Ep 918 | My Response to the 'DINK' Trend
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Summary
Childless dinkers are taking over TikTok, talking about the joys of childlessness, and then on the other end of that we have men discussing picking the mother of their children out of a catalog, and the Director of the National Women's Law Center says she can't know what a woman is because she's not a scientist.
Transcript
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Dinks are taking over TikTok, talking about the joys of childlessness.
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And then on the other end of that, we've got men discussing picking the mother of their
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And also the director of the National Women's Law Center says she can't know what a woman
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And also, before we get started, I wanted to remind y'all that we've got amazing mugs
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And they are also in Relay to Bro-friendly colors.
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We went through a long process of trying to find the right mugs.
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And we picked these out for you because they're really high quality and made in the USA, which
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So this would be a great stocking stuffer, a great gift for the relatable fan in your life.
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Also, if you've got merch ideas, things that y'all really want, make sure that you send
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You can leave a comment on YouTube or you can message me on Instagram and I will take that
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This episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
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We've got quite a few things to talk about today.
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And I think we'll just go ahead and get right into it.
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The first one is this video that's been going around, I think originally on TikTok, but I'm
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So I see these things on Instagram and Twitter weeks later.
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And it is a play on this trend where you can explain it better since you actually have
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But people say things like, we're blank, like we're moms or we're boy moms or we're tech employees.
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And then they say some characteristic of themselves, like we're moms.
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We find poop on our cardigan at random times of the day.
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And so now there is one that's going viral that is saying we are dinks.
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And if you don't know what that means, it's double income, no kids.
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Dinks, double income, no kids, which is a very kind of like free season in your life where
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you're making plenty of money and you can do anything you really want to do because you
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And so people, of course, are glorifying not just this season of life, but this choice.
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You've probably heard of this anti-natalist movement, which is child free by choice.
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And it's not just presenting this as a viable option for people, but actually as the better
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and more virtuous option because of the dangers of climate change and the way the world is
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going, we are presented with having no kids as the more virtuous, the more responsible,
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And definitely if you're going to have kids, we're told just having one kid, maybe two if
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you're feeling crazy, is the right thing to do because the underlying premise is that
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humans make the world worse, that we weigh down the world, that we burden the worlds,
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that we're stripping the world of its resources.
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And so rather than being a credit to society and a credit to the future, we're a debit.
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It's a very anti-human mentality, actually, when you think about it.
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Now, I'm not saying that everyone who chooses not to have kids is anti-human, but this movement
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that glorifies childlessness and glorifies the lack of responsibility and sacrifice and
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glorifies the convenience and comfort of not having children is something that is better
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and more virtuous and more responsible than having kids.
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That does have the underlying premise that human beings are a problem rather than a benefit
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So I'll react to this viral video that I've seen going around on Twitter.
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We're going to get asked daily when we plan on having kids.
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Of course, we're going to go out to eat every night after work.
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We don't have to ask our family for financial help or to watch our kid when we want to go
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We're going to go to Costco and buy all the snacks in bulk that we want.
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We have disposable income to spend on whatever we would like and don't have to spend on a kid.
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I'm going to go to every football game and play 18 holes whenever I want.
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We're going to get asked at every single family event what we're doing with our life.
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And that is the season of your life, if you are choosing, which of course I believe that
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everyone should, to have kids after you get married, then there will be a season of your
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marriage where you don't have children and where you are freer to do the things that you
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want to do, whether that's just for nine months after your honeymoon, if you get pregnant really
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quickly or a year or two years or whatever it is.
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There is a period of time, maybe you don't have a double income, but you probably do where
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And I will just say that is a very free and can be a really fun time.
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You don't realize it at the time, but you get to sleep more.
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You get to do everything that you want to do basically, you know, within the parameters
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of your job responsibilities, and it's just a lot easier.
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Of course, you get to do more of the things that you want to do on a second by second basis.
