Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - January 09, 2023


Ep 735 ｜ WE’RE BACK! The Secret to Happiness for Women


Episode Stats

Length

50 minutes

Words per Minute

164.80902

Word Count

8,315

Sentence Count

532

Misogynist Sentences

17

Hate Speech Sentences

23


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Happy New Year, relatable family. We're back. Well, motherhood makes you happy. That's what
00:00:06.140 the data says. And white women above 45 are most likely to be on long-term depressants. We'll look
00:00:14.920 at some recent data and analyze why that is. Also, a church disinvited me from their conference,
00:00:23.580 and I will explain why at the end of this episode. But we'll start with some thoughts
00:00:28.180 and encouragement around the new year, and then we will get into the rest. I've got nothing to say
00:00:35.920 about any advertiser at the top of this show, so we'll just play the music and then get into the
00:00:41.280 episode. Hey, guys. Welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday, January 9th, 2023. This is our first
00:00:58.060 new show of the year. I'm so excited to be back. It's always really hard being away and not being
00:01:06.120 able to talk about all of the things that I want to talk about. I know we did have some new episodes
00:01:10.960 come out over the past few weeks, but we had pre-recorded those, so my team and I could take
00:01:16.000 a nice long break, and that's exactly what we did. It was some much-needed rest and reprieve from the
00:01:22.920 craziness of the world. I really wasn't online that much. I didn't even really use that as an
00:01:28.620 outlet to talk about the things going on. A lot of you have been asking, for example,
00:01:34.200 what's going on with the whole Speaker of the House thing? Dude, I am just now kind of catching up with
00:01:41.400 that. Kevin McCarthy is Speaker of the House. I kind of was just like, you know what? Just wake me up
00:01:47.300 when we find out what exactly is going on, what the demands were to make him Speaker of the House,
00:01:53.140 all that stuff. I just wasn't in the mood to wade into the complexities and the chaos of that,
00:01:59.940 but now we're here, and this show, as ever, is going to help you make sense of the chaos and
00:02:07.560 the craziness of the world. That's what Relatable is about. That's what you guys love about Relatable.
00:02:13.460 I did have a lot of time over the past few weeks talking to so many of you who love Relatable
00:02:19.080 and who, by the grace of God, have been influenced and impacted and whose minds and hearts have changed
00:02:24.300 because of what God has done through Relatable. That is just reinvigorating and re-inspiring for me
00:02:31.360 to make sure that we are a place of, yes, relatability, of course, as I am navigating with
00:02:37.200 you all of the craziness in the world, but also a place, hopefully, of clarity. Now, today, I am not
00:02:44.880 going to get into the Speaker of the House thing. We will be talking politics this week and some of
00:02:49.580 the news stories, but I kind of just want to reorient us and give us some perspective for the start of the
00:02:56.240 new year, at least starting out in this episode. I had some thoughts about New Year's resolutions the
00:03:02.820 other day. There's some discourse, I don't know if you have seen this, heard this, within the kind of
00:03:09.980 Christian online world about New Year's resolutions. Should Christians be making New Year's resolutions?
00:03:15.720 Is that really what we should be focusing on? Should we be making these fitness goals at the start of the
00:03:21.400 year, professional goals? Should we have a list of potential successes, accomplishments that we want to
00:03:28.200 reach? Or should we just be resting in God's sovereignty, His goodness, and simply commit by
00:03:35.060 His grace to pursuing Him and glorifying Him in all that we do? And it's kind of presented sometimes
00:03:42.800 as a binary, as what I think is a false choice between making goals and making resolutions and
00:03:49.780 simply resting in the Lord and being content in Him, what He's done for you, and being sanctified by the
00:03:56.980 Holy Spirit. I don't think that there's anything wrong—this is my opinion, so take that as it is—I
00:04:04.760 don't think there's anything wrong with setting goals and making resolutions. I know that people say
00:04:10.180 there's nothing magical about January 1st, and that's true. It is just as any other day. It is a
00:04:15.920 day that the Lord has made. We are to rejoice and be glad in it, just like any other day. We are to simply
00:04:21.960 do the next right thing in faith with excellence and for the glory of God. All you have to do today,
00:04:28.580 as Elizabeth Elliott says or said, and as I take comfort in often, all you have to do today is
00:04:35.380 the will of God. And that is simply the next right thing in faith with excellence and for the glory of
00:04:41.940 God. So all of that is true, that a new year isn't any different than the last year. And yet,
00:04:46.740 I think that God made humans to need that turn of the calendar, that change in the year,
00:04:55.280 that fresh start. I think we inherently long for, crave, and even need the change that comes with
00:05:06.300 dawn, that comes with days, that comes with weeks, that comes with seasons, that comes with holidays,
00:05:12.480 that comes with the new year. Even if there is no magic and all of the ideas about the new year
00:05:21.260 giving you some kind of fresh opportunity or a little bit superstitious, I do think God created us
00:05:28.420 to need renewal, to need rejuvenation, and to need change. One of the most demoralizing parts of COVID
00:05:36.480 was the monotony that came with being locked inside, not being able to enjoy the things that
00:05:45.840 we enjoy around the holidays, around summertime, or the ceremonies that came with graduation and prom
00:05:52.220 and all of that. We look forward to those things because I think that God actually created us to need
00:05:57.780 them. Like we need those mile markers. Sometimes we need those things to look forward to.
00:06:02.420 And monotony and sameness really has a way of discouraging us. Like think about the employee
