Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 935 ｜ Ballerina Farm, 'Breast Is Best' & Biblical Womanhood

00:00:00.860 Fed is best. Or is it? We will be diving into this controversy today, as well as other controversies

00:00:09.520 centered on the popular Instagram account Ballerina Farms and another very offensive joke

00:00:17.180 by the Babylon Bee. I will give you my take on all of this and more today. This episode is brought

00:00:23.680 to you by our friends at Good Ranchers. Go to GoodRanchers.com. Use code ALI at checkout.

00:00:27.060 That's GoodRanchers.com. Code ALI.

00:00:30.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Wednesday. Hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far

00:00:43.720 and staying warm. All right. We got a lot to talk about. Yesterday, I did not know that my comments

00:00:50.500 to Beth Moore would strike such a chord with people and that it kind of echoed what a lot of

00:00:59.680 people really feel. I was just speaking to what I know about those who vote for Trump in the primary.

00:01:05.420 As I explained yesterday, he's not my guy in the primary. He wasn't my guy in the 2016 primary.

00:01:11.080 I did vote for him in the general election twice in a row. But I do think that I understand why

00:01:16.580 people support him to a certain extent in the primary. So I just tried to explain that to Beth

00:01:21.820 more. Not just in the podcast yesterday, but I also replied to her on Twitter. And a lot of people

00:01:29.820 seemed to feel that those words kind of articulated their stance and their perspective on him. So I hope

00:01:36.220 that was helpful. Just kind of giving words to how people feel. And I sincerely hope that Beth Moore

00:01:40.940 reads it and considers what I had to say. If you have no idea what I'm talking about,

00:01:47.200 you can listen to yesterday's episode. You can go to X and you can see my post there. Basically,

00:01:53.800 Beth Moore indicted the motivations of everyone who votes for Trump in the primary, accusing them of

00:02:00.740 loving bullying and loving verbal abuse. And I simply listed some of the things that Trump did well

00:02:06.680 and accomplished in his last administration that give plenty of people reason to support him,

00:02:12.820 even in the primary, even though he does not live up to my conservative standards as a primary voter.

00:02:23.820 And so, yeah, that caused a little bit of a stir. Beth Moore's post did on X over the last few days.

00:02:32.560 Some people being really excited that she is wading into the political waters again to talk badly about

00:02:40.020 Trump and his supporters and some people, of course, being rightfully offended by what she said. But

00:02:45.480 she was not the only one. She was not the only one to cause controversy on Twitter regarding the

00:02:52.720 election over the past couple of days. There was a tweet by none other than the Babylon Bee that a lot of

00:03:03.260 people are very upset by. I'm talking conservatives are very upset by that. They think that this is just

00:03:11.020 a bridge too far that it's OK when the Babylon Bee makes fun of AOC calling her too stupid to even 1.00

00:03:19.080 know how to tie her shoes. It's OK when the Babylon Bee makes fun of all different kinds of people. 0.99

00:03:24.800 But when the Babylon Bee throws Trump or Vivek under the bus, then that is just too far.

00:03:33.160 These are the same kind of people that will roll their eyes at other accusations of racism.

00:03:38.540 But they called the Babylon Bee racist for this joke. And if you're watching on YouTube,

00:03:43.260 we will put it up on the screen and I will read it to you now. Listeners, Trump promises

00:03:49.840 Vivek an administration position running the White House 7-11. And there's Vivek in his 7-11

00:03:59.700 polo and then a 7-11 in the background. It looks like it's in the White House. All right. So there

00:04:06.040 are multiple layers to this joke. So many layers yet the onion could never. That was my reply. So here

00:04:14.400 are the layers. Trump, we got him in the White House if he were to win the White House. Vivek,

00:04:21.720 who has been an ardent and I would say almost unconditional supporter of President Trump.

00:04:31.160 He dropped out of the race, immediately endorsed President Trump. A lot of people are saying that

00:04:35.380 he is vying for that vice president spot. I'm not so sure that's true. But some people who are

00:04:43.740 critical of DeSantis and Vivek would say that he is simping for Trump. I would say he's just a

00:04:48.860 supporter of Trump. So that's one part of this joke that Vivek wants so badly to be in Trump's

00:04:54.620 orbit. Some would say that he is willing to take any position in the White House that Trump would

00:05:00.820 give him. And then, of course, the other joke here is that a disproportionate number of convenient

00:05:06.560 stores, namely 7-Elevens, are run by people of Indian descent. And that is what people are saying

00:05:14.540 are so is so racist. But it's not only that, it's also probably making reference to the comment that

00:05:23.160 was made by Joe Biden several years ago when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, that you can't own a

00:05:30.260 7-Eleven or a gas station unless you have a slight Indian accent. Yes, that was Joe Biden who said

00:05:37.240 that. The absolutely barbaric racist in the White House, he said that you can't even own a 7-Eleven 0.78

00:05:46.700 without a slight Indian accent. So because of this multi-layered joke here, people are very, 0.89

00:05:54.540 very angry at the Babylon Bee. I saw a tweet literally from a professing conservative that

00:06:01.740 said, you know what, I really like the Babylon Bee and I like Trump, but this calls for a public

00:06:09.420 retraction. This tweet needs to be retracted because it is just so racist. It is just too far.

00:06:17.020 Oh, here it is. Actually, it's in my document. I'm 100% Trump, this person says, and think Babylon

00:06:21.700 Bee is a national treasure, but this one is just stupid. You can and should do better. 1.00

00:06:26.820 A public retraction seems appropriate here, but I'll still look forward to your stuff.

