Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 61

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. My name is Allie Stuckey. This is a podcast where we approach

00:00:05.640 culture, news, politics from a Christian conservative perspective. Sometimes the

00:00:10.840 podcast is more theologically leaning. Sometimes we don't talk theology at all. Sometimes it's just

00:00:16.160 about politics in the news, but we try to find the intersection between all of those things and

00:00:20.920 kind of analyze where our culture is. Today, we are going to talk about this crazy practice that

00:00:28.780 we're seeing in 2018. It seems like every week of ruining someone's life by looking through their

00:00:34.820 past problematic tweets as soon as they actually achieve something. So we're going to look at a

00:00:40.180 couple examples of that and why this is a problem. And I'm going to answer some of the questions that

00:00:45.680 you guys sent me via Instagram. Before we get into that, I'm going to tell you about the pillow that

00:00:50.980 I sleep on. And you might be thinking, Allie, why do I care what pillow you sleep on? Because you want

00:00:57.740 to sleep on the same kind of pillow that I sleep on because the pillow that I sleep on is awesome.

00:01:02.480 It's from bolstersleep.com. And the reason why I love it so much is because I'm kind of nowadays

00:01:07.720 like a pillow snob. I used to have like 16 pillows that I would sleep on, all feather pillows for some

00:01:13.660 reason, which is kind of stupid to try to get comfortable. And I kept on having a crick in my neck,

00:01:18.440 even though I have a really comfortable mattress. And so bolstersleep sent me this pillow and it's

00:01:23.460 amazing because it keeps its form all night. It's made out of this material called tin cell. And I

00:01:28.260 have no idea what that is. What I do know is that it works because it keeps the pillow cool all night

00:01:33.340 and you don't have to flip it over or anything like that. It's so comfortable that my husband kept on

00:01:37.800 stealing it from me. And I was getting so mad that he got his bolstersleep pillow too. And now we both

00:01:42.860 love our bolstersleep pillows. Whenever I'm traveling, I'm really sad because I have to sleep on

00:01:47.900 stupid feather pillows again. I love my bolstersleep pillow. It really helps me sleep well.

00:01:53.300 So you should probably buy one. It's a really good Christmas present for yourself, for your spouse,

00:01:58.140 for your friends, for your parents, because everyone could use a good night's sleep. So

00:02:01.380 you can go to bolstersleep.com, promo code Allie. That's A-L-L-I-E, bolstersleep.com. You get 10%

00:02:08.680 off of your pillow, which is a really good deal. Bolstersleep.com, promo code Allie. Okay,

00:02:14.800 now we're going to get into all of this madness. So Kyler Murray was the winner of the Heisman

00:02:20.480 Trophy this year. I don't know anything about sports, so I'm not going to go into his football

00:02:25.420 history. Sorry to disappoint you. I know that I live in Texas and people just assume that people

00:02:31.340 in Texas love football. I wish that I did. I like going to football games just because I like the

00:02:37.960 spirit of it. But for all of the years that I've been going to football games, I even lived in

00:02:42.620 Athens, Georgia. I have no idea what's going on in the field. I'm just going to go ahead and fit

00:02:46.960 that blonde girl stereotype right now and tell you I have no idea what the heck is going on in a

00:02:54.360 football game. It doesn't matter how many people try to tell me what's going on, what a down is.

00:03:00.740 I really don't know. I was even a cheerleader. I have a brother-in-law that played for UGA.

00:03:06.840 They could all explain it to me. I still wouldn't know. It's just one of those things that goes

00:03:10.220 in one ear and out the other. But that really has nothing to do with what we're talking about.

00:03:14.460 I was just explaining why I'm not going to talk about what Kyler Murray has actually done in

00:03:18.320 football or why he deserves the trophy because quite honestly, I have no idea. I didn't even

00:03:23.440 know this whole Heisman thing was going on right now. Quite frankly, I think it's a little weird that

00:03:27.420 it happens like before the bowl games. But anyway, those of you who know about football probably have

00:03:32.120 the answer to that. The only reason I know who Kyler Murray is is because I heard that someone dug up

00:03:38.260 his old tweets, old tweets from when he was 14 years old, 14 years old, and they were apparently

00:03:45.100 homophobic. And there was a USA Today article about this saying how these homophobic tweets from

00:03:52.100 when Kyler Murray was 14 are problematic and they show that he is just this homophobic bigot. And the

00:03:59.880 response to this, honestly, it just did my heart good. It just it made me proud. Honestly, of course,

00:04:05.200 there were people on Twitter who were mad about it, who said, oh, this is so bad. This is an assault

