Tate Speech


BUYING MY COUSIN A FERRARI | Tate Confidential Ep. 29


Summary

Tristan buys Luke a Ferrari but Luke can't drive it because he doesn't have the hands to drive it, so Tristan drives it for him instead. This leads to a fight between Tristan and Luke about who gets to drive the car and who doesn't. Also, Tristan buys Luke an Aston Martin, but Luke doesn't want it because it's for him, not because he likes it, but because he's nice and wants to buy it for his brother, who doesn t want it. This is the story of why Tristan should have bought the car for Luke, and why he didn't. And why he should not have bought it for Luke because Luke's hands are not good enough to drive a car. And that's not even half of it. This episode was brought to you by Crunchie's and edited by Alex Blumbergen. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our employers. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. If you like music, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It helps spread the word about this podcast. Thank you and we do not discriminate against music used without permission. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by Ian Dorsch. All rights reserved. Produced by Ian Blum and his own music is copyright of his own making. All credit and distribution by his own patrons. Please don't forget to rate, review, review and subscribe to the podcast and review the podcast if you like what you're listening to this podcast, it helps us out there. Thank you for supporting the podcast, we really appreciate the podcast. We really appreciate it greatly. Love ya'll. XOXO and we really do appreciate it. XO. - A very special thank you very much. xo - P. P.O. P.S. - Thank you, P.E.A.B. M.A., JUICY, AYO, A.S, EJ, R.C. & A. A.M.A, S.M., E.M, JUY, C.E, JT, D. E.B., C. AYA, M. R.E., EJ. B. M, JZ, K. S. EJ & K. RYAN, J. M., J. A., D. S, E. B, JEAN J. O. & S. B., A. W. & J. R., AYAN JAYE, SZN, ETC.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Good shot there from Tate!
00:00:02.000 A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true.
00:00:20.000 I'm not sure if that's true.
00:00:22.000 Luke, my brother is irresponsible.
00:00:41.000 I'm going to apologize for his irrationality by buying you a present.
00:00:47.000 But I can't buy you a watch because your hands are all fucked up.
00:00:50.000 It's true. So I'm going to buy you a Ferrari.
00:00:53.000 You don't buy Luke. I'm buying Luke a Ferrari.
00:00:55.000 No, you're buying yourself a Ferrari.
00:00:56.000 I can't drive a Ferrari.
00:00:58.000 Whoa, Luke, this car is for you.
00:01:00.000 He's buying himself a Ferrari.
00:01:02.000 Why would I buy myself a Ferrari?
00:01:03.000 I have loads of cars. Why would I do that?
00:01:06.000 That would be wholly irresponsible.
00:01:08.000 You're buying me and you a Ferrari.
00:01:11.000 Tristan, we're buying Luke a Ferrari.
00:01:12.000 He deserves it because of what you did.
00:01:14.000 Luke, you're not getting a Ferrari.
00:01:17.000 He's getting a Ferrari. After he was testing me, Luke was all done with a Ferrari.
00:01:20.000 That's exactly what's going to happen.
00:01:22.000 I guarantee it.
00:01:24.000 Yeah, but... Cool.
00:01:26.000 So I've got a Ferrari now, but I can't drive it.
00:01:30.000 Damn it.
00:01:31.000 Palooka, Palooka, stop filming.
00:01:58.000 Not for me. It's for Luke. Luke deserves it.
00:02:21.000 Obviously, he can't drive it, so I'll have to drive it for him at first.
00:02:24.000 Obviously, it's for Luke, but I'll have to drive it for him because of his hands.
00:02:28.000 Do you know what I mean? Luke has no hands.
00:02:29.000 He has no hands. So, obviously, he's nice, really.
00:02:34.000 Well, I would...
00:02:35.000 I think the Vafari looks the nicest.
00:02:38.000 You think? Over Lambo?
00:02:40.000 Over them all, yeah. Yeah?
00:02:41.000 I think, I don't know. Being here, looking at...
00:02:44.000 Are you that straight line? No.
00:02:45.000 That's my Vafari mount flight.
00:02:50.000 We're buying it for Luke.
00:02:53.000 You're not buying it for Luke.
00:02:56.000 Listen, Luke can't drive it so I have to drive it because his hands are back.
00:02:58.000 And then I'm driving it too.
00:02:59.000 It's ours. It's Luke's!
00:03:01.000 It's mining Luke. I'm buying it.
00:03:03.000 I'm buying it for Luke. This is what you did.
00:03:05.000 How about they wouldn't buy it? At least you're American.
00:03:10.000 You can probably see. What are you doing, Luke?