00:06:31.520 Another person says, I like the Bee, but this was in poor taste. Tim Young says, so is the joke that

00:06:37.300 Trump values him so poorly that he only sees him as a clerk at 7-Eleven or that you think he's a clerk

00:06:41.880 at 7-Eleven because of a tired stereotype about Indian people? You're almost there. This is not funny,

00:06:47.440 but I guess to each their own. These types of jokes aren't helpful. Someone else says, look,

00:06:53.000 the bee punches at everyone. Are we really that humorless that we can't take something like this

00:06:59.500 lightly, that we can't approach this in a lighthearted way and refuse to be offended on

00:07:06.480 behalf of someone else? I don't think Vivek Ramaswamy is offended by this. He seems like someone who can take

00:07:14.380 a joke. He seems like someone who doesn't take himself too seriously. I think that that is a great

00:07:19.040 virtue that all of us should try to don ourselves. He actually quote tweeted Matt Walsh, who had quote

00:07:25.760 tweeted the joke. So Matt Walsh said, check the comments to see quote unquote conservatives actually

00:07:29.740 offended by this joke. Absolutely pathetic. I guarantee Vivek Ramaswamy is not in the slightest 0.99

00:07:35.080 bit offended. You guys really don't need to be his white knight to protect him from the Babylon Bee.

00:07:39.180 Completely agree with Matt Walsh. And Vivek Ramaswamy said, I'm a quote unquote survivor

00:07:45.020 crying, laughing. Of course he took this into stride because this is silly. And by the way, 0.96

00:07:50.300 how is this racist? It is a fact that a lot of convenience stores, a lot of 7-Elevens are owned

00:07:57.160 by Indian people, by people of Middle Eastern descent. Is that a bad thing? You're making pretty good 1.00

00:08:04.180 money if you're owning a successful, a popular 7-Eleven. Actually, I would say the people who

00:08:11.020 are saying, oh, this is racist. It actually speaks to what you think about the type of job that owning

00:08:19.060 a 7-Eleven is. Why is that derogatory? Why is that demeaning? Is there anything wrong with that job?

00:08:25.020 No, that means that there is a disproportionate number

00:08:28.020 of Indian entrepreneurs that happen to own convenience stores in America. There's nothing

00:08:35.220 wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with owning a convenience

00:08:39.380 store. And so, yeah, there are multiple layers to this joke. And part of it does include the fact

00:08:47.820 that Vivek is Indian. There's nothing wrong with him being Indian. No one said that. Oh my gosh,

00:08:54.080 this was such an innocuous joke. This was such a soft punch. The fact that people, because they feel

00:09:05.960 like they have to, I don't even think it's white night for Vivek, but white night for Trump. The fact

00:09:13.480 that they have to say, this is racist, this is discriminatory, this is just a bridge too far. Come

00:09:18.900 on. We are not going to survive 2024 if we think that this is as bad as it gets. If we cannot laugh

00:09:27.680 together, if we cannot make fun of politicians together, then we're not, we're, we're not going

00:09:35.540 to make it. We're not going to make it in 2024. Look, we're going to have to be able to scrutinize

00:09:41.440 in a very innocent, lighthearted way. The people in charge, the people running for president,

00:09:48.140 the people in the white house, it just is what it is. None of these people would have been offended

00:09:53.560 if this had been a joke about Nikki Haley, if this had been a joke about Kamala Harris,

00:09:59.980 a similar joke. Like, do you honestly think that these people would have been upset if this were

00:10:06.360 a joke about, uh, about Kamala Harris owning a seven 11 or something similar? No, of course they

00:10:14.260 wouldn't be. It is just because they feel like they have to defend Donald Trump.

00:10:18.140 And anyone associated with him that they cannot take a joke. If you don't think it's funny,

00:10:22.120 that's fine. You don't have to find all jokes funny, but really, I mean, to basically become

00:10:28.520 a progressive in your defensive Trump that you cannot take a joke. That's just silly. And I 0.98

00:10:34.740 guarantee you, I guarantee you the Bavon B will not be issuing a public retraction. Oh my goodness.

00:10:44.020 How ridiculously disappointing would that be? If they were like, yes, a seven 11 joke about 1.00

00:10:49.060 Vivek Ramaswamy, that was the bridge too far. And we now apologize and we will cease to be funny

00:10:56.600 in any way that offends anyone. Oh my goodness, guys. Oh my goodness. Let's lighten up a little

00:11:02.200 bit. Okay. We got a long way to go in 2024. We're going to have to tell a lot of jokes and laugh about

00:11:08.060 a lot of things. Okay. So let's get the panties out of a wad and, and laugh. All right. Uh, we got

00:11:16.520 more controversy to talk about. We're going to switch from X to Instagram and, uh, from the political

00:11:24.000 realm to, I guess the more, uh, influencer motherhood realm. And I am going to say some

00:11:31.240 things that, um, are a little bit controversial, I think about postpartum and breastfeeding. Um,

00:11:36.860 so buckle up. Okay. Let's talk about Ballerina Farm. Now, a lot of you listening to this podcast

00:11:54.720 probably know who exactly who she is. I think we've talked about her once or twice before.

00:11:59.080 Um, and some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. Hannah Nealman, she is an Instagram

00:12:03.960 influencer. She's a business owner. She is a mom of, I want to say eight children now. Um,

00:12:10.560 she is also Mrs. America or has been Mrs. America, uh, in the past. She won the title of Mrs. American,

00:12:19.820 Mrs. American in 2023. She boasts about 8.5 million followers on Instagram. So, uh, that's why we are

00:12:28.980 talking about this person with such great influence. And because she is a mother of eight and she is a

00:12:35.800 homemaker, they live on a farm and they sell products from their farm, including flower

00:12:40.660 arrangements. And I think, uh, different food products as well. She has garnered a large audience

00:12:45.980 of moms and of Christian moms. Now, Hannah and her family, they are, uh, they're LDS.

00:12:53.080 They're, they're Mormon, but a lot of evangelicals follow her because of the life. Uh, uh, I don't

00:13:00.860 want to say life hacks, but I would say tips that she gives when it comes to cooking, when it comes to 1.00

00:13:05.460 child rearing. And not only that, but also like just the aesthetic of her life. She is extremely

00:13:11.600 beautiful. Her family is beautiful. The life that they have built on this farm is very beautiful.

