Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 577 ｜ Resist Toxic Motherhood & Get Your Kids Off TikTok

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

00:00:04.840 This episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers. American meat delivered

00:00:08.920 right to your front door. Get a discount at goodranchers.com slash alley. That's goodranchers.com

00:00:14.960 slash alley. Okay guys, we're going to talk about a smorgasbord of things today. We're going to talk

00:00:29.420 a little bit about toxic mommy culture, kids on social media, why they really shouldn't be on

00:00:34.660 there. We are also going to talk possibly about the ongoing reaction to what's happening in Ukraine

00:00:45.240 and in Russia and how the messaging is really, really strange. We're going to try to have a

00:00:51.320 nuanced discussion about that. If we don't get to that today, we're going to talk more about that

00:00:56.180 tomorrow. A lot of you guys have been asking me, how does everything that's going on have to do,

00:01:03.160 what does it have to do with the World Economic Forum and the Great Reset, that thing that some

00:01:09.700 of you may still think is a conspiracy theory, but we have outlined very specifically in detail

00:01:16.100 on this show. How does everything that's going on right now fit into that? Does it fit into that?

00:01:22.640 We are going to answer those questions tomorrow with our friend Justin Haskins. If you haven't

00:01:27.260 listened to those past episodes, just type in Relatable Great Reset wherever you listen or even

00:01:32.480 watch on YouTube. All of those will come up. I actually just had a conversation with my dad about

00:01:38.080 this on the phone because he is still a skeptic, which I thought that he had listened to all of my

00:01:43.160 episodes, but I guess he has skipped some because he wasn't even sure what the Great Reset is and he was

00:01:49.280 like, come on, are you serious that you think that this is a thing? And I was like, dad, you've got

00:01:54.960 some education that you need to experience if you don't think that this is really going on.

00:02:00.660 I wish it weren't, but we will be talking about it again tomorrow with Justin. And so you have

00:02:06.820 something to look forward to there per usual. It'll probably be a long episode. We might break it in

00:02:12.180 to break it up into two parts. We'll see about that. But first, let's start with what we're going to

00:02:17.540 talk about today. The first thing that I want to talk about has nothing to do with what's going on

00:02:22.700 in the news. It's something that I mentioned on Instagram this morning, and that is the series of

00:02:29.740 strange dreams that I had last night. So most of the time, I don't remember the dreams that I had.

00:02:36.120 Those of you women who have been pregnant before, you know that when you are pregnant, you typically

00:02:42.260 have vivid dreams. I am not pregnant. I am not pregnant. But I had dreams last night, like when I

00:02:50.160 was pregnant. That is such a weird symptom of pregnancy. I guess it's hormonal. You just have

00:02:56.880 these very vivid, strange dreams. One of the dreams that I had was about this basketball player who is,

00:03:05.260 she's a WNBA player, and she is currently being detained by the Russian government, allegedly for

00:03:13.340 taking drugs. I have no idea if that's true. I had never heard of this person. But I dreamt about her

00:03:19.160 last night being like in such distress and me trying to go tell people like it was actually a very

00:03:24.820 frightening dream. I saw her and she was like wasting away trying to tell me that, hey, I need some help

00:03:31.920 here. And it was so frightening. I went to people who I don't I don't even know who they are in my dream.

00:03:37.180 And I was like screaming at them in my dream, trying to tell them, hey, she needs our help. She's like

00:03:42.200 wasting away in this prison cell. It was very strange. And I also dreamt within that dream. It was all

00:03:49.920 strangely connected. You know how dreams are that like flights were being canceled. I was walking down this

00:03:55.040 road and almost seemed like Halloween, like leaves were falling. And I looked at my weather app. And for some

00:04:01.560 reason, it was like about to snow and rain and all the flights were being canceled. And I was trying

00:04:06.740 to tell my dad that he needed to drive to South Carolina to take a flight. It was all very strange.

00:04:11.440 But within that dream, I also saw like First Chronicles 511. And I told myself in my dream,

00:04:21.820 so a little bit of inception here, I told myself, oh, I need to remember to look that up. Like maybe

00:04:26.560 that's maybe that's significant. First Chronicles 511. So I posted this this morning for you guys,

00:04:32.780 because I knew, you know, the Lord must have just been telling me that this is the encouragement that

00:04:38.440 you guys need from First Chronicles 511. And he's obviously, you know, he's speaking through me to

00:04:43.920 you guys. So this is the word that I have for you this morning that was revealed to me so vividly in

00:04:48.740 my dream. The sons of Gad lived over against them in the land of Bashan as far as Salica. 0.95

00:04:56.060 There you go. I don't know if you knew that you needed that this morning. But the Lord revealed

00:05:01.860 that to me a special word from the Lord in my dream. Now I could see that in a beautiful display

00:05:08.080 above your dining room table. I could see that kind of just being the theme verse for your family,

00:05:14.480 or at least for this week. I think it would look really great as an ankle tattoo. It's just it's

00:05:20.680 just something to consider. This is free of charge just for you. You're welcome. Encouragement from the

00:05:26.960 Lord. The sons of Gad lived over against them in the land of Bashan as far as Salica. That was the verse 0.78

00:05:34.960 that I saw in my dream last night. Have no idea what it had to do with anything. But I just wanted to

00:05:42.920 share that with you. And I think maybe I've asked this of you guys before. I couldn't actually

00:05:48.200 remember. But I want to know the strangest dream you've ever had. I've had a lot of strange dreams.

