Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 34 ｜ The Paradox of Likability

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, happy Tuesday. So just FYI, I am pre-recording these episodes this week

00:00:07.040 because I'm going to be in North Carolina next week, aka this week for you guys as you're

00:00:13.120 listening to it. So we are going to cover kind of an evergreen topic, and that is the topic of

00:00:20.320 the paradox of likability, which I am going to explain in a second. Today, we're going to talk

00:00:26.120 about it as it pertains to politics and in particular to the Republican Party. And on

00:00:32.040 Thursday, we're going to talk about it as it pertains to Christianity. And today and Thursday,

00:00:37.200 I am going to answer many of the wonderful questions that you guys have sent me in the

00:00:40.920 last few days. So what is this paradox of likability or why is likability a paradox? And the reason it's

00:00:49.820 a paradox is because on the one hand, being likable draws people to you, to your cause and to your

00:00:56.020 message, making it easier for you to accomplish whatever goal it is that you want to accomplish,

00:01:00.940 whether that is just becoming someone's friend, gaining affirmation, convincing someone of your

00:01:06.820 plan, persuading them with an idea, whatever it is, likability typically helps you. And likability

00:01:13.840 comes in many forms, in my opinion. Someone doesn't even have to be friendly to be likable. They don't

00:01:19.080 have to be articulate necessarily to be likable. They don't always have to be funny or attractive,

00:01:23.860 though I think all of these things can help. But people who are likable are sometimes dry,

00:01:29.640 serious, reserved. And likewise, there are people who are very gregarious and funny who are not

00:01:36.440 likable at all. There's just kind of this intangible quality many times in likability. There are a lot of

00:01:44.360 things that people can do to improve their level of likability, but some people are just kind of born

00:01:49.540 with this aura of likability that draws people to them, that compels other people to listen to them.

00:01:57.600 And the truly impactful people are the ones who are not only naturally likable, but they're also

00:02:02.620 smooth. They leverage their natural likability into charm, a charm that persuades people.

00:02:10.420 Likeability not only draws people to you, it also makes them trust you. Most people I know,

00:02:16.680 maybe not everyone, but most people I know want to be likable. I mean, that's the reason why most of us

00:02:24.020 are on social media. We want likes. We want affirmation that people like us. We present

00:02:30.000 ourselves as attractive, as fun, as funny, as the kind of people other people would want to hang out

00:02:35.840 with. Most people want to be likable. Now, yes, some people would rather just command respect. People in

00:02:42.620 the military, for example, they may not care about being liked. They just want to be respected.

00:02:47.560 They would rather be feared. But I think in the words of Michael Scott, if we had to choose between

00:02:53.200 being feared or loved, we would probably say both that we want people to fear how much they love us.

00:02:59.260 And even though I would say that the likes we seek on social media are kind of they're unhealthy

00:03:04.280 and they're fleeting forms of affirmation. The desire to be liked and to be likable is natural.

00:03:11.500 That's because likability is a good quality to have. Everyone wants to be charming. Everyone wants

00:03:18.840 to be the kind of person people listen to and want to hang out with. Likeability in general is a good

00:03:25.540 quality to which people aspire. At first or at my first job, we called it something called woo,

00:03:31.460 which stands for winning others over. It's an incredibly valuable characteristic that for the

00:03:36.980 most part I think is God given. But on the other hand, there is a downside to likability. It is a

00:03:45.000 double edged sword. Likeability can also be used as a tool of manipulation. The same characteristic

00:03:52.420 that draws people in can also convince people of lies. It also has been used as a facade at some

00:03:59.520 points. People are often so captured by the likability of someone that they're unable to

00:04:04.300 see what's behind the curtain. They're unable to examine the message that this likable person is

00:04:09.160 conveying in an objective way. The first person that comes to mind for me is Bill Clinton. By every

00:04:15.640 account that I've ever read, he is charming. There's just something about him that people really love.