00:13:17.660 And so I think it's just fun for people to follow. It kind of brings them back to a time when things

00:13:23.680 are simpler and in an age where, especially since COVID, more people are trying to homestead. They're

00:13:28.980 trying to live off the land. They're trying to simplify their lives and homeschool and things like

00:13:33.320 that. Uh, this is a very appealing account. Plus she is a very impressive person because of everything

00:13:39.620 that she has been able to accomplish with so many children. Now, some people have pointed out,

00:13:47.320 um, that her life isn't necessarily, uh, attainable for most people because they have

00:13:54.300 inherited a lot of wealth from her father-in-law. Her father-in-law founded JetBlue. And so, um,

00:14:02.560 some people have said, well, they probably have millions of dollars at their disposal. It's not

00:14:06.680 like they came from nothing. I don't know that she's ever claimed that they came from nothing

00:14:11.160 though. So I personally don't think that's something to criticize. So what they started

00:14:16.280 with a lot of money maybe, and they were able to establish this farm because of the money that

00:14:21.060 they've inherited. I have no problem with that. No problem with success. I don't think we should

00:14:24.960 envy that or compare ourselves to people in different situations. That's totally fine. That's not the

00:14:29.780 only controversy she has garnered though, or not the only criticism she has garnered. She is now

00:14:35.180 receiving criticism because of what some people are calling unrealistic expectations or unrealistic

00:14:42.360 standards for postpartum. So she just had her eighth baby. She births her babies at home. And so she 1.00

00:14:49.660 birthed this last baby at home. And over the past 12 days, she has been extremely busy. And so here is

00:14:57.300 the video that she posted of herself and her experiences that she's had 12 days postpartum.

00:15:27.300 So for those just listening, she is showing her baby being loved on by her siblings, some things

00:15:51.700 that she's doing at home. She's showing herself doing some exercises. She was a ballerina. So she's

00:15:56.820 showing herself doing some ballerina moves and she's doing some lunges and then also getting

00:16:01.520 ready for the Mrs. World pageant. So she's showing herself holding her baby and getting her hair and 0.98

00:16:06.900 makeup done. She shows herself in her beautiful ball gown. And the post is extremely popular with

00:16:13.580 460,000 likes, over 9,000 comments. Wow, that is incredible engagement. And there's mixed reviews.

00:16:20.600 Okay, so there are mixed reactions to this post. So some people are saying, wow, you're superwoman.

00:16:27.320 You're so amazing. You look beautiful. How in the world are you able to do this with so many kids and

00:16:32.080 so many farm responsibilities and just having given birth? Wow, you recovered so fast. There are other

00:16:37.260 commenters like this one who says this is damaging to the majority of freshly postpartum moms. I wish you

00:16:43.360 were instead choosing to showcase being a role model for birth recovery, for bonding with baby, for

00:16:48.500 respecting your body's journey, etc. So this has become a story, which is why we are covering it

00:16:56.040 now. Evie Magazine, a women's conservative magazine, posted an article on Instagram titled

00:17:02.360 Ballerina Farm Facing Controversy Over Her Postpartum Beauty Pageant. So the backdrop of this,

00:17:09.100 the context of this is what we talked about earlier this week about this pressure that a lot of women 1.00

00:17:15.420 feel to kind of match this homesteading aesthetic in their own lives. And this is not just an aesthetic

00:17:21.600 for everyone, for people who are truly homesteading, they're homeschooling, they're making their own

00:17:25.820 sourdough, they're making things from scratch. That's a life that you've chosen to live. And I think

00:17:29.860 that's beautiful and great. And we can applaud you for all of your hard work and applying your values

00:17:35.060 to your everyday life and how you raise your children and make your home. Now, some women are wonderful 1.00

00:17:41.260 homemakers and are wonderful wives and mothers and very present with their families, even without

00:17:45.920 doing those things. And so I, as I said on Monday, motherhood is not an aesthetic. It is a calling by

00:17:52.980 God. And while there are biblical standards that all Christian moms have to meet, it doesn't require 1.00

00:17:59.120 you necessarily to make sourdough. It doesn't require you necessarily to be a homesteader or to

00:18:04.780 raise your own chickens or to do those things. These things can be wonderful, but they are not

00:18:09.700 biblical qualifications for being a wonderful and present wife and mother. And so this has been

00:18:20.160 a big conversation about what it looks like to be a trad wife and mom versus what it looks like to be

00:18:26.220 a biblical wife and mom. Some women following the Ballerina Farms account see this as something to 1.00

00:18:32.000 aspire to, or they just like how it looks. They enjoy seeing her family life and they think that it is

00:18:38.860 nostalgic for them. Other people think that this is harmful, that this is damaging, and that it

00:18:47.840 fosters comparison and that it is just very difficult for women who are struggling. Here's my take on all

00:18:55.620 of this. As freshly postpartum myself, it's four months postpartum. As someone who did take plenty of

00:19:02.400 time off but also has this podcast and has other responsibilities, I kind of have my own mixed

00:19:11.780 emotions and mixed reactions about something like this. Number one, I think that we all need to do

00:19:18.460 better at not centering ourselves in every post that we read on social media. If a post makes you feel

00:19:26.340 bad about yourself, if it tempts you to comparison, if it makes you feel insecure, if it makes you feel

00:19:33.060 envious, if it makes you feel discontent, that is not the fault of the person posting. That is something

00:19:39.780 that is in your own heart that you need to work through with the help of the Holy Spirit and maybe

00:19:45.760 the help of a community keeping you accountable who can talk you through those sinful feelings.

00:19:52.740 It is not necessarily the fault of the person posting. No one, it is not possible for anyone to

00:19:59.480 make you feel bad about yourself. If you feel bad about yourself because of something that you

00:20:05.140 have seen, that is not the fault of the person who has posted something that is beautiful or that you

00:20:12.560 find unattainable. Now, do I think that this is unrealistic for most people? I do think it's

00:20:20.100 unrealistic for most people. That is not Hannah's fault. I don't know her motivations behind

00:20:25.480 showing this. Maybe she just wants to show the highlights of the past 12 days. She's probably

00:20:30.340 not trying to make you feel bad about your own life or your own body. I mean, I can say looking at

00:20:36.740 that, watching that, I'm thinking, oh my gosh, 12 days postpartum. This past time, like I was still in

00:20:42.700 bed. She looks like she's already lost all the baby weight two weeks after the baby was born. Oh my 1.00

00:20:48.140 goodness. It takes me about a year to lose the baby weight. I would never be able to move like

00:20:52.380 that right after I gave birth. I would never be able to look like that. I would never be able to

00:20:56.540 have the energy to do all of those things. So I can say all of that and still not falter for any

00:21:02.340 feelings of envy or insecurity that I may have. And I think that we would all be healthier if we

00:21:08.780 refuse to center ourselves or see ourselves in every post that we read or watch on social media.

