Tate Speech - July 30, 2023


Smoothies and Penthouses | Tate Confidential Ep 183


Episode Stats

Length

15 minutes

Words per Minute

142.39572

Word Count

2,219

Sentence Count

282

Misogynist Sentences

16

Hate Speech Sentences

19


Summary

Tristan and Bailey are in jail, and Andrew and Tate are in a penthouse in Dubai, and they need to design it, but they don t know what to do with it, so they get a designer to come up with a plan that involves a globe, a pool, indoor war hose, and a hole in the floor. Also, Bailey accidentally eats a whole bunch of protein pancakes, and it's not even related to the pancakes, so we're not even joking when we say that it's a good thing he didn't eat them. Also, we don't know what a globe is, but we're going to make it cool, so that's cool, right? We're not talking about a globe here, we're talking about the globe itself, which is a giant glass dome with a glass dome that looks like a globe and has a glass floor and glass dome, which looks like an actual globe! It's pretty cool, and we want to make a globe too, but it needs to be smart so we need a design that matches the room layout so we can make it smart, smart, and smart enough so that it doesn't look like a real globe. We don't care about smartness, we just want it to be cool. We'll figure it out together, and then we'll make it nice and simple. If you like it, we'll talk about it later. Enjoy this episode, guys! Love ya, bye. xoxo. -TJ & Bailey -PJ.S. (Sorry about the audio in this episode. Sorry about the background music, it wasn't the best, we recorded in the background, but the sound quality in this one, it's much better than the background in the episode. We had a lot of background noise in the first half of the episode, so it's better in the second half, so please bear with us, we had to edit it a little bit more in the next episode, we re working on that. We re going to try and make it better next week, we promise we'll get better next time, we ll see you guys next week. (we promise). -J.B. (and we promise, we will get better, next time). Thank you for listening to the audio is much better in a few more episodes, we are working on the background noise and background music in the future.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I want both Bailey and Tristan to know, officially on camera, completely unrelated to these protein I hate both of you. Good, you mean Bailey poisoning the protein pancakes?
00:00:22.000 No, I just genuinely...
00:00:23.000 There's nothing to do with these pancakes.
00:00:25.000 It's not even related. The scene doesn't even make sense.
00:00:27.000 I want you to know that I actually hate you, and I actually hate you.
00:00:29.000 Thanks. I hate both of you.
00:00:32.000 You're one of our best friends, Andrew.
00:00:34.000 No, I hate both of you. We love you and care about you.
00:00:35.000 Fuck off. I don't know.
00:01:04.000 I remember like two years ago when...
00:01:06.000 No, you weren't even there. I went with your cousin to look at the Pagani penthouse.
00:01:13.000 Where are we? Did you ask the time?
00:01:16.000 No, I asked where are we.
00:01:18.000 Oh, Pagani. What do you mean Pagani?
00:01:21.000 Well, we don't have the Pagani yet, but...
00:01:23.000 So I thought, don't really need a Pagani house.
00:01:25.000 Sorry. Wait, a Pagani?
00:01:27.000 Yeah. What do you mean? That's what I mean.
00:01:28.000 So I thought, we don't have the Pagani yet.
00:01:31.000 Don't really need a Pagani car.
00:01:33.000 And maybe I should get Pagani house.
00:01:35.000 What? Pagani apartment.
00:01:38.000 So it's all finished because you get to decide exactly what we want.
00:01:43.000 We've got our main man here, security, keeping us safe.
00:01:45.000 The big G. So basically what I'm thinking is...
00:01:51.000 What do you mean? What are you doing?
00:01:53.000 What is this? It's like the most prestigious building.
00:01:56.000 It's going to be the most prestigious penthouse, one of one, in Dubai.
00:01:59.000 Because we have the Bugatti, so I decided I didn't need a Pagani, but I need something Pagani.
00:02:03.000 So I've got a Pagani penthouse in Dubai, which costs much more than a Pagani car.
00:02:08.000 Like, I know right now you're looking at it going, what is this?
