SNEAKO - SNEAKOs Full Therapy Session With HealthyGamerGG

00:00:00 Hey, Dr. K.

00:00:04 What's up, man?

00:00:05 Nice to meet you.

00:00:09 Nice to meet you, too.

00:00:10 Can you just count to 10 for me real quick?

00:00:12 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

00:00:16 Perfect.

00:00:17 Perfect.

00:00:18 Can you count to 420 for me?

00:00:22 Yeah.

00:00:23 1, 2, 3, 4.

00:00:26 Okay, that's fine.

00:00:27 That's good.

00:00:28 That sounds good.

00:00:29 How are you?

00:00:30 Good, dude.

00:00:31 How are you?

00:00:31 I'm like...

00:00:32 Are we streaming?

00:00:34 Yeah, I'm live right now on Rumble.

00:00:35 Okay, cool.

00:00:37 Are you streaming?

00:00:38 Nope.

00:00:39 Okay.

00:00:39 I think you're banned on all the platforms that I stream on.

00:00:42 Yeah, that does happen.

00:00:45 That does happen.

00:00:46 So you're a therapist?

00:00:48 Yes.

00:00:49 Okay.

00:00:49 Well, I'm a psychiatrist.

00:00:50 You're a psychiatrist.

00:00:51 Okay.

00:00:52 I don't believe in therapy, and I think it's a scam, and I don't think it's necessary,

00:00:56 and I don't think that even if there is anything wrong with my brain that this is going to be

00:01:00 helpful whatsoever.

00:01:02 I believe that men should just get over it and push forward.

00:01:06 I think a better use of your time instead of talking about your feelings is working hard

00:01:10 and building something.

00:01:12 That's a better use of your time than anything that...

00:01:14 Even if this was productive, my time would have been better spent making some money and

00:01:18 getting stronger and getting better.

00:01:20 But I want to be convinced that it's useful because a lot of people are talking about therapy,

00:01:25 and people have accused me of being mentally ill quite a bit.

00:01:29 They've called me mentally ill since I was a child.

00:01:32 I get that a lot from the internet saying,

00:01:34 Snego needs to go to therapy.

00:01:34 So maybe you can change that perception.

00:01:39 Okay.

00:01:40 So let me just make a couple things clear.

00:01:42 So I am a psychiatrist, but I'm not your psychiatrist.

00:01:47 Okay.

00:01:47 Is that clear?

00:01:48 So I'm not doing therapy with you, right?

00:01:50 You're not my patient.

00:01:52 I'm not going to be diagnosing you or treating you for anything.

00:01:56 Okay.

00:01:57 We're having a conversation.

00:01:59 And I didn't know what we were talking about.

00:02:01 We can talk about anything.

00:02:03 I'm just like prefacing with that.

00:02:05 Yeah, that's totally fine.

00:02:06 So, and I mean, is that what you want to talk about?

00:02:10 No, I want to talk about whatever you want to talk about.

00:02:12 Can I cry?

00:02:14 Sure.

00:02:15 Okay.

00:02:15 I don't know how this works.

00:02:17 What are we supposed to do?

00:02:19 That's a great question.

00:02:20 So, well, I mean, so was there something in particular that you were thinking about when

00:02:26 we last connected?

00:02:28 So I don't know if we reached out to you or you reached out to us or what exactly happened,

00:02:31 but was there something in particular that you had in mind?

00:02:37 Okay.

00:02:38 Well, what do you specialize in?

00:02:39 I've seen you talk to some of my friends.

00:02:41 You talked to Aiden for a couple hours and you were able to dissect and figure some stuff

00:02:44 out.

00:02:45 And I don't know.

00:02:47 I think this could be an interesting conversation.

00:02:48 I don't really know.

00:02:50 I completely agree.

00:02:51 I think this is going to be a very interesting conversation.

00:02:54 Okay.

00:02:55 I think it's, I would.

00:02:57 So let me tell you.

00:02:58 So you asked, how does this work?

00:03:00 So I think there are a couple things to consider.

00:03:02 Okay.

00:03:02 We already talked about, you know, it's not my place to do a diagnostic assessment of

00:03:07 you and say that you are or aren't mentally ill.

00:03:10 That being said, sometimes I talk to people and people will have questions about particular

00:03:19 things.

00:03:20 Sometimes those are related to mental health.

00:03:22 And I'm happy to answer questions about particular things or try to help people understand parts

00:03:28 of themselves, which a lot of times people think is the same as therapy.

00:03:31 That's not the same as therapy.

00:03:32 It's something that understanding yourself is a part of therapy, but not all paths of

00:03:38 self-understanding are therapy.

00:03:40 Does that make sense?

00:03:41 Yeah.

00:03:42 Yeah.

00:03:42 Um, and I, I think, I mean, I really enjoyed hearing your take on how therapy is not real

00:03:49 and how people should just tough it out.

00:03:51 It's real, but it's, it's a giant waste of time.

00:03:53 Like I don't think there's some people that have trauma, some people have trauma and PTSD,

00:03:57 I think like veterans or something like that, or if you have the really like death and the,

00:04:01 I can see how it can be effective, but I think most people that go to therapy, uh,

00:04:04 just like to hear themselves yap in real time.

00:04:05 I think that they like their own problems.

00:04:07 They like feeling like a main character and it's just a way to vent. 0.99

00:04:11 And it's like a pussy way of dealing with your problems. 1.00

00:04:13 It's an easy way out. 0.99

00:04:14 I think it's actually real.

00:04:15 I think people give themselves a lot of credit for going to therapy.

00:04:17 Like it's something difficult.

00:04:18 So I think it's really easy to sit on a couch and talk.

00:04:20 I think what's better is, is moving forward and trying to, you know, shove it down and

00:04:23 keep going.

00:04:24 Because even if you don't shove it down, you're still going to think about it.

00:04:26 I think people will have this idea that you need to process your feelings on a couch next

00:04:30 to a guy.

00:04:31 Uh, you could process your feelings like while you work.

00:04:34 A lot of times I'm thinking about the things that, that I'm dealing with while I'm working.

00:04:38 And that could be therapeutic as well.

00:04:40 Or prayer.

00:04:41 I think prayer is much more therapeutic.

00:04:43 Okay.

00:04:44 So, so when you say therapeutic, yeah, that, that's great, dude.

00:04:47 So let's like, I'm excited about this conversation.

00:04:49 Um, so let me just ask you a couple of, of things.

00:04:53 So when you say that you think therapy is a waste of time.

00:04:56 Yeah.

00:04:57 Um, why do you think that?

00:05:03 Because it's, you're, you're basically just saying, you know, the answer already.

00:05:09 I think you, when you, when you, when you walk into therapy, you already know the answer.

00:05:12 Like instinctually, you know, you know what you're supposed to do and you kind of just

00:05:16 want to talk about it to make yourself feel better.

00:05:18 So where do you get the idea that therapy is about, uh, where, where do you get your impression

00:05:25 of what therapy is?

00:05:28 Um, from everybody that talks about constantly, like, you know, I'm from New York and you all

00:05:31 hear all these people, Manhattan, everybody, all the libs that they talk about.

00:05:35 Like I was just talking to my therapist.

00:05:36 Oh, I just told my therapist.

00:05:37 Oh, my therapist, my therapist, they're calling their therapist.

00:05:39 I need to talk to my therapist about this.

00:05:41 People have relationship problems and like, Oh, we need to go talk about it to my therapist

00:05:44 for five hours and have a deep therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy.

00:05:46 Like it's, it's just, it's been way more normalized.

00:05:49 And I think they prescribe a lot of problems that you always come back.

00:05:52 It's the same reason why the pharmaceutical companies do not want you to be healthy so that you

00:05:56 continue to buy their medicine.

00:05:58 If I go to a therapist, your job is to take my money from my mental health problems.

00:06:01 Why would you want me to get better?

00:06:03 You don't, you want me to keep coming back and paying you.

00:06:05 So you're going to tell me, Oh, come back next week.

00:06:07 And we'll unpack this and we'll unpack that.

00:06:09 I don't need to unpack all this from childhood.

00:06:11 I'm going to know I'm 25.

00:06:13 I'm going to shove it down and keep going.

00:06:15 I want to, I want to unpack this stuff.

00:06:17 Okay.

00:06:18 Uh, what, what has happened when you've tried to unpack it?

00:06:24 Um, unpack, unpack what?

00:06:26 So you, you said, you said that like, I don't want to unpack it.

00:06:30 I want to shove it down.

00:06:31 Yeah.

00:06:31 Like what, what, what is, so obviously you,

00:06:35 you'd want to do that for a reason.

00:06:36 Right.

00:06:36 So you've had some experience that makes you prefer.

00:06:39 Well, I'm speaking, I'm speaking generally.

00:06:41 I'm speaking generally.

00:06:42 Like people will talk about how they, they go into therapy and unpack all this stuff.

00:06:45 Uh, it's better.

00:06:47 Like, I don't understand why people are 35 reliving all that. 1.00

00:06:51 Well, I get it, but I just think that's a stupid decision. 0.99

00:06:54 Well, what, what, what do you, what do you get? 0.99

00:06:56 When you say you get it? 1.00

00:06:57 What, why do you think all these stupid people are in therapy? 1.00

00:07:01 What do you mean get it? 1.00

00:07:02 Like, well, you say, you said you get it.

00:07:05 So I'm curious, what do you get?

00:07:07 Why do you think all these people are in therapy?

00:07:08 If it's such a colossal waste of time and, and essentially a monetary leech.

00:07:12 Because it's easier to talk about things rather than find an action that's going to, it's

00:07:18 easier to talk your way out of a problem than, than work your way out of it.

00:07:20 Working is hard, pushing forward and doing things that are difficult.

00:07:24 That's harder, right?

00:07:25 Like I consider the gym therapeutic.

00:07:27 I consider sparring.

00:07:27 I spar quite a bit.

00:07:29 I consider that therapeutic.

00:07:30 Yeah.

00:07:30 So I think those things are therapeutic too.

00:07:32 And, and I, I mean, I'll be the first to say that I don't think therapy is therapeutic

00:07:36 for everyone.

00:07:37 I think that the concerns that you have are actually like quite valid in terms of, I think

00:07:44 sometimes therapy goes on way longer than it needs to.

00:07:48 I don't really think that in my experience, people, most therapists that I know are not

00:07:56 interested in keeping people there for monetary reasons.

00:07:59 And this very simple reason for that is there's no shortage of patients.

00:08:02 So if you stop paying me, there's like literally a line out the door of like hundreds of

00:08:07 people, like the average waiting list for a therapist is like three or four months.

00:08:11 Wait, when you see like a blue hair transgender walk in, you don't like rub your hands together 1.00

00:08:16 like, no, like when you see like a dude that looks like a girl with kitten ears, like what

00:08:22 makes me go, what makes me go like this is listening to you talk about therapy.

00:08:28 Why?

00:08:31 Cause I, I think that there's, there's like a lot of stuff to talk about that excites me.

00:08:35 Um, it's, it's, it's not the blue haired transgenders, man. 1.00

00:08:42 It's, it's, uh, dudes who, dudes who focus on shoving it down and action and, and don't

00:08:48 have, don't care to engage with their internal environment, which is a little bit of a judgment

00:08:53 because I don't know that that's actually the case with you, but I, I, yeah, I mean,

00:08:57 this, this excites me.

00:08:58 Um, but anyway, what do you think about what I said about, you know, with their waiting

00:09:03 lists, 50% of therapists are, don't take new patients.

00:09:07 Like we're full up, like we don't need your particular money because there's like tons

00:09:12 of people that are waiting to give us their money.

00:09:14 Okay.

00:09:15 What do you think about that?

00:09:16 Fair, but maybe the whole system works together.

00:09:18 The pharmaceutical companies, the therapists, they all work on the fact that people's mental

00:09:22 health, people are always talking about mental health.

00:09:25 They all profit off of that and, uh, in a world where people fix their problems with

00:09:30 prayer and with gym, that whole industry would never exist at all.

00:09:34 So even though you might not need more patients, it's all based on the fact that everybody's

00:09:38 diagnosing themselves in real time.

00:09:40 Well, so, so let me ask you this.

00:09:41 Um, so when you said to fix their problems with prayer, how does that work?

00:09:46 Well, I just came back from Mecca and you could see people, you call to Jew when you put

00:09:51 your, your head to the floor.

00:09:53 Um, and you see people sometimes like sobbing or when you go to the Majid on Friday, I'm

00:09:57 going to go tomorrow at 1 PM for, for Juma.

00:09:59 You see people like crying and it's because they're, they're definitely thinking of things

00:10:04 that they're, they're asking God for, for certain things to be fixed.

00:10:08 And I consider that therapeutic, that, that same type of tear that they, um, crying that

00:10:12 they might do in therapy and said they're, they're connecting with God.

00:10:14 I think all those problems, like opening up about unpacking stuff like that, you should

00:10:18 unpack it with God.

00:10:20 You know, I, I, I see them and the way that they are, and I felt it too.

00:10:24 When I was in Mecca, for example, and praying next to the Cabo, I really felt everything that

00:10:29 was going on in my head and everything.

00:10:31 It's not like I have to shut it down.

00:10:32 I know everything that that's there, but it becomes present when you're in the, when

00:10:39 you're in prayer, you, you're feeling, you're thinking about it.

00:10:41 You're, you're reminded of everybody you love.

00:10:43 You're reminded of your past.

00:10:44 You're reminded of your flaws.

00:10:45 You're reminded of what you want to do better on.

00:10:47 You're reminded of your fears and everything.

00:10:49 And then you, you look to God for strength and for guidance and to keep you on the straight

00:10:53 path.

00:10:54 Okay.

00:10:55 So, um, let me just make sure I heard you.

00:10:57 So when you pray, so it sounds like you feel a lot of positive emotions and negative too.

00:11:04 Like I wouldn't say positive too, but like, yeah, everything, everything.

00:11:08 Yeah.

00:11:08 I wasn't done.

00:11:08 So you said you feel a lot of love.

00:11:10 You feel a lot of fear, right?

00:11:11 You think about people that you love.

00:11:13 You also think about actions that you want to take in places that you want to go.

00:11:18 So you have goals that you think of.

00:11:21 Right.

00:11:22 And then, and then what, help me understand this part about God.

00:11:26 Where does God enter, enter the picture?

00:11:28 I would prefer, I can understand why therapy is helpful for a lot of people, but I think

00:11:32 it's better to go and talk that out.

00:11:34 Talk about your trauma and your past to God rather than to a man.

00:11:37 Okay.

00:11:38 Okay.

00:11:39 So I'm, I'm not trying to debate you.

00:11:42 Okay.

00:11:42 So I'm not trying to like catch you or something.

00:11:44 I'm just, I'm confused.

00:11:46 Um, because now you're saying you, you think that therapy can be helpful for other people,

00:11:50 but prayer is superior.

00:11:51 Yes.

00:11:53 So there is some benefit to therapy because it sounds like a lot of the, I'm assuming

00:11:58 that you think a lot of the mechanisms are saying you, you talk about your positive

00:12:02 emotions.

00:12:02 You talk about your negative emotions.

00:12:04 You talk about your goals.

00:12:04 You can do that with a person, but it's better to do it with God.

00:12:07 Yes.

00:12:08 What makes it better with God?

00:12:09 Because I don't believe in confessing your deepest, darkest secrets and sins.

00:12:13 I think that you're going to embellish the truth.

00:12:15 Uh, I went to therapy one time I was 19 and I, I was talking to this woman.

00:12:19 I was basically like, um, head over heels about this girl.

00:12:22 I was in college and like, it was just a lot of things I was just like going through

00:12:25 like a, so I decided, all right, like everybody's doing this therapy thing.

00:12:28 I'll pay her. 1.00

00:12:29 And then she had giant tits. 1.00

00:12:30 Uh, she was like really gorgeous. 0.99

00:12:32 And so I ended up embellishing the story.

00:12:33 And instead of like actually being honest, I was just trying to like, you know, I was

00:12:37 like spitting game on her.

00:12:38 Like I was on a date and I realized in that moment, like, I can't fully be honest with

00:12:42 the person because the only person you could really be honest with is God, uh, to a person

00:12:46 you're always going to be, there's going to be a level of entertainment.

00:12:48 There's going to be a level of lying.

00:12:49 You're going to try to, uh, make sure that they're engaged.

00:12:52 You're going to try, your ego is going to be involved when I'm talking to God.

00:12:55 I don't have any ego.

00:12:56 So there's, there's nothing, there's nothing that I need to hide or it's just cause God

00:13:01 is all knowing God's the best of planners.

00:13:03 So he's going to know.

00:13:05 And I, I even noticed that a lot when I was praying in Mecca, I felt all the, the ego and

00:13:10 the little blockades that I had in my head and the, the barriers that you have when you

00:13:16 talk to a person, they're absent when I talk to God.

00:13:20 Okay.

00:13:25 Can I think for a second?

00:13:26 Yeah.

00:13:28 How's this conversation so far, by the way?

00:13:31 Interesting.

00:13:32 Okay.

00:13:35 So let me just make sure I understood. 0.99

00:13:36 So you tried therapy once and, uh, because your therapist had big tits, it sounds like you 1.00

00:13:45 activated a different mode of relating to that person. 0.99

00:13:50 So you started like hitting on her.

00:13:53 I remember like telling the story and I was like, even my gestures, I was like, all right,

00:13:57 so boom.

00:13:57 So I was at the spot and then we really did it.

00:13:59 And like, I'm making them like, you know, I got this girl and I'm doing my thing.

00:14:02 And I was just like talking, like I was talking to like, I was trying to come off cool.

00:14:07 Yeah.

