Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - December 28, 2023


Ep 925 ｜ Can Christians Say No to Sex Within Marriage？ ｜ Q&A


Episode Stats


Length

34 minutes

Words per minute

162.88281

Word count

5,675

Sentence count

337

Harmful content

Misogyny

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Is it biblical to say no to sex within marriage? Do you need to have sex when you re in a committed, monogamous relationship? Is it okay to not have sex for long periods of time without sex?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:01.000 Have I thought about running for president?
00:00:04.260 What is my natural deodorant recommendation?
00:00:07.560 And also, what's the best part of motherhood? 0.86
00:00:10.520 We are answering all of these fascinating questions and many more on today's episode
00:00:14.580 of Relatable, which is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
00:00:17.460 Go to GoodRanchers.com.
00:00:18.780 Use code Allie at checkout. 1.00
00:00:19.880 That's GoodRanchers.com.
00:00:21.040 Code Allie. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Hey, guys.
00:00:31.840 Welcome to Relatable.
00:00:33.140 Hope everyone's having a wonderful day and week.
00:00:36.360 All right.
00:00:37.120 I'm going to get into some of the questions that you guys sent me.
00:00:40.160 Here's an interesting question.
00:00:41.920 Is it biblical to say no to sex within marriage?
00:00:46.220 Now, first, when I read this question, I thought you meant like period, like no sex ever during
00:00:52.340 marriage, which is not biblical because the two are supposed to become one flesh.
00:00:56.380 And believe it or not, there are like I have heard of situations where even having sex
00:01:04.260 has been something that has been put off during marriage or that one of the people in the marriage
00:01:10.440 doesn't want to do.
00:01:11.700 And I'm just telling you that that needs to be that needs to absolutely be addressed.
00:01:17.240 The marriage needs to be consummated.
00:01:19.760 The two must become one flesh.
00:01:22.160 That is part of what marriage is.
00:01:23.720 It's a beautiful part of marriage.
00:01:25.580 So I know for some people, you're listening to that and you're like, there's no way that's
00:01:29.300 true.
00:01:30.700 Yes, I think in some cases it is.
00:01:33.120 So I'm just saying that that is something that you need to go address because it is
00:01:37.280 absolutely biblical to have sex within marriage.
00:01:40.620 Now, can you say no to sex within marriage?
00:01:43.860 If you don't want to have sex one night, is it okay to say no?
00:01:48.420 Yes, I think so.
00:01:49.760 Let me read you what 1 Corinthians 7 through 4 or 4 through 5 says.
00:01:54.800 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. 0.98
00:02:00.480 Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 0.97
00:02:04.400 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may
00:02:09.180 devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt
00:02:13.600 you because of your lack of self-control.
00:02:16.400 So there's so much packed in there that we don't have time to fully unpack.
00:02:20.440 One thing I want to emphasize, typically when we're talking about this, like depriving one
00:02:25.100 another or having authority in sex, it seems to be coming from like a male perspective.
00:02:30.600 Like the woman is not supposed to deny the advances of her husband and should just always 1.00
00:02:35.640 be sexually available to her husband.
00:02:37.820 But look, we are looking at a biblical mutual submission here of the body is that the husband
00:02:43.780 also does not own his own body.
00:02:46.540 The wife does not own her own body in the sense that both of you are mutually submitted
00:02:52.280 to one another as one flesh.
00:02:55.920 And it doesn't just say wives don't deprive your husbands. 0.82
00:02:58.820 It says do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you
00:03:04.860 may devote yourselves to prayer.
00:03:07.260 And so it also says we shouldn't be going long stretches in our marriages as long as
00:03:12.200 there is physical capability to have sex without having sex, except for some exceptions.
00:03:20.160 There needs to be a mutual agreement there.
00:03:22.260 There needs to be a conversation there.
00:03:24.080 Why?
00:03:24.520 Because Satan can tempt you because of a lack of self-control, because we are sexual beings.
00:03:29.480 There are sexual desires.
00:03:30.920 These are good desires.
00:03:32.580 It's good to be a sexual being.
00:03:34.040 These sexual desires are supposed to be, supposed to be satisfied within the context of marriage
00:03:41.260 between one man and one woman.
00:03:43.960 So it is a gift that God has given us of pleasure.
