Stay Free - Russel Brand - Saying Goodbye to Bear

00:00:07.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Brand, Russell Brown, trying to bring real journalism to the American people.

00:00:16.000 There you are.

00:00:18.000 Thanks for joining me today for Stay Free with Russell Brand.

00:00:21.000 It's Friday.

00:00:21.000 It's a Wonder Why Day.

00:00:23.000 It's named for the goddess Freya, a pagan goddess.

00:00:26.000 Don't know really what she was up to.

00:00:28.000 She might have been alright.

00:00:29.000 But she ain't the one true god.

00:00:30.000 That I will tell you.

00:00:32.000 Joining me today for a fantastic conversation and look at the corruption that seems to have consumed our world like a cancer are some great men.

00:00:40.000 Some of them Christian, one of them atheist.

00:00:42.000 You can stare at their faces, choose the atheist from among them, and then we will chuck them down a well filled with flammable fluid and burn them.

00:00:51.000 Not out of cruelty, in preparation for what awaits them.

00:00:54.000 Jake the producer is with me.

00:00:56.000 All right, Jake.

00:00:57.000 Good to be here.

00:00:58.000 Nice hat.

00:00:59.000 Thank you.

00:01:01.000 Where could an N-word like me buy such a garment?

00:01:04.000 Tryreborn.com.

00:01:05.000 Get over there, you sick pedos.

00:01:07.000 Dave, thanks for coming.

00:01:08.000 How are you, mate?

00:01:09.000 Doing great.

00:01:10.000 Yeah, I love you.

00:01:11.000 And over there is my beloved friend Massey who has to cut this together so ultimately has final authority.

00:01:17.000 He can just make out whatever he wants.

00:01:18.000 He could just have me say, Massey's great.

00:01:21.000 So I might as well say, anyway, Massey's great.

00:01:22.000 How you doing, mate?

00:01:24.000 Hey, Satan.

00:01:25.000 I'm good, mate.

00:01:26.000 Oh, no.

00:01:28.000 I would have wished that.

00:01:28.000 I rebuke it.

00:01:29.000 I rebuke it.

00:01:31.000 If that BBC lady would have just said, yeah, I hissed because I don't like Jesus.

00:01:36.000 Yeah, I respect that.

00:01:37.000 Just don't.

00:01:38.000 I would respect it.

00:01:39.000 I don't like Jesus.

00:01:40.000 I worship false gods.

00:01:42.000 I'm a diabolical, demonic vessel of the interests of the state.

00:01:47.000 And to get as far from that image as possible, there's our reporter all the way from the United Kingdom, Joe McCann.

00:01:54.000 You're right, mate.

00:01:55.000 Hey there, Russell.

00:01:56.000 Right.

00:01:57.000 Got a lot of feelings.

00:01:59.000 I've got strong feelings.

00:02:01.000 I've got strong feelings, Joe.

00:02:03.000 I've got strong feelings, and we'll be talking about them.

00:02:06.000 We might as well jump straight into it.

00:02:08.000 So my dog Bear died devil day.

00:02:11.000 And I suppose it's been like the, I feel like it's the most pain I've ever experienced in my whole life.

00:02:19.000 And just to let you know, I've had quite a painful life.

00:02:22.000 Maybe it's not as painful as yours.

00:02:23.000 I don't know.

00:02:23.000 You might have had one of them truly, truly, really, really bloody awful lives.

00:02:27.000 But mine, I've mostly, for the vast majority of the time, been on the very edge of suicide.

00:02:32.000 Just to give you some context.

00:02:34.000 That's generally how I felt most of the time.

00:02:37.000 That's my baseline.

00:02:38.000 And give some context of what Bear meant for you guys.

00:02:41.000 I mean, it's not just you, it's your family too.

00:02:44.000 Well, I think what Bear meant, Bear was a symbol of family and of change.

00:02:50.000 Like, I bought that dog.

00:02:51.000 Before I bought that dog, I was coming from a life, I reckon, where I'd been probably primarily consumed by self.

00:02:58.000 I'm not saying that I'm not consumed by self now, of course.

00:03:00.000 I'd lapse into that a lot.

00:03:03.000 But I recognized around the point where we got Bear, I knew the game was up.

00:03:06.000 You know, it's like, oh, I'm going to, I want to, I'll get married to her.

00:03:10.000 I knew I was going to marry Laura.

00:03:12.000 I knew we would have children.

00:03:13.000 I moved out of cities.

00:03:15.000 I was over the type of relationships I used to, like, I used to only really want to get with women if they, you know, I mean in a relationship sense.

00:03:24.000 I don't mean in a promiscuous sense.

00:03:26.000 There was a very low threshold there.

00:03:28.000 And it was a pretty expansive movement.

00:03:30.000 Let me tell you, luckily there's been no downside to that way of life.

00:03:33.000 And but like when it came to relationships, I only liked very sort of, basically quite hostile and difficult women.

00:03:40.000 And not to say that objectively some of the very famous women that I went out with when I was younger were themselves difficult, but they weren't sort of people, they'd probably be people that'd be better off with Justin Trude though.

00:03:51.000 Like that would make more sense.

00:03:53.000 Because I can only imagine that the dude's a massive melt.

00:03:56.000 Now, like, what Bear was, Bear was, I don't mean that, I take that back, that was out of order.

00:04:01.000 Sorry, I'm just imagining he's gentle, probably, Justin Trudeau.

00:04:04.000 I'm a lot to deal with.

00:04:05.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:04:07.000 You know, I'm a lot to deal with.

00:04:08.000 Anyway, so like, we got Bear when we, like, we moved to the countryside.

00:04:12.000 I really, really wanted a German Shepherd because my previous girlfriend, Jemima Khan, who I was totally in love with, who was frankly a lot to deal with.

00:04:20.000 But again, I brought a lot to the party.

00:04:22.000 Like, she had this German shepherd, white German shepherd.

00:04:24.000 And like, normally in the old days, you know, if you're when you're a dating guy, when you're a Lithario, you're getting with women.

00:04:30.000 Maybe the woman's got kids, maybe the woman's got a dog.

00:04:32.000 You've got to charm the kids, you've got to charm the dog.

00:04:32.000 You know what you've got to do.

00:04:34.000 Everyone's got to love you.

00:04:35.000 That's just life.

00:04:35.000 That's just being charming.

00:04:36.000 That's part of the game, part of the gig.

00:04:38.000 This woman, Jemima Khan, though, I didn't bother with that dog.

00:04:41.000 I was more concerned about the kids, frankly, because they were like Imran Khan, now jailed, former president of Pakistan and former Pakistani cricket captain's kids.

00:04:48.000 And I thought these kids could go off at any time.

00:04:50.000 So I was feeling like they were young teenagers.

00:04:52.000 So I was mostly buying them weapons, to tell you the truth.

00:04:56.000 You know, from like fishing shops.

00:04:57.000 This is UK, you can't get guns, bug on BB guns and knives.

00:05:00.000 I thought, I don't like that sort of stuff.

00:05:01.000 Didn't really think about the potential long-term consequences, but I was not so smart in those days.

00:05:06.000 Anyway, this dog, I didn't try and make it like me, the dog.

00:05:09.000 I didn't sort of go, oh, you know, like as good as it gets, give it a treat or none of that.

00:05:13.000 I sort of ignored it, right?

00:05:15.000 But this dog liked me and I fell in love with it so fast, like immediately.

00:05:20.000 Like we go for a walk.

00:05:22.000 She lived on a massive, massive country estate, massive acres, right?

00:05:26.000 And I'd go like romping all over this estate.

00:05:28.000 It was mental.

00:05:29.000 There's cows in it and stuff, like, because farmers use it.

00:05:32.000 I didn't restrict that dog's actions at all.

00:05:35.000 I just let it do what it wanted to do.

00:05:36.000 Cows ganging up on us and shit.

00:05:40.000 It's funny, because if you're getting ganged up on by cows and it's just you and the dog, you and the dog have got to work that out.

00:05:46.000 Like we were in a corner by a brook in the corner of a field.

00:05:49.000 I was like, oh mate, this is not good.

00:05:51.000 We've fucked up.

00:05:52.000 What are we going to do?

00:05:52.000 And it went, oh, we had to climb, I had to lift him.

00:05:55.000 And anyway, so then when that relationship broke up, understandably, and certainly I'll take responsibility because I'm, as I say, not an easy dude to be with.

00:06:02.000 Certainly not then.

00:06:03.000 I'm getting better by the grace of God.

00:06:05.000 You know, I really loved the dog.

00:06:07.000 I loved the dog.

00:06:08.000 So I was like, I'm going to get a German Shepherd, but will I ever find one that's special like that dog?

00:06:12.000 And we did find one.

00:06:14.000 Travelers, actually, you know, in the UK, a lot of travelers do a lot of dog breeding.

00:06:18.000 Went out to Kent, got this dog.

00:06:20.000 From the get-go, this dog was meant to symbolize family and domesticity.

00:06:24.000 But it's like no one ever told the dog that.

00:06:26.000 The dog's crazy.

00:06:28.000 He's a crazy, wild, broken dog.

00:06:31.000 He's killing chickens.

00:06:32.000 He killed sheep.

00:06:33.000 He killed a wallaby.

00:06:34.000 He bit my mum at our wedding.

00:06:36.000 I didn't marry my mother, just to clarify.

00:06:38.000 I'm not doing that again.

00:06:40.000 This dog was a nutter, like, but beautiful as well.

00:06:43.000 But he had to have his hip replaced and stuff.

00:06:46.000 You know, it's like when you love a dog and the dog loves you, it's just you and them.

00:06:46.000 And he was sort of lovely.

00:06:50.000 It's just you and them.

00:06:51.000 There's not like, and with a dog, you don't wear a mask.

00:06:53.000 You're a dog, you're just yourself.

00:06:55.000 And that's kind of like God.

00:06:57.000 It's a portal to God because you're being your authentic self and you realize that you are lovable whilst you may be broken as you are.

00:07:05.000 So he was my mate.

00:07:06.000 I loved that dog so much.

00:07:08.000 Then I had to go through like the dog got paralyzed.

00:07:11.000 So he was no longer this virulent, wild, choroming, crazy wolf creature bounding about in my car next to me like Han Solo and Chew Baca hanging out the whole time.

00:07:22.000 He became a cripple.

00:07:24.000 But like, you know, so he's in a wheelchair and I'm carrying him around and all that kind of stuff.

00:07:28.000 So my, like, I had to reconcile the part of me that egoically enjoyed that my dog was powerful and recognized, no, he's vulnerable.

00:07:37.000 I still, I love him in his brokenness.

00:07:39.000 And I've been shown through him a kind of acceptance of a different type of love.