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Yes, you're less self-centered probably than when you were single, and that's not dogging
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When you get married, you have to think about someone else, and you have to bend what you
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And there are different compromises and sacrifices that have to be made between the husband and
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There are all different kinds of things that you have to give up, big and small, when you
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But then you become this unit, and then you are still self-centered in a way, because it
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becomes not just what you want to do, but what y'all want to do together.
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And there's nothing necessarily inherently wrong about that.
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Of course, as Christians, we are still called to care for others.
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We're still called to put others' needs above our own, and to love the church, and to serve
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But at the end of the day, at the end of church, you get to go home on a Sunday and take a three-hour
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And that is not always possible when you have kids.
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And so, look, if you are in this stage of marriage right now, like if this is where God
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has you, that you are a double income, no kids, it's okay to enjoy it.
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You don't have to sit there and languish and say, oh my gosh, I'm just so sad and miserable
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because I'm not in the season of life yet of having kids.
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You could be grateful for these freedoms and the extra income that you might have in this
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It is really fun just to be with you and your husband, and to hang out, and to be able
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to stay up as late as you want and to sleep in as late as you want on Saturdays.
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Our lives are not meant to be centered on consumption.
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Centered on satiating our hunger and our thirst, literally and metaphorically, and doing all
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the things that we want to do with as little sacrifice as possible.
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Yes, that feels good, but it's not ultimately what fulfills you.
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Human beings are not for taking, taking, taking.
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Human beings are made to give, are made to sacrifice, are made to do really difficult and
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Things that take effort, things that take us out of our comfort zone.
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And one of the things that I guarantee you will sanctify you in this way, will pull you
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out of yourself, will force you to put the needs and the well-being of someone else before
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your own, is not just marriage that does do that to a certain extent, but children.
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Yes, when you're pregnant, but I would say even more so when they lay that child on your
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chest and you realize, oh my gosh, I would go through any pain.
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I would endure any hard thing for this human being that I just met in the flesh.
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I would give up absolutely anything and everything just to make this person whole, just to protect
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Like that is a life-changing, heart-transforming moment in a person's life that makes you better.
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And that's not to say people without kids can't be very loving and very compassionate and
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You have to seek out those opportunities if you're a single person, if you're a dink.
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You don't really have to seek that out as a parent.
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It is a daily moment by moment dying to self because you are forced to put the needs of
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Human beings are actually a credit to society, a credit to the world.
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We're not just stripping the world of resources.
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We are actually adding goodness and adding blessings to the world when we act in a way
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Like the funny thing is, is that these people are actually living out what they think is
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the detriment to having children, just consuming, consuming, consuming, stripping resources, doing
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everything that they want to do, not actually adding anything to society.
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Like human beings can do really difficult things.
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We can accomplish really incredible feats when we deny our own temporary fleeting wants
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So I think that there is a lot to say about why we have gotten to this place of glory.
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Terrifying childlessness, child-free, which I just find like super offensive.
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But obviously, just like every other denial and rejection of that which is good, it stems
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It stems from going outside of the biblical order in our biblical mandates.
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But also, it is this trendy narcissism, which is a phrase that we talk about a lot.
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In this book, I don't talk that much about my book that came out in 2020 because I've
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But that's what we talk about in this book, trendy narcissism, this idea that we are constantly
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told you are enough, you are sufficient, you're perfect the way that you are.
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The only thing that's important in life is to pursue your happiness, to pursue your dreams.
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And you can't do anything or succeed or love other people even unless you love yourself
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We go through the five lies of this trendy narcissism, god of self culture that we're in.
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And then we do our best or I do my best in this book to dispel those myths with the truth
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But this trendy narcissism culture that says that you are the center of everything and that
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everything and everyone else has to sacrifice on the altar of the god of self, sacrifice on
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It does give you what you want for a period of time.
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Remember, when you go back to the Garden of Eden and Satan tempted Eve, Eve saw that the
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fruit was beautiful, that it looked good, and that it looked like it was going to taste
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And that's the same thing Satan does today when he is tempting us into godless or sinful
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Um, he says, he, he shows us the benefit or the temporary satiation, satisfaction that
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And the truth is, is that living a life that is completely centered on yourself, self-worship,
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I know that's seen as a positive today, but the Bible depicts self-love exclusively as something
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that is actually a negative, um, a negative driver in our lives, um, that ultimately that
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But at the end of the day, um, all of that self-centeredness is just going to leave you
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Like, your satisfaction also is not going to be found in your children.
