Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 368 ｜ What Is Love？

00:00:00.000 hey guys welcome to relatable happy thursday hope everyone has had a wonderful week so far so today

00:00:16.500 as promised we are not talking about the news we're not talking about politics we're not even

00:00:21.540 talking about culture we are talking about love i told you guys that we would do a more theological

00:00:26.840 episode and so that's exactly what we're going to do now if you are watching this on youtube or even

00:00:32.480 those of you who are listening to this it might look different if you're watching it might sound

00:00:36.620 different if you're just listening that's because i'm having to record from home today so i've got

00:00:42.340 my handy dandy computer and ring light and air pod so hopefully it sounds and looks okay but i know

00:00:48.160 it's not the same as my beautiful set and wonderful microphone that i typically have but we are

00:00:56.580 going to make do and i'm very thankful for advancements in technology that i am able to do

00:01:02.300 this um so today we're talking about love and what i'm going to do is to go through the different

00:01:09.180 kinds of love that i'm going to talk about how they are manifesting themselves um in society today in a

00:01:16.180 more perverse way that we need to be aware of and then what these types of love are supposed to look

00:01:21.720 like and how we should pursue them as christians so this is not necessarily like heavy theology or

00:01:28.720 anything like that i'm going to use c.s lewis's four loves kind of as a basis for all of this and

00:01:35.020 use scripture and of course the gospel to talk about what this love means um of course in light

00:01:42.520 of valentine's day and i hope that you in this episode feeling encouraged and feeling um uplifted

00:01:49.460 in the midst of all of this craziness i realized that that's what a lot of us are craving um that's

00:01:55.480 what i've gleaned from the messages that you guys have sent that yes you like hearing about the news

00:02:01.880 and politics and you want someone at least from my perspective to make sense of of the chaos uh but

00:02:09.780 sometimes what we also need is to just take a step back and to remember um what's most important we

00:02:15.820 actually need that all of the time but sometimes we need to remove our focus from what's going on

00:02:21.380 in the world and kind of take that burden of trying to know and care about everything off and to

00:02:27.960 remember what grounds us what keeps us sane what holds us together what lifts our eyes up in the midst

00:02:34.100 of all the craziness and the confusion that goes on in the world so let's talk about it let's talk

00:02:41.000 about love this might be the most bastardized word in the english language the most misused the

00:02:47.960 most misunderstood the most misapplied manipulated word that we have whether it's confusing lust in

00:02:54.080 love or jealousy in love or tolerance in love we confuse it and get it wrong a lot and it's not just

00:03:01.140 the secular world that gets it wrong we christians get it wrong the church can sometimes get it wrong we

00:03:06.840 can idolize certain types of love and it's really important that we get this right what love really

00:03:13.480 is particularly as christians because we are constantly told by non-christians that uh what we

00:03:20.800 believe is not actually loving that it is not loving to believe in john 14 6 for example that jesus is

00:03:27.280 the way the truth the life and that no one comes to the father except through him we are told that it's

00:03:34.440 not loving to believe in romans 3 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god that it's

00:03:41.040 hateful uh to call sin what god calls sin to call truth what god calls truth to share the gospel to do

00:03:47.900 mission work to be a christian in any way that is counter-cultural we are told often today at least

00:03:54.280 that that is hateful the only type of christianity that is acceptable to much of the world today is the

00:04:00.820 one that looks and sounds so much like the world that it's almost indistinguishable so we have to

00:04:07.280 have the same views on abortion as everyone else on marriage on sexuality on gender on morality on

00:04:13.020 politics on media on entertainment on truth as long as christians look and sound just like everyone else

00:04:20.860 we are considered acceptable and loving but anything any doctrine or any practice that ventures

00:04:27.240 outside of what secularism approves of many consider to be hateful and wrong and not everyone who

00:04:34.580 doesn't share our faith of course believes this way uh by the way but increasingly it seems many do

00:04:41.920 our responsibility is not to be considered loving by the world but rather to conform ourselves to

00:04:49.380 god's definition of love his definitions i should say of love uh first john 4 8 says

00:04:55.980 god is love uh there are people in and outside of the church that this is their this is their

00:05:04.220 favorite verse almost everyone knows this verse first john 4 8 god is love god's very essence is love

00:05:12.580 everything uh he does is therefore love everything he says is love every decree every law every action

00:05:21.120 every non-action is defined by motivated by and characterized by love love is everything that

00:05:29.680 god is and everything love truly is can be found in god that means if we get wrong what love actually is

00:05:39.400 we get wrong who god actually is and if we get wrong who god is we get wrong what love is to know god is to

00:05:47.600 know true love and those who don't know god can have glimpses of forms of love because it's a gift of

00:05:53.160 what we call common grace that he's given to all people someone who is not a christian for example of

00:05:59.180 course can love their friends well loves their family can love their spouse their kids their country

00:06:03.920 we are made in the image of god which means that we are all made with the capacity to love passionately

00:06:09.600 selflessly even the triune god is in constant communion father son holy spirit all embodying

