Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - REPLAY： Toxic Mommy Culture

00:00:00.000 hey guys welcome to relatable happy monday i hope everyone had a great easter weekend

00:00:14.840 celebrating with your families and whatever non-traditional ways that you got to celebrate

00:00:20.160 this weekend today we are talking about toxic mommy culture this is a topic that a lot of you

00:00:25.860 have been asking me to address more thoroughly we've talked about it on the podcast before

00:00:31.000 but i'm going to tell you what it is why it's bad and why we as christian women should avoid it

00:00:37.900 uh now if you are listening on monday you know that this podcast episode is out a little bit

00:00:42.840 later than usual there were some technical difficulties so i apologize for that i actually

00:00:47.580 had to record it um a second time because the audio was out on the first one so anyway sorry for the

00:00:54.160 delay there but i'm so excited to get into the subject that a ton of you have been requesting

00:00:59.600 that we dive into more deeply okay let's get into toxic mommy culture uh what is toxic mommy culture 1.00

00:01:07.560 this is a term that i made up or at least i think i made it up i'm sure other people somewhere have

00:01:14.420 said this phrase before but i think that i came up with it toxic mommy culture it is what i use to 1.00

00:01:21.300 describe the trendy malice expressed by parents about their kids on twitter let me tell you what

00:01:27.420 i am talking about and what i'm not talking about just so we can be clear let me start with what i'm

00:01:33.680 not talking about when i say toxic mommy culture so what is not toxic mommy culture is saying motherhood

00:01:41.400 is hard that's not toxic mommy culture or asking for help or advice voicing your worries or your fears

00:01:48.640 or your stressors when it comes to motherhood talking about needing a break or a time of

00:01:54.480 refreshment or rest uh being honest about the real challenges of raising children that's not toxic

00:02:01.580 laughing about something your children said or did joking about not having it all together or even you

00:02:07.960 know poop explosions or all the non-glamorous parts of motherhood these are not part of what i consider

00:02:14.120 toxic mommy culture of course every situation and everything that's said online is different and

00:02:19.300 requires us to look at tone and context and things like that but just up front i'm not talking about

00:02:25.360 uh i'm not talking about vulnerability and transparency and light-hearted humor when it comes to talking

00:02:32.180 about motherhood online i think that these can all be done on social media in a way that's light-hearted

00:02:38.080 that's fun that's funny and edifying when i talk about toxic mommy culture i am not indicting like i

00:02:44.320 said vulnerability and transparency i am condemning meanness malice disrespect and what even may very

00:02:53.500 well be considered bullying and emotional abuse this word toxic is used a lot nowadays in this whole

00:03:00.760 uh what i call the trendy narcissism culture the culture of self-love to say okay if you have a

00:03:08.060 toxic relationship you need to cut it out what i mean by toxic is that it is infecting you

00:03:16.020 it is bringing you down it is making you your thoughts your life your relationships worse it is tearing

00:03:24.480 things down rather than building things up so that's what i mean by toxic so toxic mommy culture 1.00

00:03:30.300 includes but it's not limited to and this is just my own personal definition other people might have

00:03:36.560 different definitions but it's my personal definition in light of what the bible says about motherhood

00:03:42.080 and raising children and things like that so toxic non-edifying non-building up non-encouraging

00:03:48.380 mommy culture is including but not limited to calling your kids names online a-hole seems to be a prevalent 0.98

00:03:55.740 one that people just think is hilarious nowadays but also calling your kids brats jerks things like 0.97

00:04:01.040 that uh talking about how your kids are driving you to alcoholism pointing out that you hate spending 0.91

00:04:07.240 time with your kids or they're holding you back from doing all the things that you want to do you

00:04:12.000 hate having them in the house and you just can't wait for them to go away all of this by the way also

00:04:17.920 applies to how a lot of women talk about their spouses online and it is almost always wives complaining 0.83

00:04:26.160 about these things wives complaining about their husbands moms complaining about their kids not always

00:04:30.960 but often um our sinful and incessant need to nag as women seems to be spilling over onto social media 0.97

00:04:38.720 and let me tell you it ain't pretty and that is why i am talking about toxic mommy culture there are social 1.00

00:04:45.440 media accounts that are dedicated to this kind of stuff not all the posts on these accounts like scary mommy

00:04:51.280 for example are bad but there is a theme to most of them and it's this that i am a victim of

