Tate Speech - July 26, 2022


HOW A MILLIONAIRE SPENDS CHRISTMAS | Tate Confidential Ep. 129

Hosted by
Andrew Tate Tristan Tate
Mentioned
Luke Tristan Burgundy Tate Confidential Merry Christmas Goodwill Mall Ron Burgundy Perfect Roulette Grinch Moose Latvian Cartier Glass Fucking Average Chapman Cigars Dupont Kohiba Jake Paul Endless Lambo Award Andy Nerd
Interview: Andrew Tate & 21 Studios EATING CAMEL IN DUBAI 🐪 | Tate Confidential Ep. 140

Episode Stats


Length

53 minutes

Words per minute

146.96

Word count

7,882

Sentence count

1,297

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Toxicity

197

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Tristan and Andrew are in a Chinese restaurant and they're trying to figure out if it's a bird's nest soup that tastes like rice, but is actually made out of birds' eggs. Also, there's a Christmas message for you all from the man who sent a man to tell you all a very special Christmas message. Sorry about the audio quality, I'm still getting used to it. Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays. This episode was brought to you by BBC Radio 4 and edited by Alex Blumberg. The opinions and thoughts expressed here are our own, not those of our employers. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and we'll read it out next week. Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to us and we really appreciate it. Merry Christmas everyone. XOXO, Andrew and Tristan Music: "Aikido" by Aikido (feat. Jeffree Starz) Music by Zapsplat ( ) Words and Music by Ian Dorsch ( ) and Mark Phillips ( ) Additional music: "Happy Holidays" by Jeffree Stars ( ) All rights reserved. All credit and music copyright ( ) by Mark Phillips and copyright infringement is not claimed by copyright owner ( ) unless otherwise stated. Music copyright(s) by any one of their respective owners. (c) copyright(c) by copyright owners ( ) or copyright(a) ( ) copyright(d) ( copyright) ) (tradewis.co.nz ( ) ( ) is owned by any other person ( ) & copyright(e) (cited ) ( copyright(ed) (f) (goodbye) (badge) (Good morning, good evening, good night, good morning, etc.) (good morning, Merry Christmas, etc. (good night, merry Christmas, my love you, etc) (?) (bad morning, bye bye, bye, mccartee ) Thank you, myelf (good evening, mary (good day, good nite, good day, etc., good night etc) xo) etc., etc.. etc.. (good nite ) - etc. - - good night!

