Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - December 28, 2023


Ep 925 ｜ Can Christians Say No to Sex Within Marriage？ ｜ Q&A


Episode Stats

Length

34 minutes

Words per Minute

162.88281

Word Count

5,675

Sentence Count

337

Misogynist Sentences

13

Hate Speech Sentences

11


Summary


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Have I thought about running for president?
00:00:04.260 What is my natural deodorant recommendation?
00:00:07.560 And also, what's the best part of motherhood?
00:00:10.520 We are answering all of these fascinating questions and many more on today's episode
00:00:14.580 of Relatable, which is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
00:00:17.460 Go to GoodRanchers.com.
00:00:18.780 Use code Allie at checkout.
00:00:19.880 That's GoodRanchers.com.
00:00:21.040 Code Allie.
00:00:30.000 Hey, guys.
00:00:31.840 Welcome to Relatable.
00:00:33.140 Hope everyone's having a wonderful day and week.
00:00:36.360 All right.
00:00:37.120 I'm going to get into some of the questions that you guys sent me.
00:00:40.160 Here's an interesting question.
00:00:41.920 Is it biblical to say no to sex within marriage?
00:00:46.220 Now, first, when I read this question, I thought you meant like period, like no sex ever during
00:00:52.340 marriage, which is not biblical because the two are supposed to become one flesh.
00:00:56.380 And believe it or not, there are like I have heard of situations where even having sex
00:01:04.260 has been something that has been put off during marriage or that one of the people in the marriage
00:01:10.440 doesn't want to do.
00:01:11.700 And I'm just telling you that that needs to be that needs to absolutely be addressed.
00:01:17.240 The marriage needs to be consummated.
00:01:19.760 The two must become one flesh.
00:01:22.160 That is part of what marriage is.
00:01:23.720 It's a beautiful part of marriage.
00:01:25.580 So I know for some people, you're listening to that and you're like, there's no way that's
00:01:29.300 true.
00:01:30.700 Yes, I think in some cases it is.
00:01:33.120 So I'm just saying that that is something that you need to go address because it is
00:01:37.280 absolutely biblical to have sex within marriage.
00:01:40.620 Now, can you say no to sex within marriage?
00:01:43.860 If you don't want to have sex one night, is it okay to say no?
00:01:48.420 Yes, I think so.
00:01:49.760 Let me read you what 1 Corinthians 7 through 4 or 4 through 5 says.
00:01:54.800 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
00:02:00.480 Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
00:02:04.400 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may
00:02:09.180 devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt
00:02:13.600 you because of your lack of self-control.
00:02:16.400 So there's so much packed in there that we don't have time to fully unpack.
00:02:20.440 One thing I want to emphasize, typically when we're talking about this, like depriving one
00:02:25.100 another or having authority in sex, it seems to be coming from like a male perspective.
00:02:30.600 Like the woman is not supposed to deny the advances of her husband and should just always
00:02:35.640 be sexually available to her husband.
00:02:37.820 But look, we are looking at a biblical mutual submission here of the body is that the husband
00:02:43.780 also does not own his own body.
00:02:46.540 The wife does not own her own body in the sense that both of you are mutually submitted
00:02:52.280 to one another as one flesh.
00:02:55.920 And it doesn't just say wives don't deprive your husbands.
00:02:58.820 It says do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you
00:03:04.860 may devote yourselves to prayer.
00:03:07.260 And so it also says we shouldn't be going long stretches in our marriages as long as
00:03:12.200 there is physical capability to have sex without having sex, except for some exceptions.
00:03:20.160 There needs to be a mutual agreement there.
00:03:22.260 There needs to be a conversation there.
00:03:24.080 Why?
00:03:24.520 Because Satan can tempt you because of a lack of self-control, because we are sexual beings.
00:03:29.480 There are sexual desires.
00:03:30.920 These are good desires.
00:03:32.580 It's good to be a sexual being.
00:03:34.040 These sexual desires are supposed to be, supposed to be satisfied within the context of marriage
00:03:41.260 between one man and one woman.
00:03:43.960 So it is a gift that God has given us of pleasure.
00:03:46.940 It is also a gift that God has given us to kind of regulate and satisfy those sexual desires
00:03:52.460 in a way that actually glorifies him and honors marriage.
