Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 9 ｜ Who Even Am I？!

00:00:00.000 Hello. Hello. What is happening? It is Wednesday, which means it is time for another episode of

00:00:06.520 your all time favorite podcast with me, your host, Allie Stuckey. And if relatable is not

00:00:13.300 your favorite podcast, you should send me an email to tell me what I can do to make this

00:00:18.960 your favorite podcast of all time. My email is Allie at the conservative millennial blog.com.

00:00:24.380 Unless you are a liberal, then I can probably guess why you don't like it. But regardless of

00:00:28.940 your political affiliation, you are free to email me and tell me your counter arguments.

00:00:32.840 I welcome your disagreements. If this is your favorite podcast, or even if you just remotely

00:00:40.040 kind of like this podcast, then you should definitely go to crtv.com slash Allie and see

00:00:47.240 my weekly videos that I put out covering different things, faith, media, politics, college campuses,

00:00:52.720 et cetera. Sometimes I interview people. You can use a promo code. Everyone loves a promo code. It's

00:00:57.940 Allie20 for a discount on your subscription. So you should definitely do that.

00:01:02.900 Follow me if you so desire on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Please also leave me a five-star review.

00:01:11.900 Subscribe. Share this with your friends. That would mean so much to me. Unless again,

00:01:17.320 you don't like it. Or if this is your first time listening, that's totally fine. You can reserve

00:01:21.400 your judgments until the end. Okay. So class, who is excited about summer? I am. I don't even know

00:01:28.800 why I'm excited about summer. I don't even get any benefit from summer like you amazing teachers or you

00:01:36.060 amazing college students do or high school students. It's the same old, same old for me, except it's just

00:01:41.000 hot. And let me just tell you for all of you people that do not live in Texas and don't know Texas in

00:01:50.020 the summer is not even like normal hot. Don't, don't even talk to me if you are from Georgia or 1.00

00:01:55.920 South Carolina, because I've lived in both those places. I lived in Athens and I lived in Greenville,

00:02:00.680 South Carolina. I've been to Atlanta. I've been to Columbia, which are basically like the sweatiest

00:02:05.580 armpits of the South and they still do not compare to Dallas heat. Those of you who live outside of

00:02:13.800 the greatest state in the United States have no idea what I'm talking about. See, because in Georgia

00:02:19.460 or in South Carolina and probably in other places in the Southeast, you can get in the water or you can

00:02:26.260 go in the shade and it gets cooler as it should. Like, I feel like that's how science works. That's

00:02:32.760 normal. That's like normal sunshade behavior relationship. That is not the case in Texas.

00:02:39.040 In Texas, you go in the shade and it's like, oh, cool. It just got darker, but it's still just as

00:02:46.020 hot. Great. You get in the water for a refreshing dip and you're like, oh, awesome. I am in a boiling

00:02:52.760 cauldron. That's great. I love it. Might as well just like go grab my loofah real fast because this

00:02:58.160 water is literally my bath. Super helpful. There's literally like no relief from heat in Texas.

00:03:06.040 One summer when I was in high school, those of you who do live in Texas might remember this. It was

00:03:10.760 probably like almost 10 years ago now because I'm old. We had a heat advisory for 30 days. If you don't

00:03:19.300 know what a heat advisory is, like do not even complain about the heat to me. A heat advisory is

00:03:25.300 usually issued when it is so grossly hot outside that people could die. Okay. Like their life could

00:03:31.120 be over because of the sun. We weren't supposed to go outside at all during the heat advisory in high

00:03:37.360 school. But, you know, you got to get tan, especially in high school. I remember trying to lay out and my

00:03:43.700 body immediately like had these red welts all over it. Like what? What the heck? Like it's cookie in the

00:03:50.540 freaking oven down here. Um, we have like five days in Texas, maybe of 80 degree weather until God is

00:03:58.460 like, no, nope, no, you shall no longer enjoy the outdoors. I mean, and when you think about it,

00:04:06.140 it kind of makes sense. It's like God made Texas the best place to live in the entire world. So he

00:04:11.280 was like, you can't have it all. You can't have manageable weather and an awesome economy and no

00:04:16.680 income tax. So here you go. Uh, here's some insane property tax and 150 degree heat from which there 1.00

00:04:22.980 is no recourse. So you're welcome. Um, all this to say though, sometimes I go down the rabbit hole.

00:04:30.120 You guys know this. I still love the summer. It's my favorite time of the year, despite the heat,

00:04:34.880 despite the sweat that happens like as soon as you walk outside. Uh, maybe I like it because 4th of

00:04:41.860 July is my favorite holiday. Fun fact. And, uh, maybe because it's the only time of year that I

00:04:48.020 have any hope of having any pigment in my skin whatsoever. Those of you who have olive skin,

00:04:53.640 like, you know, the struggle. If you're pale and you have olive skin, you are green. There's no,

00:04:59.820 oh, I'm pale and beautiful. When you have olive skin, it's like, you're either tan or you're on your

00:05:04.640 deathbed. There's no in between. So I am looking forward to having pigment in my skin. Um, I think

00:05:09.980 we're actually maybe going to go on vacation this summer. Possibly we haven't been on one since our

00:05:15.140 honeymoon two and a half years ago. So we might be doing that. Um, if you have good affordable

00:05:20.960 suggestions on where to go, please let me know. Our only requirements are pool food. The place has to 0.80

00:05:28.140 have food. So none of those, um, you know, fasting resorts that you guys know about. Okay. And golf. Um,

00:05:36.680 not for me, but for my husband, but fun fact about me is I actually did play golf in high school.

