Stay Free - Russel Brand - The Cost of Facing the Past — SF683

00:00:16.000 Hello there, you awakening wonders.

00:00:18.000 Thanks for joining me today for Stay Free with Russell Brand.

00:00:21.000 I'll be doing my show Crack On with Joe and Dave.

00:00:24.000 Dave won't be here.

00:00:25.000 He's actually off taking drugs somewhere.

00:00:26.000 No, he's not taking drugs.

00:00:27.000 I don't know what he's doing.

00:00:28.000 He'll be all right.

00:00:29.000 But in crack on, we talk about recovery and the principles of recovery, 12-step recovery.

00:00:33.000 And although we're not affiliated with any particular 12-step group, we often reference this, the masterpiece that is the Alcoholics Anonymous big book.

00:00:41.000 I'll also be bringing you a variety of content, and this is something we've not done before.

00:00:47.000 I'm going out into the Florida panhandle like a rogue redneck and talking to people about the Epstein files, about the Super Bowl, about Minneapolis, about a culture that's falling apart. 0.53

00:01:00.000 One of the things that we say all the time is that we've become remote, lost in the black mirror and in the cracked screens, isolated and atomized.

00:01:08.000 So if I go out and get face-to-face among people, talk to them directly, particularly since it's Florida, and everyone here agrees with one another anyway.

00:01:16.000 It's more likely that there'll be a bit of human connection.

00:01:19.000 So stay with us.

00:01:19.000 If you're not watching us on Rumble, get over to Rumble and join us here.

00:01:23.000 The truth is, actually, I was going to be interviewing Mike Benz, but Mike Benz, I mean, from the first time I met him, I thought this guy's going to get murdered if he keeps starting saying stuff like this.

00:01:32.000 And he has kept saying stuff like this.

00:01:34.000 So he's either been murdered or I pray that he's all right.

00:01:36.000 I hope Mike Benz is all right.

00:01:37.000 The Epstein files are out.

00:01:38.000 This is Epstein Files is Mike Benz Christmas.

00:01:42.000 So he could be doing any one of a number of things.

00:01:46.000 Remember, if you ain't got Rumble Premium yet, get Rumble Premium now.

00:01:49.000 Stay with us for Cracked On, where we'll be talking about the principles of recovery.

00:01:52.000 And also for content like this.

00:02:01.000 This ain't the Lord.

00:02:03.000 I'd say there's a lot of objectification, a lot of paganism, like very deliberate and definitive position.

00:02:11.000 I mean, I don't know, man, what's the culture selling?

00:02:17.000 But now it's time for crack on with Russell and Joe.

00:02:20.000 This podcast is not allied with nor endorsed by any particular 12-step fellowship.

00:02:26.000 Although we may reference their literature, we do not represent these organizations.

00:02:31.000 The primary purpose of this podcast is to provide additional support to men and women who walk the path of recovery.

00:02:38.000 We share our personal experience of the 12 steps in the hope that others can benefit.

00:02:42.000 Take what is useful, disregard what isn't.

00:02:45.000 Apologies in advance for any offense caused.

00:02:47.000 Any problems, take them to your God and to your sponsor.

00:02:54.000 That wasn't me that did that then.

00:02:56.000 Looked like some of my mouth helps actually check.

00:02:59.000 Joe, should we be a bit more personal this time?

00:03:02.000 I don't mean personal to the point of putting ourselves at risk, but I mean personal to the point of honesty.

00:03:10.000 What's happening for you in recovery?

00:03:14.000 Have you got any resentments?

00:03:17.000 In a sense, like people that are in recovery, like me and Joe, somewhat long term, me, 20 odd years, Joe, five years.

00:03:24.000 You're not like usually like, I'm going to drink, I'm going to take drugs.

00:03:27.000 It's normally more like, I can't cope with people.

00:03:29.000 I can't cope with relationships.

00:03:31.000 I can't cope with reality.

00:03:32.000 In the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, they use the idiom the pink and the green, men do at least, meaning the money and the honey.

00:03:41.000 It's often relationships or finance-related issues, and that's probably that's the same for life in or out of recovery.

00:03:48.000 Resentments are when you have some resistance or objection to, or some negative or otherwise negative feeling about the events and facts of your life.

00:03:58.000 My favorite bit of writing about that, which I've mentioned before in this podcast, is when we have a resentment, we usually find at some point in the past we've made a decision based on self that's put us in a position to be hurt.

00:04:10.000 And every time I know, have I got resentment?

00:04:13.000 Yeah, I do always find I've made a decision in the past based on self that's put me in a position to be hurt.

00:04:17.000 So, Joe, do you have any obvious resentments right now that you can talk about?

00:04:21.000 Is anything troubling you?

00:04:23.000 And we'll go through it together.

00:04:25.000 Yeah, I mean, at the minute, a lot of stuff, man, a lot of stuff's come back around from my past that's you know, like previous convictions and stuff.

00:04:35.000 Like, due to my alcoholism and drug addiction, I ended up going to prison twice.

00:04:42.000 And, you know, that stuff don't really go away.

00:04:45.000 I mean, in terms of like spent convictions, they're spent and all that.

00:04:50.000 I don't think about it no more.

00:04:52.000 But when you try and progress in life, sometimes you have to declare that stuff or in, you know, certain jobs or like even trying to get into the States.

00:05:01.000 Like, it's proven to be a huge issue.

00:05:03.000 And I guess, like, at the moment, where I'm at, man, like everything's agitating me.

00:05:13.000 That's the truth.

00:05:14.000 I feel like five years clean and sober now, right?

00:05:18.000 Things should be different.

00:05:20.000 Before I come into recovery, I was just about hanging on to an apartment in a nice little area, quite an affluent area.

00:05:27.000 I had a pretty good job that was a career, essentially.

00:05:31.000 And I had like a physical and mental breakdown when I got sober.

00:05:35.000 That was when the wheels all fell off.

00:05:37.000 The intermittent sprees were chaotic, but the stuff in between, somehow I was holding it together.

00:05:43.000 When I stopped, I lost everything.

00:05:47.000 And it's been a slow rebuilding process for me.

00:05:50.000 And I'm feeling like if things should be better, man, like things should be better.

00:05:56.000 I should be doing better.

00:05:58.000 You know, and my efforts to progress, this bullshit come up from my past with DBS checks and stuff like that.

00:06:06.000 What's DBS check mean?

00:06:08.000 A DBS is where you like a government check on your criminal past.

00:06:14.000 And then, like, you know, if it's a job or whatever, they'll get a print out of your convictions, custodial sentences, and charges, even if they're spent, even if it was 10 years ago, 15, whatever it was.

00:06:26.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:06:28.000 So that stuff can still cause problems.

00:06:30.000 And like the work I was moving into, like the security stuff, and that there's like a creditors that want to do checks before they license you and this and that.

00:06:41.000 So it's been a bit of a problem there.

00:06:42.000 I'm going through an appeals process.

00:06:45.000 With right, so you know enough about recovery now to know I reckon where what you're experiencing, where it lies in the principles of our program that are solution-oriented, right?

00:07:01.000 Actually, I don't yet, other than it's probably a bit eight and nine, we're in a probably, we're probably in an eight and nine thing.

00:07:08.000 There's like there's like it's a because it's wreckage of the past.

00:07:11.000 That's what I'm thinking, right?

00:07:14.000 Um, but like, I and wreckage of the past means like one of the fate AA promises are extraordinary, actually.

00:07:22.000 Do you Joe, do you happen to know where the AA promises are?

00:07:27.000 87, I think.

00:07:29.000 87, 86.

00:07:29.000 What?

00:07:31.000 Here we go.

