Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 235 ｜ I Am the Break-Up Doula

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. I hope everyone is having a good week. It's Easter week, which means

00:00:07.080 there is a reason to be thankful and a reason to be hopeful, and there is always light at the end

00:00:12.000 of the tunnel for the Christian. There's actually light every day for the Christian, but certainly 1.00

00:00:15.860 as we look on to eternity, the resurrection reminds us that there is eternal hope. There is

00:00:20.580 eternal light at the end of the tunnel, and actually there is no real tunnel. There is no

00:00:26.260 real thing that we have to fear or that can steal our hope or can put us into the pit of despair

00:00:32.340 because we have the ultimate hope in Jesus Christ, that fear that everyone has, Christians do not

00:00:39.600 have, and that is the fear of death because in Jesus, we have eternal life. And so we have a

00:00:45.140 reason to rejoice in the midst of all of this. We've talked about the silver lining so many times

00:00:49.780 when it comes to this quarantine on this podcast, but let me just remind you of them. You are, I saw

00:00:55.080 a, not a meme, but a quote shared on social media that I really liked that you're not stuck at home.

00:01:01.160 You're safe at home. So thank God that all of us, I'm supposing who listened to this podcast

00:01:06.940 have some kind of shelter, have some kind of home. We have the opportunity to spend more time in the

00:01:13.240 word. If you've got more time, if you don't have more time, you've got time to spend, or you have the

00:01:17.840 opportunity to spend more time with your kids, more time with your spouse. We get to practice

00:01:21.780 these intimate relationships in close quarters, the practice of forgiving quickly, of being quicker

00:01:30.160 to give grace and to give the benefit of the doubt rather than to judge and to criticize because living

00:01:37.400 in close quarters makes resentment and bitterness. It just makes everything a lot worse. And so we are

00:01:43.820 learning to relate to one another in a way that creates a healthy and happy household. Since

00:01:51.740 quarantine is hard enough, we have the opportunity to make it as good as we possibly can. And everything

00:01:58.460 that we're investing in this time, the time that you spend in the word, the time that you spend in

00:02:02.220 prayer, the time that you spend in service, the time that you spend with your family, the time that

00:02:06.480 you spend reaching out to friends, the time that you spend with your kids, whatever it is that you're

00:02:11.940 spending or time that you're spending working. If you're a grocery store clerk, if you are what the

00:02:16.800 government is calling an essential worker, all of the time that is spent investing in the things that

00:02:22.500 matter in the things that really last, they will reap a return on the investment after this is all over

00:02:30.640 and long after this is all over. So there are good things that are happening right now. We don't know

00:02:35.200 exactly what God is doing, but we know that he is doing something. We know that he is doing a lot of

00:02:39.580 things. We ask for the privilege of being a part of them and to have the most grateful and positive

00:02:45.580 and joyful outlook that we possibly can. And with Easter coming up, it is a great reminder that we

00:02:51.340 always have hope. We always have a reason to worship. We always have a reason to be thankful.

00:02:56.180 And I'm thankful for one thing for this podcast and for all of you who have stuck with me through

00:03:01.200 this crazy time. I hope that I have offered through the grace of God, some kind of encouragement

00:03:06.660 and positivity and something to cling to for you guys. I hope that this has been a reprieve from

00:03:13.500 the craziness that's gone on while still also keeping you in the know as much as I can without

00:03:18.060 just bogging down your mind with things. I am going to talk about some of the things that are going on

00:03:21.880 today, but we're going to spend some time answering some of the questions that you guys sent me.

00:03:26.640 They're really good, like personal advice questions. And I love answering those. And I think that they will

00:03:32.240 be relevant to all of you listening, no matter who you are. So those are going to be really fun.

00:03:38.200 And I'm excited to answer them. And I think that you're really going to like listening to this Q&A

00:03:42.800 session. But I am going to tell you just a little bit about what we've been doing for the past few

00:03:48.520 days, just what's going on in my life, because you guys like to like or seem to like these personal

00:03:53.520 updates. And then I'll give you a brief analysis of what is going on with the media and with the

00:03:58.900 government and with coronavirus and all of this crazy stuff. So guys, so much craziness going on

00:04:04.960 right now. Like I said, it's Easter week and there is so much to be thankful for, so much to be happy

00:04:11.680 about, so much to be joyful for just in the truth of the gospel and the amazing miracle of the

00:04:18.340 resurrection and what it means to believers that we too have eternal life and we too will have a

00:04:24.740 resurrection one day. But there's also a little bit of bittersweetness in all of this. Yes, we know