00:05:55.260 I remember a dream that I had when I was little that I was like stuck in a video game and I couldn't

00:06:00.020 get out. It was very Jumanji like. I think I had just seen Jumanji, which is one of the like scariest

00:06:05.100 movies that has ever been made. And I had a dream that I was like stuck in this video game. And I was

00:06:11.480 trying to tell my mom that I was stuck in the video game and I could see her in her closet and

00:06:15.880 I could not communicate to her. That was probably the scariest one of the scariest dreams that I've

00:06:19.720 ever had. And I still remember it. And I was like nine years old. But I want to I want to hear

00:06:24.900 if you have had like a very strange, complex, intricate dream. My mom also has like the most

00:06:32.680 vivid dreams and she always remembers them. She told me about a dream that she was having or that she

00:06:37.800 had the other night the next day and she was literally crying, laughing. And so was I telling

00:06:43.260 me about this strange dream. But I want to hear your strange dream and I want to laugh at them.

00:06:48.220 So call 682-503-1369. That's 682-503-1369. And we will play a few of them on an episode sometime this

00:06:59.640 week or next week. I want to hear. Try to make them as concise as possible. So if you need to rehearse

00:07:04.800 you need to write it down just to make sure that you tell us the good stuff, do that because we do

00:07:10.280 have like a limited time that we can actually record and then listen to your dream. So 682-503-1369.

00:07:19.840 Tell me your strange, vivid, crazy dream. I want to hear it. I love laughing at people's dreams.

00:07:28.920 Okay. I just wanted to share that with you. Hope that you got encouragement from First Chronicles 511,

00:07:34.220 and the encouragement that you did not know that you need. But there you go. Let's talk a little

00:07:38.500 bit about toxic mommy culture. Speaking of things that I was discussing on Instagram over the weekend,

00:07:43.940 I want to discuss this based on a video that you guys shared with me and then I shared.

00:07:53.540 We were just talking in that little break that maybe the First Chronicles 511 could replace

00:08:00.160 the live, laugh, love signs in Hobby Lobby or the, as for me in my house, we serve the Lord. I think

00:08:08.340 that First Chronicles 511 is a great contender for that. Consider it. Maybe even a better Jeremiah 2911.

00:08:17.440 I know the plans I have for you to prosper you and not to harm you. Consider replacing those verses

00:08:24.440 with this verse. Or maybe this is your life verse that you put in your bio. All considerations. I'm

00:08:31.340 just here to help. All right. Toxic mommy culture. You guys saw this video. I posted about it a couple

00:08:38.020 times. But in case you missed it, let me play this video that kind of went viral on TikTok and then on

00:08:43.620 Instagram. All right. So if you couldn't, if you couldn't see that because you're listening rather than

00:08:59.980 watching on YouTube, it was a mom like serving her little three year old child's chicken nuggets. And if you

00:09:09.400 are a mom, you know that sometimes these chicken nuggets come in letters. And she wrote in the

00:09:15.260 letters, I mean, you had to take a lot of time to do this. You piss me off. And she was serving this

00:09:22.160 meal to her three year old daughter who is absolutely precious. Her daughter is super excited to get her

00:09:28.340 chicken nuggets. She obviously can't read. She doesn't know what it says. She's just, she just has pure

00:09:33.600 excitement on her face about her mom making this meal. And her mom is filming it. And she posted it

00:09:40.720 to TikTok because she thought that it was funny. And when I saw this, I truly felt, maybe you think

00:09:47.500 this sounds dramatic, but I truly felt like I was punched in the gut. It made me so sad. Just the

00:09:53.720 contradiction or just the strange parallel between the obvious resentment and anger and bitterness of this

00:10:01.300 mother and the excitement and the ignorance of this child about what's going on. This little child has

00:10:08.960 no idea that she is actually being exploited. And I guess the frustration that her mother is having 0.99

00:10:15.480 toward her is being exploited for clicks and for views and for likes. And this child, just like all

00:10:22.600 children, can't consent to having her face on social media, can't consent to having, I guess, what amounts

00:10:29.780 to bad behavior that is frustrating her mother on social media. And I wonder if her mother is even

00:10:36.540 considering, is this best for my child? Is this something that is going to edify her when she grows

00:10:42.720 up and she sees this? Is this something that's going to hurt her feelings? And unfortunately, a lot of the

00:10:47.440 comments on this Instagram page and this Instagram post that reposted this from TikTok were saying how

00:10:53.800 hilarious this was, how they would do this for their child if they had a child, how they're going to do