00:14:07 So would you say that what you did for that hour with that person was therapy?

00:14:15 Bad therapy.

00:14:18 What made it bad?

00:14:20 Actually, think, think about it.

00:14:24 Like I did learn some things and I didn't need to go back anymore.

00:14:28 So yeah.

00:14:30 Yeah.

00:14:31 But I think the reason it was effective was because I realized that I don't need therapy.

00:14:36 Like it just helped me realize that this is unnecessary.

00:14:38 So I did get to talk things out.

00:14:39 Yeah.

00:14:40 I see what you're saying.

00:14:41 Hold on.

00:14:41 Okay.

00:14:42 I'm honestly, I'm not trying to like debate you or like, I have no interest in proving

00:14:48 you wrong. 0.62

00:14:49 Honestly, I have no interest in that.

00:14:50 Okay.

00:14:51 It's just, I'm just like kind of curious because here you are saying, okay, I tried

00:14:55 therapy, but it sounds like, it's kind of like saying like, okay, swimming is a waste

00:15:01 of time.

00:15:01 And then you asked me like, why do you think it's a waste of time?

00:15:04 And well, I went to the beach and like, I never really got in the water.

00:15:07 I just hung out on the sand and like swimming is a waste of time.

00:15:10 Right.

00:15:11 So you went there, you did something, but I mean, you're telling me that you treated this

00:15:17 person.

00:15:17 You didn't do therapy.

00:15:18 You started flexing for her.

00:15:21 Yeah.

00:15:22 Right.

00:15:23 That's not therapy.

00:15:24 Okay.

00:15:25 Now.

00:15:26 And I think that that's fair, right?

00:15:28 Because you're also saying that, okay, like the problem with therapy is that when you

00:15:32 go, you can't be completely vulnerable or honest with another human being because, and

00:15:39 so some kind of script, and I would guess if I asked you like, okay, let's say that 0.99

00:15:43 you didn't, there wasn't a female therapist with big tits. 1.00

00:15:46 Let's say the therapist was like, I don't know, a middle-aged dude, you would still be 0.99

00:15:53 activating some kind of script with them.

00:15:56 Yeah.

00:15:57 Right.

00:15:58 And so what I'm hearing you say is that the cool thing with God is that there's no

00:16:01 scripts.

00:16:02 Right.

00:16:04 So I'm kind of curious about something.

00:16:07 So like one of the advantages of therapy, right, is that there's another human being

00:16:13 there.

00:16:13 Now that's a disadvantage because now ego enters the picture.

00:16:17 Maybe you're trying to impress them.

00:16:19 Maybe you don't want to be vulnerable, like totally fine.

00:16:22 But there's also an advantage, which is that there's a person there, right?

00:16:26 So they're able to listen.

00:16:28 They're able to respond.

00:16:30 They're able to interact.

00:16:32 They're able to observe.

00:16:34 And, and maybe I'm making an assumption here.

00:16:37 So I'm going to ask about this.

00:16:38 Do you think that God does those things?

00:16:41 Observes and listens and, and talks back?

00:16:46 Yeah, I do.

00:16:48 And, and in what way?

00:16:49 If you, if you, if you want something, you're looking for some sort of guidance, you can

00:16:56 ask God and you'll, God will respond.

00:16:59 How?

00:17:00 Not in the way that a human does, but there, there is a response.

00:17:03 And it's just, it's just, it's kind of instinctual.

00:17:06 Uh, and you know, like you, you, you can, he'll tell you what you, what you should be

00:17:13 doing.

00:17:13 Cause I think deep down, you always do know the answer.

00:17:15 So, so when you say, so you're saying that God will tell you, and then you're saying deep

00:17:21 down, you know, the answer.

00:17:22 So are we, is, are we saying that deep down the voice that's talking to you is God?

00:17:27 Is that you or is that God?

00:17:28 Or am I not understanding the?

00:17:30 Well, I mean, we all, we're all God's creation.

00:17:32 So we have, there's a sort of connection.

00:17:35 I think deep down, you all know, because we're all born pure and then we start to become

00:17:41 corrupted with sin.

00:17:42 We start to become corrupted by what's around us.

00:17:43 And then that's what creates the blockade.

00:17:45 So like behind all the ego, behind the mess and the programming, you know what the truth

00:17:50 is, but you can ask God when you, when you drop it and you're able to, to hear his guidance.

00:17:59 Okay.

00:17:59 What makes it easier or harder to hear his guidance?

00:18:02 I think it's actually, in a lot of ways, it's harder.

00:18:05 It's not easy to, to be vulnerable like that.

00:18:09 It's, it's not easy to, to get to that point.

00:18:11 It took me a long time, but I do know it's possible after consistently praying.

00:18:17 Right.

00:18:17 So, so what makes it easier or harder to hear God's voice?

00:18:20 Because you said sometimes it's here and sometimes it's harder.

00:18:22 I'd agree.

00:18:24 Well, you have to fully, it's full, full submission to God.

00:18:28 And there's a lot of like, sometimes people aren't able to do that because they're sinning

00:18:31 or sometimes people aren't able to do that because they're too angry.

00:18:36 They're too emotional.

00:18:37 Depends on what state you are in life.

00:18:38 But if you can get to that point, then, then you're able to communicate with God.

00:18:41 So, okay.

00:18:43 So I'm hearing that, I'm with you, that if you're able to get to that point, it's great.

00:18:50 Right.

00:18:50 So you, you hear some kind of voice or some kind of knowing or instinct or connect with

00:18:54 the divinity within you.

00:18:55 Is it cool if I call it that?

00:18:58 Yeah.

00:18:59 Okay.

00:19:00 But I'm also hearing that it's not entirely clear what the mechanism or methodology to

00:19:07 connect with God is.

00:19:08 So there's certain things that get in the way, maybe angry, anger, maybe sin.

00:19:13 But even if I'm not angry or I'm not sinning, does that guarantee I will hear God's voice?

00:19:19 No.

00:19:20 Or, right.

00:19:21 So then, then what else goes into it?

00:19:24 Fear.

00:19:25 It could be like sometimes, for example, well, I'll give you Islam, for example, because 0.74

00:19:30 I'm a Muslim and a lot of people connect with God in different ways.

00:19:33 And I don't think any of that is inherently wrong.

00:19:35 But for example, when you pray in Islam, you're supposed to make wudu before, which is cleansing 1.00

00:19:39 yourself.

00:19:40 You're supposed to wash your arms, wash your feet.

00:19:42 You're supposed to wash your face, your ears and everything.

00:19:44 You're supposed to be in a clean state.

00:19:46 Even when you pray in Mecca, you're supposed to be wearing a white garment that's clean. 1.00

00:19:49 Like there's, there's a way to purify yourself and make sure you have true intentions.

00:19:53 Even when you're washing yourself before prayer, you're supposed to make sure, like

00:19:56 the whole point is to make clear intentions that I'm going to pray or else your prayer

00:20:00 isn't accepted.

00:20:01 Like even when you, when you get your knees and put your head to the floor, you can't

00:20:05 just go through the motions and expect to be able to connect with God.

00:20:08 You have to have clear intentions to do that.

00:20:10 So I think there's a lot of things if you're emotional or if you don't have faith, sometimes

00:20:15 people just don't have faith.

00:20:16 Like there's, there's a lot of things that can block your faith.

00:20:19 Okay.

00:20:20 So then let's say I'm having trouble, right?

00:20:22 Let's say I don't really have faith or I'm afraid or I'm angry.

00:20:28 Actually, forget about that.

00:20:30 I realized I was slipping into an, uh, a debating kind of mode.

00:20:33 So I'll just say what I'm going to say.

00:20:35 Okay.

00:20:35 Um, so here's, here's where I think there's an advantage to therapy.

00:20:39 So I, I, I completely agree with everything that you've said.

00:20:42 Okay.

00:20:43 I think the challenge though, is that what you're sort of talking about is like difficulties

00:20:47 within you.

00:20:48 So like, let's just take faith, for example.

00:20:50 So not having faith is like really tricky, right?

00:20:54 Because if faith is not something that is born of logic, it's born of faith.

00:20:59 It's the belief in something.

00:21:01 And if you really look at it, technically, you can't have a faith.

00:21:04 You can't have faith.

00:21:05 If you have knowledge, because knowledge, knowledge is when you know something.

00:21:09 Faith is when you believe something, right?

00:21:10 You have faith in something.

00:21:11 Agreed there.

00:21:12 And I'm not trying to argue with you.

00:21:13 I'm just, I'm laying out how my understanding.

00:21:15 I understand what you're saying.

00:21:17 Yeah.

00:21:17 So I think the big advantage of therapy is that you've got like another human being.

00:21:22 So if you have other problems, right?

00:21:24 So like, if you have, let's say fear or anger or a lack of faith, that there's actually like

00:21:29 another human being there to help you with those barriers.

00:21:34 Right.

00:21:35 But humans are inherently flawed and we're never going to be perfect.

00:21:39 So absolutely.

00:21:40 You're, I mean, a therapist's advice is always going to be inferior to God's because God's

00:21:45 all-knowing and God is perfect and God's more intelligent than us, but there's, I don't

00:21:49 think that there's any human that's better than me or smarter or that knows anything that

00:21:54 I don't know because we're all created equal.

00:21:56 So, I mean, it's good to kind of voice those things.

00:21:59 And that's why that therapy session that I had with the, with that woman, with the giant

00:22:03 breast was effective because I just, I realized something.

00:22:07 She didn't tell me anything.

00:22:08 It was just me talking that made me realize that this is useless and I don't need this.

00:22:12 I think when you talk to, to the subject, yeah.

00:22:15 So, hold on, hold on a second.

00:22:16 So, so, so I'm not, I don't, once again, I don't disagree with any of your premises.

00:22:21 I just don't, I come to a different conclusion.

00:22:24 So you kind of said, I'm with you, that human beings are flawed, right?

00:22:28 And so, but just because a human being is flawed doesn't mean that a human being can't

00:22:32 help another human being.

00:22:34 True.

00:22:35 I'm not, I'm not saying it's completely useless.

00:22:37 I'm just saying that prayer is better.

00:22:43 Okay.

00:22:43 And I think people like the echo chamber and have a certain level of narcissism.

00:22:47 I think if you keep going back to therapy, like that long without any solution, you just

00:22:51 kind of like hearing yourself talk.

00:22:54 Well, I mean, when you say that long without any kind of solution, like what's your understanding

00:22:58 of, what's your understanding of like the course and outcomes around therapy?

00:23:04 There's a lot of people that I know.

00:23:07 I'm sure you know these people too.

00:23:07 They have their, the therapist on speed dial and they talk, they talk about the therapist

00:23:11 like they're friends.

00:23:12 You know, I, I don't, I don't think that's the majority of people.

00:23:15 I think that is a tiny, tiny fraction of people.

00:23:19 I would guess less than 5%.

00:23:21 So I know that for example, like part of our training as therapists is that we set very

00:23:26 clear boundaries.

00:23:26 We're not your friend.

00:23:27 So you're not supposed to be texting us all the time.

00:23:30 So when, when a patient texts or calls me at like 8 PM, I'll answer because they don't

00:23:36 usually do that.

00:23:37 And then I'll ask them, Hey, can this wait until our appointment?

00:23:40 Or do you really need to talk to me now?

00:23:42 Or do you need to go to the emergency room or like what's going on?

00:23:45 So, so I, I don't, I don't think that we, because a lot of what I'm really confused

00:23:49 about is that I think a lot of your understanding of therapy is, is based on, I'm not quite sure

00:23:54 what, like what you've heard, I guess, I guess my understanding is it's a lot of, uh, a lot

00:24:00 of liberals who, who prioritize feelings over facts, the people that, that, yeah, the people

00:24:08 that usually go to therapy, just, I don't think that they're based in, in reality.

00:24:12 I think that they, they like trivializing their lives and they're just not that interesting

00:24:18 and they want to make it more interesting by, by making up problems and unpacking everything.

00:24:22 So where, where does that, where, where do you, where do you get that?

00:24:26 Right.

00:24:26 So like there is, for example, you said that they're like interested in feelings instead

00:24:30 of facts.

00:24:31 So like, where, where do you get that impression?

00:24:34 Like, have you, I'm just so, I'm confused by that.

00:24:38 For example.

00:24:38 Because you're, you're drawing, you're drawing a lot of conclusive statements.

00:24:43 And I'm curious.

00:24:44 They have something called like gender affirming care.

00:24:46 I remember having this in school where they, there was, we had like social workers and therapists

00:24:50 that were designed there.

00:24:52 And there were rooms for safe places where there was like a psych, a psychotherapist or

00:24:57 a psychiatrist.

00:24:57 And they would just talk and they would just talk about their feelings.

00:25:00 And then it was always, they had like rainbow stickers on the front and all these people

00:25:05 that were, that ended up becoming transgender or becoming gender fluid, they were always constantly 0.96

00:25:09 in therapy.

00:25:09 Or like I went to school with a bunch of depressed kids or kids who thought they were depressed.

00:25:14 All these kids were on SSRIs.

00:25:16 Uh, they were all, uh, they said they were anxious.

00:25:19 They were constantly popping pills.

00:25:20 Um, and they all had the same political ideology.

00:25:25 It's, it was sort of like centered around the fact that weakness is okay.

00:25:28 They didn't see strength as a virtue.

00:25:29 They saw weakness as something to, to lean into.

00:25:32 How do you know that what they saw that I'm, I'm confused.

00:25:37 Like what, what, how do you know what they see?

00:25:40 I mean, by talking to, I guess I can't, I don't, but talking to them all the time to

00:25:48 see, like the people that were constantly going to therapy in my school were the gender

00:25:54 fluid people, the people that didn't believe in it.

00:25:56 And the people that were like on a different political idea, like they, they were the ones

00:26:00 playing sports, uh, working out constantly and who are, uh, who were like trying to build

00:26:05 something.

00:26:07 Okay.

00:26:08 So, so I, I'm, I'm sort of seeing like there, there's that, that just the way that you're

00:26:12 viewing things is that there's a lot of like correlations.

00:26:15 Yeah.

00:26:16 So going to therapy is correlated with weakness, with liberalism, related with a political ideology

00:26:22 is correlated with not exercising is correlated with not doing things.

00:26:28 Yep.

00:26:30 Um, inaction.

00:26:35 Let me just think about, why are we having this conversation?

00:26:47 Because maybe I'm wrong.

00:26:50 Maybe my way of thinking is, is incorrect.

00:26:52 I consider, I think it's pretty polarizing.

00:26:54 Uh, when I talk about this, it upsets a lot of people.

00:26:57 Um, so maybe, maybe my worldview was wrong and, um, maybe yours is right.

00:27:02 And maybe therapy is necessary.

00:27:04 Uh, maybe I need it.

00:27:07 What do you think?

00:27:08 I don't, I believe why the reason I believe what I believe is because I think I'm right.

00:27:13 Okay.

00:27:14 Um, yeah.

00:27:15 So, so that, that's, what's so interesting.

00:27:17 So here's my experience of this conversation.

00:27:19 So you say things in ways that are very polemic.

00:27:22 So like a polar.

00:27:24 So you say things in a way that invites me to argue with you and try to prove you wrong.

00:27:29 Like just the, the statements that you make.

00:27:31 And I can see why people are like inflamed by that.

00:27:34 And if I don't try really hard to catch myself, then I will start arguing with you.

00:27:41 Right.

00:27:41 Why are you smiling right now?

00:27:44 Cause you're right.

00:27:45 Cause you're, you're completely right.

00:27:47 That's just my way.

00:27:48 People, people tell me that quite a bit.

00:27:49 I have like a argumentative style of speaking.

00:27:53 That's not the question that I asked.

00:27:54 I asked, why are you smiling?

00:27:56 I'm smiling because you're right.

00:27:58 So what is the correlation with me being right and you smiling?

00:28:02 That in 20 minutes you picked up on what, um, you know, my friends and family have been saying for years.

00:28:08 Okay.

00:28:08 And when I pick up on something that your friends and family have been saying for years.

00:28:13 So that's just like a fact, right?

00:28:15 Like I picked up on it.

00:28:17 Yes.

00:28:17 But you have a reaction to that, which is that you're smiling.

00:28:22 Right.

00:28:22 So that reaction comes with an emotion.

00:28:27 Yes.

00:28:27 That's what the reaction is.

00:28:29 Yes.

00:28:29 What's the emotion?

00:28:29 The emotion.

00:28:32 Um, I think I get like a dopamine hit from, I like, I like, it's not an emotion.

00:28:36 What's up?

00:28:37 Dopamine is not an emotion.

00:28:39 Um, so emotion.

00:28:41 Laughter. 0.96

00:28:43 Laughter is an, and I'm not trying to make you sound stupid here, but laughter is not an action. 0.98

00:28:47 So let's think about it. 0.97

00:28:48 What's the emotion?

00:28:49 Um, joy is the expression.

00:28:51 Yeah.

00:28:52 Okay.

00:28:52 Right.

00:28:53 So like, how do you understand that?

00:28:55 Like here I am noticing something about you and your reaction is joy.

00:28:59 Okay.

00:29:02 I, I, I, I like connecting with people.

00:29:05 Yeah.

00:29:05 Right.

00:29:06 Is this, that feel good?

00:29:07 Yeah.

00:29:08 Is this weakness?

00:29:09 Is what we're doing weakness?

00:29:11 No, but it's a strength.

00:29:13 It's a strength.

00:29:13 No, it's just a conversation.

00:29:15 Like this, this is similar to most.

00:29:17 Yeah.

00:29:17 Okay.

00:29:18 Right.

00:29:18 So it's neither weakness or strength.

00:29:20 It's just, we're connecting.

00:29:21 Yeah.

