Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 29 ｜ 10 Tips for the Real World

00:00:00.000 What's up guys? Happy Thursday. I'm Allie and this is Relatable. You are either listening to this or

00:00:06.600 you are watching it on CRTV.com. I encourage you to do the latter if you so desire by signing up

00:00:13.580 for CRTV with promo code Allie20. This is episode 29 of Relatable and I don't know why that seems

00:00:20.960 like such a big number. I kind of can't believe that we've had that many. I love doing this

00:00:26.340 podcast. I just want to remind y'all every time I go speak somewhere, you guys come up to me and tell

00:00:31.140 me that you listen to this every week. I get messages probably every day from people on Instagram

00:00:36.400 who say that they binge listen to all of it in like a week, which is pretty impressive. I was

00:00:41.760 actually in Fort Worth this past weekend with my husband and his family and I had a listener come

00:00:46.700 up to me and tell me how much this podcast means to her and that just really warms my heart. The

00:00:54.340 reviews for this podcast really make me happy. Some of them don't. Some of them are really,

00:00:58.560 really personal and mean, but most of them make me happy because those of you who listen seem to feel

00:01:04.540 exactly how I feel when I sit down in front of this microphone and record. And how I feel is that you

00:01:10.180 and I are genuinely friends. Like we are having a conversation about the important things in life.

00:01:15.260 And sometimes we talk about not important things like cats and like lifestyle bloggers,

00:01:20.240 because that's what friends do. Uh, we can talk about the deep parts of our heart and we can also

00:01:25.100 talk about stupid stuff that we, uh, thought that we only thought about. So anyway, I just wanted to

00:01:31.100 take the time to tell you guys that I love you, uh, how much I appreciate you and how you guys make

00:01:37.320 my job really exciting and worthwhile. Now, uh, another thing that friends do is give advice. And that is

00:01:45.700 what I am going to do today by popular demand. I am going to give advice to those of you who are

00:01:51.600 transitioning from college into the quote real world, whatever that even means, or maybe you're

00:01:58.020 still in college and, uh, or maybe you've been out of college for 10 years, in which case you could

00:02:02.880 probably teach me a thing or two. You definitely could, but I'm going to tell you just from my own

00:02:07.880 personal experience, uh, what I have learned and what I found to be integral to leading a, uh,

00:02:14.560 successful life. And I'll define successful soon. Cause it means a lot of different things. Um,

00:02:20.900 a successful life after college and to be totally transparent at the age of 26, I am still in the

00:02:27.200 process of learning all of this and will be for a really long time. I certainly don't have all the

00:02:32.160 answers or even close to all the answers. All I know is what I've experienced in the last four years

00:02:37.360 since college. Um, I've made a lot of mistakes and I've learned a lot from those mistakes. So as I give

00:02:43.980 this advice, know that I am still in the process of taking this advice myself. And I'll tell you

00:02:48.860 which pieces of advice I haven't taken. Um, and the only reason I even have advice is because of how

00:02:54.140 ridiculous some of my life choices have been. So, uh, some of this is going to be professional.

00:02:59.880 Some of it's going to be personal. I'm going to start personal and then I'm going to get

00:03:04.080 professional. And also, I guess I should mention for those of you who are new around here, this advice

00:03:09.180 is from a, uh, biblical perspective for the most part. Some of it's just practical, but I try to

00:03:14.160 shape it all in a biblical perspective. Uh, sorry, my voice just cracked anyway. Um, also you guys know

00:03:20.980 I do one podcast like this every week and one news podcast. So if you're confused as to why I'm doing

00:03:26.140 this now, that is why. Okay, let's get started. There are 10 rules or pieces of advice. Number one,

00:03:32.940 join a church. Uh, that sounds pretty easy, pretty straightforward. Um, it's not necessarily

00:03:39.040 though. Uh, chances are that for many of you, you were at best a half committed church member

00:03:44.900 in college. Like let's just be real about that. That's pretty normal. Uh, the idea of waking up

00:03:50.120 in the single digits for any reason, uh, except for something fun on the weekends is just something

00:03:55.400 that you just didn't want to do. You're not going to do it. Or maybe, maybe you were awesome

00:03:59.820 overachiever, fully committed to church in college, but you've moved to a new city for

00:04:04.520 your first job out of college and you just can't find a church that you really like.