Transcript

Transcripts from "Tate Speech" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:02.000 Merry Christmas! Tristan, you may have got you a dildo. 0.99
00:00:05.000 You finally get it. 0.97
00:00:07.000 You can't be angry on Christmas.
00:00:09.000 I'm angry.
00:00:11.000 Good showmen retain!
00:00:13.000 Good showmen retain!
00:00:24.000 They confidently cry.
00:00:30.000 Good showmen retain!
00:01:08.000 What do we do?
00:01:09.000 I want you to admit it.
00:01:10.000 Admit what? It.
00:01:13.000 What's it? What's this?
00:01:17.000 Aikido. What's this?
00:01:19.000 A little song you've been developing. What's this?
00:01:22.000 Yoga fire. Great.
00:01:28.000 Why are we losing Why are we losing our minds?
00:01:32.000 We are losing our minds Why are we losing our minds?
00:01:48.000 so um
00:02:10.000 where are we we're at the bar What does it say? I know it says the bar.
00:02:23.000 It's really called the bar. So you met it?
00:02:25.000 Yeah. We're at the bar.
00:02:27.000 Yeah, it is the bar. This is $100.
00:02:34.000 How good is it? It looks like rice.
00:02:39.000 It's bird's nest soup.
00:02:41.000 I don't know what that means. It's clearly not a bunch of twigs, so I really don't think it's a bird's nest.
00:02:47.000 I'd like to read up what it actually is.
00:02:50.000 Is it rice? Or is it cabbage?
00:02:55.000 Is it good? Grits?
00:02:58.000 Is it 100 pound grits?
00:02:59.000 You know, it tastes pretty good. Is it 100 pound grits?
00:03:01.000 It tastes kind of like regular chicken soup with a different texture.
00:03:05.000 But it's definitely okay.
00:03:07.000 You think it's shredded chicken?
00:03:09.000 No. It's like a bird's nest looking stuff, but what actually is it?
00:03:14.000 Is it a type of special noodle? What exactly is it?
00:03:17.000 Look it up. It's called a rip-off.
00:03:19.000 Nice. Nice. Good rip-off.
00:03:21.000 It looks like rice. Now I eat only this.
00:03:24.000 Alright, Tristan, I'll make it for you.
00:03:25.000 100 pounds each time, yeah? I can do this.
00:03:28.000 You're not a Chinese chef. But I could do this.
00:03:30.000 Here, try some. So that's what it is.
00:03:37.000 They've got the focus and stuff.
00:03:38.000 Try some. I'm Googling it, but then I just realized I'm using my phone and so are you.
00:03:41.000 Is it loads of eggs? No.
00:03:47.000 Yeah, it's loads of eggs. It's loads of eggs.
00:03:50.000 You can tell. I really think it's loads of eggs.
00:03:52.000 It's loads of eggs or some sort of...
00:03:54.000 No, it's an edible bird's nest called the Caviar of the East.
00:03:58.000 It's very valuable. The main ingredient is the nest of the Swiftale bird, which is found in Southwest Asia.
00:04:02.000 It's an edible bird's nest because they make their nests out of edible plants.
00:04:07.000 So a bird ate a bunch of plants and then threw it up.
00:04:11.000 And here we are. Well here's this.
00:04:14.000 So we're in a Chinese restaurant so I decided to get a sake.
00:04:16.000 Traditional Chinese drink.
00:04:18.000 It's Japanese. Okay.
00:04:22.000 There's only four anyway. Is it good?
00:04:31.000 There's ticket sales.
00:04:32.000 Yeah.
00:04:33.000 All right, good.
00:04:34.000 Merry Christmas.
00:04:35.000 I thought I'd make a quick Christmas message to wish all of you people out there Merry Christmas, because they say, goodwill to all men, and it's that time of year we need to be grateful.
00:04:59.000 Too many people have the wrong idea about me.
00:05:02.000 I'm such a nice guy.
00:05:04.000 I know you look at me and you think four-time kickboxing world champion Strong, smart, tall.
00:05:10.000 Could definitely steal my girl.
00:05:12.000 Has every worldly good a man could possibly desire.
00:05:16.000 Unlimited females to birth his sons. 0.94
00:05:21.000 Surely he's arrogant.
00:05:22.000 No, not me. I'm as humble as they come.
00:05:25.000 So I decided to make a nice Christmas message for you all.
00:05:28.000 And we can reflect on this interesting year we've had.
00:05:32.000 Certainly been interesting. The times we live in.
00:05:36.000 Unprecedented. So that's what this message is about.
00:05:39.000 So if you haven't got a cup of tea, I'd recommend you get one.
00:05:41.000 Take a seat for Andrew Tate's Christmas message.
00:05:44.000 ♪♪ Sorry. Sorry about that.
00:05:55.000 Obviously, I'm trying to film my Christmas message, and they sent a very polite man to tell me that although I spent $10,000 on this hotel suite over Christmas, along with all the rich Qataris and everyone else who has the great idea of staying in such a beautiful hotel in London, that I'm not allowed to smoke! 0.96
00:06:10.000 I said, for $10,000 a night, my friend, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want. 0.94
00:06:14.000 So I apologize for the interruption. 0.94
00:06:16.000 Anyway, where was I with my Christmas message?
00:06:23.000 The message for next year is to never give up.
00:06:36.000 I think so many of you out there, you're existing in your peasant life.
00:06:40.000 You wake up when the alarm goes off.
00:06:45.000 You go to your job.
00:06:49.000 Sorry. Okay, you go to your job.
00:07:01.000 It's crazy. You get paid your wages.
00:07:05.000 And you're like, how did Tate get all that money?
00:07:08.000 That guy has a hundred million dollars.
00:07:11.000 And here I am, slaving away.
00:07:14.000 And maybe at the end of the month, I might get five or 6,000 and I can pay my 401k.
00:07:20.000 I know it's easy. To look at me and realize that I'm a better specimen of man.
00:07:25.000 In fact, not only am I a better specimen of man, I am actually fulfilled with divine purpose.
00:07:31.000 I'm one of God's favorites.
00:07:33.000 Imagine you're God. You're building people all day.
00:07:35.000 You're going to end up going, you know what?
00:07:37.000 Let me make a really cool one.
00:07:38.000 I mean, you make the peons and the peasants, and then you're like, you know, let me just make a real badass just to see what happens.
00:07:46.000 I'm God's favorite. So I know you're looking at me thinking, I'm working my job and my life's shit. 0.98
00:07:52.000 And I'm never going to be able to buy Bugatti Chirons on my debit card or stay in hotels for $10,000 a night and tell the concierge to get fucked and smoke anyway before all my women come around for my Christmas gangbang. 1.00
00:08:07.000 I know. But I don't want you to ever give up. 0.64
00:08:10.000 Because that's what this Christmas message is about.
00:08:12.000 I don't want you to ever give up. Just because you're going to die and nobody's going to give a shit. 0.99
00:08:19.000 Doesn't mean you shouldn't try your very best when you're here on Earth. 0.99
00:08:23.000 I mean, it's Christmas Day today. 0.99
00:08:25.000 You're about to have Christmas dinner with a bunch of other insignificant losers. 0.99
00:08:29.000 Think about it. Your dad's a fucking bitch. 1.00
00:08:31.000 Your mom's stupid. Your sister, brother, whoever. 1.00
00:08:35.000 Losers. Aunt. Aunt. 1.00
00:08:36.000 Your aunt. That favorite aunt.
00:08:38.000 Dumb as fuck. I mean, they might be successful to you. 1.00
00:08:41.000 She has a BMW. They're not actually successful.
00:08:45.000 They don't actually put ripples into space-time.
00:08:48.000 If they die, Nobody would care.
00:08:51.000 And when you die, nobody's gonna care.
00:08:53.000 And you're gonna raise very average children, because you're a very average person, and it's just like a continuum of meteorocracy.
00:09:02.000 A continuum of insignificance.
00:09:05.000 You're all gonna die eventually, and nobody's ever gonna care. 0.99
00:09:08.000 I mean, the other peons who know the peons, someone might write a Facebook post, but no one, the world doesn't give a shit. 1.00
