Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 98 ｜ Husband Q & A

00:00:00.000 Hello, relatable listeners. I am here with my husband, Timothy, and we are answering

00:00:06.980 your relationship questions. We got so many relationship questions. We're probably not

00:00:13.380 going to be able to get through all of them. We'll try, but I don't know.

00:00:16.040 I don't think we're going to, but before we get started, I do want to talk to you guys about

00:00:20.280 Unplanned. Now, I know a lot of you have probably already seen the movie. If you haven't, you have

00:00:24.720 to go do that. You've probably already heard about the controversy that is surrounding it.

00:00:30.000 They're looking at, a lot of people are looking at the MPAAs. Do you say that? I don't know if you

00:00:35.860 say it like that. MPAA, MPAA. They're looking at the R rating that was given to the movie, and they're

00:00:41.840 saying, okay, well, maybe I shouldn't go to the movie because, you know, I'm a Christian, so it's

00:00:47.280 R rated. They're kind of worried that maybe the R rating is going to steer away young people,

00:00:53.120 but I really encourage you to go see it. Now, it is a little bit disturbing. It's hard to watch.

00:00:59.420 I spontaneously burst into tears, but it's really good to see the reality of abortion.

00:01:07.220 Abby Johnson, the person who the movie is about, she had two abortions. She worked for Planned

00:01:12.120 Parenthood. She was a staunch supporter of abortion. Even her mother and her husband

00:01:18.360 couldn't change her mind. They couldn't get her to think differently about it. So while she was at

00:01:23.500 Planned Parenthood, she rose so quickly throughout the ranks that she became director of the Planned

00:01:28.280 Parenthood clinic where she worked. But one day she was asked to go in and actually assist with an

00:01:34.920 abortion procedure, and she saw for the first time what goes on. I mean, that's kind of crazy to think

00:01:40.440 about. She was already director of this clinic, but she didn't know what really went on. But she saw

00:01:45.160 what went on in abortion, and she walked out completely changed. Like, it totally changed her 0.65

00:01:49.720 perspective. So this movie is that story. It gives, this is a quote, it gives an eye-opening look

00:01:56.200 inside the abortion industry from a woman who was once its most passionate advocate.

00:02:00.760 So if you guys want to see that, or just learn more about it, go to unplannedfilm.com.

00:02:06.840 Unplannedfilm.com. It is playing right now. I promise you that if you're anything like me,

00:02:11.420 you are not going to leave the theater the same way that you came in. And so make sure that you go

00:02:17.660 check that out. Okay. So now we are going to answer some of these questions. Are you ready?

00:02:22.620 I'm ready. I'm very ready.

00:02:24.540 Well, some of them I think are going to be easier than others. And what you'll probably figure out

00:02:30.200 about our personalities is that one way that we compliment each other is that I talk a lot.

00:02:35.560 And I'm a little less talkative, but I'll try to make sure I can talk a little bit more,

00:02:40.780 give my insight, give some answers.

00:02:42.220 He has really good insight. And so I'm going to give him the floor as much as he wants the floor.

00:02:46.940 If you don't want the floor, you can just let me know.

00:02:50.140 Yeah, that's fine. I appreciate it. But we all know what we're here for.

00:02:53.460 Yeah. Okay. Well, first I think we should start by telling people, because I got a few questions

00:02:58.780 about this, how we met. I've shared this story on the podcast before, but I think it's important

00:03:06.440 to set up this context for people who don't know. Or maybe you should tell a little bit

00:03:10.640 about you and where you come from.

00:03:12.400 About me?

00:03:13.300 Yeah.

00:03:14.040 So I am from Georgia originally. Georgia boy. Lived there my whole life until two years ago,

00:03:20.600 whenever we decided to uproot and move over to Texas. Love it in Texas. It's great here.

00:03:27.040 But...

00:03:27.360 Grew up in a small town.

00:03:28.240 Yeah. Small town in Georgia. Small town there. And went to school a couple hours north of where

00:03:33.720 I lived at the University of Georgia in Athens, where we met. And that'll be a part of our story.

00:03:39.040 It is a part of our story. After school, worked there for a little bit. Got a job out in Texas.

00:03:45.140 Moved out here with my Texas girl. And so, yeah.

00:03:49.160 And here we are.

00:03:50.180 Tell me a bit about me.

00:03:50.860 So when we both lived in Athens, we obviously didn't know each other, because I went to school

00:03:55.380 at Furman in Greenville, which is about an hour and a half away, a little bit more,

00:03:59.600 from Athens. And I got a job at a PR firm there. And so I was working. You were selling

00:04:06.820 mortgages in Athens. And I just happened, I think it was like probably in August of 2014,

00:04:13.660 I found out about this gym called Tribe that was like a pseudo CrossFit gym. Is that how

00:04:20.720 you describe it?

00:04:21.420 I would say as much, yeah.

00:04:23.080 And you were also a personal trainer there.

00:04:25.440 Yeah, I was. I'd been working out there for a little bit. Really enjoyed it. Loved the owners.

00:04:29.660 They were great people. I would say that they were just a good part of our lives in general.

00:04:35.820 Yeah, they were great.

00:04:36.700 Yeah. And so that's kind of probably why I was attracted to this gym. I had never really

00:04:42.120 done CrossFit a little bit, but I just decided to go. And it was after like a few weeks of

00:04:48.740 being there that I noticed him. Honestly, to be perfectly honest, not in a way that was

00:04:54.700 like, oh my gosh, who is that person? Not that I didn't have that reaction, but it wasn't

00:05:00.640 one of those things where it's like, oh my gosh, I know that's my future husband. It

00:05:03.820 wasn't like love at first sight. Actually, the first time I saw him, I was in a class.

00:05:09.040 He never worked out with the classes. He was like way too cool for that.

00:05:12.400 Naturally.

00:05:12.980 Yeah. And then we just started talking in classes. You started coming to the classes, which

00:05:16.960 I kind of thought was intentional. I thought it was purposeful that he started coming to

00:05:22.320 the classes and then he would, I don't know, you just kind of started talking to me just

00:05:26.300 like super casually.