00:04:08.380 I totally get that. Uh, I bounced around to different churches, both in and outside of

00:04:12.920 college. And even after my husband and I got married, um, that said, that is not something

00:04:17.980 I recommend. Uh, I recommend picking a church that preaches the gospel, not the gospel of social

00:04:23.200 justice and so-called tolerance, uh, but the gospel of salvation and Jesus Christ alone,

00:04:27.920 check their mission statement, listen to the lead pastor, pray, use discernment, and then

00:04:33.160 join the church and get involved. Um, here's the thing. Church is not about you. It's not

00:04:41.120 about me. Uh, that is really important to remember when you're looking for a church. It's not about

00:04:46.140 how you feel or the church meeting all of your needs. It's about you meeting the needs of the

00:04:51.340 church. Um, it seems like young Christians, especially maybe older Christians too, uh, have this

00:04:57.520 scorecard when we go into churches and we allocate like a certain number of points for worship music,

00:05:02.940 a certain number for the vibes, a certain number of points for, uh, what the pastor is wearing for

00:05:09.780 the quality of jokes, how many times they sing good, good father, uh, how many babies are in the

00:05:14.980 audience, whether they have communion every Sunday or just once, once a month, uh, whether they pass the

00:05:20.740 plate around or they just have a giving up. Uh, but the thing is none of these things are actually

00:05:25.300 qualifications for a good church. Can we have our preferences? Totally. But, but, but all of these

00:05:31.700 things are really superfluous and ultimately not in an eternal way. Uh, so listen, when I say that

00:05:38.260 there will never be a perfect church and that is okay. Uh, we're not called to go to a perfect church,

00:05:43.880 uh, go to a church that unapologetically preaches the gospel. Um, when my husband and I moved to where

00:05:50.580 we live now, we went to a really cool church, a trendy church with a lot of trendy people with a

00:05:55.760 pastor that we had been listening to via podcast for a really long time, who I still think for the

00:06:01.400 most part is, is a really good preacher, but we left that church for two big reasons. Uh, number one,

00:06:07.680 the pastor started teaching on biblical principles about racial reconciliation, uh, that encouraged

00:06:13.280 resentment towards white people and reparations to black people. And number two, uh, they made it

00:06:18.680 extremely difficult to get involved unnecessarily. So, uh, their system to join a small group made it

00:06:24.460 extremely difficult to be a part of one. Uh, and they told us to our faces that our help wasn't

00:06:29.800 needed in the areas in which we felt like we were called to serve. Uh, that meant that we were going

00:06:35.240 to a church sitting there for an hour and a half a week to listen to a cool trendy pastor and then

00:06:40.400 leaving. Uh, that's not biblical community. Plus even more importantly, the pastor had moved away from

00:06:47.180 the gospel and into a message that mirrors the world's message of social justice. And that's

00:06:52.540 just not, that's not negotiable for us. It's not okay. So now we go to a church that is much less

00:06:59.060 cool, uh, but it's gospel centered. It is smaller. Uh, it's simple to get involved in the people there

00:07:04.600 have been, uh, nothing but hospitable and Christ-like. Uh, so it's not wrong to change churches. I want you

00:07:10.980 to understand that. But as someone who has church hopped for many seasons in my life, uh, I can tell

00:07:17.100 you that dating the church just typically ends with you being lonely and really disappointed.

00:07:22.140 Uh, you are here to serve the church and yes, in seasons, the church does serve you. That's the

00:07:27.640 beautiful part about the body of Christ. Uh, but its purpose is to not make you feel good or make you

00:07:32.540 happy. Uh, it's to glorify Christ and you get to play a small part in that. Um, being a part of a

00:07:38.880 church and serving the church is going to help you stay grounded in all areas of your life.

00:07:43.500 And that's the really big concern, right? Staying grounded. Um, it's going to help you keep your

00:07:48.040 eyes on Christ and your identity in Christ, uh, through biblical selfless community, through

00:07:52.780 accountability, instruction, reproach opportunities for charity. Um, it is absolutely essential that you

00:07:59.260 get into a church right away after you graduate. Um, no, listening to a podcast doesn't actually count.

00:08:06.320 That is again, making church about you, what's convenient for you, what feels good for you

00:08:11.140 rather than you being an active member of the body of Christ. Um, that's something that honestly,

00:08:16.660 every Sunday I still kind of struggle with. Um, I'm, I'm learning this because to be honest,

00:08:22.920 there are a lot of weekends when I'd rather sleep in and do nothing. So I get it, but I also realized

00:08:28.540 that this is an act of obedience and that it's absolutely worth it. And my husband is very good

00:08:33.900 leading us in that direction. Um, number two in life after college is read your Bible. Uh,

00:08:42.160 pretty simple. Find a plan, stick to it. Uh, read your Bible, not just a devotion, but a Bible and

00:08:47.920 meditate on it for 20 minutes every day, preferably in the morning. Uh, you will have good weeks and bad

00:08:53.280 weeks as I still do. Uh, but it's important to learn to find joy in God's word and to go there for

00:08:58.440 wisdom and renewal. Uh, you're not going to find that anywhere else. Uh, people are going to be

00:09:02.720 directing you just as they have your whole life to all different kinds of resources for direction.

