Tate Speech


POST APOCALYPTIC HOE'S | Tate Confidential Ep. 39


Summary

Tristan and Andrew are stranded in the middle of the night with no food, no water, and no way to get a fire. The only way they know how to get some food is by scavenging through the woods for some wood. However, they run into a problem, and it's not what they expected. The problem is, they don't have any wood. Will they be able to make it back to civilization before the power goes out? Or will they be stuck in the woods waiting for the power to come back on? Join them as they prepare for the end of the world, and try to find some food to survive the dark and cold. Warning: This episode is not for the faint hearted. This episode was written and produced by me and my co-hosts. Please do not listen to this episode if you don't want to be traumatized and/or if you're easily offended. I'm sorry if it's a little loud, but it's my first time writing a podcast and I don't really know what to do with it. I'm still figuring it out. I promise it's going to be better than the rest of the episodes I've written in future episodes, so don't get offended by it. xoxo. -Tate, Andrew, Andrew and Tristan, and Luke, and Andrew, and the crew at the End of the World Podcast. If you like it, please leave us a review and tell us what you think about it on Apple Podcasts or whatever else you like about it. We'll see you there. Thank you! and we'll be looking out for you in the future episodes. P.S. Love ya! -Podcasts are a little bit more like that's coming soon. XOXO, -Elliott, Luke, Adam, and Tate, and a bunch of other people like it. -Tay, and I'll be back with more of his work. xo -Sue, Jake, and Gage, and Jack, and Ben, and Adam, too. Thank you for your support and support you're awesome. <3 -Alyssa, and your support is so much love and support is much more than you can handle it, so please don't forget to give it a review, thank you, and that's enough, I really appreciate it, really means it means a lot.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Good shot there from Tate!
00:00:02.000 A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true.
00:00:20.000 But I'm not.
00:00:22.000 I'm not.
00:00:34.000 Tristan.
00:00:42.000 Tristan. What are you doing?
00:00:45.000 I'm filling up the pool, so while I'm monitoring it, I need some light.
00:00:51.000 There's light there. There's light all over.
00:00:55.000 The electrical grid is about to be shut down.
00:00:59.000 The lights are on!
00:01:01.000 And when the electrical grid gets shut down, then what?
00:01:05.000 Fire. Firewood.
00:01:07.000 Prepared, as always.
00:01:09.000 There's not even any wood. How long is this going to last?
00:01:11.000 An hour? Long enough?
00:01:13.000 There's a whole fucking field. We can get wood back here.
00:01:16.000 It's dark. It is dark.
00:01:18.000 Oh, yeah. That's cute. If only your brother hadn't bought the fucking world's most powerful fucking flashlights.
00:01:24.000 How about this? I provide the flashlight.
00:01:26.000 You provide the fucking wood.
00:01:27.000 Go. Go.
00:01:29.000 Get the fucking wood. Or, how about this?
00:01:31.000 Why don't you give me a flashlight and I'll go get it?
00:01:34.000 Ain't gone, do ya?
00:01:36.000 We don't need a fire. You don't have shit.
00:01:37.000 We don't need a fire. Go and get the wood.
00:01:39.000 Why do we have a fire? We don't need a fire.
00:01:41.000 Yeah, we absolutely do.
00:01:42.000 You said you need the- Oh, and we didn't need cans either.
00:01:44.000 You haven't been touching my fucking rations, have you?
00:01:46.000 If I find- if I find your greasy fucking fingers on my fucking ration cans, you and your fucking cousins, dead meat.
00:01:55.000 Done for. Hands off the rations.
00:01:57.000 Why don't you dress so fly the virus fucking feeds you somehow?
00:02:01.000 Whatever your fucking dumb shit doing.
00:02:03.000 Get the fuck out of here! Fuck off!
00:02:06.000 No wood! We are fucking scavengers.
00:02:13.000 I think we found the most shit wood.
00:02:15.000 I needed shit wood.
00:02:17.000 How much wood should there be near my supercars?
00:02:20.000 A lot. This is Romania.
00:02:23.000 Look at this wood. I'm just out.
00:02:30.000 It's true. All the lights are on.
00:02:35.000 All the lights are on.
00:02:36.000 All our neighbors lights are on.
00:02:38.000 Nobody has a fire but us.
00:02:44.000 Or wood. Why is there so much wood in fucking Romania?
00:02:59.000 There's a car here I'll remind you again Are we about to run into a monster?
00:03:14.000 This is where a monster would be.
00:03:16.000 We fucking... We fucking...
00:03:20.000 Corona monster.
00:03:22.000 Someone left our car here.
00:03:24.000 We have to admit, if Corona was anywhere, it'd be here.
00:03:30.000 I think Corona would be here.
00:03:31.000 Out of all the places.
00:03:35.000 I wish I brought my weapons.
00:03:37.000 Your hands are weapons.
00:03:39.000 Haha! Wardrobe doors.
00:03:42.000 That looks like wood. Someone's got a light over there.