00:03:13.000 Suicide. No suicide.
00:03:14.000 Not suicide. No suicide.
00:03:19.000 I bring him to my house.
00:03:21.000 I let him lose a million guys' life.
00:03:22.000 He comes up with a bad idea because I go along with him.
00:03:26.000 You gotta get out behind the lawyer.
00:03:28.000 And you don't hire him a lawyer.
00:03:31.000 Money down the drain.
00:03:32.000 What is this? What is this?
00:03:34.000 This is the dude down here talking to you about 4 a.m.
00:03:37.000 customer. We are done.
00:03:52.000 We are done. We are done.
00:03:57.000 We are done. You can't even get it wrapped, can you?
00:04:07.000 I ain't gonna fit in the back, bro.
00:04:10.000 See how big I am? Luke, he's been test driving for Arby's for 20 minutes.
00:04:29.000 Now I'm gonna go test driving for Arby's.
00:04:31.000 You're not getting it forward. So I'm going to be nice to you and I'm just going to drive you home instead of test driving a Ferrari.
00:04:36.000 Alright, one follow.
00:04:38.000 You're going to do the Aston Martin key, then I'm going to take a loop home because he's not actually getting a Ferrari.
00:04:43.000 I am. I'm getting a Ferrari.
00:04:44.000 You're not. Said it was my Ferrari.
00:04:46.000 It's my Ferrari, but it's not. Once I can drive a Ferrari, it's a Ferrari.
00:04:48.000 That's mine.
00:04:49.000 Ciao for now.
00:04:52.000 See you later, handsome. Ciao.
00:04:55.000 I'm going to be a bit of a pain in the ass.
00:05:30.000 I'm probably going to be close.
00:05:32.000 Because obviously when I'm choosing a car for Luke, I have to choose the one I like driving the most.
00:05:34.000 I'm riding the mic.
00:05:35.000 When you're choosing a car for Luke, it's all about how I like driving.
00:05:39.000 Because Luke, his hands, you know, he's got bad hands, so I'm going to have to buy him a Ferrari that I'm going to have to drive it full time to make sure that, you know, he doesn't injure his fingers.
00:05:47.000 That's nice of me. That is nice of you.
00:05:48.000 I'm a nice guy. Alright, Lori.
00:05:58.000 It's been a good while since we had a good Irish-style drinking contest.
00:06:03.000 I want your hat. I bet you your hat, the hat that I'm winning tonight.
00:06:08.000 No, but what do I do?
00:06:09.000 I'll have your coat. I'll have your coat.
00:06:11.000 Your hat against my coat.
00:06:13.000 My hat, your coat. How much was your hat?
00:06:14.000 My hat was 23. My count is almost $12,000.
00:06:18.000 It's about the same. All right.
00:06:22.000 Keep score on fold. Ready?
00:06:24.000 Round one.
00:06:25.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:26.000 One nil to me.
00:06:27.000 Nine and a half.
00:06:28.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:29.000 Nine and a half.
00:06:30.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:31.000 Nine and a half.
00:06:32.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:33.000 Nine and a half.
00:06:34.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:35.000 Nine and a half.
00:06:36.000 Three, two, one.
00:06:37.000 Best out of five. Okay.
00:06:39.000 We'll keep it going all night. Highest score at the end of the night.
00:06:44.000 Keep an eye. Ready?
00:06:45.000 Round two. Next to three or next to five?
00:06:59.000 Next to five. Next to five.
00:07:01.000 One all. Why are we at an Irish club?
00:07:13.000 In all the good places in this city, why are we at some Irish club?
00:07:17.000 Oh Andrew, why are you so sad upon this Easter morn?
00:07:25.000 Where Irish men are proud and glad of the land where we were born?
00:07:32.000 Oh son, I see in memory a far and distant day When being just a boy like you, I joined the IRA. I won.
00:07:54.000 You did win. 2-1.
00:07:56.000 2-1 to you. Andrew's gone.
00:08:00.000 Fuck him. Fuck him!
00:08:05.000 Salute! You're joining in on this race just because it's supposed to be related to me.
00:08:10.000 You've got your name back to earn it.
00:08:13.000 You have almost a fight.
00:08:15.000 You're gonna race me and Rory in the penultimate round.
00:08:19.000 One more round and I win if I can beat Rory this time.
00:08:25.000 Ready? Let's go!
00:08:28.000 Do I actually have to give you my coat?
00:08:41.000 Yeah, you do. All right.
00:08:47.000 Tyrone, I don't even want your suit to go.
00:08:52.000 I'm not going to be a suit to go.
00:08:55.000 And you're one of the few men that will actually fit.
00:08:58.000 I will win your coat.
00:09:00.000 Fuckin' bro.
00:09:02.000 Hoo hoo hoo!
00:09:14.000 Alright, alright.
00:09:16.000 Keep my coat, keep the hat.
00:09:18.000 Keep it the hat.
00:09:19.000 Oh And I thought you were Irish.
00:09:23.000 I'm sorry. You're obviously more Irish than me.
00:09:26.000 For the record, my grandfather is from Limerick in Ireland.
00:09:30.000 I'm the real fucking Neal, no contender.
00:09:32.000 Let's finish. Check the hat.
00:09:36.000 Good game. Good game.
00:09:38.000 That's how the Irish do.
00:09:39.000 After the fight, we're all friends.
00:09:44.000 Now that we're done with the drinking contest, we can finally start drinking.
00:09:51.000 You like my new hat?
00:09:52.000 I want that hat.
00:09:54.000 I'm gonna put this fucking hat over your back.
00:09:58.000 We're enjoying this one.
00:10:00.000 We're wearing your jokes, a lie like you.
00:10:09.000 Enjoy the IRA! We need McDonald's.
00:10:15.000 McDonald's. We do need McDonald's.
00:10:16.000 Two cans to the fridge.
00:10:18.000 Get us two cans to the fridge. No, no, no, no.
00:10:19.000 Tristan, we need McDonald's.
00:10:20.000 No, cans are fun.
00:10:21.000 Fuck you. Fuck you.
00:10:23.000 My stomach is empty.
00:10:24.000 I have had 15 pints alongside you and taken the key.
00:10:28.000 We need to go. You can't take my keys.
00:10:30.000 Fuck. The fuck?
00:10:33.000 You can't take my fucking key.
00:10:36.000 The fuck? Hey, bro, I'm sorry.
00:10:40.000 I need nuggets. I'm sorry. You don't need nuggets.
00:10:42.000 You need beer. Here.
00:10:46.000 I'm sorry. Here.
00:10:48.000 Give him a beer. Give him a beer.
00:10:50.000 Give him a fucking beer.
00:10:52.000 God damn it, guys.
00:10:55.000 He... He doesn't...
00:10:57.000 Everyone understands one thing and one thing only.
00:10:59.000 on these physical forms.
00:11:01.000 You're good, man.
00:11:02.000 Disclaimer, bird fold is not involved.
00:11:16.000 Oh, oh, oh, so he's not in bed.
00:11:18.000 Not in bed. You win. I'm ready for Jaboozy!
00:11:21.000 I am ready for Jaboozy!
00:11:23.000 Sorry. So, he didn't actually go to sleep.
00:11:25.000 Sorry. I was literally walking upstairs.
00:11:27.000 I know. And to fight you.
00:11:29.000 I know. I already knew.
00:11:31.000 I knew from the beginning.
00:11:33.000 So, why would you go upstairs?
00:11:37.000 Oh, I see. Yeah.
00:11:39.000 Well, you're about to catch these cans.
00:11:42.000 I already knew.
00:11:45.000 I was ready.
00:11:47.000 He's here. Look, wrong fold.
00:11:48.000 I woke upstairs ready to fight this man.
00:11:51.000 And he's ready for the cans, okay?
00:11:52.000 Ready for the cans. Ready for the cans.
00:11:54.000 Cool, because you had the, the, this and this.
00:11:57.000 The hands of the cans! I already knew.
00:12:00.000 I already knew. All right.
00:12:01.000 No respect. Luke, can you tell me what somebody from Corsica is called?
00:12:17.000 Corsica. Can you tell me what somebody from Corsica is called?
00:12:23.000 The answer is...
00:12:26.000 Corsican! Fucking idiot!
00:12:30.000 I'm just an idiot! C'mon you retard!
00:12:32.000 Corsican! Corsican.
00:12:35.000 You fucking dumbass.
00:12:37.000 You fell for that. You fell right in front of me.
00:12:39.000 I gotcha. Hey!
00:12:45.000 Don't touch the fucking hat!
00:12:48.000 You have to choose me or this hat!
00:12:50.000 Hey! Don't fucking touch it!
00:12:51.000 You don't want to have sex? Fine.
00:12:52.000 Get the fuck out. Yeah, I will not have sex with you.
00:12:54.000 What can you do where I keep you?
00:12:56.000 I look good. Okay, bye then.
00:12:57.000 Fuck off. Fuck off.
00:13:00.000 Hey, Ruffle, fuck off, man.