Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 69 ｜ 3 Myths Christian Women Believe

00:00:00.000 What's up guys? Happy Thursday. I hope that you guys are having a great week. I am in DC right

00:00:07.640 now. I know it doesn't look like I am because I'm not recording this in DC, but as you're listening

00:00:13.460 to this podcast, I will be in DC for the Stork Ball and the March for Life. If you guys are there

00:00:20.360 tomorrow as you're listening to this, so Friday, please come say hi. I will actually be with my

00:00:25.740 I'm excited to be there. This is actually the first time I've actually marched for life. I know

00:00:30.440 the people in March for Life. I know a lot of the people associated with movement. I'm really excited

00:00:34.680 to hear Ben Shapiro speak. He is such an amazing and logical advocate for pre-born life and I'm

00:00:41.900 really excited about that. So anyway, today, that's not what we're going to talk about. I might talk

00:00:48.640 about it a little bit at the end if we have time. I'm going to talk about three myths that Christian

00:00:52.680 women believe and this was actually inspired by someone who sent me a message on Instagram

00:00:57.180 and it is a caption of Haley Bieber who used to be Haley Baldwin. She's a model married to Justin

00:01:04.940 Bieber. It is a caption that Haley Baldwin Bieber put on Instagram and this person had a question

00:01:12.960 about a few things that she had said, specifically this idea that we see in a lot of Christian female

00:01:17.760 circles that you are enough. So I thought about this and I realized this is one of a few myths,

00:01:25.100 quite a few myths that particularly Christian women believe, not as much Christian men. I've had

00:01:31.260 a problem for a while with female Bible studies and the way that a lot of women, not all Christian

00:01:37.620 women, but a lot of women preach the Bible with this kind of me first or me centered mentality 1.00

00:01:43.660 that everything in the Bible is about them. And they kind of reduce Jesus to this emotionally

00:01:50.140 supportive boyfriend that is almost like their, uh, almost like their gal pal who just sits around

00:01:57.600 and tell them, tells them how awesome their hair is and how great their personality is. I've always

00:02:02.420 really disliked that about female Christianity because that's not who Jesus is. Jesus is the same for 1.00

00:02:10.520 men as he is to women. Now that's not to say there are differences between men and women.

00:02:15.720 There are differences between men and women in the Bible. And there might even be differences

00:02:19.020 in how men and women, uh, approach theology in some ways, just because our minds do work differently,

00:02:25.760 but the answer should be the same. Who we see God as should be the same and how God relates to us

00:02:32.120 essentially is the same. There is this mentality that I see, and I'm going to get into what the

00:02:37.100 caption actually was, but just to set it up, there's this mentality that God is this kind of

00:02:42.260 morphine thing that changes depending on, on what our personality is, uh, that changes depending on

00:02:49.980 what our preferences are, that God's word changes depending on how we see it. And that's just not

00:02:56.940 true. That is whether you believe this or not, or whether you think you believe this or not,

00:03:01.380 that is you saying that you are God and that God actually bends to you and that his will bends to

00:03:09.660 you. That's why I have, I like personality tests, but that's why I am wary about them. And that's why

00:03:16.580 I can be cautious about them. And even recently, I kind of found myself promoting Enneagram a little

00:03:22.040 bit too much. Um, and I realized, Hey, this could actually encourage idolatry just a little bit,

00:03:27.180 because I get worried when we view ourselves through this lens of, I am special because yes,

00:03:34.980 you are in some ways, but in some ways you're just, you're not. And if our constant focus is on

00:03:40.720 how different and special and how unique we are, um, and not on how great and special and awesome and

00:03:47.360 unique God is, then I'm afraid that our theology is going to be thwarted. And that's what I think that

00:03:54.160 I see in Haley, Haley Baldwin Bieber's Instagram caption. So it's long. I'm not going to read the

00:03:59.820 whole thing. This is just an excerpt. Um, she says, I am insecure. I'm fragile. I'm hurting.