00:05:43.880 I was actually captain. Yes. Allie. So he was the captain of the golf team in high school,

00:05:49.380 which is actually just a huge joke because when I was there, our girls golf team was so awful and I was

00:05:57.680 so awful. Um, but that's just some Allie trivia for you. So there you go. Um, that actually does,

00:06:05.520 believe it or not lead into kind of what this episode of relatable will be. Um, an episode that

00:06:12.060 talks about kind of my story, who I am, my Christian walk. Um, I won't go into absolutely

00:06:17.260 everything because we don't have 25 hours. Um, but I do just want to give a little context

00:06:24.220 about who I am because I realized I've never really introduced myself to you guys. Although those of you

00:06:30.180 who have been following me for a while probably know, but I get a fair amount of messages asking

00:06:36.340 just kind of about my background and you know, people's stories are kind of long and I just

00:06:41.500 haven't taken the time to do that. Uh, so I'm going to at least a little bit, I won't go into

00:06:46.960 absolutely everything. Like I said, um, I spend a lot of time talking about what I think is wrong,

00:06:51.720 what theology is wrong, what politics are wrong. And I guess I just want to make it clear that even

00:06:57.620 though I have strong opinions on these things, on a lot of things, I in no way think that because

00:07:05.340 I have strong opinions that I'm better than anyone else. I don't want anyone to think that

00:07:09.180 because I talk about Christianity, that I think that I am some super Christian who has never failed

00:07:14.500 or who does never fail. Uh, no one has ever told me listening to this podcast that I'm coming across

00:07:21.840 that way or that I'm coming across as uppity or anything like that. But still, I just thought it

00:07:25.920 would be helpful and even more relatable for me to just kind of give a little overview on Allie.

00:07:32.420 Um, but if, because if this podcast is truly supposed to be relatable, then I want you guys to

00:07:38.400 relate to me, not just through what I think about certain topics, but also with my own story and who

00:07:43.520 I am, because chances are we probably have at least a few things in common and we can encourage each

00:07:51.740 other by sharing in those things. Like it says in Romans 1, 11 through 12, for I long to see you

00:07:57.800 that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you. That is that we may be mutually

00:08:02.760 encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine. Uh, now I don't see you guys and I might never

00:08:10.740 meet any of you, but I do think it's possible for us to mutually encourage each other with each

00:08:17.980 other's faith. So I just want to peel back a couple of layers so you can see some of mine,

00:08:24.060 um, because there's really something I think irreplaceably powerful about a testimony and

00:08:29.820 someone's story, hearing how the gospel has manifested itself in someone's life in real

00:08:35.080 flesh and blood ways. Um, I love talking about theology and apologetics, but it's actually really

00:08:41.540 easy for me to focus on intellectual analysis of the Bible, which I think is wonderful and

00:08:47.840 extremely important. But sometimes I use that to distract myself from the heart implications of the

00:08:53.940 message of Christ. I, I think it's almost my defense mechanism in some ways against having to really

00:09:00.660 dig into the deep parts of my heart and soul and kind of reveal them to Jesus. I mean, of course he

00:09:08.000 already sees them and knows that they're there. So maybe reveal is, as much is too much of a human

00:09:13.900 term, but you know what I mean? Allowing myself to go there with the power of the Holy Spirit to see

00:09:18.900 the parts of me that maybe aren't yet whole or aren't yet healed, complete, aren't sure of themselves.

00:09:24.600 And to be honest, I really don't like doing that. Sometimes I would rather go read out of my systematic

00:09:30.720 theology book that I have than get to a point in my communion with God through prayer where I'm really

00:09:36.620 looking inside myself and reckoning with the discomfort of being rebuked and reproved and

00:09:43.180 convicted and challenged and sanctified by the word of God. I like knowing the answers. I probably

00:09:48.960 even have some sinful pride in my capacity to learn and understand theological issues, but none of these

00:09:57.060 mean anything. And I know this, none of these mean anything if they're used as distractions rather than

00:10:02.460 as tools to bring us deeper into the heart of God, to increase our love for him, to better our

00:10:07.700 fellowship with him and with those around us. And that is something that I have always really struggled

00:10:14.160 with. I have also struggled really with relating to Jesus, probably for the reasons I listed, rather

00:10:22.000 than relating to God. I actually like and feel like I can relate to, weirdly enough, the character of God

00:10:29.860 in the Bible more than I can, the character of Jesus. And please look, please don't get all seminary

00:10:35.980 on me. Okay. I know that they're one. I'm not saying they're two totally separate people. We're all

00:10:41.920 Trinitarians in here. Okay. But the Jesus depicted in the Bible to me, hasn't been some like easy guy 0.60

00:10:49.220 to accept or even get along with. I mean, he's brash. He seems really cryptic. Sometimes he demands

00:10:55.800 everything of his disciples and he gets to the heart of absolutely every subject. And I think

00:11:02.240 that is what has made me, and I think rightly, uncomfortable with him in the past. It's that he

00:11:08.420 doesn't just settle for the intellectualism or the moralism that comes from the Pharisees. He's not okay

00:11:14.560 with legalism or superficial holiness. He didn't care how much the Pharisees or anyone else knew about

00:11:21.220 the law. He wanted to see them follow it with their heart. He calls the Pharisees whitewashed tombs

00:11:27.120 because of their ability to look great on the outside with all of their holier than thou knowledge.

00:11:34.020 But on the inside, there was actually nothing holy about them. And he calls that out. He didn't,

00:11:40.620 he didn't think that they exemplified the heart of the law that they professed.

00:11:45.620 Um, in Matthew 5, I'm sure you guys have read it. Jesus totally busts up this whole idea

00:11:51.400 that looking and sounding good equals being good. He says things like, yeah, you've heard

00:11:58.420 that adultery is wrong. But even if you look at a woman lustfully, you've already committed adultery in

00:12:04.140 your heart. He says, yeah, you've heard it said that you're not supposed to kill. But even if you hate

00:12:09.500 someone, you've already committed murder in your heart. What? What? So you're telling me that even

00:12:16.500 what I think and feel on the inside is being scrutinized? What? So it's not just outward

00:12:23.500 obedience that matters, but inward obedience, which is only possible by grace through faith.

