Shameless Sperg - August 29, 2025


CQ Sermon #3： ＂come back to Jesus＂


Episode Stats

Length

39 minutes

Words per Minute

208.36899

Word Count

8,198

Sentence Count

2

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

26


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 hi folks i am the shamelessberg i hope you're doing well today so for today's christian
00:00:15.020 question sermon number three i would like to share with you a dialogue between me and a christian
00:00:19.600 that wrote into me it's this really nice lady we're going to call her mary for the sake of this
00:00:24.220 video she had made a donation to me and wrote a message into me following my psa vid after the
00:00:31.020 whole doxing campaign and everything went crazy i had made a psa to the world to announce hey i'm not
00:00:38.780 stopping all right so i just wanted to give you that context so that you know what she's referring
00:00:43.220 to as i read her words here so mary had this to say to me when she made her donation she said so
00:00:50.140 watching your video on rumble the psa video a reference you made near the end makes me think
00:00:55.260 you do still believe in god good yes people can freaking suck don't blame god he wants you back
00:01:01.180 so i replied to her thank you for the love and support yes i believe in the creator but i always
00:01:07.800 have it's just that i'm not christian and yahweh is not the god i pray to i don't blame anyone but
00:01:13.600 the guilty for evil actions you know so she replied to me also maybe you had bad teachers
00:01:19.880 there are a lot of bad pastors etc yes only the guilty are responsible for their evil actions the
00:01:26.040 problem is that sin that's in your family line that hasn't been dealt with cleansed she says
00:01:31.060 leaves you with spiritual issues and a spiritual fight that you have to contend with okay um so i
00:01:37.240 did have a reply to her but i'd kind of like to add some commentary at this point um i often hear the
00:01:42.560 maybe you've had bad teachers thing as though i haven't listened to hundreds of them as though i
00:01:48.960 haven't spent thousands of hours myself studying the bible as though i didn't spend thousands of
00:01:54.000 hours myself on my hands and knees praying and doing all of this yes i asked all kinds of teachers
00:01:59.740 all kinds of pastors and so many people said similar things well maybe you've just had a bad this and
00:02:04.720 there's just this ever elusive person that i'm supposed to be chasing for that's just going to have
00:02:09.260 the key to it all who's just going to be able to clear up all the problems that i have personally
00:02:14.080 encountered along the way it doesn't work like that and frankly i have grown tired of the idea
00:02:19.820 that i need to seek this sort of clarity from someone else especially given that i tried so very
00:02:24.740 hard and answers were not forthcoming okay it is out of a deep sense of dissatisfaction with pastors
00:02:31.320 and preachers and teachers and all of it that i ended up doing so much study and exploration for myself
00:02:36.460 okay i had to find the answers that people were not willing to provide me that being said what i replied to
00:02:43.300 her was i respect your faith sister as a matter of focused principle but i really am very consciously
00:02:49.120 opposed to yahweh there is no teacher preacher church father body of manuscripts translation hermeneutic
00:02:55.600 or system of theology that can change that one iota for me i explored all of it and made my own personal
00:03:01.440 evaluation i think christianity is the worst thing that ever happened to the identity and destiny of
00:03:06.160 european peoples and i do and i think all things that stem from the root of abraham need to be uprooted
00:03:11.560 for the survival of our folk and the vanquishing of our enemy yes i said it all things all abrahamism
00:03:17.580 needs to get uprooted it is garbage it all needs to go i said that's just my task i do appreciate
00:03:24.900 your love and support and i will understand if you withdraw both at this time because of this
00:03:29.260 but i had to make myself very clear i'm not just passively neutrally not christian i used to be very
00:03:35.400 devout and without that devotion i wouldn't have gotten to the core of things and took a stand in
00:03:39.700 opposition and that's true it was as a result of diving into the bible it was a result of digging
00:03:45.660 into this faith really hard and taking it very seriously and doing my utmost to apply it that i
00:03:51.360 ended up in the position that i am now i found something that i couldn't love i found something
00:03:55.720 that i couldn't defend i found something that i couldn't stand by when i looked close enough so
00:04:00.760 some time passed after this one i didn't get a reply and then she writes to me by the way i know
00:04:07.300 you don't believe in the god of the bible anymore but i keep praying for you he understands all of
00:04:11.660 your frustrations with people believe me he gets it i wonder if it's because of your mom that you
00:04:16.660 went off that path okay so she's of course referring to the history and the problems that i had with my
00:04:22.900 mother these are the religious differences and being cut off from her you know the whole division bit
00:04:29.440 i i lived through it right i had her cut me off for years over our differences and beliefs i didn't cut
00:04:35.040 her off she cut me off over it you see you know because her jesus yeshua said he came to divide
00:04:40.880 and she takes that very seriously and so here's what i had to say to her let me preface this by
00:04:47.120 saying look i have certain esoteric ideas about the nature of spirits gods entities so when i say what
00:04:55.400 i'm about to say to her bear that in mind whether you agree with me or not this is just an honest