00:04:10.560 against the gay community. But most of the people like you should have seen the ratio to this USA

00:04:16.480 Today tweet. I think it was like it last time I checked, like 6000 replies to maybe like a couple

00:04:22.440 hundred retweets or something like that. That's called a ratio. That's how you know that someone

00:04:26.400 had a really hot take or a really bad take. In this case, I think it was a really bad take that USA

00:04:31.660 Today actually paid a journalist to write a story about a tweet, a supposedly homophobic tweet that

00:04:38.160 someone sent when they were 14 years old and they didn't release this story. The person who dug up

00:04:43.480 the tweets didn't actually release the tweets until this person won the Heisman Trophy. So all of their

00:04:50.300 replies were saying, you know, you guys USA Today are a joke. This is such a stupid practice, which I

00:04:56.260 wholeheartedly agree with. And by the way, I am not condoning homophobia, if you want to call it

00:05:02.820 that, or any kind of derogatory statements towards a gay community or any kind of community. I think

00:05:07.680 making fun of people for those kind of characteristics or saying something that demeans a group of people

00:05:12.700 is not good. It shouldn't be condoned. We shouldn't be uplifting those tweets is awesome or funny or

00:05:18.820 anything like that. But we have all said really stupid things. I will quote Jesus in saying, you who have

00:05:26.260 not sinned, be the first to cast the first stone. Except I will rephrase that you who have not said

00:05:32.960 something stupid can be the first to cast the first stone. But we've all said something stupid. Now, I'm not

00:05:38.740 saying that doesn't mean that we can't criticize something that he said or we can't criticize anyone. Of

00:05:44.360 course we can. We can distinguish between right and wrong. We can use discernment. We can use judgment

00:05:49.500 to say, wow, that thing that that person said was stupid or mean or wrong. And that's perfectly fine.

00:05:54.660 And we can take stock of the things that we say and make those same judgments on ourselves. That's okay.

00:05:59.680 But to try to ruin someone's life or to say that this person doesn't deserve a Heisman trophy because of

00:06:05.320 what they said when they were 14 is absolutely insane. And quite frankly, I think it's immoral because if you

00:06:11.520 really cared, if whoever dug up these tweets, if USA Today really cared about homophobia, if they

00:06:18.500 really cared about bigotry, if they really cared about battling against these negative stereotypes of

00:06:24.300 these so-called marginalized communities, then they would have said something when the tweets

00:06:29.400 actually surfaced. There is no doubt that whoever found these tweets knew that they existed before

00:06:35.580 Kyler Murray actually won the Heisman trophy and yet, and yet they hung on to them. Why? Why? I really

00:06:43.440 want to know why. Is it because you're going to get the most clicks on the story when you know that

00:06:47.600 this person's name is making a bunch of headlines? And so your tweets, your tattletaling is also going

00:06:54.620 to get a bunch of clicks and make a bunch of waves. It like, is that what it's about? Or is it this

00:07:01.060 kind of jealousy? Maybe it's a little bit of both, just this jealousy that comes from these absolutely

00:07:06.300 purposeless trolls that want to take down other people that actually accomplish something because

00:07:11.260 they know that they're never going to amount to anything. Like the most famous that this guy is

00:07:16.260 going to get, the guy who actually dug up these tweets, I don't know who it was, the most famous

00:07:20.860 that he's going to get is this. He's going to be most famous for digging up tweets from when Kyler

00:07:27.200 Murray was 14. So this was his like crowning achievement. This was his biggest accomplishment,

00:07:31.500 which is why probably in his, uh, insecurity and in his smallness as a person, he decided that he was

00:07:37.980 going to rat out someone who said something that wasn't very smart when they were 14 years old.

00:07:43.080 Um, I think God, I think God on a daily basis, literally, literally I do. I say a prayer to the

00:07:50.980 Lord on high, thanking him that I did not have Twitter when I was 14 years old, that Twitter,

00:07:56.660 well, it may have existed actually when I was 14. I didn't have Twitter. We didn't have Snapchat yet.

