00:35:25.880But I think the biggest issue and what I noticed in Mecca was that, um, yes, that's true, but doing it for the right reasons.
00:35:32.400Like, I think it's okay to say a racial slur and no, if someone gets upset because my intentions are pure, it's just like, it's funny to me and it's funny to people who get it.
00:35:40.120But also the fact that if I do have eyes that I'm putting out the right message and that I'm influencing in the right way that it's, it's not just like clamoring symbols, like a loud monkey, um, or getting, you know, there's some people that just started into a giant clown show, um, that I'm doing something right.
00:35:57.940And that every time I speak that it's, you know, there is some, something positive coming out of it.
00:36:21.900So like now I can see that you're more centered, right?
00:36:25.580And now you're sort of saying like, okay, like if my intentions are pure and like all this other stuff, which is cool, but like you were, you were clowning long before that, right?
00:36:33.920You were getting rises out of people long before you went to Mecca and, and understood everything that you've understood now.
00:36:59.720Growing up was, you know, I grew up in a, um, around Connecticut and New York, um, New Haven, you know, a pretty mixed, diverse, um, two parent household, really good parents.
00:37:12.220Um, and I feel pretty, yeah, siblings, older sister, younger brother.
00:37:17.780And, and what will you say you feel pretty?
00:37:20.800Um, I'm very grateful that I have really good parents and I still do.
00:37:24.360And what made your parents really good?
00:37:26.020They sacrificed a lot in order to raise us properly.
00:37:28.820And they, they put a hundred percent into parenting.
00:50:27.160So, I think that that, too, is not something that I entirely disagree with.
00:50:32.160I wouldn't say you're wrong about that.
00:50:33.800I've worked with many people, myself included, who are probably somewhere on the ADHD spectrum.
00:50:38.480And I have come to see the way that my mind works as a gift.
00:50:42.900At the same time, so I think this is one area in which I would, if I had to judge what you say, one area in which you're incomplete is that you tend to make a lot of generalizations.
00:50:54.200So, I don't hear in you that ADHD is variable amongst different people.
00:51:01.720I don't hear that conception when you speak.
00:51:04.800So, you say, it wasn't a disorder for me, which is fair enough.
00:51:09.700Ritalin for me didn't work, which is fair enough.
00:51:11.700But you don't know what the experience of everyone else with ADHD is like.
00:51:16.400And for some people, it is a crippling disorder.
00:51:19.020And what we mean by crippling disorder is that they cannot function in the world because they cannot get their mind to focus in the worst cases of ADHD.
00:51:27.980I think that that puts the blame on something that's genetic or something that's innate rather than just saying it's misled focus or, like, misdirection.
00:51:36.600For example, there's this guy on Twitter, Brute, and he talks about how a meth head is almost identical to an Elon Musk CEO billionaire.
00:51:45.180A meth head has all this energy that instead of he's putting into a Fortune 500 company, he's just putting it into the pipe.
00:51:51.280You know, he's digging holes in the backyard looking for China.
00:51:53.780As soon as you put that guy in the right direction and you can put him to something where he can direct all that meth energy to something that's positive, he's the same.
00:52:06.860They're more in common with the average person.
00:52:09.760That's what confuses me because I would agree with you 100%.
00:52:13.180I mean, the majority of clinical practice that I've done is, like, actually addiction psychiatry.
00:52:18.040And I would completely agree with you that the majority of my patients who are addicted to stuff have an immense amount of energy, are incredibly resilient, are oftentimes highly intelligent.
00:52:29.560And helping them channel that into healthier things leads to excellent outcomes.
00:52:52.700So I have spoken with a ton of patients that I was very confused by when they would say things like cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:53:03.000And I'd be like, bro, what are you talking about?
00:53:08.220And that's when there are cases of cancer where, like, here I am, I'm 36, I'm not taking care of myself, I'm not taking care of my family, I'm like, ah, like, whatever, life is, like, whatever.