00:05:27.860 Yeah, definitely. I was a little bit nervous to be talking to another girl again, but I

00:05:32.960 was excited and I was like, hey, she looks awesome. Like she's cool. She's fun to be

00:05:37.520 around. She was talking in the classes to everyone, really nice person. So I got to talk to her

00:05:42.840 a little bit. So I tried to flirt a little bit.

00:05:46.360 Yeah, it worked. I actually remember the first time that I was like, oh, I'm going to like,

00:05:51.040 this is my move. I'm going to make a move. Was when I remembered, he told me, he must've

00:05:57.180 just said it in passing in class, like, oh, it's my birthday or something like that. But

00:06:03.180 I didn't say anything. And then the Monday after his birthday, I remember he had told

00:06:07.360 me that he went home to celebrate his 24th birthday.

00:06:12.180 Yeah, it would have been 24th.

00:06:12.960 Yeah, 24th at that point. And when he came into the gym the Monday after, I wished him happy

00:06:17.060 birthday. And I was like, oh, he's going to know that I remembered our conversations

00:06:21.700 and it worked.

00:06:23.200 It was impressive. It did work. I was like, wow, it was my birthday. I barely mentioned

00:06:27.340 that to you.

00:06:28.120 I know.

00:06:28.600 Yeah, that was meaningful.

00:06:29.660 I logged away. That was my move. And from there, so we were talking in classes, but then

00:06:35.900 we started talking after class.

00:06:37.540 Yeah.

00:06:38.000 And you would just kind of like walk me to my car.

00:06:40.320 Mm-hmm.

00:06:41.100 And...

00:06:41.660 We just happened to leave at the same exact time.

00:06:43.500 And you happened to start going to all of the same classes that I was going to.

00:06:47.760 It's so weird.

00:06:48.360 Yeah, like if you just happened to be talking to someone else and it was taking you a long

00:06:51.040 time to leave, you know, I just felt like I probably just, by coincidence, needed to

00:06:55.180 stretch more that day.

00:06:56.040 Yeah.

00:06:56.480 So I would just stretch more.

00:06:57.360 You needed to fill up a few water bottles.

00:06:58.960 Yeah, yeah. And then by the time you were starting to walk out, I was like, oh, yeah,

00:07:01.800 I'm good too. So...

00:07:03.020 Yeah.

00:07:03.320 It just happened to be like that.

00:07:04.520 It just happened to be like that. So coincidentally, we would walk out the door at the exact same

00:07:08.280 time and we would talk outside of my car, not even in my car, because it

00:07:12.540 was still like, it was warm outside and so we would talk.

00:07:16.180 But eventually, the like five minute conversations, and he like, he didn't, he wasn't asking me

00:07:20.060 for my number. He didn't have my number. We weren't texting. He didn't ask me on a date

00:07:24.260 because you would, I mean, you had just gotten out of a relationship. And so we were just

00:07:29.660 talking, but eventually the conversations just got longer and longer. So after like a probably

00:07:34.800 couple weeks of talking outside my car, one day we talked for like four hours from like

00:07:42.320 6.30 to 10.30. And it's like, okay.

00:07:45.860 Yeah. And we just like, just couldn't stop talking. Just shirking all of the responsibilities.

00:07:50.800 No other friends, no other, no eating dinner.

00:07:53.900 No dinner.

00:07:54.400 Nothing like that.

00:07:54.820 Just skipped dinner.

00:07:55.860 Just work out real hard, skip dinner and talk for four hours in a parking lot.

00:07:59.260 And I didn't even think of it. And I don't even really know what we talked about.

00:08:04.040 It was a mix of a lot of things, you know, your love of Backstreet Boys, your love of C.S. Lewis.

00:08:11.280 We talked a lot of small things, definitely not like intellectual things always, but then

00:08:16.700 we would talk about theology. You would share all of your opinions, a lot of the same things

00:08:21.140 you bring up on this podcast all the time.

00:08:23.080 Yeah.

00:08:23.360 And it was, it was really what made me fall in love with just the fact that, hey, this

00:08:28.480 girl is different. She could really articulate a lot of, a lot of things.

00:08:32.360 Yeah. And he was just so easy. He was so easy for me to talk to. And after about a couple

00:08:37.920 weeks of us just talking outside my car again, him not asking for my number. And I don't even

00:08:43.680 remember caring, honestly, him not asking me on a date. I also don't really remember caring

00:08:47.840 about that. I was just really enjoying talking to him. I texted one of my friends, also named

00:08:53.040 Allie and said, I think I met my husband, which was ridiculous sounding because none

00:08:58.320 of them knew him. And you know, like we hadn't gone on a date, like I said.

00:09:02.400 And like no reason for anybody to have known me or for any of my friends to have known

00:09:05.740 you because it wasn't anything.

00:09:08.200 It was just chatting at the gym.

00:09:09.080 We were just working out. Yeah. But I just knew. And I remember before I met him, like

00:09:17.460 when I was dating other people, I would ask married couples, how do you know? Like, how do 1.00

00:09:22.980 you just know? They say, when you know, you know. And I just always thought that was so

00:09:26.260 dumb. Like when you know, you know, I don't know what that means.

00:09:29.900 It's almost like not helpful. You're like, oh, when you know, you know.

00:09:32.460 I know. But it's true. 0.78

00:09:34.700 I mean, at least for me, that's not true for everyone. Like I have friends that, you know,

00:09:39.580 they went through a lot of doubting. There was a lot of back and forth. They dated for a

00:09:42.660 long time on and off before they got married, which is totally fine. Everyone's story is

00:09:46.840 different. But for me, I just knew, I was so sure, so immediately, probably before you

00:09:53.180 were. Probably. I mean, I just, that's also kind of like my personality. I just, when I

00:09:57.980 know something is right, I just do.

00:09:59.520 I knew pretty soon too.

00:10:01.380 Yeah.

00:10:01.660 So I don't know about that.

00:10:04.100 But then you did ask me on a date.

00:10:06.000 I did.

00:10:06.740 There's some dispute on what our first date was.

00:10:08.680 Yeah. So like we just went to the local Chick-fil-A, which is fitting, I think, because of how much

00:10:14.980 we eat Chick-fil-A now.