00:03:48.000 Yeah. Yeah. And they're walking.
00:03:51.000 I do. The fuck are they?
00:03:53.000 I don't know. It's not Andrew and Tristan.
00:03:56.000 Or sorry, not Tristan.
00:03:58.000 There's Tristan's light. Tristan's light's in there.
00:04:01.000 Someone's walking over there through the woods with a flashlight.
00:04:03.000 Yeah. And I don't have the Glock.
00:04:05.000 So they've come too close. Get the fucking wardrobe and get out of here.
00:04:09.000 Cool. I'm feeling these wardrobes are coming.
00:04:17.000 Cut the wood? Tristan.
00:04:22.000 Yeah? This is pizza.
00:04:28.000 It's the end of the world. How the fuck do you get Domino's?
00:04:29.000 It's the end of the world. I cooked it with the fucking ration cans!
00:04:33.000 You did! What do you mean I didn't?
00:04:35.000 Can you prove it? It's Domino's!
00:04:38.000 I'm making the delivery drivers that's out there.
00:04:41.000 What delivery driver? This is the most bullshit end of the world.
00:04:44.000 They're frozen pizzas. They're not frozen.
00:04:46.000 At least there's Domino's in India.
00:04:47.000 I heat them up with a fire. Heat them up with a fire.
00:04:50.000 There's a Domino's logo on it. Domino's doesn't have Domino's.
00:04:52.000 Fuck off. If you...
00:04:55.000 You know what? If you admit that I made this myself, you can have some.
00:05:00.000 No, why not? You made it yourself.
00:05:02.000 So, what's it made out?
00:05:03.000 What are the ingredients? Cans from the rations.
00:05:05.000 There you go. Luke, would you like some?
00:05:07.000 Would you like some? Alright, it's made out of cans from the rations.
00:05:10.000 It's made out of cans from the rations. Help yourself.
00:05:11.000 You're welcome.
00:05:12.000 Prepare for the end of the world, you piece of shit.
00:05:15.000 Turn your fucking camera off.
00:05:28.000 T, the lights are still on.
00:05:29.000 End of the world. Turn off the fucking phone.
00:05:31.000 The lights are on. I can charge it.
00:05:34.000 Ah, fuck you. A few moments later.
00:05:38.000 Shit, so looky- No, no, no, no, no.
00:05:40.000 This is not scripted.
00:05:42.000 The power is legitimately gone.
00:05:43.000 Look at my neighbor's houses.
00:05:44.000 I know. There's an emergency street lamp.
00:05:46.000 Look at every house. Yeah, inside the houses.
00:05:49.000 There is no power anywhere.
00:05:50.000 So the power has actually gone on.
00:05:52.000 The power has actually gone on.
00:05:54.000 Which means one thing, doesn't it?
00:05:55.000 So T's predicted the future again.
00:05:57.000 It means one thing, doesn't it?
00:05:59.000 What? You don't know shit!
00:06:01.000 You don't know anything! Right.
00:06:05.000 But you don't. What?
00:06:07.000 I don't believe this. No, the power's gone out.
00:06:10.000 I don't believe the power's gone out.
00:06:11.000 Well, it has. The power's actually gone out?
00:06:14.000 Yes. So your fire bullshit became true?
00:06:22.000 Oh, bullshit, yeah?
00:06:23.000 Yes. So I called the cans.
00:06:25.000 I called the power.
00:06:28.000 And suddenly...
00:06:29.000 You also called dominoes.
00:06:32.000 No, I did not call dominoes.
00:06:34.000 The power's gone out. So the power's gone out.
00:06:36.000 You know, anyone watching this at home, let me tell you, motherfucker, something.
00:06:40.000 You think this is fake.
00:06:41.000 You think we switched it off at our house.
00:06:43.000 I'm telling you, the power has legitimately gone out.
00:06:46.000 It's the end of the fucking world!
00:06:48.000 I'm ready! And I got my baby hands cousins who can't hold the camera and it's all shaky.
00:06:52.000 And I got my brother who's unprepared for the end of the universe.
00:06:56.000 And I stand vindicated.
00:06:58.000 With all my cans, my fire, my post-apocalyptic hoes, if you clucked them.
00:07:04.000 Just as I said.
00:07:06.000 He did bring post-apocalyptic hoes.
00:07:07.000 Uh-huh. He did.
00:07:09.000 And he got the post-apocalyptic booze.
00:07:11.000 Now, what are you gonna eat? Got the wine?
00:07:14.000 Got the hoes? Ahhhh!
00:07:18.000 Shit! Look, it's only a matter of time.
00:07:20.000 They start as temporary power cuts.
00:07:22.000 It's only a matter of fucking time.
00:07:26.000 You're on dim fucking ice, you toks.
00:07:29.000 You're lucky this round.
00:07:34.000 Post-apocalyptic hoes.
00:07:36.000 I've got wine. Get all the hoes out to the apocalypse, bro.
