Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 89 ｜ You Ask, I Answer

00:00:00.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. So last week we did an interview. This week we're

00:00:05.580 going to do something a little bit different. Actually, I guess it was a conversation,

00:00:09.360 not an interview. That's what I'm trying to call it. But this week we're going to just do something

00:00:14.000 fun because you guys asked that I would kind of change it up on Fridays. It's just kind of like

00:00:19.340 the wild card day. I'll try to keep it pretty consistent so you can kind of expect what you're

00:00:24.760 going to get out of this. And I always want to give you value. I never want you to feel like

00:00:29.060 you're just listening to something just to listen to it. A lot of you guys have expressed

00:00:33.920 gratitude or enthusiasm about Q&A. And so we are going to do that. We're going to answer some of

00:00:40.660 your questions. I'm also going to take this opportunity to give you guys a bump date.

00:00:45.120 As most of you know, if you're not new to the podcast, I am pregnant. I'm six months pregnant.

00:00:51.060 I am almost tomorrow. I will be 26 weeks. So almost in the third trimester, which is crazy.

00:00:57.840 Those of you who have kind of watched my pregnancy are probably like, oh my gosh,

00:01:01.560 this is going by so fast. I feel like that always happens. Other people's pregnancies 0.67

00:01:06.040 are over in like two weeks, but your own pregnancy, those of you who have been pregnant,

00:01:10.640 you understand this. It feels like it goes by forever, especially your first one because you're

00:01:15.760 not taking care of other little ones. So you just are like, I think I'm going to be pregnant

00:01:21.640 for the rest of my life. And the month of June when I'm due sounds like a really long way away.

00:01:29.020 And so it's like, oh my gosh, am I really going to be pregnant for that long? But at the same time,

00:01:33.740 it's now it kind of seems like it's sliding by really fast because I always told myself at the

00:01:38.200 beginning of my pregnancy, I was like, okay, I'm going to put off doing the nursery and doing all

00:01:42.260 of that kind of stuff, having a registry until April. And in April, two months before the baby is

00:01:47.340 born, I'm going to start doing all of that stuff. And now it's like towards the end of March. And

00:01:51.700 I'm like, oh my gosh, it is almost April. And I still have so much to do. As you guys know,

00:01:58.000 I'm writing a book. As many of you know, I'm writing a book. It's going to come out in 2020.

00:02:02.720 And I can't tell you the title of it, but it's a lot of what we have been talking about on this

00:02:07.740 podcast of this kind of self-centered doctrine, both in and outside of Christianity that has permeated

00:02:14.840 the way that we think about theology, the way that we think about the world, the way that we

00:02:21.160 think about politics and why that is so endemic in our society and what we can do to fight against

00:02:26.200 that in our own personal lives and also against culture in general. I'm really excited about it.

00:02:31.460 I know you guys are going to like it. It's going to give you something even more than what you're

00:02:35.900 getting from the podcast. So don't think just because you've listened to the podcast that,

00:02:39.700 oh, I'm not going to read Ali's book because I can get everything out of the podcast. No,

00:02:42.580 I'm dishing some stuff that I've never dished before and talking about things that I've never

00:02:47.240 talked about before. And you're going to feel fully equipped and you're going to laugh and cry

00:02:52.000 and all that good stuff too. So, but I'm trying to finish that book or I'm trying to write that book

00:02:56.620 while I'm pregnant. And that, so I've got like two ticking time bombs for lack of a better term.

00:03:03.120 I've got this child inside of me that has now decided to do workouts about every few hours of the day

00:03:10.040 inside my uterus. And I've also got this book and writing a book guys, it's overwhelming. It just,

00:03:17.500 it just is. It's, it's not like when I sit down to write my notes for this podcast,

00:03:22.440 which it comes so naturally to me or writing a script for a video that comes so easily and

00:03:27.740 naturally to me or writing an article comes less easily to me, but I know it has to end at some

00:03:34.200 point, but a book it's so permanent. It's so concrete. You're going to be judged by it.

00:03:38.780 You're going to be criticized on it, what you say in it. It's really hard to take back things that

00:03:43.380 you write in a book. You can't edit it after it's published and it's going to be hopefully

00:03:48.200 widely circulated. And you do have a word limit, but the word limit of course is longer than anything

00:03:54.540 you've ever written before. And so it's just a very overwhelming process. And the fact that I have

00:03:59.260 April coming up, the time that I have to do all my baby stuff and the book is still going.