00:06:11.300 in a dead-end job, the cubicle guy that doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, doesn't see
00:06:18.040 any kind of new opportunity on the horizon, how he just kind of gets dejected and loses not only
00:06:26.920 a sense of purpose, but just a sense of self in his place in the world. Or think about the animals
00:06:34.400 in Narnia, how they were stuck in this perpetual winter without any hope of Christmas. That kind of
00:06:40.740 monotony, that kind of sameness really has a way at harming us. It has a way at discouraging us.
00:06:49.660 So I think that God knows that we need something new. So I think it's okay if we look at a new year
00:06:56.260 or a new month or a Monday with renewed hope to say, you know what, this is the day that I'm going
00:07:04.060 to make a different commitment. This is the start of something new for me. That doesn't mean there's
00:07:09.000 magic or superstition behind it. That doesn't mean that there's any guarantee that you're going to be
00:07:13.720 able to reach your goals. It doesn't mean that we make those goals idols. But I do think it's okay
00:07:18.580 for us to kind of tap into the nature that we have as human beings to need change. But here's
00:07:24.820 the other thing, is that human beings also need security. We also need stability. We also do need
00:07:30.580 routine. And we also do need some sameness. I mean, you see this especially with kids. Kids need that
00:07:38.400 kind of predictability. When you throw their lives into constant instability, when they're going from
00:07:43.940 home to home, from place to place, from caregiver to caregiver, and they don't have anything that they
00:07:49.700 can expect the next day, they don't have any kind of person that they can really rely on, that's called
00:07:55.920 trauma. And that negatively impacts them for the rest of their life. And that's also, I know I talked
00:08:01.940 about the monotony with COVID, but the chaos of the immorality of this world that is constantly
00:08:08.060 undulating and in some ways completely unpredictable. That also has a negative impact, I think, not just
00:08:15.320 on our kids, but on us too. Human beings do not dwell, do not, do not deal well, rather, with
00:08:23.680 anarchy. Like we need some kind of order. We don't do well with disorder. And so I think that the longing
00:08:31.640 that we all have both for newness and for freshness and for renewal, rejuvenation, and stability and
00:08:38.280 security, I think those are parts of being made in God's image. And really, whether it's a new year or
00:08:44.520 a new week or just any day of the year, the only place truly that we can find the perfect wedding of
00:08:52.040 those things is in God himself. I mean, this is a God who, in Hebrews 13, 8, says that he is the same
00:08:58.200 yesterday, today, and forever. He also tells us in Lamentations 3, 22-23, that his mercies are new
00:09:07.320 every morning. So I think that is like the perfect depiction of God's sameness and security, but also
00:09:14.320 showing us our need for renewal. So his mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness is the same,
00:09:23.020 never waxes or wanes. He doesn't love us any more or any less based on what we do. And yet that mercy
00:09:30.920 that he offers us is actually renewing every day. This is the God who never changes, who never shifts,
00:09:40.300 and who never evolves, yet changes the times and the seasons, Daniel 2, 21. And so I don't think that
00:09:48.820 we need to kind of present this false choice as Christians. Do I make these goals? Do I try to be
00:09:53.800 a quote-unquote better person, whether that's more organized or whether that's texting people back or
00:09:59.180 whether that's having a better routine or spending more time with your kids, less time on your phone,
00:10:04.640 and on the other hand, simply just resting in the security and the sovereignty and the stability of
00:10:10.640 the Lord. We do both of those things because that's how God created us, all for the glory of God,
00:10:16.200 knowing that ultimately God is in control and that our goals don't make or break us. But I do think
00:10:23.840 it's totally okay to use this opportunity to have new goals. I do. I have some goals this year. Not
00:10:31.380 very many, but I have a few goals. One of them, as I talked about a couple weeks ago, to get better
00:10:35.360 at responding to people. And so I think that's okay. I don't think Christians necessarily need to
00:10:41.680 run from that. So all that to say, Happy New Year and praise God that Jesus Christ is the same
00:10:50.100 yesterday, today, and forever. And with all the craziness that this year will bring, because it
00:10:55.420 will be a lot of craziness, we know that that one thing is for sure. We can handle the change,
00:11:01.700 though. We can handle the craziness by God's grace because God created us to kind of endure that
00:11:06.980 change. And he offers us the stability that we are longing for. All right. Now, I've got a sponsor
00:11:13.620 to read. Also, oh, I didn't even mention. I didn't even mention, if you're watching this, I know I said
00:11:19.440 I was going to be on a different temporary set today, but I'm not. I'm on this set. Also, we are
00:11:25.420 building a new set. We are building a new set. Isn't that exciting? I know this set is great. I love
00:11:31.720 this set. The set is super cute and very us, but we're going to have an even cooler set. It's going
00:11:37.300 to be even more casual. The biggest thing I'm excited about is we're going to have some lighting
00:11:42.340 changes that we've been talking about for a long time, which is going to be awesome. And you guys
00:11:47.200 are going to love it. But I think tomorrow we are going to be on a temporary set that is not very
00:11:51.440 relatable brand, but that's okay. We got to wait until the other set is built and good to go. And
00:11:57.180 then we'll be back on that. Also, if you're watching this, I am wearing my UGA t-shirt.
00:12:01.140 I'm sorry, all you TCU fans out there. I'm sure there's a lot of TCU fans out there. But as we're
00:12:07.000 recording this, it's before the national championship game tonight, UGA, TCU. I'm from DFW area, but
00:12:17.560 I've lived in Georgia and my husband went to UGA. I went to little old Furman. I don't think anyone is