00:09:13.000 So I know that upsets you a little bit, and if it doesn't, you fucking should. 0.98
00:09:18.000 And you're thinking, but I want to make a ripple in space-time. 0.98
00:09:21.000 I want to be like Tate.
00:09:23.000 I want to be cool. And you're thinking, but I can't.
00:09:26.000 I just don't have the genetic gifts.
00:09:28.000 I don't want you to ever give up.
00:09:29.000 I want you to believe in yourself.
00:09:32.000 If you try really, really hard, and you work, and you save all your money...
00:09:40.000 Okay, no, still ain't your work.
00:09:43.000 Alright, let me change it. If you go to the gym every single day, and you train as hard as you can, and you eat right, and you stick to a diet, while all I do is booze and smoke, no, I'll still be stronger.
00:09:59.000 That ain't gonna work either. In fact, it's actually quite interesting.
00:10:03.000 What I would like you to do, my Christmas present to you all, is some self-awareness.
00:10:07.000 If you watch this video, I'd actually like you to genuinely undertake the following exercise. 1.00
00:10:11.000 I'd like you to go into the bathroom, strip down to your underwear, And look in the mirror what an average piece of shit you are. 1.00
00:10:19.000 You're such an average piece of shit that you don't even have to self-control to be selective about what food goes in and out of your own fucking mouth and to lift some weights up and down for 20 minutes a day so you don't look like complete trash. 1.00
00:10:33.000 You can't even do that! 1.00
00:10:35.000 You look like shit! 1.00
00:10:36.000 It's the easiest thing in the world to change. 1.00
00:10:38.000 It's a biological certainty that if you stop eating like a gluttonous moron, And go do bare minimum exercise, you're going to be in the top 5 percentile of body shapes on the planet. 0.98
00:10:49.000 And you haven't even managed to do that. 1.00
00:10:53.000 You're a fuck-up. What kind of fucking human existence is that? 1.00
00:10:58.000 They talk about average. 1.00
00:11:00.000 Hey, I'm just your normal guy. 1.00
00:11:01.000 The normal guy's a fucking loser. 1.00
00:11:03.000 The average guy's a fucking loser. 1.00
00:11:05.000 If the average guy and me want the same pussy, guess who's getting it? 1.00
00:11:10.000 And that girl, when I get it, she will share me with other women. 1.00
00:11:13.000 She will never complain at me.
00:11:15.000 And she'll do anything I say.
00:11:17.000 When the average guy gets it, he has to give up his whole life to keep her.
00:11:19.000 He has to marry her! 0.98
00:11:23.000 Love you. Nothing gay to get married to a chick. 0.99
00:11:29.000 I want you people to understand something. 0.84
00:11:32.000 For this last year, and I know it doesn't seem very long ago that it was New Year's, right?
00:11:37.000 For this last year, you've had all these big hopes and dreams and aspirations. 0.93
00:11:41.000 And you've achieved precisely fucking none of them. 0.74
00:11:43.000 You've made a little bit of money. 0.93
00:11:45.000 You paid your rent. You bought some food.
00:11:47.000 With your spare money, you bought a bit of Bitcoin.
00:11:50.000 And watched the Bitcoin price, praying for it to go to...
00:11:53.000 I don't know what you guys even need it to go to to be rich.
00:11:56.000 You don't even have a Bitcoin. So we need to go to fucking 100 million for your fraction to be worth something. 0.95
00:12:02.000 Losers! And you've achieved nothing. 1.00
00:12:06.000 You know that the world's getting locked down.
00:12:07.000 You know that global enslavement's coming.
00:12:09.000 You've not even managed to get a second passport.
00:12:11.000 You haven't joined the war room and got a second passport.
00:12:13.000 You haven't had endless women birth your sons.
00:12:16.000 You have progeny. You haven't built a bloodline.
00:12:19.000 You've done nothing. You call your year successful because you've managed to eat and pay your rent the whole way through.
00:12:25.000 Congratulations. And on top of all of it, something which is effectively free to do that we just discussed, like go to the gym a little bit and not look like fucking human garbage, You've once again failed at it. 0.99
00:12:39.000 But I don't want you to ever give up. 0.98
00:12:41.000 I want you to truly, truly believe in yourself.
00:12:44.000 And I hope that next year things are different.
00:12:47.000 I hope next year that your brutally mundane existence is blessed with blossoms of excitement.
00:12:59.000 I hope you get to live with some adrenaline.
00:13:01.000 I hope you get to be spontaneous. I hope beautiful women actually want to talk to you. 0.94
00:13:05.000 Hope you tell your boss to get fucked. 1.00
00:13:07.000 Hope you get to live the life I get to live every single day for even a week of the 52. 1.00
00:13:11.000 Just one week to see how gorgeous life is from outside the matrix.
00:13:15.000 I really hope you get to do that.
00:13:17.000 The odds are you won't, of course.
00:13:19.000 Everyone around you is slave-minded.
00:13:21.000 So, of course, you're a part of your environment.
00:13:23.000 Think about the people you're having Christmas dinner with.
00:13:25.000 Do you want to be any of them? 1.00
00:13:28.000 Fuck no! You don't want to be any of them people. 1.00
00:13:31.000 They're all fucking losers. 1.00
00:13:34.000 You know, Earlier today, this is a completely true story. 1.00
00:13:39.000 I was having lunch.
00:13:41.000 Minding my own business.
00:13:42.000 Having lunch by myself.
00:13:44.000 Eating roast turkey. And some guy, a little bit drunk, but polite.
00:13:48.000 Hey man, I've seen you on YouTube.
00:13:50.000 He's like, hey, you made that video calling out Jake Paul.
00:13:52.000 He had the fur coat on. He's like, yeah, hi.
00:13:55.000 Hey, hey, this guy's from YouTube.
00:13:56.000 Points at his friends. Hey man, hey, they're all a bit drunk.
00:14:00.000 I'm like, hey guys. Hey, come have a drink, come have a drink.
00:14:03.000 I was like, I didn't really want to, but it's Christmas.
00:14:08.000 I'm humble. Sure, I'll come have a drink.
00:14:11.000 So I'm sitting there with six dudes, all 30-something guys, right?
00:14:17.000 Turns out...
00:14:20.000 Turns out they all work together.
00:14:27.000 He's a middle manager of some finance firm, some other guys an intern at some finance firm, etc.
00:14:32.000 What do you do, mate?
00:14:34.000 And you know what's actually when you know you're brilliant?
00:14:35.000 You know you're brilliant when you don't want to tell the truth about yourself.
00:14:41.000 Because you know it's going to be awkward when everybody pales in insignificance.
00:14:46.000 Like, I'm trying to be polite now.
00:14:48.000 So I don't want to come to the table and everyone hate me.
00:14:50.000 I don't want to spread any negativity.
00:14:51.000 But if I tell the truth about myself without bragging, everyone's going to be miserable.
00:14:57.000 I'm a kickboxer. Well, you're a kickboxer, right?
00:14:59.000 I used to do a bit of kickboxing, yeah.
00:15:01.000 Yeah. Oh really?
00:15:03.000 You're a kickboxer? So that's your job?
00:15:04.000 Yeah, I'm a kickboxer.
00:15:05.000 Oh really? Also, you're good then?
00:15:07.000 Oh, I was okay. Oh yeah, no, this guy is world champion!
00:15:10.000 You're a world champion kickboxer! And what happened across the next five minutes of conversation is...
00:15:14.000 Every time they talked about women or cars or where they've been or what they do or their job or who they are or their accolades or anything, I destroyed them.
00:15:22.000 I didn't even mean to. I was just existing.
00:15:24.000 Oops, I'm a kickboxer.
00:15:25.000 Yeah, I'm a multimillionaire.
00:15:26.000 Yes, I'm staying in the best hotel. Yes, the fucking Lambo outside is mine. 0.99
