Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 268 ｜ How Christians Can Navigate the Growing LGBTQ & Fatherless Culture ｜ Guest： Jim Daly

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday. So I'm so excited about this conversation

00:00:16.340 that I'm having today with Jim Daly of Focus on the Family. We are indeed going to talk

00:00:21.320 about the family. We are going to talk about the recent Supreme Court ruling and what we

00:00:27.500 can do in the midst of this, especially as parents looking to equip our children and

00:00:31.260 to love our neighbor well in what feels like a time of uncertainty and chaos in a lot of

00:00:36.480 ways. And then we're also going to talk about fatherlessness and why that's a problem, what

00:00:42.560 it means, and again, how we as Christians can kind of run into that problem and a lot of

00:00:50.520 the problems that are surrounding us with the love of Christ. Before we get into that, I

00:00:55.800 do want to tell you guys. So my book, You're Not Enough and That's Okay, Escaping the Toxic

00:01:01.220 Culture of Self-Love. My husband and I even have like a little song that we sing with the

00:01:06.580 title, but I'm not going to sing that for you today. It's just not quite prepared for you.

00:01:10.160 I haven't warmed up my voice and I don't think that you want to hear that, but that is the

00:01:13.840 title of my book. It comes out August 11th. And if you want to pre-order the book, I would

00:01:19.820 greatly appreciate that. All you have to do is go to my brand new website,

00:01:25.120 alibethstucky.com book, and you can pre-order it right there. If you pre-order it and you

00:01:32.060 send your proof of purchase, so your receipt from Amazon, for example, to alibestucky

00:01:38.160 at penguinrandomhouse.com, you will be sent a free digital excerpt ASAP, so before the

00:01:46.780 book actually comes out. And so I would love for you guys to order the book. This has been

00:01:52.120 a labor of love for about two years now. This has been two years in the making and I could

00:01:57.740 just not be more excited about you guys having it in your hands. So August 11th is when it

00:02:03.800 comes out, go to alibestucky.com, pre-order my book, you get that excerpt. And one more

00:02:08.440 thing about that is that also on the Women's Book Club with Ali Stucky on Facebook, we will

00:02:14.000 be doing a study guide that is exclusive to the women who are in that Facebook group. So 0.84

00:02:20.280 when the book comes out, when everyone gets the book, make sure you pre-order it so you

00:02:24.160 can have the book when we actually start the book discussion. We are going to have a series

00:02:28.360 series of book discussions with me. I'll be doing Facebook lives and videos and things

00:02:34.980 like that and I will have this discussion guide which only you guys will get who are part of

00:02:40.560 this Women's Book Club with Ali Stucky. So make sure you go ahead and join the book club 1.00

00:02:44.440 now. We're reading 1984. You can just jump right on in or you can just wait until we start

00:02:50.020 my book, You're Not Enough and That's Okay, Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love. So just

00:02:54.420 wanted to make sure that you guys knew that and make sure that you knew how excited I am

00:02:59.100 and how ready I am for you guys to finally read it. Okay, without further ado, here is

00:03:03.880 Jim Daly. Jim, thank you so much for joining me. It's great to be with you. Yes, if you

00:03:09.880 could tell everyone who doesn't know who you are and what you do. Well, that's a big

00:03:14.820 question. My name is Jim Daly and I work at Focus on the Family, which is basically a

00:03:20.380 Christian-based marriage and parenting organization. And we have, you know, great

00:03:24.260 reach broadcast that's been airing for a number of years, about 7 million listenership

00:03:29.340 on that. And then globally, we have 13 offices around the world and probably about, I think

00:03:34.560 the estimates of just over 100 million listeners in that environment.

00:03:38.300 Well, I grew up listening to Focus on the Family when I was young. My mom loved Focus

00:03:43.880 on the Family.

00:03:45.640 So you were forced to listen.

00:03:47.740 Yes. Well, I was just talking to her about that this morning. She was saying that when I

00:03:51.700 was, you know, a child in the 90s, that it was mostly just talk radio. And so, of

00:03:55.920 course, when you're five years old, you're like, oh my gosh, these people, I don't even

00:03:59.320 know what they're talking about. But of course, I'm so thankful. And she got a lot of

00:04:03.900 encouragement from it. And I'm sure I did too, whether I knew it or not. Can you talk to

00:04:08.740 us first about the recent Supreme Court decision regarding so-called, you know, discrimination

00:04:16.080 against LGBTQ people in the workplace? Just tell us kind of your thoughts on that decision

00:04:22.940 and the implications of that for people who care about religious liberty, particularly

00:04:27.860 Christians. 0.51

00:04:29.080 Well, I think it's a difficult situation. I have, you know, a number of good connections