00:04:59.740 account of my point of view to her so i said to her ready for a curveball i believe yahweh exists
00:05:05.400 all right i don't believe in the monotheistic yahweh as presented to me by the bible you will
00:05:10.540 find the earliest origins of yahweh in a pre-biblical canaanite pantheon which is true
00:05:15.740 where other gods are variously said not to exist or else to all be demons and my ancestors and all
00:05:21.360 their customs and history are written off as evil and wicked not even as dust in the balance
00:05:26.140 compared to his people israel i am left to believe what the hebrews had to say about my ancestors or
00:05:31.160 what my ancestors had to say about hebrews my view of yahweh is similar to that held by gnostics you
00:05:37.060 know the demir geel the bath you know i'm not exactly a gnostic but they had a similar idea to
00:05:43.100 how i view the yahweh character okay so i continue on i appreciate where your heart is and i will never
00:05:48.280 be upset that someone bothers to pray for me whatever is on their heart to pray for me and i don't get
00:05:53.140 upset i know that they mean well i understand where they're coming from and so i just don't
00:05:58.440 get upset about that you are obviously a very kind soul in fact your spirit reminds me of the better
00:06:03.260 aspects of my own mother she's actually a very good woman with a big heart it's just a complicated
00:06:08.000 story between us and our differences starting over 20 years ago have been an ongoing source of strain
00:06:13.940 in the times we were on the same page she remained conversant when we weren't she withdrew well it's all a
00:06:19.840 very long and elaborate story to be honest you'd frankly probably be even more upset that i'm not a
00:06:24.400 christian anymore if i got into my history with the faith i didn't depart on mere grounds of mommy
00:06:29.020 issues if you follow it was a very conscious departure a death by a thousand cuts and a sober
00:06:35.060 minded moment of even if i wanted to believe this part of me did still want to i simply cannot believe
00:06:40.980 this anymore well one truly cannot make themselves believe anything and you can't i can think of
00:06:46.840 innumerable things i would like to believe but can't believe them they also can't make themselves
00:06:52.020 stop believing something that they do believe i can think of innumerable things i wish were not true
00:06:56.980 but i can't make myself not believe them the same is true now for me as regards the narrative of
00:07:02.840 scripture that is to say i didn't control believing in them and i didn't control ceasing to believe in them
00:07:09.220 it just happened you know you're either persuaded or you're not or you're persuaded out of something or
00:07:14.840 you're not it's that simple you don't actually exert control over this you know people often say
00:07:19.940 well believe what you want but you're going to hell dude it's not about what i want to believe
00:07:24.960 there's all sorts of things i want to believe this is just the one thing where if i don't believe it
00:07:30.000 you tell me that i get tossed into an eternal lava gulag forever and ever and ever so i continue on i spent
00:07:36.680 thousands of hours on my hands and knees with my bible and a bunch of prayerful tears and calling out
00:07:41.540 to god and i had very real spiritual experiences too and i did though i look at these experiences
00:07:46.120 through a very different lens now and i studied various translations i studied various hermeneutical
00:07:50.900 methods i studied various systems of theology i familiarized myself with the theology of the
00:07:56.700 prominent christian denominations i tried everything from just asking for the holy spirit to lead me into
00:08:01.840 all truth to consulting church fathers i took the berean call seriously i took the commandment to
00:08:07.520 study to show thyself approved unto god a workman that needeth not to be ashamed rightly dividing
00:08:12.880 the word of truth seriously i've told a testimony in front of a thousand people and i've had broken
00:08:18.900 hearted mothers sob into my shoulder about their wayward sons and how my testimony gave them a little
00:08:24.140 hope that's heavy shit that my heart still can barely withstand the weight of and yet in the end
00:08:28.880 after many years more study praying asking questions and contemplating i couldn't look at it the
00:08:33.520 same way anymore when i read yahweh's account of his own self his own character his own appraisal
00:08:39.520 of his chosen versus everyone else not even as dust in the balance he describes the nations
00:08:44.720 the violence the conquest rape the way women and girls and all that is feminine appear cast in the
00:08:50.660 light of derision and shame and a daughter can become a mere bargaining chip to settle a dispute i found
00:08:56.220 myself unable to love him anymore i was preparing for ministry and i cannot in good conscience tell people
00:09:01.740 to accept a theological proposition my mind has already utterly rejected without control on my part
00:09:07.260 again i didn't choose to believe or not believe something i didn't choose to accept or reject
00:09:12.180 something christians will make you think that it is your choice that it really does come down to you
00:09:17.060 bullshit and according to the scripture it's their job to try to persuade you so really the onus
00:09:21.960 is on them to be persuasive if they haven't persuaded you they're supposed to interpret that more or less
00:09:27.920 as a failure on their part okay not yours but they like to shift the shift the blame shift the
00:09:33.400 responsibility to you that you have to accept the line i'm giving you or else you're just going to
00:09:37.840 burn forever so i continue if you always said it i'm supposed to regard it as holy just and good
00:09:42.800 i look into the eyes of my wife and daughters and i cannot imagine telling them in deadly earnest