00:04:04.780 It's just, it's a lot, but you know, I will say I am extremely, I'm extremely thankful. I'm so

00:04:11.400 thankful for my job that I have a job where I work from home basically. Yes, I do travel,

00:04:17.000 but I've kind of lightened up on the travel this, this spring while I'm trying to write this book

00:04:22.160 and get prepared for everything. Uh, someone the other day, one of my friends was saying, wow,

00:04:26.400 you must be like the busiest pregnant person. No, I'm not. That's very kind to say because I do have a

00:04:33.220 lot going on. But I think about those of you out there who already have three kids,

00:04:37.800 five kids and are pregnant. Those of you who have the eight to five job where you're going into the

00:04:42.220 office every day. Those of you who are nurses, those of you who are teachers, where you are not

00:04:46.240 just physically spent and mentally spent, but you're emotionally spent all day. I do have a lot

00:04:51.740 going on, but I also have a lot of privileges working from home and having a pretty flexible schedule

00:04:58.260 that I understand that other people don't have. So shout out to all of you who are, uh, moms. I

00:05:04.680 mean, I guess technically I'm a mom, but, uh, moms of children that are outside of the womb

00:05:09.460 and who are running around chasing them. Moms who are working full time, who are in an office, 0.62

00:05:16.160 who had to go through that grueling first trimester of being tired and sick all of the time

00:05:21.260 and trying to be perky and happy at work. God bless you. I might have some stuff going on,

00:05:27.440 but I am no busier and no more stressed than the many of you out there who are pregnant,

00:05:33.120 who are moms, who are working, who are doing all of the crazy and great things that you're doing.

00:05:37.700 So that's kind of my pregnancy update. I am feeling pretty good. Uh, sleep is kind of getting

00:05:45.440 weird for me. My body has been on a weird sleep schedule. I'm pretty paranoid person,

00:05:50.540 kind of in a hypochondriac, but that's gotten a little bit better as the pregnancy has gone on.

00:05:55.560 You get more confident. Now the baby is technically viable. Of course, we know that life begins at

00:06:00.960 conception and it's valuable, uh, from the very beginning, but now the baby is viable,

00:06:05.520 meaning that it has a better than halfway chance of surviving. Should I go into labor early? Of course,

00:06:12.100 that's not what you want to happen. The baby still has a lot of development in learning to

00:06:16.440 breathe on its own. It's lungs are still developing. It's eyes are developing.

00:06:20.540 Its brain is developing. Of course that development goes on after birth, but a lot has to happen for

00:06:25.460 this to be a baby that's ready to exit the birth canal. So you don't want an early birth, but if

00:06:31.660 it does happen at this point, you know, that there are, there are ways to make the baby likely to

00:06:38.840 survive. And so you do kind of have more confidence at this point, but of course, every little thing

00:06:43.840 that happens, like I had this like stomach spasm the other day that I was like, Oh my gosh,

00:06:48.380 what is what's happening? And I'm like freaking out. I email my doctor. I really don't do that

00:06:53.880 very much. Actually. I know I said that I'm paranoid, but I actually try not to Google that

00:06:57.980 much. And I don't call my doctor and I don't email my doctor unless I like really have to,

00:07:01.880 but this kind of did freak me out. I was like, what the heck is going on? So I, um, but everything's

00:07:08.940 fine. It was just a twitch. Stomach is just growing. It is weird. Having people know that I'm pregnant

00:07:15.260 now. I felt like I just hit it for so long. And I just had this thing in my head when I was in

00:07:19.500 public, like, Oh, I'm pregnant, but no one knows. Like the other day, uh, it was Monday. I think I

00:07:24.620 went to dinner with my brother and I had the tray of food and I was about to carry it to my table and

00:07:29.880 the cashier was like, do you want me to carry that for you? And I was like, what? Like it's a salad

00:07:35.380 and soup. Why would I need you to get, but then I realized he probably can tell I'm pregnant. He's just

00:07:39.260 being a kind person. Great perk to being pregnant. As I've said before, is that people are so much

00:07:44.900 nicer to you. There's so much nicer to you. Now, some people, and guys, we've talked about this

00:07:51.440 on Instagram. For those of you who follow me, some people, not so much. So one side of it is that

00:07:57.440 people are really nice to you. They want to do things for you. They want to go out of their way

00:08:01.420 to make you comfortable. That part is awesome. And you have like all the excuses in the world

00:08:06.860 to do what you want to do, eat what you want to eat and avoid the things that you want to avoid.

00:08:11.800 They're real excuses, by the way. It's not lying. It's just like, no, I'm literally,

00:08:16.800 no, it's actually, it's real. Like I really am fat and tired. Like I can't do that thing that I could

00:08:21.260 have done when I'm not pregnant. It's a great way to make legitimate excuses. But some people,

00:08:28.200 so that's one side of it. The other side of it is that people, and those of you who have been

00:08:31.900 pregnant, get this. People feel that they have a license to say things to you that they would not 0.97

00:08:40.060 say to someone who is not pregnant. Did I, I don't even remember if I've said this. I don't think

00:08:47.580 I shared this on a podcast and I'm not even going to say exactly what this person said.

