Ep 567 | BONUS Birthday Episode! Life Advice + Voicemails
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
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Summary
Today is my 30th birthday and I wanted to celebrate by taking you on a trip down memory lane to when I was in my 20s. I talk about how I struggled with insecurity and comparison as a 20-something year old, and what I learned from it.
Transcript
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Hey guys, welcome to Relatable, just me and my chicken biscuit if you're watching on YouTube
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from Chick-fil-A because that's even better than a cupcake and this little candle because
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it is my 30th birthday and we have a fun 30th birthday bonus episode just for you.
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Okay guys, our bonus birthday episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Rancher's Better
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Than Organic Chicken and Kraft Beef sent right to your front door. Use goodranchers.com
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slash Allie for a discount. All right, today is the day, my 30th birthday and wow, I was not,
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I was not expecting that. That kind of scared me a little bit and I want to do a special episode
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for you guys. Just going to kind of walk down memory lane in my 20s and hope that there are
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bits of wisdom for you guys kind of woven throughout for those of you who are about to be in your 20s,
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those of you who are in your 20s, uh, or even who are my age or older. And then we're going to listen
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to some voicemails that you guys sent me. Thank you guys for sending those. If you're watching on
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YouTube, you can see that there is a sign off to the side that says it is your birthday.
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Now, if you are like our associate producer, Dylan, you might not know where this is from because as I
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have said before, and I will never stop saying Dylan doesn't like the office and he says there are no
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jokes in the office. Guys, I know all of you, I heard your collective gasp and slam on your brakes
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and shriek. That's exactly how I reacted. That's exactly how Beth and I reacted when he said that,
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but this is from the office. It is your birthday period. Where'd the sound effect go? I thought
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there was going to be a sound effect after I said birthday. I guess that's just, there we go. I guess
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that dropped off. All right. So we are going to, uh, take it all the way back to when I turned 20.
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Uh, I have been trying to remember what exactly I was doing on this day on my 20th birthday. I
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honestly, I don't remember how I celebrated. I can't remember it. It was 2012. I was a sophomore
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in college in South Carolina. The sophomore year of college was not a great year for me because I
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still had not found my place and my crowd yet in college. I was living on a hall with girls in my
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sorority. I went to a small liberal arts college. We didn't have like sorority houses. We had halls
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that we lived on our sophomore year with other girls in your pledge class. If you were in a
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sorority, which is fun, but it can also be difficult when you're kind of insecure. And I struggled with
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insecurity a lot as a 20 year old, especially in regards to my appearance. That's what I think of
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when I think of being 20 years old. I remember my skin was breaking out. I wanted to be skinnier.
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I wanted to be fitter, but I could not stop eating dining hall cookies. And I don't know if the dining
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hall cookies were like this at your college or even your high school, but they were basically like
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these half baked cookies that you could just, you could get as many as you wanted out of this like
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little like warmer thing. And that was, uh, that was my weakness that in Biscoff cookie butter,
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which I would just eat out of the jar. So I wanted to be fitter, but I didn't want to give up on those
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things. But also looking back, I was not overweight, which just shows you, and here's a little like
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nugget of wisdom for those of you. I mean, I don't want to say it's wisdom, but nugget of advice that I
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would give you. Maybe you will consider it wisdom for those of you who find yourself in the same kind
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of situation or feelings. Um, it just goes to show you how much insecurity and comparison can really
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distort your view of yourself. Like looking back at pictures of myself when I was 20, I didn't really
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need to worry about that, but comparison leads to distortion. It leads to discontent and that can
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lead to joylessness and anxiety. And it did for me when I was 19, 20 years old, I really struggled
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with this in my 20th year of life. And I knew the Bible verses. I knew that I should be thankful to
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the Lord for all he's given me. I knew I should be secure in, you know, the body, the appearance that
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God had given me. I knew that I should choose joy. And I really felt like in this year of my life that
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I couldn't. I really struggled with the idea at this, in this season that God loved me, that he
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delights in me. And I may not have realized it then, but I really was not happy at the beginning of this
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decade of my life. I was trying really hard to be, but it was difficult. I'm sure a lot of you have
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been in that kind of season or phase where you really want to be happy. You know that you should
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choose happiness. You do all of the right things to try to make yourself feel happy and it's just
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not there. So that was, that was really hard. And I don't want to blow it out of proportion or be
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dramatic or act like I was going through like the most trying season of my life. I know all of us,
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you know, myself included have gone through more difficult things than seasons of insecurity.
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But at this point, like when you're 20 years old and you're in college and you just want to fit in
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and you're told that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, being 20 is supposed to be
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like this amazing experience because you have become an adult, but you're also still really young
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and you have so much of your life ahead of you. There's a lot of pressure. And when you can't
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make yourself fulfill all of the expectations that are kind of arbitrarily put on being 20 years old,
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that can be disappointing and discouraging. Um, I was also, I was dating someone who I
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simultaneously did not love, but also wanted to marry. And I know that the reason I talked about
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this is because I know it is relatable to a lot of you guys. Now, maybe you are asking though,
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like, how does that make sense? How does it make sense to know that you don't want to be with someone,
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but simultaneously tell yourself that you want to be with them for the rest of your life? Well,
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like I said, when I was 20 years old, I was very discontent. I had friends, but I didn't feel
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like I had a set group of people that I really felt secure and comfortable with. And so I was
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hungry for acceptance and to be wanted and to be thought of as, as beautiful. And really also I
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wanted to escape. I wanted to escape my feelings of dissatisfaction with my circumstances, with myself.