00:06:16.940 love self-sufficient in their love and we made in the image of the triune god also long for this kind of

00:06:24.840 eternal love and fellowship we were not made to be in isolation we were made for love to receive and to give

00:06:33.280 love now let's talk about these different kinds of love and we'll get more into the kind of

00:06:38.980 misunderstandings of what love is both in and outside of christianity and we'll also talk about

00:06:46.880 what satan in particular hates about these forms of love and how he tries to pervert

00:06:52.660 pervert them and tries to distract us from them so c.s lewis wrote a book in 1960

00:06:58.800 it is compiled of radio talks that he had given in 1958 called the four loves he categorizes love

00:07:06.740 using four greek words i hope that i'm pronouncing them correctly i'm sorry if i'm not so storge or

00:07:14.580 storge meaning the natural familial type of love philia meaning a friendship love based on common

00:07:22.000 interests on bonding experiences uh number three eros uh meaning romantic love and then number four

00:07:29.920 agape meaning unconditional love but first in the book he discusses affection and the different types

00:07:37.400 of affection that we see and that we experience in life and he categorizes affection in three main ways

00:07:44.000 uh need love gift love and appreciative love and here is how he defines them uh quote need love

00:07:51.060 cries to god from our poverty gift love longs to serve and even suffer for god appreciative love

00:07:57.820 says we give thanks to thee for thy great glory need love says of a woman i cannot live without her

00:08:04.380 gift love longs to give her happiness comfort protection if possible wealth appreciative love

00:08:10.700 gazes and holds its breath and is silent rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him

00:08:16.580 will not be wholly dejected by losing her but rather have it so than never to have seen her at all

00:08:23.500 these are the kinds of love that all of us experience lewis argues in our lifetimes and he also argues that

00:08:30.540 we experience them in four different contexts or ways and so number one is through that storge love

00:08:37.460 uh the kind of familiar familial love this is a natural kind of love that for example parents

00:08:45.260 feel for their children it is involuntary it's innate it's almost just there we just have it

00:08:52.480 we love our family not necessarily because they share our common interests or even because of the

00:08:58.960 quality time that we've spent together but because we just do evolutionary biologists would say this

00:09:05.480 kind of love exists innately for the sake of the perpetuation and protection of the human species

00:09:11.020 so for example the protectiveness and affections that mothers feel toward their young is what

00:09:17.420 compels her to keep them safe from predators to make sure that they have food and to help them grow 0.98

00:09:22.700 into strong and capable adults so they then can have children and do the same thing and as christians

00:09:28.800 we see that this is part of our humanity because god made us this way not just because we are his

00:09:34.240 image bears but also because it is what helps perpetuate human existence um of course because

00:09:41.560 we live in what christians call a fallen world a world that has been marred by sin tainted by sin

00:09:48.280 since the disobedience of adam and eve uh in the garden of eden not every mother or father loves their

00:09:54.700 child well not every parent child relationship is defined by this overflowing natural love but that is how

00:10:03.540 it should be parents and children and siblings possess this kind of familial diffusive natural love

00:10:11.660 toward each other this is the kind of love that we most innately feel and usually loves without bias

00:10:18.180 loves through mistakes loves with familiar affection and weathers many storms because it's just there

00:10:25.220 because it is natural not necessarily by choice but almost because uh we are born with the sense of

00:10:32.180 loyalty to those who are related to us especially those in our immediate family this is necessary this

00:10:38.760 is a good form of love uh then there is filial love which lewis describes as the friendship love

00:10:45.380 that can occur naturally just uh through clicking personalities uh but also is created through bonding

00:10:51.920 experiences or shared interests and common goals uh this kind of love can be a need love is what he

00:10:59.100 would call it many of us have been in a time uh when we feel that we desperately need a confidant or

00:11:05.140 companion to share life with platonically we want to talk to someone who's gone through a similar

00:11:10.980 experience or season it can also take the form of gift love in that we love our friend and want to do

00:11:19.260 uh and give what is best for them it's very often an appreciative love in its healthiest form it probably

00:11:27.000 we should be we admire a friend just for who they are we admire their personalities we admire their

00:11:33.100 gifts we enjoy being in their company simply because we appreciate and are grateful for who and how they

00:11:39.220 are this can also be a very enduring love it's uh ness uh less natural than storge or storge love and

00:11:47.120 therefore uh more often a choice and a series of choices a choice to forgive to keep in touch to be

00:11:54.020 honest to encourage to show up for this person it is not as unbiased and undiscriminatory as

00:12:00.840 storge familial love but for that reason um it can be stronger because it attaches itself to

00:12:07.400 specific particular people for specific particular reasons and sometimes for specific particular seasons

00:12:15.560 as well uh three there is eros love which can be romantic love or even something as

00:12:23.020 based as lust so it can be a true appreciation love the kind of stand back in awe of someone's

00:12:30.760 beauty and amazingness love it can be gift love wanting desperately to make this beautiful attractive