00:03:55.940 So it's actually for our protection that we are supposed to be having consistent sex when
00:04:00.500 possible in marriage.
00:04:01.640 Now, because of this mutual submission principle that we read, and because of what we read in
00:04:07.840 other parts of the Bible, not just about marriage like in Ephesians 5, but also just
00:04:11.520 about loving one another, outdoing one another, and showing honor and showing dignity and respect
00:04:17.360 to other people, thinking of other people's interests above our own.
00:04:22.120 And there needs to be some understanding on the part of either the husband or the wife.
00:04:26.460 If the wife just had a baby, she's in some kind of state where it's very clear that she's
00:04:32.840 tired, that she's overworked, that she's overtouched, that she's overstimulated, or whatever the
00:04:37.860 circumstance is, the husband needs to be deferential and respectful to that and understanding and loving
00:04:43.780 and cherishing of her.
00:04:45.240 And there should be no pressure there to do something that she clearly does not want to
00:04:51.620 do, or is just in a state where that is not possible, or it's not going to be mutually pleasurable.
00:04:57.620 But the same goes from the wife to the husband.
00:05:00.860 I mean, we are reading again that this is a mutual thing going on here, that there needs to be some
00:05:06.540 intuition, there needs to be some understanding, there needs to be some compassion.
00:05:10.240 And so on both ends, there needs to be respect, there needs to be love, there needs to be
00:05:16.080 understanding and understanding that satisfying each other's sexual desires within marriage is
00:05:21.600 good and right and what is supposed to happen.
00:05:24.160 There should be some willingness there, both in love for each other and obedience to the Lord.
00:05:30.100 And then also there needs to be some deference and some understanding when the time is just
00:05:36.460 not right.
00:05:37.900 So it's really all about mutual submission.
00:05:40.500 It's all about mutual love and mutual respect.
00:05:44.260 Neither party is just a vessel for pleasure.
00:05:49.060 Neither party should ever be objectified.
00:05:51.880 Neither party should ever feel like they are just being used to release a desire.
00:05:58.320 It should always be about mutual respect and submission and love.
00:06:01.700 And how good is God that he set up the institution of marriage to protect us from being objectified,
00:06:09.060 to protect us from all of the different sexual mistakes and all of the sexual wrongs and heartbreak
00:06:15.900 and heartache that comes from a secular sexual ethic.
00:06:20.140 That is the beauty of marriage and the beauty of God's definition of and gift of sex.
00:06:25.180 Um, okay, another question.
00:06:30.180 This is kind of random, not random that you asked, but random and that I don't typically
00:06:35.060 talk about these things.
00:06:36.020 But someone asked me, pregnancy with hypothyroidism, any tips?
00:06:40.040 So this must be a long time like vigilant listener because I don't typically talk about
00:06:44.500 these things like hypothyroidism.
00:06:46.180 But I am hypothyroid and I have been, I guess, for a while and I've, you know, been on medication
00:06:51.440 for that and thank the Lord, it's always been easily controlled and regulated and I never
00:06:56.440 had a problem with that.
00:06:57.340 I've also never had a problem with that within pregnancy.
00:07:00.560 Now, I don't have all of the expert answers for you.
00:07:05.240 There are a lot of different accounts that you can follow, a lot of different resources.
00:07:09.860 I, I like functional medicine.
00:07:12.720 Now, healing my thyroid is not a journey that I have gone down yet.
00:07:18.020 It is something that I want to do to try to understand the way that we eat, the way
00:07:22.840 that we live, the things that we consume and the things that are around us, how that
00:07:26.020 affects our thyroid because our thyroid affects so much.
00:07:29.220 I will just admit, I haven't really gone down that path fully yet because my hypothyroidism
00:07:36.120 has been regulated so easily by medication.
00:07:38.920 But I do really want to get to root causes and make sure that I'm doing everything to
00:07:43.600 promote thyroid health.
00:07:45.000 You guys know that I'm not 100% crunchy, like not even close, maybe like 50% or less
00:07:51.260 crunchy, holistic and all of that.
00:07:53.220 I really like holistic, functional medicine.
00:07:57.100 I believe in understanding root causes and trying to change our lives to be as healthy as
00:08:01.780 possible and to be as natural as possible.