00:04:33.880 in the LGBTQ activist community. And we talk, you know, almost every week about things that

00:04:39.540 are going on. And I've seen that as part of my mission to reach out and develop these

00:04:44.140 friendships because dialogue behind the scenes is really critical. And relationship is a powerful

00:04:50.320 driver to move things. And I think that the difficulty at the high view here is the problem

00:04:58.200 of somebody's rights have got to give way. And it's unfortunate, but it's just what I call

00:05:03.460 the Gordian knot. It's the mythical knot that can't be undone. And, you know, if somebody's

00:05:09.120 religious freedoms, religious rights are being exercised, that means others like the LGBTQ

00:05:14.700 community and hiring practices and other things are giving way. And the same is true vice versa.

00:05:20.060 So I don't know, you know, when you look at these court decisions, I think from the Christian 1.00

00:05:23.740 perspective, if you're a traditional conservative Christian, you're reading the scripture for what

00:05:29.500 it says, that Jesus himself saying, a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife

00:05:34.700 and the two shall become one flesh. It's pretty straightforward what the Bible means in terms

00:05:39.720 of the nuclear family. And it's just out of vote with some people in our culture right now. And I

00:05:44.640 think we're going to continue to flip through this era and try to define things. And again, I'm not

00:05:51.820 hopeless. I trust in God. His hand is on this. Things do not surprise him. And I'm trusting that God

00:05:57.900 knows exactly what's happening here. I think one of the best things that could be the byproduct of

00:06:02.700 this is that Christian convictions will become solid, more solid than they are right now. So the

00:06:08.960 church is going to have to really understand what it is that it believes and then live it. And that's

00:06:15.220 the best thing that we can do as Christians and do it in grace and kindness. Right? Right. I agree

00:06:20.760 with that. And I think it's also just important for me to reiterate, even though we've talked about

00:06:25.660 this on this podcast is that a lot of people had a problem with this decision, not because they

00:06:31.480 necessarily think, whether they're Christian or not, that they want to discriminate against people

00:06:36.460 in the LGBTQ arena. But is it the job of the Supreme Court to so-called, you know, legislate from the

00:06:43.840 bench? Shouldn't this go through Congress? And so I think it's important also for us to make that

00:06:48.300 distinction in the conversations that we have about these very understandably contentious and kind of

00:06:53.500 emotionally charged issues. That distinction gets lost. It's just, okay, you're either for

00:07:00.320 discrimination and you hate these people or you're against discrimination and you love them. But

00:07:05.400 there's a little bit, you know, it's a little bit more complex and nuanced in the middle, wouldn't

00:07:10.220 you say? Absolutely. And I think Alito's dissent said that squarely. I think the opening first

00:07:15.820 sentence, he basically says it's wrapped up in one word, legislation, and that's not the role of the

00:07:21.640 judicial branch. And that's one of the great difficulties. I actually had a meeting. I won't

00:07:25.660 name that recently retired justice, but I was in a meeting with him just one-on-one. And we were

00:07:31.900 talking about how rights are derived, et cetera. And he said, Jim, the problem is the Congress is too

00:07:37.660 chicken to act. And our role is to decide up or down if a law is constitutional, but all these cases

00:07:45.220 are bubbling up and we need to make a decision. Now, I understand the logic of that, but it still

00:07:52.000 takes the judicial branch outside of their lane. Like you have well said, it's not their role to

00:07:58.660 legislate, even if they have bubbling cases, they've got to leave that to the Congress, to the

00:08:04.680 legislative branch. That's their role. And if the Congress is incapable of getting something passed,

00:08:11.480 they should simply sit. And that's a benefit to society to continue the dialogue, the discussion,

00:08:18.100 the battle over what should be law in this country. It should not be the bench's role to make those

00:08:23.920 decisions like that. And that's the problem. And probably that is the heaviness of heart that I have

00:08:29.960 is that our democracy is breaking down. And that's what people maybe don't understand. We're not

00:08:36.480 acting in the role that each three parts of government have been given. And I think that

00:08:43.480 when that breaks down, we have no recourse. What do we do?

00:08:47.420 Right. I think a lot of Christians, they hear that and they feel hopeless and helpless. Like

00:08:53.100 they already vote. So maybe they've got the representative that they want in office or

00:08:58.420 maybe not. Either way, they voted and supported their candidate. And maybe they're even involved in

00:09:04.120 the local level and they try to stay abreast of everything that's going on. And yet things like

00:09:11.120 this are still happening. We obviously don't elect these justices and judges. And so what should

00:09:18.620 Christians do in the midst of the breakdown of the democracy? I mean, what can we say? How can we 1.00

00:09:24.180 petition the government? Do we protest? I mean, what does that look like?