00:07:47.000 And what I mean by that is that when people talk about Jesus loves you so much, he'd die for you, I find it hard to embed that notion into my belly and heart because I don't think I've ever felt loved like that.

00:08:02.000 I don't think I've ever felt loved like that.

00:08:04.000 That's not to say that I haven't been loved like that.

00:08:06.000 I might have been.

00:08:07.000 I'm just saying that for me, on some level, I probably think about being able to manage, control, mitigate, or otherwise influence my relationships with people because, I don't know, maybe like you, I don't want to get hurt, you know, and I'm afraid to get hurt.

00:08:22.000 But over the course of the relationship with this dog, a deep, profound love emerged, a wordless, imagine that from me, a wordless love emerged with this dog.

00:08:32.000 And so to lose that dog was like, I knew it's like losing, like anything.

00:08:37.000 If you have a deep relationship with somebody, then all that's invested in that relationship, it goes with them.

00:08:43.000 Unless you can find another way.

00:08:44.000 As the great AA speaker, God rest his soul, Sandy Beach, said, when his daughter was murdered, he knew he immediately had to forgive the person that did it.

00:08:53.000 He had to immediately accept that now on, from now on, his relationship with that daughter was going to be a different thing.

00:08:58.000 It was going to be through memories and prayer and meditation and it was going to be a spiritual connection.

00:09:02.000 But actually, the deeper truth is it always was spiritual anyway, because why would it be that some animals you eat, other animals you ignore?

00:09:10.000 A million dogs died that day, but only one broke my heart.

00:09:14.000 So it sort of shows me that there is something beyond the material, something profoundly spiritual.

00:09:20.000 Like that other great animal-loving atheist, one being Massey, I refer to Ricky Gervais.

00:09:26.000 I've always thought that Ricky Gervais's deep love of animals was an indication of not an unmet spiritual need, but the expression of a spiritual devotion that he wouldn't qualify as being that because I'm assuming because he's an atheist.

00:09:41.000 And I think I maybe, when I've interviewed him once, maybe put that to him.

00:09:44.000 I can't remember the answer because I was probably thinking about what I was going to say next.

00:09:47.000 Who knows?

00:09:48.000 But like the truth of the matter is that animals bring something out of you that may otherwise be unrealized.

00:09:54.000 And that is to the point of Christ.

00:09:57.000 The thing is you can only know him through faith.

00:10:00.000 And I think, like in that adage, as I said, I posted something about this, like we all know that thing, there's a man in a flood on the roof of the house.

00:10:08.000 God help me, God, help me.

00:10:10.000 And he sends a lifeboat and he goes, no, you're right, God's got me.

00:10:14.000 Then he sends a hole up.

00:10:15.000 No, you're all right.

00:10:15.000 God gives me drowns.

00:10:17.000 Says to God, why didn't you help me?

00:10:18.000 And God goes, I'll send you the lifeboat, send you the helicopter.

00:10:21.000 Now, so the point of that allegory, presumably, is to say that God will communicate with you through events and through human or material or natural means.

00:10:34.000 That's the point of the allegory.

00:10:35.000 And of course, it gives us the example of salvation, literal salvation.

00:10:38.000 And I think you might lose some of the subtler details because of it's an extreme situation.

00:10:42.000 And what I'm saying is, is that I am receiving, even in my pain and my grief and my sorrow, Jesus wept.

00:10:49.000 You know, like as someone pointed out, the brilliant Father Mike Schmidt in a recent YouTube video, I think his last sermon, he said, like Jesus wept is just before he resurrects Lazarus.

00:11:00.000 He knows he's about, as Father Mike himself said, he didn't go, don't worry about it, death ain't even real.

00:11:06.000 We're only on this material bandwidth for a little while.

00:11:10.000 I can resurrect Lazarus like that.

00:11:11.000 He didn't do none of that.

00:11:13.000 He weeps.

00:11:14.000 He weeps because he feels it and he loves us and he loves them.

00:11:18.000 And so, and he loves me and he loves you.

00:11:21.000 And I know it's sort of really hard to do that because you've been conditioned to think of it as a sort of fairy story because folk myth has comparable and similar codes in it without the redeeming component of the actual Christ.

00:11:36.000 It's like a myth and a reality combine.

00:11:39.000 The reason that the myth and the reality combine is because reality has a myth within it.

00:11:46.000 It has, as you know, spirit embodies matter.

00:11:50.000 You know that.

00:11:51.000 And like what I want from atheists really is for them to acknowledge the faith required to get you over the hurdle of what was happening on the Tuesday before the Big Bang.

00:12:03.000 Where does consciousness emerge from?

00:12:05.000 How does consciousness emerge from biological processes?

00:12:08.000 What are these extraordinary, you know, Goldilocks laws of thermonuclear dynamics, etc., etc.

00:12:15.000 All these questions at some point, and none more than the questions of the double slit theory in quantum physics, in the end ask of you faith.

00:12:24.000 And one set of faith is, look, we just want you to have faith that the world is nihilistic, self-contained and meaningless.

00:12:32.000 And one is the other version, you know, the non-natural self-contained argument, is we want you to have faith that there is a creator, that there was a cause, to use the terminology that Joe reminded me that Aquinas used.

00:12:45.000 Now, just for a moment, step to one side and consider this.

00:12:50.000 What are the most powerful forces on this earth?

00:12:53.000 From a scriptural perspective, it's Satan, the devil.

00:12:56.000 From a materialistic and financial and economic perspective, it's what?

00:12:59.000 The biggest corporations in the world, the biggest global bureaucracies?

00:13:03.000 What do you reckon they'd prefer you to believe?

00:13:06.000 That you are beloved and lovely and inherently connected to God?

00:13:11.000 Or do you think they might want you to believe that nothing means anything?

00:13:15.000 It's all just rushing around.

00:13:17.000 You can choose what to do.

00:13:18.000 Cut your cock off, do what you want, nothing matters.

00:13:22.000 Because when you're there, you belong to them.

00:13:26.000 They own you.

00:13:27.000 But when you go, I don't belong to you.

00:13:29.000 I don't belong to this system.

00:13:31.000 Now, I know there are some people that are not Christian, that are saintly and maybe even saints.

00:13:38.000 I do know that.

00:13:38.000 Like I've got teachers, I've had teachers that are powerful fuckers, you know, and they do not accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and the one true God.

00:13:47.000 But I had a realization that some people might be able to handle that.

00:13:51.000 I can't.

00:13:53.000 I need a person.

00:13:54.000 I need a person now to a cross.

00:13:57.000 I need it.

00:13:58.000 Even just try to think of it if you can geometrically, because whatever God is, it can't be put in words.

00:14:03.000 It can't be put in words.

00:14:04.000 Whatever God is or isn't, it can't be put in words.

00:14:06.000 So try to look at the images because images is one step more pure than words.

00:14:11.000 Think of that bit in Inside Out when it all breaks down into more and more simple geometric forms because of the complexity that evolution where evolution presents God's creation in ever more complex imagery is difficult to determine and discern.

00:14:26.000 So take the image as a building block component, a molecular building block component of discernible, readable, signified reality.

00:14:34.000 And you see the difference.

00:14:35.000 The cross obviously has the vertical axes and the horizontal axes.

00:14:40.000 And the vertical axes is the divination, the antennae.

00:14:43.000 That's why you can't have the poles, all those poles of false antennae receiving false signals.

00:14:47.000 And the horizontal is its relational, like the triunal relationship of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

00:14:52.000 And the great paradox of that, that three persons, one God, that difficult theological proposition, even for people that have been in the Christianity lark for a long, long time.

00:15:04.000 So I suppose what I'm saying and what I'm feeling is, is that all things are God and all things give you access to God.

00:15:12.000 The people that see God in nature and believe in supernatural power beyond nature are able somehow to contain and hold, it seems to me some of them are, like I can think of two or three people that I know that don't believe in Christ but believe in great power.

00:15:28.000 And those people are able to handle the image of a bridge, that there is a connection between the external and the internal that is manageable.

00:15:38.000 But then I don't think everyone's like that.

00:15:40.000 And I know that I'm not like that.

00:15:41.000 I know that I need this.

00:15:43.000 And what is my claim?

00:15:44.000 My claim of truth as a Christian is that there is the objective truth and it's as described in scripture.

00:15:49.000 That's my claim.

00:15:51.000 But I'm interested in different ways we might interpret, translate, convey, debate, discuss that so that as many people as possible, as quickly as possible, get in the fucking lifeboat because there's a serious, serious, serious war coming.

00:16:03.000 And I don't want people to be vulnerable to the counterfeit measures that the system will impose ultimately by telling you that you are the supreme authority in your life, that you are the supreme authority in your life.

00:16:15.000 And another thing that the death of bear does is it stops me thinking, if I can be hurt so much by the death of this dog, I'm not, I'm not strong, you know?

00:16:28.000 Like, I'm not fucking Vlad the Impala or Genghis Khan or someone that could just go, ah!

00:16:35.000 Like, I'm like, what is the dog?

00:16:36.000 Oh, my God, I love him so much.

00:16:38.000 I don't think I want to be here anymore.

00:16:42.000 So it's introduced me to a lot of truth, which can sometimes be a difficult introduction.

00:16:49.000 Dave, you asked for context.

00:16:52.000 That was some context.

00:16:54.000 Yeah.

00:16:55.000 I mean, it really affected your whole, it wasn't just you two.

00:16:58.000 I mean, Laura was just me.

00:17:00.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 Laura was crying for a better part of a week.

00:17:06.000 We still are.

00:17:08.000 It's actually brought us a bit closer together because we've sort of, you know, what is he really?

00:17:12.000 He's the animal in the house.

00:17:13.000 Now the animal in the house is gone and now the animal in the house has to become incorporative and what I want to say, relational.

00:17:20.000 So it's the beautiful thing and honestly, really sad thing too is it's like its job was done.

00:17:26.000 You know, like he brought you guys together.

00:17:28.000 I told him that.

00:17:29.000 You know, I told him, you've done your job, mate.

00:17:31.000 You can go now.

00:17:32.000 Stand down, mission accomplished.

00:17:34.000 Because he wouldn't die.

00:17:36.000 Like he was like, I will not die.

00:17:38.000 It's like someone that was just like a Monty Python sketch, like limb by limb.

00:17:41.000 It was like, keep going, keep going.

00:17:43.000 It's like such a beautiful attribute.

00:17:46.000 I think he also pulled out your ability to love.

00:17:50.000 Like he loved you, but you've cared for that dog over this last year when he couldn't do all the things that maybe drew you to him originally.

00:17:59.000 He couldn't walk.

00:18:01.000 I mean, I watched you pick him up, carry him, clean him.

00:18:05.000 Those are real loving things.

00:18:08.000 That is what love.

00:18:09.000 So not only the ability to feel unconditional love, but to also give unconditional love.