00:53:17.680I'm bitching all the time, like, I'm not really doing anything with my life.
00:53:20.980And then you tell someone, hey, you could have one year to live.
00:53:26.460Like, I've got one year to live, and, like, I don't want to die, like, I hate my life, but I don't want to die, I want to live.
00:53:32.120And then six months later, after chemotherapy, they have a surgical resection, they shrink the cancer, they remove it from the body, and then they discover that you're cancer-free.
00:53:41.320And suddenly someone is like, thank God.
00:53:44.300I was dead at 35, and at 36, post-cancer, I'm starting to live life.
00:53:50.680I've started to realize that life is precious.
00:57:25.460So I would say that, so you asked how long I've been doing it.
00:57:28.980So I would say the longest patient is six years, but even in that case, the patient has done well for extended periods of time.
00:57:36.240So they'll be like done with therapy for about two years and then something will happen and they'll call and then we'll kind of work through it.
00:57:42.180We'll work together for about six months and then we'll take a break for eight months and then something else happens.
00:57:46.740And that's usually what that looks like.
00:57:50.500There are definitely some patients who need ongoing emotional support.
00:57:56.200But those people, I think, tend to have difficulties with the basic day-to-day skills that lead to wellness.
00:58:04.360So either they are, they're in a situation where they can't exercise, they're cognitively in a space where they really can't regulate their emotions and they require someone else's like support in an ongoing basis.
00:58:17.080I've absolutely worked with people like that.
00:58:19.820But I don't think that's the majority of people.
00:58:47.820Why are they coming in to pay for services?
00:58:50.900Are you talking about the average person in general?
00:58:53.440Yeah, like a nine of, yeah, the average person that sees you.
00:58:56.320Like, what are you, what are you noticing as a common deal right now?
00:58:58.280Yeah, so people see me for a different reason.
00:58:59.040So I think people see me that are a little bit less enamored with therapy and psychiatry.
00:59:03.460So given my background of, like, complementary and alternative medicine and the fact that I studied to become a monk, like, people will come to me because they don't want to be on medication, because they want to optimize their performance in some way.
00:59:17.280So, and most people come to me because they are interested in, like, understanding themselves better and mastering themselves more.
01:04:16.680Or if, if I walk into a room and everyone was laughing and then suddenly everyone goes silent, what do you think is the emotion that you would feel?
01:04:25.680When everyone was laughing and then I say joke and everyone goes silent?
01:07:18.680So I, I mean, I think, I think that's, that's actually, I'm really, I love those examples.
01:07:26.680Because I think they really speak to, so when we have emotions, if, so they can be useful, but they can also like, if we're not in control of them.
01:07:35.680If we don't really understand where they come from, or why they come from a particular place, and we're not able to regulate them, we get into trouble.
01:07:58.680So, so, and then I think that like, so this is where we kind of come to emotions such as crying or, or is a weakness.
01:08:04.680That's kind of where I'm going with this, is that I think so, in my opinion, or expertise, or call it whatever you want to like, you will be a more effective human being, if you can understand and even to a certain degree control.
01:08:19.680If you have a better relationship with your emotions, in the same way that we can train our muscles, or our breathing, we can also train our mind.
01:08:33.680And so I think one of the key parts of that training is a better relationship with our, our emotions.
01:08:39.680And specifically to understand, so sometimes we will also have inappropriate emotions.
01:08:44.680So a good example of this is, let's say that I get anxious asking for a raise from my boss, even though I've worked really hard, I feel I deserve it.
01:08:56.680But something has happened to me over the course of the way that my brain formed where asking someone for a favor or something that I believe I deserve results in anxiety.
01:09:13.680In this scenario, I imagine you would say, go work out, pray, and gas yourself up in some way, and then go demand what you are owed, go and be strong, right?
01:09:25.680I wouldn't say gas yourself up, but yeah.
01:09:45.680And yeah, so I, I think like that's a fair perspective.