00:04:31.960 that God is working. Yes, we know that there are so many wonderful things happening, so many that we

00:04:36.960 don't see. There's also a lot of sadness. And the Bible does say that there is a time to mourn. There's

00:04:41.380 obviously death still occurring. People are still getting sick. People are in the hospital. They're in

00:04:45.960 the ICU. Boris Johnson, prime minister in the UK, is in the ICU. There's a lot of scary things

00:04:53.500 happening and it's okay to admit that and of course to take our anxieties and our cares to the Lord and

00:04:58.720 to keep trusting in Him and praying that this would be over, that He would teach us whatever it is that

00:05:03.980 He wants to teach us, that we would learn whatever we need to learn in all of this, that our government

00:05:08.280 leaders would be humble, that they would bow down before Him and ask for guidance and for wisdom and

00:05:13.060 that we would all do the same, that God would lead hearts towards repentance, that His gospel would be

00:05:17.040 spread and that we would shine His light in the darkness. Of course, we're praying for all of those

00:05:22.140 things to happen while recognizing that, yes, there are some sacrifices that are sad. There are some big

00:05:28.760 sacrifices that people are making, like the people who are on the front lines, the nurses, the doctors,

00:05:33.680 the grocery store clerks, the law enforcement officers, all of those people who are risking their health

00:05:38.580 and their lives every day to continue to serve us. And then there are sacrifices on the smaller end of the

00:05:43.840 scale. Like for example, we're not going, we don't have all the Easter festivities that we typically

00:05:50.720 go to. I'm just even talking about being with your family and brunch and things like that. And then a

00:05:55.500 little bit bigger deal, a lot bigger deal is the fact that Christians aren't going to be able to 1.00

00:05:59.920 congregate the same way that they are used to congregating. And Easter is typically an opportunity

00:06:04.820 for people who don't go to church every Sunday. You hear the Christian in Easter, the Christ-er,

00:06:10.220 Christians. There are a lot of people who go to church on Christmas and Easter who don't typically

00:06:14.480 go throughout the year and might hear the gospel for the first time and might worship corporately

00:06:19.960 for the first time. They're not getting that opportunity. And we don't get to have fellowship

00:06:23.920 in the same way with believers. And even just a very little thing, like this is my daughter's

00:06:28.760 first Easter. She just turned nine months and I put her little Easter outfit on her the other day

00:06:33.460 just to see her wear it because I know that she's not going to get the chance to wear it anywhere.

00:06:38.080 And that, I know it's so small, like small potatoes compared to so much of what's going on, such a

00:06:43.640 small deal. But even that just made me sad. That made me mourn a little bit. What is lost as far as

00:06:51.640 memories go, as far as the experience of being able to go to church on Easter goes, it's very sad.

00:06:58.840 But there also, even in this, there is a silver lining. All those people who typically might just go to

00:07:06.400 church on Christmas and Easter, there might even be more people this Sunday who go to church that

00:07:12.160 maybe they have been curious about it. Maybe they're like, heck, it's Easter. It might be the one day a

00:07:17.440 year that I think about God or pray or anything, but I'm just going to do it. And maybe this person

00:07:22.240 wouldn't actually get dressed up and go to an actual church, but they will sit inside their home

00:07:27.200 because maybe they didn't have any friends to go to church with. They didn't know any churches close

00:07:31.520 by, but they see someone that they know is going to church online. And so they're willing to sit on

00:07:35.880 their couch and they are willing to watch a service, uh, maybe for the first time ever or the

00:07:42.420 first time in a long time. So there might even be more people because we are not going into physical

00:07:47.260 buildings who are hearing the gospel for the first time this weekend. So if you are on social media,

00:07:54.500 I highly encourage you to direct people towards a service, uh, towards a church towards a message

00:08:01.320 so that people who follow you can be watching, invite people to virtually join you at church.

00:08:09.240 And if you're a pastor, who's listening to this, I don't think I have a whole lot of pastors

00:08:13.260 listening to this, but if I do, if you're a pastor's wife listening to this, you can encourage your

00:08:17.480 pastor husband to do this. Hold nothing freaking back this weekend. Hold nothing back. You have

00:08:25.020 no idea who you're reaching. Of course, you shouldn't hold anything back any weekend. Of

00:08:29.040 course, every weekend is an opportunity to preach the gospel and the power of the gospel through the

00:08:34.060 Holy spirit saves souls. And you are being used as a pastor, as a teacher, as a, as a vessel in order

00:08:41.180 to reach people by the grace of God. So in the off chance that there is a pastor listening to this

00:08:47.060 or anyone who fits the bill in this, uh, you need to go all out as much as you ever have.