00:02:11.000 But when it's done with Pagani furniture, imagine, couch, hoax.
00:02:18.000 Okay. Couch, hoax.
00:02:21.000 Okay.
00:02:22.000 A pool, indoor war hose.
00:02:25.000 A chair, ho.
00:02:27.000 Okay.
00:02:28.000 A hole in the floor, next, just on the floor.
00:02:30.000 A floor hoe.
00:02:31.000 Floor hoe.
00:02:32.000 Floor hoe.
00:02:33.000 Floor hose?
00:02:34.000 Floor hoe!
00:02:35.000 We got hooks from the ceiling, and hoes can attach themselves by harnesses into a canyon.
00:02:40.000 Sky hose.
00:02:41.000 Sky hose!
00:02:42.000 Okay.
00:02:44.000 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And now they're finishing the insides and we have to design it.
00:03:04.000 So we've got a fucking designer at 26 million dollar penthouse.
00:03:06.000 Now we look like a designer to you.
00:03:07.000 I know it's long. Life's so hard.
00:03:10.000 I'm getting sick of this shit. Fuck can I? Come out of jail.
00:03:14.000 Everything's good in jail. No one stresses me.
00:03:16.000 I leave jail. Andrew, come get your room act.
00:03:18.000 Andrew, your yes-go attack is ready.
00:03:21.000 Andrew, your Pagani penthouse needs designing.
00:03:23.000 Let's just fuck off. Let's not go back.
00:03:25.000 Tristan, let's just quit.
00:03:27.000 Let's go back to jail. Potato soup, cigarettes, push-ups.
00:03:30.000 Life was simpler. Simpler times.
00:03:32.000 All this bullshit there has to be.
00:03:34.000 Andrew, Mr.
00:03:35.000 Tate, we've given you the best penthouse in Dubai.
00:03:37.000 You need to know what you want inside.
00:03:40.000 If I don't fucking care, then I give a fuck!
00:03:43.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter, does it?
00:03:44.000 It's not going to be shit, is it?
00:03:45.000 People at home think they've got stress.
00:03:47.000 It's probably me. Yeah.
00:03:49.000 Right, so...
00:03:50.000 What I say we do is...
00:03:58.000 Many thousands of square footage.
00:04:00.000 Plus the glass dome, which is 90 meters high.
00:04:03.000 Then we go to the globe.
00:04:05.000 What do you mean the glo-? See what I'm saying?
00:04:07.000 We're going to get like- What is this?
00:04:09.000 I'm a new designer, and we're going to say, look, make my globe cool.
00:04:12.000 It's got to have all lights and shit.
00:04:14.000 The globe! The globe hoes!
00:04:17.000 Globe hoes! Globe hoes!
00:04:19.000 We can make it like a world, and we can start like from South America to all the way around to Russia to the Chinese region.
00:04:29.000 Okay! Yeah, the globe house!
00:04:35.000 What I think we do is we just make a list of all the rooms we want and then we send it to them and they have to do the floor layout and then they'll do a design based on like the walls will be made of carbon fiber and leather it's gonna match Pagani and then we'll get a matching Pagani car so the interior matches to the penthouse and then we can basically never use it and just Okay, smart. Not care about it.
00:04:58.000 Smart. Super smart.
00:05:00.000 I like it. So you have a list of rooms we need.
00:05:04.000 What rooms do we need?
00:05:08.000 Give me a bedroom, and I'm done.
00:05:12.000 Well, we paid top dollar, so...
00:05:15.000 We need a cigar lounge.
00:05:18.000 Agreed. We're currently in the cigar lounge.
00:05:21.000 Where are we going to design other penthouses when we're in the penthouse?
00:05:24.000 We need a cigar lounge.
00:05:26.000 Yeah, makes sense.
00:05:28.000 Cigar.
00:05:31.000 Pubcast Studio.
00:05:34.000 Yeah, maybe one of them. Also, even an office.
00:05:38.000 There's like six workstations.
00:05:41.000 Editors and stuff. Lame for us, man.
00:05:42.000 Just for like people. Work with like big computers, not laptops.
00:05:47.000 You'll spend all your time in there, though.
00:05:49.000 You call me a workaholic. I'm saying that we need it to be more casual or you'll sit at your desk the entire time and never enjoy the penthouse.
00:05:56.000 Make the podcast studio big enough so that one side of the room there can be Alright, cigar room, podcast slash office.
00:06:10.000 We need a restaurant.
00:06:12.000 Okay. Which we can keep staffed 24-7 with a menu.
00:06:16.000 Yeah. And we can call it Top G's.
00:06:18.000 And we can walk to Top G's and put up a menu and say, can I have this?