00:09:28.260 Man, those are all great questions. The one thing, you know, and I, I'll say this as a kid,

00:09:35.820 troubled childhood, you know, I grew up as an orphan kid. The one thing I recognize in my relationship

00:09:41.780 with Christ is I don't, I don't perceive or believe that God is a God of apathy. I just don't see that

00:09:48.460 anywhere in scripture. He doesn't say, well, kick back and, you know, just relax. He's always calling us

00:09:54.960 to the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, grace, peace, goodness, kindness, mercy. Those aren't good

00:09:59.880 alley fight weapons, but those are the weapons that God gives us. So we have to act in that way

00:10:06.000 to keep the character of Christ as believing Christians is to me most important. And then we've

00:10:11.420 got to trust that the Lord has the outcome. So I would stay engaged and continue to fight, certainly

00:10:16.400 express our concern about things like the Supreme Court going outside of their lane. This country was

00:10:21.920 set up with very specific three branches of government, et cetera. We should be engaged.

00:10:26.660 We should be calling our representatives, et cetera. We should let our voice be known, talk to our

00:10:31.840 neighbors, those kinds of things. And there does seem to be a bit of fatigue that nothing is, is going

00:10:38.280 our direction. So why don't we just give up? And I would just say, don't be, don't have an attitude

00:10:43.360 of giving up. I don't think God honors that. We want to be engaged. We want to win people over to what

00:10:48.840 it is we believe. Let me give you an example of that. I think the other day, Planned Parenthood

00:10:53.620 came out with a slogan. And I've been talking to some of my friends that aren't believers in Jesus

00:10:58.680 and just raising this as a question, which again, was a great tactic that Jesus used.

00:11:04.260 But Planned Parenthood came out the other day saying, you know, for the, for the sake of Black Lives

00:11:08.360 matters, we need to support Biden for president. And I thought, and they said, it's a, it's a matter,

00:11:16.000 this election is a matter of life and death. Yeah. I saw that. They literally don't see the

00:11:21.420 contradiction of that statement. It's, it's breathtaking. And, you know, we did that event

00:11:27.020 in New York last year where we held a rally with about 20,000 people in Times Square. And we, you know,

00:11:32.240 we kind of did a little pun with, with Saturday Night Live, live from New York. And we had our

00:11:38.160 first three speakers were African-American, Alveda King and Christina Bennett and Benjamin Watson,

00:11:44.220 the NFL player. And Benjamin, I think said, Hey, more babies were killed by Planned Parenthood in

00:11:48.380 New York city last year than were born. I mean, the greatest, the greatest taker of Black life is 1.00

00:11:54.840 Planned Parenthood. Right. And it just is breathtaking that the culture can't see that. And so we have to

00:12:00.140 gently raise that question and raise that awareness and raise that truth while we stand firm in our

00:12:08.000 convictions. And I think also that the national news and media kind of, it weighs us down so much

00:12:16.720 to where we feel like we are paralyzed by fear and hopelessness. But in reality, if we kind of take our

00:12:24.260 eyes a little bit off of, you know, what the national media is telling us most important and look right in

00:12:29.720 front of us and see that the obedience that God is calling us to is not always necessarily, sometimes

00:12:35.720 it is, it might be, but it's not always necessarily to start a movement or to have a million followers

00:12:41.020 on Instagram or to have a big platform. But the persistent and the seemingly menial obedience of

00:12:48.240 day-to-day Christians makes the difference that God calls us to make. I mean, we are finite human

00:12:54.600 beings and I think our ability to be able to see all things and all problems at all times makes us

00:13:00.100 feel like we're not, but we're finite and we were placed on a tiny spot of eternity and God has called

00:13:05.860 us to be obedient in that. And that's what I try to remember Christians to do, be obedient in the

00:13:11.980 things that are, you know, right before us. Like we can change diapers to the glory of God. We can invite

00:13:17.100 people to church to the glory of God. Like we can serve in the nursery to the glory of God.