00:12:24.700 worried about the threat that the Paladins posed to any football team out there. Sorry. So I am a
00:12:32.260 UGA fan because of my husband. So I am rooting for the dogs tonight. Go dogs. I think a lot of
00:12:40.580 people are rooting for TCU because I think TCU is the underdog. But just remember that UGA did not
00:12:45.620 win a national championship for like 40 years before last year. And so they can still be considered the
00:12:50.940 underdog, even as they are the top dog, as it were. And make sure that you tune in tonight to Twitter
00:12:58.000 and Instagram. I will be giving what is always extremely insightful football commentary. And by
00:13:04.520 extremely insightful, I mean, I will give commentary as someone who knows absolutely nothing about
00:13:09.560 football, but who wants to be there to support my husband. And so make sure to tune into that. All right.
00:13:20.940 Before we get into a segment about mothers and happiness and women and things like that, I just
00:13:33.340 wanted to ask a little question to my team over there. And I can answer it first. What was, this is my
00:13:42.740 question, and all of you listening and watching, you can answer it too. What was the best thing that you
00:13:48.060 ate over Christmas slash New Year break? I will say, I think that my favorite thing, it's really
00:13:58.120 difficult. It's really tough. It's really tough. But I think that my favorite thing was probably
00:14:04.760 my aunt makes something called, it's either, there's some tension in our family about what it's called,
00:14:10.860 chocolate delight or Mississippi mud. And it's like a graham cracker crust and then chocolate and then
00:14:16.980 like a whipped cream thing on top. And it's not a pie. It's like a, almost like a casserole type
00:14:22.780 thing. Oh my gosh, it is so, so good. That's the first thing that came to mind when I thought about
00:14:29.480 the best thing that I ate. And now my stomach is growling. Um, Brie, what was the best thing that
00:14:35.180 you ate over your break? Okay. So my mom makes breakfast casserole on Christmas morning and it's
00:14:40.960 like really simple. It's like you put potatoes at the bottom and then it sounds so good already.
00:14:46.760 Just potatoes. You got me like tater tots or hash browns at the bottom. Um, and then you like fill
00:14:54.200 it with egg, like scrambled egg mixture and then you put bacon on top and then you put cheese on top
00:15:00.120 and it all kind of melts together and it comes out as a casserole and it's so good. And we, we have it
00:15:05.220 every year, but only on Christmas. So we like build up the hype. That sounds amazing. Have you ever tried to
00:15:10.040 make it yourself? No, I mean, I could, but I, I save it for Christmas and she just makes it.
00:15:15.840 It's a treat. Oh, that sounds so good. Kayla. Um, so on Christmas day we had people over and
00:15:23.120 hosted everyone at the house and I roasted duck for the first time. Wow. Yeah. So I made two ducks and,
00:15:29.560 um, it, they turned out really, really well. I mean, I think everyone, everyone ate it. There
00:15:33.920 were no, there was no duck left. So what did you put on it? Um, so I did like, I found a recipe
00:15:39.420 that was like a honey, um, glaze, like honey, soy, lemon juice, olive oil glaze. And so I just like
00:15:49.900 roasted it with, um, onions and garlic and lemon inside the cavity. And then, uh, like in the last
00:15:56.620 45 minutes you pour over the, like the honey, you know, glaze and then bake it for the last 45 and
00:16:03.480 it comes out like really crispy and beautiful. I'm so impressed. Yeah. Did you know when you
00:16:08.100 cook duck, you have to flip it? I've never cooked duck, so I did not know. You have to flip it twice.
00:16:13.480 Oh, wow. Okay. Good to know. That sounds good. Dylan. My mom makes cinnamon rolls every Christmas
00:16:21.060 day. So that was far and away the best thing I ate. Is it like from scratch or does she have a
00:16:24.540 special recipe? No, they're just store-bought ones, but they're still the best thing. Oh,
00:16:29.120 okay. Gotcha. Sounds good. All right. I just wanted to, um, hear from you guys on that. I'm
00:16:36.260 obsessed with food and none of my resolutions this year have to do with eating any differently than I
00:16:42.920 do because I just love food too much. I love food too much. Um, all right, let's get into this next
00:16:51.060 segment about this story that I saw tweeted by Brad Wilcox. Brad Wilcox is the professor and director
00:16:58.580 of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. I've done an episode with him before
00:17:04.680 about this family diversity theory that he just completely debunks. The family diversity theory
00:17:11.080 says that no matter what people make up your family, as long as the kid feels loved, then they're
00:17:16.580 totally fine. The data does not show that that's true. Kids thrive most in, uh, with their mother and,
00:17:24.340 uh, their father. So, uh, go back and listen to that episode with him. So he's tweeting a lot of
00:17:30.300 different, um, statistics and studies and stories about marriage and the impact of marriage and the
00:17:37.580 impact of the formation of the family on society. And he wrote this article in the Atlantic with
00:17:44.800 Wendy Wang called The Married Mom Advantage. And I thought that this article and its findings were so
00:17:51.380 interesting because it bucks against everything that we hear about motherhood these days. We've
00:17:58.340 talked a lot about toxic mommy culture, uh, moms complaining about kids, which I'll talk a little
00:18:03.720 bit more about in a second. But the findings that they summarize in this article are completely
00:18:10.820 opposed to that. They actually show that motherhood multiplies joy and satisfaction in women a great
00:18:19.180 deal. So they started out talking about kind of the toxic mommy culture that we referred to in this
00:18:24.340 article. They say, judging by its press since COVID began, you might think that married motherhood is a
00:18:30.140 pathway to misery and immiseration. Married heterosexual motherhood in America, especially in the past two
00:18:35.980 years, is a game no one wins, wrote Amy Schoen in one of many New York Times op-eds about the