00:21:15.600 And if we cannot do that, then I think it's better for us to not be on social media at all.

00:21:20.820 It would be better for you to be content and satisfied with your life, with whatever God has

00:21:27.460 given you, and not be on social media rather than constantly fight feelings of insecurity and anger

00:21:35.560 and envy and discontentment while consuming things on Instagram. So that's number one.

00:21:44.920 That's, I think, a good rule to apply across the board. Or you can just not follow that person.

00:21:52.640 Like maybe that's the healthy boundary that you have to draw. I personally, like I probably not

00:22:02.280 because of feelings of envy or discontentment. Thank the Lord. I feel extremely satisfied with where I am

00:22:08.820 in life and what I look like and all kinds of things. But this is not the kind of content that's

00:22:15.160 for me. It's for eight and a half million people on Instagram, but it's not for me. Like I am not

00:22:21.620 someone who consumes a lot of content about homesteading and farming and making things from

00:22:26.700 scratch, not knocking that at all. That's just not for me. It's not something that I want to consume.

00:22:32.000 And so we do just, we have the power to pick and choose what comes on our timeline. There is no need,

00:22:38.560 I think, to comment and to criticize the highlight reels that people post. That's what social media

00:22:44.240 is. They're highlight reels. If you feel like it's unattainable or you think it's harmful or you think

00:22:49.480 it's damaging, that's fine. You might actually be correct about that. Because as I said, I do think

00:22:55.800 that this is unrealistic, but you don't have to follow. You don't have to follow this person. And you

00:23:00.420 don't have to try to apply the standards they've set for themselves onto you. It is freeing to

00:23:06.600 remember that as Christians, only the Bible sets the standards for what biblical motherhood looks 0.90

00:23:12.640 like. We are all individuals. God gives us the grace and the power of the Holy Spirit to be able

00:23:19.340 to simply do the next right thing in faith with excellence before the glory of God. For most of us,

00:23:24.240 that is not competing in Mrs. World's 12 days postpartum. That's just not what it is for most

00:23:32.040 of us. And that is totally fine. I don't want you to denigrate yourself and the calling that God has

00:23:39.340 placed on your life, the healing journey that you are on physically postpartum or what you have in

00:23:45.280 front of you just because it seems like someone is accomplishing more or bigger or better things

00:23:50.420 than you are. Honestly, that is shaking your fist at God. If we are going on social media and saying,

00:23:56.860 wow, I just wish I could be like that or do that or accomplish that or succeed in that way or look

00:24:02.520 that good or whatever, that is basically shaking our fist at God and saying what you have given me

00:24:07.840 is not good enough. And if you find yourself continually tempted to do that because you are

00:24:13.060 on social media, then I would just unfollow those accounts, get off social media because that is not

00:24:18.840 healthy for us. If you can observe someone like her or anyone else and say, you know what, I can

00:24:24.120 appreciate the beauty that they bring to the table and whatever they're accomplishing with their life,

00:24:29.060 whether or not I can attain it, and then you can just be content and thankful for the life that God

00:24:34.060 has given you, then do that. If you can set that healthy boundary and that's how you are able to

00:24:39.800 think, then I think that's totally fine. But we all have to be, I think, honest with ourselves

00:24:45.680 and remember the standards that we are actually held to. It's not social media that gets to set

00:24:52.200 those standards for us. Thank goodness. Now, this does lead me, though, into a mentality that I

00:24:59.560 want to address among women, among Christian women. And this has to do with this idea, the general idea

00:25:08.000 and the principle behind the phrase that we hear a lot, fed is best. This was a topic or this is a

00:25:17.580 topic that a lot of you have asked me to address many, many times. And so I am going to address it

00:25:24.720 because it kind of goes with this story that we were talking about. Actually, it goes with the rest of

00:25:28.500 the episode, too, because we are talking about being unjustifiably offended by things.

00:25:49.100 All right, let's talk about fed is best. Now, if you are totally unfamiliar with this conversation

00:25:55.140 and with this phrase, I will give you an introduction. Fed is best is basically a play

00:26:01.500 on what the phrase used to be, which is breast is best. It used to be breast is best. And that was

00:26:09.160 the encouragement for moms to breastfeed their babies. Now, it used to be a long time ago, I would

00:26:16.060 say mid-century and before that, probably through even the Great Depression. But certainly when my parents

00:26:23.180 were being born, the baby boomers were being born, 1940s through the 1960s, it was actually seen as

00:26:30.020 low class to breastfeed. And doctors recommended things like carnation milk and Cairo syrup or corn 0.99

00:26:38.740 syrup to feed your babies. I actually saw this crazy tweet the other day from an account called Mrs.

00:26:45.980 Dobbins. And she said this, one of my great grandmothers raised her children on carnation milk mixed with corn

00:26:52.040 syrup because the women in her area were taught slash shamed that breastfeeding was for the quote 1.00

00:26:59.380 unquote poor. Stivalized ladies chose carnation milk for their infants. What's worse is that they were 1.00

00:27:04.540 actually low income and had a hard time affording it. But she was too embarrassed to breastfeed for fear

00:27:10.360 of being looked down upon. And we will show some of these pictures of the advertisements at the time

00:27:16.740 for carnation milk. There is a mother, she's feeding her child with a bottle, I guess, filled with

00:27:23.640 carnation milk. And it says the contented hour. A phrase that was used is, my doctor recommends

00:27:33.040 carnation. So literal corn syrup and Cairo syrup and carnation milk. So just a bunch of fake stuff

00:27:41.960 and sugar is given to babies. It's actually incredible that baby boomers are still even alive 1.00

00:27:48.100 considered some of the things that their parents fed them. But I know this is true of my grandmother.

00:27:54.000 So my grandmother, she was born in rural Louisiana in the 1930s. She was one of 13 children. They were all

00:28:04.400 born at home. And I suppose, I assume that she was breastfed because her parents were relatively

00:28:10.780 low income. I doubt that they would have been able to afford this artificial synthetic stuff.

