Tate on The Best Book Ever
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
197.0242
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the time I went to jail, the book I read while in jail, and why women should not fuck African warlords. We also talk about how dumb women are and why they should not be on TV or movies, because they re dumb as shit. Also, I don t know what this book is called, but it s about a woman who gets fired from the UN because she fell in love with a warlord in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and got into a relationship with one of the leaders of one of those tribes, so she was no longer neutral and impartial so she could no longer negotiate between the two. So she went to the jungle and fell into love with this guy who doesn t speak English and got dicks with his big, black, ding dong. And now she s like, oh it was a mistake, and now she regrets it. And she wants to go back to the UN, but the guy she s talking to is a terrorist who gets her to negotiate on his behalf. And then she starts talking to the real UN guys to get her back. And it turns out he s not even a UN guy, he s just a guy. And he s a bad dude. And that's not even half as bad as she makes it out of this book. We talk about why women are dumb in general, and how dumb they are. And how dumb a woman should fuck African Warlords. And why they don t fuck African dudes. and why you shouldn t fuck them. And we don t even have to fuck them because they can t fuck other people. And they reeeeaaaalllllloooooooweeeeee. We re not supposed to do that. We re supposed to be fucking good at it, you re not? we re not even supposed to fuck other women? and they re not allowed to get dick? And we should fuck other dudes? . and we re allowed to have dick, right?? I m not even allowed to do it? we should be allowed to fuck a man who does not speak English, right? I llllllllleeee of course we re ? this is not a good fucking woman, right?! let me know what you think about it. we ll talk about it in the comments section. xoxo, my little axe? xo
Transcript
00:00:00.000
In every room in my house I have weapons. Various throwing and fighting weapons. I think we've
00:00:12.880
discussed this in our earlier tape speech, but this is my little axe. I've got like four of
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these in this room. So you have to come at me. Pull out my sword. What the fuck are you doing
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in my house? Anyway, back to the point. We're going to talk about the time I went to jail.
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So I'm going to talk about it because when I was in jail, I read a book. So I was last arrested
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four years ago, I think. Why? Doesn't matter. But when I was in jail, they gave me this book. You
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had a choice of three books to read. And I chose this book. And it was the worst book I ever read.
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I can't remember the name of it. If we can find out the name of it, that'd be really good. So it's
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about, it probably shouldn't be that hard if you Google it. It's about a woman who was a UN
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negotiator. And she got fired, but you don't know why. So she's living in a New York apartment. She
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has some boyfriend, but she's not happy with her life because her boyfriend doesn't fuck her properly
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because every girl who's not happy with her life and needs more adventure and get enough dick because
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they're getting plenty of dick. They're fine. And anyway, she really regrets how she got fired from
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the UN. And she keeps talking about this big mistake she made to get fired from the UN. I
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made such a big mistake. I got fired from the UN. I made such a big mistake. So anyway, then some guy
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from the UN comes along and says, we need you back. You're the best negotiator ever. We're going to
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give you one more chance. And she goes to negotiate this fucking bullshit thing. Blah, blah, blah. She
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keeps talking about the big mistake the whole way through the book. It turns out that the guy from
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the UN wasn't really from the UN. He's some terrorist who gets her to negotiate on his behalf. Some
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garbage. Anyway, then she starts talking to the real UN guys. Blah, blah, blah. I've just created
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a super weapon. Look. A sword and an axe combined. I should patent this and become even richer.
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And it detaches, I think. Anyway, so this super fucking negotiator hoe keeps talking about this
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big mistake. If only I didn't make this big mistake, I could still be working for the UN,
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whatever, whatever. Anyway, it turns out eventually they reveal after about 400 page buildup of what
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this big mistake was that got her fired from the UN. She was negotiating for the UN between
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two warring tribes in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. And she fell in love with and
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fucked the leader of one of the tribes. So she was no longer neutral and impartial. So she
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could no longer negotiate between the two. Your white bread ass from New York, who went to college
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and university and got a job as a UN negotiator, went to the jungle and fell in love with fucking
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Mutumbu, who doesn't speak English, with his big black ding dong and got dicked. And I'm supposed to,
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and I've been reading this shit for 400 pages. And now she's like, oh, it was a mistake. I regret it.
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What kind of game can Mutumbu even have? He doesn't even speak English. He's a warlord.
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You're negotiating between two warlords. He literally runs around and kills people
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with machine guns for fun. And when you met him, you were like, oh, wow, he's so charming.
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What kind of hoe, what kind of ratchet ass hoe would fuck Mutumbu? So I'm reading this book
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and I finally get to the realization that the whole time, the heroine, the main character is
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just some stupid hoe. Some dumb hoe who fucks some guys you shouldn't have fucked. Of course you
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shouldn't fuck African warlords. Whether you're negotiating between two tribes or not, you should
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probably not be fucking African warlords in general. And this moves on to my broader point.
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Women are fucking stupid. Fictional ones, real ones, doesn't matter if they're on TV or any book,
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they're fucking dumb. Women are dumb. We know it. We're not supposed to say it, but it's fucking
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true. Because I guarantee you, whoever wrote that shit, wrote that book, thought, obviously he wanted
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it to be as realistic as possible. He's like, let me make this book, make it as good as possible.
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What's the kind of stupid, dumb shit a woman would do? Oh, yeah, this is the kind of dumb shit.
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How many women out there are fucking dudes they shouldn't be fucking? Loads. And do you know
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how I know that for a fact? Because loads of them are fucking me. And I don't give them shit.
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There's no future with me. There's no love from me. And here they are. Proof. Women are dumb.
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So here on my phone, I have my list of Tate speeches. We just talked about Matumbu. I've got
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another one. Pro-arranged marriage. How I believe in arranged marriage. Have we done that one already?
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I don't think we have. So I'm going to combine two Tate speeches.
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issues. Because the last Tate speech about that UN negotiator hoe proves my point exactly.
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Women don't know what's good for them. Women ain't got a fucking clue what's good for them.
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But do you know who does know what's good for chicks? Their father. I guarantee there would
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be less divorce, happier families, and a better society as a whole if the women could only marry
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the men their father says they could marry. You're giving women this free choice shit.
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When is the last time a woman made a good choice? If they make the choice of a good man,
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they're miserable because they got a pussy. If they make the choice of a G, they're miserable
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because they got a G. Women are just miserable. Just unhappiness. And they end up being a skat,
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running around, just fucking everyone, trying to find the perfect guy. By the time they get a guy
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that could have been the perfect guy, they're 30 dicks deep, so their head's all messed up.
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So then even though they got the guy they once dreamt of, they can't keep him anymore because
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they're dreaming of that gangbang they had. Oh, I wish I got gangbanged again. This is boring.
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Mr. Two Pumps. This is shit. We need to bring arranged marriage back. That's the solution.
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So when I become president of the world, lord of earth, and I say arranged marriage must be
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brought back into society, and people ask me why. I'm going to get out that book, and I say,
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read it. Look what this bitch did. She went to school. She went to college. She was educated.
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She worked for the UN. She was smart, and she could not resist big black ding dong because women are stupid.