00:03:46.940 It is also a gift that God has given us to kind of regulate and satisfy those sexual desires
00:03:52.460 in a way that actually glorifies him and honors marriage.
00:03:55.940 So it's actually for our protection that we are supposed to be having consistent sex when
00:04:00.500 possible in marriage.
00:04:01.640 Now, because of this mutual submission principle that we read, and because of what we read in
00:04:07.840 other parts of the Bible, not just about marriage like in Ephesians 5, but also just
00:04:11.520 about loving one another, outdoing one another, and showing honor and showing dignity and respect
00:04:17.360 to other people, thinking of other people's interests above our own.
00:04:22.120 And there needs to be some understanding on the part of either the husband or the wife.
00:04:26.460 If the wife just had a baby, she's in some kind of state where it's very clear that she's 0.95
00:04:32.840 tired, that she's overworked, that she's overtouched, that she's overstimulated, or whatever the
00:04:37.860 circumstance is, the husband needs to be deferential and respectful to that and understanding and loving
00:04:43.780 and cherishing of her.
00:04:45.240 And there should be no pressure there to do something that she clearly does not want to
00:04:51.620 do, or is just in a state where that is not possible, or it's not going to be mutually pleasurable.
00:04:57.620 But the same goes from the wife to the husband. 0.56
00:05:00.860 I mean, we are reading again that this is a mutual thing going on here, that there needs to be some
00:05:06.540 intuition, there needs to be some understanding, there needs to be some compassion.
00:05:10.240 And so on both ends, there needs to be respect, there needs to be love, there needs to be
00:05:16.080 understanding and understanding that satisfying each other's sexual desires within marriage is
00:05:21.600 good and right and what is supposed to happen.
00:05:24.160 There should be some willingness there, both in love for each other and obedience to the Lord.
00:05:30.100 And then also there needs to be some deference and some understanding when the time is just
00:05:36.460 not right.
00:05:37.900 So it's really all about mutual submission.
00:05:40.500 It's all about mutual love and mutual respect.
00:05:44.260 Neither party is just a vessel for pleasure.
00:05:49.060 Neither party should ever be objectified.
00:05:51.880 Neither party should ever feel like they are just being used to release a desire.
00:05:58.320 It should always be about mutual respect and submission and love.
00:06:01.700 And how good is God that he set up the institution of marriage to protect us from being objectified,
00:06:09.060 to protect us from all of the different sexual mistakes and all of the sexual wrongs and heartbreak
00:06:15.900 and heartache that comes from a secular sexual ethic.
00:06:20.140 That is the beauty of marriage and the beauty of God's definition of and gift of sex.
00:06:25.180 Um, okay, another question.
00:06:30.180 This is kind of random, not random that you asked, but random and that I don't typically
00:06:35.060 talk about these things.
00:06:36.020 But someone asked me, pregnancy with hypothyroidism, any tips?
00:06:40.040 So this must be a long time like vigilant listener because I don't typically talk about
00:06:44.500 these things like hypothyroidism.
00:06:46.180 But I am hypothyroid and I have been, I guess, for a while and I've, you know, been on medication
00:06:51.440 for that and thank the Lord, it's always been easily controlled and regulated and I never
00:06:56.440 had a problem with that.
00:06:57.340 I've also never had a problem with that within pregnancy.
00:07:00.560 Now, I don't have all of the expert answers for you.
00:07:05.240 There are a lot of different accounts that you can follow, a lot of different resources.
00:07:09.860 I, I like functional medicine.
00:07:12.720 Now, healing my thyroid is not a journey that I have gone down yet.
00:07:18.020 It is something that I want to do to try to understand the way that we eat, the way
00:07:22.840 that we live, the things that we consume and the things that are around us, how that
00:07:26.020 affects our thyroid because our thyroid affects so much.
00:07:29.220 I will just admit, I haven't really gone down that path fully yet because my hypothyroidism
00:07:36.120 has been regulated so easily by medication.
00:07:38.920 But I do really want to get to root causes and make sure that I'm doing everything to
00:07:43.600 promote thyroid health.
00:07:45.000 You guys know that I'm not 100% crunchy, like not even close, maybe like 50% or less
00:07:51.260 crunchy, holistic and all of that.
00:07:53.220 I really like holistic, functional medicine.