00:18:16.000 It's weird, isn't it?

00:18:17.000 Because you'd think the children would be better at that, but they're very annoying.

00:18:20.000 You know, like I've started to think that you guys are sort of like have got a carry-like agreement, like the movie Carrie of like, listen, if we keep talking about this dog, he will break down and cry really badly.

00:18:32.000 So let's just keep the subject of the dog going and eventually this dude will crack.

00:18:37.000 I know that that's not true.

00:18:38.000 I'm just saying that to generate an atmosphere change.

00:18:41.000 But if you did, it would be okay.

00:18:43.000 It would be okay.

00:18:44.000 Believe me, there has been some like, there's been cry, like part right.

00:18:48.000 Okay, now it's the stuff.

00:18:49.000 Let's get Joe going, right?

00:18:51.000 And I don't mean crying.

00:18:53.000 Right.

00:18:53.000 So the thing that, so the thing that's happened that's sort of, you know, how there's consequences in life.

00:18:59.000 So we were like, the funeral was intense, like, because it was sort of both spontaneous.

00:19:07.000 Well, it was primarily spontaneous.

00:19:09.000 It was like, okay, we're finding someone up, but I didn't want to put him down.

00:19:11.000 Like, I didn't want to put him down, but I knew he had to die because I was like, this is now, I get it.

00:19:15.000 I get the mercy scale.

00:19:19.000 Like, it's time for mercy.

00:19:20.000 Right?

00:19:21.000 So, like, you know, but I was like, I'll shoot him myself.

00:19:23.000 I'll shoot him myself.

00:19:24.000 I don't want the brokerage.

00:19:25.000 And it was funny enough, it was Joe who was the person that in the end convinced me that that wasn't the right thing to do.

00:19:32.000 Because Joe said, hold on, if it was me and someone was coming to administer a euphonasia, I'd want you to be with me like doing a rosary, not like you're shooting me in the head.

00:19:45.000 That's a good, that helped me understand what my role was.

00:19:49.000 Dave, on the other hand, was like, well, listen, if you need someone to come and like help you shooting, I'll do it.

00:19:58.000 Dave.

00:20:00.000 I wasn't going to enjoy it, but I mean, like, you would do that for a friend.

00:20:05.000 Yeah.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, so like, that's the, so anyway, so we do the funeral, we're like, we just realize, oh, let's bury him in the front of the house because like there's a good space to bury him.

00:20:14.000 And it seems very ceremonial to do it there, even though before we'd fought like in the yard.

00:20:18.000 So we see this space and it's only decided moments before.

00:20:21.000 Let's bury him there.

00:20:21.000 And look, as I was thinking that last night, let's do it.

00:20:23.000 So we take him out there and like put him there.

00:20:26.000 And then a couple of like people come and dig a grave, including my mate, Kyle, like Kyle, who would survive the apocalypse.

00:20:32.000 Like the way I watched that geezer, I dig a hole, mate.

00:20:35.000 He dug the fuck out of that hole.

00:20:36.000 That's all he done was dug that hole.

00:20:39.000 He turned into some sort of hole digging beast that had no other aspect to his nature.

00:20:45.000 It was like amazing.

00:20:46.000 Hole was like five foot over five foot deep by the end of it.

00:20:49.000 I'd done like the first foot of the hole, established the basic terrain.

00:20:53.000 Yeah, that's how it works.

00:20:54.000 And then the other people took it deeper.

00:20:56.000 And then like this, our mate Sam Brown, like he come around, he'd bought a coffin for Bear that his family had made and the kids are painting on because I'm not putting him in a box because I want him straight in the dirt.

00:21:05.000 I want him straight in the dirt, you know, because we're planting a magnolia tree on the top of him and everything.

00:21:10.000 Then, like, because the check this shit, now this is one of the contested area.

00:21:14.000 Now we're getting now into the nitty-gritty of the argument, Joe.

00:21:18.000 The vet who was coming to bang him up was late.

00:21:21.000 And so, like, and I was trying, I knew I was very vulnerable to emotion, obviously, because I'm in a sort of a spasm of grief.

00:21:27.000 points i'm laying on the floor in dirt there's points from and because it went on for quite a long while it's about one o'clock They then went there.

00:21:35.000 I don't know, like five or something.

00:21:37.000 I can't remember.

00:21:37.000 Late.

00:21:38.000 By that time, I'm not playing, at the beginning, I'm playing like Leonard Cohen.

00:21:42.000 Suzanne takes you down.

00:21:44.000 And Morrissey, sing me to sleep.

00:21:48.000 Sing me to sleep.

00:21:50.000 But by the time the vet shows up, I'm playing like Prodigy.

00:21:57.000 And it's gone a bit like mad.

00:21:59.000 Like I'm like, like the sort of shamanic, like the death of my familiar, the death of my totem, the death of my spirit animal, it's starting to come out in weird ways.

00:22:08.000 Now, I've already established with the vets, I only want the administration of the hard stuff.

00:22:12.000 I don't want, this is the legend of our time now, no bullshit.

00:22:17.000 No bullshit.

00:22:18.000 I don't want bullshit.

00:22:19.000 We don't take bullshit here.

00:22:21.000 So if you're administering the bed, the death drug, just come administer the death drug.

00:22:25.000 I don't like need no paraphernalia.

00:22:28.000 I don't need no, he's gone to a better place.

00:22:30.000 I don't need no mawkish second-hand sentimentality or cliche.

00:22:33.000 I don't need none of that.

00:22:34.000 I'm happy by God's holy grace to deal directly with the source.

00:22:39.000 I don't need brokerage, right?

00:22:41.000 Now, the thing is with the vet role is it's embedded in it, as well as its practical role, is a sort of a ceremonial role.

00:22:50.000 Like a doctor with a bad bedside manner, you know it's like you go to the doctor and it's a good doctor and they give you some, if you've been doctors before and I've just told you flat out cancer.

00:22:58.000 Like, oh, whoa.

00:23:00.000 So, you know, it's doctors and people dealing with death do need protocols, funeral directors.

00:23:06.000 You know, again, we deny the spirit and we deny all the paraphernalia and all the bullshit around it.

00:23:10.000 But if you're actually a spiritual person on a spiritual path, you will not like brokerage there unless it's brokerage you've appointed.

00:23:17.000 I have mentors, of course I do.

00:23:18.000 I have teachers.

00:23:19.000 I have pastors.

00:23:20.000 I'm in a church.

00:23:21.000 I submit to secondary authority other than God.

00:23:24.000 I'm not like, I'm just Elijah now, this fucking go.

00:23:28.000 Like, I'm dealing with secondary, you know, sources of authority.

00:23:31.000 However, when but I'll, you know, by my submission to you, Lord, not by just, anyway, they turn up late and I'm like, come on, let's just get, I just, I don't want that to be the defining bit, the administration of the drugs.

00:23:43.000 I just want to get that in, get that done, get it over with.

00:23:46.000 And I felt that I was not in my compassion when they were there.

00:23:50.000 I felt that.

00:23:51.000 I was in the death of my beloved fucking dog.

00:23:54.000 So, like, they come and I did first of all say, you know, because two of them came.

00:23:59.000 Is it Evie, that's syringe?

00:24:01.000 That was the beginning of, I'm on the front foot, I suppose.

00:24:05.000 I suppose I'm on the front foot.

00:24:06.000 Is it Evie, that's syringe?

00:24:07.000 Right, well, just one of you then, eh?

00:24:09.000 Like, because I don't, it's not, it's not.

00:24:11.000 Also, look, can I just tell you, when you're famous and that, there's some bullshit to deal with because people are aware of it.

00:24:19.000 Like, what about the people that go, oh, what about the people that go, um, hey, I don't know who you are, but my friends tell me, you know, oh, so bullshit bullshit everywhere.

00:24:29.000 People pretending, you know, I'm not saying I know pretty fucking full well that no one likes me.

00:24:34.000 I've got that fucking message.

00:24:35.000 Gotcha.

00:24:36.000 I also know that no everyone knows who I fucking am.

00:24:39.000 I'm aware.

00:24:39.000 I've been around fucking other famous people.

00:24:42.000 And I've fucking been on Joe Rogan.

00:24:44.000 I was married to Katy Perry.

00:24:45.000 I know that there are, you know, I know that there's degrees of fame.

00:24:48.000 I do not give a fuck.

00:24:50.000 That's my fucking position.

00:24:51.000 So like, I don't want to deal with novices interpreting what they think fame is and what fame isn't.

00:24:57.000 So I have to wear a constant prophylactic of awareness of that there's going to be some bullshit and I have to detect real people from fake people and I've learned them skills by God's grace.

00:25:07.000 So like anyway, when they come over, I'm just like, you know, this just, this is one of them things, like when I'm with my kids, I've not got the bandwidth for bullshit.

00:25:17.000 When I'm not with my kids, I'll sign anything.

00:25:19.000 I'll do any photos.

00:25:19.000 I'll, you know, I'll be nice.

00:25:20.000 Or if someone calls me a cunt, I'll have it out.

00:25:22.000 But like, you know, but when I'm with my kids, I'm a dad.

00:25:25.000 And when I'm with my dying dog, I'm the priest handling the death of my dog.

00:25:30.000 I'm not involved in bullshit.

00:25:32.000 So I'm not saying they wanted, they didn't want any of that, but they wanted something that was not the only thing.

00:25:39.000 And the only thing was, dog must die now, put opioid in dog, then put kill chemical in dog.

00:25:46.000 That was it.

00:25:47.000 You could write it with chalk, right?

00:25:49.000 So I don't want anything except that.

00:25:52.000 Now that's intolerance from my perspective as a recovery.

00:25:55.000 I think what people, a lot of people, I mean, I for sure don't understand it, but I've observed it, just being your friend.

00:26:02.000 It's like you have to have levels of security and intimate space, right?

00:26:06.000 And that's your home, right?

00:26:08.000 And so like, even when me and Francesca came to drop y'all's kids off later, even us were like, okay, hey, we're not going to stay long.

00:26:17.000 This is their family time.

00:26:19.000 This is, you know.

00:26:21.000 Yeah, you drove in slowly.

00:26:23.000 You didn't bring the car up to the fucking grave.

00:26:26.000 They first of all drove in, right?

00:26:28.000 And what it was was the unconscious presumption that their role is the pivotal and defining role of the event.

00:26:34.000 That's what it was.

00:26:35.000 And you can never tell people their unconsciousness.

00:26:37.000 That's the price you pay for being clever.

00:26:39.000 People don't fucking know.

00:26:41.000 If they knew, you know, they wouldn't have to deal with the shit.

00:26:44.000 In fact, you don't have to deal with it with other people that are switched on.

00:26:46.000 So like, I'm like, no, This is where the dog's dying.

00:26:49.000 He's next to a grave.