00:08:03.480 We didn't have Instagram. I had a MySpace and if we ever dig up MySpace, it's probably going to be

00:08:09.640 really embarrassing. Like the things that I said when I was 12 years old, who the heck knows what

00:08:13.920 I said when I was 12 years old. Um, but I'm really glad that I didn't have these kind of instantaneous

00:08:19.540 social media things when I was, when I was 14 years old, I did have Facebook again, who knows what

00:08:25.740 the heck I said. I probably commented some really stupid stuff on people's walls when I was 14. Do

00:08:31.000 you know why? Do you know why people say really stupid stuff when they're 14 that they wouldn't

00:08:35.620 say when they're 18, 19, 20 plus? Because your brain isn't developed because you're not thinking,

00:08:41.780 you don't think about consequences. That's actually part of why insurance is so high for young drivers

00:08:47.680 when they're 16, 17, 18, 19. It's not just because they're inexperienced. It's because

00:08:51.740 we literally do not have our frontal lobe fully developed. So we cannot think long-term. We can't

00:08:58.800 think of consequences that we can't think in if then statements that if I say this now,

00:09:03.800 then it's going to live on the internet forever. And one day when I accomplish something or become

00:09:09.080 something, someone is going to ruin me. You are not thinking that when you're 14. Now that doesn't

00:09:13.800 mean that 14 year olds at the moment cannot be held responsible for any of their actions. Uh, of,

00:09:19.940 of course they can. There is some kind of mental capacity there. You have some kind of capacity

00:09:24.960 for judgment, even moral judgment when you're young, you're not an absolute child. But for us

00:09:31.780 to retroactively condemn someone for the stupidity that they exhibited when they were 14 years old

00:09:38.580 is absolutely ridiculous. Not a single one of us, not a single one of us wants to go back and watch

00:09:45.360 film from when we were 14. Do you, do you really want to do that? Do you really want to listen to

00:09:50.520 everything that you said when you were 14? Would you want that plane for the rest of the world?

00:09:54.900 Would you proudly stand by and be like, I said that I said that one mean thing about that girl. I sent

00:10:00.240 that one rude text about that guy. I asked that guy if he liked my friend, do you really want to go

00:10:07.040 through all of those stupid conversations? No, of course you don't because we were stupid.

00:10:10.460 And so why are we like this? I want to know why are we like this as a society when someone

00:10:17.300 accomplishes something, when they work hard for something, they achieve it, they get to a certain

00:10:21.660 status, to a certain position. We try to tear them down. Is it, is it just because, like I said,

00:10:27.080 it's, it's coming from a place of insecurity. It's coming from a place of jealousy and smallness.

00:10:31.160 We can't just allow someone to be. And it's also, of course, this, uh, over sensitivity and this

00:10:37.860 absolute allegiance that we have to political correctness, that the worst thing that someone

00:10:42.120 can do is offend another group. You know, maybe he said something that was rude towards, uh,

00:10:47.680 the gay community. Okay. Maybe that's what he really thinks. I'm not even defending that,

00:10:54.920 but people should be allowed to have the opinions that they want to have, whether that's today or 10

00:10:59.340 years ago. And they shouldn't have to apologize for them if they are not sorry. The best thing that

00:11:06.140 you can do for yourself, I learned this really this year is the first time I learned this,

00:11:11.280 the best thing that you can do for yourself. If you are going to be, uh, in the public sphere,

00:11:17.720 if you are going to, uh, participate in the forum of political and cultural discussion,

00:11:24.040 if you're going to be on social media, if you're going to be a commentator,

00:11:26.820 if you're going to be a journalist, if you're going to have a podcast, if you're going to make

00:11:29.500 your opinions public, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to not apologize when you are not

00:11:35.440 sorry. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't apologize when you're in the wrong. I've said

00:11:39.620 stupid stuff that I shouldn't have said. And then I go back and I apologize for it. Or I've said

00:11:44.100 something unknowingly, uh, that was wrong. And I can go back into it and apologize for that. I've

00:11:48.980 definitely been in the wrong. And I think it takes character and humility, uh, to admit when you're

00:11:54.740 wrong, but when you are not wrong, do not apologize. I learned this with the Alexandria Ocasio

00:12:01.240 Cortez video that I did in July, where we spliced together an interview. It was obviously supposed

00:12:06.420 to be a joke. It was a joke. It was hilarious. I love that video still took a lot of time and

00:12:12.000 effort and planning to go into that video. And it was one of the most popular videos I've ever done

00:12:16.640 because it was freaking funny. And I had all of these people, I had journalists emailing me all

00:12:21.840 of these blue check marks on Twitter, all these people saying, well, aren't you going to apologize

00:12:25.520 for purposely misleading people, for deceiving people, for splicing together an interview to try

00:12:31.400 to make her look stupid? First of all, no one has to try to do that. She does that completely

00:12:35.800 independently. So I put no effort into that part at all. And secondly, no, it was a joke. It was a

00:12:41.820 joke. And if people didn't get that joke, that's just kind of the nature of jokes. A lot of people

00:12:45.220 don't get jokes. Stephen Colbert did this. Jay Leno did this. A lot of people have done the splicing

00:12:50.780 of the interview. I didn't come up with it. I don't remember. Maybe I wasn't around,

00:12:54.940 but I don't remember the backlash to Stephen Colbert doing this to President Trump or to people

00:12:59.300 before that or Jay Leno doing this to Michael Jackson and George W. Bush. Because I don't know,

00:13:06.300 there's a double standard, I guess, for conservatives doing this and for liberals doing this. When

00:13:11.060 conservatives do something like that, of course, it's evil and mean. When liberals do something,

00:13:15.440 it's because it's hilarious and it's all in good fun. So I realized that. And guess what? I did not

00:13:20.440 apologize. Not a single bit. I didn't say, I'm never doing this again. I'm not. I

00:13:24.840 didn't say, I apologize to those of you who don't get it. I apologize for it seeming like

00:13:29.380 this is coming across the wrong way. No, you do not give the liberal mob an inch. Not a single

00:13:36.160 centimeter do you give them when you are not wrong. I said, no, this is funny. I'm proud of this video

00:13:42.480 and I will probably do another one like it. And we did. And I'm very glad for that. And there is a lot

00:13:47.760 of power in not apologizing when you are not wrong. Do not give the liberal mob anything because

00:13:55.100 they're not satisfied with your apology. What we see, and this doesn't necessarily only happen on

00:14:00.940 the left, but we seem to see it majoritally on the left, um, is that they are not satisfied with

00:14:06.980 your apology. They are not satisfied for you even taking back what you did or said that they find so

00:14:11.800 egregious. Uh, they want to ruin your life. They want to take your job away. They want to make sure

00:14:17.400 that you don't have a public platform. They want to make sure that your reputation, your name is

00:14:21.440 completely tarnished. Like personally, I'm just waiting for the day that this happens to me. Of

00:14:27.120 course I've gotten pushed back on the things that I've done, but one day, whenever I get my major break

00:14:32.620 and I go do something crazy, super high profile, um, I'm sure that there will be something that I

00:14:41.280 don't even know that I said from college, from high school, that they will say, you said this on

00:14:48.040 Thursday, April 18th on 2010. What do you have to say for yourself? And maybe they will be successful

00:14:55.000 in ruining my career and ruining my life. I don't really know. I'm sure that I've said stupid things

00:14:59.760 that I wouldn't say today. I actually know for a fact that I have. So I'm just waiting for the day

00:15:04.880 that that happens to me. And it's very sad. It's extremely sad that this is, and this is an article

00:15:10.080 title, by the way, I didn't come up with what I'm about to say, but it's very sad. The high price that

00:15:14.700 you have to pay for public participation. Um, the price that you have to pay for public participation

00:15:20.600 is very often, uh, your, your name. And even sometimes it's your entire life. It's your entire

00:15:27.400 livelihood. If you have an opinion that ventures outside of what is acceptable in the mainstream,

00:15:32.620 really your days are numbered. We've seen this a lot on social media, get people getting to platform,

00:15:38.140 de-platformed for unpopular ideas. And they happen to be conservative ideas. Most of the time,

00:15:43.640 um, we didn't just see this happening with Kyler Murray. We also saw this happening with Kevin Hart,

00:15:50.240 uh, Kevin Hart. Apparently, uh, I think it was back in like 2012 or something. He said, uh, something

00:15:58.720 about his, uh, his kid, not wanting his kid to be gay and like breaking the dollhouse that his son

00:16:06.540 would have been playing with over his head. Of course, Kevin Hart is a comedian. This is a joke,

00:16:10.220 uh, but Kevin Hart was going to, what award show was it that Kevin Hart was going to host?

00:16:16.740 No. So Kevin Hart was going to host the Oscars. I couldn't remember what award show it was because

00:16:24.740 I don't watch award shows. Kevin Hart was going to host the Oscar Oscars. But after someone found

00:16:29.720 these tweets from 2012, where he made a joke about not wanting his son to be gay, um, he got a ton of

00:16:35.440 pushback. He got a ton of backlash. The Oscars made him apologize. He didn't want to apologize,

00:16:40.800 but then he finally did apologize for offending the LGBT community. And then he said that he's actually

00:16:46.060 stepping down from hosting the Oscars. So yet again, we see an example of someone who, um,

00:16:51.980 achieved something that I'm sure he's been working towards or wanted for a long time.