00:04:22.360 I think he has a personality trait that he was really just bored with. But apparently,

00:04:27.940 he kind of has habits of a likable person. At least when he was a politician, he remembered everyone's

00:04:34.040 name every time. He remembered the small things that you mentioned just once, things about your

00:04:39.000 family, your own life. When he was talking to you, and maybe it's still this way, he makes you feel

00:04:44.820 like you were the only person in the room. And it worked for him. He was embroiled in scandal and

00:04:50.780 accusations of being a womanizer while he was still governor of Arkansas. He still got elected

00:04:56.040 president after that. And then in his first term, he was under investigation for all kinds of

00:05:02.440 suspected corruption. And he still got elected for a second term. Now, of course, he was impeached

00:05:08.640 and then acquitted in the middle of his second term. But the point is that despite all of the public

00:05:15.340 scandal that surrounded him during his presidency, he still won the hearts of the people. He was liked,

00:05:21.420 at least by his own party. And if they're honest, a few Republicans probably liked him as a person

00:05:27.400 too. But what we also know about Bill Clinton is that he was a master manipulator. We all know about

00:05:34.580 Monica Lewinsky, but he had a long history of messing around with women when he was in positions of power 1.00

00:05:40.500 from everything Lewinsky has said in her biography and elsewhere. She honestly felt that he loved her,

00:05:46.960 that he cared about her, wanted a relationship with her. It wasn't just a physical relationship

00:05:52.560 either. It was an emotional relationship. And it was the emotional side of that relationship with

00:05:57.680 Bill Clinton that tore Monica Lewinsky apart. She fell in love with him and Bill Clinton encouraged it,

00:06:04.040 but obviously had no intention of actually being with her. And that's the way that Clinton was

00:06:09.520 reportedly with everything. He had a way of dodging scandals and accusations of corruption through

00:06:15.400 charm. And he still does it to this day. You remember that he's had interviews recently where

00:06:21.780 he will dodge questions about the responsibility of the situation with Monica Lewinsky. This is what

00:06:28.440 master manipulators do. And it is impossible to be a master manipulator if you are not first likable.

00:06:36.020 Bill Clinton is a perfect example of the paradox of likability in politics. But likability doesn't

00:06:43.140 always have to have that downside. It doesn't always have to be a paradox. It doesn't have to be used

00:06:49.080 for manipulation. Ronald Reagan is an excellent example of someone who used his charm and his

00:06:55.320 wit and his communication skills and acting ability to win people over. But from every account ever

00:07:01.620 rendered, he was a man of faith, of goodwill, of honor and integrity. He was called the great

00:07:07.520 communicator. And he used that gift not to cover up corruption underneath, but to actually shed light

00:07:13.240 on the truth in a way that would embed his message into people's hearts and minds. I'm not saying he

00:07:19.420 wasn't partisan, that he wasn't trying to convince people, other people of his particular political

00:07:25.320 stances. He was. But from everything that people have said about Reagan, his likability was genuine.

00:07:30.740 It was used as a tool to advance his causes, which were primarily the restriction of nuclear weapons

00:07:38.160 and the alleviation of tax burdens on Americans. Now, I know that I just used a Democrat for my bad

00:07:45.820 example and a Republican for my good example, but it's not really a partisan thing. There have been

00:07:50.060 good and bad likable people on both sides of the aisle. FDR was a Democrat. And while I don't agree

00:07:56.520 with most or all of his policies that he put in place during the Great Depression,

00:08:00.460 I think that as far as we can tell, his motives were pure. His fireside chats changed the countenance

00:08:06.340 of the entire nation. He was actually a really big inspiration for Reagan and the way that he

00:08:11.360 communicated, really reaching into the hearts and minds of distressed Americans and assuring them

00:08:17.840 that they're going to be OK. He drew people to him. That was a gift. And to the best of his ability

00:08:23.680 at the time, he did use it for good. People loved FDR on both sides of the aisle. People

00:08:29.740 in both parties have been praising him for decades. And for the most part, besides Reagan and a handful

00:08:36.080 of other Republican politicians over the years, Democrats and progressives have dominated the

00:08:42.260 field with both good likable people and bad likable people. And this is the paradox. This is the problem.

00:08:50.000 Likeability is useful for drawing others in, but it can also be a cover for both bad people

00:08:55.920 and bad ideas. And I'm seeing that especially right now. You have people like Ocasio-Cortez,

00:09:03.480 like Beto O'Rourke here in Texas, like Andrew Gillum in Florida. You still have in the background

00:09:08.160 people like Obama and Bernie Sanders. These are people with horrific ideas, truly damaging

00:09:13.980 socialist ideas who are likable people. Bernie Sanders and Obama, other than Bernie Sanders and

00:09:21.000 Obama, they are young. The people I just listed, they, including Obama, are pretty good looking.