00:09:08.240 But this is really the only one that matters. This is going to help you discern between good

00:09:12.960 teaching and bad teaching, good advice and bad advice. Um, so hide his word in your heart as the

00:09:18.600 Bible tells us to do. Um, number three, find good Christian friends. Uh, now this is a little bit,

00:09:26.540 just to be real, a little bit, the pot calling the kettle black. So I have good friends, uh, from high

00:09:32.740 school that I still talk to every day. I have good friends from my first job out of college that I

00:09:37.460 talk to all the time. I have close relationships with a lot of past coworkers. Uh, I have good

00:09:42.940 friends in this industry. We live close to my family right now. Uh, we have our Sunday school

00:09:47.660 class, but, but as far as a solid group goes that we actually consistently do things with don't have

00:09:55.240 that. And that that's our fault. Mostly my fault. Uh, we haven't sought that out. And I really never

00:10:00.620 have. I've just never been a group person. Maybe you're not either, but I do see the benefit in it.

00:10:06.700 I see how my parents still have some of the same friends that they've had for 30 years. Uh, same

00:10:11.340 with my husband's parents. And I see the importance of having a group of people, uh, that you do things

00:10:16.800 with, uh, that anchor you that are there as soon as you need them, that that is true biblical

00:10:22.660 community. And you know what we, my husband and I have not done a good job of cultivating

00:10:27.880 that. Uh, much of that is like I said, my fault because my schedule is so unpredictable every

00:10:33.280 week. And like I said, um, I'm, I'm really, I'm a homebody to the max. I am an extroverted

00:10:39.240 introvert. I am totally fine being by myself all of the time. Um, but what you will find out

00:10:45.440 of college is that it's really easy to get lonely. Uh, you've spent your whole life so far

00:10:50.600 with access to friends. You go to class with them. Uh, you play sports with them. You live

00:10:54.640 next door to them. Now you have to make an effort to find them. Uh, you may or may not

00:10:59.160 like your coworkers. And even if you do, you might actually need a break from them. You

00:11:04.340 need solid friends, godly friends, selfless friends. And what you'll find too is that the

00:11:09.640 friends you pick after college might be different than the friends that you had in college. Uh,

00:11:14.520 they might not have been the people you would have chosen to hang out with then. I actually

00:11:18.280 think that's a good thing. You are changing, you're maturing, you're growing up. This is

00:11:21.880 a new season of life. They don't have to all be the same. Um, I also think it's important

00:11:26.240 to, if you can get involved in some local things like chamber of commerce or volunteer groups,

00:11:31.560 again, something I myself could get better at currently, and we all go through seasons,

00:11:36.280 uh, but it attaches you to something that's bigger than yourself. And that is important. Um,

00:11:41.740 I also think it's a good idea to find a mentor and someone to mentor, uh, yourself. Uh,

00:11:46.760 someone's pouring into you. You can pour out as well. Um, look, there are going to be people out

00:11:52.840 of college who are like, I was, as you guys know, uh, still wanting to live as if they are in college

00:11:59.180 going out all the time, pretending like you have no responsibilities. Um, and I'm going to get more

00:12:04.640 to that specific thing soon. Uh, but those are not the friends that you want out of college.

00:12:08.980 They're just not, they're going to hold you back. They're going to stunt your growth.

00:12:12.640 After you graduate, you are not in college. Uh, when you were in grad school, you are not in

00:12:18.220 college. You need friends who are responsible and will help you be the best version of yourself

00:12:24.500 that you can be. Number four, exercise. I know this sounds like I'm kind of a mom. I really,

00:12:31.580 I don't care if you exercise or not, but this is just kind of what's helped me. Uh, you think

00:12:36.500 that after you graduate, the 15 pounds you gain in college magically disappears. Uh, it doesn't.

00:12:42.300 All of the excuses that you made in college for not working out after you graduate are no longer

00:12:47.320 there. You are an adult. You can't go to cookout at 2am. Uh, you will feel better about virtually

00:12:52.640 everything in your life. If you develop a weekly routine where you can work out, uh, that does not

00:12:58.180 mean that you have to be skinny, that you have to be toned, that you have to look perfect, become

00:13:01.840 some kind of like CrossFit addict or run a marathon. Uh, it means do something that is physically

00:13:07.280 challenging yet beneficial multiple times a week, every week. That's really it. It's

00:13:11.880 pretty simple. It's not as complicated as all these Instagram was trying to make it be,

00:13:16.000 try to make it as, uh, for me beginning, uh, beginning to take my fitness seriously in college,

00:13:22.800 uh, was really a game changer for everything. So full disclosure, I have never been athletic

00:13:29.100 ever in my life. Uh, for some ungodly reason in middle school, I decided I was going to run the 400

00:13:35.320 in track. That is probably the worst thing you could ever run. And I literally never got anything