00:07:32.000 Yeah, so like, so it's, it's travels from 83.

00:07:34.000 So these are the famous Alcoholics Anonymous promises.

00:07:38.000 If we're painstaking about this phase of our development, so it's talking about doing step nine, and step nine is you make amends where appropriate to all the people you've harmed in your life.

00:07:49.000 If we're painstaking, if we risk pain about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.

00:07:58.000 We're going to know a new happiness and a new freedom.

00:08:03.000 We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

00:08:07.000 We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

00:08:12.000 No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

00:08:21.000 That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

00:08:27.000 We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

00:08:32.000 Self-seeking will slip away.

00:08:34.000 Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

00:08:37.000 Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

00:08:41.000 We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

00:08:46.000 We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

00:08:52.000 And these extravagant promises, we think not.

00:08:54.000 They're being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

00:08:59.000 They will always materialize if we work for them.

00:09:03.000 It's a sort of a much cited and quoted part of the 12-step literature.

00:09:08.000 One can understand why that would be.

00:09:09.000 It's extremely positive.

00:09:10.000 Perhaps, Joe, there's a couple of things I'd love to do in our time together today.

00:09:15.000 One is I'd love to hear a version of your story.

00:09:18.000 And in particular, because you've got such a positive message to share for men that have served custodial sentences and of course men that are in jail still, I'd love you to focus on that aspect of your story.

00:09:32.000 Before we do that, let's break down these promises together, mate.

00:09:38.000 Anything you notice or you want to tell me, tell me as we go for it.

00:09:43.000 If we're painstaking about this phase of our development, obviously the word.

00:09:48.000 Painstaking.

00:09:49.000 Painstaking.

00:09:51.000 Like, this is going to be hard.

00:09:52.000 You've got to fucking go for it.

00:09:54.000 There's no holding back.

00:09:55.000 There's no, no, like previous to you sponsoring me, I had a little guy at this and I was not painstaking.

00:10:02.000 And it's as far as I got to step nine.

00:10:05.000 And I didn't really, didn't really do it.

00:10:07.000 And subsequently drank again after a year.

00:10:10.000 I'm done with it.

00:10:10.000 I just thought, fuck it.

00:10:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:10:12.000 But if you are painstaking, if you are like, I've dealt with my biggest harm caused, that was the first one we went for, I remember.

00:10:23.000 And I thought I'd be told, nah, look, leave that one alone because step nine is make direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would cause harm to others.

00:10:33.000 So I kind of thought, oh, maybe this will bring up too much pain for the victims here, I guess, you know.

00:10:41.000 And it's not one that I've been able to make yet.

00:10:44.000 Although the person is, they know that I'm willing to, and at some point they may want to sit down and have a chat, but it's a very serious one.

00:10:53.000 We can't make this content without the support of our partners.

00:10:56.000 I don't think we actually can yet because we're in a sort of contractual related.

00:10:59.000 Yeah, we can't make this content without the support of our partners.

00:11:01.000 Here's a message from one now.

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00:12:12.000 What's the best ever painstaking amends you've ever heard in the since you've been involved in AA?

00:12:19.000 Like most painstaking one I've heard a whole lot of time.

00:12:23.000 I've got a good one.

00:12:24.000 I heard from Sandy Beach, right?

00:12:26.000 Let's see if this provokes anything new.

00:12:28.000 Sandy Beach, right, said, oh man, this is a good and right.

00:12:32.000 This guy, I think he was a crack and smackhead and he'd like rob up and down like one street.

00:12:38.000 And like, I think at the beginning, like his sponsor goes, you should probably make amends to all them people.

00:12:43.000 That one street you used to rob the whole time.

00:12:45.000 I guess he was in the neighborhood.

00:12:46.000 And so whenever he needed something, he would just nick stuff from up and down that road.

00:12:51.000 And the geezer goes, I can't.

00:12:52.000 It's too embarrassing.

00:12:53.000 I'm not willing to do it.

00:12:54.000 And the sponsor says brilliantly, well, if there comes a point where it's on your head too much, tell me and we'll deal with it.

00:13:01.000 And like, he's like, the guy's like, it never will be.

00:13:03.000 And then sure enough, sooner or later, the guy's like, actually, no, it's bothering me.

00:13:07.000 It's bothering me.

00:13:08.000 And he's like, all right, so let's do it then.

00:13:10.000 So the guy goes up and down that street, knocking on doors, telling people, listen, your house, I used to rob your house in between this era and this, you know, this date and this date.

00:13:24.000 Anything I took, I don't have very much money right now.

00:13:27.000 But if you can remember anything that I've stolen, and people like, a lot of people are like, whoa, okay.

00:13:34.000 You know, like mostly that sort of stuff.

00:13:36.000 People are baffled and confused by it.

00:13:38.000 Because what I love about it, Joe, is like when you're on that journey, you're like, who are you?

00:13:43.000 Like a person that's like that, you might as well be Frodo or someone in the Shires, innit?

00:13:48.000 You've like elected to step out of reality and you're on some quest.

00:13:53.000 And like it doesn't, unless you meet someone else, like a fellow traveler, like Neil, like, oh, you're on the trip, man.

00:14:00.000 Like, you know, people are just like, what are you doing?

00:14:01.000 You didn't have to do that.

00:14:02.000 Because your whole, the whole world is geared to get whatever you can get, take whatever you can take, get away with whatever you can get away.

00:14:09.000 Anyway, one door this geezer knocks on.

00:14:12.000 They say, the woman answers the door and goes, our son is a drug addict.

00:14:17.000 And we've been blaming him.

00:14:20.000 And it's like, he always said he never done it.

00:14:23.000 Like, you know, like they get like, they go, like, our son, like, he's a heroin addict.

00:14:28.000 And whenever stuff will go missing from our house, we go, you little bastard, you've been nicking stuff.

00:14:33.000 He would always go, I wouldn't do that.

00:14:34.000 I've not done it.

00:14:35.000 And he actually hadn't.

00:14:36.000 So they went, thank you for relieving us of that thing.

00:14:40.000 So the guy had this sort of miraculous encounter that ended up absolving.

00:14:46.000 They said something like, thank you for relieving us of the false condemnation of our son, who we now know is innocent.

00:14:53.000 So it's like he entered into a field of the miraculous.

00:14:58.000 I think that can only happen if you're painstaking because in staking pain, you are like anything else is bollocks, isn't it?

00:15:06.000 Anything else is bollocks.

00:15:07.000 Like if it's like, I can make amends, it doesn't cost me.

00:15:10.000 And I've got to be honest, Joe, I spend so much of my time in that territory generally.

00:15:15.000 Like, you know, it's sort of, you know, giving a homeless person some money, but it don't cost me nothing.

00:15:22.000 Being nice to the people that are in my immediate environment.

00:15:25.000 That's no different than cleaning your teeth, being nice to the people you interact with.

00:15:30.000 It's just, if you don't do that, you're an idiot.

00:15:32.000 Like if you, you know, like it says, like our Lord, love your enemy.

00:15:36.000 Like, because even the tax collectors love their friends, you and you hate them and despise them.

00:15:41.000 Are we going to raise the bar on the general sort of responsible ethics of being pleasant to people that you have to interact with regularly.

00:15:52.000 So step nine and the painstaking component of step nine is an invitation to step outside of the rules of reality.

00:15:59.000 And it's an extremely Christian idea because it's you are, I think, signaling to reality that you are no longer operating on the level of worldliness. 0.98

00:16:12.000 Painstaking says taking pains, showing care, taking pains, showing care, dictionary definition.

00:16:21.000 If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.

00:16:27.000 We are going to know the new freedom, freedom.

00:16:32.000 I mean, that's the aim, freedom.