00:18:41.700 difficulties of marriage in the time of COVID. Moms are not okay. Pandemic triples anxiety and depression
00:18:47.280 symptoms in new mothers. Read a headline in Forbes. Bloomberg went so far as to suggest that family
00:18:52.100 life was a financial dead end for women. In an article headlined, women who stay single and don't
00:18:58.200 have kids are getting richer. So toxic mommy culture. For those of you who don't know, I wrote about this
00:19:05.240 in my book, You're Not Enough, and that's okay. Escaping the toxic culture of self-love. It is a culture of
00:19:11.140 negativity surrounding motherhood, especially by mothers referring to kids as brats and burdens or
00:19:18.340 even worse. It's different from just honestly and transparently talking about the struggles and the
00:19:26.000 difficulties of motherhood. I think that can be very good. But this is really depicting yourself as a
00:19:32.180 constant victim of motherhood. Complaining about kids, especially as a joke, just to get a laugh.
00:19:37.600 They'll say, oh my gosh, I'm just kidding around. Learn to lighten up or whatever. But really,
00:19:44.980 they are denigrating their children publicly for the affirmation of strangers. So on social media
00:19:52.580 for likes. That is part of what toxic mommy culture is. But so are some of the headlines that they are
00:19:58.240 listing here. They go on to say, as tough as motherhood was during COVID, mothers were both happier
00:20:04.240 and more financially secure than childless women during the pandemic. This gap existed before COVID,
00:20:09.680 but it continued during the worst days of the pandemic and has remained since then.
00:20:13.280 This phenomenon is especially noteworthy because moms and parents more generally
00:20:17.260 used to be less happy than childless adults as recently as the 2000s. That's interesting.
00:20:23.880 That is an interesting change. That doesn't really surprise me that much. I do think our society has become
00:20:28.800 more isolated, more individualized, and lonelier than it was 20 plus years ago. And so our sense of community
00:20:35.900 is just not as strong as it was decades ago. And so the people that have kind of built-in community
00:20:44.040 with children, with husbands, with family are going to feel happier probably than the people who feel
00:20:49.500 like they're just wading through the world by themselves. In 2020, they go on to say,
00:20:53.980 69% of mothers ages 18 to 55 were completely or somewhat satisfied with their life compared to
00:21:00.680 61% of childless women at the same age. I also appreciate that they are using the word childless.
00:21:07.100 I've heard the word child free a lot recently to try to really, I don't know, paint parenthood as
00:21:16.920 something that is a trap or something that you need to be liberated from. They say women saw their
00:21:23.720 happiness dip from 2019 to 2020 as COVID set in, but this dip was more acute among childless women,
00:21:29.840 according to the survey. Challenging as they were to care for while many schools were closed,
00:21:34.540 kids seem to have brought a sense of direction, connection, and joy to the average mother's
00:21:39.180 life during the pandemic at a time when so many other social ties were cut off. So that kind of
00:21:44.920 speaks to what I was saying. As other social ties are cut off, the ones that are built in
00:21:49.180 can be really helpful and joy inducing. They say, and despite all the media coverage discounting or
00:21:56.400 minimizing the importance of marriage during COVID, mothers with partners were generally happier.
00:22:01.400 In 2020, 75% of married mothers were somewhat or completely satisfied with their lives versus 58%
00:22:08.160 of their unmarried peers. They also say that class plays a big role here. Unmarried moms are more likely
00:22:14.620 to be poor. If you're poor, you're more likely to be unhappy. That's what the data says. Unhappy
00:22:19.760 because they're poor. Unhappy because they're statistically, again, according to the data of
00:22:26.360 lonelier, there's little support system there. And so all of that can contribute to discontentment.
00:22:33.500 They say, they conclude this way, which I think is really poignant. If the data tell us anything,
00:22:38.520 it's that at least for most American women, the pathway to happiness runs through married motherhood,
00:22:46.600 not away from it. The pathway to happiness statistically runs through married motherhood,
00:22:54.380 not away from it. Wow. That is the opposite of what we hear from the secular world. We hear that kids
00:23:02.180 take away your identity, that they make you lose sight of who you really are. You lose yourself.
00:23:07.660 They get in the way of your goals. They ruin your body. They're bad for the environment. That's why
00:23:13.500 we keep hearing from these Malthusian crazy people. We hear that the key to fulfillment is to just focus
00:23:21.120 on you. Just travel, just work really hard, just have sex with whoever, do everything you want to do
00:23:27.880 completely child-free, and then try to satisfy that natural drive that you have for nurturing in your
00:23:35.900 pets and your plants. And it's a lie. It's a lie that this is going to be, that that is going to be
00:23:43.540 the exclusive or the best path to happiness. I'm not saying that you cannot have happiness outside
00:23:51.080 of motherhood. Of course, I know that there's a lot of you out there who want to be mothers,
00:23:55.260 and you're not yet. You can't yet. You just haven't been given that opportunity yet. So don't hear me say
00:24:01.200 that there is no happiness outside of motherhood. But I am trying to combat this secular cultural
00:24:07.520 narrative that motherhood diminishes happiness. That's a lie. Yes, motherhood is hard. Yes,
00:24:14.680 your body changes. Yes, your schedule is completely thrown for a loop. You're tired. You sleep a lot less.
00:24:21.300 You've got a lot more responsibility, a lot more people, and a lot more things to think about.
00:24:25.760 You are changed and stretched in ways that you would never have chosen for yourself. You would
00:24:32.140 have never done those things voluntarily before kids. But here's the thing, and here's why I think
00:24:37.860 happiness is maybe, I don't know, ironically in some ways intertwined with all of those things,