00:13:21.960 All of these things God sees as major victories for his kingdom. It doesn't always look like a

00:13:28.640 crusade. It might, but it doesn't always. Do you agree with that? I totally agree with that. And that

00:13:34.680 you see that is replete in scripture. That's kind of it. I remember I was just sitting in my comfy

00:13:40.160 chair one morning doing devotions, just myself. And what caught me is Peter in the garden and Stephen

00:13:47.300 being stoned, the contrast of those two men and to, you know, Peter's defense, he had not yet been

00:13:53.060 filled with the Holy spirit. Christ had not been raised up on the cross resurrection and the Holy

00:13:58.120 spirit, spirit available for all who believe. So I give that defense of Peter, but man, what guy

00:14:04.340 and probably some women today wouldn't strap on to defend the son of God in the garden. I mean, 0.81

00:14:09.420 what an honor that would be to go after the guy that's about to arrest the son of God. You've been

00:14:14.400 walking with them, but Jesus really rebuked Peter in that moment said, you live by the sword, you die

00:14:19.440 by the sword. Uh, that is not my way. That's the way of the world in essence. And then you see the

00:14:25.320 illustration of Stephen who, while he's being stoned to death by those who hated him, uh, he had the

00:14:31.300 presence of mind to pray for them and ask God not to hold this against them. I think a human being can

00:14:38.240 only do that with the spirit of God in their heart. And Peter, I fight that battle every day. I

00:14:44.620 identify as Peter in the garden. I want to fight. And I think I've got to every day, put my flesh down

00:14:51.120 and say, Lord, help me to be more like Stephen. And it's hard because it rises up in you when

00:14:56.900 unjustness or injustice is being done from a Christian perspective, but we are called to live

00:15:03.720 like Stephen. Right. And it's hard. I had a lunch with David Horowitz, the former communist. He's

00:15:08.600 written a book about how Christianity is being stomped out by the left. I can't remember the exact

00:15:14.000 title. He's not a Christian himself. And we're at lunch and he said, Jim, don't you realize you're

00:15:18.360 in an alley fight and the other side has switchblades? I said, David, man, I get it, but we don't come to

00:15:24.040 the alley fight with switchblades. We come with the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, goodness. And he

00:15:28.540 went, man, those aren't good weapons. And I, you know, but it worked. That's what the church did

00:15:34.040 in the early centuries. People died for their faith. It spurred the faith on. More people became

00:15:40.340 Christians. Think of the oddity of that. While people were being martyred and crucified, more 0.61

00:15:46.200 became believers. That seems, you know, exactly opposite of what would happen. But we've got to

00:15:52.160 trust that God's in control fundamentally, regardless of our circumstances and stay true and do what you

00:15:57.720 said, just in your neighborhood, be engaged, do those good deeds so they'll honor your father in

00:16:04.580 heaven. That's right out of scripture. When we pull back and all we do is shout and, you know,

00:16:09.300 say words, it really does not make a difference. We must do the good deeds so they'll know who God is

00:16:16.160 because of those good deeds. And using your example of Stephen, when we talk about, you know,

00:16:22.180 not fighting in the same way that the other side fights, that doesn't mean laying down. That doesn't

00:16:28.220 mean being cowardly and not sharing the truth and being bold. I mean, that's what Stephen did up until

00:16:34.960 his death. That's why they killed him. Exactly. Him praying for his enemies wasn't, you know, an act of

00:16:42.920 cowardice or acquiescence. And so I just want, you know, the audience to be able to make that

00:16:48.900 distinction is that we are still called to carry the truth even when stones are being thrown at us.

00:16:55.400 That is our so-called fight. And so when we say to kind of lay down our swords, we are just talking

00:17:02.140 about, or at least I'm just talking about not fighting with the same kind of ferocity and the

00:17:07.960 same kind of vengeance that we are seeing from the secular world towards us. Well, that is really well 1.00

00:17:13.480 said. I'm glad you gave that caveat because I do mean that. You have to stand firm in truth and

00:17:17.860 principle, but you have to do it in the fruit of the spirit. Because I think once you capitulate

00:17:23.260 that, you're just fighting like the world would fight and you've lost your distinction in Christ.

00:17:28.200 So it's true. I mean, we've got to calmly say, we do believe marriage is between a man and a woman.

00:17:32.760 We understand that you're going to disagree because of all kinds of factors today, but this is what God

00:17:37.440 has called us to do and to live out and to defend. And we think it is the best way. And even if the

00:17:44.680 culture disagrees with me. And frankly, right now, a lot of people who are Christians are struggling

00:17:50.840 with that definition as well because of the cultural onslaught today. I remember last year,

00:17:57.060 we did bring your Bible to school and Drew Brees called us basically and said, can I give you a

00:18:01.700 video that you can use? Yeah. We didn't solicit it. And he did a 30, 40 second video for us saying,

00:18:08.360 hey kids, here's my favorite scripture. And it's great that you can take the Bible to school.

00:18:12.580 And then LGBTQ activist groups just hammered him. Don't you know, you're working with a hate 0.75

00:18:16.980 group. And I always ask people, give me, give me evidence of us being a hate group. We do defend

00:18:22.560 traditional marriage, but we don't hate anybody. And I've got friends in that community that will

00:18:27.780 come to my defense. And I think one of the things too, is that we tend to caricature each side. And

00:18:35.080 one of the things when I started reaching out to the LGBT community is they thought of every

00:18:39.680 Christian being like, uh, the Westboro Baptist attitude. They, they, they thought of that as

00:18:45.700 monolithic. If you're Christian, that's your attitude. I said, I, I don't know anybody in 1.00

00:18:50.560 the Christian community like them, but them. And I don't even believe they're Christian actually in 1.00

00:18:55.240 their attitude. Certainly. And you know, that's between them and God, but the way they express

00:18:59.880 the faith is not what I see in scripture. They were, their jaws were dropped open. You know,

00:19:04.300 they were like, seriously. I said, yeah, but we have the same attitude, the other direction.

00:19:07.820 There are some within the LGBTQ community that believe in religious liberty. It's not a, you 1.00

00:19:12.640 know, it's not a big number, but they're there and we've got to not think of them in a monolithic

00:19:17.140 way as well. So. You're absolutely right. Just to get down to the nitty gritty for, for one,

00:19:23.580 for one second. I know that there are a lot of Christians out there who are thinking, okay,

00:19:27.740 but what do I do in the specific situations to where, for example, you know, my daughter is,

00:19:33.980 you know, she's playing soccer and she's on an all girl soccer team, but then they establish the 1.00

00:19:38.960 school or the team establishes a rule that says, okay, well now we can't discriminate. If, you know,

00:19:44.960 a boy who identifies as a girl wants to play on our team or play against our daughter, um, then

00:19:51.040 that has to happen. Or, you know, the locker room bathroom situations that I know a lot of parents of

00:19:56.440 young kids are thinking about, but they don't want to say anything because they don't want to lose

00:20:00.820 their jobs. They don't want their child to be bullied. So in those kinds of situations,

00:20:05.060 how can Christians be obedient while also, you know, showing the fruit of the spirit,

00:20:10.540 like you're talking about? Yeah. I think, uh, equipping your children through dialogue and

00:20:15.980 nurturing that dialogue, you know, talk to them about how to approach those things. Do you feel

00:20:22.240 uncomfortable about this? If not, that's a whole set of discussions and questions you can ask,

00:20:28.260 but if they do feel uncomfortable, are you willing to sit down with the coach and talk about that?

00:20:33.760 Um, how far would you go to expressing your belief? You know, it's interesting. It's an excellent

00:20:39.660 question because it goes to the very training of our children for when they become adults,

00:20:45.080 particularly how they can live their lives in a way that exemplifies their faith in Christ. And I think

00:20:50.960 right now the parenting responsibilities are so beyond just helping them to be a good student,

00:20:57.420 to get into college, to have generally good moral character. That's now kind of basic and

00:21:03.040 fundamental. Now they've got to be equipped with, uh, communication skills, debating skills

00:21:08.880 that they can tear down an argument in a peaceful way with a friend that is coming at them from a

00:21:16.480 different viewpoint. And that takes real skill in parenting. You've got to exhibit that yourself.

00:21:22.820 You've got to be able to model that for your children. I can remember watching Hillary Clinton 1.00

00:21:27.980 at the DNC convention. And I was sitting with my then 14 year old, who's now 17, Troy, and we're

00:21:34.080 watching the convention because it's good. It's good to sit there. He had an interest in it. So we

00:21:38.140 watched it. And there was a connection point where he, uh, was observing the convention and Hillary

00:21:44.020 Clinton said, we need to defend a woman's right to choose. And the whole place erupted and standing

00:21:50.540 ovation. I think very quickly, if not just the next statement, she talked about the need to support

00:21:56.020 police departments and brave first responders. Nobody responded. It was like dead in the convention

00:22:02.940 hall. My 14 year old looked at me and said, isn't that odd? They applaud death, but they don't applaud

00:22:08.280 the people who protect us. And I went bang, he's got it. It just came out. It wasn't orchestrated.

00:22:15.000 And we talked about that and, you know, his exhibiting a Christian worldview. That's what,

00:22:21.060 that's what we're about. And we've got to be able to equip our kids to articulate that, to believe

00:22:26.540 it deeply, fight for it, and, uh, do that again in the right nature, the right attitude toward those

00:22:32.400 who don't believe the way we do. Yeah. And I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree more. I do think for

00:22:36.600 some parents, you know, when their kids are young and they are put in a situation to where,

00:22:41.280 you know, there might be some kind of policy that allows for mixed gender in, in bathrooms and 1.00

00:22:47.940 locker rooms and sports teams and things like that, a lot of parents probably aren't going to sit down

00:22:51.520 and ask their daughter if they're comfortable with that, but rather say, you know, it's my job to

00:22:55.840 protect my daughter from this. And I do think that there is a way, uh, for parents to, uh, without,

00:23:01.800 like you said, judging an entire side or judging them as a monolith or being hateful, but to speak the

00:23:09.520 truth and love, not just to their children, but to other parents and to administrators, there is a

00:23:15.220 way to voice our concern, um, while still being loving and patient and kind and gentle, understanding

00:23:23.540 that if you voice those concerns, there will be still, there still are going to be people who call

00:23:28.340 you a bigot and, and call you hateful. But, um, your example of Steven is so right. You have to be

00:23:34.660 able to speak the truth and your charge is to protect your children. And I think there's a way

00:23:39.360 to do that with gentleness and love. Don't you think? Absolutely. And I love the idea of age

00:23:44.680 appropriate discussion around protection. I mean, that's core to any parent. And, uh, I think having

00:23:50.140 those discussions with your daughter, with your son, when you go into the bathroom as a seven,

00:23:54.400 eight year old, um, you know, just be mindful of the people in that bathroom and, you know,

00:24:00.140 here are things that could happen. You don't have to get into great detail, but just make them aware.

00:24:05.080 It's unfortunate. You know, we always hear the stories, you know, when I grew up in LA and this

00:24:09.780 is really true in the seventies, I mean, uh, we didn't lock our door. And so it's that same kind

00:24:16.960 of thing, you know, this is the way it used to be, but now there, there is evil in the world and

00:24:21.500 here's how evil is expressed and people can, uh, do bad things to other people. And you need to be aware

00:24:28.000 of that and, you know, have that discussion at the age appropriate level. Right. So those are good

00:24:33.540 things. And if you have the power in your local community to push back on some of the policies

00:24:38.820 that you disagree with, that's a wonderful part of living in representative democracy.

00:24:43.540 If we, you know, for as long as we possibly do. And so parents can't also be afraid of

00:24:48.660 bringing those concerns forward. Jim, something that you talk about a lot, so helpfully and effectively,

00:24:54.380 um, is the problem of fatherlessness. That is, um, unfortunately something that has plagued our

00:25:00.540 society for a long time and it doesn't seem to be, uh, getting better. Can you just talk to us

00:25:05.580 about the implications of that on society as a whole and, and what we can do to help?

00:25:11.560 Well, the empirical data is so strong here and this is where, you know, so often people will hurl

00:25:17.320 accusations at the Christian community that we don't believe in science and all these things just to,

00:25:22.280 you know, besmirch us that, you know, we, we do two things. We can chew gum and walk at the same

00:25:27.900 time. And that is, we can have a faith in Christ and we can look at science and interpret that in

00:25:32.480 that way. And I think many people fail to realize that many of the early scientists were rooted in,

00:25:37.920 in a relationship with Christ saying, we're discovering the creation that God has created.

00:25:42.720 And we do that through order. There's order in the universe, et cetera. So to get this down

00:25:47.080 to the statistics on fathering, it's an amazing thing. And, and the more engaged a father is in

00:25:53.520 the family, the healthier the family is. That's the best way to say it. A child who grows up in a

00:25:59.560 two parent home is twice as likely to finish school, high school, uh, five times as likely to go to

00:26:06.360 college. Uh, you know, there's just the data sets or, or there's not a negative direction.

00:26:12.420 So it shows you the importance of fatherhood. I think one of the most amazing ones for the

00:26:17.300 Christian community is when a father becomes a Christian, 93% of the family members will become

00:26:22.480 Christian. And when a mother does, and I think it's, it's not a besmirching of the moms, but mom's love

00:26:28.680 is almost taken for granted. I know many moms are going, yeah, that's true. You know, you just know

00:26:33.900 that mom loves you regardless of what you do. That's true. Dad is a wild card. And I think that's

00:26:38.800 the power of the father that when a dad is living, committed to Christ, think of that 93% of the

00:26:44.160 family members will come to Christ. When a mom becomes a Christian, I think it's like 27% of

00:26:48.900 family members. And it's just that leadership thing that when dad is committed, it ripples through

00:26:54.760 the family. When you look at pain in children that didn't have a dad, and my dad was an alcoholic.

00:27:00.740 He left my mom when I was five years old. So I lived on that side of it, which I hope gives hope to a

00:27:07.240 single parent mom for sure that just because your circumstances seem to be set, the outcome isn't

00:27:13.520 set. And your children grew up to be super healthy, productive people. And it's probably in large part

00:27:19.580 due to your love as a mom that over comes and compensates for that lack of a father. And then

00:27:25.980 good people in their lives, which I had football coaches and others that really took me under their

00:27:30.080 wing and showed me what it was to be a man and all those things. But we need as a society to do

00:27:37.060 all we can to strengthen marriages. And unfortunately, Senator Lankford even said to me not long ago,

00:27:42.260 he said, Jim, what I've noticed as a former youth pastor, by the way, in Oklahoma, he said,

00:27:47.180 what I've noticed is here in Washington, we know as the family gets weaker, government needs to become

00:27:53.960 stronger. And many in Washington support that. And isn't that a sad truth that with welfare and other

00:28:00.320 things that were meant to be a safety net, which could become a way of life,

00:28:04.220 end up destroying the family and the independent parts of what the family needs to do a father who

00:28:12.060 can provide and protect and do those things. It brings dignity to a dad to a man to be able to do

00:28:17.120 that. And, you know, right now in the in the black community, 77% of children born in that community

00:28:23.980 don't have a dad in the home, 77%. And then we look at all that is going on. And we fail to look at the

00:28:31.060 headwaters. You know, I live here in Colorado, I've hiked many times up to the headwaters of the

00:28:36.280 Colorado River, it's just a little bubbling creek, you can jump over. That's the problem, the headwaters

00:28:42.100 of the culture or the family, that's where you learn empathy, love, how to treat other people. And

00:28:47.500 when that's broken down, all hell is going to break loose. And I think to a degree, we're seeing that.

00:28:52.780 And we have a lot of strong forces, unfortunately, in this country, who not only disagree with

00:28:58.160 everything that you said, but adamantly fight against it, they see putting importance or a

00:29:04.900 priority on fatherhood is somehow, you know, bowing down to an oppressive patriarchy, which,

00:29:12.000 of course, we as Christians don't think the word patriarchy is bad. But there are people inside that

00:29:17.600 do and they don't believe that work adds any kind of moral purpose to someone's life. But basically,

00:29:24.380 whether you work or not, it's all the same, that it doesn't change your attitude, it doesn't change

00:29:30.300 your sense of purpose, it doesn't change your sense of morale. But we as Christians, we know that

00:29:35.840 these things are true, that everything that you just said is true. So what do we as Christians do

00:29:42.080 then in the face of these very strong, what I would call spiritual forces that are fighting against

00:29:47.100 everything that we know is good and right and true, not only for us, but also and especially for

00:29:53.740 the least of these in the country. Yeah, I think it's really important to be equipped to have that

00:29:59.020 discussion to talk about that, not to back away, not to be fearful. Again, the irony is for those

00:30:05.640 who oppose that concept, they tend to laud science, except when the science works against them. So point

00:30:11.520 that out, point that out gently. Here's the data, get familiar with the data sets. Here's one that is a

00:30:16.640 mind blower, a woman who is living with a boyfriend, if she has children in the home, that child is nine 0.95

00:30:23.280 times more likely to die at the hands of that boyfriend in that environment, because there's

00:30:28.740 no connection there. It almost seems animalistic. I get that. But think of that alone, a woman and

00:30:35.920 her children are at that higher risk with a live-in boyfriend. And that's terrifying if that

00:30:42.220 relationship goes sour. So knowing those data points, and then when you go to breakfast, and when

00:30:47.520 you're talking to your friend group, and all those kind of things, gently talk about that, you know,

00:30:53.540 that having an intact, loving family is really important. And, you know, here at Focus, we follow

00:30:59.020 all of that data. And one of the things we see that the best thing you could do to be in your parenting

00:31:04.180 is to love your spouse. Yeah. Because when children see a stable relationship, that gives them the peace,

00:31:10.940 the confidence, and the learning environment to become a better human being. So you want to be a

00:31:17.340 great parent, love your spouse, and demonstrate that in front of your kids. And I just want to

00:31:22.580 encourage people, too, that that doesn't mean that your marriage is perfect. That doesn't mean that

00:31:27.320 your kids, you know, never see you argue, or that you have to pretend like, you know, everything is

00:31:34.040 all together all the time. I have wonderful parents. And of course, I heard them argue growing up,

00:31:38.760 but just their persistent, not only love for each other, but their expression of affection and liking

00:31:44.720 of each other growing up, I think, filled me without knowing it, of course, with so much confidence and

00:31:51.180 a sense of stability and security that I know, helped me become and do what I do today. Just knowing

00:31:59.120 that you have that support system of, and you're able to say at the end of the day, whether you're a

00:32:03.560 young kid coming home from school, or whether you're an adult like I am, and you're, you know,

00:32:08.380 wrapping up a day of work, whatever it is, to know that, okay, even if everything else falls away,

00:32:14.340 like even if the career goes away, even if, you know, you had a bad day at school, you got picked

00:32:20.080 on, you got bad grades, your teacher got mad at you. If all of that happens, you still have that

00:32:26.300 bedrock of the family, you still have a security and a stability and parents who love you unconditionally,

00:32:31.760 and who supports you. I mean, that changes everything for a child's confidence, I think.

