Tate Speech - July 20, 2024


CIGARS = SUPER LUNGS | Tate Confidential Ep 244


Episode Stats

Length

13 minutes

Words per Minute

160.93526

Word Count

2,237

Sentence Count

262

Misogynist Sentences

6

Hate Speech Sentences

10


Summary

Tristan Tate is at the Grand Chess Tour in Romania, playing in a tournament where only 9% of the players are professional chess players. He also has a problem with his broken McLaren and needs to get it fixed, but he doesn't want to wait for it to be fixed, so he needs to buy a new one while it's getting fixed. And that means he has to go back to Germany to get a new car, which means he won't be able to drive his old one for another 2 weeks, and he's going to have to buy another new car while the old one is being fixed. Does that make sense to you? Do you know the difference between a white and a purple McLaren? It's like having two blondes with big tits. This one has the same colour, but it's just slightly less blondes. And it has a carbon accent, so now I have to have carbon accents for this car. And then I need to get this one fixed while it s getting fixed, and then I have no car at all. So now I need a carbon wing, so I need another carbon accent. So I need the carbon, so that I can have the carbon I got in Dubai, which is a coupe with decot, which I don't know what colour it's called. Do you understand what that means? And then the car is getting fixed and I can't drive it without the carbon? So I have a car that has the carbon accents so I can get it back without this one, so it's a carbon accents, so then I can drive it back with the carbon and then it comes back with carbon accents in it's carbon accents and it does the carbon accent and it's going into the workshop and I have this one that I don t know what it has the white colour it does. This is a complicated story, but that's what makes sense to me. I hope you enjoy this episode, it's not too complicated, and I hope it doesn't make you feel like you'll like it. I'll see you soon! -TJ. -P.S. :D -Tavan T. ( ) ( ) ( )( ) ( . ( ) ( ( ). ( . . ) ( :D) ( ) and Andrew ( ) :D . ( , & Andrew ( and Andrew )( )


