Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 567 ｜ BONUS Birthday Episode! Life Advice + Voicemails

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable, just me and my chicken biscuit if you're watching on YouTube

00:00:04.880 from Chick-fil-A because that's even better than a cupcake and this little candle because

00:00:10.880 it is my 30th birthday and we have a fun 30th birthday bonus episode just for you.

00:00:17.440 Okay guys, our bonus birthday episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Rancher's Better

00:00:36.240 Than Organic Chicken and Kraft Beef sent right to your front door. Use goodranchers.com

00:00:43.320 slash Allie for a discount. All right, today is the day, my 30th birthday and wow, I was not,

00:00:51.860 I was not expecting that. That kind of scared me a little bit and I want to do a special episode

00:00:57.500 for you guys. Just going to kind of walk down memory lane in my 20s and hope that there are

00:01:03.940 bits of wisdom for you guys kind of woven throughout for those of you who are about to be in your 20s,

00:01:09.600 those of you who are in your 20s, uh, or even who are my age or older. And then we're going to listen

00:01:17.260 to some voicemails that you guys sent me. Thank you guys for sending those. If you're watching on

00:01:23.720 YouTube, you can see that there is a sign off to the side that says it is your birthday.

00:01:30.500 Now, if you are like our associate producer, Dylan, you might not know where this is from because as I

00:01:40.460 have said before, and I will never stop saying Dylan doesn't like the office and he says there are no

00:01:45.460 jokes in the office. Guys, I know all of you, I heard your collective gasp and slam on your brakes

00:01:54.440 and shriek. That's exactly how I reacted. That's exactly how Beth and I reacted when he said that,

00:02:03.100 but this is from the office. It is your birthday period. Where'd the sound effect go? I thought

00:02:09.080 there was going to be a sound effect after I said birthday. I guess that's just, there we go. I guess

00:02:13.320 that dropped off. All right. So we are going to, uh, take it all the way back to when I turned 20.

00:02:23.040 Uh, I have been trying to remember what exactly I was doing on this day on my 20th birthday. I

00:02:29.140 honestly, I don't remember how I celebrated. I can't remember it. It was 2012. I was a sophomore

00:02:35.700 in college in South Carolina. The sophomore year of college was not a great year for me because I

00:02:44.580 still had not found my place and my crowd yet in college. I was living on a hall with girls in my

00:02:51.360 sorority. I went to a small liberal arts college. We didn't have like sorority houses. We had halls

00:02:55.420 that we lived on our sophomore year with other girls in your pledge class. If you were in a

00:03:00.680 sorority, which is fun, but it can also be difficult when you're kind of insecure. And I struggled with

00:03:07.500 insecurity a lot as a 20 year old, especially in regards to my appearance. That's what I think of

00:03:13.100 when I think of being 20 years old. I remember my skin was breaking out. I wanted to be skinnier.

00:03:18.400 I wanted to be fitter, but I could not stop eating dining hall cookies. And I don't know if the dining

00:03:24.680 hall cookies were like this at your college or even your high school, but they were basically like

00:03:29.720 these half baked cookies that you could just, you could get as many as you wanted out of this like

00:03:35.720 little like warmer thing. And that was, uh, that was my weakness that in Biscoff cookie butter,

00:03:42.740 which I would just eat out of the jar. So I wanted to be fitter, but I didn't want to give up on those

00:03:47.020 things. But also looking back, I was not overweight, which just shows you, and here's a little like

00:03:52.720 nugget of wisdom for those of you. I mean, I don't want to say it's wisdom, but nugget of advice that I

00:03:57.640 would give you. Maybe you will consider it wisdom for those of you who find yourself in the same kind

00:04:02.120 of situation or feelings. Um, it just goes to show you how much insecurity and comparison can really

00:04:08.480 distort your view of yourself. Like looking back at pictures of myself when I was 20, I didn't really

00:04:13.360 need to worry about that, but comparison leads to distortion. It leads to discontent and that can

00:04:21.320 lead to joylessness and anxiety. And it did for me when I was 19, 20 years old, I really struggled

00:04:27.680 with this in my 20th year of life. And I knew the Bible verses. I knew that I should be thankful to

00:04:33.480 the Lord for all he's given me. I knew I should be secure in, you know, the body, the appearance that

00:04:39.160 God had given me. I knew that I should choose joy. And I really felt like in this year of my life that

00:04:44.640 I couldn't. I really struggled with the idea at this, in this season that God loved me, that he

00:04:52.020 delights in me. And I may not have realized it then, but I really was not happy at the beginning of this

00:04:59.500 decade of my life. I was trying really hard to be, but it was difficult. I'm sure a lot of you have

00:05:06.040 been in that kind of season or phase where you really want to be happy. You know that you should

00:05:11.360 choose happiness. You do all of the right things to try to make yourself feel happy and it's just

00:05:16.340 not there. So that was, that was really hard. And I don't want to blow it out of proportion or be

00:05:21.520 dramatic or act like I was going through like the most trying season of my life. I know all of us,

00:05:27.740 you know, myself included have gone through more difficult things than seasons of insecurity.

00:05:32.260 But at this point, like when you're 20 years old and you're in college and you just want to fit in

00:05:37.300 and you're told that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, being 20 is supposed to be

00:05:42.620 like this amazing experience because you have become an adult, but you're also still really young

00:05:48.640 and you have so much of your life ahead of you. There's a lot of pressure. And when you can't

00:05:52.580 make yourself fulfill all of the expectations that are kind of arbitrarily put on being 20 years old,

00:05:58.660 that can be disappointing and discouraging. Um, I was also, I was dating someone who I

00:06:04.660 simultaneously did not love, but also wanted to marry. And I know that the reason I talked about

00:06:10.700 this is because I know it is relatable to a lot of you guys. Now, maybe you are asking though,

00:06:16.700 like, how does that make sense? How does it make sense to know that you don't want to be with someone,

00:06:20.480 but simultaneously tell yourself that you want to be with them for the rest of your life? Well,

00:06:25.560 like I said, when I was 20 years old, I was very discontent. I had friends, but I didn't feel

00:06:30.320 like I had a set group of people that I really felt secure and comfortable with. And so I was

00:06:36.300 hungry for acceptance and to be wanted and to be thought of as, as beautiful. And really also I

00:06:44.260 wanted to escape. I wanted to escape my feelings of dissatisfaction with my circumstances, with myself.