00:08:55.720 Let the word do the talking, let the Bible do the preaching, preach the word of God, uh, and preach

00:09:03.080 the gospel. Don't be afraid of offending people. Don't be afraid of, uh, people being, you know,

00:09:10.320 taken aback by your brashness or about the honesty of the word of God. Make no apologies.

00:09:17.060 Don't hold back. Just preach the gospel because there may be people who would never set foot

00:09:24.400 inside a church watching your live stream this weekend. You just never know. And for those of

00:09:29.520 you who are congregants in a church, which I am guessing is most of you, uh, invite people to

00:09:35.120 virtually join you to sit in the virtual pews, which happens to be their couch in there with their

00:09:40.340 coffee, which is a pretty good deal to watch. And I just pray like, let's all pray to let's all pray

00:09:47.200 that the gospel would go forth this Sunday more strongly than it ever has more clearly than it

00:09:54.780 ever has that every single pastor in every single virtual pulpit that they would preach the word of

00:10:01.940 God, that they would preach, uh, the cross of Jesus Christ without shame, without holding back,

00:10:07.680 without embarrassment, without trying to make it softer or watering it down or make it easier or

00:10:15.340 make it more digestible or make it chewable. Remember our job as Christians is not to make

00:10:20.780 the word of God more digestible to atheists. It is to preach the truth and to let God do the work

00:10:26.760 that he is going to do. We remember as Christians as well. This is what I have to remind myself when

00:10:32.360 I am feeling like, Oh, it's too awkward for me to say the truth. I don't want to say what the truth of

00:10:36.940 the whole gospel is. I want people to just feel good about themselves. Yes. I'm tempted by that

00:10:40.680 stupid line of thinking. And so I try to, you know, shape my message or something into a way 1.00

00:10:46.600 that's not offensive, but still gets the point of a point across. But the reality is, is that

00:10:51.320 Christians don't save souls. You and I don't save souls. Pastors don't save souls. Teachers don't

00:10:56.960 save souls. Christian authors don't save souls. Theologians don't save souls. Jesus saves souls.

00:11:02.440 Our job, a pastor's job, not, I mean, all of our jobs as Christians, but especially pastors jobs is

00:11:09.240 to preach the word of God clearly and to preach the gospel from the word of God, wherever you are

00:11:16.060 in the word of God. So my prayer, our prayer, all listeners to the relatable podcast, our prayer this

00:11:21.980 weekend should be that the gospel goes forth in an incredible way that God would soften hearts,

00:11:28.860 that he would draw hearts to himself, that souls would be saved through the grace and the power of

00:11:34.420 God this weekend through these virtual Easter services. So that people know it doesn't matter

00:11:39.800 how many pastors get arrested. It doesn't matter how many protesters, peaceful protesters outside

00:11:45.220 abortion clinics get arrested, that God is going to do exactly what he wants to do. And no government

00:11:51.020 force can stop him. No government force can stop him. Remember what we read in, I think it's Isaiah 55,

00:11:57.140 that his word is going to go forth. It is going to accomplish the thing that God wants it to

00:12:02.660 accomplish. And so let's be on our knees for this weekend, for God to save souls, for the church to

00:12:09.380 be unified, for the church to be clear, for the church to be no holds barred, that the church would

00:12:16.000 preach the gospel faithfully and clearly and brazenly, boldly, and strongly. And simply,

00:12:22.440 uh, I'm excited for that. I'm excited for Easter Sunday, even though we're going to be at home,

00:12:27.640 it's not going to be the same. I'm excited for it. Yes. Shed a little tear about my daughter, not,

00:12:32.980 you know, being able to wear her Easter outfit and having the traditional brunch and church and all of

00:12:38.440 that good stuff. But it's okay because Easter is Easter and Jesus still raised from the dead and

00:12:43.700 there's still something to celebrate. And God is doing something. I believe it. I don't know exactly

00:12:48.660 what, but it is always for his own glory. And we know that people believing in the gospel,

00:12:55.640 he is glorified through that. So let's pray for that. Now let's back off just a second and let's

00:13:03.460 talk about some of the things that are, or back up just a second and talk about some of the things

00:13:08.240 that are going on with this virus. So virus still going on, but there's some good news. All the

00:13:15.620 projections that we've had for, you know, a hundred thousand people dying from this virus.