00:09:26.940 They're attractive looking. They are charming. They are relatable. They make you feel like even

00:09:31.720 though, even if you don't agree with them, you would hang out with them. Now, a huge part of that

00:09:37.380 is, of course, how they are actually portrayed by the media. They are on all the late night shows.

00:09:42.560 They're hanging out with celebrities, which all lends to this idea that they are cool,

00:09:47.240 hip people. Even Hillary Clinton was made to seem likable by the media. But even Ellen,

00:09:53.140 one of the most likable people, at least on TV in the world, couldn't make Hillary Clinton 1.00

00:09:57.800 attractive to the right people. But for the most part, progressives put forth likable,

00:10:03.920 relatable candidates at higher rates than conservatives do. And I can see conservatives

00:10:08.960 becoming defensive about this because since most conservatives are pretty smart, we know about

00:10:14.860 the superficiality of just being likable, that if it's not backed by integrity and substance,

00:10:21.080 then it really doesn't matter how charming you are. But the mistake, the mistake that conservatives

00:10:26.340 make is throwing the baby out with the bathwater and pretending that likability is a bad thing that 1.00

00:10:31.300 should be kind of shunned altogether. That is why, in my opinion, we don't typically put forth

00:10:37.080 likable candidates, which is why, consequently, conservatives do not attract young people.

00:10:42.580 We constantly harp on this idea or this line that the best idea wins. And while I really wish that

00:10:49.560 were true, it should be true. It's just not. The reality is, is that it is usually nine times out

00:10:55.920 of 10 the best communicated idea that wins. Now, some people will say that even a wonderfully

00:11:02.960 communicated idea might fall on deaf ears if the people that you're speaking to are indeed deaf

00:11:09.440 to logic and reality. We Christians know that firsthand. It doesn't matter how many different

00:11:14.740 ways you present the gospel to someone. They still might not believe it. The Bible tells us

00:11:20.000 that that's going to be the case. So I'm not saying that unconditionally communication wins people over.

00:11:26.960 Some people just refuse to hear. But typically, it is the winner of the battle over messaging

00:11:32.640 who wins the war over ideology. So it is a mistake. It is a mistake for conservatives to say we don't

00:11:41.640 want anything to do with Obama's charm or Beto O'Rourke's relatability or Ocasio-Cortez's social media

00:11:48.420 marketing strategy. All we care about is someone's principles and agenda. I understand that. I do.

00:11:54.980 And sometimes that works. But even unlikable candidates still have to be more likable than

00:12:01.180 the person they're competing against. I wouldn't say Donald Trump is the most likable guy in the

00:12:06.000 world, but he was more likable to the right people than Hillary Clinton was. And in the end, that's

00:12:11.760 really all that matters. That worked for that election. And it might work again. But increasingly,

00:12:18.260 the people conservatives are going to have to convince are not going to be the baby boomers in 1.00

00:12:22.660 middle America that like Trump. They're going to be the millennials who don't like Trump or anyone

00:12:27.080 like him. And whether we like it or not, millennials care about likability more than they care about

00:12:33.360 anything else. That is why, in large part, socialists are winning over that generation with

00:12:40.340 their ideas because their candidates seem cool. Let's just be real here. For those of you who live in

00:12:46.960 Texas, who would you rather grab a beer with? Politics aside, Beto O'Rourke or Ted Cruz?

00:12:53.800 Politics aside, just what you've seen of them. Not that I would be going to a bar by myself with

00:13:00.240 one of these random men. But if I were, I would probably honestly pick Beto O'Rourke. I would hang

00:13:06.660 out with Ocasio-Cortez. I would probably hang out with Andrew Gillum probably more than I would Ron

00:13:11.260 DeSantis. He seems like a really nice guy. The only reason I don't like any of those people,

00:13:17.260 the socialists that I listed, is because I care about policy more than I care about personality.

00:13:22.200 And the reason I do is because I actually pay attention. But the vast majority of millennials

00:13:27.100 don't. They don't care. They don't feel like they have time. So what do they do? They go on social

00:13:33.680 media. They like what they see of O'Rourke. He made them laugh or something like that. They made

00:13:37.600 him feel good. So they vote for him. And how conservatives tend to respond to that is,

00:13:43.200 well, millennials are idiots. They're uninformed. They're stupid for only caring about how attractive 1.00

00:13:49.680 someone is. And yes, I agree. I agree with that. They are stupid for only caring about that. But 1.00

00:13:57.120 harping on their ignorance isn't going to win us elections. Putting forth likable candidates well.