00:09:47.740 that these reprehensible sayings are actually holy and to be accepted as perfect saying those
00:09:52.960 rule times doesn't settle the matter if i am to regard this god as holy just and good and all of
00:09:58.120 his words to be pure and infallible and those are the basic demands here make no mistake about it
00:10:02.860 i have likewise to put my own conscious stamp of approval on that message after all i would be
00:10:08.640 volunteering to be a channel for that very same message there is no easy way around this i on a very
00:10:14.600 conscious and personal well thought out well considered level object to the character and actions of
00:10:19.800 yahweh as presented to me by the bible and because i do not any longer accept the abrahamic and
00:10:24.940 monotheistic theological framework that exalts yahweh to the tippy top while all other concepts of
00:10:30.560 deity are cast into the light of shame and demonolatry yes i believe yahweh exists i simply do not see how i
00:10:37.120 can love him and i am not a monotheist and cannot accept all of the claims made in the bible from or about
00:10:43.300 him so i appreciate that you aren't tossing stones at me and firing up the stake to burn me on
00:10:48.600 but you have found yourself a tough nut to crack here but you've been kind to me so i'll be the
00:10:53.180 same way towards you i did want to clarify real quick when i talk about the existence of yahweh or
00:10:57.860 whatever i believe in a concept called the egregores some people call them thought forms um where you
00:11:04.200 know whether something started out as a god or not something can become de facto a god by the collective
00:11:09.540 consciousness by the folk soul okay so through all of the attention and all the prayer and all the
00:11:15.800 repetition and all the blood spilled and all these things i believe that there is totally a yahweh
00:11:20.900 a yahweh egregore i believe there's totally a jesus egregore okay i believe in the potential existence of
00:11:27.600 infinite gods basically uh just under the principle of egregores so i wanted to be clear i don't believe
00:11:33.880 in yahweh as presented by the bible i don't believe in this monotheistic yahweh being and a lot of times
00:11:39.860 it just seems to be the collective folk soul of the jews i mean honestly in much the same way that
00:11:46.140 odin can be kind of the collective folk soul of the germanic peoples so that whether you believe in
00:11:51.380 these deities as real things they definitely at least represent something very real i do however
00:11:57.420 believe in them in a sense right so i then said to her i wrote a story from my history that you in
00:12:02.360 particular might find interesting it's on my substack and that was the one on my substack talking about how i
00:12:08.520 almost became a christian preacher so mary replies to me it seems like you were under a severe spiritual
00:12:13.780 attack the enemy working through people close to you to bring you down textbook spiritual warfare
00:12:18.840 you are put off by jesus saying that he came to divide well he knows what's at stake and knows
00:12:24.380 better than anyone the lay of the land and the spirit world and what awaits those who don't get on
00:12:29.180 board he knows what we as human beings are up against even as most people have no clue so just a
00:12:34.380 second yeah i often hear that too well it sounds like there's some spiritual attack and he's just
00:12:39.420 you know the devil's just trying to get to you through the people in your life look i had people
00:12:43.860 telling me this stuff about everything to the point that i nearly started to feel like a paranoid schizo
00:12:48.580 in my christian years it started to feel like there was just a demon around every damn corner
00:12:52.840 that everybody around me could possibly be a vector for a demon and you know every potential object
00:12:59.340 could create you know some sort of demonic link or any given book could give demons access to my mind
00:13:06.740 and you know before you know it i'm just living in a world completely soaked with demons and i'm like
00:13:11.840 well if this god is so powerful then how come fucking everything is just so riddled with demons that i
00:13:17.020 need to tiptoe around all the time and be careful who you talk to be careful what you look at because
00:13:21.700 my god i can't live that way i cannot live that way i'm not gonna live like a paranoid schizo because
00:13:27.620 oh my god the demons are out to get you is your god powerful or not can he deliver and save or can't
00:13:32.480 he so but this is the kind of stuff that i would hear and it's the kind of stuff that i said both to
00:13:37.480 myself and to other people it's all too familiar to me the whole spiritual warfare thing i completely
00:13:42.580 get it i know where she's coming from to a certain extent that's all they're left with they have to say
00:13:47.400 this stuff and right in here as well as the justification for this division that i've called out
00:13:52.400 you know at least she's not denying the division but she's just rolling the justification
00:13:56.860 into it i know what the justification is i reject the fucking justification that's kind of the point
00:14:02.580 you know what awaits those who don't get on board what do you mean get on board okay again i can't
00:14:07.980 make myself believe something any more than i made myself unbelieve all right there is no getting on
00:14:13.680 board if the entire thing that's supposed to save me from the eternal lava gulag is to believe and
00:14:20.160 confess well look i can't just make it so all right and it's just not fair to place upon the human soul
00:14:27.940 the demand that you had better succeed in believing this thing or else you're cooked literally cooked i
00:14:33.300 mean at least the calvinist tries to kind of offer some some sort of a solution to this problem he says