00:16:55.880 And then someone takes the time to dig up past tweets and say, you know, this person doesn't

00:17:00.160 deserve that. Again, if you actually cared about homophobia, like you say that you do,

00:17:04.500 why didn't you raise concerns about this earlier? People don't like to see other people achieve or

00:17:10.220 accomplish anything. They just don't. That's the world that we live in. And they want to scare

00:17:14.920 people who have ideas or who have told jokes or who have said things that they don't like.

00:17:19.740 They want to scare those people away from public participation. They want to scare them away from

00:17:24.260 trying to achieve anything so that the only people in the public sphere, the only people that are safe

00:17:29.140 are going to be the far left people that are so conditioned by political correctness, uh, that they

00:17:34.900 don't say anything offensive to anyone whatsoever, except of course, to conservative Christians and people

00:17:39.400 who don't believe in political correctness, but we don't matter. Um, that is their game.

00:17:43.780 They want to intimidate us out of speaking so that they can control the conversation. They can control

00:17:49.200 the political and the cultural and the social sphere. Well, that's just not going to work because

00:17:54.280 if they're the only people left on Twitter, uh, people like me are going to find different places to be

00:17:59.620 able to speak up. They can kick us. I pray to God this doesn't happen to me, but they can kick us off

00:18:03.820 iTunes. They can kick us off Patreon. Uh, they can kick us off Spotify, Twitter, whatever it is. Uh,

00:18:09.720 but that's the beautiful place about the marketplace is that competition is going to rise up and going

00:18:15.720 to give people like me a platform. But of course that's part of the whole socialist agenda to drown

00:18:21.880 out competition. So the, the socialist far left agenda is to not only control the market, there

00:18:27.740 virtually will be no market. And so there won't be any competition, uh, but also in that way, be able

00:18:33.000 to control the narrative and to control the conversation. Because right now, yes, conservatives are being

00:18:38.260 deplatformed, but we can trust that eventually the market is going to step in and create a new space

00:18:43.380 for us because there's demand for it. So where there is demand, there's going to be some kind

00:18:47.500 of supply. Uh, but socialists of course, don't believe in the rules of supply and demand. They

00:18:51.900 actually believe in controlling the means of production. So they're not only going to be able

00:18:56.160 to control the market, but they're going to control the conversation. And in that way, control

00:19:00.300 every sphere of human life. Now, I don't think that that's going to go over very well. There are too

00:19:06.380 many people like me who are just too obnoxious and annoying to let that happen. Even if you look

00:19:11.180 at Paris right now, the way that they're protesting over the taxes that Macron tried to enact in order

00:19:16.740 to fight climate change, something I say with air quotes, because it's so ambiguous what any of that

00:19:22.480 really means. Uh, people don't actually like giving their whole lives over to the government,

00:19:28.080 especially when they don't get a ton out of it. Uh, so I just don't see that going over very well

00:19:34.760 in the United States, which is exactly why something like democratic socialism isn't going

00:19:39.560 to work because if it's truly democratic, none of us are really going to pick it because we're not

00:19:43.500 going to like the consequences of it. Um, now I know I kind of got on a rabbit trail, but what I'm

00:19:49.140 trying to say is that this censorship, this tearing people down that have opinions that fall

00:19:53.920 outside of the political, a politically correct sphere that fall outside of progressivism.

00:19:58.860 It's just a way of, uh, silencing, silencing any opposition and trying to take over the

00:20:05.300 conversation completely. And again, I am not supporting bigotry. I'm not a fan of, uh, saying

00:20:11.660 rude things about gay people. I'm not a fan of saying offensive things. I'm not a fan of offending

00:20:16.740 people on purpose, but I am a fan of the freedom to say those things without fearing so much that,

00:20:23.220 um, that the mob with pitchforks is going to come after you. I mean, it's just crazy how much things

00:20:30.820 have changed even in the past 10 years that those tweets have been around for 10 years and no one

00:20:35.820 said anything, but it should say something about who we are as a society that we're not only so

00:20:40.580 vengeful, um, but we are also so sensitive to everything someone says things that we weren't

00:20:46.980 sensitive about 10 years ago. And we should just really stop and ask ourselves if that's a good

00:20:51.920 thing. If that's really progress, if that's really going to, uh, move us forward as a nation, I, I

00:20:58.540 certainly don't think so. I think it's going to segregate us even further, but of course that's

00:21:03.100 what the regressive, uh, progressive left does. They say that they're moving forward, but really

00:21:09.040 we're, we're just moving backwards into our little tribes and into our little camps where we resent the

00:21:14.100 other side so much because we don't think that the other side sees reality at all. Um, I certainly

00:21:19.560 feel that way. Sometimes I certainly look at the left and I look at their tactics and the things

00:21:23.960 that they believe and the things that they cry about. And I'm like, we are just, we don't see

00:21:28.300 the world the same at all. I feel like we're not even living on the same planet. Um, and that makes

00:21:33.980 me sad, but, but that's the world that liberals have created. And of course, Trump in some ways has

00:21:38.620 exacerbated that. Um, and I, I don't know what to do about it except for what I always tell you

00:21:45.740 guys speaking truth and love your neighbor. And also don't be that person that digs up old tweets.