00:24:46.540 because human beings were not actually made. We were not built for ease and self-service.
00:24:52.960 We were not made to just travel and sip lattes and binge Netflix. We might enjoy those things. They
00:24:59.760 might feel good, but we don't actually function well long-term on them. Just like your body
00:25:06.880 might feel nice in the moment sitting on the couch, your muscles weren't actually just made to sit on
00:25:14.680 the couch all day. They were made to move. They were made to stretch. They were made to lift heavy
00:25:19.600 things and to endure a degree of pain that builds strength. That is actually what they are for.
00:25:26.140 And if your muscles, if your body is not used and stretched and strengthened, your muscles atrophy,
00:25:32.720 they deteriorate, they become unusable. And I think that's what happens to humans in general,
00:25:38.220 the human spirit, if you want to call it that. Like when we are not stretched and pulled and challenged
00:25:43.980 and made to carry weight heavier than we previously thought that we could, it is what we are for.
00:25:50.520 We were actually made to work and to work hard. Like think in the Genesis creation account.
00:25:57.720 Even before the fall, before sin entered the world, Adam is placed in the garden by God to what?
00:26:04.680 To work and to keep it. Hard work is not a result of the fall. It is not a consequence of sin. It is
00:26:12.160 actually a part of God's perfect plan. And motherhood is work. And work that God has ordained
00:26:20.800 is good. And we know that this is work that God has ordained because also before the fall,
00:26:26.400 God tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. So children are a gift. We don't have a right to them.
00:26:32.940 We don't have a guarantee that God will give them to us. They are not necessary to glorify God,
00:26:38.960 to be a Christian, or to be a fulfilled woman. Because married or not, mother or not,
00:26:45.020 our satisfaction can only ever be multiplied by children and our husband. But our source of joy,
00:26:53.200 the author and initiator of it is always Christ, who loves us unconditionally, no matter what,
00:26:59.120 no matter how many children we have, no matter our marital status. But the point is, is that children,
00:27:06.740 contrary to what the world says, they are not burdens. They are not deterrents to our happiness.
00:27:12.420 They are purposeful gifts with the capacity to multiply our joy and our fulfillment. And once again,
00:27:20.540 once again, the data proves what God has always already said is true. Isn't that amazing how it works
00:27:28.880 out like that? It's almost like the creator of the universe knows what he's talking about.
00:27:43.340 Okay. I wanted to highlight this study that I saw tweeted recently by Nancy Piercy. She's an amazing
00:27:49.160 professor and author. She wrote the book, Love Thy Body. I've had her on too, a couple of years ago.
00:27:53.980 Highly recommend that book if you haven't read it already. So she tweeted this study, which as it
00:28:00.680 turns out is actually from 2018. And it's from a New York Times article. And if you're listening to
00:28:07.440 this, I'll explain it. Demographics of long-term antidepressants. Older white women account for 58%
00:28:15.000 of adults who have used antidepressants for at least five years. So white women over the age of 45
00:28:23.800 take the lion's share of the people who take antidepressants for a long period of time. Second is white
00:28:33.180 men over the age of 45. And then it's younger adults. And then under that, it's minority women, 45 plus.
00:28:39.960 And then under that is minority men, 45 plus. But man, there are millions. And this was actually
00:28:47.080 the latest year that they have is 2014. So I would guess that that's probably a lot higher. It's like
00:28:54.660 millions and millions of white women taking these long-term antidepressants far more than white men,
00:29:03.160 younger adults, any other demographic. White women over the age of 45, millions and millions of them
00:29:10.660 taking antidepressants long-term. And I just wonder, I thought about for a little bit, like,
00:29:16.440 what is the reason for this discrepancy? I mean, we could analyze why all different kinds of people
00:29:22.240 take antidepressants. And I think the reasons are multifaceted and they can change obviously from
00:29:28.940 person to person. But if we are just to look in general at this, and here's my amateur assessment,
00:29:35.560 all right? My assessment is that the older, white, liberal, childless woman or older, white,
00:29:45.920 liberal mother who has come to resent motherhood is the least likely to be happy. Doesn't mean that
00:29:54.720 they're all unhappy. I'm not saying that. It certainly doesn't mean that other kinds of women
00:29:58.740 are not also unhappy. I mean, there are plenty of young, conservative mothers who also may be on
00:30:05.240 antidepressants. So I'm not saying that. But in my assessment, the reason for this discrepancy,
00:30:11.100 why it is so high among this demographic, is probably that a lot of these women are childless or
00:30:18.360 they resent their station or they, and they're liberal. And I think that there are a lot of
00:30:25.680 reasons why this particular group is the least happy. There are lots of reasons, but I wonder
00:30:35.520 if at least one of them is the kind of messages that are shoved in white women's faces constantly,
00:30:43.240 in particular, the liberal white woman that breeds discontentment. So on the one hand,
00:30:50.440 you're a Karen. You're suffering from internalized white supremacy that you will never, no matter how
00:30:57.140 many Robin DiAngelo books you read, can be sanctified from. And if you are, you politically lean left,
00:31:06.180 you actually care about this. This is the last thing that you want to be or that you want to be seen as.
00:31:11.820 Your cast is a school marm, as a nag, and of course, as a natural racist. And you have so
00:31:19.060 much pressure to prove yourself as cool, as with it, as woke, as down with the cause to make sure
00:31:27.820 people don't demonize you as a Karen, make sure that people don't think that you're racist. And so