00:10:58.600 this to their child, how they think that this is so funny and so entertaining and anyone that has a

00:11:04.060 problem with this just needs to lighten up. All right. Or maybe it is exploiting the difficult moments

00:11:14.360 of motherhood for a very superficial affirmation and because of that is immoral. I hate toxic mommy 1.00

00:11:22.340 culture. Toxic mommy culture is a phrase that we came up with, unrelatable, and I wrote about 0.94

00:11:27.920 in my book that describes this kind of wine culture in motherhood that is especially displayed online,

00:11:37.760 that presents motherhood as something that women are a victim of, something that women are enslaved to, 1.00

00:11:44.620 and kids as brats and burdens. And it comes across in these kind of joking videos that,

00:11:50.980 ha ha, this is not that big of a deal. I'm just joking. Of course, I love my kids. But the fact

00:11:56.420 of the matter is, these posts seem to say, is that they're just really bad sometimes. You'll even see

00:12:04.900 some posts calling kids all kinds of very vulgar names like a-holes. Like, oh, people will say that

00:12:11.800 their toddler is just an a-hole. Or I've seen some other terrible names that are used to describe kids

00:12:19.340 when they're behaving badly. And this is all just supposed to create some kind of camaraderie online

00:12:23.640 with other parents who are struggling. This is all just supposed to be ha ha so funny. I really don't

00:12:29.000 find it funny. I find it extremely toxic. And there are a few reasons for that. The first reason is the

00:12:35.260 one that I already listed. Because a child cannot consent to having their image online, number one,

00:12:40.300 but also having their tough moments and their difficulties as a child and conflict with their

00:12:47.860 parents being displayed online. Like, would you like someone, if you want to talk about treating

00:12:52.860 someone how you want to be treated, would you like someone to exploit your most difficult moments or

00:13:00.080 maybe some of your bad qualities online without your consent, without you knowing? And you trust this

00:13:07.600 person to seek your best interests. You trust this person to protect you. You trust the person to

00:13:13.860 do what is best for you. And behind your back, without your knowledge, without your consent,

00:13:19.100 they're actually putting your image and your tough moments online. Do you think that that's a good

00:13:23.640 thing? Would you appreciate that? Do you think that's something that benefits you and your life

00:13:28.480 and your self-image when you grow up? Isn't it so interesting that in the age of self-love and

00:13:33.900 preaching self-love to our kids that some of the same parents, I think that there is significant

00:13:39.160 crossover here, some of the same parents that preach the most about the importance of self-love

00:13:44.700 are actually putting this negative display about their kids and about parenthood online. One day,

00:13:51.220 their kids will see it. The internet lives forever, especially these videos that go viral. The kids will

00:13:56.260 see it. Is that going to add to their positive self-image and their confidence or take away from that?

00:14:01.560 But it doesn't seem like these parents who post things like that really care.

00:14:05.920 They just want the laughs. They want the affirmation themselves. They want the clicks.

00:14:09.960 They want the likes. Just like all of us, they get that dopamine hit when they see that something

00:14:14.140 they posted goes viral or that people are reacting in a positive way to it. And they don't seem to care

00:14:19.360 about how their child would react if they did know about it or how this will help them or just in

00:14:24.640 general if this is moral. I think it's immoral for the reason that I just listed that kids can't

00:14:29.120 consent to all of it, that it's just plain mean. It's just plain mean. And it's exploiting their

00:14:33.820 difficult moments and exploiting them. The second reason why I think that this is wrong and immoral

00:14:39.260 is because it contributes to a culture that sees children in general as a burden. And I think that

00:14:46.040 it does contribute to the attitudes that then justify and normalize abortion. If everyone is looking to

00:14:55.360 moms and what they demonstrate and what they display on social media to get a picture of what 0.99

00:14:59.840 motherhood looks like. And the picture that is painted for these non-parents is that parenthood 0.98

00:15:06.700 sucks, that you never have any time for yourself, that it's just, it's a drain on you, that it's

00:15:13.620 constantly having to sacrifice the things that you don't want to sacrifice. It's a thing that you are 0.96

00:15:19.240 a victim of. And your kids are these just like horrible little people that you don't ever want

00:15:25.460 to hang out with, but you kind of have to admit, you feel obligated to admit, yeah, sure, that you

00:15:31.620 still love them. Is that painting a positive picture of parenthood where people are going to want to

00:15:36.720 engage in that? I don't think so. I think people are going to see that and they're going to want to

00:15:41.800 further indulge the innate selfishness and self-serving nature that all of us have.

00:15:47.100 So I think it contributes to the abortion epidemic in an indirect way. It creates a culture in which

00:15:54.520 kids are seen as brats and burdens rather than the blessings that they are. Now, we can understand,

00:16:01.340 unfortunately, why the secular world would act like this because they don't have the same view

00:16:08.980 in general as Christians should when it comes to what children are. Although I think that there are 1.00

00:16:15.280 plenty of non-Christians who see the toxicity and this kind of behavior online. But Christians, 0.99

00:16:22.080 especially when I see Christians try to brush this off as this is no big deal. You just need to lighten 1.00

00:16:27.620 up. You just need to laugh about it or even engage in it themselves, posting about how terrible their

00:16:32.840 kids are and how terrible motherhood is. That just tells me like that is a faith issue. That's a heart

00:16:40.080 issue. That's not me trying to be judgmental in the sense that I am self-righteously condemning you.