00:14:38.640 well you know you're predestinated to believe or not like you can only believe if he makes you able
00:14:45.080 to believe okay i mean i think that's crazy i think that's insane but on the other hand at least
00:14:50.120 you tried to deal with the question at least you have addressed the reality that some people literally
00:14:54.780 can't believe it you know whether by disinclination or disability they can't believe it at least the
00:15:03.160 calvinist understands this but the rest of you know the rest of christianity they sort of expect it
00:15:07.540 to be on you like no you better believe it or else you know or else you better believe this
00:15:13.760 but it doesn't work that way not really in this sort of spiritual emotional blackmail thing this
00:15:19.440 mob boss style you better get your act together i'm gonna fuck you up for literally forever
00:15:23.880 this is not healthy it's not good that's like stockholm syndrome that's the dynamic of a battered
00:15:29.580 wife and a really cruel husband i'm not i'm not doing this okay i'm not gonna live this way i'm
00:15:34.260 gonna think i'm not gonna think this way and i'm not gonna give love and worship to a god that
00:15:38.300 creates this sort of arrangement for me to live in i'm not gonna do that no so she goes on
00:15:43.320 if someone in your life rejects what jesus did to save humanity he wants to divide you from them
00:15:48.740 because he doesn't want you infected with false beliefs because then you'll perish too
00:15:53.440 infected like a sickness like an illness that's why his speech is so severe oh whatever would i do
00:16:02.620 without it maybe i'd have had a fully intact relationship with my mother all that time and
00:16:07.500 it wouldn't have been permanently damaged but who knows she says well visit a serious christian
00:16:12.320 deliverance center i mean this is the equivalent of you need to go get help you need to go to a
00:16:17.420 psychiatrist you need to go to a psychologist you need to go get institutionalized i know she
00:16:22.500 doesn't mean it in this ugly way but it really does have the same kind of energy to it it really
00:16:28.240 has you know you're not figuring this out on your own you know you can't make this deduction
00:16:33.040 for yourself you cannot possibly have arrived at this position on your own it's not substantive
00:16:38.040 enough you need to go to some deliverance center because you clearly can't help yourself
00:16:43.020 see i know that she meant well here and i know that they tend to mean well when they say this stuff
00:16:48.500 the problem is i hate it okay i hate it i find it demeaning i find it insulting i find it infantilizing
00:16:54.940 and i'm not going to be treated like a mental patient over it do you understand i'm not going to be
00:16:59.080 treated like a mental patient or like some demon possessed freak that has to go somewhere and be
00:17:03.800 delivered by somebody i'm not doing it so she goes that's where the rubber meets the road and you
00:17:09.420 see people who are loaded down with spiritual garbage demons she says getting set free interview
00:17:14.700 of a few serious christian deliverance ministers this is your eternity we're talking about p.s god
00:17:19.920 understands why you're disgusted with certain people don't blame him because some people are
00:17:23.820 awful oh he just gets gets off the hook forever right he doesn't have to accept any responsibility for
00:17:29.240 the shit that he says and does in this text and i don't get to have any feelings about it
00:17:33.020 apparently i'm just crazy i need to go have somebody fix me up at some deliverance center
00:17:37.460 look the fact of the matter is i don't know if you've ever heard of the text you know varieties
00:17:41.860 of religious experience it's part of what inspired the aa program alcoholics anonymous with their idea
00:17:47.580 of higher power and whatever that's because people who had a belief in a higher power were obtaining
00:17:54.000 very similar spiritual results when they decided to let go and let god if you will yes i have seen all
00:17:59.580 kinds of deliverance i've experienced it and i've seen other people go through it and i have listened
00:18:04.780 to countless testimonies and let me tell you something i've listened to these things from
00:18:08.440 many different perspectives from many different religions there's common themes that run throughout
00:18:13.140 them all kinds of inspiration redemption change lives turning a new leaf and then ostensibly being
00:18:20.020 purged of demons that they're infected with it's not actually just christianity it's like a
00:18:25.540 religious phenomenon you don't realize this if you don't go looking around because you're in the
00:18:29.780 middle of this culture that's the dominant religion so that's just what you know and so you must think
00:18:35.040 we're the only ones doing this we're the only ones driving out the demons or whatever no these types
00:18:40.920 of spiritual experiences can be available in different religions and traditions i assure you
00:18:46.220 and you know if you read enough testimonies like i present to you the following challenge
00:18:51.480 go look up christian to islam testimonies you know go listen to christian to buddhist testimonies or go
00:19:00.520 listen to any deconverting testimony and see what they say or go listen to a testimony of somebody that
00:19:06.360 they weren't christian and but they came to islam or they came to whatever go listen to them you're
00:19:11.660 going to notice that the stories are really similar when i actually did this myself i found that wow i mean
00:19:16.980 this testimony has no more or less weight than the testimony that i've had than the stories that
00:19:21.840 i've told people than the reasons that i've said i believe it's just just as much gravity just as
00:19:27.240 much weight to it and i had to humble myself with the idea here that like well these people seem to