00:10:16.140 Still. It is still a big part of our lives.

00:10:18.080 We just went there and just chatted. I told you some personal, maybe two personal of things.

00:10:23.300 Oh yeah. He divulged like his whole life story at this Chick-fil-A.

00:10:27.080 Just let it all out. And so that was Chick-fil-A. So you don't consider that our first date.

00:10:32.160 Also don't really consider the next date really. It was the first date. Yeah.

00:10:36.000 Yeah. But I think it was when he told me, like you told me your background. You told me the

00:10:42.320 things that had happened to you in college or that you had done in college and you had

00:10:47.720 had a little bit of a rough past few years and you just wanted to be totally honest with

00:10:52.500 me. Even though I think it was before that maybe that I thought, okay, I could definitely

00:10:57.920 see myself marrying this person. It was then just his like total and complete vulnerability

00:11:02.100 with me. Like no pretense whatsoever. I was like, oh my gosh, this guy is different.

00:11:07.400 I mean, any of you who have been dating for any period of time or who have dated multiple guys,

00:11:14.180 you know that it's hard to find someone who is genuine and who is honest and who isn't afraid to

00:11:20.520 show their flaws or their faults. And I just loved that about him. Like there wasn't a part of me that

00:11:26.960 was like, oh, now that I know this stuff that you went through in college, like, is it really

00:11:32.420 something that I'm okay with? I thought that it showed a lot of character that he was that honest

00:11:37.160 that fast. It did not scare me or overwhelm me at all. Yeah. And I was thankful for that.

00:11:43.640 Yeah. And I remember like, I tried to respond by saying, well, you know, like here's some stuff that

00:11:48.620 I've done. Like I was stupid in college and he was literally like, please stop. Yeah. Like that

00:11:52.720 wasn't the intention. Like I'm telling you about this. You don't have to say anything else.

00:11:57.660 Yeah. And then, so we kept talking or whatever. Actually, I remember it was the beginning. It was

00:12:04.520 the beginning of November. I remember it was like the weekend of November 2nd. So it must've been

00:12:08.300 some time after that, but before our official first date, I don't remember. But, um, I went home

00:12:14.840 for a friend's wedding and, uh, you were texting me. He had finally gotten my number. You were texting me

00:12:20.920 and I texted you back and he just didn't text me back for like three days. And it wasn't one of

00:12:28.540 those texts. He's looking at me like, I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, I remember this.

00:12:33.460 It wasn't one of those texts that was like an end of conversation text. So I was a little bit

00:12:38.740 worried. That was like the one time I can look back and be like, what was happening? I don't know.

00:12:44.360 I was probably just trying not to bug you or something.

00:12:46.420 Yeah. Just trying to be cool. I didn't want to be too desperate. Yeah. Well, that changed really fast

00:12:51.220 for both of us because soon after that we were like all in a hundred percent. We went on our first

00:12:56.720 date. He took me to a Mexican restaurant. Yeah. Attached to a gas station. It was the best one in

00:13:02.580 Athens though. It was a great, it gets a bad rap because it is. It's a low bar. Low bar. Okay. So my thought

00:13:08.980 process was she's from Texas and she loves Mexican food. So I'm going to show her some subpar Mexican food. 0.99

00:13:15.360 Yeah. I didn't know that she likes Tex-Mex and that, that's the distinction. I failed to make.

00:13:19.780 Georgia people, they call it cheese dip and it's white. Yeah. It's true. That's okay. It was. 1.00

00:13:24.880 The food's not as good there. But it was cute. It was sweet. And it was my fault. I got a taco salad.

00:13:30.020 You did get a taco salad. Yeah. You didn't eat any of it. I, well, you know, that's my fault. I think

00:13:35.400 I was still in that stage where I like didn't want to eat a lot in front of him. That also changed

00:13:39.700 very quickly. But, and then what did we do after Mexican food? But I was very thankful that you went

00:13:45.080 with me that afternoon because I had also scored us great tickets to the Georgia Auburn game. It was,

00:13:50.980 it was going to be a fantastic time. And then you had a wedding to go to instead, but that was okay.

00:13:56.160 It was. Yeah. Because what did we do after the Mexican restaurant? We went and walked around

00:14:01.580 downtown Athens and it was great. That's all you want to say? Yeah. Okay. Well, well now it sounds

00:14:08.340 sketchy. Okay. I got a tattoo afterwards and that was something we had talked about doing and we had

00:14:14.680 made, you know, plans to do this thing. And I was like, all right, after our first date, after we

00:14:20.640 get lunch together, we went and got a tattoo and it was fantastic. He got a tattoo. Not like a tattoo

00:14:25.740 together. No, no. A tattoo that he had been wanting, you had been wanting to get. I had been wanting it, yeah.

00:14:29.600 And you had been talking to me about getting a tattoo for like the whole time that we had been

00:14:33.960 getting to know each other. And so we did do that on our first date. But I remember thinking as he

00:14:39.460 was getting his tattoo, like, this is going to be really weird if we don't end up getting married.

00:14:43.460 It's going to be a tough story to tell. This is going to be odd. But we did. And then after that,

00:14:48.680 someone asked, one of the questions was, how long did you guys date before you got married?

00:14:53.080 Five? Not long. Yeah. Five months. Five months. And then I proposed and it was a four-month

00:14:59.220 engagement. So. Four-month engagement. Real fast. Everyone's story is different. I don't recommend

00:15:04.900 that for every single person. But we just, I mean, we just knew. It's based on personality. We're

00:15:11.280 very much those type of people. Yeah. And we were ready. When we knew, we were ready to go in for it.

00:15:16.260 Yeah. And I haven't, I mean, obviously, but just in case anyone's wondering, like, I obviously

00:15:22.500 haven't looked, I haven't looked back. Absolutely not. I'm so thankful. So thankful. And someone did

00:15:27.600 ask, this would be a good transition. What is your favorite thing about the other person?