00:06:49.820 And I thought that if I focused on this relationship and on the hope of getting married either right

00:06:55.060 after college or maybe even graduated in a semester early to get married, then I wouldn't have to worry

00:07:00.600 about all this stuff that I was worried about. Then I could make myself feel better for not having

00:07:05.600 the college experience that I was hoping to have by telling myself, well, at least I have this

00:07:10.820 relationship, but I'm just going to get married right after college. So it's okay if I don't love

00:07:14.060 college and I don't have like a great set of friends. That's kind of what I was telling myself.

00:07:19.280 But like I said, I also, I did not love this person. Great guy. Nothing was wrong with him at

00:07:24.820 all. Everything great on paper. But I knew from the get go, from the very beginning that he wasn't

00:07:30.120 the one for me. And I hung on to that relationship for two and a half years because of the escapism that

00:07:35.480 it brought me. Because I was afraid I couldn't find anything better. I think that's a fear that a lot

00:07:41.680 of people have, maybe especially women, maybe guys have it too, but especially women, you're dating

00:07:47.220 someone and you know it's not right. You have a fear that you're settling at least just, you know,

00:07:53.140 for yourself. It's not the person that you want to be with, but you're scared that if you let this

00:07:57.920 person go, that you're going to be lonely forever and ever. I think that keeps a lot of women in 1.00

00:08:03.940 relationships that they know they're not really supposed to be in. And I'd always assumed that I

00:08:08.640 would get married right after I graduated college. I don't know. Maybe it's because my parents got

00:08:13.580 married really young. My parents got married at 19 and 20. And so I thought that I was, I thought

00:08:18.520 that everyone got married like, you know, May or June of right after they graduated. And so I wanted

00:08:27.400 to hang on to that because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I thought that everyone met

00:08:31.040 their husband in college and then you just got married right after college. I also didn't know who I

00:08:36.340 was at the time without this relationship. But there were good things also happening at that time

00:08:44.180 in my life. And so that was kind of the bad that was happening. And I don't even want to necessarily

00:08:50.860 say that it was all that. It was challenging. It was like a stretching, growing time in my life

00:08:55.100 because of those things that I just described. But there were also good things that were growing

00:08:59.120 me. Like I had a really a good friend who was older than me who had just given me my first

00:09:03.820 study Bible. It was an ESV study Bible, my favorite study Bible. And she doesn't even know this,

00:09:09.600 but that really changed my life. So despite me feeling spiritually dry and kind of emotionally

00:09:15.320 all over the place, I was spending a lot of time reading my Bible and journaling. This was a very

00:09:21.400 emotionally turbulent and insecure time in my life when I struggled to understand and believe in

00:09:26.420 God's love for me. But it was also a time of significant theological deepening. I was listening

00:09:32.380 to sermons really for the first time. I mean, this was kind of when podcasts were getting

00:09:37.300 big and almost everyone had an iPhone. So I was listening to sermons for the first time. I was

00:09:42.280 reading theological books. At that point, I had been doing that for a few years. But I was really

00:09:48.340 kind of narrowing the people that I was listening to because when I first started caring about theology,

00:09:54.440 probably my junior year of high school, I was listening to and watching all kinds of people.

00:10:00.240 Stephen Furtick. I was reading Donald Miller. I was reading The Shack. I was listening to

00:10:06.040 Joel Osteen. I didn't have a whole lot of discernment in the beginning. I was very just

00:10:10.140 thirsty for more theological knowledge. And thankfully, by the grace of God and this friend

00:10:16.560 who gave me an ESV study Bible, this was probably the time that I became reformed without even realizing

00:10:22.980 it. Most people who call themselves reformed, and we've done episodes on what that actually means,

00:10:27.720 didn't realize that they were becoming reformed when they actually were. It's just that they were

00:10:33.400 drawn towards certain pastors, sermons, books, study Bibles, and that ended up kind of shaping

00:10:40.300 their view of the Bible and Christianity. And that certainly was true for me. I wouldn't have even 1.00

00:10:44.980 known to describe what it meant to be reformed. But now looking back, I see that God was doing that

00:10:52.280 during that time. So when I think about who I was starting my 20s, I have a lot of compassion for

00:10:59.760 her. But I wish I could tell her a few things. And so take this as what I am telling you. If you are

00:11:09.060 20 or if you are 50, it doesn't matter. I think that the things that I would tell myself really can

00:11:13.940 apply in a variety of situations. So I would tell my 20-year-old self, number one, these feelings of

00:11:21.160 discomfort and insecurity that you feel about your body and your skin, the skin that you're in,

00:11:26.840 the skin that God gave you will pass. Your pimples will go away. But the comparing of yourself to

00:11:33.660 people is going to continue to steal the gladness and the gratefulness to which the Lord has called

00:11:41.540 you. The people that you're comparing yourself to, they are all insecure too. And you will not even

00:11:46.820 remember them 10 years from now or why you were jealous of them or why you wanted something that

00:11:51.740 they had. But also, I would tell myself just practically to stop turning to food for emotional

00:11:57.220 comfort. It creates a cycle of self-loathing and discouragement that just isn't healthy. I would also

00:12:04.840 encourage her, number two, to keep reading her Bible, to keep writing, to keep studying, to keep

00:12:10.360 listening. I wish now, just a kind of a pause, I wish now that I wrote as much as I did then. I mean,

00:12:16.620 I would write just pages and pages in my journal. I think that made me a better thinker, a better

00:12:21.140 writer, and more creative. And I don't dedicate as much time to that now, but I wish that I did.

00:12:26.700 So I tell my 20-year-old self, keep doing that. Keep listening even when you struggle to feel like

00:12:33.120 God cares. Trust in the knowledge that He has revealed to you in His true and trustworthy Word that He does.

00:12:40.880 But I would also caution her not to do these things merely to gain theological knowledge

00:12:47.100 or to impress anyone with her theological depth, but to really to know and to love God. And again,

00:12:54.800 this would go back to her insecurity and wanting to be loved and accepted and approved of and praised.

00:12:59.720 It would go back to pride, which manifests itself very often not in self-praise, but in self-hatred.