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And I thought that if I focused on this relationship and on the hope of getting married either right
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after college or maybe even graduated in a semester early to get married, then I wouldn't have to worry
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about all this stuff that I was worried about. Then I could make myself feel better for not having
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the college experience that I was hoping to have by telling myself, well, at least I have this
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relationship, but I'm just going to get married right after college. So it's okay if I don't love
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college and I don't have like a great set of friends. That's kind of what I was telling myself.
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But like I said, I also, I did not love this person. Great guy. Nothing was wrong with him at
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all. Everything great on paper. But I knew from the get go, from the very beginning that he wasn't
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the one for me. And I hung on to that relationship for two and a half years because of the escapism that
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it brought me. Because I was afraid I couldn't find anything better. I think that's a fear that a lot
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of people have, maybe especially women, maybe guys have it too, but especially women, you're dating
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someone and you know it's not right. You have a fear that you're settling at least just, you know,
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for yourself. It's not the person that you want to be with, but you're scared that if you let this
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person go, that you're going to be lonely forever and ever. I think that keeps a lot of women in
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relationships that they know they're not really supposed to be in. And I'd always assumed that I
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would get married right after I graduated college. I don't know. Maybe it's because my parents got
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married really young. My parents got married at 19 and 20. And so I thought that I was, I thought
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that everyone got married like, you know, May or June of right after they graduated. And so I wanted
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to hang on to that because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I thought that everyone met
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their husband in college and then you just got married right after college. I also didn't know who I
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was at the time without this relationship. But there were good things also happening at that time
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in my life. And so that was kind of the bad that was happening. And I don't even want to necessarily
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say that it was all that. It was challenging. It was like a stretching, growing time in my life
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because of those things that I just described. But there were also good things that were growing
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me. Like I had a really a good friend who was older than me who had just given me my first
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study Bible. It was an ESV study Bible, my favorite study Bible. And she doesn't even know this,
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but that really changed my life. So despite me feeling spiritually dry and kind of emotionally
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all over the place, I was spending a lot of time reading my Bible and journaling. This was a very
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emotionally turbulent and insecure time in my life when I struggled to understand and believe in
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God's love for me. But it was also a time of significant theological deepening. I was listening
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to sermons really for the first time. I mean, this was kind of when podcasts were getting
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big and almost everyone had an iPhone. So I was listening to sermons for the first time. I was
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reading theological books. At that point, I had been doing that for a few years. But I was really
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kind of narrowing the people that I was listening to because when I first started caring about theology,
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probably my junior year of high school, I was listening to and watching all kinds of people.
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Stephen Furtick. I was reading Donald Miller. I was reading The Shack. I was listening to
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Joel Osteen. I didn't have a whole lot of discernment in the beginning. I was very just
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thirsty for more theological knowledge. And thankfully, by the grace of God and this friend
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who gave me an ESV study Bible, this was probably the time that I became reformed without even realizing
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it. Most people who call themselves reformed, and we've done episodes on what that actually means,
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didn't realize that they were becoming reformed when they actually were. It's just that they were
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drawn towards certain pastors, sermons, books, study Bibles, and that ended up kind of shaping
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their view of the Bible and Christianity. And that certainly was true for me. I wouldn't have even
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known to describe what it meant to be reformed. But now looking back, I see that God was doing that
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during that time. So when I think about who I was starting my 20s, I have a lot of compassion for
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her. But I wish I could tell her a few things. And so take this as what I am telling you. If you are
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20 or if you are 50, it doesn't matter. I think that the things that I would tell myself really can
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apply in a variety of situations. So I would tell my 20-year-old self, number one, these feelings of
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discomfort and insecurity that you feel about your body and your skin, the skin that you're in,
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the skin that God gave you will pass. Your pimples will go away. But the comparing of yourself to
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people is going to continue to steal the gladness and the gratefulness to which the Lord has called
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you. The people that you're comparing yourself to, they are all insecure too. And you will not even
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remember them 10 years from now or why you were jealous of them or why you wanted something that
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they had. But also, I would tell myself just practically to stop turning to food for emotional
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comfort. It creates a cycle of self-loathing and discouragement that just isn't healthy. I would also
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encourage her, number two, to keep reading her Bible, to keep writing, to keep studying, to keep
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listening. I wish now, just a kind of a pause, I wish now that I wrote as much as I did then. I mean,
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I would write just pages and pages in my journal. I think that made me a better thinker, a better
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writer, and more creative. And I don't dedicate as much time to that now, but I wish that I did.
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So I tell my 20-year-old self, keep doing that. Keep listening even when you struggle to feel like
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God cares. Trust in the knowledge that He has revealed to you in His true and trustworthy Word that He does.
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But I would also caution her not to do these things merely to gain theological knowledge
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or to impress anyone with her theological depth, but to really to know and to love God. And again,
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this would go back to her insecurity and wanting to be loved and accepted and approved of and praised.
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It would go back to pride, which manifests itself very often not in self-praise, but in self-hatred.
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Self-hatred is still a form of pride, and I would call her out for that because sometimes she would
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think about gaining theological knowledge and knowing the answers to deep theological questions
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as kind of a badge of honor. And I would chastise her. I would admonish her not to think of it that
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way and to ensure that your motives in gaining knowledge is to really love the Lord, her God,
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with all of her mind, heart, soul, and strength. Number three, I would encourage her to stop thinking
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about, well, actually, okay, so this is still a number two. So I would encourage herself,
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I would encourage her to stop thinking about herself so much, even when it comes to her study
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of God. Like, is she doing it the right way? Is she writing in a way that if someone read it,
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like it would be impressive to them, whatever. To stop focusing on herself and to focus on God for the
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sake of focusing on Him, for the sake of knowing Him. Then number three, I would tell her to break up with
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her boyfriend rather than waiting for the relationship to fall apart years later in
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my senior year, which obviously it did. While God used that relationship, I think He can use
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all relationships for good things and His glory. He used it to teach me things. I would say to her,
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you know that nagging feeling that you have been trying to bury about this relationship since the
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very beginning? You know those doubts that you're constantly trying to push down and excuse and to
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justify? That's actually conviction. This relationship is an idol in some ways, a means
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of escapism in other ways, and it's giving you an excuse not to be all there. Also, as much as it is
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a source of acceptance for you, it is also one reason you never feel good or pretty enough. Your fixation
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on this relationship is also one reason you don't have a solid, secure group of friends. I would say
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to her, break up, lean on God, invest in long-lasting friendships, and in being so incredibly present
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where you are. One thing I would commend her on, however, in this is her motto to never pass up a
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conversation for homework. That is always something I abided by my entire life, actually, and I still do.