00:04:57.600 motherhood i am strung out i am stressed out i am put out i deserve better i'm entitled to recognition

00:05:05.440 and vacation and i'm not getting these things so i'm bitter that's the theme of most of these posts

00:05:12.800 these degrading posts about kids and toxic posts about motherhood all of this is presented usually

00:05:19.680 under the guise of humor and as i have learned in my experience if you call this out if you point out

00:05:26.960 even from a christian perspective that christian perspective that this kind of attitude is unhelpful

00:05:34.160 is hurtful and unbiblical you will be met with a cacophony of defenses you will hear things like

00:05:42.320 lighten up it's just a joke moms just need a place where they can vent and voice their frustrations 1.00

00:05:48.800 or why don't you give these moms some grace rather than telling them their reactions are wrong stop 1.00

00:05:54.640 being so judgmental or my personal favorite just wait just wait till you have teenagers just wait

00:06:01.200 till you have more kids just wait till you are met with xyz challenge just wait then you will understand

00:06:08.240 and you will start talking like this about your kids and instead of just discounting uh these defenses

00:06:15.280 of toxic mommy culture instead of just writing them off i'm going to address them one by one uh

00:06:19.920 because some of this pushback is legitimate or it's at least understandable and it's worth answering

00:06:26.720 and i will use my responses to these justifications of toxic mommy culture to make my argument against it

00:06:34.240 first defense of toxic mommy culture is it's just a joke okay i love jokes like i can take a joke

00:06:42.400 i am not easily offended by jokes even if jokes are targeted towards me or a demographic or a group

00:06:47.600 that i represent i have a very deep appreciation for jokes for jabs for sarcasm and even some good-hearted

00:06:55.120 cynicism when the time is right but but not at the expense of those who can't defend themselves that's not

00:07:04.720 humor that's bullying and there is nothing that i hate more than bullying uh think about this the only

00:07:12.880 reason you as a parent and i'm talking universal you because i'm sure most of you listening to this

00:07:17.920 podcast don't engage in toxic mommy culture online uh the reason that you who this might apply to as a

00:07:25.760 parent feel so bold embrace and calling your kids brats online or uh saying that you are dreading

00:07:32.400 spending time with them during quarantine is because they can't read and if they can read you

00:07:38.240 don't care if they see it or not because you have power and authority over them or like in the case of

00:07:43.840 women complaining about their husbands online you just don't care what they think uh you would never 0.98

00:07:48.560 say these things that you say about your kids or your spouse about your neighbor publicly or your friend

00:07:54.560 publicly or your boss publicly or people whose opinions that you care about and whose feelings

00:07:59.920 you don't want to hurt because they might be able to retaliate in some way in most cases kids are

00:08:05.680 helpless and by calling them names online or saying how much you dislike them you are exploiting their

00:08:11.840 helplessness and dependence on you now you might say ali it ain't that seat come on uh they're just

00:08:19.040 funny memes they're nothing more than that we just laugh and we scroll on but again humor is humor funny

00:08:26.240 memes are funny memes but bullying isn't funny what other class of helpless people is it acceptable to 0.54

00:08:33.920 publicly call names and talk badly about a people with special needs the elderly the poor if there

00:08:40.560 were accounts dedicated to how burdensome special needs people are we'd probably think it was in bad

00:08:46.000 taste right like we'd actually probably think it's immoral and we might even take steps to get that

00:08:50.400 account taken down and yet it's become trendy funny to demean other vulnerable another vulnerable group

00:08:58.720 of people children to get a laugh think about it uh if there were hundreds of accounts dedicated to how 0.99

00:09:05.200 terrible wives and women are like how dumb and annoying and dramatic and bratty and needy women are 1.00

00:09:10.800 how exhausting we are how men can't wait till we're gone or to get out of the house so we're not 1.00

00:09:16.880 bothering them and there probably are social media accounts like this but like what would we say to

00:09:22.320 these we would laugh maybe but we'd also probably agree that it's sexist that it's rude that it's not

00:09:29.760 helpful to society at all that it's not edifying right we probably wouldn't say oh well it's fine like

00:09:36.640 it's fine if lots of men voice these opinions publicly and become influencers based on their sexism 0.97

00:09:41.440 we'd probably see these people these guys that start accounts like this as scumbags we probably 0.96