00:19:32.280 be tapping into something very similar to me how dare i say that i'm the one that has it all right
00:19:36.920 because i saw some things so again i personally i do believe in the power of spirit i do believe that
00:19:42.280 these things happen you know whether you believe or not i'm not i'm not trying to make that case to
00:19:46.680 you that doesn't matter to me i'm just speaking my perspective here and why it was relevant in this
00:19:51.280 case and so you know hey he understands why i'm disgusted with certain people um don't blame him
00:19:58.560 because some people are awful um he describes his own character in here and i don't like it
00:20:04.560 okay and and i don't know it's not even about assigning blame i don't like it i don't like him
00:20:11.460 i don't love him i think he's atrocious i mean honestly i don't necessarily have to blame him
00:20:16.740 i can say that those people are awful um and i never really blamed him i mean i i hear this a
00:20:22.940 lot you just hate god you're just blaming god it's not god's fault blah blah blah okay well i'm not
00:20:29.280 saying it is people are shitty but i think he's shitty and yes i think a lot of his followers are too
00:20:34.760 but again you know i blame the guilty for their actions that's it and as i said in the very
00:20:40.060 beginning i i only blame the guilty for her for their actions and she was the one to remind me
00:20:45.720 yeah but he does these like generational things and these curses and stuff so it's kind of like
00:20:50.200 well make up your mind i've held a consistent position people are responsible for their actions
00:20:54.880 i don't want to hear excuses and then on the other hand you're saying don't blame him when did i blame
00:20:59.460 him i never did but it's this cope that christians pull out you you hate god you must just be you must
00:21:05.220 just be blaming god no no nope i do not shift the responsibility from these people onto this god
00:21:13.260 but i will point out the claptrap that is this teaching i will point out the shit that is abrahamism
00:21:19.200 for what it is so i reply to her at this point mary you're a kind soul with a lot of love it is clear
00:21:26.080 but you have no idea how much thought i've given to this how much i've had to live with this how much
00:21:30.580 dedication i gave to serving this deity only to in the end by my very own well thought out reasoning
00:21:36.380 stand with my ancestors and against abrahamism most of my ancestors refused to convert and were
00:21:42.340 beheaded or burned for it it's funny christians point to examples of martyrs and say you see
00:21:47.760 that's just more evidence who goes through torture and death just for their beliefs
00:21:52.240 my anglo-saxon and celtic ancestors did but do they get any respect or credit no no only christians
00:22:00.120 the same one whose idea of sharing the gospel was spilling the blood of my forefathers and deleting
00:22:05.580 a lot of my ancestral history woohoo yay what a blessing by the way i'm not just put off by saying
00:22:12.720 he came to divide i was put off by being divided from family members who believed in dividing away
00:22:18.560 from me over my beliefs they're ardent christians my entire side of the family is damaged beyond repair
00:22:24.680 over the impact religious shunning had if you think it was right for them to cut me off because they
00:22:29.700 might get infected i am all the more certain i've made the right choice i know you mean well
00:22:35.040 but please don't try to make what i've chosen about something other than what i'm telling you it is
00:22:40.080 and there we go is that every time i talk to christians that want to try to you know convert me
00:22:44.760 back persuade me to come back to the fold back to the flock whatever it's like they have to
00:22:50.020 recontextualize what i'm saying it's like here this is what i'm saying and then they take it and make
00:22:55.940 it completely about anything else than what i'm saying just just anything else it's go it's got
00:23:01.280 to be the demons it's got to be you need to go to some institution it's got to be mommy issues it's
00:23:06.800 got to be this it's got to be all this stuff other than what exactly i'm saying it can't be that we have
00:23:12.200 to we have to just disregard that it's got to be all this other shit so i continue on i'm tired of
00:23:17.480 well-meaning christians being dismissive and offering me their grand counter narratives from my own
00:23:22.320 life i've heard it all and in my christian days i said it all too about my life and others and then
00:23:28.720 some i assure you christians do not actually listen to what i have to say they don't really
00:23:33.860 confront it and always reframe it in terms of their understanding of spiritual warfare about which
00:23:38.820 i do know a great deal i'm more engaged and conscious about the reality of it than you might
00:23:43.320 imagine simply because we're at a very different vantage point in said war and trying to present
00:23:48.280 myself my life my history my goals and my motivations through their peculiar spiritual
00:23:53.140 lens a spiritual lens i know so well that i could write a christian criticism of my own self
00:23:58.400 that would be very impressive to most believing christians and i totally could i could pretend to
00:24:03.180 be someone else and i could write a scathing criticism of me all right and it would sound really
00:24:08.000 compelling i promise you that i end up feeling like i'm being treated as a toddler with no agency
00:24:12.860 who is a mere pawn in a game i know nothing about i could write a long essay right now about returning
00:24:18.620 to the faith recontextualizing everything i've done in terms of a biblical framework and through the
00:24:23.940 eyes of a christian spiritual warfare i could reinvent shameless spurg into a radical christian