00:13:40.100 except last place. Uh, I'm just not at all an athlete. And because of that, I told myself that

00:13:45.280 I would never like working out. Uh, but in 2012, when I was a sophomore in college, I made a new

00:13:53.920 year's resolution to be able in 2012, to be able to run three miles, three, three miles. I had never done

00:14:02.200 that before. Uh, so I downloaded this app called a couch to 5k and I followed it. I distinctly

00:14:09.840 remember the day that I ran eight minutes without stopping for the first time. It was like a huge

00:14:14.840 victory. And then a few months later, I ran a 5k after a lot of training and probably crying. Uh,

00:14:21.080 then I decided that I was going to keep going. So long story short, by October of that year,

00:14:26.780 I ran a half marathon. Uh, that was the first time in my life. I did something that I never

00:14:32.040 thought that I could do. And it really changed my life in a lot of ways, uh, because it wasn't

00:14:36.680 really the physical accomplishment. It was the mental accomplishment. Um, I would say that the

00:14:41.880 whole thing was mostly mental because it was my mind that told me I could never work out, not my body.

00:14:47.420 And it was proving to myself every week of training that, Hey, last week I could only run seven miles.

00:14:53.480 And I thought that that would be the farthest I could ever run today. I ran nine miles and it was

00:14:58.300 freaking hard. It never became easy. I hated every single time I ran and I actually still hate running.

00:15:05.440 Sorry to break it to you. I don't run, but I'm still so glad that I did that because this is what

00:15:11.580 I learned just because something hurts or seems difficult. Doesn't mean that it's impossible. Um,

00:15:17.740 I learned that I could do something that I previously thought that I couldn't, uh, that realization has

00:15:23.020 honestly helped me in every stage of my career. Uh, now my fitness has ebbed and flowed over the

00:15:29.580 past few years. I've had seasons I've, where I've taught pure bar, I've done CrossFit. I've been in

00:15:34.600 amazing shape and like 15 pounds lighter, orange theory, pretty much everything that you can think

00:15:39.860 of. Um, I've also not worked out at all some months and this past year certainly has not been my

00:15:46.280 best season of fitness. Uh, but the principles that I learned running that half marathon haven't

00:15:50.960 changed. So my encouragement is to make a routine and challenge yourself every week, uh, because the

00:15:56.980 benefits are really more than just physical. Um, number five, for some reason I don't have this

00:16:04.820 numbered, which is stupid, but I think this is number five, uh, limit your alcohol intake. Um, so this

00:16:11.940 took me a few months after college to lock this one down, but man, it is really important. And I wish I

00:16:17.600 learned it sooner. You and your roommates, uh, who want to go out Thursday through Saturday after

00:16:23.480 college, uh, trust me when I say that it's not worth it. Maybe you're 22 and your hangover is not

00:16:29.340 that bad yet. And you can still wake up at 6am on a Friday and seize the day and go to work. But over

00:16:34.820 drinking is not only a, a sin as Ephesians 5 18 says, but also B makes you a significantly worse

00:16:43.840 person. And what I mean by that is that, uh, it has the tendency to kill your energy and motivation

00:16:49.620 so that you're only operating really at about 50 to 70% of what you should be on the days after you

00:16:56.520 drink. Uh, you're not going to want to wake up. You don't want to get dressed. You don't want to

00:16:59.840 work out. You don't want to finish your work. Uh, you want to eat carbs and watch Netflix, which

00:17:03.960 let's be real. I want to do that without alcohol, but being hungover definitely doesn't make it better.

00:17:10.060 Uh, plus now, now that you're out of college, your reputation matters a lot more than it did

00:17:15.800 when you were in college. When you were in college, uh, you could get by, uh, by saying,

00:17:21.660 you know, Hey, I'm in college, live it up. But out of college and even in post-grad, uh,

00:17:27.280 like grad school, that shtick is just kind of pathetic. Like it's kind of sad. You say stupid

00:17:31.500 stuff when you're drunk and you do stupid stuff when you're drunk. And if you're trying to do

00:17:35.500 something with your life and you don't need to be wasting, not just your nights, but also

00:17:39.840 the next days being incapacitated. Uh, also you're not 20 anymore. Uh, those liquid calories

00:17:46.760 catch up to you. Um, also depending on your job, you may or may not have coworkers who like

00:17:52.920 to drink. You may have happy hours multiple nights a week, or they may want to go out on

00:17:57.920 the weekends. Let me tell you, while all of that, uh, in moderation, I think it's great

00:18:03.380 and fun and vine, uh, you going to happy hours and drinking, no matter what your coworkers

00:18:09.240 or even your boss tells you is not going to advance your career. I just promise you that

00:18:14.880 it's not, uh, let me just make this really, really simple. Do not get drunk with your coworkers.

