Tate Speech


JET SKI MAFIA IN MIAMI | Tate Confidential Ep. 127


Summary

Tristan and Luke are on a jet ski trip to Miami and they're drunk as fuuuuuuck. They're in the middle of the night and they don't even know where they are going, they're in a boat and they can't even remember what they're doing on the jet ski. They just know it's going to be a night like no other and it's only a matter of time before they get stopped by the police and end up in handcuffs because they're drinking too much. But what happens when the police stop them at a bus stop? What do they do with all the cans and bottles they have on board the boat? What happens when they get pulled over by the cops? What does Luke do with the bottles and cans? What does he do with them after they get off the boat and get into trouble with the police? What's the worst thing they've ever done in their life and how do they feel about it now that they know they're not going to get caught by the authorities? What are they going to do after they've been drinking so much alcohol and how are they gonna react to the situation? What will they do next? What s the best thing they can do to make sure they don t get in trouble? What should they do after all the alcohol they've consumed and how will they react to it? What is the best way to deal with the situation they find safe and sound in the next 24 hours after all that they've had so much of the time they've spent drinking and how they're going to react to what's going on in Miami, Florida and Miami? What can they can they have been drinking and what are they plan to do in the rest of the day and what will they be doing in Miami and what do they plan on the next day after all of the things they've done to make it back to make them feel safe and what they can expect to do next and how much they're planning on doing in the future of their life after all this time and how can they plan for the rest and what s going to come back from this? and much more! and so much more. Listen to this episode of the podcast. We hope you enjoy it and enjoy it. xoxo, Luke and Tristan . xo (TJ & Luke - P.S. - Luke's slow. ( ) Luke's Slow.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 We have what we like to call an open door policy.
00:00:06.000 What does that mean? There was an issue where there was a really hot one and I had a locksmith issue so we kicked that bitch in.
00:00:13.000 Wait, it's never locked.
00:00:16.000 Good show, everything!
00:00:18.000 Good show, everything!
00:00:28.000 Take one for the team.
00:00:44.000 It is gonna be horrible This is ass. I'm just saying, now I feel safe with him behind the wheel.
00:00:50.000 Now. After the fifth one.
00:00:53.000 Finally. Finally we feel safe.
00:00:55.000 I feel safe. What?
00:00:56.000 This doesn't make sense.
00:00:59.000 Finally we're safe. Am I insane?
00:01:01.000 Am I crazy? We're in the four big body, bro.
00:01:03.000 Take a bunch of yours. Am I the crazy one?
00:01:05.000 What's this? Yoga fire.
00:01:11.000 Am I the crazy one?
00:01:14.000 No, I think I'm around a bunch of fucking crazy people.
00:01:17.000 All of the time.
00:01:19.000 Woo! Look at them!
00:01:20.000 Go hang out with someone else, nerd.
00:01:24.000 Or hang out with your own kind. Down at the chess club or the library.
00:01:28.000 We're boozing. Why am I here?
00:01:36.000 Woo!
00:01:38.000 What are we doing?
00:01:44.000 Hey Luke!
00:01:50.000 I can't!
00:01:54.000 What is this?
00:01:58.000 Give me a beer!
00:02:00.000 Why do I hang out with you guys?
00:02:01.000 Why do I hang out with these people?
00:02:08.000 Wish I'd known a loser!
00:02:10.000 What?
00:02:11.000 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:02:21.000 It's not me, I'm with Paul Beard.
00:02:23.000 It can be pretty fun if you got sober up.
00:02:26.000 That's Paul Beard, sober up.
00:02:27.000 That's why he's sober up.
00:02:28.000 That is.
00:02:29.000 You know what, I'm sitting there, lips in stipples, got the whole looking for me.
00:02:35.000 All my exes live in Texas.
00:02:40.000 Yeah.
00:02:41.000 I'm not going to tell you.
00:02:43.000 And Texas is the place I'd really love to be.
00:02:50.000 Crazy too, some girls don't like boys like me.
00:02:55.000 Oh, but some girls do.
00:02:58.000 What is this?
00:03:00.000 Well, I ain't first class, but I ain't quite trash.