00:07:57.100 I believe in understanding root causes and trying to change our lives to be as healthy as
00:08:01.780 possible and to be as natural as possible.
00:08:04.120 But I don't take all of those steps, just to be honest, in this stage of my life.
00:08:09.680 And I also, as I think most holistic people would also say, like truly holistic people,
00:08:14.780 I also, you know, believe in the beauty and the miracle of some forms of modern medicine.
00:08:22.120 And so right now, especially when I'm pregnant, because having your thyroid regulated is so important
00:08:27.980 for conception and especially in that first trimester, I really haven't messed with any
00:08:33.560 kind of healing mechanisms or any solutions.
00:08:37.140 I haven't, you know, changed how I take my medicine and things like that, except for just
00:08:42.800 keeping up with my levels and the dosage and all of that.
00:08:45.540 So I think as far as conception, as far as pregnancy goes, don't take, I'm not trying to
00:08:51.700 give medical advice or anything, but make sure that you make sure that your levels are good.
00:08:57.880 I think that's probably the most important thing for conception.
00:09:01.160 It seems like there's a season, a time and a place for different kinds of healing.
00:09:08.320 I, during pregnancy, I just didn't want to mess with something that already worked.
00:09:13.140 And so in some stage of my life, I do want to take a more holistic and more functional
00:09:17.940 approach to make sure that I'm actually healing my thyroid as much as I can.
00:09:22.080 I don't know if that really answers your question, but hopefully it gives you some things to think
00:09:26.100 about.
00:09:38.320 Is Jesus coming back in our lifetime?
00:09:40.180 We do not know.
00:09:41.080 We don't know the day or the hour that Jesus is coming back.
00:09:44.420 Um, someone says so many people look to Trump as the savior for America.
00:09:49.460 So this is not really a question, but I'm guessing you're wanting my thoughts.
00:09:53.900 I do think that there are about, I don't know, 20 to 30%, maybe less of Republicans, not of
00:10:01.280 Americans, but of Republicans who do kind of see Trump in this way.
00:10:06.160 They might not use that language, um, but they do see Trump as a specific, particular, like
00:10:14.220 God-ordained savior-like figure and the only person that can turn America back around, the
00:10:20.500 only person that can save Western civilization.
00:10:23.060 I don't know where they get that just based on, just, just based on what we see, based on
00:10:31.240 what we've heard.
00:10:31.760 I'm not saying that he wasn't a good president.
00:10:33.520 I just don't see this kind of unique, God-like aura about him.
00:10:41.220 I just don't see those characteristics in him.
00:10:43.940 I don't know really why people hoist him up to this place of like this demigod status. 0.57
00:10:50.700 I don't totally understand that either.
00:10:53.620 I do think it speaks to his unique capability to create a cult-like following.
00:10:57.560 Not everyone can do that.
00:10:58.840 But whether it's Ron DeSantis, whether it's Joe Biden, whether it's Donald Trump, remember
00:11:04.220 politicians are people, people are finite.
00:11:07.440 We are all born.
00:11:09.000 We're all going to die.
00:11:11.100 And most people are going to be forgotten.
00:11:15.440 These people are public servants.
00:11:17.340 We put them in place to serve our interests and our well-being.
00:11:21.620 They are not our moral betters.
00:11:24.200 They're certainly not our intellectual betters.
00:11:27.100 They are people that, yes, serve an important role.
00:11:30.680 Romans 13 says that God ordained or God instituted governments for our good to punish evil and
00:11:38.960 reward good.
00:11:39.700 So the government is very important.
00:11:41.480 But in America, we have a government of the people, for the people, by the people.
00:11:45.020 And we're supposed to have public servants in place, not these people that we place on
00:11:50.420 a pedestal.
00:11:51.580 So just remember that, I mean, Donald Trump is not a savior.
00:11:55.600 No politician is going to be a savior.
00:11:59.080 Donald Trump can do wrong.
00:12:00.820 He's not some like special prophet.
00:12:03.940 He's not.
00:12:04.420 He's just a person, just like any other politician.
00:12:07.980 And all of us should treat all politicians as such.
00:12:12.140 All right.
00:12:13.240 Let's see.
00:12:15.060 Next question.
00:12:18.940 Natural deodorant recommendation.
00:12:21.640 I like Primally Pure.
00:12:23.200 That's what I use.