00:16:47.120 We've all been in different places in our faith where we've made mistakes and we've gotten things

00:16:51.080 wrong. This would be something that you're getting wrong. If you're engaging in this type of toxic

00:16:56.600 mommy culture where you are complaining about your kids publicly, you are exploiting them for clicks and 1.00

00:17:02.140 laughs. That is absolutely sinful. There is nowhere in the Bible that speaks about children as anything

00:17:07.000 other than a blessing of God's provision. So I do want to caveat all of this by saying that toxic

00:17:14.740 mommy culture and being honestly vulnerable about the struggles of motherhood are two totally different

00:17:21.040 things. The former is exclusively used to tear down. The latter can be used to build up. So talking

00:17:32.720 about how hard motherhood is, talking about how tired you are because you are being pulled in a

00:17:39.660 million different directions and you're trying to keep it all together and be a good mom and be a good

00:17:45.240 wife and do the work that you're causing in all of this and all of this, that is just honesty. That is

00:17:50.240 transparency. That is needed. I do think that showing that even in certain ways publicly, I don't think

00:17:56.960 that we are obligated to spill everything online. But in some ways, showing that stuff publicly can be

00:18:03.040 edifying as long as you say, this is hard, but I'm relying on the Lord for my strength. This is hard,

00:18:09.460 but the Lord is calling me to it. And so it's incredibly worth it. This is hard. But man, I

00:18:13.500 understand that there are millions of people around the world who want to be parents so badly. And I have

00:18:20.480 this blessing of waking up in the middle of the night with my kids. I have this blessing of being

00:18:25.380 stressed because my kids need me. I have this blessing of homeschool or, you know, I have I have

00:18:30.800 kids that I have to feed. And I understand that that is actually a wonderful thing to be stressed

00:18:36.820 about. So I think that sharing the hard parts of motherhood and following it up with, but you

00:18:44.320 absolutely have the tools and the equipment to push through because the Lord is here to give you those

00:18:49.740 tools and equipment and strength to sustain you. That is absolutely used as edification, even

00:18:55.180 better, though, than talking about that on social media, I think is sharing all of that with people

00:19:00.700 who really love you, who know you, who kind of see your day to day. That's something that I think we

00:19:05.280 all desperately need. I am not perfectly engaged in that kind of vulnerability on a daily basis,

00:19:12.020 that's for sure. But I think that can absolutely be used to build up because that's not only going to

00:19:17.420 build you up, that's not only going to give you encouragement, whereas toxic mommy culture 1.00

00:19:22.740 depletes. I think that positive and authentic mommy culture within the context of true community,

00:19:33.700 it doesn't deplete you. It builds you up. It fills you up. And that is going to in turn positively

00:19:43.280 affect your marriage and it's positively going to affect your children. Toxic mommy culture only does 1.00

00:19:48.460 the opposite. It feeds you this feeling of entitlement, that you are entitled to find yourself

00:19:57.380 in an identity that is other than a wife and a mom. And I think that is going to simply lead you

00:20:06.180 into an acceptance and a justification of narcissism. And you are going to call it self-care and self-love,

00:20:13.140 but really what it will turn into is just feeding into your feelings of entitlement and bitterness.

00:20:18.760 I saw this great post the other day. I did not come up with this phrase, but it's sad. Your kids

00:20:24.380 are not making you crazy. They're showing you your sin. That's tough. That is so true. The anger sometimes

00:20:33.480 that we feel towards our children, that bitterness, that resentment, that feeling of entitlement that I

00:20:39.520 deserve this time. I deserve XYZ. That is not our children or our husband causing us to feel that

00:20:47.200 way. All of that stuff already existed in our heart. It's the difficulty, just like any difficulty,

00:20:52.420 just like any stressful situation that is bringing that to the surface. I'm not saying that kids aren't

00:20:57.680 genuinely frustrating or that marriage isn't genuinely hard or that you don't actually need

00:21:03.800 rest and, you know, rejuvenation. I think that all of that is true and needed. Yes, absolutely. But

00:21:10.500 the sinful reactions that we have in those kinds of stressful situations and in the midst of that

00:21:16.640 difficulty, that's indicative of sin that is already there. It's not sin that is created or caused by

00:21:23.700 other people. It's already there in stressful moments with our kids, just like stressful moments

00:21:28.380 in any situation, is when we get the choice. Okay, are we going to give into our flesh by acting in an

00:21:35.500 entitled and selfish and impatient way? Or am I going to choose to submit my thoughts and my words to

00:21:42.840 Christ and react in a way that is glorifying to Him? The second option is only available through the

00:21:49.800 power of the Holy Spirit. That's the difference between people who engage in toxic mommy culture and 1.00

00:21:55.920 people who engage in biblical positive mommy culture is the Holy Spirit. It's not that we're

00:22:01.060 inherently better. It is that God gives us the strength to not only mother well, but also to talk

00:22:08.940 about motherhood and the hard parts of motherhood in a positive way. So toxic mommy culture, we don't 1.00

00:22:15.740 need to engage in it. It's like the worst of the worst. We talk a lot about, you know, fatherlessness,

00:22:21.480 daddy issues, the problems with bad dads and the consequence that that has on families and society.