00:14:02.800 So even though likability is or can be paradoxical, even though it has a dangerous side,

00:14:08.880 it doesn't have to be. I think even conservatives now link charm to Democrat. So we tend to avoid

00:14:16.260 charming, compelling candidates because we think they lack substance or something. But remember,

00:14:21.320 while likability can be used to cover up indecency, as was the case of Bill Clinton and even JFK,

00:14:26.560 it can also be used to win people over to a good cause, like with Reagan. We are stupid. 1.00

00:14:32.340 for not realizing that and manifesting that. A large number of Republican candidates and politicians, 1.00

00:14:39.320 not all, but a lot, in my opinion, are stuffy and nerdy. They just are. They are the kind of people 0.91

00:14:46.080 that you just know have been reading about tax policy since they were 12. And there's nothing wrong

00:14:51.020 with reading about tax policy since you were 12. But I want to know that you can also carry an engaging

00:14:57.200 conversation with me. So I have been throwing around some ideas in my head about how I personally,

00:15:04.320 as a conservative commentator, can help with this. What can I do to make our Republican leaders and

00:15:09.360 conservatives come across as real people? Because that's what we lack. Realness. An exception to this

00:15:15.360 rule, I would say, is Ben Sasse. He is a very likable person. I don't know what you think about all of

00:15:19.620 his politics, but he's very likable. But I want to help show other people are real, that they are

00:15:26.220 likable, that are on our side. And I have reached out to three, I won't say who, three Republican

00:15:32.600 leaders in Congress to do a funny satirical interview with me, like the one I did with Ben Shapiro.

00:15:37.540 And even though I have really good connections with all of them, I've met two of them.

00:15:42.660 Um, and from what I know, I think that we agree and I'm, I'm liked by these people. I was turned

00:15:49.060 down by all three. Uh, there could be a plethora of reasons for this. They certainly have better

00:15:53.560 things to do, better ways to spend their time than talking to a mid-level podcaster. I totally get

00:15:58.720 that. I don't think that I'm some like star that they need to drop everything for. But one of these

00:16:03.980 people, one of these people in particular, whom I am very well connected to has a race to win and it is

00:16:09.480 a close race. And guess what? His democratic opponent is dominating with millennials. His

00:16:14.260 democratic opponent is light years more likable than he is. Now this person will probably end up

00:16:20.440 winning. His state is very red, but if he were smart, he would have taken an interview with someone

00:16:26.000 who is going to a help him look fun, funny, and real. And B has an audience of almost all millennials

00:16:32.840 and is connected to a lot of young people in his state. And like I said, maybe he turned me down

00:16:39.200 because he was genuinely busy, but this would have been an excellent opportunity for him to relate

00:16:43.900 to the demographic that he is struggling most, most with, uh, same with the two other congressmen,

00:16:49.580 the most serious guys in the world, but they have great ideas and they could, uh, use some help

00:16:54.860 relating to young people. They straight up said no. So my advice to any Congress people and to you who

00:17:01.040 have Congress people would be, uh, to encourage them to take opportunities in which their real side is

00:17:07.300 actually shown. Uh, so I say that because when I originally ranted about this on my Instagram story,

00:17:12.500 I got a lot of questions. One, I got a lot of people telling me to run for office, which hate to

00:17:16.420 break it to you. Probably never going to happen. Uh, but I also got a lot of questions about what we

00:17:21.320 can do to change that and help. Um, and I'm just letting you know that I'm trying. This is a huge

00:17:26.140 reason why I do the non-serious funny, at least to most of you, funny videos, because I have a lot of

00:17:34.520 people reach out to me after them and say, okay, I don't like your politics or I don't agree with

00:17:39.460 you, but your stuff makes me laugh. I just had someone the other day who I haven't talked to in

00:17:43.820 years, who is a diehard liberal say, you know what? Your tweets really make me laugh, but I don't agree

00:17:49.920 with anything you say politically. Uh, that's okay with me. I think it's an interesting way to reach

00:17:54.580 across the aisle. Um, I get messages or reviews every day that say, you know, I, I hate this podcast,

00:18:00.920 but I really like you. Uh, that is why the podcast is called relatable because we have a huge problem

00:18:07.280 among conservatives and Republicans with being likable. Uh, now there are plenty of people I'm

00:18:12.240 sure who find me really annoying and not relatable at all. And that's fine. Uh, that's always going to

00:18:17.220 be the case no matter what, but we need likability, relatability in our party and on our side. And we

00:18:23.140 just don't have very much of it. Uh, so here are a few tangible tips for conservative politicians.