00:26:50.000 There's candles everywhere.

00:26:51.000 There's flowers.

00:26:52.000 There's pictures of him.

00:26:53.000 There's music playing.

00:26:54.000 Admittedly at that music, weird techno music from the 1990s.

00:26:57.000 But still, it's a ceremonial space.

00:27:00.000 And you are secondary participants in the ceremony, akin to someone holding a chalice in a Catholic service or, you know, like doing the tech at a church in like, you know, one of the churches around here.

00:27:12.000 You're not the head priest in this situation.

00:27:16.000 We don't need that here now.

00:27:18.000 In fact, that would be sacrilegious.

00:27:20.000 In fact, you'd be blaspheming against this moment.

00:27:23.000 So like, I'm like, no, no, don't bring the car in.

00:27:25.000 And then I say that sarcastic thing about the, is it Evie, that thing?

00:27:29.000 That was wrong.

00:27:29.000 Now DL as well, I should mention, was that we got it through our friend Rob.

00:27:35.000 Rob's mum was the like the vet tech that had gone and I didn't realize they regarded it as some sort of favor, but we paid them.

00:27:42.000 I didn't know that they considered it to be a favor, like to come and they would normally have to have filled in a bunch of forms or something like that.

00:27:48.000 There were about four or five different people that could have done it.

00:27:50.000 We decided we wanted it done on Friday at a certain time.

00:27:53.000 So they were the people that could do it Friday at that time.

00:27:56.000 Right.

00:27:56.000 So, even though it's a very significant event, their role in the significant event was procedural and bureaucratic and pragmatic.

00:28:02.000 That was it.

00:28:03.000 So anything on top of that was going to be seen as a sort of an offence.

00:28:07.000 And indeed, like so.

00:28:09.000 Then she done the thing and then she put the killer chemical in and she blew out the vein.

00:28:14.000 Right now she like her version of this.

00:28:17.000 To give due uh, credibility to their perspective would be, well, that's because we needed the vet tech and you wouldn't permit the vet tech to come in.

00:28:24.000 But I would say this, no, when I goes to you after you'd administered the chemical thing because I remember this moment, because i'm in high, high alert state, i'm like, um hey, is um, is it good?

00:28:37.000 After she'd administered it.

00:28:39.000 At that point all i've been is clear and firm right, that's all.

00:28:42.000 I've been clear and firm.

00:28:43.000 We're just here to kill this dog.

00:28:44.000 It's fucking agony for me.

00:28:45.000 Let's get it done.

00:28:46.000 Like so, like you know, she's administered that and she, I go, is it all right?

00:28:49.000 And she went yes, and got up and went away, when what she should have said is, no, i've blown his vein out, it's not gone into his vein.

00:28:57.000 So 15 minutes later, when Bear's still alive and we're just like we don't know how long it's going to take and i'm like, literally i'm crying on the floor in the dirt, putting his tongue back in his mouth like broken in grief.

00:29:09.000 Right, they come over and go.

00:29:12.000 She goes like the vein blew out.

00:29:14.000 I'm like, why didn't you tell me that when I asked you if it had gone?

00:29:19.000 All right, now this is a bit where old Russ don't cover himself in glory.

00:29:23.000 I go from now on, how how am I to take anything you say seriously?

00:29:30.000 Because when I asked you a clear question, you lied to me.

00:29:34.000 All I know about you now is you turned up half hour late and you didn't do your job correctly.

00:29:40.000 Now I don't know in retrospect whether I used any expletives, like I might have said fucked up instead of didn't do your job.

00:29:46.000 I might have done because I was in intense grief.

00:29:48.000 Now I think if your job is, you kill animals for a living as part of your gig like what have you never encountered?

00:29:54.000 Everyone else has been fine.

00:29:55.000 You know like what?

00:29:55.000 Like you know.

00:29:56.000 So there you go, man anyway.

00:29:58.000 So after that point, after i'd made clear what the boundary was and what the expectation was, she came over, I held the vein and all that kind of stuff and done the uh, you know, and she done it and she got third time's a charm, managed to kill my dog on the third time of asking and during the interim period I said things like, uh please uh, accept my apologies for the way that I expressed my concern there.

00:30:23.000 I'm in a state of deep grief and my wife Laura went.

00:30:25.000 Russell, you've got to give yourself some grace in this moment.

00:30:28.000 You're in a lot of pain.

00:30:29.000 That conversation sort of took place anyway.

00:30:32.000 So they leave and all that kind of stuff and they're like, oh, she wants to pronounce him dead and I goes, he's dead.

00:30:37.000 Do you need me to sign something?

00:30:38.000 Like, because that's what it really means.

00:30:40.000 I need you to sign Something.

00:30:41.000 That's what it really means.

00:30:43.000 Like everything with your car insurance.

00:30:45.000 Do you think the car insurance, they want to help you and all that?

00:30:47.000 No, they don't.

00:30:48.000 They just want to make sure that they can get as much money from you as possible without being liable for anything.

00:30:53.000 You think that when there's a sign-up saying be careful of that, you know, the wet floor or anything that no one gives a fuck about anything.

00:30:58.000 All they're trying to do is avoid paying you money.

00:31:00.000 Now, I'm not saying that about these particular vets.

00:31:02.000 I'm just saying the systems, if the systems are not about anything except bureaucracy and legalistic protections, you know, the Sabbath is made for the man, not the man for the Sabbath, then don't be surprised when people that are tuned in don't want to live in your crazy bureaucracies.

00:31:17.000 Anyway, so now, dear old Rob, who made the connection, he's gotten a resentment because his mum, stepmum, who was the technician that I didn't allow onto the property to have a supporting role in the death of my beloved dog, has copped a grievance from the situation.

00:31:32.000 So, like, when Rob came in and expressed his thing, I was like, mate, I've got to tell you, after everything I've been through in the last few years, the false rape allegations, the kids' heart disease, and open heart surgery, triple heart bite, you know, all of that, the moving to another country, the ongoing pressures, and now the death of Bear, I just got no more room for bullshit.

00:31:52.000 And part of that's pretty good because I now feel like I'm ready to go to trial.

00:31:56.000 I'm ready to go to trial and face down a lot of because I see, you know, I see things more clearly.

00:32:02.000 So, anyway, so the bit that like is a contested bit is like, how do I, I suppose, reconcile and remedy the intensity that I've caused through my grief.

00:32:14.000 And with that, I open it to the floor.

00:32:17.000 We'll be back after this important message.

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00:33:10.000 Welcome back.

00:33:10.000 And Massey, over to you.

00:33:13.000 I think that when anybody dies, it's obviously the most difficult thing we go through.

00:33:20.000 But how often do you have somebody die in your arms?

00:33:24.000 That's, I mean, that is pretty intense in terms of loss, dying in your arms.

00:33:30.000 And then to say that it's been prolonged because of a bit of negligence, whatever you want to call it.

00:33:37.000 I think that, you know, as Jake says, and as Laura said, give yourself a bit of grace there because that is a high-pressure situation with insane grief unfolding live in a way that you've never had to experience before.

00:33:51.000 And it's more difficult with pets as well sometimes because of the, you've never had an argument with a pet, have you?

00:33:57.000 You know, maybe you have, but it's not like with a person being like, fuck you, and they've got an opinion about you.

00:34:02.000 So I just think given a bit of time, everyone will realize, and I think they probably do already realize that that's a crazy intense situation.

00:34:11.000 You had your dog there dying in your arms with everyone around.

00:34:16.000 What lower point can you be at?

00:34:18.000 So you've got to give yourself a bit of a bit of leeway there, I think.

00:34:24.000 Go on in, Joe.

00:34:25.000 And then we'll do my mates in the room.

00:34:28.000 Yeah, there's a lot going on here.

00:34:30.000 So, I mean, first of all, she administered the injection.

00:34:33.000 Now, missed the vein.

00:34:35.000 Was she aware that she missed the vein initially?

00:34:38.000 Why wait 15 minutes?

00:34:40.000 Or did she, was she not sure?

00:34:42.000 I think she was overwhelmed by the circumstances and part of that circumstance was that it was outdoors.

00:34:47.000 Part of it, there was a famous person.

00:34:50.000 And I think she didn't want to just go, listen, as you know, I didn't have my vet tech to tourniquet the limb.

00:35:00.000 So it's not gone in the vein.

00:35:03.000 But she did know it had not gone in the vein when she said, yes, it had gone in the vein.

00:35:07.000 So I think you can forgive, even though it's annoying, ineptitude and error.

00:35:12.000 If we didn't forgive ineptitude and error, we would all be in some serious trouble, wouldn't we?

00:35:16.000 But it was the fact that in that moment, she didn't say, listen, I've not got the vein.

00:35:22.000 Either you're going to have to help me find it, okay, or you're going to have to accept the tech.

00:35:26.000 Now, that's obviously takes her sort of a very strong person, but I would say falls within the remit of the role.

00:35:31.000 So that's my take on it.

00:35:33.000 Yeah.

00:35:35.000 Yeah, I mean, she should have been straight up there, but I guess she's acted out of fear because she's trying to sort of contain your feelings as well.

00:35:42.000 And really, when someone's doing that role, right, they want to be nice and compassionate, but you want them to be efficient in what they're doing as well.

00:35:51.000 But then I suppose the nature of your wrongs, it don't sound like you did.

00:35:55.000 Look, you're emotional.

00:35:56.000 That's it.

00:35:57.000 That's it.

00:35:58.000 Did you cause her offense?

00:36:00.000 Did you cause direct harm?

00:36:03.000 Probably.

00:36:05.000 Maybe a little amends then just for the way that you spoke initially.

00:36:09.000 And then I guess with the Rob thing, so he's upset because that was his stepmom who was the technician who weren't allowed in and that.

00:36:16.000 Now, I'd say that's his inventory then, because he's the one with a resentment.

00:36:21.000 Maybe he's being, you know, selfish, self-seeking.

00:36:26.000 Oh, they were great.

00:36:26.000 They did such a good job.

00:36:27.000 Well done, Rob.

00:36:28.000 You're the best.

00:36:29.000 The expectations of how that was to go have not been met.

00:36:32.000 Now he's got a grievance.

00:36:34.000 But yeah, I can't take his inventory, but that's how I think about it.

00:36:38.000 It's a good, good analysis there.

00:36:40.000 It's like a sport, isn't it?

00:36:41.000 It's like resentment commentary.

00:36:43.000 Call in Dave and then you'll take us home, Jake.

00:36:46.000 I think you nailed a lot of it just from the recovery aspect.

00:36:51.000 I look at it and I think, hey, man, this is a great opportunity.

00:36:54.000 He's new in recovery.

00:36:56.000 So, I mean, you're going to go to make amends and not keep that resentment.

00:37:02.000 When he came and talked to me about it, I said, hey, talk to Russell.