00:29:21 Feels good to connect.

00:29:23 Yeah.

00:29:25 Yeah.

00:29:26 Does it, does it make us weak to connect?

00:29:29 No.

00:29:30 Does it make us strong to connect?

00:29:33 Um, neither.

00:29:36 Well, yeah, it does.

00:29:37 Yeah, it does.

00:29:38 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:29:40 How?

00:29:40 What, what's so?

00:29:42 Because, uh, you're stronger in groups.

00:29:44 So if I connect with somebody and then we, you know, we go forward, there's two of us

00:29:48 instead of one.

00:29:49 Oh, so there's value to connection.

00:29:52 Yeah.

00:29:53 Okay.

00:29:56 So I think that like, this is, we're not doing therapy, but I think that we just experienced

00:30:02 what I would call one of the benefits of therapy, which is to be seen.

00:30:06 So I know that, I know you're putting on an act and yet it feels good to like see through

00:30:15 it.

00:30:15 Right?

00:30:16 Like I kind of saw through it and that feels good.

00:30:22 I'm not, and this is the other thing is I'm not judging you for it. 1.00

00:30:25 I'm not saying like, Hey bro, you're an asshole for doing this. 1.00

00:30:27 Why do you do this? 1.00

00:30:28 I don't get angry with you.

00:30:29 I imagine a lot of people get angry with you.

00:30:31 Yeah, that's true.

00:30:32 And that must be tough for you.

00:30:37 Uh, or maybe we can talk about it.

00:30:39 Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me rephrase.

00:30:41 I'll let you go.

00:30:42 I'll let you go.

00:30:42 It used to be tough for you, but now you're better at it.

00:30:46 Now you're stronger.

00:30:47 Now you know how to pray and you have faith in God.

00:30:48 So it's no longer a problem that people are angry, angry with you.

00:30:51 Right?

00:30:52 No, no.

00:30:54 No, no.

00:30:55 Meaning what?

00:30:55 Um, also the kind of reason I laugh, I kind of like, um, I like making people react.

00:31:02 I like, like, even if it's laughter, I have the same sort of reaction to when people get

00:31:08 upset.

00:31:09 I like being able to say stuff and then people go, huh?

00:31:11 Or laugh or like, I like having an effect on people.

00:31:16 Yeah.

00:31:16 So like when I say like a racial slur and then people, like, that's really fun for me. 1.00

00:31:21 How do you, how do you understand?

00:31:23 So first of all, is that common for many people?

00:31:28 I don't think it's as common as, no, I don't think it's that common.

00:31:32 Yeah.

00:31:32 I'd, I'd agree.

00:31:33 Maybe everyone likes it a little bit, but not as much as you.

00:31:36 I like it more than most people.

00:31:37 Yeah.

00:31:38 Yeah.

00:31:38 How do you understand that?

00:31:40 I don't know.

00:31:41 It's just always been that way.

00:31:42 It's always been that way.

00:31:44 Are you interested in understanding it?

00:31:46 Yes.

00:31:50 Okay.

00:31:50 So what?

00:31:51 What's that expression?

00:31:54 Um, cause now it's like, I'm thinking you're going to like dig into my past to figure out

00:31:58 like why, why that is.

00:32:01 I don't need to, I already know the answer.

00:32:02 What's the answer?

00:32:04 I'm not going to tell you yet.

00:32:05 Huh?

00:32:08 I'm not going to, you're, we don't need to dig into your past.

00:32:11 We don't need, we don't need to, we can do that if you want to, but we're going to,

00:32:16 we're going to talk about it.

00:32:17 We're going to figure it out together, right?

00:32:18 Cause connected ape strong together, right? 0.98

00:32:22 Yes.

00:32:23 That's working together.

00:32:24 Yes.

00:32:24 Okay.

00:32:25 Okay.

00:32:25 So let's think through it.

00:32:27 Right.

00:32:28 So, um, and, and see, even the way that I'm talking to you is changing.

00:32:32 So what, what, have you noticed that I'm changing?

00:32:35 Yeah.

00:32:35 We have more, uh, defense mechanisms and now they're dropping.

00:32:39 Oh, okay.

00:32:39 Interesting.

00:32:39 Yeah.

00:32:40 So, so, you know what I'm doing to drop your defense mechanisms?

00:32:42 Um, you're saying things to make me feel welcomed and like, I'm, you're understanding.

00:32:49 Yeah.

00:32:49 And what am I saying to you to make you feel welcome?

00:32:52 Um, it's, it's everything.

00:32:55 Oh my God, Sneaker, you're so great.

00:32:57 I love you.

00:32:58 Like, I'm not right.

00:32:59 No.

00:33:00 What I'm actually doing is I know the answer you don't, and I'm not going to tell you.

00:33:03 Yeah.

00:33:04 Yeah.

00:33:05 Right.

00:33:06 And somehow like you feel welcome with that.

00:33:10 Like, let's play, like we're playing a game.

00:33:11 You feel it?

00:33:12 Well, cause everybody likes talking about themselves and that you, it's, you know, you're, you're,

00:33:16 you told me that you're going to talk more about me in the future.

00:33:19 And that's like everyone's favorite topic.

00:33:21 Is it your favorite topic?

00:33:23 No.

00:33:25 No.

00:33:25 Yeah.

00:33:25 I don't, I don't think it's everyone's favorite.

00:33:26 Maybe I just like, I don't know.

00:33:28 Yeah.

00:33:28 Right.

00:33:29 Yeah.

00:33:29 No, but I, I think it's like, I think human beings like to understand themselves.

00:33:32 I don't think that's unusual.

00:33:35 Yes.

00:33:36 Yeah.

00:33:36 So, um, so let me ask you.

00:33:38 So when, when you try to get a rise out of people, right, it can be negative.

00:33:41 It can be positive.

00:33:44 Yes.

00:33:45 Okay.

00:33:45 So let me ask you.

00:33:46 So how does it feel to not?

00:33:50 So when you get a rise from someone, I'm going to say that that means that I'm relating to you.

00:33:58 I'm noticing you.

00:33:59 I'm acknowledging you.

00:34:00 Is that fair?

00:34:01 Yeah.

00:34:03 So if you don't get a rise out of people, how do you feel?

00:34:07 Um, inadequate.

00:34:11 Yeah.

00:34:12 Getting a rise doesn't just have to mean anger.

00:34:14 My son, you just went, yeah, I know, but inadequate.

00:34:17 Yeah.

00:34:17 I'm surprised you got there that fast.

00:34:19 Like you remember, like, I remember standing in circles at school and stuff like that.

00:34:23 And like, there's like a group of people talking and then you say a joke and then nobody reacts.

00:34:26 Or like, you just say something and like that, like, am I here?

00:34:29 Like, did anybody just hear what I said?

00:34:31 Like, am I invisible?

00:34:32 And then someone repeats the joke louder and then they all get a laugh.

00:34:34 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:35 That shit sucks. 1.00

00:34:37 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:37 Right.

00:34:37 So you feel invisible unless you get noticed.

00:34:41 And so like.

00:34:43 Sure.

00:34:44 Right.

00:34:45 Your words.

00:34:46 I mean, I use the word notice, but you use the word invisible.

00:34:49 Yeah.

00:34:49 So, so, so now let's like kind of think about it.

00:34:52 Right.

00:34:52 So now like, let's, there's a guy who goes out of his way. 0.99

00:34:58 Cause fucking a, we're going to notice you, Sneeko. 1.00

00:35:01 Right. 1.00

00:35:01 You're going to make sure of that.

00:35:03 Right.

00:35:04 Right.

00:35:05 And you kind of come out charging and we'll see if you flip back into that mode later.

00:35:10 Okay.

00:35:11 You know, we'll see what your tolerance of, of vulnerability is.

00:35:15 Yes.

00:35:16 Maybe.

00:35:17 But I, I think you're okay with this because I think you like to be seen.

00:35:20 I think you're actually more okay with being vulnerable than you give yourself credit for.

00:35:25 Right.

00:35:25 But I think the biggest issue and what I noticed in Mecca was that, um, yes, that's true, but doing it for the right reasons. 1.00

00:35:32 Like, I think it's okay to say a racial slur and no, if someone gets upset because my intentions are pure, it's just like, it's funny to me and it's funny to people who get it. 0.66

00:35:40 But also the fact that if I do have eyes that I'm putting out the right message and that I'm influencing in the right way that it's, it's not just like clamoring symbols, like a loud monkey, um, or getting, you know, there's some people that just started into a giant clown show, um, that I'm doing something right.

00:35:57 And that every time I speak that it's, you know, there is some, something positive coming out of it.

00:36:04 Sure.

00:36:04 So it sounds like you, is this the first time you went to Mecca?

00:36:07 Yes.

00:36:08 Just came back.

00:36:09 And it sounds like it was quite a powerful experience for you.

00:36:12 It was the most, yeah, most powerful.

00:36:14 I haven't even fully talked about it yet.

00:36:16 Yeah.

00:36:16 It was like one of the most, it was the best experience of my life.

00:36:21 Yeah.

00:36:21 So like now I can see that you're more centered, right?

00:36:25 And now you're sort of saying like, okay, like if my intentions are pure and like all this other stuff, which is cool, but like you were, you were clowning long before that, right?

00:36:33 You were getting rises out of people long before you went to Mecca and, and understood everything that you've understood now.

00:36:39 Yeah.

00:36:39 Since I was like four years old, I used to like tell knock jock jokes.

00:36:43 Like there's, um, I would, yeah, always, I was always like making, uh, standup comedy type jokes.

00:36:50 Uh, since I was like three.

00:36:52 Yeah.

00:36:54 Can I ask you about what growing up was like for you?

00:36:56 That's like, oh my God.

00:36:57 Like, um, growing up was good.

00:36:59 Growing up was, you know, I grew up in a, um, around Connecticut and New York, um, New Haven, you know, a pretty mixed, diverse, um, two parent household, really good parents.

00:37:12 Um, and I feel pretty, yeah, siblings, older sister, younger brother.

00:37:17 And, and what will you say you feel pretty?

00:37:20 Um, I'm very grateful that I have really good parents and I still do.

00:37:24 And what made your parents really good?

00:37:26 They sacrificed a lot in order to raise us properly.

00:37:28 And they, they put a hundred percent into parenting.

00:37:31 And I think that's pretty rare.

00:37:32 I don't, my parents are still together.

00:37:33 And like, it's, it's very rare that immediate people that still have parents that are together.

00:37:37 I love my parents.

00:37:38 And when you say they sacrificed a lot, can you share a little bit about that?

00:37:42 Do you feel comfortable?

00:37:43 Yeah.

00:37:43 I mean, I think that they, they chose to, you know, they didn't go out and party ever.

00:37:48 You know, they don't really have that many friends.

00:37:50 They didn't really have like that much of a social life or a life outside of raising their children.

00:37:54 Like that was their one, number one priority.

00:37:57 Like they didn't, they weren't that, they weren't selfish whatsoever.

00:38:01 Okay.

00:38:02 And what was school like for you?

00:38:05 Um, school was, was that, you were the class clown?

00:38:10 Yeah.

00:38:11 Later on, I wasn't as funny earlier, but then I did get funny and then I was a class clown.

00:38:14 Like I had, I had ups and downs.

00:38:16 Like I tried to be, I was like fourth, fifth grade.

00:38:18 I'd like try to be the class clown more than I was.

00:38:19 It was, it was cringe.

00:38:20 But then like, I, I developed a good, uh, flow.

00:38:24 Yeah.

00:38:26 And, and what was, what was like, what were your friends like?

00:38:29 You know, things like that.

00:38:32 Um, diverse friend group. 0.98

00:38:33 And we used to make like really fucked up jokes. 0.92

00:38:34 Like, uh, my best friends when I was younger, um, a Jewish guy and a black guy. 0.96

00:38:39 And, um, I was more Asian when I was younger.

00:38:42 So they would always call me, uh, like say that my, my ancestors died building the railroads

00:38:47 and I would make Holocaust jokes and then I'd make slave jokes. 0.67

00:38:50 And then we would, we would just, it was just brutal.

00:38:51 Like just, just trashing each other all day long and try to make each other cry and laugh.

00:38:57 And, and do you have a sense of what about that kind of humor resonated with you? 0.92

00:39:04 Um, I think it was bonding over the fact that, uh, you can say fucked up things and it doesn't

00:39:11 have to come from a bad place because the teachers would always try to censor and say, 0.78

00:39:15 you can't say this, you can't say that.

00:39:16 Don't do this.

00:39:17 Don't do that.

00:39:18 But deep down, you all, you know, oh, well, my intentions are pure just because I say

00:39:21 something doesn't mean I mean it, you know, it doesn't have to dictate what my belief

00:39:26 system is.

00:39:26 And, and so have you been judged a lot for what you say?

00:39:32 Yeah.

00:39:32 I got canceled off every day.

00:39:35 And how do you understand that?

00:39:37 How do I understand?

00:39:38 What do you mean?

00:39:39 Like, what's that like for you to be judged for what you say?

00:39:43 I think it's a big responsibility because I mean, obviously it's a bigger platform than

00:39:46 just being like a class clown.

00:39:48 Uh, a lot of people listen.

00:39:49 I think one of the biggest, um, shifts in my perspective was I was at a baseball game

00:39:53 with low pump and it was in between the innings or something.

00:39:56 We're walking to the hot dog stand.

00:39:58 And then like these 11 year olds come up to me and they start like, they get really excited.

00:40:02 They're like three, three or four, like they must've been fifth, sixth grade and they go 1.00

00:40:05 fuck the women, fuck the women. 1.00

00:40:07 And I'm like, what? 1.00

00:40:07 Like, no, like fuck transgenders. 1.00

00:40:09 I'm like, no, no, no. 1.00

00:40:11 Fuck the gay people. 1.00

00:40:12 I'm like, no, no. 1.00

00:40:12 We love everyone.

00:40:13 We love everyone.

00:40:14 Just like, they were all excited.

00:40:15 I'm like, is this what they get from my, and I think it was equally like good and bad because

00:40:21 they were also, they were joking.

00:40:22 They were trying to be, they literally like reminded me exactly of how I was at 10, 11

00:40:26 years old.

00:40:27 And it looks bad because it's on camera because people are like, this is what he's making

00:40:30 them believe.

00:40:31 Like, this is not what they believe.

00:40:32 It's just something that adolescent boys all kind of go through.

00:40:36 And I think it's good that they found a vessel within my, my videos to, uh, to find a similar

00:40:41 sense of humor.

00:40:41 So actually at first I was a little shook and then it made me really happy.

00:40:44 And I, I think about those, think about those guys a lot and hope they're doing well,

00:40:47 but it is, it is reassuring that we're not reassuring, but it's like, it gives you a little

00:40:52 responsibility.

00:40:52 Like, okay, like everything I say and do, like I should have something, something positive

00:40:58 there because I'm influencing the youth, you know, whether or not a lot of people like

00:41:02 to admit it or how much they try to cancel or silence or censor.

00:41:05 Like there's, you know, um, what I say is influential.

00:41:10 Yeah.

00:41:10 And, and, and in what way, or would you say you're influencing them?

00:41:14 Um, I think I'm helping them embrace their, their boyhood in a, in a generation where it's 0.99

00:41:21 really suppressed, where men are becoming more effeminate, where we're told to, to cry

00:41:26 more and talk about our feelings more where, you know, gender ideology is pushed where,

00:41:31 you know, inherently like no 12 year old boy believes in that.

00:41:34 They don't believe in any of that. 1.00

00:41:36 Uh, they think it's garbage, think it's stupid and they don't want to make racist jokes and 0.99

00:41:39 they just want to, um, be unapologetic and be themselves. 1.00

00:41:45 And they're, they're, we're trying to mold boys into something that they're not.

00:41:50 And it's making a lot of people unhappy.

00:41:51 And I don't think a lot of people see what's going on.

00:41:54 When you say it's making a lot of, uh, when we're molding boys into what they're not right.

00:41:59 So this is, this is not the, that's the side that's winning right now, which is not your

00:42:04 side.

00:42:04 Right, right.

00:42:05 The godless side.

00:42:07 And, and when, when, when the godless side is succeeding, what, what happens when we get,

00:42:14 when you get boys to talk about their feelings or men to talk about their feelings.

00:42:18 Then the woman controls the relationship. 0.99

00:42:21 Then you become deeply unhappy.

00:42:23 You become weaker. 0.91

00:42:24 It shows in your body, uh, the way you speak, you become more of a snake.

00:42:28 You just become less of a man and you're not leading like the way you don't lead anymore.

00:42:34 You're not leading the charge.

00:42:35 So talking about your feelings is, it means that you become submissive?

00:42:40 Yeah.

00:42:40 Cause you're submitting to a person instead of to God.

00:42:43 So like you opening up in that vulnerable way, uh, to that extent.

00:42:47 It, yeah.

00:42:49 Yes.

00:42:50 Okay.

00:42:50 Um, so if we're not supposed to talk about our feelings, what are we supposed to do with

00:42:55 them?

00:42:57 I think there's better, like, I see, I think joking is a way, like there's better ways to

00:43:02 talk about your feelings rather than, than crying in front of a therapist. 0.99

00:43:06 Like I think standup, standup comedians, for example, are all fucked up. 0.98

00:43:10 Like the best standup comedians have like all this trauma and stuff like that. 0.98

00:43:13 And they, they put that into their craft.

00:43:16 And I think it's a really effective way of turning, uh, trauma, turning problems into

00:43:21 something that's positive.

00:43:22 They're spreading laughter.

00:43:23 All of them.

00:43:24 Like if you go to a standup comedy show, I used to do it a lot when I was in New York.