00:03:04.000 And a little crazy too, some girls don't like boys like me.
00:03:11.000 Luke, how long till we're there?
00:03:14.000 8 minutes.
00:03:15.000 Eight minutes! Eight minutes!
00:03:16.000 8 minutes!
00:03:18.000 Time for a new fucking roll beer!
00:03:20.000 4 booze!
00:03:22.000 8 whole fucking minutes!
00:03:24.000 God damn!
00:03:26.000 Woo!
00:03:28.000 Woo!
00:03:30.000 What is this guy doing?
00:03:32.000 I'm talking about the whole beer at the bus stop.
00:03:34.000 What's all this shit? Whole beer!
00:03:36.000 I got plenty of these!
00:03:39.000 Let's go!
00:03:41.000 Take all of this, I hate it, but no beers in London!
00:03:43.000 But nothing in Oakwood!
00:03:45.000 No beers!
00:03:47.000 Yee-haw!
00:03:53.000 Why are we doing this? Zoom in.
00:03:58.000 So they're waiting up here now.
00:03:59.000 Yeah, there's any police up there.
00:04:00.000 You know what I'm going to do? And I swear to God, if the police stop us, I'm going to...
00:04:05.000 And I'm going to throw some cans at the police.
00:04:07.000 You know what? Listen, listen, listen.
00:04:10.000 I'm driving. Fuck those motherfuckers.
00:04:12.000 I'll throw another beer at the bar.
00:04:17.000 I'm 12 with 97 minutes.
00:04:18.000 What's wrong with these people? What?
00:04:20.000 What's wrong with me? Yeah, what's wrong with you people?
00:04:22.000 I'm not a f***ing b**** BOOS WOOHOO Why are we in a boat?
00:04:30.000 Where are we going? We're pirates.
00:04:33.000 Cowboy pirates.
00:04:35.000 That's all I think. Two trash bags.
00:04:42.000 And some ice.
00:04:44.000 It's called a redneck.
00:04:48.000 Fucking ice chest.
00:04:49.000 Well, two trash bags, as a man who I can serve, I'm basically a piece of trash.
00:04:53.000 Give me that fucking beer. There you go, white boy.
00:04:54.000 Thank you very much, my husband. Half white boy.
00:04:57.000 Half white boy. I'm a full white boy.
00:04:59.000 I'm half white. I'm half white.
00:05:01.000 Hey, guess what, baby?
00:05:03.000 The house is gonna be shaking.
00:05:10.000 Hope those bricks and boards are taken.
00:05:14.000 Woo! That's G country, sir.
00:05:18.000 What are we doing? We're all super hammered.
00:05:26.000 Why are we doing it in Miami on jet skis?
00:05:28.000 We shouldn't be here. What are we- Mine's the slowest one.
00:05:44.000 Ha! You're slow.
00:05:46.000 No, you're slow.
00:05:49.000 Yeah, you are! So he's gone full.
00:05:56.000 It's not being super wet.
00:05:58.000 Ah! He's slow! He's the slow one!
00:06:09.000 Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
00:06:13.000 Oh.
00:06:13.000 Thank you.
00:06:16.000 So take confidential. Tristan is naturally slow.
00:06:19.000 He's slow. He can't go.
00:06:22.000 He's slow. Tristan's slow.
00:06:26.000 Tristan's slow. Jet ski hose.
00:06:38.000 Remember me on the ferry. He's basically like a one-star hotel room, basically.
00:06:45.000 Fuck off, Luke. They're just drinking up there.
00:06:49.000 Yeah, we're just drinking. I came to hide.
00:06:50.000 We're just drinking down here, mate.
00:06:52.000 Find somewhere to sleep, Luke.
00:06:54.000 Find somewhere to sleep, mate.
00:06:56.000 Bye! Don't check, wow!
00:06:58.000 See, I can't get holes in her jet.
00:07:00.000 I'm from the streets, bro!
00:07:02.000 I'm from the streets! We got two things for you on this island.
00:07:10.000 Well, first of all, we bought these genuine Cuban cigars when we left Romania.
