Tate Speech

Tristan and Luke are on a train headed to Prague, and they're passed out drunk and can't seem to wake themselves up. The train conductor tries to wake them up, but they're too far gone to notice, so he tries to get them on the next one, but it doesn't go as planned. The problem is, it's 31 hours by train, which means 31 hours of non-stop boozing with your cousin. Can they make it back to the city in time to catch their flight back home before they crash into Prague's airport? Or will they be stranded in the middle of the night waiting for a bus to pick them up from the train station? Can they survive the train ride back to their home city of Prague, Prague, Czech Republic? Will they be able to make it to the airport in time for their flight home before it's too late or will they have to wait another 31 hours on the train to catch it the next day? Find out what happens when they finally get on board the next train, and finally make it home. WARNING: This episode contains a lot of cursing and swearing, so be warned. This episode may not be for the faint hearted. If you don't want to be offended, don't listen to this one. - it's a little bit longer than you'd be surprised if it gets any better than the rest of the episodes in the next episode. Enjoy! xoxo, Luke & Andrew - The Best Wives Club (featuring special guest, Tristan and Luke ( ) ( ) ( ). (Music by ) Luke ( )( ) ( ) ( . ( & Luke ( , )( ) and Andrew ( . . ) ( ), ( ), ( ) & Andrew ( ) and Luke's ( & Andrew's ( ) Music by: ( .) ( ) in this episode ( ) is by: ( ) . & And Luke's music is by :) Is this episode is by Luke ( . . and Andrew's music by: Andrew's background music is is by , and ? ) & Luke's is by Jake ( and ) is in this podcast is by someone else ( ), and is it's by ? & ) ?

00:00:02.000 Yeah. We should've got off the train half an hour ago.

00:00:03.000 I'm now claustrophobic at this space.

00:00:05.000 It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off, driving towards a cliff.

00:00:10.000 No. Straight into hell. We can go viral.

00:00:43.000 Wait. That would probably go viral.

00:00:44.000 Think about it. Camel riding here.

00:00:47.000 I think Luke should kill himself.

00:00:48.000 That's a good idea. Okay.

00:00:50.000 All right. Well, live.

00:00:51.000 Take confidential live. Take confidential live.

00:00:54.000 Okay. Okay. I'd definitely do it in the tower thing.

00:00:58.000 I think we go viral. Quick trip to that store.

00:01:00.000 Cigarettes, alcohol, drinks at Prague Absinthe Center.

00:01:02.000 Have the time of your life. But that wouldn't be the time of my life.

00:01:06.000 So, Luke, if you care about the channel, you know you have to.

00:01:07.000 Because it would cost nothing. It would cost zero, it's true.

00:01:11.000 It's true. It costs zero dollars.

00:01:13.000 All right, let's go find a place.

00:01:15.000 All right. Andrew pissed me off yesterday.

00:01:17.000 He's a nerd. Yesterday, we were celebrating New Year's Eve with a good friend of ours.

00:01:22.000 And he left about 10 minutes before we did, but without saying goodbye.

00:01:27.000 I said, why did you do that?

00:01:28.000 Oh, I needed a separate taxi because blah, blah, blah.

00:01:30.000 I said, yeah, but why did you just leave?

00:01:33.000 So, I'm going to get him back, Luke.

00:01:35.000 We are just going to leave.

00:01:37.000 No, but we need to stop boozing.

00:01:39.000 Tristan, I'm dying. I don't know how you're boozing now.

00:01:41.000 What do you mean? Tay Confidential, you have no idea.

00:01:43.000 You have no clue. You cannot fathom.

00:01:47.000 No, genuinely. But, Tristan, Tay Confidential, they don't understand how much booze is consumed.

00:01:53.000 Breakfast beer! So, anyway.

00:01:56.000 After I have my breakfast beer, Luke.

00:01:57.000 No, but what do you mean we're going to leave?

00:01:59.000 Well, there are no flights. What do you mean flights?

00:02:03.000 You mean actually leave the city.

00:02:04.000 Listen, Andrew talked to me yesterday.

00:02:06.000 He wants to be Mr. Independent. I'm leaving him here.

00:02:08.000 I'm only here for him.

00:02:10.000 He wanted to be here. So let's leave.

00:02:13.000 Flights are booked. But luckily I have these.

00:02:18.000 What are these? Train tickets.

00:02:21.000 31 hours by train.

00:02:25.000 That means 31 hours of non-stop boozing with your cousin.

00:02:30.000 The ultimate adventure for you, Luke.

00:02:33.000 Sold. You in?

00:02:35.000 What does it say on the top right-hand corner of the ticket?

00:02:39.000 What does it say? It says my name.

00:02:41.000 It says Luke. Let's go.

00:02:45.000 I can't do it.

00:02:48.000 I'll show you training. We're getting the fucking training out of here.

00:02:53.000 I can't be convinced.

00:02:59.000 He's literally not going to be able to wake up snore man.

00:03:02.000 Wait, so the ticket guy is trying to wake up the snore man?