00:15:30.000 Yes, I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry, okay? 0.99
00:15:33.000 But it's not my fault. 0.99
00:15:35.000 They're just so fucking lame. 0.98
00:15:37.000 I can't even sit around normal dudes and tell the truth without just people ending up going quiet. 0.99
00:15:42.000 They stopped talking.
00:15:43.000 They stopped telling their stories.
00:15:45.000 They stopped interacting with each other.
00:15:46.000 Because before me, it was all, hey, you know what, next year I might buy that BMW. But when I'm at the table, you can't say that anymore.
00:15:52.000 You can't say it. Because you're a fucking loser. 1.00
00:15:55.000 Because you are a loser. That's how the world works. 1.00
00:15:58.000 It's all about comparison. So you're sitting around the Christmas table.
00:16:00.000 You're sitting with your family saying, Hey, you know what?
00:16:02.000 This has been a really good year for me.
00:16:04.000 I've managed to pay my rent and I've eaten food and I've managed to save up and I've bought 0.2 Bitcoin.
00:16:09.000 And next year, I really hope I get a 10% raise at work.
00:16:12.000 And you know what your family's going to say?
00:16:16.000 But you know what I would say? I'd say you're a fuck-up. 1.00
00:16:18.000 I'd say you've wasted an entire fucking year and done nothing of significance. 1.00
00:16:22.000 I'd say the things you've done last year pale in comparison to the things I've done last year, and the things that you will do next year pale in comparison to the things I will do. 0.99
00:16:30.000 It is a spiral, a death spiral, in which you will perpetually fail in comparison to Andrew Tate for the rest of your fucking human years. 0.96
00:16:38.000 And when you die, if by some freak accident our graves end up next to each other, everyone's gonna read my headstone and ignore yours. 1.00
00:16:46.000 Because you're fucking average. 1.00
00:16:48.000 And there is nothing worse on this planet than Mr. 1.00
00:16:51.000 Fucking Average. Nothing about you. 1.00
00:16:54.000 From the way you look, to the things you say, to the people you associate with, absolutely nothing about you is exceptional.
00:17:02.000 You are brutally mundane.
00:17:05.000 Your last year, if I was forced to endure it, would be a level of depression in which I have never experienced.
00:17:11.000 Your last year, the happiest day of your life, was worse than the average Tuesday of my existence. 1.00
00:17:18.000 Your last year was shit. 1.00
00:17:20.000 Your upcoming year is going to be shit. 1.00
00:17:22.000 You look like shit. 1.00
00:17:23.000 You think like shit. 1.00
00:17:25.000 Everything about you is shit. 1.00
00:17:27.000 And unless you do some kind of massive dramatic overhaul of your entire existence, you are going to die as the piece of shit you are. 1.00
00:17:37.000 If by some freak accident, and I pray to God this doesn't happen because it would be, it would stain me even in death. 1.00
00:17:45.000 If by some freak accident, your tombstone and my tombstone end up next to each other, everybody's gonna read mine and ignore yours. 0.99
00:17:54.000 You're insignificant, like all the other billions of people in history who are insignificant, who died and nobody gave a fuck. 0.98
00:18:01.000 We still talk about the kings of old. 0.98
00:18:03.000 Don't worry, they'll talk about me when I'm gone, and my son will continue bringing honor to the bloodline.
00:18:08.000 The name Tate is here to stay, but you? 0.99
00:18:11.000 You don't mean a fucking thing. 1.00
00:18:13.000 And your children don't mean a fucking thing. 1.00
00:18:14.000 And your shit family don't mean a fucking thing. 1.00
00:18:17.000 All of you are insignificant. 1.00
00:18:19.000 You're the peons and the peasants which have been dying since the dawn of human time and nobody gave a fuck. 1.00
00:18:25.000 Merry Christmas. Hold on tight. 1.00
00:18:44.000 We're about to get rid of it right here at Hustlers University.
00:18:47.000 We're going to do it.
00:19:58.000 dressed up.
00:20:01.000 Okay, Aikido. Do you feel it in the air?
00:20:06.000 No, I don't feel anything in the air.
00:20:08.000 Yeah, you can feel it. Hang on. No, there's nothing in the air.
00:20:11.000 It's opposite day. Can you feel it in the air?
00:20:15.000 Negative. No, it's opposite day.
00:20:17.000 Negative means positive. That means yes.
00:20:19.000 Okay. Okay, I feel it in the air.
00:20:21.000 What am I supposed to feel in this air?
00:20:24.000 What's the chance?
00:20:25.000 Do you admit that when we gamble in the casino, the odds are in our favor?
00:20:28.000 No. Luke, I'm about to show you something.
00:20:31.000 We're going casino. What do you mean?
00:20:34.000 It's not how it works. A little bit Christmas Casino if you spin to the wheel.
00:20:40.000 It's not what you're supposed to do on Christmas.
00:20:42.000 We're about to be richer than we've ever been.
00:20:44.000 We're not. We are.
00:20:46.000 We're not. You can't spell rich without C. C doesn't stand for casino.
00:20:52.000 You can't say C stands for casino.
00:20:55.000 Don't you feel it in the air? It's cold.
00:20:57.000 It's just cold. No, the sides are cold.
00:20:58.000 Don't you feel it? No, I don't feel anything.
00:21:01.000 I've set myself a budget.
00:21:04.000 50 grand. Don't lose 50 grand on Christmas.
00:21:08.000 I have no intention of losing.
00:21:09.000 What do you mean? No, no one ever goes to the casino with the intentions of losing.
00:21:13.000 No, it's different than me. I've got no strategy.
00:21:15.000 No, but there's no strategy.
00:21:17.000 Everyone who's ever gambled ever has thought this exact same thing.
00:21:21.000 So you're not going to win. You're not going to win.
00:21:25.000 None of this is...
00:21:26.000 Everyone does this. Every casino goer.
00:21:28.000 They don't go to win. They don't go to lose.
00:21:30.000 They go to win. And then they think they have a strategy that's going to guarantee victory.
00:21:33.000 No, the difference is they don't go to lose or win.
00:21:35.000 I go to play.
00:21:38.000 I'm one with the...
00:21:40.000 Universe. That doesn't mean anything.
00:21:42.000 I go to play.
00:21:44.000 There's nothing in the air. For those that take confidential, there's nothing in the air.
00:21:47.000 Literally, if you feel it, it's just another cold day.
00:21:49.000 What does this mean? Money.
00:21:51.000 Let me ask you a question. Luke, if you were blind, and you had to tell someone you were hungry, what would you do?
00:22:03.000 That's what I do. Do you know what I'd do if I was blind and I'd tell someone I was hungry?
00:22:06.000 I'd say hey, I'm hungry I Have a hot dog Got it got it I love you.
00:22:18.000 I got super caught!
00:22:20.000 I'm in it!
00:22:22.000 We're gonna lose it all.
00:22:33.000 There's no Aikido that will save us.
00:22:40.000 So we left. They wouldn't give me my money.
00:22:43.000 They wouldn't give me as much money as I wanted, so they only gave me a little bit of money saying that my bank card is foreign or some shit.
00:22:47.000 So what I did is, in true Tate styles, I took a little bit of money, turned it into more money. 1.00
00:22:51.000 So can you admit that I turned 200 pounds into 4,000 pounds in front of your face, and you told me I was gonna lose because you are a fucking lying, stupid piece of shit that nobody even likes. 1.00
00:23:01.000 You shouldn't even be part of Tate Confidential because everybody constantly begs for you to be fired as a cameraman and an associate of me. 1.00
00:23:07.000 Literally nobody likes you.
00:23:08.000 You have no fans. You've got no French! 1.00
00:23:12.000 Do you admit that? I don't care.
00:23:14.000 Do you admit that? You said we were going to lose.