00:43:27 Um, and then COVID happened.

00:43:29 And I was standing there and these people are just talking about their parents and their

00:43:31 drug addictions and their relationships and just like the thing.

00:43:34 And then they find like a way to, to make fun of it instead of feel bad about it.

00:43:39 They just kind of like make light of it.

00:43:41 And they, you, it's therapeutic to be able to share that information with strangers and

00:43:45 then laugh about it.

00:43:46 And then you feel better after it.

00:43:47 Cause you're not like, uh, bottling it down.

00:43:48 But even then you don't just need to do it in standup comedy.

00:43:51 Like sometimes you'll see like the super jack guy in the gym and he's dead lifting like 0.95

00:43:54 400 pounds.

00:43:55 I used to be me.

00:43:56 And you're kind of like all that, whatever's going on, you're letting it out in the gym

00:44:01 or when, when I'm sparring too, like, you know, sometimes you get into a mode where you're

00:44:05 angry and you're thinking about something that happened, what happened at work.

00:44:08 And you just, you know, you, you let it out there.

00:44:10 And afterwards you shake hands with the person.

00:44:12 You might have a bloody nose.

00:44:13 You might've hit you too.

00:44:14 And in that moment, now you're stronger, you know, you're better at fighting and you've

00:44:19 let it out in a healthy way.

00:44:20 So I think there's healthier ways to express negative feelings or channel that energy than therapy.

00:44:26 Okay.

00:44:29 Um, can I think for a second?

00:44:31 Yeah.

00:44:32 Do you have any questions for me, by the way, so far?

00:44:35 Have I changed your mind on anything?

00:44:37 No.

00:44:39 Okay.

00:44:40 Um, how long have you been doing this?

00:44:43 Look, can I ask you a question about that?

00:44:45 Yeah.

00:44:46 Are you under the impression that I don't already agree with you about most of what you're

00:44:50 saying?

00:44:52 I was under that impression.

00:44:53 I was under that impression.

00:44:54 Yeah.

00:44:54 I mean, am I, is anything that I'm saying?

00:45:00 So like, for example, when you talk about like, well, let me just toss a couple of things

00:45:04 out.

00:45:04 So I completely agree with you that I think comedy can be very therapeutic.

00:45:08 I think exercise can be very therapeutic.

00:45:09 I think prayer can be very therapeutic.

00:45:11 I think we have tons of scientific studies that support all of those things.

00:45:16 We actually know that those are all very effective ways to manage mental health.

00:45:20 And I think the other things that we know are that it's not exclusive to that.

00:45:26 And in fact, I would say the mind is probably the organ of the body that can benefit from

00:45:33 the most diverse kinds of things, as well as the optimal function of the mind requires

00:45:40 a diversity of different things to be healthy.

00:45:43 The mind actually needs the most balanced diet out of every organ in our body.

00:45:49 I think humor, for example, is a very well-documented defense mechanism. 0.94

00:45:53 When I have patients that I work with, we oftentimes with the male patients, I will make dick jokes 0.96

00:45:57 and we will talk about making dick jokes and we will even do it very intentionally. 0.82

00:46:01 And so after we go into a deep part of therapy where we're talking about something raw and real, 0.99

00:46:09 we will do something called come up for air by making a dick joke. 0.99

00:46:13 Can you tell me what's your best dick joke? 0.99

00:46:17 Let me think about what's my best dick joke. 0.99

00:46:31 Okay, that one I can't say. 0.99

00:46:34 You can say it while I rumble.

00:46:36 I don't know.

00:46:37 I have...

00:46:38 That's the one I want to hear.

00:46:39 I want to hear the one you can't say.

00:46:41 I know.

00:46:42 Let me think.

00:46:43 Let me see if I've got a better one.

00:46:47 Bruh.

00:46:47 I don't... 0.85

00:46:49 So there's one that came to my mind, but usually the dick joke that I make is like in 0.56

00:46:53 line with what we're talking about. 0.59

00:46:55 Okay.

00:46:56 Right?

00:46:56 So like...

00:46:57 Like it's hard.

00:47:01 It's hard to describe it. 0.98

00:47:02 Like, you know, you can make dick jokes about whatever we're talking about. 0.98

00:47:04 Yeah. 0.98

00:47:05 So it's not like I have a dick joke and it's like, hey, we just talked about your childhood 0.95

00:47:10 trauma. 0.98

00:47:11 Let me tell you a joke.

00:47:12 Knock, knock. 0.93

00:47:13 Knock, knock. 0.93

00:47:14 Yeah.

00:47:15 Who's there? 1.00

00:47:16 Your dick. 1.00

00:47:17 Boom, boka. 1.00

00:47:21 Right?

00:47:22 Okay.

00:47:23 That's a good one.

00:47:24 Because you went to therapy and it got lopped off and now it's dangling out here.

00:47:29 Yeah.

00:47:31 Yeah.

00:47:31 I mean, I don't even... 0.97

00:47:32 That's a fucking awful joke, but it's just an example. 0.98

00:47:34 That was like a fine... 0.99

00:47:35 That was better than what I was thinking.

00:47:37 For all the spot, that was good.

00:47:39 Yeah.

00:47:39 I mean, if you want to all...

00:47:40 You know, if we get into something deep, I'm sure that my mind will come up with one.

00:47:45 Okay.

00:47:46 And then I'll share it with you at the time.

00:47:47 Okay.

00:47:50 So, yeah.

00:47:52 So, I mean, I don't actually disagree with a lot of what you're saying.

00:47:55 I think...

00:47:56 I'd say that if anything, I think that your understanding of things I would describe as

00:48:00 incomplete, not incorrect.

00:48:02 Okay.

00:48:04 Can you...

00:48:05 Anyway, that's...

00:48:06 Can you explain why incomplete, not incorrect?

00:48:09 So, that's what I was thinking about and I'm going to get to.

00:48:12 And that's when I asked you, do you have any questions for me?

00:48:15 How long have you been doing this?

00:48:18 What do you mean by this?

00:48:20 Talking to people crying on the couch.

00:48:23 Oh, psychotherapy.

00:48:25 Or psychiatry.

00:48:26 Uh, okay.

00:48:28 So, so I became a medical doctor...

00:48:31 Uh...

00:48:33 Wow, has it been...

00:48:36 I became a medical doctor nine years ago.

00:48:38 I started doing psychotherapy eight years ago.

00:48:41 I started to do psychotherapy very seriously seven years ago.

00:48:46 And then I became a fully trained psychiatrist five years ago.

00:48:51 Do you notice a common theme when you talk to streamers?

00:48:54 Yes, many.

00:48:58 What is it?

00:49:01 Uh...

00:49:01 Like, when you talk to streamers, I mean, so many.

00:49:07 So, like, are you talking about specifically about streaming?

00:49:10 No, no, no.

00:49:10 When you talk to live streamers, because I've seen, like, that's one of your consistent...

00:49:13 Yeah.

00:49:14 Do you notice a common theme that's separate from other people?

00:49:17 What do you notice about streamers?

00:49:18 Oh, absolutely.

00:49:18 Yeah, can you...

00:49:19 So, I think at the top of the list is, like, we're all misfits to society.

00:49:24 Like, we can't...

00:49:25 The reason we become successful at streamers is because we get rejected by the rest of the world.

00:49:30 In some way.

00:49:31 And then there's something about us that is busted in school, in nine-to-fives, in standard jobs.

00:49:39 And so we start streaming.

00:49:41 And then something about this environment fits like a glove.

00:49:46 So, one example of that.

00:49:48 So, that's the overarching theme, if you want one.

00:49:50 But there are all kinds of different examples of that.

00:49:53 So, one is that the prevalence of ADHD amongst streamers, I think, is way higher than the regular population.

00:49:59 You think ADHD is real?

00:50:02 Yes.

00:50:03 Okay.

00:50:04 They told me I had ADHD when I was, like, nine and ten.

00:50:07 I used to take Ritalin and all that stuff.

00:50:08 I think it's a lie.

00:50:10 Especially because of the fact that they say it's, like, a deficit. 1.00

00:50:13 The fact that they say it's a disorder, I think, is garbage. 0.93

00:50:16 It's not a disorder. 0.96

00:50:17 It's just a different way of thinking.

00:50:18 I actually think it's a superpower.

00:50:20 I think it's a gift.

00:50:22 And calling it a disorder is incorrect.

00:50:26 Yeah.

00:50:27 So, I think that that, too, is not something that I entirely disagree with.

00:50:32 I wouldn't say you're wrong about that.

00:50:33 I've worked with many people, myself included, who are probably somewhere on the ADHD spectrum.

00:50:38 And I have come to see the way that my mind works as a gift.

00:50:42 At the same time, so I think this is one area in which I would, if I had to judge what you say, one area in which you're incomplete is that you tend to make a lot of generalizations.

00:50:54 So, I don't hear in you that ADHD is variable amongst different people.

00:51:01 I don't hear that conception when you speak.

00:51:04 So, you say, it wasn't a disorder for me, which is fair enough.

00:51:09 Ritalin for me didn't work, which is fair enough.

00:51:11 But you don't know what the experience of everyone else with ADHD is like.

00:51:16 And for some people, it is a crippling disorder.

00:51:19 And what we mean by crippling disorder is that they cannot function in the world because they cannot get their mind to focus in the worst cases of ADHD.

00:51:27 I think that that puts the blame on something that's genetic or something that's innate rather than just saying it's misled focus or, like, misdirection.

00:51:36 For example, there's this guy on Twitter, Brute, and he talks about how a meth head is almost identical to an Elon Musk CEO billionaire.

00:51:45 A meth head has all this energy that instead of he's putting into a Fortune 500 company, he's just putting it into the pipe.

00:51:51 You know, he's digging holes in the backyard looking for China.

00:51:53 As soon as you put that guy in the right direction and you can put him to something where he can direct all that meth energy to something that's positive, he's the same.

00:52:02 Like, those people are very similar.

00:52:04 They're two sides of the same coin.

00:52:06 They're more in common with the average person.

00:52:09 That's what confuses me because I would agree with you 100%.

00:52:13 I mean, the majority of clinical practice that I've done is, like, actually addiction psychiatry.

00:52:18 And I would completely agree with you that the majority of my patients who are addicted to stuff have an immense amount of energy, are incredibly resilient, are oftentimes highly intelligent.

00:52:29 And helping them channel that into healthier things leads to excellent outcomes.

00:52:35 I wouldn't disagree with that at all.

00:52:37 But why are generalizations like that a bad thing?

00:52:39 Because, like, I don't think there's anyone that said there's no exception for cancer.

00:52:44 You know, cancer is something that you, it just happens, right?

00:52:46 There's neither, oh, cancer was actually really good for my lungs, you know?

00:52:50 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:52:52 So I have spoken with a ton of patients that I was very confused by when they would say things like cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me.

00:53:03 And I'd be like, bro, what are you talking about?

00:53:05 Right?

00:53:06 And then I would listen to them.

00:53:08 And that's when there are cases of cancer where, like, here I am, I'm 36, I'm not taking care of myself, I'm not taking care of my family, I'm like, ah, like, whatever, life is, like, whatever.

00:53:17 I'm bitching all the time, like, I'm not really doing anything with my life.

00:53:20 And then you tell someone, hey, you could have one year to live. 1.00

00:53:23 And they're like, oh, shit. 0.99

00:53:26 Like, I've got one year to live, and, like, I don't want to die, like, I hate my life, but I don't want to die, I want to live. 0.99

00:53:32 And then six months later, after chemotherapy, they have a surgical resection, they shrink the cancer, they remove it from the body, and then they discover that you're cancer-free.

00:53:41 And suddenly someone is like, thank God.

00:53:44 I was dead at 35, and at 36, post-cancer, I'm starting to live life.

00:53:50 I've started to realize that life is precious.

00:53:53 I am awake.

00:53:55 Yeah.

00:53:55 Was that Walter White?

00:53:57 I don't know.

00:53:58 Oh, God.

00:53:58 I mean, I don't know Walter White well enough to know his quotes.

00:54:03 Okay.

00:54:05 But, I mean, so, you know, it's humbling.

00:54:07 And I think, why is it bad to make generalizations?

00:54:10 Because I think human beings have different experiences.

00:54:12 That's true.

00:54:12 And what works for one person doesn't work for someone else.

00:54:16 And that's also where, I mean, I've met my fair share of people, myself included,

00:54:21 who got way more out of spirituality than I did out of therapy.

00:54:28 Like, way more.

00:54:31 So, what transformed my life was spirituality, not a psychotherapist.

00:54:36 What, you did DMT in Peru?

00:54:39 No.

00:54:40 I spent seven years studying to become a monk in India.

00:54:43 Oh, okay, okay.

00:54:44 Yeah.

00:54:45 Can you levitate?

00:54:47 No.

00:54:48 Oh.

00:54:49 Still working on that one.

00:54:50 Then I went to med school.

00:54:51 If I had stayed with it, maybe I would be able to at this point.

00:54:54 Okay.

00:54:55 Yeah.

00:54:55 So, like I said, I think the main thing in which I'm sort of hearing is not that you're wrong.

00:55:00 I mean, I think that it's most, I want to even say that most psychiatrists or psychotherapists

00:55:04 would agree with a lot of what you're saying.

00:55:06 That humor has therapeutic value.

00:55:08 That prayer has therapeutic value.

00:55:10 That just talking about your emotions.

00:55:12 I actually think a lot of psychotherapists, well, it's not that it's a waste of time,

00:55:16 but I think many people, myself included, I don't want people to come to my office and

00:55:20 just talk about their emotions.

00:55:21 That's not what we're here for.

00:55:23 We're here to do work.

00:55:24 We're here to help someone get better.

00:55:26 And we're here to help someone go, like, my goal with all of my patients is for them

00:55:31 to never come back.

00:55:35 What's the longest you've had a patient?

00:55:40 Five years.

00:55:41 Seven years.

00:55:43 Six years.

00:55:45 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:47 Damn. 0.99

00:55:48 Ask me what my average amount of time to spend with a patient is. 0.99

00:55:52 What is it?

00:55:52 Because you're asking about the longest.

00:55:54 Yeah.

00:55:54 What's the average?

00:55:55 Three months?

00:55:56 Six to 12 months.

00:55:57 Okay.

00:55:59 Probably around, well, under a year, I would say.

00:56:01 And that's once a week of yapping?

00:56:03 Mm-hmm.

00:56:04 Sometimes more than yapping.

00:56:06 Sometimes jerking each other off.

00:56:08 Huh? 1.00

00:56:09 There's your dick joke. 1.00

00:56:10 Nice. 1.00

00:56:17 I didn't expect that one.

00:56:19 It came out of nowhere.

00:56:23 Why?

00:56:23 Were you interested?

00:56:24 Is that because you seemed, it seems like you got, you know.

00:56:28 No.

00:56:29 No.

00:56:29 It was just a surprise.

00:56:31 You sure?

00:56:33 Yeah.

00:56:33 How are you feeling now?

00:56:39 Uncomfortable.

00:56:40 Right?

00:56:41 Yeah.

00:56:43 Okay.

00:56:44 I'll be.

00:56:46 Would it help if I apologize?

00:56:48 I don't need to.

00:56:48 No, it's fine.

00:56:49 If you're joking, then it's okay.

00:56:51 Yeah.

00:56:53 And if I wasn't? 1.00

00:56:53 I told you this shit is a liberal gay psyop. 1.00

00:57:02 This is how people become transgender. 1.00

00:57:03 They go, you're proving my point.

00:57:07 Yeah.

00:57:08 No, I mean, I think it's hilarious how, how, how a tiny little joke can make you so uncomfortable.

00:57:13 Sorry, that was demeaning.

00:57:15 I apologize.

00:57:17 It was denigrating.

00:57:20 Yeah.

00:57:22 Anyway, should we get back to it?

00:57:24 Yes.

00:57:25 So I would say that, so you asked how long I've been doing it.

00:57:28 So I would say the longest patient is six years, but even in that case, the patient has done well for extended periods of time.

00:57:36 So they'll be like done with therapy for about two years and then something will happen and they'll call and then we'll kind of work through it.

00:57:42 We'll work together for about six months and then we'll take a break for eight months and then something else happens.

00:57:46 And that's usually what that looks like.

00:57:50 There are definitely some patients who need ongoing emotional support.

00:57:56 But those people, I think, tend to have difficulties with the basic day-to-day skills that lead to wellness.

00:58:04 So either they are, they're in a situation where they can't exercise, they're cognitively in a space where they really can't regulate their emotions and they require someone else's like support in an ongoing basis.

00:58:17 I've absolutely worked with people like that.

00:58:19 But I don't think that's the majority of people.

00:58:22 Exception rather than the rule.

00:58:25 What do people usually come by, like, what's the, what's the, what are normal people going through right now?

00:58:32 What do you mean by that?

00:58:34 What's the average person coming into the therapy?

00:58:36 Like, what are they, what are people dealing with?

00:58:38 Are you, what do you, what patterns are you noticing?

00:58:40 You're saying that streamers are ADHD rejects who are attention-seeking narcissists.

00:58:45 What about the average person?

00:58:47 Why are they coming in to pay for services?

00:58:50 Are you talking about the average person in general?

00:58:53 Yeah, like a nine of, yeah, the average person that sees you.

00:58:56 Like, what are you, what are you noticing as a common deal right now?

00:58:58 Yeah, so people see me for a different reason.

00:58:59 So I think people see me that are a little bit less enamored with therapy and psychiatry.

00:59:03 So given my background of, like, complementary and alternative medicine and the fact that I studied to become a monk, like, people will come to me because they don't want to be on medication, because they want to optimize their performance in some way.

00:59:17 So, and most people come to me because they are interested in, like, understanding themselves better and mastering themselves more.