00:09:47.040 wonder if they were really decent people we probably would say well maybe the problem is with you as a 0.96

00:09:51.760 husband and not with your wife if you're constantly complaining or she's constantly nagging you we'd

00:09:56.560 probably start having those thoughts we'd probably wonder if this kind of pervasive attitude contributed

00:10:02.000 uh contributes to society's general view of women and we would be right to wonder all of these things if

00:10:08.640 these accounts exist or did exist so no i don't think all of the memes about kids being chicken

00:10:16.720 nugget eating brats are as innocuous as you think they are and from a biblical perspective ephesians 4 29

00:10:23.840 says let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but only such as is good for building up as fits the

00:10:31.760 occasion that it may give grace to those who hear now this is a verse that i i personally can certainly

00:10:39.440 put into practice better and more regularly not in relation to this topic specifically but in general

00:10:45.520 certainly uh in online conversations about politics and disagreements and things like that but

00:10:50.960 it absolutely also applies to the things that we say about our families especially publicly privately

00:10:57.520 the things we say should be good for building up as that verse says pushback number two when i say toxic

00:11:06.720 mommy culture is bad and we shouldn't engage with it a pushback that i hear is moms need a place where 1.00

00:11:12.400 they can vent their frustrations well yes and no um as women i think we need to be a lot more thoughtful 0.99

00:11:21.840 about what we decide to quote vent what i notice in a lot of us in many different kinds of situations

00:11:29.760 is that we use this sorry i just need to vent as an excuse for saying things that we know we shouldn't

00:11:37.520 say things that we know aren't glorifying to the lord things we know don't qualify as what's good for

00:11:43.040 building others up things that would be really hurtful if the person that we're talking about heard

00:11:48.000 them including our kids um it's kind of like when we excuse gossip by saying oh i'm just i'm just

00:11:53.600 worried about her oh i would say this to her face so it's not gossip we're all guilty of that but we

00:11:59.120 know the truth that we're still gossiping or it's like when we say something rude to someone followed

00:12:03.920 by like no offense or just bless her heart uh venting does not give us an excuse to sin it's not a

00:12:11.440 justification for slander or bullying or tearing down or hatefulness and again i have absolutely been

00:12:17.600 guilty of this in the past in other areas but venting does not provide a justification for unfit

00:12:24.800 for hateful or for mean words uh jesus condemning the pharisee said this in matthew 12 34 through 37

00:12:33.440 for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks the good person out of his good treasure

00:12:38.240 brings forth good and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil i tell you on the day

00:12:43.920 of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak for by your words you will

00:12:49.120 be justified and by your words you will be condemned jesus leader says in matthew 15 and he called the

00:12:55.760 people to him and said to them hear and understand it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a

00:13:01.440 person but what comes out of his mouth this defiles a person what comes out of the mouth proceeds from

00:13:07.120 the heart and this defiles a person for out of the heart come evil thoughts murder adultery sexual

00:13:13.520 immorality theft false witness slander these are what defile a person so out of the heart jesus says

00:13:20.640 the mouth speaks so we should all ask ourselves why are we saying the things that we're saying they don't

00:13:26.880 mean nothing these words don't mean nothing they mean something are we bad mouthing our kids online

00:13:33.680 because we hate them because we don't like them if so that's a heart problem that's a you problem

00:13:40.320 not a kid problem a you problem fundamentally and ultimately are we doing it because we want

00:13:45.520 attention and affirmation this i think is typically the main reason why people engage in toxic mommy

00:13:50.960 culture if so that's a heart problem or are we doing it because we feel envy towards single people

00:13:57.760 people without kids people who seem to have it easier or maybe because uh we covet other people

00:14:03.600 kids their husbands or their financial situations if so that's a heart problem the mean-spirited

00:14:10.400 tearing down of kids even in the name of humor is not an indication of your circumstances but of your

00:14:16.960 heart so it's not an indication of how bad your kids are how lazy or unhelpful your husband is

00:14:23.040 how difficult quarantine is it's an indication of something that is going on in your heart it's an

00:14:28.480 indication of sin your resentment toward your kids it's a heart issue your bitterness toward your

00:14:36.240 husband is a heart issue your desire for attention or affirmation from strangers on the internet or

00:14:42.800 friends in your phone this is a heart issue now this does not mean that your kids aren't behaving badly