00:21:50.940 There are people on the right and the left that do this. I understand people on the right that do it

00:21:54.940 because they're trying to show the hypocrisy of the people on the left who talk about love,

00:21:59.840 tolerance, all of this stuff. And then, you know, really five years ago, they were just as bigoted

00:22:06.400 as the people that they're pointing fingers at. Now I understand that. I still think it sets a bad

00:22:10.120 precedent. Uh, Nick Cannon actually did something that I thought was funny. Um, funny in a, in a way,

00:22:17.360 I mean, he's just pointing out the hypocrisy. So he pointed out, uh, some homophobic tweets from

00:22:22.500 Chelsea Handler, from Sarah Silverman, and from Amy Schumer from a few years ago. And he was actually

00:22:29.160 making the point that this is, I think, uh, a tactic to take down black men, but white women don't get

00:22:35.720 the same treatment. Maybe, kind of. I do think women are kind of on a pedestal. They're kind of

00:22:41.100 immune to criticism right now, at least women on the left who are so-called feminists. So I do think

00:22:46.580 that's part of it. I disagree with Nick Cannon that this is anything about race whatsoever.

00:22:51.200 Uh, this is just about being politically correct, but he made a good point. All of these women have

00:22:55.740 made these, uh, homophobic, politically incorrect comments, and they haven't received any backlash

00:23:00.520 whatsoever. Why? Because they're, I guess, because they're open liberals. I don't know.

00:23:05.720 I don't really understand. Women, like I said, are kind of in the safe zone right now. But there's

00:23:10.280 a ton of hypocrisy coming on the left on this. They have said just as stupid, just as so-called

00:23:15.180 bigoted things as people on the right have. Uh, they just think that they're, you know what,

00:23:20.960 don't stink. It, it's really, it's an interesting time to be alive, but it's all the more reason to

00:23:26.360 just be unapologetic because they're going to tear you down anyway. Don't censor yourself because

00:23:30.780 nothing that you say that is outside of the realm of far progressivism is safe. So you might as well

00:23:36.960 just fully, uh, embrace the conservatism and the biblical values that you believe and speak about

00:23:42.940 them because everything right of Bernie Sanders nowadays is scandalous. So you might as well just

00:23:48.040 own your views and, and be bold about them. Okay. Now I am going to answer a few of your questions.

00:23:54.840 This was an interesting question that I got kind of a personal question for this person,

00:23:59.060 a question for your podcast. What should I do with a family member who has blocked me on social media

00:24:04.760 because I canceled plans. We've had about four disagreements this year and I've been the one to

00:24:09.000 break the silence and apologize. Uh, these plans have all been minor and I've canceled or tried to

00:24:13.300 rearrange them because of major events. Okay. So this person blocks a family member on social media

00:24:21.220 because they had disagreements. I don't know if these are political disagreements or what they

00:24:25.940 are. Uh, so the Bible says as far as it is concerned with you or as much as you can take

00:24:32.140 on the responsibility, make peace with everyone. Of course, you're supposed to forgive someone,

00:24:36.440 um, countless amount of times. We're supposed to continue to give grace, give grace. That's exactly

00:24:41.760 what Jesus did for us. That's what he tells us to do for other people, even though it's so

00:24:45.660 counterintuitive and countercultural. So you still have to, if you are a Christian, extend grace to this

00:24:50.520 person and extend forgiveness and try to reconcile that with them. Now that doesn't mean that you have

00:24:56.080 to text them every single day. I do think that there's a point that you just say, look, here's

00:25:00.580 exactly how I feel. I'm taking ownership of what I said and did wrong. I'm willing to put, put down

00:25:06.640 these disagreements. If you are, you can only make that step of reconciliation before, um, really before

00:25:13.520 just waiting for their response. So that's all you can do. Um, and you just have to hope that that

00:25:19.620 happens. Sure. You can try to re up that offer every so often, but after you have made that offer,

00:25:26.380 it's not up to you every single day to nag this person into being your friend. You've done what

00:25:30.780 you can do. Um, now you just have to be kind to them, give grace to them, wait for them to respond.