01:09:49.680So I think a lot of what, so the, the, another thing to understand is sometimes the way that our emotions get wired are based on our experiences.
01:09:57.680So for example, like, um, you know, let's say that like, I don't know, I mean, this is kind of a random ass example, but, uh, let's say that one of my parents was a clown.
01:10:10.680And one of my parents was physically abusive.
01:10:12.680And then what happens is since they were wearing their clown costume, when they were physically abusive, when I was five years old, I learned to fear clowns.
01:10:23.680So my brain formed associations, which is what brains do, that when I see big floppy shoes and a big red nose, that means that I'm in danger.
01:10:32.680And so this is the way that our brain wires based on experiences.
01:10:39.680So then what happens is like, I'm 35 years old, I'm at my kid's sixth birthday party, and someone invited a clown, which I've been avoiding, which means I start having anxiety and panic.
01:10:48.680Because my brain has learned a long time ago when my neurons were still forming that clowns mean danger.
01:11:54.680So it's not that you forget traumatic past.
01:11:55.680It's that normally when we think about a particular memory, and I'm sure that if we talked long enough, we would, I could ask you about particular memories.
01:12:04.680And those memories would trigger emotional reactions with you, right?
01:12:11.680We could talk about whatever, and we would have some emotions.
01:12:13.680Now, the problem is that when people have something like PTSD, the size of their reaction is debilitating.
01:12:20.680So, like, when I hear, like, if I'm a Vietnam war vet or something like that, or an Iraqi war vet, and I hear a door slam, my mind literally goes back to being in a combat scenario.
01:12:32.680I'm trying to duck under fire, but, like, I'm at a bus stop dropping my kid off.
01:12:37.680So that, that needs to, that shit needs to be rewired.
01:12:40.680And so the way that EMDR works is we actually have those people recall that stuff, but the way that we move our eyes, since our attention is somewhere else.
01:12:50.680Yeah, you're supposed to look back and forth to forget things.
01:12:55.680Well, I'm going to say yes, but there is certainly a camp of people in the psychiatry and psychotherapy community that think that EMDR, the therapeutic benefit of EMDR is way, is been overblown, and it's not everything that everyone thinks it is.
01:13:13.680So that's kind of, anyway, so EMDR is just a good example of what we're trying to do is almost, like, split your mind and prevent that emotional reaction.
01:13:22.680So now we're going to talk about this stuff, but since you're concentrating over here, you're not actually paying attention to the memory, and then you get desensitized to it.
01:13:29.680It's, there's a little, it's a desensitization therapy, right?
01:14:40.680So even though there's, like, this naked person over here who's trying to seduce you, your physiologic reaction, your mental reaction is not going to happen because your mind is over here.
01:14:50.680And on the flip side, one of the treatments for premature ejaculation is to think about other stuff while you're having sex.
01:16:55.680But if it's something I'm not good at and I do need to ask for some help or some information, then, you know, I'm okay to learning things.
01:17:02.680But when it's my area of expertise, when it's something that I've trained and worked at and I need help, it's like, there's disappointment and there's anger that I'm not better.
01:17:57.680How does someone know the difference between?
01:17:59.680An appropriate disappointment and an inappropriate disappointment.
01:18:03.680I mean, it depends on why you're disappointed.
01:18:07.680If you're disappointed for selfish reasons, then that's inappropriate.
01:18:11.680If you're disappointed because you should have been and it shows that you are trying to seek out more competence, then I think that's appropriate.
01:18:22.680Say you missed, like, okay, I used to play soccer when I was a kid.
01:18:26.680If I missed a penalty shot and I've been working on the penalty shot for a while, I think it's appropriate that I'm disappointed that I didn't hit the game-winning goal.
01:18:33.680And that motivation there, that disappointment means I'm going to keep training harder and then make sure the next time we're in the game that I hold my team on my back and get the goal.