00:23:16.000 Did we lose? No, we didn't lose.
00:23:18.000 So are you a liar? Okay, I might be a liar. 0.85
00:23:21.000 So you admit you're a liar. Do liars get to inherit the kingdom of heaven? 0.99
00:23:26.000 Have you read the Bible? Liars don't go to heaven. 0.97
00:23:28.000 I'm not talking to you. Liars never go to heaven. 1.00
00:23:31.000 So I guess I'll see you in hell. 1.00
00:23:43.000 This pool's warm. 0.99
00:23:45.000 Like, actually. So you admit being rich is cool?
00:23:47.000 Yeah, this is very cool. So you admit that the reason we can do this is because I went to the casino yesterday.
00:23:52.000 No, it's not because the casino. That is why.
00:23:54.000 No. How else do we get rich, Luke?
00:23:56.000 It's not from the casino. I think it might be.
00:24:02.000 Luke, can you admit that I saved us from a life of poverty?
00:24:05.000 Yes, but not through the casino.
00:24:08.000 Before the casino. No, but that wasn't the casino.
00:24:14.000 4,000 pounds is going to save us.
00:24:20.000 No, it's not.
00:24:22.000 Yes, you did.
00:24:25.000 Yeah, but it costs more than you won at the casino.
00:24:30.000 This whole time we thought we had a business and secretly I've been going to the casino.
00:24:34.000 No you haven't. Yes, I have.
00:24:35.000 That's not true. This isn't real.
00:24:37.000 I want you to admit I'm the best casino player ever.
00:24:41.000 You might be. It doesn't even matter.
00:24:43.000 Just no one wins at the casino.
00:24:44.000 I won't. Yeah, but it wouldn't work long term.
00:24:49.000 Remember gymnastics. I'm not high in the class.
00:24:53.000 Look, I think you're getting distressed.
00:24:55.000 You're getting distressed by the fact that I'm here at the casino and I'm worried that you're going back.
00:25:00.000 I can't drown this. We can walk the whole way through.
00:25:02.000 You have to wear this. I don't need to wear this.
00:25:05.000 You have to wear this because you can't be trusted anymore.
00:25:13.000 Is this better?
00:25:15.000 You can't be trusted to control yourself around my endless winning.
00:25:19.000 Why do they have these?
00:25:21.000 This is super nice.
00:25:31.000 Why do we live here? Let's move here. 0.58
00:25:36.000 You're not gonna do that.
00:25:44.000 We have enough.
00:25:47.000 We have that, so we could already buy it if that's all we need.
00:25:52.000 I don't need the ring for land.
00:25:59.000 No one can drown in this.
00:26:04.000 We should actually buy this place.
00:26:05.000 Alright, we'll go back to the casino tonight.
00:26:07.000 No, it's not the casino. Done.
00:26:08.000 We don't need to go back to the casino.
00:26:10.000 It's Christmas. It'll be depressing.
00:26:13.000 We can't be the depressed people who go to the casino on Christmas.
00:26:21.000 Welcome to the real world, Luke.
00:26:23.000 This isn't the real world. Oh, isn't it?
00:26:25.000 Listen to the nice music.
00:26:27.000 Look at the beautiful pool. I know.
00:26:29.000 Enjoy my coffee while reading GQ magazine.
00:26:31.000 This is the real world. This is the world I've created for you through my endless gambling and our massive accumulation of wealth.
00:26:39.000 This isn't the real world.
00:26:41.000 Gambling made us rich.
00:26:43.000 It didn't. This whole series we've been poor.
00:26:46.000 Living like peasants.
00:26:47.000 We get to London. He literally, literally spends like 50 G's on fucking clothes. 1.00
00:26:52.000 Yeah, I spent 50. Can I ask how much it is per glass? 0.99
00:26:58.000 That goes for 350 pounds.
00:27:01.000 350 pounds per glass?
00:27:03.000 I'll take three glasses of that if you find it.
00:27:05.000 It's called a new-world voice dance.
00:27:07.000 You might do a voice.
00:27:09.000 It'll dance exactly like this. 1.00
00:27:11.000 Wait, shut up. 0.99
00:27:13.000 Now we're about to step it up. 0.99
00:27:38.000 I am the casino master.
00:27:40.000 Can you admit that I made money yesterday?
00:27:42.000 That's true, but it was such a small amount compared to how much we make.
00:27:46.000 What do you mean?
00:27:47.000 We make much more than 4,000 pounds a day.
00:27:50.000 You know what that stands for?
00:27:59.000 Mr.
00:28:00.000 Perfect Roulette. Alright, I'm a bit impressed.
00:28:08.000 But also, there's no such thing as Mr.
00:28:09.000 Perfect Roulette. Roulette's a rigged game.
00:28:13.000 It's just luck. It's luck, but it's like...
00:28:15.000 We'll see about that, you cunt. 1.00
00:28:17.000 We can't go again. 1.00
00:28:19.000 This is nice though.
00:28:25.000 I'll admit that the casino was actually the cause of this.
00:28:28.000 Casinos would be very good, because this is very nice.
00:28:31.000 But it's not the cause of it.
00:28:32.000 It's loads of other work.
00:28:34.000 It's not casino. Are you trying to say that House Foods University, the school we put together, teaches people how to make money online, in which everybody, including us, managed to make lots and lots of money on the internet?
00:28:46.000 Makes us more money than gambling.
00:28:47.000 Yeah. False. It's a lie.
00:28:49.000 Made it up. It's false.
00:28:51.000 No way. Not this time.
00:28:53.000 We created it. Not this time.
00:28:55.000 No. Not this time.
00:28:56.000 It's totally made up. Pure fiction.
00:28:58.000 No. False. No.
00:29:00.000 They should go to us as a university and actually learn something. 0.98
00:29:03.000 I hope all Tate Confidential doesn't start going to fucking casinos thinking that, oh, I'm going to find the Andrew Tate way and get rich like him because that's not real. 0.98
00:29:13.000 Don't do that, guys. It's not the casino that got us here. 0.99
00:29:17.000 This is my Russian friend.
00:29:19.000 From Moscow, no?
00:29:21.000 I'm Russian, but I'm not from Moscow.
00:29:23.000 I'm from Latvia. Oh, you're Latvian!
00:29:26.000 I'm Latvian that speaks Russian and doesn't understand any Latvian.
00:29:30.000 I went to Riva and a taxi tried to rob me.
00:29:32.000 Really? Yeah. In Latvia.
00:29:34.000 And I heard they're very crazy with corona.
00:29:36.000 Is that true? They have a lot of rules and masks and things up there.
00:29:38.000 Oh my gosh, that's crazy down there.
00:29:40.000 Yeah? Yeah. Now they've had, like, if you don't have a vaccine, you can't go to the supermarket.
00:29:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go only to, like, a corner shop.
00:29:48.000 Lithuania is the same. Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, they're all like that.
00:29:50.000 They're just going crazy now.
00:29:52.000 See, when you leave, everything falls apart.
00:29:54.000 You need to go back and take control.
00:29:55.000 No, no, no, no. I'm not going back now.
00:29:57.000 No, no, whilst all this corona stuff is going...
00:29:59.000 Go back and become the queen and just end it all.
00:30:02.000 I'll help you. They don't have a kingdom.
00:30:05.000 I'm here, baby. Enjoy your coffee.
00:30:09.000 Thank you. This isn't the real world.
00:30:15.000 Real world. Well, it's not the real world. I'm not gonna go to a casino, make a bunch of money, sit in a spa for Moose Latvian, bitch. 1.00
00:30:19.000 And fuck him. What is the real world, then? 1.00
00:30:22.000 It's not the real world. The real world's cold.
00:30:24.000 And hard. Not my world.
00:30:27.000 Look at, they have unlimited waters.
00:30:29.000 Look at, they even light it up.
00:30:30.000 Yeah, it's real. And fruits.
00:30:35.000 Can I just take these?
00:30:36.000 Of course.
00:30:37.000 So they're not fake, they're real fruits and they're just around for me to steal.
00:30:57.000 This can't be the real world.
00:30:59.000 It's the real world, man. Can't be.
00:31:01.000 I'm afraid it is. Merry Christmas.
00:31:17.000 Shut up, Luke. You can't be grumpy on Christmas morning. 1.00
00:31:21.000 I fucking can. 1.00
00:31:22.000 No, you're not. You're not allowed to be. 0.99
00:31:25.000 It's not allowed. It's not a candy.
00:31:26.000 And you're not allowed to smoke in here.
00:31:28.000 Merry Christmas! Get fucked! 1.00
00:31:30.000 Ah, so you're angry too. 1.00
00:31:32.000 So everyone's in a bad mood on Christmas morning.
00:31:34.000 Don't worry, guys. I like shopping for all of us.
00:31:39.000 And I bought us all lots of Christmas presents to open.
00:31:41.000 I've even put name tags on them.
00:31:43.000 Some for you, some for you, and even some for me.
00:31:46.000 Merry Christmas! Tristan, he may have got you a dildo. 0.99
00:31:49.000 You finally get it. You can't be angry on Christmas. 0.97
00:31:54.000 I tried very hard for that tree.
00:31:56.000 You have to open your presents.
00:31:58.000 I don't. You do.
00:31:59.000 I'm done. No, you have to.
00:32:00.000 It's Christmas. It's Christmas. I don't care.
00:32:02.000 I'm leaving. I'm excited for my Christmas present.
00:32:07.000 Thank you, Andy. Thank you.
00:32:08.000 Shot? Yeah. Your turn's ringing.
00:32:10.000 Okay, wait. We got you.
00:32:14.000 Okay. All right.
00:32:17.000 See you in a minute. Put the tree back.
00:32:19.000 I will. Put the tree back.
00:32:22.000 You've ruined my room. You're a spiteful fucker. 1.00
00:32:26.000 You have to be a Grinch, but my Christmas cheer overloaded him. 1.00
00:32:30.000 You've purchased me things and I want them.
00:32:31.000 Yeah, exactly. So my Christmas cheer beat your Grinch.
00:32:35.000 Do you admit it? No. Do you admit it?
00:32:36.000 What is this? Admit that my Christmas cheer wins.
00:32:40.000 Can you admit it, Tristan? What are these?
00:32:43.000 I'm actually confused about what these are. 0.99
00:32:45.000 on shoes bitch. And admit that my Christmas cheer is too powerful for you. Just talk now. 1.00
00:32:52.000 Tristan trying to get away from Christmas. Here we are.
00:33:02.000 I'm out.
00:33:04.000 What is this?
00:33:05.000 It's a tree pond. What's the point of these?
00:33:13.000 Listen, Luke. You're gonna love it.
00:33:16.000 He was invented by some French dude.
00:33:18.000 Is this because I'm French? What do they even do? 0.51
00:33:20.000 You put it together, and then...
00:33:23.000 And then what? That's what I don't get.
00:33:25.000 Then what?
00:33:26.000 Exactly.
00:33:27.000 That's the first thing.
00:33:28.000 Merry Christmas!
00:33:29.000 What is this?
00:33:30.000 What is the other piece?
00:33:31.000 I'll put it together right now.
00:33:36.000 It is French.
00:33:38.000 Hey Chapman Cigars, I love you.
00:33:46.000 Are those for me? Yeah.
00:33:48.000 Merry Christmas. I hope you feel bad.
00:33:50.000 Do you feel bad for kicking out my tree?
00:33:51.000 No, you're trying to...
00:33:52.000 I think you feel a little bit bad.
00:33:54.000 I may feel a bit bad for what you've done. 0.99
00:33:56.000 That was a dick move. That was a dick move. 0.99
00:33:58.000 Unnecessary. I went out all day yesterday. 0.98
00:34:00.000 I know. And bought one present.
00:34:02.000 I'm super surprised Christmas was us. 1.00
00:34:03.000 And there was fucking no need for you to be a cunt like that. 1.00
00:34:06.000 Was there? Here you go, Luke. 1.00
00:34:07.000 Another present. Thank you. I don't like either of you.
00:34:10.000 Why is this a thing? Why would you keep down my tree?
00:34:12.000 What horrible things do? I disagree with Christmas.
00:34:15.000 Christmas is against my religion.
00:34:16.000 Merry Christmas. Why are you giving me things?
00:34:18.000 I didn't get you anything.
00:34:19.000 Merry Christmas. I didn't get anything either.
00:34:22.000 I don't like you guys. Well...
00:34:24.000 Seems I'm the only nice one of the bunch.
00:34:26.000 But it's fine. It's always been that way.
00:34:29.000 It's not true. It is.
00:34:31.000 They're actually probably the worst of us all.
00:34:33.000 This isn't some sort of trick to get us.
00:34:36.000 It might be. It definitely is.
00:34:38.000 This is also yours.
00:34:44.000 Merry Christmas.
00:34:45.000 Why did you give me presents?
00:34:47.000 Take that paper.
00:34:48.000 Alright, so I'm super confused with this three part thing.
00:34:49.000 I'm still confused.
00:34:50.000 Does anyone on Kpop Adventure, could they possibly know what this does?
00:34:54.000 Literally, this is it.
00:34:56.000 This is all that was in the box.
00:34:58.000 You've got to read the instructions.
00:35:00.000 This way? Well, I'm not exactly difficult to buy for, am I? Smokes and booze.
00:35:08.000 Oh, who would have thought Tristan, like, smokes and booze?
00:35:11.000 I thought you were a cigar spa.
00:35:12.000 A cigar spa? Yeah, you put a cigar in there and it instantly, like, humidizes it to make it better so it's never dry.
00:35:18.000 It's like a ten second booze to make a super cigar.
00:35:21.000 Why'd you buy me super expensive vodka?
00:35:24.000 Oh. Oh, do you feel like a dickhead yet for kicking down my tree? 0.99
00:35:27.000 No, not really. You do. 0.99
00:35:29.000 No, this is a trick. You're trying to trick me.
00:35:31.000 How do you feel like a dickhead for kicking down my tree? Here you go. 1.00
00:35:33.000 Merry Christmas. Stop giving me things.
00:35:37.000 Merry Christmas. One second.
00:35:40.000 Goodwill to all men.
00:35:42.000 This is a trick. Luke, he's trying to trick us.
00:35:45.000 He's the worst one of us.
00:35:47.000 And he's trying to trick us by being nice.
00:35:49.000 How am I shopping? I doubt you shopped.
00:35:54.000 It's designed to make me go crazy.
00:35:57.000 Because it says step two, put this thing on there, but there's no thing.
00:36:00.000 It must be there. It's in there.
00:36:03.000 Look, you can find it. This.
00:36:10.000 This. Three sets of instructions.
00:36:12.000 All the same as it's arranged.
00:36:14.000 See Luke, I told you, it's a setup.
00:36:16.000 Maybe it's the...
00:36:20.000 What's this?
00:36:23.000 What even is this?
00:36:25.000 Goodwill's old man.
00:36:31.000 Stop saying Goodwill to all men.
00:36:33.000 Stop saying that around me.
00:36:36.000 This is also French.
00:36:43.000 Did I just only get French things?
00:36:45.000 Is this a cigar carrying case?
00:36:47.000 Basically yes.
00:36:55.000 So, it's a cigar carrying case. Cigars and booze.
00:36:58.000 Like, I'm not hard to shop for.
00:37:02.000 What is this?
00:37:03.000 Merry Christmas. This is a trick.
00:37:05.000 You are trying to trick me.
00:37:07.000 Merry Christmas. I know you didn't shop.
00:37:08.000 Ah! I understand now.
00:37:11.000 What is it? It's all the tree pot.
00:37:15.000 I'm getting pieces of the tree pot.
00:37:17.000 Exactly.
00:37:20.000 There must be another one.
00:37:21.000 There must be another bed.
00:37:23.000 For my tree pot.
00:37:25.000 Very good, Mr. Luke.
00:37:27.000 Luke, he's trying to trick us.
00:37:29.000 Is this where, is this, uh...
00:37:31.000 Hold the camera, because I can't, I can't do this.
00:37:33.000 Good will to all men. Say good will to all men.
00:37:35.000 Stop smoking. Why'd you kick down my tree?
00:37:38.000 Can you admit that you're a cunt? No. 1.00
00:37:39.000 I admit that you're the biggest cunt and take all potential. 1.00
00:37:41.000 I admit that nobody has ever liked you. 1.00
00:37:44.000 I don't care. This is all because I won the casino yesterday.
00:37:47.000 It's not. It is.
00:37:49.000 I won yesterday.
00:37:52.000 It wasn't for my casino winnings, couldn't afford any of this.
00:37:54.000 You Merry Christmas!
00:37:59.000 A hat!
00:38:08.000 Three hats! Yeah.
00:38:10.000 You did not buy these! Merry Christmas!
00:38:14.000 Merry Christmas!
00:38:18.000 Goodwill to all men!
00:38:28.000 Luke, he is getting you to that.
00:38:30.000 You don't realize it, but he is getting you.
00:38:32.000 Merry Christmas. Don't give me things.
00:38:34.000 I'm not interested in it.
00:38:35.000 It's mindless consumerism at its worst.
00:38:38.000 It is mindless consumerism, isn't it?
00:38:39.000 I don't have enough room. I live in one bag.
00:38:43.000 Cartier. Is it alive?
00:38:50.000 Is it? See you a minute.
00:39:03.000 I know what that is as well.
00:39:05.000 It's a perfect humidifier instead of a sponge that releases the right amount of water.
00:39:11.000 Cartier cufflinks. And I'm actually having a tuxedo made.
00:39:14.000 You're actually being thoughtful.
00:39:16.000 I'm starting to feel bad about the tree now.
00:39:17.000 Merry Christmas. No, stop.
00:39:19.000 You gotta eat more? Well, I'm having a...
00:39:21.000 My tuxedo's gonna be made in a few weeks.
00:39:24.000 Do you feel bad for kicking down my tree?
00:39:26.000 I'm starting to. 0.98
00:39:28.000 Admit that that was a dick move and unnecessary. 0.97
00:39:30.000 No. It's Christmas morning. 0.97
00:39:32.000 Not yet. It was Christmas morning.
00:39:33.000 Yeah, but you're trying to upset me.
00:39:35.000 Come to my room. Come to my room. It's important emergency meeting.
00:39:37.000 It is emergency. It's emergency Christmas.
00:39:39.000 This is all emergency equipment, this is steep.
00:39:41.000 So is this the head of the thing?
00:39:44.000 It looks like a huge speaker system.
00:39:51.000 Okay, I feel bad about the tree.
00:39:58.000 I take it back, Andrew. I should never have offered you a tree.
00:40:01.000 Andrew, I completely take it back.
00:40:06.000 I completely take it back. I recognize this logo anyway.
00:40:08.000 I completely take it back. I recognize this logo anyway.
00:40:10.000 Got myself a little humidor.
00:40:12.000 Bye now.
00:40:13.000 Oh, it's a...
00:40:15.000 Custom-made. So you didn't go out yesterday and buy these things.
00:40:20.000 How did you get them? I went out yesterday and bought them.
00:40:23.000 You didn't get me a custom made humidor in one day.
00:40:25.000 Nice. Two Dupont, ah, Dupont Kohiba edition lighter.
00:40:40.000 Nice. Okay. And you got the box to put in it.
00:40:42.000 Yeah, I'm appreciating these things. I appreciate these things.
00:40:44.000 Do you feel bad for kicking down my tree?
00:40:45.000 You made me love Christmas. Do you feel bad for kicking down my tree?
00:40:48.000 A tiny bit. I like Christmas now.
00:40:52.000 Alright, well, now it's complicated.
00:40:54.000 I need to put it together. So, it's some sort of...
00:40:57.000 Welcome to the real world, Luke.
00:41:02.000 It sounds a wireless speaker.
00:41:07.000 It's Christmas time.
00:41:11.000 You know we better drink some booze.
00:41:15.000 At Christmas time.
00:41:17.000 Luke isn't allowed to stay in bed and soon.
00:41:20.000 Yeah, Luke, you have to drink it's Christmas.
00:41:22.000 What? What do you mean?
00:41:23.000 Endless, endless Christmas food.
00:41:25.000 Endless Christmas food. That's not how Christmas works.
00:41:28.000 It's supposed to be like... It's supposed to be in fucking England, it is! 1.00
00:41:30.000 No, it's supposed to be like cookies and chocolate. 1.00
00:41:33.000 Champagne till you throw open your own mouth.
00:41:35.000 And fight with your family.
00:41:36.000 Fight with your family. Loser. 1.00
00:41:39.000 Alright, where's the glasses? Little bit of Christmas booze? 0.99
00:41:48.000 Little bit of Christmas booze?
00:41:50.000 This looks nasty. What do you mean?
00:41:52.000 It's all bubbly and shit. 1.00
00:41:53.000 Yeah, champagne. None of us like champagne. 1.00
00:41:56.000 Literally none of us. Whoa, me and Andrew love champagne.
00:41:59.000 It's all we drink. No, it's not true.
00:42:01.000 I mean, yeah, kinda, but you guys don't like it.
00:42:04.000 Listen, me and Andrew have always loved champagne.
00:42:06.000 It's a lie. It's a big passion of ours.
00:42:08.000 It's a lie. We're champagne connoisseurs.
00:42:10.000 It's a lie. Alright, what's your favorite champagne?
00:42:13.000 Uh... I knew it!
00:42:18.000 And you can't drink champagne out of teacup.
00:42:20.000 Can I? My favourite champagne is...
00:42:24.000 See, I know! Champagne's nasty!
00:42:29.000 Vove Tico 86 is my favourite champagne.
00:42:31.000 Merry Christmas. Oh, and you think I just know champagne is reading Bond novels, yeah?
00:42:34.000 Oh, you think I just made that up? It's nasty.
00:42:37.000 It's not even good. It's good.
00:42:38.000 It's literally bad. It's delicious.
00:42:40.000 It's not. You're lying. Ah, much better than...
00:42:43.000 Look at his... You can't lie to the camera.
00:42:46.000 That's okay. You can't say watch me and then say it's good.
00:42:52.000 It is good. Right, Tristan, my plan is this.
00:42:55.000 Luke doesn't, Luke doubts I can go and make another unbelievable amount of money at the casino.
00:42:59.000 So let's go to the casino with all the depressed people with no family and sit there and let's gamble hundreds of thousands of you.
00:43:04.000 We're depressed people with no family. No, but we have each other.
00:43:09.000 Goodwill to all men. See you, your cousin.
00:43:10.000 Merry Christmas. No, we don't need booze.
00:43:18.000 No, coffees are nice.
00:43:23.000 Yeah, straight please.
00:43:27.000 Alright, I might have to admit it's Christmas.
00:43:30.000 I was going to say no. I was going to say it's not Christmas, but there's Christmas playing in the background.
00:43:34.000 Yeah, Christmas. So, where's the booze?
00:43:37.000 In fact, Christmas might be a psy-op.
00:43:40.000 Well, one of my big alcohol companies to make you drink.
00:43:42.000 Can you guarantee that it's December?
00:43:47.000 Yes. How? I'm in, I'm aligned with the planet.
00:43:51.000 Prove it to me. Yeah, but you need to prove it to me.
00:43:54.000 No, no, I don't need to. I don't actually, I don't.
00:43:56.000 We'll find that I don't. Might be a style.
00:44:01.000 The presents. The tree.
00:44:03.000 Christmas beer. Just to give me the booze.
00:44:06.000 Christmas booze. Some cigars are really hard to smoke.
00:44:08.000 Why? You sure it's hard? Depends on their role.
00:44:10.000 I know, why? Some keep it, some keep it the role being.
00:44:13.000 Is there consistency?
00:44:15.000 The communists? No, look.
00:44:18.000 He doesn't want consistency. 1.00
00:44:21.000 He never wanted it, fucker. 1.00
00:44:24.000 Ah, so, alright, well. 1.00
00:44:27.000 Luke, is the weather outside frightful?
00:44:29.000 No. Is your cigar...
00:44:31.000 Wait a minute. Luke, it is.
00:44:34.000 Is your cigar so delightful?
00:44:36.000 No. Do you have any place to go?
00:44:40.000 Yes. Let us know, let us know, let us know.
00:44:46.000 Goodwill to all men. Can we admit this morning, we all got presents, thanks to me.
00:44:51.000 Look, is the one outside frightful?
00:44:53.000 That is true. No, I'm not talking to you guys.
00:44:56.000 I don't like you guys. But the booze is so delightful.
00:44:58.000 Do you like my jumper? It cost two and a half thousand dollars.
00:45:00.000 It is quite good. Thank you.
00:45:03.000 Look, what color are my socks? Burgundy.
00:45:07.000 Burgundy jacket. Burgundy shirt.
00:45:10.000 Burgundy socks. Burgundy lizard skin shoes.
00:45:15.000 What's his name? So if I were an anchor man, here show me after.
00:45:18.000 So if I were a news anchor, who would I be?
00:45:22.000 I don't know. Ron Burgundy.
00:45:27.000 Why not Tristan Burgundy?
00:45:29.000 Why not I did for Burgundy? You don't know who Ron Burgundy is.
00:45:32.000 Ron Burgundy would beat the shit out of you. 0.98
00:45:34.000 Let's replace him for Ron Burgundy. 0.98
00:45:37.000 It doesn't mean anything. It does.
00:45:39.000 It doesn't mean anything. All we do is talk nonsense.
00:45:41.000 All we do is talk nonsense the whole time.
00:45:44.000 This is our life. You guys think it stops once the camera stops.
00:45:46.000 No, it doesn't. It's loads of nonsense all the time.
00:45:48.000 So what color am I wearing? Burgundy, I know.
00:45:51.000 We're probably making ourselves crazy. 0.65
00:45:53.000 We're like crazy people. 0.99
00:45:55.000 A band of crazy people. 1.00
00:45:57.000 Because all our inside jokes are so stupid and because all we do is talk shit all the time, it does hinder us from ever making any other friends. 1.00
00:46:03.000 Because when everyone sits around us, they're like, who the fuck are these weirdos? 1.00
00:46:05.000 Yeah. We're just a bunch of weirdos. 0.99
00:46:07.000 We have good friends. The Friendship Circle.
00:46:10.000 Brad Justice. Crazy Mexican Mitchell. 0.97
00:46:14.000 Lunatics. All the lunatics. 1.00
00:46:15.000 They're all crazy. All the crazy people are our friends. 1.00
00:46:17.000 Yes. Yeah. It's a band of crazy people.
00:46:20.000 Yes. It's a psych ward. 1.00
00:46:21.000 An open, fresh air, open air psych ward.
00:46:25.000 We're the best people in the universe. It's the sound of Christmas cheer, Luke. Christmas comes just once a year, Luke.
00:46:45.000 Yeah. Nerd. 0.90
00:46:49.000 You're stupid. You're stupid. 1.00
00:46:52.000 You're stupid. Well, I just tricked you to drink the whole drink by shaking my glass of ice. 1.00
00:46:56.000 By drinking your own drink. And I'm the stupid. 1.00
00:46:57.000 Yeah, yeah. You drank your own drink. 1.00
00:46:59.000 Exactly. This is stupid. 1.00
00:47:02.000 And now we're going to reset the timer. 1.00
00:47:08.000 Christmas crackers, you don't have these in America?
00:47:10.000 No, we don't. Then how do you wear your paper hats?
00:47:12.000 Why do you want paper hats for Christmas?
00:47:14.000 It doesn't make sense. Goodwill to all men.
00:47:17.000 This is stupid. Oh, this is stupid. 1.00
00:47:20.000 Yeah. Why did the scare for a winning award? 1.00
00:47:24.000 Award? Yeah. Because he was the best in his field.
00:47:30.000 This is stupid. I got one as well. 1.00
00:47:32.000 If these are stupid, then why do I have this? 1.00
00:47:34.000 It doesn't make sense though. 1.00
00:47:35.000 I know, I got a stupid cheese grater. 1.00
00:47:38.000 Oh, stupid. Why did the chicken get a penalty? 1.00
00:47:49.000 For foul play.
00:47:52.000 That's good. It's not good.
00:47:54.000 It's bad. And then they get these shit hats. 1.00
00:47:57.000 Whoa. I mean... 1.00
00:47:58.000 Did you just say shit? 1.00
00:48:00.000 No. Shit hats. 1.00
00:48:04.000 Tristan refused to come. 0.99
00:48:06.000 So it's just you and me for Christmas.
00:48:07.000 So it's us for Christmas.
00:48:09.000 He's the Christmas. Tristan literally...
00:48:10.000 We had this big table for six.
00:48:12.000 None of our friends came and Tristan refused to come.
00:48:14.000 We had no friends. So it's you and me.
00:48:15.000 Yeah. With our Christmas hats.
00:48:17.000 With our Christmas hats. And Tristan even said, when I said dinner, he said, fuck off. 1.00
00:48:21.000 I went to bed. I know. He's a Grinch man. 1.00
00:48:23.000 He's the Grinch. This is super fun.
00:48:26.000 I'm super happy. Thank you, Andrew.
00:48:27.000 This is super fun. Goodwill to all men.
00:48:29.000 Goodwill Mall, man. Merry Christmas.
00:48:31.000 We're like 12 trees in.
00:48:40.000 It's actually ridiculous. 1.00
00:48:41.000 No, it's stupid. I feel like shit. 1.00
00:48:44.000 And we didn't record any of it. 0.99
00:48:47.000 What's this made of? Glass.
00:48:50.000 You know what you're made of? Glass.
00:48:53.000 That's how easy it is to snap you, Luke. 1.00
00:48:54.000 You piece of shit, you fucking loser. 1.00
00:48:56.000 Don't tell me I'm 12 drinks in. 1.00
00:48:57.000 I'll tell you how many drinks I have. I'm 11 drinks in.
00:49:01.000 Which means what? It means we need a fucking drink. 0.99
00:49:05.000 I've had enough of you. It's Christmas. 1.00
00:49:07.000 Hello, my friend. Can we have six?
00:49:09.000 More drinks, please. Yes, please.
00:49:13.000 Thank you very much, my friend.
00:49:15.000 Lots of lime juice. Thank you, brother.
00:49:18.000 You already ordered six, and they gave us three.
00:49:20.000 We take a secret about the world. He is the manager of this bar.
00:49:24.000 He looked at me directly when I broke his little piece of glass.
00:49:28.000 And I ordered a drink, and you know what he did?
00:49:30.000 He said, okay. Because he sees me with my black eye and my skinhead, and he knows that if you want to fucking fight, I'll fucking I'm a cool guy, but if you want to fight, I will fight you. 0.99
00:49:42.000 I will try. Now, you may win. 0.99
00:49:44.000 Very unlikely. These people don't even know myself.
00:49:47.000 It's truly unlikely. But they're like, do I really want to fight this man?
00:49:51.000 He's clearly been fighting.
00:49:56.000 He already does it recently.
00:49:58.000 That's who I am. That's what I do.
00:50:00.000 I want everyone at home to know that Luke is fucked. 1.00
00:50:04.000 Next year is the year where I kick the living fuck out of Luke on every single fucking episode. 1.00
00:50:10.000 If you want straightener Luke, we're gonna fucking have one. 1.00
00:50:12.000 And if you refuse to fight back, I'll beat you up anyway. 1.00
00:50:15.000 Every single fucking episode next year starts with me kicking the fuck out of you until you finally beat me. 1.00
00:50:21.000 So good luck. Start training. 1.00
00:50:23.000 Fuck you, Luke. And the first stage of training is to drink your fucking booze. 1.00
00:50:27.000 More booze is coming, my friend. 1.00
00:50:29.000 More booze.
00:50:30.000 More booze. More chicks. 1.00
00:50:32.000 More money. More supercars.
00:50:33.000 More private jets. We don't need more.
00:50:36.000 Welcome to the real world.
00:50:38.000 Welcome to the real world.
00:50:40.000 I make $10 million a year.
00:50:41.000 And guess how much I spend up to $10 million? 0.99
00:50:43.000 Fucking all of it. It's all gone. 0.99
00:50:45.000 I blast it into fun.
00:50:47.000 $10 million. I spend all of it.
00:50:49.000 Fuck you, Luke. It's all coming to an end. 1.00
00:50:52.000 You, me, Tristan, all of it.
00:50:53.000 It's coming to an end. We're all either dying or going to jail.
00:50:56.000 This year, I'll take confidential. 1.00
00:50:58.000 I've had enough of you and your shit. 1.00
00:51:01.000 I can't do it. 1.00
00:51:12.000 We're so deep.
00:51:14.000 I don't think people realize.
00:51:17.000 No one watching realizes.
00:51:19.000 You're all mortals like me.
00:51:21.000 You don't realize.
00:51:23.000 You don't understand.
00:51:25.000 You don't understand.
00:51:27.000 We didn't film any of them before, Ben.
00:51:30.000 You don't understand.
00:51:32.000 This can't just be starting.
00:51:35.000 You guys...
00:51:37.000 This doesn't make sense.
00:51:47.000 We're in the nicest establishment in London possible.
00:51:50.000 The Dorchester London.
00:51:51.000 We're literally- At Christmas.
00:51:53.000 It doesn't make sense.
00:51:54.000 Do you want to fight? We're the only people- It's yes or no.
00:51:57.000 If you don't answer, the answer is yes.
00:51:59.000 No, it's no. Also opposite day.
00:52:01.000 Shit. Do you want to fight? 1.00
00:52:04.000 But it isn't opposite day.
00:52:06.000 But you don't know it's opposite day before I said that.
00:52:08.000 It's opposite day, which means- I'm confused.
00:52:10.000 Do you want to fight? Alright, smart man.
00:52:17.000 Now you're talking. Now you're talking with real solutions to real problems.
00:52:21.000 It is not not up to date.
00:52:25.000 Don't you- Wouldn't you not- Wouldn't you like to not drink with me?
00:53:36.000 Luke, why do you look depressed?