Tate Speech - July 08, 2022


Tate on Shower Gel


Episode Stats

Length

6 minutes

Words per Minute

165.81093

Word Count

1,098

Sentence Count

3

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

7


Summary

Shower gel is the biggest ripoff in the history of humanity and it pisses me off the most. Here's why you should be mad at shower gel and why you shouldn't even be using it. I'll explain why in this episode of the pod, and why shower gel is a complete ripoff and why it's not even better than soap. I'll also tell you why you don't need shower gel at all and why there's no difference between shower gel & soap in terms of cleaning power and basic cleaning power. You could get shower gel for the same amount of money as soap, but it's 62 times more than soap, which means you could get 62 bars of soap for 62 times the price of soap. And if you had a twenty thousand dollar car, and you paid the price for a basic car, you'd have a car that can fly from the sky from the ground to the sky for a hundred times more. And you could fly across the globe in a plane for a thousand times more for a car. And when you have a basic shower gel, you can fly across continents for a tenth of the price you pay for basic soap, you could have a shower gel that lasts 6 times longer than the basic soap you have for 10 times as long. And it's faster than a car can fly 10 times more, and it's a lot cheaper than a basic soap is 10 times better than a plane. And that's the difference between a car and a basic washing machine, which can do the same thing for a lot more than a washing machine is $10,000,000 a day, and a plane can do that does the same in a million times more in a single day. And it doesn't smell the same as a car, it's better than that you get in the shower gel it's cheaper than you can do 10 times the time you spend washing your face in a shower, it can do it in the sky, it s a lot better than you could be in the moon, you get a lot faster than you do it by a plane, you're not going to have to pay for a plane to fly a lot of miles to get around the world in a nice car, is it not? Bumbggggggg - what s the problem with shower gel? I'll tell you what s pissing me off me the most? I don't even need to wash my face with it, I have to wash it with it?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 right I'm aching a little bit I feel a little bit it's been a long time I've been away I've
00:00:17.440 been two months on the road two months I've been on the road from Bucharest to LA LA to Dubai
00:00:24.820 Dubai to Texas Texas to London London to Belgium Belgium to Germany Germany to Czech Republic
00:00:31.520 Czech Republic to Slovakia Slovakia to Romania so during all that time all I was doing was two or
00:00:37.460 300 push-ups a day to try and stay in shape and uh I got back and I did a proper workout and now I can
00:00:43.520 barely move that's what happens anyway today is gonna be a very unique tape speech because this
00:00:47.900 is gonna be the first tape speech in history I use notes I know that's unlike me normally all the
00:00:52.760 brilliant information just flows from my super brain but I don't want to get anything wrong I'd
00:00:57.580 be very very specific because the beef I have for this particular tape speech is a particular one
00:01:02.340 so I've already tweeted about this if you don't follow me on Twitter I don't know what you're doing
00:01:05.780 I get banned all the time but my current Twitter is here at the bottom of the screen
00:01:10.920 and I tweeted something which had people uh inspired my beef for this tape speech episode
00:01:22.580 and I can't be as animated as normal because it's hard to move is with shower gel I have a genuine
00:01:28.920 problem with shower gel and my problem with shower gel is that it's a fucking ripoff everyone always
00:01:33.680 uses shower gel what the fuck is this a shower gel I'm a soap guy give me a bar of soap oh you can't
00:01:39.000 use soap on your face why why can't I use soap on my face what's gonna happen am I gonna die
00:01:44.320 I can use soap on my face and my hair you can use a bar of soap so I'm a bar of soap dude
00:01:49.500 but as the world's become more pussy along with everything else people become shower gel guys
00:01:55.240 everyone's a shower gel dude oh can you get me the cherry blossom shower gel like what happened to
00:02:01.720 the normal things I was a coffee guy a coffee coffee please oh cappuccino latte macchiato just
00:02:08.680 coffee hot coffee coffee the fuck soap everything's got so fucking fancy pisses me off but shower gel pisses
00:02:15.900 me off the most because shower gel is the biggest con in the history of humanity shower gel is the
00:02:22.880 biggest ripoff ever and I've got the statistics because I conducted an experiment so what I did
00:02:29.300 was I got a bar of soap and I used that bar of soap until it expired so the bar of soap was no longer
00:02:35.180 usable so it was a little slither I used up to the very very end and it was no longer usable anymore
00:02:39.040 and then I got a bottle of shower gel and I used the shower gel to the end have you ever noticed
00:02:45.760 that with shower gel it never actually lathers up properly like you get some shower gel you put on
00:02:50.380 your face and then you get it and you squirt some more and then you go and squirt some more like they
00:02:56.340 deliberately don't even make it lather up properly so you keep squirting more of that shit people still
00:03:01.000 buy it so a bar of soap the bar of soap I used was 19 cents we're talking euros here 19 cents
00:03:06.960 the shower gel I used was 199 now the soap lasted six times longer than the bottle of shower gel
00:03:17.760 so the bar of soap lasted six times longer than the shower gel so bear with me here you have a bar of
00:03:22.660 soap for 19 cents you have a shower gel for 199 but you need six shower gels to equal the amount of
00:03:28.460 cleaning power as one bar of soap six shower gels at 199 is 11.94 which means for 11.94 you could get
00:03:36.440 62 bars of soap so that makes shower gel 62 times more expensive than soap is 62 now what pisses me
00:03:47.560 off about this is the following there is no tangible advantage to shower gel if you were to look at
00:03:53.520 cars for example a nice car is twenty thousand dollars a lamborghini is two hundred thousand dollars
00:03:59.100 it's ten times more but it's faster everyone pays attention to everyone looks at it everyone
00:04:05.700 stares it makes noise you get credibility you get prestige you get respect all that is the extra you
00:04:12.440 get for paying ten times the price if you had a twenty thousand dollar car and you paid 62 times the
00:04:19.300 price you'd have a fucking plane it would be able to fly from the sky and cross continents that's what
00:04:26.020 happens when you pay 62 times more for a product twenty thousand dollars for a basic car 62 times
00:04:31.720 more now the car can fly 10 times more you have a lambo shower gel to soap there is no difference
00:04:38.000 i'm paying 62 times more for a product but it does exactly the same thing as the basic product
00:04:43.540 for 62 times more i expect to get in the shower with a whole bunch of naked hose but you don't you get
00:04:49.560 in the shower and you're using you're washing yourself the shower doesn't wash me i have to wash
00:04:54.360 myself it's bullshit 62 times more what a con so when i point this out some fucking bumbagluck come at
00:05:02.280 me and go yeah but the smell what do you mean the smell just put aftershave on afterwards just use a
00:05:08.880 bar of soap and then put on some aftershave done why do you need why are you putting on a smelling shower
00:05:14.180 gel and then cover yourself with aftershave anyway has that ever got you laid do you rely on the smell of
00:05:18.720 cherry blossoms from shower gel to convince some four out of ten to play with your penis is that is
00:05:25.240 that your your tactic that's your game i go to dates in in gym clothes without with no shower but i pull
00:05:32.120 up on a fucking lambo and it's like i don't need to change oh let me put my cherry blossom on my face
00:05:36.900 you're all nerds shower gel is for worms it's a rip-off it's the biggest con of the century stick to
00:05:43.160 soap like a man
00:05:48.720 so
00:05:55.240 so
00:05:57.240 so
00:05:59.240 so
00:06:05.760 so
00:06:07.760 so
00:06:14.280 so
00:06:16.280 so
00:06:22.800 so
00:06:24.800 so
00:06:26.800 so
00:06:33.320 so
00:06:35.320 so