00:18:22.160 Just don't do it. Just don't. It's a really good, good rule of thumb. Um, it's not going

00:18:26.780 to make you more well liked. People aren't going to respect you more. And in fact, you have a

00:18:30.400 better chance of embarrassing yourself and losing the respect of other people when alcohol is

00:18:34.740 involved rather than when it's not. Um, I'm not saying not to go to happy hours or not to enjoy

00:18:39.640 drinks with your coworkers. I'm not saying that at all. I am saying don't get drunk and just be

00:18:45.380 careful. Um, okay. Number six, don't worry about finding your spouse. Um, I don't mean don't think

00:18:55.280 about your future spouse. I don't mean don't date. I actually am a big fan of dates for other people.

00:19:01.340 Obviously I highly recommend dates. Um, I'm saying don't be anxious about it. Don't make this your

00:19:07.180 primary focus. Your grandma, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, brother, sister might all be asking you,

00:19:13.560 uh, when you're going to meet someone, but you tell them to mind their business. Um, I have seen

00:19:19.480 too many friends, too many people fall victim to this crippling anxiety that at 23 years old,

00:19:25.180 uh, the fact that they're still not in a serious relationship means that they're going to spend

00:19:29.460 forever alone. That's absurd. You have time, uh, trusting God, follow him, rely on his timing,

00:19:36.580 make friends, go to church, get involved in various things, join a rec league. If you want to do that

00:19:41.640 and it'll happen if it's supposed to happen. Uh, you know how Luke 12, 25 says who have you by

00:19:47.060 worrying can add a single hour to your life? Well, I asked the question, who have you by worrying can

00:19:52.680 add a single prospect for marriage to your life? Not one of you. Um, I did go on several dates after

00:19:59.300 college, but when, but then I met my husband working out. Um, it was totally random and it was

00:20:06.680 that worked for us. Uh, personally, I knew that I was going to marry him like two weeks after I met him,

00:20:12.380 we dated for five months. We were engaged for four months, kind of crazy. And then just bam,

00:20:17.060 we were married. That's not going to be the deal for everyone. And that's fine. It doesn't have to

00:20:21.880 be, be patient, be obedient, do your best glorifying God where you are now. And that's really all you can

00:20:28.200 worry about. Um, number seven, be smart with your money. Um, I am certainly not a financial guru.

00:20:38.440 If my parents are listening to this, they are laughing. Um, I'm not even close to that, but when I

00:20:43.200 got my first job, I made it a habit to do two things every month, uh, tie 10% and put 20% in

00:20:48.620 savings. Um, I just did it without thinking. And guys, when you graduate from college, unless you

00:20:54.520 have a lot of student loan debt, which I understand that many people do, uh, you are going to have as

00:20:59.580 little financial responsibility as you will ever have in your entire life. Um, I made $31,000 to my

00:21:05.860 first job as a publicist and I felt so rich. My rent was $400 a month with a roommate. Uh, I could

00:21:12.500 have gotten a thousand dollar apartment if I wanted to, but I didn't, uh, I would get my few

00:21:17.660 little groceries every week. I think I had like avocados and quinoa literally every week. Um,

00:21:22.420 and I had my normal payments, but I had as much as I needed as a single person. I probably had more

00:21:26.440 that I needed. Uh, so when my husband and I got married, I had a little extra money and savings

00:21:31.820 that really came in handy. Um, so y'all can do that, or you can be much smarter than I was.

00:21:37.660 You can invest, you can save 50% of your earnings. If you want, you could live at home for a few

00:21:41.760 months. You can vow to never go out to eat. I don't really recommend that because that would

00:21:45.620 be a sad life, but you can do that. Um, but do what you can to save as much as you can, uh,

00:21:51.320 while still enjoying your life. Uh, Instagram makes you believe that every 20 something has this

00:21:56.240 beautiful state of the art, uh, apartment with marble countertops, floor to ceiling windows,

00:22:01.660 and tapestries on the wall from anthropology. No, that's just not reality. My first apartment

00:22:07.060 had, uh, all furniture that was not mine. So we had an orange couch from the seventies. We had

00:22:11.420 disgusting carpet. We had a life-size poster of Tupac and Snoop Dogg in our living room and a

00:22:16.700 kitchen that was legitimately the size of a coffee table. And it was fine. It was totally fine. It

00:22:21.300 worked. So be okay with roughing it. Um, now for some more professional advice, number eight, uh,

00:22:29.600 love the job you have, even if you don't have the job you love. Um, I wish that I could just

00:22:36.060 shout this from the rooftops for everyone to hear. You will not find your dream job out of college.