00:37:05.000 Just share how you feel.

00:37:07.000 Don't hold the resentment.

00:37:09.000 You know, and so there was probably an expectation that, oh, that he's going to respond in some sort of way, which I don't think you did, respond in some sort of way, which is in my mind, I think that's great.

00:37:24.000 That's a good opportunity to look and go, man, I had an expectation that you were going to respond in some sort of way.

00:37:30.000 So that's going to help him grow.

00:37:32.000 He has to have that because that's going to, this isn't going to be the first time that happens.

00:37:36.000 I think, I think in your gut, I mean, you immediately said when you said, did you offend someone or did you hurt someone?

00:37:46.000 You says, yes, like kind of.

00:37:48.000 Yeah, I did.

00:37:49.000 And so, okay, I think you'll make amends on that.

00:37:52.000 I suppose what would I do?

00:37:53.000 Yeah.

00:37:54.000 Oh, sorry.

00:37:55.000 No, I think I think like I like, you know, you're seasoned in recovery.

00:38:00.000 I've thought more about Rob in it just because I'm like, this is a good opportunity for him to grow and grow spiritually.

00:38:08.000 It's difficult for me because everything that happens to me has a potential public dimension now.

00:38:12.000 Like, you know, I know that if certain journalists see this, they'll reach out to try and get those people to talk about it.

00:38:19.000 That's the thing.

00:38:20.000 What happens when you're in the mid, when you've become an enemy of the, you know, the state or whatever you want to call it, the system?

00:38:26.000 Then, like, when this was brought home to me, it was simultaneous to the publicization of the rape allegations initially made by actors in a documentary.

00:38:38.000 You know, a lot of weird stuff went on during that time.

00:38:41.000 When in the midst of that, my son was having heart surgery.

00:38:46.000 And what was interesting is there was no mention or coverage of that because, of course, your son having heart surgery is human.

00:38:56.000 What is it?

00:38:56.000 It inspires compassion and it's not straightforward.

00:39:00.000 Now, even if I were a rapist, and by God, I am not, you would think, oh, God, how weird that this, like, you know, that's the thing you deal with when you deal with good art is you find someone that's bad and you think, well, what do you do about the fact that bad people do good things sometimes and the complexity, you know, say Tony Soprano or whatever.

00:39:20.000 We love Tony Soprano, but he's a bastard and he does things that are cruel and wrong.

00:39:25.000 But the system, this system of counterfeits can't handle that.

00:39:30.000 It can only handle this person is bad.

00:39:32.000 It can't afford any dimension.

00:39:34.000 And that's why I've sort of started talking to my wife about my kids being in content and stuff.

00:39:37.000 Not because I want to capitalize on my kids, because frankly, I don't think, I don't know that there's any money in them.

00:39:42.000 No, they're brilliant kids.

00:39:43.000 But what I mean to say is, is that we're participating in the persecution of my public personality, which is the means by which I make money, but also it's my ministry and my mission now.

00:39:57.000 By allowing them to just see me, whether it's a court sketch artist or any news coverage, they will depict me as a rapist and as a villain and as a criminal.

00:40:10.000 And it's hard to keep doing that if you just see someone loves their dog, is with their kids, is able to tell you this is what it was like when I was famous, when you're around a lot of women, you don't know how much access to sex and promiscuity you get.

00:40:24.000 And it's not the same as, because I've been both, when you're not famous, people want to have sex with you all the time in bathrooms, in toilets.

00:40:32.000 It's weird and sort of at the time, amazing and retrospectively disgusting.

00:40:37.000 So anyway, my fear, I suppose, now is like we've talked about this in this sort of public, kind of somewhat public forum, you know, and like, so when it comes to, I have to make sure that my amends are motivated not by fear of what other people think,

00:40:52.000 because I'm sick of that shit, but by like, listen, and I guess I'm still holding a bit of the resentment because I felt when Rob was talking, I felt like, fuck off, I ain't got 20 cents worth of like compassion for the feelings of the vets when I'm in a billion dollars of heartbreak.

00:41:09.000 I'm in a billion dollars of heartbreak and you want 20 fucking cents of like, oh, I'm sorry that I didn't handle the feelings of the people that fucked up the fucking euphanasia.

00:41:20.000 Like that for me, like, you know, so I'm still in anger about that.

00:41:24.000 So that means I've got a resentment.

00:41:25.000 That means I'm not yet at the point where I can make an amends kind of thing.

00:41:29.000 Yeah, I think it's also you're not in anger towards Rob.

00:41:32.000 No.

00:41:33.000 You know?

00:41:33.000 A bit because he's conveyed that information and what it is sort of like I can sometimes lose my compassion for people, what I perceive as unconscious behaviors.

00:41:44.000 Like I have a deep, in fact, loathing of unconscious behaviors because all of us are the victims.

00:41:50.000 We're either the victims of people's cruelty or their unconscious behaviours.

00:41:55.000 And my parents were not cruel people.

00:41:57.000 They were lovely people.

00:41:58.000 Barbara Brand, Ron Brand are lovely people.

00:42:01.000 But it turned out there was a lot of scope for a mind like mine to not receive the holding.

00:42:07.000 And it's not their job and I love them.

00:42:08.000 I don't want to get into criticizing my parents.

00:42:10.000 But unconscious behavior, when people do things and they don't, as the Lord says, forgive them.

00:42:15.000 They know not what they do.

00:42:16.000 They know not what they do.

00:42:17.000 I think that's the point.

00:42:18.000 I think it's ignorance.

00:42:20.000 It's not, you know, I don't think people understand like how you have to protect your private space with, you know, you have, you have your family and then outside you have your close friends, right?

00:42:35.000 And then business associates like maybe on the next ring.

00:42:40.000 But then did you have pressures coming in that will violate bound, like come into your boundaries and you're, you have to keep that for your own sanity.

00:42:50.000 I don't struggle fighting off defending boundaries with people trying to come in for their own reasons or their own never knowing, you know, really skeptical of people's motives.

00:43:02.000 Like that's what you have to deal with a lot.

00:43:04.000 Yeah, thanks for appreciating that and seeing that.

00:43:07.000 Yeah, I think in your in your own home or if being genuine or authentic is, which is very important to me, that doesn't mean perfect.

00:43:16.000 That means being able to be who you are in the moment, the safety of your own home, safety of your own friends.

00:43:23.000 It's not perfection.

00:43:25.000 So that means when you're genuinely having raw motions, things that are coming out, later you can go and do an assessment of whether what was wrong or what was harsh about it or whatever.

00:43:37.000 But the fact that it was pure, that was how you responded to the death of your beloved animal in a situation that was difficult in the safety of your own home.

00:43:50.000 Whatever comes out should be protected.

00:43:54.000 You want more, because the other side of that would be you would have to edit how you're feeling because of the people around you, which we've talked about that even in some of the hard situations you've faced over the last year and a half or whatever, two years.

00:44:07.000 The real stuff that's coming out, whatever naturally comes out, you can't go, well, I wish I would have put a whole movement together right when I was going through this hardship because that's not what came out.

00:44:19.000 And the people who will love you and protect those things, all I'm looking for is someone to be fully turned on.

00:44:27.000 You say the unconscious, I hate that too.

00:44:30.000 I'd rather you go, this came out and that's real, not going, I want this to come out to show this to this person to make sure they feel right.

00:44:38.000 So in your own home or amongst your friends, that's what we all want.

00:44:43.000 And we talked about that in our relationship early on.

00:44:45.000 We're going to do things to let each other down.

00:44:48.000 But that doesn't mean whenever you have a bad day that I go, you suck.

00:44:54.000 I'm never coming back around to this conversation.

00:44:57.000 And even in this situation, how you respond, you know, Rob could have done something crazy on his initial feeling, but he took a little time.

00:45:08.000 And then y'all can have a conversation and you might have a response and then you can come back to have the conversation again later and it might be a different thing.

00:45:16.000 You might go back and assess and go, I could have done this differently.

00:45:20.000 But those are all genuine things that are being brought to the surface.

00:45:25.000 And I think that's more important than I wish I could have just handled everything perfectly in the moment because you didn't.

00:45:33.000 Yeah.

00:45:34.000 Thank you.

00:45:34.000 That's good.

00:45:36.000 Because it's interesting, isn't it, that this situation that's very intimate and very personal and very vivid and very real has brought to the forefront, the Lord has provided, a piece of conflict in it.

00:45:47.000 Like there's a piece of conflict.

00:45:48.000 I could even at the time, while it was happening, I was really trying.

00:45:52.000 I was thinking, do not be rude or mean.

00:45:57.000 And I know that I was rude or mean.

00:45:59.000 Now, George Bernard Shaw's famous quote, a gentleman is never rude by accident.

00:46:03.000 It's interesting because I was sort of deliberately kind of, you know, when I said things like, how can I trust anything you say when you have not like that's in me, all that kind of smart ass shit, you know, like, I don't know what you do with stuff like that.

00:46:17.000 Joe, what do you think about like, see how when you, when you, like, now, this is a little bit crack on content, really.

00:46:25.000 Whenever you make a, when you make an amends when you've wronged, you have to give a straight up amends.

00:46:32.000 I did this.

00:46:34.000 I shouldn't have done that.

00:46:36.000 I should have done this.

00:46:38.000 Yeah.

00:46:39.000 That's it.

00:46:39.000 You don't go, but fucking hell, my dog was dying.

00:46:41.000 You know, like, you know, in the amends process, you do not do the context.

00:46:46.000 And that's probably the bit that I'm struggling with.

00:46:50.000 What do you think about that in this instance?

00:46:53.000 Yeah, I think you've got to be, like you say, you've got to be specific without giving any justification.

00:46:59.000 I was feeling this way.

00:47:00.000 That's why I reacted like that.

00:47:01.000 Then you're not really sorry.

00:47:03.000 And I that there's a clear process here, right?

00:47:07.000 So it's first you've got to iron out your resentment.

00:47:10.000 I resent the one who did the injection because she lied to me.

00:47:15.000 This affects my, and then after that, you think, well, did I treat them with love and tolerance?

00:47:20.000 No.

00:47:21.000 Or did I then behave in a way that I would rather I didn't?

00:47:25.000 And we're having this conversation because you feel like you've fallen short.

00:47:25.000 Yes.

00:47:28.000 So really, it's your inventory now, the exact nature of your wrongs, disregarding the other person completely.

00:47:38.000 That's the hardest part, right?

00:47:39.000 I've got something in column four.

00:47:42.000 I've got something in column four now.

00:47:42.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:47:44.000 Dave pointed out, like, Dave likes column three.

00:47:46.000 Just explain this jargon to you, people that don't know the jargon.

00:47:51.000 When you inventory in a 12-step program, you do a four-column inventory.

00:47:56.000 So, you know, like here it is, you know, a little bit of paper.