00:18:30.300 Uh, first of all, stop acting and talking like a politician. That is part of why Trump beat Hillary. 0.98

00:18:37.160 He didn't sound like a politician. Like this is, this is one of my peeves when it comes to politicians,

00:18:43.620 when they do that thing with their hand, where they put the thumb over their forefinger and they

00:18:50.500 point without actually pointing. I want to know where politicians learn that. Is that something that

00:18:55.580 they teach you and the poli side department who said that that was a good thing to do when you're

00:19:00.120 speaking? Also, also learn to give a speech, learn to give a speech in a way that doesn't sound like

00:19:06.940 you're reading from a book. Uh, every politician's cadence is the exact same. Their tone is the exact

00:19:13.100 same. The best thing about Ronald Reagan was that he made you laugh and he actually just made you feel

00:19:18.380 good, made you feel inspired. Um, I know very, very few conservatives in politics who can do that.

00:19:25.100 They are boring as heck. Some of the worst speeches I've ever heard have been given by conservative 0.65

00:19:31.580 Congress people. Uh, so lighten up, have a heart, have empathy. That's probably the biggest thing.

00:19:37.820 Have empathy for your audience and let them know that you're thinking about what they're thinking.

00:19:42.440 Don't just get up there and push your agenda down their throat. Let them know that you feel the same

00:19:46.760 things they feel, read their minds, articulate their emotions, um, have some pathos rather than

00:19:53.360 only going for the logos every time. Um, and conservative influencers can do a better job

00:19:58.960 of being likable to all of us, um, of being funny and kind and relatable. That doesn't mean that that

00:20:05.220 looks the same for everyone. It doesn't. Ben Shapiro is an example. He's, he's intellectual and dry,

00:20:11.240 but he also has a really good sense of humor and is good at bringing that out in an effective way

00:20:16.780 that makes people really like him. Uh, he has a way that kind of draws people in that's different

00:20:21.940 than my way or a lot of other people's way. Um, but he allows himself to be a real person. And I think

00:20:28.320 that that's the ticket, uh, too many conservatives come across only as mean and cold and one dimensional

00:20:36.440 or two dimensional and condescending. Um, and I hate, or I hate this. It's this kind of idea that

00:20:47.580 because we hate political correctness, we have to purposely hurt people's feelings and say things

00:20:53.260 that trigger everyone in sight. Uh, I just think that that's a really dumb strategy, especially in 0.96

00:20:58.700 attracting young people. Now there's nothing wrong with speaking truths and triggering someone. You 0.91

00:21:03.300 can't really help it if the truth hurts, but this tactic of only saying things to get a rise out of

00:21:08.560 people is a losing strategy for conservatives. Just be a real person. Um, okay. So for today,

00:21:16.940 that's it for the likability paradox for conservatives. Now I want to answer some of your questions because

00:21:22.940 I said that I would, um, I asked y'all to give me some personal questions, political questions,

00:21:29.480 uh, whatever your little hearts desired. So you did. So thank you for that. Uh, first question

00:21:35.860 has nothing to do with politics. Uh, how did your husband propose? Uh, my husband, Timothy proposed

00:21:43.900 after we were dating for five months, as some of you guys know, and let's see, I know it was,

00:21:52.340 it was the day after I had this big event for work. I was doing PR for this big leadership organization.

00:21:57.640 And that night we went to a concert. I believe we saw Hozier in concert, which is kind of random.

00:22:04.980 And I'm not sure if I remember that it was coming or not, but the next day he was surprising me with

00:22:10.200 something like we were going on a trip. Um, and he took me to Furman where I went to school and we'd

00:22:17.160 like, I don't know, we walked around campus and then we went to this place called Falls Park,

00:22:21.660 which is in Greenville. And we were just kind of walking around. And at that point I kind of knew

00:22:25.980 because he was like walking three feet ahead of me the whole time. And he just seemed really

00:22:31.280 nervous and he was talking fast and I felt like he was kind of shaky and stuff. And then we were

00:22:36.220 walking around and I could tell he was looking for a spot for us to kind of sit down or something.

00:22:41.060 Uh, but anyway, we just, I guess he found a spot and he, yeah, got down on one knee. For some reason,

00:22:47.920 I remember this distinctly. I remember dropping my sunglasses and that kind of ruining the moment.