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I can procrastinate. If I can come up with a good, virtuous-sounding reason, loving-sounding reason
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to not do something that I don't want to do, I will do it. So that's something that I carry with
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me to this day. I wouldn't tell her everything that her 20s would hold because I think that,
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again, would rob her of contentment and focus, but I would tell her things are going to get better.
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Being an adult out of college, working, independent is going to be as fun as you have
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always felt that it was going to be since you were six years old. You've wanted to be an adult
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since you were six, and being an adult is so much better than being a child or being a teenager or
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even being in college. God will be faithful. Some things will be really hard. Some things will be
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easier than you anticipated. God will be faithful. So if I had to summarize what I tell my 20-year-old self,
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it's probably what I tell myself in different ways at any age. Pursue peace and presence.
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Peace and presence. That's what I would tell my 20-year-old self. And we're going to move on to
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some other parts of my 20s in just one second. So I did grow and change for the better in my 20th
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year and in my 21st. So I think back to when I was super insecure my sophomore year, and I think about
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some of the advice that I would give myself, and I do realize that there were some steps that I took
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at that age that actually kind of changed the trajectory of my life that were small then but
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ended up being significant for reasons I'll explain. So I took a couple leaps of faith. I started working
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out. I did couch to 5k, which honestly kind of changed my life. Like I couldn't run five minutes
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straight when I turned 20. Then by October of 2012, I ran a half marathon. My goal was to do it in under
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two hours without walking. And I did that. And that led me to finding a lot of joy in working out
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from running to pure bar to CrossFit. And working out is how I later met my husband when I was 22 living
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in Athens, Georgia. And so it's just funny how God uses seemingly small changes to change your life in
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really big ways that you can't see in the moment. I learned a lot about perseverance, about pushing
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past pain and difficulty and feelings of self-doubt to do something that's hard. And I gained a lot of
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confidence in this time, not about my appearance necessarily, but about what I was capable of. And
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I could use, I should really try to dig back into my brain to find that determination now,
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because I am struggling to find the same motivation or time or energy that I had then to working out.
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I truly do love working out. I told you guys, though, that my New Year's resolution isn't really going
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great to get back into working out. Since I had COVID, it's been really hard to get back into it. So I
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need to remember what was it like when I was 20 and 21 and I decided to literally start from scratch,
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never having worked out really consistently in my life to running a half marathon. I'm going to have
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to try to find that perseverance. But like I said, it did change my life for the better, not just
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because it taught me a lot of things about life and myself and even the Lord, but also it led me to
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meeting my husband, which would not, like if I had not started a couch to 5k when I was 20 years old
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and I hadn't gone on that fitness journey, I might not have gone to the gym where I eventually met my
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husband. It's kind of crazy to think about that. So second leap of faith that I took when I was 20
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years old was studying abroad in Scotland in 2013. I made some really good friendships during this time
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and I was away from home, from familiarity, from my comfort zone, from the relationship that I had, and I got to
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experience a lot. I turned 21 in Edinburgh and that was really fun and I really hope to go back there
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one day. I don't want to go on a rabbit trail, but sometimes it makes me sad thinking that the just
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the idea of world travel has been, it's just been thrown for a loop with all the craziness that's
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happened, but that was a really good time in my life and I hope that I get to go back there with my
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husband one day. Now, the rest of my 20s were kind of a whirlwind. On the one hand, being 20, the whole
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scenario that I just described, it feels like forever ago. It feels like I have lived multiple
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lifetimes since 2012, but in the last five years, so much has happened that they've just flown by.
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Like it feels like I just turned 25. So 22, as most of you know, if you read my book and even if you've
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listened to episodes of this podcast where I've talked about this, I went a little wild in my last
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semester of college. I like to say that I tried to cram four years of college into one semester
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and I'm not trying to make light of that. I partied. I drank too much. I had too many unhealthy
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flings. It was a stupid, honestly regretful time in my life that I still wish to this day did not
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happen. And so if you're in that stage of life right now, let me tell you something. And I say
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this in love and as someone who has been there, stop it. Stop. Stop getting drunk. Stop hooking up
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with guys. Get out of that unhealthy relationship. It's not worth it. Do you want to be 30 years old and
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still thinking about how you wish that you didn't go through those things? Now, you know, I understand
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that there is the grace of God. And of course, I can look at that stage of myself with compassion
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and all of that good stuff. But that doesn't mean that I don't regret the mistakes that I knowingly
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made then. I also developed in that crazy time of my life an eating disorder that I didn't shake
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until the fall after my graduation from college when the counselor that thankfully providentially I went to
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told me that this was going to kill me. It wasn't more self-love or self-empowerment talk or more
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self-focus that I needed that saved me. It was hard truth. And the grace of God to bring me back when I
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did not deserve it, when I had rejected him and his goodness despite his faithfulness to me and his
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patience with me. And there's a lesson there, too. I was chaplain of my sorority when I turned 20.
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Truly passionate about studying the Bible and sharing the gospel. I mean, that was genuine.