00:12:30.160 Anyone can be outwardly obedient. Anyone, Satan himself could be outwardly obedient.

00:12:34.980 But inward obedience takes the Holy Spirit. Jesus was concerned, is concerned with heart

00:12:42.520 transformation, not just meeting a physical list of demands. That's why he says in that same chapter

00:12:48.780 that he came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill the law. It's not that obedience doesn't matter at

00:12:55.640 all, but where obedience comes from is what matters most. Romans 4 explains this really thoroughly.

00:13:03.100 You guys should read it if you haven't already, that it is by faith and it has always been by faith,

00:13:08.720 even back to Abraham that has been our righteousness. Faith has always been our righteousness,

00:13:13.380 not adherence to the law. And in the past, I probably would have considered myself or at least

00:13:20.080 retrospectively, I now consider who I was a Pharisee. I think I still do in some ways. It's just a part

00:13:26.660 of my nature, like the black and whiteness of certain things. I think I have liked the idea of being

00:13:32.260 able to meet a list of rules or look like I'm meeting a list of rules and just kind of going

00:13:38.000 on with my day. I think I've been cautious about Jesus in the past because of his obvious and adamant

00:13:45.100 hatred of hypocrisy. And I know I'm a hypocrite. But thankfully, thankfully, through the sanctification

00:13:52.320 of the Holy Spirit that is ongoing forever for the rest of my life, I am able to see just

00:13:58.800 how incredibly, one, stupid and two, devastating it is and would be for me and for anyone if we had to

00:14:08.360 meet the standard of the law, that law that I think hypocritically that I prefer. If things were

00:14:15.840 just about morality and legalism and meeting the perfect standards set by God's law, there is no

00:14:22.660 chance I would meet it. I am a total and complete and absolute failure, even at the good works I

00:14:29.740 think I excel at. Like that verse, Isaiah 64 6, all our righteousness is like a polluted garment or filthy

00:14:36.720 rags. Actually, let me, I'm going to read that, the whole couple verses there. It says, we have all

00:14:43.800 become like one who is unclean and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a

00:14:49.780 leaf and our iniquities like the wind take us away. There is no one who calls upon your name who rouses

00:14:55.120 himself to take hold of you. For you have hidden your face from us and have made us melt in the hand

00:15:00.940 of our iniquities. That is, that's, that's me. And now look, I'm not a fan of going into the Bible and

00:15:08.100 reading every single verse and applying it to you. I don't think that's what the Bible is about. I think

00:15:12.420 that's the Bible is about Jesus, but there are absolutely certain passages where you, you look at it

00:15:18.720 and you're like, okay, they're not talking about, they don't say Allie in there, but wow, that's me.

00:15:23.880 And I am convicted by that, that even the things that I think that I am doing righteously are absolute

00:15:29.620 trash if they're not done out of obedience by faith. Um, so I am so thankful for God's grace that

00:15:37.840 even covers hypocrisy and self-righteousness for people like me who thought that they were just

00:15:43.560 good enough to get by, um, by pretending. I am so glad that Jesus loved even the Pharisees enough

00:15:51.800 to call them on their BS. But here's, here's the thing. Here's how bad of a person I am by myself.

00:16:00.620 And even in a worldly sense, even in a worldly sense, I have never had any right to call myself

00:16:09.660 a Pharisee. I never really should have had any pride in my own behavior because I haven't been 0.96

00:16:16.080 some goody two shoes my whole life. Even after I became a Christian, that's how sinful my heart is 1.00

00:16:21.940 that even though I have been utterly disobedient, even on the surface, I still have had enough pride

00:16:27.920 in the past to think that I'm good enough in and of myself. How, how stupid, how idiotic do you have

00:16:34.760 to be to have that much arrogance? I don't know, but it's possible in Allie's ducky. So let me back

00:16:39.920 up. Um, I said, I was going to tell you my story and that was just all kind of a long introduction.

00:16:45.640 Um, so I was raised in a Christian home and I know so many stories that you've probably heard,

00:16:50.460 especially stories coming out of Texas and the rest of the Bible belt start like that to the point

00:16:54.860 where it's such a cliche. I think some people make up different beginnings to sound more interesting,

00:16:59.680 but I really did have a great life growing up. Um, and I had Christian parents and I am extremely

00:17:06.700 thankful for that. We went to church every Sunday. Uh, I always knew and it never really,

00:17:12.980 really doubted that God was real. I always knew Jesus and his death and his resurrection bridge

00:17:17.620 the gap between me, a sinner and God who is perfect. At least I understood that as much as I could growing

00:17:22.760 up on a cognitive level. Um, I went to a Christian school my whole life. I received a really good

00:17:28.860 Christian education, um, until I graduated from high school. But I would say that even though I 1.00

00:17:34.800 understood the truth and even though I got baptized at my Baptist church when I was seven, like pretty

00:17:39.680 much every one of my friends did at the time, uh, that there was really no relationship there,

00:17:44.720 uh, from a really early age. I liked the Bible. I love to read. So the Bible was intellectually

00:17:50.420 interesting to me. And I even think I knew that it was inherently good and holy. But by the time I got

00:17:56.380 to middle or not middle school, high school, um, I guess I was just over trying to apply that to my

00:18:03.420 life. I was kind of a typical teenager. I dyed my hair black. Yes, this is true. Maybe I'll post a

00:18:08.640 picture one day. Uh, I listened to emo music. I had boyfriends that I shouldn't have had. I was

00:18:13.660 totally disrespectful to my parents. Uh, I didn't like any of my teachers, which actually was true.