00:08:04.120 But I don't take all of those steps, just to be honest, in this stage of my life.
00:08:09.680 And I also, as I think most holistic people would also say, like truly holistic people,
00:08:14.780 I also, you know, believe in the beauty and the miracle of some forms of modern medicine.
00:08:22.120 And so right now, especially when I'm pregnant, because having your thyroid regulated is so important
00:08:27.980 for conception and especially in that first trimester, I really haven't messed with any
00:08:33.560 kind of healing mechanisms or any solutions.
00:08:37.140 I haven't, you know, changed how I take my medicine and things like that, except for just
00:08:42.800 keeping up with my levels and the dosage and all of that.
00:08:45.540 So I think as far as conception, as far as pregnancy goes, don't take, I'm not trying to
00:08:51.700 give medical advice or anything, but make sure that you make sure that your levels are good.
00:08:57.880 I think that's probably the most important thing for conception.
00:09:01.160 It seems like there's a season, a time and a place for different kinds of healing.
00:09:08.320 I, during pregnancy, I just didn't want to mess with something that already worked.
00:09:13.140 And so in some stage of my life, I do want to take a more holistic and more functional
00:09:17.940 approach to make sure that I'm actually healing my thyroid as much as I can.
00:09:22.080 I don't know if that really answers your question, but hopefully it gives you some things to think
00:09:26.100 about.
00:09:38.320 Is Jesus coming back in our lifetime?
00:09:40.180 We do not know.
00:09:41.080 We don't know the day or the hour that Jesus is coming back.
00:09:44.420 Um, someone says so many people look to Trump as the savior for America.
00:09:49.460 So this is not really a question, but I'm guessing you're wanting my thoughts.
00:09:53.900 I do think that there are about, I don't know, 20 to 30%, maybe less of Republicans, not of
00:10:01.280 Americans, but of Republicans who do kind of see Trump in this way.
00:10:06.160 They might not use that language, um, but they do see Trump as a specific, particular, like
00:10:14.220 God-ordained savior-like figure and the only person that can turn America back around, the
00:10:20.500 only person that can save Western civilization.
00:10:23.060 I don't know where they get that just based on, just, just based on what we see, based on
00:10:31.240 what we've heard.
00:10:31.760 I'm not saying that he wasn't a good president.
00:10:33.520 I just don't see this kind of unique, God-like aura about him.
00:10:41.220 I just don't see those characteristics in him.
00:10:43.940 I don't know really why people hoist him up to this place of like this demigod status.
00:10:50.700 I don't totally understand that either.
00:10:53.620 I do think it speaks to his unique capability to create a cult-like following.
00:10:57.560 Not everyone can do that.
00:10:58.840 But whether it's Ron DeSantis, whether it's Joe Biden, whether it's Donald Trump, remember
00:11:04.220 politicians are people, people are finite.
00:11:07.440 We are all born.
00:11:09.000 We're all going to die.
00:11:11.100 And most people are going to be forgotten.
00:11:15.440 These people are public servants.
00:11:17.340 We put them in place to serve our interests and our well-being.
00:11:21.620 They are not our moral betters.
00:11:24.200 They're certainly not our intellectual betters.
00:11:27.100 They are people that, yes, serve an important role.
00:11:30.680 Romans 13 says that God ordained or God instituted governments for our good to punish evil and
00:11:38.960 reward good.
00:11:39.700 So the government is very important.
00:11:41.480 But in America, we have a government of the people, for the people, by the people.
00:11:45.020 And we're supposed to have public servants in place, not these people that we place on
00:11:50.420 a pedestal.
00:11:51.580 So just remember that, I mean, Donald Trump is not a savior.
00:11:55.600 No politician is going to be a savior.
00:11:59.080 Donald Trump can do wrong.
00:12:00.820 He's not some like special prophet.
00:12:03.940 He's not.
00:12:04.420 He's just a person, just like any other politician.
00:12:07.980 And all of us should treat all politicians as such.
00:12:12.140 All right.
00:12:13.240 Let's see.
00:12:15.060 Next question.
00:12:18.940 Natural deodorant recommendation.
00:12:21.640 I like Primally Pure.
00:12:23.200 That's what I use.
00:12:23.940 I really, really like it.
00:12:25.120 It goes on very smoothly.
00:12:26.320 And I think that it works.
00:12:27.540 I guess my friends can tell me if that's true or not.