00:22:52.540 And also we didn't have anyone around to take a picture. So I do recommend,

00:22:56.540 I don't know, someone being around, take a picture. If you're into that, um, we don't have

00:23:01.440 a picture of the actual proposal and we got along just fine, but we did get a picture after. So it

00:23:06.820 was in Greenville. And then we drove back to Athens where we were both living at the time.

00:23:12.820 And, um, I was surprised to go into a sister's house and see my parents and my best friend.

00:23:18.860 And it was great. And we only had a four month engagement. I highly recommend short engagements.

00:23:25.600 So that's how my husband proposed. Uh, second question. If you have friends in your personal

00:23:31.200 life who are not Christians, how much obligation do you have to specifically proselytize them,

00:23:37.040 uh, versus just letting the way you live your life be a witness? I think that's a good question.

00:23:42.080 And I'm not sure that there's a perfect formula for that. I do think that it's important to actually

00:23:46.700 speak truth to someone. I think that we obviously, we sometimes give ourselves a cop out when we say,

00:23:52.560 oh, we're just going to be really nice to this person and hope that they come to the Lord.

00:23:57.840 And really that's just kind of a way to not want to feel uncomfortable. Um, but I do think that you

00:24:03.980 living your life at the end of the day is more important than your words, that you showing them

00:24:09.840 that you're, that your life is different, that how you give, how you live, how you talk,

00:24:14.240 the things you care about, the way that you spend your money, the way that you spend your time,

00:24:18.040 how much you serve people, the way that you don't talk badly about people, even the music

00:24:22.220 that you listen to, those can all be an example of a life that is marked by Christ. And I also think

00:24:29.700 things like, uh, not obsessing over, uh, social media, the superficial affirmation that it brings,

00:24:36.820 um, you know, relieving your anxiety by praying. All of these things are so counter-cultural

00:24:42.260 and different than how the world deals with things that I think that that can be an amazing

00:24:46.340 witness because you're showing them what the freedom of living in Christ looks like. And

00:24:52.240 people are attracted to that. But I do think it's important, especially when the opportunity arises

00:24:56.800 organically, uh, to be unashamed in your preaching of the gospel and to not be shy about the truth

00:25:02.980 and to take the opportunity when you can to bring it up yourself. Um, I think it's important to do

00:25:08.480 both, but of course that an example indeed, uh, is even better than using words. Uh, next question,

00:25:15.880 if you had to pick losing the ability to joke or never speaking in public again,

00:25:22.240 which would you choose? And then in parentheses or losing a limb? Ooh, um, I would choose never,

00:25:33.140 ever, ever, ever joke. Limb. I feel, I feel like I would lose a limb. I feel like I would rather lose

00:25:45.180 my arm, not a leg. I don't know. Not a leg. I would rather lose my arm. Definitely. So ranking goes

00:25:52.560 first, first, the most important to me of these things is public speaking. I would never choose

00:26:00.420 to not public speak again. And then the joking is secondary. So I would rather public speak than

00:26:07.040 joke, but I would rather lose a limb than eliminate any of the things because like, okay, I have a new

00:26:14.000 cool defining feature of me. It's like, oh, she's not just the conservative millennial. She is the one

00:26:18.980 arm conservative millennial. That just adds like a whole different dynamic to everything that I do.

00:26:24.520 And really how much do I need my left arm? Really? I definitely don't need limbs for podcasting.

00:26:30.280 So I think I would lose a limb. Um, next question. This is interesting. I've always thought yoga was

00:26:38.380 like the spiritualistic thing that had no business in the church, but I've been seeing more and more

00:26:43.540 churches having yoga groups as part of their small groups. How can these two things coexist? Um,

00:26:49.840 so I don't know if I have the absolutely correct theological answer on all of this. I've done yoga

00:26:56.160 in the past. I kind of feel like it's an individual thing. I have never done yoga in order to,

00:27:02.420 I don't know, do anything idolatrous or that doesn't glorify God. I think that yoga can be used

00:27:09.520 as a good meditative force to even pray or to just get your mind centered or to kind of be at peace

00:27:16.320 and to be quiet while also exercising your body. I don't think that there's anything inherently

00:27:21.200 sinful about it. Now, of course, if you were expecting it to do some magic on your mind,

00:27:25.920 it's going to give you a peace outside of Christ. Then no, I don't think that's going to work. And I

00:27:31.540 guess there are some weird spiritualistic aspects of it, but I just don't buy into any of that. And so