00:18:19.660 Like most of my life. Um, I had no real relationship with the Lord, but I did feel

00:18:24.860 conviction for sin, for disobedience to my parents, for lying or something, for going out with guys I

00:18:30.420 shouldn't have. I did actually feel guilty when I was in high school, even though I, there was no

00:18:35.500 semblance of a real relationship with the Lord. I remember trying to read my Bible in high school

00:18:40.120 during those times and just feeling this awful heavy weight on me. I knew what I was doing was wrong,

00:18:46.120 but I was still a stupid teenager and I really didn't change until probably my senior year of

00:18:52.140 high school when, um, that's probably when I started taking my faith seriously. It was, uh,

00:18:58.460 probably partly because I wasn't dating an idiot anymore. I don't know, but I think a large part

00:19:03.940 of the change came after I volunteered at this camp that's called camp Barnabas the summer, uh, before

00:19:09.940 my senior year of high school, which is a camp for kids and adults with special needs. And I do think

00:19:14.820 that my heart was just abundantly softened through that experience experience. Um, I think I realized

00:19:20.820 that one, wow, God has made me for more than just serving myself. And he has actually given me a

00:19:28.040 specific gifting for working with people with special needs. And number two, wow, this is how he

00:19:33.420 sees us. Um, a lot of the kids and the adults that I worked with were totally dependent on us for

00:19:39.020 everything. And even the ones who wanted to be on their own, could it really be? And I just kind of

00:19:44.920 had a realization that that's exactly who I am to God. I am totally dependent on him. And there's

00:19:49.700 really no point in trying to pretend like I can be on my own. And he sees us with total grace and

00:19:56.740 compassion, despite our imperfections and our tendency to rebel. And God is always patient with

00:20:03.400 me forever caring for me, never complaining that I'm a burden, not frustrated when I can't do things

00:20:08.620 on my own. So I really think that that summer revealed things to me about God and a relationship

00:20:14.820 with God that I had really never seen or understood before. Um, also my brother has special needs. So I

00:20:20.320 think God just turned my heart around and helped me see things in different ways and soften me in a way

00:20:28.040 that I wasn't softened before. Um, I can't say that I wasn't saved up until that point. I honestly

00:20:34.960 don't know. Like I said, I was baptized when I was seven and I, I, I said the prayer. Um, but like I

00:20:40.820 said, in high school before that, I really didn't have a relationship with God. I don't have actually

00:20:45.020 a specific day and time that I remember seeing the proverbial light and realizing that my life has

00:20:52.040 changed. Um, it's been an ebb and flow, honestly, where God has continually had me even in the midst of

00:20:57.860 my own stupidity and my own rebellion. Uh, my senior year of high school and into college,

00:21:03.280 my faith became the most important part about me. I took it extremely seriously. Uh, for the first

00:21:09.320 time I found really what it means to find solace and enjoy in Jesus. My college experiment experience,

00:21:16.180 unfortunately was just kind of meh. Uh, I struggled with friends. I struggled with really being happy

00:21:22.580 and feeling loved first world problems. I am very aware, but I really had to turn to Jesus as my

00:21:29.940 source of satisfaction. And I was doing that for the first time in my life. And I wish I could say

00:21:36.160 that from my senior year of high school on, um, that I followed hard after Christ, like I did right

00:21:43.360 after high school and that my life has looked like a picture of humble obedience ever since. But

00:21:48.700 that would be a lie. Uh, my three and a half years of college, I took my faith extremely seriously.

00:21:53.980 I was chaplain of my sorority. Everyone just kind of knew me as this, um, as this, you know,

00:22:00.620 really Christian girl who loved to read her Bible and go to Bible studies. But my senior year of college,

00:22:07.300 I went through yet another first world problem, but it was a really bad breakup with a guy who was a 1.00

00:22:15.160 good Christian. He was a good person, but who I knew was wrong for me, but we had been dating for such a long

00:22:21.320 time that I really, really struggled when we broke up. And instead of turning to Jesus during that time,

00:22:27.120 like I knew that I should have, I turned to all of the things that I shouldn't have boys. My parents,

00:22:33.320 I struggled with multiple eating disorders for a few months, uh, to drinking, to going out, to really doing

00:22:38.600 all of the things, all of the things that I had refused to do for the first three and a half years of

00:22:43.320 college. All the things that I judged other people for doing all the things that I swore I would never

00:22:48.160 do. I started doing them. I became the people that I had once judged and I wasted months of my life

00:22:55.620 chasing after the things that I knew would not satisfy me. Um, I was not following the Lord at all

00:23:02.200 during that time, even though I knew so much better and had really, truly experienced the goodness of

00:23:08.020 the Lord. But I knew just like in high school that what I was doing was wrong during this time. I knew

00:23:14.880 I was sinning. I, again, couldn't open my Bible. I couldn't pray. I was so empty during these probably

00:23:22.300 eight months of my life. And I knew I was, and I wasn't doing anything to fix it. Uh, this lasted,

00:23:30.960 like I said, until a few months after college, when I guess I just kind of got tired of the hangovers

00:23:35.280 and the worrying about what the latest guy thought about me. And honestly, I really, really, really

00:23:43.420 regret that time in my life. Um, I hurt myself. I hurt other people. I damaged relationships. I was

00:23:49.900 extremely selfish and reckless. Um, part of the coming into the light again, after that few month period

00:23:58.200 was, um, probably based on me going to a counselor during that time. Um, and I went to her specifically

00:24:06.540 for my eating disorder. I had gotten into the habit of throwing up my food. And by the way,

00:24:14.260 I've never shared this publicly. So here we are. Uh, this was after I had attempted to starve myself

00:24:19.480 for a few months and guess what? You get hungry. So I decided that bulimia was the best way to go.

00:24:25.740 And, uh, I remember my counselor telling me, you will die. You will die. This will kill you.

