Ep 871 ｜ My Advice to New Moms ｜ Q&A
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Summary
In this episode of Relatable, I answer a question from a Catholic listener about why Protestants aren t as outspoken on abortion and birth control as Catholics are about it. I also talk about why Catholics are more pro-choice, and why Protestants are not.
Transcript
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Also, why aren't Protestants more strongly against birth control?
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These are some questions that you guys have asked me.
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We will address those today and quite a few more on this episode of Relatable, which is
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brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
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Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, a wonderful week.
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All right, we're going to get through some of the questions that you guys sent me per
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And hopefully you'll get a lot out of all of them.
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All right, I want to answer this question, which I actually meant to answer last time and I
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just forgot, but I thought that this was interesting.
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So this is a question, presumably from a Catholic, I'm not sure, but just how it's worded, that's
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And the question is, why aren't Protestants more strongly against birth control?
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And so there is, I think, kind of this idea that Catholics are most strongly against birth
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And that is probably true if you're looking at all different kinds of contraceptives, whereas
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many Protestants, especially many evangelical Protestants, especially white evangelical Protestants,
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which is by far the most conservative subset of Protestantism, they may see or we may see
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hormonal birth control as immoral, but not necessarily all forms of contraceptives like condoms and things
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Most Protestants aren't concerned about that, whereas you will probably find more Catholics
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who would be against even that kind of contraceptive.
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And it does seem like the Catholics who are anti-birth control are more consistent and louder
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proponents of not using birth control than Protestants are.
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But I wanted to look this up on Pew Research because I actually, I find this a lot.
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Like, I love that you guys listen to the podcast.
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And so we don't align on some things, but on a lot of things we certainly agree on.
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I'm glad that we're friends and that you follow me.
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And I really respect and admire a lot of your advocacy, especially when it comes to pro-life.
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But I get a lot of like presumptuous questions like, why aren't Protestants more like this?
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Or why aren't they more conservative about this?
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Why aren't they as outspoken about this as Catholics are?
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Typically, when I get these kinds of questions and these accusations about Protestants not
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being strong on something, when you look at the data, Catholics, and this is just, okay,
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When it comes to Catholics in general, and just like Protestants, there's a difference between
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Catholics who actually attend church and who are actually very observant versus Catholics
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The same thing is true of Protestants and how they view the world.
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But if you look at Catholics in general versus Protestants in general, Catholics are much more
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liberal on almost every single subject than Protestants in general are.
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Whether you're talking about abortion, whether you're talking about birth control, whether you're
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talking about homosexuality or gender, just look at the research, especially the research
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that Pew Research has, and you will find that that tends to be true.
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So I wanted to look at this on birth control and contraceptive.
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So three quarters, this is the headline of this particular study, and I can link it for
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Pew Research, three quarters of evangelical Protestants say having an abortion is morally wrong.
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But there are a lot of questions underneath this.
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So the first question is about using contraceptives, and there are three charts, or there are three
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Morally wrong, morally acceptable, not a moral issue.
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So I will say that 4%, only 4%, this is actually incredible, only 4% of Protestants say that using
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contraceptives is morally wrong versus 8% of Catholics.
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And so there are more Catholics who say, as I said a few minutes ago, that using contraceptives
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If you're looking at morally acceptable, the percentage of Protestants that believe using
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contraceptives is morally acceptable is 37% versus Catholics, 41% of Catholics.
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So more Catholics than Protestants think that using contraceptives is morally acceptable.
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And then 48% of Catholics think it's not a moral issue.
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56% of Protestants think it is not a moral issue.
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Now, here's something interesting about abortion.
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I hear a lot, like, why aren't Protestants, why aren't evangelicals as outspoken about abortion
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I really respect and admire all of my Catholic friends who are so staunchly pro-life and are
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leading in a lot of ways the pro-life movement.
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But the pro-life movement just is made up, the majority of the pro-life movement is made
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And so I just don't think that that is, I just don't think that that's true.