01:19:37.680So if I take that fuel and that, if I take that disappointment and I go sit on someone's couch and I cry it out and I'm no longer disappointed, then I don't end up improving.
01:19:48.680And that's how a lot of women and why I attribute therapy goers to, like, effeminate liberals because when women are disappointed and sad, they call up their friends and they say, let's eat chocolate and drink wine until we feel better.
01:20:43.680It can work for most people, but I think God created men to be leaders and women to be the nurturers.
01:20:48.680So I think God wants us to be as competent as possible and we should be strong.
01:20:52.680And there is there, of course it can work for other people, but the most optimal way is to, is to work through it through, through, it's just to work through it instead of talk about it and sit in it.
01:21:36.680So, so, but what I'm curious about is like, if you've never really tried therapy, how do you know that it is inferior to the things that you're doing?
01:21:50.680Well, I guess, um, I would call that going to the ocean, going to the beach and saying, I don't like swimming when you don't get in the water.
01:23:30.680So our behaviors are tied to certain internal impulses and that the better we understand the relationship between our thoughts, our emotions and our behaviors, the better control we will have over the whole system.
01:23:44.680So cognitive behavioral therapy has been designed to teach people to better control usually their behaviors, but oftentimes their thoughts and their emotions as well.
01:23:52.680So we can create the instrument that we want.
01:23:55.680And emotional competence is a big part of this.
01:23:59.680And a big part of emotional competence is familiarity with your emotions, getting in and like playing with the Play-Doh of your emotions.
01:24:08.680And frequently in that kind of way there involves things like tears.
01:24:14.680So if I if I have some something that I'm super sad about and super hurt about and I shove it down or I drink or whatever, and I don't engage in healthy behaviors.
01:24:24.680One way to sort of fix that is to actually like cry, let that stuff up and out and kind of exercise it from the body.
01:24:33.680And the value, I think, is sort of this.
01:24:36.680I mean, maybe not the same because it sounds like you think prayer is superior, but you've used you even said that, you know, people will go through some level of I would call it catharsis where they're at Mecca.
01:25:12.680The other two things you want to respond to that or I've got two other things I wanted to share.
01:25:17.680I just want to quickly say, like, I think a lot of crying could be self pity and self loathing and serving the self by feeling bad about yourself and blaming.
01:25:24.680Like when a lot of people cry, they do it because they're like, why me?
01:26:05.680So the whole point of like processing emotions is to be done with them, not to repeat that cycle over and over again.
01:26:11.680And I've had my fair share of people who are way too indulgent with self pity.
01:26:16.680But I would argue that that's the same problem in a different way, but is the same problem as all the others that I've said, including things like PTSD, which is that they're inappropriate emotional reaction or the emotions that they've lost control of are self pity.
01:26:33.680So I one time had a patient who like this is early on before I became a really competent therapist and would come in and after they would complain about being depressed.
01:26:41.680And six months later, like they came in, they had the same fucking complaints.
01:26:45.680And I was like, are you getting better by coming here?
01:30:30.680Like, you're kind of agreeing with me.
01:30:33.680You're saying that because you're a monk and because you've connected with something spiritually, they're looking for some sort of guidance from you.
01:30:39.680Isn't the ultimate form of that guidance just talking to God?
01:32:54.680And we don't have great evidence that exercise is sufficient to protect against suicidality.
01:33:00.680But don't you see, isn't there a correlation between the amount of people, how much we are talking about mental health and the rise in suicide in men?
01:33:08.680More people are going to therapy than ever.
01:33:10.680Mental health is being talked about more than ever.
01:33:11.680And also the suicide rate has never been higher.
01:33:47.680Now, the interesting thing about suicidality is that the suicide rate is higher than it's ever been, but not by much.
01:33:53.680The really shocking thing, and this is what's really interesting, is that suicidality, especially in men, has been relatively constant.
01:33:59.680It's going up a little bit, but it is not actually correlated with the rise in mental illness.
01:34:07.680There's even one study that I was looking at recently that suggested that 50% of men who kill themselves have no evidence or history of mental illness, which, for the record, I kind of buy.
01:34:20.680So I think a lot of suicide, a lot of men that kill themselves, and this is also like as a professional, there's a difference between someone coming into my office and who's suicidal because their mind is not functioning correctly.
01:34:42.680But I'd say that half the men that come into my office, the reason they're suicidal is not because their mind is misfunctioning.
01:34:48.680It's because it's functioning very well.
01:34:50.680And they played the tape through to the end.
01:34:52.680And their genuine assessment of their circumstances makes it so that staying alive is not as good of an option as just ending it.
01:35:04.680That's what really scares me the most is I think a lot of men kill themselves who are not mentally ill.
01:35:09.680They're just, life doesn't offer them anything.
01:35:13.680Life doesn't offer them anything because they're not working towards something.
01:35:21.680That's the best way to avoid depression is to be occupied with what you're doing so much that you don't have time to think about it.
01:35:29.680A lot of this mental health crisis is due to the fact that people are inactive, they're lethargic, they're lazy, and they're living internally instead of externally.
01:35:41.680So once again, I think this is like where I disagree with some, agree with some.
01:35:47.680So I completely agree with you that a contributor to the mental health crisis, and now we're getting into the polemic because we're talking about agree and disagree, but is because of inactivity, completely agree.
01:35:56.680But I think the first part of what you said is spoken like in terms of people can work, you know, work out and conquer depression.
01:36:03.680I think there's a subgroup of people that can, but that really is a statement made by someone who I don't think has been clinically depressed.
01:36:09.680Because if you really look and you talk to these people, I would argue that someone who's clinically depressed actually works way harder and puts forth a lot more effort than someone who is not depressed.
01:36:20.680The difference is they just get very little out of it.
01:36:25.680So like think about the hardest thing that you've had to do.
01:36:29.680And what would your life be like if getting out of bed was that hard?
01:36:33.680So the scale of difficulty of people who are like clinically depressed is that everything is like very difficult.
01:36:42.680Very difficult. Everything's the rate loss.
01:36:45.680I think it's just a belief, like saying that if you believe that it's very difficult to get up, then it's going to be very difficult.
01:36:51.680But if you don't even have that as a possibility in your mind, then that's not going to be a problem.
01:36:55.680If you believe like I'm clinically depressed, I have a difficult time waking up.
01:37:32.680So I would say that my personal prescribing pattern is 25% of my patients are on medication.
01:37:38.680If I prescribe medication, it depends on the patient.
01:37:41.680If I prescribe medication, I would say that 70% to 80% of people that I prescribe medication for will be off of medication within 12 to 18 months.
01:37:52.680So I think medicine is a tool just like anything else.
01:37:56.680I don't think that antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication fix anything.
01:38:00.680But they make your life easier as long as you take the pill.
01:40:39.680Anyway, so a couple of something, a couple of things to understand.
01:40:42.680One is in developing countries like Haiti.
01:40:45.680One thing you've got to be super careful about is that suicides are not cataloged to suicides because they don't have an infrastructure to detect suicide.
01:41:08.680But everybody in the first world, everybody in America, everybody in the West knows somebody who's killed themselves or threatens to kill themselves.
01:41:53.680So I don't quite agree with that, because I think that there's also like a level of evolution where the the the difficulties that we face have changed.
01:42:23.680So it's really interesting, because if you really look at it, every dimension of medicine has gotten better over the last 50 years, except for mental health.
01:42:31.680Mental health is the only one place where we're losing the war.
01:42:35.680And it's because we have so much time to think about it.
01:42:38.680We've never had more time to focus on it.
01:43:12.680And I shoot an arrow and I miss the deer.
01:43:14.680And then you shoot an arrow and you hit the deer.
01:43:16.680And then I feel bad about it because, man, Sneeko is such a better.
01:43:19.680He's so Chad and I'm so beta or whatever the fuck.
01:43:22.680And then what happens is we carry this deer for two hours back and then I have plenty of time to process on that two hours like my feeling of inferiority.
01:43:55.680This is why a lot of people like what happens is they're so technologically occupied.
01:43:59.680And then when they go to sleep at night, the thoughts come flooding back.
01:44:03.680All of the things that they've they built up, everything that they've suppressed, everything that they've shoved down comes flooding back and then they can't sleep.
01:44:12.680Then they've got insomnia and then they'll use a CBD, whatever, or like drink or, you know, whatever.
01:44:19.680Or they'll wait till they're so fucking fatigued that they absolutely pass out because they can't go to bed.
01:45:25.680And I mean, you kind of you kind of jumped right into it because you said, like, yeah, I felt invisible, like.
01:45:29.680And so this is where what I would encourage you to really think about is if you pay attention to yourself, you'll find I think God will help with this, by the way.
01:47:29.680That's that's why people like therapy, because they go that and they go there and it's a place where they can surrender their ego and they have someone who helps them see that.
01:47:39.680We're trying to convince you to go to therapy, but I think that almost impossible is like it's like kind of saying like it's almost impossible to fly.
01:47:45.680Well, yeah, if you don't know how to build a plane, I agree.
01:47:48.680But there's a there there are literally techniques.
01:47:51.680And even even if you look at Islam and Mecca and things like that, and, you know, all these rituals they come up with are all.
01:47:58.680Physiologically and psychologically priming you for surrender to clean yourself, to wear white.
01:48:04.680They figured this stuff out, man, that ain't random.
01:49:36.680I wouldn't be able to find faith without first logically coming to the fact that God created everything.
01:49:44.680First, I have to I had to understand that there has to be one intelligent designer that we can't exist without God, that we're all the concept of Tawheed, of oneness, that there's one creator and we're all he created the universe.
01:49:58.680So arriving there logically, then help me find faith.
01:50:03.680So I think that that's oftentimes many people's experiences that they have some kind of intellectual.
01:50:09.680I don't know what the word I'm looking for is like an intellectual comfort sounds too small, like an intellectual realization, and then that sort of forms faith.
01:50:42.680I think this is an interesting conversation.
01:50:47.680Did I satisfy your your you had asked a question about what what I understood about that it being invisible and being noticed and stuff that that that I answer that I know I was being playful about it earlier, but I don't want to leave you hanging there.
01:51:02.680I think it's less about being noticed, but also it's an innate desire to I want to inspire and I like connecting with people.
01:51:10.680It's not really like a look at me, look at me thing.
01:51:12.680It's more that I want to be sure that I have a positive impact on the world, that there's something there.
01:52:04.680I think a lot of people like to feel as if they're unique.
01:52:07.680I think that's why people go to therapy to think that their individual experience is special.
01:52:11.680And I think we need to remove that idea that we're all special because we're not, you know, we're all God's creation and we're not that different.
01:52:21.680You know, there's nothing that really separates me from anybody from from you or anybody watching this right now.
01:52:27.680I don't think that I don't think we're that different.
01:52:30.680And I think the best thing we can do with our time is to is to create inspire.
01:54:23.680Which I think upsets a lot of people, right, because you don't really you're what you believe is like universally true is what I am really getting a lot of from you.
01:54:32.680So what I'm kind of curious about is you seem open minded, but.
01:54:44.680I mean, I had an interview series in New York called the one minute podcast where I just would set up a table in the subway station and talk to people and just look at them and listen.
01:54:56.680I think I've talked and listen to more people than ninety nine point nine percent of people.
01:55:01.680Obviously, you probably have done it extensively, but compared to how long I've been doing interviews and speaking to people doing the one minute podcast, I think that I have a sample rate of speaking to people.
01:55:43.680So that's also what's kind of confusing for me is like, I think I can see you thinking about it.
01:55:48.680And part of the reason that I was interested in speaking with you is because I've seen a little bit of your stuff and you actually seem to think about stuff.
01:55:57.680Like, I don't get the sense that I mean, I think you're quite inflammatory, but I don't think you're you're quite as rigid as you don't seem very rigid.
01:56:04.680I mean, you actually think about stuff.
01:56:05.680But what I would really encourage you to do is when someone says something that you think about.
01:56:15.680Don't just critically analyze it, try your hardest to understand how that could be true for this person.
01:56:26.680That's another idea that I just disagree with philosophically.
01:56:30.680I don't think that there's your truth or my truth as much as people like to give it.
01:56:35.680I think that there is one universal truth.
01:56:39.680And that's what I that's what I've always been trying to get to is what is the truth, because everybody has this belief that there is my truth, my truth.
01:56:46.680And I think that's where people lead astray.
01:58:13.680And set aside your own beliefs and really try to understand their perspective, because I get the sense that you listen, but I do also get the sense that your mind is very automatic with like counter arguments.
01:58:28.680I think you're just going to get more.
01:58:30.680And it's not about I'm not talking about woke, like, oh, everyone has their truth.
01:58:34.680Like, I think there's truth to that statement, but that's not what I'm alluding to.
01:58:37.680What I'm saying is the simply that you're a flawed human being and everybody else is a flawed human being.
01:58:41.680And if you try to understand, really try to sit in someone else's shoes and understand their perspective, that you will have an enriched understanding of the world.
01:58:50.680And my experience has been the more people whose perspectives I understand, the closer I get to that common truth, because it's the part that everyone agrees about that is the closest to the truth.
01:59:04.680That's a logical assumption, but that's been my experience or just something to think about.
02:02:24.680And then he turned to me and he was like, well, it's because that every part of my life is falling apart that I can't stop.
02:02:32.680Heroin is the only time that my life is put together.
02:02:36.680The rest, when I'm not high, like everything's falling apart.
02:02:39.680So for most people who are addicted, there's this neuroscientific component, but there's also something underlying that is driving the addiction.
02:02:49.680So whatever insecurity it is, whatever, however you manage your emotions, you can metabolize your emotions, you can hit the gym, you can go pray, you can go see a therapist.
02:03:00.680And I think like everything all together is ideal, unless something doesn't work for you, which is totally fair.
02:03:07.680And so you have to fix what's driving the underlying addiction.
02:03:11.680And if you look at the science of porn addiction, the number one thing that correlates with having a pornography addiction is a sense of meaninglessness in life.
02:03:22.680So finding purpose is a very powerful antidote to porn addiction.
02:03:26.680And a simple way to understand that is you have to have a reason to stop watching porn.
02:03:32.680You got to be doing something with your life.
02:03:35.680Otherwise, like if you're fucking sitting at home all day, like why the fuck not, right?
02:03:39.680Your brain is sitting there and it's like, we've been sitting here for six hours.
02:03:48.680You got to start to get some purpose, do some emotional metabolism, which is the ultimate fuel for the porn addiction.
02:03:55.680And then there's also a behavioral component of like, you know, reducing your consumption, limiting your consumption, making it so when you have an impulse to watch porn is it isn't so easy.
02:04:08.680So if you sort of have an impulse to engage in an addictive behavior, if you can create time between the impulse and the access, that will help a lot.
02:04:19.680And if you really think about it, people who develop technology understand this.
02:04:25.680So it used to be that I had to unlock my phone and then open an app in order to like look at cat pictures.
02:04:33.680But phone developers are getting better and better and better at face ID, thumbprint.
02:04:39.680And so now it's easy anytime we have an impulse to access it.
02:04:43.680And the more time that we delay, the more that our impulse can disappear or we can start to think or we can think, OK, I don't have time for this.
02:04:51.680But like people are getting really, really good at like I have an impulse.
02:06:25.680So I don't I don't agree with the generalization of your statement, but I completely agree that for some people, for me, sparring is harder than talking about my emotions.