00:13:05.440 Self-hatred is still a form of pride, and I would call her out for that because sometimes she would

00:13:09.880 think about gaining theological knowledge and knowing the answers to deep theological questions

00:13:14.260 as kind of a badge of honor. And I would chastise her. I would admonish her not to think of it that

00:13:21.620 way and to ensure that your motives in gaining knowledge is to really love the Lord, her God,

00:13:28.400 with all of her mind, heart, soul, and strength. Number three, I would encourage her to stop thinking

00:13:34.780 about, well, actually, okay, so this is still a number two. So I would encourage herself,

00:13:39.880 I would encourage her to stop thinking about herself so much, even when it comes to her study

00:13:46.820 of God. Like, is she doing it the right way? Is she writing in a way that if someone read it,

00:13:50.500 like it would be impressive to them, whatever. To stop focusing on herself and to focus on God for the

00:13:55.340 sake of focusing on Him, for the sake of knowing Him. Then number three, I would tell her to break up with 0.98

00:14:02.460 her boyfriend rather than waiting for the relationship to fall apart years later in

00:14:07.560 my senior year, which obviously it did. While God used that relationship, I think He can use

00:14:13.680 all relationships for good things and His glory. He used it to teach me things. I would say to her,

00:14:22.460 you know that nagging feeling that you have been trying to bury about this relationship since the

00:14:28.000 very beginning? You know those doubts that you're constantly trying to push down and excuse and to

00:14:32.440 justify? That's actually conviction. This relationship is an idol in some ways, a means

00:14:37.440 of escapism in other ways, and it's giving you an excuse not to be all there. Also, as much as it is

00:14:44.900 a source of acceptance for you, it is also one reason you never feel good or pretty enough. Your fixation

00:14:51.940 on this relationship is also one reason you don't have a solid, secure group of friends. I would say

00:14:58.240 to her, break up, lean on God, invest in long-lasting friendships, and in being so incredibly present

00:15:05.580 where you are. One thing I would commend her on, however, in this is her motto to never pass up a

00:15:13.180 conversation for homework. That is always something I abided by my entire life, actually, and I still do.

00:15:19.240 I can procrastinate. If I can come up with a good, virtuous-sounding reason, loving-sounding reason

00:15:26.060 to not do something that I don't want to do, I will do it. So that's something that I carry with

00:15:31.860 me to this day. I wouldn't tell her everything that her 20s would hold because I think that,

00:15:39.240 again, would rob her of contentment and focus, but I would tell her things are going to get better.

00:15:44.780 Being an adult out of college, working, independent is going to be as fun as you have

00:15:49.100 always felt that it was going to be since you were six years old. You've wanted to be an adult

00:15:52.740 since you were six, and being an adult is so much better than being a child or being a teenager or

00:15:58.060 even being in college. God will be faithful. Some things will be really hard. Some things will be

00:16:03.640 easier than you anticipated. God will be faithful. So if I had to summarize what I tell my 20-year-old self,

00:16:09.680 it's probably what I tell myself in different ways at any age. Pursue peace and presence.

00:16:16.680 Peace and presence. That's what I would tell my 20-year-old self. And we're going to move on to

00:16:22.420 some other parts of my 20s in just one second. So I did grow and change for the better in my 20th

00:16:30.300 year and in my 21st. So I think back to when I was super insecure my sophomore year, and I think about

00:16:38.540 some of the advice that I would give myself, and I do realize that there were some steps that I took

00:16:44.160 at that age that actually kind of changed the trajectory of my life that were small then but

00:16:49.280 ended up being significant for reasons I'll explain. So I took a couple leaps of faith. I started working

00:16:55.360 out. I did couch to 5k, which honestly kind of changed my life. Like I couldn't run five minutes

00:17:02.140 straight when I turned 20. Then by October of 2012, I ran a half marathon. My goal was to do it in under

00:17:10.840 two hours without walking. And I did that. And that led me to finding a lot of joy in working out

00:17:16.600 from running to pure bar to CrossFit. And working out is how I later met my husband when I was 22 living

00:17:22.980 in Athens, Georgia. And so it's just funny how God uses seemingly small changes to change your life in

00:17:28.620 really big ways that you can't see in the moment. I learned a lot about perseverance, about pushing

00:17:34.540 past pain and difficulty and feelings of self-doubt to do something that's hard. And I gained a lot of

00:17:40.920 confidence in this time, not about my appearance necessarily, but about what I was capable of. And

00:17:47.160 I could use, I should really try to dig back into my brain to find that determination now,

00:17:52.260 because I am struggling to find the same motivation or time or energy that I had then to working out.

00:18:01.000 I truly do love working out. I told you guys, though, that my New Year's resolution isn't really going

00:18:06.360 great to get back into working out. Since I had COVID, it's been really hard to get back into it. So I

00:18:11.820 need to remember what was it like when I was 20 and 21 and I decided to literally start from scratch,

00:18:17.460 never having worked out really consistently in my life to running a half marathon. I'm going to have

00:18:23.380 to try to find that perseverance. But like I said, it did change my life for the better, not just

00:18:29.120 because it taught me a lot of things about life and myself and even the Lord, but also it led me to

00:18:35.680 meeting my husband, which would not, like if I had not started a couch to 5k when I was 20 years old

00:18:41.240 and I hadn't gone on that fitness journey, I might not have gone to the gym where I eventually met my

00:18:48.860 husband. It's kind of crazy to think about that. So second leap of faith that I took when I was 20

00:18:53.160 years old was studying abroad in Scotland in 2013. I made some really good friendships during this time

00:18:59.320 and I was away from home, from familiarity, from my comfort zone, from the relationship that I had, and I got to

00:19:05.880 experience a lot. I turned 21 in Edinburgh and that was really fun and I really hope to go back there

00:19:13.040 one day. I don't want to go on a rabbit trail, but sometimes it makes me sad thinking that the just

00:19:17.000 the idea of world travel has been, it's just been thrown for a loop with all the craziness that's

00:19:21.920 happened, but that was a really good time in my life and I hope that I get to go back there with my

00:19:26.040 husband one day. Now, the rest of my 20s were kind of a whirlwind. On the one hand, being 20, the whole

00:19:33.760 scenario that I just described, it feels like forever ago. It feels like I have lived multiple

00:19:39.160 lifetimes since 2012, but in the last five years, so much has happened that they've just flown by.