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And if you look at the statistics here, 51% of Catholics believe that abortion is morally
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But if you break that down to the category that I am in, white evangelical, 76%, 76% of white
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evangelicals, a subset of Protestantism, believe that having an abortion is morally wrong versus
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16% of Catholics think that having an abortion is morally acceptable versus 14% of Protestants,
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45% of Catholics, or sorry, 31% of Catholics think it's not a moral issue at all versus 28% of Protestants
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And when it comes to homosexuality, like a huge difference.
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Catholics are much more accepting of homosexuality than Protestants are.
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So 32% of Catholics say that homosexual behavior is morally wrong.
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This is all under the same study, by the way, versus 51% of Protestants, 72% of white evangelicals.
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Sorry, I keep getting the one under it confused.
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16% of Catholics believe that homosexual behavior is morally acceptable versus 12% of Protestants.
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And so I just think it's important to look at the data there.
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And I think I gave enough caveats and nuances, but because I have so many strong conservative
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Catholics following me, I do get a lot of these kind of like accusatory, presumptuous questions.
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I'm like, well, let's look at the data, actually.
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Because Protestants just tend to be more conservative on those things, especially those of us who like
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go to churches that actually like believe in the Bible, because there are many Protestant
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churches that quite frankly don't, and those churches tend to be more liberal.
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I'm sure that's true, obviously, of Catholic churches too, ones who actually care about
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the, you know, the authority of the Bible and those that don't.
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So anyway, I've been wanting to answer that question.
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A next question, a more lighthearted question, my favorite day of the year.
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And she's like, April 24th, because it's not too hot and it's not too cold and all you
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need is a light jacket. And she misunderstood the question.
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If it's a reference to that, thank you for referencing that.
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That is a movie and a line of my youth that I appreciate.
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My favorite day of the year, probably July 4th.
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I love summer. Summer is my favorite season, even though it is insufferably hot.
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So probably, yeah, probably the 4th of July. Is that bad?
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Was I supposed to say Christmas or Easter? Sorry.
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So this is a deeper question. I'm not going to spend too much time on it.
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So in high school, we read a senior year of high school as a class,
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And look, I know we've got some disagreements as conservative Christians with some of the things
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that Tim Keller says, some of the things that he doesn't say when it comes to really important
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moral and political issues. I am with you on that.
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That doesn't change the fact that his books have really helped, or at least kind of when I was
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coming into the faith, you know, really strongly and genuinely as a 17, 18 year old.
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Like it doesn't change the fact that his works have had a lot of, had a big influence on me and
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still do in a lot of ways. I've read probably more books from Tim Keller than I have from
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any other author. So anyway, in Reason for God, he talks about a faith without doubt is like a body
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without antibodies. And I don't remember if that was his direct quote or if he was quoting someone
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else, but that's really stuck with me. And now I don't think that we should seek out doubts.
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I don't think that, you know, to try to fit in with the age of deconstruction, like we should be
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like, oh yeah, like I'm really, I'm really doubtful too. Yeah, I was taught that growing up and now I'm
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going to repudiate purity culture just because that's the cool thing to do, whatever. But I do
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think that it's okay to have thoughtful questions and thoughtful, and thoughtful doubts. Now, I don't
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want to put a virtue on doubt though, as if it's something that's good. Like I don't think
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doubting Thomas was an example that we are supposed to follow. I think that we can see that there is
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grace for those doubts and that God is big enough for our questions. And I think it's okay to have
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doubts and even can be good to have doubts as long as we lean into God's truth in order to try to
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understand them better and to try to diminish them or to rectify them. I don't think doubts that we
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allow to just percolate, that we allow to weaken our faith, that we allow the world to answer for us
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are healthy. I think those kinds of doubts that we don't actually wrestle with, like using the power
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of God and the truth of God's word, I think that they can do serious damage, that they can get their
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foot in the door, they can become a stronghold. And so I don't think it's good for us to just say,
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yeah, I have doubts and not to do anything about them. Look, there are theologians for the past 2,000