00:24:29.620 ministry and have it spread like wildfire meeting less resistance and less demonization
00:24:34.140 that i and my family have been subjected to over me representing my beliefs today doxing harassment
00:24:40.900 defamation death threats hate mail betrayal by friends and family all of whom were also christian
00:24:48.260 i could write a heartwarming account of repentance coming out of pagan darkness and spiritual blindness
00:24:53.560 and being delivered from racial hatred and bitterness even this essay would be loaded down
00:24:58.700 with relevant bible passages like plenty from ephesians for example which deals a lot with spiritual
00:25:03.800 warfare they'd say oh wow this fellow really knows his stuff he's done a lot of study and he's got some
00:25:10.600 real discernment from the holy spirit there is a real calling on this guy's life he also clearly
00:25:15.200 has some sort of teaching gift and should consider going into preaching or teaching using his testimony
00:25:19.960 to save souls and expand the kingdom of god the great apostasy is here humanity is getting swept up by
00:25:25.840 the great deception and the enemy is hard at work because he knows his time is short so we need as many
00:25:31.220 young men as we can to stand for jesus and against the wiles and fiery darts of the devil and to go out
00:25:35.920 snatch as many souls from the fire as possible before it's too late i could keep going this is
00:25:41.200 just something off the cuff as i sit very groggy drinking my coffee i know you think i'm going to
00:25:46.740 hell for those who do not believe in the once saved always saved doctrine yes obviously this means
00:25:51.920 i'm hell bound to others i'm not hell bound but will have hell to pay at the judgment seat of christ
00:25:57.280 for some i still have a chance to earn reward for faithfulness to others i've already lost it already
00:26:02.660 and i'm only getting into heaven by the skin of my teeth so says the bible i obviously don't believe
00:26:08.080 any of that but perhaps here we find a saving grace for a damnable heretic and apostate such as myself
00:26:13.880 from revelation 3 verses 15 through 16 i know your works you are neither cold nor hot would that you
00:26:22.220 were either cold or hot so because you are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold i will spew you out of my
00:26:27.840 mouth it would appear to me friend but i would still find myself in better standing than most
00:26:32.340 ostensible christians precisely because this god clearly tolerates cold and hot but not in between
00:26:37.920 i've only ever been one or the other with this god i have been hot and i have been cold but nothing in
00:26:43.600 between i do not feel neutral i never have anyway i had better give it a rest because i really could
00:26:50.260 go on all day long and i could so she replies to me good point jesus is not spitting you out of his
00:26:56.520 mouth you're quite cold in this sense and that i am that i am mary i certainly am
00:27:01.840 so she goes on you've convinced me that i won't be able to convince you you are very much dug in
00:27:07.400 on this i've been put through the ringer in spiritual warfare which is why i'm so insistent
00:27:12.240 but i won't go into it it only sounds weird and preachy to most people by the way i have complained
00:27:17.660 to god and still do about topics that are very obviously super important to you he understands
00:27:22.960 and doesn't hold it against us for hating certain things we see happening but again i know
00:27:27.460 your position stay strong which i know you will marry it you know look and it's hard to be mad
00:27:34.160 at someone like this it's hard to hate her it's hard to be mad it's hard to ridicule her resent her
00:27:39.720 or anything like that i don't i think that this is a good person i think that she has a heart of gold
00:27:44.580 i think she genuinely means well i think she genuinely cares about the condition and the fate of
00:27:49.480 my soul i am completely convinced that is the case i don't mind that she prays for me that's fine
00:27:54.760 look i get all of this because i was there i understand the thinking i understand the heart
00:28:00.060 of like a sincere christian i i do so this doesn't upset me but this is just like so many other
00:28:08.760 conversations that i've had and it goes the same way and i but i have to credit her for having
00:28:14.460 maintained her composure she stayed calm she didn't froth at the mouth she didn't end up reverting
00:28:18.980 to a bunch of ad hominem attacks not i mean she just stated her case she expressed her concern
00:28:24.660 and then in the end she had to concede that like well yeah you seem to be very persuaded of your
00:28:30.480 position and so she understood at that point you know accept what i'm saying as my position
00:28:36.980 there's no way to reframe it there's no like well it could be literally all this other stuff except
00:28:42.900 for what you're saying no at that point she just accepted that's my position that's my point of view
00:28:48.040 and i really appreciate that uh i have to say that it doesn't usually go that way
00:28:52.040 it doesn't usually wrap up to where you know they're like i understand and it's you know it's
00:28:57.540 okay and and they just accept it this is this is unusual and for her to be encouraging here and say
00:29:03.960 stay strong which i know you will after everything that i said to her i was not expecting her to say
00:29:08.660 that to say which i know you will this is a good person okay this is a good person with a good heart
00:29:14.840 and i said you're a good woman mary i sincerely respect you regardless of our differences especially
00:29:20.320 because you have held your position without getting frothing angry and hysterical over mine
00:29:24.720 which is to be honest my usual experience with this sort of thing thanks for the love and support