00:22:27.040 I think that's a great thing to talk about because it is very consequential. Not enough airtime though

00:22:32.100 is given to toxic mommy culture and the effect that toxic moms can have on kids and can have on 1.00

00:22:39.120 societies, not just absentee mothers, but selfish mothers, projecting mothers, mothers who feel 0.96

00:22:45.320 constantly entitled to make their kids feel like rats and burdens. Toxic mommy culture, I guarantee you, 1.00

00:22:51.480 has a very widespread effect on communities and on societies in general. But the feminization,

00:22:57.980 the grand feminization, I think, of our culture kind of sweeps that under the rug. And it seems like

00:23:03.440 people don't ever want to say that a mom can do wrong and only talk about the dereliction of duty of 0.80

00:23:10.040 dads. But the reality is, is that toxic moms, there are a lot of ramifications that come with toxic 0.99

00:23:18.720 mommyhood as we've just discussed. All right. Okay. Speaking of motherhood and kids, motherhood

00:23:26.340 is awesome, by the way. Like if you don't have, if you don't have kids, you're considering having kids,

00:23:30.940 like you should definitely do it. We talk about this a lot on this show because there's an

00:23:37.040 understandable fear of having kids in this day and age. I mean, there's a lot going on. There's a lot

00:23:41.380 of scary things going on. But the thing that we need most are kind and wise and bold and brave kids

00:23:51.920 that grow up into kind and wise and bold and brave and godly, Christ-like, loving adults. That's what

00:24:00.520 our society needs. If you want to make an investment in the future, if you want to contribute to all that

00:24:06.540 is good and right and true, have children just for the sake of having and loving children. But of

00:24:12.140 course, also for the sake of raising them, training them in the way they should go. You will never know

00:24:18.220 a love like having children. It is difficult to explain. It's difficult to put into words. It really

00:24:26.060 is like having your heart walk around outside your body. You want so badly to protect them from

00:24:33.200 everything. But knowing that that's not how they're going to grow, it is the most difficult and

00:24:37.980 wonderful and challenging thing. So if you have been waiting for someone to tell you, oh, should I

00:24:41.880 have kids? Should I not? Allie Bestucki is telling you, if you are married, to go ahead and have those 0.99

00:24:46.980 kids and raise them in a godly way. You can do this. And God is going to equip you and protect you and

00:24:52.240 protect them. And you've got this. It's fine. All right. Let's talk about speaking of protecting our

00:24:59.300 children. I just want to talk about social media really quickly, because I saw this video. I shared

00:25:04.100 it on Instagram. I think the account is life according to Lisa. She's got several kids. One of her

00:25:09.760 kids apparently is in the NFL. I don't follow this account, so I don't really know anything about it. But

00:25:14.180 someone shared this Instagram live that she did. And she told a story about how her daughter, I

00:25:19.180 believe her daughter is 13, was talking to someone online that she thought was just a friend, but ended up

00:25:27.020 being this predator who was posing not just as one person, but as several people. And had really

00:25:34.340 sucked her into this online world. And long story short, her mom figured it out. This is a guy who

00:25:41.400 apparently teaches fifth grade. And so he is an adult preying on these young children. And we've

00:25:46.960 talked about, we've alluded to this several times. I am going to have a guest on at some point to really

00:25:52.020 talk about the statistics around predators online, how these predators are preying upon children

00:25:58.900 through various social media apps, the tools parents can use to try to protect their kids from

00:26:04.780 this. The fact of the matter is, the more I hear about this, and the more I hear these stories, and

00:26:09.700 I hear these stories over and over again from parents, I see these Instagram lives. And I don't have

00:26:14.840 preteens or teenagers yet. So I am not pretending to know how difficult it is to tell your child,

00:26:20.400 hey, you can't be on social media, you can't have a smartphone, even though all of your other friends

00:26:25.320 do. So I can't say that I empathize with you parents who are having those tough conversations. But I do

00:26:31.120 talk to enough parents of kids that age. I know enough parents in that category. I have seen enough

00:26:38.580 of these stories on social media of parents of kids in that age range to know that really, it seems

00:26:45.900 like, and I probably will get some pushback here, but that's fine, I can take it. I have heard enough

00:26:51.480 wisdom from people in this group to say that really the only way to protect your kids, in addition to

00:26:58.240 talking to them about these dangers, in addition to showing them what is good and right and true,