00:03:04.000 Yeah. Exactly.

00:03:06.000 He's tapping him. I know.

00:03:08.000 No, he doesn't realize the man's out.

00:03:10.000 Why didn't I just not buy tickets and just fall asleep?

00:03:13.000 No, but actually, that's actually the trick, I think.

00:03:16.000 Look, he's still trying. I know, but I think the trick is if you don't wake up, You win.

00:03:22.000 Look at me, I'm short. I know.

00:03:28.000 What a con. How could you be so passed out?

00:03:32.000 Drugs. It must be drugs.

00:03:34.000 It must be drug use. No one gets that drunk.

00:03:36.000 Yeah, it must be drug use. A drug fan will always kind of stumble away.

00:03:40.000 Yeah. And make no sense when you wake up.

00:03:43.000 Yeah. It must be drug come down.

00:03:45.000 That is a very cool thing hanging.

00:03:47.000 What is that? Railroad?

00:03:49.000 It's faxing. Railaxed?

00:03:51.000 Railaxed. I get it.

00:03:55.000 Ah, it's just gonna wake him up. Maybe if I gave the ticket guy my ceremonial dagger would help.

00:04:05.000 Yeah, use this.

00:04:06.000 here. Perform the ceremony.

00:04:13.000 Anyway, I don't think I can record forever because I think it's literally going to take him hours.

00:04:20.000 Thank you for watching.

00:04:22.000 Potentially the whole train ride.

00:04:25.000 Nice. So, we'll let people know.

00:04:29.000 What happened? An update.

00:04:30.000 Yeah. Luke, imagine having that little self-awareness.

00:04:36.000 You're on a train, by yourself.

00:04:40.000 Giant dudes are sitting nearby.

00:04:43.000 And you're so asleep, you can't wake up.

00:04:46.000 And you're snoring super loud.

00:04:48.000 I tapped this dude on the arm.

00:04:49.000 I tapped him and said, bro, he is out.

00:04:53.000 I could murder him, take all this shit.

00:04:56.000 That's how easy it would be.

00:04:57.000 I'm fucking huge.

00:04:58.000 I could kill this guy. It's out of his fucking mind.

00:05:01.000 Who does that, Luke? Who goes to sleep like that on a fucking train?

00:05:05.000 Someone should murder him.

00:05:06.000 I'm not going to do it, but somebody should.

00:05:08.000 So. I'm a genius.

00:05:10.000 This is genius. Tristan, we're fucking train men.

00:05:14.000 It's the best thing I've ever done. Look, we've quadruple locked it.

00:05:17.000 Super ultra locked.

00:05:18.000 Maximum locking. Just stop.

00:05:21.000 I need a savings. Yeah.

00:05:23.000 Like Spectre. Got my knife.

00:05:25.000 Oh yeah, got my ceremonial dagger back, please.

00:05:28.000 Oh, you can have your ceremony with a dagger.

00:05:29.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:05:30.000 Yeah, I feel naked without it.

00:05:32.000 Yeah. Just in case they try and come in.

00:05:34.000 Just in case. Yeah. I'll be able to dagger them in the back.

00:05:36.000 Exactly. You wait up there.

00:05:38.000 Exactly. Oh, trust me.

00:05:39.000 They come in. Trusted. Trusted.

00:05:41.000 No one can get in here. That'd be super hard.

00:05:42.000 Through the collarbone into the lung.

00:05:44.000 And then pull. Move them.

00:05:46.000 Exactly. Move them around.

00:05:49.000 And we have our Burger King and our stuff.

00:05:50.000 Burger King. So we have enough food and water to last forever.

00:05:54.000 Forever. We live on this train.

00:05:55.000 So we could hide out... Tristan, what if we never left the train?

00:05:58.000 We just never leave.

00:06:00.000 What? Continuously bought every back and forth ticket that exists for the next year.

00:06:04.000 Every time they come, they give them a new ticket.

00:06:07.000 And we leave on the train. We could live on the train.

00:06:10.000 We have a... You know what?

00:06:14.000 It's true. It's like hotels we do.

00:06:17.000 It's like a month of training.

00:06:19.000 It's true. I live here.

00:06:21.000 I live on the train now.

00:06:23.000 I really think we should.

00:06:25.000 In fact, I'm a train man.

00:06:28.000 You're not the train man. I've decided not leaving.

00:06:30.000 You cannot ever get me outside of that door right there.

00:06:33.000 Impossible. It's going to take a minute to stop and skip to you leaving the train.

00:06:38.000 No, it's not. It is.

00:06:39.000 You will never get me off the train.

00:06:41.000 It is not. Okay, you live on the train.

00:06:44.000 Good for you. You can stay on the fucking train with your burger cake.

00:06:47.000 Sorry, Take Confidential viewers, but this is going to be the scene for Take Confidential for a very long time.

00:06:51.000 Unless they get a new cameraman.

00:06:53.000 We will easily get a new cameraman.

