Tate Speech - July 02, 2022


Tate on Cats & Dogs


Episode Stats

Length

2 minutes

Words per Minute

233.97993

Word Count

583

Sentence Count

63

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

Anyone who tries to put cats in the same category as dogs is a moron by default. Cats are useless. Dogs are useful. Dogs can do things. Dogs rescue bodies from rubble after earthquakes. Dogs genuinely save and improve lives. Cats do nothing but wait for you to feed them. A cat doesn t give a shit. A dog does. Cats can't even do tricks. I would happily eat a cat and I would never eat a dog. So anyone out there who sits there and goes, oh, my cat loves me. Your cat doesn't fucking love me. Fucking hate your cat. And you better hope I never find it because it s going to be a barbecue cat. I m going to kill your cat because it's not going to do anything but sit there and let you stroke it and let me stroke it until it forgets about you and then just piss off up a tree because it doesn t even give a fuck about you anymore is a fucking moron. I don t even know what a cat is, let alone wants to be petrified of a cat. Cat owners are idiots. Cat Owners believe in hate speech? Cat owners believe in it? Cat Owners are dickheads. Cat lovers are Democrats? Cat lovers believe in love speech? Cats are jerks. Cats don t have it figured out yet? What are you gonna do with your cat? I ll tell you what cats are better than a dog? I ll be back with a new episode next week with a guest star and a new story about a cat owner who lost her cat. I hope you like cats and a dog who lost their cat, you like that, but it s a little bit more than you can keep up with me on this episode of The Office, I llllllll llllllllll and a cat that s better than you know what you ve ever had a cat like that s gonna be better than that, right here. XOXO. xoxo - EJ and I ll talk about cats and dogs like that in this episode, I m talking about it. XO xo - P.S. - Tom - - Tim - BOBBY - DANNY - JUICY - RYAN - SONGS - GABE - TAYLOR - KAVAN ENJOYING IT? -


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Anyone who tries to pretend cats are as good as dogs is a moron by default. Dogs are useful. Dogs
00:00:10.020 can do things. You can have a police dog, an attack dog, a guide dog, a guard dog. Dogs rescue bodies
00:00:17.160 from rubble after earthquakes. Dogs genuinely save and improve lives. Cats do nothing but wait
00:00:22.780 for you to feed them. I'm tired. There's always some bimbo bitch who's like, my cat, I love my
00:00:27.300 cat. And I say, your cat's shit compared to my dogs. And she sits there and goes, no, my cat loves me.
00:00:31.840 Your cat doesn't fucking love you. A dog, you know it loves you. It literally stares at you as you walk
00:00:36.540 through the room. It gets happy. You can walk in and out of a room and watch the dog go from ecstatic
00:00:40.900 to depressed, purely based on your presence. A cat doesn't give a shit. A cat just leaves the house
00:00:46.320 out the window and comes back when it's hungry, lets you stroke it a little bit, and then fucks off
00:00:50.880 again. Cats can't even do tricks. Cats are shit. You must be a moron as a person to sit there and
00:00:56.660 pretend that cats are equal to dogs in any way, shape, or form. If you were stuck in the
00:01:01.680 fucking wilderness and you're going to die and a bear came up to you, was about to rip your head
00:01:05.920 off, your dog would die trying to protect you. Your cat wouldn't do anything. Your cat would look
00:01:10.580 at you and say, where's my food? Oh, you have no food? Oh, fuck it. I'm out of here. And just piss
00:01:13.780 off up a tree. Cats are useless. And it's amazing to me that people even try and put them in the same
00:01:18.560 category. Cats and dogs shouldn't be put in the same category. Dogs are better than people. Dogs are the
00:01:23.980 number one category. Dogs are above even humans. Then come humans. Then come nearly every other
00:01:28.620 animal. Then shitty cats. I would happily eat a cat and I would never eat a dog. So anyone out
00:01:34.120 there who sits there and goes, oh, my cat loves me. Your cat doesn't fucking love you. Fuck your cat.
00:01:37.920 And you better hope I never find it because it's going to be barbecue cat. In fact, let me tell you
00:01:41.240 a story. I'm going off subject here. One of the only times I saw my dad ever get arrested was at a
00:01:46.200 barbecue. Some woman was walking down the street. It's hard to explain where we lived in Elkhart,
00:01:51.720 Indiana, but we're living there and all the back gardens were open. And this woman's walking
00:01:55.060 along and she goes, and we're having a barbecue. And she goes, have you seen my cat? And my dad
00:01:58.640 said, would you recognize it barbecued? And the horror on her face. Anyway, she walked off. She
00:02:03.700 called the police. The police officers came. My dad got in an argument with the police officer
00:02:06.020 because he was drunk and he got arrested. Only a cat owning bitch would complain to the police
00:02:11.000 about a fucking joke. Fine. You're upset you lost your cat. Fair enough. Yeah. The joke may have been a
00:02:15.720 little bit, you know, risque. Who calls the police on a fucking joke? Cat owners. Cat owners are
00:02:21.580 liberals. Cat owners believe in hate speech. Cat owners are Democrats. Cat owners are dickheads.
00:02:26.840 Real men, Republicans, have dogs.