00:31:32.920 you're constantly striving to do the work, as it were, and to be seen as an ally. Wow, that's a lot of
00:31:41.880 pressure. And you're basically told to like, deny your skin color, deny your age, deny your gender, so you
00:31:49.040 won't be seen as a Karen. That's a lot of pressure. So you're simultaneously told on the one hand that who you
00:31:56.740 are is naturally bad and something that needs to be changed fundamentally. And on the other hand,
00:32:04.200 you are the target demographic for people like Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown and Rachel Hollis,
00:32:10.740 who are constantly telling you that actually deep inside you is a perfect goddess that can be unleashed
00:32:18.060 if you just love yourself enough, if you just go to enough therapy, if you work through enough trauma
00:32:22.580 and read enough of their books. And really, there's no such thing as sin. And all shame that you might
00:32:28.580 feel is bad. And your fulfillment and your happiness is all found deep inside you. You're perfect the way
00:32:33.920 you are. You just have to realize that. And you'll finally find all the things that you're looking for
00:32:38.740 opposing messages. You're inherently racist, and you're actually perfect. Of course, neither of these
00:32:47.920 things are true, which is why they lead to such poor and sad and discontent outcomes, in my opinion.
00:32:56.200 And they're certainly not biblical because you're not perfect. So you're a sinner. That much is true.
00:33:01.860 You are a sinner. And you do need a savior. But also, you're not automatically racist just because
00:33:10.720 you're white. The work that needs to be done is an anti-racist work, which is based on lies,
00:33:17.060 actually, which we've talked about many times. Nor is it just loving yourself, but is rather the
00:33:21.660 sanctification that can only be found through Christ and his word. And in order to be justified,
00:33:27.040 to then be sanctified, you can actually do nothing because the faith that you need for that salvation
00:33:37.640 is a gift of grace, as we read in Ephesians 2, 8 through 10. You want to know the truth about who you
00:33:43.160 are, your identity, and the problems that you face, and the work that needs to be done. Read Ephesians 2,
00:33:48.820 8 through 10. Do not read Robin DiAngelo or Ibra Max Kendi or Brene Brown or Rachel Hollis because they're
00:33:54.960 sending you opposing messages. Sometimes the same people are sending opposing messages that send you
00:34:01.220 on this hamster wheel of exhaustion and discontentment. And yes, I think anxiety, depression, because no matter
00:34:06.980 what, you never really know who you are and why you're here. I mean, this demographic, the white
00:34:13.800 woman above the age of 45, they are the prime target of these toxic, untrue, contradictory messages,
00:34:20.600 in addition to the increased loneliness, the purposelessness that comes with aging in general,
00:34:26.680 with children moving out of the house if they are moms, with not feeling beautiful or valuable or
00:34:32.620 needed anymore. So all of that in any kind of person can cause kind of like a loss of identity and
00:34:38.480 happiness. But then I also wonder not just about the messages that we just talked about, but also
00:34:43.960 about like how much romance novels and trashy TV induce discontentment in this demographic. I want to do a
00:34:52.920 whole episode on trashy romance novels and how I think that they can lead to adultery and depression
00:34:59.580 and anxiety and all kinds of marriage problems. But anyway, if you want joy, which we all do,
00:35:07.140 we're going to have to go outside of ourselves. Like we are not going to find the things that we're
00:35:12.780 looking for. We're not going to find the solutions to our problems in the same place where our problems
00:35:17.580 lie, which is inside of ourselves. So if inside yourself, you find insufficiency, inadequacy,
00:35:25.680 depression, anxiety, you're not going to find the solution to those things in the same place where
00:35:29.400 your problems lie. You're going to have to go outside of yourself. You're going to have to find
00:35:34.980 your identity and your purpose, which all humans since the beginning of time have wanted to find,
00:35:42.060 have longed to find. And these things are only found in the God who made you. So he is the source
00:35:50.800 of that purpose, of that identity. And as we said at the beginning, isn't it great that he never
00:35:55.640 changes, that his mercies are new every morning? What is more joy inducing than that? And may God
00:36:02.760 give us the grace to believe that no matter what your demographic, your marital status or your motherhood
00:36:08.200 status is. All right, quick update on clown world, because we didn't get into too many news stories
00:36:27.460 today. I just wanted to, some people, a lot of people appreciated this on Twitter. And so I wanted
00:36:32.580 to offer my services of translator of gender nonsense to you as well, because maybe you saw this
00:36:40.800 headline and you had no idea what this meant. And you just threw your phone across the room and you
00:36:47.380 were like, I am done. I understand. Unfortunately, and I mean that sincerely, I am so familiar with the
00:36:56.220 language of stupidity that is inherent in progressivism that I understand usually what
00:37:05.160 they're saying and I can see, I can interpret it. So let me read you this headline. All right,
00:37:11.080 this is from the Daily Mirror. Transgender man gives birth to non-binary partner's baby with female
00:37:18.620 sperm donor. All right, what does this mean? Let me tell you what this means. So a transgender man
00:37:33.880 is a woman. The non-binary partner's is also a woman because everything is non-binary with female sperm
00:37:44.620 donor. That is just a man. So here's what happened. Two lesbian women used a sperm donor to have a baby.
00:37:52.160 One woman used her eggs. The other used her womb. Now, of course, you guys know what I think about
00:37:58.300 surrogacy and sperm donation and egg donation. You can go back and listen to some previous episodes.
00:38:04.820 So even without this gender confusion, I have ethical and moral qualms with this. But the confusion and the
00:38:11.120 chaos that these parents are bringing their child into is just heartbreaking. Like as we said at the