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All of these things have to be found in Christ.
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But again, we are called in every season and stage that we're in to self-sacrifice.
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This trend of saying my life is so great because I can do everything that I want, that is ultimately
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leading people into a direction of brokenness and ultimate sadness.
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Um, I'm just going to encourage you, as I do from time to time, like if you are married
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and you are, um, you're a Christian in marriage, have children.
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There are very few reasons, I think biblical reasons, for a married Christian couple not
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Um, whether it's through adoption or whether it's biological kids, I really encourage you
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to assess your own heart and your own motives for not having kids.
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The idea that, oh, the world is so bad, I don't know what America is going to look like
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in 20 years and so I don't want to bring kids into that.
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But Christians have endured a lot worse than what we're enduring today in the United States.
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I mean, if you think Newsom is bad, just think about Nero.
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Christians have endured a lot of persecution, a lot of godlessness, a lot of depravity.
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I'm not saying things are going in a good direction here.
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I'm saying if there's anything that the world needs, it's courageous Christians.
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And that is your call as a Christian to raise up little Christians.
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And so if it's fear, if it's selfishness, you just want to consume, you just want to
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travel, you just don't want to give up your Saturday mornings, also not a good reason not
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Now, we talked about, and we'll link this past episode, how many kids should a Christian
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And I think there's probably a nuanced discussion to have there based on the truth of God's word.
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Again, I think that this is probably a discussion to be had.
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But again, I think it's important to assess our motivations as Christians who are married.
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Is it really a biblical, God-glorifying reason?
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And are you actually being influenced by this antinatalist movement that tells you it's more
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sophisticated not to have children or more responsible not to have children?
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Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
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In fact, everywhere you look in scripture, having children is seen as a blessing.
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Not being able to have children is seen as a tragedy, is seen as a negative.
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Never do we see this idea in scripture of children being a burden to discard or to avoid.
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Everywhere in scripture, we see children as a blessing.
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And we are called as Christians to align, to conform our minds about everything to what God's word says.
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And so, of course, the world is going to get it wrong.
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Of course, the world is going to say, no, my reward is not having kids.
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My reward comes from being able to, I don't know, eat out whenever I want to.
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Of course, the world is going to take the easy way out.
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Christians, as we say, we have always been a refuge.
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The church has always been a refuge for the orphan, for the child, for the baby in the womb, for the vulnerable, for the marginalized.
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We're really in so many ways just going back to pagan Greece and Rome.
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When they also did not see children as beneficial, only insofar as they could grow up to be a learned and educated man.
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But women, slaves, the elderly, the sick, the poor, they were all on the margins of society and really just seen as objects to be used and abused how the adult free male saw fit.
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Founded hospitals, orphanages, all kinds of organizations that cared for those on the outskirts of society.
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And part of that is encouraging the creation and the care of children.
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Okay, so just because we are in favor of Christian couples, of married couples, having kids and raising them up in the Lord,
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doesn't mean that we are okay with every method of conception, with every method of bringing children to life.
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So some people say if you're pro-baby or you're pro-life, then you need to be okay with every form of reproductive technology that allows a couple to have children.
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So, of course, we have something to say, something to think about, and things to consider when it comes to the ethics of things like IVF and certainly surrogacy and egg selling and sperm selling.
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I love seeing more and more conservatives and commentators and Christians talking about this and thinking about this.
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I don't say that as someone who thinks that I was the first person to talk about this.
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We were definitely one of the first conservative podcasts to talk about this subject.
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I think we talked about it for the first time in 2019.
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But really, I and I and I always want to make sure that I give them credit because the people who really had me thinking about it for the first time, Katie Faust and Jennifer Law, there are other people too.
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But I had them on my podcast, I think, for the first time, 2020, 2021, and they expanded my concern and my knowledge about these subjects.