00:22:43.420 At least you're probably not going to maybe well, and that's awesome, but 99% of you won't. Um, I am

00:22:49.400 so incredibly grateful for my first job and for the people that I'm still friends with from that job,

00:22:54.600 but I didn't like the work that I was doing. To be honest, I'm just not really good at having a boss

00:23:00.440 or structure in general. You can call me a typical millennial. I am, uh, but other people dictating my

00:23:06.240 structure has never been an environment in which I've thrived. Um, I hope that you are different than

00:23:11.240 me because honestly, it's made me kind of miserable many times in my life. Um, I did not like my first job

00:23:17.100 or my second job out of college and I wasn't really good at them. Marketing, PR, social media.

00:23:22.980 Um, I was good at the actual work, the creativity aspect of it, but I wasn't a good employee. Um,

00:23:29.060 because I thought that I was supposed to love everything about my job and then I deserved

00:23:33.160 ample praise for doing my job well and that I deserve to be paid more. Um, and I was like so

00:23:39.380 many college graduates when you're 22, 21 years old, I was entitled. Uh, so just go ahead and just

00:23:46.120 knock that idea out of your head right now that you're going to have a dream job that pays you six

00:23:49.680 figures. You're entitled to nothing. You may not like even 40% of your first job. You may not like

00:23:55.520 your bosses. You might hate your coworkers. That's okay. Uh, your discomfort in your first job is not

00:24:00.880 unjust. It is life and you can either learn from it and use it as a springboard for the rest of your

00:24:06.840 career, or you can sulk about how unfair it is and harbor resentment against your first job for the rest of

00:24:12.040 your life. Um, this week, interestingly enough, I actually just felt kind of randomly compelled to

00:24:18.820 send an email to my first boss as she and her husband owned the PR firm where I worked. And I

00:24:24.280 just wanted to let her know that even though we've had our differences that I have gained so much respect

00:24:30.120 for them, especially over the last two years that I've been an entrepreneur, I had no idea how much

00:24:36.500 time and responsibility and pressure that they had and that they had to expend. And I still don't

00:24:43.940 fully know because I don't have 15 employees and clients the way that they do, but I do appreciate

00:24:48.840 more of the hustle and the work that they put into building a business and how stupid I was,

00:24:53.380 how stupid I was for acting entitled. Um, I have used what I learned in that first job in every single

00:25:00.240 stage of my career since then. I personally think that working with clients trains you better than any

00:25:05.500 other kind of job can, uh, for dealing with people, learning how to communicate and make people

00:25:10.120 happy. Um, I'm so thankful for my first job and everything it taught me. And that's how you can

00:25:15.600 view your first job or jobs too, or maybe even the next 15 jobs. What can you learn? What can you get

00:25:22.080 out of it? What can you work to do? How can you work to do the best of your ability to serve the people

00:25:26.560 around you? Plus for Christians, this is also a matter of obedience, which is not always easy, but it's like,

00:25:33.200 it's that verse in Colossians 3 23 that says, whatever you do, work at it with all your heart

00:25:37.780 as working for the Lord and not for man. Uh, this is really hard to do when you don't like your job or

00:25:42.740 the people that you work for, but it is also what the Lord requires of us. Um, also along with that

00:25:50.100 comes this charge to be humble. Uh, no matter what you are not better than your first job. You are lucky to

00:25:57.680 have your first job. It might not be your end goal, but that's okay. Do you really want to peak

00:26:02.320 when you're 22 years old? No, the answer is no. It's a marathon, not a sprint. So keep your head

00:26:08.940 down, work hard and be humble and accept criticism and, uh, teaching opportunities from your bosses

00:26:16.460 and coworkers, especially then when you're right out of college. Number nine, learn to communicate.

00:26:22.660 This is so important. Uh, I'm really passionate about this, uh, as a millennial origins year,

00:26:29.340 if you can communicate well, I promise you that you are going to get farther than your peers. Uh,

00:26:36.120 today it's very rare, sadly, for someone to be able to have a coherent extended conversation with a

00:26:41.760 young person. We are distracted. We are checking our phones. We're checking our Apple watches.

00:26:46.960 We're awkward. We are insecure. We're selfish in our conversations. We don't know how to ask

00:26:52.060 questions, how to keep the conversation going. We have no sense of wanting to impress authority

00:26:58.800 or people ahead of us. We are disrespectful. We are arrogant. Do not be that. Um, a subset of this,

00:27:07.420 learn how to write a freaking email. Um, I can't tell you how important this is. Learn how to write a

00:27:15.060 proper former email from start to finish. Like, hi, Sally. I hope you're having a great week.

00:27:21.080 I was wondering if you're available on Wednesday afternoon between three and five to go for the

00:27:25.380 deliverables. My team sent over last Friday, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Best alley.

00:27:31.180 And then learn etiquette for informal emails. Sometimes you don't have to put a greeting.