00:24:32.740 And I just completely stopped. I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that I was going to die,

00:24:38.960 that I was doing something that had really serious and deadly consequences. Um, I think that was at

00:24:46.440 least partly a tipping point for me and realizing that that's not the direction that I wanted to keep

00:24:51.400 going. Um, it's really crazy how in a matter of a year, I went from being chaplain of my sorority,

00:24:57.560 totally sold out to the Lord to being in a counselor's office, hearing that my sins are going to kill

00:25:01.960 me. Um, but that's what Satan wants. That is what he does. That is why the Bible says that he is like

00:25:09.300 a prowling lion looking for someone to devour. He is exactly that. Really the only good thing that

00:25:18.180 came out of it, uh, was that I realized my own capacity for being an absolute fool and removed

00:25:25.140 any pretense or sense of judgment that I had toward other people, because I realized that we all have

00:25:30.680 the capacity to be idiots, to wander, to do the things that we said that we would never do.

00:25:35.620 I had been a Pharisee for most of college looking down on the people who couldn't keep it together

00:25:41.000 like me, even though, even though I had been rebellious myself, even before college, I still

00:25:48.220 felt like in all of my pride, like those around me should be able to manage their behavior better.

00:25:54.340 When I was following the Lord, I was that quintessential older brother and the prodigal son

00:26:00.320 story, um, in Luke 15. But this dark season in my life showed me just how utterly capable I am of

00:26:08.760 wandering that I am not immune to the temptations of sin. As I'm sure you've heard this quote,

00:26:14.500 sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more

00:26:18.940 than you want to pay. And that is true. That certainly happened to me. I was in a prison of my own

00:26:25.660 making a place of perpetual pain and just superficiality and rebellion. And it was only by

00:26:33.680 the grace of God, I realized how useless and what a waste all of it was. And God led me out of that.

00:26:41.180 And it is only because of the goodness and faithfulness of Jesus Christ that I was not

00:26:46.140 irrevocably consumed by this worldliness that, that I, through the incessant nagging of the Holy

00:26:53.440 Spirit turned around. And when I did, just like the father to the prodigal son, God came running.

00:26:59.180 So I went from being the older brother looking down on others for their rebellion to the younger

00:27:05.300 brother desperate for forgiveness for my own rebellion. So I want you guys to know that so many

00:27:13.760 of the things that I know you guys have probably been through, um, I have too. This is called the

00:27:21.640 Relatable Podcast because I am just like all of you guys. And for those of you who are younger

00:27:29.020 than me in college, in high school, uh, just out of college, still figuring it out. Listen to me.

00:27:35.300 I'm just a few years ahead of you, but listen to me. I have been there. If you are looking for

00:27:40.460 meaning and fulfillment and anything other than Jesus Christ and the fact that he loves you and

00:27:45.040 died for you, you are going to come up empty. I know because I've been there. Dating that guy,

00:27:52.840 you know, you shouldn't date because he makes you feel good. Sometimes been there obsessing over

00:27:58.520 your appearance because you feel like it's the only thing you can control. Been there. Finding

00:28:03.580 yourself hung over every weekend, maybe some weekdays. Been there. Addicted? Been there.

00:28:10.440 Mine was an eating disorder, but fill in the blank with yours. It's, it's not really any different.

00:28:15.760 Surrounding yourself with only people who make you feel better about your sins. Been there.

00:28:21.540 Convincing yourself it's just a stage. You'll get out of it and then you'll settle down later.

00:28:26.200 It'll all be fine. Been there. Let me tell you at the wise old age of 26, how all of these things end

00:28:34.860 up. Not well. They don't end well. Yes, I am extremely grateful that God graciously pulled

00:28:43.480 me out of that time and that now I am confident in who I am in Christ, happily married and loving what

00:28:49.400 I do. But if I had continued down that path, which I easily could have one, I might very well be dead

00:28:55.360 to, I would not have this career or maybe any career. I would probably not be married. Who,

00:29:01.920 who knows what I would have gotten into? Who knows? There is literally no limit to the misery. I might

00:29:09.260 now be experiencing if I continue to only live for things like partying. Seriously. Thank Jesus.

00:29:15.840 Thank Jesus for saving me from that. So what I want you to know is that if you are caught in any of

00:29:23.840 that, yes, you do need saving. You're not going to crawl your way out of it. You can't. You don't

00:29:31.440 have the power to do that on your own. And the great thing is you don't have to. That's the gospel.

00:29:38.140 That's how good God is. He is faithful when we are faithless. He is steady when we're all over the

00:29:44.440 place. He's loving when we're spiteful. He's patient. He's kind. He doesn't hold grudges.

00:29:49.060 His first order of business in repentance isn't to make us feel bad. Romans 2.4 says it is God's

00:29:57.100 kindness that leads us to repentance. Not his wrath, though that very much exists and is a very

00:30:04.060 important aspect of his character. But it is primarily God's kindness that leads us back to him.

00:30:09.800 His absolutely relentless love and grace. I wish. I do. I wish my story was an easy point A to point B.

