SNEAKO - July 13, 2022D’Angelo Wallace is Back and Mentally Healthy!
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
201.43913
Summary
In this episode of Being Sad, I talk about my struggles with anxiety and depression, and why I decided to take a mental health break from YouTube for 9 months. I also talk about why I didn't upload a video for almost 9 months, and how I dealt with it.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
I want to see what D'Angelo Wallace is up to. Things got pretty bad.
00:00:04.420
Okay, so the video you're about to watch is not edited at all. Now, it's not a waste of time
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either. I took a mental health break. I was depressed and anxious. I'm not here to just
00:00:15.320
rant forever. I do have a goal. I definitely have something to share with you. But it was
00:00:21.260
kind of important, at least for this specific video, that it was the very first one I made
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that was completely unaltered. And you'll find out why in a second here. Now, I have
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this gold play button that I got from YouTube. I'm covering the address, obviously. And I
00:00:39.540
just keep seeing it every time I walk past here thinking about the fact that it's now
00:00:43.680
why you look like 2014 black and yellow Wiz Khalifa. I've been nine months, I think, without a video.
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And why not talk about it? I have good news, I guess. That was really heavy. I have good news
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and I have bad news. So I guess I'll start with the good news. The good news is I have plans
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of new content. Now, this is very tentative. This is not like I'm coming back with 12 videos
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every hour. It's just I have goals. I have aspirations.
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I have the objective of uploading more content this year. And then the bad news, I guess,
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would be the reason why there hasn't been any content for the past nine months. So to put
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it simply, I've just... My anxiety peaked. There's no special way for me to put this.
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I have been spending the last few months of my life, like three months straight, just
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trying to think of some way to like word it or maybe something that I could I could use
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as a reason or something that could make it seem less pathetic than it sort of makes me feel.
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But the truth is, there's nothing. I have nothing. I have no big story. Nothing actually really
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I just... I wasn't able to do my job because my anxiety got really, really bad. Now, I'm going
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to get into that in a second. But first, I want to say, I've specifically, or I should say, I've
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deliberately not gotten into detail about my mental health problem.
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Even though I've been on the internet for years at this point, years, sometimes I talk
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about it. It's not like it's a secret that I deal with these things, but I feel like there's
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basically two versions of myself, sort of, that I've been managing long before I ever did
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YouTube. And let me know if this is like, you know, this rings new bells, maybe you've
00:03:00.520
dealt with this too. I'm not going to say maybe. I am positive that a
00:03:04.540
significant portion of the people watching this can relate to what I'm about to say.
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So the one version of myself is the one that I put forward.
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Skip or not chat, bro. Like what else are you going to talk? There's 23 mil. Okay.
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We're not YouTube. It's not the one you're watching right now, actually, even though I'm
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very similar usually, but it's the one in every other video that's on my channel where things
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Isn't a crazy chat that you can get of how many views it have? 1.2 mil. You can get 1.2
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mil off of my anxiety and on my mental health and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You
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don't have to say nothing funny. You literally don't have to say anything. Nothing happened.
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Just disappeared. I'm anxious. I'm anxious. And you get a million. And then everyone in the
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comments, oh my God, I'm glad. As someone who's also suffered from being sad, I'm glad that
00:03:57.160
you said something sad so we can be sad together.
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I have a reason. You know, I have, I have the everything. Everything is to get my face is
00:04:07.440
shaved. I forgot to mention that. Yeah, I know. I didn't shave my face. I'm just, I'm not there
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right now. So much shaven. It's just like an update. It's like zoom calling your cousin
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after not talking to me. But typically I am so together. I thought YouTube was supposed to
00:04:20.060
be fun, man. This shit used to be fun and saucy. You could just get on, turn it. Hey guys, welcome
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back to me being sad. I know I really haven't been sad for sad, but sad and mental health and
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my feelings and your feelings and together we can have feelings. So let's sit unedited and
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I have a schedule. I have a plan. I have talking points. I have an outline. I have, you know,
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the editing software. And so I've been pretty comfortable only putting that part of myself
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forward because I feel comfortable in myself. It's the only one sometimes I feel like I'm
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allowed to show if that makes sense. Because before YouTube was even a thing, I always had
00:05:06.140
that part of me. The part of me that gets up every morning, brushes his teeth. Like the
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things I brush my teeth to D'Angelo while it's home. Let me keep listening across my arms.
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Really simple. Showers, you know, gets his hair taken care of. I also have hair. And I have to
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have that part of me. It's sort of like a shell around the other part of me that I try really,
00:05:31.380
really, really, really, really hard not to let anybody really see or deal with. And so I'm not
00:05:36.760
literally watching this to be mean. It's just, I'd want to show you how it's predictable. You don't
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post for your, so my mental health, what is he going to say? YouTube is supposed to be
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entertainment. It's got 1.2 million fucking views. What the fuck is entertaining about this?
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YouTube used to be funny. We're supposed to be like entertainers. Entertain me at least,
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you know, is YouTube not supposed to be entertainment? What the fuck else is this?
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A Zoom call for 1.2 mil? I'm not trying to watch this to be mean. Okay. Let me not be mean. Let's
00:06:04.160
watch. So I guess that's part A. Part B or the other part of me is like, and I guess I can give a
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trigger warning for extreme like mental health discussions here. Trigger warning for mental
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health issues? But to be quite honest with you. Chad, what do you think he thinks about the
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government? We just fucking finished that debate. You think he got three shots in his arm? I think
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he did too. You think he votes? I think he votes. It's the same thing. They got that in common.
