Tate Speech - July 27, 2022


EATING CAMEL IN DUBAI 🐪 | Tate Confidential Ep. 140


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

152.7853

Word Count

2,633

Sentence Count

363

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

8


Summary

Cheetos, noodles, fresh camel burger, mutton biryani, and a dinner menu. Everything and water, please. This is the first episode of Cheetos and a Camel, in which we try to figure out if camel is the best meat of the world, and if it's better than the rest of the food we've tried so far. We also discover that we don't need to drink any more water after this one bite, because we've never drunk anything like this before, and we're not sure if that's a good or bad thing, or if we should be worried that we'll never drink anything like that again, ever again, because it's so bland and tasteless and bland, it's almost like it doesn't even taste good at all. But it does taste good in other ways, so maybe it's not so bad after all? We'll find out in the next episode, when we try the next cuisine, which is Cheeto Ramen and Mashed Potato Noodles, which are the most delicate cuisine in the history of cuisine, and then we find out that they're not so delicate after all. We'll see if they're actually as delicate as we think they are after all! Have a listen and let us know what you thought of it, and do you agree or disagree with us on whether or not it's the best food you've ever had? 5 stars is much more than 5 stars, so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you think of it in the comments section below. We'd love to know who you think it is the most delicious food you ve had the best thing you ve ever had the worst thing you've eaten. Thank you for listening to this episode, we really does have the best meal of the week! XOXO, Andrew xoxo, Andrew, Rachael and Robyn Music by Ian, Ben, Jack, Ben & Will, and Sam, and Jack, and Ben, and also, of course, the ever-so-slightly more delicate cuisine that you can be a little bit more delicate than we can be more delicate, so thank you for making it so delicate than us, so we'll be back next week with a little more delicate and less bland than we'd like to know that we can manage to eat something that's less bland and less boring than we would like to eat more like that, but not too delicate than that.