00:08:52.860 Did I already share this? I'm so sorry if I did. I'm going to have to reshare the story. I guess

00:08:56.860 this is pregnancy brain. Um, so I was at this political event and this sweet, kind, well-meaning

00:09:04.160 lady came up to me. I was with my dad and this other person, this lady came up to me and was like, 0.89

00:09:11.760 I, uh, Oh, I didn't know that you were pregnant, but I could tell on TV because your face is fuller. 0.80

00:09:17.440 And then she also said something else about my appearance that I will not repeat. Cause those

00:09:21.760 of you say that you have children in your car. And I was like, Oh my gosh, why would you say this to

00:09:30.500 me? First of all, even just like your face is fuller thing might be true, but like, do you need

00:09:35.100 to comment on that? Um, and why would you say anything other than to a pregnant woman? Other 0.98

00:09:40.820 than you look awesome. You look great. You are glowing. Oh, I'm so excited for you. You're going

00:09:46.800 to be a great mom. So here is my advice to you because I didn't necessarily think about these

00:09:51.060 things before I was pregnant. So I'm not condemning you. I'm not judging you. You might just have not

00:09:54.740 thought about it. You don't really think about it until you're pregnant yourself. And you're

00:09:57.460 getting these comments and you're like, yeah, that's kind of rude. So just think about this.

00:10:01.840 If you are not pregnant or if you haven't gotten pregnant yet, um, don't comment on some, I don't

00:10:07.380 know how big someone is, unless you like really know them, like this is your best friend and you

00:10:11.140 can joke with them. This is your sister. Okay. Whatever. But someone that you don't really know

00:10:14.840 very well, don't say that they're big. Don't say that their face looks different. Don't say that,

00:10:21.360 Oh, you could tell that they were pregnant, but you weren't sure because that just makes them feel 1.00

00:10:24.460 like they, okay, maybe they look fat. No one really wants to hear that. Okay. I'm just going

00:10:28.700 to speak for all pregnant women. When I say, we know we look fat. Okay. I get it. Especially me

00:10:33.660 because I've eaten Chick-fil-A almost every day of my pregnancy. I probably could have saved some

00:10:37.460 pounds if I wanted to, but I just gave into the temptation. That's another great part about

00:10:41.760 pregnancy. Don't say that a woman looks big and like, don't even say that her stomach is big. 0.91

00:10:47.220 Like I know that that seems totally innocuous, but I've gotten so many messages from people

00:10:53.340 from pregnant women saying, Oh my gosh, I heard this. I heard this. And this for my feelings,

00:10:56.840 things that I didn't even think about. But for example, don't tell a woman, Oh my gosh, 1.00

00:11:02.160 you must be about to pop because what if she's not, what if she's 32 weeks pregnant, 0.98

00:11:05.960 which means she still has two more months and you just told her that she's huge. 0.98

00:11:10.280 Just don't say it. Don't say it. Only acceptable things to say to a pregnant woman that you don't know 1.00

00:11:16.680 super, super well. You look great. You're glowing. You're going to be a great mom. I'm so excited for

00:11:23.040 you. Congratulations. Ask them questions about preparing for it. Do not say, do you have twins

00:11:29.500 in there? Don't don't just don't. Um, or don't say anything. You don't have to say anything,

00:11:37.160 especially if you're like a guy, like it's probably safe to just stick with the congratulations or

00:11:42.400 something like that. I maybe that's sexist. I don't really care. Uh, now some of you maybe are

00:11:48.480 like way tougher than me. And you're just like, you know what? People are going to say what they're

00:11:51.900 going to say, which of course is true. You can't like, I'm not going to like rip someone to shreds,

00:11:56.200 but the things that you guys have heard that you guys have told me that people have said to you

00:12:01.220 while you're pregnant, I'm just like, some people just need to be put into their place. Okay. Um, 0.99

00:12:06.780 now all of this said, this is always the caveat that I give after I give a bump date, because that's

00:12:11.900 basically my entire bump date is that, um, I just want to remind all of you that those of you who

00:12:19.940 are not pregnant, who are single, who are wanting to be married, who are maybe married,

00:12:27.700 hasn't been able, you haven't been able to get pregnant yet. You are struggling with infertility.

00:12:32.260 Maybe you suffered a miscarriage. Maybe you've gone through something in your life that

00:12:36.020 doesn't allow you to get pregnant. Maybe this is a sore point for you, a point of just sorrow.

