Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 07, 2023


Ep 903 ｜ My VBAC Birth Story


Episode Stats


Length

51 minutes

Words per minute

183.47362

Word count

9,518

Sentence count

780

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In today's episode, I tell you about my birth story and how it almost didn't go the way I had hoped it would go. I also talk a little bit about the birth of my son and how I feel about birth stories.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 We are back from maternity leave, which means I have a birth story to tell those of you who
00:00:06.700 want to listen to it. So that's what today's episode is. I will tell you about my last birth
00:00:14.860 for those of you who are birth story lovers like me. This episode is brought to you by our friends
00:00:20.920 at Good Ranchers. Go to GoodRanchers.com. Use code Allie at checkout. That's GoodRanchers.com,
00:00:26.200 code Allie. Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Tuesday, our second day back after maternity
00:00:42.560 leave. You can probably hear it. I am dealing with the after effects of a cold. I feel like I tell you
00:00:48.960 that like every couple months. I don't know. I need to strengthen my immune system or something.
00:00:54.400 It's just, it's just the way it is, but I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm here and I'm strong. And
00:00:59.380 yesterday, yesterday I didn't have to talk very much because we got to listen to the lovely Kat Von D. 0.78
00:01:04.940 You guys are absolutely loving her testimony, the comments, the messages that I have received
00:01:10.860 about the testimony, how encouraged you guys have been. I just love getting those. And I know,
00:01:17.160 I know that you guys have been sending her encouraging messages too, which I really just
00:01:21.480 appreciate. So fun, so fun getting to have her in studio. So thank you so much for listening to
00:01:27.220 that, for sharing that. So many of you have shared it on Instagram and for watching it on YouTube. If
00:01:34.460 you haven't, go back and listen to it. Also, before we get started in this episode, merch,
00:01:41.640 we've got merch, new merch for sale. We've got crew neck sweatshirts that you guys have been asking
00:01:47.540 for. We'll put pictures up if you're watching on YouTube. The do the next right thing. We've got
00:01:52.440 that rose colored. We've got that in Heather gray. We've got it in black and we've got it in navy.
00:01:57.780 So yes, we do have colors for the related bros out there. We've got a cute t-shirt, a razor respectful
00:02:03.440 ruckus with our little flower character girl there. Super cute. So lots of new merch, fall colors,
00:02:11.040 sweatshirts, all that good stuff. If you are in a warm place like I am, then this can be a part of
00:02:17.220 what I call your fall costume. And your fall costume is the thing that you put on when you
00:02:22.740 live in the South that has no correlation with the weather, has no practical use. Like today,
00:02:29.820 it's going to be about 80 degrees where I am. I'm wearing, I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I'm wearing a
00:02:34.120 sweatshirt because it is seasonally appropriate, even though it is not weather appropriate. The weather
00:02:40.440 actually calls for tank tops and flip-flops and a barbecue and maybe a pool party. But because it
00:02:48.840 is November and I want to manifest and bring about autumn with what I am wearing, I will don my fall
00:03:01.360 costume. So we will be wearing the cowl necks and the boots and the jeans and the sweater,
00:03:07.180 even though it will probably still be 75 degrees on Christmas. So the Do the Next Right Thing
00:03:13.840 sweatshirt can be a part of your fall costume. Or if you live elsewhere in the United States where
00:03:18.880 you actually have seasons, it can serve a practical purpose in your life. All right. Today we're talking
00:03:25.140 about birth. Because when I polled you guys on Instagram and I asked, do you want to hear the birth
00:03:30.000 story? The vast majority of you said yes. And the small percentage of you who said no, some of that
00:03:36.460 small percentage is made up of people who then messaged me and was like, I picked the wrong one.
00:03:41.060 So it's even a smaller percentage of you who said no. Yet, if you were one of those people who said no
00:03:47.740 and you don't want to listen to this, you should stop listening. You should stop listening right now.
00:03:52.580 It will not offend me. Birth stories are not for everyone. It's probably not even for everyone in 0.98
00:03:57.880 this room recording Relatable right now because we have part of the male species in this room and they
00:04:04.100 probably don't want to hear my birth story. Some people who have not given birth, they don't want
00:04:09.280 to hear the birth story. Some people, some women who have given birth, they don't like to hear birth
00:04:13.080 stories. That's totally fine. But you probably should have picked up on the title to know that
00:04:18.720 this is not one that you want to tune in for. I'm probably, I'm probably going to get, because
00:04:23.500 YouTube, it's such a crazy place. I'm probably going to get comments on YouTube saying, why are you
00:04:28.240 doing this? I don't like birth stories. I did not like watching that whole thing. Listen, you don't
00:04:34.100 have to, okay? It's a choice. It's a choice. You do not have to. You can tune in tomorrow when we
00:04:39.060 talk about Andy Stanley. You don't have to listen to birth stories. But some of you, if you are like
00:04:43.800 me, you love a good birth story. I love a good birth story. I absolutely love birth. I was talking to
00:04:48.860 Kat Von D yesterday. Her son is five years old. I made her talk to me about her birth story that
00:04:55.240 happened five years ago. I love birth. I love pregnancy. Sometimes I think about, okay, in the
00:05:02.720 apocalypse, if things really go down in the United States, what skills can I bring to the table?
00:05:09.560 Because I'm not very domestic, if I'm honest. I can't sew. My cooking is okay. I don't have a lot of
00:05:21.420 non-podcasting skills. I don't have a lot of like 19th century skills that I could bring to the table.
00:05:29.380 But one thing that I think I could do if I learned how to do it, I could be a midwife or a doula. I
00:05:36.440 could at least be an assistant simply because I have thought so much and researched so much and read so
00:05:43.360 much and listened to so much about birth and pregnancy. Obviously not a professional expert,
00:05:49.620 but I know a lot just because I love it so much. I love it. I will never tire of my friends telling
00:05:55.300 me about their pregnancies and birth stories and all that. Okay. So some of y'all have heard me
00:06:12.360 talk about my previous births. My first and second birth, I've given summaries of my birth story
00:06:23.500 before, but a lot of you haven't heard it. So I'll just give summaries of that because those are
00:06:27.620 important and they're relevant to my third birth story. So my first two were C-sections. My first was
00:06:37.160 a C-section really for no medical reason. And I feel very confident saying that not because I'm a
00:06:42.400 doctor, but because I have talked to doctors, I've talked to midwives since then. It really wasn't
00:06:48.120 medically necessary. Also, if I sound a little bit weird, it's because I have a cough drop in my mouth.