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And then by 22, I was living like every other worldly girl I knew. So our spiritual lives are not a direct
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line from A to B. That's one lesson. The second lesson, the bigger lesson, is that if our salvation
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is dependent upon us, our merit, our perfection, we are screwed. I mean, for lack of a better word.
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But if it's dependent on God's perfection, his faithfulness, his promise to us through Christ,
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then we can rejoice in that security. That doesn't mean that we do whatever we want.
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It's actually that our obedience to him flows, should flow from the gratitude that we have for
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that secure salvation. Because when we make him Savior, when he makes himself Savior for us,
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he also makes himself Lord. Those two things are inextricably intertwined.
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So those were some nuggets of knowledge that I learned in that crazy time that I'm very grateful
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for. Even though I regret so many things that I did and how I lived during that rebellious period
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of my life, I'm thankful that the Lord really does work everything together for the good of those who
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love him and for his own glory. And that's one thing that I can look back at that stage and say,
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wow, God is so incredibly gracious and faithful. And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that I'm
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able to reflect back on that. 22, I delivered the commencement speech for graduation. That's
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significant because I remember the feeling I got when delivering it. When I was looking out into the
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crowd, I thought to myself, and it really felt like almost an out-of-body experience, like a feeling
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from God himself that this is what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. I mean, I just knew it.
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There was just a moment where I was speaking and I was like, yep, I've never felt like this before.
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I've never felt this much energy. I've never felt this much sense of purpose. So when I was
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delivering that speech, I just knew that I wanted to talk publicly for the rest of my life. I didn't
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know when or how, but I just knew. And I did not pursue that path right away because the path wasn't
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clear. I just took the next best opportunity as it came. So I took a job in PR and social media
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management in Athens, Georgia. And while I knew it was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my
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life, I learned how to communicate professionally, how to write a good email, which, guys, is so
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important, how to work with clients. And that's something that is still, thankfully, again, by the
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grace of God benefiting me to this day, how to have responsibilities for entities other than myself.
00:24:05.140
I mean, when you're in college, really, all the work that you do really depends. I mean, yes,
00:24:11.480
it depends on you, but it also like it's working towards credit for you. And when you get a job,
00:24:20.540
other people are depending on you and people's livelihoods are depending on you in some ways,
00:24:25.380
especially if you're working with clients. I also learned how to have a boss. I am someone who does
00:24:30.380
not like authority. I do. I do not like authority. I have not liked authority my entire life. I don't
00:24:38.900
know if that's a surprise to you or not. I also don't like rules, especially arbitrary rules. I
00:24:43.780
have struggled with respecting authority my entire life. All of my teachers could probably tell you
00:24:49.600
that. All of my parents could tell you that. I'm not saying that's a good thing. Now, I think that
00:24:53.000
that is a personality trait that can be shaped by God in good ways, but that's probably where a lot
00:25:00.700
of my political philosophy comes from, too. But you do have to learn how to submit to proper
00:25:07.060
authority. You do. That's a part of life. You can't just be a renegade forever. And so I did have to
00:25:14.180
learn how to relate to a boss, how to respect a boss. And I still benefit from that. I still benefit
00:25:20.480
from so many parts of that job to this day. It was not my calling. It was not my dream job. And
00:25:25.800
still, I learned so much from that job that still benefits me. I still talk to those bosses to this
00:25:31.980
day very regularly. I still talk to a lot of my co-workers from that job to this day. Literally,
00:25:37.160
some of the best people in the whole world worked with me at that PR firm after college. I still think
00:25:43.040
that. They're just amazing people. And there's another lesson in there. You don't have to be in your
00:25:49.160
dream career right now. Whether you are 23 years old, 22 years old, or whether you are 43 years old,
00:25:56.220
you don't have to be in the job that you feel like is the purpose and the calling for the rest of your
00:26:01.520
life for God to use your current job and your current station in life and your current circumstance
00:26:05.780
as a platform and a foundation for the rest of your life and your calling. And as we've kind of
00:26:11.160
already taken note of throughout this story, you have no idea what God is doing in your life right now
00:26:15.560
that might seem small and insignificant that is playing a role in the big things that could happen
00:26:20.180
later on. You just don't know. When God seems like he's doing one thing, he's actually doing a million
00:26:25.320
things. And we are so finite and so unable to see the big picture that we sometimes feel like we're
00:26:35.440
just flailing or that we're just stalled or that we're just stagnant. We have no idea the huge things
00:26:42.400
that God is doing for his glory and our good. We just don't know. So at that point in my life,
00:26:47.340
I had been deciding between that job before I graduated from college and an internship at AT&T
00:26:52.740
that paid more in my hometown of Dallas. I don't remember why exactly I chose the Athens job,
00:26:58.160
but I'm glad that I did because I met my husband there the fall of 2014 working out. And that is also
00:27:05.040
actually funny how that happened. Talk about just like fitting random pieces together. What seemed
00:27:09.560
random? I was actually at the house of a guy that I'd gone on a couple of dates with. And there was
00:27:13.920
another couple that was there and they were doing handstands against the wall. And I just remember
00:27:18.900
thinking, that's really weird. Like that doesn't seem like that should be happening right at this
00:27:23.580
like social gathering. What are they doing? And they were saying that they were like trying to do
00:27:27.880
handstand pushups and that this was the kind of stuff that they were doing at a gym called
00:27:31.720
Tribe, which was outside of Athens. And this is not a place that like a ton of UGA students went to
00:27:37.540
or like people my age really went to. So I have no idea. And I was actually living in Athens. So
00:27:43.280
I have no idea why I decided, hey, I think I want to drive 20 minutes outside of Athens to try that
00:27:48.640
out. But I did. And that's where I saw my husband. The first time I saw him at 22 years old, he was
00:27:55.460
there with his girlfriend who I thought was his sister. I don't know. They kind of looked alike or
00:27:58.520
something. And he says that he saw me and his first thought was, oh, great. The sorority girls have
00:28:03.160
found tribe. And we didn't start talking right away. Completely separate from me because we had
00:28:09.960
not even officially met yet. He and his girlfriend, who turned out not to be a sister, thank goodness,
00:28:15.640
broke up. And pretty soon after that, he struck up a conversation with me. And then we ended up just
00:28:21.400
talking. Like I remember, ladies, and I think I've said this before, but this is just a good note.