00:12:36.300 person happy uh or to give them pleasure it can be a need love they can't sleep can't eat can't think

00:12:44.920 about anything else can't hold you tight enough kind of love it can be a very healthy sexual attraction

00:12:50.580 or it can be much more superficial and dangerous it can be objectification it can be a ravenous kind of

00:12:57.340 love and lust uh lust that doesn't care at all for the dimensions of a person or the well-being

00:13:03.260 or happiness of the subject of this affection um and then lastly there is this agape love which c.s

00:13:10.120 lewis uh argues uh uh that it is it is the love which all other loves have to be in subjection to

00:13:18.600 it is charity love it is altruistic love it's a love that demands nothing in return the love that

00:13:25.160 is a choice made time and again over and over through the ups and the downs of feelings the

00:13:30.840 unconditional enduring type of love that we must show all people uh this is the kind of love that

00:13:38.440 puts others interest before our own it's the kind of love that is self-denying in nature um it is the

00:13:44.240 most accurate description of what god is and what he has shown to us a charitable generous selfless

00:13:52.680 undeserved almost to us illogical kind of love that he bestows on you and me people who at one point

00:13:59.860 wanted nothing to do with him rebels and not because we are good but because he is good uh it's also this

00:14:07.200 love that compels christians to the kind of love that most people do not understand a gracious forgiving

00:14:13.680 sacrificial type of love toward our fellow man that is only possible in christ here is how c.s lewis

00:14:21.000 describes it quote taking in the poor illegitimate child is called charity charity means love it is

00:14:26.940 called agape in the new testament to distinguish it from eros sexual love storge family affection and

00:14:33.460 philia friendship so there are four kinds of love all good in their proper place but agape is the best

00:14:39.300 because it is the kind god has for us and is good in all circumstances there are people i mustn't feel

00:14:45.780 arrows towards and people i can't feel storge or philia for philia for but i can practice agape to god

00:14:53.580 angels man and beast to the good and the bad the young and the old the far and the near you see agape

00:15:00.000 is all giving not getting read what saint paul says about it in first corinthians chapter 13

00:15:05.440 love is patient and kind love does not envy or boast it is not arrogant or rude it does not insist

00:15:11.140 on its own way it is not irritable or resentful it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with

00:15:16.700 the truth love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things love never ends

00:15:23.120 then look at a picture of charity or agape in action in saint luke chapter 10 verses 30 through 35

00:15:29.980 this is the story of the good samaritan who cares for the man beaten by robbers uh helps him and pays

00:15:36.220 for his room at the inn and then better still c.s lewis says look at matthew chapters 25 or chapter 25

00:15:42.780 verses 31 through 46 this is the passage of jesus explaining that what we do for the least of these

00:15:49.240 we do also for him you see uh c.s lewis says that christ counts all that you do for this baby

00:15:55.420 exactly as if you had done it for him when he was a baby in the manger at bethlehem now think about

00:16:01.640 that c.s lewis uses the word baby you see that christ counts all that you do for this baby exactly

00:16:08.460 as if you had done it for him when he was a baby now i don't want to get into politics but just think

00:16:13.780 about how that applies to some social political issues today that what we do or what we condone

00:16:19.900 for babies who are considered part of the least of these here on earth jesus is saying

00:16:24.760 you are also doing unto him as he was a baby in the manger at bethlehem c.s lewis goes on you are in

00:16:33.220 a sense sharing in the things his mother did for him giving money is only one way of showing charity

00:16:38.580 to give time and toil is far better and for most of us harder and notice uh though it is all giving

00:16:45.100 you needn't expect any reward how you do gets reward almost gets rewarded almost at once so this is the

00:16:52.700 kind of a nonsensical love that god calls us to it's not a natural love it's a supernatural one

00:16:59.820 um in ourselves we want reward we want return we want recognition but agape love is more concerned

00:17:07.920 about the receiver of the love than it is about recognition or return or reward uh so satisfied is

00:17:16.440 agape love and simply being love that it doesn't need to be reciprocated to persist or to be joyful

00:17:22.820 or to be grateful that is god's love towards his children which are those who are in christ that is

00:17:29.640 how he has called us to love one another we all fail at this on a daily basis i know i do in how

00:17:35.700 society as a whole often the even uh evangelical church included has failed to teach us what love

00:17:42.560 really looks like and satan is taking advantage of all of these misapplications and misinterpretations

00:17:49.740 and distractions from love and i will describe all of that in just one second

00:17:54.540 so all love can be perverted and this is what satan loves to do he hates true love uh he hates

00:18:11.060 store gay love uh familial love so he will do a variety of things to break it down he will turn

00:18:17.700 a mother's love for her child into smothering or spoiling he will turn a child's love for his parents

00:18:23.800 into lifelong dependency he will use this kind of love to deter necessary discipline by parents of

00:18:30.160 children to return to kind of to create a kind of blind loyalty that covers up and justifies wrongdoing

00:18:37.580 or he will let it rot and replace it with hate he will use social media he will use social movements

00:18:43.720 bad influences spiritual warfare to encourage children to hate their parents he will encourage

00:18:49.840 mothers to resent their children for ruining their lives or ruining their bodies or ruining their

00:18:54.720 careers he will tempt fathers to take out his stress on his wife and children through bitterness

00:19:00.260 abuse or cruelty he will drive brother to hate brother like cain and abel or sister to be jealous of

00:19:07.140 sister satan hates that we are made in god's image and naturally have a propensity toward love 0.75

00:19:13.360 of our families he hates how the family structure reflects the gospel how marriage between a man and

00:19:19.560 a woman as ephesians 5 tells us reflects christ and his bride the church he hates that parents love

00:19:25.740 for their children either biological or adopted reflects god's intense love for his children and gives

00:19:32.120 us a glimpse into the sacrifice that was made when god sent his own son to die on the cross on our behalf

00:19:38.620 he hates everything reminiscent of god and his love he hates all things related to him anything that

00:19:45.140 reflects him so he will either pervert pervert it or he will do away with it and that's why he always

00:19:52.020 relentlessly has his eyes on the family he wants to break it apart he wants to break it down he wants to

00:19:59.140 weaken it he wants to redefine it to the point of being completely arbitrary replace it with the state

00:20:04.580 or any other entity so that the gospel reflection in uh it so naturally and powerfully has uh will be 0.97

00:20:13.800 done away with he wants to convince mothers to kill the children in their womb he wants to convince

00:20:19.120 fathers to walk away from their responsibilities he wants to convince children that their parents hate 0.96

00:20:24.480 them he wants parents to be made to believe that they have no special authority over their child's

00:20:29.520 life he wants husbands and wives to grow bitter resentful nagging dissatisfied constantly wondering

00:20:36.160 what they're missing out on outside of marriage willing to fantasize to detach from their marriage he

00:20:41.720 wants their love to grow cold he wants them on edge with each other constantly looking for flaws

00:20:47.860 instead of covering faults with love he wants irreconcilable differences he wants infidelity

00:20:53.600 either in thought or in action he hates marriage he hates the parent-child relationship he hates

00:20:59.820 adoption all that god created to be good in the family he wants to destroy storge is a type of love

00:21:07.440 and therefore it is a love that satan hates and he will go after he hates filial love he hates the common

00:21:15.060 grace gift of camaraderie he hates the intimate friendship that we see between for example two people in the

00:21:22.520 bible david and jonathan a relationship that our modern western sensitivities can't even read without

00:21:27.940 wondering if there was a romantic aspect to it but in reality is absolutely was absolutely a form of

00:21:35.660 filial friendship love that we today unfortunately are scared of that we often run away from christians

00:21:43.700 in general today don't seem to do a good job of encouraging intimate friendships friendships

00:21:50.200 builds not just on admiration and appreciation but on vulnerability a willingness to carry one

00:21:56.800 another's burdens many people in church i've noticed see the people that we worship with or that

00:22:01.880 we go to sunday school with or in small group with is just one compartment of our lives but aren't

00:22:07.980 our real friends that we're willing to actually struggle with to live life with a christian term that

00:22:13.980 we hear a lot is do life with um i know that's not true for all of you many of you thank the lord do

00:22:20.720 you have deep abiding friendships that you found in the church but i also know that many of you don't

00:22:26.020 you've tried you've tried to get plugged in you've tried serving at various ministries you've tried to

00:22:31.640 pursue friendships but you keep getting the feeling that the people in your class or your group or the

00:22:36.520 people that you're worshiping with uh that they don't really need to be your friend that they aren't

00:22:42.780 interested in truly getting to know you and being a part of your life or the people around you at

00:22:47.340 church you feel like they don't talk about real things or you hear them talk badly about someone

00:22:51.480 else or or gossip about someone that you know and you don't feel comfortable opening up to them

00:22:55.980 they give you the feeling that they can't be trusted with your secrets or your sins or your

00:23:00.360 struggles and so everyone just kind of stays superficial deep friendships can be really hard today

00:23:07.200 and satan likes it that way he relishes in how isolated we've become even before this past year

00:23:13.740 he adores this kind of hyper individualization that we've allowed to dominate our lives by way of

00:23:20.140 personalized technology social media he enjoys seeing that we have been locked in our homes without

00:23:26.400 being able to meet the love needs that all of us have as human beings he wants us to feel fragile

00:23:32.440 and fragmented and alone he loves to get people into isolation so he can throttle them tempt them

00:23:38.340 without with self-loathing with despair just as he tempted jesus in isolation he will tempt us in the

00:23:44.360 same place he wants our minds he wants our hearts he wants our joy he wants our peace he wants it all

00:23:49.860 he hates it he hates good things he hates that which reflects god he hates you he hates us he hates the 0.93

00:23:58.560 image of god in us he hates the goodness of god displayed in friendship he hates the the light

00:24:04.440 and transparency that confiding in and confessing to a friend brings he hates the burden sharing of

00:24:10.300 friendship he hates the laughing the the levity he hates the forgiveness the endurance of a good

00:24:16.380 friendship we are called god's friends when by grace through faith we are saved from our sins so no

00:24:21.840 wonder satan hates it he doesn't want any earthly representation of it he wants rivalry conceit

00:24:28.540 deceit deceit jealousy slander anger grudges bitterness to build up between two people he wants

00:24:34.660 us to regard everyone who doesn't agree with us or anyone who calls us out for our sin or someone or

00:24:40.520 anyone that we don't see as important anymore or who doesn't serve us in the way that we want to be

00:24:45.740 served anymore as toxic to justify turning our back on them and letting go of them he wants to put

00:24:52.780 every excuse in our minds to not forgive to not reconcile to think ourselves better than other

00:24:59.700 people to exclude to betray he wants people to find better friendships outside the church than within

00:25:06.020 the church rosaria butterfield is a christian author she lived as a lesbian for over 20 years before 0.99

00:25:12.400 becoming a christian and she talks about the strong community and friendships uh that she felt uh among

00:25:19.780 other lgbtq people christopher yuan he's been on my podcast he shares a similar story in his books

00:25:26.240 um he's written about the same thing friendships and identity subcultures are very strong and it's part of

00:25:33.360 what makes them attractive we all want to belong we will all want to be understood we all want to have

00:25:39.160 some kind of identity we want to bond with people who have common interests and experiences and struggles

00:25:45.460 friendship is something that we all long for and we will take it just about anywhere that we get it

00:25:50.980 if the church is not offering better deeper more enduring sweeter friendships to people to lonely people

00:25:58.900 to people struggling with sin which is all of us by the way to single people to people often rejected by

00:26:04.920 society or rejected by their families then we are failing no one in our churches today should feel lonely

00:26:11.620 and i'm thinking as i am saying this by the way of all the times that i have failed at this and all the times

00:26:18.200 that i have also felt like i have been failed in this all the times that i did not greet someone who looked

00:26:25.000 unfamiliar at at the sunday service or all the people that we haven't invited into our home or all the people

00:26:31.620 sitting by themselves that i haven't bothered to even wonder uh if they actually want to be alone or if they're

00:26:37.980 quietly hoping someone will notice them and welcome them i'm thinking about churches i've been to in the

00:26:43.200 past where there were a hundred different hurdles to jump over uh to get into a small group where

00:26:49.620 everyone already had their established clique and just were not interested in opening them up uh where

00:26:55.980 i felt just kind of ignored i think about the times i've tried to build friendships with people in a church

00:27:02.760 and there's just no reciprocal desire to get past this service as a surface level relationship and i

00:27:09.960 just feel like sometimes i haven't known what to do and so if that's you i know i've been there

00:27:15.600 i have failed in this i have been failed in this so i can't pretend to have all of the answers to

00:27:23.320 formulate perfect friendships many of you have asked me to do an episode on the subject and quite frankly

00:27:28.860 while i am so thankful for the friendships that i do have i have found that it has gotten harder and

00:27:34.900 harder to find like-minded people who truly want to help bear one another's burden but i do think that

00:27:42.020 we have to try i think we have an obligation as christians especially today to try i think we have

00:27:47.220 to pursue this kind of philia uh love when it's not happening organically especially now i think we have

00:27:56.380 to be as hospitable and as intentional and as gracious and as welcoming as we can within the

00:28:02.860 body of believers we have to create a body within the body at our local church that isolated lonely

00:28:09.880 people on the outside can look at and say i want that i want that kind of interdependence that kind of

00:28:16.200 love that kind of loyalty and forgiveness and grace that they show one another as someone who has

00:28:21.960 been to and greatly benefited from counseling i do wonder how much our dependence on therapy today

00:28:29.260 could be replaced or at least supplemented by godly friendships i am not suggesting i want to make this

00:28:37.000 clear i am not suggesting uh that people who um who seek professional help should not do so when it's

00:28:46.020 needed i am not bashing professional help in any way biblical counselors have helped me have helped

00:28:53.040 many people i know but it does seem today that it is becoming more and more normal to consider therapy

00:29:00.520 as necessary to being happy healthy and whole for some people that may be true but for many people it

00:29:08.200 might not be what we may need is really just a friend or a mentor or a pastor or better communication

00:29:15.880 of marriage so that both husband and wife really know what's going on with one another and i just

00:29:20.780 wonder if the uptick and dependence on therapy has anything to do with the fragmentation of society

00:29:26.100 how increasingly isolated we've become how bad many of us are at deep friendships would more intimate

00:29:32.300 friendships help help us learn to cope better to think through problems to work through sin struggles

00:29:37.220 to understand our doubts i think so i think it would help and i just pray that god would help me

00:29:43.820 play a better and a bigger part in this i think this is a part of the church that needs to improve

00:29:51.000 and needs to change in a lot of ways um now let's move on to eros love it may surprise you to hear me