Transcript

00:00:04.000 Andrew has just sealed the business deal of the century.
00:00:09.000 Good showman retain!
00:00:11.000 Good showman retain!
00:00:22.000 Take off with a big bang.
00:00:28.000 Good showman retain!
00:00:30.000 Fresh camel burger.
00:00:42.000 One. Give me a camel burger.
00:00:44.000 And give me these Cheetos noodles.
00:00:46.000 We don't need those Cheetos noodles.
00:00:49.000 We don't need those Cheetos noodles.
00:00:50.000 Yeah, Cheetos noodles and a camel burger.
00:00:53.000 You definitely need the camel. That's the camel burger.
00:00:55.000 It's not the Cheetos noodles. It's the Cheetos noodles.
00:01:00.000 I really think that's Cheetos and Robert.
00:01:07.000 It's crushed Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
00:01:09.000 It's Cheetos time. That's not, that's not?
00:01:11.000 What color did you come here in? Oh yeah, let me get you in this photo.
00:01:14.000 Yeah. Cheetos noodles, fresh camel burger, dinner menu, mutton biryani, and one of them.
00:01:23.000 Everything. And water.
00:01:25.000 Four waters, please.
00:01:27.000 My cousin will pay. He's rich.
00:01:28.000 Thanks. Yeah, that's it.
00:01:33.000 Just destroyed a distinctly average chicken burger.
00:01:36.000 Yep. Now we are here for our camel burger.
00:01:41.000 It's gonna be amazing, isn't it?
00:01:42.000 It does smell different to beef.
00:01:43.000 I was worried it might just be beef and they lied to me.
00:01:46.000 Yeah. But it does actually smell a bit camel-y.
00:01:49.000 Yeah. I'm not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing.
00:01:53.000 This is water for you to drink. And you, why?
00:01:57.000 I don't drink any water anymore.
00:01:58.000 Wait, what do you mean? I don't need it.
00:02:01.000 That doesn't mean anything. I don't need water anymore.
00:02:07.000 Okay, so, is camel the best meat of the world?
00:02:10.000 Should we go to a camera only diet?
00:02:12.000 Problem we have is the chicken burger we just ate was of exceptionally low quality.
00:02:22.000 Yep. So I don't know if this is low quality camel or high quality camel.
00:02:27.000 So it's very hard to judge camel as a whole.
00:02:28.000 It is. Although after this one bite, I no longer need water.
00:02:34.000 I don't need water ever again.
00:02:35.000 I'll never drink again. That's not true.
00:02:37.000 You're going to have to drink water at some point.
00:02:41.000 I would describe it as bland, tasteless, Horrible.
00:02:49.000 Give me some. Just meatless meat.
00:02:56.000 It's almost like a vegan burger would taste.
00:02:59.000 There's not even a taste, really.
00:03:02.000 Not really a taste. I can just taste bread.
00:03:04.000 But maybe it's low quality Camel.
00:03:06.000 Maybe Camel's supposed to be better than that.
00:03:08.000 Maybe go to a random gas station with no Wi-Fi in the middle of the desert.
00:03:12.000 It's not the best place to try new foods.
00:03:14.000 What do you think? Do you taste anything?
00:03:17.000 I can't taste anything. But also, I don't think it's because of the place that we're at.
00:03:21.000 I'm just gonna judge all Camels now.
00:03:24.000 Camel's horrible. Yeah.
00:03:26.000 Yeah, very bland. Has no taste while also tasting bad at the same time.
00:03:32.000 Yeah, very interesting. No taste, but...
00:03:34.000 Bad. But it's not good.
00:03:36.000 Yeah, very interesting.
00:03:37.000 Less than neutral. We'll try the next ones.
00:03:40.000 The next cuisine. That does five star.
00:03:43.000 I guarantee you, as much as you've tried to protest, the best food we eat today was the Cheetos.
00:03:48.000 No, no, no. Cheetos. The Cheeto ramen.
00:03:51.000 Yeah, you're going to look at the Cheetos and go, oh, you don't need that.
00:03:53.000 It's just Cheetos. And you're going to start going, that's fucking the best.
00:03:56.000 So I was right. Use a camel burger and fail.
00:03:59.000 For some reason, I thought the meat would give us power, but I don't think there's any power in this meat.
00:04:03.000 I do admit, since I've eaten it, I've never drunk a single thing.
00:04:06.000 Since I've eaten camel, I've never, ever had a sip of water, ever, in my entire life.
00:04:10.000 That is true. Do you admit that?
00:04:11.000 That's true, but you're going to drink water eventually.
00:04:13.000 Never again. I don't even know.
00:04:15.000 You will. Thank you.
00:04:21.000 And you have forks.
00:04:23.000 You have one fork. Can we have another fork?
00:04:24.000 Yes, please. Okay, so no Cheeto things yet.