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Part of me just wants to die sometimes. All the time. So just stop wanting to do it. It's really
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that simple. The one thing you have control over is your thoughts. So just stop thinking about that
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shit. Instead, nowadays, the social media will go, I'm sad. And then other people will be like,
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I'm also sad. We shouldn't encourage this. This should not be encouraged. Get over it.
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It's like, I haven't found a way around it. Oh, no. Oh, God. I search for ways around it. I do
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everything I'm supposed to do. Like, you know, therapy and taking care of myself and all of that
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stuff. Oh, no. But the truth is, I have really severe anxiety and depression. Oh, yeah. And
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it often leads to suicidal ideation. Oh, no. Yeah. Maybe you stop thinking about that shit,
00:07:38.180
right? Look, Chad, I don't want to belittle mental. I know like people have some problems,
00:07:42.260
but like it do lives in the first world. You know, you got a lot of subscribers. You make a lot of
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money. Your life's easy comparatively. He's looking for attention, right? I mean, it is what
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it is. You're getting attention and stuff like that for being sad. You have an easy life. You
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don't have a job. You got millions of followers. You make money from fucking making videos. Your
00:08:00.900
life is so fucking easy compared to third world countries. Dead ass. Even in the first world
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country, you're at the top, man. Top 0.10% of people. You made it out. You don't need to work
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anymore. You got to talk for a living. And you still... At some point, like, at what point
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is it okay to just tell people, yo, get over it? Get over it. Right? Right? Because therapy's
00:08:28.280
not helping, clearly. Therapy's not helping. You still, you're treating this fucking YouTube
00:08:33.480
video like therapy. Things got really bad. There's too much validation for this shit. That's
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what I think is unhealthy. Because everyone in the fucking comment section is like, I'm
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so glad you opened up about it. We got to stop, like, normalizing this shit. Everybody
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has self-deletion thoughts. I do. And then I stop thinking about it. Because I don't want
00:09:00.740
to do it. Because I need to... I have people that I need to take care of. I'd rather live
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life. You only got one fucking life. Stop thinking about it. There's a correlation to
00:09:13.440
social media and how many people are depressed but sad. It's tricky because I've never done
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anything. You know? I've never actually, like, hurt myself or attempted anything like that.
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Um... And I won't. And that's part of the reason it's so tricky for me.
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Why are you making... Why did you put this video out? This is not therapy. This is not
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a Zoom call with your therapist. YouTube is supposed to be entertainment. Deadass. Like,
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even if I'm being a dickhead right now, I don't want to, like, belittle his mental health.
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But YouTube's supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be entertainment. You're supposed to spread...
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Like, you have people watching. You got 1.2 million people watching you cry. Why did you
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put that out? Why is that a normal thing for people to put this out on the internet now?
00:10:03.340
This is encouraged. This is wrong. You should not do this. You got a lot of people watching
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it. You think it's helping other people? All it is is validating other people's sadness,
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bro. But we love you. This video is so real. Blah!
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Chad, am I getting... Am I being a dickhead? Swear to God. I didn't know he was going to cry
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in this bitch. I thought he was just going to talk about where he's been at.
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Because I don't feel really like I'm allowed to say that I have this problem. I've never
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tried to end my life or hurt myself in any way. And I'm aware that I'm not going to.
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I feel crazy for that percentage of me that always feels like I just don't want to do
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this anymore. Why would you put this video out? What's the point of making this video?
00:11:05.400
So if I'm being a dickhead, why the fuck did you make this video? Huh? So 1.2 million people,
00:11:18.100
I know where it stems from. Like, I've done a lot of therapy, y'all. It's just not like...
00:11:32.280
STOP! This is why I say therapy's a scam, because it validates...
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It's clearly not working! Clearly therapy's not fucking working, Chad! You see? I've done a lot of
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therapy! You look the same! This looks like therapy right now! It doesn't work!
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It's a surprise. It's not like I'm broken or anything like that. And I have ways of mitigating
00:12:00.280
this. And I feel like the two parts of me, there's percentages, right? Sometimes if I try really hard
00:12:07.880
to get out of bed in the morning and brush my teeth... I try really hard to get out of bed? Come on!
00:12:13.800
Come on! At some point, someone's gotta say, just get the fuck up out of bed, pussy!
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You can't beat that thought in your head, wake up, get out of bed!
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...and look presentable and surround myself with positivity and all that stuff. I can
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get the part A of me to be like 90 through 99%. So sometimes I'm perfectly fine 99% of the time.
00:13:04.600
What is really making you that sad? Maybe I'm like belittling his mental...
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What's really that hard in your life? Tell me! Say it! What is it? Is it just your own brain?
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It's a chemical imbalance. You know, it's your thoughts.
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Mean stuff on the internet makes me not want to get out of bed. Get the fuck over it, bro.
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Now you said he needs real male friends. Yes, because if he had male friends, I'd be like,
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all right, bro, but keep... If you have a lot of pussy-ass friends, they'll be like,
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whoa, well, how don't we go talk about it and discuss it? But when you live with other strong
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people around you, they're gonna, whoa, get out of bed. Get the fuck up out of bed. What are you
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doing? Get the fuck up! Get the fuck up! There's a correlation between being... and how fruity you are.