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years who are much smarter than all of us, who know a lot more about the Bible than we do, who I promise
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you have had the same doubts and the same questions that you and I have had. That's one of my gripes with
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the whole deconstruction movement is the arrogance, not from everyone, but from a lot of the so-called
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thought leaders there that act like their questions that they have about God and the Bible and morality
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and existential issues are novel. Like no one has ever questioned before the existence of evil. Like
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no one has ever asked how it's possible for God to be all good and all powerful and allow such evil
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stuff to happen. Like people have asked those questions before. People have gone through really
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difficult trials, really tough times, and have had to wrestle with how could a good and loving God who
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says that he's my good shepherd and my father and who loves me so much that he sent his son to die for
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me, allow something horrible like this to happen to me or my child. And so I take comfort in that alone
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is that I remember that there have been Christians much stronger than me, much smarter than me,
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who have gone through much more difficult things, who have held on to their faith, even through their
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doubts and their questions. And so let us go to the wisdom of the word and the wisdom of godly and
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strong people who have walked through the fires of tribulation and asked many of our same questions
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when we have doubts. Some of the things that I just listed, those are some of the doubts that I have,
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or I wouldn't even say doubts as much as questions. And are there moments when, just to be transparent,
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I'm like, whoa, what if it's not what I think? What if it's totally different? What if that person
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is right? Of course, there are moments that we all have that way because we're human, because we're
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fallible. Those moments won't go away until glory, until eternity. And so it's okay to have those
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questions. But again, we have to pray through them. We have to think through them. We have to work
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through them. We have to work out our salvation, as we are told in Philippians 2, with fear and with
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trembling, with humility. God is big enough for our questions. I hear that a lot. But I also hear,
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you know, God is big enough for our anger. God is big enough for our shaking our fist, asking,
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why would you do this? Sure, he's big enough. But have you read the book of Job?
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He doesn't take well to that. He doesn't like that. He doesn't appreciate questioning his authority
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and questioning his justice and questioning his righteousness, questioning his judgment.
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That's not something that he takes happily to. Is he big enough to, quote unquote,
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handle it? Of course, he's God. I don't even like using that language. But if you want to see how God
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responds to our assuming that we know better than him, you can read the end of Job. It's not very
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nicely. That doesn't mean there's not grace and forgiveness. There was grace and forgiveness for
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Job. But God chastised him. And so I think in our doubts, we have to realize that we are not God.
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There's not going to be an answer to all the questions that we have on this side of eternity.
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And I think that's okay. And, you know, people often when we talk about like predestination and
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things like that, which personally, like I think is so clear just in the character of God, but also
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passages like Ephesians 1.5, that, oh, like, aren't you scared you're not chosen? Look,
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I spent years of my life when I was little asking God over and over again to come into my heart.
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Asking God over and over again to please die for my or to please help me believe that you died for
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my sins so I wouldn't go to hell. And you know what really I was hung up on probably ages like six to,
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I don't know, maybe 16, was did I do it right? Do I have little enough doubt? Is my faith really
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strong enough? Well, I did keep messing up after that. I did keep, you know, you know, disrespecting
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my parents. I didn't read my Bible. This idea that salvation is actually dependent on me,
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that it's dependent on my faith, and that it's not about God choosing us. That creates a lot more
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insecurity. That creates a kind of performance-based flimsy, like shaky salvation story that I'm glad
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is not my testimony. So when people say, well, you know, aren't you so worried about predestination,
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Calvinism, all that stuff? I'm like, well, actually, I think the fact that God chose us
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before he laid the foundations of the world, as Ephesians 1 tells us, gives me so much security
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because it's not about me. I didn't contribute to my salvation. And so I do have the freedom to doubt
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and to question and to go to God with these things and to know that that's not what determines whether
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Let's see. Well, some of these questions, I just don't have the full experience and wisdom to be
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able to answer about motherhood and marriage. Let's see. But I will say top tips for new moms.
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Okay. That's a good question. Oh, goodness. There's so many tips. There's so many tips that
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I could give you. And these are my opinion. Okay. This is also like controversial territory to step
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into because everything, everyone does things differently. And I'm very much, unless it's sin,
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unless it's actually harmful, I am very much of the mind as a mom that what works for you and your
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family works for you and your family. Again, unless there is some kind of like objective moral
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issue with it. Now, that doesn't mean I disagree or that doesn't mean I agree with everyone's
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methods of motherhood. But, you know, a lot of my friends, a lot of people that I follow,
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they do things in their day-to-day lives that I wouldn't do. There are things that I do
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that if I advertise those things like, you know, daily routines or like food or like all the kind of
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all the kind of stuff that moms do on a day-to-day basis, there'll be plenty of people that would be
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like, I wouldn't do it that way. Or that doesn't make sense. Or I wouldn't have explained it like
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that. Whatever. So, so just understand, I understand that there are going to be disagreements. But
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when it comes to new moms, like brand spanking new moms, the first thing that I would say is let
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other people do things for you that you don't have to do. The only thing you have to do right now,
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the only thing that only you can do is be a mother to your child. No one else can do that.
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I hope that you have a supportive husband who is a great dad. That's great. He can be a supportive
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husband and great dad. I hope you have a mom, mother-in-law, sisters, friends that can come.
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They can help you clean. They can help you cook. They can help you do all of these things. Do not
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deny help. Do not. Okay. I'm telling you right now. Don't you deny help. Someone says, can I do your
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laundry? Can I clean your kitchen? Can I hold the baby while you shower? Only you can shower. No one
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can shower for you. So that would be on the list of things that only you can do. You say yes. You
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don't say, are you sure? You don't say, well, only if you really want to. You say yes. Enthusiastically.
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You will bless that person because they want to bless you. They want the blessing, whether it's selfish
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or not. They want the blessing of feeling really good about using their time and their resources on your
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behalf. So let them. These first few weeks, especially maybe the first few months, if you
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can get away with only doing the things that only you can do, only you can be a parent to your
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toddlers, only you can be a mother to this child, only do those things. And you know what I also had
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to realize? And this was before I gave birth last time. I wanted everything to be in order. I wanted
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all of my rooms to be cleaned out. I wanted everything to be organized. I wanted food to be prepared.
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I wanted all of my ducks in a row before I could allow myself to relax and really go into labor
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and all of that. And that just wasn't going to happen. You know, I had an almost two-year-old
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and I was trying to get work done and everything before I had the baby and I just had to let
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things go. I had to realize the pantry was probably going to get messy again. I probably
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wasn't going to make it to Goodwill to give all these clothes away. I probably should have
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asked for more help than I did, but I also had to just be at peace with some things still
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being in chaos. I had to be okay with the mess. And so rather than trying to control my environment
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to be perfect so I could try to manufacture peace on the inside, I had to tap into the
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peace that's already there and allow my circumstances and allow my outside environment to just be.
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I had to realize that my peace, my calm could not be dependent on everything being perfect
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and in order outside of me because I just didn't have control over those things and that was
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actually going to cause me more stress. So that is just like a general tip that I would give you
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for pregnancy, also for new motherhood, is that like God has given you peace. Tap into that peace
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that you have inside. Everything does not have to be perfect for you to be a happy, joyful,
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and peaceful mom. You're not always going to feel happy, joyful, and peaceful, by the way. That's
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okay. Your breastfeeding journey doesn't go the way you want it to. You wish your husband would pick
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up the slack a little bit more. You wish the house would be cleaner, whatever it is. Some things you're
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just going to have to let go and you cannot allow your peace to depend on those things. Get help also
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with sleep for your baby. I know this is controversial. I just had to add something controversial in there.
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But we love taking care of babies. And I know there is debate about this. Some people will be like,
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no, I'm going to let my baby sleep with me until they're six years old. I love waking up every two
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hours. Okay. That's one of those things that I'm like, you do you as a mom. Like if you want to like
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co-sleep with your baby and you don't want to do any kind of sleep training, I'm talking about
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gentle sleep training, all right? I'm not talking about abandoning your crying newborn at all.
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But getting on rhythms and schedules and helping them learn how to, even as you're there, helping
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them fall asleep on their own, girl, that is like maybe the best thing that we did. Some people
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will be completely anti that. We'll say, you know what? You just let your child dictate when they want
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to sleep. Let them, you know, sleep with you for whatever. Okay. That's fine. That's what you want
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to do. For us, it was six months ish, maybe a little less than that in the bassinet in our room.
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For the first, it was six months. For the second, I think it was less than that. And then go in their
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room, you know, and it's, it's a, it's a, it's a process of how many times they wake up. But I
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will say for our oldest slept through the nights, 12 hours a night since six months old has not
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changed. Second one, a little bit different, better at naps, a little bit touching go at night, but
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sleeps through the night. Look, I know people who are completely anti-sleep training, whose four-year-olds
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still wake up multiple times a night. For us, that was just like a no-go. Okay. That was just
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not going to happen. Personally, I think it is better for your marriage. I think it's better for
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your child. I think it's better for your sanity. I think it's better for you physically to get a
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full night's sleep as soon as you can. For these first few months, that's not going to happen with
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your baby. That's totally fine. It eventually can happen though. It can happen. It takes some
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discipline. It takes some effort. It takes some learning your child and learning yourself and
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learning how all of this goes. And again, we're not talking about abandoning your child to just like
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let them cry it out. That's not what we're talking about. But I recommend some kind of logical,
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compassionate sleep training regimen that will help your child while before their first year be
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sleeping through the night, 12 hours a night. That would be like, that is a great gift to give
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a new mom as well. I promise you that will make you a happier and healthier family. And you will be
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ready sooner for your second child because it's really hard if your three-year-old still isn't
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sleeping through the night to say that you want another child after that. That's my take.
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I'm just going to stir up some controversy and leave it there.
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If I had to vote for one as president, which one? AOC, Hillary, or Bernie?
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Honestly, probably Bernie Sanders. Probably Bernie Sanders. Hillary, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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no. Just too corrupt and too just scary. Too scary. AOC, like we gotta have, I have like a certain
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threshold for IQ that I would hold the president to. I believe Bernie Sanders probably is
00:25:35.020
pretty smart. I think he's totally misguided. But if he actually went back to his roots on some
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things like immigration, he was kind of an immigration hawk at one point. And I think
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probably wouldn't get us involved in as many unnecessary foreign affairs as neocon Hillary
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would. So yeah, I'm probably going to go with Bernie Sanders. Ooh, favorite Carly Jean outfit. Well,
00:25:58.540
I'm wearing one right now. It's all linen. So there's some, there's some cons to linen, obviously.
00:26:05.760
I mean, you can steam this stuff for like an hour and a half and you're like, oh, I got one wrinkle
00:26:11.420
out. But actually this isn't, this isn't really like that. It was really easy to steam this shirt.
00:26:17.040
And I love these pants. They're elastic pants, elastic waistband. And I always love that. Their stuff is
00:26:24.400
just so comfortable. I love all their pants. I love all their jeans. Also, when I'm not pregnant,
00:26:30.840
their tank tops, like I forget the names of them, but like the square cut tank tops are just like
00:26:35.980
really cute and really flattering. It's hard to pick. It's hard to pick. I love their dresses too.
00:26:46.920
Uh, how to help non-believing friends see that their approach to dating is harmful
00:26:53.660
to them. Uh, I think probably the best way to do that because you're not starting from the same
00:26:59.660
premise. Like you don't, you don't subscribe to the same morality that we find from, uh,
00:27:07.460
from the Bible. I think asking questions is probably the best way to start that conversation.
00:27:14.000
I think you can eventually be more explicit if you want to. Well, you know what? Like God's way
00:27:18.880
is better. Here's what I mean by that. Or you can get them to read a book with you. If there's like a
00:27:22.960
great book that you found on dating relationships, or maybe it's just a Christian book about Christianity
00:27:27.680
in general to just kind of plant the seeds. Um, I would, I would just ask them questions about like
00:27:34.060
how it makes them feel. And it's, it's going to be difficult for them not to be defensive and that's
00:27:40.140
okay. But if they keep on ending up with the same toxic guys that are breaking their heart or they
00:27:45.180
keep doing one night stands and the next day they just feel so guilty and empty or whatever it is,
00:27:51.340
I would ask them questions about that. Like what is leading them to pick those kinds of guys? What
00:27:55.960
is leading them to make those choices? And just kind of showing them you don't feel good after this.
00:28:00.800
And you know, there's a better way. They might not know. They might not realize there's a better
00:28:04.540
way. Maybe they need you to show them that. Um, what is your ratio between related bros and related
00:28:12.940
girls? Oh, the ratio is very in favor and related girls. I don't think I've ever said that. I think I've
00:28:18.960
said like related, related gals. Someone suggested related bells. I've never really found one for the
00:28:25.860
gals that I really love. Related bros just flows really well. Um, it is heavily women, but there, I mean,
00:28:32.900
there's a significant portion of guys, but I would say it's probably, it's probably 80, 20 or 85, 15,
00:28:40.400
which I have striven for that. Striven? Is that how you say the past tense of strive? I don't know.
00:28:49.540
I don't know. Um, but anyway, that is what I've worked towards. That's the effort that I've put in.
00:28:54.300
And our audience is very, very unique among, if you consider this like conservative political
00:29:00.920
podcast, which I'm not even sure I would, it's probably the podcast that most weds theology and
00:29:08.420
politics and culture, just like most explicitly, like on the conservative political side. And this
00:29:14.180
is not a criticism of anyone. This is just how it is on the conservative political side. You have
00:29:18.280
like political podcasts that will bring in God and they do it in a sincere way. They talk about the
00:29:23.220
importance of faith and things like that, but it's not theology heavy. They don't necessarily talk
00:29:28.560
about that on every show where it's not one of the primary things that they talk about.
00:29:33.040
And then you've got Christian podcasts that will sometimes weave in some cultural issues,
00:29:37.360
but won't necessarily talk explicitly about politics. That's totally fine too. Um, this is
00:29:43.760
probably one of the, I won't say the only, one of the only shows that talks about these things in the
00:29:49.840
exact way that we do. And that is very intentional. And I also have very intentionally tried to create
00:29:58.080
this show in a way that targets and is comfortable for and attractive to my, the, the audience that
00:30:05.720
I'm looking for, the audience that I really represent. That's why it's called relatable because this is
00:30:09.660
just me being sincere, trying to navigate through the craziness and the chaos of this world as a 31 year
00:30:16.400
old Christian woman. So that's most of who listens to this podcast, mostly ages 25 to 45 women. Um, there's
00:30:24.260
plenty of people that fall outside of that. There's older relatable listeners who I really appreciate.
00:30:28.740
There's college age, there's high schoolers and middle schoolers even that listened to this with
00:30:33.380
their parents. There's guys out there who listened to this. And so, yeah, there's, there, there is a
00:30:38.040
wide range, but I have very intentionally tried to carve out this part of the market, if you will.
00:30:45.420
And there are very, very few political, any kind of newsy, I wouldn't consider us newsy,
00:30:51.780
but newsy podcasts that have a majority female audience. Most people that pay attention to
00:30:56.640
politics on YouTube and follow any kind of political podcasts are male. They are very male
00:31:03.560
dominated audiences. Not at relatable. Here we are. This is the home, the home for Christian women,
00:31:10.260
Christian conservative women, mostly trying to navigate the craziness of this world, hopefully
00:31:15.500
from a biblical perspective. Um, all right. I think that's where we will end for today. Thanks so
00:31:23.180
much for listening. Hey, related bells and related bros. If you could please leave us a five-star review
00:31:33.100
wherever you listen to relatable, that would mean so much to us. And it really does help the show.
00:31:38.800
Also, if you haven't subscribed to our YouTube channel, please do. Thanks.