00:04:06.420 I have fears. I have doubts. I have anxiety. I get sad. I get angry. I have had more days than I can

00:04:12.000 count where I found myself scrolling through Instagram, comparing myself, comparing my looks,

00:04:15.960 feeling like I'm not good enough. Like I lack so many things and really struggling to be confident

00:04:19.980 in who I am because I constantly feel like I'm just not good enough. Um, that's I'm adding that

00:04:26.620 in. What I do know is God made us individuals for a reason with our own beauty, our own personalities

00:04:31.300 and our own story, because there's a specific plan and purpose for each and every human created

00:04:35.520 and he makes no mistakes. So this year I'm going to do my very best to just be me and be confident

00:04:41.000 with who I am because I am enough and I'm loved and you are enough and you're loved. So this sounds

00:04:46.880 really good. And I don't want it to seem like I am slamming Haley Baldwin or Haley Bieber as this,

00:04:54.820 uh, awful heretic. She might be at a particular place in her sanctification where she is still 1.00

00:05:00.880 learning, uh, about theology and this is just where she is. And I commend her for, uh, being vulnerable.

00:05:07.620 Sadly, this social media world has created a world in which comparison, um, and insecurity is

00:05:13.700 probably, I don't know this for sure, but it seems to be a little bit higher than it has been in the

00:05:18.460 past. It's interesting. I actually was having a conversation with this, uh, with my friend about

00:05:23.220 this the other day about how you always hear. And again, this is not a generalization or a wholesale

00:05:29.280 judgment on fashion bloggers. I follow a ton of fashion bloggers that I think are awesome. They're

00:05:33.320 the opposite of trash people, which is like really cool. Um, you always hear them talk about anxiety.

00:05:38.960 It's almost like every single fashion blogger or design lifestyle blogger always talks about

00:05:43.660 anxiety. And I just think, yeah, that, that would be really anxiety inducing. If your entire career

00:05:49.920 and your entire livelihood was based on how many likes you get on a photo, because that determines

00:05:54.720 how many advertisers you have, how many, how much you get paid for your sponsored posts. And there are

00:05:59.500 so many other people like you promoting the same products as you promoting the same kind of brand

00:06:03.620 that would be really anxiety inducing. And so I think what Haley Baldwin says here is, um,

00:06:09.740 extremely telling of just kind of where we are as a culture. And quite frankly, I think it's very sad.

00:06:14.040 We all fall into this trap. It's so easy to do in the social media world, but my problem is not with

00:06:20.360 the problems that she has, because I'm glad that she's being honest about that, especially because

00:06:25.940 she is so beautiful. And so what so many people would, would see as perfect and is married to Justin Bieber.

00:06:32.560 So I think it's good that she's having this kind of transparency. My problem is the way that she

00:06:39.300 comforts herself is actually the way that a lot of Christian females comfort themselves. So she says

00:06:45.880 with our own beauty, God made us with our own beauty, our own personalities, our own story,

00:06:50.360 because there's a specific plan for each and every human being created and he makes no mistakes. Okay.

00:06:55.040 True. Uh, so this year I'm going to do my very best to just be me and be confident in who I am

00:07:00.300 because I am enough and I am loved and you are enough and you are loved. So there are a few

00:07:05.240 myths in there that if we're not critically thinking people, we are going to miss. Um,

00:07:11.480 and I think for whatever reason we give celebrity Christians a pass, but we shouldn't be just excited

00:07:16.940 when a celebrity says the word God or says that they pray without taking stock of, okay, like,

00:07:21.760 let's look at their, let's, let's look at their lives and judge with as much wisdom and grace as we

00:07:26.140 possibly can. Um, what they're, what that looks like. Same with president Trump, same with anyone.

00:07:32.320 That doesn't mean that we know their whole hearts. That doesn't mean that we know their whole lives.

00:07:35.620 That doesn't mean that we sit here and say, you're going to hell. Cause we don't know that,

00:07:40.240 but we are able to use discernment and to use our eyes and to use our ears and say,

00:07:45.200 okay, okay, okay. You pray. That's good. Okay. There are some other things that we need to talk

00:07:53.080 about. And it's the same thing with this Haley Bieber Baldwin post, the way that she comforts

00:07:59.120 herself or filled with these myths that are not actually theologically true. So let's go into that

00:08:05.560 a little bit. Um, she talks about how finding yourself is hard, uh, also in this whole thing and

00:08:11.260 how she just needs to be me. She needs to be confident who she is. Um, she is enough. You 1.00

00:08:15.500 see this a lot in popular celebrity Christianity. You see it with Jen hat maker. You see it with