00:13:19.500 It seems to be that the projections, which they knew this, that the models were probably going

00:13:23.980 to be slightly off because there are so many variables that come into play when you are

00:13:27.880 creating these models. And so, I mean, I guess they did the best they can, but thankfully even in

00:13:32.280 New York, where really the hotspot is of this virus, they are good on supplies. Apparently they're

00:13:38.980 good on ventilators for now. They haven't filled all their ICU beds. Their hospital isn't quite

00:13:44.100 overloaded yet. Now there are some anecdotal accounts saying that nurses are overworked and 1.00

00:13:50.040 doctors are overworked, which I believe. I think that both of those things can be true at the same

00:13:54.520 time, that these doctors and nurses are at max capacity, but they haven't gotten to the level yet

00:14:00.520 that these, uh, the people who created these models thought that they would be of being completely

00:14:06.640 overloaded and just having to, you know, turn people down. Governor Cuomo of New York said,

00:14:11.940 yes, people have died, but one, uh, that number is going down. Thankfully it's gone down a few day

00:14:17.880 or a few days in a row. Thankfully, thank God. Um, but he said people have not died because we

00:14:24.540 haven't had a bed for them or we haven't had a ventilator for them. We've had all of the supplies

00:14:30.320 and the tools and the treatments that we've needed. That's what governor Cuomo has said. So

00:14:33.600 that is really good. Most States have issued a stay at home order, but some States haven't.

00:14:39.440 And quite frankly, despite what the media is saying, the media is so mad that these rural States

00:14:44.040 haven't done the same stay at home orders that other more metropolitan States have or States

00:14:48.760 with metropolitan areas have, but that's because not every state is the same. Like North Dakota hasn't

00:14:54.020 had nearly as many cases as New York. For example, they don't need to have the same policies as New

00:14:59.340 York or Montana or Wyoming. They don't need to have the same policies as even Texas or Washington or

00:15:05.320 California. Every state is different. That's why we have federalism. Dr. Anthony Fauci. We know of

00:15:10.480 course he's not a politician. He's not a Statesman. He thinks president Trump should do a national

00:15:15.080 stay at home order. And I think president Trump is resisting that. And for a good reason, the States

00:15:20.080 have a right, they should have a right to do what they need to do. Now, if we looked at the model and

00:15:25.240 we saw that places like North Dakota, places like Wyoming, Montana, that don't have these stay at home

00:15:29.580 orders, that their deaths were exponentially higher, that they were just having a really rough

00:15:34.880 go of it. And all their hospitals were overloaded and people were dying left and right. Okay.

00:15:40.400 Then you can make the argument that maybe they need to have a stay at home order. Maybe they need

00:15:44.400 to be stricter or whatever, but that's not happening. And so really what it is, is these

00:15:49.720 metropolitan reporters, they really don't like, they don't like the red States. They don't like the

00:15:55.600 Southern States. They don't like the rural States. And they just think it's ridiculous that people are

00:16:00.100 still having any kind of freedom whatsoever, even though the place with some of the strictest

00:16:05.100 policies is seeing some of the highest rates of death, which is New York. And I think they're doing

00:16:09.620 the best job that they possibly can, but that's just the fact of the matter. So you don't really

00:16:13.300 have a good argument for saying that every state needs some kind of blanket policy for shelter in

00:16:18.220 place. I mean, I just don't think that that is smart governance. So I'm glad that president Trump

00:16:23.340 has resisted that he has continued his press conferences. The press is absolutely crazy.

00:16:29.600 They're absolutely crazy. You might've seen my video on this that, well, as I'm recording this,

00:16:34.980 I haven't put it out yet. So I hope by the time you were listening to this, I did put the video up

00:16:39.140 talking about just how crazy the press is. It's all about them. It's all about the attention that

00:16:43.840 they want. It's all about poor me. President Trump has picked on me and the real war is not the war on

00:16:50.220 the virus. It's the war on journalists. I mean, they are so self-important and so are not understanding

00:16:56.760 of the real problems here at all. And the duplicitousness of these reporters that would

00:17:03.980 not have put Obama through the ringer, but are dying, dying to get president Trump. Maybe that's

00:17:10.480 a poor choice of words. They are eager to get president Trump, uh, to make him look as incompetent 0.93

00:17:16.660 as possible. Has his response been perfect? No, I think he downplayed it a little bit at the

00:17:21.260 beginning, but the guy speaks in hyperbole. So in the beginning when he said, Oh, it's going to be

00:17:25.720 zero people really soon. That's what he does. He likes to bring hope to people. I'm not saying he

00:17:30.940 should have said that, but he speaks in these like grand statements that aren't always exact. And I

00:17:37.740 think he's gotten a lot better at that as this whole crisis has gone on. And he ultimately has

00:17:43.640 handled it well. All the people saying that, Oh, these press conferences shouldn't be aired.

00:17:47.380 They're a train wreck. Well, they're obviously biased. They want, they don't want president

00:17:51.820 Trump to handle this crisis well, because if he handles this well, and this gets under control

00:17:56.480 before November, if things start going back to normal and there's a huge bounce back in the

00:18:01.940 economy and people are just happy, they're going crazy. They're spending money. They're getting their

00:18:05.780 jobs back. They're happy to be outside. And we have a really good summer. Then that's going to be

00:18:10.780 his, um, that's going to be top of mind for people as they go into the voting booth in November.

00:18:17.820 And the left knows that Democrats know that the last thing they want is for president Trump to

00:18:23.220 become president. I don't think that this whole coronavirus is a hoax, but I certainly think there

00:18:28.260 are people on the democratic side who are leveraging this as much as possible in order to make Trump

00:18:34.180 look bad. Of course, don't let any crisis go to waste. That's what Rahm Emanuel said. And so that's

00:18:39.140 of course what they're doing to president Trump, the longer they can make this last, the longer

00:18:43.760 they can have people shelter in place, the more jobs that are lost, the more this seems like

00:18:48.200 an absolute mishandling of a crisis. The more this looks like Trump has just totally fumbled the ball

00:18:54.520 and people are dying left and right. And more and more people are getting this. The more this looks

00:18:58.740 like absolute chaos, the longer it looks for absolute chaos, the more it solidifies in people's minds

00:19:05.420 that Trump is not the man for the job. And we just need someone else from the other party

00:19:10.040 to take over. That's what I think many Democrats are hoping. Now, I don't think that they actively

00:19:16.380 want people to die and want people to get sick. But as long as this is going on, they're going to use

00:19:21.480 it to whip up outrage and to whip up fear and to encourage through their reporting for us to stay

00:19:28.700 in this lockdown for as long as possible. Because the more misery, the more chaos, the more lost jobs,

00:19:34.400 the more sluggish our economy is, the harder it is for President Trump to win an election. And we're

00:19:40.960 kidding ourselves if we don't think that the people who have been peddling a Russian conspiracy

00:19:45.700 theory, Russian collusion conspiracy theory for three years, who've been trying to get Trump impeached

00:19:50.240 for three years, aren't aren't using this against President Trump. I mean, we would be crazy not to

00:19:57.620 see that. But if President Trump is able to get this under control, then we have, he has a really

00:20:06.360 good chance of free election, which that's not my priority at all. Like if we really do have to stay

00:20:12.580 in place for this long, for a really long period of time to make sure that our most vulnerable are

00:20:17.540 taken care of, then so be it. But like I said, we would be kidding ourselves if we didn't realize

00:20:24.060 that a lot of people on the left, that a lot of Democratic journalists are scared of us bouncing

00:20:29.340 back from this quickly, things going really well, and the economy bouncing back, people being happy,

00:20:36.380 having a great summer, there being baseball games, and us feeling unified and just good about being

00:20:41.720 Americans, because then President Trump will be a shoo-in. No one wants to vote for Joe Biden,

00:20:45.700 who can't even talk. And no one wants to vote for Bernie Sanders in a time when everyone's happy with

00:20:50.140 the American economy. And he is posing a revolution that doesn't even make any sense.

00:20:54.740 And so they're worried about that, in my opinion. And so that's why they are downplaying things like

00:21:00.300 hydroxychloroquine, which has been in a lot of cases, not every case, a lot of cases has proven

00:21:06.340 promising. And that's all that President Trump has said. And the reporters have tried to say,

00:21:10.000 oh my goodness, why is he saying that? What a snake oil salesman. What a quack job. I can't believe

00:21:16.400 that he is touting this. All he is saying is that it's promising. A lot of doctors, a lot of

00:21:21.080 scientists have said that it is a promising treatment. There's a whole other theory that

00:21:25.740 people are trying to, that there are people trying to lock us down for the next 18 months until we

00:21:31.380 get a vaccine. There's a whole theory about Bill Gates forced vaccinations and things like that.

00:21:37.420 Who knows all of the motives of the various people in this? I do think people on both sides,

00:21:43.260 unfortunately, aren't as incentivized as they should be about widespread antibody testing.

00:21:49.460 Because if there were widespread antibody testing, then we could know really how many people

00:21:53.640 have had this, or even just random samplings of antibody testing. Then we could see how many people

00:21:59.060 have had this. And then we could see what the real death rate is. And then we could see how dangerous

00:22:03.920 it actually is. There's a very interesting article. And let's see, it's on, oh, I don't know how to

00:22:10.640 pronounce this. Morozco Forge, morozcoforge.com. And it is an article called The Curve is Already

00:22:19.260 Flat by AJK. And I thought it was really interesting. She goes through all of the different

00:22:27.120 evidence that shows that COVID-19 was probably already in the United States in November and

00:22:32.640 December. Therefore, all of the models that have COVID started in the United States at the

00:22:37.620 end of January, that means their timing is going to be wrong for the spikes. And so her argument is

00:22:42.420 that the spike has probably already happened, and the curve probably already is flat. Therefore,

00:22:47.320 all of these draconian measures that we've taken, all of the millions of jobs lost, and the loneliness

00:22:52.440 epidemic, and the purposeless epidemic, and the economic crisis that we've put ourselves in is all

00:22:59.700 unnecessary because her argument is that the curve is already flat. So I encourage you to go read that.

00:23:05.500 It's really interesting. It probably, I mean, it is probably true that we have put these models,

00:23:12.240 projected the start date of COVID-19 in the United States way too late because we know China was lying.

00:23:17.700 And there were a lot of what is called ILI visits, which is influenza-like illnesses in the United

00:23:25.240 States. So those are people who had flu-like symptoms in the fall and in December, January,

00:23:31.140 but didn't test positive for the flu. We had a huge spike of those this year. And so we probably

00:23:36.440 already had the spike and we're probably, is what she is arguing, we're probably on our way down

00:23:42.300 already. So there's no reason to do these draconian measures. Interesting article. I encourage you to go

00:23:47.860 read it. So I don't know where we are in all of this right now. The partisanship of the media not

00:23:54.100 helping. Obviously, I think president Trump, his administration is doing the best job they possibly

00:23:57.920 can. I think they're doing a good job, uh, right now. And I mean, the communication is hard. We do

00:24:05.040 hear something different. It seems like every day projections of 200,000 people dying and then 50,000

00:24:10.440 people dying. And we don't know why these projections have changed. Oh, we shouldn't wear a mask is what we

00:24:15.660 heard two months ago, which I always thought was weird by the way. Oh, but now we hear that we

00:24:20.360 should like, we should all be wearing masks. And so we just keep hearing this back and forth. We hear

00:24:26.820 April 30th is the end. And then we hear what's really going to be June 1st. And then some people

00:24:32.340 say August, and some people say there's going to be a spike again in August. And so understand that

00:24:37.400 it's not, no one really fully knows. No one really fully knows there are bad actors in this. There are

00:24:43.360 people with ulterior motives. That doesn't mean we shouldn't take it seriously, but we should be

00:24:47.880 critical thinkers in all of this. Um, so those are the only just general updates I have on that. I did

00:24:54.020 want to take a little bit of time to answer these questions. So someone says when to break up and be

00:25:01.960 done with it. And I love this question, girl, I am a breakup doula. And I just made that up that I

00:25:08.540 honestly should be that I should be a breakup doula because I'm really good at talking people through

00:25:15.660 breakups because I've been through my fair share of breakups in high school and in college. And

00:25:21.220 thankfully, I mean, that's just one of the most blessed things about getting married guys is that

00:25:24.960 you don't have to worry about that anymore. And it's just wonderful to have that security, but

00:25:29.820 you need to break up and be done with it. When you have to convince yourself that you should be with

00:25:36.740 the person. If you have to convince yourself that you like this person continually, not just one time,

00:25:41.880 if one time you're like thinking through some things and maybe you're having some doubts, okay,

00:25:45.540 whatever. But if you're finding yourself consistently convincing yourself that you like

00:25:52.460 this person or that he, or he is having to convince himself that he likes you done, done. If you do not

00:26:00.160 like this person, or if you just get this gut feeling that's like, Oh, this isn't right. And I don't

00:26:06.460 know what it is and I can't shake it, but I just know that something in this isn't right. I can't

00:26:11.260 picture myself with them this long-term, or they have this weird red flag that I'm really trying

00:26:15.280 to pretend isn't there. If you get this gut feeling over and over again, or you find yourself

00:26:19.580 convincing yourself that you like them, or you just don't like them. Like you're just not attracted to

00:26:23.680 him. You just don't think he's funny. Like you're just not sure if he clicks. He might be everything

00:26:29.340 that's great on paper, but there's something in you that's like, Oh, I just don't love this person

00:26:34.140 girl in it. There's something inside your head. I know that is saying, well, I might not be able to find

00:26:40.300 anyone better, or he's been with me through all of these things. And I'm just not sure if anyone

00:26:44.260 else can understand me or, but we've already gotten engaged and I already have my wedding dress