00:59:26 Okay.

00:59:27 And sometimes they've got, like, oftentimes something will push them into my office.

00:59:32 Like, so, for example, you know, people are afraid that, like, their anxiety is getting in the way of work.

00:59:37 But most of the time it's not, it's like, I want to be free of this.

00:59:42 I want to be able to enjoy life.

00:59:44 I want to be able to do a good job at work.

00:59:48 I'm tired of worrying about stuff that I know is not important.

00:59:52 And they want help with that.

00:59:56 And I think that most people will figure it out.

00:59:59 I think it's just having someone who knows, is an expert in the material, it's way easier to learn, right?

01:00:06 I can figure out how to surf if I spend enough time in the ocean.

01:00:09 But having someone who knows how to surf teach me, I'll just learn way faster.

01:00:13 Right.

01:00:14 So I, and this is kind of where, you know, I have some questions for you.

01:00:18 But, and I think that's really what we do as therapists.

01:00:22 Is help people focus up.

01:00:27 Help people understand how, or this is what I try to do.

01:00:29 I try to help people understand, like, what a human, how a human works.

01:00:35 So when I ask you, for example, what are the mechanisms of prayer?

01:00:39 How does a prayer, how does prayer work?

01:00:41 How does it work?

01:00:42 How does it not work?

01:00:42 What does therapy do not do?

01:00:44 So, like, the questions that I have for you, and if you want an impression of fixing what I think is incomplete about your understanding,

01:00:51 we can start that.

01:00:53 Okay.

01:00:54 You have other questions, or can I dive in?

01:00:56 You can dive in.

01:00:57 Wait, before you dive in, can I go pee?

01:00:59 Yeah, of course.

01:01:00 Okay, I'm going to go to bed.

01:01:01 Yeah.

01:01:03 Cheers, stream. 0.72

01:01:04 I'm going to go get some water.

01:01:05 Okay.

01:01:06 Okay.

01:01:07 Okay.

01:01:08 Okay.

01:01:09 Okay.

01:01:10 Okay.

01:01:11 Okay.

01:01:12 Okay.

01:01:13 Okay.

01:01:14 Okay.

01:01:15 Okay.

01:01:17 Okay.

01:01:18 Okay.

01:01:19 Okay.

01:01:20 Okay.

01:01:21 All right.

01:01:47 I am back.

01:01:48 I don't know who I'm talking to.

01:01:50 Okay.

01:01:51 Okay.

01:01:52 Okay.

01:01:53 Okay.

01:01:54 Okay.

01:01:55 Okay.

01:01:56 Okay.

01:01:57 Okay.

01:01:58 Okay.

01:01:59 Okay.

01:02:00 Okay.

01:02:01 Okay.

01:02:02 Okay.

01:02:03 Okay.

01:02:04 So let me ask you something.

01:02:05 What is an emotion?

01:02:06 Okay.

01:02:07 Okay.

01:02:08 Okay.

01:02:09 Okay.

01:02:10 Okay.

01:02:11 Okay.

01:02:12 Okay.

01:02:13 Okay.

01:02:14 Okay.

01:02:16 Okay.

01:02:17 Okay.

01:02:18 Okay.

01:02:19 Okay.

01:02:20 So let me ask you something.

01:02:21 What is an emotion?

01:02:22 What is an emotion?

01:02:23 As a feeling.

01:02:24 As a feeling.

01:02:25 Okay.

01:02:26 Okay.

01:02:27 What is a feeling?

01:02:28 Why do we have emotions as humans?

01:02:31 As a reaction to what we see and experience.

01:02:37 Okay.

01:02:38 What is the purpose of an emotion?

01:02:43 The purpose of an emotion?

01:02:44 I don't think there is one.

01:02:45 I think they just happen.

01:02:46 Okay.

01:02:47 So.

01:02:48 That sounds very.

01:02:50 I'm trying to think about.

01:02:51 Okay.

01:02:52 So I'm going to try to convince you that that's incorrect.

01:02:53 Okay.

01:02:54 Okay.

01:02:55 So first of all, we can take the God angle.

01:02:56 Like I don't think God is omniscient.

01:02:57 Right?

01:02:58 What does omniscient mean?

01:02:59 One?

01:03:00 All knowing.

01:03:01 Okay.

01:03:02 So like God made us this way.

01:03:03 Right?

01:03:04 Yes.

01:03:05 God gave us emotions.

01:03:06 Yes.

01:03:07 So like God doesn't do nothing.

01:03:08 This is something for no reason. 0.99

01:03:09 He's not like, hey, I'm a fuck with the human race and I'm going to give y'all 0.99

01:03:11 emotions. 0.99

01:03:12 Okay.

01:03:13 So like God made us this way.

01:03:14 Right?

01:03:15 Yes.

01:03:16 God gave us emotions.

01:03:17 Yes.

01:03:18 So like God doesn't do nothing.

01:03:19 This is something for no reason. 0.98

01:03:21 He's not like, hey, I'm a fuck with the human race and I'm going to give y'all emotions. 0.99

01:03:26 I'm going to make this human. 0.99

01:03:27 And in order for y'all to be whatever, like I'm going to just toss in emotions.

01:03:32 Like, so we exist for a reason.

01:03:33 Like everything within us, every part of us exists for a reason.

01:03:37 So we have eyes for a reason.

01:03:39 We have nose for a reason. 0.75

01:03:40 We have mouth for a reason. 0.99

01:03:41 We have dicks for a reason. 1.00

01:03:43 Right? 0.99

01:03:44 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:45 Not liking the dick jokes anymore. 0.99

01:03:47 I can stop. 0.98

01:03:48 No, you're doing good.

01:03:49 That wasn't really a joke.

01:03:50 You just said it, but.

01:03:51 Okay.

01:03:52 Um, so, so we have emotions for a reason.

01:03:57 So like in what I would say, if someone asked me the question, what are emotions for?

01:04:01 I would say that emotions are a source of information and a source of motivation.

01:04:05 So for example, if I walk into a room and there's like tension in the air, I'm going to feel emotionally uncomfortable.

01:04:15 Yes.

01:04:16 Or if, if I walk into a room and everyone was laughing and then suddenly everyone goes silent, what do you think is the emotion that you would feel?

01:04:25 When everyone was laughing and then I say joke and everyone goes silent?

01:04:28 No, no. 0.99

01:04:29 Everyone's joking and you walk into the room and everyone looks at you and shuts the fuck up. 0.98

01:04:33 Uh, embarrassment. 0.98

01:04:35 Right?

01:04:36 So like, if you think about that, why would you feel embarrassed?

01:04:39 Because you know they're talking about you.

01:04:41 How do you know they're talking about you?

01:04:43 Because the whole energy shifts.

01:04:45 Exactly.

01:04:46 And the energy shift, by the way, is all neurologically mediated.

01:04:50 So your eyes notice the change in behavior.

01:04:54 Your ears notice the change.

01:04:56 You can sense things.

01:04:57 So you're getting sensory input.

01:04:59 That sensory input gets processed very, very, very quickly, but in a very, very primitive way.

01:05:05 It's not like a logical thing that your mind runs through.

01:05:08 Your mind gets, your brain gets all the sensory input and then it reacts with an emotion.

01:05:13 Yes.

01:05:14 And then if we think about emotions, emotions prepare us.

01:05:18 They prepare the whole body to act in a particular way.

01:05:22 Okay?

01:05:23 Okay.

01:05:24 So for example, if I feel angry, all kinds of stuff happens.

01:05:28 I'm more willing to fight mentally.

01:05:31 Agreed?

01:05:32 Yes.

01:05:33 I have adrenaline pumping through my system, which increases the blood flow to my skeletal muscles,

01:05:41 decreases the blood flow to my visceral organs.

01:05:44 So I stop digesting things.

01:05:46 Liver doesn't need blood. 0.78

01:05:47 Stomach doesn't need blood.

01:05:48 Colon doesn't need blood.

01:05:51 We need blood flow to our arms, our legs.

01:05:55 Our mind starts thinking in terms of black and white when we're angry.

01:05:58 So we stop seeing nuance.

01:06:00 We stop being empathic.

01:06:01 And that way, when we need to throw down, we can throw down.

01:06:04 So anger helps us throw down.

01:06:06 It makes us more motivated to throw down.

01:06:08 It makes us more likely to throw down.

01:06:09 Okay. 0.98

01:06:10 So, and if I like, if I walk up to you and I slap you across the face, you will get angry. 0.98

01:06:17 And that anger will, is good, right? 0.98

01:06:19 We don't, you see that?

01:06:21 Like it serves a purpose.

01:06:23 Yes.

01:06:24 Okay.

01:06:25 So emotions are sources of information and sources of action.

01:06:30 Now, the next thing is that emotions are not always useful.

01:06:37 Sometimes our emotions can lead us in the wrong direction.

01:06:40 Agree?

01:06:41 Yes.

01:06:42 Has that ever happened to you?

01:06:44 Of course.

01:06:46 Can you, do you feel comfortable sharing an example about that?

01:06:49 To where an emotion led me in the wrong direction?

01:06:52 Yeah. 0.71

01:06:53 Does horny count? 0.67

01:06:54 Sure. 0.83

01:06:55 Sure. 1.00

01:06:57 Fucking focusing on women instead of what I'm supposed to do. 1.00

01:07:02 Happens like on stream all the time. 1.00

01:07:04 Or fear.

01:07:07 I think supplementing using drugs to cope with fear.

01:07:10 Stuff like that.

01:07:13 Okay.

01:07:14 In the past.

01:07:15 Okay.

01:07:16 So, so like, yeah.

01:07:18 So I, I mean, I think, I think that's, that's actually, I'm really, I love those examples.

01:07:26 Because I think they really speak to, so when we have emotions, if, so they can be useful, but they can also like, if we're not in control of them.

01:07:35 If we don't really understand where they come from, or why they come from a particular place, and we're not able to regulate them, we get into trouble.

01:07:43 Right?

01:07:44 Right.

01:07:46 So then, are you, by the way, are you kind of, is this okay, what we're doing right now?

01:07:52 Yeah, no, I'm following, I'm following.

01:07:54 You're, you're explaining the use of emotions.

01:07:57 Yeah.

01:07:58 So, so, and then I think that like, so this is where we kind of come to emotions such as crying or, or is a weakness.

01:08:04 That's kind of where I'm going with this, is that I think so, in my opinion, or expertise, or call it whatever you want to like, you will be a more effective human being, if you can understand and even to a certain degree control.

01:08:19 If you have a better relationship with your emotions, in the same way that we can train our muscles, or our breathing, we can also train our mind.

01:08:30 Right.

01:08:31 I agree.

01:08:32 Right?

01:08:33 And so I think one of the key parts of that training is a better relationship with our, our emotions.

01:08:39 And specifically to understand, so sometimes we will also have inappropriate emotions.

01:08:44 So a good example of this is, let's say that I get anxious asking for a raise from my boss, even though I've worked really hard, I feel I deserve it.

01:08:56 But something has happened to me over the course of the way that my brain formed where asking someone for a favor or something that I believe I deserve results in anxiety.

01:09:09 Yeah.

01:09:10 So that's like a bad situation, right?

01:09:12 Yes.

01:09:13 In this scenario, I imagine you would say, go work out, pray, and gas yourself up in some way, and then go demand what you are owed, go and be strong, right?

01:09:25 I wouldn't say gas yourself up, but yeah.

01:09:29 What would you say?

01:09:31 Um, work on yourself.

01:09:33 Like just, just work on something, work, work for your future self.

01:09:37 Gassing yourself up, I think is like inflating your ego.

01:09:39 I don't think you should inflate, I think you should earn it.

01:09:41 So work.

01:09:43 Okay.

01:09:44 So, so work.

01:09:45 And yeah, so I, I think like that's a fair perspective.

01:09:49 So I think a lot of what, so the, the, another thing to understand is sometimes the way that our emotions get wired are based on our experiences. 0.86

01:09:57 So for example, like, um, you know, let's say that like, I don't know, I mean, this is kind of a random ass example, but, uh, let's say that one of my parents was a clown.

01:10:10 And one of my parents was physically abusive. 0.87

01:10:12 And then what happens is since they were wearing their clown costume, when they were physically abusive, when I was five years old, I learned to fear clowns.

01:10:23 So my brain formed associations, which is what brains do, that when I see big floppy shoes and a big red nose, that means that I'm in danger.

01:10:32 And so this is the way that our brain wires based on experiences.

01:10:35 Does that make sense?

01:10:36 You follow me?

01:10:37 Yes.

01:10:38 Okay.

01:10:39 So then what happens is like, I'm 35 years old, I'm at my kid's sixth birthday party, and someone invited a clown, which I've been avoiding, which means I start having anxiety and panic.

01:10:48 Because my brain has learned a long time ago when my neurons were still forming that clowns mean danger.

01:10:57 Clowns mean run away.

01:10:58 Okay. 0.98

01:10:59 Okay.

01:11:00 Yes.

01:11:01 And so now I've got this problem where like, I need to rewire my brain. 0.94

01:11:05 I need to, even though intellectually, I understand that clowns are not dangerous.

01:11:11 There's a part of my body and my brain that responds in a way that is separate from my intellect.

01:11:19 It's primitive.

01:11:20 Does that make sense?

01:11:21 Yes.

01:11:22 So there are many ways to do that.

01:11:26 One of the most effective ways to reprogram yourself is psychotherapy.

01:11:33 So psychotherapy is the process of understanding.

01:11:37 So for example, like, I'll just give you like an actual example.

01:11:42 So there's a kind of psychotherapy called EMDR.

01:11:44 I know.

01:11:45 Yeah.

01:11:46 I'm aware of it.

01:11:47 It's like hypnosis.

01:11:48 Your eyes follow and you're supposed to forget traumatic past.

01:11:50 Like people, I heard about EMDR.

01:11:52 Yeah.

01:11:53 Yeah.

01:11:54 So it's not that you forget traumatic past.

01:11:55 It's that normally when we think about a particular memory, and I'm sure that if we talked long enough, we would, I could ask you about particular memories.

01:12:04 And those memories would trigger emotional reactions with you, right?

01:12:08 Yep.

01:12:09 Okay.

01:12:10 And you could do the same with me.

01:12:11 We could talk about whatever, and we would have some emotions.

01:12:13 Now, the problem is that when people have something like PTSD, the size of their reaction is debilitating.

01:12:20 So, like, when I hear, like, if I'm a Vietnam war vet or something like that, or an Iraqi war vet, and I hear a door slam, my mind literally goes back to being in a combat scenario.

01:12:31 I stop, drop, and roll.

01:12:32 I'm trying to duck under fire, but, like, I'm at a bus stop dropping my kid off. 0.99

01:12:37 So that, that needs to, that shit needs to be rewired. 0.97

01:12:40 And so the way that EMDR works is we actually have those people recall that stuff, but the way that we move our eyes, since our attention is somewhere else. 0.98

01:12:50 Yeah, you're supposed to look back and forth to forget things.

01:12:52 Does it actually work, though?

01:12:53 Yeah.

01:12:54 Oh, yeah.

01:12:55 Well, I'm going to say yes, but there is certainly a camp of people in the psychiatry and psychotherapy community that think that EMDR, the therapeutic benefit of EMDR is way, is been overblown, and it's not everything that everyone thinks it is.

01:13:12 Mm-hmm.

01:13:13 So that's kind of, anyway, so EMDR is just a good example of what we're trying to do is almost, like, split your mind and prevent that emotional reaction.

01:13:22 So now we're going to talk about this stuff, but since you're concentrating over here, you're not actually paying attention to the memory, and then you get desensitized to it.

01:13:29 It's, there's a little, it's a desensitization therapy, right?

01:13:33 Mm-hmm.

01:13:34 So what we're trying to do is, like, stop a automatic reaction by retraining the brain, actually, and the body.

01:13:41 Is that even possible?

01:13:42 A hundred percent.

01:13:44 I mean, with desensitization, you can desensitize.

01:13:47 You have been desensitized.

01:13:48 But you're trying to, like, trick yourself into doing it.

01:13:50 Is that, is, like, the eye movement actually doing it, or is it the process of thinking about it and...

01:13:56 It's the process of having your attention in one place so that all of your attention does not gravitate towards the traumatic memory.

01:14:06 That's the mechanism, in my opinion.

01:14:08 Okay.

01:14:09 Well, I don't know if that kind of makes sense, but, like, let me put it to you this way.

01:14:12 Let's say, well, what's an example?

01:14:16 So let's say that you're about to have sex.

01:14:19 So in this moment, your full attention is on whatever the stimulus of sex is.

01:14:28 And so you're very involved in it.

01:14:30 You have an emotional reaction.

01:14:31 You have a physical reaction.

01:14:33 But let's say that someone is, like, trying to seduce you, but you're playing a video game.

01:14:38 So your attention is split.

01:14:40 So even though there's, like, this naked person over here who's trying to seduce you, your physiologic reaction, your mental reaction is not going to happen because your mind is over here.

01:14:50 And on the flip side, one of the treatments for premature ejaculation is to think about other stuff while you're having sex.

01:14:59 Correct. 0.98

01:15:00 I think porn has actually fucked up a lot of people's minds.

01:15:02 They become kind of desensitized and have weird expectations and thinking about different things, what they should be doing. 0.86

01:15:07 Or porn is the quickest way that people become desensitized to sex and are out of the moment.

01:15:12 And, yeah.

01:15:14 Yes.

01:15:15 So I think, like, these are examples of, like, psychotherapy.

01:15:18 Does that sound weak to you?

01:15:24 Yes.

01:15:25 How so?

01:15:27 Because you couldn't deal with it yourself.

01:15:28 You need to pay to do it.

01:15:34 So, like?

01:15:36 Like, asking for help is a sign of weakness.

01:15:39 Like, even though everybody needs help sometimes, it is weakness.

01:15:42 If I can't climb up a ladder and need somebody to hold it, then I'm too weak to climb up a ladder by myself.

01:15:46 Same thing with psychotherapy.

01:15:48 Okay.

01:15:49 Okay.

01:15:50 So needing help from anyone makes you weak?

01:15:54 Weak in whatever that is.

01:15:56 Yeah.

01:15:57 Okay.

01:15:58 Yeah.

01:15:59 So you value independence.

01:16:02 Yes.

01:16:03 And so, like, let's say that you're in a car accident and you need a surgeon's help.

01:16:07 You're weak in that moment because you can't...

01:16:11 Yes.

01:16:12 Okay.

01:16:13 Yeah.

01:16:14 That's interesting.

01:16:15 Literally, your body's weak, so you need help.

01:16:17 Yeah.

01:16:18 Is that bad?

01:16:20 Or is that acceptable?

01:16:22 I don't know about good or bad is the best way to describe it, but, you know, it's...

01:16:27 You're more optimized and you're a more complete person, more independent, reliable if you're able to deal with it yourself.

01:16:36 Yeah.

01:16:37 You're more competent.

01:16:38 Competence means that you need the least amount of help.

01:16:41 Do you have an emotional reaction to being weak?

01:16:47 Not all the time.

01:16:48 In places where I think I should be competent and I realize I'm not, that makes me feel inadequate.

01:16:53 Inadequate, yeah.

01:16:54 Yeah, I don't like that.

01:16:55 But if it's something I'm not good at and I do need to ask for some help or some information, then, you know, I'm okay to learning things.

01:17:02 But when it's my area of expertise, when it's something that I've trained and worked at and I need help, it's like, there's disappointment and there's anger that I'm not better.

01:17:15 Can I think for a second?

01:17:16 Yes, you can.

01:17:17 Okay, so we talked about, like, PTSD for a second, right?

01:17:29 Yeah.

01:17:30 And sort of this idea of an inappropriate reaction.

01:17:32 Yes.

01:17:33 On the same page that that happens?

01:17:37 Yes.

01:17:38 Okay.

01:17:39 How do you know that the disappointment that you feel in yourself is appropriate?

01:17:44 So, like, let's take two scenarios.

01:17:47 One is you secretly have PTSD and that all of the thoughts that you have are a equally inappropriate reaction.

01:17:54 How does someone know the difference?

01:17:57 How does someone know the difference between?

01:17:59 An appropriate disappointment and an inappropriate disappointment.

01:18:03 I mean, it depends on why you're disappointed.

01:18:07 If you're disappointed for selfish reasons, then that's inappropriate.

01:18:11 If you're disappointed because you should have been and it shows that you are trying to seek out more competence, then I think that's appropriate.

01:18:20 It's good motivation.

01:18:22 Say you missed, like, okay, I used to play soccer when I was a kid.

01:18:26 If I missed a penalty shot and I've been working on the penalty shot for a while, I think it's appropriate that I'm disappointed that I didn't hit the game-winning goal.

01:18:33 And that motivation there, that disappointment means I'm going to keep training harder and then make sure the next time we're in the game that I hold my team on my back and get the goal.

01:18:41 That's appropriate.

01:18:42 I'm disappointed.

01:18:43 Okay.

01:18:45 Let me just think for a second.

01:18:50 Okay, so in this case, what you do with disappointment is try harder, practice, get better, right?

01:19:06 So negative emotion isn't bad.

01:19:07 It drives you towards positive action.

01:19:09 Yes, I think negative emotion, push in the right direction.

01:19:13 And same thing with ADHD, like a lack of focus, I guess, in school.

01:19:18 A lot of, like, where they attribute negativity or disorders, if you channel that in the right place, it's extremely effective.

01:19:26 So being inadequate in something and feeling disappointed, feeling worthless, that is good motivation, that's good fuel to become better.

01:19:34 I think a lot of, yeah.

01:19:36 I can see.

01:19:37 So if I take that fuel and that, if I take that disappointment and I go sit on someone's couch and I cry it out and I'm no longer disappointed, then I don't end up improving.

01:19:47 Yes.

01:19:48 And that's how a lot of women and why I attribute therapy goers to, like, effeminate liberals because when women are disappointed and sad, they call up their friends and they say, let's eat chocolate and drink wine until we feel better. 0.96

01:20:00 Right.

01:20:01 Men will say, hey, get on this bench and get to 225.

01:20:04 Like, that's, that's our way of getting through something.

01:20:08 You know, if my friend is ever down about a girl or down about something, I'd like, you know, I'm not going to try to cope.

01:20:13 It's just like, let's get back to it.

01:20:15 The best solution is forward.

01:20:17 Yeah.

01:20:18 So, so I've got a couple of kind of questions about that.

01:20:21 One is, so like, that's what works for you, right?

01:20:26 Yes.

01:20:27 And is it possible that different things work for different people?

01:20:33 Yes.

01:20:34 That's true.

01:20:35 My initial reaction was like, and I was going to say, well, no, there's run one right way.

01:20:39 Actually, that that's true, but there's a better way.

01:20:42 Yeah.

01:20:43 It can work for most people, but I think God created men to be leaders and women to be the nurturers.

01:20:48 So I think God wants us to be as competent as possible and we should be strong.

01:20:52 And there is there, of course it can work for other people, but the most optimal way is to, is to work through it through, through, it's just to work through it instead of talk about it and sit in it.

01:21:04 Yeah.

01:21:05 So, so, so, and when you say optimal, like you're basing that idea of optimal because that's, how do you know that that's optimal?

01:21:12 Because your primary data set is you, right?

01:21:15 Yes.

01:21:16 And so you're basing optimal on your own experience.

01:21:21 Correct.

01:21:22 But, you know, also information, talking to other people, looking at history.

01:21:26 Yeah.

01:21:27 Yeah.

01:21:28 Okay.

01:21:29 But so now, now I is where I get confused. 0.99

01:21:31 I swear to God, I'm not trying to convince you of shit. 0.98

01:21:33 Okay. 0.99

01:21:34 I can tell.

01:21:35 I can tell.

01:21:36 So, so, but what I'm curious about is like, if you've never really tried therapy, how do you know that it is inferior to the things that you're doing?

01:21:44 I told you I did try.

01:21:46 I wouldn't call that trying it.

01:21:49 Okay.

01:21:50 Well, I guess, um, I would call that going to the ocean, going to the beach and saying, I don't like swimming when you don't get in the water.

01:21:57 Right. 0.98

01:21:58 You went into that room, you saw the big tits, you activated a script and you started flexing. 1.00

01:22:03 You didn't actually do therapy. 0.80

01:22:04 Well, you could just look at the history of, of men and you could look at the history of world leaders and people who have, uh, progress.

01:22:11 It's literally time is the most valuable currency.

01:22:14 That's the most valuable thing.

01:22:15 Money's not real.

01:22:16 Um, so you think about what are we spending that holds the most weight and it's time because all of our time is limited.

01:22:23 We're all going to die one day.

01:22:24 And if our time is being spent wasted talking about how to get better instead of getting better or improving, that's wasted time.

01:22:31 The most effective use of our time is forward, is progress, is creating something more, is inspiring more people, is building something.

01:22:37 That is the most effective use of every second.

01:22:39 How do you know what the right direction is?

01:22:40 God tells me.

01:22:42 God wants us to create.

01:22:44 God wants us to be strong.

01:22:46 God wants us to be able to provide.

01:22:49 All the time spent that I am sitting in therapy crying is time that my competition is getting better.

01:22:55 It's time spent where I am not working on what I'm supposed to be doing.

01:22:59 So I'm not quite sure what you think about data, and we can talk about that if you're not into, like, data or science.

01:23:07 But, like, so here's kind of my experience, and I'm, you know, just sharing it.

01:23:10 I'm not trying to convince you here.

01:23:11 Right.

01:23:12 Well, actually, let me close off one point about what therapy is.

01:23:14 So in the case of something like EMDR or PTSD, it's like, it's literally trying to rewire ourselves.

01:23:21 So cognitive behavioral therapy is a really good example of this that a lot of times are behaviors.

01:23:26 So I noticed that you're smoking something and you're drinking Red Bull.

01:23:29 Right.

01:23:30 So our behaviors are tied to certain internal impulses and that the better we understand the relationship between our thoughts, our emotions and our behaviors, the better control we will have over the whole system.

01:23:44 So cognitive behavioral therapy has been designed to teach people to better control usually their behaviors, but oftentimes their thoughts and their emotions as well.

01:23:52 So we can create the instrument that we want.

01:23:55 And emotional competence is a big part of this.

01:23:59 And a big part of emotional competence is familiarity with your emotions, getting in and like playing with the Play-Doh of your emotions.

01:24:08 And frequently in that kind of way there involves things like tears.

01:24:13 Right.

01:24:14 So if I if I have some something that I'm super sad about and super hurt about and I shove it down or I drink or whatever, and I don't engage in healthy behaviors.

01:24:24 One way to sort of fix that is to actually like cry, let that stuff up and out and kind of exercise it from the body.

01:24:33 And the value, I think, is sort of this.

01:24:36 I mean, maybe not the same because it sounds like you think prayer is superior, but you've used you even said that, you know, people will go through some level of I would call it catharsis where they're at Mecca.

01:24:46 All these tears are flowing.

01:24:48 They feel connected. 0.99

01:24:49 They feel like and you were kind of like letting that shit out. 0.99

01:24:52 Right. 0.99

01:24:53 Right.

01:24:54 And so I think the mechanism in therapy is very similar in some ways.

01:24:57 I think the big difference is there's different aspects about the psychology and neuroscience of things like surrender and spirituality.

01:25:04 OK.

01:25:05 But I think that you have a human who's sort of showing you through it.

01:25:09 Yes.

01:25:10 That's one thing.

01:25:12 The other two things you want to respond to that or I've got two other things I wanted to share.

01:25:17 I just want to quickly say, like, I think a lot of crying could be self pity and self loathing and serving the self by feeling bad about yourself and blaming.

01:25:24 Like when a lot of people cry, they do it because they're like, why me?

01:25:28 Why this?

01:25:29 I don't deserve this.

01:25:30 It's it's it's a it's a very selfish act.

01:25:34 But one of the most consistent things that I do for my patients is stop that cycle.

01:25:40 I completely agree.

01:25:42 Mm hmm. 0.99

01:25:43 I think that we see an overwhelming amount of what I would call emotional masturbation. 0.99

01:25:50 Mm hmm. 0.96

01:25:51 That is guys as like like support progress.

01:25:55 Yes.

01:25:56 Yes.

01:25:57 I mean, there are places that people will go and essentially emotionally vomit over and over and over again.

01:26:02 But over time, it doesn't get better.

01:26:04 Mm hmm.

01:26:05 So the whole point of like processing emotions is to be done with them, not to repeat that cycle over and over again.

01:26:11 And I've had my fair share of people who are way too indulgent with self pity.

01:26:16 But I would argue that that's the same problem in a different way, but is the same problem as all the others that I've said, including things like PTSD, which is that they're inappropriate emotional reaction or the emotions that they've lost control of are self pity.

01:26:31 Mm hmm.

01:26:32 Mm hmm.

01:26:33 So I one time had a patient who like this is early on before I became a really competent therapist and would come in and after they would complain about being depressed. 0.99

01:26:41 And six months later, like they came in, they had the same fucking complaints. 0.94

01:26:45 And I was like, are you getting better by coming here? 0.99

01:26:48 And he's like, no.

01:26:49 And I was like, what are we doing?

01:26:51 And he's like, I don't know.

01:26:52 I thought this is what we're supposed to do.

01:26:53 Isn't therapy like coming here?

01:26:54 And I just tell you about what's like wrong with my day.

01:26:56 And then we just like I just tell you everything that's wrong in my life.

01:26:59 And I'm like, is that actually helping?

01:27:00 That's my problem.

01:27:01 He's like, no, that's it.

01:27:03 No, it's not. 0.98

01:27:04 And then I was like, well, then what the fuck are we going to do about it? 0.96

01:27:07 Right. 0.98

01:27:08 And then like.

01:27:10 And then we started then the real therapy started.

01:27:13 But I'm I'm with anyway, so so I think that there's value to therapy.

01:27:18 That I would say that your understanding of this is incomplete.

01:27:23 Right.

01:27:24 And if I was trying to convince you, it's simply that you haven't tried it.

01:27:27 I don't I don't disagree with some of the judgments that you make.

01:27:31 But I would still say that those are judgments that you're making, like listening to a tiny

01:27:35 slice of the population, like people who are transgender who go to therapy account for 0.60

01:27:39 less than I'm pretty sure about that.

01:27:41 I don't know this.

01:27:42 I don't have the statistics right at hand, but I'd guess that they're less than one percent

01:27:45 of patients.

01:27:46 Ninety nine percent of people who go to therapy at definitely ninety five percent, if not more

01:27:51 realistically, I think gender dysphoria and stuff probably counts for about one percent

01:27:55 is my my gut, maybe two percent or three percent.

01:27:58 But the vast majority of people don't go for stuff like that.

01:28:04 The last thing that I want to say is that in my experience as a therapist, achievement

01:28:09 becomes way easier once people have gone through therapy.

01:28:12 So I work with a lot of people who are executives, people who are not the demographic that you're

01:28:17 describing.

01:28:18 So people who are at the top end of net worth like billionaires.

01:28:22 And these are people who are have built gigantic companies from the ground up. 0.99

01:28:27 And their experience in therapy is that it helps to take care of this emotional shit. 0.96

01:28:31 It's just about learning about this dimension of like self understanding. 0.95

01:28:36 And frequently I'll teach them meditate and all that kind of stuff, too.

01:28:39 But whether it's like startups or streamers or just ordinary kids who are 24 years old and

01:28:47 haven't done shit with their life, whatever the case is, in my experience that people usually get a lot better.

01:28:55 They learn about themselves.

01:28:57 They learn about things like their emotions and their thoughts, their desires, their impulses.

01:29:02 And they get better at controlling all of that.

01:29:04 And then they get better at life.

01:29:10 Okay.

01:29:15 But what did you want? Do you have a son?

01:29:17 No.

01:29:18 You saying that all now, I would prefer that my son never even have to get to that position.

01:29:26 He'd be strong enough to avoid that all.

01:29:28 That's my point.

01:29:29 Is that it can help people, but you need people, you need men that don't need it at all. 0.80

01:29:37 Okay.

01:29:38 So this is the other thing that I think is incomplete.

01:29:40 You're using the word need.

01:29:42 I would say that at least 50% of my patients don't need therapy.

01:29:49 So why do they go?

01:29:52 For optimization.

01:29:53 To master themselves.

01:29:54 Okay.

01:29:55 Okay.

01:29:56 To learn more about themselves from an expert who spent seven years studying to become a monk

01:30:01 and meditating in the Himalayas, and then eight years becoming a medical doctor, psychiatrist,

01:30:07 neuroscience researcher, an expert in the mind and the body.

01:30:12 And you go and you learn from that person about how you work.

01:30:17 When you have the impulse that you want to do anything, whether it be scratch something, scratch an itch, piss, smoke, make a joke.

01:30:28 Right.

01:30:29 Isn't it funny?

01:30:30 Like, you're kind of agreeing with me.

01:30:33 You're saying that because you're a monk and because you've connected with something spiritually, they're looking for some sort of guidance from you.

01:30:39 Isn't the ultimate form of that guidance just talking to God?

01:30:43 If I pray, that's like quicker.

01:30:45 It's almost the same thing, but just I see prayer as a better vessel for that.

01:30:51 It's similar.

01:30:52 Yeah.

01:30:53 So, I mean, I think I've said this several times and I'll say it again.

01:30:58 I'm not disagreeing with most of what you say, Sneeko. 0.97

01:31:02 I've never said that prayer is not good or is not incredibly effective.

01:31:06 My issue is one of probability and population.

01:31:11 So I would, I'll be the first to, I mean, I even said in my own experience, spirituality has helped me way more than psychotherapy.

01:31:21 But people are different.

01:31:23 And there are some people who come to me who spirituality benefits a lot.

01:31:27 And there are other people that we can, we sort of alluded to this at the beginning.

01:31:30 We can get into more if you want, but there's some people for whom faith is hard.

01:31:34 There's some people for whom they don't hear God's voice.

01:31:37 And it is a very dangerous assumption because this is an unfalsifiable hypothesis, right?

01:31:43 So if I say you're not trying hard enough, that's why you don't hear God's voice.

01:31:47 You can never disprove that.

01:31:49 So let's say that there's one human being on the planet who it's impossible to hear God's voice.

01:31:54 We would never be able to detect that, right?

01:31:57 They could be trying a hundred percent.

01:31:58 They could be doing everything right, but it's possible that this person will never hear it.

01:32:02 I disagree.

01:32:03 I think it's possible for everyone, but I see what you're saying.

01:32:06 Right.

01:32:07 But I mean, you're allowed to think that, but you don't know that.

01:32:13 You can have faith in that.

01:32:15 Sure.

01:32:16 So I also, for the record, agree with you, which is, you know, I agree with you that I think everyone can hear God's voice.

01:32:23 But I can also say that just because I believe that doesn't make it true.

01:32:26 In fact, what we know about truth is, to a certain degree, internal.

01:32:31 But we also know that there's plenty of data that, for example, you know, religiosity is protective in some ways.

01:32:38 But we also know that like people actually do know that.

01:32:45 Let me think about that.

01:32:47 We also know that.

01:32:48 Let's talk about men, for example, that like men still kill themselves at an alarming rate.

01:32:53 Right.

01:32:54 And we don't have great evidence that exercise is sufficient to protect against suicidality.

01:33:00 But don't you see, isn't there a correlation between the amount of people, how much we are talking about mental health and the rise in suicide in men?

01:33:08 More people are going to therapy than ever.

01:33:10 Mental health is being talked about more than ever.

01:33:11 And also the suicide rate has never been higher.

01:33:13 A little bit higher.

01:33:14 So what does a correlation mean to you?

01:33:18 A correlation means that maybe a correlation is when two things are consistent with each other.

01:33:30 Yeah.

01:33:31 So the question is, are we talking more about mental health because people are more suicidal than ever?

01:33:38 Or are people more suicidal than ever because we're talking too much about mental health?

01:33:42 I think both things could be true.

01:33:44 Yeah.

01:33:45 So that's what a correlation is, right?

01:33:46 There isn't a clear causation.

01:33:47 Now, the interesting thing about suicidality is that the suicide rate is higher than it's ever been, but not by much.

01:33:53 The really shocking thing, and this is what's really interesting, is that suicidality, especially in men, has been relatively constant.

01:33:59 It's going up a little bit, but it is not actually correlated with the rise in mental illness.

01:34:07 There's even one study that I was looking at recently that suggested that 50% of men who kill themselves have no evidence or history of mental illness, which, for the record, I kind of buy.

01:34:20 So I think a lot of suicide, a lot of men that kill themselves, and this is also like as a professional, there's a difference between someone coming into my office and who's suicidal because their mind is not functioning correctly.

01:34:32 This is mental illness.

01:34:33 It is a pathology. 0.99

01:34:35 Their thoughts are warped.

01:34:37 Okay?

01:34:38 Does that make sense?

01:34:39 Yes.

01:34:40 That's what we mean by illness.

01:34:41 It's not functioning properly.

01:34:42 But I'd say that half the men that come into my office, the reason they're suicidal is not because their mind is misfunctioning.

01:34:48 It's because it's functioning very well.

01:34:50 And they played the tape through to the end.

01:34:52 And their genuine assessment of their circumstances makes it so that staying alive is not as good of an option as just ending it.

01:35:04 That's what really scares me the most is I think a lot of men kill themselves who are not mentally ill.

01:35:09 They're just, life doesn't offer them anything.

01:35:13 Life doesn't offer them anything because they're not working towards something.

01:35:21 That's the best way to avoid depression is to be occupied with what you're doing so much that you don't have time to think about it.

01:35:29 A lot of this mental health crisis is due to the fact that people are inactive, they're lethargic, they're lazy, and they're living internally instead of externally.

01:35:40 Yeah.

01:35:41 So once again, I think this is like where I disagree with some, agree with some.

01:35:47 So I completely agree with you that a contributor to the mental health crisis, and now we're getting into the polemic because we're talking about agree and disagree, but is because of inactivity, completely agree.

01:35:56 But I think the first part of what you said is spoken like in terms of people can work, you know, work out and conquer depression.

01:36:03 I think there's a subgroup of people that can, but that really is a statement made by someone who I don't think has been clinically depressed.

01:36:09 Because if you really look and you talk to these people, I would argue that someone who's clinically depressed actually works way harder and puts forth a lot more effort than someone who is not depressed.

01:36:20 The difference is they just get very little out of it.

01:36:25 So like think about the hardest thing that you've had to do.

01:36:29 And what would your life be like if getting out of bed was that hard?

01:36:33 So the scale of difficulty of people who are like clinically depressed is that everything is like very difficult.

01:36:42 Very difficult. Everything's the rate loss.

01:36:45 I think it's just a belief, like saying that if you believe that it's very difficult to get up, then it's going to be very difficult.

01:36:51 But if you don't even have that as a possibility in your mind, then that's not going to be a problem.

01:36:55 If you believe like I'm clinically depressed, I have a difficult time waking up.

01:37:01 Guess what's going to happen?

01:37:02 So, Nico, that's not how it works.

01:37:04 So people don't think I'm clinically depressed.

01:37:07 People resist it for a long time.

01:37:09 I would even say probably 50% of people who are clinically depressed don't even realize they're depressed.

01:37:15 They just think life is really, really hard.

01:37:17 They're not even aware.

01:37:18 There's a huge underdiagnosis problem.

01:37:22 So it's just life becomes cripplingly difficult.

01:37:25 Do you give these people meds?

01:37:29 You give them SSRIs?

01:37:30 Sometimes.

01:37:31 Sometimes.

01:37:32 So I would say that my personal prescribing pattern is 25% of my patients are on medication.

01:37:38 If I prescribe medication, it depends on the patient.

01:37:41 If I prescribe medication, I would say that 70% to 80% of people that I prescribe medication for will be off of medication within 12 to 18 months.

01:37:52 So I think medicine is a tool just like anything else.

01:37:56 I don't think that antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication fix anything.

01:38:00 But they make your life easier as long as you take the pill.

01:38:03 Easier in some ways.

01:38:04 More difficult in others.

01:38:05 And I don't think that they lead to it.

01:38:07 That's why I think it goes back to belief.

01:38:08 Because you have to accept that life is always going to be difficult.

01:38:12 It's not supposed to be easy.

01:38:13 It's going to be hard.

01:38:14 Who said that?

01:38:15 Hold on a second.

01:38:16 I don't agree with that.

01:38:17 You're saying that giving the medication makes their lives easier.

01:38:21 No, I don't say medication.

01:38:23 But I'm saying that I don't agree with you that life is supposed to be hard.

01:38:25 I think life is supposed to be hard.

01:38:26 I think life is supposed to be easy.

01:38:28 Really?

01:38:29 Yeah.

01:38:30 My life is easy.

01:38:31 Is your life hard?

01:38:32 Yeah.

01:38:33 I would say my life is difficult.

01:38:34 Yeah.

01:38:35 I mean, no.

01:38:36 Compared to a lot of people now, I live in the first world, make a lot of money.

01:38:39 Forget about comparison.

01:38:40 Is your experience of life that it's harder?

01:38:42 Yeah.

01:38:43 There's difficult things that I go through every single day.

01:38:45 Every day.

01:38:46 Aren't you tired of that?

01:38:49 But no.

01:38:50 I enjoy conquering.

01:38:53 I enjoy difficult situations.

01:38:55 I enjoy solving the puzzle.

01:38:57 That's what makes life worth it is the everyday struggle.

01:39:01 If you can't accept that, then you're going to become depressed.

01:39:04 I think if people believe that it's supposed to be easy, that's when they fall into depression.

01:39:08 If you can't accept the fact that you need to work, then you're going to, yeah, of course, you're going to cry.

01:39:12 So let me ask you a different question.

01:39:15 Would you say that you suffer on a daily basis?

01:39:19 Suffer?

01:39:20 No.

01:39:21 I wouldn't say suffer because I've seen suffering.

01:39:23 I've seen suffering.

01:39:24 Yeah.

01:39:25 So, I mean, I think my life is pretty easy.

01:39:26 I think there's a language issue here, like a semantic issue.

01:39:28 But I think that it sounds to me like you rather enjoy the difficulty of life.

01:39:33 That's a better way to deal with it.

01:39:36 Like, my dad's from Haiti.

01:39:39 And from a very young age, I always saw some of the worst poverty the world has ever seen.

01:39:43 Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world.

01:39:45 And they don't go to therapy there.

01:39:46 They don't get the suicide rate is very low.

01:39:48 The suicide rate is higher in first world countries where people get to talk about their feelings more. 0.89

01:39:52 And when people get to think about what they think and how they feel and how it should be better.

01:39:57 But the suicide rate is lower, even though there's more poverty.

01:40:00 And it's because they don't even that idea that life is supposed to be easy doesn't exist.

01:40:06 They've all accepted that it's difficult and they find enjoyment anyway.

01:40:10 Right.

01:40:11 So there's a couple of things.

01:40:13 So that's I think it's really interesting to talk to you because I don't think you're wrong.

01:40:17 Once again, I think it's incomplete.

01:40:18 So there are a couple of things to consider.

01:40:20 One is how is suicide rate and Haiti measured?

01:40:24 No, I don't know.

01:40:25 I don't know.

01:40:26 Right.

01:40:27 I know that's not a thing there.

01:40:28 I know that like the average there's there's no like therapy system.

01:40:31 There's not this.

01:40:32 Hold on.

01:40:33 Yeah.

01:40:34 So if you don't have a how.

01:40:36 So when someone dies.

01:40:39 Anyway, so a couple of something, a couple of things to understand.

01:40:42 One is in developing countries like Haiti.

01:40:45 One thing you've got to be super careful about is that suicides are not cataloged to suicides because they don't have an infrastructure to detect suicide.

01:40:53 It's anecdotal evidence.

01:40:55 I'm saying, like, I know people talk to people and I would vouch for the fact that Haitians, if there's any. 1.00

01:41:00 Well, they would probably say the same thing.

01:41:02 They don't know anybody who's like, that's not really real there.

01:41:04 They don't talk about that.

01:41:05 It doesn't.

01:41:06 Which is.

01:41:07 Yeah.

01:41:08 But everybody in the first world, everybody in America, everybody in the West knows somebody who's killed themselves or threatens to kill themselves.

01:41:12 So people cut the wrist.

01:41:14 And you're not you're not wrong that.

01:41:16 So I think there's a caveat there.

01:41:18 It's not quite as black and white, but I would also agree that.

01:41:21 And I think we sort of have evidence for this, that the better society becomes, the worse our mental health becomes.

01:41:30 So the more that we become the more that our physical needs get met, the worse our mind will become.

01:41:37 Strong men make easy times, hard times make strong men, blah, blah, blah.

01:41:42 Yeah.

01:41:43 So I think it's strong men make easy times, easy times make weak men, weak men make hard times.

01:41:48 And we are in the easy times have made weak men, period.

01:41:52 Yeah.

01:41:53 So I don't quite agree with that, because I think that there's also like a level of evolution where the the the difficulties that we face have changed.

01:42:02 Right.

01:42:03 So the way that I see that is like we had to fight for survival and now we have to fight for contentment.

01:42:08 It's just the the the the enemy we're facing is different.

01:42:13 So we used to die from things like infections, but like, thank God for antibiotics.

01:42:17 And now the crisis that we're dealing with, because we've sort of fixed everything else.

01:42:22 Mm hmm.

01:42:23 So it's really interesting, because if you really look at it, every dimension of medicine has gotten better over the last 50 years, except for mental health.

01:42:31 Mental health is the only one place where we're losing the war.

01:42:35 And it's because we have so much time to think about it.

01:42:38 We've never had more time to focus on it.

01:42:40 Yeah.

01:42:41 So I think that we have more idle minds than we've ever had.

01:42:44 We interestingly enough, if you look at our society, we have the least time to process that we've ever had in the history of humanity.

01:42:52 How is that?

01:42:53 So because if you think about the way that people used to live, like we used to be like, let's say hunter gatherers or farmers.

01:42:59 So we had a lot of rote activity with mental time that was free.

01:43:04 So our minds were free most of the time.

01:43:06 Now our minds are occupied most of the time.

01:43:08 So, for example, like, let's say we went out and hunted.

01:43:11 Right.

01:43:12 And I shoot an arrow and I miss the deer.

01:43:14 And then you shoot an arrow and you hit the deer.

01:43:16 And then I feel bad about it because, man, Sneeko is such a better. 0.99

01:43:19 He's so Chad and I'm so beta or whatever the fuck. 0.98

01:43:22 And then what happens is we carry this deer for two hours back and then I have plenty of time to process on that two hours like my feeling of inferiority. 0.99

01:43:30 Mm hmm.

01:43:31 And so if you look at like hunter gatherers and stuff like they've just got a lot of time to mentally work through whatever goes on.

01:43:36 Now what's going on is we're so our minds are so distracted usually by technology that we have no time left for processing.

01:43:42 Yeah. 0.94

01:43:43 And now we have studies that show if you fucking go for a walk where there are trees, it's like good for your mental health. 0.96

01:43:48 Like, we know that is it some of it vitamin D? 0.98

01:43:51 Sure.

01:43:52 But some of it is just processing time.

01:43:53 We don't have any time to process.

01:43:55 This is why a lot of people like what happens is they're so technologically occupied.

01:43:59 And then when they go to sleep at night, the thoughts come flooding back.

01:44:03 All of the things that they've they built up, everything that they've suppressed, everything that they've shoved down comes flooding back and then they can't sleep.

01:44:12 Then they've got insomnia and then they'll use a CBD, whatever, or like drink or, you know, whatever.

01:44:19 Or they'll wait till they're so fucking fatigued that they absolutely pass out because they can't go to bed. 0.73

01:44:25 We agree on on seems like we agree. 0.94

01:44:36 Yeah.

01:44:37 It's also that weird polemic that we're slipping into where it's like, do we agree or disagree?

01:44:43 I don't know how we keep on getting here, but I think it's something about something about the way that you speak triggers that in me.

01:44:52 Yeah.

01:44:53 I guess it's a pretty like aggressive way of speaking.

01:44:57 But I don't think you're aggressive.

01:44:59 There's something subtle about it.

01:45:00 I'm still trying to figure it out.

01:45:02 What were you going to say earlier?

01:45:03 Remember, you're going to uncover something like an hour ago and you laughed and said, I'll tell you later.

01:45:07 What was that?

01:45:08 What was that?

01:45:09 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:10 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:45:11 So but I mean, so you actually got there pretty quick.

01:45:13 This is this whole thing about like, so I don't know if this kind of makes sense to you, but being noticed is very important for you.

01:45:19 That's why you like it.

01:45:20 You like being seen.

01:45:21 You love being seen.

01:45:24 Right.

01:45:25 And I mean, you kind of you kind of jumped right into it because you said, like, yeah, I felt invisible, like.

01:45:29 And so this is where what I would encourage you to really think about is if you pay attention to yourself, you'll find I think God will help with this, by the way.

01:45:36 So I totally see why I totally see.

01:45:41 I think it fits with my understanding of you, why religion is so potent for you.

01:45:47 But I think, you know, I think you really like to be noticed.

01:45:52 And I think you actually like to play games with people, and it makes you very happy when you're when they're able to see through it.

01:45:59 And then I would also venture that.

01:46:02 You don't like it when they see some things that you're not proud of.

01:46:08 And the beautiful thing about God is that it's OK for God to see those things.

01:46:13 Right.

01:46:14 Because there's no ego with God.

01:46:15 But with other human beings, there's ego.

01:46:17 To which I would say this is a my perspective.

01:46:21 OK, I'm not saying I'm right here.

01:46:22 I feel like I'm right about a lot of things around psychotherapy and whatnot.

01:46:25 But this is my opinion.

01:46:27 Believe it a lot.

01:46:28 But so here's the thing.

01:46:30 So you're saying that the joy comes from God.

01:46:34 Right.

01:46:35 It's special because with God, you're egoless and with with without your ego, you can surrender to God and then it feels amazing.

01:46:43 Right.

01:46:45 Yes.

01:46:46 So one thing I would encourage you to think about is what is responsible for all of that goodness.

01:46:51 Is it is the key thing, the surrender of ego or is it God?

01:46:58 It's God.

01:46:59 So the cool thing.

01:47:02 So I would disagree.

01:47:03 I think God is really good at getting you to surrender your ego.

01:47:06 But I would say that surrendering your ego is going to have the effect.

01:47:10 God is just a really good way to do that. 0.98

01:47:13 And if you can surrender your ego, even with another human being, it's fucking liberating, man. 0.88

01:47:17 It feels amazing. 0.97

01:47:20 Right. And that's it's it's almost impossible to to do that.

01:47:25 No, it isn't.

01:47:29 That's that's why people like therapy, because they go that and they go there and it's a place where they can surrender their ego and they have someone who helps them see that.

01:47:39 We're trying to convince you to go to therapy, but I think that almost impossible is like it's like kind of saying like it's almost impossible to fly.

01:47:45 Well, yeah, if you don't know how to build a plane, I agree.

01:47:48 But there's a there there are literally techniques.

01:47:51 And even even if you look at Islam and Mecca and things like that, and, you know, all these rituals they come up with are all. 0.99

01:47:58 Physiologically and psychologically priming you for surrender to clean yourself, to wear white.

01:48:04 They figured this stuff out, man, that ain't random.

01:48:07 Mm hmm.

01:48:08 Someone sat down and realized, OK, when I wash myself before I go into a temple, my capacity for surrender increases.

01:48:14 Mm hmm.

01:48:15 It becomes easier to surrender.

01:48:17 Right.

01:48:18 And so the interesting thing is, in my experience, it's the surrender itself that leads to the awesomeness.

01:48:24 And God is just very easy to surrender to because there's not an ego on the other side of the table.

01:48:34 Right.

01:48:35 It's hard to it's hard to surrender when there's an ego on the other side.

01:48:40 Harder.

01:48:41 Completely agree.

01:48:42 And the challenge is that not everyone can feel God the way that you can.

01:48:47 Everyone, everyone can.

01:48:50 I know you're saying that there's too many generalizations, but everyone can.

01:48:54 And it's it's where I also disagree is just saying that it's it's all has to do with faith.

01:48:59 I think there's a lot of logic that comes around God.

01:49:04 It's not just it's not just faith.

01:49:06 It's it's also scientific.

01:49:08 Yeah, I think that there's a lot of logic when it comes to God, too.

01:49:13 I think it's just faith.

01:49:15 I think faith seems to be for especially for the Abrahamic religions, faith seems to be the central piece of it.

01:49:20 That's my understanding as an outsider.

01:49:23 I would say that faith is more.

01:49:26 It appears to be more important than logic.

01:49:28 I don't know if you you're the one who's Islamic.

01:49:30 So you tell me.

01:49:32 Or Muslim. 1.00

01:49:33 Right.

01:49:34 But I wouldn't be able to.

01:49:35 Well, this is my personal experience.

01:49:36 I wouldn't be able to find faith without first logically coming to the fact that God created everything.

01:49:44 First, I have to I had to understand that there has to be one intelligent designer that we can't exist without God, that we're all the concept of Tawheed, of oneness, that there's one creator and we're all he created the universe.

01:49:58 So arriving there logically, then help me find faith.

01:50:02 Yeah.

01:50:03 So I think that that's oftentimes many people's experiences that they have some kind of intellectual.

01:50:09 I don't know what the word I'm looking for is like an intellectual comfort sounds too small, like an intellectual realization, and then that sort of forms faith.

01:50:24 Yeah.

01:50:25 Okay, I'll be there soon.

01:50:27 You got to go soon.

01:50:31 I think I usually talk to people for between an hour and two.

01:50:35 And and so we're coming up on two hours.

01:50:37 Do you have other thoughts or questions?

01:50:39 No, I think this is a good discussion.

01:50:41 I think.

01:50:42 I think this is an interesting conversation.

01:50:47 Did I satisfy your your you had asked a question about what what I understood about that it being invisible and being noticed and stuff that that that I answer that I know I was being playful about it earlier, but I don't want to leave you hanging there.

01:51:02 I think it's less about being noticed, but also it's an innate desire to I want to inspire and I like connecting with people.

01:51:10 It's not really like a look at me, look at me thing.

01:51:12 It's more that I want to be sure that I have a positive impact on the world, that there's something there.

01:51:18 Where does that come from?

01:51:20 I don't know.

01:51:24 I think that that's a I think it's a universal.

01:51:28 I think it's the masculine imperative. 0.55

01:51:31 So this is what's so interesting to me is why do you why are you so quick?

01:51:37 And it's not an accusation.

01:51:38 I'm really curious.

01:51:39 Like, why are you so quick to say your experience is universal?

01:51:42 Because I don't think that I'm that I don't think I'm different from most people.

01:51:46 I think a lot of people are I think men are all the same and women are all the same to an extent.

01:51:52 We all have the same sort of wants and needs.

01:51:55 Well, I think deep down we're way more similar than people give us credit for.

01:52:03 Okay.

01:52:04 I think a lot of people like to feel as if they're unique.

01:52:07 I think that's why people go to therapy to think that their individual experience is special.

01:52:11 And I think we need to remove that idea that we're all special because we're not, you know, we're all God's creation and we're not that different.

01:52:21 You know, there's nothing that really separates me from anybody from from you or anybody watching this right now.

01:52:27 I don't think that I don't think we're that different.

01:52:30 And I think the best thing we can do with our time is to is to create inspire.

01:52:35 Hmm.

01:52:36 I think I figured out why this becomes polemic so quickly.

01:52:40 You do speak in very declarative statements that seem that they don't offer a whole lot of wiggle room.

01:52:52 So I think it invites other people to disagree with you because you don't have a statement that's like 95 percent in one direction.

01:52:58 Everything is 100 percent.

01:53:00 That's true.

01:53:01 So so and I think unless someone agrees with you 100 percent, it naturally invites the discrepancy.

01:53:08 Right.

01:53:09 So if I say, like, all people are X, it's very easy for people to come back and say, no, they aren't.

01:53:16 But if I say some people are X, it doesn't invite. 0.98

01:53:21 It's it's less inviting for disagreement, but it's OK.

01:53:26 I mean, it's really interesting.

01:53:27 I mean, what I would encourage for you, if that's OK, can I offer you some.

01:53:32 Sure.

01:53:33 Things to think about.

01:53:34 Sure.

01:53:35 The first is, do you like I know you talk to a lot of people and you seem actually quite open minded to me.

01:53:42 Is that fair?

01:53:43 Yeah, I agree.

01:53:49 But what I'm kind of curious about is you don't the way that you talk.

01:53:54 So I'm a little bit confused because on the one hand, you seem quite open minded.

01:53:57 So even in not debating, but, you know, at the very beginning, you're like therapy doesn't work for anyone.

01:54:02 And then like later on, you're able to see, OK, I can understand how it could be useful for some people.

01:54:06 But I still think prayer is more effective, which is completely fair.

01:54:09 Right. But there's you're not actually very rigid with your.

01:54:12 You're thinking either a lot of declarative statements, a lot of I would say inflammatory statements, a lot of like lack of like.

01:54:21 Empathy.

01:54:23 Which I think upsets a lot of people, right, because you don't really you're what you believe is like universally true is what I am really getting a lot of from you.

01:54:32 So what I'm kind of curious about is you seem open minded, but.

01:54:37 Do you like listen to other people?

01:54:39 I do quite a bit.

01:54:41 I think I listen to people more than most.

01:54:43 Yeah, go ahead.

01:54:44 I mean, I had an interview series in New York called the one minute podcast where I just would set up a table in the subway station and talk to people and just look at them and listen.

01:54:56 I think I've talked and listen to more people than ninety nine point nine percent of people.

01:55:01 Obviously, you probably have done it extensively, but compared to how long I've been doing interviews and speaking to people doing the one minute podcast, I think that I have a sample rate of speaking to people.

01:55:12 That's more than most by far.

01:55:14 Yeah.

01:55:15 So.

01:55:16 So what I'm curious about is when someone shares something that is contrary to your world view, what does your mind to do with it?

01:55:25 Probably immediately fight against it.

01:55:31 Or no, not not even just that, but also.

01:55:35 No, I allow myself to to see if it's true.

01:55:39 I think about it.

01:55:41 Think about it.

01:55:42 Yeah.

01:55:43 So that's also what's kind of confusing for me is like, I think I can see you thinking about it.

01:55:48 And part of the reason that I was interested in speaking with you is because I've seen a little bit of your stuff and you actually seem to think about stuff.

01:55:57 Like, I don't get the sense that I mean, I think you're quite inflammatory, but I don't think you're you're quite as rigid as you don't seem very rigid.

01:56:04 I mean, you actually think about stuff.

01:56:05 But what I would really encourage you to do is when someone says something that you think about.

01:56:15 Don't just critically analyze it, try your hardest to understand how that could be true for this person.

01:56:26 That's another idea that I just disagree with philosophically.

01:56:30 I don't think that there's your truth or my truth as much as people like to give it.

01:56:35 I think that there is one universal truth.

01:56:39 And that's what I that's what I've always been trying to get to is what is the truth, because everybody has this belief that there is my truth, my truth.

01:56:46 And I think that's where people lead astray.

01:56:48 I know.

01:56:49 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

01:56:50 I don't think that I'm not talking about my truth or your truth.

01:56:53 I know it sounds weird because that's what I'm sort of asking you to do.

01:56:56 But I'd actually say that it's kind of bizarre.

01:56:58 But to get to the one truth, I think this is a really good way to do it.

01:57:01 OK, so it's not your their truth or your truth.

01:57:05 You don't know that your truth is closer to the truth than their truth.

01:57:09 Mm hmm.

01:57:10 So if you really want to understand what the truth is, you have to try to approach it from all the different angles.

01:57:17 It's like looking at, you know, have you heard this this tale of the blind men and the elephant?

01:57:22 No.

01:57:23 So like four blind people touch different parts of the elephant and they make conclusions about what it is. 0.96

01:57:29 Mm hmm.

01:57:30 So one person is like this is a cat because they touch its tail.

01:57:33 One person is like touches the trunk and I don't know what this fire hose.

01:57:37 I don't know. One person touches the foot and it's like this is a tree.

01:57:40 One person touches an ear and it's like this is a leaf.

01:57:43 Mm hmm.

01:57:44 So one of the really interesting things is that and I think you're quite insightful and you're quite a critical thinker.

01:57:51 And it seems like you've accessed some dimension of spiritual knowledge, which is also quite potent.

01:57:56 So I'm not trying to downplay anything that you've learned.

01:58:00 And at the same time, knowing people as well as I know them and maybe I don't know you, I think you will gain a lot.

01:58:10 If you really try to understand.

01:58:13 And set aside your own beliefs and really try to understand their perspective, because I get the sense that you listen, but I do also get the sense that your mind is very automatic with like counter arguments.

01:58:25 The thoughts pop up instantly.

01:58:28 I think you're just going to get more.

01:58:30 And it's not about I'm not talking about woke, like, oh, everyone has their truth.

01:58:34 Like, I think there's truth to that statement, but that's not what I'm alluding to.

01:58:37 What I'm saying is the simply that you're a flawed human being and everybody else is a flawed human being.

01:58:41 And if you try to understand, really try to sit in someone else's shoes and understand their perspective, that you will have an enriched understanding of the world.

01:58:50 And my experience has been the more people whose perspectives I understand, the closer I get to that common truth, because it's the part that everyone agrees about that is the closest to the truth.

01:59:04 That's a logical assumption, but that's been my experience or just something to think about.

01:59:16 Do you ever go to therapy?

01:59:21 Do I ever go to therapy?

01:59:23 I have done therapy for about eight to 12 weeks in my life.

01:59:30 The last thing I want to ask you, like a lot of people in the chat are asking, how do they get it?

01:59:42 How do they overcome porn addiction or masturbation addiction? 0.53

01:59:46 It's a great question. 0.75

01:59:49 A couple of things.

01:59:50 One is we've got a bunch of resources about that.

01:59:53 If people are interested, like I'll do like lectures and stuff on porn addiction.

01:59:56 So we have stuff on that on YouTube, but I'll answer now in kind of a quick way.

02:00:01 So here's what we have to understand about porn addiction.

02:00:03 Any addiction exists because of two things.

02:00:06 When an activity gives us pleasure and takes away pain, we have the capacity to become addicted to it.

02:00:13 If you really look at addiction, there is a cycle of addiction.

02:00:18 So in the first phase of addiction, all it does is make us feel good.

02:00:23 In the second phase of addiction, so let's say like something like smoking or coffee or playing a video game.

02:00:27 The first game that you play is fun. 0.99

02:00:29 The first time you jerk off and you watch porn, it's fantastic, right? 1.00

02:00:32 There's no downside. 0.99

02:00:33 Then what happens over time is we develop a tolerance to the positive.

02:00:38 So the first cup of caffeine coffee that I drink in my life will keep me awake for 24 hours.

02:00:43 But if I drink it every way, I develop a tolerance.

02:00:45 This is a neuroscientific mechanism.

02:00:47 This is also part of the reason that people will start to...

02:00:50 Many people will start to watch more hardcore or extreme pornography over time.

02:00:55 Because they get desensitized or develop a tolerance.

02:00:59 So the second phase of addiction is sort of the, you stop enjoying it.

02:01:05 And then the other thing that starts to happen is it suppresses our negative emotional experience.

02:01:11 And if you really work with people who are addicted to pornography, what you'll find is that they're not actually very lustful.

02:01:17 They use it as an emotional regulation technique.

02:01:20 When they feel bored, when they feel sad, when they're trying to keep negative thoughts at bay,

02:01:25 oftentimes we're not even aware of it because men are alexithymic, which means that we are colorblind to our internal emotional state.

02:01:34 We're so good at ignoring and shoving down our emotions, we're not even aware when we feel them.

02:01:39 So a lot of that porn behavior is actually driven by negative emotions.

02:01:44 So the real way to break free of porn addiction is, first of all, you have to find...

02:01:50 You have to do something with...

02:01:52 So porn serves a purpose. That's why we get addicted to stuff.

02:01:56 We will ruin our lives for an addiction because...

02:01:59 Not because the addiction is bad, because it's really good.

02:02:02 So a good example of this is I had a patient who was addicted to heroin.

02:02:07 Getting fired from their job, going through a divorce, on the brink of financial ruin.

02:02:12 Kids don't talk to them.

02:02:14 And then I was like, bro, don't you just...

02:02:16 Like, I don't understand how you don't get this. 0.99

02:02:18 Like, heroin is fucking ruining every dimension of your life. 0.99

02:02:22 Why don't you just stop? 0.99

02:02:24 And then he turned to me and he was like, well, it's because that every part of my life is falling apart that I can't stop.

02:02:32 Heroin is the only time that my life is put together.

02:02:36 The rest, when I'm not high, like everything's falling apart.

02:02:39 So for most people who are addicted, there's this neuroscientific component, but there's also something underlying that is driving the addiction.

02:02:47 So you have to fix that.

02:02:49 So whatever insecurity it is, whatever, however you manage your emotions, you can metabolize your emotions, you can hit the gym, you can go pray, you can go see a therapist.

02:02:58 Those are all very effective.

02:03:00 And I think like everything all together is ideal, unless something doesn't work for you, which is totally fair.

02:03:07 And so you have to fix what's driving the underlying addiction.

02:03:11 And if you look at the science of porn addiction, the number one thing that correlates with having a pornography addiction is a sense of meaninglessness in life.

02:03:22 So finding purpose is a very powerful antidote to porn addiction.

02:03:26 And a simple way to understand that is you have to have a reason to stop watching porn.

02:03:32 You got to be doing something with your life. 0.99

02:03:35 Otherwise, like if you're fucking sitting at home all day, like why the fuck not, right? 1.00

02:03:39 Your brain is sitting there and it's like, we've been sitting here for six hours. 1.00

02:03:42 We haven't been doing anything. 1.00

02:03:43 Let me watch some porn.

02:03:45 And so you got to fix whatever it is.

02:03:48 You got to start to get some purpose, do some emotional metabolism, which is the ultimate fuel for the porn addiction.

02:03:55 And then there's also a behavioral component of like, you know, reducing your consumption, limiting your consumption, making it so when you have an impulse to watch porn is it isn't so easy.

02:04:08 So if you sort of have an impulse to engage in an addictive behavior, if you can create time between the impulse and the access, that will help a lot.

02:04:19 And if you really think about it, people who develop technology understand this.

02:04:25 So it used to be that I had to unlock my phone and then open an app in order to like look at cat pictures.

02:04:33 But phone developers are getting better and better and better at face ID, thumbprint.

02:04:39 And so now it's easy anytime we have an impulse to access it.

02:04:43 And the more time that we delay, the more that our impulse can disappear or we can start to think or we can think, OK, I don't have time for this.

02:04:51 But like people are getting really, really good at like I have an impulse.

02:04:55 Let me gratify it right this second.

02:04:57 So you have to work on that, too, which is like really limiting how easy it is to access porn.

02:05:02 So this is very simple stuff.

02:05:04 Like if you've got a Pornhub account, delete it, a log out of whatever, you know, stuff that you have.

02:05:10 So that's not easy to access or delete it all.

02:05:14 So it's hard to find or whatever.

02:05:15 Like you can you can do all that kind of stuff and it'll help.

02:05:17 But I think that usually working with addictions, you've got to fix that underlying stuff.

02:05:21 And the good news is that the addiction oftentimes melts away on its own if you do the rest of the work.

02:05:26 You've got to do the work.

02:05:28 You've got to do the work.

02:05:29 You have to do the work.

02:05:30 Absolutely, man.

02:05:31 I think the last thing that I'll share is that in my experience, therapy is a lot of work.

02:05:36 It's not like a.

02:05:37 I mean, it's it's heavy, dude.

02:05:39 It's like it's like lifting, just lifting your emotions and lifting your thoughts. 0.99

02:05:43 And, you know, there's a heavy shit down there. 0.96

02:05:45 It's definitely it's definitely easier than sparring. 0.99

02:05:48 Sitting and talking about your childhood.

02:05:51 Yes.

02:05:52 Talking about your childhood is easier than, you know.

02:05:55 I mean, no, I mean, I think I think some some people are much more comfortable with their body than they are with their emotions.

02:06:05 Especially men like talking about emotions is very hard for men.

02:06:09 Vulnerability is very hard for men.

02:06:12 Because there's ego involved.

02:06:13 Like surrendering your ego is really hard.

02:06:15 Like, I'm not saying that sparring is easy, but I think there's plenty of people who love sparring like that plenty of people.

02:06:22 It's not hard.

02:06:23 They live for it.

02:06:24 And, you know.

02:06:25 So I don't I don't agree with the generalization of your statement, but I completely agree that for some people, for me, sparring is harder than talking about my emotions.

02:06:37 For sure.

02:06:39 For sure.

02:06:40 So in a sense, I'm proving your point.

02:06:42 I just I think people are different.

02:06:46 Does that answer the porn addiction question?

02:06:48 It does.

02:06:49 It does.

02:06:50 Any other thoughts or questions before we wrap up for the day?

02:06:54 Thank you.

02:06:55 Thank you, man.

02:06:56 Thank you.

02:06:57 This is a good conversation.

02:06:58 I need to listen to this.

02:07:00 Yeah.

02:07:01 Yeah.

02:07:02 Your energy has changed over the course of the conversation.

02:07:06 I appreciate everything that you put into it.

02:07:08 Thanks, man.

02:07:09 I appreciate you.

02:07:10 I could see that you actually appreciate your attention and focus on this.

02:07:14 Yeah.

02:07:15 Take care, man.

02:07:16 Good luck.

02:07:17 I hope to see you again soon.

02:07:18 Yeah, man.

02:07:19 Take care.

02:07:20 All right.

02:07:21 Bye.

02:07:22 Oof.

02:07:25 Oh.

02:07:30 Oh.

02:07:31 Oh.

02:07:32 Oh.

02:07:33 Oh.

02:07:34 Oh.

02:07:35 Oh.

02:07:37 Oh.

02:07:38 Oh.

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SNEAKO - December 08, 2023

SNEAKOs Full Therapy Session With HealthyGamerGG

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