00:07:18.000 Wait, they're actually real Cubans.
00:07:19.000 I know, I know. We bought them.
00:07:20.000 I know, real Cubans. The last time we left Romania, the last time we saw these gentlemen, and so...
00:07:26.000 Take your picture. Don't call me a gentleman again.
00:07:29.000 I did generous. Just so we don't get too classy, show them the redneck ice chest.
00:07:36.000 Oh, the redneck ice chest. Oh, the redneck ice chest.
00:07:37.000 What do you mean, redneck ice chest?
00:07:40.000 Two bags.
00:07:41.000 Two plastic bags.
00:07:43.000 Filled with ice. The middle one, you fill with ice.
00:07:46.000 And you have an insulating layer.
00:07:49.000 They're fucking trash bags.
00:07:52.000 Insulating layer. Ice cold beer.
00:07:55.000 Ice cold. I don't want to question the men of Louisiana, but why wouldn't you just put one bag and fill it with ice hands?
00:07:59.000 Yeah, I'm confused. Insulating layer.
00:08:02.000 Insulating layer. We need insulating layer.
00:08:04.000 I mean insulating layer. But it doesn't make any sense.
00:08:06.000 Why do I just have one girlfriend?
00:08:12.000 They got you.
00:08:14.000 Five minutes ago, everyone here was looking at my ass.
00:08:17.000 My jet ski is slow, my jet ski is slow.
00:08:18.000 So who's the homo? You were all staring at my naked ass five minutes ago.
00:08:22.000 So who's gay? Redneck ice chest, motherfucker.
00:08:26.000 What is this? Luke, take your boots.
00:08:28.000 Why am I with these degenerates?
00:08:29.000 Take your fucking boots. Take your fucking boots.
00:08:32.000 Fuck Luke, we only have five more beers anyway.
00:08:35.000 Only. Only.
00:08:36.000 We'll get more, don't worry. I'm going to pick a truck up on a cab.
00:08:39.000 Don't you want to ask me. Alright, so let's hang out here until we have to drive back.
00:08:42.000 Mine's slow as fuck. Mine's fucked.
00:08:45.000 Cubans. It could be because you're very, very heavy.
00:08:47.000 Yeah, I think you can't drive.
00:08:48.000 Honestly, it's Walter.
00:08:50.000 Folks, don't work that way. Justin isn't.
00:08:52.000 Wait till he's in McLaren. I'm in the Aston and I overtake his Aston.
00:08:54.000 Boom! I'm going to do McLaren slow.
00:08:56.000 Oh, it's so slow.
00:08:58.000 They got you, Tristan. We all know your jet skis just as fast as everyone else's.
00:09:02.000 It's your slow. You're too afraid to press the button.
00:09:06.000 You're too afraid to go all the way down.
00:09:09.000 So you go like a quarter of the way.
00:09:11.000 It's okay Tristan. I know sometimes it's fast
00:10:35.000 We're about to get rich, right here, at Hawthorne University.
00:10:38.000 We're going to do a little bit of research. We're going to do a little bit of research.
00:10:39.000 We're going to do a little bit of research.
00:11:54.000 We have what we like to call an open door policy.
00:11:58.000 What does that mean? There was an issue where there was a really hot lawn and I had a locksmith issue so we kicked that bitch in.
00:12:05.000 Wait. It's never locked.
00:12:07.000 It's never locked. We've been out all day.
00:12:09.000 Who the fuck is gonna mess with us?
00:12:11.000 What do you mean? They'll just do it when you're not home.
00:12:18.000 They're ours. That's right.
00:12:19.000 Don't worry. We don't need doors and locks and outlets.
00:12:22.000 So everything in here is free?
00:12:24.000 Yeah, basically. Free booze!
00:12:26.000 So they have loads of free cigars, free booze.
00:12:29.000 And absolutely nobody has touched them.
00:12:33.000 Until now! If we're crazy enough...
00:12:36.000 I wonder how easy it is to take the TV off.
00:12:39.000 Free TV. It's fine, bro.
00:12:42.000 Now we know where he goes to Michigan is loose.
00:12:45.000 Free things.
00:12:47.000 Yeah, it's free. This is the free house.
00:12:49.000 Yeah, it's free. It's all free. Free your suicide.
00:12:53.000 Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:56.000 Just push pace. Grab the microphone, Justin.
00:12:59.000 Yeah, I'm not singing. Yes, you are.
00:13:02.000 Here we go. Put Rick, put Rick, put Rick, Ashley, and I'll sing it.
00:13:05.000 You're singing, Justin.
00:13:06.000 I'm not singing. Justin, you're singing.
00:13:08.000 Oh, right. That's what she said.
00:13:12.000 Here. Let's go!
00:13:18.000 Have you ever heard old Marshall Dylan say, Miss Kitty, have you ever thought of running away?
00:13:27.000 Sittling down, would you marry me?
00:13:30.000 If I asked you twice, make you pretty pleased.
00:13:35.000 I said yes in a New York minute.
00:13:38.000 He never tried to knock.
00:13:39.000 His heart wasn't in it.
00:13:41.000 He just stole a kiss as he rolled away.
00:13:44.000 He never hung his hat.
00:13:47.000 Get it. That kid is please.
00:13:50.000 I should have been a cowboy.
00:13:54.000 I should have learned to roll the ride.
00:14:01.000 Look at this. What does that mean?
00:14:05.000 What does that mean?
00:14:07.000 I hope you're still alive!
00:14:09.000 Don't do this to me!
00:14:11.000 Yes!
00:14:13.000 What does that mean?
00:14:15.000 Why? I don't know.
00:14:17.000 Stop!
00:14:19.000 Don't do this to me!
00:14:21.000 Stop!
00:14:23.000 Don't do this to me!
00:14:25.000 Stop!
00:14:27.000 We're in a third world country.
00:14:30.000 So what was that dance you did last summer in Miami?
00:14:32.000 Oh look, this is my house dance.
00:14:34.000 You don't know that this is my house dance.
00:14:36.000 You guys can't keep buying houses.
00:14:37.000 We don't have enough houses. Yeah.
00:14:40.000 Pool. We have a pool.
00:14:42.000 You need to buy a boat.
00:14:43.000 Yeah, how do you need a boat? We don't need a boat.
00:14:46.000 We never use the boat.
00:14:47.000 So basically the hotel was terrible.
00:14:50.000 $2,000 a night.
00:14:52.000 Per room. Yeah, per room.
00:14:54.000 And then you have to pay $15 for one time.
00:14:55.000 No, it's fucking gay. I know.
00:14:58.000 In my room, there's no signal for it.
00:15:01.000 The phones all don't work.
00:15:03.000 The fucking phone signal's trash.
00:15:05.000 We have SIM cards. We have American SIM cards.
00:15:06.000 We went to go buy them. The whole country.
00:15:09.000 I actually think we're in a third world country.
00:15:11.000 I figured it out. Yeah, it's failed society.
00:15:12.000 Yeah, literally. America's a third world country.
00:15:14.000 So now we're in a $13 million house on the Miami fucking canal team.
00:15:20.000 And we're just going to have to do what we do best, which is just keep flexing our burquoise.
00:15:24.000 But the fucking hotel is a joke.
00:15:26.000 Let's hire a barman than a chef.
00:15:27.000 A barman and a chef? Barman, chef.
00:15:29.000 I'll do a bit of a wrangle. A few shots for Luke.
00:15:32.000 No, I don't need these. What do you think?
00:15:34.000 No. I mean, yesterday we started drinking at 10 a.m.
00:15:38.000 and then we drunk and then the jet skis and we were drunk the whole time.
00:15:40.000 We went to that restaurant afterwards and we were drinking there and then we went to the club and then we drunk.
00:15:44.000 Well caught today feeling absolutely I'm not aware of his presence.
00:16:10.000 No one will ever get our jokes.
00:16:12.000 Ever. Luke, is your mom singing?
00:16:20.000 Is your mom singing? I call my mom fat.
00:16:23.000 Yeah. See, the fat woman's not singing.
00:16:24.000 I can't hear her. Can you hear her? To me, that ain't over.