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That ass, bro. Still deals with like intense anxiety and depression and all that stuff, but
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it's kind of easy to ignore that when I'm doing really well. But then sometimes it just switches.
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Sometimes, steadily, that part B, that just part of me that can't do this, it just gets bigger and
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bigger and bigger and bigger. And so what happened around last year when I stopped uploading content
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was... In the last video, I don't know if you remember, I made a video roasting it, was him
00:14:29.000
shaming people and influencers for not wearing masks and going to... I can't believe you're going to a
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party in the middle of the pandemic! Calling people out and snitching on people, like, and just getting
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on a moral high ground and saying everyone's a piece of shit for going to a party during the pandemic.
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All right, are those people who are partying, are they making these videos? The people who make
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these videos and go to therapy all the time are the same people during the pandemic who were like,
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I can't believe, why would you... why, why... that's why you're depressed!
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I felt like for the first time in a really long time, it was like 0, 100. Just steadily,
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due to burnout and a few personal things in my life, that... That's it! That's why you're that sad!
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Burnout and a few personal things in my life! Get out of bed! Get out of bed! No!
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No! Armor I would sort of wear of having everything together. Maybe you should have been partying during
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the pandemic instead of getting on a moral high ground! Huh? Maybe you could have went to a party,
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lived your life, had some fun, and said you were being a fucking police rat! Shaming people for not
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wearing masks and going, I'm better than you! I'm better than you! I'm better than you! I'm better than you!
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I'm better than you! That's what you were doing! Maybe you should have gone to a party, son!
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I'm taking care of myself and putting my best foot forward. Sorry, no! I don't want to belittle his
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mental health! Okay, yes, yes, it's a real issue, blah, blah, blah. Some people need therapy. Mental
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health is real, we get it. It was just wearing away, little by little by little by little by little by
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little. And at one point, there was nothing left. Like, the circumstances surrounding me uploading
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that last video on my channel were so bad. I vaguely alluded to it in the beginning of that video,
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but I was literally texting people before I uploaded this, like, I can't do this. I can't
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do this another day. I can't upload another video. I can't upload a YouTube video!
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You remember when people had to go hunt for food? Remember when people had to work in factories?
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I can't upload a YouTube video! I have burnout! Your problems are so
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fucking stupid! Deadass, bro! Nah, I'm gonna start shi- Bro, you're incapable of uploading a YouTube
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video? That's your problems in life? You got it so fucking easy that that's the big- I can't make
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a video on YouTube? Come on! Am I being a dick? Am I being a dick or is that the fucking easiest
00:17:14.040
shit you ever heard? Because if I have to do this, and I didn't- I don't- I don't know how to explain
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it. And I wasn't properly explaining it then either. It's not that I can't do that or that I didn't want
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to do it. It's just- I was running literally on empty. Literally running on zero. No, you were not
00:17:35.560
literally running on zero! You're still breathing, pussy! Get the fuck up! People used to fight in wars!
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Men used to have to hunt! Men had to go work and go get it and get in the factory and get oil spilled
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on them and get their hands chopped off by accident and not have anybody- and you can't- I'm literally
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empty and can't press record on my camera! Fuck off! Bro, I had nothing. I can't create something from
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nothing, I think. And that hurts sometimes because I consider myself to be a creative person. I am
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literally a creator, but even before YouTube was a thing, I would do like artwork and just-
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all these things. Like, you can always find me making something, you know? That's something I
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pride myself on. Hey person, someone in the chat said, what are you talking about? You've never been
00:18:30.520
to war? Yeah! My life is fucking easy! My life is so goddamn easy compared to the rest of my-
00:18:39.000
Bro, if my ancestors saw what I was doing, they'd probably call me a pussy! I'm here talking to a camera!
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So if I'm incapable of pressing record on the camera or editing a video or writing a script or
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filming some shit, I'm a bitch! My life is fucking easy! I know! I don't have to go to war! I don't
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have to go to a mine! I'm a YouTuber! This shit is the best! I made it! This is the dream! This is
00:19:04.200
the dream job! And if you can't muster up a little energy to get up and do it, you're a fucking bitch!
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It's so fun because it's just in me to create things. But the thing is, it's always caused
00:19:17.800
me problems because when I have nothing to draw from internally, my desire to create,
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it just burns a hole inside of me because I can't do anything with it, if that makes sense. So,
00:19:29.960
that's what happened. It wasn't just burnout, really. Obviously, burnout was a huge part of it.
00:19:36.200
It was just the fact that, literally, I could not sustain myself. That part of me that I draw from...
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Shut the fuck up! Bro, tell me, Chad, that he's not whining about fucking nothing right now.
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Tell me, like, is this really valid? If this is what's making you... then mental health isn't real.
00:19:55.320
This shit is just overblown. Everyone wants to be a victim. Everyone wants to have mental health
00:19:59.880
problems. People are just lazy. No one's got any fucking balls left.
00:20:04.200
The fuck up in the morning was gone. It was just gone. So, it was pretty bad. It was pretty dire.
00:20:15.240
It was even worse than I'm making it sound now. I know I cried for like two seconds, but...
00:20:20.440
If I'm just hating, listen to him for 15 seconds. Ready? Let's go listen to him. I'm going to quietly
00:20:25.480
say, for 15 seconds, I'm not going to be a dickhead. I'm not going to complain. I'm not going to complain.