00:06:20.000 And the chefs in our penthouse will run away and cook at our restaurant.
00:06:22.000 Sounds good. The Big Dung.
00:06:24.000 Let's keep that as a living room area.
00:06:26.000 Alright, that's the lounge. Is that it?
00:06:28.000 Are we done? A bunch of bedrooms.
00:06:33.000 Do we need like a library or something?
00:06:38.000 Do we need a library? Can't our cigar room incorporate a wall of library-ness?
00:06:42.000 No, because they have to be separate rooms because the smoke will damage the books over the years.
00:06:46.000 We missed the books. The 1860s Bible that you have.
00:06:52.000 The 150-year-old Koran.
00:06:53.000 I don't want smoke. The Koran, of course not.
00:06:56.000 If you met a man from the 1860s who wrote that book and said, am I allowed to smoke in this book?
00:07:01.000 He'd think you were a coward if you didn't.
00:07:04.000 Fine. The nice Koran goes in your room, then.
00:07:07.000 Of course. But normal books, non-holy books, you know, in the cigar lounge.
00:07:11.000 Is that it? Now bedrooms?
00:07:13.000 So, cigar lounge with one wall of library, yeah?
00:07:16.000 I mean, library-ish.
00:07:19.000 You know? One wall of books in the cigar lounge.
00:07:22.000 Podcast studio slash office.
00:07:24.000 Restaurant. Lounge.
00:07:27.000 How many bedrooms do we need?
00:07:28.000 How many bedrooms do we need now?
00:07:34.000 Two. Huh.
00:07:42.000 Smoothies. We're gay now?
00:07:45.000 Are we gay now? Maybe.
00:07:48.000 It's a pretty good fucking smoothie.
00:07:51.000 Take it back. Tristan, would you like the smoothie?
00:07:53.000 I guess so.
00:07:56.000 Look at you and your smoothie. You're such a fucking faggot.
00:07:59.000 Tristan is the exact kind of faggot in the smoothie, isn't he?
00:08:03.000 Okay. Talkin' to me.
00:08:06.000 Talkin' to me. Is it a good smoothie, at least?
00:08:11.000 No comment. Tristan is literally the exact kind of fucking homo who would sit at Mike and just hold a smoothie with his cigar and drink it.
00:08:19.000 Stop talking to me. Embarrassing.
00:08:22.000 You're letting us down. You're destroying the whole brand.
00:08:24.000 You were the Red Bull World Champion.
00:08:26.000 You were the inventor of red wine.
00:08:27.000 Now look at you. You're the fucking smoothie like a girl.
00:08:30.000 You're... You're...
00:08:36.000 Pounding a smoothie.
00:08:37.000 Admit you have a smoothie on the table.
00:08:38.000 I'm not drinking my smoothie. Admit it.
00:08:40.000 So now you're afraid of smoothies.
00:08:43.000 Now he's afraid of me.
00:08:46.000 The only thing worse than drinking smoothies is being afraid of the smoothie.
00:08:48.000 What's gonna happen? You'll die? What's gonna happen?
00:08:51.000 You go to jail? Again?
00:08:54.000 You're a coward. You know the saddest thing I've always imagined?
00:09:02.000 Imagine you're living in some war-torn country and a fighter jet bombs you.
00:09:06.000 I always imagined it would be particularly sad to be attacked and murdered from the sky.
00:09:13.000 Because I feel like, although drones and fighter jets and attack helicopters drop bombs from the sky, I would have loved to have a world where somehow that wasn't allowed.
00:09:24.000 Where the sky was a peaceful place.
00:09:26.000 You should be able to look at the sky and see hope and hope alone.
00:09:29.000 When the bat symbol appears, it appears in the sky for a reason.
00:09:34.000 Because the sky symbolizes hope.
00:09:38.000 Here I am, inside of a nation with a language I don't understand, beholden to a justice system I don't understand, with my life hanging in the balance.
00:09:45.000 Somebody is going to decide if my life is fine or if my life is completely over.
00:09:49.000 Who is that person? Don't know.
00:09:51.000 Why? Haven't done anything wrong.
00:09:54.000 They've just decided to attack me.
00:09:57.000 And I look to the sky and I think, maybe it's all going to be okay.
00:10:02.000 Maybe it won't. Who knows?
00:10:07.000 A lot of people are asking me how I feel.
00:10:11.000 It's a good question. It's particularly a good question because I am the hero in everybody's lives.
00:10:18.000 Anybody who knows me, when anything goes wrong, they call me.
00:10:21.000 I'm the hero. I'm the Batman.