00:19:46.120 Like it feels like I just turned 25. So 22, as most of you know, if you read my book and even if you've

00:19:53.040 listened to episodes of this podcast where I've talked about this, I went a little wild in my last

00:19:58.100 semester of college. I like to say that I tried to cram four years of college into one semester

00:20:01.960 and I'm not trying to make light of that. I partied. I drank too much. I had too many unhealthy

00:20:07.160 flings. It was a stupid, honestly regretful time in my life that I still wish to this day did not

00:20:14.260 happen. And so if you're in that stage of life right now, let me tell you something. And I say

00:20:20.700 this in love and as someone who has been there, stop it. Stop. Stop getting drunk. Stop hooking up

00:20:26.160 with guys. Get out of that unhealthy relationship. It's not worth it. Do you want to be 30 years old and

00:20:31.040 still thinking about how you wish that you didn't go through those things? Now, you know, I understand

00:20:35.760 that there is the grace of God. And of course, I can look at that stage of myself with compassion

00:20:41.600 and all of that good stuff. But that doesn't mean that I don't regret the mistakes that I knowingly

00:20:46.180 made then. I also developed in that crazy time of my life an eating disorder that I didn't shake

00:20:51.580 until the fall after my graduation from college when the counselor that thankfully providentially I went to

00:20:59.500 told me that this was going to kill me. It wasn't more self-love or self-empowerment talk or more

00:21:04.380 self-focus that I needed that saved me. It was hard truth. And the grace of God to bring me back when I

00:21:11.100 did not deserve it, when I had rejected him and his goodness despite his faithfulness to me and his

00:21:17.220 patience with me. And there's a lesson there, too. I was chaplain of my sorority when I turned 20.

00:21:23.160 Truly passionate about studying the Bible and sharing the gospel. I mean, that was genuine.

00:21:27.800 And then by 22, I was living like every other worldly girl I knew. So our spiritual lives are not a direct

00:21:34.960 line from A to B. That's one lesson. The second lesson, the bigger lesson, is that if our salvation

00:21:40.880 is dependent upon us, our merit, our perfection, we are screwed. I mean, for lack of a better word.

00:21:47.400 But if it's dependent on God's perfection, his faithfulness, his promise to us through Christ,

00:21:53.620 then we can rejoice in that security. That doesn't mean that we do whatever we want.

00:21:58.080 It's actually that our obedience to him flows, should flow from the gratitude that we have for

00:22:04.220 that secure salvation. Because when we make him Savior, when he makes himself Savior for us,

00:22:11.540 he also makes himself Lord. Those two things are inextricably intertwined.

00:22:16.700 So those were some nuggets of knowledge that I learned in that crazy time that I'm very grateful

00:22:24.180 for. Even though I regret so many things that I did and how I lived during that rebellious period

00:22:31.220 of my life, I'm thankful that the Lord really does work everything together for the good of those who

00:22:38.900 love him and for his own glory. And that's one thing that I can look back at that stage and say,

00:22:43.740 wow, God is so incredibly gracious and faithful. And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that I'm

00:22:49.700 able to reflect back on that. 22, I delivered the commencement speech for graduation. That's

00:22:57.100 significant because I remember the feeling I got when delivering it. When I was looking out into the

00:23:01.960 crowd, I thought to myself, and it really felt like almost an out-of-body experience, like a feeling

00:23:07.860 from God himself that this is what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. I mean, I just knew it.

00:23:13.240 There was just a moment where I was speaking and I was like, yep, I've never felt like this before.

00:23:19.560 I've never felt this much energy. I've never felt this much sense of purpose. So when I was

00:23:24.240 delivering that speech, I just knew that I wanted to talk publicly for the rest of my life. I didn't

00:23:30.000 know when or how, but I just knew. And I did not pursue that path right away because the path wasn't

00:23:35.560 clear. I just took the next best opportunity as it came. So I took a job in PR and social media

00:23:41.420 management in Athens, Georgia. And while I knew it was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my

00:23:46.920 life, I learned how to communicate professionally, how to write a good email, which, guys, is so

00:23:51.780 important, how to work with clients. And that's something that is still, thankfully, again, by the

00:23:58.240 grace of God benefiting me to this day, how to have responsibilities for entities other than myself.

00:24:05.140 I mean, when you're in college, really, all the work that you do really depends. I mean, yes,

00:24:11.480 it depends on you, but it also like it's working towards credit for you. And when you get a job,

00:24:20.540 other people are depending on you and people's livelihoods are depending on you in some ways,

00:24:25.380 especially if you're working with clients. I also learned how to have a boss. I am someone who does

00:24:30.380 not like authority. I do. I do not like authority. I have not liked authority my entire life. I don't

00:24:38.900 know if that's a surprise to you or not. I also don't like rules, especially arbitrary rules. I

00:24:43.780 have struggled with respecting authority my entire life. All of my teachers could probably tell you

00:24:49.600 that. All of my parents could tell you that. I'm not saying that's a good thing. Now, I think that

00:24:53.000 that is a personality trait that can be shaped by God in good ways, but that's probably where a lot

00:25:00.700 of my political philosophy comes from, too. But you do have to learn how to submit to proper

00:25:07.060 authority. You do. That's a part of life. You can't just be a renegade forever. And so I did have to

00:25:14.180 learn how to relate to a boss, how to respect a boss. And I still benefit from that. I still benefit

00:25:20.480 from so many parts of that job to this day. It was not my calling. It was not my dream job. And

00:25:25.800 still, I learned so much from that job that still benefits me. I still talk to those bosses to this

00:25:31.980 day very regularly. I still talk to a lot of my co-workers from that job to this day. Literally,

00:25:37.160 some of the best people in the whole world worked with me at that PR firm after college. I still think

00:25:43.040 that. They're just amazing people. And there's another lesson in there. You don't have to be in your

00:25:49.160 dream career right now. Whether you are 23 years old, 22 years old, or whether you are 43 years old,

00:25:56.220 you don't have to be in the job that you feel like is the purpose and the calling for the rest of your

00:26:01.520 life for God to use your current job and your current station in life and your current circumstance