00:27:38.580 whenever I have done yoga in the past, I haven't thought about these things. Like I'm not buying into

00:27:44.260 the aspects of it that don't align with my faith. So I think it's, I guess, I think it's fine for

00:27:49.580 churches and small groups to kind of redeem yoga or reclaim yoga. If you want to say that and use

00:27:54.840 it in a way that's glorifying to God, it's just using your body and meditation to be centered and

00:28:02.280 to maybe even focus on God more. Um, hi, Allie. I am a Furman alumna. Go Dens. Yes. Go Dens. Uh, 0.99

00:28:09.960 before my question, I just want to say that I wish I could put into words my gratitude for you,

00:28:14.520 for the example of the strong Christian and conservative woman that you have set for me.

00:28:18.160 Any example that you have set for me and for other young adults? Uh, thank you. I was just

00:28:24.080 wondering if you have any recommendations of small things someone with a busy schedule can

00:28:28.040 implement into their lives, uh, to stay well versed in politics. Great. Or, uh, thanks. I meant to say

00:28:36.320 thanks. Not great. Cause you said thanks at the end of your message, but then I wanted to say great

00:28:40.960 question. Um, so yes, it is, it can be really difficult and I think overwhelming to stay in the

00:28:48.360 know with every single detail of what's going on with, for example, the Russia investigation,

00:28:52.500 but I actually don't think that's necessary. Um, I like the skim because it's a very simple

00:28:59.580 breakdown of the most important things that are happening, not just in America, but also around

00:29:03.500 the world. Now, since Trump has taken office, they have become a little bit more partisan. So I do

00:29:09.560 recommend doing your own research. And what I do is I always try to research things from both sides of

00:29:15.460 the aisle. So I think it's interesting to go to foxnews.com and see the things that they're

00:29:20.020 reporting as most important, and then go to the New York times and see the things that they're

00:29:23.920 reporting as most important. A good kind of middle of the road, I think is the wall street journal.

00:29:27.940 Um, they are pretty good about being nonpartisan. Um, so I tried to do just a little bit of digging

00:29:36.180 on the most important stories from both sides, from both sides of the spectrum. I also like to,

00:29:41.940 uh, go on social media to see what everyone is talking about or what's kind of making people mad,

00:29:50.120 things like that. I follow a wide range of commentators on the left and the right,

00:29:54.400 just to see what kind of people are outraged by. That doesn't mean that's the most important

00:29:58.340 story of the day. You don't have to follow the outrage of people to prioritize your news stories,

00:30:04.140 but it's interesting. It's interesting to see, I think, uh, what people care about. So I think

00:30:09.120 just a quick skim, um, on social media and on two opposing, uh, news sites is a good way to just kind

00:30:16.960 of get a sense of what people are talking about and what people are caring about. Uh, you don't have

00:30:21.980 to be completely inundated in the details of the news and politics to be well-versed. Uh, drudge

00:30:27.480 report also kind of gives a lot of headlines that are good for staying generally in the know. And of

00:30:33.560 course you can continue to listening to listen to this podcast. I try to give you a good sense of

00:30:39.180 important things and how you can think about them. So anyway, thanks for listening. It's a great

00:30:45.260 question. Uh, what life experience impacted you the most? Um, I would say probably I worked at a

00:30:53.560 camp called camp Barnabas, which is in Missouri and it's a camp for kids and adults with special

00:30:57.880 needs. Uh, my brother has special needs, but I think I didn't, I didn't really understand the special

00:31:05.840 needs community until I worked at this camp for a summer. I had volunteered there in the past. And then

00:31:11.540 I actually worked there on staff, uh, the summer, I think before college. And I think it really kind

00:31:20.680 of irreversibly like enlarged my heart for people that can't take care of themselves and just

00:31:26.920 vulnerable communities in general. And I also just found something in myself that I didn't know that I

00:31:35.040 had that much. I I've always kind of been an empathetic person. I just feel very strongly for

00:31:41.500 people. Um, and this, I think really just kind of dug deeply into that. And I think that it also

00:31:49.380 changed me spiritually as well, because I kind of saw in these kids and adults that really couldn't

00:31:54.400 do anything for themselves that needed to be taken care of the way that God sees us as well,

00:31:59.280 that we are completely helpless to help ourselves and we really have nothing to add to him. And yet

00:32:04.960 he chooses to spend time with us and to save us. So I think that that dynamic completely changed

00:32:11.220 my relationship with the Lord and really my relationship with other people and the idea

00:32:15.340 of justice and charity and helping people. And of course, getting married changed my life too.