00:10:24.000 But now, I have no one to call.
00:10:27.000 I have people telling me, ah, you'll be okay, you're at top G. Will I? I don't know.
00:10:33.000 But, If anybody can defeat this Matrix attack, it's going to be the Top G. Who else could it possibly be?
00:10:46.000 If there was a symbol in the sky which were to appear like the bat symbol, it'd be the Top G symbol.
00:10:51.000 And I think we need Top G back.
00:10:53.000 I think he stands the best possible chance of escaping this Matrix attack, even though it's a level 10 Matrix attack and they're trying their very best to destroy me without evidence, and it's all a sham.
00:11:04.000 Top G stands the best possible chance.
00:11:06.000 So for that reason...
00:11:09.000 I have summoned Top G. I've summoned Top G. Top G's coming back.
00:11:24.000 He's the only one who can defeat this.
00:11:25.000 Now is not a time for cowardice.
00:11:27.000 We have the cigar. We have the Bugatti.
00:11:29.000 We have everything. Now is the time for counterattack.
00:11:34.000 For everyone who has lied about me and against me to suffer the consequences for exactly that.
00:11:39.000 Top G's the one who's going to win this battle in the end.
00:11:41.000 And if Top G loses, at least he loses like a hero.
00:11:44.000 Because that's how he works.
00:11:49.000 The Top G special, please.
00:11:51.000 So, um, I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
00:11:54.000 So, um, I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
00:11:57.000 So, um, I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
00:13:29.000 Good friends coming to visit.
00:13:31.000 Rory, which I think everybody knows from Alltech Confidentials.
00:13:34.000 What the fuck are you doing?
00:13:35.000 Rory. I was upstairs.
00:13:37.000 What the fuck? And I thought, fuck it.
00:13:39.000 What the fuck are you doing?
00:13:40.000 What are you doing? You look like a fucking idiot.
00:13:42.000 Having a haircut. And then, here they are.
00:13:45.000 And Dale was a good training colleague of mine.
00:13:48.000 We used to fight back in the day.
00:13:50.000 And they've come to see me while on house arrest.
00:13:52.000 How you doing? All right, mate. Long time.
00:13:54.000 Long time. Good to see you, man.
00:13:55.000 It's too long. Good to see you. So, there's a gift here for you.
00:13:58.000 Now, I hope you like it.
00:13:59.000 So, there's a girl called Emma.
00:14:01.000 Emma Harris. She paints cars.
00:14:03.000 That's what she does. She was determined that she wanted to get this to you.
00:14:06.000 So, we banged heads.
00:14:08.000 We had it imported to England.
00:14:09.000 Where does she live? She lives somewhere in the States.
00:14:13.000 I've forgotten how whereabouts, but she was determined.
00:14:16.000 So, I do need to credit Emma for this.
00:14:18.000 But I think you'll like it. I think you'll really like it.
00:14:20.000 Cool, I need a knife.
00:14:21.000 It'll take a while to open that.
00:14:23.000 You've got a key?
00:14:24.000 You've got some keys, yeah?
00:14:25.000 Yeah.
00:14:25.000 Thank you.
00:14:30.000 So it's hand-painted, so you have to imagine how many hours went into this as well.
00:14:33.000 So I really liked it.
00:14:35.000 I really liked it. So yeah, I was determined to get it to you in the end as well.
00:14:38.000 Make my jail look nice, huh?
00:14:40.000 Yeah. My house jail. To make Andrew's cell look good.
00:14:43.000 The famous new daddy that everyone's after.
00:14:52.000 Bro, let's take it out.
00:14:53.000 In the wrong colour. Ha!
00:15:02.000 It's got me. Look, it's me driving to Bagatti.
00:15:06.000 That's my future life.
00:15:07.000 When all this jail crap's over, that's going to be me, somewhere in Italy, doing exactly that.
00:15:13.000 What do you think? Amazing.
00:15:15.000 Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
00:15:17.000 I'm going to make this future come true.
00:15:19.000 I'm going to hang this up today. Thank you very much.
00:15:20.000 You're going to hang it up today? Yeah. Cool.
00:15:23.000 Excellent. Thank you.
00:15:25.000 And what's the last one? There's your note.
00:15:27.000 There's your note. We'll keep this up.
00:15:29.000 Hercific acid coupled with sheer indefatigability makes me a fear to burn in any realm of human endeavor.