00:28:26.380
Um, I remember like, I remember planning and scheming this. He had said in passing when his
00:28:32.680
birthday was. And I didn't bring it up after that. And I thought that he thought that I wouldn't know
00:28:39.860
when it was. But I remembered he said that it was October 19. And he was turning 24 years old. So
00:28:44.940
the Monday after his birthday, I think his birthday was like on a Saturday, I told him happy birthday.
00:28:50.240
And that's what he knew. He knew that I was paying attention. And that I was actually interested
00:28:55.180
because I remembered something that he had told me several weeks earlier. And I had planned,
00:28:59.400
I made a point to tell him happy birthday and ask him how his birthday was. And he was shocked that I
00:29:03.140
remembered that his birthday was October 19. And that's just that's when I got him. That's when I
00:29:07.220
got him, ladies. And so we I mean, we talked for hours outside our cars in the parking lot after
00:29:12.800
working out. I mean, skipped dinner. It was I'm talking like 6pm to 10pm just standing outside in the
00:29:18.760
parking lot just talking. And I knew before we even left that parking lot together to go on a
00:29:25.060
date, which I'm pretty sure was to Chick-fil-A. If I don't know, there's some there's some debate
00:29:30.020
about whether or not that was really our first date, or whether it was when he took me to gas
00:29:34.720
station Tex-Mex. And it's okay, like, it's very sweet. But I'm from Texas. And you're going to take
00:29:43.600
me to a place that calls queso cheese dip for our first date. So I don't know whether it was that
00:29:49.280
date or whether it was whether it was Chick-fil-A. Regardless, regardless, I knew that I was going
00:29:55.640
to marry him. I just knew I texted my friend named Ali, who I still talk to and actually work with
00:30:01.160
every day. I'm telling her he's my husband. And I'm sure she didn't believe me at the time. She
00:30:06.700
actually says that she doesn't even remember this. But I remember this. And it was a feeling I truly
00:30:10.900
never gotten in any other relationship, even though I thought that I knew previously. When I met him,
00:30:17.740
I was like, Oh, this is different. This is what they mean when they say when you know, you know,
00:30:21.940
I didn't believe that before. But it's true. It's true. I really did know from the get go.
00:30:28.040
And that's not to say, obviously, that you shouldn't have discernment about that person's
00:30:32.020
faith and character and worth ethic and all that. But it's also not just about the qualities that you
00:30:39.680
can list on paper, in my opinion. It's also about how you feel. Now, obviously, people have arranged
00:30:45.960
marriages. I mean, not that much anymore and not in the Western world, but people have had arranged
00:30:50.540
marriages and that has worked out. So I'm not saying that you if you don't have like these over
00:30:55.840
the moon feelings that it can't work. But I do think I mean, call it a privilege of living in the
00:31:01.360
modern West, whatever it is. I do think feelings and attraction are really important in a relationship.
00:31:08.220
And maybe it sounds strange to you that I'm even having to emphasize that. But there are Christians
00:31:12.520
who don't necessarily feel that way, who just, you know, believe if you've got a if you find a
00:31:18.100
believer and you've at least got somewhat, you know, similar values and interests, then go ahead
00:31:24.320
and get married and make it work. And I do think that that can work. But I'm really glad I'm really
00:31:30.900
glad that I didn't do that. I'm so glad I'm so glad that I waited for the person and that God sent
00:31:37.200
me a person that I felt so strongly about and I still do. So we started dating, we got engaged and
00:31:44.600
got married in less than a year. That's a little crazy. That's a little crazy. But we did it. I
00:31:50.360
think that we started talking in October of 2014. We got engaged early May 2015 and got married
00:31:57.300
September 6th, 2015. I do recommend short engagements. Maybe if you want to date like a
00:32:03.620
full year, that was the recommendation. That's like the advice that I've heard, like see that person
00:32:07.520
through all seasons and really get to know them. Obviously, it worked out for us. But, you know,
00:32:11.880
I do think that there is some wisdom in that in general. But I think short engagements are really
00:32:16.160
key. One of the best days of my life, obviously, our wedding day, in addition to having our two
00:32:21.760
children, we lived in a little triplex right by sorority row in Athens, which again, turned out to be
00:32:27.840
providential. You want to know how much our rent was every month? I think about this sometimes $550.
00:32:33.620
A month. Actually, I think it was $500. I think it was just $500. $500 a month rent. Isn't that
00:32:39.420
amazing? He was doing mortgages. I was still working in social media management slash PR. And then
00:32:46.480
right after we got married, I decided I wanted to really try my hand at public speaking. Like I said,
00:32:52.220
I knew that I wanted to do that, but I had no idea how. I'd always loved the news as well. And I
00:32:58.460
wanted to do something. And I mean, I loved Megyn Kelly. I've been a huge Megyn Kelly stan
00:33:03.320
since, I don't know, I was 14, 15 years old. So the fact that she's come on this podcast and I've
00:33:08.560
been on her podcast, I think three times, like that's a big deal. I try to play it cool because
00:33:12.440
I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah, no, yeah. Like I'm in the media too. Like, oh yeah, I'm a professional.