00:32:38.600 You're on it, man. We need to get you over here at Focus on the Family. But you're absolutely right.

00:32:43.960 I mean, that's it. And it's really not complicated. When children feel safe and secure,

00:32:48.720 they develop into really healthy people. And think of the, again, these families that are fractured and

00:32:54.740 broken and have had a lot of stress, you know, the end product is sometimes in trouble. And I remember

00:33:04.840 going to Israel with Ray Vanderlaan. We do a series with him called That the World May Know. And Ray is

00:33:09.760 a Jewish scholar. He knows the scriptures in a Eastern Jewish mindset, not a Western concept.

00:33:15.940 And when you walk with him in Israel, so many good things happen. And one of the main points he makes,

00:33:20.860 he said, Jesus is bringing shalom to chaos. And he expects the church to bring shalom to chaos. 0.94

00:33:28.420 That's what we sign up for. When sin entered this world, chaos entered this world. And you see it in

00:33:34.460 no greater place than in the family. And so when we as Christians engage our neighbor, engage our friends,

00:33:40.440 et cetera, our goal should be to bring shalom, God's peace to chaos. That's what we do. That's when we

00:33:47.720 bring some food to somebody who's hurting or good input on ideas and advice on how to deal with that

00:33:55.460 teenager that's out of control. We're bringing shalom to chaos. That's our manifesto. And it's 0.98

00:34:02.700 a beautiful thing to do. And just be equipped. I think that's one of the problems in the church.

00:34:07.060 We just are living life in a smaller way than we should be. And that's going to work and having a

00:34:12.220 good family and getting vacation in and enjoying one another. There's a whole nother thing. It's not

00:34:17.340 about comfort and leisure. It's about reaching into chaos and helping somebody around you,

00:34:23.640 being a good neighbor. And we are conditioning ourselves to pull back from that. And I would

00:34:29.360 say Jesus said, no, run into it and I'm with you. Oh, that's such a good word. Because when we look 0.59

00:34:35.180 out our window, we see a lot of chaos. And my instinct is to retreat because I'm scared for myself

00:34:41.780 and for my family and all of that. But you're absolutely right, is that the love of Christ compels us

00:34:45.900 to run into those situations with the fruit of the spirit, which you reiterated so well so many

00:34:52.020 times today. If you could please tell everyone, you know, where they can find you or any other

00:34:56.600 resources that you would like to direct people to. Yeah. Thank you, Alibeth. Yeah. Focus on the

00:35:01.500 family is focusonthefamily.com or you can call 1-800-A-FAMILY. And I think one of the great things

00:35:07.760 that Focus does is we have free counseling. We have a counseling department where we'll provide you

00:35:12.400 an initial counseling call. It's hard to point to a single resource. I mean, Focus is a resource

00:35:17.600 treasure chest. I mean, we've got, after 40 years of ministry, we have answers to almost every

00:35:23.500 question. It's rare that we get a question nowadays that we haven't heard. And I think it just needs to

00:35:29.200 be seen like that. We're like the WebMD for the family. You can come to us and get input. Yeah. And

00:35:35.240 get just about anything. We have a marriage assessment. Over a million people have taken it. It just

00:35:40.120 points out your strengths and weaknesses. We have the same for parenting. You can come in and do that

00:35:44.540 free assessment. It just says, hey, here you go. Here are the things to work on, Dad. Don't be so

00:35:49.060 rules-oriented. Right. Right. But you know, whatever it might be, work on your loving skills. And yeah,

00:35:55.980 so it's just whatever you need, just call us and we'll put something in your hands that will help you.

00:36:00.040 Well, that is awesome. I know a lot of people are going to benefit from that. Thank you so much for

00:36:04.280 taking the time to talk with me today. You bet, Alibeth. And your mom and dad must be super proud of you.

00:36:09.600 Oh, thank you. You're an impressive young lady. Thank you so much. Well,

00:36:12.580 they're a great mom and dad. And thank you so much for everything that you do and for the resources

00:36:17.320 that you provide for us and really how you guys helped shape my parents and then consequently

00:36:23.600 helped shape my life growing up. So thank you. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Take care.

00:36:28.560 You too.

00:36:39.600 Thank you.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - June 29, 2020

Ep 268 ｜ How Christians Can Navigate the Growing LGBTQ & Fatherless Culture ｜ Guest： Jim Daly

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