00:15:35.200 Hmm. Favorite thing about the other person. I've always about Allie that I've really loved

00:15:42.280 and that I loved in the beginning before she started doing what she does now was just her

00:15:47.420 drive and her ability to create out of nothing is what I call it. Essentially, she's always wanted to

00:15:54.220 be an entrepreneur. She's always had this entrepreneurial spirit and drive. And I really

00:15:58.780 like that about her. She's a self-starter, thousand percent. That's the reason why we're on this podcast 1.00

00:16:04.520 now, because you just had an inkling in your eye that you're, I'm just going to do something. And you

00:16:09.300 went and did it. And not a lot of people do that. And a lot of people have that drive. Like,

00:16:14.720 it's one thing to want the entrepreneur lifestyle. That's another thing to actually start it and to

00:16:18.800 get going for it. And that's one thing I've always loved about her. Thanks. What I love about

00:16:24.180 Timothy, there's a lot that I love about Timothy, obviously. That's why I knew I was going to marry

00:16:28.380 him from the very beginning. But the one thing that I really love is his discipline. Like once he sets

00:16:35.040 his mind to something, he's like, well, I'm just going to do this. And I always go back to the original

00:16:39.280 thing that I learned about him, which was that even though when I met him, he was like super in

00:16:44.060 shape, all into CrossFit. He told me that at one point he was not, that he was what you would call

00:16:50.920 skinny fat. Oh yeah, for sure. Skinny fat, a little chubby. Yeah. Wasn't in shape at all. And I remember

00:16:57.420 seeing pictures, but you decided to do something called the TB12 method. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:17:03.080 That's Tom Brady. What's he called? That's Tom Brady. It was something else, something I found

00:17:07.500 on the internet. This guy, small town program. I'm getting confused with all of the fitness things

00:17:12.920 that you have done over the years. Essentially, it was like a 70 day program. I was like, I've never

00:17:17.700 stuck to anything in my life. I'm going to this time. And I did. And it changed me completely. It

00:17:22.500 was really beneficial. Yeah. And you became like super healthy. And this is the reason why I love

00:17:26.700 fitness. Maybe not as much now. I'm probably not as fit as I was obviously in college, but

00:17:32.380 it just helped me out of a time when I was not feeling well. I made stupid mistakes. It's feeling

00:17:39.620 almost like in a state of depression or something like that. And it was what pulled me out of that

00:17:45.200 was being able to have a goal to work towards and be able to accomplish that. And it was, it was

00:17:50.660 helpful. You did. Like you started out not being able to like run a mile basically. Right. Yeah. And

00:17:56.380 then by the end of it, I mean, he's, you've done a lot and now he's still super in shape,

00:18:01.320 much more in shape than I am. But I love just his ability to set his mind to something. It's

00:18:06.100 the same thing at work. I also love that he takes care of the, like the managerial or the

00:18:12.400 administrative stuff, all the money stuff in our house. I am like a very much a big picture

00:18:16.760 person. And I don't like, I don't like little tasks that I don't feel like advance what I need

00:18:24.860 to do. And he is a very good caretaker of our home that I don't have to worry about that. You

00:18:31.880 know, obviously like bills are going to get paid that, uh, whoever, someone who is working for us

00:18:37.940 or working with us or did a service to us that they're going to get paid. Like he's just really

00:18:42.240 good about all that kind of stuff, which I think goes back to discipline too. And that is something

00:18:46.320 that I do not have. Yeah. Learned that, you know, it doesn't always come naturally, but

00:18:51.660 you know, if it doesn't, I don't do it. So nobody's going to be coming after us. So it's got to get

00:18:58.060 done. And he makes really good eggs, any kind of eggs that you want. Scrambled eggs, fried eggs.

00:19:04.260 Those are the only kind of eggs that I like, but you're good at it. Poached eggs. You can poach. I

00:19:09.040 don't like poached eggs, but I'll take his word for it. Someone did ask us which one of you is a

00:19:13.300 better cook and who usually makes dinner? Two different answers. He, I usually make dinner,

00:19:19.640 but I would say he is the better cook for most things. Maybe not for all things.

00:19:28.540 Yeah. I don't know. Maybe there's something that I make better than you, but he's, I would think he's,

00:19:33.560 I would say he's a really good cook. I do like cooking. Very messy cook. Very messy cook. I don't

00:19:38.260 like cleaning up after myself when I cook. Yeah. I enjoy cooking and, um, I got really good at it

00:19:44.720 whenever I was trying to eat healthy and it's like, Oh, you've got to be able to actually cook

00:19:49.960 something to make that happen. Yeah. Now it's, it's less of a, something I do. Yeah. And he's,

00:19:56.140 I mean, he's always like happy to cook, but he gets home pretty late from work. And so I always,

00:20:00.560 I'm not a bad cook. I'm not one of those people that's like, Oh my gosh, everything's on fire. I can't

00:20:05.140 cook. It doesn't taste good. I just am not as good at it as he is. He's also, you're much better

00:20:12.840 at watching things to where they all finish at the same time. I'm like, Oh, chicken's done about

00:20:17.520 an hour till the potatoes are ready. So that's not really good. That's also part of just me not.

00:20:23.380 That's what the microwave is for. That's what the microwave is for. Um, okay. Here's a money

00:20:29.400 question. Do we merge our earnings into one thing, one money pot this person says, or do we keep my

00:20:36.860 money and your money? Oh, good question. So yeah, we joint bank accounts in it together completely

00:20:43.000 joint, try to do budget meetings, uh, to make sure that we're, you know, on the same page with what

00:20:48.900 we're going to spend our money on, but it's definitely a joint endeavor. Um, got that from

00:20:53.680 Dave Ramsey, somebody that really listened to all, I listened to his stuff. I've read his books.