00:12:30.540 Tips for talking to woke Christian relatives about their beliefs.
00:12:35.960 In a way, I would say that like every episode that we do kind of offers some equipment and
00:12:41.320 some education for that.
00:12:42.740 Obviously, informing yourself on these topics.
00:12:45.200 But I also think that reading tactics by Greg Kokel is really helpful.
00:12:49.860 And taking the inquisitive approach in all these conversations, remember that the goal of each
00:12:54.840 conversation is not necessarily to win that one argument, but to make them think about
00:12:59.760 why they believe what they believe.
00:13:01.660 Honestly, most progressives that you talk to do not know why they believe what they believe.
00:13:05.940 They couldn't give a reasoned, reasonable answer for why they have the policy positions
00:13:11.960 that they do, why they believe abortion is okay.
00:13:14.200 Now, I'm not saying everyone, some do, or they might have more thoughtful positions on
00:13:18.060 some things than others.
00:13:18.900 But most things are just because it's ubiquitous.
00:13:21.100 It's just because it's what we hear and see everywhere is the progressive position.
00:13:24.440 And they'll say something like it's empathetic or it's compassionate or it's loving or it's
00:13:28.040 inclusive or it's right.
00:13:29.040 But those are all conclusions.
00:13:30.340 Those are not arguments.
00:13:31.180 They need to argue for why their positions are the compassionate or right or moral position.
00:13:36.540 And so just start asking them, why do you believe that?
00:13:41.100 Why do you believe that abortion is okay?
00:13:43.920 Why do you believe in whatever it is, illegal immigration?
00:13:48.980 There are better questions than that.
00:13:50.260 Like, do you think that there should be any limit on how many people we allow into the country?
00:13:55.940 Do you think there should be any stipulations, any restrictions at all?
00:13:59.940 Do you think anyone who wants a better life from any part of the world, no matter what their
00:14:03.580 background is, should be allowed to live in your neighborhood?
00:14:06.540 Like, I think that those are kind of good questions to ask.
00:14:09.600 Of course, they might get on the defense, but or just really trying to understand, even
00:14:13.720 not pointed questions like that, but really trying to understand where they're coming from.
00:14:17.240 Maybe if you come from a place of curiosity, they would be willing to read or listen to
00:14:21.580 some of the things that have informed you.
00:14:23.700 And you can say that you are also willing to do the same thing.
00:14:27.240 That kind of mutual understanding and respect can be really helpful.
00:14:31.540 Um, yeah, I would start with asking questions that make them think about why they believe
00:14:37.080 what they believe and always be ready and willing to give an answer for what you believe as well.
00:14:43.620 Have I thought about running for president in 2024 or just in my life?
00:15:01.820 Um, I know I don't see myself ever going into the political arena.
00:15:07.360 To be perfectly honest, it seems really boring.
00:15:11.380 So boring.
00:15:12.740 Why would I give up what I do now, which is amazing and fun and has so much flexibility
00:15:18.780 to do that?
00:15:20.740 Like, why would I want to move to a state capitol, which are always kind of blah?
00:15:26.340 Why would I want to move to our nation's capitol, which is blah?
00:15:30.420 And you get paid like nothing.
00:15:32.660 You never get to see your family.
00:15:34.900 You don't get to do anything fun.
00:15:36.300 You're constantly having to be, you're put in a place of constantly trying to compromise
00:15:40.840 and compromise your values.
00:15:42.600 And I'm thankful for the people that do it.
00:15:44.860 I really am, especially local politicians.
00:15:47.100 Like we have to have politicians.
00:15:48.820 So I'm thankful for the people who try to be salt and light in those very dark arenas.
00:15:54.480 So thank you for that.
00:15:55.900 I personally don't want to do it.
00:15:58.200 But if I had to run for one thing, if I had to be one thing, it would definitely be president.
00:16:03.620 For sure.
00:16:04.440 There's so many things that I would do.
00:16:06.440 Ban pit bulls, require people to wear socks and shoes on airplanes, no talking on speaker
00:16:14.100 phone in public, lots and lots of important things on my agenda that I would accomplish
00:16:19.560 on day one.
00:16:21.580 So yes, if I had to do something in the political arena, of course, I would be president.
00:16:26.960 Other than that, no thanks.
00:16:29.760 Best part of motherhood.
