible is that Jesus is indeed gentle towards women. He is gentle towards many
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sinners, but he does seem to be especially gentle towards women, not in a way that in any way belittles
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their sin or minimizes their sinfulness, but in a way that highlights, I think, female vulnerability,
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which is different than male vulnerability. That's just how God made us in that complementarian way.
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And so, we see Jesus in his interaction with women reflecting that uniqueness of women.
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John 4 with the Samaritan woman at the well telling her of her sin, but also revealing himself as the
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Messiah, the living water that she can take part in so that she will never thirst. Healing the woman who
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had been bleeding for 12 years in Mark 5. Jesus makes a point to pay attention to her. He didn't
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have to do that. He paid attention to her. He looked her in the eye. Someone who had been seen as
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unclean for over a decade. The woman who was caught in adultery in John 8 that the Pharisees wanted to
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stone. He said, only those of you who are without sin can cast a stone. And they all dropped their stones
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and laughed. And Jesus looked at this woman in the midst of her sin, in the midst of her shame, and he said,
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I don't condemn you, and told her to leave her life of sin. In Luke 7, a woman described as a woman of the
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city, a sinner, washed Jesus' feet with her tears and anointed him with oil. The Pharisees had a fit over
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this because she was a sinner, but Jesus is grateful for her love and tells her that her sins are forgiven.
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Jesus first appeared to Mary Magdalene after his resurrection, comforting and surprising her in her sadness.
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Jesus is our model. Jesus was gentle towards women. He was gentle towards the wayward, like I said,
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and the lost in general, but he did not treat women with the particular disdain that many of the people
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at that time were used to. And we see throughout the Bible that God uses women in special ways,
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even prostitutes like Rahab, to accomplish his purposes. But at the same time, God doesn't let women
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off the hook for their sin. Jesus, in his interaction with women, speaks very openly and very
00:28:50.360
boldly about women's sin. And so we see this dichotomy of gentleness and truth of love and
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boldness in Jesus that I think all of us, no matter our gender, need to reflect. This is why,
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just as a reminder, I know we all know this on this podcast, but this is why the Bible
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is sufficient, the only sufficient guide that we have to show us how we should view women and how we
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should treat women. Women are sinners, no less sinners than any man. And we need the undeterred
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gospel just as desperately as any man does. That is our problem. Not society, not the patriarchy,
00:29:30.160
not men. While abuse is real, discrimination and sexism are real. They are all symptoms of sin.
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So the remedy for the sins of others in our own sin is not feminism, but Jesus. We do not need
00:29:45.860
feminism, which is a secular movement to try to achieve equality with men through sameness and
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includes terrible things like abortion. We don't need sugar-coated emotional female conferences
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telling us that we're pretty. We need Jesus, his gentleness and his truth, his love and his gospel,
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which are all intertwined. They're not separate. Jesus in all his gentleness and compassion and
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truth and eagerness to save and his ability to sanctify. That's what we need. Feminism doesn't
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solve our problems. It simply creates bitterness, resentment. It puffs up our pride. It seeks to drive
00:30:24.920
out our natural inclination towards being nurturers and caretakers and to replace them with some kind of
00:30:30.940
girl boss mentality that is ultimately unfulfilling. Now that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be a hard
00:30:36.840
worker. Of course, the Bible tells us to work hard. That doesn't mean that you can't have certain
00:30:41.860
particular goals. I obviously don't think that. It does mean that you are not to become, we are not to
00:30:48.900
become a callous product of this world in search of a success that will not satisfy. We are to be
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soft-hearted, compassionate women who love Jesus and the people that he has placed in our lives.
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The world is always going to have ever-changing standards, so forget that. Like, we should find
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no solace and no empowerment from a video like the one that Cynthia Nixon is speaking in. We have one
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standard as Christians, and that is the Word of God. So if we are in Christ, the Holy Spirit, our helper,
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will give us the power to abide by the Word of God better and better as our lives go on and we seek
00:31:28.340
him. We will never reach the standard of perfection that God demands of all who enter his kingdom, which
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is why it is such good news that Jesus reached that standard on our behalf once and for all and by grace
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through faith not of our own doing. In Christ, God accepts us. How freeing is it that we don't have to
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be so mad all the time as women, so bitter, so resentful, so covetous of what we don't have, so angry at the
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so-called patriarchy. We have unconditional joy knowing who we are and what we were made for. Okay, that
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wraps up the episode today. We will be back here on Wednesday, and I hope you guys have a great Monday.
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We will be back here on Wednesday, and we will be back here on Wednesday, and we will be back here on Wednesday.