00:16:34.000 Like we're not going to be in bondage.

00:16:36.000 And a new happiness was like the old, the happiness we used to know somehow was not real.

00:16:42.000 We will not regret the past.

00:16:44.000 Now, isn't that fascinating?

00:16:45.000 Because you think both you and I, like, I'm still in the sort of judicial process that requires sensitivity for me and carries a degree of complexity because as I've said before in this show, I recognize that, particularly as I learn more and more about the particularities of the case, that my moral responsibility,

00:17:13.000 my moral responsibility is great and the burden of guilt is significant as a man that's awake and lives in the world and doesn't want to interact with people in a way that's detrimental to them.

00:17:28.000 But because I'm not in the box of morality, I'm in the box of judicial criminal proceedings.

00:17:35.000 I'm, you one wonders.

00:17:38.000 Are you able to enter into that world and go, yeah, I really have sinned.

00:17:42.000 But can I tell you, what's the definition of these particular charges?

00:17:46.000 That's what rape means, right? 0.99

00:17:48.000 And that's what sexual assault means.

00:17:50.000 That means without consent.

00:17:53.000 Well, that's not what happened.

00:17:56.000 So it's like I have the complexity of anybody.

00:18:00.000 Well, it's not a big deal, really.

00:18:01.000 Anyone who's saying not guilty to anything, otherwise you wouldn't need a trial.

00:18:04.000 You just go, did you do that?

00:18:05.000 Yes, see ya.

00:18:06.000 Anyone is like, no, not guilty.

00:18:07.000 That's now we're in, you know, we're in this business.

00:18:10.000 So like, but what I want to say is we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

00:18:17.000 It's very hard, isn't it, Joe, to sort of say, I don't regret the past when you know for a fact there are people that have been hurt by you because there's a sort of a callousness in saying, well, I don't regret it.

00:18:29.000 How do you with the step nine that when me and you were sort of talking about and around like, you know, talk about it in a way that's sensible, like your step nine is.

00:18:43.000 Like, so I completely agree with what you're saying there.

00:18:43.000 Yeah.

00:18:47.000 I, when I would hear that in meetings, I think, how could you not regret the past?

00:18:52.000 You'd have to be fucking mad.

00:18:53.000 Like when you're sat in them meetings and like slowly like the fog's starting to clear and you're getting a, you know, a better perspective on the harms you've caused.

00:19:02.000 I find that I've found it near impossible not to regret my whole fucking life up to that point, to be honest.

00:19:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:11.000 But there's been times where my experience has been useful to someone else.

00:19:16.000 And I've seen a look in their eye like, oh, I get it.

00:19:18.000 I understand.

00:19:19.000 You know, like they've shared a similar experience.

00:19:22.000 And for me, like one of them was when I did a chair, I spoke at an AA meeting in prison, like going in as like a guest from outside.

00:19:31.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:19:32.000 And I told my story and I explained like the first serious consequence for me was a custodial prison sentence for GBH or intent, which is like, it's one step down from attempted murder.

00:19:44.000 It's a really fucking serious charge.

00:19:46.000 And obviously that was a direct result of drinking.

00:19:50.000 It's not saying I was a dumb or, you know, I wouldn't get into that kind of situation as a sober man.

00:19:56.000 But that happened, you know.

00:20:00.000 When I was sentenced, I was sentenced to four years and four months that ran concurrent for an assault that went with it.

00:20:06.000 And at the time, I couldn't believe it.

00:20:09.000 I thought, fucking hell, that's like, I'm done by here.

00:20:12.000 Now, I didn't really know that can come with a life sentence, right?

00:20:16.000 I didn't understand that at the time.

00:20:17.000 I shared on this in this particular meeting and a fella in there shared back to me.

00:20:22.000 And he said, look, I want you to know that I have the same experience as you.

00:20:26.000 First offence, drunk, some sort of road rage incident or whatever.

00:20:31.000 And he got 12 years.

00:20:33.000 He got 12 years, you know?

00:20:35.000 And the moment there of like, you know, wow, I really felt him.

00:20:40.000 I felt his pain.

00:20:41.000 Guy's got young kids and the misses.

00:20:43.000 And hopefully my experience there and going into that prison and showing him now I'm a few years sober.

00:20:48.000 I'm doing my best out here.

00:20:50.000 I sponsor other men through this program so that they don't have to make these same mistakes.

00:20:54.000 And this, it was God's permitted will, everything what's happened to me up till now.

00:21:00.000 And here I am doing my best, you know, and that's all you can do.

00:21:04.000 And be ultimately it is useful to other people.

00:21:08.000 And I often get that with people that have had suicidal ideation, suicide attempts.

00:21:13.000 And I say, yeah, I know what that's like.

00:21:15.000 I know what that's like.

00:21:16.000 I've done that.

00:21:17.000 And all of a sudden, in a weird way, you think, well, if I hadn't had that experience, would this geezer be able to open up to me in the same way?

00:21:25.000 Maybe not.

00:21:26.000 I don't think so.

00:21:28.000 So I think that's where it comes in, you know.

00:21:30.000 I think there's no way people could open up to you because I think even the price of entry is that recognition between people.

00:21:39.000 The other side to the identification that you were able to share while doing service in a prison is the person that suffered as a result of your actions and the ongoing consequences.

00:21:58.000 Now, what measures have you taken or can be taken sensitively and within the sort of suggested terms of the program?

00:22:10.000 What do you think needs to be done and could be done?

00:22:14.000 And what do you think is there?

00:22:16.000 Because obviously there was a victim to the crime that you've described.

00:22:20.000 How do you see that, Joe?

00:22:22.000 I think the idea of this step is like complete humility, right?

00:22:28.000 Some people say, and I think they get it wrong, like, oh, it's for you to be, and it's not, it's not for me.

00:22:34.000 Like, it's for the person.

00:22:36.000 You've caused them significant harm.

00:22:38.000 They want a bit of peace.

00:22:40.000 Yeah.

00:22:41.000 So you go to them in humility saying, look, I caused you harm.

00:22:44.000 This is what I've done.

00:22:45.000 I'm not like that today.

00:22:47.000 That's not the man I want to be.

00:22:49.000 If I don't put this right, there's a chance I'll drink again.

00:22:51.000 Can't ever go back to that.

00:22:53.000 What can I do for you?

00:22:55.000 How can I make an amends?

00:22:57.000 I'm sorry.

00:22:57.000 I always say sorry as well because I'm sorry.

00:23:00.000 But I want to owe you an amends.

00:23:01.000 Is there anything I can do for you?

00:23:04.000 And that gives that person an opportunity to say, no, fuck off.

00:23:08.000 You're a scumbag.

00:23:09.000 I never want to see you again.

00:23:10.000 If that's good enough for them and they sleep well, peace.

00:23:14.000 Everyone's got peace.

00:23:15.000 Job done.

00:23:16.000 But they might say, look, it's good to see you on your path.

00:23:19.000 They might want to add a little bit.

00:23:20.000 Actually, you're forgetting you also did this and you also did that.

00:23:24.000 This is how it affected me.

00:23:25.000 I want you to know how I was affected.

00:23:27.000 Now all this you're getting that it could go anyway, but we're clearing the.

00:23:32.000 This is really clearing the records of the past and it might not be the way I want it to go, but ultimately, once it's said and done, if I bump into them in Tesco's or another shop or whatever, like we've cleared it up, we've cleared it up and you can move on.

00:23:47.000 And not only that, you're for yourself, you're doubling down on.

00:23:50.000 I'm not that person anymore.

00:23:52.000 This is not the man I am today and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to set this right with the actions, not just words and not just sitting in meetings and all that stuff.

00:24:02.000 You know I'm being it I'm.