00:29:29.740 may the creator look favorably upon you and then her last reply to me here you as well with much
00:29:35.520 respect mary so i wanted to share that with you probably i've said enough just in reading this
00:29:41.000 exchange to you i wanted to give you a sense of what really happens when i state my case what tends to
00:29:46.160 get put before me i make some pretty strong arguments or i make my stance very clear that's
00:29:51.760 why i put it like in no uncertain terms i have made a very conscious decision i am very consciously
00:29:58.900 opposed for well thought out reasons i try to do this because it's like look i didn't get snookered
00:30:05.060 into this okay it wasn't like oh there's just some demons that are just doing magic on me to make me not
00:30:11.380 believe it or something or you know they're trying to get to me through all the people around me
00:30:16.080 uh now i arrived at this position through living with it for many years and doing a lot of bible
00:30:23.140 study a lot of prayer a lot of soul searching and this is just the position i arrived at in the end
00:30:28.800 and again i didn't choose not to believe ceasing to believe was actually difficult for me i remember it
00:30:35.740 was quite a bit of an upheaval it was for the best i have a lot more peace of mind now
00:30:39.980 i'm i'm able to accept reality on its own terms more than ever before and that's a very good thing
00:30:45.540 but yeah i didn't get to this point overnight you know i didn't just suddenly arrive at it and the
00:30:50.240 thing is you can't undo it right because the things i've noticed the positions i've taken they're not
00:30:55.520 something that you can really argue me out of you know i don't say all this and expect your faith to
00:31:00.460 just fall apart because i've said it that was never the point but the point is you're not going to
00:31:04.960 talk me out of that are you crazy you're not going to make me like this guy you're not going to make
00:31:08.900 me love him i think he's horrible you know with a god like this who needs a devil i mean that's how
00:31:13.940 i really feel about this fella so you're not going to change my mind on that um been there done that
00:31:18.720 and you know what he planning is he planning to toss me into hell right along with my ancestors
00:31:24.940 what so i'm supposed to come grovel before him um just so i can escape the fate of my ancestors
00:31:31.300 that's like participating and turning on them um i have more loyalty to them than that
00:31:36.880 i'm not going to sit here and grovel to this deity to this being to try to escape some sort of uh
00:31:43.520 threat that he's placing me under and sit here and turn against and disavow my ancestors and to want
00:31:49.660 nothing to do with them that's really uh very often the case with christians they often do not care
00:31:54.940 about their ancient ancestors just the ones in the last several centuries the last millennia or so
00:32:00.760 before that they tend to have the same attitude that the jews want them to have about them all that
00:32:06.060 they were all just barbaric savages and terrible until you know jewish religion until semitic thought
00:32:12.340 until the abrahamic paradigm civilized them and then and then it made them into worthy human beings
00:32:18.380 that are deserving of some respect but only then it's just tiresome you know it's tiresome um it
00:32:24.540 certainly was an interesting dialogue with her and i appreciate that she lent me her ear i appreciate that
00:32:30.780 she did give me a hearing you know even if i feel like she kept trying to take it and make it into
00:32:35.500 something else it's a christian thing okay i've seen it it's it's like an automatic thing that occurs
00:32:42.680 when presented with this type of thing there's a certain checklist that has to be run down and a few
00:32:47.700 items are always going to show up on that checklist spiritual warfare is a big one that's going to show up
00:32:52.480 on there and then it's you need to find the right pastor or the right preacher or then it's i don't know
00:32:57.400 there's always something there's always some way to try to skirt around what i'm saying and i noticed
00:33:02.740 that when i was a christian too when i would bring questions i would bring issues i would bring
00:33:07.500 criticisms i would try to find some clarity on something and i'd get that kind of thing too
00:33:12.600 never really confronted directly head on it's just you know there's some spiritual warfare stuff
00:33:18.080 happening why don't you i don't know why don't you go to a christian deliverance center and get them
00:33:22.400 to straighten you out see i don't need that i don't need that and i don't want it and so my
00:33:28.020 loyal audience i just want to say if you find yourself confronted by a christian you know and
00:33:33.720 and they want to persuade you to come back look if they're being kind to you if they're being decent
00:33:39.420 and polite please don't be ugly to them all right i don't think it's necessary to be ugly and i hear a
00:33:46.060 lot of people like don't shove your religion down my look dude they're just they're just making their
00:33:50.580 case man they sincerely believe this and in their worldview they believe that you are going to
00:33:55.760 suffer conscious unimaginable torment for every moment forever and ever and ever they really
00:34:02.000 believe this and they don't want you in that condition it's not that they think you deserve
00:34:07.180 it it's not that they're like making a value judgment from themselves against you like you
00:34:11.460 deserve it no they believe everyone's going if they don't get on board and they don't want you
00:34:18.100 going please take that in the spirit in which it is intended that is a person saying that they
00:34:22.740 actually care about the condition of your soul they care about your eternal fate that's not somebody