00:12:23.940 I really, really like it.
00:12:25.120 It goes on very smoothly.
00:12:26.320 And I think that it works.
00:12:27.540 I guess my friends can tell me if that's true or not.
00:12:30.540 Tips for talking to woke Christian relatives about their beliefs.
00:12:35.960 In a way, I would say that like every episode that we do kind of offers some equipment and
00:12:41.320 some education for that.
00:12:42.740 Obviously, informing yourself on these topics.
00:12:45.200 But I also think that reading tactics by Greg Kokel is really helpful.
00:12:49.860 And taking the inquisitive approach in all these conversations, remember that the goal of each
00:12:54.840 conversation is not necessarily to win that one argument, but to make them think about
00:12:59.760 why they believe what they believe.
00:13:01.660 Honestly, most progressives that you talk to do not know why they believe what they believe.
00:13:05.940 They couldn't give a reasoned, reasonable answer for why they have the policy positions
00:13:11.960 that they do, why they believe abortion is okay.
00:13:14.200 Now, I'm not saying everyone, some do, or they might have more thoughtful positions on
00:13:18.060 some things than others.
00:13:18.900 But most things are just because it's ubiquitous.
00:13:21.100 It's just because it's what we hear and see everywhere is the progressive position.
00:13:24.440 And they'll say something like it's empathetic or it's compassionate or it's loving or it's
00:13:28.040 inclusive or it's right.
00:13:29.040 But those are all conclusions.
00:13:30.340 Those are not arguments.
00:13:31.180 They need to argue for why their positions are the compassionate or right or moral position.
00:13:36.540 And so just start asking them, why do you believe that?
00:13:41.100 Why do you believe that abortion is okay?
00:13:43.920 Why do you believe in whatever it is, illegal immigration?
00:13:48.980 There are better questions than that.
00:13:50.260 Like, do you think that there should be any limit on how many people we allow into the country?
00:13:55.940 Do you think there should be any stipulations, any restrictions at all?
00:13:59.940 Do you think anyone who wants a better life from any part of the world, no matter what their
00:14:03.580 background is, should be allowed to live in your neighborhood?
00:14:06.540 Like, I think that those are kind of good questions to ask.
00:14:09.600 Of course, they might get on the defense, but or just really trying to understand, even
00:14:13.720 not pointed questions like that, but really trying to understand where they're coming from.
00:14:17.240 Maybe if you come from a place of curiosity, they would be willing to read or listen to
00:14:21.580 some of the things that have informed you.
00:14:23.700 And you can say that you are also willing to do the same thing.
00:14:27.240 That kind of mutual understanding and respect can be really helpful.
00:14:31.540 Um, yeah, I would start with asking questions that make them think about why they believe
00:14:37.080 what they believe and always be ready and willing to give an answer for what you believe as well.
00:14:43.620 Have I thought about running for president in 2024 or just in my life?
00:15:01.820 Um, I know I don't see myself ever going into the political arena.
00:15:07.360 To be perfectly honest, it seems really boring.
00:15:11.380 So boring.
00:15:12.740 Why would I give up what I do now, which is amazing and fun and has so much flexibility
00:15:18.780 to do that?
00:15:20.740 Like, why would I want to move to a state capitol, which are always kind of blah?
00:15:26.340 Why would I want to move to our nation's capitol, which is blah?
00:15:30.420 And you get paid like nothing.
00:15:32.660 You never get to see your family.
00:15:34.900 You don't get to do anything fun.
00:15:36.300 You're constantly having to be, you're put in a place of constantly trying to compromise
00:15:40.840 and compromise your values.
00:15:42.600 And I'm thankful for the people that do it.
00:15:44.860 I really am, especially local politicians.
00:15:47.100 Like we have to have politicians.
00:15:48.820 So I'm thankful for the people who try to be salt and light in those very dark arenas.
00:15:54.480 So thank you for that.
00:15:55.900 I personally don't want to do it.
00:15:58.200 But if I had to run for one thing, if I had to be one thing, it would definitely be president.
00:16:03.620 For sure.
00:16:04.440 There's so many things that I would do.
00:16:06.440 Ban pit bulls, require people to wear socks and shoes on airplanes, no talking on speaker
00:16:14.100 phone in public, lots and lots of important things on my agenda that I would accomplish
00:16:19.560 on day one.