00:20:29.800
Let's just listen. Let's just listen for 15 seconds. Tell me he's not being a bitch.
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There's a lot more than two seconds of crying when this was happening. And so,
00:20:38.440
my decision to take a break from YouTube, it wasn't a decision. I literally would just start
00:20:44.520
having panic attacks just thinking about trying to create things because I'm just like, I have no
00:20:52.200
content. So, what am I supposed to upload? That was 15 seconds. And of course, the anxiety part of
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my brain would take that little small thought and blow it up. Okay. Oh, well, you don't have content.
00:21:02.120
Shut up. That was 15 seconds. Are these real problems? What he just said? Let's listen for
00:21:07.960
another... Okay. It's 10 minutes. I'm not going to say anything until 1030. Listen 30 seconds. Okay.
00:21:13.400
That's fair. Maybe I'm complaining. I know I'm yelling. I'm being a dickhead right now. I understand.
00:21:17.560
I get it. 30 seconds. Listen closely. And if after 30 seconds, you don't think he's being a little
00:21:27.720
...to upload. No one's going to watch you. And that makes sense because you were never worth watching
00:21:33.480
anyway. And you have to do all these things just to get people to like you. And these aren't true
00:21:39.160
thoughts that I actually believe. But anxiety doesn't care about things that are true or make
00:21:43.960
sense. It just makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario, even if you're not in it.
00:21:49.720
And so that's what I was dealing with. So I would try, I would set up the camera like this and I would
00:21:55.880
try to record a video off and on for months. And I would just have like massive attacks just leaving me
00:22:04.760
on. That was 30 seconds. Did you listen close? What the fuck? What the fuck?
00:22:10.520
Did that change your mind? Like for anybody who's on, like who thinks I'm an asshole right now,
00:22:18.200
did you really listen to the words that came out of his mouth?
00:22:22.600
Am I, am I being a hater? Am I being a hater? Like I know, bro, we might've had like,
00:22:28.040
just listen to the words that he's saying. Cause this is not unique to him. This is normal
00:22:32.280
Gen Z, pussy mentality. I hear this on a regular basis. Wait till you see my new one minute podcast.
00:22:37.400
I'm carving this heavy because I heard someone exactly like him say the exact same shit.
00:22:42.520
He said that abortion is making him not want to live life anymore. A dude,
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women's rights and the fact if ever we need to mobilize voters.
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And he said he wanted me to push him in the train tracks. It's the same shit.
00:22:54.280
So, okay, I'm at 1035. If you 1036, let's listen until 1115. Listen carefully to the words that he's
00:23:01.720
saying. If you don't think that's some soft pussy shit and fine, he's gay. So maybe he's allowed to
00:23:07.080
be a little soft, but at some point, like maybe you just like making up problems out of nothing.
00:23:12.680
Listen carefully. If I'm being a dick. Until 1115 on the floor, literally on the floor sobbing,
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just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. And the thing about anxiety for me is it's very
00:23:25.400
physical. I know it's a mental problem, but for me, I feel it. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
00:23:36.600
Especially, I don't know how to explain it. Depression does that too. For me personally,
00:23:42.200
even though nothing is physically wrong with me, I can feel what I'm supposed to be feeling. Like for
00:23:50.200
me depression isn't sadness at all. Sadness, I would sometimes be kind of happy.
00:24:01.560
Was that some valid, do you feel bad for him? You empathize?
00:24:06.440
That shit got 1.2 million views, bro. And everyone's eating it the fuck up.
00:24:19.880
It's so easy to be a victim now, bro. It's so validating to hear someone else be so vocal
00:24:24.920
about something I've always struggled with in my life as well. Everyone is becoming a bitch, bro.
00:24:31.800
It, you should not validate this. You should get over this.
00:24:40.120
Chad, you want me to skip? You want me to skip? I kind of want to finish this video. I'm not going
00:24:43.480
to lie to you, bro. Not trying to like minimize mental health. Just listen carefully. Because this
00:24:51.960
is some regular shit in Gen Z. It's not unique to him. I've heard this shit a billion fucking times.
00:24:56.840
So have you. So is everyone in his comments. It's normal. It used to be a unique person. Like
00:25:02.680
I have a chemical imbalance. Why does every fucking fruity dude in Gen Z, every fucking
00:25:07.720
they, them, they all, they're all depressed. Trans people have the highest self-deletion rate.
00:25:16.760
Everyone's saying, skip, you see how bored you are, chat? But 1.2 million people sat there.
00:25:21.240
Oh wow, D'Angelo, are you okay? To even feel when I'm in the midst of depression. Because for me,
00:25:28.840
depression is nothing. It's nothing. I can't explain it if you've never experienced it. It's,
00:25:37.080
I just feel nothing. But what's worse is that it hurts. Depression is when you, I feel nothing and it
00:25:45.320
hurts because I can feel the hole where I'm supposed to be happy. Someone in the chat, yo,
00:25:53.000
he's dressed like a fucking therapist now. Y'all think, I made a video saying therapy was a scam
00:25:58.040
and then people, well, but you're, you're, you're, look what therapy does. This is the voice. This is
00:26:03.480
what it sounds like when you go to therapy on a regular basis. You think he's fixed? You think a
00:26:09.080
year of therapy helped at all? He just cried on camera and uploaded it. Said record. Yes. This is
00:26:16.120
the one. And, or sad or excited or energetic or relaxed that for people saying skip, I think it's
00:26:30.280
important that we finish this video. I think it's important because this is a, this is a real big
00:26:34.120
problem now. This is a big problem. Too many people are going to watch this and validate it
00:26:40.840
and be like, I'm also sad. And then this does not help anybody. Everybody who's watching this
00:26:45.800
is getting encouraged to say the same shit. I can't get out of bed. I'm incapable of making YouTube
00:26:53.400
videos. It's too hard. We can't validate this anymore. Let's finish the video. This is important.