00:14:50.080 or that your husband isn't lazy they might be these things and these things might not be your fault you

00:14:56.400 might actually have it really hard i'm not discounting that but your public venting sessions

00:15:02.160 where you are calling your kids and your spouse's names is an effort to tear them down to build yourself

00:15:07.680 up and that is pride that is sin and not only that but i'm telling you it's not going to help

00:15:14.080 because you have deeper heart level needs that may be numbed by your social media bashing

00:15:20.000 but will not be healed the only person that can help you repent of your resentment and bitterness

00:15:26.800 and selfish need for attention is the god who made you and this god sees you he hears you he knows how

00:15:34.880 hard you have it however hard you have it he knows what challenges and obstacles you face first peter 5 7

00:15:40.720 tells us to cast all our anxieties all our cares on the lord because he cares for us the reason

00:15:48.160 why you bring your requests and your concerns to god and gratitude and humility not in bitterness or

00:15:54.880 anger or entitlement is because yes he cares for you but he can also do something about these things he

00:16:01.760 can also help you he can supply you with the strength and the joy and the wisdom you need memes cannot do

00:16:09.200 that a like on social media will not do that those people that are a part of that mom group that

00:16:14.560 you're on that you're using to vent cannot do that the friend egging you on over text message in your

00:16:20.320 venting session cannot do that now again seeking wisdom from our friends very good asking for

00:16:27.520 encouragement from friends or even that mom's group that you're a part of on facebook good being

00:16:32.640 transparent and vulnerable about the difficulty of motherhood absolutely but using venting as an excuse

00:16:39.200 for gossiping and bad mouthing your family it's unhelpful and it's unfit both for you and those

00:16:45.680 who see inherent next defense i hear of toxic mommy culture give these moms venting about their kids 1.00

00:16:52.880 in mean ways some grace instead of pointing out the flaws in toxic mommy culture don't be so judgmental

00:17:00.240 well you are right in that a lot of the moms engaging in this kind of online rhetoric may be really 1.00

00:17:07.200 struggling and they're looking for people to relate to they're looking for some reprieve maybe some

00:17:11.760 encouragement and maybe their kids like i acknowledged really are wild maybe their husband

00:17:16.800 really is inattentive and unhelpful and annoying so maybe this mom really is completely overwhelmed 0.99

00:17:23.120 by motherhood all of this can be true at the same time as it is true that some speech is edifying

00:17:31.040 and some speech is objectively degrading and that the effects of the things that we say about kids

00:17:37.280 matters that some of these things are hurt are hurtful they're unhelpful and they contribute to

00:17:43.200 the larger culture of hatred toward or at least apathy toward children that is so rampant today

00:17:50.000 i think the vast majority of moms who engage in this kind of toxic online behavior 1.00

00:17:56.240 love their kids and are probably nothing like their online persona in real life but again the question

00:18:03.840 is why are you doing it what good is it doing and do you find yourself taking on this online persona

00:18:11.680 of entitlement and bitterness and is that helping your family or is it hurting do you find yourself

00:18:17.600 looking for opportunities to create a situation in which your child acts like a brat so you can

00:18:23.200 chronicle it for last later if so again who is that helping and i would challenge you to ask the lord

00:18:31.680 to examine what is in your heart as we should all be doing in all things uh ask him to examine what is

00:18:37.920 in your heart that is making you feel the need to do this kind of thing and there absolutely is forgiveness

00:18:44.480 and grace and understanding and love for you that only your creator can give but there will also be a call

00:18:51.200 to repentance because remember out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and then finally

00:18:59.120 what i probably hear most often when i bring up toxic mommy culture and just how damaging it is is 0.99

00:19:05.840 just wait that's what i hear just wait just wait till you have more kids just wait till you have toddlers

00:19:11.760 wait till you have preteens wait till you have teenagers then you'll see why moms talk like this and 1.00

00:19:16.560 you'll probably do it too and you are right in that i have no idea what you are going through i have

00:19:22.880 one baby and i'm not gonna lie she is pretty incredible i have no idea what it's like to have

00:19:27.840 twins or triplets or to have toddlers or to have teenagers or two three four five kids i don't know

00:19:33.840 i don't know what it's like to have kids with special needs i don't know what it's like to have

00:19:37.440 a husband who doesn't help i don't know what it's like to be a single mom i don't know what it's like to

