Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 903

00:00:00.000 We are back from maternity leave, which means I have a birth story to tell those of you who

00:00:06.700 want to listen to it. So that's what today's episode is. I will tell you about my last birth

00:00:14.860 for those of you who are birth story lovers like me. This episode is brought to you by our friends

00:00:20.920 at Good Ranchers. Go to GoodRanchers.com. Use code Allie at checkout. That's GoodRanchers.com,

00:00:26.200 code Allie. Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Tuesday, our second day back after maternity

00:00:42.560 leave. You can probably hear it. I am dealing with the after effects of a cold. I feel like I tell you

00:00:48.960 that like every couple months. I don't know. I need to strengthen my immune system or something.

00:00:54.400 It's just, it's just the way it is, but I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm here and I'm strong. And

00:00:59.380 yesterday, yesterday I didn't have to talk very much because we got to listen to the lovely Kat Von D.

00:01:04.940 You guys are absolutely loving her testimony, the comments, the messages that I have received

00:01:10.860 about the testimony, how encouraged you guys have been. I just love getting those. And I know,

00:01:17.160 I know that you guys have been sending her encouraging messages too, which I really just

00:01:21.480 appreciate. So fun, so fun getting to have her in studio. So thank you so much for listening to

00:01:27.220 that, for sharing that. So many of you have shared it on Instagram and for watching it on YouTube. If

00:01:34.460 you haven't, go back and listen to it. Also, before we get started in this episode, merch,

00:01:41.640 we've got merch, new merch for sale. We've got crew neck sweatshirts that you guys have been asking

00:01:47.540 for. We'll put pictures up if you're watching on YouTube. The do the next right thing. We've got

00:01:52.440 that rose colored. We've got that in Heather gray. We've got it in black and we've got it in navy.

00:01:57.780 So yes, we do have colors for the related bros out there. We've got a cute t-shirt, a razor respectful

00:02:03.440 ruckus with our little flower character girl there. Super cute. So lots of new merch, fall colors,

00:02:11.040 sweatshirts, all that good stuff. If you are in a warm place like I am, then this can be a part of

00:02:17.220 what I call your fall costume. And your fall costume is the thing that you put on when you

00:02:22.740 live in the South that has no correlation with the weather, has no practical use. Like today,

00:02:29.820 it's going to be about 80 degrees where I am. I'm wearing, I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I'm wearing a

00:02:34.120 sweatshirt because it is seasonally appropriate, even though it is not weather appropriate. The weather

00:02:40.440 actually calls for tank tops and flip-flops and a barbecue and maybe a pool party. But because it

00:02:48.840 is November and I want to manifest and bring about autumn with what I am wearing, I will don my fall

00:03:01.360 costume. So we will be wearing the cowl necks and the boots and the jeans and the sweater,

00:03:07.180 even though it will probably still be 75 degrees on Christmas. So the Do the Next Right Thing

00:03:13.840 sweatshirt can be a part of your fall costume. Or if you live elsewhere in the United States where

00:03:18.880 you actually have seasons, it can serve a practical purpose in your life. All right. Today we're talking

00:03:25.140 about birth. Because when I polled you guys on Instagram and I asked, do you want to hear the birth

00:03:30.000 story? The vast majority of you said yes. And the small percentage of you who said no, some of that

00:03:36.460 small percentage is made up of people who then messaged me and was like, I picked the wrong one.

00:03:41.060 So it's even a smaller percentage of you who said no. Yet, if you were one of those people who said no

00:03:47.740 and you don't want to listen to this, you should stop listening. You should stop listening right now.

00:03:52.580 It will not offend me. Birth stories are not for everyone. It's probably not even for everyone in

00:03:57.880 this room recording Relatable right now because we have part of the male species in this room and they

00:04:04.100 probably don't want to hear my birth story. Some people who have not given birth, they don't want

00:04:09.280 to hear the birth story. Some people, some women who have given birth, they don't like to hear birth

00:04:13.080 stories. That's totally fine. But you probably should have picked up on the title to know that

00:04:18.720 this is not one that you want to tune in for. I'm probably, I'm probably going to get, because

00:04:23.500 YouTube, it's such a crazy place. I'm probably going to get comments on YouTube saying, why are you

00:04:28.240 doing this? I don't like birth stories. I did not like watching that whole thing. Listen, you don't

00:04:34.100 have to, okay? It's a choice. It's a choice. You do not have to. You can tune in tomorrow when we

00:04:39.060 talk about Andy Stanley. You don't have to listen to birth stories. But some of you, if you are like

00:04:43.800 me, you love a good birth story. I love a good birth story. I absolutely love birth. I was talking to

00:04:48.860 Kat Von D yesterday. Her son is five years old. I made her talk to me about her birth story that

00:04:55.240 happened five years ago. I love birth. I love pregnancy. Sometimes I think about, okay, in the

00:05:02.720 apocalypse, if things really go down in the United States, what skills can I bring to the table?

00:05:09.560 Because I'm not very domestic, if I'm honest. I can't sew. My cooking is okay. I don't have a lot of

00:05:21.420 non-podcasting skills. I don't have a lot of like 19th century skills that I could bring to the table.

00:05:29.380 But one thing that I think I could do if I learned how to do it, I could be a midwife or a doula. I

00:05:36.440 could at least be an assistant simply because I have thought so much and researched so much and read so

00:05:43.360 much and listened to so much about birth and pregnancy. Obviously not a professional expert,

00:05:49.620 but I know a lot just because I love it so much. I love it. I will never tire of my friends telling

00:05:55.300 me about their pregnancies and birth stories and all that. Okay. So some of y'all have heard me

00:06:12.360 talk about my previous births. My first and second birth, I've given summaries of my birth story

00:06:23.500 before, but a lot of you haven't heard it. So I'll just give summaries of that because those are

00:06:27.620 important and they're relevant to my third birth story. So my first two were C-sections. My first was

00:06:37.160 a C-section really for no medical reason. And I feel very confident saying that not because I'm a

00:06:42.400 doctor, but because I have talked to doctors, I've talked to midwives since then. It really wasn't

00:06:48.120 medically necessary. Also, if I sound a little bit weird, it's because I have a cough drop in my mouth.