00:33:16.320
It's totally, totally fine that I'm on Megyn Kelly's show. But actually internally,
00:33:20.120
like 15 year old Allie is freaking out because I've been watching her for now, like 15 years
00:33:25.540
of my life. And so I like really admired her and I was like, could I do something that like
00:33:30.340
she does? I have no idea. I didn't study journalism in college. I was a communication studies major and
00:33:36.220
I don't know how I'm going to do it. So I just decided to like make it up as I went. I decided
00:33:43.220
that I was going to, since the election was coming up, I was going to speak to,
00:33:50.120
to sororities at their chapter meetings about why they should vote in the primary and why they
00:33:56.040
should vote in the presidential election. I'd always been interested in politics and culture.
00:34:00.720
So I decided to see if I could give a presentation to these college sororities about why they should
00:34:05.540
vote. I kept working my day job, but then I started a blog in 2016, I think like February of 2016.
00:34:12.200
There's also some like providential stuff within there that we won't get all into called the
00:34:16.960
conservative millennial. And then by the beginning of like 2017, my Facebook videos that I was making
00:34:22.580
on my conservative millennial page were getting hundreds of thousands of views, which is amazing
00:34:26.560
because they were not good. Okay. They were not good. I was editing them on iMovie and like they
00:34:33.500
took me hours to make because I actually started making them before I even had like a Mac before I
00:34:40.140
had iMovie. So I didn't have a way to edit them. So I was trying to do like a straight take.
00:34:44.180
And oh my gosh, I spent so many hours in our apartment doing those videos, which were literally
00:34:49.720
awful. I think my first video was about Harambi and how ridiculous it was that people cared more
00:34:55.620
about Harambi dying than like babies dying in the womb, which fact check still true. So good take
00:35:01.960
Ali, but like terrible, terrible videos. Why didn't you even like bother to brush your hair? Anyway,
00:35:09.260
so they were still getting a lot of views though. Uh, eventually I didn't start out that way. I
00:35:14.580
think I was getting like 300 views at first, but then I did this whole like women's March thing at
00:35:19.060
like early of 2017, just talking about how ridiculous it is. And that ended up getting
00:35:23.180
like 2 million views. And then I was like, Oh, maybe I can take the show on the road. And so early
00:35:27.580
2017, actually we moved from Athens for a new job for my husband. And I quit my day job,
00:35:34.440
not knowing if I'd be able to find a job when we moved or what I would do for work. I had no idea
00:35:39.520
if people would pay me. I wasn't making any money doing this blogging and video stuff. Um, but then
00:35:44.580
through a series of crazy connections that I've discussed before, I won't get into all of that
00:35:48.180
right now. I started working at the blaze, um, first as a social media manager. So not like on
00:35:53.340
camera talent, but then I asked if I could just like make and post videos of my own. I was like, okay,
00:35:58.220
I'll, I'll write them all like work with the camera people and the editors and things like that.
00:36:04.020
I'll post it on social media. I kind of had an in because I was the social media manager. So that
00:36:08.920
kind of worked out. Um, and then they ended up being really successful. Then I started appearing
00:36:14.240
on Fox. I was still speaking to different organizations and long story short, relatable
00:36:18.060
started March of 2018 first once a week, then twice a week, then three times a week. And here we are
00:36:22.760
at four times a week with hundreds of thousands of listeners every month and millions of downloads
00:36:25.940
every month. So praise God for that. So that is part, that's a big part of what happened in my
00:36:31.240
twenties. Um, but there were, there's an even bigger blessing that happened in my twenties that
00:36:36.420
I think shaped me more than anything else. And I'll get to that in just one second.
00:36:42.180
Okay. So two of the biggest blessings in my life, in addition to Jesus and my husband and much bigger
00:36:49.080
than this podcast, even though I love this podcast, I love the work that I do, but the biggest blessings
00:36:53.480
are my children. These are the biggest blessings again, in addition to Christ, in addition to my
00:36:58.820
husband, um, of my twenties, I became a mom at 27 and then again at 29. And I can't even put into
00:37:07.800
words how much I love my children. I would give anything for them. I would give up anything for
00:37:14.120
them. I would do anything for them more than anything else in my life. Being a mother has taught me
00:37:19.440
about God and the gospel, the love that God has for us, that he would sacrifice his own son on our
00:37:26.060
behalf. I don't know if there's anyone that I love enough to sacrifice my children for them. Can you
00:37:32.080
imagine how much God loves us? I mean, and people who hated him, who, whom he decided to reconcile to
00:37:39.980
himself through the death of his son, how much, how radically and relentlessly and extremely must he love
00:37:46.180
us to make a sacrifice like that? And so that's just one, one thing, one very profound thing that
00:37:52.580
motherhood has taught me. I mean, they will be the greatest investment that I ever make, the greatest work
00:37:58.800
that I ever do, the sleepless nights, the two unplanned C-sections, the changes in my body, the demand on my
00:38:04.460
time, my energy are all so unbelievably worth it and purpose and joy giving. Every single hard and
00:38:12.860
overwhelming moment, because they do exist, are surpassed by the profound, gut-wrenching,
00:38:18.640
all-consuming joy and love of motherhood. Not everything in my life has been joy in my 20s.
00:38:27.120
My husband and I both lost our grandmothers within weeks of each other in 2019. 2019 was definitely a
00:38:33.880
year of, like, give and take away. We, I, I gave birth in July of 2019 and then my grandmother died
00:38:42.060
a few months later and I understand grandparents die. That's what happens, but I was extremely close
00:38:48.180
to my grandmother. Um, she lived with us until I was 13 years old. She was always my ally when I was in
00:38:54.720
trouble or when I wanted or needed anything. She was there to comfort me, to help me, to advocate for me.