00:16:21.580 So yes, if I had to do something in the political arena, of course, I would be president.
00:16:26.960 Other than that, no thanks.
00:16:29.760 Best part of motherhood. 1.00
00:16:31.100 So many horror stories and people talk so negatively about it.
00:16:34.280 Yeah, that's what we talk about toxic mommy culture. 1.00
00:16:36.480 I wrote about it in my book and it is the culture of complaining about your kids and your husband
00:16:42.840 to get clicks online and it's really ugly.
00:16:47.620 It's really disgusting.
00:16:49.040 And this whole transparency, authenticity movement, which may be started with good intentions,
00:16:54.840 has ended up just revealing people's selfishness and their narcissism.
00:17:00.840 And it's okay to be vulnerable about how difficult motherhood is because it is difficult.
00:17:06.560 It requires a lot of sacrifice of your time, of your energy, of your body, all of those
00:17:12.620 things.
00:17:13.400 But to constantly make fun of your kids or complain about your kids or laugh at the expense
00:17:18.440 of your kids publicly and to use their experiences, their behavior, their emotions as content,
00:17:29.020 I think is really, really disgusting, actually, and very immoral.
00:17:33.400 And we should also not be supporting that kind of content.
00:17:36.600 We shouldn't be clicking on it.
00:17:37.620 We shouldn't be laughing at it.
00:17:38.700 We shouldn't be sharing it.
00:17:40.140 And of course, we shouldn't be doing it ourselves.
00:17:42.800 And so just understand that you're seeing a lot of stuff about the horrible parts of motherhood
00:17:48.160 because it's popular to do that, because people get clicks.
00:17:51.600 It goes viral because people think it's funny.
00:17:53.800 You talk about how terrible motherhood is.
00:17:55.540 Now, I'm not saying that all jokes about how hard motherhood is are bad.
00:18:00.560 I'm not saying that we should never laugh like, oh, my gosh, I haven't showered in three
00:18:03.540 days.
00:18:03.800 I think that's fine.
00:18:04.500 That's very different than exploiting your child and their difficulties for clicks.
00:18:10.820 And so I do want to just make that distinction there.
00:18:14.340 But motherhood, which you don't always see of motherhood, you either see like how horrible
00:18:18.600 and awful it is, or that it is like the only thing that could ever fulfill a woman.
00:18:23.920 And both things, I think, are wrong.
00:18:27.280 You don't want to idolize your children and think that's the only thing that's going to
00:18:30.980 fulfill you.
00:18:31.520 You also don't want to idolize yourself and think that your kids are some trap or there's
00:18:36.300 some like shackle on you preventing you from being fully liberated and happy.
00:18:40.300 The truth is, is that kids are gifts.
00:18:42.940 They're gifts of the Lord.
00:18:44.400 And when you see them as gifts, things that you can be thankful for, something that you
00:18:48.400 can steward well, then you can really enjoy them.
00:18:51.720 Both the difficulties that come with motherhood and the beauty that comes with motherhood.
00:18:56.120 The most beautiful part of motherhood is just the love that you have for them.
00:18:59.400 This incredible, just self-sacrificial love and the instinct that you have to protect them
00:19:07.560 and to teach them and to help them and to steward them.
00:19:10.820 The fact that you would do absolutely anything for them, you would endure any pain for them,
00:19:16.440 any heartache for them, you would do any sacrifice for them if it means their well-being.
00:19:24.420 I mean, even with your spouse, you don't fully feel like that.
00:19:28.580 There is just a new depth of love and compassion and patience that is unlocked and unleashed when
00:19:37.240 you become a mother.
00:19:38.960 That doesn't mean that it's not tiring.
00:19:40.980 That doesn't mean that they don't get on your nerves.
00:19:43.240 That doesn't mean that there aren't some difficult parts of parenthood.
00:19:47.240 Because of course there are, but just this all-encompassing, heartbreaking love that you
00:19:52.800 feel for your child, the way that they can make you laugh more than anyone else, the way that they
00:19:56.440 can bring you joy, the way that they can just make your heart sing and bring you to tears like
00:20:03.540 in any given moment, just because you see the little image of God reflected in them and
00:20:08.140 someone that you helped create or adopted or whatever it is.
00:20:13.160 That is just, I mean, it's inexplicable, really.