00:08:20.080 Rachel Hollis. Uh, you see it sometimes with Beth Moore or with a lot of Christian influencers out

00:08:25.260 there. Uh, this seems to be, like I said, almost an exclusively female thing. This just need we have 0.99

00:08:31.060 to hear that we are enough. Um, but quite frankly, the way that Haley Baldwin Bieber is comforting

00:08:38.020 herself. The way that I see a lot of these Rachel Hollis is the, a lot of these Jen hat makers, 1.00

00:08:42.360 a lot of these female Bible leaders, uh, comforting themselves and comforting insecurities and comforting 1.00

00:08:47.380 lack of confidence. And, uh, this whole comparison trap that we find ourselves in the comfort that they

00:08:52.800 give themselves is wrong. It is worldly. It is not biblical and therefore it is insufficient.

00:08:58.140 So here's myth. Number one, myth. Number one is you are enough. Um, no, you're not. You're actually

00:09:06.580 not enough. The Bible never says that you are enough. You are not enough. Actually, we are

00:09:13.240 severely lacking. I am lacking. I am incomplete. I will never be enough. I will never be good enough.

00:09:19.480 I am not kind. I am, am not righteous. I am not generous. I am not beautiful enough. I am not

00:09:26.140 talented enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not healthy enough. I'm not organized enough. I will

00:09:31.280 never be enough ever, ever. And that is okay. And it's not the comfort in that is not that. Yes,

00:09:39.340 I am. I am enough in all of my inadequacies. The comfort is that no, I'm not, but Jesus is

00:09:44.640 that Jesus is enough. And in him, I find my sufficiency in him. I find myself complete in him.

00:09:52.020 I find myself good. Uh, not because of anything that I have done, but because what he did for me on

00:09:58.100 the cross that he made my slate clean. And that has nothing to do with what I did. No, I am not

00:10:03.860 enough, but God, the two greatest words in the Bible that are, that are put together, but God,

00:10:10.760 but God in Ephesians two, it says, be rich in mercy with the great love with which he has loved us,

00:10:15.560 made us alive together with Christ by grace. You have been saved, but God, no, you are not enough.

00:10:21.560 You will never be enough. You will never be good enough. There's always going to be someone better

00:10:25.160 than you, but God, Jesus is enough for you. First Corinthians 12, nine, my grace is sufficient

00:10:32.820 for you. My power is made perfect in weakness. It's not about not being weak. It's not about

00:10:38.540 telling yourself that you are enough. It's not about telling yourself that you are strong,

00:10:41.840 beautiful, and important. You're not. You are completely incomplete. You are completely undeserving

00:10:48.860 of God's love, but God, because he is gracious, because he is kind, because he is strong, because

00:10:55.960 he is able, he sent Jesus to die for you so that when he looks at you, he doesn't look at you and

00:11:01.100 all of your insufficiencies. He looks at Jesus. That is the comfort, the comfort for your insecurity,

00:11:06.820 the comfort, uh, for your fear, your anxiety, your, uh, comparison trap that you're finding yourself

00:11:12.700 in. Isn't you and your sufficiency. It is God and his sufficiency. It is knowing that every day when I

00:11:18.640 wake up, even though I'm never going to be good enough, even though I'm never going to be the

00:11:22.520 prettiest woman in the world, even though I'm never going to be the best mom, best wife, most organized

00:11:26.560 person in the world, God is perfect. He is perfect. And he has chosen to die for me and reconcile, uh,

00:11:33.920 reconcile me to him because he loves me, not because I'm good. It's actually because I am not good

00:11:40.240 that he did that. So the rest of first Corinthians 12, nine says, therefore I will boast all the more

00:11:47.320 gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me for the sake of Christ.

00:11:51.960 Then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for when I am weak,

00:11:57.700 then I am strong. You see there that he doesn't say, no, I I'm actually not weak. No, no, no. That's

00:12:04.380 bad self-talk. I'm going to motivate myself with a good pep talk that talks about really how awesome I

00:12:09.580 am. No, you're not. I'm not awesome. You're not awesome, but God is. So we can boast in our weakness

00:12:17.220 and say, no, I'm not enough. I'll never be enough. Not to the world's standards, not to God's

00:12:23.380 standards. I am completely, totally broken and shattered, and I will never have enough to offer.