00:16:31.100 So many horror stories and people talk so negatively about it.
00:16:34.280 Yeah, that's what we talk about toxic mommy culture.
00:16:36.480 I wrote about it in my book and it is the culture of complaining about your kids and your husband
00:16:42.840 to get clicks online and it's really ugly.
00:16:47.620 It's really disgusting.
00:16:49.040 And this whole transparency, authenticity movement, which may be started with good intentions,
00:16:54.840 has ended up just revealing people's selfishness and their narcissism.
00:17:00.840 And it's okay to be vulnerable about how difficult motherhood is because it is difficult.
00:17:06.560 It requires a lot of sacrifice of your time, of your energy, of your body, all of those
00:17:12.620 things.
00:17:13.400 But to constantly make fun of your kids or complain about your kids or laugh at the expense
00:17:18.440 of your kids publicly and to use their experiences, their behavior, their emotions as content,
00:17:29.020 I think is really, really disgusting, actually, and very immoral.
00:17:33.400 And we should also not be supporting that kind of content.
00:17:36.600 We shouldn't be clicking on it.
00:17:37.620 We shouldn't be laughing at it.
00:17:38.700 We shouldn't be sharing it.
00:17:40.140 And of course, we shouldn't be doing it ourselves.
00:17:42.800 And so just understand that you're seeing a lot of stuff about the horrible parts of motherhood
00:17:48.160 because it's popular to do that, because people get clicks.
00:17:51.600 It goes viral because people think it's funny.
00:17:53.800 You talk about how terrible motherhood is.
00:17:55.540 Now, I'm not saying that all jokes about how hard motherhood is are bad.
00:18:00.560 I'm not saying that we should never laugh like, oh, my gosh, I haven't showered in three
00:18:03.540 days.
00:18:03.800 I think that's fine.
00:18:04.500 That's very different than exploiting your child and their difficulties for clicks.
00:18:10.820 And so I do want to just make that distinction there.
00:18:14.340 But motherhood, which you don't always see of motherhood, you either see like how horrible
00:18:18.600 and awful it is, or that it is like the only thing that could ever fulfill a woman.
00:18:23.920 And both things, I think, are wrong.
00:18:27.280 You don't want to idolize your children and think that's the only thing that's going to
00:18:30.980 fulfill you.
00:18:31.520 You also don't want to idolize yourself and think that your kids are some trap or there's
00:18:36.300 some like shackle on you preventing you from being fully liberated and happy.
00:18:40.300 The truth is, is that kids are gifts.
00:18:42.940 They're gifts of the Lord.
00:18:44.400 And when you see them as gifts, things that you can be thankful for, something that you
00:18:48.400 can steward well, then you can really enjoy them.
00:18:51.720 Both the difficulties that come with motherhood and the beauty that comes with motherhood.
00:18:56.120 The most beautiful part of motherhood is just the love that you have for them.
00:18:59.400 This incredible, just self-sacrificial love and the instinct that you have to protect them
00:19:07.560 and to teach them and to help them and to steward them.
00:19:10.820 The fact that you would do absolutely anything for them, you would endure any pain for them,
00:19:16.440 any heartache for them, you would do any sacrifice for them if it means their well-being.
00:19:24.420 I mean, even with your spouse, you don't fully feel like that.
00:19:28.580 There is just a new depth of love and compassion and patience that is unlocked and unleashed when
00:19:37.240 you become a mother.
00:19:38.960 That doesn't mean that it's not tiring.
00:19:40.980 That doesn't mean that they don't get on your nerves.
00:19:43.240 That doesn't mean that there aren't some difficult parts of parenthood.
00:19:47.240 Because of course there are, but just this all-encompassing, heartbreaking love that you
00:19:52.800 feel for your child, the way that they can make you laugh more than anyone else, the way that they
00:19:56.440 can bring you joy, the way that they can just make your heart sing and bring you to tears like
00:20:03.540 in any given moment, just because you see the little image of God reflected in them and
00:20:08.140 someone that you helped create or adopted or whatever it is.
00:20:13.160 That is just, I mean, it's inexplicable, really.
00:20:16.180 You can't even really put words on it.
00:20:17.780 All right.
00:20:30.640 Coming out of that ad, you might notice if you're watching on YouTube, this looks a little
00:20:34.000 different than the last question.
00:20:36.000 That's because I did the first part of that Q&A a few months ago and I'm finishing up this