00:38:59.720
Um, she loved me so much and I loved her so much. Speaking at her funeral was one of the hardest
00:39:07.340
things that I've ever done. I don't get nervous before speeches, but I was nervous before that
00:39:11.960
because I knew that I wouldn't make it through it without just dissolving into a puddle of tears,
00:39:16.620
and I did. Um, I still think about her almost every day and I'm going to try not to cry right now,
00:39:22.640
wondering what she'd think about so many things, the wisdom that she would give me turning 30.
00:39:27.540
Um, okay. I'm going to move past that subject. So I don't dissolve into a puddle of tears right now,
00:39:32.860
but you know, turning 30 makes you reflective about the things that happened not just in your
00:39:37.520
twenties, but your whole life. Now, obviously COVID also happened in my twenties and we're not
00:39:42.220
going to get into all of that. I'll just say that so much unexpected happened. So many difficulties
00:39:47.760
happened, um, for everyone. I mean, the past two years have been hard for everyone and for so many
00:39:55.040
people, much harder than it's been for me and for our family. I have a lot of blessings to count.
00:40:02.520
Thankfully that have come out, um, that have come up over the last couple of years. And so I don't
00:40:08.520
take that for granted. Um, and now I'm 30, I'm 30 and it's daunting a little bit. It's strange. I feel
00:40:16.520
like there are a lot of expectations on this decade of life. It sounds old to be honest. Like it just does.
00:40:22.360
It sounds old. It's like the year that everyone talks about like, Oh, 30, living in your parents'
00:40:28.700
basement, 30, and you don't have this together, whatever it is. Um, it just sounds old. And I'm
00:40:34.820
thankful for this many years. I'm so thankful. I don't think we should ever mourn getting older,
00:40:39.640
but I am also overwhelmed by how quickly things are going and just how truly adult that this age
00:40:46.220
sounds. Like I said, I've always loved being adult. I'm certainly, that's not something that I
00:40:50.840
have ever wanted to push off, but I mean, it's really, it's really adult. It's really adult.
00:40:56.100
Um, I'm not going to pretend like I know what's going to happen in this next decade of life. The
00:41:02.620
only thing that I can commit to doing, which I, I encourage you to do the same thing is to do the
00:41:08.740
next right thing in faith and for the glory of God. And I fall short of that every single day, but
00:41:14.740
I know that as was true in my twenties, as was true in the years before I turned 20,
00:41:20.840
that God's faithfulness is the one thing that I can hang on to. The one thing that I can expect
00:41:25.740
and know without a shadow of a doubt that it won't disappoint me. It won't fail me. And that's true
00:41:31.220
for you too. That's true for you too. Um, all right, we are going to get into some voicemails. Uh,
00:41:40.040
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00:42:47.460
All right. Thank you guys again. For those of you who have sent me, um, these voicemails,
00:42:52.560
we're going to play four of these voicemails. I asked for, you know, some advice, some wisdom for
00:42:57.460
either people who are in their twenties, going to be in their twenties or people who are going to be in
00:43:02.000
their thirties. Like what's some wisdom that you guys have? So, um, we'll play each voicemail.
00:43:06.860
I'll maybe give a little comment and we'll play the next one and then we'll close this out. So
00:43:11.000
let's go ahead and play the first voicemail. Hi, Allie. My name is Kaylee and I'm a relatable
00:43:15.300
listener from Eastern Kentucky. First of all, I wanted to wish you a happy, happy birthday.
00:43:19.960
I hope you're having an amazing day. Uh, second, I know you asked for advice from somebody over 30.
00:43:25.540
However, like you, I'm turning 30 this year. So I just really wanted to share my excitement in that
00:43:30.460
because I know I'm looking forward to this next decade of life and what the Lord has in store
00:43:34.600
for it. And I fully believe he has incredible things in store for you. Um, and I just have to
00:43:41.460
say, it's been so refreshing over the last couple of years to have somebody my age to listen to who
00:43:46.580
shares my values. And I'm just so grateful for your work, um, that you're doing and especially
00:43:51.380
your pro-life work. Um, without getting into the details of my story, I'll just say that it's a
00:43:55.840
miracle that I even get to be here to celebrate his 30th birthday. So it means the world to see
00:44:00.880
somebody who isn't just spreading pro-life values, but it's actively working to help moms and their
00:44:06.300
children. And you just inspire and encourage me every day in that way. Um, so from the bottom of
00:44:11.200
my heart, thank you, Allie. Anyway, I hope 30 is fabulous for you and I hope you have a wonderful,
00:44:17.040
wonderful day. God bless. Well, thank you, Kaylee, so much. And that's a reminder, uh, for you guys
00:44:23.840
that in honor of my birthday, and I'm posting this on social media too, but in honor of my birthday,
00:44:28.920
I really want you guys to donate an item or several items or donate a money towards a big item,
00:44:35.280
uh, to Prestonwood Pregnancy Center. I am going to link the Amazon baby registry in the description
00:44:41.380
of this episode. So you can just click on it and you can donate what you can. That would be super
00:44:46.520
helpful. They serve, uh, families in crisis, pregnant women in crisis in Texas. And I've worked with them
00:44:53.700
many times in the past and they are doing just such incredible gospel centered pro-life work. And so
00:45:00.040
if you can make sure to, um, donate to them using the link in the description of this episode.