00:27:03.480 and trying to train them as best you can and equip them and show them all the warning signs and all of

00:27:08.980 that, all of that is important to build that foundation. And so they know what sin is, they know what

00:27:13.700 right and wrong is, they know to trust you versus, you know, not trusting a stranger online. All of

00:27:18.520 that is important. Unfortunately, though, their little minds just aren't mature enough. They do

00:27:24.820 not have the capacity, they don't have the fortitude and the strength to resist all of the temptations

00:27:30.120 that suck them in on social media. You can have a great kid, a godly kid, a kid that knows right and

00:27:35.580 wrong, that has been trained in every way. And still, when they are approached by someone

00:27:41.160 online, you've got a young girl say that she has Instagram or she's got TikTok or something,

00:27:47.480 you've got a 14-year-old girl who is approached by someone who says that they're beautiful, who says

00:27:52.360 that they love their videos, that they should start talking, that they should meet up, that

00:27:57.940 he needs her information. And he starts telling this little insecure teenager who is, you know,

00:28:04.300 this little teenage girl, maybe she's been taught everything that she, you know, needs to be taught

00:28:09.200 by her godly parents. But she is in such a susceptible, vulnerable position as, you know,

00:28:14.400 a young girl. Every young girl wants to be told that she's pretty. Every young girl wants to be

00:28:18.760 accepted. Every young girl wants to be affirmed. We're all battling insecurities at that age. And,

00:28:24.440 you know, you can have a wonderful dad who tells you that you're beautiful every day. It's different

00:28:28.220 when someone tells you that who you think is an actual love interest or who is a boy your age.

00:28:35.260 And so these predators, they will pose as kids their age, as teenagers their age, or maybe a

00:28:39.940 little bit older than them online. And they're masters that are exploiting these kids and their 0.91

00:28:44.480 emotions. They know what to say to a young girl who is insecure. They know how to reel them in. They

00:28:51.380 know how to start playing upon their emotions. They know how to divide them from their parents and

00:28:57.420 from their family and even from their faith. I am not just thinking about this hypothetically right now.

00:29:03.580 I am thinking about stories that I have heard from parents about their kids. I'm talking about

00:29:07.980 parents in the church who this has happened to their kids. And so their little minds, as great of

00:29:15.460 a parent as you might be, as great of a kid as they might be, their little minds are not able yet to

00:29:22.340 resist this kind of thing. They're not able yet to resist this kind of predation. The temptation that

00:29:28.980 they may have from predators who are posing as young people online, that's one thing. But then

00:29:34.460 you've also got their peers who are convincing them to send revealing pictures on Snapchat. Maybe

00:29:39.620 they're saying, oh, you know, don't worry, it's Snapchat. It'll just disappear. And then the next

00:29:44.460 thing you know, Johnny on the football team has screenshotted this revealing picture of this 15-year-old

00:29:50.200 girl. And now it's circulating around to his friends. Like, I don't think we even know.

00:29:55.060 As I'm not on TikTok, I'm not on Snapchat. I don't know all of the ins and outs of social

00:30:00.560 media anymore. You get real old real fast. But from what I've heard, there are so many different

00:30:06.960 strategies and avenues and ways that predators, either peer predators or older predators posing

00:30:16.040 as younger people, use to exploit young girls and I'm sure young boys as well. And there are a million

00:30:23.220 different ways that this happens. And unfortunately, so many times parents don't even know that it's

00:30:28.700 happening. So because of that, because you can do everything right in teaching your kids in a

00:30:33.680 positive way and still they can get sucked into this stuff online, I think that the only option,

00:30:39.640 I know that it took me a long time to circle to hear it, but the only option is to remove our kids

00:30:44.960 from those platforms. In my opinion, I know that I'm just one person and, you know, you can take that,

00:30:51.740 you can take this for what you will, in my opinion, until they're adults, until they're 18 years old.

00:30:56.380 I do not think, and I strongly believe this with everything that I know about these platforms,

00:31:01.440 I don't believe that any minor should be on TikTok. I don't believe that any minor should be on Instagram.

00:31:06.680 I really don't believe any minor should be on any social media. I don't think that they should

00:31:10.680 have smartphones. I read this terrible article the other day that this mom thought that just giving 1.00

00:31:15.860 her son a smartwatch, he was young, I think maybe 11 years old, just so that he could communicate

00:31:21.060 with her, you know, when he was ready to be picked up from school, she found out that he was actually

00:31:25.000 watching pornography on this Apple Watch. So it's not an option. It's not about, you know, I heard

00:31:33.340 someone say, someone, you know, said on Twitter to me, you know, we can't just block our kids from

00:31:38.140 the world. We can't just take away all of these things. They need these things for their friends.