00:20:41.280 Q&A now.
00:20:43.220 So here you go.
00:20:44.660 I'm answering some more of your questions.
00:20:47.280 This is an interesting one.
00:20:49.520 How to handle grandparents slash child relationships when the grandparents are quote unquote progressive.
00:20:56.860 That's hard.
00:20:57.940 I would say that's really difficult because obviously you want them to have a relationship
00:21:01.700 with your grandparents.
00:21:03.520 There's a lot of wisdom that I think grandparents can give.
00:21:06.260 And plus they're your parents.
00:21:07.760 I know that you love them.
00:21:08.900 You want your kids to love them.
00:21:10.960 However, it is your responsibility, your primary responsibility as a parent to disciple your
00:21:17.940 children, to help them guard their hearts and their minds before they get to the point
00:21:22.880 where they're able to guard their hearts and their minds.
00:21:25.480 You are their filter.
00:21:26.920 You are their protector.
00:21:28.880 It is more important that you protect your kids' hearts and minds, that you instill them
00:21:34.720 with what is true, than that they have a close connection with their grandparents.
00:21:41.480 That is not your primary responsibility.
00:21:45.460 It is not your primary responsibility to please your parents.
00:21:48.840 It's not.
00:21:49.460 As difficult as that may be, your primary obligation is now to the stewardship of your children.
00:21:57.180 So it would depend, I think, how aggressive and assertive your parents are in trying to
00:22:03.540 instill them with progressive values.
00:22:06.060 I mean, if every time you turn around, they're trying to tell your kids things that are not
00:22:10.880 true, that are anti-biblical, that's going to have to be a very firm boundary, I think,
00:22:16.260 that is set.
00:22:16.940 It would mean, if my parents were trying to actively disciple my kids in what is not good
00:22:25.260 and right and true, again, is anti-biblical, that would mean you're not spending time with
00:22:30.480 my kids without me.
00:22:31.880 That means we can all be together in a group, but you are not going to be teaching my kids
00:22:37.160 things that is going to be destructive to their lives, their minds, bodies, and souls.
00:22:43.900 It's just not going to happen.
00:22:45.880 And if that causes some kind of division, which I imagine that it would, that's unfortunate.
00:22:53.900 But in the long run, is it worth it for your children?
00:22:58.300 Absolutely.
00:22:59.320 Now, if your parents are respectful, they should respect that boundary.
00:23:03.320 And they should say, they should understand what's going on.
00:23:07.620 I don't know what kind of personality they have, but some very strict boundaries are going
00:23:14.100 to have to be set.
00:23:14.820 I would not say, here, spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa as they tell you ridiculous
00:23:20.160 and harmful things about gender and God and identity and marriage.
00:23:26.440 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:23:30.000 There is the power of introduction that adults have over children.
00:23:36.140 That means if you are the first person to introduce something to your children, introduce a concept
00:23:42.420 to your children, you are going to be the one that they look to as an authority on that
00:23:47.760 subject.
00:23:48.340 That's why it's so important for parents to be having proactive conversations with our
00:23:54.500 kids about God, about who they are, about their heart, their mind, their bodies, about
00:24:00.660 marriage, love, all these things in an age-appropriate way.
00:24:04.960 But we have to be, as far as it depends on us, the first people to talk to our kids about
00:24:10.120 this.
00:24:10.440 Now, as your kids get older and you've discipled them, you've placed that foundation, they can
00:24:16.220 probably handle having those conversations with grandma and grandpa if they don't agree
00:24:20.920 with them.
00:24:21.320 But while they're young, I would say no, it's just too risky.
00:24:25.420 You need some hard boundaries and a lot of supervision when it comes to time with them.
00:24:32.300 Let's see, can you date someone with different theology, charismatic and reformed?
00:24:37.220 Look, I'll be honest, I think it's difficult.
00:24:39.460 Do I think it's impossible?
00:24:41.000 No, but something's going to have to give.
00:24:44.120 It's not that I think that two people from two different theological camps aren't, that
00:24:49.640 one of them isn't saved.
00:24:51.100 That's not necessarily true.
00:24:52.500 You could have a Presbyterian and a Baptist.