00:27:37.040 Sometimes it can be shorter than that. Sometimes people prefer you get right to the point. And

00:27:41.180 sometimes there is no etiquette at all because you're talking to a coworker or a friend and it

00:27:44.760 doesn't even matter if you use full sentences. Uh, it does depend on the relationship and the

00:27:48.980 context, but you must know how to write a formal email to an employer, a potential employer or a

00:27:55.820 client or anyone else whose favor you need to curry. Um, and you have to do that by employing

00:28:02.340 three things or doing three things. You have to make sure it's one grammatically correct,

00:28:06.240 two polite and three as concise as possible. If you need to take a glass on a class on grammar or email

00:28:12.240 writing, do that. There's no shame in that. Uh, being able to write a good email is so important

00:28:18.520 to your career. Um, and then the next little subset point, um, learn how to make conversation.

00:28:24.680 Um, also crucial is being able to communicate in general to, uh, in a more formal setting. So to a

00:28:31.200 boss, to an older person or someone you need to impress. Number one, make eye contact at all times.

00:28:37.660 Number two, don't check your phone in the middle of a conversation. Number three, ask questions,

00:28:43.340 appropriate questions. Um, it is much more important that you are interested than interesting.

00:28:49.380 Um, everyone likes to talk about themselves. If you want to impress someone, indulge them in talking

00:28:54.560 about themselves. Um, unless of course they're asking you questions about you, in which case you

00:28:59.660 obviously need to answer them. Uh, if you need to take a Toastmasters class, if you need to get on

00:29:04.720 YouTube and learn how to carry a good, attentive, non-awkward conversation that impresses people,

00:29:10.180 do that. Uh, you being able to win people over through solid communication is going to get you

00:29:14.980 so much further than those around you. I promise you that. I would say that 98% of the opportunities

00:29:21.680 that I've gotten in the people that I've met is because of, uh, communication than anything else.

00:29:27.260 That would be why I have chosen to do this for a living. You don't need to be a professional

00:29:31.880 communicator though, to be able to speak well and to write good emails, but they're absolutely

00:29:36.640 essential. Um, and then another subset in this, which I would say C, um, interview well. So here's

00:29:45.100 how I think you interview well. There's probably a lot more detail that you could go into one smile to

00:29:50.960 shake their hand, three, make eye contact for bring your resume and cover letter just in case.

00:29:56.920 Um, number five, don't fidget. Number six, have good posture. Number seven, don't talk too quickly.

00:30:04.460 Number eight, be self-assured, but not arrogant. Number nine, accurately articulate your skills.

00:30:10.740 Don't undersell or oversell. And number 10, have an answer for when they ask you your short and

00:30:16.620 long-term goals. And at the very least, make sure that your short-term goals align with what you would

00:30:21.880 actually be doing at this job. So if you have to change that just a little bit, that's fine.

00:30:26.100 Now the last tip of all of the tips here, number 10, do not be afraid to fail. Uh, at some point in

00:30:33.240 the last four years since college or at many points, um, I have failed at all of these things.

00:30:38.920 Uh, that is how I have this treasure trove of wisdom that I am opening up to you guys. Uh, I know

00:30:45.140 that following these things, uh, can set you up for success because I've learned the hard way. Um, and

00:30:51.480 it's by looking back that I realized that I didn't know any of this stuff when I graduated. I

00:30:55.980 was, um, you know, close-minded, short-sighted, like most people, when I graduate, I thought

00:31:01.560 I knew everything. I really knew nothing. Um, I needed to be humbled. I needed to struggle

00:31:06.280 and I still do. Uh, but that didn't just happen when I was in my first couple of jobs. That

00:31:12.040 didn't happen until I was in my first couple of jobs out of college. Um, I didn't know, uh,

00:31:17.380 what it was really to risk and to put myself out there actually, until I started this endeavor

00:31:23.460 though. Um, until I started posting videos of myself on the internet and it took a long

00:31:28.160 time for the conservative millennial to be anything. Um, it took a year and a half of

00:31:32.460 speaking, you know, pro bono at colleges and to, of blogging for me to actually, uh, make

00:31:40.340 something of this thing. And then it took another year for me to start this podcast and really

00:31:44.860 feel like, you know, I'm getting my footing in this industry and coming into my own. Um, I'm

00:31:50.400 just at the very, very beginning of all of it. I've really kind of just hopefully just

00:31:55.180 scratched the surface on my career. So I'm learning a lot, but I needed those first few

00:32:00.180 years out of college to teach me the things that I've just listed for you to be equipped

00:32:04.280 for taking a leap of faith and becoming an entrepreneur. I wouldn't have learned any of

00:32:09.580 this if I hadn't failed or had been afraid to fail. Uh, you're going to try things. A lot

00:32:14.860 of things aren't going to work. There's only going to be a few things probably that do.