00:29:58.620 say that i think satan also hates eros love uh but if he had to choose uh this would be this would be the

00:30:07.840 one that he would allow to dominate people's minds or replace all of society's understanding of what

00:30:13.420 love is but he still hates it and the reason why satan hates eros love is because in its healthiest

00:30:20.100 holiest form it is a natural good part of human nature that attracts us to a mate so that we will

00:30:27.520 be bonded not just emotionally but physically um uh but physically and and through that enjoy the gift

00:30:36.020 of sex that god has given married couples and also if god's will to produce children through it it is an

00:30:42.580 intense overwhelming feeling that you get when you first fall in love with someone it can cause real

00:30:47.720 joy real happiness real gratitude real appreciative love gift love need love uh it can uh make us rejoicing

00:30:56.100 god and thank him for the recipient of our attraction and affection but because it is a feeling and one that is

00:31:04.280 largely based on external superficial factors it's also very malleable it can be very quickly perverted

00:31:11.220 into lust objectification jealousy possessiveness it can justify things like pornography which is the

00:31:18.380 objectification and degradation of image bearers no matter how you spin it it can lead to idolatry making

00:31:24.660 us believe the person we desire is our only ticket to happiness and satisfaction it can be very hard to

00:31:31.120 control because it may feel like it overcomes us but it's not inherently bad god has uh given us the

00:31:39.100 capacity for eros because it's that magnet that attracts us to someone it's an important form of

00:31:45.220 love it's a very gracious gracious gift is a form of love it's not a lasting form of love though and it's

00:31:52.020 not sustainable we just can't have the the can't eat can't can't sleep can't think about anything else

00:31:57.800 feeling about our significant other forever and ever because we have to live our lives we have to

00:32:02.860 eat we have to sleep we have to work we have to be able to focus on other things eros will eventually

00:32:08.780 give way and should eventually give way to a deeper more enduring kind of love in a marriage and it should

00:32:16.380 that doesn't mean that attraction and excitement just goes away forever not at all but it does mean that

00:32:23.120 the force holding two people together is not just ravenous raw sexual attraction anymore but rather

00:32:30.280 commitment that's chosen continuously um eros can be very blinding you've heard the term love is blind

00:32:37.260 that's talking about this kind of love it can blind us to people's faults to the things that they do that

00:32:42.720 annoy us or to very real character flaws and again uh that can be good at the beginning of a relationship

00:32:49.120 because it encourages us it encourages us to make these promises and commitments and to seek someone's

00:32:54.440 happiness at all costs but eventually the rose colored glasses are taken off and we are forced to

00:33:00.400 really know who people are and when we truly get to know people on a deep level the person that we fell

00:33:07.800 in love with we know their anxieties we know their fears we know their struggles we know their sins we know

00:33:12.920 their their weaknesses their flaws then we are made to choose over and over again to love them to stay

00:33:20.360 committed to them through anger through annoyance through disappointment through distance through

00:33:25.040 hardship and we are demonstrating a much better type of love in that a love that is much closer to

00:33:31.580 god's love for us a love much more reflective of gospel love and it's that love that satan wants to

00:33:39.520 stop at all costs as long as he can stop arrows from getting there from evolving into agape love

00:33:45.840 then he can keep us where he wants us as long as he can convince us that for example sexual health just

00:33:52.940 means having sex with as many people as we want and that consent is the only qualification for what

00:33:59.120 it means to have a healthy sex life not exclusivity not chastity not commitment not merit on emotional

00:34:04.780 hostility not true love as long as he can convince us that objectifying people and lusting after people

00:34:11.780 and coveting other people's spouses is normal and fine he can keep us in this perverted state of arrows

00:34:18.240 that prevents us from agape satan doesn't have to tempt us to hate to tempt us to sin he just has to pervert

00:34:26.100 love to redefine it and to tell us that it's okay and it's all in an effort to prevent us from giving and

00:34:32.580 receiving that greatest type of love which is agape love agape love is a choice that is empowered by

00:34:40.160 the holy spirit to love others as we have been loved by god to care for others as god calls us to

00:34:45.400 care for them to forgive others as god has forgiven us it first requires a right view of god and then a

00:34:53.680 right view of ourselves we have to understand that we don't deserve the love and salvation given to us by

00:34:58.860 god that we are sinners we are dead in our sin as ephesians 2 says we're not just bad people we're not

00:35:05.560 just a little bit off we didn't just miss the mark we are dead in our sin and we have to be made alive

00:35:10.940 through grace by faith in christ we deserve nothing that's what ephesians 2 also tells us that our salvation

00:35:18.580 is given to us by a gift that we can't boast about it because it was given to us as a gracious gift by god

00:35:25.200 there is nothing that we can do to earn it god has every right and reason to cancel us forever because

00:35:31.060 we have sinned against him but because he is so exceedingly gracious he chose instead to send his

00:35:37.860 son to pay for our sins that we can be reconciled to him forgiven and live with him forever in glory

00:35:43.340 and peace and joy so if god who has the right and the ability to cancel us eternally has chosen

00:35:49.620 not to if in love he has predestined us for adoption as sons as ephesians 1 5 tells us um if

00:35:59.100 he has said that we are not too dirty that we're not too inconvenient that we're not too much of a

00:36:05.520 burden or too simple or too needy for him if even after uh we squandered all that he gave us and wallowed

00:36:12.600 in the mud with pigs as the prodigal son did and he still came running after us when he saw us in the

00:36:17.360 distance then surely we have no right not to be gracious towards other people it is an understanding

00:36:23.960 of ourselves and of the gospel that empowers us to show mercy because we have been shown mercy

00:36:30.040 i saw a lot of you probably saw this too another display of vicious cancel culture this week a baby 0.99

00:36:38.260 rat company apparently was going to patent to kind of baby rat that had allegedly originated in black and

00:36:44.300 brown communities she was raked over the coals publicly by the same bullies who did so to taking 1.00

00:36:50.100 care of babies for uh voting for trump and the poor owner of the company has apologized profusely

00:36:57.240 multiple times um only to continue receiving anger and criticism from people who you think judging by

00:37:04.740 their comments have never done anything wrong in their lives uh i guarantee you they all consider

00:37:09.980 themselves very non-judgmental and tolerant people uh no it's not just accountability remember

00:37:15.980 accountability requires authority if we've as we've talked about before to hold someone accountable you

00:37:21.360 have to have the authority to do so and we do not have the authority to quote hold accountable random

00:37:28.080 people on the internet and it is not accountability to gin up outrage about a small business owner or

00:37:33.700 individual publicly because you don't like something that they did or something that they said

00:37:39.300 if these people really cared which that's fine for them to do they would send a message they would

00:37:45.080 set up a phone call they'd have a private conversation but instead just like totalitarians have done

00:37:50.240 throughout history they went for public shame because it's not about accountability or gentle correction

00:37:55.200 it is about self-righteous superiority it's not even about the people that these bullies are claiming

00:38:00.020 to defend it's about pride this is the exact opposite of agape love and satan loves it he loves self-righteous

00:38:07.800 faux piety disguising itself as accountability he loves using the mallets of political correctness

00:38:13.600 and social justice to bludgeon race and charity out of people's hearts he loves filling people with a

00:38:20.400 sense of baseless pride and arrogance that empowers them to cast stones to other people he loves it

00:38:26.260 he loves the bullies he loves to see people bullied and he loves when people count out to bullies rather

00:38:31.780 than appeal to the authority and the forgiveness of god it brings him happiness because it pushes out

00:38:37.120 the possibility of agape as a defining feature in our hearts and in society satan has not just replaced

00:38:43.920 agape love with this kind of self-righteous indignation this hypocrisy this non-forgiveness

00:38:49.920 and cruelty that we see unfortunately uh in our political and social sphere today but also with a more

00:38:56.960 subtle but equally damaging alternative which i've written a book about and i've talked about many times

00:39:01.980 on this podcast and that is self-love we've heard the phrases over and over again you can't love other

00:39:07.340 people until you love yourself or jesus tells us to love our neighbors we love ourselves so we must read

00:39:12.760 that as a command to love ourselves and loving our neighbor is predicated on our ability to first love

00:39:18.740 ourselves but that kind of mentality those phrases are actually a misunderstanding of what love really is

00:39:25.540 as god defines it christians are called to agape love at all times in all ways which is not compelled

00:39:31.720 by self-love which waxes and wanes and changes based on what our feelings are what our emotions are that day

00:39:38.960 what people have said about us what we think about ourselves but is by nature by definition a supernatural

00:39:44.860 love that is compelled by god's love our ability as christians to show agape love is not dependent

00:39:52.160 at all on what we feel about ourselves or what we think about ourselves thank goodness but is entirely

00:39:57.960 dependent on god's love for us which is overflowing and eternal and it's unchanging it is through god's

00:40:04.820 agape love that we in turn can can give agape love to other people the love that we have for ourselves

00:40:12.280 is natural not in the sense that we always like ourselves or appreciate who we are but that we are always

00:40:18.500 looking out for our own interests protection preservation to satisfy our own hunger and thirst

00:40:24.660 we are born that way even those who tragically die by suicide are in pursuit of what they unfortunately

00:40:31.620 view as a form of their own relief so what we are called to when we are called to love our neighbor

00:40:37.900 is not affection it's not necessarily liking them just as we don't always feel affection towards

00:40:43.780 ourselves but agape a sincere and selfless pursuit of the well-being of other people an insistence upon giving

00:40:51.060 grace an eagerness to forgive a constant decision to see the best in and to think the best of those around us

00:40:56.900 satan would love for you to think that you have to love the reflection in the mirror before you can go out and

00:41:01.820 serve the vulnerable before you can go out and love your neighbor he would love for you to keep reading these

00:41:06.940 self-love and self-help books and to endlessly be in the pursuit of self-fulfillment and self-actualization

00:41:14.340 before you take a step outside of yourself to love other people he would love to put you down the path

00:41:19.400 of trending narcissism to convince yourself in some kind of righteous sounding way that you don't need to

00:41:25.300 go out and serve other people because you haven't quite mastered self-love yet he would love to distract you

00:41:31.260 in that way and he would love to distract you from what it really means to view ourselves rightly in

00:41:36.740 God's eyes which is that we are made in the image of God all of our physical and emotional capabilities

00:41:42.960 that we have all the talents that we have are good gifts from God that we should thank him for

00:41:48.300 and are to be used not for our own glory but for God's glory we are called to love our neighbor

00:41:56.480 with the grace that we have been shown by God with the agape that we have been shown by God that does

00:42:02.740 not preclude us from making righteous judgments as we are told to do in John 7 24 that doesn't mean

00:42:09.240 that we condemn everyone or that we cast stones at them but we are still able in our love to judge

00:42:16.120 right from wrong it does not mean that we cannot say what good and bad is far from it remember if God is

00:42:22.580 love then everything he says and does is love that means him calling certain things sin is love that

00:42:28.160 means him defining right and wrong is love that means his commandments to Christians are love he

00:42:33.680 defines what love is he embodies what love is so no matter what people tell you about love meaning

00:42:40.800 accepting and celebrating all behavior and lifestyles no matter what um and pretending that everything is

00:42:47.360 equally good that is not love charity without approval is possible and preferable for the

00:42:54.360 Christian according to God hospitality without agreement is possible and good kindness and

00:42:59.480 generosity without condoning sin is possible and good and people will tell you that you cannot love

00:43:05.860 people and condemn certain behavior or certain lifestyles but God tells us a different story

00:43:09.700 Jesus's life shows us a different way uh he shows us how much he cares about sin by dying in

00:43:17.200 undeserving death to cover it uh he tells people even people in dire situations to go and sin no more

00:43:24.900 and if God says something is good and right and true or God says something is wrong and dark and bad

00:43:30.780 or false then we are absolutely being loving by agreeing with him and sharing that agreement with other

00:43:37.540 people still will we we will be told that that is hate and when we are slandered in that way rather than

00:43:44.320 reacting in anger we bless the slanders we pray for them we share the gospel with them that's agape love

00:43:51.340 that's what Christ compels us to do that's what he enables us to do that's what I so often we so often

00:43:56.900 fail to do nevertheless it's what we are called to do agape is impartial it doesn't try to love some

00:44:05.740 kinds of people more or less or better than others when it comes to this kind of sacrificial service

00:44:11.240 it considers everyone more significant than ourselves as Philippians 2 3 tells us it's the

00:44:16.320 exact opposite message that we are hearing from the world today and it's incredibly freeing incredibly

00:44:22.740 freeing that we do not have to meet the world's demands of righteousness and love and goodness and

00:44:28.480 compassion because clearly as we can see from the behavior of so many people especially when it comes

00:44:33.960 to the cancellation of those that we simply disagree with that they don't know what love is that they

00:44:40.340 don't actually know what empathy and compassion is all of these things that they say that they embody

00:44:44.780 unless they know God and agree with what he says is good and right and true what he says is love and hate

00:44:49.880 and right and wrong they don't know it and it's our responsibility to continue to show and to steward what love

00:44:56.420 actually is without abandoning God's standards of right and wrong because he is our example not just in

00:45:03.460 love but also in morality and in truth he can empower us to bring all those things together

00:45:09.220 the great news is also that no matter what stage of life that you're in you can experience um you can

00:45:16.300 experience agape love if that is the greatest type of love um if you are unmarried if you don't have kids

00:45:22.960 if you are single that does not exclude you from being able to experience the most joyous fulfilling

00:45:29.960 types of love that God has given us the capacity to feel and experience that God has shown to us

00:45:36.080 through his son so I know valentine's day can be really hard for people who really want to be married

00:45:41.540 or they really want to be in a relationship and it's just not that season in their life yet or they

00:45:46.160 don't know if that's ever going to happen for them understand that that's that eros love is not the only

00:45:53.700 kind of love that exists and it's not the only or even most fulfilling kind of love the friendship

00:46:00.500 love that God has given us the familial love that God has given us and most importantly the agape love

00:46:05.800 that God has given us can be experienced by all people and I pray that we would get better that I

00:46:11.720 would get better at showing those types of love uh to people that need it because that's what we need

00:46:18.160 we need a lot of love right now yes we need truth yes we need biblical unity uh yes we need clarity and

00:46:25.720 confusion and all of those things but we need a whole lot of love right now and I pray that we would

00:46:31.360 do that rightly we would do that obediently we do that in a holy way that reflects God and his gospel

00:46:36.920 all right that's all I got for today happy Thursday happy valentine's day we will be back here on Monday

00:46:48.160 you

00:46:50.220 you

00:46:51.220 you

00:46:53.220 you

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - February 11, 2021

Ep 368 ｜ What Is Love？

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