00:19:42.400 be a mom who works 80 hours of the week outside of the home i can go on and on about the kinds of

00:19:48.480 moms that have it harder than i do i could talk forever about all of the things that i've yet to 0.99

00:19:53.200 experience as a mom that i've yet to learn about motherhood there are many of you listening who know

00:19:59.840 exponentially more than i do about being a mom so i don't come at this subject of toxic mommy culture 1.00

00:20:06.560 as an expert on motherhood i'm not i come at this from uh from a perspective of a christian

00:20:13.040 who knows what the bible says about children as an observer of culture and as a commentator

00:20:19.040 on the lies being fed to women by our culture this lie and other lies that you are a victim of

00:20:25.200 motherhood i also come at this as someone who is fortunate enough to be around moms of three kids

00:20:31.840 four kids five kids kids with special needs and they all have different parenting styles they've

00:20:37.440 all gone through their tough times and i'm sure they would tell you that they have gone through

00:20:40.800 their hard moments and and mistakes that they've made but all of the moms i know do their jobs with 0.97

00:20:47.120 gratitude and joy and so i know what a righteous attitude looks like in moms who have it much harder 1.00

00:20:54.400 than i do and who might who might also have it harder than you do it is a judgment of the kind of

00:21:03.840 negative culture and behavior surrounding motherhood uh that i am that that i am engaging in and yes i am

00:21:13.200 judging that kind of behavior as wrong and as harmful bitterness is fanned into flame and creates more

00:21:21.040 contentment more envy more unhappiness in this kind of online conversation and culture and it also has

00:21:28.880 an effect on our culture at large a culture which already places a low value on children it exacerbates

00:21:36.640 this feeling that children are a burden and that they can be discarded at any point in pregnancy as

00:21:42.560 long as it's convenient and this trance uh this uh transitions me into my offensive points so those

00:21:50.160 are my defensive points against what are attempts at justifying toxic mommy culture and here are my

00:21:56.880 offensive points about why toxic mommy culture is bad and wrong and probably a little bit offensive

00:22:02.800 too to some people number one yes as i was just stating i do believe that toxic mommy culture contributes 1.00

00:22:10.960 to abortion culture how could it not how could it not contribute to that mentality when teachers uh when 1.00

00:22:17.520 teenagers sorry and young women see moms uh constantly complaining about having kids do you think that

00:22:24.160 parenting sounds appealing to them or do you think that it terrifies them it's the latter there's no doubt

00:22:30.080 about that i also believe that it probably encourages apathy antipathy and even forms of abuse towards

00:22:36.080 children if moms feel like they are validated in their deep-seated resentment and even sometimes 0.93

00:22:42.240 hate of their kids why would they try to hide these things uh number two it is disrespectful to engage

00:22:50.640 in this kind of behavior not just to your kids not just to your family but also to those who want kids

00:22:56.400 and haven't been able to have them there are millions of men and women it's always important for us to be

00:23:02.000 reminded of this there are millions of men and women who would give anything to be doing the late night

00:23:07.760 wake ups the dozen diaper changes the temper tantrums that help you with homework but it hasn't happened

00:23:13.280 for them yet they have emptied their bank accounts they have spent hours on their knees praying they have

00:23:18.960 waited years on adoption list all to get a chance at having the same experiences that you right now are

00:23:25.120 complaining about now uh that does not mean that you don't have the right that we don't have the right to

00:23:31.520 acknowledge hardship in parenting whether you have one kid or you have seven kids we can say when things

00:23:37.680 are difficult we can be tired we can be stressed we can feel like we don't know what we're doing we

00:23:42.000 can confide in a friend we can ask for help we can pray to god for strength of course none of these

00:23:47.360 things mean that we're not thankful for our kids just when we're being honest but remember to be thankful

00:23:54.160 for your kids and don't let vulnerability which is good turn into grumbling which is bad and a sin

00:24:00.800 philippians 2 14 through 15 says do all things without grumbling or disputing that you may be

00:24:06.080 blameless and innocent children of god without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted

00:24:11.200 generation among whom you shine as lights in the world holding fast to the word of life

00:24:16.880 to the word of life so that in the day of christ i may be proud that i did not run in vain or labor

00:24:23.760 in vain our lack of grumbling and complaining is a characteristic of being children of god