00:04:29.000 Must be the hardest for them to cook because it's so cuisine.
00:04:33.000 It's a delicate cuisine.
00:04:34.000 Yep, the most delicate. Okay, so the Cheeto ramen noodles have arrived, and they looked much better in the pictures.
00:04:43.000 Listen, mate. Thank you.
00:04:48.000 Can you mess up and drop me water?
00:04:50.000 You still haven't drank any water.
00:04:51.000 That's true. I'm a witness.
00:04:53.000 He did not drink any water.
00:04:54.000 Also, all this stuff is very, very low.
00:04:57.000 2 out of 10, something like that.
00:04:59.000 2, 3 out of 10. Yeah, it's weird.
00:05:02.000 It doesn't necessarily taste bad.
00:05:03.000 You can just taste that it's extremely low quality.
00:05:05.000 Yeah. For some reason, I genuinely thought this was a hidden gem deep in the desert.
00:05:10.000 I didn't think people would get low quality rice.
00:05:13.000 No, me neither. Somehow they didn't.
00:05:15.000 Somehow you can get cheap shit rice.
00:05:19.000 Right. Cheetos and ramen.
00:05:20.000 Now, I know you accused this.
00:05:23.000 Put some hot sauce in there.
00:05:24.000 I know you accused this of just being ramen noodles with crushed up Cheetos.
00:05:27.000 But on closer inspection, we can see that it's clearly not the case.
00:05:30.000 No, that is the case.
00:05:32.000 Clearly not the case.
00:05:34.000 Everything we've had so far has been horrible.
00:05:37.000 I'm going to try this. I don't even think these are just ramen noodles.
00:05:44.000 They're somehow low-quality ramen.
00:05:46.000 If the rest of the food was a 2 out of 10, I'd give this a two and a half maybe.
00:05:51.000 I agree. I've just had some.
00:05:53.000 This is absolutely the best thing on the menu.
00:05:55.000 So, when you said we didn't eat it, we should eat camel.
00:05:58.000 No, this is actually all that we can eat.
00:06:00.000 You admit that this is the best thing.
00:06:01.000 Everything else we barely eat.
00:06:02.000 Yeah. Whereas this is actually, although it may be terrible for us, tastes kind of a three, maybe a four.
00:06:10.000 Literally. I thought the, whatever it's called...
00:06:15.000 Biryani. Biryani would save us.
00:06:17.000 I was wrong. I was very wrong.
00:06:18.000 When in doubt, trust Jesus, my friend.
00:06:20.000 Play your American. I should have known.
00:06:23.000 The American way. The American way.
00:06:28.000 Chillin' in Dubai. This is what happens when you're outside the Matrix.
00:06:31.000 You're geographically free.
00:06:33.000 Anyone who's watched the Matrix carefully understands that the people inside the Matrix realize that something isn't right, so they escape the Matrix.
00:06:40.000 Once they've escaped the Matrix, they realize how the Matrix works, and they plug back into the Matrix with new powers.
00:06:46.000 And then they hack the Matrix, and then they escape again.
00:06:48.000 That's what I do. I hope you're paying attention to me.
00:06:51.000 I hope you can hear me over my W16 quad-turbo 8-liter Bugatti.
00:06:55.000 Wait, what color?
00:07:01.000 I hope it's not too loud for you when it's idling here in the middle of the night in Dubai.
00:07:05.000 You're sitting there going to work for bills to pay.
00:07:08.000 None of those things are real.
00:07:10.000 There is no spoof.
00:07:12.000 Money's not real. The numbers on the screen.
00:07:14.000 They're about to pass another 1.5 trillion for government spending.
00:07:17.000 What are they going to spend it on? Nobody knows.
00:07:19.000 Let's go into somebody.
00:07:21.000 You think I'm rich because I have a 5.5 million dollar car?
00:07:24.000 That's nothing!
00:07:34.000 Jump change!
00:07:35.000 I consider myself poor.
00:07:37.000 You're sitting here with a NIST, Annika.
00:07:39.000 You're sitting here pretty well off.
00:07:40.000 I'm doing okay, actually.
00:07:41.000 I put some money in my 401.
00:07:43.000 Money's not real. You still believe in the spoon.
00:07:46.000 I don't believe in the spoon.
00:07:47.000 That's how I bend things.
00:07:49.000 You understand? I'm the little monk kid that bends the spoon.
00:07:52.000 I'm the man who walks in Jacob& Co.
00:07:54.000 and says, how much is the watch that's going to match my Bugatti?
00:07:57.000 And he says $455,000.
00:07:59.000 And I think, that's a bargain!
00:08:01.000 Can I see the Bugatti shirt or what?
00:08:03.000 It has built-in 16-piston Bugatti Chiron engine.
00:08:08.000 If you get the Bugatti and then if you don't have a Bugatti watch...
00:08:13.000 Then you say it's not even having the Bugatti.
00:08:14.000 Like, why even have it? 450,000 US. Pardon.
00:08:19.000 I'm the man who just contacted the Burj Khalifa trying to put his name all over it.
00:08:23.000 That's me. I'm that guy.
00:08:25.000 I tell you these things.
00:08:27.000 I waste my time like the fucking philanthropic, nice, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome man I am.
00:08:35.000 Explaining I came from nothing.
00:08:37.000 I hacked the matrix.
00:08:38.000 I escaped and I'm back to free your minds.
00:08:41.000 Like Morpheus. I'm making the call.
00:08:43.000 I'm trying to give you the red pill.
00:08:44.000 And even though I have $5.5 million card, $20 Six more cars at home, and millions and millions of dollars, and all this monumental success, people still sit there and go, hmm, I don't know if I can trust you.
00:08:54.000 If you can't trust me, who can you trust?
00:08:56.000 Your university professor?
00:08:57.000 He's an agent. He's a slave to the machine.
00:08:59.000 You must wake up and you're only gonna escape with my help You You you
00:09:40.000 Emergency meeting.
00:09:42.000 Andrew has just sealed the business deal of the system.
00:09:48.000 Alright, what's the business deal? Am I correct?
00:09:50.000 It's the first emergency meeting we've had in the new house.
00:09:53.000 And by coincidence, I've also pulled off something monumental.
00:09:56.000 Monumental. Very currently, Luke thinks he knows about business.
00:10:01.000 I've got my sales team.
00:10:03.000 I sit here and do my work.
00:10:05.000 Andrew has a bank transfer.
00:10:08.000 On its way to his bank from Bugatti Motors Limited.
00:10:14.000 A bank transfer from Bugatti.
00:10:16.000 Have you ever pulled up anything like that?
00:10:17.000 It's a hell of a business deal.
00:10:19.000 We are in the money.
00:10:20.000 What's the business deal? Bugatti are sending me money.
00:10:23.000 For what? Do you understand that that makes me the greatest businessman of all time?
00:10:29.000 But for what? Because I overpaid by nine pounds and they said they have to give it back to me.
00:10:34.000 And I said I don't want it and they said no, we have to give it back to you for a pound.
00:10:38.000 So they're sending nine pounds.
00:10:39.000 So we're rich! So we don't ignore you.
00:10:41.000 We don't do it. Bugatti is sending us money now.
00:10:45.000 You even said you didn't want it.
00:10:46.000 Listen. No, that's called a takeaway.
00:10:48.000 That's business. It's a sales technique.
00:10:50.000 Don't you know what you think about business, Luke?
00:10:52.000 No, no, I don't want to almost send it to you.
00:10:54.000 Woo! Bugatti is sending us nine pounds.
00:10:56.000 In the money. We are rich now, basically for it.
00:10:59.000 If I need more money, I'll just buy one of the Bugatti and get another nine pounds.
00:11:03.000 Well, how will we get the money to buy the Bugatti?
00:11:05.000 Luke, you must understand this.
00:11:07.000 From the nine pounds that build up from the various Bugatti transfers.
00:11:11.000 We're already nine pounds on our way there.
00:11:13.000 What I'll do is I'll refinance the current Bugatti to buy Bugatti and get another nine pounds.
00:11:16.000 And then I'll just build a pyramid.
00:11:19.000 Yeah, two millions. To the point where the nine pounds add up to the point where I'm rich enough to pay off the Bugatti's.
00:11:24.000 You don't know math. Didn't you study math?
00:11:26.000 If it goes on forever, what's nine times infinity?
00:11:30.000 There we go. Infinite money.
00:11:31.000 There's going to be a limited number of baguettes.
00:11:34.000 Now we have nine pounds on the way.
00:11:36.000 We need to stop all work completely.
00:11:38.000 It's over. We need to go out and spend as much money as possible because we are rich drivers.
00:11:42.000 Baguette now sent us money.
00:11:44.000 Say pay us. Say pay us.
00:11:46.000 We're sponsored by Baguette.
00:11:48.000 Have Baguette ever given you any money?
00:11:50.000 No. Exactly. No, I've gotten nine pounds before.
00:11:54.000 Chipotle's given me nine pounds before.
00:11:56.000 Oh yeah, you're lying. They gave you dollars.
00:11:59.000 Okay, then you don't like this.
00:12:00.000 Have you ever got mine pants from a multi-fucking national company?
00:12:04.000 Have you ever got mine pants from one of the most prestigious car businesses, the car companies in the world?
00:12:07.000 No. The most prestigious brands in the world, have they ever sent you money?
00:12:11.000 Any of them. Versace, Gucci, fuck, anybody.
00:12:13.000 Sunseeker, Galaxy, Lambo.
00:12:16.000 Anybody ever sent you money? No.
00:12:17.000 No, because you're a fucking loser.
00:12:18.000 Business is over. We're closing everything.
00:12:21.000 It's done. We're close to you.
00:12:22.000 Close it all.
00:12:23.000 34 years apart from it.
00:12:24.000 We're finally made it, we made it, finally. We're gonna be done, we're going out, let's move. Woo!
00:12:30.000 We just left, there was 10 supercars.
00:12:59.000 Some fucking chick.
00:13:03.000 Some chicken. Andrew, you live in a poor country.
00:13:06.000 You will not see as many supercars in a row in fucking London, New York, nowhere.
00:13:12.000 You walk around Bucharest, it's just Lambos, Ferraris.
00:13:15.000 Lambos are gross. Mafia money.
00:13:17.000 And they're like, oh, the country says it's poor.
00:13:19.000 That's all in the books. They don't understand how we work out here.
00:13:23.000 Taxes? Facts!
00:13:25.000 You can't catch! You don't understand how it works.
00:13:28.000 It's the richest country in the world.
00:13:30.000 Why me?
00:13:32.000 Guys I managed to go shave something even better Again. Again, because Luke's fucked up business, obviously.
00:13:48.000 Even better than Bagatti sending us money.
00:13:50.000 I bought a shoe rack and they sent us a free sensor soap dispenser.
00:13:55.000 Free. So wait, now we can wash our hands without touching the soap dispenser.
00:13:59.000 Without the soap dispenser and it cost us zero money.
00:14:02.000 Zero money. So if you kept negotiating this business here, how much do you think these are worth?
00:14:05.000 20, 30 bucks? Yeah. And we can sell them.
00:14:08.000 We have unlimited free money.
00:14:09.000 Unlimited free money. Forever. Unlimited free soft.
00:14:11.000 If you continue to negotiate yourself.
00:14:13.000 Correct. This is stupid.
00:14:16.000 What the fuck have you done lately? I'm a fucking genius.
00:14:18.000 What have you done for the business life? I'm a fucking genius.
00:14:20.000 The guys send us money.
00:14:22.000 Free soft dispensers.
00:14:23.000 What the fuck have you done lately?
00:14:24.000 Well, with your pathetic fucking life.
00:14:27.000 Nothing. That's worth money.
00:14:29.000 Alright, so let's order infinite of those.
00:14:31.000 Hear me out. Sell them for $1 each.
00:14:33.000 Nice and cheap. That's not how it works.
00:14:39.000 Isn't it? No.
00:14:41.000 How much did this cost? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:14:44.000 What? The free box was a soap dispenser, but there's no soap dispenser in the free box.
00:14:51.000 They've given me this.
00:14:53.000 What is it? Wait, so it's not a free soap dispenser.
00:15:00.000 Grab a blade. Nice.
00:15:02.000 From the magnet on the table.
00:15:03.000 Oh yeah, you think we're just sitting on the warm table if we can't grab blades and gums at random?
00:15:09.000 It's actually free vitamin C facial cream.
00:15:17.000 Right, that's got to be worth at least three to four dollars.
00:15:20.000 Wait, so who gave you this? Why?
00:15:22.000 Listen, I bought a shoe rack, and they gave me a free soap dispenser, but they put it as a soap dispenser really to fool you, Luke, because I always knew all along there was free facial cream, which is what I really wanted.
00:15:32.000 This is a high demand. I want to start a cosmetic company.
00:15:34.000 This is high demand stuff. High demand stuff.
00:15:36.000 So now we're going to be richer than we've ever been.
00:15:38.000 If we have infinite bottles of this, we can sell it.
00:15:42.000 For an amount like one cent.
00:15:43.000 No, but you had to buy a shoe rack.
00:15:45.000 Luke, what is one cent times a hundred billion?
00:15:48.000 That's right. I don't know.
00:15:52.000 A billion. A billion.
00:15:53.000 By a hundred. Doesn't mean no math.
00:15:54.000 Listen. So I'm a millionaire.
00:15:56.000 Luke. One cent.
00:15:57.000 Can you admit the guy you sent us money because of me?
00:15:59.000 They did. Can you admit free facial cream because of me?
00:16:04.000 But it's not free. You had to buy something.
00:16:06.000 I admit that this is facial cream which is free which was sent to me for free.
00:16:12.000 Okay. So you confess.
00:16:13.000 So you confess. So we've got money from spaghetti plus a billion dollar business.
00:16:17.000 So I have just given you a business acumen masterclass.
00:16:21.000 Do you agree? What have you done, Mike?
00:16:23.000 Working. Fucking.
00:16:25.000 Working. Fucking.
00:16:27.000 Worm. Worm.
00:17:12.000 I'm ready.