00:25:36.620 And that's really your only responsibility in all of this. And to whenever you guys do reconcile to not

00:25:43.800 bring up the past and to not blame them for the time that you spent apart, but to show the same

00:25:48.360 grace that Christ showed us as hard as that is. And I'm preaching to the choir cause that's really

00:25:52.100 difficult for me. Um, okay. How do you balance? This person says, who does what chores in the house

00:25:58.780 between you and your husband? Who does most of the cooking? Uh, good question. So my husband and I,

00:26:05.120 ever since we got married, we, I don't really know how we came up with this, but we do front of the

00:26:11.900 house back of the house. I get the back of the house, which includes doing our room, which is

00:26:18.160 usually the most work because I try to keep the front of the house clean at all times. Cause that's

00:26:23.600 what people see. And then I just throw all of our crap into our room. So our room, a lot of times

00:26:30.000 like right now, cause we just got back from a trip looks like an absolute disaster. So for me to just

00:26:34.960 have our room and to him have the front of the house, honestly, it's not completely fair because I

00:26:40.640 still end up doing a lot of the work. Now that also includes laundry. And he does sometimes help

00:26:46.300 with the laundry. What the reason why we split it up like that is because I hate, I hate doing the

00:26:53.060 dishes. I won't do them. I won't do the dishes. I will, if he doesn't have time to do the dishes for

00:26:58.680 like five days, that's fine. I'm just going to keep on piling up the dishes and I will eat with my

00:27:04.400 hands on my legs. If I have to, I hate doing the dishes. It grosses me out having to touch

00:27:10.180 soggy food. Even if I'm wearing gloves, it freaks me out. So I will pile the dishes for days and days

00:27:16.460 and days. I can keep going on this. And then he has to clean them. Um, but like I said, I try to

00:27:22.600 keep, I'm home all day. I work at home. So I try to keep the house relatively tidy. I'm not a

00:27:29.380 naturally organized person, but I don't like to look at grossness. So I could get a lot better at

00:27:35.400 this. We're probably both just not very clean, not very organized people. Uh, but yeah, I just,

00:27:41.000 I really make him do the dishes. That's extremely important to me. Um, who does most of the cooking?

00:27:47.560 I do because he doesn't get home until pretty late at work, but I think that he's a better cook than me

00:27:54.460 personally, especially at breakfast. He's really good at making breakfast. Um, he's, he's actually

00:28:00.540 just like a really good cook. I'm a decent cook, but I'm kind of a lazy cook too. So I only make like

00:28:05.280 super simple things. Um, okay. Um, okay. This is a hard question to answer, but I'll try to answer

00:28:17.960 it as best I can. Uh, Hey Allie, I would like to ask you how to be less, uh, anti-social or socially

00:28:24.780 awkward. I'm a high school student who struggles with this. I would like to know your feedback.

00:28:27.880 So I totally understand. I've definitely been in plenty of situations where I feel

00:28:32.280 socially awkward and you don't know what to say. You don't know what to do with your hands. You just

00:28:36.600 are really self-conscious and you're constantly thinking about the things that you're saying,

00:28:40.080 how you look, what other people are thinking about you and how you look. And that's a really hard

00:28:44.960 position to be in. And I'm going to give you kind of this, uh, nebulous answer, but I do think it

00:28:50.620 starts from a very deep place and less from like a practical outward place. I do think it's

00:28:57.100 important that you know what you can be confident in. Of course, from a spiritual perspective,

00:29:01.700 from a Christian perspective, I think it's knowing who you are in Christ, that you have just as much

00:29:06.320 value as anyone else that has ever been created. That that person who might be more popular than

00:29:10.900 you are more articulate than you is no more valuable, has no more potential in life than you

00:29:15.880 do is no more loved than you are by God. And that really does change your perspective on everything

00:29:20.960 that you are just as valuable as anyone else. And he loves you and created you for a special

00:29:24.960 purpose, no less special than anyone else who you might think is better than you.

00:29:29.160 So that confidence comes from a deep place. And it's also something that has to be conditioned

00:29:33.040 and reminded to yourself on a daily basis by reading the Bible and praying and reminding

00:29:39.260 yourself of the truth that you were created as valuable and equal to anyone else. Also, I don't

00:29:45.000 think it's wrong for you to remind yourself of the things that you're good at, of the talents

00:29:49.720 that you've been given, um, of the things that you have going for you. Maybe you feel

00:29:54.580 like that's not a whole lot, but maybe you're just not thinking about the things that you're

00:29:57.940 good at. Maybe you're really smart. Maybe you were a good writer. Maybe you're good at

00:30:01.560 drawing. Uh, maybe you just have a particular skill that a lot of people don't have. Uh, when

00:30:07.920 I was in high school, I thought a lot about the fact that I'm just not the best at anything. I

00:30:13.600 always wanted to be the best at something. Like I wasn't fast. I wasn't athletic. I made decent

00:30:18.140 grades. I was really bad at math, really bad at science. Again, I'm fulfilling those like

00:30:22.220 blonde female stereotypes. And I, I was always really good at writing and I was really good

00:30:27.880 at anything to do with English and communication and things like that. But I still felt, okay,

00:30:33.200 there's people that are smarter than me. So I struggled with that too. And it took me a while.

00:30:37.440 So I, until after I got out of college, until I realized it doesn't matter what other people

00:30:42.900 are good at. It matters what I'm good at and what I can do with the talent that I've been

00:30:47.140 given that I I'm not necessarily better at, uh, or I'm not, I'm still not the best at

00:30:52.400 anything, but I'm confident in the things that I'm good at. And no one can really take

00:30:56.240 that away from me. And I constantly have to remind myself too, that the plans that God

00:31:00.700 has for me are not dependent on the plans that he has for anyone else. So when I get caught

00:31:05.400 up in this comparison trap and jealousy and insecurity, uh, I remember that God might

00:31:09.720 have a great plan for someone else, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have a great plan

00:31:13.060 for me. So I don't need to diminish that person's strength in order to make my strength better.

00:31:17.520 And I think that's very important for confidence too. As far as just interacting with people on

00:31:22.180 a daily basis, really practical tips, uh, look them in the eye and don't fidget and smile.

00:31:27.540 Uh, you might not know what to say all the time and that's perfectly fine. Uh, what I do

00:31:31.820 when I feel awkward or when I don't know what to say is I ask questions. People really like

00:31:36.080 to talk about themselves. I do. We all do. Um, asking questions about their family, about

00:31:41.120 their life. Um, now you might be talking to a brat and they might not have anything to

00:31:45.280 say back and that's perfectly fine. Uh, look them in the eye, smile, don't fidget and ask

00:31:50.360 questions about their lives. People like people who are interested much more than they like people

00:31:55.100 who are interesting. Uh, so just be that kind person. There is nothing that anyone has against

00:32:00.100 kindness. Um, and that's really all you can do. I encourage you if you are a high school

00:32:06.140 student that life gets so much better. It gets so much better. High school is going to be

00:32:13.340 the, the least of your concerns. Uh, one day you're not going to look back at high school

00:32:19.120 and say, wow, I wasn't cool. No one cares. You're not even going to look back at college

00:32:23.260 and think that all of those years, while they are formative, they're so insignificant in comparison

00:32:28.120 into the rest of your life. And people who peak in high school really end up sucking for

00:32:33.920 the rest of their life. So be lucky, be glad that you did not peak in high school, that

00:32:39.320 you are going to peak a long time from now. That's what I want for myself. And that's what

00:32:43.060 I really want for everyone. So that's something that you should be confident in. Okay. I'm going

00:32:47.020 to answer one more question. I think if I can find one, I'm looking through my phone.

00:32:59.560 Okay. I think I actually answered all of them that I have on my phone. So I'm sorry if I didn't get to

00:33:06.140 your question. Uh, if you do have any more questions to ask me, you of course can direct

00:33:12.900 message me on Instagram. That's where I get all of my questions, but you can also email me

00:33:17.580 ally at the conservative millennial blog.com. I am so close by the way, guys, to getting a thousand

00:33:22.980 reviews on iTunes. I've asked you guys on Instagram and on this podcast to do that. Thank you so much.

00:33:28.360 Your reviews sometimes make me cry. Like some of you are so thoughtful in the things that you say

00:33:33.160 and the impact that my little podcast is having on your life. It really just gives me energy. It

00:33:38.260 makes me so happy. And I'm just really grateful that all of you take time out of your week to

00:33:43.600 listen to me. So if you haven't left me a five-star review yet, I would be so grateful if you did

00:33:48.980 that. If you even are leaning towards giving me four stars or less, please don't. And just email me

00:33:56.180 with your concerns. Um, it really just like hurts my heart, especially when people give me four stars

00:34:01.320 and they say everything positive. It just leaves me wondering for the rest of the week, what the

00:34:05.200 heck it is that you didn't like. Uh, so if you wouldn't mind, please leave me a five-star review.

00:34:09.680 I'm trying to get to a thousand by 2019. Okay. You guys are awesome. I'll see you next time.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - December 11, 2018

Ep 61 ｜ Life Ruiners

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