00:07:44.000 Apocalypse phones are real.
00:07:45.000 There's phones everywhere. How can I repopulate the human species?
00:07:49.000 So why is the neighbor asking Tristan for his powerful flashlight?
00:07:51.000 I don't know. And how does he know that we have a powerful flashlight?
00:07:55.000 Somehow everyone knows Tristan has the world's most powerful flashlights and how people want them.
00:07:59.000 And Tristan feels super happy and excited and powerful and like, wow.
00:08:03.000 Like he thinks he's important.
00:08:04.000 He's not important. He bought an overpriced flashlight or a thousand dollars.
00:08:08.000 He is about to bring him his flashlight.
00:08:10.000 So the neighbor wants to borrow my flashlight.
00:08:11.000 He obviously watches the YouTube.
00:08:13.000 Oh.
00:08:15.000 He watches my YouTube channel, bro.
00:08:17.000 Yeah.
00:08:19.000 The police is doing it.
00:08:21.000 Police? Why?
00:08:23.000 They stole the...
00:08:25.000 the...
00:08:27.000 electricity.
00:08:29.000 Somebody stole the wires.
00:08:31.000 Gypsies?
00:08:33.000 That's super Romanian.
00:08:35.000 Someone stole the electricity wire.
00:08:41.000 The police are over there. Some gypsies are stealing electricity wires, apparently.
00:08:48.000 It's the end of the world, bro.
00:08:50.000 It's Mad Max. I haven't seen this shit ever.
00:08:53.000 People in London are looting.
00:08:55.000 Here, they're stealing electricity wires.
00:08:58.000 It's the end of the universe. And I am prepared, unlike you and you.
00:09:02.000 And as we sit around my fire, my fire of vindication, you two...
00:09:08.000 I have a flashlight too. Let me tell you something.
00:09:10.000 Fuck off. I bought this flashlight.
00:09:11.000 It's perfectly usable. Baby flashlight, yeah?
00:09:13.000 It's just not ridiculously big.
00:09:14.000 Yeah, baby flashlight. That's cute. It's in my pocket and it's fine.
00:09:16.000 That's real cute. It's not the size that matters, yeah?
00:09:18.000 Is that what you tell your girlfriends? What the fuck are you doing?
00:09:34.000 Rory. I was upstairs.
00:09:35.000 What the fuck? I lost it and I thought, fuck it.
00:09:37.000 What the fuck are you doing?
00:09:39.000 What are you doing? You look like a fucking idiot.
00:09:41.000 Having a haircut. That's not a haircut.
00:09:44.000 What is it then? What the fuck have you done?
00:09:48.000 You look retarded.
00:09:49.000 Don't look good. You look like a special needs kid.
00:09:53.000 Well. Give me the fucking razor.
00:09:56.000 What do I do now? I... I'm going to bed.
00:09:59.000 I'm going to bed. It's two o'clock in the afternoon.
00:10:02.000 You can't go to bed. What else does a man do when he's lost his mind, Tristan?
00:10:05.000 There's no alcohol. I'm in isolation.
00:10:08.000 I knew the quarantine was coming, but I didn't predict this fucking time to be here.
00:10:14.000 They're losing their minds, bro.
00:10:16.000 They're losing their minds. Only I am prepared for the quarantine.
00:10:19.000 Mentally, he can't take it.
00:10:21.000 I don't know how to handle this.
00:10:22.000 What's not wrong with you? Fuck, I don't know.
00:10:24.000 You look like a dickhead.
00:10:26.000 I can't... It doesn't look good.
00:10:28.000 It does look good. Bro, I think it looks good.
00:10:30.000 Thanks, bro. The fuck is your problem?
00:10:33.000 You as well? No one talked to me for the rest of the week.
00:10:37.000 I'm not talking to any of you. I'm leaving the country, actually.
00:10:40.000 I've decided to leave the country.
00:10:42.000 Fuck you, bro. You can't leave.
00:10:44.000 I'm leaving. I'm gonna find somewhere to go, and I'm fucking leaving.
00:10:47.000 Tate, we're leaving. There's two countries over.
00:10:56.000 I've confirmed clubs and bars are open in two places in Europe.
00:10:59.000 Minsk, Belarus, Stockholm, Sweden.
00:11:02.000 I say we go to Belarus. The only problem with Belarus is there's a 14-day self-quarantine.
00:11:07.000 So we'll just go in, pretend we're in a self-quarantine, get booze, start drinking, go straight to the club.
00:11:13.000 Same day. Uh-huh.
00:11:16.000 If I got sent to jail in Sweden for violating some sort of curfew, that's fine.
00:11:23.000 You, you, especially you, even me, none of us want to go to the Belarusian jail.
00:11:30.000 And Belarus hate foreigners.
00:11:32.000 They say, hey, let me see your passport.
00:11:33.000 They will, they're itching to find some foreigner out with their fucking quarantine papers on them.
00:11:41.000 They're itching for it.
00:11:43.000 And don't even pretend that you're done.