00:12:43.320 I want you to know that I see you and I think about you and I, uh, sympathize with your pain,

00:12:51.500 even though I haven't been exactly where you are and know that even though I talk about my bump dates

00:12:57.180 and I talk about pregnancy and all of that, that I will never forget about you or think that your

00:13:01.900 value is placed in or found in being a mom, that your value is as a human being made in the image

00:13:08.880 of God who has a soul and has an eternal purpose and an eternal destination outside of what your

00:13:15.840 earthly role is as a mom, as a wife, as whatever, and that God is in control of your life and that

00:13:21.760 you are not missing out, um, necessarily. You are not missing out by not being able to have kids

00:13:29.900 or not getting married. These things are wonderful things, but the Bible says that Paul says,

00:13:36.300 I wish all of you could be as I am. It is better to be a single than to be married because you can

00:13:41.940 devote yourself fully to Christ. If that is the case, then you can find fullness of joy apart from

00:13:47.180 those things. And you are just as worthy and as valuable and as productive and as important in this

00:13:54.340 world to the kingdom of God without those things. We've also talked about the importance of if

00:13:59.840 you can have children and you are married to have children that aside from, uh, not being able to

00:14:06.580 have kids and aside from ministry obligations that, uh, we should be people who, once we are married,

00:14:14.740 who want to have kids because children are a blessing. They are not an inconvenience. They are

00:14:18.940 not a burden. They are not a hindrance to your travels. Something that I used to believe I did.

00:14:23.780 And I'll just admit that. Like I was, I simply thought of kids as a hindrance to the things that

00:14:28.540 I wanted to do. And I need to check all of my boxes before I had them, but that's not the biblical 0.55

00:14:33.000 perspective of kids. So I just always want to give those two caveats that, um, I see all of you,

00:14:38.620 no matter what stage of life that you're in. And I am very grateful that you celebrate with me,

00:14:43.220 even if you're in a different stage of life, those of you who are in my same stage of life.

00:14:47.020 Uh, I love that we've been able to walk through this together. A lot of you guys have said that

00:14:51.020 you're praying for me. Thank you so much. And I love hearing your stories. I love hearing your

00:14:55.900 advice. Some advice that I give from people, uh, interesting, but most, most of the time,

00:15:03.480 especially the people who actually listen to my podcast, those are usually like random, like

00:15:07.020 men who try to give me pregnancy advice. And I'm like, what, but you guys who listen to my podcast,

00:15:12.640 you guys give me great advice and great encouragement. And so love all of you just wanted to give you that

00:15:17.920 update. And now I am going to answer some of the questions that you guys sent me. You guys sent me

00:15:25.060 a lot of good questions. And I said, personal, political, professional, whatever they are.

00:15:29.600 Okay. This question is, is it appropriate to wear leggings to a corporate job? If you have a cardigan

00:15:33.780 or something covering your behind and you've seen other coworkers do before, I love that question.

00:15:38.220 Well, I do think it depends on the environment of, of your office. And I, I don't think that there is,

00:15:48.900 uh, like an objective biblical perspective on this. Now I think if the leggings have like a zipper and

00:15:54.760 pockets and they look like pants, if they're jeggings or they're even work pants that are like that

00:16:00.400 stretchy, tighter material, but they look like actual pants. I personally would say that's okay. As long

00:16:07.180 as whatever you're wearing on top is appropriate. And of course they're not see-through or anything

00:16:12.440 like that. And you do have adequate coverage everywhere. Now, I think the best thing to do

00:16:18.920 would be to ask someone who has worked there for a long time. I think the best way to do it in a way

00:16:23.000 that wouldn't seem like you're passive aggressively accusing them of wearing something inappropriate

00:16:26.780 would be to try on whatever outfit you want to try on, take a picture of it in the mirror and then

00:16:32.760 show a coworker and say like, I just don't know. Do you think that this is appropriate to wear to

00:16:37.060 work? Just be, be honest. Do you think this is good? And maybe don't even say anything. Hey,

00:16:41.220 is it appropriate to wear leggings at work? Because if that person is wearing leggings at work,

00:16:45.040 they might think that you're being passive aggressive about them wearing leggings at work.

00:16:48.580 Girls are weird. Um, so that's probably what I would do. I don't know if you have like a good 1.00

00:16:52.400 enough relationship with your boss to where you feel comfortable doing that. If this is a corporate job,

00:16:57.120 maybe not, but if there's a coworker that you trust, that's been there for a while,

00:17:00.460 I would ask them about a particular outfit. If you are uncomfortable doing that,

00:17:05.100 I would err on the side of caution and not do that. I would wear trousers or I would wear a skirt

00:17:11.560 until you feel comfortable enough, making sure that that's okay. Chances are, if you've seen other

00:17:16.500 people do it, it's probably fine. Again, as long as it still looks professional and it's modest,

00:17:23.300 some people probably have different opinions on that. I personally, if it's a corporate job,

00:17:27.740 wouldn't wear athletic leggings or just plain cotton leggings. Uh, but again, it's kind of something

00:17:32.620 that you have to, you have to feel out and you probably just have to assess the situation

00:17:37.600 where you are. Next question. I am a senior in high school and I'm very passionate about politics,

00:17:42.780 but I'm feeling conflicted about majoring in poli-sci as I'm afraid I won't get a good job.

00:17:47.080 What should I do? Thanks. Love the podcast. Um, okay. Here's my honest opinion. I don't think it

00:17:52.560 really matters what you major in unless you know that you want to go to grad school for,

00:17:58.660 for something. If you want, if you want to go to med school, if you want to go to law school,

00:18:02.920 even if you want to, um, go to business school and get your master's, whatever. Um, I, I don't,

00:18:11.520 I don't think, I don't think what you major in is that important. I majored in communication studies.

00:18:17.080 I simply majored in what I was interested in. I thought about double majoring, but then I realized

00:18:22.000 that that's not really going to help me in life. It's just going to stress me out. I thought about

00:18:25.880 going to law school at one point. And when I did, I was going to maybe do poli-sci in English. And

00:18:31.860 then I realized, no, I don't want to go to three more years of school. So I majored in communication

00:18:36.860 studies. It wasn't a hard major. And I think I probably could have majored in anything and still

00:18:42.040 gotten the job in PR that I got out of high school, out of high school, out of college. And I still

00:18:48.080 probably could have gone on to do what I do now. Now, communication studies was something that was

00:18:52.100 genuinely interesting to me and I was good at it. I was good at public speaking and, um, I was good

00:18:59.200 at my calm classes and I really liked it. I loved my poli-sci classes too. Probably could have majored

00:19:04.900 in that. I think that you major in what you're interested in and what matters more than what

00:19:09.600 you major in. Now don't major in something stupid where you're not going to learn in something,

00:19:13.020 learn anything of value, but in political science, you're going to learn something that is valuable.

00:19:17.600 What matters more is the kind of, uh, internships I think that you have in college and the kind of

00:19:24.360 experience that you are able to gain both in leadership positions on campus, extracurricular

00:19:30.200 activities, and in the internships, apprenticeships that you, that you take. I think that matters more

00:19:37.020 to what you will be able to do after college than what you majored in. There are lots of different

00:19:43.000 majors, uh, that you can have and still get a successful job. But if you know that you want to 1.00

00:19:48.540 do something in the realm of political science, whether it's going to law school or being in

00:19:53.840 politics or being a journalist or whatever it is, political science can apply to a lot of things.

00:19:59.540 I went to a liberal arts college, which allowed me to take on a pretty general major that could

00:20:04.700 apply to a lot of things. There are goods and there are bads to that. I went into my first job in PR

00:20:09.040 not fully prepared. I didn't know how to write a press release. I didn't know how to do these

00:20:12.480 specific things, but I had a lot of knowledge in different areas that probably people who only

00:20:18.600 majored in PR at a state school, uh, did, did not have. So there are goods and, and there are,

00:20:24.720 are bads to that. So that's what I would tell you. Don't worry too much about your major worry about the

00:20:31.960 leadership that you are practicing and the roles that you have, um, outside of school and doing,

00:20:36.680 doing well in what you have. Um, what are your top favorite fiction books? Oh,

00:20:42.400 that's really difficult. Uh, okay. What was, so I read this book recently,

00:20:48.460 recently. It was probably like almost a year ago now, uh, but it was called the nightingale

00:20:52.520 and I just love world war two. That's my favorite era. It was a really good fiction book. Now when

00:20:57.320 I was in high school, that's, that was the prime of my fiction time. I was such a nerd looking back,

00:21:02.520 my friends and I, this was really before smartphones. Like you didn't have social media,

00:21:06.900 so you didn't scroll on anything. This is why I say I was a lot smarter in high school,

00:21:10.620 honestly, because I read fiction all of the time, all the time. Like I read all kinds of stuff.

00:21:16.980 I really liked Francine rivers in high school. Now looking back, I'm like, was,

00:21:21.420 aren't those emotionally healthy books? Not really, but the mark of the lion series,

00:21:26.380 that trilogy was so good. Again, that was in high school or maybe college that I read it. So

00:21:32.100 I can't even say that I would read it now and say, Oh my gosh, this is amazing. But I loved it then.

00:21:37.700 And I did love redeeming love. Now we've made fun of redeeming love on this podcast before

00:21:41.360 in the episode titled purity culture, because it is kind of an emotionally and spiritually

00:21:46.860 unhealthy message that we all should be waiting for our Michael Hosea with bated breath all the

00:21:52.080 time. But I loved Francine rivers in high school. And I do think that she's an amazing author,

00:21:57.140 regardless of what you think about the emotional health of her books. I loved romance novels.

00:22:02.540 I loved historical fiction. Uh, and that's what the nightingale is. So I guess I haven't grown out

00:22:08.220 of that at all. I love the book 1984 just because of the cultural relevance that it has and has always

00:22:14.840 had and will continue to have. It's a great book that I recommend every single person read. If you

00:22:20.260 have not read 1984, you need to read 1984. Speaking of reading, my husband told me this interesting thing

00:22:27.320 that he heard on a podcast about how our brains have atrophied. We've talked about that on this

00:22:32.140 podcast before about how we really are dumber. Probably those of us who are around my age, I'm 27

00:22:39.300 dumber than we were 10 years ago, I think because of social media and this guy, this expert on this

00:22:44.880 podcast actually confirmed it. So scrolling on our phone gives us dopamine and it releases dopamine.

00:22:51.920 And it's like a reward. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. Uh, we get a treat. Our brain gets this treat

00:22:59.540 every time we scroll on our phone. And so when we get bored, when our minds, um, don't feel like

00:23:07.100 doing something difficult for me, it's like when I'm writing my book, my brain craves scrolling on my

00:23:14.000 phone. It craves scrolling on Instagram because of the dopamine that's released. Now, when I was in high

00:23:19.540 school, that was not the case. When I was bored, I would read. I didn't have anything to scroll and

00:23:25.260 like TV. Okay. Yeah. I could watch keeping up with the Kardashians or something, but that only lasts so

00:23:30.140 long. And it wasn't, I, my brain actually craved something to feed on and to, it actually craved

00:23:36.880 working out in exercise. And now my brain craves laziness, which is scrolling on social media.

00:23:43.960 So what I always tell people, if you want to get ahead in life, I think that you have to be a good

00:23:49.840 writer and a good communicator because so many people in our generation just aren't, they can't

00:23:53.780 hold a conversation. They cannot form a logical argument, which is why quite frankly, I know I

00:23:58.840 might get in trouble from some of my liberal listeners on this. Uh, why quite frankly, so many

00:24:04.040 young people are liberal because you don't have to think to be a liberal. You have to think to be a

00:24:08.100 conservative. You do not have to think in this day and age as a young person to be a liberal.

00:24:11.520 Well, it doesn't mean all liberals don't think, but it does mean that all, almost all people that

00:24:15.400 don't think are liberals, young people anyway, uh, because they cannot critically think research is

00:24:21.040 too hard. Understanding the constitution is too hard. Understanding complex concepts are too hard.

00:24:25.340 And so they feel everything. And part of it is because our brains have atrophied by social media.

00:24:30.360 So if you want to get ahead, if you want to stay strong, be a cute, a good communicator,

00:24:34.620 be a good writer. You cannot, in my opinion, be a good writer. If you don't read, you cannot.

00:24:39.080 Uh, I look back at some of the things that I read in high school. They're better than the things that

00:24:44.000 I write now because I read a lot more 10 years ago than I do now. Some of it is because I'm

00:24:48.800 busier now, but some of it is because I waste time on Twitter. So my encouragement to you and to myself,

00:24:55.020 I'm preaching to the choir here, uh, is to put down your phone and read and read fiction. There's

00:25:00.500 nothing wrong with reading fiction. A lot of times we think that are, we're wasting time by reading

00:25:04.680 fiction. I don't think so. I think I'm a smarter person, a more creative person and a better writer

00:25:10.540 when I am reading good fiction. I think fiction matters. It helps you be a more critically thinking,

00:25:17.980 creative, uh, well-rounded, good communicating person. Uh, when you read not just how to books

00:25:28.100 or not just self-help books or not just philosophical books, but good fiction, there are ideas and fiction

00:25:33.720 that might not be as obvious as when presented by a self-help book, but that still are really

00:25:39.380 important lessons for our brains to take away. And it actually takes more exercise and effort for our

00:25:43.840 brains to get there, which is good for our brains. And like I said, I'm preaching to the choir cause I

00:25:47.660 never want to read at night, which sometimes I just really don't. Um, okay. Um, okay. I don't know

00:25:54.200 the answer to that one. I don't fully know the answer to that one. Someone asked me my views on

00:26:00.640 teachings from Bethel church. So I do have views, but they're not fully formulated yet. And my views

00:26:08.480 are negative. I'll just say that I've actually talked about it on my podcast before from what I can

00:26:13.340 tell it is, um, overly charismatic emotionalism that has no real grounding in the Bible. So that's my

00:26:20.860 basic thought. I should probably do a more thorough episode on that once I have more information,

00:26:26.820 but yeah, I would be very wary of Bethel church and I would just make sure everything you're hearing 1.00

00:26:32.640 from them, whether it's music or, uh, or teachings that you have your Bible open as you listen and

00:26:40.600 that you make sure that it's actually biblical. Um, any advice for a young Christian conservative

00:26:45.000 woman looking for her future husband? Well, I understand I've been there before and I've always

00:26:51.700 been someone that's, uh, that, you know, has wanted to be married and it's very natural to want to be

00:26:57.120 married. It's a good thing to want to be married. There's nothing wrong with that. Um, I would say

00:27:02.480 get involved in church. I would say get involved in any community, uh, organizations that you can get

00:27:09.600 involved in any kind of service or nonprofit, nonprofit organizations that you can get involved in.

00:27:14.580 I would say just be, uh, connected to a local Christian community. And of course you can pray,

00:27:21.400 uh, now the caveat to the praying is that I do think it's very easy for us women for, uh, yeah,

00:27:30.680 for us women to, um, to idolize our husband and to think that we will not be fulfilled. We will not

00:27:36.540 be happy. We will not be complete until we get married. And that's wrong. Christ satisfies us

00:27:41.340 completely and totally. We don't need a husband to be satisfied. As I've already said, uh, Paul says

00:27:49.780 it's better to be single than to be married. And so your job as a single person is to be satisfied

00:27:55.420 in Christ. That doesn't mean that you won't long for a husband. And that doesn't mean that that's

00:27:58.800 not natural. Of course it is. And it can be very good. And you very, you very well may be married,

00:28:04.840 but you might not. And you have to trust God that he has a good plan for your life and you find joy in

00:28:12.500 his purpose for you. And if he wills you to be married, the right person that he would like you

00:28:21.040 to be married to, that is a believer. Um, he will come along and I would not settle. I do not settle

00:28:27.480 for someone that you don't really love just because you want to be married. That's what I'll say. Uh,

00:28:32.320 is dating at 17 and marrying at 18 a good idea if you and your significant other share values or

00:28:37.500 should we wait longer? That is difficult because I don't know the 17 and 18 year old. I know myself

00:28:42.640 at 17 and 18. I was 18. I was significantly smarter than I was at 17. Seriously. Like I was making way

00:28:48.880 better decisions at 18 than I was at 17. Um, I would think back and I'm like, if I married the guy that

00:28:56.340 I was dating at 18, oh my gosh, thank God. I mean, for me, thank God, literally, I'm not just saying

00:29:04.000 that. Thank God that I did not. I'm so happy with who I married now. You, again, you just don't,

00:29:11.580 you're not fully developed when you're 17, 18. Now, of course people used to do that all the time.

00:29:15.880 They used to stay married, you know, forever getting married at 17 and 18, but the 17, 18 year

00:29:20.900 olds now are not the same as the 17, 18 year olds in the 1940s and fifties. Like we've already talked

00:29:26.900 about this prolonged adolescence has really taken root of our culture and people don't grow up nowadays

00:29:32.340 until they're like 32. And so, but I don't know you, I don't know this particular couple. You might

00:29:38.380 be astoundingly mature. Y'all might not live at home and you might have jobs. If that's the case

00:29:45.760 and you feel like you want to get married and you both are believers, if you are Christians and you

00:29:50.820 are both sure, and you're just way more mature than people around you, then I'm not going to tell

00:29:55.280 you, no, absolutely not. Do I think that it's important to take advice from other people,

00:30:00.100 wise people that you trust? Yes. Do I think it's important that you assess your financial

00:30:04.940 situation, that you assess your education situation, that you assess some practicalities

00:30:10.520 and logistics when you're a teenager thinking about getting married? Of course I do. I think

00:30:14.720 it's good to employ with someone, of course, pray about this. But if you're 18, I would say

00:30:20.680 if you're 18 years old and you want to get married and all the things are aligned, I can't

00:30:25.380 say objectively that absolutely not. But there are a lot of things, a lot of things that I would

00:30:31.320 consider first. Okay. So do you have any encouragement for a gal who feels all alone in her views, both

00:30:40.700 politically and spiritually, even at the world's largest Christian university? Girl, I know how you

00:30:47.840 feel. And I am really sorry. I would, I would try to find, I would try to find and pray for people who

00:30:55.560 are like-minded. I am curious to know what you feel alone in, which is a totally normal feeling,

00:31:02.720 by the way. You just don't feel understood. You don't feel like people truly share the beliefs that

00:31:06.640 you have. I would pray for like-minded friends and community. I would get involved in church, try to

00:31:11.700 have a small group, try to find points of commonality among people that you think might disagree

00:31:16.940 with you. Stay rooted and grounded in the word and don't compromise your values and your faith just

00:31:22.460 to be liked by other people. But I understand this is hard and you're going to have to pray for

00:31:26.220 strength to persist through this loneliness. And it's a really hard feeling. I have totally been

00:31:36.040 there. I totally was there in college at a pretty conservative university. And I know how you feel and

00:31:41.380 it is really hard. Unfortunately for me, I ended up compromising my values to be liked and to get

00:31:47.800 affirmation and attention. And I can tell you from experience that does not end well. I racked up a lot

00:31:52.740 of regrets in that season of my life because I thought that partying and hooking up and all that

00:31:56.600 stuff would make me feel better about myself and make me feel more accepted. And it didn't. It just

00:32:02.360 made me feel worse and it made me feel empty. And so I don't recommend that. I recommend that you

00:32:07.020 stay the course and you pray for strength and you pray for godly community and you look for ways to

00:32:11.380 serve other people, even people that maybe you don't agree with or think that you wouldn't be

00:32:15.500 friends with. OK, just a couple more questions. This is a great question. Someone says, when I look

00:32:21.800 at myself in the mirror, what should I say to myself to be reminded of who I am? Appearance can

00:32:25.760 definitely set off my trash person self alarm. And I want a way to combat that. Yes, I totally

00:32:31.820 understand. Speaking of college, I also had a season in college where I really struggled

00:32:36.940 with insecurity. I my skin all of a sudden got terrible. My hair started falling out at this

00:32:43.420 period in college. I had also gained weight and I just hated how I looked. And I was so

00:32:49.980 obsessed with my appearance and wanting to be more like other people. And it really just led me to this

00:32:57.340 very selfish, self-absorbed place. And it wasn't, as I've said many times before, more self-love or

00:33:03.600 self-motivation that I needed. It was less thinking about myself and realizing the things that are

00:33:08.680 important, which is our eternal purpose as as people who are in Christ. And so our comfort for

00:33:17.020 insecurity, which is a real thing, you shouldn't just say, oh, no, I'm not going to be insecure

00:33:20.720 because I'm a Christian. No, you'll be insecure. You'll hate your body. You'll be self-conscious.

00:33:25.440 You'll be worried about what you look like and you'll be trapped in the trap of comparison.

00:33:30.120 Our comfort for all of those things is not, girl, you are awesome and you're like Beyonce because

00:33:36.260 you're probably not. I'm not like Beyonce or you, really. If you are awesome, more power to you. Maybe

00:33:42.080 you should say that you're like Beyonce. You're probably not. You're probably just a regular girl 0.98

00:33:45.260 like me. And the reminder that you should give yourself is that you are not your body. You are

00:33:50.820 not your weight. You are not your acne. You are not your disability. You are not whatever thing

00:33:58.400 you think that you have or don't have that other people don't. That is not your identity. Your

00:34:02.940 identity is your soul. Your identity is who you are in Christ. And he has already called you forgiven.

00:34:08.540 He has already called you loved if you are saved in him. He has already called you redeemed. He has

00:34:14.140 said, I have a purpose for you. If you honestly think that I'm going to let your appearance stop

00:34:19.040 me from using you, then you're crazy. And the fact that we have been chosen by a wrathful,

00:34:27.600 but loving and merciful God is the balm for our anxiety. Now, does that mean that you're

00:34:34.380 immediately going to feel good about yourself and you're immediately going to be ready to take on

00:34:38.020 the world and you're never going to think about the fact that you can't zip your pants up anymore

00:34:41.840 that you could wear last month? No, you're still going to think about those things. And there's

00:34:45.700 nothing wrong, of course, with enacting discipline in your life. If, for example, you've begun to indulge

00:34:50.740 too much in junk food and you need to be more disciplined in working out and being a good steward of your

00:34:55.280 body, there's nothing wrong with taking, um, action steps in that regard. If it's a matter of

00:35:00.440 discipline, but some days it's not a matter of discipline. It's just a matter of you don't feel

00:35:03.980 good about yourself and your comfort is that you'll never be enough. You're never going to be good

00:35:08.940 enough. There's always going to be someone prettier than you. Always going to be someone with whiter 1.00

00:35:12.160 teeth. Always going to be someone skinnier than you. Always someone with better hair. So instead of

00:35:16.840 striving after those things, which are ultimately fruitless and will not satisfy you and will fade,

00:35:20.880 uh, strive after God, his, the purpose that he has for you and cultivating the fruit of the spirit,

00:35:26.920 which cannot be done without the power of the Holy spirit. And that's not an immediate fix.

00:35:31.620 That is a lifelong fix and a struggle and something that we have to discipline, discipline ourselves to

00:35:36.480 do. And it's a choice that we make. It's not a feeling that we have. Oh, the problem with a lot of

00:35:41.840 this self-love stuff is that they tell you that you have to feel good about yourself. Well, no,

00:35:47.040 some days you won't feel good about yourself. What's not, what's important is not that you feel

00:35:51.100 good about yourself. It's that, you know, who you are and that you make a choice to remember who you

00:35:56.100 are in Christ. You have no right to look at yourself any differently than what God looks at you as, which

00:36:01.300 is a clean and new and redeemed and purposed for something higher than yourself. So that's my

00:36:09.120 encouragement. I'm going to end on that one. I love doing these Q and A's. I'm sorry that I didn't

00:36:13.140 get to all of the questions. Maybe I'll get to some, um, maybe I'll get to some more next week

00:36:18.380 in our podcast, but love you guys. I hope that you have a great weekend and I'll see you here on Monday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - March 22, 2019

Ep 89 ｜ You Ask, I Answer

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