00:24:04.000 It's a spiritual program of action and this is me acting like the man that I want to be, that I should be like with um.

00:24:18.000 With um, when you've done that, like when you do do that approach someone and say to them, um, like it's I think it's like casting a spell and I don't mean that in a deceptive way, I mean summons in like almost prophetically, one might say the presence of God.

00:24:38.000 When you speak the words.

00:24:40.000 You may know or you might not know.

00:24:42.000 You know, you will say to the person that I'm a member of, and then you might say a particular 12-step group.

00:24:51.000 Part of my program of recovery is, I have to make amends to people that I've wronged.

00:24:57.000 I've wronged you, I used you and I shouldn't have done that.

00:25:03.000 I didn't think about the impact of my actions upon you.

00:25:07.000 I put my own needs ahead of yours.

00:25:10.000 I didn't think about your needs.

00:25:12.000 I shouldn't have done that.

00:25:14.000 What I should have done is I should have thought about how my conduct was affecting you and then, like you say, I'm not.

00:25:23.000 I'm not like that anymore.

00:25:24.000 I don't live like that.

00:25:26.000 I don't drink, I don't take drugs and I don't engage in other forms of addictive conduct that like that.

00:25:32.000 That's not the man that I am and I, in order for me to continue on the path, I have to let you know that's how I feel and tell you that I'm willing to make amends.

00:25:41.000 I want to make amends now.

00:25:43.000 Is there anything that I've not said that you want to add, and is there anything I can do for you?

00:25:47.000 I'd like to suggest that I can do this.

00:25:51.000 Is there anything you'd like to suggest?

00:25:52.000 Right, I think that's like the kind of territory that you want to be in and I'm what's mad Joe is like, say with like, your situation, which I consider is perhaps somewhat unresolved with regard to the matter we've been discussing eh, and with mine, it's pretty obvious that what I'm talking around is see, I'm in a situation where, as a result of criminal criminal, judicial proceedings, I've got to be,

00:26:22.000 I've got to keep my mouth shut right and I think anyway everyone, I mean you know, as soon as you say not guilty, that's your position and that's my position.

00:26:33.000 But it also forecloses on the possibility of like.

00:26:37.000 How does this get like?

00:26:38.000 You know is, Is this the best way to resolve?

00:26:41.000 This is, through this, the theater and drama of, you know, the sort of situation that that I'm participating in, and of course I'm willing.

00:26:53.000 God's will man, God's will.

00:26:54.000 I'm down of, totally down.

00:26:56.000 But what I mean to say is that isn't it interesting to see the intercession of human institutions in a place of the spirit?

00:27:05.000 Indeed, how can you even have law without God?

00:27:09.000 You can't have law without God because you can't have justice, you can't have right, you can't have wrong.

00:27:14.000 So when human beings attempt to sort of marshal these powers, these principles of these ideas, they're in the territory of God, like human institutions are in the territory of God when making a claim to justice or right and wrong or the arbitration of the difference between right and wrong.

00:27:30.000 Human beings are in that role now, and of course, human beings.

00:27:33.000 Well, it's not gonna be an angel or a cloud or a vapor, or Jesus, Jesus Self, till the second coming.

00:27:38.000 So of course it would be humans.

00:27:40.000 But there has to be tangible, verifiable, measurable standards via which we know, straight as an arrow, clear as day, you're dealing with God.

00:27:52.000 And anything that appears to get in the way of that, that's some murky gear right there because it's in God's domain.

00:27:59.000 And the very fact that I can't have a, I guess I suppose I could have done, like, you know, when I'm thinking of the people that have been so harmed by.

00:28:10.000 by my conduct that they are willing to participate in criminal judicial proceedings, about which my views are clear.

00:28:22.000 The fact is that maybe if, at some point in the past, if I'd gotten on and found a way, found a way of contacting, reaching out, making clear because I've had a couple of those ones, like like you described mate where, where I've made amends to people, I'm having an NAD shot right now, an NAD well drip in fact.

00:28:46.000 It's sort of okay, like Nurse Nikki's administering it when it kicks in like what I feel is a bit sort of like Swallowy kind of finally you'd like it.

00:29:03.000 Censorship is back and it's happening everywhere.

00:29:05.000 Platforms are controlling the narratives and pushing the stuff they want us to see.

00:29:07.000 We've got to fight back.

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00:29:21.000 Banks can cancel our accounts, freeze our cards, so that's why we've launched Rumble wallet a wallet no one can cancel and a wallet that supporters can use to instantly tip creators, like Old Russ, without any middlemen taking cuts.

00:29:35.000 I don't want no middleman taking a cut of my rumble wallet.

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00:30:04.000 Support my show and other creators by clicking the tip button on my rumble channel.

00:30:07.000 It's wallet.rumble.com.

00:30:09.000 Tip us on there.

00:30:11.000 Even don't tip me.

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00:30:28.000 Like, I've had a I've made a couple of amends with people where they've done, where, like, where they've said.

00:30:36.000 It's all right, I think.

00:30:37.000 I mean, like, I'm probably going to be here 40 minutes.

00:30:39.000 So this one is, you don't need to mess it up if you change it.

00:30:42.000 It's this one.

00:30:43.000 Got it.

00:30:44.000 Thanks, Nersticky.

00:30:45.000 Cheers.

00:30:46.000 No, sorry, we didn't interrupt.

00:30:49.000 Didn't interrupt.

00:30:50.000 That's part of life.

00:30:51.000 Eckhart Tolle once goes, like, if someone says to you, sorry, I'm waiting, sorry to have kept you waiting, say, I wasn't waiting.

00:31:00.000 I was living my life.

00:31:04.000 It's not an interruption.

00:31:05.000 It's all just life.

00:31:06.000 I'm just, I'll just take whatever.

00:31:07.000 I'll just take whatever you put in front of me.

00:31:09.000 It's all coming from God.

00:31:10.000 But like a couple of times, right, I've had them, mate.

00:31:14.000 Like the kind of amends where the person goes, yeah, that was bad.

00:31:20.000 You did that.

00:31:21.000 And this is what also happened as a result of you doing that.

00:31:24.000 And then you have to just sit there and listen to it.

00:31:26.000 And it's, oh man, that's a, that's, one was where a geezer that I'd worked with that had run all like my live shows and that.

00:31:36.000 I just sacked him because I'd like, you know, I don't know, sort of, there was like, I was in, things were moving fast.

00:31:42.000 You know, there was a lot going on.

00:31:43.000 There's films, there's tours, there's all this stuff going on.

00:31:47.000 And like, so if people weren't doing what needed to happen when it was happening, it was all just very, you know, I'd had like a little group of people that revised it.

00:31:54.000 I'm not trying to, I suppose I am perhaps trying to mitigate responsibility.

00:31:59.000 But what I want to say is that choices were made somewhat in committee with me in the lead.

00:32:04.000 But you know how I am.

00:32:06.000 I can be impatient or whatever.

00:32:07.000 But I remember anyway, this geezer got sacked. 0.99

00:32:09.000 And later on, it didn't, I thought, well, that was a bit out of order the way he got sacked.

00:32:14.000 And then I ran into him because he was a promoter of gigs.

00:32:16.000 I think he'd promote either, it was Chappelle.

00:32:19.000 I was at a Chappelle show at the Apollo.

00:32:22.000 And like, I went, I had to, I sort of saw him and went, hey, listen, can I talk to you?

00:32:28.000 And he was like, yeah, okay.

00:32:29.000 And I went into like an office at the Apollo.

00:32:32.000 And I went, I'm, I owe you an amends.

00:32:36.000 I'm very sorry about the way that I prayed before it.

00:32:40.000 I think I spoke to my sponsor.

00:32:42.000 And I was, I'm very sorry about the way that I let you go.

00:32:47.000 You know, you deserved better than that.

00:32:49.000 And I should have handled it different.

00:32:53.000 And he did that exact thing.

00:32:54.000 Well, listen, let me tell you what happened as a result of that.

00:32:56.000 This is what happened to me.

00:32:57.000 Like, I lost my job.

00:32:58.000 And like he goes, and I was with you from when you were playing rooms with 50 people all the way to Wembley Arena and like 15,000 people.

00:33:06.000 And what's mad is like, I just never looked at it that way.

00:33:09.000 Like, you know, my, I'm completely oblivious to like another person's perspective on reality.

00:33:16.000 Oh, yeah, I suppose you could look at it like that.

00:33:17.000 I suppose you could look at it like that.

00:33:21.000 It's very sort of instructive and difficult.

00:33:25.000 And just sort of listen to him.

00:33:26.000 And the thing is, I suppose, you know, it ain't like subsequent to that, I'm friends with him.

00:33:33.000 I'm not.

00:33:34.000 You know, but and I don't know what he feels, but I do know that I've, I suppose, I wonder, I suppose, Joe, if you're on a spiritual path, it's nothing to do with, well, I hope he thinks I'm a nice person because then you're still in the game, aren't you?

00:33:49.000 You're still in the game of what people think.

00:33:52.000 Like, there's been a lot of it because if you've moved fast through life doing a lot of stuff, and the fact is with alcoholics and addicts, is it's a, you've got a lot of energy.

00:34:03.000 You've got a lot of, like, what that is spirit.

00:34:06.000 It's spirit.

00:34:07.000 You've got a lot of spirit.

00:34:08.000 Like, when Jung says, as we talk about a lot, spiritus contra spiritum, and it, like, you know, it's part of what we're doing is we're sort of dampening down this kind of force in you.

00:34:19.000 And that force, when it's out there, you're throwing things down your neck.

00:34:23.000 People are getting smacked in the mouth.

00:34:25.000 You've having it off all over the gaff.

00:34:27.000 You know, it's a lot going on.

00:34:29.000 You know, if you, that energy has got to be contained, then promises are absorbed.

00:34:34.000 They're hard to believe.

00:34:36.000 And I guess what I would say, you know, based on where we've gone so far, they're intermittent, ain't they?

00:34:43.000 It's not like, you know, I'm not in a continual state of knowing a new freedom, but I have, I do sometimes know a new freedom.

00:34:50.000 I do sometimes know a new happiness.

00:34:52.000 I do sometimes not regret the past or wish to shut the door in it.

00:34:55.000 I love that idea.

00:34:56.000 And like, I am sort of, I guess in my optimum state, I don't wish to shut the door in it.

00:35:01.000 Like, I let go.

00:35:02.000 I can recognize what the feeling of I wish to shut the door and it is, because wouldn't it be nice to have all of the trial go away?

00:35:10.000 Wouldn't it be nice if, like, just then when you were explaining, you know, that you can't go America.

00:35:15.000 It's like, if you could go America now, you'd be in America.

00:35:18.000 Like, you know, like, it'd just be, come, America.

00:35:20.000 Like, it's annoying.

00:35:21.000 It's annoying that there are sort of these systems that are like, but that's it.

00:35:25.000 I mean, we, I guess we have to recognize God in all this.

00:35:31.000 We have no choice but to locate God and say, this is what these are, you know, well, like it says, like I said at the beginning of our conversation, at some point in the past, we've made a decision based on self that's put us in the position to be hurt.

00:35:46.000 I made the decision.

00:35:47.000 Do you know what I'm going to do?

00:35:47.000 So I'm going to really, really sleep around.

00:35:50.000 And every single one of those encounters was, yeah, this is, it was based on self.

00:35:55.000 It was based on self.

00:35:57.000 The whole period of my life was based on self.

00:36:02.000 Like the basis of it, the foundation, like we even think of that, you know, Matthew, the verse, like, you know, the famous almost nursery rhyme, like the child, the, you know, build your house on a rock, not on sand.

00:36:16.000 I built my house on the sand of self.

00:36:19.000 My identity and life was built on self.

00:36:21.000 And the rain came tumbling down and the floods came up and the house came a tumbling down.

00:36:28.000 If you build your house on the rock of Christ, the rock is ain't going nowhere.

00:36:33.000 But you, you know, you know, like any great metaphor and symbol, there's a great deal packed into that.

00:36:39.000 And to know what you're, you know, what you're saying no to, isn't it interesting that the rock is a solid thing that's standing the test of time and sand is a zillion billion uncountable number of different little molecular things, molecular things, not one God, one God.

00:37:00.000 We will comprehend the word serenity.

00:37:02.000 I actually didn't comprehend the word serenity.

00:37:05.000 I actually didn't understand what, I mean, I knew serenity, serenity, but like, you know, like that's a lot of us know in early recovery, what's this feeling where I'm sort of a bit bored kind of thing?

00:37:19.000 Like, it's like, well, that's peace.

00:37:20.000 That's your peace.

00:37:22.000 Like sometimes now, like, you know, the sound of like God, I don't know if you hear it where you live, but sometimes like you hear a wood pigeon, you get him in America, you get him in England.

00:37:32.000 Like just like this morning, I could hear one.

00:37:34.000 I'm like, oh, nature, peace, peace.

00:37:42.000 We will know, we will understand the word serenity, we know peace.

00:37:45.000 No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

00:37:51.000 I feel like if Dave were with us, he'd really point out can benefit others.

00:37:56.000 Like, so it doesn't matter.

00:37:57.000 We will see, like, it's not that, no matter how far down the scale we've gone, we will see how our experience can benefit us, how our experience can be turned into a tidy fortune.

00:38:09.000 How it can be used to impress sexual partners to make a business, benefit others, benefit others.

00:38:19.000 Like, i.e., the goal of going far down the scale is your, as you demonstrated in your story of doing service in a jail, is to benefit others.

00:38:29.000 And then I really, what I like about this bit of writing coming up is what all good writing, I suppose, has to do in essence, what scripture does, you know, sort of beyond compare to the level of the sublime, at the level of the sublime.

00:38:44.000 And what this book does, you know, at points, I see this as a sort of a piece of obviously folk religious writing.

00:38:52.000 That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

00:38:56.000 Like they know it.

00:38:58.000 They know that, you know, that feeling of uselessness and self-pity.

00:39:03.000 Uselessness, I have no use.

00:39:06.000 And self-pity, I'm sort of engaged with it and I'm indulging the feeling of my pity.

00:39:12.000 Yeah, I know that feeling.

00:39:14.000 Yeah, I know the feeling of uselessness and self-pity.

00:39:17.000 I'll do anything to avoid that when it comes.

00:39:19.000 I live in here.

00:39:21.000 It's uselessness and self-pity.

00:39:24.000 The times in my life, the hours I've spent, the days, the things I've done to avoid it, uselessness and self-pity.

00:39:30.000 For them, they could just dismiss that in a line.

00:39:32.000 You know that feeling of uselessness and self-pity?

00:39:34.000 Like as if, take two bottles into the shower, not me.

00:39:39.000 You could just wash and go.

00:39:40.000 Like it's just like a phrase, that you feeling of uselessness and self-pity.

00:39:46.000 And then this Sandy Beach does this bit beautifully.

00:39:50.000 Sandy Beach, like a notorious, famous, I suppose you'd say, within AA circles speaker, died recently.

00:39:57.000 He's mostly lived in Tampa, Florida, but he was what's called a circuit speaker.

00:40:01.000 I meant that people would fly him in to hear him.

00:40:05.000 And he did, with this bit of the promises, I one time heard him on a tape say that note, the language here is very sort of not rational or logical.

00:40:18.000 That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

00:40:23.000 What happened to that feeling of uselessness and self-pity?

00:40:26.000 Well, it disappeared.

00:40:28.000 We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

00:40:32.000 Wow, what a change.

00:40:34.000 I was always only interested in selfish things.

00:40:36.000 Now I'm interested in my fellows.

00:40:39.000 And that self-seeking will slip away.

00:40:43.000 What happened to the self-seeking?

00:40:44.000 I don't know.

00:40:45.000 It just slipped away.

00:40:47.000 It's gone now.

00:40:48.000 Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change, right?

00:40:54.000 And then here's the list.

00:40:54.000 How will it change?

00:40:56.000 Fear of people and of economic security will leave us.

00:41:01.000 It's just left us.

00:41:02.000 We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

00:41:08.000 We will suddenly.

00:41:10.000 Now, in Scripture, when you hear words like immediately, when I noted this for my little old self, was in the temptations of Christ.

00:41:22.000 Like, I think in Luke, like Satan, it says, like, the devil took him in an instant to the top of a high mountain and says, these are the kingdoms of the world.

00:41:31.000 And I reckon, and I've not had this verified by a theologian, but I reckon, this is what I reckon about the Bible, is that when it says things like instantly or immediately, it's outside of time.

00:41:45.000 It's not saying really, really quickly.

00:41:47.000 It's like outside of time.

00:41:49.000 Because if Christ and the devil are in some sort of deadly game, a cat and mouse, where Christ is using scripture on the devil, as he will later with the Pharisees before his execution, if he's using scripture, which he himself has written, to bat away the devil, God the Son, God the incarnate Son, the man, as he's immediately been immediately, urgently,

00:42:19.000 directly after he's been identified as the Son of God, he's tempted.

00:42:24.000 And you're tempted in the wilderness.

00:42:26.000 You're not tempted in the city.

00:42:27.000 Not tempted.

00:42:28.000 When you're among fellows, you're alone.

00:42:30.000 He's completely alone.

00:42:32.000 He's completely alone with nothing, no food he's offered.

00:42:36.000 Firstly, the basic things of the flesh.

00:42:37.000 You hungry mate want a sandwich and he's no.

00:42:41.000 No no, no.

00:42:41.000 We don't live by bread alone.

00:42:43.000 Then in the one I like Luke, although there's differences in in different accounts he's offered, I can make you ruler over all the kingdoms of the earth.

00:42:54.000 Authority has been given to me and I can give it to ever I want.

00:42:58.000 I love that, man.

00:42:59.000 It echoes Job, like that God says in, you know, to like to the devil in Job, all right, go at it with Job.

00:43:09.000 I believe in him.

00:43:10.000 Go at it with him.

00:43:11.000 And like the devil hits him with everything he's got.

00:43:14.000 And Job, in spite of a lot of lamentation and pain, provides a kind of proto-passion.

00:43:20.000 Like he endures, Job does.

00:43:22.000 He ain't the son of God, but even our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane does get to a level of, oh, of like, do I have to do this?

00:43:31.000 Do I have to do this?

00:43:33.000 Wants his mates to stay awake.

00:43:34.000 They won't stay awake.

00:43:36.000 And I like reading Job in conjunction with the passion in particular.

00:43:42.000 You get the idea, mate, like, because it describes Job very vividly.

00:43:45.000 Like, he's got worms in his skin and he's unrecognizable as a human.

00:43:49.000 And when you think of, and I know you Catholics love this, to think of him right bashed up, that our beloved Lord and Savior, like not recognizable as human.

00:43:59.000 I think that's what like Job has sort of gone through.

00:44:02.000 That you're not, he's not human anymore.

00:44:03.000 He's been so debased that he can't even know his own face anymore.

00:44:07.000 He doesn't know himself, you know?

00:44:09.000 And anyway, so like in that instant, in that instant of temptation, the reason I think that Golgotha, the sacrifice of Abraham, the sacrifice, potential, the offering of the sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham, the offering of atonement by David and the eventual site of the temple that Solomon, where Solomon builds the temple, are the same place.

00:44:37.000 course because all these stories happen in one geographical reason region but i think also to let you know that god is outside of time yeah this is good This is good, Liam.

00:44:53.000 I'm transmuting.

00:44:54.000 I'm feeling powerful.

00:44:55.000 Man, if you ever feel like the system is trying to bring you down, if you ever feel like you're in a war, you probably are in a war.

00:45:02.000 You are in a war.

00:45:03.000 You're in a war with yourself.

00:45:05.000 You're in a war with the material world.

00:45:07.000 You're in a war with your own weakness.

00:45:08.000 You're in a war with a system that sees you only as a consumer.

00:45:11.000 Now, don't think I don't get the irony of the fact that this is a product we're selling.

00:45:17.000 But do you know who's selling you a lot of products?

00:45:19.000 All media.

00:45:21.000 All media all the time.

00:45:22.000 You know, the big pharma only advertise on the mainstream media so that the mainstream media don't tell you the truth about their stinking products.

00:45:29.000 Try reborn.

00:45:30.000 These products work for you.

00:45:31.000 I'm taking them myself.

00:45:33.000 They're my actual products that I believe in.

00:45:35.000 Triple tested, best ingredients.

00:45:38.000 For example, these electrolytes, do you know what they've got in them?

00:45:41.000 French salt.

00:45:44.000 French salt.

00:45:45.000 On eh.

00:45:46.000 They give you a little bit extra.

00:45:47.000 Listen, if you want a little bit extra, go for the French sauce.

00:45:50.000 Ask a manual macron.

00:45:52.000 If you need a little bit extra in your marriage, like a missus with a little bit extra downstairs, try the French sea salts.

00:45:59.000 Some people say you gotta be careful with the French sea salts because they give up too easy.

00:46:03.000 Like the actual French. 0.79

00:46:04.000 Oh my God, Saco Bleu.

00:46:06.000 Un Nazi.

00:46:07.000 Un Nazi, quick. 0.82

00:46:09.000 Give them the afetar.

00:46:10.000 Give them the afetar.

00:46:13.000 But not the French salts.

00:46:14.000 The French salts stay firm.

00:46:18.000 Oh man, I feel so powerful.

00:46:21.000 I feel like I could drive a digger.

00:46:23.000 I feel like I could get out and do some serious construction on this stuff.

00:46:28.000 I'm going to go chat to my man over there.

00:46:30.000 Look at him, he's grafting.

00:46:32.000 All right, mate.

00:46:33.000 Cole.

00:46:34.000 Thank you for Lannister.

00:46:35.000 Come on, come on, property in that.

00:46:37.000 What is this?

00:46:39.000 Skidsteer.

00:46:39.000 Please come and have a turn of driving it.

00:46:41.000 Yeah.

00:46:41.000 Thanks, mate.

00:46:42.000 How's it work?

00:46:43.000 Oh, mate.

00:46:46.000 Yeah, this is.

00:46:48.000 For safety, this is becoming a great day.

00:46:51.000 Try Reborn.

00:46:53.000 See, with creatine, look at that.

00:46:54.000 I can lift.

00:46:55.000 Look at my powers.

00:47:00.000 Oh, man.

00:47:01.000 Can I drive it in that direction?

00:47:03.000 Because it'll freak out Jake.

00:47:05.000 It'll be very fun.

00:47:06.000 Thanks, man.

00:47:09.000 Oh, man.

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 FREEDOM!

00:47:21.000 I love it. I love it.

00:47:23.000 TryReborn.com.

00:47:24.000 But using Reborn, it's like you've suddenly got another layer of power.

00:47:29.000 The creatine is coursing through my veins.

00:47:32.000 The element is coming through.

00:47:34.000 Oh, my God.

00:47:37.000 That was really generous.

00:47:38.000 I really appreciate you allowing me to do stuff like that.

00:47:41.000 So my whole life I felt like, oh, you're not allowed to do stuff like that.

00:47:49.000 So I think really where you get with the amends process, like you said a minute ago, that it's not about you, it's about them.

00:47:56.000 And I am one of those people that sometimes thinks I'm doing this.

00:48:01.000 I don't want it to be a I don't want to double down on the selfishness that's caused this mess, but it's not, but what it's about is like, it's not about the other person.

00:48:10.000 It's not, meaning it's not about the result, I suppose.

00:48:12.000 It's not about everyone that you do a step nine to going, you're a fine fellow.

00:48:16.000 I was wrong about you.

00:48:18.000 Well done.

00:48:19.000 Well done.

00:48:20.000 You're right.

00:48:21.000 That was consensual.

00:48:22.000 Yes.

00:48:23.000 Pat on the back.

00:48:24.000 Absolutely.

00:48:25.000 You were, yeah, brilliant.

00:48:27.000 Thanks.

00:48:27.000 It's not about that.

00:48:29.000 It's about so, but where I think it gets to from a scriptural, and I mean, of course, the Gospels, but additionally, the text of AA, is you're being invited to step outside of the bounds of reality as defined not only by you, the alcoholic or the addict, but by the individualistic, materialistic, fallen world at large.

00:48:55.000 That it's about, it's transactional.

00:49:00.000 There's a difference between a transaction, i.e., I'll do this for you, you did this for me.

00:49:04.000 Do you understand the deal?

00:49:05.000 I'm a famous, sexy person.

00:49:07.000 You seem to want some attention.

00:49:09.000 You want this partnership?

00:49:11.000 Or whatever transactions are made all over the gaff.

00:49:15.000 And our Lord substituting transubstantiation, paying our debt, paying our debt.

00:49:24.000 He pays our debt, a debt we can never pay.

00:49:27.000 He comes in and is like, Joe and Russell and none of these people are never going to sort it out.

00:49:32.000 I've got to do it myself.

00:49:34.000 Like that's different from a transaction.

00:49:37.000 And I think where we're being taken when it says fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us, we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

00:49:53.000 Man, we're in right there.

00:49:55.000 We're in the sacrifice of Christ.

00:49:57.000 We're in atonement.

00:49:59.000 We're in redemption.

00:50:00.000 We suddenly realize God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

00:50:06.000 We could not save ourselves.

00:50:08.000 And what I think that means in an amends process, Joe, is there never was the victim and the perpetrator.

00:50:19.000 That was all an illusion.

00:50:21.000 That was the flesh game.

00:50:22.000 That was the world game.

00:50:23.000 That was the devil game.

00:50:25.000 Really, all there ever was was the flow of life and God saying, here, I have made you love me, worship, be in the world, be in the world.

00:50:35.000 And I was like, no, what about that?

00:50:40.000 Crazy crap all the time.

00:50:43.000 So like the, so in a sense, the immense process is we become right.

00:50:49.000 We become right with the world, with God's world.

00:50:52.000 We become righteous.

00:50:54.000 Righteousness granted by grace.

00:50:56.000 But we prepare ourselves.

00:50:58.000 We adopt the proper pose.

00:50:59.000 We turn away from the world.

00:51:01.000 We're like, oh, no, man, I'm just going to stop worshiping that crazy stuff.

00:51:04.000 I don't worship that no more.

00:51:05.000 Now I worship you, Lord.

00:51:07.000 Right, cool.

00:51:08.000 Now you're in.

00:51:09.000 You can participate with me.

00:51:10.000 The results aren't going to play out in the world.

00:51:12.000 You know, you're still going to do it because like the world is not, as the devil says, I am in control of the world.

00:51:18.000 The devil's in control of the world.

00:51:21.000 And he's got to do the job of making it all like, well, actually, this has been decided by a committee.

00:51:27.000 We're very smart people.

00:51:29.000 They have to do that, but it's evil.

00:51:31.000 It's pure, rank, naked, stinking evil.

00:51:37.000 So, yeah, them promises are the promises are, it's like the Ten Commandments.

00:51:44.000 It's in order for it to all make sense, you've got to have surrendered to God.

00:51:51.000 Yeah.

00:51:52.000 Yeah.

00:51:53.000 I think like, like you say, you have to let go of the outcome as well.

00:51:57.000 It starts from a position of humility, innit?

00:51:59.000 Like that.

00:52:00.000 I understand when people say that it is for you.

00:52:04.000 It's so you can hold your head high and that you don't have to fear the past.

00:52:08.000 I've faced the past so that I'm all right.

00:52:10.000 But I just feel like to be sincere, really, it is about the other person getting an opportunity to heal from the harms that you've caused them.

00:52:19.000 And it ain't easy.

00:52:22.000 It ain't easy facing people, but God's with you.

00:52:24.000 And most of mine went all right.

00:52:26.000 I had quite a few where people just didn't want to talk to me.

00:52:29.000 That's the truth.

00:52:31.000 I had some other ones where like I was free of some guilt.

00:52:35.000 One of them that come to mind straight away, this guy was a driving instructor and he really helped me.

00:52:40.000 He was an older fella.

00:52:41.000 I really liked him.

00:52:42.000 He was a real lovely fella, you know, and he helped me get through my driving, my lessons and my tests and all that.

00:52:48.000 And I owed him like 100 quid, I think, 80 quid.

00:52:52.000 I remember it was 80 quid, right?

00:52:53.000 And it was on my mind for so long.

00:52:55.000 At the time, I couldn't hold down a job.

00:52:57.000 Everything was going on drinking drugs.

00:52:59.000 So I was basically unemployable.

00:53:00.000 Now I'd get a new job.

00:53:01.000 I'd last a little bit.

00:53:03.000 And in my head, it was like, as soon as I got my driving license, everything's going to be all right.

00:53:08.000 But the real problem was I couldn't stop drinking and using.

00:53:10.000 So I was fucking useless anyway.

00:53:13.000 And he got me through my test.

00:53:15.000 I passed.

00:53:16.000 And the same chaos continued.

00:53:18.000 And I never paid him.

00:53:19.000 And it was on my mind for years.

00:53:21.000 Every now and again, I'd think of him like, oh, I've got some money now.

00:53:23.000 I said, sort that guy out.

00:53:25.000 And he had a disabled daughter and everything.

00:53:28.000 Oh, my God.

00:53:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:30.000 And a few years later, I managed to find him.

00:53:33.000 I found his old website and that and I knocked on his door.

00:53:35.000 And he remembered me as well.

00:53:37.000 And it was actually a real beautiful experience.

00:53:39.000 And I told him, I'm in recovery.

00:53:41.000 I'm not like that now.

00:53:42.000 If there's anything I can do, there's the money.

00:53:44.000 I think an extra 20 quid as well.

00:53:46.000 I didn't have a lot of money at the time, but you know what I mean?

00:53:49.000 It was just, for me, that one felt good because I so badly, I didn't want to do that to him.

00:53:55.000 I didn't want to do that to him.

00:53:57.000 But I had no fucking choice.

00:53:59.000 Money comes in, bang, drink drugs straight away.

00:54:02.000 There was no other way of living for me at the time, you know?

00:54:04.000 And that one was a relief, man.

00:54:06.000 That was a relief to do that.

00:54:08.000 And I'm glad that it did go well.

00:54:11.000 That's beautiful, that one.

00:54:12.000 That's a beautiful one.

00:54:13.000 Can you remember what he said and how his little face was?

00:54:17.000 He just, he was shocked.

00:54:18.000 He goes, yeah, I do remember.

00:54:21.000 I can't believe it.

00:54:23.000 I really can't believe that.

00:54:24.000 I don't know what to say.

00:54:26.000 I just, I'm so shocked.

00:54:27.000 I just don't know what to say.

00:54:29.000 But in a nice way, like, you know, it was a nice look of shock.

00:54:32.000 Like, no one's ever, you know, done something like that.

00:54:36.000 It is bizarre, isn't it?

00:54:37.000 I don't know how I'd deal with it if someone knocked on the door, like, hey, look, you remember I robbed all that stuff off you.

00:54:42.000 Here it is, or whatever, you know.

00:54:46.000 It's not how it goes out there.

00:54:47.000 People don't live like that, you know.

00:54:49.000 So you're, I think that through the step nines, you are entering the world of the spirit.

00:54:53.000 You're living in a different way.

00:54:55.000 And you're doubling down on it.

00:54:57.000 Like, it's, this is me now.

00:54:59.000 This is how I live, work for God now.

00:55:01.000 And I'm all right with that.

00:55:03.000 It's so beautiful that what else is there to do?

00:55:06.000 I was thinking about how, like, in the early days of the 12th step, and I'm actually thinking, not of the early days, I'm thinking of day one.

00:55:14.000 You know, like Bob and Bill, the founders of AA, when they embarked upon the, I suppose, still Oxford group oriented process of restitution, I feel like Bob Justa, just Bob and the people that Dr. Bob sponsored, I think it was understood to be saying they'll take half a day in its entirety.

00:55:40.000 Like you just go around, I'm never so sorry about that.

00:55:44.000 And it shan't happen again.

00:55:47.000 I mean, I don't know what like what they were saying because I do crack up when I read the encounters that they were having.

00:55:55.000 Like, you know, for the famous alcoholic number three and the way that geezer's acting.

00:56:00.000 And I know good AA group here, you'd like it, mate.

00:56:03.000 Like, oh, gosh, I may or may not go.

00:56:06.000 And anyway, they sort of, they like, they know all the names of like, you know, it's like someone will like this big book study and they'll go things like they'll know that.

00:56:15.000 That's Bob D and that's L of C so and so on.

00:56:18.000 That was F all Donovan.

00:56:19.000 Like they know the names of they've done like the research of who the people.

00:56:24.000 Yeah, I love all that.

00:56:25.000 Because then they're like, they're actual people.

00:56:27.000 They're actual people.

00:56:29.000 And, you know, like with like I've heard you say, like, you know, they're like with the alcoholic number three there beating up the nurse in the war.

00:56:38.000 Bill Dotson.

00:56:39.000 And he's in a Bill Dotson.

00:56:42.000 Bill Dotson's in a political campaign and very next day.

00:56:46.000 It's very funny.

00:56:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:48.000 He does all right.

00:56:50.000 And he now he narrowly loses in some sort of campaign or something.

00:56:54.000 He narrowly loses in a campaign, Joe.

00:56:57.000 I mean, that's going on.

00:57:01.000 I don't know how true it is.

00:57:03.000 I heard that Dr. Bob did all of his step nines pretty much straight away because he couldn't stop drinking previous to that.

00:57:09.000 He was getting little spells of sobriety.

00:57:11.000 But it wasn't until Bill Wilson met and he said, all right, tonight, you know, get on your knees, give your life to God, bang, write your inventory, clear all your resentments.

00:57:21.000 Now let's list the people you've harmed and go out and making amends.

00:57:25.000 And you've done it all in that night and never drank since.

00:57:28.000 I remember you said to me, it was the best thing you said to me, actually, around that time, step nine, was to become the person you wouldn't otherwise be, you need to do the things you wouldn't otherwise do.

00:57:40.000 Whoa.

00:57:42.000 It's good that I say it sometimes and claim I made it up.

00:57:47.000 No problem.

00:57:48.000 Now you've admitted it on tape.

00:57:49.000 We've got it.

00:57:51.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:57:51.000 That's good idea.

00:57:52.000 Yeah, I've got that.

00:57:53.000 Like if you do things that you wouldn't do, I mean, that's in Romans, our beloved Saint Paul says, you know, what I don't want to do, I do.

00:58:01.000 And what I do want to do, I don't do.

00:58:04.000 And if you're like able through Christ to sort of allow it to take place, okay, that's where we've got to be now, Joe.

00:58:10.000 We've like, it's incredible, isn't it?

00:58:12.000 Because I suppose that's what our ongoing reluctance is to enter the culture of recovery.

00:58:18.000 The culture of recovery is millions of expressions.

00:58:20.000 Like when you're over in America, you learn that the church is the same.

00:58:24.000 There's a church for everyone.

00:58:25.000 There's churches where everyone's double good looking and it's glamorous.

00:58:28.000 There's churches where people are sort of serious.

00:58:30.000 There's churches like it's less lifestyle around it.

00:58:35.000 But really, what we want is to enter the kingdom.

00:58:39.000 Like that, when you get the idea that this is the thing, whether it's church or 12 steps, it's not, I'll do this until I get that back.

00:58:52.000 It's not that.

00:58:53.000 It's I'll do this till I realize there is no that.

00:58:57.000 There is no that.

00:58:59.000 There is no, oh, I go to church and I'll pray and then hopefully I'll get a family and hopefully I'll get some money.

00:59:05.000 There is no, I'll stop drinking and taking drugs and then hopefully I'll get a job and da da da.

00:59:09.000 No, it's like you get to the point where it's like we got to be, we got to be like willing to live in some sort of cold stone monastery in bliss.

00:59:18.000 And sometimes I think that would be bliss.

00:59:20.000 Sometimes I think that would be bliss.

00:59:22.000 Just tend to the allotment, pray, listen to nature, Bruce, brew up some monks.

00:59:28.000 Well, probably be best not doing the brewing.

00:59:30.000 I thought immediately set us up with cooking up with special meth that monks make. 1.00

00:59:36.000 Monk meth.

00:59:37.000 We've made our own fentanyl here in our monastery.

00:59:41.000 And if sorry you've not paid for your fentanyl, Joe was going to have to collect your debts, your penances there, your indulgences.

00:59:52.000 Already in 10 seconds, I turned a quiet monastery into a racket.

00:59:57.000 All right, Joe, I think it's a cartel.

01:00:01.000 We're pray our way out of it.

01:00:04.000 Oh, Heavenly Father, Lord God, thank you for the opportunity to be alive first and foremost and for us to have the principles of recovery laying before us.

01:00:14.000 And thank you for the gift of life and thank you for your church and for your son.

01:00:20.000 And thanks for the opportunity, Lord, that we may live in your spirit, in harmony with your spirit.

01:00:26.000 Lord, help us to align our will with your will and not to lament that our human, worldly, contaminated will can't be fulfilled, for that's impossible.

01:00:37.000 Lord, here on this plane, all of our schemes, our petty plans and dreams are nought and doomed to fall forever into naught.

01:00:45.000 Help us to stay in you and in your always adjacent, all-powerful glory.

01:00:52.000 In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray.

01:00:56.000 Amen.

01:00:57.000 Amen.

01:00:58.000 Thanks very much for joining us for Krakon with Joe and Russell.

01:01:03.000 Of course, if you're a person with problems with drugs and alcohol, you know how to solve that, don't you?

01:01:07.000 Go to the 12-step group, one that's got the word of the substance or behavior addicted to in its title and the word anonymous after that.

Stay Free - Russel Brand - February 16, 2026

The Cost of Facing the Past — SF683

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