00:20:59.060 Yeah. I mean, it's just advocating for a married couple needs to have joint, joint accounts in my 0.99

00:21:03.860 opinion. And that's never been a problem for us. I mean, money is always, it can be a stressful

00:21:09.060 conversation and it probably was more at the beginning of our marriage when we had less money

00:21:13.900 than we do now. When we were, um, you know, like in the very beginning living in Athens, basically

00:21:20.640 college students. Yeah. Neither of us were making very much money at all. And that was a much more,

00:21:25.420 and we were also making stupid decisions with our money. I mean, we were eating out as much then as

00:21:29.780 we do now, but we have more money now than we did then. Yeah. And we would be, we were stressed

00:21:36.560 whenever we talked about money. For sure. Now it's, it's better. And I think that's what helps with the

00:21:41.360 joint accounts or merging your finances together. This question is worded because it makes it to where

00:21:48.300 that's a less difficult conversation to have. And it keeps from one person having their own side and

00:21:55.880 their own money problems that you don't know about. There's less secrets involved. Yeah. Secrecy. And I

00:22:00.860 do think that there's, especially in a Christian marriage where God makes it clear that you are not 0.98

00:22:05.500 just one flesh, but you are also one in spirit and you are on the same path. You may be do doing two

00:22:11.020 different things. Like I have one job, he has another job, but this mentality of, well, hey,

00:22:16.260 I earned this money or, well, I'm the one, either one of you, I'm the one who brings home the most

00:22:21.880 money. So are you really going to tell me that I can't buy this? That kind of mentality, although

00:22:26.740 we've probably fallen into that, it is a sinful mentality because it causes bitterness and it causes

00:22:34.760 resentment. And, um, it's just, it's not unifying. Yeah. I think that's what marriage is for is to

00:22:43.280 help each other whenever one person is down or one person is in sickness and in health, it says,

00:22:49.100 you know, you got to be able to be there for the person no matter what. I think it's the same with

00:22:52.660 money. It's for rich or for poor. Well, if you're not in it together and one person is out of work or

00:22:58.840 something, but that's their money, then I don't feel like that's a good way to live it. Now,

00:23:03.880 obviously I feel like in those scenarios, people, married people are going to help each other out,

00:23:07.320 even if it is separate accounts. I'm not saying people with separate accounts don't help each

00:23:10.280 other, but, um, I find it easier when you just think this is our pool together. Yeah. And we're

00:23:16.180 both contributing to it, contributing to it. And this is what we're supposed to do. And we've both

00:23:20.060 had stages to where like very, there's been two stages where I didn't have like a steady paycheck

00:23:26.240 because I've been transitioning from one job to the other, or I was trying to get my footing in,

00:23:31.140 in this job. And he, um, he has always had a steady paycheck, but there have been times

00:23:38.000 also where like, I've had to, you know, like we've needed to cut into the money that I earned

00:23:44.120 to help pay for something. And so it really is, it has to be the mentality that this is ours,

00:23:50.100 that we are one person. We're on the same team. We're not competing against one another. And that

00:23:55.200 also helps you be proud of one another for whatever accomplishes you have, not saying, well,

00:23:59.300 how much did you make this month? That's just not healthy in my opinion. Definitely. Um, speaking

00:24:06.140 of podcasts, someone asked about what podcasts you listened to specifically. And if there's any

00:24:13.140 we listen to together, you said, we do listen to Dave Ramsey together. We do. Yeah. That's a great

00:24:17.120 question. I love podcasts like almost too much to where, you know, it's always in my ear and I can't

00:24:21.760 just think of something, have my own thoughts sometimes, but I do. Obviously I love this podcast.

00:24:26.980 I love listening to what Allie has to say about culture and politics. I keep up with it as much

00:24:32.700 as I can with political, on the political side, but then the, the breath of fresh air with the

00:24:37.780 theology, theological side, I really find fun and interesting. And I like your take on culture, but

00:24:43.560 outside of this podcast, I listen daily. I try to listen to in the mornings, two podcasts that

00:24:50.320 wall street journal puts out what's news and your money briefing. It just keeps me up to date.

00:24:54.380 I work in the financial world. So that's why that's interesting to me. And I like to stay up

00:24:58.500 to date. Um, that Dave Ramsey, we listened to that one together, mostly on airplanes whenever we're

00:25:04.300 flying together. Yeah. He is, you know, he has AirPods. He's one of those people. And so I take

00:25:09.760 one of the AirPods and I put it in my ear. Yeah. And it's always good to hear about other people's

00:25:14.040 questions and struggles and, and how you can, how you can learn from that. Um, other things I like

00:25:19.760 sports podcast a ton. And I'll even listen to sports podcasts with him. Like he, you were listening to

00:25:24.940 a golf podcast a couple of weeks ago. No laying up. It's a great podcast. Yeah. I know. I mean,

00:25:29.840 I did used to play golf, but I don't want to listen to golf podcasts, but I'll listen to just about

00:25:33.400 anything with him. Um, okay. What's a good way to find like-minded conservative Christians in the

00:25:40.000 dating world. I mean, that's, it's, it's obviously our story isn't necessarily the most relatable to

00:25:48.260 anyone because it was just kind of a matter of, oh my gosh, we found this person and we didn't

00:25:53.880 realize that that's what we were looking for. But I do have a lot of friends. I have friends that are

00:25:59.020 single that are kind of in the same boat. And I think it's just a matter of being a part of

00:26:05.000 communities and being a part of places where other Christian people are. I'm not sure it's

00:26:09.520 something that you can force. Of course, some people have had, um, success with dating online,

00:26:16.260 and I'm certainly not going to categorically condemn that, but I also have seen a lot of

00:26:21.920 luck and just really healthy starts of relationships with people who have found someone at church. So

00:26:27.520 you already have that kind of core commonality who have found someone through a friend who have been

00:26:33.640 part of like chamber of commerce or junior chamber of commerce in their area, just being a part of

00:26:39.280 groups where other like-minded people are. And I know that might not be the most satisfying answer.

00:26:46.020 Of course, that's something that you can also pray for as well. Now I've talked about on this podcast,

00:26:52.140 not making you, uh, like a future husband or a future wife in idol, because the Bible does say,

00:26:59.020 um, it's better to be single than to be married. As long as you can stay away from temptation,

00:27:04.180 uh, sexual temptation outside of marriage to fully dedicate yourself to the Lord. And so you can,

00:27:09.700 of course, find full contentment in Christ, um, without being married. It's not wrong to desire

00:27:14.540 being married. It's not wrong to want a spouse or to be looking for a spouse, but I do think it's a

00:27:19.960 balance of constantly praying that God would grant you contentment in Christ because he has already

00:27:25.260 offered us that, but also, um, if it is his well, that he would put you in the right situation or

00:27:31.780 give you the right opportunity to meet the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

00:27:36.100 I think that's, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Would you add anything to that or no? No,

00:27:40.460 I agree with you there. I think like you're saying, it's being active in the places where you

00:27:44.120 think you might find those people is, is a valuable, a valuable way to try to meet that. I think that's

00:27:49.740 also an easy answer to give. So it's not really too much insight, but yeah, but there's no math. I

00:27:54.820 mean, it's so different for every person that it's really hard. It's hard to say, well, this is the

00:28:00.160 one way that you do it. Yeah. Cause it is very different. Um, which one of you is responsible for

00:28:05.820 washing the car, washing the car, me, um, definitely me. I am in charge of, I'm just kidding.

00:28:14.420 I'm kidding. I'm not, I will never wash my car. No, I think the, the local car

00:28:19.620 washing place down the street is, uh, we'd just take it through there, zip it through.

00:28:23.780 But it's you, you're the one that makes sure. It's me that does it. Yeah. Like the $6 wash

00:28:27.580 just gets it and then I'll go and vacuum it out. So I do that with our cars. Yeah. And he's very

00:28:31.760 frustrated with me when he looks at my car. He's like, your car is disgusting. Yeah. And the car

00:28:36.580 wash is right there. But see, that's one of those, that's one of those menial tasks that I don't want

00:28:42.260 to do. Cause I'm a typical millennial in a lot of ways and I don't want to be inconvenienced.

00:28:46.340 Yeah. Um, okay. One person asked how pregnancy has changed our relationship for better or for

00:28:51.640 worse. Hmm. I think it's been what I've liked and this is for the good. It's the excitement

00:28:58.600 of the pregnancy. It's like, it's given us something else or another person to be talking

00:29:03.920 about. It's like, Oh, the baby girl is coming. It's like, we're going to, and then like talk

00:29:07.960 about her and think about how she's going to be and speculate on what she's going to be

00:29:12.560 like. And yeah. And then the whole planning of, you know, where is she going to sleep

00:29:17.060 in our house? And what are we going to do? And why do we have so many animals? And why

00:29:21.220 do we have so many animals? That's what we ask ourselves every night. Why do we have so

00:29:24.980 many animals? We have three animals. If you don't already know, we have two cats and a dog.

00:29:29.620 We have Reagan. That's our dog. She's our mutt. And we have Rachel McAdams, the OG, the cat

00:29:35.500 that we got when we first got married that he named. And then we've got sweatpants, the totally

00:29:39.760 superfluous animal that we did not need, but who is also our best behaved animal. That's

00:29:45.280 the other cat, sweatpants. We have really odd names. They're great names. They're endearing.

00:29:51.400 Yeah. And they're great animals. But yeah. So I think as far as pregnancy, I mean, it's

00:30:00.880 changed for the better. I think we're excited. Someone did ask how we decided when we were

00:30:07.940 going to have kids. How did we make that decision?

00:30:11.360 I think for me, and I think this would be the same for you, it was just, I think it was

00:30:17.160 just natural. It's like, this feels right. We're both comfortable. We had just moved out

00:30:21.920 in Texas. Not just moved out, but we had moved out here. We were getting our feet planted

00:30:26.760 here.

00:30:27.380 Yeah.

00:30:27.780 We had our house. We knew we weren't going anywhere for a little bit. And I had a stable

00:30:33.140 job. You had a stable job for the first time. Well, not the first time, but you knew what

00:30:38.740 you were in for good.

00:30:39.860 Yeah. It was like a career.

00:30:41.160 Yeah.

00:30:41.500 And I think it was just time.

00:30:44.020 Yeah.

00:30:44.320 You just knew.

00:30:45.320 Well, we had kind of planned. I wrote in my goals journal at the beginning of 2018 that

00:30:53.160 maybe we would start trying at the end of 2018. And obviously, it happened a lot sooner

00:30:59.420 than that. It was just, there was actually like an opportunity that I was entertaining

00:31:03.360 at a network and I had filmed a pilot for a network. And I told myself, okay, like I

00:31:11.240 don't want to try until I know whether or not this pilot is actually going to become a

00:31:17.020 show. And it didn't become a show. Thank goodness. I mean, there would be nothing wrong

00:31:23.400 with that. It would have been an awesome opportunity, but thank goodness because we ended up getting

00:31:27.340 pregnant and everything has worked out really well. So God's timing and God's plan is obviously

00:31:34.840 always better than ours, but it just kind of like, it just kind of happens. Now it wasn't

00:31:40.180 terribly easy for us to get pregnant. Actually, it wasn't a lot of people. It's like, okay,

00:31:45.480 first time got pregnant for us. It was a few months. I had thyroid issues. I had a kidney

00:31:52.740 issue. It was kind of on and off. And we had kind of decided when we did get pregnant,

00:31:58.340 okay, let's just not try anymore. Let's not try because I was, you know, it had been five

00:32:03.960 months or however long of trying and it hadn't happened. So I was like, you know what? Maybe

00:32:08.580 it's just not time. It's just not time right now. And so I don't want to worry about it.

00:32:12.160 I don't want to be stressed out about it. I don't want to track on the app and all this

00:32:15.580 stuff. It's just too, it's too much pressure. I don't want to think about it. And it was kind

00:32:19.580 of like, as soon as I just said, let's stop thinking about it, that it ended up happening.

00:32:25.520 So when it did happen, even though we had been trying technically, I was really surprised.

00:32:31.580 So we're very grateful for that. Yeah, absolutely. She's going to be here really soon.

00:32:39.600 Let's see. What is something that you didn't know about each other until you got married?

00:32:49.580 You go ahead. I feel like even though we only knew each other for a short amount of time,

00:32:55.500 I feel like I knew a lot about you because he's pretty messy. But I knew that because he lived in

00:33:04.480 an apartment with three other guys when I first met him. And that was disgusting. It was disgusting.

00:33:12.520 It was gross. If any of those guys are listening to this podcast, I don't even care. It was disgusting.

00:33:17.620 I don't even know. But I would still go over there because I was a nice girlfriend. And I would still

00:33:23.280 eat the food that you cooked in that disgusting kitchen. Now, thankfully, you're not like that

00:33:28.420 anymore. Yeah, not that bad. No, it was just the combination, I think, of four guys living together

00:33:33.800 probably. Absolutely. But I don't know if I found out anything new. It was four guys and the rent was

00:33:40.640 like less than $200 a month. You snore. And you said I could say that on the podcast. So I'm not just

00:33:45.660 trying to embarrass you. But yeah, he does snore. But that's okay. I forgive you for that. Is there

00:33:52.140 anything that you didn't know about me? Well, I mean, I knew that you were going to do something

00:33:59.320 cool with your life. I knew it was going to be, all right, she's talented. She's special. She's

00:34:05.140 different. I knew that you were going to do something great. But I figured it would just be

00:34:09.320 like, okay, PR. You were going to start your own PR company one day or you were going to do something

00:34:14.440 like that. I don't know. I had no idea it was going to take off into this field of politics or this

00:34:19.180 field of being an influencer of any type. And I think that was the big surprise for me. I'm not

00:34:26.340 surprised. What I found out about you. Yeah. And I don't think either of us did. When we first got

00:34:31.020 married, I wasn't doing this. It wasn't until after we got married that I even started speaking to

00:34:36.800 sororities. So he's been along for that ride. And one thing, even though this wasn't a question that

00:34:42.360 was asked, but one thing that I love about him, actually someone did ask about like competing

00:34:47.260 interests or something. But one thing that I love about him is that he's always been

00:34:51.000 so supportive of everything that I want to do. Actually, actually, I'll take that back. You have

00:34:57.240 been very supportive of this career, but every time I have a divergent dream, I'm like, oh, I want to

00:35:03.160 start a biscuit company. I want to open this kind of fitness place. He's like, no, no, you're not

00:35:10.840 doing that. That's keeping you grounded. Yes. He does keep me grounded. Because like he said,

00:35:16.340 I do have an entrepreneurial spirit. I am really good. I'll just say it. I'm really good at coming

00:35:22.320 up with ideas for businesses. If you want an idea for a business, come to me. I truly believe. I'm one

00:35:27.900 of those people that can, that believes. I like believe in you and I believe in people. That's

00:35:32.660 one of the things I love. I like, I love encouraging people and I love calling out people's talents and

00:35:37.100 be like, this is the name of your company. This is what you need to do. And you just need to run for

00:35:42.360 it. Like I would love to just have a service where I do that for people. But I also sometimes do that

00:35:48.440 with myself. I'm like, I have a great idea for biscuit carts and I really do have a good idea.

00:35:54.380 So if anyone wants to take that over, let me know. But he is really good at saying like,

00:35:59.360 you know, we need to stay on track. Here are the good parts that you need to keep pursuing.

00:36:03.900 But as far as this media career, he has been so supportive and that's just not true of all guys.

00:36:13.040 Like I just think that marrying someone who is secure in himself and secure in his own strengths

00:36:20.120 and strong and able to encourage me and has never been threatened by anything that I do or threatened

00:36:27.020 by the fact that I'm super opinionated. That was really important to me and I've never felt that.

00:36:32.600 Again, I think that would cause resentment against, between us. Someone asked if you are as passionate

00:36:39.200 about politics and stuff as I am. I would say no, just because it's not what I do professionally.

00:36:44.980 So I don't, I'm not as passionate about it, but am I, am I not up to date or do I, do I not keep up

00:36:53.420 with politics? That's no either. I mean, I do keep up with it and I do, I do read plenty about it and

00:37:00.540 it does get me worked up and fired up for sure, but I'm less opinionated about it. I don't even know

00:37:05.580 if that's true. You do have a lot of opinions. You might not tweet them. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, for sure.

00:37:10.380 You do have a lot of opinions. I tell them to you. Yes, he does. And thankfully, someone asked

00:37:15.520 a question about like divergent or differing political views. I think it would be hard if

00:37:21.900 you're both passionate about politics, it would be hard to marry someone who has different views.

00:37:26.280 Now, if neither of you really care and you have some differences, okay. But it would like,

00:37:31.480 it would be hard for me to ever be, to ever have been with someone who wasn't a conservative.

00:37:38.040 Yeah, definitely. But I got lucky because his entire family is conservative. Okay. One question

00:37:44.500 is, how do we honor God in marriage or keep Christ the center of our marriage?

00:37:51.480 Yeah, that's a good question. I think, yeah. It's something that we work to do and improve

00:37:58.800 on, I would say, every day. Yeah. I've heard you say this before to the listeners, but trying

00:38:03.480 to read particular things. So we have a devotional and read at night. That's just like what you

00:38:10.260 have to do to be centered, but I think it helps us. And we try to read that almost every night. And

00:38:16.080 trying to be in the Word separately is really the key factor because it doesn't come down to

00:38:24.200 what you can do together always. Because at the end of the day, your relationship with Christ is

00:38:28.620 a personal thing. But then that will bleed into your marriage. So if Christ is the center of your

00:38:34.520 life, then Christ will be the center of your marriage just by proxy.

00:38:39.460 Yeah. And I think we also really try to talk to each other, not always, like we can definitely get

00:38:45.700 better at this, but talk to each other about what the other person is learning and talk about how we

00:38:53.340 can pray for the other person. And he's always really good at, if I'm worried about something or

00:38:59.060 if I'm distressed about something, like we've been having a hard time and my family for the past

00:39:04.880 couple of years, and he's had, uh, he's been really good about saying, okay, well, can I pray for you?

00:39:10.600 Or let's just pray about it right now. Or just kind of starts praying. That's not something that comes

00:39:15.560 as naturally to me. And he's been really good about that. And I just always know that he is

00:39:22.740 going to point me in that direction. And I think that he feels the same way.

00:39:27.700 Yeah. Another practical means just outside of the answers of praying and reading the scripture

00:39:33.120 together. I feel like that's a common answer to that. One that I've found has been beneficial is also

00:39:40.620 relates back to an earlier question about money. What you do with your money, how you give your

00:39:47.260 money, knowing that money can drive certain behaviors in people, um, is a way to stay grounded

00:39:54.200 and centered in Christ, I think. And I find living within your means on a budget and giving generously

00:40:00.680 and ferociously, I think has been, or can be a key tenant to a thriving Christ-centered marriage.