00:38:20.120 beginning, like humans need order. We actually need definitions. As James Lindsay said on this podcast,
00:38:24.640 all understanding lies and distinctions. Like it's very important for kids to be able to make sense of
00:38:30.000 the world, to be able to tell the difference between male and female, mom and dad, aunt and uncle,
00:38:34.640 grandma and grandpa themselves, what they are. All of this is so important for us to orient ourselves in the
00:38:39.620 world. And when you throw humans into a state of anarchy, personal anarchy, familial anarchy,
00:38:45.920 they don't do well. As I've said before, these chickens have not come home to roost. Like we think
00:38:52.580 that this is as bad as it can get. Wait till the children that are growing up in homes like this,
00:38:57.640 which are homes that are basically built not on seeking the best interest of a child, but seeking
00:39:03.340 validation and affirmation from the existence of that child by adults, which is perverse.
00:39:11.540 When those children grow up, they are going to have problems that we don't even have the words to
00:39:18.880 diagnose the issues that are going to come from this. Remember, as Christians, whenever something
00:39:27.240 goes from what is natural to what is possible through technology, through cultural change or
00:39:32.460 whatever, we always have the obligation to say, hang on, hang on a second. And really that's as
00:39:38.400 conservatives, that's what conservatives essentially believe too, but especially as Christians, when
00:39:42.100 people, when things go from what God made to what man can make, sometimes that transition is fine.
00:39:47.880 There are no moral qualms with it, but a lot of times there are. And we need to ask ourselves,
00:39:53.300 okay, what is the impact of this? This, we know what the impact is going to be. Brad Wilcox, as I
00:40:00.260 said, has done the family diversity theory debunking for a very long time. No, kids don't just need
00:40:06.720 parents, three, five, two parents that love them. They need a mom and a dad. Ideally, ideally, they need
00:40:13.780 a mom and a dad. And every policy, in every effort, of course, that we have as Christians should be
00:40:19.960 toward that end, to making that as easy as possible, to making it as difficult as possible for kids not
00:40:27.880 to have that ideal situation of a mom and a dad. All right. Just wanted to give a little update on
00:40:37.100 clown world. We have to continue to be a beacon of clarity and of courage, not playing the pronoun
00:40:45.520 game, not sacrificing truth to accommodate people's feelings, because that's really the
00:40:50.820 most loving thing we can do. All right. I just wanted to end this in a little quick announcement
00:40:54.740 to end this episode. And I've thought about how I am going to say this in a way that is simply
00:41:04.680 getting my point across without throwing anyone under the bus or causing any kind of drama or anything
00:41:11.220 like that. But I feel like it's important to talk about because I know some of you were excited to
00:41:16.260 see me here. So there is a church, and I think I just won't say the name of the church because I
00:41:21.940 don't want there to be any calls from the audience to this church or complaints. I don't want to get in
00:41:28.500 the way of what can be of good things that can still come from this conference and that will come
00:41:35.920 from this conference. So there's a church conference in Lexington, Kentucky that is happening
00:41:40.820 in February. And a few of you have sent me a message saying, you know, you attend this church
00:41:45.840 or you heard that I was going to be here speaking and that you were excited about this. And I just
00:41:52.120 wanted to let you know that I will no longer be there. And it's not because I flaked out. It's not
00:41:56.540 because I canceled, but I actually had my invitation rescinded, which has never happened before. I've never
00:42:02.740 been invited to speak anywhere, whether it's a church or a political event, and then got my
00:42:06.600 invitation rescinded. And I had been invited to this church event since 2021, which is pretty far
00:42:12.940 in advance for someone to book me at an event. It's typically six months or something like that,
00:42:18.880 sometimes even less. But this is a long time. So we've been planning for this and excited for this
00:42:24.780 and all of that. There were some other great women who were going to be speaking there. And then we
00:42:30.820 heard right before Christmas that they're actually rescinding my invitation. This is, as I said,
00:42:35.940 a church conference. I speak at a lot of these kinds of conferences. I know I talk a lot about
00:42:40.100 politics, but churches will invite me to come in to speak to their, to women to talk about the
00:42:44.840 importance of what biblical justice versus social justice looks like, or the me-ology that we see from
00:42:52.920 the Rachel Hollis's versus the real, you know, self-denying theology that we see in scripture. So I talk
00:42:59.240 about lots of different things, sometimes politics, sometimes not, when it comes to these groups.
00:43:03.180 Talk to a lot of pro-life organizations that aren't really political about the importance of
00:43:08.900 defending children inside the womb. So anyway, I speak to a lot of these different kinds of groups.
00:43:14.400 But unfortunately, this church decided a few weeks ago that the satire that I do is
00:43:23.380 not something that they want, I guess, represented at the church. And the words used were that it was
00:43:33.260 a distraction, that the satire videos that I do making in front of the Democrats and some of the
00:43:41.820 ridiculous agenda items that they have, that it was a distraction from the purpose of the conference,
00:43:51.160 or, I don't know, the message of the gospel. Even though I've been doing those since 2017,
00:44:01.880 apparently this was just too much at this point. And, you know, it just got me thinking. I thought
00:44:09.980 that it was really unfortunate. And my personal opinion is that it is the wrong decision. And I think
00:44:18.460 satire is a really important tool when done well to highlight points that can't be highlighted through