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Oh Oh
00:00:16.000 Hi guys Tristan Tate here I'm down at the Grand Chess Tour Romania.
00:00:45.000 If you have some free time, I suggest you come and check it out and watch some of the games being played.
00:00:49.000 I myself am just a hobbyist player, an amateur, but I've always appreciated professional chess, and this is where the smart people hang out, so I'll see you down here.
00:00:59.000 Thank you so much. So we have the lounge here, and then the tournament's going on in there.
00:01:04.000 Did you visit the plane?
00:01:05.000 No. It's silent in the tournament, right?
00:01:07.000 Yes. But you can stay there.
00:01:11.000 Is there seats to sit in there?
00:01:12.000 Yeah. Thank you so much.
00:01:18.000 These motherfuckers don't want me to play.
00:01:20.000 Sit down. Call themselves chess players.
00:01:23.000 And your 9% of people here would be...
00:01:24.000 Never lost a game?
00:01:27.000 Of chess? I've lost a lot of games of chess.
00:01:31.000 Unfortunately, my shitty 1800 ELO would get me wrecked.
00:01:36.000 Yeah. Endlessly.
00:01:41.000 Can you meet me at chess? Absolutely not.
00:01:44.000 I literally know one opening.
00:01:46.000 I want to pay for 10,000 euro.
00:01:47.000 10,000 euro? It's going to be free money in your pocket.
00:01:51.000 I stand no chance. I know one opening on white, the London system.
00:01:54.000 That's all I know. Ah, the London system.
00:01:56.000 Is that when you let your defenses down and allow all the black pieces in and then your position falls apart and your queen gets raped?
00:02:03.000 Heard of that. Go with the nine.
00:02:29.000 I'll tell you that imaginary piece is chess.
00:02:32.000 Okay. Ready?
00:02:34.000 Ready. Checkmate.
00:02:37.000 Do you need a move? No, it's a move.
00:02:39.000 It's a checkmate. I'll play the checkmate move.
00:02:44.000 Baby's playing me for 10 grand again.
00:02:45.000 Really? Yep. I never agreed to this.
00:02:49.000 Hang around again.
00:02:51.000 Too slow Andrew? Too slow!
00:03:01.000 Hello!
00:03:02.000 Ha ha ha!
00:03:05.000 I got you. Is that funny?
00:03:09.000 Yeah, unload it here?
00:03:10.000 Yeah. And then I'll put this one on.
00:03:14.000 So we have a big problem, which I've solved.
00:03:16.000 What's the problem? I know you brokies don't understand, but McLarens, although they're the fastest and perhaps the best cars purely for racing, break all of the time.
00:03:26.000 And my McLaren 765LT, which is probably my favorite car, maybe the 812 is my favorite car.
00:03:35.000 Anyway, I had a problem with the throttle.
00:03:37.000 I sent it to McLaren. They said, we've changed the throttle housing.
00:03:39.000 It's come back, but the throttle still doesn't act right.
00:03:42.000 Obviously, I pissed all over Alex and his Lambo in my broken McLaren.
00:03:46.000 Then I thought I have to send my McLaren back to Germany to get fixed.
00:03:49.000 And that's going to annoy me because it means I have no McLaren on the drive.
00:03:51.000 So I had to buy a brand new McLaren.
00:03:55.000 To be here during the time this gets fixed.
00:03:58.000 So I bought a brand new McLaren, which has just arrived.
00:04:00.000 I'll put that on the drive. I'll find this way to get fixed.
00:04:03.000 And then when this is fixed in two weeks, I guess I'll be stuck with even more 765s.
00:04:07.000 Because I already had four 765s and I bought a brand new one, which is the fifth one.
00:04:11.000 Let me explain why. Because I had a Spyder in Dubai.
00:04:14.000 But I didn't want to fly it from Dubai.
00:04:16.000 And then I had a coupe here in Europe.
00:04:18.000 Then I have a coupe with decot.
00:04:20.000 And then I had this one, which is four.
00:04:21.000 But I've had to buy a fifth one so that I have a Spyder here in Romania with me during the two weeks this is getting fixed.
00:04:26.000 Because two weeks without McLaren is not worth the money.
00:04:29.000 I'd rather pay 600 grand so that I have all my cars I'm supposed to have.
00:04:32.000 Does that make sense to you? You have a problem.
00:04:34.000 Does that make sense? No.
00:04:35.000 Of course it does.
00:04:37.000 You literally got the same color.
00:04:49.000 In fact, I did not.
00:04:50.000 Because I was sending my purple McLaren back, I thought, I want another purple McLaren, but I don't want it to be the exact same purple, because that is truly ridiculous.
00:04:58.000 So I got a slightly different shade of purple.
00:05:03.000 I don't know what to say.
00:05:06.000 It's like having two blondes with big tits.
00:05:08.000 This one's just slightly less blond.
00:05:10.000 This one has the carbon accent, so now I have to get carbon accents for this car.
00:05:14.000 I need the carbon hood, carbon wing, carbon...
00:05:17.000 See, this is what I mean.
00:05:18.000 Now it's getting complicated because now, if I buy all the carbon, that means this car goes into the workshop and I need it on the drive.
00:05:24.000 So what we have to do is send this one away to get fixed.
00:05:26.000 While it's getting fixed, I drive this one without carbon, order the carbon, then when this one's fixed, this one comes back, then I can send this to the workshop to have the carbon installed so they have matching carbon profiles and slightly different colors of purple.
00:05:38.000 Does this stress you out? It's not easy.
00:05:41.000 I mean, people think that having 60 cars would just be fun.
00:05:43.000 No, it's actually a lot of work.
00:05:44.000 It's almost a full-time job, but it's worth it.
00:05:48.000 Yeah, the cost, the 600 grand has absolutely zero bearing on my life.
00:05:52.000 It's like you buying lunch.
00:05:53.000 It means nothing. It means nothing at all, 600 grand.
00:05:58.000 She is pretty. Yeah, she's nice.
00:06:02.000 Take her for a spin now. Yeah, 600 grand is absolutely nothing to me.
00:06:07.000 It's like buying a Starbucks. Would you buy a Starbucks?
00:06:09.000 If you had a Starbucks and it had to go away to be reheated for two weeks, but you really wanted a Starbucks, would you buy another Starbucks to wait for that Starbucks to push you with?
00:06:15.000 So here we are. That's why I did.
00:06:17.000 You know? I bought an M3 to drive up and down the fucking road.
00:06:20.000 That is true. That wasn't a joke either.
00:06:27.000 Top G. Let me zoom in on that.
00:06:30.000 Imagine being in the position where you can call McLaren.
00:06:34.000 Hi McLaren, I need a 765 because the current one you gave me doesn't work and I want it fixed.
00:06:39.000 I'm like, oh, we don't really have a 765 that you can rent.
00:06:42.000 I'm like, rent, borrow. I don't want a gay car.
00:06:45.000 I want my car. Give me another one.
00:06:47.000 Send me one. Like, okay, we got this one.
00:06:49.000 It's only 616,000 euros.
00:06:51.000 Yeah, that's fine. Invoice.
00:06:53.000 WhatsApp. Same day. Boom, boom, boom.
00:06:54.000 All done. And then three days later you get Top GK. You know, sometimes I look at all the stress I go through and all the work I do and The Matrix is trying to kill me and they put me in jail, etc.
00:07:07.000 But it's totally worth it.
00:07:10.000 100%. I couldn't be the person watching this video right now.
00:07:14.000 There's someone at home watching this video right now.
00:07:16.000 The government's not trying to put them in jail.
00:07:17.000 Nobody cares who they are. Nobody's following their story.
00:07:20.000 They can't buy cars at random.
00:07:22.000 Women don't send them love letters, nothing.
00:07:23.000 They're just sitting there. And they're going, well, at least I'm not stressed.
00:07:26.000 It'd be stressful to go to jail.
00:07:28.000 You're right. You're not stressed, but you have nothing good about your life.
00:07:31.000 You have no reason to wake up in the morning.
00:07:32.000 If you died, nobody would give a fuck.
00:07:35.000 You have no reason to live.
00:07:38.000 Me? I get the light and the dark.
00:07:40.000 And there's a whole bunch of light.
00:07:41.000 It's great. Got a brand new 765 today.
00:07:44.000 Got two Kernan's Egg Jeskos.
00:07:45.000 They're coming soon. Two!
00:07:49.000 Two! Imagine being the kind of normal guy who's just like, yeah, the government likes me.
00:07:54.000 They don't mind me.
00:07:56.000 Fucking gay I'm not a gay. I'm a lesbian.
00:08:00.000 I'm a lesbian.
00:08:36.000 I'm going to tell him. You know, that's not even our backup McLaren.
00:08:41.000 That's our backup purple McLaren.
00:08:44.000 That's not even our backup purple McLaren.
00:08:46.000 That's our backup purple McLaren 765LT. That's true.
00:08:51.000 Because we have a 600LT. Yeah.
00:08:53.000 570. 570.
00:08:55.000 We have... 675, no, a 765 Spyder in Dubai.
00:08:59.000 We have a 765 Coupe with decal.
00:09:02.000 765 Coupe here.
00:09:03.000 We have the purple one that just broke, and this new one I bought.
00:09:06.000 That's our McLaren's.
00:09:08.000 Is that all our McLaren's?
00:09:09.000 Maybe. And the 720. Those are McLaren's.
00:09:12.000 See, it's our backup purple 765, because 765's in purple.
00:09:17.000 Are very unique looking. And you couldn't, you know, come up with a blue one.
00:09:21.000 Because then people would think that you were renting them.
00:09:23.000 So you need, when it breaks, because McLaren's break all the time, to have a purple 765LT in reserve.
00:09:29.000 The reserve purple. I think we can all agree that Bailey's a dickhead.
00:09:32.000 I mean, I think we can all just sit and agree that the McLarens turning up to the house are conclusive evidence and proof of the fact that Bailey is in fact a dickhead.
00:09:40.000 And nobody likes him. Yeah.
00:09:42.000 And he's always walking around with his camera and his glasses.
00:09:44.000 Do you have a backup identical camera that's specced exactly the same way that does the exact same thing?
00:09:49.000 Do you have a backup Bailey?
00:09:51.000 Do you have a backup set of glasses?
00:09:53.000 Fucking dork. Six and a half hours later.
00:09:58.000 Andrew, are you smoking shisha again?
00:10:02.000 All you ever do all day, every day, is smoke shisha.
00:10:06.000 And as your friend, I just want to let you know that I'm kind of worried about you because you might have an addiction.
00:10:13.000 Sometimes I smoke cigars.
00:10:15.000 I mean, I'm not going to take that away from you.
00:10:18.000 You also smoke a preposterous amount of cigars, but shisha has become a daily occurrence.
00:10:23.000 Cigars are like your breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and this is your daily dessert.
00:10:28.000 I don't really breathe air much anymore.
00:10:30.000 I just breathe smoke, you know?
00:10:32.000 It's an upgrade. There's no way that your lungs are okay at this point.
00:10:37.000 I still do 12 rounds of fighting against you punks.
00:10:40.000 No problem. You do beat me at sparring.
00:10:41.000 I will give you that. But I think you might need to consult a healthcare professional to check on your lungs because there's no way.
00:10:49.000 There's zero percent chance that your lungs are healthy at this point.
00:10:53.000 It's too much shisha. A healthcare professional or YouTube?
00:10:57.000 Lung test. Here it is.
00:11:00.000 You're not YouTubing a lung test.
00:11:02.000 Andrew, this isn't accurate. The AI machine now controls all our lives.
00:11:06.000 Maybe just give in. How long is it before doctors are basically AI machines?
00:11:10.000 I have this. It scans you.
00:11:12.000 It says you probably have that.
00:11:13.000 Most doctors do that anyway.
00:11:14.000 They type the symptoms into some stupid program.
00:11:16.000 So you're going to base your perception of your lung health off of this one single YouTube video?
00:11:22.000 You should test my lungs. I did say that.
00:11:25.000 Let's go. So let me get some, uh, air.
00:11:31.000 Okay. Three.
00:11:34.000 This is not okay. Two.
00:11:37.000 One. I don't even know what to say.
00:11:49.000 If I was going to bet, I'm going to say you're not going to be able to do it.
00:11:51.000 There's no way. T, catch your bets.
00:11:54.000 Is he going to do it or no? I'm not paying attention to what you're doing.
00:11:59.000 You should do this lung test, T. You smoke more than anybody.
00:12:01.000 You and your cigarettes.
00:12:03.000 Fine, I'll do it after I'm done.
00:12:05.000 Andrew, you're almost halfway to super lungs.
00:12:12.000 According to this test, if you go the entire way, you do in fact have super lungs.
00:12:16.000 And I know if you go the whole way, you're never going to let me live this down.
00:12:19.000 You're going to constantly tell me that you have super lungs.
00:12:21.000 Every time I bring up the fact that you smoke way too much shisha, you're just going to rub this silly little test in my face.
00:12:26.000 So look at the time.
00:12:28.000 Look, admit defeat.
00:12:29.000 You're not going to do it. I know you want to breathe super, super bad right now.
00:12:35.000 Look, yeah, you got to Zen out real quick.
00:12:41.000 You're almost there. You're...
00:12:46.000 You don't have super lungs.
00:12:54.000 I don't care what this test says, you do not have super lungs.
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