00:26:59.800
This is genuinely important. It's like just a big void in my chest, literally just sucking in.
00:27:08.280
Oh my God. How long, how, how many minutes are you going to keep a bro? We get it. You fucking sad.
00:27:13.800
You've been talking. What else? What? Okay. We can speed it up though. We can speed it up though.
00:27:18.120
This shit is boring as hell. YouTube used to be funny. And that hurts. So that's what would happen to me.
00:27:25.240
When I try to upload videos, I would just spiral so much that it would throw off the rest of my life
00:27:30.200
and I wouldn't be able to do anything. It's just, it was bad. Okay. Damn. He's breaking my computer
00:27:35.320
with all this nonsense. Pussy breaking my computer. So the thing about like depression and anxiety for
00:27:39.720
me is like, these things don't go away, but I have mitigated them to great success at several
00:27:43.560
points throughout my life. And so it had to pass for sure. I had to get, I was out 110. I had to come down
00:27:47.720
to 100. And once it finally passed a little bit, instead of making YouTube videos, which is what I would
00:27:50.680
always do, I paid attention to the things in my life that I could do to cut down on this happening
00:27:54.760
to me in the future. Because is it my fault that I deal with these problems? Absolutely not. It's not,
00:27:58.200
but that doesn't. Yes, it is. People need to take responsibility for the fact, if you can't take
00:28:02.680
responsibility for getting out of your bed, then you have no control over your life. Take back your
00:28:07.240
power. Take back your control. There's nothing I can do, if that makes sense. Um, and so the very
00:28:12.120
first thing I had to do, y'all, I had to get it off of Twitter. Like, I know it sounds kind of funny.
00:28:14.040
Twitter had to go. Okay. Just done. Dead. Dead in the water. No. And that's exactly still like English.
00:28:18.600
That's exactly still where I am. That's still exactly where I am. And I see why I edit my videos.
00:28:21.640
Um, I posted something on Twitter today. Twitter. Twitter is what make you depressed.
00:28:26.760
Twitter is why you need therapy. Mean stuff on Twitter. Just kind of letting people know that
00:28:31.400
I was alive, that way y'all can see this video. But like, no dude, Twitter for me was not it. I just,
00:28:36.200
every time I would open it, I would get depressed. And so weirdly though, I sort of wanted that. I wanted
00:28:41.400
something to just look at and justify feeling so bad all the time. You know what I mean? I felt bad.
00:28:45.400
So I was like, let me just go look at how bad the world is and find a reason for why I feel.
00:28:48.280
Chad, this is why I'm saying you shouldn't vote. This is why I'm saying you shouldn't trust the
00:28:50.680
government. This is why I'm saying you should not believe the programming that they feed you.
00:28:53.960
You end up like this. Don't believe that shit. It's not designed to keep you happy. All that stuff.
00:29:00.440
And you know what? Before he deleted Twitter because it made him depressed, he was usually,
00:29:03.800
he was literally the face of cancel culture. Canceling everybody for not wearing a mask.
00:29:08.680
Put on a mask. Look what happens. You can't even go on Twitter anymore. Stop. Just use it for
00:29:14.120
business. Just use it for fun, for your friends, for entertainment. But don't use,
00:29:18.200
don't try to get on any moral high ground that they're feeding from you from the top.
00:29:21.640
It's all a scam. They want you to be depressed. They want you to go to therapy. They want you to
00:29:26.600
take those pills. I feel so terrible. And if there's one thing Twitter's going to do,
00:29:29.960
it's give you a reason for why the world's kind of terrible. So every single day, I would just
00:29:32.680
flood my own brain with stories of people. This sounds really dark. Dying, you know, getting like
00:29:37.080
attacked, doing terrible things to other people. And it's not even like I have to search for these
00:29:40.200
things. I could literally just scroll. I could literally just open Twitter, go to the sports app,
00:29:43.480
and see someone dying. Or like, how did these ideas connect? Because okay, I just had a debate with
00:29:48.520
Destiny. And overall, the ideas of the debate, he believes in the government,
00:29:52.440
and like with the programming, and he stopped putting on the mask when they told him to.
00:29:56.360
And I believe none of that. This is an example of somebody who believes in that shit too much.
00:30:01.240
Chet, WRL, he got all the boosters. He's not saying in this video, I know he did. He got every
00:30:06.840
single booster. He votes. He believes in the government. He's like, we should mobilize. What
00:30:11.800
do you think his stance on abortion is? He has strong opinions about pro-life and pro-choice. Why?
00:30:16.840
The programming. Look what happens. Don't believe in that shit, man. Don't.
00:30:20.280
Don't see something blowing up or see kids not surviving. And I wasn't seeking those things out
00:30:25.160
because of what was happening. This is a bot. This is what I'm talking about. This is a bot.
00:30:29.160
He's all saying shit that every fucking depressed person, I have a chemical imbalance and they all
00:30:33.320
think this. See what I'm saying? It was just completely subconscious. I was fueling my, the way
00:30:38.280
I felt without realizing it sort of, even though I was, it wasn't like completely unconscious. Let's
00:30:40.920
be honest. We all know in the back of our minds that Twitter is like kind of, but I was doing this for
00:30:44.200
such a long time that I had to let it go. I had to let it go. So it wasn't easy because I do feel like
00:30:48.040
Twitter and a lot of social media does come with a certain level of, I don't want to use the word
00:30:51.080
addiction, but I do feel, you know, it's like really nice seeing things update. I like, I like,
00:30:55.320
you know, just swipe down and then the little bar goes like that. And then you have new things to
00:30:57.400
look at. That makes my brain happy. It floods it with, I don't know what I mean. Endorphins.
00:31:00.280
That's bro. Twitter is why he went to therapy and couldn't upload for a year. That's all he said.
00:31:05.000
Twitter. Twitter. Do you hear this nonsense? WRL on my take right now. Who? W if you side with me.
00:31:11.640
L if you think I'm full of shit and I'm just a piece of shit, fucking alpha, whatever the fuck,
00:31:18.280
toxic. WRL right now. I want to see. Are those things you can correct me in the comments. So I
00:31:23.640
did feel a bit of an addictive issue there. It was not easy for me to just log out of Twitter
00:31:26.600
kind of for good. Now, obviously I still have my account because that's where a lot of people
00:31:29.800
watching me are. So I, I, I, I'm not like leaving. That'd be kind of silly, but as far as the day to
00:31:34.040
day ritual I had going to Twitter, trying to myself had to get rid of it. So that was kind of the main
00:31:37.000
step I did. The second thing I did was I evaluated my content. I evaluated the sort of things that I was
00:31:40.920
putting out on a day to day basis. And you know, I kind of like it. I actually was like,
00:31:44.200
I'm going to, I'm going to do all this soul searching and I'm going to realize that my
00:31:45.880
videos are, but no, honestly, I like my videos. I don't regret any of them. They're like all still
00:31:49.480
there. So I, um, but the one thing is, it's just, I think they were incrementally weighing on me.
00:31:53.960
So it wasn't hard to sort of make a video, but if I make a video where something terrible happens,
00:31:56.600
which I did quite often in the back of my mind, there would be an unprofessional part of me
00:31:59.560
that just feels terrible. Like I made a video about a family who had their dog put down and,
00:32:03.800
and Chad, look, most people are saying W, but if you were just here in the destiny debate,
00:32:08.040
I had a 70% of people said destiny was right. He was more articulate than me. I'll give him that.
00:32:12.840
I was yelling. I'm doing my, doing my streaming shit, but this is why I don't believe in that
00:32:19.000
shit. This is why I believe that there's a power, that there's something controlling us that wants
00:32:24.040
to take away the power from us because this dude can't get out of bed because of Twitter.
00:32:28.440
There's something wrong there. That's why I have the sense. And I can't bring any articles.
00:32:33.080
I can't state this. I can't state that for something to support this. It's just something
00:32:37.800
that I see. And 100%, bro, he got the booster. He believes in the government and he votes.
00:32:47.800
What do you think his abortion stance is? It's all connected.
00:32:50.520
I just feel terrible. Like, I don't know how to explain it. I wasn't the only one who did this,
00:32:54.200
by the way. Like when I made this video, a bunch of people also made the video about this family.
00:32:57.320
And my video wasn't about the dog, by the way. It was about this weird thing that they had done
00:32:59.880
with adoption. But in the back of my mind, I knew that like, yeah, this family totally like
00:33:03.640
got rid of their dog instead of just, you know, finding a new home for them or something like that.
00:33:07.320
And so like, it's kind of like, when I made that video, that was kind of the start of me of like,
00:33:12.280
what am I doing? Like, if somebody told me in real life about this family who had done this
00:33:15.880
sort of thing, I would kind of be like, why are you telling me this? And like, there's nothing,
00:33:19.400
there's absolutely nothing wrong with like consuming content about things that aren't wholly positive.
00:33:22.200
The world isn't wholly positive, okay? It would be nice if we could just watch like
00:33:24.920
videos of cute pets doing things all day every day. But it would be a bit of a bubble. But I was confusing
00:33:28.760
my responsibility of staying educated and informed with the fact that I thought I had to just know
00:33:32.280
everything bad all the time. You know, I thought to myself, I can't just stop paying attention to
00:33:35.320
things that are happening because that's like a really sort of privileged. And this is the
00:33:38.680
program. This is the bot mentality. There's another eight minutes in this video. He's only going to
00:33:44.600
keep saying the same shit. He's just going to keep on victimizing himself. He's going to keep
00:33:47.720
talking about his mental health. He's not going to say anything funny. He's not going to add any
00:33:51.000
values to the world. He's just going to keep validating his victim mentality. That's how predictable
00:33:56.440
these people are. And this is what I'm trying to talk to you about. This is what I'm trying to
00:34:00.120
show you. Like when I'm, yes, I can fix my demeanor and not be so and like make more articulate points
00:34:05.400
so that people think that, oh, you're so smart and stoic and you are researched well. But think
00:34:10.280
about it. There's another eight minutes left. Is he going to say anything unpredictable? Watch, listen.
00:34:16.520
It's nice to be able to just not pay attention to bad things when they're not happening to you.
00:34:18.840
So I was like, no, I have a responsibility. Everything bad that happens, I have to be there and talk
00:34:21.800
about it. And it just, it was just too much in the long run, honestly. That's the best way I can put it.
00:34:25.640
It's, I was just fatigued of bad things happening. It doesn't mean that I don't care or that I,
00:34:29.480
I think they stopped happening magically because I stopped looking at every single story.
00:34:32.280
But I do think that there is like, and it's not just me, this thing where people think they have
00:34:34.440
to know everything bad that happens all the time, or else they're like a bad person kind of,
00:34:36.680
or they're just like privileged in a way that is like wrong. But like, I just don't believe that
00:34:42.120
anymore. I fundamentally, I don't believe that you have to look at everything bad happening all the
00:34:46.840
time. For me, that was a huge. You don't have to look at everything bad happening. Is he saying
00:34:51.080
anything that you haven't heard before? Is he saying anything new,
00:34:54.040
any like huge revelations? Is he going to say anything? Is he going to say anything funny?
00:34:59.240
Is he going to say anything interesting? This is a YouTube video. 1.2 million people are watching
00:35:03.080
it. What is he going to say that you don't already know? Huge reason. Um, it was like Twitter was here
00:35:09.560
and me knowing everything horrible all the time was right there. So even though I liked my videos
00:35:12.360
that I was uploading, just the process of finding the things to talk about became so draining that I
00:35:16.040
couldn't do it anymore. Um, so there's that too. And then I guess the third main thing I did
00:35:19.640
was I sort of asked myself, what do I want? You know what I mean? What do I want out of life,
00:35:24.440
out of YouTube, out of everything? And honestly, y'all WRL chat. How many people did I,
00:35:30.680
a lot of people were saying I'm being a dickhead at the beginning.
00:35:34.040
This should open your eyes a little bit to this mentality. Hopefully I'm sure I've been saying it
00:35:38.760
since I made that video about him, put on a mask, but you're a fucking bot. Stop going on social media,
00:35:47.720
believing everything you hear. They, the systems, like all that is programming. This is proof.
00:35:53.960
When I made that video two years ago about D'Angelo Wallace, I knew this shit was going to happen.
00:35:59.960
Do you think he's going to like, I want to, I would like to call him. I'd like to talk to him,
00:36:03.560
but he won't. There's nothing unpredictable about him. I just, I just want to make videos. Like,
00:36:10.680
I know there's like a running gag of like, oh, he just, he uploads videos for money. I started the
00:36:14.280
guy by the way. I'm constantly joking about how to do this for money. Excuse me. And on the one hand,
00:36:17.080
it's kind of funny that people get mad at that because I'm like, doesn't like everyone do their
00:36:20.200
job for money. But like, you know what I mean? But the truth of the matter is, of course I'm doing
00:36:23.800
this because it pays my bills and all that stuff and money's nice to have, but I'm driven to create
00:36:28.200
things. You don't understand. I will never stop making things. I just figured out how to turn it into a
00:36:32.360
thing that worked for me, but I would never stop creating things. Even if YouTube didn't exist,
00:36:35.320
I made videos before I knew YouTube existed. Like I have a bachelor's degree, which I can never find
00:36:38.840
in mass communication. Where did I put my degree? One day I'm going to move and I'm going to leave
00:36:42.200
a pint and no one's going to believe me. But my whole entire degree is in how to create things
00:36:44.520
because it's mass communication with concentration in digital film and television production,
00:36:46.600
like behind the jokes about the money and all that stuff. Since I said that, has he said anything
00:36:50.760
unpredictable? Just this innate and burning desire to like make things that people like watching
00:36:54.120
because I like communicating with people. I feel fulfilled. There's haters watching it right now too,
00:36:57.000
because I'm going to upload this on YouTube and there's going to be people in the comment sections right now.
00:37:00.680
I can already see it because you see how it plays out. You know how it is. People are going to say,
00:37:03.800
I'm minimizing his mental health. People are saying, I'm belittling him. People are saying,
00:37:07.000
I should be more empathetic. But tell me, for the haters and for his fans who are watching this,
00:37:11.640
like in the YouTube video, there's only five minutes. Is anything unpredictable?
00:37:19.560
When people feel connected with things that I created. So that's what I want. And I sort of
00:37:22.680
realized it doesn't have to be bad things happening to people. I can kind of create anything,
00:37:25.960
you know? Now, of course, I did deal with a lot of fear because I was like, well,
00:37:28.840
the truth of the matter is negative things get more money to get more. This is word for word,
00:37:31.880
the same shit he said at therapy. He's treating this like a zoom call therapy session.
00:37:37.640
He's dressed like a therapist. You look like you still look like Ellen a year later.
00:37:41.560
Fused. They get more attention. They get more everything. And so I was like,
00:37:44.840
if I stop creating these things, then my entire business is going to fall apart. I have a business
00:37:48.200
obligation to talk about bad things. And it's not just me either. I've also paid other people.
00:37:52.520
So that's sort of where my mind was, was like, I just, I have to do this. Otherwise,
00:37:55.720
I'm going to fall apart and lose everything. My business is going to fall apart. And then
00:37:58.040
pussy, my business fell apart anyway, because of my mental health. So my business fell apart
00:38:03.320
because of my mental health. It's not my fault. Nothing's my fault. I'm a victim of mental health.