00:28:17.840 And yet my grandmother, she was the first one to go to college in her family. She ended up getting 0.82

00:28:24.020 her master's degree. She was a mom during the day, taking classes at night. She was an extremely

00:28:30.320 hardworking woman. And while she loved her parents and respected her upbringing, she knew that it was

00:28:37.280 her goal and one of her responsibilities to try to pick herself up from her bootstraps and to make 1.00

00:28:44.820 it farther than her parents had been able to make it. And so she pursued education. And I'm sure that she

00:28:53.380 felt like she had graduated from the very rural farm life in which she had been raised.

00:28:59.400 And so she chose in the 1950s and 60s when she was having babies to not breastfeed. I remember

00:29:06.140 talking about this to her probably when I was pregnant with my first, right before she died in

00:29:12.600 2019, asking if she had breastfed. And she didn't, I remember her just thinking, saying like, just making

00:29:20.740 this kind of like disgusted and appalled face. Like, of course I didn't breastfeed. And she actually got 0.98

00:29:25.460 the shot in the hospital that dried up your milk so she wouldn't have to breastfeed. And I don't 0.96

00:29:30.440 remember what she said that she used with her babies. Maybe it was Cairo syrup, corn syrup. But she

00:29:38.200 mentioned that it was very low class. It was considered low class to breastfeed. And also around

00:29:44.880 this time, and even before this, it started to be considered low class to have babies at home,

00:29:51.660 to use midwives. The sophisticated thing to do was to not only have babies in the hospital,

00:29:59.520 but also to be put to sleep entirely. This is even earlier than the mid-century. I don't remember

00:30:06.680 exactly when this started, but certainly earlier in the 1900s, women started to have twilight 1.00

00:30:12.360 births and twilight labors where they were actually basically knocked out with drugs. And the baby

00:30:19.580 wasn't taken by C-section. It was still a vaginal birth, but the women weren't awake for it in a 1.00

00:30:26.720 lot of cases. That's not what my grandmother, what my grandma went through, but a lot of women were. 1.00

00:30:32.100 And so birth became extremely medicalized. The science behind feeding your baby became prominent

00:30:39.640 and it became stigmatized to breastfeed your baby. And of course, we still have this problem today,

00:30:47.700 collusion between these major corporations that are trying to make profits and the so-called

00:30:54.840 scientific establishment, the scientists coming together and trying to present the healthier

00:31:02.220 and for them more profitable option for moms and for their children. And so millions of women started 1.00

00:31:10.920 feeding their children carnation milk with all this sugar in it. And so in 1978, Penny and Andrew

00:31:18.260 Stanley wrote the book Breast is Best because in the 1970s and 80s, the kind of more natural and

00:31:24.920 holistic trend started back, I would say, and tried to encourage women to not only breastfeed their 1.00

00:31:34.760 children, but also have all natural labors. So when I talked to my mother-in-law and my mom in the early

00:31:42.400 80s, it was important for women or they felt like it was important to not get epidurals. And so both my mom 1.00

00:31:51.920 and my mother-in-law for their first birth had no epidural. Oh my gosh. My mom, her story of my oldest

00:32:00.340 brother's labor is like traumatizing to me to think of her having, giving birth, like without an

00:32:07.140 epidural. And my brother was like nine pounds or something like that. But that was, that was kind

00:32:13.640 of the trend. It was coming back to more natural. My mom also, she breastfed because in the 1970s and

00:32:22.060 80s, they were learning, okay, maybe like carnation milk is not the best. Maybe we do need to go back

00:32:28.340 to our roots. And so there has been a lot of change based on the trends, based on the popular

00:32:34.820 literature at the time, based on what is being represented in the media when it comes to raising

00:32:39.360 our kids and feeding our kids. But we have decided in the past 10 to 20 years that breast is best 0.97

00:32:46.400 is rude. That breast is best is offensive. And so now the phrase has been changed from breast is best

00:32:54.280 to fed is best, which is trying to alleviate any burden or any pressure on a mother who feels like

00:33:01.180 she has to breastfeed her child in order to be a good mom. So now people just say, oh, it's not breast 0.99

00:33:08.260 is best. It's just fed is best. Whether you feed your child formula or whether you feed your child breast

00:33:15.060 milk, it's all the same. There are no, there's no option that's really superior to the other. There are

00:33:22.180 pros and cons of both. They're both equal choices. And it makes sense that we have moved in this

00:33:29.660 direction because we are so concerned with stigma. We are so concerned with offense. We are so concerned

00:33:36.180 with people feeling bad about themselves and bad about their choices that we have to just, we have

00:33:41.860 to pretend like everything is relative. And we have to pretend like there are no inherent benefits

00:33:47.020 to one set of lifestyle choices to one particular journey, one particular path to take that it's all

00:33:55.060 just the same. And there are many options like that in motherhood. As I just said, you can be a great mom

00:34:02.820 and in homestead, you can be a bad mom in homestead, you can be a great mom and not homestead. There are

00:34:08.980 different ways that motherhood can look and still be virtuous and biblical and traditional and good.

00:34:16.800 That does not mean that all choices are the same. That does not mean that all choices are relative.

00:34:27.720 We can still say, yes, different, that moms in motherhood, that they can all look different and

00:34:35.320 still be good. That doesn't mean that we have to say that every choice that someone makes is just as

00:34:41.900 good as another. And we should be able to hear someone say that without centering ourselves in

00:34:49.560 that person's opinion or observation and taking offense to it. So my problem with fed is best is that

00:34:59.620 it gives women who may be able to breastfeed the excuse not to try when there are so many inherent

00:35:13.060 superior benefits to breastfeeding. Now, don't hear what I am not saying. I am not saying that if you use

00:35:23.320 formula that you didn't try or that you couldn't or you just didn't want to or that you're lazy or a bad

00:35:29.320 mom or that, oh my gosh, your kid is going to turn out awful. No, I tell women who try to breastfeed 1.00

00:35:35.600 and truly can't, they have bad supply issues that they were not able to overcome, or maybe their

00:35:41.580 child is adopted, whatever it is. There are some legitimate reasons, absolutely, why women cannot 1.00

00:35:47.420 breastfeed or cannot breastfeed past a certain point. I always say, look, there are kids walking

00:35:53.480 around today, toddlers, adults, you cannot tell whether or not they were breastfed or formula fed.

00:35:58.780 That after a certain point, that it's very difficult to tell the difference in the health or success

00:36:06.020 of those children. And so I do want to comfort you absolutely with that. But I don't think that that is

00:36:13.020 a good enough justification for not trying. And I think so many people are just led off the hook by this

00:36:21.220 phrase, fed is best. Look, we can say breast is best while still acknowledging that women who feed

00:36:28.960 their babies formula can be great moms and that their kids can turn out amazingly. Like, can we just

00:36:35.240 be able to say that some things are better than others without being perpetually offended by it? If someone

00:36:43.140 says breast milk is better than formula, which is objectively true, that is not about you. If you

00:36:51.000 are someone who, if you were someone that that opinion or that person or that fact, that observation

00:37:00.100 that it doesn't apply to you because you didn't have the option or you didn't have the choice for some

00:37:05.880 reason, then you don't have to take offense by that. Like you can be content and satisfied and confident

00:37:11.300 in the decision that you made based on the factors in your own life, in your own body for your own

00:37:17.740 child without trying to, without getting angry at the person who said something that is true.

00:37:24.180 And here's just like encouragement that I want to give you. I want to give you encouragement. If you

00:37:29.640 are a new mom, if you are pregnant, or maybe you're a fifth time mom and you've never breastfed before,

00:37:37.320 you've never breastfed long-term and you are reconsidering that this time, I do have some

00:37:44.300 encouragement for you as someone who I consider myself a seasoned breastfeeder. And I'll give you

00:37:50.060 that encouragement and that advice in just a second. Okay. So breast milk is amazing. Like,

00:38:08.520 can I just say that to you? Can I just give you some encouragement? Can I just say that? Let's just

00:38:12.860 say that objectively, that breast milk is better than formula because formula contains all kinds of

00:38:18.560 seed oils, all kinds of ingredients that are artificial, that are synthetic, that are simply

00:38:24.180 not good for you. These are things that as adults, we try to avoid because they cause inflammation and

00:38:29.820 they can cause health problems and they don't, they can actually suppress our immune system. But for

00:38:34.920 babies, unfortunately we justify it. And I'm not saying that it's even all the parents fault. But for

00:38:41.040 these formula manufacturers, we can do better, right? Like it's possible to make adult food without

00:38:47.040 these ingredients. And yet in formula, we allow the worst of the worst ingredients in them. And we pass

00:38:56.220 it off as like mom's breast milk or healthy or for sensitive stomachs or, um, helpful for, uh, immune

00:39:05.780 strength. It is all absolutely ridiculous. We should absolutely be demanding better from these formula 0.97

00:39:13.380 companies. But again, there's so much corruption with the profits and the pharmaceuticals. Oh my

00:39:17.720 goodness. There's just so much there. So I'm not saying it's all a parent's fault. However, uh, if we

00:39:25.800 have the choice, we can and should choose better. Like when you're looking at breast milk, there are some

00:39:33.280 amazing benefits. Um, one there's immune, there's immune benefits and actually the composition of a woman's 1.00

00:39:41.420 breast milk, uh, changes based on what the child needs. It is different for male babies and female 0.98

00:39:49.140 babies. It is different based on what sickness your child might have. Also your breast milk contains

00:39:55.520 antibodies. So when I am sick, I'm actually able to pass the antibodies to my baby through my breast

00:40:02.580 milk. And it might not always, uh, always protect a child from, uh, from getting sick, but it certainly

00:40:10.840 can, and it can certainly help. You are just not getting these inherent benefits, uh, with, um, uh,

00:40:17.340 with formula, the presence of the close contact between the mother and child stimulates the mother 0.85

00:40:22.100 to, this is actually from my research. It's just reiterating what I just said to make antibodies

00:40:27.360 against bacteria colonized in the infant and to secrete these antibodies in her milk. It's really

00:40:33.600 amazing how God has given us this special gift. Breastfed infants absorb fat nutrients better than

00:40:39.760 formula fed infants due to the present presence of, uh, lipase, lipases. I am not, I'm not sure how to

00:40:47.620 pronounce that and human milk that are not present in cow milk. There is less gastroesophageal reflux in

00:40:53.340 breastfed infants. Breast milk has the nutrients that are best for your baby's brain growth and nervous

00:40:57.660 system development. Studies of breastfed babies have found they do better on, uh, intelligence tests

00:41:02.720 when they grow older. Again, I am not criticizing you. I'm not criticizing you. I know that you might hear

00:41:07.380 that and you might think that I am saying that all formula fed babies are, um, not smart. By the way,

00:41:13.340 I wasn't breastfed for very long, for very long either. Okay. And I would like to think that I'm

00:41:17.600 somewhat intelligent. A breastfed baby's eyes also work better. This is mostly because of certain types

00:41:22.160 of fat in the breast milk. And so I could go on and on. These are just the objective benefits of

00:41:28.540 breast milk. And I think women need to be informed on this better. When we say that fed is best, 0.95

00:41:34.600 end of story period, we fail to give women the information they need to make the best choice

00:41:41.880 for their babies. There's also the oxytocin that is released when you breastfeed your baby. There is

00:41:48.060 the bonding that exists there. And also at night, your breast milk creates melatonin, cortisol in the

00:41:55.000 morning. And so that also benefits your baby with sleeping and waking up and staying energized and

00:42:00.880 being drowsy when they're supposed to be. Gosh, there is just so much. It is also extremely

00:42:07.020 difficult. It is extremely trying or it can't be. Like I, I would say that I've had a fairly easy

00:42:13.400 journey when it comes to breastfeeding, but look, I understand the difficulties. I've had mastitis

00:42:18.940 multiple times. Um, it can be very difficult to pump when you need to pump traveling. You're always

00:42:25.020 thinking about someone else, uh, when you are eating anything or drinking anything or the medications

00:42:30.120 that you take. I have been nonstop either pregnant or breastfeeding since 2018. And so my body has not

00:42:38.000 been just my own in a very long time. And I understand the difficulty of the sacrifices that

00:42:44.860 are required to be pregnant, to bear children and to breastfeed for a long period of time. But I am here

00:42:51.800 to tell you if you are considering it, or if you are breastfeeding and considering quitting, that it

00:42:56.940 is so worth it. It is incredibly worth it. And here's what I also think happens. It's not only that

00:43:03.760 women are uninformed, that moms are uninformed because they're just told that fat is best when 1.00

00:43:08.140 really fat is bare minimum. Um, but, uh, I also think that a lot of the factors sometimes that cause

00:43:15.640 women to not breastfeed. It's not always, it can be, but it's not always because they really cannot 0.99

00:43:21.660 supply the milk. Um, it is because they have maybe not even knowingly, but made choices that has,

00:43:28.200 has decreased their supply. And I thought about this recently because at the beginning of the month,

00:43:34.560 um, you know, I'm four months postpartum and I, because I had a VBAC this time, I'm feeling a lot

00:43:41.000 better than I did after my first two, when I had a C-section, it took me a long time to not be sore

00:43:45.680 and to want to exercise at all. I just wasn't feeling good after my first two, um, at this

00:43:51.720 point, but now I'm feeling great. I feel like I can exercise. I really want to bounce back. And so

00:43:56.880 my husband and I, at the beginning of the year, we were like, let's start this healthy eating plan.

00:44:01.140 We were really going to lean into carnivore, which just necessarily cut a lot of calories

00:44:06.620 from my diet. Carnivore is awesome, but you have to cook a lot of your meals. And, uh, if you don't

00:44:13.660 have time to do that, that means you're not going to be eating as much because you're not just able

00:44:17.760 to grab something that is a little bit more processed and doesn't require quite as much

00:44:22.740 prep. And so that first week of January, because I was kind of unprepared for this drastic change,

00:44:28.680 I got a lot of calories from my diet, not even purposely. It's just what happened. I was also

00:44:33.660 like tracking on my fitness pal and I realized, oh, wow, I am not eating very many calories during the

00:44:39.600 day. And even as a seasoned breast feeder, I did not think about the fact that this would affect my

00:44:45.460 breast milk. Why didn't it dawn on me? I have no idea, but I noticed about four or five days into

00:44:51.060 this, well, I've noticed the decrease in supply. Um, I, and this is affecting sleep and things like

00:44:59.360 that. And, oh, obviously it is because I am consuming fewer calories. I'm not eating as much

00:45:06.420 as I was before. And so thank the Lord, the supply, the, the supply issue was very temporary. I just

00:45:12.680 started eating more food and I decided, okay, this is not the time for me to bounce back. But I do think

00:45:18.880 because of a little bit of pressure that women feel, particularly from being on social media and

00:45:26.760 seeing some people, maybe like Hannah, who are seemingly able to bounce back really quickly,

00:45:31.940 they feel pressure. And so they cut calories. They don't eat enough fat. They don't eat enough carbs.

00:45:38.220 They're not drinking enough water because they want to get down to the weight that they were before

00:45:42.780 they were pregnant very quickly. And so they don't realize that that is going to affect their supply.

00:45:47.600 So they might say things like, wow, my supply just mysteriously decreased. I started supplementing

00:45:53.360 and then it got easier to start feeding with formula. And so that's, that ends up, that ended up

00:45:58.180 being the path that we took at six weeks or three months or six months or whatever it is when really

00:46:03.000 possibly it was because of the changes that you made to your body when all of us just kind of need

00:46:08.980 to slow our roll. I have no problem with someone like Ballerina Farms being on the go. This is not

00:46:15.140 her first rodeo of motherhood. I'm not worried about her bonding with her baby and like rest. I think she

00:46:20.280 knows what her body needs. But I also think it's important for me or someone in your life to tell you

00:46:27.600 that that's probably not going to be you. That wasn't me. And that is okay. You do not have to

00:46:34.140 look like you did pre-pregnancy six weeks or six months after you give birth. You do not. It took

00:46:41.060 me, it has always taken me about a year to get off all of the weight. After I had my second, it took me

00:46:48.440 a year and four months before I started working out again. And actually by the time I started working

00:46:53.740 out, the weight had just kind of come off. But I didn't really try to do that. I never went on a

00:46:58.700 diet. I didn't do carnivore. I didn't cut my calories. I just trusted that it was going to

00:47:04.220 happen. It happened after my first. For some reason, this time, for whatever reason, maybe

00:47:08.420 because I feel better, I felt pressure to bounce back quickly. And then I had to remind myself

00:47:13.400 after my supply decreased is that, no, that's not worth it to me. It's not worth it. I have much higher

00:47:19.320 priority to feed my child and to nourish my child for as long as I can through breastfeeding

00:47:24.980 than losing all the weight. It might take me a year. Maybe this time it takes me longer than a

00:47:30.360 year. I'm older than I was when I had my first. I'm about to be 32. I was 27 then. That makes a

00:47:36.220 difference. Makes a difference in your metabolism, your ability to bounce back and things like that.

00:47:40.940 And I have to be okay with that. And I have to be okay with a slow and steady recovery. I'm not going

00:47:46.820 to look like Ballerina Farms right now. I don't care. I don't care. Everyone is different.

00:47:52.400 And when we choose to not center ourselves and everything that someone says and everything that

00:47:58.020 someone shares and someone's own journey, someone's own perspective, someone's own opinion, or the fact

00:48:02.860 that breast milk is better, when we choose not to be offended by those things or some Babylon

00:48:07.440 bee joke that someone posts, I think we can live a life that is, one, a lot healthier spiritually,

00:48:14.880 emotionally, mentally, and also physically. But we can also make sure that we are prioritizing

00:48:21.740 things well. I would encourage you, as a mom, if you have the ability or the choice to breastfeed,

00:48:28.900 I understand that is legitimately not a choice for everyone. Maybe you've had a double mastectomy

00:48:33.840 and you cannot breastfeed. I understand that is not a choice for everyone. If that is a choice that

00:48:38.880 you can make, do not buy into the Fed is best propaganda, because it is propaganda. Fed is

00:48:47.040 bare minimum. And if that is a choice that you can make, then try what you can to make that choice.

00:48:56.460 And I understand people will say it's not worth it. It's not worth it if it hurts your mental health.

00:49:01.780 It's not worth it if it hurts your emotional health. I totally agree with that to a certain extent.

00:49:06.740 Absolutely. I totally agree with that to a certain extent. But we have to be realistic and honest

00:49:11.960 with ourselves what we mean by mental and emotional health. Do we just mean that it's difficult?

00:49:17.900 Yeah, breastfeeding can be difficult. Like, do we just mean that it's a little, like, that it's a

00:49:23.280 little bit trying? Yeah, breastfeeding can be a little bit trying. But here's my encouragement to

00:49:29.500 you. Try to make it to six weeks. Look, postpartum is hard. I get it. I totally get it. I

00:49:36.600 have had a tough postpartum and a tough birth every time. It is really tough. Try to make

00:49:42.180 it to six weeks. And every bit, every week that you give, every day of breastfeeding that

00:49:49.340 you give to your child is beneficial. If you make it six weeks and you, for whatever reason,

00:49:57.220 legitimately can't after that, good job for making it six weeks. Seriously, that's tough.

00:50:01.780 If you can make it six months and really after that, you cannot keep going. Great job. Six months

00:50:08.400 is really tough. If you can make it to the one year mark, that is awesome. If you can make it to

00:50:13.100 the two year mark, that is awesome. But I will tell you as a seasoned breastfeeding mom that if you can

00:50:19.360 make it six months, you can keep going. Because after that, they're starting to eat solids. So you can

00:50:25.300 get a little bit of a break. They're not eating as around the clock. The first three weeks of

00:50:29.240 breastfeeding is the hardest. It is the hardest. If you can get through that, you can probably keep

00:50:34.480 going and make it to six months. If you can make it to six months, I think you can make it to two

00:50:38.700 years if you want to. Not everyone wants to breastfeed that long. There are benefits. We could

00:50:44.440 talk about long-term breastfeeding and all of that good stuff. But you can do it. You can do it. If you

00:50:52.920 can make it, if you can make it there, the first six months is tough because they are relying on you

00:50:57.160 100% for nourishment. But wow, after that, it gets a lot easier. So see if you can do it. I'm not

00:51:04.060 saying that you should just completely ruin your mental state if it really, really is coming to

00:51:11.680 that. I am not saying that. I'm just saying that it's more beneficial than what some people will

00:51:17.040 tell you. And it is more doable than what some people will tell you. Make sure you're eating enough.

00:51:21.880 Make sure you're drinking enough water. Make sure that you are resting enough, that you are

00:51:26.360 allowing other people, if you can, to do things for you that you don't have to do. Only you can

00:51:33.820 feed your baby. Only you can bond with your baby in the way that a mother can. Someone else can vacuum 0.99

00:51:40.160 if you have people that will help you with that. I understand not everyone does. Someone else can

00:51:44.960 fold the laundry. Those things can be outsourced to friends, to in-laws, to your mom, to your sister,

00:51:54.160 to your husband. Do what you can. Do what you can to give your child that gift of breastfeeding. I'm

00:52:02.840 just a big advocate of it. I'm a big advocate of it. I also learned, this is very interesting,

00:52:07.680 I learned this week that in Haiti, you probably know like witchcraft and voodoo are very prominent

00:52:13.600 in Haiti. That's part of why it is as impoverished as it is. But they actually believe, many moms there 0.99

00:52:22.120 believe, that breast milk is like voodoo. And so they do not breastfeed their babies. They like 0.90

00:52:28.760 grind up corn and they add water to it and they give that to their babies. I mean, babies are very

00:52:37.280 resilient. That's pretty incredible. But so if you have the ability at all to give your child that

00:52:43.700 gift, understand that it is a gracious gift of the Lord. And I think it is a great gift to give your

00:52:50.020 child. The theme of this episode, the theme of this episode, I guess, is saying controversial things

00:52:57.000 and choosing not to be offended when we don't need to be offended by something. I'm probably still going

00:53:02.780 to get some wild messages about that. But gosh, a lot of you have been asking me to talk about fed is

00:53:09.140 best versus breast is best and breast is best. But if you can't choose that, I'm not saying that you're

00:53:15.900 not a good mom in the same way that you are still a great mom if you are not making your own sourdough

00:53:22.120 and competing at Mrs. World. But it's also awesome if you are.

00:53:32.780 Okay, I just want to end today's episode with a little encouragement from the Word of God. This

00:53:43.700 is from 1 Timothy 6. If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words

00:53:50.100 of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit

00:53:54.820 and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words,

00:53:59.620 which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people

00:54:04.280 who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.

00:54:10.760 But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world and we cannot take

00:54:16.200 anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing with these, we will be content.

00:54:21.460 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful

00:54:26.480 desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of

00:54:32.540 evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves

00:54:38.700 with many pangs. But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness,

00:54:46.000 faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life

00:54:51.240 to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many

00:54:58.020 witnesses. That is 1 Timothy 6, 3 through 12. Do the next right thing in faith with excellence and

00:55:07.700 for the glory of God. Whether or not you agree or like everything that I had to say today, we can unite

00:55:14.720 behind our calling to do just that, to pursue righteousness and godliness, to be content with

00:55:22.140 all that God has given us. All right. That's all we have for today. Tomorrow, we've got an amazing,

00:55:28.800 just like gut-wrenching, incredible gospel-centered conversation with a couple, Kelly and Daniel Crawford

00:55:37.200 of Abel Speaks. I've shared about them on Instagram before. Their little boy, Abel, had trisomy 18

00:55:46.460 back in 2015, and they started an organization to help parents whose babies have been diagnosed with

00:55:57.180 life-limiting diseases. And gosh, just how they have brought glory to God and comfort and peace to

00:56:04.920 so many families and have served as a testimony for the value of life of children, of all children

00:56:12.160 in the womb. It's really incredible. Gosh, you're going to be so encouraged by their conversation.

00:56:16.600 And so make sure that you tune into that tomorrow, and we will see you guys back here then.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - January 17, 2024

Ep 935 ｜ Ballerina Farm, 'Breast Is Best' & Biblical Womanhood

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