Tate Speech - April 18, 2023


ENDLESS SHOPPING SPREE | Tate Confidential Ep 175


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

160.36037

Word Count

2,670

Sentence Count

367

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary

Tristan is a geek. Luke is a nerd. Tristan is a geezer. And they are all a little bit geeky in this week's episode of the podcast. We talk about how geeky Luke is, why he's a geek, and why he thinks it's a good idea to spend Christmas in London shopping. We also talk about what it's like to be a virgin in 2019 and why it's better than being a geek in the 80s and 90s. And of course, we talk about skateboarding and porn and other things that have nothing to do with skateboarding. We don't know what we're doing, we just know it's cool and we're not going to stop talking about it. We hope you enjoy this episode, it's our first episode and we hope you have a good rest of the year! xoxo - The Duke and Lady J.B. (and all his friends) Music: "Goodbye" by The Duke & Lady J & The Lady J (feat. D'Andra (The Duke) - "Outro" by Suneaters - "In The Sky" by Fountains of Wayne - "Coming Soon" by Chino - "Upbeat" by Pylawn - "Downhill" by Dervish - "I Don't Know" by Blonde - "You Can't See The Stars" by Tanya - "The Boys" by Topgagao - "It's My Life" and "I'm Not a Bad Guy" by Phineas and Ferrere - "Too Effing" by Koko - "This Is My Song" by Rizzo - "Don't Tell Me About It" by Tristan's Dad - "We Don't Need a Girl" by DJ Khu - "No One" by Dave ( ) Join us on Insta: & "We're Not Gonna Lose It" - by TopGee ( ) and "You're Not Good Enough" by Dan ( ) - "We'll Talk About It (featuring: ) and is out in the next episode of The Duke, Topgee & ( ) is out next week! And we'll See You Next Week ( ) on Tuesday, so don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! and we'll Tell Us What's Good, Not Good, We'll See Us Next Tuesday!


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Oh, Tristan, you can't...
00:00:04.000 To be fair though, I suppose you do look actually very very classy.
00:00:33.000 Nice champagne.
00:00:36.000 Whoa I wish I had like A very empty glass of water.
00:00:45.000 In my Adidas tracksuit.
00:00:49.000 What do you mean?
00:00:58.000 Correct. So clearly they're making a mistake somewhere.
00:01:07.000 somewhere down the line.
00:01:09.000 So where's your cousin?
00:01:15.000 Luke, it's a stone cold loser.
00:01:16.000 He thinks that you can land into London in December when it's Christmassy and not be instantly compelled to go and spend all your money shopping.
00:01:23.000 In fact, he goes, every time we go to London, all you do is shop and spend loads of money and buy cars and buy stuff.
00:01:29.000 I don't see the point.
00:01:31.000 He's like, you don't see the points of what you can do instead?
00:01:33.000 Because I might have a bath.
00:01:36.000 Fucking geek, bro.
00:01:38.000 How did you get a cousin who's such a fucking intolerable geek?
00:01:41.000 He can be biologically related to me.
00:01:43.000 He must be adopted into the family.
00:01:45.000 He's not my cousin. There's no universe where he has any DNA in common with me.
00:01:48.000 There's no way he's my cousin. In fact, I'm not sure we even descend from the same human ancestors in the African Rift Valley.
00:01:54.000 I think he's independently evolved.
00:01:56.000 As a nerd? Yeah.
00:01:58.000 He may be extraterrestrial.
00:02:00.000 Extraterrestrial nerd. ETN. His nerd levels are galactic.
00:02:07.000 I wonder if he goes to spend loads of money and then come back and call Luke names and threaten him and tell him he's a loser.
00:02:11.000 I wonder if he goes to spend loads of money and then come back and tell him he's a loser.
00:02:15.000 I wonder if he goes to spend loads of money and then come back and tell him he's a loser.
00:02:20.000 I like rain.
00:02:22.000 I like rain.
00:02:25.000 I pray for the sky like rain.
00:02:27.000 I pray for the wind like rain.
00:02:29.000 From a little youth, I tell myself I have a plan.
00:02:32.000 I want to be famous like Ninja Man.
00:02:34.000 I want big like Joe Bantan.
00:02:36.000 So everyday I build a single team song.
00:02:39.000 I don't like the journey big long, but I get up and burn.
00:02:42.000 I'm gross on the trunk.
00:02:44.000 When I get my first number one, I buy a house for my mother, man.
00:02:48.000 I'm in a gum truck.
00:02:50.000 So you're going to give up?
00:02:52.000 You don't have a girlfriend?
00:02:54.000 And go have freshness.
00:02:57.000 Nobody likes you. I'm putting an Apple Watch.
00:02:59.000 You don't want it? You want me an Apple Watch?
00:03:02.000 I have a patette. I have an AP. Why would I want an Apple Watch?
00:03:05.000 Yeah, but you can't. Let's check your emails.
00:03:09.000 I would rather shoot myself in the face and check my emails if I want you.
00:03:12.000 Why? I'd rather cut my hand off.
00:03:16.000 You're cutting your hand off me.
00:03:18.000 No, you're wearing AP. You're wearing Rolex.
00:03:19.000 I'm gonna wear it.
00:03:21.000 You're very welcome.
00:03:28.000 It's a coffee.
00:03:29.000 You wanna come for a £250 coffee?
00:03:31.000 Do you want coffee?
00:03:32.000 I think I'm gonna say no to that.
00:03:34.000 What are you gonna do?
00:04:03.000 Just flip that shit.
00:04:05.000 You must push it off the back here and what you do is...
00:04:10.000 What you fly, then you stay a virgin, and then what, you land and you're a geek?
00:04:13.000 Yeah, what do you do? So you do this?
00:04:14.000 Is that what happens? You stand on it like this, okay?
00:04:18.000 Check your phone. No women have messaged you.
00:04:20.000 Get off your skateboard.
00:04:22.000 Go home. Porn.
00:04:23.000 Video games. Cry.
00:04:25.000 And then skateboard again.
00:04:27.000 I think it's a cycle. That's why I can't skateboard.
00:04:29.000 Because the other sets are too hard for me.
00:04:31.000 No women on the phone. Jerking off.
00:04:33.000 Porn. Porn.
00:04:35.000 Video games. Because I can't do that.
00:04:37.000 I'm just not an actual skater.
00:04:38.000 Sorry bro. So what do you have to say to skaters?
00:04:43.000 Do I really need more enemies?
00:04:44.000 You know what I'm going to say to skaters?
00:04:46.000 I'm top G. I love everybody universally.
00:04:48.000 I just think with all the time you're investing in doing kickflips, you could perhaps, I don't know, learn to box, learn to fight, get rich.
00:04:55.000 I mean, but if you really want to do kickflips, do kickflips.
00:04:57.000 I'm full of love for everybody. I don't hate anyone.
00:05:00.000 I do not marginalize. I'm not bigoted in any form, even against skateboarders.
00:05:04.000 Even the virgins on skateboarders.
00:05:06.000 They're all my friends So kind I'm a free man, I'm a free man Top G, Nagbogati Yo Dre Wani Dandim Walla Romi Basler Top G Galibela, Phoebe, Tawaneh, Sipri Top G, Nagbogati We a dippin at the party Cobra, Galate, Masechiwami
00:05:35.000 Richard, Danny, and Riton Afilopami, Young Amasati Silly Fat Tone, Da Descent, Sadafami We do this every year and it's stupid.
00:05:43.000 What do you mean? It's stupid.
00:05:44.000 Do it every year. I stand to correct you.
00:05:49.000 We do not do this every year. We do this every time I come to London.
00:05:53.000 So it's multiple times a year. It's multiple times a year.
00:05:55.000 Multiple times a year. But it's complete nonsense.
00:05:57.000 Why? I did a little bit of shopping.
00:05:59.000 It's not a little bit of shopping.
00:06:01.000 This is probably literally hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of shopping.
00:06:04.000 It's stupid. Dora, mate.
00:06:08.000 Listen, he thinks it's stupid that I spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on shopping, but Luke does not understand that money is not real and I'm a master of ice.
00:06:14.000 I will admit, I don't remember.
00:06:15.000 There's more here! Yeah, of course there is!
00:06:19.000 I don't remember what most of this stuff is.
00:06:20.000 But at the time, I wanted it.
00:06:22.000 At the time, I wanted it.
00:06:24.000 Tristan? Loose complaining about me spending too much money.
00:06:28.000 Or what? What'd you buy? Bro!
00:06:30.000 All this shit. I can't remember.
00:06:31.000 Oh, you bought shit.
00:06:33.000 I bought shit.
00:06:36.000 This is all cigar paraphernalia and accessories.
00:06:43.000 Are you aware? Yeah, so that's about a thousand bucks.
00:06:45.000 Look at this. Look at this. Look at this.
00:06:48.000 Limited edition. Joker.
00:06:51.000 This is number 3 of 288.
00:06:54.000 $5,000.
00:06:56.000 $5,000 for a lighter.
00:06:58.000 Do you agree we need that lighter until he loses it?
00:07:00.000 But that's what I mean. Don't lose it.
00:07:01.000 No, no, no. I can't lose it.
00:07:03.000 Because I bought 6 other DuPont lighters.
00:07:07.000 So I can lose that first.
00:07:09.000 It's now number seven. These are special edition limits.
00:07:11.000 How much does that cost? Davidoff's is rose gold.
00:07:14.000 Oh, some money. It costs some money.
00:07:16.000 Luke, do you agree? This is stupid.
00:07:18.000 Guys, do you agree that he needs this $5,000 lighter until he loses it?
00:07:22.000 But that's what I mean. He doesn't need it.
00:07:24.000 Until he loses it. He's going to lose it.
00:07:26.000 Exactly. We know he's going to lose it.
00:07:27.000 Until he loses it, he needs it. Do you agree?
00:07:28.000 So do you admit that I could slice your face off with this if I wanted to?
00:07:32.000 Yes, I do. It's Christmas, Luke.
00:07:35.000 This isn't Christmassy.
00:07:36.000 This is Christmas. Who kicked out of the tree last time?
00:07:39.000 Now he's threatening to slice my face off.
00:07:40.000 I don't want an iPad. Apple's the devil.
00:07:42.000 It's brand new. It's yellow. We don't need it.
00:07:45.000 I bought it for you, Luke. Luke, I bought you an iPad.
00:07:48.000 Luke, you don't want an iPad? No, this is stupid.
00:07:50.000 What's your Christmas present? You don't want an iPad?
00:07:52.000 Why does Tristan keep cutting things?
00:07:53.000 It has a keyboard. Andrew, take your Christmas present.
00:07:56.000 Merry Christmas, Luke. I don't want them. Merry Christmas, Luke.
00:07:59.000 So I admit it. I broke my computer.
00:08:03.000 And I actually do need the iPad.
00:08:05.000 That I completely said that I didn't need.
00:08:07.000 And I'm going to go get it.
00:08:09.000 And I know he's gonna make me admit it.
00:08:11.000 Because I kept saying that fuck Apple and I don't need Apple, but I actually need the iPad.
00:08:16.000 I admit it. I'm a loser.
00:08:25.000 What do you admit? I need the iPad.
00:08:27.000 So you meant it. Yeah, you bought the iPads.
00:08:29.000 I don't need the iPad. I've got a fucking Linux gay mode XLGAY. That's what you said you had.
00:08:37.000 You said you had laptop GAY SEX mode.
00:08:40.000 I know. I know. And now you admit it.
00:08:42.000 I admit it. I need the Apple.
00:08:45.000 I need Apple. So don't you admit you have a cousin who just buys random things.
00:08:48.000 And it's extremely intelligent to do.
00:08:50.000 Yeah. Because it's true.
00:08:51.000 You buy complete random shit.
00:08:55.000 We're here. I know. You need an Apple Watch to go with it.
00:08:58.000 No, I don't. Are you sure?
00:08:59.000 I'm sure. So you admit it.
00:09:01.000 If I did need one, I'd know where to go.
00:09:03.000 Say I admit it. I admit it.
00:09:04.000 I admit it. I'm a loser and I need Apple.
00:09:07.000 An Apple One. Apple One!
00:09:08.000 Not only did I buy six iPads, I bought keyboards.
00:09:10.000 I only bought one keyboard for my six iPads because I knew in my brain that you'd end up needing a keyboard.
00:09:15.000 The other five wouldn't, but you would.
00:09:17.000 That's how smart I am, isn't it?
00:09:19.000 That's true. That's exactly why you only bought one keyboard.
00:09:22.000 It was for this exact moment.
00:09:23.000 Somehow you knew. Merry Christmas.
00:09:25.000 Merry Christmas. Thank you very much, friend.
00:09:29.000 What is it? It came out this year as the 50th anniversary of the French Importer.
00:09:40.000 Light to medium, a bit more tasteful than the usual light to medium guarded cigar.
00:09:46.000 Fantastic cigar. So it was designed for the French?
00:09:49.000 Yes. Good, so I'm going to take it off the French.
00:09:52.000 That makes me happy. Exactly what you're going to do.
00:09:55.000 Why is this a cigar in England?
00:09:56.000 I'm about to take it off them.
00:09:58.000 Of course, as England, we've whooped France's ass endlessly.
00:10:00.000 We always will. Except in football, unfortunately.
00:10:04.000 It's fine. Take their cigar and teach them a lesson.
00:10:07.000 Nice. What are you going to do about it?
00:10:13.000 I won't care. No.
00:10:15.000 You're French. He cares.
00:10:16.000 Right in front of your face.
00:10:18.000 I took a cigar which was designed for your people.
00:10:20.000 I robbed you. I robbed your national treasure.
00:10:23.000 Do you guys have any English cigars that are made for the English?
00:10:25.000 Yes, we are. Could I please have one, please?
00:10:27.000 Absolutely. Thank you very much.
00:10:28.000 You're welcome. I'm going to pay the price.
00:10:33.000 Shit. I'm not finished complaining about people who like options.
00:10:41.000 Because when you actually listen to these individuals, you realize they are exceptionally low IQ. Oh, I just love, I just love whales!
00:10:50.000 How the fuck can you love a whale?
00:10:52.000 Has a whale ever paid your rent?
00:10:54.000 Have you ever spoken to a whale?
00:10:56.000 It's a huge thing in the ocean.
00:10:58.000 It's never interacted with whatever.
00:11:00.000 Doesn't talk. Doesn't improve your life.
00:11:02.000 If you had cancer, it wouldn't even send you a card.
00:11:04.000 And you're sitting there going, I love whales.
00:11:06.000 Why? Why? Why do you love them?
00:11:09.000 Humans shouldn't ever even see whales.
00:11:11.000 I love my dog. My dog comes to me.
00:11:14.000 He cares about me.
00:11:15.000 We care about each other. How can you love a whale?
00:11:18.000 It doesn't make any sense.
00:11:20.000 Whales don't give a fuck about you.
00:11:23.000 Liking marine life is asinine.
00:11:25.000 The entire fucking ocean is filled with dumb shit.
00:11:29.000 Name something smart from the ocean.
00:11:31.000 Dolphins, supposedly.
00:11:32.000 If you're that smart, why can't you walk?
00:11:35.000 You're fucking swimming around like a brook.
00:11:36.000 Getting caught in tuna nets.
00:11:38.000 You're a genius. I'm a tuna.
00:11:40.000 You're not smart, you're fucking dumb.
00:11:42.000 At least on land there's fucking smart shit.
00:11:45.000 Like dogs can do tricks.
00:11:48.000 Fucking lame. Fish are stupids.
00:11:51.000 Fucking sea urchins.
00:11:52.000 They've got a face. They've just got a face, bro.
00:11:56.000 Whales, big and dumb.
00:11:58.000 Fuck that shit.
00:12:00.000 It's all trash. If animals could talk, I don't think, I think the animals in the ocean would be the most stupid of them all.
00:12:08.000 I swim all day.
00:12:09.000 What do you say? Swim.
00:12:11.000 Anything else? No.
00:12:14.000 Look at losers, bro.
00:12:15.000 You're big and giant and terrifying.
00:12:16.000 What do you eat? Tiny shrews.
00:12:19.000 Lame. Loser.
00:12:21.000 Anyone who likes the ocean's low IQ. Standing by that fact.
00:12:29.000 You can't actually like those.
00:12:33.000 It's Rice Krispie Marshmallow Squares.
00:12:36.000 You can't actually enjoy them.
00:12:38.000 Everyone enjoys them. No.
00:12:40.000 Tristan, now you're lying.
00:12:41.000 You can't. Can what?
00:12:46.000 This is stupid. Why is it stupid?
00:12:48.000 It's Christmas. You guys can't enjoy...
00:12:49.000 I know it's Christmas, but that doesn't mean you need to eat Rice Krispies Square.
00:12:52.000 That doesn't mean you enjoy Rice Krispies Square.
00:12:54.000 It does. It surely must be a joke.
00:12:55.000 I don't know how to suck them on right now.
00:12:58.000 No, you're not. I'm going to become a fat loser like you.
00:13:02.000 If you have the choice of eating Rice Krispies Square or fighting me, fair enough, which ones you choose?
00:13:06.000 Well, I choose the Rice Krispies Square.
00:13:07.000 That's your choice. I mean, I guess they might be good.
00:13:16.000 You can't mean it.
00:13:18.000 I'm going to become a beekeeper.
00:13:20.000 So Tristan's been saying this for the past, let's say, I don't know, five minutes.
00:13:25.000 Five minutes? This is my life's dream.
00:13:27.000 It's not. It's the first I've ever heard it.
00:13:29.000 As everyone on the internet who knows me will know that I've been talking about becoming a beekeeper for the last decade.
00:13:35.000 That's not true at all. No, Tristan, the internet will prove that you're alive.
00:13:38.000 So when we're supposed to fly places and do fun things, we can't go because Tristan has to stay home and look after the bees.
00:13:42.000 Yeah, but that's stupid. And the garden will be full of loads of bees.
00:13:45.000 That's what I mean. That'd be horrible.
00:13:47.000 You need a helper beekeeper.
00:13:48.000 I might help you. You're going to help me?
00:13:50.000 No, we don't need... What if I get bees and you get bees and they end up bee-thing?
00:13:55.000 We don't need bee wars in the gardens.
00:13:57.000 How about we convert Luke's room into a bee cave?
00:14:01.000 No. He can still sleep in it.
00:14:03.000 He can have his bed. Luke, we're not kicking you out.
00:14:04.000 You can have your bed. No, but you're going to have to make it full of bees.
00:14:07.000 There will be some bees. But you're the beekeepers.
00:14:09.000 Why don't you do that with your rooms?
00:14:11.000 No, no, no. I've got to be separate from the bees to assert my dominance, so they know I'm not just one of the drones.
00:14:17.000 I'm going to start a bee colony, and it's going to be better than your bee colony, and they're going to kill all of your bees.
00:14:21.000 This is some brand new idea that's never been heard before.
00:14:23.000 And the battlefield is easy. Exactly.
00:14:26.000 No more supercars, no more private jets, no more thing.
00:14:28.000 We have to stay home, look after the bees, bee wars.
00:14:30.000 No, no bee wars.
00:14:32.000 We don't need bee wars.
00:14:34.000 Bee wars in the garden.
00:14:36.000 Wouldn't that ruin summer? Why don't you bee quiet?
00:14:39.000 New pitch Luke's room scorpion then. This is stupid.
00:14:51.000 I don't know.
00:15:27.000 Come on, boy.
00:15:29.000 Oh, look, there's booze. Free booze.
00:15:31.000 We don't need booze. What do you mean?
00:15:34.000 Merry Christmas, Luke. No one likes booze.
00:15:35.000 We have a car do need booze.
00:15:38.000 No, we don't. Good will to all men.
00:15:41.000 Good will to all men. I agree with that, but we don't need booze.
00:15:44.000 This is our Christmas celebration. No, I'm ruining it.
00:15:46.000 A little Christmas chocolate? I bet you don't have one.
00:15:50.000 Okay, everybody who does not have a religious affiliation that stops them drinking should drink.
00:15:55.000 Do we agree, Andrew? Agree.
00:15:57.000 I 100% was coming.
00:16:15.000 So here's our cancellation words.
00:16:17.000 I knew it was coming.
00:16:18.000 I absolutely and utterly knew it was coming because of how orchestrated it was.
00:16:21.000 The only thing, and I'll state this at the beginning, the only reason I'm upset by being cancelled is because I've expired one of my lives.
00:16:26.000 Because first you get cancelled. Controversial influencer Andrew Tate has been banned from Facebook and Instagram.
00:16:33.000 The cancelling of influencer Andrew Tate.
00:16:36.000 Then they make up a reason to put you in jail.
00:16:38.000 The Matrix has attacked me.