00:20:16.180 You can't even really put words on it.
00:20:17.780 All right.
00:20:30.640 Coming out of that ad, you might notice if you're watching on YouTube, this looks a little
00:20:34.000 different than the last question.
00:20:36.000 That's because I did the first part of that Q&A a few months ago and I'm finishing up this
00:20:41.280 Q&A now.
00:20:43.220 So here you go.
00:20:44.660 I'm answering some more of your questions.
00:20:47.280 This is an interesting one.
00:20:49.520 How to handle grandparents slash child relationships when the grandparents are quote unquote progressive.
00:20:56.860 That's hard.
00:20:57.940 I would say that's really difficult because obviously you want them to have a relationship
00:21:01.700 with your grandparents.
00:21:03.520 There's a lot of wisdom that I think grandparents can give.
00:21:06.260 And plus they're your parents.
00:21:07.760 I know that you love them.
00:21:08.900 You want your kids to love them.
00:21:10.960 However, it is your responsibility, your primary responsibility as a parent to disciple your
00:21:17.940 children, to help them guard their hearts and their minds before they get to the point
00:21:22.880 where they're able to guard their hearts and their minds.
00:21:25.480 You are their filter.
00:21:26.920 You are their protector.
00:21:28.880 It is more important that you protect your kids' hearts and minds, that you instill them
00:21:34.720 with what is true, than that they have a close connection with their grandparents.
00:21:41.480 That is not your primary responsibility.
00:21:45.460 It is not your primary responsibility to please your parents.
00:21:48.840 It's not.
00:21:49.460 As difficult as that may be, your primary obligation is now to the stewardship of your children.
00:21:57.180 So it would depend, I think, how aggressive and assertive your parents are in trying to
00:22:03.540 instill them with progressive values.
00:22:06.060 I mean, if every time you turn around, they're trying to tell your kids things that are not
00:22:10.880 true, that are anti-biblical, that's going to have to be a very firm boundary, I think,
00:22:16.260 that is set.
00:22:16.940 It would mean, if my parents were trying to actively disciple my kids in what is not good
00:22:25.260 and right and true, again, is anti-biblical, that would mean you're not spending time with
00:22:30.480 my kids without me.
00:22:31.880 That means we can all be together in a group, but you are not going to be teaching my kids
00:22:37.160 things that is going to be destructive to their lives, their minds, bodies, and souls.
00:22:43.900 It's just not going to happen.
00:22:45.880 And if that causes some kind of division, which I imagine that it would, that's unfortunate.
00:22:53.900 But in the long run, is it worth it for your children?
00:22:58.300 Absolutely.
00:22:59.320 Now, if your parents are respectful, they should respect that boundary.
00:23:03.320 And they should say, they should understand what's going on.
00:23:07.620 I don't know what kind of personality they have, but some very strict boundaries are going
00:23:14.100 to have to be set.
00:23:14.820 I would not say, here, spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa as they tell you ridiculous
00:23:20.160 and harmful things about gender and God and identity and marriage.
00:23:26.440 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:23:30.000 There is the power of introduction that adults have over children.
00:23:36.140 That means if you are the first person to introduce something to your children, introduce a concept
00:23:42.420 to your children, you are going to be the one that they look to as an authority on that
00:23:47.760 subject.
00:23:48.340 That's why it's so important for parents to be having proactive conversations with our
00:23:54.500 kids about God, about who they are, about their heart, their mind, their bodies, about
00:24:00.660 marriage, love, all these things in an age-appropriate way.
00:24:04.960 But we have to be, as far as it depends on us, the first people to talk to our kids about
00:24:10.120 this.
00:24:10.440 Now, as your kids get older and you've discipled them, you've placed that foundation, they can
00:24:16.220 probably handle having those conversations with grandma and grandpa if they don't agree
00:24:20.920 with them.
00:24:21.320 But while they're young, I would say no, it's just too risky.
00:24:25.420 You need some hard boundaries and a lot of supervision when it comes to time with them.
00:24:32.300 Let's see, can you date someone with different theology, charismatic and reformed?
00:24:37.220 Look, I'll be honest, I think it's difficult.
00:24:39.460 Do I think it's impossible?
00:24:41.000 No, but something's going to have to give.
00:24:44.120 It's not that I think that two people from two different theological camps aren't, that
00:24:49.640 one of them isn't saved.
00:24:51.100 That's not necessarily true.
00:24:52.500 You could have a Presbyterian and a Baptist.
00:24:55.060 They're both going to see each other in heaven.
00:24:56.940 But there are some distinct differences there that are important.
00:25:01.520 And really, because of the implication that it has in how you're going to raise kids, like
00:25:07.440 raising kids is already difficult.
00:25:09.400 Two people with very similar backgrounds and identical theologies are already going to have
00:25:15.480 disagreements when it comes to raising your kids.
00:25:17.740 But then if you have really big theological differences, then that's going to be difficult.
00:25:25.580 That's going to be even more difficult.
00:25:27.060 There's going to be even more division.
00:25:28.640 I'm not saying that they cannot be overcome, but it's just going to make it more difficult.
00:25:33.640 It would be much better to at least agree on the big things before you get married.
00:25:41.240 It would be much better to agree on what denomination you're in and what church you are going to
00:25:47.100 go to before you get engaged and certainly before you get married, because you are going to be one
00:25:54.540 flesh.
00:25:55.840 And if your husband is going to be loving and leading his wife as Christ loves and leads the
00:26:01.920 church, then there needs to be some unity there.
00:26:05.440 And so if you're dating how Christians should date, which is dating with the intention to 1.00
00:26:10.580 marry, there needs to be an agreement on the major theological things before engagement.
00:26:19.260 That's what I will say.
00:26:21.000 That's what I'll say.
00:26:23.300 Pado-baptism versus believer's baptism.
00:26:26.720 Presbyterian versus Baptist.
00:26:28.140 That's a big thing.
00:26:29.280 Like you need to, you need to know where both of you stand on that and agree on that before
00:26:36.540 you are betrothed.
00:26:39.020 All right.
00:26:41.180 Next question.
00:26:43.100 Favorite books of the Bible?
00:26:44.340 I think I've answered this probably a few times before, but I would say my favorite books
00:26:52.040 of the Bible are Ephesians and Genesis.
00:26:54.940 Those that's, that's what I, how I typically answer that Ephesians, because I think
00:26:59.260 that it most clearly and beautifully lays out what the gospel is.
00:27:07.120 Like I refer to Ephesians two so much.
00:27:09.860 If you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know, that I have,
00:27:14.340 um, been referring to Ephesians, um, that I refer to Ephesians all the time, Ephesians
00:27:22.320 two, and then Genesis, because I also go back to Genesis one through three all the time when
00:27:28.680 I'm thinking through cultural and moral issues of our day.
00:27:32.160 And, um, I also just find it really entertaining.
00:27:36.120 Like I think of the stories in Genesis tell us so much about human nature and who God is
00:27:40.920 and how he works.
00:27:42.480 And there are just so many tidbits throughout Genesis that I find intriguing and humorous
00:27:47.740 even.
00:27:48.080 And so I would say Genesis and Ephesians tell us the most about the gospel.
00:27:54.440 What was my biggest takeaway from interviewing Ken Ham?
00:28:12.600 Um, gosh, I go back and listen to those episodes if you haven't already, but probably how he spoke
00:28:19.680 about Genesis one through 11 and how almost all of the questions that we have today, the
00:28:25.080 so-called culture wars can, they really point back to Genesis one through 11 and what you
00:28:30.760 think about creation.
00:28:32.120 Really?
00:28:32.700 I always say in my speeches, and I've said this before I talked to Ken, Ken Ham.
00:28:37.280 And so we're just in agreement on this, but really they all go back to Genesis one, one,
00:28:41.740 that God created the heavens and the earth, the most controversial verse in the Bible,
00:28:45.340 because all of our theology flows out of what you believe about that.
00:28:49.580 Do you believe that God is the authority, the creator over all things?
00:28:52.820 If you do, then he says what isn't, what isn't, what's right and what's wrong, what's true,
00:28:56.660 what's false, what's male, what's female.
00:28:58.820 All of the questions that we are told we don't really have the answers to today are found in
00:29:04.920 Genesis one, one, the authority of the Lord to say what is right, what's wrong, what's true,
00:29:10.840 and what's false. Let's see. Do I ever struggle with guilt as a mom who works? That's a good
00:29:20.920 question. I think all moms, whether you consider yourself a stay-at-home mom or a working mom,
00:29:28.580 struggle with some kind of guilt, whether it's guilt over breastfeeding versus formula,
00:29:34.780 home birth versus hospital birth, what kind of food that you're giving your kid,
00:29:40.620 how much time you spend away, how much time you allow other people to hold them versus how much
00:29:47.080 you hold them. There's a lot of reasons that unfortunately moms deal with a lot of shame and 1.00
00:29:54.320 a lot of guilt. I like to say that I am in between a girl boss and sourdough starter. 0.68
00:30:02.840 My family is my number one priority. My kids are, after my marriage, are our number one priority in our
00:30:15.080 home. I am extremely, extremely grateful for how I am able to work, that I have so much flexibility
00:30:25.360 and so much time spent at home. I get to come into the studio and I get to talk about things that I'm
00:30:32.500 passionate about. And then I get to go home and I get to be there all day and all night. And I feel
00:30:43.880 called to do this podcast. I feel called to speak. I feel called to write. I feel equipped to do those
00:30:50.540 things. And in this season of life, we believe that this is part of what I'm supposed to do,
00:30:58.400 but never at the expense of being a mom. And I think all moms are called to balance in some way.
00:31:07.760 All moms are called to a variety of responsibilities. Now, I am not advocating for 0.99
00:31:14.540 leaving your home all day and delegating the responsibilities of parenthood and motherhood to
00:31:22.720 daycare or to a third party that doesn't care about your kids. I understand that is sometimes
00:31:29.540 the necessary situation that some moms find themselves in, but I'm not saying that women 1.00
00:31:35.480 should be chasing their career at all costs and should be outsourcing parenting to someone else.
00:31:41.700 That's not what I'm advocating for. What I'm saying is that I know a lot of business-owning
00:31:48.120 women, a lot of entrepreneurial women, a lot of artistic women that are in one way or another
00:31:54.440 like living out the gifts of artistry or communication or leadership that God has called
00:32:03.780 them to and bringing their family along with them as they're doing that, integrating their motherhood
00:32:09.900 with these other callings too. There are lots and lots of women who are doing that 0.99
00:32:15.480 on a daily basis. And I am one of, I'm one of those women. So yeah, in between the like professional
00:32:24.200 working woman and the sourdough starting woman, that's where I am. And that balance isn't always
00:32:32.540 perfectly found just like it is in, just like it's not perfectly found for any stay at home mom
00:32:40.560 either. I know like homeschool moms who are also like working, writing, doing interviews, 1.00
00:32:46.240 like a million different things. Women are incredible at multitasking and doing a lot of 1.00
00:32:52.540 callings at once. And we learn, I think through sanctification, the power of the Holy Spirit,
00:32:58.740 how to best say yes and no to things at any given moment. And of course, I'm still learning that.
00:33:05.300 But yeah, by the grace of God, like we really do take it, my husband and I, we work together.
00:33:10.800 We take it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. And we work
00:33:18.400 together as a family, we make it work. And there's a lot of joy and a lot of humility and a lot of
00:33:25.380 learning and cooperation that takes place. And so, yeah, this is just one part, I think,
00:33:31.280 of my calling that's always subservient to my calling of being a wife and mom.
00:33:36.660 That's what I would say to that. And I'm like, I need to kind of like, I think, do a whole episode
00:33:42.300 on that and flesh those thoughts out a little bit more. So what exactly that looks like, you guys know,
00:33:49.220 I'm going off again on this, but like I've gotten criticized in the past for like being a mom who
00:33:55.480 also does a podcast and speaks. But like some of those people that criticize me, they don't criticize
00:34:01.840 the women who are in ministry, who are also moms, who run nonprofit organizations, who are also moms,
00:34:08.480 who are writers and professors, who are also moms. They have those people on their podcast who are
00:34:12.740 journalists and also moms. Like I arguably work a lot less than a lot of those women. 0.98
00:34:18.460 And spend a lot less time online than some of the women who are always wagging their fingers 1.00
00:34:24.900 towards people like me about us working. So yeah, it's an interesting world out there. We all have to
00:34:30.440 do our best in prayer to follow the call that God has put on our lives. Okay, I think that's all we
00:34:37.220 have time for today. And I hope that you have a great rest of your day and we'll be back here soon.
00:34:48.460 Thank you.