00:06:51.900 I'm really trying not to cough as I am telling the story. But my first birth, I really didn't know
00:06:58.760 anything. My first pregnancy, I really didn't know that much about pregnancy and birth. It wasn't really
00:07:03.140 something I had studied. It wasn't something I was interested in. And I had a healthy pregnancy.
00:07:07.800 Everything went smooth. Thankfully, there were no complications or anything like that.
00:07:11.500 So it never crossed my mind that I would need a C-section. I didn't really know why women sometimes 1.00
00:07:17.640 had C-sections, but I knew it was a possibility. But I guess I thought it was just emergency situations
00:07:23.300 or maybe if you had some kind of condition where you would need a C-section. But I just
00:07:28.500 didn't think that that was going to be me. Every woman that I knew, my mom, my aunts, my sisters-in-law,
00:07:39.760 my mother-in-law, they all had normal births. Just go into the hospital, give birth, no complications 1.00
00:07:45.220 that I knew of. I just assumed that was going to be me. I don't think I knew anyone who had had
00:07:49.640 a C-section. So about the time of my due date, a couple weeks before my due date, I think my due date
00:07:54.320 with my first was June 30th. A couple weeks before that, my doctor started talking about
00:07:58.180 induction, which I didn't really even know what that was. But if you don't know what induction
00:08:02.540 is, there are a couple different methods that they use. It usually involves something called
00:08:06.980 pitocin, which is a synthetic form of a natural hormone called oxytocin, which puts you into
00:08:13.520 labor. It contracts your uterus. And so pitocin is given intravenously, and it causes your uterus 0.67
00:08:22.280 to contract. Your uterus has to contract in order to push the baby out of you. And so he started
00:08:27.600 talking about induction. He said he likes to induce his patients, all patients, really for any reason,
00:08:33.220 around 39 weeks. And I don't really know why, but I wasn't comfortable with that. I knew I was going
00:08:39.500 to have a hospital birth, but I wanted it to be as natural as possible. So putting something synthetic
00:08:45.120 into my body unnecessarily just wasn't something that was appealing to me. So I was pushing it off and
00:08:51.740 pushing it off every appointment that I that I had after 38 weeks. He was encouraging me, you know,
00:08:57.860 why don't we just go ahead and set an induction date? No, no, no, I'm going to see. I was getting
00:09:02.700 checked. Those of you who have been pregnant, you know what I mean by that. I don't have to go into
00:09:06.960 detail on what getting checked means. And I had no cervical progress whatsoever. And he acted really
00:09:15.200 stumped by that. I was 39 weeks pregnant, my first pregnancy, and I wasn't dilated at all. And he
00:09:21.420 thought that that was strange, or he made me feel like that was maybe strange or discouraging. And
00:09:25.820 so I wasn't really sure what that meant. And so by the time I was 40 weeks, by the time I hit the due
00:09:31.640 date, and I went to my doctor's appointment, and he brought up, okay, let's go ahead and set this
00:09:36.920 induction date. I never let my patients go past 41 weeks. I did. I was okay with it at that point. I
00:09:44.500 thought, okay, wow, I've gone past my due date. This is a really big deal. And so fine,
00:09:50.180 we'll set the induction for 40 weeks, five days. Even though I had no progress whatsoever, I wasn't
00:09:55.940 even feeling Braxton Hicks or going in to there were no signs of labor at this point with my first
00:10:01.160 pregnancy. But I was totally fine. I was fine. Baby was fine. There was no indication whatsoever
00:10:07.940 that there was anything wrong or going to be wrong. But set the induction date. It was also
00:10:13.080 July, and I was very pregnant. I was ready to meet our first child, our daughter. And so
00:10:18.700 set that induction date and went to the hospital, did the whole Cervidil thing overnight. They checked
00:10:26.580 me in the morning, no progress at all. And rather than giving me any alternatives, they said,
00:10:32.080 why don't we just go ahead and start you on Pitocin? They started me on Pitocin. They did that
00:10:37.220 really just for a few hours. And I wasn't feeling anything. They checked me. They said, oh, you've
00:10:42.900 made no progress at all. Your baby is high. That means, you know, like high up in your abdomen,
00:10:49.720 high up in the uterus. You haven't progressed. There is no sign of labor. Let's just go ahead
00:10:55.840 and do a C-section. Now, again, this was not because there was anything wrong with me.
00:11:00.800 There was not because there was anything wrong with baby. Everyone was tolerating everything
00:11:05.060 just fine. It was just because this doctor really didn't like his patients to go past
00:11:11.840 a certain date. I didn't know at the time that it was actually very normal for first-time
00:11:16.420 moms to go to or even past 41 weeks. And so I wish I had known. I wish someone had told
00:11:22.440 me, hey, there's nothing wrong with you. That doctor made a few comments about my body that
00:11:27.640 made me feel like something was wrong with me. He said, you know what? You're just not
00:11:32.100 going to be able to deliver this baby naturally. Let's go ahead and have a C-section. I didn't
00:11:38.680 know. I didn't know any better. If I had known better, I would have pushed back. Honestly,
00:11:43.300 I would have left the hospital. And the nurse was like, oh, I've had three C-sections. It's
00:11:47.640 really no big deal. And if you were to ask me, I would tell you there's no way that you're
00:11:51.400 going to birth this baby vaginally. And you know what? If you go past 41 weeks, you might
00:11:56.460 have a stillbirth. Oh my gosh. Well, you hear that. Your husband hears that. Your first-time
00:12:01.460 parents, you don't know anything. Of course, if you're basically hearing that your baby is
00:12:06.540 going to die if you don't have a C-section, even though it was not an emergency at all
00:12:11.580 and there was no medical necessity for it, of course, you are going to choose the C-section.
00:12:15.300 I had a C-section. Of course, I am so thankful for my health, for my baby's health. I'm so
00:12:23.940 grateful for that. We were both totally fine. It was not a fun experience, though. You are
00:12:30.620 numb from the waist down. Your arms are out beside you. You feel totally out of control.
00:12:36.260 You're in this sterile, bright room. And you have these doctors working over you, opening
00:12:41.620 up your abdomen, talking about what they're going to have for lunch and what they did over
00:12:45.640 the weekend. A very strange out-of-body experience that I hated every single part of it. I also
00:12:52.720 hated when they got her out, they showed her to me. I was totally out of it, but I was begging
00:12:58.580 them, like, can you please put her on my chest? And so I don't even know who it was, but someone
00:13:04.600 yelled out. I couldn't see because of the curtain that's in front of you when you have a C-section.
00:13:08.340 Someone yelled out, no. And I just remember being brokenhearted. And, you know, they wiped
00:13:14.280 them all down and they see how much they weigh. Finally, they put her on my chest and everything 0.99
00:13:19.180 was fine. We bonded great. She was a great eater. And so I'm thankful for that. But I
00:13:24.400 was in so much physical pain after that surgery. So much physical pain and so much emotional
00:13:30.460 distress, too, because things didn't end up how I wanted it to. And in the sense that I didn't
00:13:37.260 get the birth that I had envisioned and something happened that I really didn't want to happen,
00:13:41.880 I just felt so out of control. And it was a really hard experience for me. Now looking
00:13:48.280 back, I realize I probably did have postpartum depression, just how much I cried and how much
00:13:53.740 anxiety I had after she was born. And I loved her so much and was probably overprotective
00:14:00.740 in the sense that I just, like, I felt like I could never leave her. I was so scared to get
00:14:04.740 in the car. I was so scared to go anywhere. I had a lot of anxiety and a lot of sadness
00:14:10.660 after she was born. I think in large part due to what I would consider, in a sense, a traumatic
00:14:16.580 birth experience.
00:14:18.700 So all that to say, I knew I wanted a different experience for future births. I knew that I
00:14:37.220 wanted something different. Like, I just didn't want that recovery process again. The physical pain,
00:14:45.320 the emotional distress that I had, I really wanted to try to have a vaginal birth after 1.00
00:14:49.960 a C-section, which is called a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. And I didn't know really
00:14:57.160 if that was possible. I asked my doctor, would you allow me to do this in my next birth? And
00:15:03.280 he said, I would let you try, but you would have to have an epidural. So I didn't feel the
00:15:09.860 utmost support from him when I asked that. So by the time I got pregnant the second time,
00:15:14.620 I did a lot of research, listened to a lot of VBAC podcasts. I knew I wanted to try that.
00:15:19.240 So I switched providers. I switched to a group of midwives. They're great. Loved them very much.
00:15:25.420 They gave me really good care and listened to me and were supportive, like truly supportive of
00:15:30.700 the VBAC. I switched hospitals. They actually delivered out of a hospital. I thought that it was
00:15:35.940 maybe, you know, the best of both worlds. And so I did everything that you're supposed to do to try
00:15:41.880 to have a VBAC. I did my research. I learned so much about birth and how the body is supposed to
00:15:47.360 work that it's actually okay to go over your due date, that a due date is actually just a guest date
00:15:53.400 and that it's normal for a lot of women to go all the way to 42 weeks in a healthy pregnancy.
00:15:58.900 And so I learned a lot. I had a doula who was really supportive. The hospital that I
00:16:04.540 was going to deliver at was really supportive of VBACs. And so I went into it thinking that this is
00:16:12.320 definitely going to happen. And we got close. We got close. Really, our goal was for me to go into
00:16:19.460 labor naturally to not get induced because that increases your chances of having a successful
00:16:27.720 VBAC. There are some concerns that are attached to getting induced when you are having a VBAC.
00:16:37.780 The reason is that Pitocin that we talked about earlier, it causes really strong contractions
00:16:42.600 and it can place increased pressure on the scar that is on your uterus because of your past C-section.
00:16:50.820 The risk with a VBAC is something called uterine rupture. Because your uterus has opened before,
00:16:58.920 it has a scar, it is more susceptible to tearing open. I know that's really graphic and kind of
00:17:04.340 scary sounding, but tearing open when you are in labor. So that's why some doctors do not recommend
00:17:10.700 VBAC. That's why some doctors just won't do it. That's why some women won't do it because there is a 1.00
00:17:15.240 risk of your uterus rupturing during labor, which is catastrophic, can be catastrophic for the baby
00:17:22.820 especially, but can also be dangerous for the mom. But there is a very low chance of a uterine rupture. 0.95
00:17:30.400 It's less than 1%. So that's why people go for a VBAC because the chance is so low of that happening.
00:17:39.520 It can be a very safe and very healthy option for a lot of women. But a lot of doctors want to mitigate 1.00
00:17:46.180 as many risks as possible. And so they will not support a woman who is, it's called toe-lacking 1.00
00:17:53.720 trial of labor after a cesarean. But I knew that I wanted to, the chance was so small, but I didn't
00:18:01.760 want that tiny increase of a risk of uterine rupture that can come with using Pitocin. So the goal in
00:18:09.380 my second birth was to go into labor naturally. Now I had been told by my first doctor that that
00:18:14.260 wasn't going to be possible, that my body just didn't go into labor. And so I was really nervous
00:18:19.540 about that, but I did. I went into labor naturally with my second, but it was at 41 weeks. And so I
00:18:25.660 just go over my guest dates. And so I went into labor naturally, but immediately I knew that things,
00:18:33.640 it was not good. I was at 41 weeks and I just knew that this wasn't normal labor. My water broke and
00:18:43.620 then I immediately spiked a fever. Like I had like a 104 fever and I felt terrible. I felt like I got
00:18:49.740 hit by a bus. This was like midnight and I felt awful. And I was having contractions like every 45 seconds
00:18:57.760 and they were exclusively in my back. Things were not going well. Things were not going well. I really,
00:19:03.600 again, wanted to have a natural birth. And I was, before I even got to the hospital, was like,
00:19:09.320 I need an epidural right now. Went to the hospital. I was only one centimeter, but that was farther than
00:19:15.880 I had ever gotten before. So I was kind of excited about that, but I felt horrible, felt horrible.
00:19:21.240 Got the epidural. That caused my, that caused me to be dehydrated, which is a very normal side effect
00:19:27.560 of an epidural. That also caused my, uh, my blood pressure to drop. Also a pretty normal side effect
00:19:33.060 of an epidural. I still, I don't regret getting one though, because I considering her positioning and
00:19:38.880 that's why my contractions were so bad. I, I really needed it. I needed it to relax. I was not in a good
00:19:45.220 place. There was meconium when my water broke, which again is normal at 41 weeks. It's not always an
00:19:50.520 indication of something wrong. But, um, my, my fever, which they tried to reduce with Tylenol and
00:19:57.780 all that, that's, that's what you do, caused her heart rate to go up, which again is normal. When
00:20:03.860 the mother has a fever, the heart rate of the baby, um, often goes up. And so her heart rate went up.
00:20:10.280 They couldn't get it down. Um, it was really high. And at that point they did, um, need to do a C-section.
00:20:16.680 And so my second C-section, like I just have a better mentality about and more acceptance of
00:20:24.720 because it was necessary. It was necessary for her health. It wasn't, I don't know if I can say that
00:20:30.640 it was an, um, like a life or death emergency. It wasn't because after they told me, Hey, I think
00:20:37.300 you're going to need a C-section. It was still a good 45 minutes before I was actually rolled back.
00:20:41.160 And she was fine. Uh, she was, she was eight pounds, eight ounces. So she was pretty, uh, chunky 1.00
00:20:48.500 baby. And I, I was fine. And I think my mental and emotional state was much better after this,
00:20:55.860 knowing that this was necessary. Also physically, I recovered much better after my second than my
00:21:01.920 first. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I didn't have Pitocin. I wasn't induced at all.
00:21:06.900 I'm not really sure. Maybe it was because it was at a different hospital with different surgeons.
00:21:10.100 Maybe the procedure was smoother. I'm not really sure. Um, but yeah, we recovered fine. And again,
00:21:18.180 good eater. We bonded really well. And so some women who have C-sections, breastfeeding can be 1.00
00:21:24.080 harder. Bonding can be a little bit more difficult for various reasons. I'm very thankful that that
00:21:29.420 wasn't my experience. And so again, I was thankful for a healthy baby, but of course, very disappointed
00:21:35.260 that I didn't have the vaginal birth that I wanted and that I've been praying for and preparing for.
00:21:40.040 I prayed so hard for it. It was really hard for me to understand like why God wouldn't answer that
00:21:45.780 prayer with a yes. Like why, why not? Why? Like, why did I have to have another C-section? And really
00:21:52.320 the hard part about this C-section wasn't the recovery since I was fine, but it was the prospect
00:22:00.580 of having to limit the number of children that we have because of the risk that, uh, repetitive C-sections
00:22:08.660 have. Um, there is a risk of, of various things. Placenta, accreta is one of them where the placenta
00:22:17.420 attaches to the scar tissue. That can be very dangerous. It's just not recommended to have very
00:22:23.180 many C-sections. I know some women who have had four, but they typically say, okay, three to four,
00:22:29.120 that's it. You shouldn't have more C-sections than that. And I don't know if we'll have more
00:22:33.020 than three kids, but I didn't want that to be my limitation. And I still just wanted a vaginal birth. 0.91
00:22:38.820 And if I'm honest, there was a part of me who also felt like it, I don't, maybe I felt like I had
00:22:46.000 something to prove. I don't know. Like I felt like I didn't have the genuine birthing and labor
00:22:52.220 experience without having a vaginal birth. I'm not really sure what it was, but I really still wanted 0.52
00:22:57.640 to experience it. So right after I had my second, I knew that one day I would try for a VBAC again,
00:23:04.980 which I knew would be more difficult because as hard as it is to find supportive providers
00:23:11.540 at a supportive community around one VBAC because of the small risk that it carries,
00:23:16.180 it is even harder to find support after two C-sections have a VBAC. But my sweet midwife, 1.00
00:23:22.940 right after I had the C-section, she told me like immediately, which this is so different than my
00:23:28.340 first doctor. And I'm just so thankful. I hope she knows how thankful I am. She told me immediately,
00:23:32.580 she said, you have to try again. She said, you can do it. You can totally do it. Which again,
00:23:38.060 was the opposite of what my original, my first doctor said, who said, you can't do it. You'll
00:23:41.620 never have a vaginal birth. Your body just won't do it. He had no medical reason to say that. And my
00:23:46.980 second midwife, she said, you have to do it. And this is the doctor that you should go to. 0.68
00:24:02.580 So I knew I knew I was going to try. I knew that there were people in my life who love me and are
00:24:11.560 concerned, obviously, about my health, would have a hard time getting on board with it. But I just
00:24:16.500 knew I just I just knew I was going to try again. So fast forward a couple years, all of our kids are
00:24:21.380 two years apart. Fast forward a couple years, I switched to this particular doctor who is known
00:24:28.380 in the area to be extremely supportive of V-backs. The hospital, same hospital, very supportive of 0.98
00:24:35.580 V-backs. I actually had a friend who had just given birth with this doctor who had a V-back after three
00:24:41.740 C-sections. So I was like, OK, that makes me that makes me feel good. And so I had this doctor and I 0.98
00:24:48.760 really missed my midwives because the midwives were a group of women and all the appointments that I had
00:24:53.660 with them lasted a long time. And I never felt rushed. And they answered all my questions. And
00:24:58.040 I just I just loved them. So I didn't love going back into the OB setting and the OB office and just
00:25:05.960 I don't know how sterile and quick and rushed it felt for this third pregnancy. But it was worth it to me
00:25:13.840 if I was going to have this V-back after two C-sections. I really just wanted everything possible
00:25:20.280 in my corner to be able to do this because I knew it was going to be tough. And so I did the things
00:25:27.140 that I was supposed to do. I got a doula who was great. Love this doula. Super supportive and
00:25:32.520 encouraging. Every time I felt discouraged or felt like maybe I can't do it, she was always there to
00:25:38.340 say, oh, no, it's not that you can do it. She would say, no, you're going to do it. You are going to have
00:25:44.300 a V-back that's going to happen. And I just appreciated that. Obviously, we didn't know exactly what was 0.99
00:25:50.100 going to happen. And God is sovereign over all of that. But there was there was no harm in her
00:25:55.540 saying you're going to do this. And I think that really helped my mentality. My husband, super
00:26:00.800 supportive, as concerned as he is, of course, about any risk to me or the baby. Like we really trusted
00:26:07.900 the doctor. We really trusted the hospital. And he also trusted me like he trusted me. I knew that I
00:26:15.240 could do this. And so healthy pregnancy again. Thankful Lord for that. No complications.
00:26:22.300 Nothing like that. Oh, I don't think I said. I don't think I said with my second one, the reason
00:26:26.240 why I had a fever was because I had something called choreo. So just an infection. And the baby
00:26:32.060 was totally fine. But that's why I spiked the fever. I had antibiotics after that. Thank goodness for
00:26:36.840 modern medicine. So that was fine. So I didn't want to be GBS positive this time because that is
00:26:42.740 what could have caused my choreo with the second one. So I wasn't GBS positive the third time. That
00:26:48.600 was just like one less thing to worry about. But I still wanted to make sure that I went into labor
00:26:53.180 naturally again because of the risk that we talked about. And so I'm like, okay, third pregnancy. I'm
00:27:00.600 definitely not going to go over my due date. I stopped recording the podcast at 38 weeks, which I'm
00:27:05.980 still I'm so glad that I did. But thinking, okay, like it could happen any day. It's definitely
00:27:12.820 going to happen earlier. Because sometimes that happens. You give birth earlier with every
00:27:17.960 pregnancy. Not necessarily. I mean, there are so many exceptions to that. I wouldn't even call it a
00:27:23.100 rule. But it seems that sometimes that happens that women don't go as long with their subsequent 1.00
00:27:29.240 pregnancy. So I was really hoping I was like, this is going to happen 40 weeks or before I want a good
00:27:33.760 two weeks to nest and everything like that. My in-laws came in town 39 weeks. God bless my in-laws
00:27:41.120 and my parents. So, so helpful during this time. Okay. So we get to 38 weeks. Nothing. Okay. No big
00:27:48.120 deal. I'm not even getting cervical checks yet. I got this 39 weeks. Honestly, I'm fine. Not going
00:27:55.260 into labor yet. I've still got some nasty left to do. 40 weeks. Okay. 40 weeks. I've made it to 40
00:28:03.420 weeks with every one of my children. That's a blessing. I'm going to see that as a blessing.
00:28:07.760 Wow. Thank the Lord. There's a lot of women who would like to be in this position. I am not going 1.00
00:28:12.900 to be discouraged about this. It was 108 degrees though, by the way. So that might have been
00:28:18.780 factoring into my weariness. But I was really trying not to get discouraged. My in-laws were there. They
00:28:29.080 were helping with the kids. I was really just trying to like soak in this time. My husband
00:28:33.880 and I were doing a lot of fun things. Like we were going on dates. He would come with me to all my
00:28:38.380 appointments. And then afterwards we would go get fun food. His parents were so sweet. They would be
00:28:42.940 like, yeah, y'all just like stay out all afternoon. It was great. It was, it was honestly, I look back and
00:28:47.820 it was like a really fun, sweet time. But it was also a really difficult time because especially when
00:28:55.940 you're having to be back, you do kind of feel on the clock. And so I did start getting the cervical
00:29:00.700 checks and I saw that, okay, things were moving along. I'm super excited about that, that, okay,
00:29:06.160 I was dilated a little bit, effaced a little bit. Okay. Things are happening. But then we get to 41
00:29:12.460 weeks, 41 weeks, nothing happened. I mean, every night after my due date, I was like, it's tonight,
00:29:17.440 it's tonight, it's tonight. One of the nights my mother-in-law made this amazing meal with like
00:29:22.100 homemade biscuits and this like crock pot meal. It was amazing. I was like, this, this pot roast is
00:29:28.600 going to send me into labor. And I was so disappointed the next morning. I had a lot of
00:29:33.120 tears during this time. Okay. There were a lot of tears. There were just so many moments where I was
00:29:37.440 like, you know what? It's not going to happen. It's just not. At this point, I'm going to either
00:29:42.760 have to get induced or I'm just going to have a C-section. I'm, it's just, it's just not going to
00:29:48.700 happen. I was so, I honestly, I remember a moment where just like sobbing, crying to myself, just
00:29:55.920 thinking it's not going to happen. And I just need to accept that this is going to be our last baby
00:30:01.700 and I'm going to have a C-section and you know, it's going to, it's, it's going to be fine.
00:30:07.540 Thankfully, my, my doctor was really patient. He was totally fine with me going all the way to 42
00:30:13.180 weeks. He did not pressure me to get induced. We did get sonograms and everything just to make sure
00:30:17.700 that baby was okay. And that was all good. And so he did say after I was 41 weeks and a couple
00:30:24.720 of days, he was like, you know what, let's go ahead. And I do think that we need to try to kick
00:30:29.960 start labor because has it progressed and let's just, let's just see if we can kickstart it. And so
00:30:35.880 we decided the plan of action was to do something called a Foley bulb and, or a Cook's catheter.
00:30:43.040 It's the same thing. It's basically like a balloon that goes in your cervix and then it inflates
00:30:48.180 over the course of 12 hours. And it's supposed to dilate you to a four, to four centimeters. I was
00:30:54.280 only, I was still only one centimeter at this point. And so the hope was though, because we both wanted
00:30:59.680 to avoid Pitocin because of that risk that I was talking about earlier. The hope was that I would go
00:31:07.080 into labor naturally after that, because that can kind of like kickstart things. And then you go into
00:31:11.300 labor and everything's fine. Um, or if we had to speed things up, we would, we would do Pitocin
00:31:19.460 because you can, it's just a little bit more of a risk.
00:31:22.120 So, uh, we did, we went into the hospital, they, they put it in and then you sleep or you're supposed
00:31:40.900 to sleep overnight and they're supposed to check you in the morning. And sometimes it falls out on
00:31:45.460 its own. If you start dilating quickly, I did not start dilating quickly. I was very discouraged by
00:31:49.840 this process. For me, I know some women say the Foley bulb is like really painful. For me, it just
00:31:54.600 caused like cramps. I was, I was fine. It did cause contractions, but I was fine. Um, and then the
00:32:00.660 next morning, uh, they checked me. I was only at a three when they took it out and I was super bummed
00:32:06.920 about that. And then we just kind of waited around to see if labor would start. But I was like, how long
00:32:11.460 am I supposed to be like, how long do I wait here? They're like, nothing's happening. They're not giving
00:32:15.800 me anything. And so I'm just here waiting at the hospital. I would really rather not be at the
00:32:22.640 hospital. And so, um, I talked to the doctor and I talked to a couple of the residents. Everyone was
00:32:30.280 super nice. I don't really love hospitals, but everyone was like super kind and super supportive
00:32:35.020 of our choices. And, um, they all recommended that, you know what, it would just be easier if
00:32:43.880 you just stayed and we just started Pitocin. My doctor really went back and forth. Like he's a
00:32:50.960 really natural minded guy. He's been doing this for 30 plus years, but he's, he likes to allow women to
00:32:57.980 labor naturally. But, and so he really went back and forth. He was like, it's really up to you.
00:33:02.540 Either you can go home and you can see if labor starts naturally or we can, um, start Pitocin.
00:33:10.500 He was like, honestly, like you're already here. We could just go ahead and start Pitocin on a really
00:33:15.140 low dose and just like see what happens. Um, or you could go home and then we'll schedule your
00:33:20.960 induction for, we'll schedule Pitocin in an induction for Monday. And, uh, we decided to go home,
00:33:28.160 which was really scary for us. This was, I think it was, this was a Friday. Um,
00:33:32.540 it was really scary for us to go home because I was like, oh my gosh, if I go home and something
00:33:37.380 happens, I'm always going to regret it. But because our doctor gave us that option,
00:33:43.380 I, and I had wished that I had done that with my first, I was like, you know what?
00:33:49.700 We, we really prayed about it. Oh gosh, we wrestled with it. We were so like anxious. Like
00:33:54.240 what's the right thing to do? Because both had risks, both had risks. Um, and so we decided to
00:34:02.020 leave and we actually decided to, I don't even know exactly why we did, but we decided to stay
00:34:06.940 at a hotel that night, close to the hospital. The hospital is about like 40 minutes from our house.
00:34:11.320 And, um, I guess just to like rest and relax and, and whatever. And so we went to a hotel and then
00:34:20.500 right before I was about to go to bed, I was like, I I'm getting like, I feel a little something. I
00:34:28.200 don't know. It's not painful, but maybe like tightening. I think it's just Braxton Hicks
00:34:31.820 like every 20 minutes. And I was texting my doula that she was like, okay, yeah, just go to sleep. 0.99
00:34:36.960 So I went to sleep. Something woke me up. I don't know. I, I honestly don't think it was
00:34:41.800 a contraction, but something woke me up at like four 30 and I was up, I was just scrolling on my
00:34:47.400 phone or whatever. And then, uh, all of a sudden they started to hurt all of a sudden those like
00:34:54.100 painless Braxton Hicks started to hurt really bad. And, but it was still, it was like every 15 minutes
00:35:00.720 and we have this like contraction timer app. It might be called contraction timer. I don't know.
00:35:06.760 I'll post about it on Instagram where you can like share, you can track your contractions.
00:35:12.440 You can rate them from like easy to really difficult. You can, um, you can, uh, put how
00:35:19.600 long they last and you can share that live feed with your doula, which is awesome. So my husband
00:35:26.460 was doing, I was doing that and they were starting to get really painful. And then they were starting
00:35:33.260 to get closer together. I got in the shower. I tried to relax because sometimes that can slow
00:35:38.320 things down. It did not stop. I was continuing, uh, to have these really intense contractions
00:35:46.940 by about 8am doula came to the hotel. I was like, I don't think I can walk. I don't think I can walk
00:35:53.720 anymore. And so I'm not really sure what's going to happen. I didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel
00:35:59.060 like, Oh my gosh, I'm about to have this baby. I just felt like it was in a lot of pain. And my
00:36:03.160 contractions were every three or four minutes and they were really intense. Well, we get to the
00:36:09.840 hospital and they check me and they say, Oh, you're still only at a three. Oh, that was what I was
00:36:15.560 after the Foley bulb. And I was having all these contractions. And my sweet doula had to remind me
00:36:20.700 that does not mean that the contractions are meaningless, that they're not doing anything. It's
00:36:24.220 still preparing your body to give birth. And I was like, okay, okay. So, but this is, I was like,
00:36:33.520 I need something. I need something for this pain. So all of my aspirations, by the way, of a natural
00:36:38.780 birth, they have not come to fruition. I'll just give you that spoiler. I guess, I don't know. I have
00:36:43.480 low pain tolerance. I was like, I really want the nitrous. Nitrous is, it's like a gas mask that they
00:36:49.460 can put over you. You breathe, you take it off and it just kind of like numbs you. So it's a good
00:36:56.180 alternative to an epidural if you don't want the needle. And so I really wanted that, but they were
00:37:01.380 like, you're not really in labor because you're still only three centimeters. And I was like, I was
00:37:07.840 writhing in pain. All right. I was writhing. I was like, um, no, no, you are not going to tell me that
00:37:14.740 I'm not in labor because I am. I'm having contractions. You see it on this little monitor
00:37:18.840 right here. And so they were like, we can't admit you into the hospital yet. I was like, okay,
00:37:24.540 what would you like me to do? Do you want me to go to lunch? Do you want me to go get my nails done?
00:37:30.120 Because I am dying here. And so the sweet nurse, love her so much. She was so sweet. She was like,
00:37:37.540 okay, like I can give you like something for, for the pain. I don't even remember what it was. It
00:37:42.860 didn't help at all. It helped none. But she, she was like, you can stay here. And she came back.
00:37:47.760 She was like, if you have progressed at all in an hour, then we can admit you. Okay. And so she came
00:37:53.420 in and I was like, listen, lady, listen, nurse. I said, if I have not progressed, I need you to lie.
00:38:00.040 I said, I need you to lie to the resident and to the doctor right now and tell them that I have
00:38:05.680 progressed because I need that nitrous. And so she didn't have to lie. Thankfully I had progressed.
00:38:11.400 I had progressed in an hour to a four and a half, which I was super excited about. I was super excited
00:38:16.240 about that. I forgot to say also with my second, I had progressed to a five. So I knew my body could
00:38:22.300 at least do that. And so they admitted me, they got me my nitrous. I was super excited. I, and then
00:38:28.280 I labored, let's see, this was probably like, I don't know, 930 or something at this point, maybe,
00:38:33.000 maybe 10. And so I labored using the nitrous for a while and we turned the lights off. We had the
00:38:40.860 worship music on. I honestly, I don't even remember these hours. These were several hours of just me
00:38:48.480 in another state of mind. And at one point though, I got so agitated because I was like, this nitrous
00:38:56.380 is not working anymore. It's not working anymore. Why isn't this working? And it didn't occur to me.
00:39:02.360 I'm sure my dealer, my husband said something, but it didn't occur to me that it was just because
00:39:06.720 my contractions were getting stronger. I was like, this nitrous isn't working. There's something
00:39:10.060 wrong with the laughing gas. So, um, at that point I was like, um, no, let me, no, I didn't ask for an
00:39:19.780 epidural yet. Uh, they, so they checked me and they were like, you are at a seven. I was like, oh my gosh,
00:39:28.260 I got to a seven without an epidural. I was so proud of myself. And I was so proud, thankful for my
00:39:34.120 body that my body had gone farther than it had before. And, uh, they said, but we think that we
00:39:39.640 want to break your water because the baby is still really high and the water is probably preventing
00:39:45.500 your baby from moving down. And so we think that when the baby moves down, you'll progress more.
00:39:51.380 And I really didn't want to do it at first. I just, I just didn't want to. It was just another
00:39:55.220 intervention besides the Foley bulb. I hadn't. And I guess if you call nitrous intervention, I really
00:40:00.680 hadn't had an intervention and I was really thankful for that. So I just didn't want to do
00:40:06.020 that. And I forgot to mention, sorry, this is all over the place because I'm just doing it from memory,
00:40:11.060 but I forgot to mention my doctor that I had sought out and picked, especially because of his expertise
00:40:18.180 with VBACs. He was not only not on call, he did not come in. He could not come in. And so I had a
00:40:25.200 doctor who wasn't even part of his practice. His practice is knowing for being, uh, known for being
00:40:30.420 pro VBAC. This doctor was not, I mean, that's what the nurse said. That's what the resident said,
00:40:35.980 that she's not necessarily supportive of VBAC. So I was really nervous with her. And yet she ended up
00:40:43.480 being incredible. She ended up being so supportive and so encouraging, even though our first interaction
00:40:48.540 about the VBAC, she only told me the risks of it. And I wasn't really excited about that. She had a
00:40:53.040 very kind of negative demeanor, but she ended up being really positive and supportive. I'm so
00:40:56.880 thankful for that. So, but, and she also really wanted me to get an epidural because if an emergency
00:41:03.680 happens, it's easier if you have an epidural already in place and they don't have to knock
00:41:07.520 you out entirely. But I kept on pushing that off and she was fine with that, but she did recommend
00:41:12.000 getting the water broken. And I don't really remember my reasoning why I said yes, but I did. But I knew
00:41:19.660 that if I got my water broken, then I wanted the epidural because the water can act kind of like
00:41:24.020 a cushion for the contractions. It can make it not as painful when you're having those contractions.
00:41:30.200 But I was like, okay, you know what? I think the nitrous has run its course. These contractions are
00:41:34.800 getting really painful. I do want the epidural. And so I got the epidural. I was like, this is amazing.
00:41:41.240 I feel like a new woman. I was chatting with everyone. Whereas I had been like in another state of
00:41:47.660 concentration for hours when I got the epidural and couldn't feel anything from the waist down.
00:41:52.840 I was like, this is amazing. Why didn't I get this when I first came in here? And so I got the
00:41:58.540 epidural after they broke my water. And then it was like, it was really quick. I, again, started
00:42:04.600 thinking this epidural is not working. What's wrong? What's wrong with the anesthesiologist? What's wrong
00:42:10.000 with epidural? What's wrong with me? Why isn't this working? I was so mad. I was like, I need more,
00:42:15.280 more epidural, please. And then the nurse was like, well, I don't want to just check you. I was
00:42:21.260 like, I don't want to be checked right now. I just want the epidural. I would like the pain
00:42:25.780 alleviation, please. And she checked me. I don't remember how many hours this was after I got the
00:42:30.560 epidural. Not very long, maybe like two hours or something. I lost all track of time at this point.
00:42:35.600 And she checked me and she like, she looked at my doula and she looked at me and she was like,
00:42:40.880 you're complete. And I was like, Oh, what? And, uh, so that was why it was hurting so bad
00:42:47.620 because the, after my water broke, the baby did exactly what the doctor said the baby was going to
00:42:53.420 do. The baby moved down. And, um, and then I was, she was like, I think minus two station by the time
00:43:02.520 they checked. And she was like, yeah, you are like about ready to push. And I was like, Oh my gosh.
00:43:07.260 Um, and so, uh, the doctor came in and then all these residents and like, uh, students, not students,
00:43:18.380 but I guess residents are kind of students. But anyway, they all came in, which is really weird.
00:43:24.740 There were a ton of people in there when I was pushing, which felt weird. Um, but I don't remember
00:43:31.260 caring at the time because I was like, Oh my gosh, I am actually about to do it. I'm about to have a
00:43:37.140 feedback after two C-sections. I can't believe it. Um, and so unfortunately with my epidural,
00:43:45.260 which I really, I really don't regret doing, but it makes pushing really hard because you can't push.
00:43:51.840 I had a pelvic floor therapist throughout my pregnancy, which I highly recommend. I love her
00:43:56.400 so much. I love my pelvic floor therapist and she really helped me. And she taught me a way to
00:44:02.340 push in a way that is like gentle and physiologically safe and effective for your
00:44:07.960 body and for the baby. But you can't really push like that when you have an epidural because you
00:44:12.100 can't feel anything. So it's really hard to kind of like flex the top of your abdomen,
00:44:16.560 which is kind of what you're supposed to do. You really are just instructed to push as hard as you
00:44:22.540 possibly can for as long as you can, and then take a breath and then do it again, which can cause
00:44:28.620 injuries and a lot of, um, problems after birth. But there aren't very many options when you can't
00:44:35.640 feel anything for the waist down. So that's what I did. I pushed as hard as I, as I could. My doctor
00:44:41.020 told me that I was a great pusher. Great. Thank you. I don't know what that means, but she was out in
00:44:46.860 just a few minutes. It was only like a few minutes of pushing, which I'm very thankful for. It was
00:44:50.600 probably 10 or so minutes. And we didn't know the gender, um, at the time. And then, uh, we found out
00:44:58.220 that she is a girl and they placed her on my chest and she was eight pounds, six ounces. So very similar
00:45:06.020 to my second, who was eight pounds, eight ounces. And it was like, it was such a surreal experience
00:45:13.440 being there and being about to push and seeing them set up for the baby and like get all the things
00:45:20.020 out and together for delivery. I was like, I, that's for me. That's for us. Like I'm about to do
00:45:26.100 that. I just really had myself convinced, even when she told me that we were complete, that there was
00:45:32.740 no way that I could have a VBAC. And we did. Um, and so I'm so thankful for that. And I'm, I'm about
00:45:42.500 to run out of time. There will be plenty of time in the future for me to like give more advice to
00:45:47.840 you and more things that I learned, um, through this process. Uh, but I do just like, I want to
00:45:54.720 say a couple of things of just encouragement because I know that there are women out there 0.98
00:45:59.080 who have had C-sections and you really want a VBAC and you're scared. Um, my advice to you would be
00:46:04.860 to find a supportive provider and a supportive doula. Talk to them, of course, about the risks and
00:46:10.740 benefits and all of that. But if you can do it, then try, try, like, I really encourage you to,
00:46:18.040 I know that that, that phrase uterine rupture can be really scary, but it is scary, of course.
00:46:25.080 And it happens. Um, but the prospect of that happening is really, really low. And there are
00:46:32.020 risks also to repeat C-sections. There are health risks, there are potential future risks that you're
00:46:37.820 taking with repeat C-section. So it's not like that's without risk or side effect. And so I
00:46:43.040 encourage you to really consider it and to really try to divide, uh, to find a supportive community
00:46:49.160 around you, um, having a VBAC.
00:46:52.020 Now, if you are a woman who will never have a vaginal birth or you're done having babies and 0.99
00:47:08.520 you only had C-sections, some of you are totally fine with that. You have no problem with your
00:47:13.460 C-sections and you feel no distress or anxiety or sadness or regret about that at all. And that's
00:47:18.800 great. I'm very thankful for C-sections, especially when they're necessary. But if you
00:47:24.320 do have regret, if you feel like I did at one point that, Oh, am I like a real mom? Like,
00:47:31.100 does it count? Did I have a genuine birth experience because I didn't have a vaginal birth? And maybe
00:47:37.320 you feel incomplete or you, or you feel like you live with that regret, or you don't even want to
00:47:41.780 think about your birth because of how difficult it was. I just want you to know that having a VBAC,
00:47:47.440 having a vaginal birth does not complete you. Okay. I did it. I've had both kinds of births now.
00:47:53.840 I don't feel like, Oh, now I'm completed. Now I'm a real mom. Now, Oh, my first two births are
00:48:01.420 completely redeemed. I mean, I, because I always was, it always was a real experience. It was always
00:48:08.360 a genuine motherhood experience. I still grew those babies in my body. Like I still delivered
00:48:15.740 children. Even with a C-section, I still, we still did something really difficult together
00:48:20.780 through a cesarean. That is a genuine experience. And God planned that day. God planned your children's
00:48:29.240 birthday before they were born, before you were born, before time began. He is sovereign in all
00:48:35.480 of those details. And while I like to think about my first birth and have so much regret and think
00:48:40.760 that, Oh, if I had just done this, then this would have happened. The truth is, I don't know.
00:48:45.860 God planned that. He was in control of that. It happened exactly according to his purpose and for
00:48:53.420 his glory, even if I still don't know the reasons right now. So don't think that having a VBAC one day
00:49:00.660 is going to finally redeem all of your past traumatic experiences and make you feel like a real natural
00:49:07.900 woman. You do not need that to be those things. Only Jesus offers redemption. Only he can help us
00:49:16.700 reconcile with our past, whether it's past mistakes or things that have happened to us. That is a
00:49:23.560 spiritual issue and a spiritual journey that needs to be traveled much more than it is a physical
00:49:30.960 journey. And while I do like to say that VBACs can be redemptive, they can be in certain ways,
00:49:37.880 but not nearly as much as I thought. It didn't change my life, I guess, like I thought it would.
00:49:46.220 I'm still very thankful for it. Recovery was hard though. Recovery is hard after birth. Let's just say
00:49:52.600 that like recovery is difficult after birth. So I know a lot of you who have had C-sections,
00:49:57.100 you think that if you had a VBAC, the recovery would be so much easier. In my experience, that's not
00:50:02.800 true. That's not true. This recovery was more difficult than my second C-section. So you're not
00:50:10.660 missing out. I will say that. It's a beautiful thing. I'm very glad that I did it. If we have more
00:50:16.460 kids, I will definitely be trying that again. It's a triumphant feeling, but I just want you to know
00:50:22.980 that you are not incomplete if you never have a vaginal birth. Maybe some of you think that's crazy that
00:50:28.940 that even needs to be said, but I promise you it does for women who have only had C-sections.
00:50:34.840 And like the trauma, I know that's overused word, but that you feel because of your past
00:50:42.320 births, it's not exaggerated. Like it's real. That's your body. That's your baby. That's like
00:50:50.120 the most intimate and vulnerable you have ever been. Like stretched out on a table with lights
00:50:56.320 with lights on you as all of these people are overlooking you and you're half naked and you
00:51:02.120 can't do anything. Like it's okay to feel sad about that experience and to want to work through it and
00:51:08.600 even try to redeem it. But just a reminder that Jesus alone is the Redeemer. And whether you had a
00:51:14.720 C-section or a vaginal birth, it's still delivery and God was still in it. He was still in the
00:51:20.460 details. He was still with you. He can still use it for his glory. Okay. I got through it. I got
00:51:27.540 through that without coughing too much. We made it. We made it, guys. I apologize for my voice. I was
00:51:33.480 trying to get through it without coughing too much. And so I was a little distracted too. So I hope it
00:51:38.460 all made sense and I hope it encouraged you. I hope you liked to hear it, but find a chiropractor,
00:51:43.860 find a pelvic floor therapist, find a supportive community, and try a VBAC if you can. All right.
00:51:50.300 That's all I have time for today. We will be back here tomorrow.