00:26:49.680 and I've already planned all these things. I really just want to get married. And Oh my gosh,

00:26:53.560 I'm in a quarantine and a pandemic. And I just want to make sure that I have sex with my husband 0.99

00:26:57.320 before I die. Like you're feeling all these desperate things that don't have a grounding in 0.99

00:27:01.680 reality and are not worth staying with someone that you don't really love. And like when people tell you,

00:27:07.420 when you know, you know, I know that sounds weird right now. You don't believe me. You don't believe

00:27:11.740 me that when you know, you know, but when you know, you know, I remember in college when I was

00:27:16.980 dating someone that I thought like great on paper, but ultimately I just had that thing in my head that

00:27:23.320 I was like, why don't I really like this person? I should like them. We should work together. All

00:27:28.940 things work out, but why don't I like this person? I don't think he's funny. We don't work. We don't

00:27:33.740 click. And finally, finally it ended. And of course I was devastated. Of course I was sad.

00:27:40.540 And I had all those doubts and questions, but then when I met my husband, it was just what

00:27:45.480 everyone said. It just clicked. When I knew, I knew a week and this might not be you, but I knew a week

00:27:50.580 probably maybe even less than that. After I met him, texted my friend who's also named Allie. And I

00:27:56.080 said, I think I met my husband and I had, and we haven't looked back. And I'm not saying that's going to

00:28:02.720 be your story with your husband. Maybe it's going to be, you know, a long relationship and you have

00:28:06.980 to make sure that he's the right one. Sure. But when you know, you know, you shouldn't have to

00:28:12.100 convince yourself that you like someone just be done with it. Not don't do this thing that so many

00:28:17.380 girls do. I don't think that we're good for each other right now. Don't do that. I know it softens

00:28:23.440 the blow, but just don't do that. Just be honest. Just say, I think that we need to break up. Not go on

00:28:29.860 a break. I've also made that mistake of telling someone that we were going on a break when really,

00:28:34.540 I knew that we were going to break up. And then it just makes it way harder at the end of it.

00:28:38.740 When the other person wants to get back together and you're like, Oh no, I've moved on. So sorry.

00:28:44.060 I gave you that impression. Breakups are terrible. They're terrible. I'm so sorry that you're going

00:28:48.640 through that. Ooh, just do it girl. I've said before quarantine, great time to break up, hop you on a

00:28:55.240 zoom call. And then you just in that thing, when you're done, you just say, Ooh, I'm out. I don't

00:29:02.180 want to talk about this anymore. You don't have to meet at Starbucks. You don't have to meet at the

00:29:05.020 other person's house. You don't have to worry about it. Zoom call. So sorry that I'm doing this over

00:29:10.460 zoom. So sorry, but this has to, this is over. Um, I, that's my advice for you. Favorite thing so far

00:29:21.060 of being a mom. Ooh, just watching her grow. She's nine months and she's pulling up on everything.

00:29:27.260 She babbles a lot. We don't know if like her saying mama and dada is really actually meaning

00:29:34.020 anything yet. She just kind of says that she waves. We're teaching her a little sign language. She's

00:29:39.100 got that down. She's just super, super fun. I just love, love being a mom. Someone said, did y'all

00:29:46.340 read any marriage books and premarital counseling that you love? Love meaning of marriage by Tim

00:29:51.480 Keller. It's an awesome, awesome book. Um, let's see. Ooh, this is a good one. Advice to the friend

00:30:03.320 of a new mom. What can the friend do best for her new mom friend? So what you can do best. I don't 0.77

00:30:10.580 know how close you guys are, but if you guys are really close, she might want you to come to the

00:30:15.720 hospital, but you should say, you should tell her sometime before she goes into labor. Hey,

00:30:23.280 I would love to bring you food at the hospital. You should come bearing some kind of sustenance.

00:30:27.960 I would love to bring you food at the hospital. Um, if you don't want me to, that's totally fine.

00:30:32.180 I can drop it off and leave. Would love to hold the baby. If you want to eat while I hold the baby,

00:30:37.140 um, just let me know. I'm here for her. No, don't even say, let me know. Just say, I'm here for you.

00:30:41.740 Text her after she had the baby and say, Hey, I'm ready to bring you food. Um, is between two and

00:30:48.140 five a good time for you. Whatever. Be very specific. Be as helpful as possible. Don't put

00:30:52.480 the choice on her. Say, this is what I want to do. This is what I'm bringing. This is what I'm

00:30:56.960 willing to do. This is what I would like to do for you. And she might not want you to come to the

00:31:01.160 hospital and you just respect that. You don't make her feel bad. She might not want any visitors at

00:31:06.620 the hospital. That's normal. She's just pushed the baby out of her. She's had a baby taken out of her 0.98

00:31:11.220 stomach. So she's tired. She might want you to wait till she gets home. When she gets home,

00:31:18.060 offer to do things for her, offer to clean her house, to do her laundry, to bring her food, to

00:31:25.600 help her write thank you notes, like whatever it is, she's not going to want to do those things.