00:48:00.000 On this bit, you put the person, place or thing that you resent.

00:48:04.000 So I'd put the vet, as Joe said, lied to me about the drug being administered.

00:48:11.000 And then column three is what area of myself is affected.

00:48:16.000 Because if you've got a resentment, you are participating in a situation.

00:48:20.000 Otherwise, you would feel nothing.

00:48:22.000 You know, like imagine that Christ in that situation, he's just completely in acceptance that the dog is dying, completely in acceptance of the decision, completely in acceptance that everything that happens is God's will.

00:48:35.000 Your will, not mine be done, Father.

00:48:36.000 So, oh, they're late as God intended.

00:48:39.000 Oh, they've blown out a vein as God intended.

00:48:41.000 Like, he's immediately able to translate.

00:48:44.000 Yeah, just total love, total love, because it's not separate.

00:48:47.000 He doesn't see the separateness and doesn't feel attack because he knows actually it's outside of time.

00:48:51.000 The ultimate real, this is just the, you know, to shift to Plato for a moment.

00:48:55.000 This is just the projection on the cave wall.

00:48:58.000 This is not the absolute reality.

00:49:00.000 So I know that my pride is a bit of, my pride is what I think others think of me.

00:49:05.000 Now, my pride's not high in this.

00:49:07.000 I'm not thinking like, oh, those vets, they think they can push me around.

00:49:11.000 I'm not thinking that.

00:49:12.000 My self-esteem is what I think of myself.

00:49:15.000 Well, maybe my self-esteem is affected by the situation.

00:49:18.000 My dog is dying.

00:49:20.000 Who am I without this dog?

00:49:21.000 So there's possibly some of that.

00:49:24.000 My ambition was for it to go without a hitch and to go seamlessly.

00:49:27.000 And my other ambition is for Bear to never die.

00:49:29.000 You know, that eternal life.

00:49:31.000 So my ambitions were thwarted.

00:49:33.000 Pocketbooks, that pertains purely to financial matters.

00:49:37.000 I couldn't care less about that.

00:49:38.000 Although I will say that when the complaints came, I went, they weren't doing me a favor.

00:49:41.000 It was an official piece of business for which they were paid and will be remunerated in full.

00:49:47.000 Not, I won't be going, because you fucked that up, I'm withholding payment, you know, which is the sort of thing I would have done once.

00:49:54.000 Security is the one I forgot and that Dave points out that often when you forget something, that's the one because you literally don't see it.

00:50:04.000 And like security is the one I forgot, but let me do it.

00:50:06.000 When you get to a certain spiritual level, Russell, like, you don't even need column four.

00:50:10.000 Like, you just do the you just do column three and then you, you know, figure out.

00:50:16.000 My security was affected.

00:50:17.000 Can I list them all first, Dave?

00:50:18.000 I'm kidding.

00:50:20.000 Personal relations, sexual relations.

00:50:23.000 Hold on.

00:50:24.000 So one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

00:50:27.000 So the seven categories of self, according to the programmer for Alcoholics Anonymous, which we don't speak for, is pride, what I think others think of me, self-esteem, what I think of myself, ambitions, what I want, personal relationships, what the script I give others is what I heard the brilliant Tim M describe it as.

00:50:46.000 I have an expectation.

00:50:47.000 So my personal relationships were obviously affected.

00:50:50.000 Pocketbooks, which is finances, sexual relationships is personal relationships with a particular emphasis on sex, obviously, and one's sexual requirements, needs, or wants.

00:50:59.000 But what I forgot was security.

00:51:00.000 Now, like the security was what was on the line.

00:51:04.000 As people have subsequently pointed out, like that dog was security.

00:51:08.000 That dog used to lay run in a garden.

00:51:10.000 He'd bark.

00:51:11.000 He's a protector.

00:51:12.000 He's a protector.

00:51:13.000 Like he had a lot of aspects, given that he's a, you know, a quadruped canine, he's got a lot of dimensions to him.

00:51:20.000 And those dimensions must be coming from somewhere, either from a meaningless universe or from an intelligent creator.

00:51:29.000 But I still think, Dave, that column four has a value because when I ask myself what mistakes did I make, one mistake I can see now that I couldn't see before is I was on some level probably looking for an opportunity to be angry about it on some level, right?

00:51:50.000 I was probably looking for it.

00:51:53.000 And like, so my whole demeanor and charge, my whole frequency in charge included a sort of invitation for make me angry.

00:52:03.000 Like it probably included it.

00:52:05.000 Now, this is where I think those of us that take the spiritual life seriously are at risk.

00:52:10.000 Because I think 99% of people don't fucking cop to that shit.

00:52:14.000 And we live in the world with them.

00:52:16.000 We live in the world with them bearing our hearts and saying, oh, on some level, I was probably inviting like anger.

00:52:22.000 Like they're not fucking admitting that shit.

00:52:24.000 They're operating in like bloody well Sesame Street world where you were swearing at me.

00:52:29.000 And I'm like, I've got to deal with these fuckers.

00:52:31.000 It's not a level playing field.

00:52:33.000 Again, in one flu with a cuckoo's nest, she ain't harnessed me and she likes a rigged game.

00:52:38.000 You know, like cuckoo's nest is so brilliant because authority is masked in bureaucracy and care, which is the exact and actual model for now.

00:52:44.000 Maybe next week we should talk some about cuckoo's nest and the themes and ideas of cuckoo's nest.

00:52:49.000 Anyway, so I was looking for it.

00:52:52.000 Two, I'm unwilling to accept the death of bear because it sort of hurts me so much.

00:52:56.000 And I sort of, you know, life is unbearable without bear.

00:53:00.000 With bear, life was bearable.

00:53:01.000 Like I've got these kind of things in it.

00:53:03.000 There's nothing to do with her.

00:53:04.000 It's not a fault.

00:53:04.000 Was I being selfish?

00:53:07.000 Maybe a bit.

00:53:08.000 Self-seeking.

00:53:10.000 Was I being dishonest?

00:53:11.000 That's probably the dishonesty I might tick because like these are the questions we ask in column four.

00:53:15.000 We ask eight questions.

00:53:17.000 What mistakes have I made?

00:53:18.000 Am I being selfish, self-seeking or dishonest?

00:53:21.000 What are my defects of character?

00:53:22.000 I mean, I'm not saying, I'm not going to say self-pity at a time where I'm feeling legit grief and very present for it, but I am going to say intolerance.

00:53:29.000 I was being intolerant.

00:53:31.000 My intolerance came out.

00:53:32.000 And subsequently, for sure, arrogance came out.

00:53:35.000 Arrogance is, I suppose, part of pride.

00:53:38.000 It's a subset of pride in some ways, but I guess it's included with its own category because arrogance is, I suppose, a deliberately expressed sort of personal grandeur.

00:53:48.000 Yeah, what do you think about, I think some is like the space, when I think of the security piece of it, you know, when it talks about was it hurt or threatened?

00:53:58.000 Right.

00:53:59.000 Right.

00:54:00.000 And I think of it being threatened.

00:54:03.000 This is your intimate space with you, Laura, and the kids.

00:54:07.000 And this is your dog.

00:54:09.000 This is the, you know, your dog's passing away.

00:54:12.000 I mean, this is, even I, as a close friend, was like hesitant on, do we get out of the car and come up and talk to you guys?

00:54:22.000 I was like, okay, I'll come give you a hug.

00:54:24.000 But I would also feel like, okay, they need just them and the kids and they need their time.

00:54:31.000 You know, this is a real sacred time for you.

00:54:35.000 And so I think that was some.

00:54:38.000 It was at least threatened.

00:54:41.000 possibly heard.

00:54:42.000 And then I think some of it was just, I don't think other people necessarily are calibrated like that.

00:54:50.000 They don't, they're not thinking like that.

00:54:51.000 Joe would probably be the same, you know, would go, okay, like, you know, this is their time.

00:54:57.000 I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to impede on this space.

00:55:03.000 I want to give you props for being a person that spots, thank you for the kindness, actually, but also for spotting in the program and in our sort of our code secondary consider, not secondary, more subtle considerations, like, for example, that point about being threatened or hurt.

00:55:19.000 Like, was your security threatened or hurt?

00:55:21.000 It was friend and hurt by the whole situation.

00:55:23.000 And then it was further friended and hurt by the sort of, you know, understandable and not the worst thing in the world if they were delivering ice creams, ineptitudes or shortcomings.

00:55:32.000 Let's call them kindly call them shortcomings.

00:55:34.000 And then like, when you, the other day, when we were talking about recovery, when I was taught, I get fixated on rest satisfaction out of this world, like, which is in a famous part of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, where it talks about our fundamental problems.

00:55:50.000 We want to control reality in ways that reality cannot be controlled because reality can't be controlled at all, is basically it.

00:55:56.000 But at least not meaningfully or forever, just temporarily.

00:55:59.000 Aussie Mandias, Citizen Kane, all stories of films of impermanence and our ridiculous inability to be permanent in Solomon's Temple, anything.

00:56:09.000 It's all about that, really.

00:56:10.000 But anyway, you added, you know, rest satisfaction out of this world if only we manage properly.

00:56:17.000 And I never spot that.

00:56:20.000 We think if we manage properly, we can rest satisfaction out as well.

00:56:24.000 I suppose you're saying that satisfaction can come out of this world if you yield your inclination to manage properly, i.e. you live in a state of surrender, particularly given that that comes in a step-free moment, which is all about decision to turn your will and life over to the care of God.

00:56:41.000 Yeah.

00:56:42.000 Yeah, that's a really good point.

00:56:44.000 Anyway, like, so, um, and then the final thing is the final thing on this matter, I suppose, is, yeah, like that security.

00:56:54.000 It was, I was in such a, like, I suppose, look, you put aside the other man entirely, the other human entirely.

00:57:02.000 And when I do that, I can see that from their perspective, they just want to come and do the thing they do, you know, injection there.

00:57:12.000 Okay, did you find it?

00:57:14.000 Okay, we're going to have to do it again, I'm afraid.

00:57:16.000 And I was so determined not to let his death be sanitized because it is so sort of raw and dirty and painful that I sort of acted a bit allergically to that.

00:57:29.000 I acted allergically to any attempt to turn it into some little mimsy pimsy pot-pourri death.

00:57:35.000 You know, like, I'd be like, you know, that's why I was willing to shoot him.

00:57:39.000 Oh, man, that was one of the things when it didn't hit, I sort of got up.

00:57:43.000 That was just me and my wife.

00:57:44.000 It was just me and Laura.

00:57:45.000 They were sort of backed out of the vets there.

00:57:48.000 And I went, I should have fucking done it myself.

00:57:50.000 Like, you know, that's when the anger came.

00:57:52.000 I fucking told you.

00:57:54.000 I should have fucking done it myself.

00:57:56.000 Anger came out of like, but as the England manager, former England manager Graham Taylor once remarked to a journalist questioning his selection of the England team, like you should have played Hoddle here and you should have played Waddle there.

00:58:08.000 Those are real names, Americans.

00:58:10.000 Terry Butcher should have been captain, like he goes.

00:58:13.000 But my teams play, My teams play, the teams I pick.

00:58:17.000 They go out and play your ones.

00:58:18.000 They're in your fucking imagination.

00:58:20.000 You don't have to.

00:58:20.000 You never suffer the consequences of you know.

00:58:22.000 Then Mark got an early goal.

00:58:24.000 Or fucking Scotland surprisingly put up a you know, put up a good fight that day.

00:58:28.000 Like, you know so like, if you're like so I suppose it ain't fair, because the reality we lived was the reality of the euphanasia we didn't have to do, the reality of how did it feel to hold a gun, what's the distance?

00:58:43.000 Fire a gun watch, bear sort of jolt and switch off.

00:58:47.000 You know we've not had to live that, we've not had to pay that bill.

00:58:50.000 You know that bill's not been paid.

00:58:52.000 So I recognize that it was as it was meant to be and it was meant to be painful and it was very painful, beyond really what I thought I could tolerate.

00:59:07.000 I mean like, in a way, see everything that's happened over the last couple of years, even as I was moving out of fame to its periphery, both in terms of recognizing that I wanted family and a different type of life.

00:59:21.000 But also, you know, I sometimes think that, I think that, and then I think Pedro Pascal.

00:59:26.000 I think if i'd have stuck around in Hollywood and just gone well, just hang out.

00:59:30.000 You know, do films pretend to be a different person, which is literally the job of an actor, like you know.

00:59:35.000 Pretend to be a different person, sooner or later someone might go.

00:59:38.000 Actually, you know, if he cuts his hair, wouldn't it be good to do have Russell Brand in that, and then you can have another career at 50 or Jeff Goldblum type of career.

00:59:45.000 But the combination of the fact is that I went into Hollywood with the appetite for God.

00:59:50.000 That's why I was like, this better be God.

00:59:54.000 And it was not God.

00:59:56.000 It was just some sex and entertainment and attention.

01:00:01.000 So as soon as it was like a bit, I was like, oh, fuck.

01:00:04.000 I couldn't do it properly.

01:00:05.000 Also, there's a part of me that knows I can't do this shit.

01:00:08.000 I can't do this shit.

01:00:09.000 It's not real.

01:00:10.000 I can't work in these systems of Satan.

01:00:13.000 I can't do it.

01:00:14.000 I can't comply.

01:00:15.000 I can't bring myself to.

01:00:17.000 You know it.

01:00:17.000 There's something in your nature trying to realize itself through you.

01:00:21.000 And you'll shut it down for a million different reasons, fear, pleasure, whatever.

01:00:26.000 Anyway, so my point of this is saying that ever since the rape allegations and what I consider to be attacks, and certainly I'm not guilty of any rape or sexual assault, although I am guilty of being a real prat.

01:00:37.000 Like ever since then, my identity has been sort of broken.

01:00:41.000 And the first wave of it happened at the same time as Herbie, my son, was having heart surgery.

01:00:45.000 So that showed me it's serious and you know, it's sort of awful and weird and insane, but you know it's not true.

01:00:53.000 And anyone who knows anything knows it's not true and has a sort of understanding of what this is.

01:00:57.000 But that, look, your boy, man, your boy and his little acorn heart being taken out of his body and shit going on.

01:01:04.000 You best get accustomed to reality.

01:01:06.000 And now this with the two like new charges and like, you know, like even someone I work with just sent me the coordinated headlines and just goes, look, these headlines all come out.

01:01:16.000 They come out at the same time.

01:01:17.000 The exact same wording.

01:01:18.000 Look at how it works.

01:01:19.000 Look at how it works.

01:01:20.000 And I'm like, man, I'm doing a virtual appearance on the, you know, I can't like, I take the idea of treating people well very, very seriously indeed.

01:01:30.000 I do not treat the state and the media as the arbiters of morality at all seriously.

01:01:37.000 When they use, as they do in many of those headlines, the term and word disgrace, they are telling you something important.

01:01:44.000 Disgraced comedian Russell Brown.

01:01:46.000 Like they can issue and withdraw grace.

01:01:49.000 That is one thing they do not have access to.

01:01:52.000 They are in the world of the profane and the fallen and the sin and the artificial and the counterfeit and the deceptive and the murky and the dark and the disgusting and the filthy.

01:02:02.000 They don't got access to grace.

01:02:03.000 They can neither issue it or take it back.

01:02:06.000 Look at who they celebrate and how they celebrate them.

01:02:09.000 Look at what they want women to be and how they want women to behave.

01:02:12.000 Look at how they want men to be and how men to behave.

01:02:14.000 When it's convenient for men to be womanizers, they did that.

01:02:17.000 When it's convenient for women to be sluts, they did that.

01:02:19.000 Then there's a bit like women being sluts is reclaiming their own.

01:02:22.000 It's just all filthy bullshit.

01:02:24.000 It's filthy, disgusting bullshit.

01:02:26.000 And everything that happens to me, I feel like I'm being loaded like a keg, like a gel ignite.

01:02:34.000 Like I'm being loaded to be a thing that just goes off.

01:02:38.000 Sparklight, reignite.

01:02:40.000 Sparklight, reignite, Jake.

01:02:42.000 Sparklight, reignite.

01:02:45.000 Like, because I'm being sort of fashioned into something that I know that I can talk and explain things and I know that I can see things.

01:02:54.000 And now I'm starting to feel like I would welcome death.

01:02:59.000 Not like, you know, my children, man, my children, my wife, the people that love me.

01:03:02.000 But like, I don't have some, like one of my teachers said to me the other day, Russell ain't trying to get like a film.

01:03:09.000 I'm not trying to get a film.

01:03:11.000 That's why when you talk about other projects, you know, that to do with entertainment, I'm like, because I know, like, you know, get behind me, Satan.

01:03:19.000 I know how seduced I would be and how seducible I am.

01:03:23.000 I'm weak.

01:03:24.000 I'm weak for sugar.

01:03:25.000 I'm weak for woman.

01:03:26.000 I'm weak for attention.

01:03:28.000 I'm weak for praise.

01:03:29.000 I'm weak.

01:03:30.000 So like for me, as it always should have been, I've just got to live like a little obedient servant of Christ.

01:03:36.000 And I think I can probably only do that if I know it's to someone that loves me and that it's real.

01:03:40.000 Not if like be obedient to this state.

01:03:43.000 You know, like look at the fearful.

01:03:44.000 Look, I don't single anyone out because who cares?

01:03:46.000 But Mark, you know, say Mark Ruffalo, who I really sort of like as an actor and I feel like I would sort of like as a person.

01:03:52.000 Like Mark Ruffalo at the Golden Globe saying, I don't really want to be here because it's so bad.

01:03:56.000 What's happened in Minnesota?

01:03:58.000 Don't fucking go then.

01:03:59.000 The whole thing's bullshit.

01:04:00.000 It's fucking bullshit.

01:04:01.000 Why are you there?

01:04:03.000 What you should say is, oh my God, I wish I was a person that didn't care about the Golden Globes.

01:04:08.000 Because in my heart of hearts, I know it's total fucking bullshit.

01:04:10.000 But I've had conversations with my agent and they're like, oh, you really should go and you might actually win and it'll be good for the Oscars.

01:04:16.000 And actually, you can bring attention to the causes.

01:04:19.000 But Ricky Gervais killed the Golden Globes forever.

01:04:23.000 That is why it's so satisfying to watch Ricky Gervais, working class man from Reading, do that.

01:04:28.000 Because you know that was a terminal shot.

01:04:30.000 When he goes, come up here, do not lecture the public on your causes.

01:04:35.000 You know nothing about normal people and how normal people live.

01:04:38.000 Get up here, take your award, thank your agent and your God and fuck off.

01:04:42.000 Like, it's like, oh, it's like beautiful.

01:04:46.000 You feel like he's bringing it out because he's just telling the truth in such a fucking amazing way.

01:04:51.000 So anyone that subsequently goes to the Golden Globes and expects to get anything from it, they've got a lie to themselves to get across the door.

01:04:58.000 And I know because I fucking went and I wanted to host it and I went to the Oscars and I did all those things.

01:05:04.000 And guess what I felt?

01:05:05.000 Gloomy, heavy, dark, not right.

01:05:08.000 You know, and then I'll be like, look, I wonder if I'd have sex with someone or something because there's something that's going to be real out of this great, stinking, glistening puddle of puke.

01:05:19.000 did you think during that time that you were playing their role they're like i didn't know then but i know now yeah Yeah.

01:05:25.000 I didn't know then.

01:05:26.000 And that's partly what this is.

01:05:28.000 You have to play that game.

01:05:29.000 Like, you enter in there and you're going to play their game.

01:05:32.000 It is.

01:05:33.000 And probably because, I mean, you're controlled by trying to get laid.

01:05:37.000 Yeah, you want to get laid.

01:05:38.000 Yeah, and so, okay, I'll play the game to do that, to get another movie, to get more fame, to get laid.

01:05:43.000 People can use reason to justify anything.

01:05:45.000 That's why reason has to be connected to sublime authority.

01:05:48.000 Because otherwise, you could use reason to go, as people did, we've got to execute these people.

01:05:53.000 Or I've had to chop this person's head off.

01:05:55.000 People do it every day.

01:05:56.000 They justify and reason to do unreasonable things.

01:06:00.000 That's the point of reason almost.

01:06:02.000 Unless it's allied to divine universal principle.

01:06:07.000 But like when you get in Hollywood, the first thing happens, it's actually unbelievable and amazing to experience.

01:06:13.000 Because you, look, my whole life, I wanted to be recognized.

01:06:15.000 I wanted to be famous.

01:06:16.000 I wanted to be a star.

01:06:17.000 I'm a little fat kid.

01:06:18.000 I'm not good at football.

01:06:18.000 I'm not good at fighting.

01:06:19.000 And then suddenly I do a school plate and then like, you know, then that leads to that, that leads to that, leads to that, till one day, Adam Sandler's agent is on the phone saying, literally, come to Hollywood.

01:06:29.000 Like, people want to have meetings with you.

01:06:30.000 And I'm like, oh, my God.

01:06:32.000 Then you go and you're in a limousine and you're taking around studios.

01:06:34.000 And like, when you go to Universal Studios for meetings, there's the fucking theme park there.

01:06:38.000 You're like, where's his mental?

01:06:40.000 It's sort of so exciting.

01:06:41.000 You go, Disney, Steven Spielberg's office is over there for whatever his one is.

01:06:45.000 You know, like Sony, it's exciting.

01:06:46.000 And all these big things and movie sets and famous people.

01:06:49.000 And everyone thinks you're great and that you're important.

01:06:52.000 And the deficit in you, you feel like, oh my God, I knew I was right.

01:06:56.000 I'm fantastic.

01:06:57.000 And the voice that I knew I was right, I'm worthless, has to shut the fuck up for a little bit.

01:07:01.000 But believe me, it don't leave.

01:07:03.000 And then, like, they take around all them places and people are like, oh, my God, that's fantastic.

01:07:07.000 You're so funny.

01:07:07.000 That's just brilliant.

01:07:08.000 Oh, did you hear on this guy?

01:07:09.000 You're going to be, oh, man, absolutely.

01:07:12.000 You know, you're just adored and revered.

01:07:14.000 And it's sort of like it fills you up somehow.

01:07:16.000 Then they go like, right, this is your agent, 10%.

01:07:20.000 This is your manager, 10%.

01:07:22.000 This is your business manager, 10%.

01:07:24.000 This is your lawyer, 5%.

01:07:26.000 This is, I mean, you're like, what the fuck is this shit?

01:07:28.000 What is all this?

01:07:29.000 You realise, you start to see that your father just going into a machine.

01:07:33.000 They're doing that all the time.

01:07:34.000 All the time.

01:07:35.000 At the same time as me, it was the one that has gone on to be a big star, Bradley Cooper.

01:07:39.000 He was like, you know, we joined the academy at the same moment.

01:07:42.000 Jason Mamullah, who's a good dude.

01:07:44.000 And that other geezer, four, Chris Emsworth, he's a good dude.

01:07:48.000 Like, you know, so I was meeting them and hanging with them a little bit, some of those people, not Bradley Cooper actually, but, you know, having the same sort of girlfriend, like literally the same girlfriend as Bradley Cooper.

01:07:56.000 And you're immersed in all of this sort of weave and all of this stuff.

01:08:00.000 And it's so sort of fulfilling and interesting and so exciting.

01:08:06.000 But you recognize after a while that you're just there as a temporal placeholder to do a sort of job.

01:08:13.000 Now then once in a while someone comes through like the like Leonardo DiCaprio is probably the last great movie star.

01:08:19.000 That Timothy Chamolet lad is probably the last one that's decent because he's a fucking serious talent and he's like saying all that shit like I want to be great.

01:08:28.000 You know, he's got it in him and he.

01:08:30.000 But the thing is, is that model don't exist no more.

01:08:33.000 We all know that Logan Paul and Jake Paul and the Tates and all that.

01:08:37.000 And look at what happens.

01:08:38.000 All those figures are maligned to fuck.

01:08:41.000 You know, so I was thinking that in the old cultural model, Andrew Tate would have just been Burt Reynolds.

01:08:45.000 He's just a male masculine guy.

01:08:47.000 It's just like Charles Neston or something.

01:08:48.000 He's just like, oh, God guns, man.

01:08:51.000 Like, he's not, you know, and they have to turn that into, no, he's running a whore in ring.

01:08:55.000 He's fucking killing people.

01:08:57.000 Because really, those bastards, that Hollywood Babylon, that'sn't CIA inspired.

01:09:03.000 It's CIA funded.

01:09:04.000 I mean, like, these things are not made up.

01:09:06.000 It's true.

01:09:07.000 It's true.

01:09:08.000 And like that there's, you know, that's why Top Gun can get made the way it does and Maverick does.

01:09:12.000 And all those people that are in there are massively compromised.

01:09:15.000 So they don't feel good about themselves.

01:09:17.000 They do not feel good about themselves when shit's going on.

01:09:19.000 So when it's like, hey, we care about this cause now, LGBTQ plus, you can care about this.

01:09:24.000 And guess what?

01:09:25.000 It costs you fuck all.

01:09:27.000 It costs you fuck all.

01:09:28.000 All you got to do is go around and pretend to care about it.

01:09:30.000 Oh, yeah, no, actually, I do care.

01:09:31.000 So it's good.

01:09:32.000 Well, no, it don't matter if you do or don't.

01:09:33.000 You've just got to pretend.

01:09:34.000 No, but I actually do care.

01:09:35.000 Right, how about care?

01:09:36.000 You care about the environment.

01:09:37.000 They're just going to do 5% of this and 10% of that.

01:09:39.000 Oh, yeah, no, I do care about that.

01:09:41.000 How about caring about this?

01:09:44.000 There's these centralized elitist interests that are funding films that are ensuring that ordinary people are eating bad food, consuming bad ideas and living lives of quiet misery.

01:09:53.000 I'll make a film about that if you want.

01:09:55.000 Can we have a gay person in it?

01:09:57.000 As long as it can be transduced into their bullshit, they're happy with it.

01:10:01.000 And why wouldn't they be?

01:10:02.000 Why wouldn't they be?

01:10:03.000 It's not easy to sort of wake up and step off when you're getting your shoulders massaged and your dicks out the whole time.

01:10:10.000 It takes like a kick in the guts and a smash up the bollocks before you can even think straight.

01:10:15.000 And by God's grace, I received both.

01:10:18.000 Amen.

01:10:20.000 Well, that's that.

01:10:21.000 That's all we've got time for this week.

01:10:22.000 Thank you for joining.

01:10:24.000 I mean, what was that now?

01:10:25.000 What are we making even here?

01:10:26.000 Liam's coming in next week.

01:10:27.000 He's going to be.

01:10:28.000 I think it's kind of a bit of a crack on and also shows the process of grief and also the process of conflict.

01:10:36.000 So that's got to be good for someone.

01:10:39.000 Also, right, to conclude, I just have to write a letter.

01:10:41.000 I'll probably, do I like, you know, right?

01:10:43.000 So the perfect, not the perfect, but appropriate and correct amends is like sort of a card and just thank you very much for yeah, because me, I'm so sarcastic and Eevee at what points.

01:10:57.000 Thank you for brilliant work in bungling.

01:11:03.000 If ever I need anything else fucked up, I'll bear you in mind.

01:11:09.000 Like it should be, so it should be sort of like, I must say I appreciate your need to add any fluff to it.

01:11:20.000 Right.

01:11:22.000 Really, yeah?

01:11:24.000 Go on then.

01:11:25.000 Use those little blunt words, Smiths.

01:11:27.000 No, man, just say thank you for being a part of such a difficult situation.

01:11:30.000 And then you say, I know that caused some hurt, and I'm sorry.

01:11:35.000 That's pretty good.

01:11:36.000 Yeah.

01:11:36.000 Anyone want to add a takeaway from that?

01:11:39.000 Thank you for being part of a very difficult situation.

01:11:43.000 What can I do to make that right?

01:11:46.000 What can I do to make that right?

01:11:48.000 I don't know.

01:11:48.000 How about a veterinary school program for you?

01:11:52.000 And then perhaps next time, I'll come and kill one of your dogs.

01:11:59.000 If ever you need your beloved animals clumsily murdered, you can come out with a steak tenderizer and a fucking and a hula hoop and turn the most important events of your life into a fucking far.

01:12:14.000 It's much easier to be funny and sarcastic, isn't it?

01:12:17.000 Yeah, I think when you keep it simple and even on the apology, it's like Joe was saying, you just say, I'm sorry.

01:12:22.000 Not because of if, what, whatever.

01:12:24.000 I mean, emotional intelligence and maturity for me is also, if I look at the story of David in the Bible, when Saul's literally trying to kill him, he's actually trying to kill him and he still handles it correctly.

01:12:38.000 He does.

01:12:39.000 That would be a maturity.

01:12:40.000 So people could go, what do you think I was trying to do?

01:12:43.000 Was I trying to hurt your feelings?

01:12:46.000 I saw you come in and I was like, I'm going to hurt this person.

01:12:50.000 Was I trying to kill you?

01:12:51.000 Was I trying to cause harm to you?

01:12:53.000 Did I not like you so much that I wanted to ruin this experience for you and ruin your veterinary company?

01:12:59.000 None of those things are true.

01:13:01.000 Even if they were true, if they were super mature, they could have seen all this stuff happening and still found the proper way.

01:13:09.000 Yeah, but even if it's not about the other person, right?

01:13:12.000 Like if you just say, hey, I was like venting my anger out or I was trying to, you know, confront then and that was my own stuff.

01:13:27.000 And I didn't mean to put it towards you.

01:13:29.000 Yeah, you could go there, Joe.

01:13:30.000 Are you taking that?

01:13:31.000 Yeah, I agree with that.

01:13:33.000 Name what you did.

01:13:34.000 You vented your anger and frustration towards them.

01:13:37.000 You shouldn't have done that.

01:13:39.000 That's it.

01:13:40.000 And would you like to add anything?

01:13:43.000 Is there anything I did that maybe I'm not aware of?

01:13:47.000 It's about them.

01:13:47.000 That was anger part of grief, wasn't it?

01:13:50.000 That came out then.

01:13:51.000 The anger and the stages of grief.

01:13:53.000 You went through all of it and they felt the anger part.

01:13:57.000 Thank you very much.

01:13:58.000 Woman really contributed very wisely and sensitively to my grief.

01:14:03.000 All of you there, that was really lovely.

01:14:04.000 Thank you very much.

01:14:05.000 Thanks for joining us.

01:14:06.000 If you don't have Rumble Premium yet, get Rumble Premium now.

01:14:08.000 Remember, support Reborn.

01:14:10.000 I'm able to endure this suffering because I'm coarsing with Methylene Blue.

01:14:14.000 They say the British royal family have blue blood in their veins, but do they have blue wee wee?

01:14:17.000 No, but we do, and that's because of methylene blue.

01:14:20.000 Tryreborn.com.

01:14:21.000 Thank you very much.

01:14:22.000 Jake Smith, Dave Fields, Joe McCann, and Massey, whose surname I still can't say because I've never really heard it said out loud.

01:14:29.000 And who is part Bergenhead, part Iranian?

01:14:31.000 Doesn't make sense.

01:14:33.000 Thank you so much for joining us.

01:14:34.000 See you on Monday, where we will be live before going to see Megan Kelly in New York on Wednesday.

01:14:41.000 In the meantime, if you can, stay free.

01:14:46.000 Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.

01:14:51.000 Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.

01:14:57.000 Wouldn't you like to get away?

01:15:02.000 Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

01:15:09.000 And they're always glad you came.

01:15:13.000 You want to be where you can see that people are all the same.

01:15:18.000 You want to be where everybody knows your name.

01:15:22.000 You want to go where people know.

01:15:24.000 People are all the same.

01:15:27.000 You want to go where everybody knows your name.

01:15:30.000 The little emblem.

Stay Free - Russel Brand - January 23, 2026

Saying Goodbye to Bear — SF673

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