00:26:05.780 as a platform and a foundation for the rest of your life and your calling. And as we've kind of

00:26:11.160 already taken note of throughout this story, you have no idea what God is doing in your life right now

00:26:15.560 that might seem small and insignificant that is playing a role in the big things that could happen

00:26:20.180 later on. You just don't know. When God seems like he's doing one thing, he's actually doing a million

00:26:25.320 things. And we are so finite and so unable to see the big picture that we sometimes feel like we're

00:26:35.440 just flailing or that we're just stalled or that we're just stagnant. We have no idea the huge things

00:26:42.400 that God is doing for his glory and our good. We just don't know. So at that point in my life,

00:26:47.340 I had been deciding between that job before I graduated from college and an internship at AT&T

00:26:52.740 that paid more in my hometown of Dallas. I don't remember why exactly I chose the Athens job,

00:26:58.160 but I'm glad that I did because I met my husband there the fall of 2014 working out. And that is also

00:27:05.040 actually funny how that happened. Talk about just like fitting random pieces together. What seemed

00:27:09.560 random? I was actually at the house of a guy that I'd gone on a couple of dates with. And there was

00:27:13.920 another couple that was there and they were doing handstands against the wall. And I just remember

00:27:18.900 thinking, that's really weird. Like that doesn't seem like that should be happening right at this

00:27:23.580 like social gathering. What are they doing? And they were saying that they were like trying to do

00:27:27.880 handstand pushups and that this was the kind of stuff that they were doing at a gym called

00:27:31.720 Tribe, which was outside of Athens. And this is not a place that like a ton of UGA students went to

00:27:37.540 or like people my age really went to. So I have no idea. And I was actually living in Athens. So

00:27:43.280 I have no idea why I decided, hey, I think I want to drive 20 minutes outside of Athens to try that

00:27:48.640 out. But I did. And that's where I saw my husband. The first time I saw him at 22 years old, he was

00:27:55.460 there with his girlfriend who I thought was his sister. I don't know. They kind of looked alike or

00:27:58.520 something. And he says that he saw me and his first thought was, oh, great. The sorority girls have

00:28:03.160 found tribe. And we didn't start talking right away. Completely separate from me because we had

00:28:09.960 not even officially met yet. He and his girlfriend, who turned out not to be a sister, thank goodness,

00:28:15.640 broke up. And pretty soon after that, he struck up a conversation with me. And then we ended up just

00:28:21.400 talking. Like I remember, ladies, and I think I've said this before, but this is just a good note.

00:28:26.380 Um, I remember like, I remember planning and scheming this. He had said in passing when his

00:28:32.680 birthday was. And I didn't bring it up after that. And I thought that he thought that I wouldn't know

00:28:39.860 when it was. But I remembered he said that it was October 19. And he was turning 24 years old. So

00:28:44.940 the Monday after his birthday, I think his birthday was like on a Saturday, I told him happy birthday.

00:28:50.240 And that's what he knew. He knew that I was paying attention. And that I was actually interested

00:28:55.180 because I remembered something that he had told me several weeks earlier. And I had planned,

00:28:59.400 I made a point to tell him happy birthday and ask him how his birthday was. And he was shocked that I

00:29:03.140 remembered that his birthday was October 19. And that's just that's when I got him. That's when I

00:29:07.220 got him, ladies. And so we I mean, we talked for hours outside our cars in the parking lot after

00:29:12.800 working out. I mean, skipped dinner. It was I'm talking like 6pm to 10pm just standing outside in the

00:29:18.760 parking lot just talking. And I knew before we even left that parking lot together to go on a

00:29:25.060 date, which I'm pretty sure was to Chick-fil-A. If I don't know, there's some there's some debate

00:29:30.020 about whether or not that was really our first date, or whether it was when he took me to gas

00:29:34.720 station Tex-Mex. And it's okay, like, it's very sweet. But I'm from Texas. And you're going to take

00:29:43.600 me to a place that calls queso cheese dip for our first date. So I don't know whether it was that

00:29:49.280 date or whether it was whether it was Chick-fil-A. Regardless, regardless, I knew that I was going

00:29:55.640 to marry him. I just knew I texted my friend named Ali, who I still talk to and actually work with

00:30:01.160 every day. I'm telling her he's my husband. And I'm sure she didn't believe me at the time. She

00:30:06.700 actually says that she doesn't even remember this. But I remember this. And it was a feeling I truly

00:30:10.900 never gotten in any other relationship, even though I thought that I knew previously. When I met him,

00:30:17.740 I was like, Oh, this is different. This is what they mean when they say when you know, you know,

00:30:21.940 I didn't believe that before. But it's true. It's true. I really did know from the get go.

00:30:28.040 And that's not to say, obviously, that you shouldn't have discernment about that person's

00:30:32.020 faith and character and worth ethic and all that. But it's also not just about the qualities that you

00:30:39.680 can list on paper, in my opinion. It's also about how you feel. Now, obviously, people have arranged

00:30:45.960 marriages. I mean, not that much anymore and not in the Western world, but people have had arranged

00:30:50.540 marriages and that has worked out. So I'm not saying that you if you don't have like these over

00:30:55.840 the moon feelings that it can't work. But I do think I mean, call it a privilege of living in the

00:31:01.360 modern West, whatever it is. I do think feelings and attraction are really important in a relationship.

00:31:08.220 And maybe it sounds strange to you that I'm even having to emphasize that. But there are Christians

00:31:12.520 who don't necessarily feel that way, who just, you know, believe if you've got a if you find a

00:31:18.100 believer and you've at least got somewhat, you know, similar values and interests, then go ahead

00:31:24.320 and get married and make it work. And I do think that that can work. But I'm really glad I'm really

00:31:30.900 glad that I didn't do that. I'm so glad I'm so glad that I waited for the person and that God sent

00:31:37.200 me a person that I felt so strongly about and I still do. So we started dating, we got engaged and

00:31:44.600 got married in less than a year. That's a little crazy. That's a little crazy. But we did it. I

00:31:50.360 think that we started talking in October of 2014. We got engaged early May 2015 and got married

00:31:57.300 September 6th, 2015. I do recommend short engagements. Maybe if you want to date like a

00:32:03.620 full year, that was the recommendation. That's like the advice that I've heard, like see that person

00:32:07.520 through all seasons and really get to know them. Obviously, it worked out for us. But, you know,

00:32:11.880 I do think that there is some wisdom in that in general. But I think short engagements are really

00:32:16.160 key. One of the best days of my life, obviously, our wedding day, in addition to having our two

00:32:21.760 children, we lived in a little triplex right by sorority row in Athens, which again, turned out to be

00:32:27.840 providential. You want to know how much our rent was every month? I think about this sometimes $550.