00:38:07.240
People do not take accountability for their actions anymore. When you become this much of a
00:38:10.760
bitch, nothing's your fault. This is the part where I would add a cringy zoom,
00:38:13.640
but I'm not editing video. So I can't make that sound any less sad. Um, and I sort of realized,
00:38:17.240
well, man, if there was still a possibility that this wouldn't work anyway, shouldn't I just upload
00:38:21.320
things that I actually get joy from? You know what I mean? And I don't know if that makes any sense.
00:38:25.320
So the, but that's sort of where I wound up. So the fear that I had of people not watching things,
00:38:28.040
if I didn't put some terrible thing in the title and someone else's face on thumbnail,
00:38:29.880
it's gone. You know, I, excuse me, I choose to, I can't edit that out. That's gross. I choose to
00:38:33.800
believe that people will still watch my videos, if that makes sense. Um, because I've always
00:38:37.560
marketed my videos towards people who enjoy watching them, if that makes sense. I don't need
00:38:39.960
people watching the videos who don't like me. I just need people watching the videos who like the videos.
00:38:42.520
If you watch the videos and you don't like them, you're definitely entitled to that. But
00:38:45.000
I just need to focus on finding people who will watch the things I create, if that makes sense.
00:38:48.280
You know, matter of fact, fuck your mental health. Your problems are so easy. You have an easy life. You're a famous
00:38:55.320
the easiest motherfucking job in the world and you can't do it. You're a fucking pussy. You should get
00:39:00.200
out of bed. You should be stronger than those. I'm set. Get the fuck over it. This is the perfect
00:39:05.480
example of somebody who needs to get the fuck up over it. You're no, I'm not. No, fuck that.
00:39:13.720
Too many people have mental health problems. This is some pussy ass shit, bro.
00:39:17.800
It's not quite as dire as I was making it out to be. A lot of that was just anxiety sort of clouding my brain.
00:39:20.840
But, um, so yeah, those are the three main things I got off of Twitter. I stopped trying to know
00:39:23.640
everything bad happening all the time. And I asked myself, what do I actually want to do?
00:39:26.760
What kind of content do I actually want to create? Does that make sense?
00:39:28.840
And so it took a really long time for me to get answers to those things, but
00:39:30.920
Matter of fact, you're right. Someone in chat said, what is the point of this video?
00:39:33.160
It's not. It's just venting. This is a therapy session online.
00:39:36.280
1.2 million people saw a therapy session with the camera. Therapy is not helping these people,
00:39:43.080
bro. It makes it worse. It validates your problems. That's why he's just saying a whole bunch of nothing.
00:39:48.040
I do have them now, thankfully. I do definitely know where I want to go with things. I definitely
00:39:54.280
see a path to success instead of just, like, the darkness that I just feel like every time I think
00:39:57.400
about YouTube. And, um, that's sort of where I am. That's sort of where I am now. It's...
00:40:02.680
Much better place than I was nine months ago. I'm happy to report. And, you know, I did have to kind
00:40:06.360
of go into lockdown there. Like, this entire time I've been gone. I know on, um, like, you may have seen,
00:40:10.760
like, repost some stuff on Snapchat and Facebook and all that stuff, but I have literally not created anything.
00:40:15.320
I haven't been able to make anything until today. This is... I unironically have lost track of
00:40:18.840
filming, so I just set this camera up and tried to make a video. But you know what? If I think
00:40:20.680
about this any harder, I'm not going to upload this one. So, I don't know, dude. I hope this
00:40:22.920
made sense. It didn't need to make sense, though. I really hope you got something out of it.
00:40:25.640
Because I just... That's... If I think about this too hard, I'm not going to be able to upload this
00:40:30.040
video. It's not mental health problems. It's just people not being able to master their own
00:40:34.040
thoughts. It's people not taking responsibility for anything in their life and blaming it on chemical
00:40:38.840
imbalances in their brain. People are becoming fucking pussies, man.
00:40:41.960
Always over-explain things. I always feel the need to have a reason for why I feel things.
00:40:44.040
But the truth of the matter is, I don't need a reason to feel things, and I don't need permission
00:40:46.760
to feel the way that I do. And so I think realizing that sort of has made it a lot easier to breathe.
00:40:49.240
And I hope maybe you watching it can get some of that from me. You know? Maybe, maybe not.
00:40:53.080
But um... Okay, we're almost at the end. Remember six minutes ago, eight minutes ago,
00:40:56.280
I said, was he gonna say anything funny, anything unpredictable? He did not. He said exactly what
00:40:59.080
he thought he was gonna say. I don't actually remember what the last outro thing was I said
00:41:01.480
in my videos nine months ago. So I'll just make up a new outro here. Bye.
00:41:06.360
Get over it. Get over it. Woo. WRL chat. I know. Maybe I was being a dick. Maybe I was being a dick.
00:41:17.880
I think some people need it, man. I think you need it sometimes. I don't think everyone should be
00:41:22.120
bum feel sorry for a famous YouTuber who's too sad from Twitter to make a video. Someone needs to tell
00:41:37.960
Question is what? I feel nothing and it hurts. This was such an accurate description.
00:41:48.520
Moving on. Cause this shit fucking, we need a little more energy.
00:41:52.760
I know that shit was depressing. Wake the fuck up. Let's do 10 pushups real quick.
00:42:14.840
I know that something people know they never take you.
00:42:22.360
I have become very flower because you are definitely getting back up.
00:42:25.640
Are you doing Christmas like när I come back up?