00:24:55.060 They're both going to see each other in heaven.
00:24:56.940 But there are some distinct differences there that are important.
00:25:01.520 And really, because of the implication that it has in how you're going to raise kids, like
00:25:07.440 raising kids is already difficult.
00:25:09.400 Two people with very similar backgrounds and identical theologies are already going to have
00:25:15.480 disagreements when it comes to raising your kids.
00:25:17.740 But then if you have really big theological differences, then that's going to be difficult.
00:25:25.580 That's going to be even more difficult.
00:25:27.060 There's going to be even more division.
00:25:28.640 I'm not saying that they cannot be overcome, but it's just going to make it more difficult.
00:25:33.640 It would be much better to at least agree on the big things before you get married.
00:25:41.240 It would be much better to agree on what denomination you're in and what church you are going to
00:25:47.100 go to before you get engaged and certainly before you get married, because you are going to be one
00:25:54.540 flesh.
00:25:55.840 And if your husband is going to be loving and leading his wife as Christ loves and leads the
00:26:01.920 church, then there needs to be some unity there.
00:26:05.440 And so if you're dating how Christians should date, which is dating with the intention to
00:26:10.580 marry, there needs to be an agreement on the major theological things before engagement.
00:26:19.260 That's what I will say.
00:26:21.000 That's what I'll say.
00:26:23.300 Pado-baptism versus believer's baptism.
00:26:26.720 Presbyterian versus Baptist.
00:26:28.140 That's a big thing.
00:26:29.280 Like you need to, you need to know where both of you stand on that and agree on that before
00:26:36.540 you are betrothed.
00:26:39.020 All right.
00:26:41.180 Next question.
00:26:43.100 Favorite books of the Bible?
00:26:44.340 I think I've answered this probably a few times before, but I would say my favorite books
00:26:52.040 of the Bible are Ephesians and Genesis.
00:26:54.940 Those that's, that's what I, how I typically answer that Ephesians, because I think
00:26:59.260 that it most clearly and beautifully lays out what the gospel is.
00:27:07.120 Like I refer to Ephesians two so much.
00:27:09.860 If you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know, that I have,
00:27:14.340 um, been referring to Ephesians, um, that I refer to Ephesians all the time, Ephesians
00:27:22.320 two, and then Genesis, because I also go back to Genesis one through three all the time when
00:27:28.680 I'm thinking through cultural and moral issues of our day.
00:27:32.160 And, um, I also just find it really entertaining.
00:27:36.120 Like I think of the stories in Genesis tell us so much about human nature and who God is
00:27:40.920 and how he works.
00:27:42.480 And there are just so many tidbits throughout Genesis that I find intriguing and humorous
00:27:47.740 even.
00:27:48.080 And so I would say Genesis and Ephesians tell us the most about the gospel.
00:27:54.440 What was my biggest takeaway from interviewing Ken Ham?
00:28:12.600 Um, gosh, I go back and listen to those episodes if you haven't already, but probably how he spoke
00:28:19.680 about Genesis one through 11 and how almost all of the questions that we have today, the
00:28:25.080 so-called culture wars can, they really point back to Genesis one through 11 and what you
00:28:30.760 think about creation.
00:28:32.120 Really?
00:28:32.700 I always say in my speeches, and I've said this before I talked to Ken, Ken Ham.
00:28:37.280 And so we're just in agreement on this, but really they all go back to Genesis one, one,
00:28:41.740 that God created the heavens and the earth, the most controversial verse in the Bible,
00:28:45.340 because all of our theology flows out of what you believe about that.
00:28:49.580 Do you believe that God is the authority, the creator over all things?
00:28:52.820 If you do, then he says what isn't, what isn't, what's right and what's wrong, what's true,
00:28:56.660 what's false, what's male, what's female.
00:28:58.820 All of the questions that we are told we don't really have the answers to today are found in
00:29:04.920 Genesis one, one, the authority of the Lord to say what is right, what's wrong, what's true,
00:29:10.840 and what's false. Let's see. Do I ever struggle with guilt as a mom who works? That's a good
00:29:20.920 question. I think all moms, whether you consider yourself a stay-at-home mom or a working mom,
00:29:28.580 struggle with some kind of guilt, whether it's guilt over breastfeeding versus formula,
00:29:34.780 home birth versus hospital birth, what kind of food that you're giving your kid,
00:29:40.620 how much time you spend away, how much time you allow other people to hold them versus how much
00:29:47.080 you hold them. There's a lot of reasons that unfortunately moms deal with a lot of shame and
00:29:54.320 a lot of guilt. I like to say that I am in between a girl boss and sourdough starter.
00:30:02.840 My family is my number one priority. My kids are, after my marriage, are our number one priority in our
00:30:15.080 home. I am extremely, extremely grateful for how I am able to work, that I have so much flexibility
00:30:25.360 and so much time spent at home. I get to come into the studio and I get to talk about things that I'm
00:30:32.500 passionate about. And then I get to go home and I get to be there all day and all night. And I feel
00:30:43.880 called to do this podcast. I feel called to speak. I feel called to write. I feel equipped to do those
00:30:50.540 things. And in this season of life, we believe that this is part of what I'm supposed to do,
00:30:58.400 but never at the expense of being a mom. And I think all moms are called to balance in some way.
00:31:07.760 All moms are called to a variety of responsibilities. Now, I am not advocating for
00:31:14.540 leaving your home all day and delegating the responsibilities of parenthood and motherhood to
00:31:22.720 daycare or to a third party that doesn't care about your kids. I understand that is sometimes
00:31:29.540 the necessary situation that some moms find themselves in, but I'm not saying that women
00:31:35.480 should be chasing their career at all costs and should be outsourcing parenting to someone else.
00:31:41.700 That's not what I'm advocating for. What I'm saying is that I know a lot of business-owning
00:31:48.120 women, a lot of entrepreneurial women, a lot of artistic women that are in one way or another
00:31:54.440 like living out the gifts of artistry or communication or leadership that God has called
00:32:03.780 them to and bringing their family along with them as they're doing that, integrating their motherhood
00:32:09.900 with these other callings too. There are lots and lots of women who are doing that
00:32:15.480 on a daily basis. And I am one of, I'm one of those women. So yeah, in between the like professional
00:32:24.200 working woman and the sourdough starting woman, that's where I am. And that balance isn't always
00:32:32.540 perfectly found just like it is in, just like it's not perfectly found for any stay at home mom
00:32:40.560 either. I know like homeschool moms who are also like working, writing, doing interviews,
00:32:46.240 like a million different things. Women are incredible at multitasking and doing a lot of
00:32:52.540 callings at once. And we learn, I think through sanctification, the power of the Holy Spirit,
00:32:58.740 how to best say yes and no to things at any given moment. And of course, I'm still learning that.
00:33:05.300 But yeah, by the grace of God, like we really do take it, my husband and I, we work together.
00:33:10.800 We take it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. And we work
00:33:18.400 together as a family, we make it work. And there's a lot of joy and a lot of humility and a lot of
00:33:25.380 learning and cooperation that takes place. And so, yeah, this is just one part, I think,
00:33:31.280 of my calling that's always subservient to my calling of being a wife and mom.
00:33:36.660 That's what I would say to that. And I'm like, I need to kind of like, I think, do a whole episode
00:33:42.300 on that and flesh those thoughts out a little bit more. So what exactly that looks like, you guys know,
00:33:49.220 I'm going off again on this, but like I've gotten criticized in the past for like being a mom who
00:33:55.480 also does a podcast and speaks. But like some of those people that criticize me, they don't criticize
00:34:01.840 the women who are in ministry, who are also moms, who run nonprofit organizations, who are also moms,
00:34:08.480 who are writers and professors, who are also moms. They have those people on their podcast who are
00:34:12.740 journalists and also moms. Like I arguably work a lot less than a lot of those women.
00:34:18.460 And spend a lot less time online than some of the women who are always wagging their fingers
00:34:24.900 towards people like me about us working. So yeah, it's an interesting world out there. We all have to
00:34:30.440 do our best in prayer to follow the call that God has put on our lives. Okay, I think that's all we
00:34:37.220 have time for today. And I hope that you have a great rest of your day and we'll be back here soon.
00:34:48.460 Thank you.