00:24:29.200 it helps us shine as light in the midst of darkness which leads to my third point which is

00:24:33.840 the most important point number three viewing children as brats and burdens is unbiblical this

00:24:40.080 is the third and most important reason why toxic mommy culture is wrong we shouldn't have a part of it 1.00

00:24:46.320 if we see secular society sound a certain way or say certain things our first reaction should never be

00:24:54.080 to mimic it as christians if society tells us that kids are brats and burdens instead of agreeing instead

00:25:01.120 of nodding our heads and joking along with them we should ask ourselves hang on the world is saying

00:25:06.640 this is this what god says is this what god says about kids is this what god says about parenting

00:25:12.880 because as christians we don't care what other moms say that motherhood is we don't care what memes say

00:25:18.080 that motherhood is we don't care what celebrities say that motherhood is the question is what does god say

00:25:23.040 that motherhood is the one who created it the one who tells us what to think and how to act and the

00:25:28.720 bible says that kids are not brats they're not burdens but they are blessings that doesn't mean

00:25:33.120 that they don't sometimes act bratty doesn't mean that sometimes they don't have bad behavior and that

00:25:38.080 motherhood isn't hard but that children innately are blessings to us psalm 127 3-5 says

00:25:46.400 behold children are a heritage from the lord the fruit of the womb a reward like arrows in the hand 0.77

00:25:52.240 of a warrior are the children of one's youth blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them

00:25:58.640 jesus also used the innocence the trusting nature the eagerness of children as a representation of what

00:26:05.840 our faith should look like uh mark 10 13 through 15 says and they were bringing children to him that he

00:26:12.160 might touch them and the disciples rebuked them but when jesus saw it he was indignant and said to them

00:26:17.600 let the children come to me do not hinder them for to such belongs the kingdom of god truly i say to

00:26:23.280 you whoever does not receive the kingdom of god like a child shall not enter it jesus made these

00:26:28.800 children he loves them he sees them as precious throughout the bible we see that god is the giver

00:26:34.240 of children that he creates us fearfully and wonderfully in our mother's womb that life starts

00:26:40.000 at conception and it is it is precious from then onward and let me tell you uh from a first time

00:26:47.600 relatively inexperienced mom motherhood is a blessing any of you who have been negatively affected

00:26:54.480 by people who say kids hold you back or inhibit you or stop you from fulfilling your dreams or they take

00:27:00.880 too much of you don't listen to that you will experience in parenthood a love that you have never felt

00:27:08.240 in your life and i know that it is a tough road ahead for me for anyone as a parent i was a strong

00:27:16.000 willed child i was an even stronger willed teenager my parents had a rough go of it i understand the

00:27:21.920 road of parenting is never easy and that there are times to weep over it to struggle with it to ask for

00:27:28.000 help with it to not know what to do with it but there is never a time to bully our children behind their

00:27:33.200 backed online for a like or a laugh and again i want to reiterate because i know i'm going to get

00:27:40.560 at least one comment on this on youtube or something someone is still going to discount

00:27:47.120 all of the caveats that i've put in this and say that i'm being judgmental and that i'm trying to say

00:27:52.640 that women should just be faked and pretend that parenting is perfect and easy and i'm not i am not 0.98

00:27:58.080 advocating for being fake or pretending that things are going perfectly confess your struggles and your

00:28:02.960 sins to the lord to trusted friends ask for help and for wisdom while keeping in mind something

00:28:08.000 important and true you are not a victim of motherhood you are a beneficiary of it words matter

00:28:14.480 attitudes matter that scary mommy instagram instagram page might be funny but is it helpful is it really

00:28:20.640 helping you or is it making you more bitter is it helping society or is it adding to the negative noise

00:28:26.640 toxic mommy culture is a subsidiary of what i call the culture of self-affirmation or trendy 0.71

00:28:33.920 narcissism as we've talked about many times on this podcast and these two subjects like i said are

00:28:40.960 interlaced they're interlocked and this is something that i wrote a book about actually you're not enough

00:28:46.880 and that's okay escaping the toxic culture of self-love comes out august 11th you can go ahead

00:28:52.000 and pre-order that on amazon if you would like trendy narcissism is this mythical idea that if you

00:28:58.560 love yourself more you'll be happy that if you put yourself first you'll be satisfied that if you care

00:29:03.520 for yourself better you will find purpose and peace that you're really the center of your universe