00:06:51.900 I'm really trying not to cough as I am telling the story. But my first birth, I really didn't know

00:06:58.760 anything. My first pregnancy, I really didn't know that much about pregnancy and birth. It wasn't really

00:07:03.140 something I had studied. It wasn't something I was interested in. And I had a healthy pregnancy.

00:07:07.800 Everything went smooth. Thankfully, there were no complications or anything like that.

00:07:11.500 So it never crossed my mind that I would need a C-section. I didn't really know why women sometimes

00:07:17.640 had C-sections, but I knew it was a possibility. But I guess I thought it was just emergency situations

00:07:23.300 or maybe if you had some kind of condition where you would need a C-section. But I just

00:07:28.500 didn't think that that was going to be me. Every woman that I knew, my mom, my aunts, my sisters-in-law,

00:07:39.760 my mother-in-law, they all had normal births. Just go into the hospital, give birth, no complications

00:07:45.220 that I knew of. I just assumed that was going to be me. I don't think I knew anyone who had had

00:07:49.640 a C-section. So about the time of my due date, a couple weeks before my due date, I think my due date

00:07:54.320 with my first was June 30th. A couple weeks before that, my doctor started talking about

00:07:58.180 induction, which I didn't really even know what that was. But if you don't know what induction

00:08:02.540 is, there are a couple different methods that they use. It usually involves something called

00:08:06.980 pitocin, which is a synthetic form of a natural hormone called oxytocin, which puts you into

00:08:13.520 labor. It contracts your uterus. And so pitocin is given intravenously, and it causes your uterus

00:08:22.280 to contract. Your uterus has to contract in order to push the baby out of you. And so he started

00:08:27.600 talking about induction. He said he likes to induce his patients, all patients, really for any reason,

00:08:33.220 around 39 weeks. And I don't really know why, but I wasn't comfortable with that. I knew I was going

00:08:39.500 to have a hospital birth, but I wanted it to be as natural as possible. So putting something synthetic

00:08:45.120 into my body unnecessarily just wasn't something that was appealing to me. So I was pushing it off and

00:08:51.740 pushing it off every appointment that I that I had after 38 weeks. He was encouraging me, you know,

00:08:57.860 why don't we just go ahead and set an induction date? No, no, no, I'm going to see. I was getting

00:09:02.700 checked. Those of you who have been pregnant, you know what I mean by that. I don't have to go into

00:09:06.960 detail on what getting checked means. And I had no cervical progress whatsoever. And he acted really

00:09:15.200 stumped by that. I was 39 weeks pregnant, my first pregnancy, and I wasn't dilated at all. And he

00:09:21.420 thought that that was strange, or he made me feel like that was maybe strange or discouraging. And

00:09:25.820 so I wasn't really sure what that meant. And so by the time I was 40 weeks, by the time I hit the due

00:09:31.640 date, and I went to my doctor's appointment, and he brought up, okay, let's go ahead and set this

00:09:36.920 induction date. I never let my patients go past 41 weeks. I did. I was okay with it at that point. I

00:09:44.500 thought, okay, wow, I've gone past my due date. This is a really big deal. And so fine,

00:09:50.180 we'll set the induction for 40 weeks, five days. Even though I had no progress whatsoever, I wasn't

00:09:55.940 even feeling Braxton Hicks or going in to there were no signs of labor at this point with my first

00:10:01.160 pregnancy. But I was totally fine. I was fine. Baby was fine. There was no indication whatsoever

00:10:07.940 that there was anything wrong or going to be wrong. But set the induction date. It was also

00:10:13.080 July, and I was very pregnant. I was ready to meet our first child, our daughter. And so

00:10:18.700 set that induction date and went to the hospital, did the whole Cervidil thing overnight. They checked

00:10:26.580 me in the morning, no progress at all. And rather than giving me any alternatives, they said,

00:10:32.080 why don't we just go ahead and start you on Pitocin? They started me on Pitocin. They did that

00:10:37.220 really just for a few hours. And I wasn't feeling anything. They checked me. They said, oh, you've

00:10:42.900 made no progress at all. Your baby is high. That means, you know, like high up in your abdomen,

00:10:49.720 high up in the uterus. You haven't progressed. There is no sign of labor. Let's just go ahead

00:10:55.840 and do a C-section. Now, again, this was not because there was anything wrong with me.

00:11:00.800 There was not because there was anything wrong with baby. Everyone was tolerating everything

00:11:05.060 just fine. It was just because this doctor really didn't like his patients to go past

00:11:11.840 a certain date. I didn't know at the time that it was actually very normal for first-time

00:11:16.420 moms to go to or even past 41 weeks. And so I wish I had known. I wish someone had told

00:11:22.440 me, hey, there's nothing wrong with you. That doctor made a few comments about my body that

00:11:27.640 made me feel like something was wrong with me. He said, you know what? You're just not

00:11:32.100 going to be able to deliver this baby naturally. Let's go ahead and have a C-section. I didn't

00:11:38.680 know. I didn't know any better. If I had known better, I would have pushed back. Honestly,

00:11:43.300 I would have left the hospital. And the nurse was like, oh, I've had three C-sections. It's

00:11:47.640 really no big deal. And if you were to ask me, I would tell you there's no way that you're

00:11:51.400 going to birth this baby vaginally. And you know what? If you go past 41 weeks, you might

00:11:56.460 have a stillbirth. Oh my gosh. Well, you hear that. Your husband hears that. Your first-time

00:12:01.460 parents, you don't know anything. Of course, if you're basically hearing that your baby is

00:12:06.540 going to die if you don't have a C-section, even though it was not an emergency at all

00:12:11.580 and there was no medical necessity for it, of course, you are going to choose the C-section.

00:12:15.300 I had a C-section. Of course, I am so thankful for my health, for my baby's health. I'm so

00:12:23.940 grateful for that. We were both totally fine. It was not a fun experience, though. You are

00:12:30.620 numb from the waist down. Your arms are out beside you. You feel totally out of control.