00:32:33.620 A month. Actually, I think it was $500. I think it was just $500. $500 a month rent. Isn't that

00:32:39.420 amazing? He was doing mortgages. I was still working in social media management slash PR. And then

00:32:46.480 right after we got married, I decided I wanted to really try my hand at public speaking. Like I said,

00:32:52.220 I knew that I wanted to do that, but I had no idea how. I'd always loved the news as well. And I

00:32:58.460 wanted to do something. And I mean, I loved Megyn Kelly. I've been a huge Megyn Kelly stan

00:33:03.320 since, I don't know, I was 14, 15 years old. So the fact that she's come on this podcast and I've

00:33:08.560 been on her podcast, I think three times, like that's a big deal. I try to play it cool because

00:33:12.440 I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah, no, yeah. Like I'm in the media too. Like, oh yeah, I'm a professional.

00:33:16.320 It's totally, totally fine that I'm on Megyn Kelly's show. But actually internally,

00:33:20.120 like 15 year old Allie is freaking out because I've been watching her for now, like 15 years

00:33:25.540 of my life. And so I like really admired her and I was like, could I do something that like

00:33:30.340 she does? I have no idea. I didn't study journalism in college. I was a communication studies major and

00:33:36.220 I don't know how I'm going to do it. So I just decided to like make it up as I went. I decided

00:33:43.220 that I was going to, since the election was coming up, I was going to speak to,

00:33:50.120 to sororities at their chapter meetings about why they should vote in the primary and why they

00:33:56.040 should vote in the presidential election. I'd always been interested in politics and culture.

00:34:00.720 So I decided to see if I could give a presentation to these college sororities about why they should

00:34:05.540 vote. I kept working my day job, but then I started a blog in 2016, I think like February of 2016.

00:34:12.200 There's also some like providential stuff within there that we won't get all into called the

00:34:16.960 conservative millennial. And then by the beginning of like 2017, my Facebook videos that I was making

00:34:22.580 on my conservative millennial page were getting hundreds of thousands of views, which is amazing

00:34:26.560 because they were not good. Okay. They were not good. I was editing them on iMovie and like they

00:34:33.500 took me hours to make because I actually started making them before I even had like a Mac before I

00:34:40.140 had iMovie. So I didn't have a way to edit them. So I was trying to do like a straight take.

00:34:44.180 And oh my gosh, I spent so many hours in our apartment doing those videos, which were literally

00:34:49.720 awful. I think my first video was about Harambi and how ridiculous it was that people cared more 0.96

00:34:55.620 about Harambi dying than like babies dying in the womb, which fact check still true. So good take 1.00

00:35:01.960 Ali, but like terrible, terrible videos. Why didn't you even like bother to brush your hair? Anyway,

00:35:09.260 so they were still getting a lot of views though. Uh, eventually I didn't start out that way. I

00:35:14.580 think I was getting like 300 views at first, but then I did this whole like women's March thing at

00:35:19.060 like early of 2017, just talking about how ridiculous it is. And that ended up getting

00:35:23.180 like 2 million views. And then I was like, Oh, maybe I can take the show on the road. And so early

00:35:27.580 2017, actually we moved from Athens for a new job for my husband. And I quit my day job,

00:35:34.440 not knowing if I'd be able to find a job when we moved or what I would do for work. I had no idea

00:35:39.520 if people would pay me. I wasn't making any money doing this blogging and video stuff. Um, but then

00:35:44.580 through a series of crazy connections that I've discussed before, I won't get into all of that

00:35:48.180 right now. I started working at the blaze, um, first as a social media manager. So not like on

00:35:53.340 camera talent, but then I asked if I could just like make and post videos of my own. I was like, okay,

00:35:58.220 I'll, I'll write them all like work with the camera people and the editors and things like that.

00:36:04.020 I'll post it on social media. I kind of had an in because I was the social media manager. So that

00:36:08.920 kind of worked out. Um, and then they ended up being really successful. Then I started appearing

00:36:14.240 on Fox. I was still speaking to different organizations and long story short, relatable

00:36:18.060 started March of 2018 first once a week, then twice a week, then three times a week. And here we are

00:36:22.760 at four times a week with hundreds of thousands of listeners every month and millions of downloads

00:36:25.940 every month. So praise God for that. So that is part, that's a big part of what happened in my

00:36:31.240 twenties. Um, but there were, there's an even bigger blessing that happened in my twenties that

00:36:36.420 I think shaped me more than anything else. And I'll get to that in just one second.

00:36:42.180 Okay. So two of the biggest blessings in my life, in addition to Jesus and my husband and much bigger

00:36:49.080 than this podcast, even though I love this podcast, I love the work that I do, but the biggest blessings

00:36:53.480 are my children. These are the biggest blessings again, in addition to Christ, in addition to my

00:36:58.820 husband, um, of my twenties, I became a mom at 27 and then again at 29. And I can't even put into

00:37:07.800 words how much I love my children. I would give anything for them. I would give up anything for

00:37:14.120 them. I would do anything for them more than anything else in my life. Being a mother has taught me

00:37:19.440 about God and the gospel, the love that God has for us, that he would sacrifice his own son on our

00:37:26.060 behalf. I don't know if there's anyone that I love enough to sacrifice my children for them. Can you 0.99

00:37:32.080 imagine how much God loves us? I mean, and people who hated him, who, whom he decided to reconcile to

00:37:39.980 himself through the death of his son, how much, how radically and relentlessly and extremely must he love

00:37:46.180 us to make a sacrifice like that? And so that's just one, one thing, one very profound thing that

00:37:52.580 motherhood has taught me. I mean, they will be the greatest investment that I ever make, the greatest work

00:37:58.800 that I ever do, the sleepless nights, the two unplanned C-sections, the changes in my body, the demand on my

00:38:04.460 time, my energy are all so unbelievably worth it and purpose and joy giving. Every single hard and

00:38:12.860 overwhelming moment, because they do exist, are surpassed by the profound, gut-wrenching,

00:38:18.640 all-consuming joy and love of motherhood. Not everything in my life has been joy in my 20s.