00:44:28.040 literalism. And just to comfort you all, in case you're wondering, am I going to stop my satirical
00:44:34.020 videos? No, I'm not. Because I think that they're really important. Like, I can't tell you how many
00:44:39.740 pro-life pregnancy centers, the directors, the volunteers have reached out to me and said,
00:44:45.260 and this sounds crazy. This sounds crazy, but it's not. Like, how much the Elizabeth Warren
00:44:51.000 video has meant to them. Because in that video, where, yeah, I was making fun of Elizabeth Warren,
00:44:57.720 but more so I was highlighting the amazing work that pregnancy centers do, that they felt that,
00:45:04.120 okay, someone else gets it. Like, someone else is on our side. Like, someone is willing to take shots
00:45:10.140 at this powerful politician who was threatening to shut down pro-life pregnancy centers and is
00:45:15.460 simultaneously highlighting the love and amazing service that we do in a way that is different
00:45:20.740 than me just visiting a pregnancy center and saying, hey, this is what pregnancy centers do.
00:45:26.040 It makes a different and even a better and more effective point. And these are not necessarily like
00:45:31.880 Republican women reaching out to me. These are just women saying, yes, we do this work. And thanks
00:45:36.120 for highlighting that in a way that made us laugh and made us be able to kind of like make fun of
00:45:41.900 Elizabeth Warren too, instead of being so scared of her. And I'm like, yes, and amen. Because look,
00:45:47.660 and I'm not, I don't say this in like a braggadocious way. I say this in like a very grateful way.
00:45:52.000 There's not very many people that do satire. There's not very many people that can. And we like have a
00:45:59.500 lot of creative people here. And sometimes like our satire videos are better than others. That's just
00:46:03.920 how it goes. But I think, I honestly believe that it is a tool that God has given me, has given us
00:46:10.240 to make important points, to convey them in a way that is even more effective than me just telling you,
00:46:17.420 hey, X, Y, X, Y, Z. Like when I'm making fun of the Democratic Party and the things, I'm literally
00:46:25.040 making fun of evil. I am, I, of evil. I am trying to show people in a way that I hope
00:46:32.900 is convincing because it kind of makes you laugh that, hey, changing a child's gender or trying to
00:46:40.700 is evil. It's evil. Abortion is evil. It is hypocritical. These immigration policies, they are
00:46:49.300 evil. And I've told you that a million times straight faced and literally. So let me try to
00:46:55.020 do it in a way that makes you laugh. And we've been doing that since 2017, 2018. And that's not,
00:47:02.280 you know, that's not going to stop. Now, that is, it is every church's and organization's right to
00:47:08.320 decide, you know, kind of what they want to represent and what is a distraction and what is not.
00:47:16.680 Like it, it's just like a bummer to me that, okay, making light of these legitimately, objectively,
00:47:22.960 not even politically, but biblically evil things for the purpose of convincing people that they're
00:47:28.680 evil. Like that's the thing that's too much. Like that's the thing. That's the distraction.
00:47:34.840 That's just a bummer. But, you know, that's okay. I understand that I am kind of like in this
00:47:40.620 intersection that I am, we are at this show, like sometimes too political
00:47:47.700 for those who just consider themselves in the religious camp. And we are too religious,
00:47:55.560 too theological for those in the political camp. I understand us talking about the gospel the way
00:48:00.820 that we do, us talking about the difference between gospels and false gospels is really hard
00:48:06.780 for people. A lot of times on the right who are just like, let's just focus on the politics and the
00:48:11.960 culture wars and not talk about any of that stuff. And then talking about the policies and the policy
00:48:17.180 positions and the politicians and the parties and the differences between the two and like,
00:48:24.040 like what is evil and what is not when it comes to politics is really uncomfortable for a lot of
00:48:30.480 Christians. But here I stand, I can do no other. And I will, you know, I will fail a million times in
00:48:36.720 how I do it. Sometimes I am too harsh. Sometimes I'm too sarcastic. Sometimes how I choose to explain
00:48:41.340 something is not effective. And I thought it was going to be and I've made mistakes. And we talk about
00:48:46.620 those on here. But all that to say, like, I'm thankful for all of you who are in this difficult
00:48:53.200 intersection with me, who are, you're trying to navigate it all you're trying to navigate the
00:48:58.740 chaos and the craziness of this world with a little bit of humor. And with as much grace as
00:49:04.960 you possibly can, and with a whole lot of truth, and we're doing it imperfectly, but we're trying,
00:49:09.400 which is why the show is called relatable. And I'm just I know the show isn't for everyone.
00:49:14.020 It's not. But it is for 1000s and 1000s of you out there. And I know I'm biased, but I think that
00:49:22.000 I've got the best and smartest and most fun audience in the world. In this sometimes very
00:49:30.460 difficult combination and intersection in space of culture, politics, and theology. But we're here,
00:49:41.020 we're here and we're going to stay here. And 2023 is going to be an amazingly eventful year that I am
00:49:48.760 sure of there's one thing that we can guarantee is that things are not going to be boring. And we've
00:49:55.240 got a lot of fun plans for this year. So thanks for sticking with us. Share the show with your friends
00:50:00.500 like I would love your friends who you think would like relatable. Or maybe who would, maybe you don't
00:50:06.100 know if they would agree with me yet. Maybe they're Christian friends that you haven't quite convinced to
00:50:09.620 care about this stuff, but they eventually will. I love that person. We bring them in and then we make
00:50:15.060 them care about all this craziness. Share this leave a five star review. If you would like to wherever
00:50:22.360 you listen, subscribe on YouTube if you haven't already, and we will see you back here tomorrow.