00:31:42.020 We don't want that. We don't want to alienate them, but we don't want them to feel excluded by their

00:31:46.340 friends. You know, that's equally as harmful to them as the things that they could access on

00:31:50.980 social media. So we just have to, you know, teach them the dangers. No, no, you don't put your kids

00:31:58.000 on the front line when they're not even big enough to hold a shield yet. They're not big enough for

00:32:03.300 that. Like their mind isn't equipped for that. That is why God gave them parents, because they do

00:32:08.260 not have a developed frontal lobe to say, hey, this is bad. And then to throw them into the bad,

00:32:14.360 I don't think that's a good parenting strategy. I just don't. I'm sorry. I'm not saying that I have

00:32:21.000 it all down or that I know everything. I'm just saying if you're older than me, if you're 10 years

00:32:25.540 older than me, I probably know more about these social media apps than you do. I'm not saying that

00:32:31.900 I know everything that goes along with parenting kids your age, but I probably know a little bit more

00:32:38.100 about the dangers of this technology than you do. If you're 10 years younger than me, you probably know

00:32:43.280 more about the dangers of this technology than I do. I'm just saying from everything that I know,

00:32:49.560 I don't think that there is any good reason for your minor to be on social media. I really don't.

00:32:55.760 You could try to justify it in some way, but you would be really hard pressed to make the case that

00:33:02.000 this is the best thing for your kid. You could try to make the case that, you know, this isn't that

00:33:06.200 harmful. You could say, I have my kids' passwords. I always check my kids' phones. You know,

00:33:11.200 I have such and such software to where I know what they're doing. Again, from all the testimonies

00:33:18.500 that I've seen of parents, they've had those boundaries too. They thought that they knew.

00:33:23.940 They would check their kid's phone every night. What was their kid doing? Their kid was deleting

00:33:27.200 the app before they handed it to their kid. And so their parents have no way to even access whether

00:33:32.600 or not they're talking to someone on the app because kids are smart. Kids are sneaky too. And kids are

00:33:39.720 more technologically savvy a lot of times than parents are. That's just normal. That's something

00:33:47.300 every generation in one way or another has dealt with. Now it's just more difficult than ever.

00:33:52.520 Whereas maybe previous generations had to worry about, I don't know, some creepy guy actually

00:33:57.960 showing up at their front door, but at least you would be able to say, no, creepy guy, you're not

00:34:02.360 coming into our house and we're going to call the police. Now we don't even realize, parents don't even

00:34:07.880 realize that they have maybe 50 creepy men that are in their house through their daughter's

00:34:14.540 smartphone and through these apps that they think they have control over, but really they don't.

00:34:18.980 Kids are creating fake accounts on their social media. So even if you think you follow your kid

00:34:23.380 on Instagram and you know everything they're posting, they could have a secret account that

00:34:27.420 you know nothing about. I mean, kids for all of time have found lots of ways to hide things from

00:34:33.260 their parents and now it's just more possible and more dangerous than ever. So this is my plea to you

00:34:38.820 as someone who is admitting that I don't know everything about parenthood. I don't know everything

00:34:43.800 about technology. I don't know everything about apps, but I have seen too many stories from too many

00:34:49.280 great, well-meaning, godly parents who have thought that they were doing everything possible

00:34:54.000 while still allowing their kid to have a smartphone, while still allowing their kid to have a computer

00:34:59.120 in their room, still allowing their kid to have some access to these apps. The only thing that I have

00:35:04.620 seen that has actually protected them in any substantial way, these kids from these predators

00:35:10.920 and pornography, huge problem. And you know, all that we're not even talking about the different kinds

00:35:17.660 of self-image issues that social media especially causes for girls and the filters and all of that.

00:35:25.560 The only thing that I've seen actually protect, at least as well as they can, is taking your kid off

00:35:32.560 of or not allowing your kid to have access to these applications at all. Not allowing your kid to have

00:35:39.140 technology without your direct supervision. Not allowing your kid to have an iPad. Not allowing your kid to

00:35:44.420 have a smartphone. There are options. I'm pretty sure that Gab is a company that has different kinds of

00:35:53.380 devices that doesn't have access to the internet that if you need to call your kid. And look, I

00:35:57.900 understand you're thinking, my kid is 17. They're too old. They've had an iPhone for four years. There's

00:36:03.100 no way they're going to allow me to take it away. Well, I want you to think about that thought. Your kid

00:36:08.700 doesn't allow you or disallow you to do anything. You are still the parent. And I'm just speaking to you

00:36:14.620 from someone who I just remember vividly being a teenager. And I'm so, gosh, I'm so thankful that I

00:36:20.660 didn't have access to this stuff when I was a teen because I would have totally been ripe for some of

00:36:26.360 this stuff. Not just the self-image issues, but if someone would have told me, you know, wow, you're

00:36:31.800 so pretty. You're so great. Maybe, you know, we should start dating. You don't know me, but I

00:36:36.780 understand you better than anyone else understands you. All girls think that they are misunderstood and

00:36:41.920 that they're special and that they're unique. And if you're reading the trashy teen fiction that I was

00:36:46.060 reading like Twilight and someone comes across and they're like, wow, I'm going to love you like

00:36:50.680 Edward loves Bella, then yeah, you're going to be susceptible to that kind of stuff. So I'm speaking

00:36:56.080 to you from that perspective. And again, from the perspective of someone who has heard too many

00:37:01.760 painful stories of this, your kid is getting sucked into porn, your daughter, your son, they're getting 0.82

00:37:07.760 sucked into the game of comparison, which yes, is inevitable in some ways they could be being 0.95

00:37:13.120 preyed upon. We have no idea what this kid is accessing and their brain isn't ready for it.