00:40:08.140 Yeah. It feels good to be contributing to the same causes together and to say, okay,

00:40:14.160 we're making a difference in this area or to these people. And like, we always agree on that. We always

00:40:20.220 decide, okay, this is how much we want to give and this is who we want to give to.

00:40:22.840 And that's not just financially either. It's just service, serving other people and serving other

00:40:26.480 groups that can help not only you as a person, but then together with your spouse and we'll help

00:40:31.780 your marriage out.

00:40:32.400 Yeah. And that's something, all of these things are areas that we can improve on and are improving

00:40:37.960 on all the time. We certainly don't have it figured out.

00:40:40.160 For sure. Yeah.

00:40:41.240 Um, okay. Last question. There's so many questions that we didn't get to. And so we'll just have to

00:40:45.300 do this again because thankfully he can't get away from me. He's married to me. And so he's permanent

00:40:51.120 podcast guest. Sorry. Um, so we'll get to some more questions hopefully in a future episode,

00:40:57.020 but last question. What is your favorite part about being married? Favorite part about being

00:41:03.740 married? Yeah. It's going to be a little cheesy, but, uh, having your best friend at your house

00:41:09.640 constantly is pretty cool. Like being able to be like, okay, I want to watch a movie. Oh,

00:41:15.580 somebody else will watch a movie with me. Yeah. Most likely. Sometimes you won't because you have

00:41:20.240 work or something or vice versa, but whenever you're going into your endeavors, spring is tough for movie

00:41:26.420 watching. Cause there's always a sport that he needs to watch. I mean, basketball is winding down,

00:41:31.540 baseball starting up, golf is in full swing. Yeah. Literally. But I mean, even in that though,

00:41:39.060 I mean, that's my favorite thing too. Even in that, like, I mean, I don't really like watching

00:41:43.080 sports that much, especially not basketball, but I love just being in his presence. I really do.

00:41:49.380 Like if I'm doing something else, if I have to work on my computer, I don't want to go in my room.

00:41:53.060 I don't want to go in another room by myself. Like I just like being with him. Like I genuinely hate

00:41:58.500 when he leaves for work and it's good because I wouldn't get anything done because we would just

00:42:03.140 be hanging out all day. But I just love hanging out with him and just the freedom of being married.

00:42:12.080 It's different than being boyfriend and girlfriend and living together. We did not live together before

00:42:16.800 we were married, but, um, it's, it's different than that because you have this security that no

00:42:23.920 matter what, at your very worst, no matter how freaking annoying you are. I mean, people just

00:42:28.560 go through like annoying stages of life. It's like, wow, you've just been really annoying about that

00:42:32.620 one thing recently, whatever it is. I'm talking about myself here, but that person, they're not

00:42:38.340 going to leave like in a Christian marriage. Like it is to have and to hold from this day forward, 0.98

00:42:43.220 sickness and health, riches, rich or poor, whatever it is. The only thing that separates you is death

00:42:49.320 and having that assurance of waking up to that person every morning, having that constancy and

00:42:54.440 that unconditional love. I say to, I tell people this all the time, sorry, I know I'm going long,

00:43:00.240 but there's just a lot that I love about being married to him. I don't think that I would have

00:43:05.180 started what I do. I don't think I would have had the confidence to do what I do without him.

00:43:11.640 And it's not because he was constantly telling me, Hey, you need to start something.

00:43:15.520 But just because he gives me confidence just in his unconditional love of me that I've never felt

00:43:21.000 like I'm too much. Like I'm not enough. Like I need to be a certain way. Like I need to look a

00:43:25.400 certain way. Like I need to act a certain way or to impress him in a certain regard. I've never felt

00:43:32.060 like that. I've always felt like this person loves me for everything that I am. He knows everything

00:43:36.980 to know about me that they're, that I even know to know. And he loves me and doesn't judge me. And

00:43:44.740 is, it's just unconditional support. And because of that, I have so much confidence to do the things

00:43:52.080 that I, to do the things that I do because I have that anchor.

00:43:56.080 You always have a cheerleader whenever, like in this marriage or in a marriage, you know,

00:44:01.720 you have somebody that's there to support you, there to love you, but they're also to like give

00:44:07.020 you a swift kick if you need it. And you're like, Hey, I'm in a funk right now. You can,

00:44:12.500 can you remind me of who I am? Or like you would just naturally do that. Just be like, okay,

00:44:16.020 this is who you are. This is what you have. This is who you are in Christ. And knowing that you can

00:44:21.560 still get over and still accomplish the things that you need to accomplish.

00:44:25.000 Yeah. No matter how you're feeling really.

00:44:27.280 Yeah. We both do that for each other. We both try to remind each other, like you have so much

00:44:33.360 potential and so much talent. God has given you so much and you need to use it. We try, we try to

00:44:40.540 encourage each other to be good stewards of all the things that God has graciously given us.

00:44:45.000 Sometimes we're stupid and we spend three hours watching Netflix instead.

00:44:48.260 Yeah. Spend three hours watching Netflix, order food from somewhere. Like definitely happens. We're not.

00:44:53.460 Yeah. We try to encourage each other in discipline. Um, but yeah, I just, I love being married. It's

00:45:01.820 the best. It's really great. Uh, okay. Well, I guess that's a good note to end on. Thank you guys so

00:45:07.080 much for watching and listening. Uh, subscribe on YouTube. My channel name is Allie Beth Stuckey. So if

00:45:13.560 you're listening to this, uh, you can watch it. Or if you're watching this video, make sure that you

00:45:17.300 click subscribe, uh, you can listen to this on iTunes, on Spotify, on Google play, all kinds of

00:45:24.380 places. You can follow me on social media. If you like this podcast, please consider leaving a five

00:45:29.160 star review on iTunes helps me out a lot. If you've got any questions or constructive criticism, I take

00:45:33.880 that stuff seriously. So please email me Allie at the conservative millennial blog.com. And I will see you

00:45:39.520 guys on Monday.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - April 12, 2019

Ep 98 ｜ Husband Q & A

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript