Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 540

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, happy Thursday. Welcome to Relatable. I think I said that opposite of what I typically

00:00:16.340 do. I open the show the same way every day. I guess I just wanted to spice it up, change

00:00:20.820 it up today. But today we're going to talk about Santa Claus. This is the last episode

00:00:26.500 before my team and I are going on a three-week break. You will get two episodes next week

00:00:33.280 and you'll get two episodes the next week. And in the first week of January, we're going

00:00:37.320 to take a break. We might put out a couple replay episodes, but we are going to be taking

00:00:44.160 a little Christmas hiatus, but we are going to make sure that you get four new episodes.

00:00:51.280 We've got two awesome interviews that you guys are going to love. And then next week

00:00:56.360 we'll do some Christmas-themed episodes that are really fun, but obviously the hope is that

00:01:01.480 you get something serious and substantial out of them as well. And like I said, today is

00:01:06.880 also a Christmas-themed episode. We are talking about Santa Claus. Specifically, I am going

00:01:13.460 to answer the question, should Christians do Santa Claus with their families? Now, I've

00:01:19.400 answered this question before, but I'm going to go a little bit deeper on my response so

00:01:25.260 that this episode doubles as an encouraging and theological Christmas episode, not just

00:01:32.880 here's why you should agree with me on my opinion on Santa. And let me say before we start that

00:01:40.800 it is okay if we disagree on this. Number one, this is not a salvation issue for Christians.

00:01:47.600 Two, I am a big believer that you are the best parents for your kids, no one else. You know

00:01:54.620 the intricacies of your child's mind, their personality, their needs, and you may find a

00:01:59.880 better way to approach Santa than what I offer you today, and that is totally fine. Also, I

00:02:06.460 understand that I am a relatively new mom. I am not pretending to know everything that has

00:02:12.700 to do with parenthood. I am very thankful for the wisdom of moms and grandmothers that go

00:02:17.560 before me that have decades upon decades of experience. I am coming at this subject, though,

00:02:24.340 as thoughtfully as I can and hopefully as biblically as I can. And my goal is either to encourage

00:02:31.340 you or potentially challenge you and or to potentially challenge you with a different perspective

00:02:37.580 than maybe the one you have or the one that you grew up with. I think a lot of us have really

00:02:42.500 not thought about this, but I have thought about this a lot in the past couple of years

00:02:47.560 since becoming a mom. So let me summarize first my position, and then I will give you

00:02:53.060 my why behind my position. I do not believe it is right to tell our children that Santa is

00:03:00.840 a real person living at the North Pole, making a naughty and nice list, and delivering them presents

00:03:07.000 on Christmas. Now, let me tell you why. And then I will present you with what I think,

00:03:14.500 in my opinion, are better alternatives to that. My first reason for not doing Santa Claus in that way

00:03:21.940 is because I think lying, even and especially to our children, is wrong. I grew up with standard

00:03:28.940 views of Santa. I believed that Santa was real, and I remember that being really fun. I'm not traumatized

00:03:34.720 by that. We would put out cookies and milk, and we would put out food for reindeer, like

00:03:39.640 an apple on the porch or something, and there would be a bite out of it in the morning, and

00:03:44.220 that was really exciting. I would get presents that were from Santa on the tag, and I'm sure

00:03:49.560 that I enjoyed all of that. In fact, I remember enjoying all of that. I don't think my parents

00:03:54.200 ever used Santa's omniscience to threaten me into good behavior or anything like that. It was just fun

00:04:01.800 to think that there was this old guy who knew what you wanted for Christmas and was delivering

00:04:07.000 presents on Christmas Eve to think about all the logistics of all of that. That was fun.

00:04:11.160 So all of that seems pretty harmless, and it mostly was, except that I distinctly remember

00:04:19.320 being so embarrassed and angry when I found out that he wasn't real the summer of my sixth year of

00:04:27.420 life. And I found out that early in my life when I was six years old because I have older brothers

00:04:33.860 10 and 7 years older than me. And one thing that I heard recently on a podcast that has stuck with me,

00:04:39.960 which is true, is that your family is actually the age of the oldest sibling. And so the younger

00:04:45.220 siblings end up knowing almost everything the oldest sibling knows because they are bringing home

00:04:53.780 their experiences and the things that they learned at school and all of that. And so it's hard to

00:04:59.120 maintain a young child's belief in Santa Claus when they have older siblings that have known for a very

00:05:04.360 long time, my brother was 16, my oldest brother, that Santa Claus is not real. So when I was six,

00:05:10.460 I made a comment to my oldest brother, who, like I said, was 16 at the time, about the tooth fairy

00:05:15.140 leaving something behind in my room when she was coming to get one of my lost teeth. And he kind of

00:05:20.640 scoffed at it and said that was silly or something like that. He wasn't being mean. He has a very nice

00:05:26.000 older brother, but, you know, 16 year olds, I think he just kind of said something offhand.

00:05:31.040 And his reaction, as probably as subtle as it was, did make my little brain start turning its wheels.

00:05:39.320 So I started thinking, why is that silly? Why did, why, why did he react like that? Why did he laugh at

00:05:45.620 that? Why, why didn't he think that my story about the tooth fairy was cool? I thought I was making

00:05:50.120 a totally legitimate observation, telling him something awesome that happened that the tooth

00:05:54.760 fairy did, but he was not impressed. Why is that? And then somehow, somehow my six-year-old mind,

00:06:00.720 I started putting these pieces together and I distinctly remember. So it must have had kind

00:06:05.480 of a significant impact on me. I remember the next day in my backyard asking my mom point blank

00:06:11.200 if the tooth fairy was real. And she said, well, no, it's not real. I don't remember exactly what she

00:06:17.600 said, but then the dominoes started to fall in my mind. So if the tooth fairy wasn't real,

00:06:23.560 then what about the Easter bunny? And what about Santa? That's the biggest disappointment of all.

00:06:31.320 And she told me the truth. She said, no, Santa isn't real. And I remember being really mad. I really

00:06:37.800 hated that everyone in my family was in on a secret that I wasn't. And I felt like I had been tricked.

00:06:43.840 And I remember vowing then that I would not lie to my kids about saying, I think I actually said

00:06:48.900 that out loud to my mom. Now, I don't want to be, I don't want it to sound dramatic because like I

00:06:55.640 said, was I traumatized by that experience? No, I don't think so. Do I hold resentment against my

00:07:01.300 parents? Did I hold resentment for years to come after that? No. Did I develop serious trust issues

00:07:07.620 with my parents? No. Did I have a hard time believing in God after that, which we'll get to in a minute?

00:07:12.580 No. I don't remember this being an extremely defining episode in my life, except that I

00:07:19.300 remember not liking the feeling of being lied to. I didn't like that this whole elaborate charade

00:07:24.720 had been constructed to make me believe something that wasn't true and that I had so naively believed

00:07:33.280 it. And if you're thinking, well, this kind of sounds like an unbelievable reaction and thought

00:07:39.360 process for a six-year-old. Again, I had older siblings. And so a lot of times when you've got

00:07:45.000 a youngest sibling that has siblings that are way older than them, their thought processes are a

00:07:49.900 little bit more mature because you have learned to think and you've watched some of the same things

00:07:54.740 that your older siblings have. And plus, you can talk to my parents and they will tell you that I

00:08:02.280 was six going on 26. They've always said that. And part of me has always been old. So I developed

00:08:08.380 self-consciousness early on, not in the sense that I was insecure, but in the sense that I was always

00:08:14.220 very aware of myself and cognizant of how I relate to the world around me, which meant that I could get

00:08:18.920 embarrassed easily even as a kid. And to this day, I hate, I don't really get embarrassed anymore.

00:08:24.220 That's something that comes with maturity, but I hate when other people are purposely embarrassed for

00:08:28.780 the sake of laughs, especially when parents try to embarrass their kids. I really hate that. Now,

00:08:34.720 my parents were not trying to embarrass me when they told me that Santa was real. They also hate

00:08:40.340 public embarrassment and they would never intentionally embarrass me or anyone. Nevertheless, I was

00:08:45.660 embarrassed and I knew I didn't want to put my kids in that position one day. I actually remember

00:08:51.020 thinking that as probably about to be first grader. So that whole background probably

00:08:58.380 plays a big role in my stance on Santa. I can't say it's a position at which I arrived exclusively by

00:09:04.920 the study of scripture. It also has to do with my experiences and my personality as well. But there

00:09:11.480 is, of course, a biblical reason not to lie to our kids. As I said, there are biblical reasons not to lie

00:09:21.820 to our kids by saying that Santa Claus is real. Ephesians 4.25. Therefore, having put away falsehood,

00:09:30.680 let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

00:09:36.600 Saying that Santa is a real person is a lie. Now, I understand we don't always tell the truth,

00:09:45.460 the whole truth, to our kids about things simply because they're not developmentally ready to know

00:09:50.960 the full truth about every concept or event that occurs. But avoiding explaining something they're

00:09:58.980 not ready to know or only letting them in on part of the knowledge of something based on their

00:10:05.560 maturity and the necessity of understanding a particular subject is different than making up

00:10:12.120 a story and making an effort to have them believe it. That is lying. And while I did not develop trust

00:10:20.680 issues that I know of with my parents or question the existence of God because of the revelation that

00:10:26.160 Santa isn't real, I do think that could be an outcome for some children. Every child is different. Just like

00:10:32.320 I didn't like to be on the outside of a secret and be lied to even as a six-year-old,

00:10:37.600 you may have some very curious young kids who do continue on with the deductive reasoning of,

00:10:45.820 well, if they lied to me about Santa, what else did they lie to me about? That's a distinct

00:10:50.000 possibility, especially if your kid doesn't find out that Santa isn't real until later. There really

00:10:57.180 is no good reason that I can think of to lie to our kids about Santa Claus. There's no reason to

00:11:04.560 suspend the rule that I would assume most households, especially Christian households,

00:11:09.000 have not to lie just for Christmas. It sends, in my opinion, a confusing message to our kids about

00:11:17.720 our trustworthiness and the importance of honesty and could so unnecessary doubt about the existence of

00:11:25.060 God. Because Santa, if you think about it, is almost a perverted version of the God of the Bible,

00:11:31.860 which is reason number two why we won't tell our kids that Santa Claus is real. Because there is a

00:11:40.040 real gift giver who gave a real gift at Christmas, who really does see you when you're sleeping and

00:11:46.540 really does know when you're awake, who really does know what you do and say and think, who really

00:11:52.140 is everywhere at once. And his name is God, not St. Nicholas. We don't need Father Christmas.

00:11:58.560 We have God, the Father, who gave us the greatest gift we could ever imagine in Christ.

00:12:05.140 James 1 17. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father

00:12:11.440 of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Romans 6 23. For the wages of sin is

00:12:18.860 death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Then a little bit longer

00:12:25.780 passage, Psalm 139, 1-12.

00:12:28.780 O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up. You discern

00:12:35.260 my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

00:12:41.220 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you knew it altogether. You hem me in behind

00:12:46.620 a before and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is high. I cannot attain it.

00:12:54.240 Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven,

00:13:00.100 you are there. If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell

00:13:04.560 in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold

00:13:09.120 me. If I say, surely the darkness shall cover me and the light about me be night, even the darkness

00:13:15.280 is not dark to you. The night is bright as the day for darkness is as light with you. So Christmas

00:13:22.500 is about a real omnipotent, omniscient, generous, gracious, joyous being God who knows and loves all

00:13:31.660 the girls and boys and has prepared for us a real gift wrapped in swaddling cloths, laying in a manger

00:13:38.560 and his name is Jesus. For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be

00:13:44.700 upon his shoulder and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father,

00:13:50.180 Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9, 6. If that was enough for the consolation of Israel, enough for the

00:13:57.540 hallelujahs of the angels and the wonder of the shepherds and the worship of the wise men that night

00:14:01.380 in Bethlehem, then it's enough to bring us and our children joy today. So why offer our children

00:14:09.560 competing narratives? Why present them with a false God and Santa Claus? And that's what he is. When you

00:14:16.640 say that a man who has God-like powers, who is determining your gift share based on what you do,

00:14:23.500 why present them with what amounts to a false gospel that you do nice things to get more toys?

00:14:29.020 Why not instead offer them something so much better, the unconditional love of a heavenly father

00:14:35.480 manifested in a real gift, Jesus Christ, whose second coming we await still with longing and

00:14:41.540 expectation? Is the gospel not a better and a more mysterious in a lot of ways and sweeter and more

00:14:48.920 joy-inducing story than Santa, elves, and the North Pole? If we present two different meanings of

00:14:56.160 Christmas, one that has to do with the instant gratification of Santa and toys and one that has

00:15:01.600 to do with a more intangible gift of salvation through Christ, which one do you think will occupy

00:15:07.340 a young child's mind? All of our minds are really bent towards instant gratification, but especially

00:15:12.680 a child who has an even more of a limited capacity to kind of understand kind of complicated and intangible

00:15:20.000 concepts. So we cannot simultaneously pastor our kids about Jesus being the reason for the season

00:15:26.920 while offering so many other competing reasons for the season that have nothing to do with Jesus.

00:15:33.240 If Christmas is about Christ, about the gospel, and then as an outpouring of that main reason,

00:15:41.480 or really soul reason, as an outpouring of that soul reason, also about joy and love and peace and

00:15:48.500 generosity and fellowship, then we as parents have an obligation and a blessed opportunity to make it

00:15:54.580 about that. Because Lord knows the world is already going to provide them with a million other

00:15:59.820 distractions. We don't have to aid and abet that. Isn't that our job as parents to silence worldly

00:16:05.360 narratives and put our kids on the path of righteousness as best we can by the grace and power of God?

00:16:10.380 To show what real versus counterfeit joy looks like? To help them marvel at everything that is good and

00:16:16.260 right and true? And if that sounds fuddy-duddy to us, then I wonder if we really understand the

00:16:24.180 splendor and majesty and happiness that comes with Christ and his advent. Now, all of that said,

00:16:31.060 I am not of the mind that Christmas is a pagan holiday that shouldn't be celebrated with trees

00:16:36.300 and lights and traditions. There is grace and goodness to be found in simple things that bring us joy.

00:16:42.340 These are gifts of common grace. Hot chocolate and candy canes and snow and it's a wonderful life

00:16:47.840 and stockings are all gifts of common grace, meaning that everyone, not just Christians, can enjoy them

00:16:53.200 that we get to freely enjoy. And they can all be used to glorify God.

00:17:00.440 So the great 19th century pastor Charles Haddon Spurgeon had what I would call a nuanced take on

00:17:08.760 Christmas and it kind of developed over the years of his life, it seems like. While he said that there

00:17:13.440 is no biblical reason to turn the Savior's birth into a holiday on the 25th of December, and that's

00:17:19.100 true, there really is no biblical or that much of a historical reason to do that. There's not a basis in

00:17:26.720 history or in scripture necessarily that we pick specifically the 25th of December for the birthday

00:17:34.040 of Christ. And so he acknowledges this. And he also said that much of the celebration of Christmas had

00:17:42.480 turned into superstition, that Christians should not take part in. But he also said this. He said,

00:17:50.300 quote, I wish there were 10 or a dozen Christmas days in the year, for there is work enough in the

00:17:55.100 world and a little more rest would not hurt laboring people. Christmas Day is really a boon to us,

00:18:00.560 particularly as it enables us to assemble around the family hearth and meet our friends once more.

00:18:06.580 He also said this, quote, this is a season when all men expect us to be joyous. We compliment each

00:18:12.360 other with the desire that we may have a merry Christmas. Some Christians who are a little

00:18:16.980 squeamish do not like the word merry. It is good. It is a right good old Saxon word, he says,

00:18:23.060 having the joy of childhood and the mirth of manhood in it. It brings before one's mind the old song

00:18:29.420 of the weights and the midnight peal of bells, the holly and the blazing log. I love it for its place

00:18:36.500 in that most tender of all parables, where it is written that when the long lost prodigal returned

00:18:42.220 to his father safe and sound, they began to be merry. This is the season when we are expected to be

00:18:49.020 happy. And my heart's desire is that in the highest and best sense, you who are believers may

00:18:55.580 be merry. So it is a time for us to show the joy that should be characteristic of believers year round.

00:19:02.700 We can celebrate lots of parts of this season while still making every effort to make the gospel

00:19:09.920 the center, to make Jesus the why behind all that we do, to make the glory of God the goal as in all

00:19:18.400 things. And what an opportunity for us to drive home who Jesus is and what he's done for us to our kids.

00:19:25.140 Without the confusion that the narrative of Santa brings. I think Santa can be a Christmas character.

00:19:34.160 I don't believe it's bad to have a picture of Santa or Rudolph or to watch Rudolph the red-nosed

00:19:40.460 reindeer. It's okay to show our kids fiction. I actually think fiction presented as fiction is

00:19:45.560 really important for kids' development, for creativity, for imagination. I loved fiction growing up. I think it

00:19:50.680 made me a better writer, thinker, and communicator. I think you could also, this is an alternative,

00:19:56.780 talk about the person called St. Nicholas who was a Greek bishop, his story, his generosity. That's

00:20:01.920 fine. I honestly don't know that much about that story, but I have heard families doing that as an

00:20:06.900 alternative. I simply think that now, maybe more than ever, probably not more than ever, because it's

00:20:12.800 always been important for Christians to disciple their children well. But especially in just such a

00:20:18.240 confusing time, Christian parents must be bound to the truth, even and especially with our kids.

00:20:23.840 We have a responsibility to bring clarity, not confusion to our children. There's just no time

00:20:29.000 right now for competing narratives, for false gospels, and for false gods. We want to take every

00:20:34.500 opportunity we can to lay a good, a solid theological foundation for our children. We don't want to take

00:20:41.100 any moment or any holiday or any experience for granted. We don't want to mimic the world in any

00:20:47.820 way. Now, maybe you think this is kind of legalistic, but I would posit that the narrative of Santa

00:20:54.200 putting kids on lists, knowing what they're doing, and giving them toys based on those actions

00:20:59.360 is legalistic. What I am suggesting is actually the opposite of legalism. It is teaching kids about the

00:21:05.160 unconditional love and grace of God found in the Jesus who left his heavenly home, humbled himself

00:21:10.980 as a baby, who died a death on a cross that he didn't have to die for our sake, paying for our

00:21:15.460 sins, so that we could become friends with our creator, a holy God, have joy and peace in this life,

00:21:23.200 and in the next life, live forever in heaven with him. That's a better story. That's a better story

00:21:28.920 than Santa Claus. Now, before we get to the reading of one of my favorite hymns at Christmas time,

00:21:36.320 if not my very favorite Christmas hymn, I want to answer the question that I get a lot.

00:21:42.300 What do I do about my kids ruining it for other kids at school or ruining it for their cousins? And

00:21:50.220 I understand you don't want to be that kid. You don't want other parents mad at you or mad at your

00:21:55.440 kid. You don't want your kid to get in trouble at school. But I think it's probably like anything

00:22:00.300 that you teach your kid that is countercultural. They're always going to run into people who

00:22:05.760 don't think the same things they do. And one of the funny, beautiful, precious, admirable, but I know

00:22:14.760 sometimes frustrating parts of children is that they don't have a filter. They are not thinking of

00:22:20.920 how can I present this information to my disagreeing friend with as much charity and

00:22:25.940 nuance as possible. Like they'll just come out and say, you know, Santa's not real, right? And so I

00:22:31.940 understand that if you're trying to keep your child from doing that. And of course, I think

00:22:39.420 that we can definitely try. We can teach our kids to be considerate. We can have that conversation with

00:22:46.980 them. Now that's not always easy when they're super young, when they're in that toddler stage

00:22:51.680 where they're understanding what you're saying, but they don't necessarily know how to apply and

00:22:55.460 translate it into action. I understand that can be difficult, but we can only do the best we can.

00:23:00.760 And ultimately we're not responsible for the beliefs of other kids. And it's true. Like it's true that

00:23:05.720 Santa isn't real. And so I think we teach our kids the truth. We teach our kids to be loving. We teach

00:23:11.320 our kids to be kind and considerate if they're old enough to understand, Hey, uh, it's not your

00:23:16.860 responsibility to tell other kids that Santa is not real. That's their mommy and daddy's

00:23:21.380 responsibility. And so you allow them to figure that out on their own. You allow their parents

00:23:26.460 to tell them that it's not your job. It's not your job to tell your friend or to tell your cousin or,

00:23:32.460 you know, to tell someone that Santa isn't real. So maybe that's the way you go about it. I'm sure

00:23:37.780 that there are parents who have far more experience than I, than I do that could give us some tips,

00:23:43.740 give us some pointers on that and could tell us, um, how to navigate that. But you can't let that

00:23:52.380 paralyze you. That is not a good reason, in my opinion, to lie to your kids or to give a competing

00:23:57.760 anti-gospel, in my opinion, narrative, um, of Santa Claus being a real person that is watching you

00:24:05.180 and will give you bad things if you act badly. It's just not, it's not a good story. And the

00:24:10.220 gospel is a better one. Okay. Let me read you the lyrics to this wonderful song. Come thou long

00:24:18.580 expected Jesus. This and Oh Holy Night are two of my favorite Christmas hymns. And really they could

00:24:25.440 be hymns, of course, year round. They're not exclusive to Christmas, but we typically sing them

00:24:29.980 at Christmas time. And I just love every line of this. Come thou long expected Jesus born to set

00:24:36.800 thy people free from our fears and sins. Release us. Let us find our rest in thee. Israel strength

00:24:44.520 and consolation, hope of all the earth thou art dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart

00:24:53.160 born thy people to deliver born a child and yet a king born to reign in us forever. Now thy gracious

00:25:01.400 kingdom bring by thine own eternal spirit rule in all our hearts alone by thine all sufficient merit

00:25:10.040 raise us to thy glorious throne. Really? That's not even a Christmas hymn because we are still,

00:25:16.040 as I said earlier, awaiting Jesus's second coming when he will finally once and for all banish

00:25:23.080 wickedness and rule and perfect peace. Really that's what Christmas reminds us of and increases our

00:25:31.500 anticipation for that day even more. All right. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. We will be back

00:25:38.940 here next week with some pre-recorded episodes that you are going to love. They will be Christmas

00:25:44.460 themed and so it'll help you get into the spirit even more. So we will see you back here next week.

00:25:53.080 all right.

00:25:55.080 Good luck for the next week.

00:25:58.580 You can't hear something happy with this. Oh, thank you.

00:26:00.160 all right.

00:26:02.040 All right.

00:26:02.500 All right.

00:26:03.500 All right.

00:26:04.500 All right.

00:26:06.220 All right.

00:26:09.360 All right.

00:26:11.500 I'm here.

00:26:14.880 I'm going.

00:26:15.800 So I'm sorry.

00:26:17.000 All right.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - December 16, 2021

Ep 540 ｜ A Biblical Take on Santa

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