00:12:29.360 I'm completely insufficient, but God, but God is. And think, think the Lord that in his mercy,

00:12:39.860 he decided to look upon me, this wretched sinner who deserves absolutely nothing and say, I will save 1.00

00:12:46.140 you simply because I'm good. That is the comfort. So the first myth is that you are enough. No, you're

00:12:52.780 not, but Jesus is. The second myth is that you have to love yourself, either period or sometimes it

00:13:02.740 continues on. You have to love yourself before you love other people. No. Can you find the verse for

00:13:10.840 that? Now, some people will say, um, the Bible says to love others as you love yourself. Yes.

00:13:19.180 Love yourself is not a commandment. Love yourself is a given. Um, it says, as you love yourself,

00:13:26.300 because that is assumed because everyone loves themselves. Even the people who struggle with

00:13:30.940 self-loathing and insecurity. It is often because we think about ourselves too much. When I have been in

00:13:37.220 my most insecure and down phases, I won't say that I've ever truly struggled with depression. Um,

00:13:43.120 but whenever I've been in my most insecure and anxious stages, you know what I'm thinking about

00:13:47.140 the most? It's not other people. It's me. I'm thinking about myself the most. I'm thinking about

00:13:51.820 what I look like, what I sound like, what I appear like to other people. I'm thinking about myself.

00:13:57.380 And I remember there's a specific season in college when I was a sophomore in college where I just like

00:14:01.840 looked in the mirror in the mornings and I was like, you are ugly and gross and everyone is better

00:14:08.300 than you and skinnier than you. Um, and I was not satisfied with looking at Psalm 139 and saying,

00:14:15.820 wow, God is awesome for knitting me together in my mother's womb. And, uh, I am, I, I, I'm confident

00:14:23.200 because of who he is. I was not content with that. I wanted to hear that I was, uh, physically

00:14:29.740 superficially beautiful. I wanted to know that I was prettier than other people. I wanted to be as

00:14:34.760 skinny as other people. So it, I didn't need to hear that I was enough or that I needed to love

00:14:40.980 myself. I need to hear, stop thinking about yourself and focus on God. What we need as a

00:14:47.320 generation who struggles with anxiety is not more self-love. It is God's love. If you find yourself

00:14:53.600 unable to love other people, it's not because you don't love yourself. It's because you don't know

00:14:58.900 God's love. That's what we need to understand. That's what we need to get deeper into. You don't

00:15:04.900 need to love yourself more. You need to understand how God loves you. He loved you so much that he gave

00:15:09.540 his only son to die for you, that he did. He would do anything for you. And he did do everything for

00:15:15.880 you. Something he didn't have to do. It's not because you're lovable. It's because he is love. So if we

00:15:21.720 struggle with, uh, our own confidence, if we struggle with loving and serving other people,

00:15:27.860 it's because we don't understand God's love. And I know that from experience myself as someone who

00:15:32.800 has struggled with insecurity and who does struggle with worrying. I worry a lot. I overthink a lot who

00:15:38.880 does struggle with being selfish, who struggles with not wanting to get out of my comfort zone. Like

00:15:42.680 I've been thinking about that a lot recently is that how I preach these values. And, um, I,

00:15:49.180 I, I don't often, uh, get off the couch and actually go out and help other people. I talk

00:15:54.540 about it. That's not right. That is not because I don't love myself. That's because I have a

00:16:00.800 deficiency in understanding God's love for me. So I am not preaching this to you as someone who

00:16:06.420 doesn't struggle with this myself. So hear me when I say it is not more self-love that you need. You do

00:16:13.040 not need to love yourself before you can love other people. What you need is the gospel.

00:16:19.020 What you need is the gospel, which as I've just said, is that for God so loved the world that he

00:16:24.660 gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

00:16:29.240 He did that because of his grace by grace. You have been saved through faith says Ephesians two.

00:16:35.040 You need the gospel. If you are depressed, you need the gospel. If you are lonely,

00:16:39.060 you need the gospel. If you are anxious, if you are self-loathing, if you are paranoid, if you are

00:16:44.040 insecure. Now I've already spoken in the past that I'm just as a little parenthetical caveat here.