00:34:27.840 shoving a religion down your throat that's somebody that's really trying and i i couldn't
00:34:32.240 understand it any better than i do i've been on that side of the fence i have been in those eyes
00:34:37.560 i have been in that frame of mind and then i also saw the people that would get so mad at
00:34:42.920 christians trying to evangelize look i'm tired of christianity i'm tired of abrahamism this is this
00:34:48.820 is true but i know where they're coming from i know where their heart's at a lot of them and it's
00:34:54.640 they don't want you to suffer that's all they really just don't want you to suffer and if you
00:34:59.060 can keep that in mind you'll have some understanding and compassion for them you know even no matter how
00:35:03.520 much you might hate the religion no matter how annoyed you might even get if you can keep in mind
00:35:07.740 that they are actually concerned about you because of what they believe in because their religion
00:35:13.920 tells them that they need to be concerned about you please take it in the spirit in which it's
00:35:17.940 intended and don't be ugly you see i wasn't ugly to her and i wouldn't be you know she she didn't
00:35:24.300 come at me ugly sure i get annoyed when people are like maybe it's all this other stuff but i don't
00:35:29.020 take it personally i expect it it's like a scripting sequence that has to happen if i say this then the
00:35:35.360 script says all right start to run you know if this then that if this then not that and all of
00:35:40.740 this stuff i i know it's it's um it's like an operating system golem os if you will and it's
00:35:47.300 inevitable so i don't get mad i don't get upset and if you if you come at me and you're not being
00:35:52.040 wicked and evil towards me and if you're not telling me that you want to kill me or whatever
00:35:56.000 i'm not going to really have a problem with you so for those of you christians out there that are able
00:36:00.660 to operate with this level of respect and decency and dignity i applaud you i really do and and it
00:36:07.520 tells me that there's something that i can work with here i mean there's some way in which we can
00:36:11.320 have some kind of unity that we can work together for some constructive end but you know unfortunately
00:36:17.440 this is also not very common it is so much more often to run into people that'll just be ugly
00:36:22.160 and instead of even trying to persuade you they'll just tell you that you're going to hell they'll tell
00:36:26.780 you whatever else so i was i was actually pretty impressed by her attitude and her spirit here
00:36:31.380 and so i would encourage you if anybody ever reaches out to you in that same sort of spirit of
00:36:36.480 kindness don't be ugly just try to understand where they're coming from try to understand that
00:36:42.740 that they're looking at you and they see you standing in an invisible house that is burning down
00:36:47.840 and they want you out of it it's really like that okay it's that you're about to fall into a fire that
00:36:53.600 you can't even see that you'll never be able to come out of it's hard for me to not appreciate
00:36:58.460 somebody wanting to spare me that fate even if i disagree with why they think i'm going it still
00:37:05.460 means something to me that somebody doesn't want me to hurt okay so please try to keep that in mind
00:37:10.560 if they deal with you and don't don't be unnecessarily ugly okay maybe i've got a soft spot for them but
00:37:15.740 like i said most most of the people i know and love are christian all right does it annoy me kind of
00:37:21.000 yeah kind of i sort of i wish that we could move on past this religion and be done with it for sure
00:37:26.620 but when most of the people i know and love are christian when most of the people that have been
00:37:32.160 the most decent and kind to me in my life have been christian i have to at least give them a chance
00:37:37.080 if they approach me with respect and they're kind i have to give them a chance even if i know they are
00:37:43.560 absolutely not going to persuade me because look it's it's dead that's beating a dead horse
00:37:49.340 more than they could possibly imagine but i'm not going to get mad at them anyway folks i appreciate
00:37:54.320 your love and support um i know that i haven't been uploading as often here lately as when i was
00:37:59.300 running youtube look when i was running youtube i wanted to cram as much as i could as quickly as
00:38:05.500 possible because i saw the traction that was happening and i was just like shit don't waste a
00:38:11.060 single moment go go go go go but being off of youtube things work a little bit differently and
00:38:16.520 i've certainly had my work cut out for me uploading onto all these other platforms and working with
00:38:21.760 streamers and you know been coming onto their shows trying to figure that stuff out and then of course
00:38:27.660 i've had a lot of stuff going on in the home front things got a little crazy after the doxing and blah
00:38:32.560 blah blah so it's kind of been hard to keep up with my usual once a day content schedule and i'm
00:38:38.700 probably not going to be able to do that for the most part but i am going to try to hit like one or two
00:38:43.640 uploads a week at least you know if time allows i'll do more and you know look the more interest
00:38:48.960 that you show my work the more you spread it around the more that it grows the more i'm going
00:38:53.420 to pour into it frankly if i see that kind of traction occurring then i'm going to give more and
00:38:58.860 more so that being said hey like comment share subscribe do whatever you know go look at my
00:39:04.300 shopify buy you some cool shit got this got white boy summers shirts you know all kind of cool stuff
00:39:10.540 of course you can donate to my buy me a coffee um and also look me up on x at shamelessberg for
00:39:16.740 future updates and until next time you guys take care