00:38:27.120 My husband and I both lost our grandmothers within weeks of each other in 2019. 2019 was definitely a

00:38:33.880 year of, like, give and take away. We, I, I gave birth in July of 2019 and then my grandmother died

00:38:42.060 a few months later and I understand grandparents die. That's what happens, but I was extremely close

00:38:48.180 to my grandmother. Um, she lived with us until I was 13 years old. She was always my ally when I was in

00:38:54.720 trouble or when I wanted or needed anything. She was there to comfort me, to help me, to advocate for me.

00:38:59.720 Um, she loved me so much and I loved her so much. Speaking at her funeral was one of the hardest

00:39:07.340 things that I've ever done. I don't get nervous before speeches, but I was nervous before that

00:39:11.960 because I knew that I wouldn't make it through it without just dissolving into a puddle of tears,

00:39:16.620 and I did. Um, I still think about her almost every day and I'm going to try not to cry right now,

00:39:22.640 wondering what she'd think about so many things, the wisdom that she would give me turning 30.

00:39:27.540 Um, okay. I'm going to move past that subject. So I don't dissolve into a puddle of tears right now,

00:39:32.860 but you know, turning 30 makes you reflective about the things that happened not just in your

00:39:37.520 twenties, but your whole life. Now, obviously COVID also happened in my twenties and we're not

00:39:42.220 going to get into all of that. I'll just say that so much unexpected happened. So many difficulties

00:39:47.760 happened, um, for everyone. I mean, the past two years have been hard for everyone and for so many

00:39:55.040 people, much harder than it's been for me and for our family. I have a lot of blessings to count.

00:40:02.520 Thankfully that have come out, um, that have come up over the last couple of years. And so I don't

00:40:08.520 take that for granted. Um, and now I'm 30, I'm 30 and it's daunting a little bit. It's strange. I feel

00:40:16.520 like there are a lot of expectations on this decade of life. It sounds old to be honest. Like it just does.

00:40:22.360 It sounds old. It's like the year that everyone talks about like, Oh, 30, living in your parents'

00:40:28.700 basement, 30, and you don't have this together, whatever it is. Um, it just sounds old. And I'm

00:40:34.820 thankful for this many years. I'm so thankful. I don't think we should ever mourn getting older,

00:40:39.640 but I am also overwhelmed by how quickly things are going and just how truly adult that this age

00:40:46.220 sounds. Like I said, I've always loved being adult. I'm certainly, that's not something that I

00:40:50.840 have ever wanted to push off, but I mean, it's really, it's really adult. It's really adult.

00:40:56.100 Um, I'm not going to pretend like I know what's going to happen in this next decade of life. The

00:41:02.620 only thing that I can commit to doing, which I, I encourage you to do the same thing is to do the

00:41:08.740 next right thing in faith and for the glory of God. And I fall short of that every single day, but

00:41:14.740 I know that as was true in my twenties, as was true in the years before I turned 20,

00:41:20.840 that God's faithfulness is the one thing that I can hang on to. The one thing that I can expect

00:41:25.740 and know without a shadow of a doubt that it won't disappoint me. It won't fail me. And that's true

00:41:31.220 for you too. That's true for you too. Um, all right, we are going to get into some voicemails. Uh,

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00:42:47.460 All right. Thank you guys again. For those of you who have sent me, um, these voicemails,

00:42:52.560 we're going to play four of these voicemails. I asked for, you know, some advice, some wisdom for

00:42:57.460 either people who are in their twenties, going to be in their twenties or people who are going to be in

00:43:02.000 their thirties. Like what's some wisdom that you guys have? So, um, we'll play each voicemail.

00:43:06.860 I'll maybe give a little comment and we'll play the next one and then we'll close this out. So

00:43:11.000 let's go ahead and play the first voicemail. Hi, Allie. My name is Kaylee and I'm a relatable

00:43:15.300 listener from Eastern Kentucky. First of all, I wanted to wish you a happy, happy birthday.

00:43:19.960 I hope you're having an amazing day. Uh, second, I know you asked for advice from somebody over 30.

00:43:25.540 However, like you, I'm turning 30 this year. So I just really wanted to share my excitement in that

00:43:30.460 because I know I'm looking forward to this next decade of life and what the Lord has in store

00:43:34.600 for it. And I fully believe he has incredible things in store for you. Um, and I just have to

00:43:41.460 say, it's been so refreshing over the last couple of years to have somebody my age to listen to who

00:43:46.580 shares my values. And I'm just so grateful for your work, um, that you're doing and especially

00:43:51.380 your pro-life work. Um, without getting into the details of my story, I'll just say that it's a

00:43:55.840 miracle that I even get to be here to celebrate his 30th birthday. So it means the world to see

00:44:00.880 somebody who isn't just spreading pro-life values, but it's actively working to help moms and their

00:44:06.300 children. And you just inspire and encourage me every day in that way. Um, so from the bottom of

00:44:11.200 my heart, thank you, Allie. Anyway, I hope 30 is fabulous for you and I hope you have a wonderful,

00:44:17.040 wonderful day. God bless. Well, thank you, Kaylee, so much. And that's a reminder, uh, for you guys

00:44:23.840 that in honor of my birthday, and I'm posting this on social media too, but in honor of my birthday,

00:44:28.920 I really want you guys to donate an item or several items or donate a money towards a big item,

00:44:35.280 uh, to Prestonwood Pregnancy Center. I am going to link the Amazon baby registry in the description

00:44:41.380 of this episode. So you can just click on it and you can donate what you can. That would be super

00:44:46.520 helpful. They serve, uh, families in crisis, pregnant women in crisis in Texas. And I've worked with them

00:44:53.700 many times in the past and they are doing just such incredible gospel centered pro-life work. And so

00:45:00.040 if you can make sure to, um, donate to them using the link in the description of this episode.

00:45:05.820 All right, next voicemail.