00:31:31.000 So anything you can do to make her life easier. And when you get to her house, unless you're just

00:31:36.140 like besties, besties, and she just wants you to stay all day, make your visit very short.

00:31:42.260 That's my encouragement to all of you for a new mom. Again, unless you're like their sister or 1.00

00:31:46.300 their mom or something, go there. If they want you to hold the baby, you can hold the baby,

00:31:51.420 wash your hands first, even out of this quarantine, wash your hands first. And I'm forgetting that we're

00:31:58.420 in a quarantine. So you people probably can't even go to the hospital or visit someone when they have a

00:32:02.620 baby. I'm thinking outside of quarantine, ask her if you can hold the baby and then stay for 15

00:32:07.640 minutes and then leave. Cause she's tired. She put the effort to put a, like a shirt on and she 1.00

00:32:12.900 doesn't really want visitors. I can tell you that. Um, now during this quarantine time, what you can do

00:32:17.580 is you can send her food, send her money. Um, she doesn't really care about a card. I can tell you

00:32:22.520 that. Uh, she doesn't really care about flowers. Probably I would say send food. Uh, if there's anything 0.96

00:32:29.020 else you can do for her, offer to drop off groceries, stock her refrigerator, huge. Those

00:32:34.380 are the things that when you're a new mom and you're tired, you don't want to do send her

00:32:38.620 encouraging text messages, see how she's doing. Don't be offended. If she doesn't text you back,

00:32:43.020 pray for her, pray that she sleeps, pray for her sanity, pray for her hormones. You're so emotional

00:32:47.380 after you have a baby, you just are. And just be there to listen to her, ask her how birth was. If

00:32:52.780 she's traumatized, she doesn't want to talk about it. Don't force her to talk about it. People just need

00:32:57.360 an emotional, uh, refuge after birth. Let's see. Any more, any more questions?

00:33:08.480 First place you want to go when this quarantine is over, man. I just like want to go anywhere. Like

00:33:13.540 places that I didn't even go before quarantine. Like I want to go to a baseball game. I just want

00:33:18.900 to go outside. I want it to be somewhere. I want to go to the pool. I don't want to have to

00:33:22.120 worry about things. Even when I'm watching movies, I'm like, Oh my gosh, that person just

00:33:27.200 opened that door handle without any gloves on. I just don't want to think that way anymore. Um,

00:33:35.280 how do we end stupid in the world? Very, very, very good question. I don't think that we can. 1.00

00:33:45.080 Ultimately, I think stupid is going to last until Jesus reigns forever. Ultimately. And Satan, 1.00

00:33:52.480 who is the author of stupid is, um, bound forever and is destroyed. Uh, I have not, 1.00

00:34:01.380 I don't really know if it's theologically correct to say Satan is the author of stupid, 1.00

00:34:05.280 but it sounded good in the moment, but no, I don't think that stupid will ever be destroyed, 1.00

00:34:10.140 but I do think that there are people that work very hard to make sure people aren't stupid. 0.99

00:34:14.440 And that's, you know, that's all we can do. Educate, educate and encourage, um, thoughts on Enneagram

00:34:22.120 girl. I did a whole podcast titled personality test. My third favorite reptile.

00:34:30.940 I don't know a lizard, a Komodo dragon, a fave office character. Ooh. I mean, obviously I laugh at all of

00:34:42.040 them. Honestly, obviously Michael Scott. I love Jim and Pam. I just watched for the 15th time.

00:34:48.640 Maybe we were on the episode of Jim and Pam getting married and I just can't not cry at that scene

00:34:54.980 just because I love all the characters so much nail polish color, light pink. Uh, how do you find a man

00:35:04.060 during quarantine? Probably not going to happen. And I probably wouldn't do it right now because

00:35:09.640 you're just going to have to wait to see him. I don't know how you do that. Um,

00:35:16.240 do I edit my videos? Not usually. Okay. That's all I have time for today. Last time I had Chick-fil-A

00:35:28.440 girl. It's been a long time. Okay. That's all I have time for. Uh, thank you so much for listening.

00:35:35.240 This was a fun episode and I'll be back here on Friday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - April 08, 2020

Ep 235 ｜ I Am the Break-Up Doula

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript