Ep 527 ｜ Healing from Abortion & Using Your Story for Good ｜ Guest： Victoria Robinson
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
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Summary
In this episode, my friend Victoria Robinson shares her story of how she became a pro-life advocate and how she overcame the trauma of having an abortion. She also shares some tools for those who have had an abortion and those who know someone who has.
Transcript
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I am talking to a pro-life activist and advocate, Victoria Robinson.
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She also helps men heal from the experience of abortion that the mother of their child
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And she just has so much wisdom, so much godly encouragement for us today.
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I'm really excited for you to hear her story, how she became such an outspoken advocate,
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She's also going to give us some tools for us who are pro-life and who have relationships
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with people who have had an abortion, or we have friends who are dealing with an unplanned
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pregnancy, how we love those people, how we balance accountability through the law with
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love and nurturing for people who have experienced or who are considering abortion.
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So without further ado, here is my friend, Victoria Robinson.
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Can you tell everyone who you are and what you do?
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I am Victoria Robinson, and I have been working in pro-life issues.
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I guess you'd say I'm an activist, a pro-life activist for 25 years now, I think.
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I've been working with men and women as well who have had abortions with recovery from
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So I speak at different events across the country, fundraising events for pregnancy resource
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centers, and I'm just anything pro-life, I'm involved in it somehow, or I try to be.
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And I want to talk a little bit more about that because you do work with women who have
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had abortions, and you've also talked to a lot of men who's the mother of their child
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So you know a lot about the trauma aspect of it, which we don't talk about quite as much
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because we're so dedicated to changing people's minds beforehand.
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But that's a big aspect of it, the post-trauma.
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Before we get into that, though, I want the people who don't know a little bit about your
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story, why you got into this pro-life work, if you could just fill us in on that.
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Unfortunately, I got involved because I chose abortion over 30 years ago.
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They were nine months and three months old when, or three years old when their dad decided
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So here I was, this desperate single mother who had to work two jobs just to feed them and
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take care of them, dropping them off at daycare every morning at six, picking them up every
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And also on the weekends, I worked at a health club.
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So I tell you that because it was a really tough time in my life, Allie.
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My self-esteem had already been shot to pieces from my husband leaving.
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I called the abortion clinic in Charlotte, North Carolina, told her my story about my
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And she convinced me that there was nothing there, but nothing more than a blob of tissue,
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And I'd be really selfish, is what she said, to have another child when I could barely take
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All of those things that, you know, when you're so desperate, you're very vulnerable.
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So on a Saturday morning, I drove myself to an abortion clinic, same one in Charlotte, and
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The woman I was that walked in wasn't the same one who walked out.
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But I kept that secret for over a decade before I finally walked into a pregnancy center and
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spoke to the director there, told her my story, and asked her for help.
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And she said, let's get you an after-abortion recovery.
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So I knew after that that I had no choice but to share what I'd been through for other
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women, first of all, to not make the same choice and realize there are other options
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And that if they'd already chosen abortion, they could find healing through recovery.
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What was the motivator to go to the pregnancy center after a decade of secrecy and silence?
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Was there something that happened that made you realize, okay, I've got to talk to someone
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I would say in those 10 years, I felt such guilt and shame.
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I became a Christian, if you will, and thought, if I say enough to the church, yes, I'll lead
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I would stop feeling those feelings of pain and regret.
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And then I felt so rejected by God that I knew if people knew my secret, they would reject
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So all of these years, I started getting more and more involved in church.
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And women started coming to me, Allie, telling me about their abortion story.
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For whatever reason, I know now why, but at the time I didn't.
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They would come and whisper in my ear and say, I had an abortion.
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I got really mad, more mad at him, thinking, you hate me so much that you want these women
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to always signal or choose me and seek me out to tell their stories so that I can continually
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Well, there was a woman in my church named Mary who was the director of the pregnancy
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And for about three years, she kept approaching me at church saying, you should come volunteer
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And then I'd go back to God and say, what are you?
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And there was a particular woman that came to me at a women's event.
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And I was standing at the altar to pray with women because I was part of the women's ministry
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team, even though I felt like a fraud, Allie, because they didn't know about my abortion.
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But once again, trying everything I could to make me not feel so bad about myself.
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And so this woman came to me, and she was a prominent person in the community and whispered
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in my ear again, like so many before, telling me her story.
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And I just, at that moment, I prayed with her and watched God transform her, as he had
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But for whatever reason, this particular time was the one that got me.
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And I went home, and I had it out with my creator.
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And I kept putting my fist up to him and saying, why, why, why, why do you heal everyone but
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When is it going to be my turn to find the same freedom and healing they're finding?
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And I felt like he impressed upon my heart to think about Mary.
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It took me a few more months before I actually confessed to her.
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But when I did, she looked at me and said, now we're going to take what the enemy meant
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And God's going to use your voice, Vic, to talk to the nations about what abortion really
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So when did you know, OK, this is what I want to dedicate my life to?
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The moment I walked out of that retreat, it was a three and a half day retreat, Allie,
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In three and a half days, what I had tried to do in 10 years on my own, tried to do on
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my own, God in three and a half days transformed my life.
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So on Thursday night, when I got there to that retreat, I can remember looking at those
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two facilitators and I had such a bad attitude even then and just said, I don't know why
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This is probably a waste of my time and your time.
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And nothing's going to take this pain and this regret and this guilt from me.
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And they were like, we're just happy you're here.
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But on Sunday at noon is when it was over and I had gone through the process and trusted
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I looked at them and said, every woman who's had an abortion needs to know about these
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Every woman that's had an abortion needs to know there is redemption, that she can find
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healing, and that God does forgive even for abortion.
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And they looked at me and said, we know, and we're going to train you how to do it.
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So those two facilitators trained me, and I've been doing these retreats ever since.
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Sounds like you had a very redemptive and healing and welcoming, accepting church experience when
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you came to people in your church and said, this is what I did.
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It sounds like they were very quick to extend grace to you or show you God's grace and then
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have you be a part of other people's healing process.
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But we're hearing a lot from Christians and maybe people who would consider themselves
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ex-Christians that the church doesn't do a good job in helping women who have had abortions,
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I imagine that probably both are true, that some people have had really bad experiences and
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some people have what sounds like a really good experience like you.
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Can you talk about just kind of what you've seen, not just in your own life, but maybe other
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women who have gone to people in their church, maybe they haven't had the same experience,
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or do you think the church in general is doing a good job?
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I'm glad you asked that, because unfortunately, I do not think as a whole in general, the church
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I practically have to beg pastors to let me have five minutes of their pulpit time on a
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And I hear things like, we don't have that issue here, Victoria.
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I know we have people here who are pro-choice, they may be offended, people who had abortions,
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And I look at them and say, okay, first of all, that's asinine to me, that you're not
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Because what I want them to understand is that those, their congregants who are sitting
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there, Allie, one out of three people has had an abortion in this country.
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When the pastor refuses to talk about the issue, they're internalizing that.
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And they're feeling like, see, even my own pastor won't talk about it.
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So that continues to put them in this place of rejection and no hope.
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And that's the one thing God can't forgive for because he won't, or she or whoever is
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So I tell pastors, if you're afraid of the issue, bring someone in like me.
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It doesn't have to be me, but bring someone in to talk about it.
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Those churches that have been brave enough to bring me in, when men and women approach
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I'm so thankful my pastor's addressing this because I didn't understand why we've never
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Or even the pastors will say to me, you know what?
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I had no idea this many people were hurting from abortion.
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If you're preaching about other sin, you should be preaching about abortion and hope and healing
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So it's not, we're nowhere near where we need to be.
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Unfortunately, if we were doing what we should be doing in the church alley with this issue,
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let's be honest, we wouldn't be in the shape we're in today in this country.
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Yeah, with 2,300 plus children being aborted each day and with the abortion laws that are
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And I'll take it a step further with the candidates that are being put in positions to continue
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I think one problem that some people have is they feel like if they condemn abortion as wrong,
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then they are not dealing with people's feelings and people's so-called lived experiences.
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It's like either you're condemning abortion as bad and you hate the women who have had abortions,
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or you say abortion should be legal and fun and fine in order to love the women who have
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How do we condemn abortion, but also unequivocally say, like, we want grace and redemption and
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You can do it with literal grace by, you can't, okay, so, and this is the real million dollar
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And I never condemn the woman who's had the abortion.
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First of all, she's been manipulated at the most vulnerable time of her life.
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People have to understand that those who do hate women who've had abortions, when I go
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speak at different events, Allie, I know there are some people in the audience thinking,
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I've had people write me on social media and say, who do you think you are telling me I
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can't have an abortion when you got to have your abortion?
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These are pro-choice people or people that are hurting.
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I'm convinced, Allie, as well, that many, I would go so far as to say almost the majority,
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but many, let's say many for the sake of argument, of people who are adamantly pro-choice either
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have had an abortion or someone close to them has had an abortion.
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They feel if they become pro-life or condemn abortion, they're condemning themselves or
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So we're not condemning anyone for having the abortion.
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Do I condemn abortionists who know exactly what they're doing?
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When the Praise God for Texas with your heartbeat law came out, I was asked the question, do
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you think someone should have the right to sue these women from their abortions?
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If I could go back 30 years and sue that abortionist who lied to me, sue the woman who took my money
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who lied to me and said it was nothing more than getting a tooth pulled, when you leave
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If I could go back and sue these people who lied to my face that this would not affect my
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And people don't realize, people like to say that the woman with this Texas law is being
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There's a ton of misinformation, as there always is, surrounding abortion law about that.
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I think some people feel like they're either going to condemn themselves by saying abortion
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is wrong, or they're going to condemn someone that they love.
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And like we were saying earlier, it's that false binary of saying, I can't say this is
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bad without being hateful towards the person who did it.
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And you are walking out how to balance both of those things.
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I do find myself more on the side of just trying to desperately convince people that
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Not that obviously I don't believe that there is grace and redemption and acceptance for people
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But I think it also gets more and more difficult as we see just some of the rabid, truly pro-abortion
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rhetoric, even that we're seeing from Hollywood, but also activists who are now saying there's
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We saw that New York law in 2019, the buildings lit up pink for abortion through nine months.
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Sometimes I think it's hard for me to look at that and think that, okay, are all women
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who have abortions, are they all truly victims of manipulation and deceit?
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Or is there a point where it's like, okay, some people are celebrating this and they're
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proud of the fact, or they say that they're proud of the fact that they did.
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It's hard not to be just completely adversarial towards the pro-abortion side when you see
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You know, that's really good because I've been involved in this work for a long time,
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And I've counseled and met these women throughout my career.
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I had someone recently who went through a retreat who felt her baby kicking on the way to the
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But I'm telling you, this woman is a good woman.
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She's not a horrible, wicked, mean, evil person.
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She's a woman who was in terrible pain, which is why she chose from her background.
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But what happens and what I try to get women to understand is right now, you're here because
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you need to be here for whatever desperate situation you think you're in of why you're
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There are those women that I have met who said, I'll just have it again.
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And I watch their attitudes about things and think, you don't think it bothered you
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If you weren't defensive about it, that'd tell me a lot more.
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One of my friends, before I chose abortion, I would have said I was pro-life.
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And it ended our friendship because I'd watch her sleeping around and going out every weekend
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What are you going to do if you get pregnant again?
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Now, that person and I, our friendship ended, but I've kept through circles, I know what
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She's become a full-fledged alcoholic and drug addict.
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And who knows, maybe she had more after I saw her.
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So I try to, I can't not condemn the abortion, Allie.
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I don't condemn the woman because of my experience with these women who come to me so broken
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and so feeling lied to and manipulated and all those things I've already mentioned that
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There are those who say as well to my face, I don't really care what you say.
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And I just say, well, if you ever need me, here's my card.
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But the majority, even though the pro-abortion side wants us to believe that abortion does
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Recently, again, I had another woman here in Texas that went through a retreat.
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And by Friday afternoon, she said, 18 and 19 years ago, I had abortions.
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She said all these years since then, and it had been probably 15 years since her abortions.
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I have Googled or went online to put in, am I doing this because I had two abortions?
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Because and everything that came up, no correlation between depression and abortion.
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All these lies, because it's all propaganda from the pro-abortion side to make sure that's
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And she sat there and said, all these years, I have felt like I was crazy.
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Now, listening to all your stories in this group, I've realized those things were from
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choosing abortion because you've all experienced the same things.
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And that's what infuriates me about the abortion side.
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They try to paint this picture like you said, oh, big deal.
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We're sitting, someone was telling me earlier that women were sitting in the room, girls
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on their phones, laughing and giggling there for abortions.
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It's just this narrative they paint that everything is cool and it's okay.
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Just like sleeping around is cool and doing this is cool.
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You cannot walk into an abortion clinic and not feel a sense of oppression there.
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How can you walk in and kill babies every day without that sense of being like this?
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So I think what I'm hearing you say is that not every single woman who has an abortion
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There are some, a minority maybe, but there are some who know what they're doing.
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Like the woman that you said, she felt her baby kick and she still chose it.
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And then there are some that they don't have to disassociate themselves.
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They truly do have like, they've completely calloused hearts.
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They have hearts of stone and they can just go through with something like that.
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And something that I'm thinking, because it just, it truly does make me so angry because
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as pro-lifers, we are so inclined to think of the baby because no one else is thinking
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And so just thinking about that precious child kicking and being killed, it is hard for me.
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Like it's hard for me to feel bad for the mother.
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Not that I don't feel bad for the circumstances.
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So many different things, but I still am like, how could you, how could you do it?
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You know, can you take us into kind of that mindset?
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Cause you've talked to these women more than I have.
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Can you take us into your conversations with women who have ultimately made that choice,
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but has still evokes just that feeling of sympathy and compassion from you?
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How do you not just take them by the shoulders and say, how could you do that?
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I knew the outcome of a pregnancy yet at six weeks, I chose abortion.
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And knowing that conception at conception, that baby was a human being with their own unique
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DNA, whether I was six weeks or six months, I get what you're saying.
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So for me, I think I can empathize and sympathize because your mindset, it's hard to describe
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to someone who's never experienced an abortion or felt that's her only option.
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There's no way a girl who walks in at six, seven months or long, or even four or five months
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doesn't have trauma to bring her to the place where she could walk into an abortion clinic,
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lay on a table and let an abortionist who cares nothing more than for that paycheck to end
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So that's probably the best answer I can give for me because I've been there.
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And on the way to the abortion clinic, Allie, I hired a sitter to take care of my older girls.
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He went out of town and wasn't even driving me.
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So I had to drive myself 20, 25 minutes to that abortion clinic from my apartment.
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And I can remember vividly having my hand on my stomach, telling this blob of tissue that
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I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do, but this is the best choice for you because
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my life is a wreck and I'm struggling to take care of your sisters.
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And I'm having this conversation with this blob of tissue.
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So you would think that would be enough of a revelation for me driving there to go,
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I got there and convinced myself as well as others convincing me around.
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But there were definitely influences around me to convince me this was the best choice.
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When you're that desperate and you're a mom that has other children or you're a girl
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who knows your parents are going to throw you out if they find out you're pregnant because
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And whether they do or they don't, and many of them don't, that's just their threat.
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They don't understand the damage they're doing, though, to their daughters when they say this.
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And when I'm sitting there saying to them, they won't, honey, I promise you.
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And if they do, I'll find the resources for you.
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No, you don't understand what my family means to me.
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This is the I have to choose this because I got to save my all these different stories
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So I think that's probably a long answer to your question, because that's why.
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It is difficult for me to meet someone who's had a late term abortion.
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Even in the back of my mind, I'm going, would I have done that?
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Could I have felt my baby's hiccups and felt my baby kicking me and still gone through with it?
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I truly believe had I seen the ultrasound, even at six weeks, he told me I was six to eight
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weeks, the abortionist, because as he was walking out the door and I was a wreck, I called
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And he just turned around and said, I don't know.
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And even even lying on the table, Allie, at the moment that I heard the machine turn on.
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I was saying to myself, what are you doing here, Vic?
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And all of the thoughts, everything everyone had been saying to me was going through my
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And I allowed them in 10 minutes to end my child's life.
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And they took my baby that day, but they never took the memory of my baby that day.
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And then I felt like getting involved in abusive relationships is what I deserved.
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Because I did not deserve any form of happiness when I killed my baby.
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So I was in relationships that weren't good for me, that were abusive and cheating on
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Because my self-esteem was gone and I had no sense of worth until I met Mary.
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That's why I still had an attitude that Thursday when I showed up.
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And God transformed my life and showed me, hey, I got you.
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Now you need to do the work I've called you to do so that other women don't make the same
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choice, which is why I will always, always fight for the unborn.
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And now you're going to help those people who have made the choice so that they know I
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Because Christ didn't just die for these unborn children.
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And as you're talking, you, you know, the main thing that you said, the reason why you
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can't judge and condemn these women is because you've been there too.
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But the reality is whether or not we have experienced an abortion, whether or not we've
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gone through with that, Jesus says, if you hate someone in your heart, you are a murderer.
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And so that means we really don't have a place of condemnation.
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That doesn't mean that we can't say, as you've said very clearly, hey, that was wrong.
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We don't have to use, as pro-choicers or pro-abortionists do, euphemisms to try to cover
00:29:05.720
We can be so clear on that while also saying, hey, I am the worst of sinners too, because
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And all of those things, God says, that's enough to condemn you to hell, but God, but
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So they're in the same place of the need of redemption that we have all been at one point.
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And so that, I think, is where we can all come from to say, as angry as I might be at
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that situation, as hard as it is for some of us to understand, there are all different
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kinds of sin that maybe we haven't experienced and that it's so hard for us to understand.
00:29:43.080
But hey, we've all been murderers in one sense, but God, right?
00:29:48.260
Here's another thing I would say about those women who it is difficult for those that aren't
00:29:52.980
involved in the work I am or with meeting these people on a weekly basis is that these
00:29:58.520
women are going to go through much more than we could ever do to them with any condemnation
00:30:08.280
What they have to live with, especially those, and I don't want to say especially if they're
00:30:13.040
late term, but there's definitely a difference when a woman says to me, I actually felt my
00:30:17.940
daughter kicking and still chose, than for me who didn't feel or look pregnant.
00:30:22.340
I'm not going to deny that there's definitely a difference.
00:30:25.060
But what she has to live with, oh my gosh, they condemn themselves every single day.
00:30:32.900
And I just want any woman who's gone through an abortion to know, even those that are saying
00:30:36.960
I'm okay with it, and some, not all, are lying to themselves, that there is help.
00:30:43.740
And once you walk in the truth and you realize the truth, I handed a woman the embryonic stages
00:30:55.500
I know my baby had arms and legs, and when I committed an abortion, I know all of that.
00:31:20.520
But can I say I'm also excited now because I believe I'll see her in heaven?
00:31:28.000
And you understand all those emotions because you felt that anger.
00:31:32.220
Even after you were a Christian, I think maybe that might be where some of the shame comes from
00:31:38.080
for women who maybe since they had an abortion, they became a Christian.
00:31:41.220
So they think that, OK, I'm not supposed to be angry about this anymore, or I can't be defensive
00:31:49.920
Or even after they become Christian and pro-life, they still don't want to talk about their abortion
00:31:56.180
And you're supposed to say the right things and feel all the right things about that.
00:32:02.260
And so they don't want to come across as hypocrites.
00:32:05.620
So maybe if there are Christian women out there who haven't admitted that they had an abortion
00:32:09.700
and who are feeling maybe even more shame and guilt than they did before, which I would
00:32:14.320
say is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, if you're feeling like, wow, that was wrong
00:32:19.180
How do you encourage them to go about revealing this to someone?
00:32:23.040
How do they start seeking healing if they're feeling that defensiveness that you did?
00:32:27.060
I would say, honestly, reach out to your pregnancy resource center, your local pregnancy
00:32:30.840
center, and you can do that anonymously because that's the greatest fear.
00:32:35.560
When I counsel or meet with people at retreats, they always say, do I have to do what you're
00:32:39.340
doing now because I've told you guys I had an abortion?
00:32:42.720
I'm like, no, because I don't want to do what you do.
00:32:49.880
I mean, I couldn't even look in a mirror and say I had an abortion by myself in my bathroom
00:32:59.960
So, but I let people know that it's not something you need to have fear about because that is
00:33:05.340
Well, if I start talking about it, does that mean I have to tell everyone?
00:33:09.580
I would say call your local pregnancy resource center.
00:33:14.620
Share that for the, many people have shared with me for the first time and I'm the first
00:33:25.320
God, send someone to me that I can talk to who won't judge me and condemn me because
00:33:30.820
that's their greatest fear, Allie, is being judged and condemned.
00:33:40.240
I was on a team of 12 women involved heavily in my church.
00:33:46.200
And post-abortive men and women will keep people at a distance because if I let you get
00:33:50.620
too close, you're going to know my secret and if I can't tell you that secret.
00:33:55.780
So that's what I want people to know is there are places available to reach out to that are
00:34:00.560
safe, that will keep your secret and walk through that with you through after abortion
00:34:07.060
And like with men, men are the ones who we want to say, shut up, sit down.
00:34:21.040
So one of the things we have done that I'm determined to put an end to, we've got to
00:34:29.540
After my book came out, okay, I called the father of my aborted child.
00:34:41.740
I knew we had a lot of the same friends in the same circles.
00:34:44.600
I wanted him to know I didn't give any identifying factors about him in the book.
00:34:58.420
He said, I've been waiting for this call for over 10 years to beg you for forgiveness for
00:35:05.940
And I've been in therapy eight years dealing with it.
00:35:10.440
I should have protected you and our baby and I failed you both.
00:35:16.600
One, oh, this good little Christian I thought I was had not fully forgiven him.
00:35:24.760
And it was like full circle for me for my healing.
00:35:27.680
The second thing that I realized was I felt Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, do not
00:35:40.580
And I'm telling you, as I've opened that door up, when I speak, wherever I speak, and
00:35:46.200
I mentioned men and talk about, the men are coming to my book table saying, thank you.
00:35:59.360
Whatever their stories are, they say the same thing.
00:36:02.200
Thank you for finally recognizing that we're hurting too, but we're just not allowed to
00:36:09.740
And I want to talk a little bit more about the men.
00:36:12.620
And the book, just so everyone knows that you were referring to, it's called They Lied
00:36:16.260
to Us, and you've got another book coming out, They Lied to Us Too, about men's stories.
00:36:19.880
And I want to talk about that more in a second.
00:36:21.820
But kind of going back to what you were talking about, about someone who has had an abortion
00:36:28.240
Or maybe they're not even Christians yet, but they want healing from it.
00:36:32.100
What about the friend of someone who has had an abortion?
00:36:37.560
Or people have come to me and said they don't even know me.
00:36:42.220
And they said, I am thinking about this, or I have an unplanned pregnancy.
00:36:48.840
And I've come to you and been like, Victoria, what do I do?
00:36:53.940
But not everyone, not every friend of someone who is considering an abortion or who has had
00:37:00.260
And they don't feel like they are equipped to help this person.
00:37:04.200
So I guess the first, the friend who has a friend who is considering an abortion, what
00:37:12.520
If you're a friend and one of your friends comes to you and says, I'm having an abortion
00:37:16.560
or I'm thinking about it, first of all, listen.
00:37:21.920
The last thing you want to do, even if you're 100% against it, just listen.
00:37:26.400
Because right now, what she just needs is to talk and share what's going on and let her
00:37:34.780
I mean, these things are little simple things, but that's what she needs.
00:37:44.640
That is the biggest thing, Allie, that young women feel or older, whatever age, they don't
00:37:54.540
How more alone could I have been that he couldn't even take the time to take me and
00:38:04.340
So that just reiterated to me, see, nobody's helping me.
00:38:07.860
And I didn't tell anyone, you know, I wasn't going to tell your mother.
00:38:10.860
Girls, if you're not telling your mother something, that's called a clue, by the way.
00:38:16.960
The next thing I would do, and I keep going back to it, but I will, until I can never shut
00:38:23.740
up, I'll never shut up about it, is what I should say.
00:38:26.620
Pregnancy resource centers are one of the greatest resources in your area for these kinds
00:38:33.320
They have compassionate women and men who are working there, who are volunteering there,
00:38:38.400
who that's what they're waiting for is a call like that.
00:38:42.180
And if they do, if you called one out of the blue, um, that was one that was doing
00:38:46.860
that, hang up and call me, get in touch with me or call the next one.
00:38:51.080
The majority, if not all of them are not going to have that kind of response.
00:38:56.540
And you have, you know, you've worked with a lot of them too.
00:38:59.920
They have incredible compassion for people in this situation.
00:39:05.020
They may say, well, we got to talk to your friend to schedule that ultrasound or the appointment.
00:39:08.600
That's protocol, but at least be on the phone and then hand the phone to your friend.
00:39:14.380
Don't just say, well, let me know what you decide and leave.
00:39:17.220
Because what she's going to feel is isolated and alone.
00:39:19.760
So support, support, listen, and then find that resource, which if you don't know it,
00:39:26.780
well, if you're listening to Allie, then she's telling you right now, um, reach out to Allie
00:39:31.720
if you have to, sorry, Allie, Allie will get in touch with me like you have it already
00:39:35.700
in the past and we'll help you find the resources.
00:39:40.160
There's no help available because it's simply not true.
00:39:44.040
And then for the friend who found out that a friend had an abortion, how does she help
00:39:56.140
Um, whatever you do, you don't want to look at her and go, how could you?
00:40:00.680
That's the last thing you want to do because then if she had more to tell you, she's going
00:40:06.060
If you're her, if you're truly her friend, for one thing, you're, you're a good friend
00:40:10.540
if she's willing to open up to you to tell you something she's probably not told many
00:40:15.060
Listen, hug her, support her, and then tell her, I'm going to walk through this with you.
00:40:20.280
I know there's got to be help for people like you and I'm going to help you find it.
00:40:27.680
A lot of times when a friend tells you she's had an abortion, that may be a time for you to
00:40:35.960
When people feel safe, um, they feel more, they have more courage.
00:40:41.260
And my prayer always is when someone says, I need to tell somebody, pray about who that
00:40:48.100
And if you don't have that person, call your local pregnancy center.
00:40:52.880
Because the worst thing that can happen is if you go to that judgmental friend or that
00:40:58.300
friend who's going to condemn you, that's just going to put her 20 steps back.
00:41:02.700
And it seems like from the stories that I've heard of women who were considering an abortion,
00:41:11.040
I asked, um, I just asked people on Instagram who follow me, tell me how you became pro-life.
00:41:16.860
And I got just a couple messages of people who had unplanned pregnancies when they were
00:41:21.060
a teenager and, um, the reasons why they changed their mind in not having an abortion.
00:41:26.900
One, I saw a lot of people say, um, that the boyfriend stepped up, that the guy stepped
00:41:35.920
And also the parents said, you don't have to go through with that.
00:41:40.440
So it seems like lack of support could be a reason why a lot of women have an abortion
00:41:45.200
and just support someone saying, you're not doing this alone.
00:41:49.280
Parents stepping up and saying, I'm sad that you're in this position, but we're going to
00:41:53.900
do everything we can to support you and gosh, the men, the men stepping up and saying, you
00:42:04.500
Had my boyfriend walked into that abortion clinic and I was sitting in the waiting room
00:42:08.860
to be called back and said, Hey babe, let's go.
00:42:19.540
The last thing we want women to feel is that they're alone.
00:42:24.840
But the problem is they don't know what to do or say because they've been told, shut
00:42:33.800
And so then I want to see men rise up and I'm convinced Allie with the millions upon millions
00:42:40.920
of people that are post-abortive men and women, once they find healing from having and choosing
00:42:46.840
abortion, it's going to change the landscape of pro-life.
00:42:50.660
I truly believe it because a lot of these people are keeping their mouths shut.
00:42:55.320
They don't want to tell anybody they're not healed.
00:42:59.160
And that is not to say you have to do, go travel and speak like I do.
00:43:08.380
But 72 million abortions, I believe, since Roe v. Wade and counting, 140 million for the
00:43:16.160
sake of math that are out there that have had abortions.
00:43:19.560
If a percentage of those people found healing and then told one person, it would change everything.
00:43:25.600
I'm convinced after abortion recovery is a backdoor approach to how we're going to make
00:43:34.740
And like you said, when you're healed, you can't help it.
00:43:43.960
Talk about some of the lies, as you already touched on just now, but some of the other
00:43:48.820
lies that men are hearing or that we have believed that this is just a women's thing.
00:43:55.940
Men are totally unaffected by abortion, we hear.
00:43:59.460
But that's not true, as you've already touched on.
00:44:02.780
As I touched on with the father of my aborted child and how that conversation with, I spoke
00:44:10.360
It was a men's event called It's New Canaan Men's Society, if you're familiar with that.
00:44:14.360
And they did their big conference in Orlando, Florida.
00:44:22.180
After I spoke and shared my story, shared the story I shared with you about the father,
00:44:26.980
these men stood in line, Allie, for over two hours just to talk to me.
00:44:33.620
And some of them, for the first time, saying they had an abortion in their past because
00:44:38.200
they always felt they weren't allowed to say anything because that's what they've been
00:44:49.260
When a woman gets too close, I break up with her.
00:44:56.280
This is why I don't feel like I can relate or connect with my own children because of
00:45:02.500
All of these different things, same kinds of things I hear as well from the women.
00:45:10.040
When a woman finally comes to the realization she ended the life of her child, when God made
00:45:15.240
us to be nurturers, to be mothers, to care for our young, et cetera, it's devastating for
00:45:21.500
us to know that we ended the life of our child.
00:45:29.160
Men are made to look after their women and their children.
00:45:32.480
When they did not protect their child and they participated in the death of their child,
00:45:39.380
So there are men and women walking around with wounds all over this country.
00:45:44.280
And the fact that this is only about women infuriates me.
00:45:49.920
I had a man recently, I spoke in California last week, and this gentleman came to me and
00:45:55.600
said, you know, your keynote was a full package.
00:46:00.720
He said, you're not just pro-unborn and pro-life.
00:46:06.340
Because I mostly hear how much women hate men because it's their fault these women are
00:46:13.300
And I said, that's just a lie and propaganda that they've been fed to keep their mouths
00:46:20.020
If men rise up and say, no, babe, you're not doing that, or they walk in that waiting
00:46:28.580
The abortion industry knows when men take their place in this issue, their business is going
00:46:39.660
And many times people tell me, Allie, I never thought of the abortion industry as a business.
00:46:48.860
It has nothing to do with women's health or women's rights.
00:46:54.580
Oh, I think we, even people who are aware of that, we probably don't even know all of
00:47:04.720
David Daleiden is one of those undercover journalists.
00:47:07.160
We saw the University of Pittsburgh doing these horrific experiments using baby scalps
00:47:20.760
There's so much and people just don't understand because of the euphemisms and the propaganda
00:47:25.420
that, you know, you talk about often that's surrounding abortion, what it actually, what
00:47:33.060
So SBA, which is the bill that became law in Texas, as we kind of already mentioned earlier,
00:47:42.040
it would allow a citizen to sue, say someone like your boyfriend, if he helped you in any
00:47:50.640
way or someone who helped the abortion, aided and abetted the abortion financially, even I
00:47:55.860
believe it would if the babysitter who babysits the woman's other children while she's going
00:48:03.340
to get an abortion, all of those people are not condemned under the law.
00:48:06.700
They can just be sued for, I believe it's up to $10,000.
00:48:10.120
Now, you're talking about this being a men's issue where, for example, your boyfriend realized
00:48:18.860
Now, I wonder if SB8 had been in place and someone had sued him into what may have been
00:48:26.100
at that point financial ruin, like, do we think the redemption that he then experienced and
00:48:31.740
the healing that he then experienced would be possible?
00:48:34.020
I guess what I'm asking is, as someone who is supported, I support pro-life laws.
00:48:39.620
Um, but do we think that it can be counterproductive to the healing process that you and I both
00:48:49.500
believe is important to people who have experienced abortion?
00:48:54.180
I'm kind of putting you on the spot, but what do you think about that?
00:49:01.160
Do I think it would be counterproductive had it been in place then is what you're asking
00:49:05.440
Or do you think it could be counterproductive for men now, say a man is sued because they
00:49:13.460
Um, do you think that it could be counterproductive in his healing process and ruin his life in
00:49:21.920
Or do we just kind of have to live in that tension of not really?
00:49:25.980
I think that the law is, I'd love to see this law in every state.
00:49:29.800
Um, I think that if people are so concerned about it, they should get educated and pay attention
00:49:34.900
and ask it, look, if you're going to drive someone to go drive a car and they're going
00:49:38.900
to go in and rob someone, but you didn't, you know, well, Hey, I didn't, I didn't go
00:49:46.480
So, um, I think that, um, I just, I don't want it.
00:49:53.520
I think more people have got to start taking responsibility instead of sticking their heads
00:50:02.320
You know, they're not thinking about what it's going to do to her, um, because they
00:50:07.220
don't care or they, they do know, and they still don't care.
00:50:10.720
So no, I think, I think part of the healing is going to come because you're so desperate
00:50:15.560
and you're so vulnerable that you get to a place where you're sick and tired of feeling
00:50:19.440
Allie, I've had people that are atheist and agnostic who at least profess they are.
00:50:24.360
Tell me, I want to go through your healing retreats because I don't believe like you do,
00:50:30.980
I have been seeing a, a doctor for years and years.
00:50:38.580
What they don't know that I know is that our children were, were created before in our,
00:50:45.960
in our mother's womb, you know, he knitted us in our mother's womb, knew us before we
00:50:51.460
So it's only a spiritual God that can fill that void that you feel from abortion.
00:50:58.780
And that's why I think so many people looking at other ways to find healing aren't finding
00:51:04.320
And that's the reason because the secret is only God can do it.
00:51:07.840
There has to be that balance of accountability because the accountability that is placed
00:51:13.880
on people who aid and abet and perform abortions is for the protection of the child.
00:51:19.380
We care about the protection of the child, even as we care about the healing for the men
00:51:22.980
and women who have had abortion in their lives.
00:51:25.300
But we can't say that healing and accountability are mutually exclusive.
00:51:30.940
I mean, they, they have to go together if we care about the right to life for the baby,
00:51:35.040
which we unequivocally do, even as we care about.
00:51:37.980
We can't say, well, this may hurt your healing.
00:51:45.280
I totally agree because the unborn child has rights as well.
00:51:50.760
That's what's so often forgotten in these conversations.
00:51:53.060
Not our conversations, but pro-choice conversations for sure.
00:51:58.620
They just paint the narrative the way they need to, to keep that
00:52:04.140
Abortionists have even know they're aborting children.
00:52:07.460
They know exactly what they're doing, but if they can convince enough people to believe
00:52:11.840
it's not, the child has no rights because there's nothing there.
00:52:23.240
You're doing amazing work from all different sides, convincing people that abortion is wrong
00:52:31.100
A lot of people, I won't say a lot of people aren't doing that because I think there are
00:52:35.100
so many pregnancy resource centers that are doing that, but a lot of people don't know
00:52:42.760
Can you tell people, like, how can they get in touch with you?
00:52:45.360
How can they learn more about these healing retreats?
00:52:47.340
I know there are people out there that are saying, wait, I need that.
00:52:52.360
You can go to reassemblelife.com and find out about the retreat, send an email through
00:52:57.760
there, and you can get my book right now on Amazon.
00:53:02.360
Apparently, Amazon bought my publishing company, so it's on Amazon now, but I will be offering
00:53:07.060
it as well on the website because a lot of people tell me, can I get your book a different
00:53:11.700
So reassemblelife.com is a way to get in touch with me.
00:53:19.680
During the election period, but find me, and I will make sure and help you find the resources
00:53:25.680
you need, whether it's a reassemble retreat or a different kind of retreat.
00:53:29.940
Whatever works for you, I will help you get the help you need.