00:45:09.040 Hi, Allie, this is Jamie. I'm from the, uh, Eastern shore of Maryland. And, um, gosh, it seems silly to

00:45:16.600 try and give you advice when I feel like you're more of an adult than I am in a lot of ways, but,

00:45:21.340 um, I am apparently 38. Um, so I'm closer to 40 than 30, which is crazy to me. And the thing that

00:45:30.160 I can tell you of my eight years of thirties experience so far is that, um, I've really loved

00:45:36.660 it because I felt like my thirties was when I really got comfortable in my own skin, you know,

00:45:41.840 as much as possible. Um, you know, as a, as a believer in Christ, knowing that the skin is only 0.96

00:45:47.680 temporary, um, I really feel like your thirties is where you find your groove, you know your purpose

00:45:54.260 a little more solidly. And, you know, as a mother and as a wife, like you really just kind of know

00:46:00.040 your place. And, um, yeah, you're, you're very much less worried about what other people think

00:46:07.000 of you and trying to impress, you know, parts of the world that you're in. So that's, um, that's

00:46:12.260 something I look forward to for you, especially since I feel like you were probably more mature

00:46:16.420 than I was in like three or twenties than I was in my twenties. So you're probably ahead of the game,

00:46:20.680 but I hope you really get to enjoy the comfort of the thirties and, um, that you just keep doing

00:46:26.540 what you're doing. I'm so thankful for you and for how you speak truth, um, in boldness and in love,

00:46:33.980 you know, knowing what you know and knowing who created you. Uh, we just, we need more of you.

00:46:38.540 So I'm so excited to, uh, celebrate 30 with you and I hope it's everything you want it to be and

00:46:45.080 more. Um, so that's it. Thank you. Sorry that it got cut off a little bit at the end, but thank you

00:46:52.880 so much for leaving that sweet voicemail, um, on my actual, so I'm recording this before my birthday.

00:46:59.420 Um, this is coming out on Friday, but we will be, um, in California, uh, and it's actually kind of

00:47:06.740 like for work, but we're making it into a fun trip. And so, um, it's a part of California that

00:47:12.120 apparently is not quite as restrictive and communist as other parts of California. So

00:47:17.300 that is how just FYI, um, we are spending my birthday. All right. Next voicemail.

00:47:24.920 Hi, Allie. My name's Ashley. I just want to wish you a happy 30th birthday. Um, I can tell you as a

00:47:32.220 middle 30 year old, I'm not gonna say my exact age, um, that I can say my, honestly, my 30s have

00:47:39.680 been great. And I hope it's the same for you. I am a mom of two as well. And I can just say that

00:47:46.660 the Lord has made me so much more confident in, um, myself and just, um, in him as well.

00:47:53.980 So I just wanted to share a verse with you. I actually just read it this morning. I think

00:47:58.380 it's so good for all women to hear. Um, it's the story on Luke about how, uh, Jesus healed the

00:48:06.280 disabled woman and it's Luke 13 verses 12 and 13. And it says, when Jesus saw her, he called out to

00:48:15.440 her, woman, you are free of your disability. Then he laid his hands on her and instantly she was

00:48:20.560 restored and began to glorify God. And I truly feel like this is kind of how my 30s have been.

00:48:26.240 Like God has just put his hand over me and just has made me more free. And I just wish that for

00:48:30.900 everybody and for you as well. So thank you for your podcast. Thank you for giving, helping me see

00:48:36.720 the world through a biblical view. It's just so encouraging to others, others that think the

00:48:40.820 same way. So have a happy birthday. Bye. Oh, thank you so much, Ashley. That was so sweet. And I love

00:48:47.100 that passage that you read. Thank you for sharing that with us. So encouraging. Um, all right,

00:48:52.240 last voicemail. Hi, Allie. My name is Bianca. I absolutely love your podcast and I've learned

00:48:58.880 so much through it. Just want to give you a little advice on turning 30. Always have a pack of Benadryl

00:49:05.700 in your purse on my 30th birthday. I kid you not. I found out I gave a food allergy. I've never had a

00:49:17.140 food allergy before, but once I hit the big three, Oh, that was it. They're not kidding when they say

00:49:23.380 it's all downhill from here. So anyway, have a wonderful 30th and may the Lord continue to bless

00:49:29.760 you and your family. Happy birthday. Bianca. I don't know whether to be excited that I just got

00:49:38.680 a really good practical tip or sad that that I know that that is probably going to be applicable,

00:49:44.320 man. My husband and I were just joking about the fact that when we first started dating and we're

00:49:51.040 first married that we would, you know, stay up until 11, whatever. And then we would literally wake

00:49:56.480 up at 430 and go do like a CrossFit style workout and like eat super healthy and never really thought

00:50:02.780 anything of it. And like getting that little of sleep was totally fine. Like I don't remember

00:50:08.340 having any like chronic pain. And now it's like, Oh, I think like one of my five pillows wasn't

00:50:16.180 wedged correctly behind my back when I slept last night and now I can't walk. So that's a fun part of

00:50:21.640 aging. And so I guess I'm going to have to apply not just the Benadryl putting in my purse,

00:50:25.880 but also just some Tylenol. Um, yeah, so that's aging, but there's so much, there's so much beauty

00:50:32.480 in it. And so thank you so much, Bianca. And thank you to everyone who left voicemails. I'm sorry that

00:50:36.560 I'm not able to play all of them. We would be here for a little bit too long. Um, thank you guys so

00:50:41.140 much for supporting relatable. This is a huge part of my life. I'm so excited to be here and to talk to

00:50:47.040 you guys about this stuff and you guys make this possible. I would not be doing this if there were,

00:50:52.740 if there were no one listening or no one watching this on YouTube. And so thank you to all of you

00:50:59.760 who really have become kind of like a family and a community and certainly have become friends. You

00:51:05.560 often say that you feel like we know each other. You feel like we're friends. Well, the feeling is

00:51:09.860 mutual. So thank you guys so much for being such faithful listeners. If you love this podcast, you

00:51:14.920 can, uh, for my birthday, in honor of my birthday, you can leave us a five-star review on Apple

00:51:19.140 podcast. Make sure you subscribe on YouTube as well. All right. We will be back here on Monday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - February 18, 2022

Ep 567 ｜ BONUS Birthday Episode! Life Advice + Voicemails

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