00:32:18.200 And that's okay. What matters is how you use that failure to actually push you forward.

00:32:24.920 Um, okay. Now for a few of your listener questions, I got a lot. I can only answer three today. Um,

00:32:32.780 so I thought this was an interesting question. Do you feel like people in the professional

00:32:37.540 world treat you differently or take you more or less seriously if you are married versus

00:32:43.420 not married? Um, okay. So I can only speak from my experience here, uh, as a conservative,

00:32:50.480 it's really unpopular to say that sexism exists. And I don't think that there is some pervasive

00:32:56.020 patriarchy that's keeping women down. I just don't, but I have certainly felt patronized as a young

00:33:03.020 woman. I don't know if it's because of my age or because I'm a woman. Um, but I definitely

00:33:07.980 experienced that married or unmarried by older male bosses. I think any young girl could say this.

00:33:13.120 Um, I think young women are seen as more kind of malleable and more easily manipulated than young

00:33:19.280 men. And maybe we actually are, maybe we are more malleable and easily manipulated. Um, I've

00:33:24.360 experienced this in multiple places. We are usually more soft-spoken. We're less likely to demand higher

00:33:29.400 pay or fair treatment. Um, I think though, that when you're married, there is sometimes this assumption

00:33:34.820 that your husband is providing for you. So you don't need that promotion or you don't need that

00:33:39.620 raise as much as the husband and the dad does, which of course is not actually fair. Now, again,

00:33:45.320 statistically, there is no gender wage gap. I've talked about that on previous episodes. Um, but in

00:33:51.300 my experience, there is definitely a sense that especially when you are a young post-grad girl, you

00:33:56.980 don't need to be taken as seriously as a man. And as soon as you do speak up for yourself and defend

00:34:02.320 yourself, pardon my language, but you are called a bitch. Uh, when men are domineering and ambitious,

00:34:07.220 they're a bulldog. When women are, they are bitches. Uh, so women be kind, be caring, be polite,

00:34:13.520 but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and be a go-getter. You might get called a bitch,

00:34:18.200 uh, but at least you'll be a boss bitch. And that's the best kind of bitch that there is.

00:34:22.740 Um, number two, what are your tips for growing your social media following? Uh, so I get this question

00:34:31.300 a lot and there are a lot of people that are way better at this than me. I don't have any tips,

00:34:37.040 but being a social media strategist and now having social media channels, um, I've noticed that it's

00:34:43.140 really just good content. It's what people want to see and watch and read. That's it. Um, there are

00:34:49.080 different strategies. A lot of people say that they're secret sauce. They're all lying. There's

00:34:53.320 really not. Um, I would encourage everyone also though, to remember that a large social media following

00:34:58.220 really doesn't equal success or importance. Um, number three, how do you balance your task as a

00:35:04.320 follower of Christ with your desire and passion for politics? Uh, so even though, even though as

00:35:09.920 Christians, our citizenship is in heaven and my identity is in Christ and my purpose is to glorify

00:35:14.880 him. Uh, we do live on this earth and we are given earthly talents. Uh, he has called us to be salt and

00:35:21.640 light. We are salt and light by entering into dark places that includes politics and the media to

00:35:27.640 very dark places. In my opinion, um, God invented the government. He is sovereign over politics and

00:35:34.300 media. If all Christians stepped out of these things, there would be no light there. Uh, so I

00:35:39.220 am called to use my talents to the best of my ability in a way that alleviates the suffering or

00:35:43.820 confusion of others to glorify Christ. Um, I use what I've been given to serve others and to share the

00:35:50.160 gospel. That's, or that's what my purpose is. Uh, serving others might look like having a podcast

00:35:56.660 where you outline biblical perspectives on politics, or maybe it's being a missionary in

00:36:00.860 the Congo. Uh, we have different gifts, different callings. And as long as we are living in accordance,

00:36:05.360 uh, with God's word for his glory, then it really doesn't matter what we do. Um, so I hope that helps.

00:36:13.720 I hope that you guys enjoyed this episode of the podcast. Um, if you have any questions or constructive

00:36:19.820 criticism, you can always email me at Allie at the conservative millennial blog.com. Uh, please leave a

00:36:25.620 nice, uh, iTunes review. I love reading those. They just really make me happy. Or you can message me

00:36:31.660 on Instagram. It's Allie B. Stucky on Instagram, conserve Milan on Twitter. You can follow Allie on

00:36:36.400 CRTV on Facebook as well. I know I made it really easy that I have three different names on the three

00:36:41.800 different social media platforms. So you have to do a little bit of work. Uh, but anyway, I appreciate

00:36:45.860 you guys and I hope that you have a great weekend.

00:36:47.640 Okay.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - August 16, 2018

Ep 29 ｜ 10 Tips for the Real World

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