00:16:51.480 I am not against medicine. If you are depressed, if you are anxious, uh, if you truly have an anxiety

00:16:57.900 disorder, um, I think that is a gift of common grace. Technology and medicine can be gifts of common

00:17:03.620 grace if that is something that you truly need. So I am not saying that if you are depressed or if you

00:17:07.960 are anxious, it's because you're not praying enough. I'm, I don't want you to hear me say that.

00:17:12.460 Sometimes there are imbalances in our brains that really need to be fixed by medicine, just like any

00:17:17.340 other disease. But this idea that your problem is that you don't love yourself enough is not true.

00:17:26.180 That's not biblical. Whether you are on medication for depression or not, it is still important for us

00:17:33.340 to dive deeper into who God is and his love for us more than it is to dive deeper into ourselves and

00:17:39.600 how much we love ourselves. We do not need to love ourselves anymore. God's got that for us. He loves

00:17:45.680 us way more than we ever could. He knows us way, way better than we ever could. Um, he has chosen us,

00:17:53.840 those of us who are saved more. It's, it's a love that we can't even fathom. So for those of us who deal

00:18:00.640 with insecurity and anxiety, it is, um, it is not a matter of not loving ourselves enough. It is not

00:18:06.580 understanding God's love. So that's myth number two. Uh, myth number three is be you. Um, we hear

00:18:15.040 this, uh, in the forms of you do you don't apologize for who you are. Just be unapologetically you. God

00:18:21.580 doesn't make mistakes again. There is truth in this to some degree. Yes. You shouldn't be pretending

00:18:29.080 to be something that you're not. But what I am afraid of is that that kind of covers sin too.

00:18:37.340 That, um, Oh, if God made you, for example, we hear this with homosexuality a lot, or we hear this

00:18:43.360 with transgenderism. Um, God doesn't make mistakes. So if you, you are born a boy, but you feel that 0.99

00:18:48.380 you're a woman, then you should be that because you're being truly who you are. Um, if you are attracted

00:18:54.380 to, if you are a man who is attracted to men, who also calls yourself a Christian, you should

00:18:58.200 pursue that lifestyle, uh, because God doesn't make mistakes. You should just be who you are

00:19:02.480 when that's not true. Sin as for a Christian is not part of who you are anymore. You are not,

00:19:08.140 um, a, you might be someone who sins, but you are a saint who sins. You are a member of the household

00:19:12.740 of God. If you can tell, I really like Ephesians. So I quote from them a lot. Um, but we are called

00:19:19.660 away from that life. And Romans eight talks about dying to the flesh and being alive in Christ. We are no

00:19:26.660 longer slave to fall back into the spirit of fear, but we are, uh, born of the spirit. We have a spirit

00:19:33.000 of, or we have, uh, we are children of God by which we can call out Abba father. We are different. We are

00:19:39.880 not defined by our sin. That is not who we are in Christ. We are a new creation. So I think it's

00:19:45.820 important to distinguish between who you are personality wise, which I agree, um, can be used

00:19:53.180 in unique ways for the kingdom of God and who you are sin wise, which needs to die, which needs to

00:19:59.880 be crucified. That's true of all of us, whether it's selfishness or homosexuality, whether it is 1.00

00:20:04.480 lying or cheating or stealing or, um, transgenders, whatever it is, we are asked to deny those things. 0.99

00:20:13.560 We are asked to kill those things. We're asked to crucify those things. So I'm not really interested

00:20:18.580 in being who I am. I am interested in being who God calls me to be. And again, bringing in the whole

00:20:25.920 personality test thing and how that can sometimes lead to idolatry. I do, I do think that sometimes

00:20:32.020 we focus too much on the intricacies of our personality. Like we view everything through

00:20:38.020 that lens rather than the lens of the gospel rather than the lens of the Bible. And I think

00:20:43.820 that that really inhibits us because we say, well, no, I couldn't be called to do that. Or I couldn't

00:20:48.420 do that because I'm, I'm an Enneagram eight. Um, I, I couldn't do that because, well, I'm an INFP.

00:20:55.520 So no, that's not for me. This is for me. Um, now there are spiritual gifts in the Bible. You could be a

00:21:02.500 shepherder, shepherder, you can be a shepherd. You could be a teacher. There are different things that

00:21:08.560 God has gifted you to do. However, God calls us, however he wants to call us. So I think it can be

00:21:14.720 limiting to say, well, this is who I am and this is just me and what I want to do. Well, I don't know

00:21:21.120 about that. I mean, how many of us would have said Moses would have been a great leader, this

00:21:26.540 stuttering, uh, former Prince of Egypt who, uh, went out into the wilderness and spoke to a burning

00:21:32.660 bush. Like this guy, God, this guy, like he can barely form words. He's going to, what? He's going

00:21:40.460 to free us from captivity. What? He's going to take us through the, the what? See, how's he going to do

00:21:48.420 that? He's, he's going to get away from, from Pharaoh. How? Okay. God. Okay. Right. Sure. Why don't

00:21:58.160 you give us someone who can actually put a coherence in it together? And yet God did. God,

00:22:02.440 God used Moses to lead the people eventually to the promised land, but God, uh, first Corinthians

00:22:09.960 one 26 through 31 says, uh, he, it talks about the, the just illogical in human, in human terms,

00:22:18.540 the illogical way that God uses people says, uh, first Corinthians for, uh, sorry, I just said this

00:22:24.360 first Corinthians one 26 to 31 for consider your calling brothers. Not many of you were wise,

00:22:29.180 according to worldly standards. Not many were powerful. Not many were of noble birth, but God,

00:22:34.380 but God, there it is. I didn't even know, but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the

00:22:39.560 wise. God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God chose what is low and despised in

00:22:45.580 the world. Even things that are not to bring to nothing things that are so that no human being might

00:22:51.100 boast in the presence of God. And because of him, you are in Christ Jesus. I could cry. This is

00:22:56.320 amazing. Who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption.

00:23:01.320 So that as it is written, let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord. You know, when you read a passage

00:23:07.700 for the millionth time and you're just hit with the beauty of it, let the one who boasts, boast in the

00:23:15.480 Lord. So it's not about doing you. It's not about being you. It's about being who you are in Christ.

00:23:23.160 Yes. God gave you a certain personality traits. He gave you certain gifts that should be used

00:23:29.380 to their fullness for his glory, but they're not meant to be limiting. They're not meant to define

00:23:34.960 you. And, uh, they are not meant if they are, there are parts of us that are also inherently

00:23:41.580 sinful. They are not meant to be lived out if they are against God's will. Um, so it's not about

00:23:49.280 doing you. It's about being like Christ. It's about being obedient. It's about being holy and

00:23:55.100 righteous and bold, no matter what your personality type is, no matter what your propensity is towards

00:24:00.220 a particular sin. We are all called to repentance. We are all called to holiness. We are all called

00:24:04.860 called to share the gospel. We are all called to serve and give to the poor. So that's it. That's,

00:24:10.500 that's, uh, our identity is in Christ and that's where we operate from. I don't, uh, identify as an

00:24:17.780 eight and operate from a point of view of an eight. I identify as a Christian in Christ and I operate

00:24:24.540 from there. Now an eight might inform being an eight. I am an Enneagram eight might inform some

00:24:30.660 of the ways that I think might help me understand a little bit how I relate to people, but that is not

00:24:35.740 who I am. That is not my identity. That does not define how I speak to people. It does not, uh, define

00:24:42.500 how I go about my life. Jesus does. So these are the three myths. Number one being, you are enough.

00:24:51.500 You're not enough. Jesus is enough. Number two, you have to love yourself. You have to love yourself

00:24:57.140 before you love other people is the other variation of that. No, it's not about self-love. It's, uh,

00:25:02.500 about God's love. And number three, be you, uh, don't be you. If being you means sinning,

00:25:09.140 um, don't find your identity in yourself, find your identity in Christ. Uh, that's a huge problem

00:25:16.420 that we have particularly as female Christians is this me-centered theology in which our comfort

00:25:24.820 at the end of the day is that you are beautiful and enough and awesome. No, your comfort is in Christ

00:25:31.260 and what he did for you on Calvary. And I'm just afraid that we're replacing a Christ-centered gospel

00:25:37.820 with a me-centered gospel and it doesn't save and it doesn't sanctify. And it's only going to make

00:25:45.120 you a more selfish and self-aggrandizing person. Yes, you might accomplish some goals. You might lose

00:25:51.100 some weight. For example, you might be more organized. You might, uh, do some things that

00:25:57.500 you feel are fueled by your newly found self-confidence that you read from a particular

00:26:01.660 book from gin hat maker, whatever, some Instagram influencer, Haley Baldwin Bieber. Um, but that's

00:26:11.660 not sanctification. That's not what God calls us to. None of those things are bad per se. Um,

00:26:17.740 but it's not the gospel. So that's what I wanted to, that's my main message for today. So I also

00:26:24.620 promised this is a completely different subject. I also promised that I would talk about the Gillette

00:26:29.520 ad that talked about toxic masculinity. So Gillette did an ad that came out with an ad on, I think I

00:26:37.500 first saw it on Monday and I'm going to play a little bit for you. It's really visual more than

00:26:45.340 anything. So if you're not watching, it might not have the same impact, but here you go.