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And so we'll link some of those past episodes in the description of this episode.
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But now I see a lot more people, a lot more conservatives talking about this, and I'm very, very thankful for it.
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Some people on the right think it's crazy that we care about surrogacy and IVF and all of that.
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And it's really just because most of them, they haven't thought about it.
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They refuse to understand our arguments because it's unpopular to talk about these things.
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I get plenty of conservatives really mad at me when I do talk about them.
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And yet, because we care about the voiceless and the vulnerable and the embryo, we have to care about the ethics of reproduction.
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And let me give you an example of the corruption in the reproductive industry.
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I'm not impugning all of the motives of all of the people that have used the services provided by the reproductive industry.
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But I do just want to give you an example of what is going on when it comes to egg, what's called egg donation, because it's illegal to donate your, or it's illegal to sell human tissue.
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It's illegal to, like, sell a part of your body.
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And so they call it egg donation or sperm donation.
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And technically, you're paying for the time and the effort and the procedure that that person has to go through to give their eggs or sperm.
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You're selling your eggs and you're selling your sperm.
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It's just kind of a way to circumvent any legal problems by saying egg donation and sperm donation.
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But here is how the egg donation process and the surrogacy process is being used by these two men.
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You go to the bar and you go, I'm going to procreate that person, right?
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I wanted to find someone that I know is going to be absolute smoke show.
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So there's a company in LA and they have a company that basically is supermodels who are Ivy League educated.
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So they have to have gone to, like, Brown, Columbia.
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Okay, so these gay men, they picked out of the catalog the mother of their child.
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They looked at a catalog and they said, who's the hottest woman?
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Unfortunately, they don't realize that if you're choosing a woman that went to an Ivy League school,
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you are choosing someone who has significant brain worms,
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who's been implanted with all kinds of very stupid ideas.
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Hopefully, that doesn't pass down to the child.
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But that's what happens when you go to these Ivy League institutions.
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But they, of course, think that that makes this woman very smart and very sophisticated.
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So hot, smart woman picked this woman out of the catalog.
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And this woman, by the way, she has to stimulate her eggs.
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There are a lot of health implications that come along with that.
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People always talk about like egg donors and surrogates as these selfless, altruistic people.
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Look, they're getting paid tens of thousands of dollars to do this.
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And you heard that that person, that that guy, he's got a little instinct because he's made in the image of God.
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And so there's still something deep down in there that tells him,
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These women, both the egg seller and the surrogate,
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are selling their body for money at the expense of the child who is being created.
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who will never have any connection to him and yet holds half of his DNA.
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So her genetics, her history, the history of her family, her parents, her grandparents,
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not just talking about like the interesting aspects of her ancestry
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and the history of her family and what they have accomplished,
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That's going to be a part of this little human's genetic history,
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but also like her medical history, her health history, her parents' health history.
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You know, they ask those things when you go to the doctor.
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Parents, grandparents, like what did they die from?
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And this little child is not going to know those things
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because his dad, these two men, picked his mom out of the catalog
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and he is never going to have any connection to his mother.
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And by the way, there is going to be an innate longing for a mom.
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Even like if we put to the side that the fact that half of his DNA and medical history
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and all of that is going to be an absolute mystery to him,
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And in this case, where two dads have decided on his behalf
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he is going to naturally, instinctively, as all babies do,
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And he is going to have instinctively bonded with the woman
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who carried him for the nine months of his gestation.
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He is going to know her heartbeat, her smell, her sound, her voice,
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he will be ripped from her arms and put into the arms of strangers,
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two men, and completely robbed of the opportunity
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to ever have the love of not only his gestational carrier,
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that is worse treatment than we give to puppies,
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But for human babies who are carried by a surrogate,
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Because they want a child that is physically attractive
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and inherits the brain of some Ivy League student.
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And if you don't see that conservative out there,
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ripping that child away from the woman and the mother,
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most people would have looked at something like this
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And the law should have something to say about it.
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in order for Republicans to win more elections,