00:30:18.560 I wish I could say I had a Paul moment on the road to Damascus and that I've been steadily following

00:30:23.360 Jesus since then. I haven't. I don't even know what to make of those times in my life. Was I

00:30:28.360 even really saved? I don't know. I guess in some ways it doesn't matter. What does matter

00:30:36.080 is that it's only by God's kindness that he's brought me to him, continually showing me how

00:30:43.540 sufficient he is and how absolutely inadequate I am by myself. Ephesians 2.4-5 says,

00:30:52.020 But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead

00:30:56.500 in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. By grace you have been saved. Romans 5.6,

00:31:02.840 while we were still weak at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. Then two verses later,

00:31:08.880 while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So Christ died for me, for us, while we were still

00:31:15.740 dead in our sins, while we were completely hopeless and helpless. So it is impossible that salvation has

00:31:22.660 anything to do with us. And I'm so glad because I cover both ends of the sinner spectrum. Like if on the

00:31:30.460 one end you have the judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous sinners, and then on the other side

00:31:35.140 you have the rebellious, wandering, self-loathing sinners, I am both. I've got it all covered. All the sins

00:31:41.480 on either side. Even though I haven't sinned every sin ever, I know enough about myself to know I have

00:31:48.360 the capacity to do any horrific thing apart from Christ. Anything. And maybe you don't know it yet,

00:31:55.240 but that's true for you too. You and I are capable of so much worse than either of us are willing to

00:32:02.440 admit. That fact, that reality is what keeps us grounded. That's what reminds me on a daily basis

00:32:09.380 that I have no place to judge anyone. That doesn't mean I can't say when someone is right or wrong.

00:32:15.260 That doesn't mean I can't distinguish between a truth and a lie. A true teacher or a false teacher,

00:32:21.780 someone who has the fruit of salvation and someone who doesn't. But it does mean I have

00:32:26.500 no place to condemn them as worse than me because of their sin. It means I never judge someone as less

00:32:32.080 deserving of God's grace or forgiveness as I am. I never judge someone as less valuable or worthy than

00:32:39.260 I am. It doesn't mean you throw out all wisdom and discernment, but it does mean that my posture

00:32:45.240 should always be one of humility, of looking at the log in my own eye before I point out the speck in

00:32:50.500 someone else's. Now, of course, that is not always my posture, especially in political media. I am

00:32:57.140 extremely imperfect in all of that. Have I made that clear enough that I am imperfect, that I am

00:33:04.740 not good apart from Christ? So I want you to know, I want you to know that one, God is good.

00:33:15.380 So you can glorify him. So you can glorify him in hearing just how faithful he is to me and to you

00:33:22.860 and to everyone. Number two, I wanted you to hear this story so you can learn from me. It's always

00:33:29.120 better to learn from someone else's mistakes than your own. So you can jot that down. And number three,

00:33:34.900 so you can know where I'm coming from. Like I said, I have strong opinions. I am adamant about

00:33:42.900 correct theology. Um, I, and if I said anything theologically incorrect in this, which you guys

00:33:48.620 have called me out before, thank you for doing that. If I ever do that in the future, uh, send

00:33:52.520 me an email. That's fine. It's very possible that I could have said something wrong. So send me an

00:33:56.400 email if you think I'm theologically incorrect. Uh, but I have a pretty low tolerance for willful

00:34:01.080 ignorance. Uh, but know that in all of that, I know that I am very aware of my own sin, my own story,

00:34:07.060 my own ignorance. And I have this platform, not because I'm better than anyone, but because I'm

00:34:11.420 learning along with everyone and I haven't figured it all out yet. Um, so that's that. I also want to

00:34:19.100 answer, uh, the question of how I got into what I'm doing now, because I've been asked that quite

00:34:25.240 frequently. Um, so I graduated from a liberal arts college with a degree in communication studies.

00:34:30.540 I loved my major. It came pretty easily to me because I've basically been majoring in communications

00:34:36.040 my entire life. I have always, uh, loved reading. I've loved learning about rhetoric, public speaking,

00:34:42.000 all of it. Um, fun fact, I was chosen to give my commencement speech at my graduation and not

00:34:48.260 because I was valedictorian or class president or anything like that, but just because I wrote and

00:34:52.660 delivered, uh, what they considered to be the best speech and was chosen by the administration and the

00:34:57.340 class to deliver it. Um, and that was such an amazing time in my life because I actually remember when I

00:35:04.020 was on stage delivering that speech at my graduation. And that was probably the first time I just had

00:35:09.480 this almost supernatural feeling or this spark inside of me that says, you have to do this for

00:35:14.520 the rest of your life. If you're not doing this for the rest of your life, then you will not be

00:35:19.980 following God's call. Um, so it was really delivering that speech, even though I had given speeches before

00:35:26.720 that I, that I just, I just knew, I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would be public

00:35:32.860 speaking, um, in my life. I just think it's what God has called me to do. So I've always been

00:35:39.200 interested, interested in, and I would say good, I guess by my own standards, had communications,

00:35:45.040 uh, writing, speaking, everything that goes along with it. I am not good at very many things in life,

00:35:50.420 but anything that has to do with words, I'm pretty good at. Um, I can memorize anything in like two

00:35:55.280 minutes, just how God made me. He was like, okay, I'm going to completely shut off the math and science

00:36:01.220 parts of your brain because we need to make room for like 19 million words every second. So that's

00:36:06.860 what he did. And here I am. Um, so with that skill set, I graduated in 2014. I went straight into PR

00:36:14.840 after college. I moved to Athens, Georgia a week after I graduated. I worked at a PR firm there for

00:36:20.900 about two years, um, where I did not just public relations, but also social media strategy, which I

00:36:26.780 was probably better at. Um, I did not love that job. I thought that I was going to, but it just

00:36:32.120 was not for me. Really any office job is not for me. Um, but I'm really glad that I did it. I'm

00:36:38.320 really glad that I took it. I met some amazing people at my first job who are still in my life

00:36:42.480 today. Um, I learned things in that first job that I still apply every day and what I do right now.

00:36:49.040 Um, I've also seen both sides of the media having worked in PR and I will just say, I am so glad that

00:36:55.120 I'm on this side. Um, I quit that job a little under two years later for another job. I just

00:37:02.740 got married then too. So lots of changes, but right before I quit, I knew I wanted to do something,

00:37:08.940 uh, at least on the side involving politics. The primaries were going on. It was 2015. And I noticed

00:37:18.400 how many young people around me really had no idea what was going on. I lived in a college town and

00:37:22.880 I felt that even in pretty conservative Georgia, that people really didn't have even opinions on

00:37:29.460 the Republican primary. So I started giving a presentation about the importance of voting in

00:37:34.980 the primaries to college sororities. I just emailed them and I said, Hey, can I come give a nonpartisan

00:37:41.920 presentation? And they said, yes. And so I went and I gave my nonpartisan presentation of why

00:37:46.940 it's important for young people to vote. Um, so that was really the first step in what I'm doing

00:37:52.760 now. Um, after I did quit the PR job, I had a few months before my new job started and in that gap,

00:37:59.600 I got bored. And so I decided to create a Wix website, a blog called the conservative millennial.

00:38:07.100 I couldn't really tell you what exactly prompted me, I guess the speaking, uh, at, at college on

00:38:15.240 college campuses. Um, but I, I made the site and I started posting articles about the primaries that

00:38:20.140 I had written. It was the beginning of 2016 at this point. Um, I did that sporadically. Uh, I then

00:38:26.640 started my new full-time job. The articles were doing fine, but you know, nothing major. I started

00:38:32.980 a Facebook page and that I'd gotten like 300 followers by like maybe April of 2016, which I was

00:38:39.440 really excited about. And then, uh, one day, a few months later, I had the bright idea to start

00:38:44.880 making videos and posting them on this Facebook page. And at this point, yes, there were people

00:38:50.060 that, um, you know, Tommy Larian was at the blaze. There were, I don't even think I knew who she was

00:38:56.320 at this point. There were people, uh, making videos on YouTube, but my desire to start making videos on

00:39:04.460 Facebook was really more about laziness than anything else. I just decided I didn't want to keep

00:39:09.180 writing articles. And I thought more people would watch a video than read an article. Cause maybe other

00:39:14.000 people are lazy like me. So I did. And I just had my phone and I was in my living room. I don't even

00:39:18.980 think I wore makeup in my first video. I don't know. Uh, but it was about Harambi. I think my

00:39:24.920 first video was, uh, so I would do that every few weeks. And I think maybe they were getting 10,000

00:39:30.340 views or something like that. Maybe that's probably like the biggest one at that point. Um, and I

00:39:34.960 remember telling my husband at this point, I don't know why, but I feel like I need to keep going.

00:39:40.160 I really had no reason to blog. No one took it seriously at that point. Not even my family.

00:39:45.180 Um, I didn't really either. I just felt like I needed to keep posting. So one day in October,

00:39:50.220 I posted a video about how as a woman and as a Christian, I still felt that I could vote for

00:39:55.580 Donald Trump, even despite the moral qualms I have with him because Hillary Clinton was no better.

00:40:00.700 Now, I don't know if I even agree with everything I said in that video now, but, uh, it struck a nerve

00:40:07.780 with people because it ended up getting hundreds of thousands of views. So I kept going a few weeks

00:40:12.520 later. I had a video that got over a million views. So I kept going and suddenly getting a

00:40:18.040 million views or more than a million views. Wasn't even that surprising to me anymore. So that happened

00:40:23.020 in a little less than a year. And then, um, probably about a year, a little less than a year actually

00:40:29.420 later. So beginning of 2017, my husband got a job in Dallas where I am from. So we had to move

00:40:36.520 from Athens to Dallas in a matter of like two weeks and long story short through a chain of kind

00:40:41.960 of random connections. I, uh, got hired by the blaze and I started making videos there. All the

00:40:47.920 videos I did at the blaze, I didn't have like a producer, especially not in the beginning. So I wrote

00:40:54.260 and produced and came up with all of my own content. And basically the blaze was just kind of the

00:40:58.880 platform on which I put my content and they were doing really well. Um, I was at the blaze for about

00:41:05.520 eight months, met one of my now very best friends in media. I made some other great friends,

00:41:11.480 got good experience. And then I got hired by CRTV, um, which is a part of conservative review

00:41:18.280 where I work now. And I put out two videos a week on CRTV.com slash Allie. I have this podcast once a

00:41:25.400 week. I still have my blog, the conservative millennial. I try to write as much as I can,

00:41:29.960 but I don't really, I'm not able to as much as I want to. Uh, my favorite part of what I do still

00:41:36.620 is speaking, speaking to groups, whether that's colleges, businesses, I'm going to Ohio this week

00:41:42.100 to speak to marathon, the gas station company, uh, political organizations. I love doing that more

00:41:47.180 than anything else. Um, I am also currently in the beginning stages of writing a book, which many of

00:41:53.280 you have requested. I am also on TV, usually one to three times a week, different news stations. So

00:41:59.780 Fox news, Fox business, HLN randomly once on a blue moon, I'll be on MSNBC. Um, and yeah, that's

00:42:08.420 basically my whole life. I live really close to all of my family. My husband's family is still in

00:42:13.780 Georgia. Uh, oh yeah, I'm married. I have three animals. We don't have kids yet, but keep y'all

00:42:19.420 updated. Um, so there's just a little peek into who I am and a little bit about my background.

00:42:28.240 I'm sure much more will come out as time goes on, but I thought it appropriate to let y'all in.

00:42:32.800 Um, so, okay. I asked y'all for questions and I got so many questions. I only have time for a few.

00:42:40.500 And if I don't get to yours, just ask me again next week. Okay. So first of all, one thing,

00:42:45.540 a lot of you guys have been asking me about homosexuality in the church and transgenderism

00:42:49.960 in the church. And I will do a whole podcast on that and possibly like be shunned forever from

00:42:54.860 political media, but whatever, I'll do a whole podcast on that. Um, and I can't answer it now

00:43:00.000 because there's too much to say. So some people asked me about the met ball theme. First question

00:43:04.840 where celebrities dressed up in this heavenly bodies theme with crosses on them. My opinion is

00:43:10.560 it's sacrilegious, especially with their freaking boobs out. Uh, most of them aren't Christians. I'm, 1.00

00:43:16.000 I'm sure. I don't know that, but you know, looking for fruit, um, it's blasphemous, but you know,

00:43:21.880 it's cool, I guess, because you know, it's Christianity, but if people were wearing hijab 0.98

00:43:26.700 and Muslim garb, I'm pretty sure Hollywood would go up in flames. So, you know, just more leftist 1.00

00:43:31.900 hypocrisy, but what else is new? Kristen asks, how do you not lose your mind with all of the crazy

00:43:38.000 that's happening in the media? Uh, I try to pick and choose what I get angry about these days.

00:43:42.580 There's a lot to be outraged over, but it's kind of a waste of my energy. Um, I've got to take the

00:43:48.460 news and doses and remember that God's in control and that Christianity and the church will be pushed 0.94

00:43:54.680 further and further into the margins of society, which makes the backwards thinking of progressivism

00:44:00.020 that we see today. So mainstreamed, um, it makes it very expected. So yeah, it's illogical,

00:44:05.840 it's depraved, but it's what happens when people remove God from the center. So all we can continue

00:44:10.980 to do is to speak truth and be faithful. We have to learn how to analyze, critique, and even change

00:44:16.440 the culture without getting overwhelmed by it in the world, not of the world. Um, Heidi asks,

00:44:22.280 what are your workouts and nutrition and where do you get your clothes? Well, to work out, I've been

00:44:28.480 doing bar for a long time. I used to teach pure bar once upon a time. I loved it. I also cycle. Um,

00:44:34.200 I try to do a mixture of strength building and cardio, but I do not run because I hate it with

00:44:39.800 all of my heart. I don't think people are made to run unless you're running from something.

00:44:44.340 Um, I ran a half marathon about five years ago and have barely run since nutrition bad. It's not good.

00:44:51.920 Uh, I don't eat breakfast and then I get starved and eat too many carbs in the afternoon. Not a great

00:44:57.360 routine would not recommend it. Uh, there have been times in my life where I've been super, super healthy,

00:45:02.120 but now is not one of those times. Unfortunately, trying to get better clothes sales section at

00:45:07.440 Nordstrom rack and rent the runway for TV interviews, uh, for everyday stuff. I like target. Uh, there's

00:45:13.500 also this online story called these three boutiques that I like. I don't really know brands. I don't

00:45:17.940 really care about that. My splurge is anthropology, which is insanely overpriced. Karsten asks a few

00:45:25.280 questions, but I'll answer one of them. He asks, when do gender roles become stereotypes of what it means

00:45:32.040 to be a man or a woman? Great question. So I'm going to blow your guys' mind right now. So I actually

00:45:40.280 don't disagree with the statement that sex and gender are two different things because they are 0.94

00:45:45.960 technically because there are certain aspects of gender that are not the same for all people of one

00:45:51.980 sex. So I, I do also actually agree that gender is in some ways fluid. What? And, uh, I do actually

00:46:03.140 think that gender stereotypes can be harmful. Um, are you guys freaking out? Do y'all hate me now? Just

00:46:09.000 slow your roll for a second. Just like calm down, take a deep breath. Let me back up. There are two

00:46:15.680 genders. Okay. Male and female. I think that there are certain internal, I know that there are certain

00:46:21.440 internal characteristics of males and females based on biology that are true, no matter what time period

00:46:26.820 or culture you study. Listen to Jordan Peterson on this. He makes it very clear. Women are typically 1.00

00:46:33.040 better nurturers and caretakers, more empathetic. Men are typically less emotional, more apt to protect

00:46:38.520 and have a drive to provide. Uh, women usually talk more than men. Men are usually more task 1.00

00:46:44.100 driven. That is true in general, no matter where you go, which tells us there are real differences,

00:46:49.880 innate differences between men and women. Uh, no matter what the left says, no matter how many times

00:46:55.080 they say it's just a socially contrived. Um, but there is such thing as a man who is more emotional,

00:47:01.180 who is more nurturing, a man that can do ballet, uh, a man that can be an interior decorator that

00:47:07.820 doesn't make him less of a man. Same goes for a woman who likes to play sports and hates makeup. 1.00

00:47:13.760 Uh, she's still a woman, but I do think it's harmful to tell boys if he likes to dance or drawing

00:47:21.580 that he's girly or to tell a girl, if you like camping, then you're a boy or you're boyish.

00:47:27.000 I do think that's harmful and damages what kids think of themselves. I actually think harping on the

00:47:32.860 super, super strict stereotypes of men as football players, for example,

00:47:36.680 and women as ballerinas, for example, is actually probably part of what can cause sexual confusion 1.00

00:47:43.960 and encouraging it to think, oh, well, if I like dance, then I must be a girl. I don't, I don't like

00:47:50.940 that. I don't like, um, a little boy thinking just because he might like dance that he's a girl.

00:47:57.960 He's not any less of a boy because of that. Um, see the left simultaneously says you can be whoever

00:48:05.060 you want to be, but oh, by the way, if you're feeling feminine as a guy, maybe you should look

00:48:09.780 into a sex change at eight years old. I mean, really they're like pushing guys and boys, little

00:48:14.740 boys into drag. No, I say to some degree that there is some fluidity in gender in that being a tomboy or

00:48:22.000 even a slightly feminine guy. Does it mean that you aren't your sex? Does that make sense? Um, 0.84

00:48:27.580 so I hope that didn't like freak you guys out, but I hope, I hope you understand what I'm saying.

00:48:34.060 That was my last question. That is all for today. I got lots of amazing questions. Sorry,

00:48:37.960 I couldn't answer them all, but I love you guys. See you next week.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - May 09, 2018

Ep 9 ｜ Who Even Am I？!

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