00:45:09.040
Hi, Allie, this is Jamie. I'm from the, uh, Eastern shore of Maryland. And, um, gosh, it seems silly to
00:45:16.600
try and give you advice when I feel like you're more of an adult than I am in a lot of ways, but,
00:45:21.340
um, I am apparently 38. Um, so I'm closer to 40 than 30, which is crazy to me. And the thing that
00:45:30.160
I can tell you of my eight years of thirties experience so far is that, um, I've really loved
00:45:36.660
it because I felt like my thirties was when I really got comfortable in my own skin, you know,
00:45:41.840
as much as possible. Um, you know, as a, as a believer in Christ, knowing that the skin is only
00:45:47.680
temporary, um, I really feel like your thirties is where you find your groove, you know your purpose
00:45:54.260
a little more solidly. And, you know, as a mother and as a wife, like you really just kind of know
00:46:00.040
your place. And, um, yeah, you're, you're very much less worried about what other people think
00:46:07.000
of you and trying to impress, you know, parts of the world that you're in. So that's, um, that's
00:46:12.260
something I look forward to for you, especially since I feel like you were probably more mature
00:46:16.420
than I was in like three or twenties than I was in my twenties. So you're probably ahead of the game,
00:46:20.680
but I hope you really get to enjoy the comfort of the thirties and, um, that you just keep doing
00:46:26.540
what you're doing. I'm so thankful for you and for how you speak truth, um, in boldness and in love,
00:46:33.980
you know, knowing what you know and knowing who created you. Uh, we just, we need more of you.
00:46:38.540
So I'm so excited to, uh, celebrate 30 with you and I hope it's everything you want it to be and
00:46:45.080
more. Um, so that's it. Thank you. Sorry that it got cut off a little bit at the end, but thank you
00:46:52.880
so much for leaving that sweet voicemail, um, on my actual, so I'm recording this before my birthday.
00:46:59.420
Um, this is coming out on Friday, but we will be, um, in California, uh, and it's actually kind of
00:47:06.740
like for work, but we're making it into a fun trip. And so, um, it's a part of California that
00:47:12.120
apparently is not quite as restrictive and communist as other parts of California. So
00:47:17.300
that is how just FYI, um, we are spending my birthday. All right. Next voicemail.
00:47:24.920
Hi, Allie. My name's Ashley. I just want to wish you a happy 30th birthday. Um, I can tell you as a
00:47:32.220
middle 30 year old, I'm not gonna say my exact age, um, that I can say my, honestly, my 30s have
00:47:39.680
been great. And I hope it's the same for you. I am a mom of two as well. And I can just say that
00:47:46.660
the Lord has made me so much more confident in, um, myself and just, um, in him as well.
00:47:53.980
So I just wanted to share a verse with you. I actually just read it this morning. I think
00:47:58.380
it's so good for all women to hear. Um, it's the story on Luke about how, uh, Jesus healed the
00:48:06.280
disabled woman and it's Luke 13 verses 12 and 13. And it says, when Jesus saw her, he called out to
00:48:15.440
her, woman, you are free of your disability. Then he laid his hands on her and instantly she was
00:48:20.560
restored and began to glorify God. And I truly feel like this is kind of how my 30s have been.
00:48:26.240
Like God has just put his hand over me and just has made me more free. And I just wish that for
00:48:30.900
everybody and for you as well. So thank you for your podcast. Thank you for giving, helping me see
00:48:36.720
the world through a biblical view. It's just so encouraging to others, others that think the
00:48:40.820
same way. So have a happy birthday. Bye. Oh, thank you so much, Ashley. That was so sweet. And I love
00:48:47.100
that passage that you read. Thank you for sharing that with us. So encouraging. Um, all right,
00:48:52.240
last voicemail. Hi, Allie. My name is Bianca. I absolutely love your podcast and I've learned
00:48:58.880
so much through it. Just want to give you a little advice on turning 30. Always have a pack of Benadryl
00:49:05.700
in your purse on my 30th birthday. I kid you not. I found out I gave a food allergy. I've never had a
00:49:17.140
food allergy before, but once I hit the big three, Oh, that was it. They're not kidding when they say
00:49:23.380
it's all downhill from here. So anyway, have a wonderful 30th and may the Lord continue to bless
00:49:29.760
you and your family. Happy birthday. Bianca. I don't know whether to be excited that I just got
00:49:38.680
a really good practical tip or sad that that I know that that is probably going to be applicable,
00:49:44.320
man. My husband and I were just joking about the fact that when we first started dating and we're
00:49:51.040
first married that we would, you know, stay up until 11, whatever. And then we would literally wake
00:49:56.480
up at 430 and go do like a CrossFit style workout and like eat super healthy and never really thought
00:50:02.780
anything of it. And like getting that little of sleep was totally fine. Like I don't remember
00:50:08.340
having any like chronic pain. And now it's like, Oh, I think like one of my five pillows wasn't
00:50:16.180
wedged correctly behind my back when I slept last night and now I can't walk. So that's a fun part of
00:50:21.640
aging. And so I guess I'm going to have to apply not just the Benadryl putting in my purse,
00:50:25.880
but also just some Tylenol. Um, yeah, so that's aging, but there's so much, there's so much beauty
00:50:32.480
in it. And so thank you so much, Bianca. And thank you to everyone who left voicemails. I'm sorry that
00:50:36.560
I'm not able to play all of them. We would be here for a little bit too long. Um, thank you guys so
00:50:41.140
much for supporting relatable. This is a huge part of my life. I'm so excited to be here and to talk to
00:50:47.040
you guys about this stuff and you guys make this possible. I would not be doing this if there were,
00:50:52.740
if there were no one listening or no one watching this on YouTube. And so thank you to all of you
00:50:59.760
who really have become kind of like a family and a community and certainly have become friends. You
00:51:05.560
often say that you feel like we know each other. You feel like we're friends. Well, the feeling is
00:51:09.860
mutual. So thank you guys so much for being such faithful listeners. If you love this podcast, you
00:51:14.920
can, uh, for my birthday, in honor of my birthday, you can leave us a five-star review on Apple
00:51:19.140
podcast. Make sure you subscribe on YouTube as well. All right. We will be back here on Monday.