00:26:50.280 We can't hide from it. Sexual harassment is taking over. It's been going on far too long.

00:27:01.260 We can't laugh it off.

00:27:06.260 What I actually think she's trying to say. Making the same old excuses.

00:27:10.740 Boys will be boys. Boys will be boys. Boys will be boys. But something finally changed.

00:27:15.280 Changed. Allegations regarding sexual assault and sexual harassment.

00:27:19.620 But she says he's a toxic man.

00:27:22.560 Okay. So the whole thing basically is about like men, this is not who we are. And they show,

00:27:29.160 they show men like, um, harassing women or condescending women in the workroom. They show

00:27:35.160 a TV show where someone is like pinching a woman's butt and how men are laughing and watching it.

00:27:41.020 They're basically talking about how toxic masculinity has really, uh, infected the world.

00:27:47.580 It even shows this one part about, uh, of these two boys fighting in a yard and the fathers being

00:27:53.980 like, boys will be boys. They're showing all of that is negative. And they're saying that good men

00:27:58.640 are the ones who stick up for women and to, uh, defend women against harassment and assault.

00:28:03.900 The reason why I have a hard time with this is because I don't believe that toxic masculinity

00:28:08.620 exists. I believe that sin exists and every single person is corrupt. If you want to say there's

00:28:14.420 toxic masculinity, well, there's toxic femininity too. You can go back to the garden of Eden and find 1.00

00:28:18.920 that, but really it's not toxic masculinity or toxic femininity. It is sin that manifests itself in

00:28:24.640 varying ways. Um, yes, men are more physically, they're more physically powerful than women are. 0.97

00:28:30.580 And so there are some sins that have a greater effect on society that men execute than women do 0.99

00:28:38.040 simply because we just physically aren't able to carry out the same things that men do. And we're

00:28:43.480 just not inclined to, we don't have testosterone. We don't have the same aggression. My problem is,

00:28:47.820 is that you see kind of the first half of the thing, first half of the ad talking about harassing

00:28:52.780 women, condescending women, uh, and boys playing in a yard. So what they're doing is they are conflating,

00:28:58.840 uh, boy aggression with male toxicity or, or male predation. And I have a significant problem

00:29:08.120 with conflating aggression or assertiveness or rough and tumble with predation. And then the

00:29:17.540 cognitive dissonance of saying that those two things are somehow connected, but also saying that

00:29:21.920 good men are the ones who stick up for women, which I agree with, by the way, there's so much

00:29:27.300 dissonance there because they don't realize that you, you don't create passive boys and get strong

00:29:32.820 men. You don't create boys that, um, don't fight each other. Aren't rough with each other when

00:29:38.420 they're, you know, six to 10 years old who grow up to be, uh, who grow up to be these strong men who

00:29:45.880 are going to be heroes and defend women. Now I'm not saying that boys need to necessarily fight and be,

00:29:51.360 uh, rough with each other. I'm not saying that, but if you're saying that boys will be boys as bad,

00:29:55.940 that boys, um, you know, like having some, uh, having some good hearted rough and tumble when

00:30:03.380 they're, when they're six and seven years old, if you're saying that that is bad, that that is toxic

00:30:07.860 and that we need to make boys what, uh, less aggressive in that way, more passive in that way,

00:30:14.020 more feminine, more gentle in that way. And then those boys are going to be the ones who grow up to,

00:30:19.640 to, uh, to be the ones to stand up for women. Not going to happen. You're not. Because if you 1.00

00:30:25.540 make boys more passive and more feminine, when they're boys, they are not going to grow up to 0.97

00:30:29.880 know that they need to stick up for girls because you're basically saying there's no difference

00:30:33.140 between boys and girls. And that's the other cognitive dissonance in all of this is that the

00:30:37.220 same kind of people who say there's no difference between men and women. We're all basically the same

00:30:41.240 also say that in order for men to be good men, they need to stand up for women. Well, if men and

00:30:44.960 women are inherently the same, then why can't women stand up for themselves? Um, which I obviously 0.58

00:30:50.460 believe that men and women are different and that men should stand up for women. They should be

00:30:54.220 protectors. They should be providers. Um, they should be, they should be the one to take

00:30:59.140 responsibility at the end of the day and to land a punch on a bully who is, um, you know,

00:31:05.160 picking on someone who is smaller than their size or picking on a woman, whatever it is. I do believe 0.79

00:31:10.320 that men should be the ones to do that, but you don't get that by stifling their aggression. You get 1.00

00:31:15.640 that by training it. You don't say, Hey, be less assertive, be less of a man, be less masculine.

00:31:23.380 You say, no, use those good God given things. Use that testosterone, use that assertiveness

00:31:29.400 to be a protector, to be a provider, to be the things that women need you to be. Yes. I said need,

00:31:36.340 need a lot of women have a hard time with that. Oh, we don't need no man. Well, even if you're not 1.00

00:31:41.900 married, which I think is perfectly fine. I've talked about that before. The Bible says,

00:31:46.200 Paul says it is better to be single than to be married. So I'm not saying you have to be

00:31:49.840 married, to be complete, certainly not from a Christian perspective, but yes, society in general

00:31:54.360 does need men. Men are different than women. Uh, we already saw Gillette probably didn't mean to show 1.00

00:31:59.420 the inherent, inherent differences between men and women in that ad, but they did. Um, so yes,

00:32:06.000 we need men. Women need men. We need the strength of men. We need the assertiveness of men. We need

00:32:11.320 the aggression of men. A lot of times people think aggression is inherently wrong. Well, it's not

00:32:16.680 unless it's used for abuse, unless it's used for condescension. Um, it doesn't have to be,

00:32:22.400 it can be used in a very good, in a very protective, in a very defensive way. So just

00:32:27.160 this entire idea that masculinity is toxic is absolutely crazy to me. These from the same

00:32:33.160 people too. It's so funny. These from the same people that saying that all kind of sexual choices

00:32:38.200 that you make is, is totally fine. Now they're showing that it's wrong to watch a show where a man 1.00

00:32:44.240 is like pinching a woman's butt, which I agreed that is wrong. But Christians have been sounding 1.00

00:32:50.260 this alarm for a long time that, Hey, maybe sexual purity is something that we should talk about and

00:32:55.100 promote. And they all laughed at us, but now, uh, purity in at least some sense is important when it

00:33:01.580 pushes the feminist cause or something. And if your mind can't wrap around that, that's because 1.00

00:33:06.220 you are a logically thinking person and you are confused by all of this crazy stuff. It's okay.

00:33:13.360 Me too. The American psychology association, I think it's what it's called. They just put out this,

00:33:19.580 um, amazing, amazing study saying that traditional masculinity is wrong. It's bad for society. Well,

00:33:27.840 there was this great article in psychology today, basically in a very calm and factual way saying

00:33:32.400 that this is a stupid study. It bases it on, uh, social and political ideologies rather than on

00:33:39.740 scientific fact. Um, and they even defended themselves. The APA said, well, we're just

00:33:45.500 talking about the extreme behaviors of a few men. We're not talking about men in general. Okay. So

00:33:50.160 again, they're talking about sin. Like it's not about masculinity. It's just about sin that manifests

00:33:55.120 itself differently in different people because we are different. Oh man. I mean, progressivism is just

00:34:00.640 eating itself. Just take solace in the fact that the Bible it's, uh, the Bible is clear and the Bible

00:34:07.440 gives you a great guidebook and the Bible tells you exactly what you need to know about gender,

00:34:12.600 about culture, about the differences in all of those things. And as long as you abide by that,

00:34:16.100 you don't have to worry too much about the crazy and the complication in the world. Um, okay. Thank

00:34:20.940 you guys so much for listening. If you are at March for life tomorrow, I will be there. I would love to say

00:34:24.920 hi.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - January 17, 2019

Ep 69 ｜ 3 Myths Christian Women Believe

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