00:32:20.720 You don't know how selfish you are until you have to lay down your conveniences for someone else.

00:32:28.860 And I've also heard that having kids shows you again, how selfish you are. So I'm looking forward

00:32:34.040 to that one day. Um, where do you see yourself in 10 years? No freaking clue. No idea. I wish I knew.

00:32:40.760 I don't, I doing some form of this and hopefully I have all of my children by then. Well, who knows?

00:32:47.440 Maybe I won't have all my kids by then. I'll be 36. Uh, I don't know. I don't know where I'll be in

00:32:52.420 life in 10 years. Uh, hopefully somewhere good. Uh, what motivates you as an individual? Uh, you guys

00:32:59.400 motivate me a lot. Uh, I, I just love hearing from you and hearing for the things that mean a lot to

00:33:05.420 you of, uh, what I do, the things that have an impact on you, the times that you tell me that I

00:33:10.800 cause you to think differently about something that really, really motivates me. And obviously I feel

00:33:16.620 like God put me on this earth for a specific purpose and that motivates me as well. The gospel

00:33:22.820 motivates me. Uh, last question for today. What is the end goal of the pro-life movement? When all

00:33:28.040 abortion is abolished, some would say that women would be charged with murder if they abort and

00:33:33.220 claim that the only abortionists that claim that only abortionists would be charged. If only

00:33:38.080 abortionists are charged with murder, wouldn't that be inconsistent? I have a heart for women,

00:33:41.900 but they, uh, if they hire a hitman to cut their child out of their womb, shouldn't they be charged

00:33:46.900 for murder too? I, uh, decided to end this, I guess, with the kind of heavy question. Um, I think

00:33:53.940 it's so difficult because logically and legally you would think that someone who decides to have

00:34:01.120 someone murder someone else would be, uh, charged with at the very least being complicit in murder

00:34:08.700 and should go to jail. But at the same time, I have a very difficult time justifying putting a truly

00:34:16.040 desperate woman who feels she's wrong, but she feels like abortion is her only choice. I have a very 0.77

00:34:21.160 difficult time saying that that person should be arrested and should go to jail. I feel like that

00:34:26.580 person needs help. Um, now not all women who have abortions are desperate. Some women obviously just 0.94

00:34:32.700 do it based on convenience. I don't know if you can take it on a case by case basis. Um, but there

00:34:37.820 are a lot of women who do it out of absolute desperation and who wrongly think that this is 1.00

00:34:42.420 their only choice. I would hate to put them in a more desperate situation and, uh, put them in jail.

00:34:47.560 Oh, that just, Oh, that just breaks my heart. I can't say that I'm for that, but I understand the

00:34:52.420 legal and logical question that why wouldn't they be punished for that? And I can't say that I know

00:34:57.940 the answer to it. I can't, I can't say that I know the right and moral answer to that. I do think

00:35:04.520 abortionists, uh, should be punished. Uh, but that's a little bit of a different situation. They 1.00

00:35:09.620 are removed from the emotions and the reality and the desperation of the circumstance that this

00:35:16.300 woman is possibly in and they are choosing to kill someone for money. That's, that seems to me a 0.70

00:35:23.260 little bit more depraved, a little bit more evil. So I know that that seems really subjective. I'm

00:35:29.700 not a judge. I'm also not a lawyer, so I can't say for sure what the law would be. Um, obviously I

00:35:35.140 believe in eliminating not just abortion, but then the felt need for abortion. So helping women who are

00:35:40.500 poor, helping women who need education, helping women who need to become citizens, helping women who need

00:35:45.620 a safe haven from abuse, abusive, uh, men. Um, so that is the hope that we give holistic care to

00:35:53.960 these women who feel like they're desperate and not just tell them that they can't get an abortion. 1.00

00:35:57.840 Although of course I believe that's important too, since the child's life is valuable. Uh, so I hope

00:36:02.720 that kind of gave, I mean, that's just my honest perspective. It's definitely not, um, the Bible truth

00:36:08.760 because I don't know, there's still more than I need to think about there, but I appreciate all of your

00:36:13.640 questions and I appreciate you guys listening. Love you. And I will see you here on Thursday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - September 04, 2018

Ep 34 ｜ The Paradox of Likability

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