00:06:56.000 Yeah, but it won't be as good.

00:06:57.000 And I bet you'll always be wondering what's Luke doing on the train.

00:06:59.000 No, I won't because I know what you're doing.

00:07:01.000 You're sitting on your phone. Thinks that's all I do on the train.

00:07:06.000 Tristan, I'm a pirate. You're a pirate.

00:07:08.000 Tristan, I am. I'm sailing the seven seas.

00:07:11.000 You've been on this train. It hasn't been started moving.

00:07:13.000 I've been on this train for 30 minutes.

00:07:14.000 You're pissing me off already. What are you talking about?

00:07:16.000 You're not sailing the seven seas. This is a train.

00:07:18.000 Nah, this is like shit.

00:07:20.000 Look at that. I've got the fucking high ground and the dagger.

00:07:23.000 You've lost your mind.

00:07:24.000 No, I haven't. I think you live on a train.

00:07:26.000 I do live on a train. Sailing the high seas.

00:07:29.000 Like a fucking pirate. I need a eye patch.

00:07:33.000 If I stab your eye out, you're gonna need a fucking eye patch.

00:07:36.000 True, but I have the high ground.

00:07:38.000 I mean, I can't wait to hear this, you're asleep.

00:07:40.000 Ambush.

00:07:42.000 Pirates don't sleep.

00:07:44.000 Known. What statistic?

00:07:46.000 It's known. No, it's not.

00:07:48.000 No pirates ever slept.

00:07:50.000 You're making things up. I'm not.

00:07:52.000 I'm not talking to you anymore. I fucking love the train.

00:07:55.000 Look at my fucking dagger. I'm just ready to fucking...

00:07:57.000 I guess it doesn't work that well, but it looks cool.

00:08:05.000 Because it is...

00:08:06.000 I've enjoyed this. Did the creek stop?

00:08:09.000 They stopped as soon as I filmed, didn't they?

00:08:10.000 They uh...

00:08:11.000 Oh, there they are.

00:08:12.000 I told you we're fucking pirates.

00:08:22.000 This is exactly what a pirate ship would sound like.

00:08:24.000 You're talking shit. No, tell me this isn't exactly how a pirate ship would sound like.

00:08:33.000 What, like a train?

00:08:34.000 No, it fucking wouldn't. No, it would.

00:08:36.000 You, my friend. The creaky walls.

00:08:41.000 The creaky walls, ceremonial dagger on the wall.

00:08:43.000 Don't be talking shit.

00:08:45.000 Sorry, guys.

00:09:03.000 Dude, I thought we were assassinated.

00:09:04.000 You admit that I would have assassinated you?

00:09:07.000 I admit it. I was gone.

00:09:08.000 You're not ready for the assassination.

00:09:10.000 I fully admit that I was gone.

00:09:13.000 Tristan, you've gone train soon.

00:09:14.000 It's only been 13 minutes that we're late.

00:09:16.000 We're late. Yeah. We should've got off the train half an hour ago.

00:09:18.000 Now claustrophobic in this space.

00:09:20.000 It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off, driving towards a cliff.

00:09:25.000 No. Straight to hell. No, we're fine.

00:09:26.000 There's a train to hell.

00:09:28.000 It is a bit misty, though.

00:09:29.000 It's quite weird. It's misty.

00:09:31.000 We're in mist land. Yeah, we're in mist land.

00:09:32.000 That's not where we're supposed to be.

00:09:33.000 No, it's not, is it? No.

00:09:36.000 Maybe the train missed its destination.

00:09:40.000 No, people, he's been making stupid jokes for the past 13 minutes ever since we've missed our time.

00:09:44.000 Listen, my jokes are not stupid.

00:09:46.000 I'm losing my mind.

00:09:48.000 I know. I might cut my own face off.

00:09:50.000 No. With a knife. No, don't do that.

00:09:52.000 Why not? Because there's no need.

00:09:54.000 Why? Because there's no need to cut your own face off.

00:09:56.000 There's no need, Tristan.

00:09:57.000 I could. Cut your face off.

00:10:03.000 I've got my cereal dagger bag.

00:10:06.000 Night fight on the train!

00:10:08.000 I'm going to be late!

00:10:10.000 I'm late!

00:10:39.000 Listen, and those who are not like Listen, stay in harm's rescue Listen, and those who don't know them Listen, and don't bother being too橋

00:11:05.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:12.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:19.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:26.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:33.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:40.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:46.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:52.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:11:58.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:05.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:12.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:19.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:26.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:33.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:40.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:47.000 I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no.

00:12:54.000 Hold on tight, we're about to get rich.

00:12:57.000 Right here, at Hawthorne University.

00:12:59.000 This is the first time I've ever seen a real dinosaur.

00:13:01.000 This is a real dinosaur.

00:14:16.000 What do you mean Drake? No.

00:14:18.000 How long have you been in Dubai? 45 minutes now?

KNIFE FIGHT ON OVERNIGHT TRAIN | Tate Confidential Ep.131

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