00:37:17.760 And as their parent, it is your job to protect them and to steward them. So this is the opposite

00:37:22.720 of toxic mommy culture. This is hopefully biblical motherhood, parenthood culture in which we protect 0.84

00:37:31.040 our kids as much as possible. Now, can we protect them, period? Probably not. I mean, technology

00:37:37.160 exists. Social media exists. And so they go over to someone else's house, school. Unfortunately,

00:37:43.800 kids are going to have iPhones and you don't know what they're going to be watching after school. Now,

00:37:48.520 of course, you try to lay ground rules and you try to talk to them about this kind of stuff. I think

00:37:54.000 when kids go over to parents' houses, you have to say, look, this is our rule as far as technology.

00:38:01.460 Can we agree that we are going to both enforce these rules together, that we're on the same page

00:38:08.040 and there's going to be restrictions around, you know, what house your kid is allowed to go to

00:38:13.520 based on whether or not the parents are willing to partner with you in enforcing those rules.

00:38:18.900 But, you know, things happen. There are older siblings. Every family is as old as the oldest

00:38:24.040 sibling. So the youngest sibling and their friends are going to see and know the things that the

00:38:28.240 oldest sibling in a family does. Things you have to think about. We can't shield our kids

00:38:32.700 from everything forever. That is absolutely true. We do simply have to equip them. But also,

00:38:39.380 while we can, while they're in our household, we do have to protect their eyes and their minds from

00:38:44.120 things that they are just not able to process in a healthy way. This idea of we're going to allow

00:38:50.720 our kids to be exposed to everything and just hope that they have the equipment that we've done

00:38:55.300 the best job that they can, that we can to help them be able to process that stuff. I'm sorry.

00:39:01.120 That all flies out the window when your kid is looking at pornography and when they're being

00:39:05.400 preyed upon. Their minds don't have the capability yet to be able to resist that stuff or be able to

00:39:11.280 process it in a healthy way. So yes, I know all of parenting, even like when they're little, but in a

00:39:17.760 different way is this balance of protection and allowing them to figure things out on their own

00:39:25.860 so that they can grow. But we don't want to mess around with the dangers of social media and

00:39:30.660 technology. By the way, if your kid is on Roblox, which I think it's like some Lego type, like virtual

00:39:37.760 thing, any kind of virtual reality, there's going to be problems with it. But this particular game is

00:39:43.420 apparently marketed to like, uh, to kids as young as six. Well, it's been documented that there is

00:39:50.060 gang rape on this show. There's sexual harassment and sexual assault that's happening. There is again,

00:39:55.680 older people that are, uh, using this particular game to prey upon the young kids who are playing it.

00:40:03.480 Same thing, um, the same potential with video games. Again, any type of virtual reality where there's

00:40:09.780 this, uh, there's some kind of chat feature to me, it's just not worth it. And to the person who says,

00:40:16.500 well, the social alienation, the feeling like they're left out or feeling like they're getting

00:40:20.760 made fun of because they don't have these apps or they don't have the same technology is just as bad.

00:40:26.480 It's not just as bad as your 11 year old kid getting addicted to porn or your 14 year old daughter

00:40:32.780 talking to a predator. It is not just as bad. Social alienation, I understand is hard. Bullying is

00:40:39.060 difficult. Being excluded is difficult, but look like this is, this is also the life of the Christian.

00:40:45.540 The life of the Christian has always been for the history of the church to a certain level,

00:40:50.580 social exclusion. I'm not saying that's easy. Gosh, I can just imagine how incredibly difficult that is

00:40:56.260 as a parent, but it's a matter of priorities. And again, as someone who has seen these stories too

00:41:02.880 many times, it just breaks my heart. I just want to beg you to get your kids off of social media and

00:41:08.840 off of this kind of technology. It's not good for them. Tell them to go outside and read a book.

00:41:16.280 Okay, guys, as I said at the beginning of the episode, tomorrow we will be talking about

00:41:20.320 the Great Reset and how everything that's going on is potentially fitting into that. How is the

00:41:28.720 Great Reset going? What does the World Economic Forum think about all of this stuff? We will be

00:41:34.900 talking about it tomorrow. We've got a lot of good shows coming down the pipeline this week. If you

00:41:40.240 love the show, please leave us a five-star review wherever you listen and subscribe on YouTube as

00:41:45.620 well. Thanks so much for tuning in. We will see you guys back here tomorrow.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - March 07, 2022

Ep 577 ｜ Resist Toxic Motherhood & Get Your Kids Off TikTok

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