00:29:08.640 and everyone else is in your orbit and it encourages this sense of entitlement entitlement to your wants

00:29:15.520 and your space and your dreams but the truth is the fact of the matter from a biblical perspective

00:29:21.360 we're not entitled to these things yes we need rest god made us this way and dictates our rest

00:29:27.680 and commands that we find refuge in him and yes there are things that we like to do things that make us

00:29:33.360 happy that we should do and engage in whenever we can but our children are not getting in the way of

00:29:39.120 the things that we are entitled to and viewing them as such will make us bad parents and miserable people

00:29:44.960 because it will make us bitter pride is always the author of bitterness a toxic mommy culture is based 0.99

00:29:52.000 on pride on what you deserve on the affirmation and attention that you think that you are entitled to

00:29:59.200 i saw a post on a mom's group on facebook of a mom calling her eight month old an a-hole

00:30:04.240 because he wouldn't stop screaming and crying she called herself a terrible mom and said sorry i just

00:30:08.800 needed to vent and all the comments assured her no you're not a bad mom you are doing your best you're

00:30:14.560 doing a great job and i'm just afraid looking at this conversation that i did not even engage in at

00:30:20.320 all i'm afraid in many cases that this is the reason why moms use such harsh language against their kids 1.00

00:30:27.680 and even themselves is because they want to be puffed up they need their ego to be stroked but ultimately

00:30:33.760 this doesn't help anyone the truth is the hard truth is we don't know if this person is a good mom

00:30:39.280 like we don't need to puff her up with empty platitudes we need to remind her of the truth

00:30:44.080 of the truth that it is understandable to be going through a hard time right now but that god can give

00:30:48.880 her the strength to do her job which is to steward her blessing of having a child a toxic mommy culture 1.00

00:30:55.440 just like the larger cults of self-affirmation trendy narcissism all seek to elevate the self and it

00:31:02.000 should tell us something that its participants are always complaining they're always blaming and they're

00:31:07.280 never fully finally happy remember none of the answers that you are searching for are found inside

00:31:16.080 yourself because the self can't be both the problem and the solution that's why you see these that are

00:31:22.720 obsessed with the self are often very up and down in their emotions they're always looking for the next

00:31:29.280 thing or the next 10-step program or relationship or book that will make them feel better and it helps for

00:31:35.280 a little bit and then it fades the burdens and the worries and the concerns of toxic mommy culture

00:31:41.760 and trendy narcissism are heavy but the good news is that jesus's burdens are light his yoke is easy

00:31:49.280 he calls us to self-denial to self-forgetfulness not to self-obsession and self-denial might sound scary

00:31:56.720 but it actually frees us from the discontentment and constant striving for attention and affirmation that

00:32:02.240 comes with self-worship when jesus is the center of our lives when we make pleasing him and glorifying

00:32:08.560 him our number one priority when he is our purpose then our kids are no longer inhibitors inhibitors of

00:32:16.000 fulfilling that purpose but part of fulfilling that purpose parenting them in love in edification is a

00:32:22.720 way that we glorify god which is what we are all as believers called to do first and foremost okay

00:32:30.160 that concludes this episode i hope that you guys enjoyed it if you love relatable please

00:32:36.480 leave me a five-star review on apple podcast that would mean so much and if you have not subscribed

00:32:42.880 to my youtube channel allybeth sucky yet please do so i will see you guys back here on wednesday

00:32:59.360 that's kind of filled up

00:33:00.160 another just

00:33:01.220 make sure for you guys

00:33:01.260 like

00:33:02.100 i can see my traveling family

00:33:04.960 but i i can't wait

00:33:05.360 again

00:33:05.940 that's true

00:33:06.680 that's true

00:33:08.160 that's true

00:33:08.900 that's true

00:33:10.160 that's true

00:33:11.040 you

00:33:11.680 that's true

00:33:12.560 that's true

00:33:12.760 because i don't smell it

00:33:15.120 you

00:33:15.440 that's true

00:33:16.320 that we as love

00:33:17.480 that's true

00:33:18.200 because i took it

00:33:19.360 but i'm following this episode

00:33:21.980 yeah

00:33:23.020 i've thought

00:33:25.040 what i can i will

00:33:26.000 we asked you

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - January 25, 2022

REPLAY： Toxic Mommy Culture

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