00:12:36.260 You're in this sterile, bright room. And you have these doctors working over you, opening

00:12:41.620 up your abdomen, talking about what they're going to have for lunch and what they did over

00:12:45.640 the weekend. A very strange out-of-body experience that I hated every single part of it. I also

00:12:52.720 hated when they got her out, they showed her to me. I was totally out of it, but I was begging

00:12:58.580 them, like, can you please put her on my chest? And so I don't even know who it was, but someone

00:13:04.600 yelled out. I couldn't see because of the curtain that's in front of you when you have a C-section.

00:13:08.340 Someone yelled out, no. And I just remember being brokenhearted. And, you know, they wiped

00:13:14.280 them all down and they see how much they weigh. Finally, they put her on my chest and everything

00:13:19.180 was fine. We bonded great. She was a great eater. And so I'm thankful for that. But I

00:13:24.400 was in so much physical pain after that surgery. So much physical pain and so much emotional

00:13:30.460 distress, too, because things didn't end up how I wanted it to. And in the sense that I didn't

00:13:37.260 get the birth that I had envisioned and something happened that I really didn't want to happen,

00:13:41.880 I just felt so out of control. And it was a really hard experience for me. Now looking

00:13:48.280 back, I realize I probably did have postpartum depression, just how much I cried and how much

00:13:53.740 anxiety I had after she was born. And I loved her so much and was probably overprotective

00:14:00.740 in the sense that I just, like, I felt like I could never leave her. I was so scared to get

00:14:04.740 in the car. I was so scared to go anywhere. I had a lot of anxiety and a lot of sadness

00:14:10.660 after she was born. I think in large part due to what I would consider, in a sense, a traumatic

00:14:16.580 birth experience.

00:14:18.700 So all that to say, I knew I wanted a different experience for future births. I knew that I

00:14:37.220 wanted something different. Like, I just didn't want that recovery process again. The physical pain,

00:14:45.320 the emotional distress that I had, I really wanted to try to have a vaginal birth after

00:14:49.960 a C-section, which is called a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. And I didn't know really

00:14:57.160 if that was possible. I asked my doctor, would you allow me to do this in my next birth? And

00:15:03.280 he said, I would let you try, but you would have to have an epidural. So I didn't feel the

00:15:09.860 utmost support from him when I asked that. So by the time I got pregnant the second time,

00:15:14.620 I did a lot of research, listened to a lot of VBAC podcasts. I knew I wanted to try that.

00:15:19.240 So I switched providers. I switched to a group of midwives. They're great. Loved them very much.

00:15:25.420 They gave me really good care and listened to me and were supportive, like truly supportive of

00:15:30.700 the VBAC. I switched hospitals. They actually delivered out of a hospital. I thought that it was

00:15:35.940 maybe, you know, the best of both worlds. And so I did everything that you're supposed to do to try

00:15:41.880 to have a VBAC. I did my research. I learned so much about birth and how the body is supposed to

00:15:47.360 work that it's actually okay to go over your due date, that a due date is actually just a guest date

00:15:53.400 and that it's normal for a lot of women to go all the way to 42 weeks in a healthy pregnancy.

00:15:58.900 And so I learned a lot. I had a doula who was really supportive. The hospital that I

00:16:04.540 was going to deliver at was really supportive of VBACs. And so I went into it thinking that this is

00:16:12.320 definitely going to happen. And we got close. We got close. Really, our goal was for me to go into

00:16:19.460 labor naturally to not get induced because that increases your chances of having a successful

00:16:27.720 VBAC. There are some concerns that are attached to getting induced when you are having a VBAC.

00:16:37.780 The reason is that Pitocin that we talked about earlier, it causes really strong contractions

00:16:42.600 and it can place increased pressure on the scar that is on your uterus because of your past C-section.

00:16:50.820 The risk with a VBAC is something called uterine rupture. Because your uterus has opened before,

00:16:58.920 it has a scar, it is more susceptible to tearing open. I know that's really graphic and kind of

00:17:04.340 scary sounding, but tearing open when you are in labor. So that's why some doctors do not recommend

00:17:10.700 VBAC. That's why some doctors just won't do it. That's why some women won't do it because there is a

00:17:15.240 risk of your uterus rupturing during labor, which is catastrophic, can be catastrophic for the baby

00:17:22.820 especially, but can also be dangerous for the mom. But there is a very low chance of a uterine rupture.

00:17:30.400 It's less than 1%. So that's why people go for a VBAC because the chance is so low of that happening.

00:17:39.520 It can be a very safe and very healthy option for a lot of women. But a lot of doctors want to mitigate

00:17:46.180 as many risks as possible. And so they will not support a woman who is, it's called toe-lacking

00:17:53.720 trial of labor after a cesarean. But I knew that I wanted to, the chance was so small, but I didn't

00:18:01.760 want that tiny increase of a risk of uterine rupture that can come with using Pitocin. So the goal in

00:18:09.380 my second birth was to go into labor naturally. Now I had been told by my first doctor that that

00:18:14.260 wasn't going to be possible, that my body just didn't go into labor. And so I was really nervous

00:18:19.540 about that, but I did. I went into labor naturally with my second, but it was at 41 weeks. And so I

00:18:25.660 just go over my guest dates. And so I went into labor naturally, but immediately I knew that things,

00:18:33.640 it was not good. I was at 41 weeks and I just knew that this wasn't normal labor. My water broke and

00:18:43.620 then I immediately spiked a fever. Like I had like a 104 fever and I felt terrible. I felt like I got

00:18:49.740 hit by a bus. This was like midnight and I felt awful. And I was having contractions like every 45 seconds

00:18:57.760 and they were exclusively in my back. Things were not going well. Things were not going well. I really,

00:19:03.600 again, wanted to have a natural birth. And I was, before I even got to the hospital, was like,

00:19:09.320 I need an epidural right now. Went to the hospital. I was only one centimeter, but that was farther than

00:19:15.880 I had ever gotten before. So I was kind of excited about that, but I felt horrible, felt horrible.

00:19:21.240 Got the epidural. That caused my, that caused me to be dehydrated, which is a very normal side effect

00:19:27.560 of an epidural. That also caused my, uh, my blood pressure to drop. Also a pretty normal side effect

00:19:33.060 of an epidural. I still, I don't regret getting one though, because I considering her positioning and

00:19:38.880 that's why my contractions were so bad. I, I really needed it. I needed it to relax. I was not in a good

00:19:45.220 place. There was meconium when my water broke, which again is normal at 41 weeks. It's not always an

00:19:50.520 indication of something wrong. But, um, my, my fever, which they tried to reduce with Tylenol and

00:19:57.780 all that, that's, that's what you do, caused her heart rate to go up, which again is normal. When

00:20:03.860 the mother has a fever, the heart rate of the baby, um, often goes up. And so her heart rate went up.

00:20:10.280 They couldn't get it down. Um, it was really high. And at that point they did, um, need to do a C-section.

00:20:16.680 And so my second C-section, like I just have a better mentality about and more acceptance of

00:20:24.720 because it was necessary. It was necessary for her health. It wasn't, I don't know if I can say that

00:20:30.640 it was an, um, like a life or death emergency. It wasn't because after they told me, Hey, I think

00:20:37.300 you're going to need a C-section. It was still a good 45 minutes before I was actually rolled back.

00:20:41.160 And she was fine. Uh, she was, she was eight pounds, eight ounces. So she was pretty, uh, chunky

00:20:48.500 baby. And I, I was fine. And I think my mental and emotional state was much better after this,

00:20:55.860 knowing that this was necessary. Also physically, I recovered much better after my second than my

00:21:01.920 first. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I didn't have Pitocin. I wasn't induced at all.

00:21:06.900 I'm not really sure. Maybe it was because it was at a different hospital with different surgeons.

00:21:10.100 Maybe the procedure was smoother. I'm not really sure. Um, but yeah, we recovered fine. And again,

00:21:18.180 good eater. We bonded really well. And so some women who have C-sections, breastfeeding can be

00:21:24.080 harder. Bonding can be a little bit more difficult for various reasons. I'm very thankful that that

00:21:29.420 wasn't my experience. And so again, I was thankful for a healthy baby, but of course, very disappointed

00:21:35.260 that I didn't have the vaginal birth that I wanted and that I've been praying for and preparing for.

00:21:40.040 I prayed so hard for it. It was really hard for me to understand like why God wouldn't answer that

00:21:45.780 prayer with a yes. Like why, why not? Why? Like, why did I have to have another C-section? And really

00:21:52.320 the hard part about this C-section wasn't the recovery since I was fine, but it was the prospect

00:22:00.580 of having to limit the number of children that we have because of the risk that, uh, repetitive C-sections

00:22:08.660 have. Um, there is a risk of, of various things. Placenta, accreta is one of them where the placenta

00:22:17.420 attaches to the scar tissue. That can be very dangerous. It's just not recommended to have very

00:22:23.180 many C-sections. I know some women who have had four, but they typically say, okay, three to four,

00:22:29.120 that's it. You shouldn't have more C-sections than that. And I don't know if we'll have more

00:22:33.020 than three kids, but I didn't want that to be my limitation. And I still just wanted a vaginal birth.

00:22:38.820 And if I'm honest, there was a part of me who also felt like it, I don't, maybe I felt like I had

00:22:46.000 something to prove. I don't know. Like I felt like I didn't have the genuine birthing and labor

00:22:52.220 experience without having a vaginal birth. I'm not really sure what it was, but I really still wanted

00:22:57.640 to experience it. So right after I had my second, I knew that one day I would try for a VBAC again,

00:23:04.980 which I knew would be more difficult because as hard as it is to find supportive providers

00:23:11.540 at a supportive community around one VBAC because of the small risk that it carries,

00:23:16.180 it is even harder to find support after two C-sections have a VBAC. But my sweet midwife,

00:23:22.940 right after I had the C-section, she told me like immediately, which this is so different than my

00:23:28.340 first doctor. And I'm just so thankful. I hope she knows how thankful I am. She told me immediately,

00:23:32.580 she said, you have to try again. She said, you can do it. You can totally do it. Which again,

00:23:38.060 was the opposite of what my original, my first doctor said, who said, you can't do it. You'll

00:23:41.620 never have a vaginal birth. Your body just won't do it. He had no medical reason to say that. And my

00:23:46.980 second midwife, she said, you have to do it. And this is the doctor that you should go to.

00:24:02.580 So I knew I knew I was going to try. I knew that there were people in my life who love me and are

00:24:11.560 concerned, obviously, about my health, would have a hard time getting on board with it. But I just

00:24:16.500 knew I just I just knew I was going to try again. So fast forward a couple years, all of our kids are

00:24:21.380 two years apart. Fast forward a couple years, I switched to this particular doctor who is known

00:24:28.380 in the area to be extremely supportive of V-backs. The hospital, same hospital, very supportive of

00:24:35.580 V-backs. I actually had a friend who had just given birth with this doctor who had a V-back after three

00:24:41.740 C-sections. So I was like, OK, that makes me that makes me feel good. And so I had this doctor and I

00:24:48.760 really missed my midwives because the midwives were a group of women and all the appointments that I had

00:24:53.660 with them lasted a long time. And I never felt rushed. And they answered all my questions. And

00:24:58.040 I just I just loved them. So I didn't love going back into the OB setting and the OB office and just

00:25:05.960 I don't know how sterile and quick and rushed it felt for this third pregnancy. But it was worth it to me

00:25:13.840 if I was going to have this V-back after two C-sections. I really just wanted everything possible

00:25:20.280 in my corner to be able to do this because I knew it was going to be tough. And so I did the things

00:25:27.140 that I was supposed to do. I got a doula who was great. Love this doula. Super supportive and

00:25:32.520 encouraging. Every time I felt discouraged or felt like maybe I can't do it, she was always there to

00:25:38.340 say, oh, no, it's not that you can do it. She would say, no, you're going to do it. You are going to have

00:25:44.300 a V-back that's going to happen. And I just appreciated that. Obviously, we didn't know exactly what was

00:25:50.100 going to happen. And God is sovereign over all of that. But there was there was no harm in her

00:25:55.540 saying you're going to do this. And I think that really helped my mentality. My husband, super

00:26:00.800 supportive, as concerned as he is, of course, about any risk to me or the baby. Like we really trusted

00:26:07.900 the doctor. We really trusted the hospital. And he also trusted me like he trusted me. I knew that I

00:26:15.240 could do this. And so healthy pregnancy again. Thankful Lord for that. No complications.

00:26:22.300 Nothing like that. Oh, I don't think I said. I don't think I said with my second one, the reason

00:26:26.240 why I had a fever was because I had something called choreo. So just an infection. And the baby

00:26:32.060 was totally fine. But that's why I spiked the fever. I had antibiotics after that. Thank goodness for

00:26:36.840 modern medicine. So that was fine. So I didn't want to be GBS positive this time because that is

00:26:42.740 what could have caused my choreo with the second one. So I wasn't GBS positive the third time. That

00:26:48.600 was just like one less thing to worry about. But I still wanted to make sure that I went into labor

00:26:53.180 naturally again because of the risk that we talked about. And so I'm like, okay, third pregnancy. I'm

00:27:00.600 definitely not going to go over my due date. I stopped recording the podcast at 38 weeks, which I'm

00:27:05.980 still I'm so glad that I did. But thinking, okay, like it could happen any day. It's definitely

00:27:12.820 going to happen earlier. Because sometimes that happens. You give birth earlier with every

00:27:17.960 pregnancy. Not necessarily. I mean, there are so many exceptions to that. I wouldn't even call it a

00:27:23.100 rule. But it seems that sometimes that happens that women don't go as long with their subsequent

00:27:29.240 pregnancy. So I was really hoping I was like, this is going to happen 40 weeks or before I want a good

00:27:33.760 two weeks to nest and everything like that. My in-laws came in town 39 weeks. God bless my in-laws

00:27:41.120 and my parents. So, so helpful during this time. Okay. So we get to 38 weeks. Nothing. Okay. No big

00:27:48.120 deal. I'm not even getting cervical checks yet. I got this 39 weeks. Honestly, I'm fine. Not going

00:27:55.260 into labor yet. I've still got some nasty left to do. 40 weeks. Okay. 40 weeks. I've made it to 40

00:28:03.420 weeks with every one of my children. That's a blessing. I'm going to see that as a blessing.

00:28:07.760 Wow. Thank the Lord. There's a lot of women who would like to be in this position. I am not going

00:28:12.900 to be discouraged about this. It was 108 degrees though, by the way. So that might have been

00:28:18.780 factoring into my weariness. But I was really trying not to get discouraged. My in-laws were there. They

00:28:29.080 were helping with the kids. I was really just trying to like soak in this time. My husband

00:28:33.880 and I were doing a lot of fun things. Like we were going on dates. He would come with me to all my

00:28:38.380 appointments. And then afterwards we would go get fun food. His parents were so sweet. They would be

00:28:42.940 like, yeah, y'all just like stay out all afternoon. It was great. It was, it was honestly, I look back and

00:28:47.820 it was like a really fun, sweet time. But it was also a really difficult time because especially when

00:28:55.940 you're having to be back, you do kind of feel on the clock. And so I did start getting the cervical

00:29:00.700 checks and I saw that, okay, things were moving along. I'm super excited about that, that, okay,

00:29:06.160 I was dilated a little bit, effaced a little bit. Okay. Things are happening. But then we get to 41

00:29:12.460 weeks, 41 weeks, nothing happened. I mean, every night after my due date, I was like, it's tonight,

00:29:17.440 it's tonight, it's tonight. One of the nights my mother-in-law made this amazing meal with like

00:29:22.100 homemade biscuits and this like crock pot meal. It was amazing. I was like, this, this pot roast is

00:29:28.600 going to send me into labor. And I was so disappointed the next morning. I had a lot of

00:29:33.120 tears during this time. Okay. There were a lot of tears. There were just so many moments where I was

00:29:37.440 like, you know what? It's not going to happen. It's just not. At this point, I'm going to either

00:29:42.760 have to get induced or I'm just going to have a C-section. I'm, it's just, it's just not going to

00:29:48.700 happen. I was so, I honestly, I remember a moment where just like sobbing, crying to myself, just

00:29:55.920 thinking it's not going to happen. And I just need to accept that this is going to be our last baby

00:30:01.700 and I'm going to have a C-section and you know, it's going to, it's, it's going to be fine.

00:30:07.540 Thankfully, my, my doctor was really patient. He was totally fine with me going all the way to 42

00:30:13.180 weeks. He did not pressure me to get induced. We did get sonograms and everything just to make sure

00:30:17.700 that baby was okay. And that was all good. And so he did say after I was 41 weeks and a couple

00:30:24.720 of days, he was like, you know what, let's go ahead. And I do think that we need to try to kick

00:30:29.960 start labor because has it progressed and let's just, let's just see if we can kickstart it. And so

00:30:35.880 we decided the plan of action was to do something called a Foley bulb and, or a Cook's catheter.

00:30:43.040 It's the same thing. It's basically like a balloon that goes in your cervix and then it inflates

00:30:48.180 over the course of 12 hours. And it's supposed to dilate you to a four, to four centimeters. I was

00:30:54.280 only, I was still only one centimeter at this point. And so the hope was though, because we both wanted

00:30:59.680 to avoid Pitocin because of that risk that I was talking about earlier. The hope was that I would go

00:31:07.080 into labor naturally after that, because that can kind of like kickstart things. And then you go into

00:31:11.300 labor and everything's fine. Um, or if we had to speed things up, we would, we would do Pitocin

00:31:19.460 because you can, it's just a little bit more of a risk.

00:31:22.120 So, uh, we did, we went into the hospital, they, they put it in and then you sleep or you're supposed

00:31:40.900 to sleep overnight and they're supposed to check you in the morning. And sometimes it falls out on

00:31:45.460 its own. If you start dilating quickly, I did not start dilating quickly. I was very discouraged by

00:31:49.840 this process. For me, I know some women say the Foley bulb is like really painful. For me, it just

00:31:54.600 caused like cramps. I was, I was fine. It did cause contractions, but I was fine. Um, and then the

00:32:00.660 next morning, uh, they checked me. I was only at a three when they took it out and I was super bummed

00:32:06.920 about that. And then we just kind of waited around to see if labor would start. But I was like, how long

00:32:11.460 am I supposed to be like, how long do I wait here? They're like, nothing's happening. They're not giving

00:32:15.800 me anything. And so I'm just here waiting at the hospital. I would really rather not be at the

00:32:22.640 hospital. And so, um, I talked to the doctor and I talked to a couple of the residents. Everyone was

00:32:30.280 super nice. I don't really love hospitals, but everyone was like super kind and super supportive

00:32:35.020 of our choices. And, um, they all recommended that, you know what, it would just be easier if

00:32:43.880 you just stayed and we just started Pitocin. My doctor really went back and forth. Like he's a

00:32:50.960 really natural minded guy. He's been doing this for 30 plus years, but he's, he likes to allow women to

00:32:57.980 labor naturally. But, and so he really went back and forth. He was like, it's really up to you.

00:33:02.540 Either you can go home and you can see if labor starts naturally or we can, um, start Pitocin.

00:33:10.500 He was like, honestly, like you're already here. We could just go ahead and start Pitocin on a really

00:33:15.140 low dose and just like see what happens. Um, or you could go home and then we'll schedule your

00:33:20.960 induction for, we'll schedule Pitocin in an induction for Monday. And, uh, we decided to go home,

00:33:28.160 which was really scary for us. This was, I think it was, this was a Friday. Um,

00:33:32.540 it was really scary for us to go home because I was like, oh my gosh, if I go home and something

00:33:37.380 happens, I'm always going to regret it. But because our doctor gave us that option,

00:33:43.380 I, and I had wished that I had done that with my first, I was like, you know what?

00:33:49.700 We, we really prayed about it. Oh gosh, we wrestled with it. We were so like anxious. Like

00:33:54.240 what's the right thing to do? Because both had risks, both had risks. Um, and so we decided to

00:34:02.020 leave and we actually decided to, I don't even know exactly why we did, but we decided to stay

00:34:06.940 at a hotel that night, close to the hospital. The hospital is about like 40 minutes from our house.

00:34:11.320 And, um, I guess just to like rest and relax and, and whatever. And so we went to a hotel and then

00:34:20.500 right before I was about to go to bed, I was like, I I'm getting like, I feel a little something. I

00:34:28.200 don't know. It's not painful, but maybe like tightening. I think it's just Braxton Hicks

00:34:31.820 like every 20 minutes. And I was texting my doula that she was like, okay, yeah, just go to sleep.

00:34:36.960 So I went to sleep. Something woke me up. I don't know. I, I honestly don't think it was

00:34:41.800 a contraction, but something woke me up at like four 30 and I was up, I was just scrolling on my

00:34:47.400 phone or whatever. And then, uh, all of a sudden they started to hurt all of a sudden those like

00:34:54.100 painless Braxton Hicks started to hurt really bad. And, but it was still, it was like every 15 minutes

00:35:00.720 and we have this like contraction timer app. It might be called contraction timer. I don't know.

00:35:06.760 I'll post about it on Instagram where you can like share, you can track your contractions.

00:35:12.440 You can rate them from like easy to really difficult. You can, um, you can, uh, put how

00:35:19.600 long they last and you can share that live feed with your doula, which is awesome. So my husband

00:35:26.460 was doing, I was doing that and they were starting to get really painful. And then they were starting

00:35:33.260 to get closer together. I got in the shower. I tried to relax because sometimes that can slow

00:35:38.320 things down. It did not stop. I was continuing, uh, to have these really intense contractions

00:35:46.940 by about 8am doula came to the hotel. I was like, I don't think I can walk. I don't think I can walk

00:35:53.720 anymore. And so I'm not really sure what's going to happen. I didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel

00:35:59.060 like, Oh my gosh, I'm about to have this baby. I just felt like it was in a lot of pain. And my

00:36:03.160 contractions were every three or four minutes and they were really intense. Well, we get to the

00:36:09.840 hospital and they check me and they say, Oh, you're still only at a three. Oh, that was what I was

00:36:15.560 after the Foley bulb. And I was having all these contractions. And my sweet doula had to remind me

00:36:20.700 that does not mean that the contractions are meaningless, that they're not doing anything. It's

00:36:24.220 still preparing your body to give birth. And I was like, okay, okay. So, but this is, I was like,

00:36:33.520 I need something. I need something for this pain. So all of my aspirations, by the way, of a natural

00:36:38.780 birth, they have not come to fruition. I'll just give you that spoiler. I guess, I don't know. I have

00:36:43.480 low pain tolerance. I was like, I really want the nitrous. Nitrous is, it's like a gas mask that they

00:36:49.460 can put over you. You breathe, you take it off and it just kind of like numbs you. So it's a good

00:36:56.180 alternative to an epidural if you don't want the needle. And so I really wanted that, but they were

00:37:01.380 like, you're not really in labor because you're still only three centimeters. And I was like, I was

00:37:07.840 writhing in pain. All right. I was writhing. I was like, um, no, no, you are not going to tell me that

00:37:14.740 I'm not in labor because I am. I'm having contractions. You see it on this little monitor

00:37:18.840 right here. And so they were like, we can't admit you into the hospital yet. I was like, okay,

00:37:24.540 what would you like me to do? Do you want me to go to lunch? Do you want me to go get my nails done?

00:37:30.120 Because I am dying here. And so the sweet nurse, love her so much. She was so sweet. She was like,

00:37:37.540 okay, like I can give you like something for, for the pain. I don't even remember what it was. It

00:37:42.860 didn't help at all. It helped none. But she, she was like, you can stay here. And she came back.

00:37:47.760 She was like, if you have progressed at all in an hour, then we can admit you. Okay. And so she came

00:37:53.420 in and I was like, listen, lady, listen, nurse. I said, if I have not progressed, I need you to lie.

00:38:00.040 I said, I need you to lie to the resident and to the doctor right now and tell them that I have

00:38:05.680 progressed because I need that nitrous. And so she didn't have to lie. Thankfully I had progressed.

00:38:11.400 I had progressed in an hour to a four and a half, which I was super excited about. I was super excited

00:38:16.240 about that. I forgot to say also with my second, I had progressed to a five. So I knew my body could

00:38:22.300 at least do that. And so they admitted me, they got me my nitrous. I was super excited. I, and then

00:38:28.280 I labored, let's see, this was probably like, I don't know, 930 or something at this point, maybe,

00:38:33.000 maybe 10. And so I labored using the nitrous for a while and we turned the lights off. We had the

00:38:40.860 worship music on. I honestly, I don't even remember these hours. These were several hours of just me

00:38:48.480 in another state of mind. And at one point though, I got so agitated because I was like, this nitrous

00:38:56.380 is not working anymore. It's not working anymore. Why isn't this working? And it didn't occur to me.

00:39:02.360 I'm sure my dealer, my husband said something, but it didn't occur to me that it was just because

00:39:06.720 my contractions were getting stronger. I was like, this nitrous isn't working. There's something

00:39:10.060 wrong with the laughing gas. So, um, at that point I was like, um, no, let me, no, I didn't ask for an

00:39:19.780 epidural yet. Uh, they, so they checked me and they were like, you are at a seven. I was like, oh my gosh,

00:39:28.260 I got to a seven without an epidural. I was so proud of myself. And I was so proud, thankful for my

00:39:34.120 body that my body had gone farther than it had before. And, uh, they said, but we think that we

00:39:39.640 want to break your water because the baby is still really high and the water is probably preventing

00:39:45.500 your baby from moving down. And so we think that when the baby moves down, you'll progress more.

00:39:51.380 And I really didn't want to do it at first. I just, I just didn't want to. It was just another

00:39:55.220 intervention besides the Foley bulb. I hadn't. And I guess if you call nitrous intervention, I really

00:40:00.680 hadn't had an intervention and I was really thankful for that. So I just didn't want to do

00:40:06.020 that. And I forgot to mention, sorry, this is all over the place because I'm just doing it from memory,

00:40:11.060 but I forgot to mention my doctor that I had sought out and picked, especially because of his expertise

00:40:18.180 with VBACs. He was not only not on call, he did not come in. He could not come in. And so I had a

00:40:25.200 doctor who wasn't even part of his practice. His practice is knowing for being, uh, known for being

00:40:30.420 pro VBAC. This doctor was not, I mean, that's what the nurse said. That's what the resident said,

00:40:35.980 that she's not necessarily supportive of VBAC. So I was really nervous with her. And yet she ended up

00:40:43.480 being incredible. She ended up being so supportive and so encouraging, even though our first interaction

00:40:48.540 about the VBAC, she only told me the risks of it. And I wasn't really excited about that. She had a

00:40:53.040 very kind of negative demeanor, but she ended up being really positive and supportive. I'm so

00:40:56.880 thankful for that. So, but, and she also really wanted me to get an epidural because if an emergency

00:41:03.680 happens, it's easier if you have an epidural already in place and they don't have to knock

00:41:07.520 you out entirely. But I kept on pushing that off and she was fine with that, but she did recommend

00:41:12.000 getting the water broken. And I don't really remember my reasoning why I said yes, but I did. But I knew

00:41:19.660 that if I got my water broken, then I wanted the epidural because the water can act kind of like

00:41:24.020 a cushion for the contractions. It can make it not as painful when you're having those contractions.

00:41:30.200 But I was like, okay, you know what? I think the nitrous has run its course. These contractions are

00:41:34.800 getting really painful. I do want the epidural. And so I got the epidural. I was like, this is amazing.

00:41:41.240 I feel like a new woman. I was chatting with everyone. Whereas I had been like in another state of

00:41:47.660 concentration for hours when I got the epidural and couldn't feel anything from the waist down.

00:41:52.840 I was like, this is amazing. Why didn't I get this when I first came in here? And so I got the

00:41:58.540 epidural after they broke my water. And then it was like, it was really quick. I, again, started

00:42:04.600 thinking this epidural is not working. What's wrong? What's wrong with the anesthesiologist? What's wrong

00:42:10.000 with epidural? What's wrong with me? Why isn't this working? I was so mad. I was like, I need more,

00:42:15.280 more epidural, please. And then the nurse was like, well, I don't want to just check you. I was

00:42:21.260 like, I don't want to be checked right now. I just want the epidural. I would like the pain

00:42:25.780 alleviation, please. And she checked me. I don't remember how many hours this was after I got the

00:42:30.560 epidural. Not very long, maybe like two hours or something. I lost all track of time at this point.

00:42:35.600 And she checked me and she like, she looked at my doula and she looked at me and she was like,

00:42:40.880 you're complete. And I was like, Oh, what? And, uh, so that was why it was hurting so bad

00:42:47.620 because the, after my water broke, the baby did exactly what the doctor said the baby was going to

00:42:53.420 do. The baby moved down. And, um, and then I was, she was like, I think minus two station by the time

00:43:02.520 they checked. And she was like, yeah, you are like about ready to push. And I was like, Oh my gosh.

00:43:07.260 Um, and so, uh, the doctor came in and then all these residents and like, uh, students, not students,

00:43:18.380 but I guess residents are kind of students. But anyway, they all came in, which is really weird.

00:43:24.740 There were a ton of people in there when I was pushing, which felt weird. Um, but I don't remember

00:43:31.260 caring at the time because I was like, Oh my gosh, I am actually about to do it. I'm about to have a

00:43:37.140 feedback after two C-sections. I can't believe it. Um, and so unfortunately with my epidural,

00:43:45.260 which I really, I really don't regret doing, but it makes pushing really hard because you can't push.

00:43:51.840 I had a pelvic floor therapist throughout my pregnancy, which I highly recommend. I love her

00:43:56.400 so much. I love my pelvic floor therapist and she really helped me. And she taught me a way to

00:44:02.340 push in a way that is like gentle and physiologically safe and effective for your

00:44:07.960 body and for the baby. But you can't really push like that when you have an epidural because you

00:44:12.100 can't feel anything. So it's really hard to kind of like flex the top of your abdomen,

00:44:16.560 which is kind of what you're supposed to do. You really are just instructed to push as hard as you

00:44:22.540 possibly can for as long as you can, and then take a breath and then do it again, which can cause

00:44:28.620 injuries and a lot of, um, problems after birth. But there aren't very many options when you can't

00:44:35.640 feel anything for the waist down. So that's what I did. I pushed as hard as I, as I could. My doctor

00:44:41.020 told me that I was a great pusher. Great. Thank you. I don't know what that means, but she was out in

00:44:46.860 just a few minutes. It was only like a few minutes of pushing, which I'm very thankful for. It was

00:44:50.600 probably 10 or so minutes. And we didn't know the gender, um, at the time. And then, uh, we found out

00:44:58.220 that she is a girl and they placed her on my chest and she was eight pounds, six ounces. So very similar

00:45:06.020 to my second, who was eight pounds, eight ounces. And it was like, it was such a surreal experience

00:45:13.440 being there and being about to push and seeing them set up for the baby and like get all the things

00:45:20.020 out and together for delivery. I was like, I, that's for me. That's for us. Like I'm about to do

00:45:26.100 that. I just really had myself convinced, even when she told me that we were complete, that there was

00:45:32.740 no way that I could have a VBAC. And we did. Um, and so I'm so thankful for that. And I'm, I'm about

00:45:42.500 to run out of time. There will be plenty of time in the future for me to like give more advice to

00:45:47.840 you and more things that I learned, um, through this process. Uh, but I do just like, I want to

00:45:54.720 say a couple of things of just encouragement because I know that there are women out there

00:45:59.080 who have had C-sections and you really want a VBAC and you're scared. Um, my advice to you would be

00:46:04.860 to find a supportive provider and a supportive doula. Talk to them, of course, about the risks and

00:46:10.740 benefits and all of that. But if you can do it, then try, try, like, I really encourage you to,

00:46:18.040 I know that that, that phrase uterine rupture can be really scary, but it is scary, of course.

00:46:25.080 And it happens. Um, but the prospect of that happening is really, really low. And there are

00:46:32.020 risks also to repeat C-sections. There are health risks, there are potential future risks that you're

00:46:37.820 taking with repeat C-section. So it's not like that's without risk or side effect. And so I

00:46:43.040 encourage you to really consider it and to really try to divide, uh, to find a supportive community

00:46:49.160 around you, um, having a VBAC.

00:46:52.020 Now, if you are a woman who will never have a vaginal birth or you're done having babies and

00:47:08.520 you only had C-sections, some of you are totally fine with that. You have no problem with your

00:47:13.460 C-sections and you feel no distress or anxiety or sadness or regret about that at all. And that's

00:47:18.800 great. I'm very thankful for C-sections, especially when they're necessary. But if you

00:47:24.320 do have regret, if you feel like I did at one point that, Oh, am I like a real mom? Like,

00:47:31.100 does it count? Did I have a genuine birth experience because I didn't have a vaginal birth? And maybe

00:47:37.320 you feel incomplete or you, or you feel like you live with that regret, or you don't even want to

00:47:41.780 think about your birth because of how difficult it was. I just want you to know that having a VBAC,

00:47:47.440 having a vaginal birth does not complete you. Okay. I did it. I've had both kinds of births now.

00:47:53.840 I don't feel like, Oh, now I'm completed. Now I'm a real mom. Now, Oh, my first two births are

00:48:01.420 completely redeemed. I mean, I, because I always was, it always was a real experience. It was always

00:48:08.360 a genuine motherhood experience. I still grew those babies in my body. Like I still delivered

00:48:15.740 children. Even with a C-section, I still, we still did something really difficult together

00:48:20.780 through a cesarean. That is a genuine experience. And God planned that day. God planned your children's

00:48:29.240 birthday before they were born, before you were born, before time began. He is sovereign in all

00:48:35.480 of those details. And while I like to think about my first birth and have so much regret and think

00:48:40.760 that, Oh, if I had just done this, then this would have happened. The truth is, I don't know.

00:48:45.860 God planned that. He was in control of that. It happened exactly according to his purpose and for

00:48:53.420 his glory, even if I still don't know the reasons right now. So don't think that having a VBAC one day

00:49:00.660 is going to finally redeem all of your past traumatic experiences and make you feel like a real natural

00:49:07.900 woman. You do not need that to be those things. Only Jesus offers redemption. Only he can help us

00:49:16.700 reconcile with our past, whether it's past mistakes or things that have happened to us. That is a

00:49:23.560 spiritual issue and a spiritual journey that needs to be traveled much more than it is a physical

00:49:30.960 journey. And while I do like to say that VBACs can be redemptive, they can be in certain ways,

00:49:37.880 but not nearly as much as I thought. It didn't change my life, I guess, like I thought it would.

00:49:46.220 I'm still very thankful for it. Recovery was hard though. Recovery is hard after birth. Let's just say

00:49:52.600 that like recovery is difficult after birth. So I know a lot of you who have had C-sections,

00:49:57.100 you think that if you had a VBAC, the recovery would be so much easier. In my experience, that's not

00:50:02.800 true. That's not true. This recovery was more difficult than my second C-section. So you're not

00:50:10.660 missing out. I will say that. It's a beautiful thing. I'm very glad that I did it. If we have more

00:50:16.460 kids, I will definitely be trying that again. It's a triumphant feeling, but I just want you to know

00:50:22.980 that you are not incomplete if you never have a vaginal birth. Maybe some of you think that's crazy that

00:50:28.940 that even needs to be said, but I promise you it does for women who have only had C-sections.

00:50:34.840 And like the trauma, I know that's overused word, but that you feel because of your past

00:50:42.320 births, it's not exaggerated. Like it's real. That's your body. That's your baby. That's like

00:50:50.120 the most intimate and vulnerable you have ever been. Like stretched out on a table with lights

00:50:56.320 with lights on you as all of these people are overlooking you and you're half naked and you

00:51:02.120 can't do anything. Like it's okay to feel sad about that experience and to want to work through it and

00:51:08.600 even try to redeem it. But just a reminder that Jesus alone is the Redeemer. And whether you had a

00:51:14.720 C-section or a vaginal birth, it's still delivery and God was still in it. He was still in the

00:51:20.460 details. He was still with you. He can still use it for his glory. Okay. I got through it. I got

00:51:27.540 through that without coughing too much. We made it. We made it, guys. I apologize for my voice. I was

00:51:33.480 trying to get through it without coughing too much. And so I was a little distracted too. So I hope it

00:51:38.460 all made sense and I hope it encouraged you. I hope you liked to hear it, but find a chiropractor,

00:51:43.860 find a pelvic floor therapist, find a supportive community, and try a VBAC if you can. All right.

00:51:50.300 That's all I have time for today. We will be back here tomorrow.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - November 07, 2023

Ep 903 ｜ My VBAC Birth Story

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript